# Need Advice - To keep or not to keep?



## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

Hello All- I have a bit of a rant here, please take it easy on the judging I am aware of which faults are mine...

8 1/2 years ago my parents let me get a 6 month old Shepherd Mix and it was love at first sight when I saw her. She was a shelter girl and I couldnt be happier with how she turned out! We did extensive obedience training but she couldnt do any bite work etc due to nerve issues. I loved her just the same but always wanted that picture perfect working Shepherd. 

A year ago I got back in touch with my old trainer and began working with him. I love training dogs! Of course he kept telling me you need to get a pup so I can show you how to train from the ground up. I somehow managed to talk my parents and my boyfriend into it when the breeder he worked with had a litter coming up. I got my boy but I quickly realized I had no idea what I was getting into dealing with a working line pup. It was so much work I ended up enlisting my entire family and my boyfriend to help since I work full time. A few months in even with my trainer a phone call away I had thought, maybe this is not a good time for me to do this. I just didnt have the heart to get rid of him, I chose him after all he didnt choose me. 

So here I am, he is now a year old and I am still having these thoughts of, is this the right choice? The main issue is my boyfriend hates him, and simply tolerates him because he doesnt have much choice. It causes a lot of friction and I feel like I am still constantly asking everyone else in my family for help with him. The guilt is constantly eating away at me. 

The main issues still at hand : 


-He does have some slight GI issues, but I have found a food that works for him and he seems to be doing just fine. He has had Giardia, Pancreatitis and an eye infection so far. My boyfriend is concerned about the money that I have put into him and might still possibly have to put into him. We are trying to save for a house and to get married. 


-My dad is not working right now so he is home most of the day, he puts the dog out in his kennel a handful of hours a week but he is still not able to be trusted being totally alone for long hours. Also if he knows someone is home or can see us inside the house he will bark. My dad always complains he is the dog baby sitter but then won't work on putting him out. I'll take what I can get seeing as this isnt his dog, I know I can only ask so much.


-My older dog still does not tolerate him well and my cat still hates him, even though he likes them both. We keep the older dog and the cat separated from him, which was ideal at first because we wanted Eli to bond to me but now it is getting to be a handful. I have slacked with working on this, to be honest it wasnt my first training priority. 


Those are pretty much the main issues still at hand.. and I dont know if I should rehome just because of this. I do understand my boyfriends point of view, he didnt sign up for this and now I am a burden on him and my family. My family doesnt want me to get rid of him but my boyfriend definitely does. Every time I think about it I get tears in my eyes I just dont know if I can bring myself to do it but it is hurting my relationship. 


What I DO want to point out is my boy Eli is a fabulous dog. We still go to Obedience, Protection, and Tracking 3 times a week. He is amazing at all 3 and loves nothing but to work. He has the most sound temperament ever with kids, other dogs, people. It is just hard to juggle working full time, a boyfriend who hates him, and keeping up on all his training.


Any advice would be great... 

Also I am only 23 :hug:


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## s14roller (Nov 18, 2010)

I'll let the others speak about the dog situation...

Only thing I can say is, don't get married when you're 23...just my 2 cents. Sounds like the both of you still have a lot to go to get a proper foundation set up.


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## sagelfn (Aug 13, 2009)

Why does your boyfriend hate him? I ask because is it just this dog or if you rehome him and in the future get another GSD to work is he going to feel the same way? 

Your dog makes you happy, sounds like you work him a lot and enjoy it very much. What is your BF's problem?


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## Freestep (May 1, 2011)

LovemyEli said:


> Those are pretty much the main issues still at hand.. and I dont know if I should rehome just because of this. I do understand my boyfriends point of view, he didnt sign up for this and now I am a burden on him and my family. My family doesnt want me to get rid of him but my boyfriend definitely does. Every time I think about it I get tears in my eyes I just dont know if I can bring myself to do it but it is hurting my relationship.


I feel your pain. 

Honestly, it sounds like you've bitten off more than you can chew. You're doing everything right with the dog, but if your boyfriend hates him, it's going to get in the way of your relationship, and it's causing you pain and suffering. Normally I'd say to ditch the boyfriend if he doesn't like your dog  but since you're planning to marry, I guess I can't say that.

I think the right person would be very happy to have your dog, he sounds like a great guy. Is there anyone in your club that might be interested in him?


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## SchHGSD (Dec 20, 2001)

Why does your boyfriend hate the dog? Honestly, that is not a good sign for me, and possibly could bode ill for the rest of your life. Marriage is about supporting your significant other in the things that make THEM happy, not being upset because you spent money on a dog.


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## suzzyq01 (Feb 15, 2011)

It sounds like it is not an ideal situation for the dog. Although he gets to train 3 times per week you are the only one in the family that wants him there. I don't normally suggest this, but I would think about finding a home that can dedicate more time and energy to him. The negativity is not good and the dog can sense this. 

