# Vic 2000 - 2010



## longhairshepmom (Apr 7, 2003)

I thought I would let everyone that "knew" us on here know. Vic has passed away in July.

To me its still unreal. Even posting in this folder, it seems strange and wrong.

Vic had many problems. There were a few times when I thought his time had come or would soon come, but somehow life went on, and boy, he still enjoyed it. How he loved his squeaky !!! It was his baby. He loved nothing more but to go outside with us if we had yardwork to do, so he could get his squeaky and carry it around, watching us.

His stomach flipped. There was no indication until it was to late. The vet said with all his other problems, he wouldn't stand a chance. It would be cruel and he most likely wouldn't even make it until the surgeon arrived, much less make it through surgery.

Knowing all that, I knew we had no choice. But still, it kills me to know that "I" gave the final go ahead. They say its the final kindness, but to me it felt like I gave the go ahead to kill him.

I always thought I'd be strong. For my dog. Not cry and carry on, scaring him. I would be strong. But I was not. I broke down completely. It was all I could do to hold his face in the end, I couldn't say a word. It took the vet several tries to even get a vein, she apologized and kept trying, there was no more bloodpressure hardly at this point. Then I watched his eyes grow dark. It tore me up to leave him there, laying like that. It felt so wrong.

We aren't allowed to bury animals in the yard, I didn't want him cremated either, as I didn't trust to get the "right" ashes. I couldn't think straight. Next day I panicked and went and picked him up after all. We buried him in our yard. We buried deep and there is no water nearby, so its ok. I buried him next to the palm tree, where he liked to lay. I put his squeaky with him, his leash and collar. 

It still feels raw and wrong. People said to me "you gave him the final kindness", "you did right", "he had a great life". I've said those words to others many times. But I never realized how little they mean at this time. 

Rest in peace, Vic. You were my soulmate, our protector and simply, the best dog ever. I sure wish we would have had more time together.


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## JakodaCD OA (May 14, 2000)

I'm so sorry for your loss When I've had to make that awful decision, I to felt like I killed them( it's something you never get over(

The marker is gorgeous and Vic was a gorgeous boy. Cherish your memories


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

I am so very sorry for your loss. It is truly heartbreaking. I have not experienced the death of an animal that I love yet so I do not know how it feels, or how you feel. I only know that it would break my heart to lose my Sinister.


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## Stosh (Jun 26, 2010)

So sorry for your loss- what a beautiful dog and wonderful friend. Many of us know the heartache you're going through and will continue to endure. I've had to make that same decision, 'the right thing to do' that feels anything but right. Vic trusted you with his life and knows you did do your best for him.


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## GSDAlphaMom (Jul 20, 2010)

I'm so sorry. I'm sitting here crying. I had to make the same decision last summer with my Garth who was only 6. I hate bloat, I wish they would figure out the cause so we could do something about it! You gave him a beautiful life and tribute. Remember his life and know you made the decision to give him peace when he was in terrible pain.


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## Cassidy's Mom (Mar 30, 2003)

I'm so sorry for your loss. He was a beautiful boy. :rip:


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## rjvamp (Aug 23, 2008)

I'm so sorry to read what you went through. RIP Vic. It is obvious you are missed. What a beautiful boy.


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## KZoppa (Aug 14, 2010)

i am so terribly sorry for you loss. i'm sitting here crying wishing i could say it gets easier over time but truth is, it doesn't. You did what you could for him. You were with him in the end, loving him with all your heart. He knows you love him and he's waiting for you at the bridge watching carefully over you. He'll send someone your way to help ease the pain you're feeling. Beautiful boy. Sending hugs and crying with you.

Rest in peace sweet Vic.


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## bianca (Mar 28, 2010)

I'm also sitting here in tears for your loss. Im so very sorry and will keep you and beautiful Victor in my thoughts. Run free now Vic


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## longhairshepmom (Apr 7, 2003)

Thank you everybody, it does help to see how other people understand and feel right along with me. 

Vic was special. I know , they all are, and we love them all, but to me, he was special. I love all my dogs, present and past, but Vic was my Soulmate.

