# How will he choose his 'master'? Nervous he won't choose me!



## bboylayz (Sep 7, 2010)

My puppy is coming home tomorrow (Thursday)! My fiancee and I have been talking about this forever and it is finally happening. Anyways, short backstory. I work from home and have for a long time. It is incredibly lonely. INCREDIBLY lonely. And she is usually in school (summers included) and working in a lab doing research. But as of next week, she is done with lab and school until she starts her PhD research in September. So from now until then, she will be home all the time as well.

Anyways, when talking about the dog, obviously we both really wanted this, but honestly I NEEDED it more than she did. So naturally, it would be nice if he bonded more with me than with her. Not trying to be selfish or anything but when she starts her PhD research, she will be home even less than she has been (think 60 hour work weeks outside of the house). I am a bit more obsessed than she is so I know I'll be doing the majority of the training and handling/grooming (of course she will do a lot too) which I assume will mean he will naturally look up to me more. Also I'll be doing positive reinforcement/clicker training.

But here is the part that makes me a bit nervous. I've never been on a real vacation before and finally my mother decides now that my siblings and I are grown and independent to gather us up and go on a cruise to the Bahamas. The trip would be May 20th for 7 days! We will only have had him for a month at that point. My fiancee would be home with him alone. Do you think since he is a puppy he will just cling to her since I'm out of the picture for that long? What also scares me is since until September, she is free all day, she will get to spend more time just chilling out with him while I'm working at my desk in the home office.

Haha this all sounds so petty and selfish when I type it. But I feel like once we are in our new place and she is never home, I'd be heart broken if he just waited for mommy to get home all day. Also, it would be nice if someone could reassure me that I'm not just being a selfish jerk haha.


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## KZoppa (Aug 14, 2010)

you'll have to wait and see. more often than not, they bond with those around most often who do the training and feeding. basically the ones who provide for their needs. Yes, the pup will bond with both of you, but from what i've learned with this breed, they ALWAYS have their favorite person. They'll love everyone in their family but they always have their special someone. dont worry about it. but dont be upset if you dont end up being his favorite. you just never know how it will work out. Shasta is my pup and she's extremely bonded to me. She loves my husband and my kids but she is my dog. all the way. BUT i'm also home with the kids all the time. I handle ALL of the training. meal times my kids help sometimes. Riley is my husbands dog. Riley is bonded to him. my husband works 40+ hours a week. all depends on the dog.


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## GSDElsa (Jul 22, 2009)

Yes, seems odd you want t hem to boond with one more than another! One of my absolute favorite things about Elsa is she is completely and equally bonded to both my husband and I.

PERSONALLY...I probably woldn't go on the cruise. You have a puppy coming home and you want to bond 100% with him obviously. I think that's a crucial time. And not totally fair to your fiance to run off to the Bahamas for a week and leave her with the monster! lol. I know things happen (I'm going on business in May)....but not sure I'd leave it all to him to go to the Caribbean. But that's just me.


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## PaddyD (Jul 22, 2010)

Pup will definitely show a preference for one of you but will be fine when you go on your cruise. If he bonds with you he won't switch while you are away, he will reconnect when you return. Since you are both home, he will probably bond with both but you will find that he follows one of you everywhere. If that is you then he will not change in one week. While you are gone he will follow your wife everywhere so when he switches back to you I hope your wife won't be disappointed.


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

I would personally pass on the trip (hate to say it) but IMO 7 days is too long to be away from your young puppy.


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## Girth (Jan 27, 2011)

I agree with Pat. I work out of town during the week getting home Thurs night or Fri afternoon depending on my schedule. As soon as I am home the dogs latch on to me and ignore the wife. As soon as I head back out they are her best buddies.


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## NancyJ (Jun 15, 2003)

you know, I think the girls are more family oriented and the boys are more one person dogs....I really do think if you are the one training and working with him that is where the bond comes from. Dogs are flexible.....else how could they form NEW bonds when they change owners? They do that all the time.


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## Davey Benson (Nov 10, 2010)

bboylayz said:


> ... it would be nice if someone could reassure me that I'm not just being a selfish jerk haha.


Hmmm...... 

You said it, not me.


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## Cassidy's Mom (Mar 30, 2003)

Our dogs have always chosen who their special person is, and that doesn't always have anything to do with who spends the most time with them, who feeds them, or who trains them. But my husband is a general contractor with a home office, and it's been so slow that up until the beginning of this year he's been around the house most of the time that we've had Halo. Our females have always been Daddy's girls (Keefer is our first male dog), so who knows if she'd have chosen him anyway. But she's always worked well for me (I do all the training), and is clearly very bonded to me too. When she's not feeling well or has ran herself ragged chasing balls at the park and is especially tired she sometimes gets clingy with me and more cuddly than usual - she wants her mama. :wub: 

Tom is currently working on a job where he's on site all day, and I have noticed a difference now that he's not home with the dogs all the time - Halo seems to be bonding even more to me than previously, and often seeks me out for affection. I'm normally at work all day too, but I have Fridays off so I'm around with the dogs and I often take Halo out for long hikes. I think your puppy will be flexible, and even if you're not the MOST important person in the household (or maybe you will be!) if you're the one who's there most of the time, even if that's down the road a ways, you have nothing to worry about.