If re-homing him is something you have thought about and are still thinking about it, then it is prob best to do it. The thing to remember is that you should not hold any animosity towards anyone if you decide to re-home him. It was not the right time and you made a bad decision. We all make them, the idea is to learn from them and not make them again. 

Do you have his pedigree? 

I've lived and learned far more than I wanted to in the past several years, I have made some very serious mistakes and had to pay for them. I am only 28. I have also learned to be very cautious and not make rash decisions like I used to. Buy a house, if you can survive that process and renovations (if needed) then you can survive getting married. haha.


Good luck. Just remember everything happens for a reason.....reasons are unknown. :hug:


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## Shadow's mum (Mar 13, 2010)

If it were me or one of my kids in your situation, the dog would be staying. You made a commitment (and the bf agreed). Sounds like your getting a lot of happiness out of this dog, but a lot of stress from the boyfriend. I know which one I would be keeping, and at this stage and your age, I would be putting the marriage plans off for a little longer.


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

My boyfriend didnt really support it from the beginning but let me do it because he knew I wanted it. He doesnt care for the dog but is more then happy to watch him when I need him to, or come to training if I ask. He even helps me with tracking once in a while. In his eyes it is something that he didnt ask for but is taking away from our time and our money. I totally see his point and in all honestly he has put up with it pretty well. We arent planning on getting married for a few years, just would like money to do so. 

Doesnt help that this morning Eli ran into my boyfiends leg and it swelled up like a softball :/


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## paulag1955 (Jun 29, 2010)

Does your boyfriend dislike dogs in general? Are you prepared to live the rest of your life dog-free if that's the case?


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

suzzyq01 said:


> It sounds like it is not an ideal situation for the dog. Although he gets to train 3 times per week you are the only one in the family that wants him there. I don't normally suggest this, but I would think about finding a home that can dedicate more time and energy to him. The negativity is not good and the dog can sense this.
> 
> 
> Do you have his pedigree?
> ...


My family just loves him, esp. my dad since he is home with him a lot. 

I do also have his pedigree.


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

Freestep said:


> I feel your pain.
> 
> 
> I think the right person would be very happy to have your dog, he sounds like a great guy. Is there anyone in your club that might be interested in him?



There are people in my club that would most likely be interested but I would have to give up training in general as I dont think I could possibly see him and have him not be mine. It would be way too painful.


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

paulag1955 said:


> Does your boyfriend dislike dogs in general? Are you prepared to live the rest of your life dog-free if that's the case?


Hes not such a fan of larger dogs, a small dog might be more in the future but I just love my Shepherds. Such a hard decision


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## BowWowMeow (May 7, 2007)

If it were me I would rehome the bf and then sit down and have a long talk with the family and let them know that if the dog is staying then they absolutely must help out with him more.


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

BowWowMeow said:


> If it were me I would rehome the bf and then sit down and have a long talk with the family and let them know that if the dog is staying then they absolutely must help out with him more.



I was afraid of the hostility towards the BF... he loves my older dog, its just the puppy thing that has turned him off, but we are still working through it. I'm not giving up on either yet and every month it gets better


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## Shadow's mum (Mar 13, 2010)

So how does he feel about Sierra? Whats going to happen as she ages and her medical bills increase? These are questions you need to ask now or at least think about. Will the bf be pushing for either to be PTS at the first sign of a large vet bill? I'm not trying to be nasty or rude just realistic.

You need to sit down with your family and see just how much they are willing to help you. If your family are not really willing to help and you feel you need their help, then by all means ask the other club members if they will take him. If your family say the will help out, stop feeling guilty.


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## Jessiewessie99 (Mar 6, 2009)

BowWowMeow said:


> If it were me I would rehome the bf and then sit down and have a long talk with the family and let them know that if the dog is staying then they absolutely must help out with him more.


I agree! For me personally, I wouldn't date a guy who doesn't like dogs. Nothing towards your BF.

But otherwise I would talk with your BF and family and see what is best for YOU and THE DOG.


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## gsdraven (Jul 8, 2009)

IMO, you made a commitment to the dog, honor it. If you enjoy training so much, do more of it and make the situation work.

And your _boyfriend_ is getting way too much weight on YOUR important life decisions. Do what is right for you. This is coming from someone who has been there, done that. If took into account what my boyfriend wanted, I wouldn't have Kaiser.


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

Shadow's mum said:


> So how does he feel about Sierra? Whats going to happen as she ages and her medical bills increase? These are questions you need to ask now or at least think about. Will the bf be pushing for either to be PTS at the first sign of a large vet bill? I'm not trying to be nasty or rude just realistic.
> 
> You need to sit down with your family and see just how much they are willing to help you. If your family are not really willing to help and you feel you need their help, then by all means ask the other club members if they will take him. If your family say the will help out, stop feeling guilty.


