# Hmm, this seems so trivial to me right now



## trouble (Oct 29, 2005)

I've said goodbye to my companions, many times, unfortunately. The last time was about 2 years ago when I had to have my Golden put down due to cancer. It was so hard, and i cried my eyes out.

today I found out that my daughter's boyfriend hung himself. He is in the hospital, with doctors trying to keep him alive. He's a young man of 23, handsome, and very pleasant; unfortunately he has a history of depression.

In reading these posts of us losing a friend, a dog, I get all confused, almost. I love my dogs, and would hate for anything to happen to them. But to all of a sudden be thrust into a position in which a human life is teetering, I'd give the life of my dog if he (the human) could be saved. I realize that that's not possible, but he is such a nice boy, with so many problems. 

Anyway, I just needed to "talk" as I told him recently that he doesn't live in my house, and that he should plan on sleeping at home most of the week. Feeling a wee bit responsible, though I know, deep down, that I am not.


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## sitstay (Jan 20, 2003)

Gosh, that is too bad. I hope he recovers and gets some help. Depression can be such an insidious illness. 

Hugs to you and your daughter. And if you get the chance tell the BF that others are wishing him well.
Sheilah


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## flyinghayden (Oct 7, 2005)

I am sorry for your daughters BF. Suicide is a strange and insideous thing. I worked as an assistant for a suicide prevention counselor back in my salvation army days, and there is alot into suicide. Suicide begins well before the actual event takes place, it does not occur overnight. It is also very, very hard to reverse the decision, usually once someone tries it and fails, they will try again. Death is usually seen as a light at the end of the tunnel, infinite relief, as it were, and that is the chief reason it is so hard to turn back a person who has made the decision to cause self destruction. Chronic illness, depression, financial woes, relationships going wrong, are usually triggers, but they are seldom the actual cause, more that likely, it is one of few, or many. Its a complex issue, and your daughters BF, has likely been suicidal for quite some time. 

All that being said, I would never sacrifice my dogs life for something like that. A human's bad decision would never mean destruction for my dog. Ever.


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## SuzyE (Apr 22, 2005)

that is very sad indeed. As a pet sitter who has been at the side of many client's dog's death it does not minimize the sadness because it is a dog and not a human. often times the thing that hurts people the most is that others will have the "it's just a dog!" attitude. That really crushes people's soul. Sometimes a dog is the only thing people have as family, as a friend, as a "child" so to speak, and believe it or not it is just as devastating.


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## Skye'sMom (Jul 11, 2004)

While I understand yor confusion and sadness, one has nothing to do with the other.

I have lost a son and my lfe has never been the same. If life was fair and you could trade a life for another, I wouldn't be he and my son would.

It isn't that way.

Losing a human life does not change how we feel whenwe lose a family companion - we feel grief for any person or animal we care for.

Can you not feel love for a second child? Or a third one, etc? You can feel grief also, for however many are in your life that you cherish.

Loss of life is not trivial - human or animal. 

I am sorry for the young man and his family. I hope he will have a second chance to find what he needs to make sense of this world.


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## middleofnowhere (Dec 20, 2000)

To the OP --- I can understand what you are saying. Long ago I had a cherished friend die. At the time, my dog was my major attachment. As I worked through my grief, I knew that it was not possible to bring the man back to life. At the same time, I knew that I would sacrafice my dog to do it if it were possible. At that time I also realized one thing I would not do. This death was a turning point for me as I came to terms with what my limits and beliefs were. For now, what I want to say is that I think I come pretty close to understanding what you are feeling. 

Depression in young people can be managed. I hope the young man finds it within himself to do this. There should be support groups out there that can help him with this.


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## shilohsmom (Jul 14, 2003)

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Thankfully, G-d doesn't take exchanges. Who knows what kind of a world we would have then...I don't think it would be a world we would like much. 