I thought I was prepared, he was getting up there in age and he had several surgeries to remove lumps, and his joints were bad. His immune system just went haywire at the yearly shots at 6 years old, and he was never quite the same after that. Needless to say, he never got another shot since then. 

He did enjoy live though, and boy, he loved his squeaky. Its weird, I can close my eyes and just feel every part of him. I can feel that silky soft down feather like fuzzy hair behind the base of his ear (he was a long hair), I can feel the rough pads on his feet. I feel my hand run over the top of his head, that bump on top of it. The feel of his thick fur on his neck. How his back felt running my hand over it. I can literally still feel it. Every part of him.

This is really hard. But it is true, in time the pain dims, but the loss is always there. I loved that dog so much. 
The night we came home without him (we had company from Germany and it was my nephews birthday, poor guy...) I waited till everyone was in bed. Then I just sat outside and hoped and wished and demanded a "sign" from Vic, that he was ok. 
I was so upset, I saw his squeaky and I put it in the trash outside, couldn't look at it. Later the night I couldn't bear that and I dug it back out of the trash.

Going back next day to get our Vic was closure. I went and got him. My husband and brother in law and my sisters boy all dug the grave. It was hard, we have black clay that is like rock. We brought him home and opened the bag. He was laying in there, just like sleeping. The vet put him in there carefully, I appreciated it. I could say good bye. We could show our little chihuahua what happened to her brother. We put his squeaky with him and buried him. Next to the palm tree where he liked to lay. Where he is sitting in the first picture. 

I ordered the rock and its pretty big and heavy, I can read the description from my bedroom window, and I can sit next to his grave. I like that, I'm so glad we brought him home. Never thought that really mattered, dead is dead. But it does, comforts us.

Again, thank you all, really appreciate the kind words and I know I'm not alone in this, there are so many that understand and went through it.


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## bianca (Mar 28, 2010)

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


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## Baersmama (Jun 15, 2010)

I am so very sorry for your loss. Victor sounds like a wonderful dog, to whom you gave a wonderful life. The more powerful the love, the greater the loss. Many of us have felt your pain and can empathize with the choice you made and the loss you feel. I too believe that when the time is ready, another dog will be placed into your life, and while you will always have Victor in your heart, space will be made for another one to love. They say time heals all... but reading your story has brought tears to my eyes - for your loss, and for the loss of my little boy, Bear. (I lost him 4 years ago.... he was 20 months, and I think he was destined to be my "heart dog."... But life moves on and I am so thankful for my Max and Sadie.) Take care.


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## clearcreekranch (Mar 18, 2010)

So sorry for your loss.


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## PupperLove (Apr 10, 2010)

I can feel your pain just reading your story. I am so very sorry for your loss of your soulmate  . It sounds like he was an amazing dog. It's hard to say the right thing when you are trying to comfort someone during a loss. But just remember that you will see eachother again someday. No dog will replace him, and you can keep him alive in your heart FOREVER. His resting place is beautiful, I'm sure he's happy. :hugs:


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

my mom always told me that we are never separated from those we truly love, and i believe that. i'm so sorry for your loss. 

rest in peace victor.


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## csaiz (Dec 21, 2006)

:hug::hug::hug::hug:

From Albuquerque


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## Duncan (Apr 20, 2002)

So sorry for Your loss. They are with us in our dreams, in our souls and in our memories.
I know, it's not enough, but they are waiting for us on the other side of the of the Rainbow Bridge


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## Pattycakes (Sep 8, 2010)

I'm so sorry for your loss of Victor.   I lost my GSD over 2 years ago and I still miss her terribly. Time does heal the pain and hurt we feel but I do know that you will always miss him. 

Hugs to you!


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## VegasResident (Oct 4, 2006)

So sorry for your loss. I lost my LC girl last year and it still can bring tears to my eyes.


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## CaliBoy (Jun 22, 2010)

longhairshepmom:

I saw your post a few days ago and said, "oh no, don't open that one. Don't go there." Today, I could not resist, and immediately it started again, the lump in the throat, the eyes filling up and getting hard to read the computer screen, then the sniffling nose. It has been two years for me, and it is true that when that "special one" leaves you, he or she also leaves a special sorrow.