He loves Sierra and she has been really healthy her 9 or so years. I dont see him being quick to put her to sleep if something happened unless it was better for her. Same with my family


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## vat (Jul 23, 2010)

I have to also agree a good sit down and talk is in order. I also agree the BF needs to chill, if as you say he is getting better maybe once past the puppy stage he and your boy will be best friends. As far as can you handle the dog and work full time, many of us work. If you love this dog and you love training then you have answered your own question.

I think you and BF need a big talk, if you get rid of this dog because the BF hates him you will grow to hate the BF. There will come a time when BF wants something that you do not but you will support him because you love him, that is how it works.


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## BowWowMeow (May 7, 2007)

I don't feel any hostility toward your bf.  It's just that I am (probably) at least 20 years older than you and have been through this. I was with someone for 9 years who loved the dogs but resented the time commitment and "restrictions" they put on our lives. Now i am with someone who absolutely loves the animals and is totally supportive. What a difference that has made for me! 

I also agree that you should be making all decisions about how to spend your money. 

If you want to keep the bf and Eli then I would recommend therapy to work this stuff out now, rather than later, after you've moved in together and potentially made decisions that you'll regret.


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## MrsMiaW (Sep 25, 2010)

Sounds to me like Eli is a great dog and you are doing some excellent training and work with him. Also sounds like you love him dearly, as you do your other dog. My question to you is : if you did rehome Eli because your boyfriend is unhappy, would you be able to forgive your boyfriend, or would this become an issue later in your relationship? Just something to think about.

Personally, I would not rehome Eli, but ultimately it is a decision you have to make and no one should judge you for for it.

As a bit of advice, for this situation and marriage in general, it is about compromise and sometimes sacrifice. As an example, my husband is an avid mountain biker and road cyclist. I am a stay-at-home mom. There are days where my husband gets home from work and then goes immediately out for a 2 hour road or mountain bike ride. Once or twice a month, he does a 100 mile or more bike ride, which can take anywhere from 5-7 hours. Believe me, there are many times where I would rather him stay home, because it will make my day easier or more enjoyable, but I don't ask him to give up his ride. Cycling is something that makes him happy and it makes him a better husband and father when he is happy, so it is a sacrifice I am willing to make. My husband does the same for me, when I am doing multiple training days with our GSD, Thor, or when I am getting ready and training to compete in fitness competitions. Would he rather me stay home and be with the family, sure, but he is willing to make the sacrifice so that I can do something that makes me happy, which in turn makes me a better wife and mother. 

Good luck and keep us posted with your decision.


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## ElvisP (May 19, 2010)

Dogs (pets) aren't easy and they take a lot of time and effort. If you are happy and the dog is happy then keep the pup. If you made a mistake and can't properly take care of the pup then find it a good home. If you do give it away, learn from this situation and try not to let it happen again. 

Good luck!!


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

Thanks for all the feedback so far and sharing similar stories.

I dont think I could honestly forgive my BF if I give up the dog and I dont think I could forgive myself. 

I will continue to work on things and I will have another talk with my boyfriend for now.

I love my boys and hopefully one day we can all be a big happy family.

I will keep you guys updated on the progress


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## Stosh (Jun 26, 2010)

If you're having doubts about Eli after a year, perhaps the best thing for him is to find him a home. It sounds as though it's a stressful situation for him and he would do well as an only dog with someone who has the time, ability and interest in him. I rehomed one gsd and it was a very difficult decision, but ultimately the best one for her and my other dog. She's in a much better situation and very very happy


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## Cara Fusinato (May 29, 2011)

I just have to point this out (call it a giggle)


> He loves Sierra and she has been really healthy her 9 or so years. I dont see him being quick to put her to sleep if something happened unless it was better for her. Same with my family.


Your boyfriend won't be quick to PTS the family members? That is good. Again, it's a giggle. I was an English teacher for many years. On the serious side, wait til you have to face dropping some money to keep her comfortable as she declines. We dropped a couple grand into our boy the last six months of his life just so he could endure until he showed us he was ready to leave us.

My husband has some very serious hobbies (r/c jet airplanes that cost $10K apiece, drumming in a rock band, G-scale garden railway running 6 pricey locomotives and costing over $3K in track alone, back-country hiking, and the list goes on). I had to make a decision to support what he loves and not resent the hobbies when we got together. I take part in what I can and let him on his own for what I can't. He spends A LOT of money and it makes our budgeting harder though he makes a good wage. I can't force him, whine, beg, threaten, or even politely ask for him to give up what he does. He is who he is for those reasons and made committments (like to the band members). I am supportive of his desires and talents even though I do not do them myself and even necessarily value them on a personal emotional level.