I've lost my share of human friends and dog friends... loss is loss and it hurts. No matter the age, its always too soon. In the case of this young man he had his whole life ahead of him so to speak...in the case of a cherished pet thats dying its always too soon... We want to hold on praying tomarrow will be better...that this man will again smile and laugh, that our dogs will enjoy a walk and wag their tails one more time... but we have no control over these things... feeling so powerless is an awful feeling. But I think its better than making exchanges.


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## Mandalay (Apr 21, 2008)

Trouble - I was just wondering if you had any updates on your DDs BF.



> Originally Posted By: RichardAll that being said, I would never sacrifice my dogs life for something like that. A human's bad decision would never mean destruction for my dog. Ever.


Sometimes we all say things in the moment that we do not really mean. It is all too easy to say we would gladly give "this" if we could have "that" when we know that giving this or getting that are not possibilities. I'm assuming that was the case with the OP.


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## maggs30 (Aug 5, 2008)

Trouble.....I don't even know where to begin. Just seeing this and sadly I lost my best friend right before his 23rd birthday. He hung himself and his sister-in-law did not find him until it was too late. Sadly he had a history of suicide attempts and he was being watched by his close family as well as they could without invading his privacy also. He had been suicidal from the time he was 15 or 16 yrs old. So it did not happen quick and was a slow process to get to the point he was at. Sadly counseling was out of his mothers financial reach and she was a single mother of three. I can say that the only closure I have gotten on his death even 11 years later is that he had a brain tumor they found on the autopsy. Sadly they think that the growing pressure caused him to go a little unclear in his thinking and feelings. Slowly over 8 years. I can not imagine what he went through and I feel for what your daughter is going through right now. I am sending healing thoughts and prayers your way as it is such a shame to lose such a young life over something that nobody understands but the one person going through it. May something or someone help him understand his feelings and help him get through it.


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## maggs30 (Aug 5, 2008)

> Originally Posted By: flyinghayden
> All that being said, I would never sacrifice my dogs life for something like that. A human's bad decision would never mean destruction for my dog. Ever.


It is not always just a bad decision. It is a disease. Most of the time they are so out of it that they can not get a grasp on their feelings or emotions. Yes there are some that commit suicide for reasons that seem trivial to some people. But depression and medical problems make it so that a person can not control their feelings and thoughts. You can not just talk a seriously ill person out of committing suicide. They need medication to make it so they can think properly and like the rest of us. They can not control their feelings and in some cases with serious illness like my friends tumor they do not think that he was in control of his actions either. Just food for thought as a lot of people do not understand anywhere close to the full realm of what a suicidal person is going through.


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## flyinghayden (Oct 7, 2005)

Just as I stated in my post.


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## Kayos and Havoc (Oct 17, 2002)




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## LARHAGE (Jul 24, 2006)

I agree, it is so sad when a young person kills themself, and as a friend you wonder if you failed them in some way, by not being there to talk or something, but it's also a case of some people are just weak and theres nothing one can do in that instance, you can't be with them 24/7. I also must say though that I would NEVER wish my dogs life for a person, it devalues there meaning to me, I love people as I love animals, and the fact of the matter is my animals are my life, they are the one constant in my life that will never change, and the deaths of my animals has hurt me no less than the deaths of most people.


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## Daisy1986 (Jul 9, 2008)

They have not been back since the orginal post. Is the boy OK? 

I guess not everyone gets on here every day. Just curious if he was OK. 

Also it is NOT your fault OP for telling him to sleep at home.


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## Qyn (Jan 28, 2005)

A person's reaction to any event is governed by many factors. Any loss causes pain and the extent of that pain depends on the circumstances of that loss. Triviallising any loss is not productive to anyone's grief as it is suggesting that one loss is of more value than another and that is not necessarily so. 

Visiting a site dedicated to losing a non human family member when a human life is at risk does not help any participant.

I hope Trouble's daughter's boyfriend does survive or is at least at peace and I extend sympathy to their situation. Their situation is not trivial nor are any of the losses expressed here.


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