> People said to me "you gave him the final kindness", "you did right", "he had a great life". I've said those words to others many times. But I never realized how little they mean at this time.


Aint that the truth! I know people mean well, but when I hear those words, they really are not helpful. What if parents told the doctor to inject their son or daughter and put them out of pain? Would it really help to say, "you did the right thing?" I often say, "I did what I did, and I have to live with that, but I'll never be convinced it was good or right."

I'm so glad you went and got Vic out of that clinic. There was no way I was going to leave my princess in some cold clinic. The vet put her down at my parents' house, since I don't own the house I live in. I asked my dad what the regulations were for burying a pet, and he said, "This is MY house and my yard, and this is where she will be buried."

It really makes a difference, to me, that I can go to her grave, which has an angel marker, with flowers, and be near her resting place. It is peaceful there and when I want to, I can go and add something, change something, or just stand there and know that she is honored with her own special place. 

My sincere and heartfelt sympathies to you. That is a beautiful resting place that you prepared for your baby, with the rocks and the stone at the foot of a palm tree. I seemed to remember hearing a Bible verse when I was a kid, "the just will flourish like the palm tree." What a nice verse to think of when you remember your Vic, so sweet and innocent and now flourishing in his new home.


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## DharmasMom (Jul 4, 2010)

Wow. I am so sorry for your loss. Like others, I am crying while reading that. I have yet to have to be the "one" to make the decision. My mother did that with all of the pets we had growing up and almost everyone ended up being put down because they had gotten so old there was no longer any quality of life left. The only one my mother didn't stay with was Princess, the first shepherd we owned. This was years ago and I don't think my mother thought to ask to. She says she always regretted that decision. And every pet we had since then she stayed with and then brought home to be buried in our yard. 

I can't imagine how I will handle it when it is Dharma's time. It really is unfair we have them for such a short time. My thoughts are with you and Vic. He was a gorgeous dog. May he rest in peace.


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## caview (Jun 30, 2008)

I am with those who are sitting there with the tears streaming down as they are reading and typing their responses..

Makes me sick to my stomach -- we have a long-haired boy who just turned 2 years ..

I think the measure for decision being right or wrong is whether you do it again with another dog and another time? Could you live with the alternative of letting the dog die a natural death and watching him go through it..

I am convinced people have to. I don't think animals don't have! 

And yes, it is a gift of love from you to him as it came from great love and great pain!

God bless you and keep you!

Tanya


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## vat (Jul 23, 2010)

I too sit here crying, I am so very sorry for your loss. I just went thru this in Feb with an 18 month old with JRD. When the time came my hubby and I both questioned ourselves. He looks better etc should we have waited maybe he would have recovered. But we did what we had to do and it was not easy and it was unfair to loose him so young.

I did opt to cremate him and paid the extra for it to be just him (I know it could be any dog but I defy you to tell me it is not my Rio!). He is here in spirit. 

Then in May we had to do it again for our 11 yr old female. Again was it the right time, was she ready? I know that they both knew we loved them and will never be forgotten. The pain has eased and we have Max who is now 10 months and will be adding Callan this weekend who is 7 yrs. How can we not, they bring so much joy even if it is for a short time.

Hold onto your memories, they will make you smile I promise.


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## HayesEquineArt (Oct 5, 2010)

I'm very sorry for your loss. I love the memorial stone, it's lovely.


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## Wolfiesmom (Apr 10, 2010)

I am so sorry that you lost your Vic. His memorial stone is beautiful. May he rest in peace.


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## longhairshepmom (Apr 7, 2003)

Cali Boy, what a wonderful verse, thank you so much. I didn't know it, but I will think of it when I look out of the window at Vic's place. 

All of you, so many heartfelt posts, you have no idea how comforting it is. I really do appreciate it. I would come and read, thinking I need to reply, but I would read, cry and have to click the page away. Slowly I can face it more and more. I was finally able to watch the video of Vic I made just recently, randomly. He had just had a bath, so he looks crazy and fuzzy, but he was laying there, so I decided to "talk" to him, because he loved to talk back. If you "baby talked" to him, he would moan and whine and bark and "talk" back. He even howled with me like in his younger years. I can watch it now and smile.