I think your BF should take into consideration what you love, what you wanted to do, and what you committed to do and not push you because he resents the time and money. That is a red flag for us old women. Controlling before the marriage by resenting time and money away from him. He either needs to join you and rejoice in what you do or find his own "thing" to do at the same time. That does not improve, let me tell you. At 23, there are plenty of other boyfriends, no one is worth giving up your dreams. No one!

Ask yourself this . . . do you deeply love your dog and your hobby with your dog even though he is a handful? Would it break your heart and hurt always to rehome him or would you just get over it in like a week and not really care. If your BF was saying "it's rough but Eli is a family member and we should work with him and work though this stage" would you be considering this anyway? You know your own answer. If you are doing this JUST for the BF, then NO. If you really don't like the dog and think he is a poor match living at your home, then YES.

In any case, young lady, do not let a MAN control you. Choose your own destiny. This comes from someone old enough to be your mom, here.


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## Cara Fusinato (May 29, 2011)

Your reply above mine is good (mine took awhile). . . Hi from Central CA BTW in the lovely foothills above Fresno on the way to Sequoia and Kings Canyon National Parks.


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

disclaimer***no hostility towards your boyfriend here, just statement of fact***

if you love this dog and love training so much that you would have to stop training if you re-homed him because you couldn't bear to see him with someone else, you will eventually (and probably sooner rather than later), not be able to bear seeing your boyfriend, because you will remember, every time you look at him, what you sacrificed, and you will spend a lifetime, or as long as the relationship is able to survive, trying (probably unsuccessfully) to forgive him.

i don't envy you, it's a tuff situation you're in...


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

cara...BRAVO!!!!! simply WONDERFUL post!!! lovemyeli, these words are possibly some of the most important you will ever read.


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

Cara Fusinato said:


> I just have to point this out (call it a giggle)
> 
> 
> Your boyfriend won't be quick to PTS the family members? That is good. Again, it's a giggle. I was an English teacher for many years. On the serious side, wait til you have to face dropping some money to keep her comfortable as she declines. We dropped a couple grand into our boy the last six months of his life just so he could endure until he showed us he was ready to leave us.
> ...


Haha I see how you that can make you giggle!

Also, the BF isnt telling me get rid of him, get rid of him. He isnt making me choose. I know he would simply prefer it and I have even said if I could go back I probably wouldnt have gotten the dog yet. I guess I am just afraid if I give him to someone else, what if he has a health problem that they dont want to pay for or cant pay for? What if they arent as obsessed about bloat as I am? I know people can say they will take care of things but when it comes down to it will they?


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

katieliz said:


> disclaimer***no hostility towards your boyfriend here, just statement of fact***
> 
> if you love this dog and love training so much that you would have to stop training if you re-homed him because you couldn't bear to see him with someone else, you will eventually (and probably sooner rather than later), not be able to bear seeing your boyfriend, because you will remember, every time you look at him, what you sacrificed, and you will spend a lifetime, or as long as the relationship is able to survive, trying (probably unsuccessfully) to forgive him.
> 
> i don't envy you, it's a tuff situation you're in...


Your absolutely right!


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## Cara Fusinato (May 29, 2011)

The fact that you feel the pressure, he's pushing. Passive aggressive is just as effective, and often more.

Only you know in your heart what your hobby and that particular dog means to you. Hopefully, we old broads here gave you the courage to think it out and choose the path you truly desire.


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## GSDAlphaMom (Jul 20, 2010)

What you (you as in people in general) focus on grows. As long as your BF is focused in on the negatives ($, time, not liking the dog, etc), he's going to have a difficult time with it.

Key is to get him to focus on the postive (you love your dog, enjoy training etc). Ask him to write down any positives, even if it's just one and ask him to focus on that rather than all the reasons he doesn't like the dog. If he gets his mind off of it, it won't be such a big deal to him. 

It's amazing how easy things are when we let go of things we are holding on to.


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## GSDElsa (Jul 22, 2009)

LovemyEli said:


> I dont think I could honestly forgive my BF if I give up the dog and I dont think I could forgive myself.


THIS SAYS IT ALL. I'm sorry, but your post reeked of your boyfriend being the primary influence in this decision. Don't do it. NEVER NEVER NEVER make a decision like giving up something you have worked so hard for because of someone else.

You and your boyfriend WILL be at an impasse over this, I am telling you now. You should never give up something you love because of someone. It will do nothing but fester resentment down the road. Sure, you can use the excuse that it's only because NOW you don't have money and it's not the right timing. But there will ALWAYS be another reason why you can't or shouldn't get one. And it WILL effect your relationship negatively down the road.

This is not bashing your boyfriend. I think people who dont' care for wild working line GSD's are insane, but I respect their viewpoint. I just never would have married one.