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## Lilie (Feb 3, 2010)

You aren't being a selfish jerk. You are just really over thinking the entire thing. One of the great things about a GSD is how highly sensitive they are. As your pup matures with guideance and training, he will be the perfect dog for both of you. You'll be amazed. He'll give you what you need, and give your wife what she needs. 

Remember, your spouse is much more forgiving when they find their favorite shoe chewed up, or find that new stain on the carpet when they are madly in love with the pup. So it'll benefit both you and the pup if he equally bonds to both of you!


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## bboylayz (Sep 7, 2010)

Right I would prefer he bonds equally but I've read over and over again that males love their family but cling on to one more than others. Honestly I would love to pass up on the cruise. I have no desire to go except my mom is having a mid life crisis and going through a depression/fear of dying stage. And she literally just sprang this on me and said she needs to know within 24 hours. Ugh. I want to stay home with the pup more than anything.

My main question really was do you guys think if he chose me in the first month if one week away will make him switch over. But some of you already answered that haha.


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## kiya (May 3, 2010)

Personally if it were up to me I would never go away, hubby hates that part of me. Anyway, obviously you don't have to worry about puppy being taken care of, he is so young now I have to say go on vacation enjoy it, you can pick up right where you left off. To the puppy it will only seem like yesterday that you left. I think its harder to leave the older dog than a puppy. I don't think it will influence who puppy bonds with, you have so much further to go with him and that is where the bonding will really set in.


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## Wolfiesmom (Apr 10, 2010)

When I had Chief as a pup for a little over a month, I had to leave to go see my grandparents. I left him with Hubby and the kids for 5 days. When I came home, I was so surprised that not only did he remember me, but he was crazy excited to have me home again. I find that my males always had a favorite person for different needs, but loved us all. For example, Wolfie loves me for taking care of his needs, and comes to me for comfort and cuddles. With my hubby and son, he loves them the best for playtime. He follows any one of us that is walking around.


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## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

there's no bond with me more than her
when you live with someone. both of you
train and socialize the pup. you train and socialize
together and alone. you want your pup to be bonded
with both of you as a single unit. your in your
dogs pack.


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## aubie (Dec 22, 2008)

Your pup will love you both, it may show it in different ways but it will. Anna loves both me and DH. Even though I do the training, feeding, etc. and he is the "play/fun guy" she loves us both dearly. She tends to follow me around a bit more, but there's enough love in these guys hearts to go around.


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## bboylayz (Sep 7, 2010)

doggiedad said:


> there's no bond with me more than her
> when you live with someone. both of you
> train and socialize the pup. you train and socialize
> together and alone. you want your pup to be bonded
> ...


Yeah this would be preferred. But I keep reading otherwise with males. I'm sure regardless he will love us both


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## PaddyD (Jul 22, 2010)

My 'girls' have always bonded more strongly with me, maybe because I am more playful and spend more quality time with them. If they follow me around they are more likely to get attention than with my wife. Current GSD is bonding well with my wife also because she plays with her more than with previous dogs ..... but I am 'the man'.


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## bboylayz (Sep 7, 2010)

aubie said:


> Your pup will love you both, it may show it in different ways but it will. Anna loves both me and DH. Even though I do the training, feeding, etc. and he is the "play/fun guy" she loves us both dearly. She tends to follow me around a bit more, but there's enough love in these guys hearts to go around.


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

My ex boyfriend and I raised my GSD together (until he turned 1 year old)

He always prefered me over my ex.

I have heard from many people that male dogs bond better with female owners and female dogs bond better with male owners.


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## Ace952 (Aug 5, 2010)

Go on the trip. 
Being gone a week will not hurt your bond with the puppy. The dog will bond stronger to one person more than the other if you was there. Plus it takes time. 

Enjoy your trip, the puppy will be there when you get back

Bigger issue is making sure you and your girlfriend are both on the same page when it comes to raising a puppy.


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## bboylayz (Sep 7, 2010)

Ace952 said:


> Go on the trip.
> Being gone a week will not hurt your bond with the puppy. The dog will bond stronger to one person more than the other if you was there. Plus it takes time.
> 
> Enjoy your trip, the puppy will be there when you get back
> ...


We are on the same page so no issue there. As much as she would love to have the dog bond with her more she said it would be better all around if he bonded with me more so he won't be sad for the next 5 years of her never being around (including working crazy hours on weekends). PhD research takes over your life especially at ivy Leagues

As far as training goes we've talked nonstop about thus and are planning on doing structured training and handling with both of us very involved. So no issue there as well.


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## JustMeLeslie (Sep 15, 2010)

Yes, the both of you need to spend equal time with the puppy. You want your puppy to listen to both of you. Jamie loves both of us equally and we like it that way. She spends most of her time with me b/c hubby is gone alot, but when he comes home she goes between us both. She is a very affectionate dog and showers us both with love. That's what you want a nice balance in between the two of you.