I'm ashamed to think that I used to wonder why people didn't hold it together more in the "final moments" for their pets sake. I thought I would. I thought I was prepared, he wasn't well for a while. I wanted it so serene and peaceful and perfect. I would call the Vet to come home, we would feed him wonderful things beforehand. 

Well, it didn't quite go that way. Because of his bad joints, he always got up very slowly and walked with a bit of a roached back and a stilting walk until the joints warmed up. Those can be signs of bloat. But we just didn't know, he always did that. He never "ran" after eating, he couldn't run hard and crazy anymore, anyway. He hadn't eaten much that evening and just laid around most time watching us, as usual. That night we had a big dinner with my sister and her husband and 2 boys. They were visiting from Germany.
They come ever year and boy, did they love our Vic. Last couple of years they were always afraid they wouldn't see him again next time. But they came this summer and Vic was there to greet them.

We were trying to celebrate into my nephews birthday. It was a weekend. Late evening Vic started to whine. He acted like he had to throw up, I got up and opened the patio door asking him to come on out. He couldn't get up, my stomach just dropped and I flew over there to him, asking him come on, get up, already knowing suddenly something was very wrong. Everyone came over, my heart started racing, I looked at his gums. They were very pale and there was this look in his eyes. I just blurted out, oh my god, he is dying !!! 

Then everything went slow motion, I tried to hurry, call, get dressed, everything, but things seemed to move to slow. Emergency vet is 40 minutes away. I was freaking out running back and forth, feeling like I was to slow. I put his bed in the back of the suburban and omg, he got up and walked out there, slowly painfully. We wanted to carry him, but he got up and walked out of his house. It tore me up, I thought, omg, its the last time , does he know? 

Everyone cried and told him goodbye, my daughter was so tore up. As we drove through the night, me curled up next to him in the back, it suddenly seemed so quiet. He laid there , so at peace, just calmly panting, looking around. I laid there with him, looking up at the sky and stars. Thats when I got hope, I thought, he is so calm, he seems so alert. Maybe it will be ok after all...Then he gagged again and cried, and I just knew. I knew it was his stomach that flipped. I knew it was bad.

We had to carry him in. He suddenly started failing fast, he was out of it. The Vet , a very nice lady, asked all the info, his history, I kept answering, but I couldn't fill out the papers, I kept writing the old address, had to give it to my husband. My heart was racing, but I held it together, talking to much. She then turned to me and said she felt a large mass in his abdomen, her eyes said it all. Thats when I lost it. I couldn't say anything, I started sobbing, my husband took off to the bathroom. The Vet had tears in her eyes. I had a bad cold and was stuffed up anyway, but I felt I was choking to death on my tears. I told her I suspected a flipped stomach, but cancer ??
She then said she would take him and xray him, just to be sure. He cried a little when we placed him on the cart, but he didn't even turn around anymore when she wheeled him out, just laid there. She came back and said, yes, its his stomach, it flipped and the spleen is huge and most likely bleeding inside. He is in shock, he has so many other problems. I said, omg, what to do ? She said she honestely didn't think he would even make it till the surgeon arrived. But she couldn't tell me what to do. I kept asking her, oh please, tell me, what would you do, what do I say , what do I do? She said she wouldn't put him through it, he will die soon, if he makes it till surgery he would most likely die during surgery. If by some miracle he would survive, then chances are he wouldn't recover. Her eyes said it all, but I felt trapped in there, there was Vic, clearly suffering, fading away already. My husband said nothing, he said he couldn't. So I said, ok, lets do this, now right away, please hurry.

Vic never even lifted his head anymore during all this. He was still on that little cart, with his head resting on his paws. I sat down in front of him and held his head. Looked in his eyes, I tried to say "good dog", but it only came out in a croak, so I just held him and petted him. The Vet couldn't get a vein, kept trying and apologizing, it was horrible. Suddenly I second guessed myself, thinking what if its a sign? She then told him "good boy" and the tranqu. went in, I didn't watch, but she told me. Vic never moved. His lashes fluttered, but his eyes were clear. I felt torn in two. Then his eyes just got dark. Thats when it sank it, he was gone. We stayed with him a while. After doing paperwork my husband left and went back into the room, and I did too. It felt like we couldn't leave him. But we also couldn't think straight. The vet said we had some days to decide. He would be there for 3 days. 