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## codmaster (Aug 5, 2009)

SchHGSD said:


> Why does your boyfriend hate the dog? Honestly, that is not a good sign for me, and possibly could bode ill for the rest of your life. *Marriage is about supporting your significant other in the things that make THEM happy,* not being upset because you spent money on a dog.


This sounds like a VERY significant future issue!

Also, if you HAD to choose - which one would you pick? Your answer (which you can keep to yourself, of course) should give you a hint as to what you should do with your dog, I think.


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## JakodaCD OA (May 14, 2000)

to take this further,,(and I won't bash your BF either)..

If you didn't have this boyfriend, would you be thinking of giving the dog up? 

It sounds like you LOVE this dog, you LOVE training, but your hesitations about things are because of your boyfriend..

I can remember being your age, working, having a BF that I really loved, and having my dogs...I can tell you, it would honestly break my heart, but the BF would be gone before my animals IF I had to make that choice. 

I had posted in another thread, You will get out of a dog what YOU put into them. 

I agree with Justine, you should never give up something you love because of someone else.. you will regret it the rest of your life and resent him for it. 

Your BF has to realize animals cost money, does he have a 'passion'? cars, bikes, football?? Would he be willing to give up something he loved because you wanted him to??

Honestly, I am not bashing your BF either, just some food for thought..


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## Rerun (Feb 27, 2006)

Keep the dog, ditch the BF.

I'm sorry, I didn't get a chance to read all 4 pages but read 1st and last. So maybe this was covered. I am lucky enough to be able to stay at home currently with all our dogs (though I'm here for our son first and formost, LOL) but previously worked FT, went through 4 yrs of college with dogs, worked overtime here and there, etc. And the dogs were fine. 

If your dog has a nice kennel that is safe and secure and your dad is home to glance out the window now and again and ensure all is well, I'd buy the dog a nice bark collar to get the obnoxious barking under control, get some nice toys to rotate in the kennel, a cot to lay on, a doghouse for rainy or crappy weather otherwise, and not have your family mess with him. I don't really understand from your initial post why they have to help so much. Exercise him before work, kennel him up for the day with breakfast, secure water bucket that he can't spill, some toys, and go to work with a clear mind. Then come home, exercise him, etc.

The upside to the kennel vs a crate is that he can get his ya-yas out more than if he was in a small indoor crate, and he can potty whenever he chooses, so if you have to work late or get stuck in traffic or whatever, he's not sqeezing his tail up his bum to hold it in.

BF isn't marrying material if he's giving you grief about it. A lot comes with a relationship, especially marriage, and everyone brings something to the table, including "baggage." If he views the dog as baggage that he's not willing to accept and help you with, then I would strongly consider whether this is the kind of man you want to marry. If you want working dogs in your life, you need to be with someone that understands and accepts that. 

JMHO


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## MrsMiaW (Sep 25, 2010)

Cara Fusinato said:


> Hopefully, we old broads here gave you the courage to think it out and choose the path you truly desire.


:thumbup:


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## PaddyD (Jul 22, 2010)

I'm a guy and I say ditch the BF and keep the dog. People don't change their stripes or spots. You are who you are and he is who he is. Do you want a lifetime of contention just because you have interests that he doesn't? I know how hard it is when you have to compromise. Compromise means that somebody had to give in and let go of what they really wanted.


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## NewbieShepherdGirl (Jan 7, 2011)

Ok I know this is not the popular opinion, and I would like to say that anyone that didn't like Sasha or wasn't ok with me adding to the pack at some point would be taking a hike, but I would say just give your boyfriend some time. *Puppies* are not for everyone. You say he likes your older dog, well I imagine that that means he likes dogs, he just maybe doesn't love all the crazy that comes with puppies. If this is someone you truly love and you feel truly loves you, I would maybe mention that your older dog hasn't always been this calm, well behaved girl, that in fact she went through a puppy stage and if he would just give the pup another year or two that he would see a great difference in the dog's demeanor. It certainly doesn't sound like you have an untrainable demon dog or anything, just a pup with a lot of energy. As far as money goes...well I can see how if the dog bugs him anyway how he may not relish the thought of pouring money into him. Since you are in such a committed place with this guy I would say give him a chance. However, don't let him make decisions for you in regards to the pup. I have a cousin that when she moved in with her girlfriend the girl made her get rid of the dogs that she had, and you can still see the guilt on her face when she talks about it. She lived ten years like that before she finally decided that the relationship wasn't a give and take, it was totally one sided, and the dog thing was an indicator of that. So all in all what I'm saying is make sure you're making a decision, either way, that you can live with.


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## e.rigby (May 28, 2011)

My bf didn't like dogs... but we got married anyway. It lasted all of three years until we finally parted ways.

If having a big dog is something you want, and you're bf isn't receptive to it... it might cause conflict later on. If it causes you to have to rehome this dog, believe me, it won't stop there!