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## bboylayz (Sep 7, 2010)

JustMeLeslie said:


> Yes, the both of you need to spend equal time with the puppy. You want your puppy to listen to both of you. Jamie loves both of us equally and we like it that way. She spends most of her time with me b/c hubby is gone alot, but when he comes home she goes between us both. She is a very affectionate dog and showers us both with love. That's what you want a nice balance in between the two of you.


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## JKlatsky (Apr 21, 2007)

My DH (boyfriend at the time) and I decided to get a puppy for me when we decided we were moving in together. The puppy was avaliable prior to when I was able to move in...so DH had him by himself for the first 2-3 weeks. Did all the initial potty training and sleepless nights and I worried that my puppy would like my DH more. And at first he did. 

But when I moved in, I took over. I did classes, playing, training, and feeding. And now at 4 years old Argos is DEFINITELY his Mommy's dog. He sleeps right next to me, listens best to me, and we have a great bond together that he and my husband do not have- although they still get along just fine. In my experience, the dog goes to the human that most takes care of their needs...Not just food and potty, but leadership and play.


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## Sunstreaked (Oct 26, 2010)

Eva has been in the middle of our pack - DH and me - since her first night home. She slept with us every night, and still spends most of the night touching both of us in some way. 

What I noticed is that - as with our kids when they were younger - Mom means business and Dad means fun! 

Eva will listen to me more readily, come when called, etc., and follow me from room to room to room - but she is also CRAZY about her daddy and one of her favorite positions is to move back and forth from me to him, resting her chin on the foot of whomever's turn it is. 

If both of you spend time with the new pup, I would bet you'll get the same thing. He will be happiest with both of you, but will be just fine with one or the other. 

Good luck and congratulations!


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## plusdoegsd (Nov 15, 2010)

seriously, seriously, you both will be members of the same pack. hopefully you two will earn the elite positions but that is the key word earn. go on your trip and dont trip your young pup will be stripped from its mom and littermates and it will recover sooner than later with the right leadership and gentle touch. in addition if it can survive missing mom after 8 weeks it can survive you for 1 week. enjoy your vacation but when you get back be ready to put in a lifetime of work you dont get a puppy for christmas you get a companion for life enjoy......


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## Meeko (Apr 14, 2011)

I haven't read through all the replies, but I just wanted to tell you my experience. My husband was hoping that our pup was more attached to him than me. I was very conscious of it the entire time since I knew he was hoping for that outcome. However I think my dog chose all by himself. I would go out of my way to let my husband take the reins. I am Meeko's favorite. I do think there are a few things that matters though. 

#1 I had owned, trained, and raised my last dog before I was married so I had a level of confidence that hubby didn't. He had a family pet that no one trained and it stayed in a crate when he was a kid. 
#2 Hubby had some different expectations for Meeko. He never admitted it, but through actions you could tell he was hoping that his 6 week old pup would act like a well trained adult shepherd. 
#3 He had no idea how to love and cuddle a dog. "Good Boy" was about it. 

That being said, I think every dog is different. Some dogs may prefer a certain personality over another. I'm also the main person that feeds him, takes him on walks, trains, and disciplines. I wasn't always the one to do most stuff but things seem to go smoother when I do it. Like I said, I think he just prefers my personality better. Maybe he can tell I know what I'm doing? 

Last thing...In the past two months he recently started to show favoritism. He's 13 months old so he took a long time to decide. I hope this helps.


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## FloppyEars (Apr 15, 2011)

OK quick question on this, how do you know who the dog has bonded with? I have two Huskies 5yrs and 4yrs and now a 10 week old GS. My Wife and I both feed the dogs and spend time with them. My Wife and I also both did the training together, we all go on walks together. I can't see a difference in our dogs for preference. What should I look for to see if there is one?


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## Cassidy's Mom (Mar 30, 2003)

FloppyEars, if you can't see a difference I wouldn't worry about it.  If you're both home and in different rooms, is there any consistency as to who they hang out with?

The way I can tell that Keefer is my boy and I'm his special person: When my husband is home and I am not, Keef doesn't necessarily hang out in the same room with him. He adores my hubby and drapes himself over his lap for hugs and kisses all the time, so if all anyone saw was how affectionate he is towards Tom they'd think that Keef's world revolved around him. But basically, he's just biding his time and waiting until I get home. :wub: And when I'm here, whether Tom is or not, Keefer is always in the same room with me, ALWAYS. It's like his life's mission to keep an eye on me at all times. Even if I'm completely ignoring him he will get up and follow me when I leave the room, _every single time_. He's right behind me when I'm in the office on my computer (and I do mean RIGHT behind - can't tell you how many times I've rolled my chair over his tail or caught his long hair with the wheels!), if I'm in the kitchen he's laying in the middle of the floor so I have to step over him to get from the counter to the stove, or I have to move him out of the way to open the cabinet to the garbage can. In the morning when I take a shower and dry my hair, he's laying in the bathroom doorway watching me. He loves Tom, but he LIVES for me.


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