We came home alone. Everyone was sitting there, the TV was on, but noone watched. Noone could even say one word. We just couldn't say anything, or we would burst out crying. Everytime we tried to say something , just couldn't. Vic was just that dear to everyone and that night was surreal and a shock. 

I know I'm rambling on. But it felt good to let it out, the night, the horror. There just is no preparing for that moment. You just do what you have to, and you will have to go through the grief and panic and anger and loss.

I still miss him so much. Never had one like him before, and never will again. There may be others and boy, I loved them all and will love them. But there was only one Vic.

Thank you for letting me share. And whoever read through all of this, kudos to you, I know I rambled on. 

I want everyone to know, I very deeply appreciate all the kind words. More then I can say. 

Thank you.


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## Stosh (Jun 26, 2010)

I had a day or two to decide if I should have Omy, our 12 yr old gsd put to sleep- those days were so horrible but at least when the day came that I brought her in, I was as prepared as I thought I could be. I was able to make a thought out decision, not the traumatic situation you were in. I still doubted my decision for weeks which was agonizing, at least you know there was no other choice for Vic. I think on that quiet ride he knew he could trust you with his life. I would hang on to the memory of those 40 mins of closeness, minutes I know you would give anything to have back.


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## ahazra (Aug 20, 2010)

Wow..I cannot even begin to fathom what you must've gone through. We had a GSD puppy for a month and it developed a ton of health issues. It started getting worse and the specialist advised us to start over again with a new puppy if we had an option. The Breeder was nice enough to take the puppy back. But boy, we still felt terrible for days...the kids especially...and the puppy was with us for barely a month. So I can't even being to fathom what a lifetime of attachment would do. I believe you did the right thing and hope you have it in your heart to show the same love another pet.


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## CaliBoy (Jun 22, 2010)

longhairshepmom:

For those of us who have lived through this, your post was not a rambling. On the contrary you put into words what so many of us do not know how to describe--those final hours, minutes, when our babies were leaving us.

It is indeed like everything is in slow motion. Some talk about it like a nightmare that they cannot wake out of. Or people will also say that an iron claw comes out of nowhere and rips your heart out of the chest cavity and leaves you neither dead nor alive, just sitting there with disbelief that "this cannot be happening."

The scary thing that I went through and many other pet owners describe is when you walk by their sofa, bed, spot on the floor and they are there. Just for a tiny split second, right there in the corner of your eye, they are there. Then you do a double take and turn around and, nope, just an empty bed, corner, etc. after all. Or we have a moment of quiet and you hear the jingle of the collar. So you say to someone, "did you hear that?" Nope. Nothing. But you say to yourself, I could have sworn I heard the collar jingle in the house somewhere. Or the floor creaks, just like when they were walking around in the house, and you get exciting just for a split second, till you realize, "but it can't be my beloved pet because they are gone."

Night time can be really, really bad. There are some nights when a person does not want to go to sleep because they are not there anymore and when you wake up in the morning, the first thing that will come to mind is that are still not there, and are not coming back. What do you do? I like to read dog stuff, in my books or on the web. I used to spend hours reading stories and also watching people's vids of their GSD. It brought me some peace, but tears also.

I googled this from the English Revised version bible, Psalm 92:12:


> The righteous shall flourish like the palm tree: he shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon. They that are planted in the house of the LORD shall flourish in the courts of our God.


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## Stosh (Jun 26, 2010)

For so long I 'heard' Omy walking through the leaves outside the sliding glass door to our bedroom. Like you said it brought immediate recognition, then comfort, then tears.


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## momto3k9s (Mar 2, 2005)

I am so sorry to hear this. It's so hard when they leave us. They say it gets easier...I'm still waiting. RIP Run free on The Bridge...


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