Ultimately, do what's best for you - not what's best for your bf.

If this is something that means a lot to you, he needs to understand that and be a bit more willing to help out. If he can't give you this, what else is he going to be absent on in your relationship? 

idk... personally, I would keep the dog and try to find a way to make it work.


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

Too many people to respond to but thanks everyone. I have been thinking about this all day and I am going to talk to my boyfriend tonight. 

I think of it as if we can get through these rough patches we will be able to handle anything in life 

I'll update tomorrow xo


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## Thru the Viewfinder (Aug 8, 2011)

LovemyEli said:


> Thanks for all the feedback so far and sharing similar stories.
> 
> I dont think I could honestly forgive my BF if I give up the dog and I dont think I could forgive myself.
> 
> ...


This post ^ is where I stopped reading and wanted to say something.

I don't want to beat a dead horse. I know it gets annoying. BUT. I can tell you first hand, the pain of getting married too early, thinking someone would easily compromise with you, and support you in things only YOU honestly liked (not him)... 

It HURTS. I don't want to sound like a drama queen, or air my dirty laundry. But it is an every day struggle for me. I don't get support unless every ounce of it is denied FIRST. I don't get to enjoy my dog like I wish I could. My dog is SEVEN and I, only TODAY, got my DH to agree to let me put Kota through OB class. And why did he agree? Because I got a job at PetsMart and he figured I'd get a discount. Lucky for him, I found out today (my first day) that associates get a training course for free. When I came home, I didn't even get that far into what my first day was like before I was in tears because somehow I managed to ask for hours he wasn't happy with. Some days I feel like I can't win for losing.

I can't stress enough that if you feel he isn't willing to love something JUST BECAUSE YOU DO, he probably won't in the future either. And it will, most likely, just get worse. 

I know I don't know everything, I'm only 25. But I do know that if I were you, or if I could rewind time in my own life, I would have put the brakes on getting married and actually took off the blinders love gives you. I would give anything to actually have -known- my DH first. I got married too early, and we both have grown and changed so much in seven years. We are almost complete opposites of each other. 

Is it worth getting a divorce over? No, not at all. But is it worth getting married in spite of? I don't quite think so now.

Hindsight is 20/20. Don't settle. For anything. Or anyone.


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## cindy_s (Jun 14, 2009)

Get rid of him!!!!!!!!!!! (The BF!)


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## Thru the Viewfinder (Aug 8, 2011)

Oh, and just to put the icing on the cake-> I made the toughest decision, and most painful one of all our seven years together, to return Boudreaux to his breeder. This was a dog that we spoke and dreamt about getting, for four years. BEFORE we were married. We ended up getting our GSD first. Got rid of the GSD because we were separating.... Got back together after working things out. Soon after, he pretty much said lets get our Dane. I was stoked! It felt like a renewal of all our promises. Like faith that things WILL work out in the end. Well, as someone else said before, you can't change your spots or colors. Fast forward a few years, and you find me between a rock and a hard place because he couldn't stand up for himself as a man, and buckled to his mom's incessant complaints about having dogs in the house, etc. When she'd come to visit, Boo (and Kota, who'd been returned to us after moving back to the state) were "banished" to their crates and outdoor kennel for the whole week or two, or sometimes THREE, that she was here.

Last Sept.... I couldn't bear the pain of putting my dogs through that anymore. And buckled to the passive aggressive attitude of both my DH and his mom. I returned my sweet sweet Dane who I loved with all my heart and was honestly the best dog I could've ever asked for.... to his breeder. How could I choose between him and Kota??? Well, it was easy. I knew Boo had a breeder who would give him the best. Rehoming Dakota wasn't as easy. She came from a BYB. Rehoming her meant giving her up to someone I don't even know! I couldn't do it. 

There is a part of my hubby I hate for even allowing me to have to go that far with it. And part of my MIL I hate for being so callous. Even to my 5 year old, saying she didn't miss her doggy when my daughter asked her that the next day after he left.  

I cried for weeks. I miss my dog. I feel like a part of my family was ripped away from me, and it hurts even more because I made the decision to finally do it. Even if it was out of love... it hurt like ****.

I absolutely couldn't go through it again with Dakota. I took my stand even farther than I ever did before. She is in the house EVERY DAY even when the family visits. DH and his mom have succumbed to it, as much as I expect they ever will, which isn't much. They still whine and complain, hubby still hollers at Kota for absolutely no good reason, etc. He tries harder every now and then, at times things even seem fantastic! But it always reverts to the clashing opinions again. Without fail. It is a vicious cycle. It hurts so badly, and I wish it on NO ONE. I just can't express how much it sucks.


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## wolfstraum (May 2, 2003)

This is not just about the dog. It is about CONTROL. 

I went through this with a difficult horse, a young stallion who was a PIA to load in a trailer. I loved that horse. Everyone else hated him....bottom line was jealousy. My then fiance sold him out from under me....I cried every day for 8 months. I got the horse back. I got rid of the guy eventually. If someone makes you give up something that makes you complete - then they are doing it for themselves to your cost, not to your benefit....

At 23, you have alot of time ahead of you to structure a life - like everyone else here, I'd say hold off on the marriage/house/future, and make a life that is fulfilling for YOU. And eventually find someone who will share it, not control it.

Lee


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

Thru the Viewfinder: Wow your story is so informative. I am so sorry that you have gone through all that and I will remember all this when I talk to my boyfriend in a few hours. 

I am just so in love with my boy I cant imagine giving him up, but I also cant imagine breaking up with my boyfriend. I know Eli would eventually move on but I just dont know if I could. I just hugged and kissed Eli so much he probably thinks im crazy


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

Oh! And I am actually thinking of just letting my boyfriend read this thread. So he can get an uncensored version of how I really feel in response to all of you and your thoughts


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## Thru the Viewfinder (Aug 8, 2011)

Nah, he doesn't think you're crazy. He's probably thinking he's being such a good boy to get all this attention!! LOL

*ha ha, Maybe I should let my DH read it too? He could learn a thing or two from the other ladies "old enough" to be his mom, too. ha ha


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## VomBlack (May 23, 2009)

Been there, done that, and from my personal experience.. it's not worth it.

I'm 23 now (24 in a week.. yikes) and I was with someone with 4 years, he liked dogs.. and when we first got together my dog Harley was in her senior years and other than some personality quirks was a pretty easy dog around the house. I got Odin, the BF resented him.. and eventually me. He was jealous of the time I spent with him, how I would go off to training for a few hours once or twice a week.. I toughed it out with him thinking he'd eventually change and understand why I enjoyed doing what I did. Looking back on it now I realize that he was a very controlling, possessive person and didn't like the fact that I was spending so much of my time and affection on another living creature. He played the passive aggressive guilt game, and at one point told me if I loved him and valued our relationship that I would get rid of Odin.

...needless to say nowadays Odin is the one snoring at the end of my bed, and I couldn't be happier. I can't imagine life without him, or how guilty and horrible I would have felt if I got rid of him just because someone was too jealous and immature to share their life with him. Not saying that's the case with you, but I wish I had been a bit more clear headed while in that relationship. Like someone mentioned, hindsight is 20/20. You can't change people, and if someone doesn't care enough to at least tolerate one of your passions, you may need to take time to seriously evaluate your relationship.

I make sure now to stress to potential BFs that the dogs were here before them, and are a big part of who I am.. and if you don't like them, you won't like me.  Might as well get all that taken care of from the get-go.


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## bocron (Mar 15, 2009)

Been there, done that. My first husband was not a dog person. We met when I was 18, got married when I was 22. At the time I was pretty active showing and training Rottweilers. Anyway he never really liked the dogs and I kind of let my hobby peter out after a few years of marriage. When we separated 8 years later the first thing I did was start looking for a new pup. It took me a year+, but I found a good Beauceron breeder and finally got Java. Oddly enough, when I got her I immediately got back into training and competing. One of my old trainers told me to check out the Schutzhund club where she was training so as soon as I had time I took the trip out. I am now married to the Training Director, LOL (15+ years). Just saying, giving up what you love and have a passion for to please someone else will never sit right. If you end up rehoming your dog, make sure it is what you wanted to do not what someone guilted you into. If it's not the right time for YOU, then that is your prerogative and make the decision to make YOUR life easier, not someone elses. If you decide to keep the dog, you need to make arrangements to not have to ask others to do your job as the dog's owner. Find a daycare situation or a dog walker you can use, work on crate training, teaching the dog to settle when he should, that type of thing.

Annette


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

bocron said:


> If you decide to keep the dog, you need to make arrangements to not have to ask others to do your job as the dog's owner. Find a daycare situation or a dog walker you can use, work on crate training, teaching the dog to settle when he should, that type of thing.
> 
> Annette



Thanks for the advice! I am glad that you got back into what you loved 


I would like to throw out there that my family has no issues helping out, in fact I encourage them to put him in his outdoor kennel but my dad always says "im home anyways he can stay with me" but then complains the next time. Haha the life of a retired 64 year old that has worked his whole life. Cant be bored for a minute but then complains hes too busy the next. I still do feel somewhat guilty when I leave esp when its not for work but its more of a personal thing. He just lays around at night anyways an no one ever argues with me! When he was a potty training land shark that was different


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

lovemyeli, i'm going to go out on a limb here and give you some straight out advice...do not under any circumstances have your bf read this thread. men in general do not take well to having their business put out on the street (so to speak), especially men like him (and i speak from personal experience here). he will not understand, will take all of it very personal (of course because it is), and i predict that even if you only talk to him about it and share with him some of the responses here verbally, it will cause a HUGE, HUGE problem. take all this in, keep your eyes wide open, watch his behavior and think about what has been said here. take care, thoughts are with you.


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## Emoore (Oct 9, 2002)

Where I come from, you make a commitment to a dog when you buy/adopt him. You haven't made a commitment to a man until the rings are on. Statistically, re-homed humans have a 99.7% lower chance of being euthanized than re-homed dogs. Just something to think about.


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## TankGrrl66 (Jun 29, 2010)

SchHGSD said:


> Why does your boyfriend hate the dog? Honestly, that is not a good sign for me, and possibly could bode ill for the rest of your life. Marriage is about supporting your significant other in the things that make THEM happy, not being upset because you spent money on a dog.


Ditto. OP, pay attention to that post! Remember that, it is VERY wise.

Think about what else this same situation might come up about...food for thought.

I'm not saying to ditch your man over a dog, but you both need to have a serious talk about this. Your bf sounds like he needs to look out for your happiness and wants instead of his own.

Your post makes it sound as if he doesn't care about this dog making you happy. It sounds as if this dog is not only a $$$ pit in his eyes, but he is also probably somewhat jealous of the dog as well. This is normal.

Try what I did: Walk your dog with your bf. Involve him in the training, and go and do stuff together! Number one? Make sure this dog behaves GOOD around your bf. Nothing pisses of anyone, especially a SO, than a dog who is jumping all over them, barking a lot, begging for food, or generally beign a nuisance.

How would you feel if your bf had some sort of animal or hobby you didn't care for, and didn't involve you? And this hobby ate up a bunch of the money and his time away from you? Understand where he could be coming from with this.


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## TankGrrl66 (Jun 29, 2010)

Here is something else that occured to me as well...

If the dog is this much of an issue, what else will be?

If he is jealous of a drooling messy money pit that gets into everything (readuppy), um...what about KIDS? 

(I bring up the kids part bc you mentioned you wanted to get married.)

Just remember: Communication is everything.


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

communication is important. respect is everything.


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## bianca (Mar 28, 2010)

katieliz said:


> lovemyeli, i'm going to go out on a limb here and give you some straight out advice...do not under any circumstances have your bf read this thread. men in general do not take well to having their business put out on the street (so to speak), especially men like him (and i speak from personal experience here). he will not understand, will take all of it very personal (of course because it is), and i predict that even if you only talk to him about it and share with him some of the responses here verbally, it will cause a HUGE, HUGE problem. take all this in, keep your eyes wide open, watch his behavior and think about what has been said here. take care, thoughts are with you.


+1!

My DH has never been particularly fond of GSD's but knew that he was not going to sway me. My Molly is coming up to 2 years and _now_ he enjoys her a lot more. I am working on her issues but I will NEVER give up on her and he knows that. He accepts that a huge part of me is all about my animals. Our circumstances are a lot different to yours but the bottom line is, he is happy for me to go out everyday with Molly for exercise/training as he knows it makes me happy. And that is the important part of any relationship methinks!

I wish you luck :hugs:


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## Thru the Viewfinder (Aug 8, 2011)

TankGrrl66 said:


> How would you feel if your bf had some sort of animal or hobby you didn't care for, and didn't involve you? And this hobby ate up a bunch of the money and his time away from you?



I live this. Some days (okay probably most?) I want to stop being so supportive of his dreams because no matter what, his support is zilch. But, it would only ruin my marriage so... I keep pushing him farther, saying, Go get 'em. Meanwhile I'm partly dying inside because I know he has never done it for me.


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## Danielle609 (Jun 18, 2011)

I wasn't going to post a reply, but I feel the need to. I hate all the bashing about young marriages. I agree that it sounds like OP is not ready to get married, she has stated it herself. But quite a few of you are making it sound like an early marriage won't last. 

Eli, here is my personal story. I got married at 22 to an amazing guy. We will be together 3 years in November. We have a beautiful 1.5 year old. She wasn't planned we were going to wait to have kids. We have had a roller coaster ride in our personal lives but we have stuck it out together. We love each other very much.

Here is the important thing in our marriage...we do not have the same hobbies and we don't necessarily like each other's hobbies, but we accept them. I understand about money being tight- been there done that. It is hard to "accept" things when money is being used on things that people feel aren't important. Example- I use to get mad at first when DH would buy a fishing pole or go out fishing with buddies if we didn't have much extra money lying around. But I soon realized he is a happier person when he can have some him time and hang out with his friends. He doesn't fish a lot, but it is something he enjoys. It actually makes our marriage better if we have some free time doing things we enjoy even if they are not together. It still shows that you are supporting one another.

I personally do not think that you should ditch the boy if you honestly care about him. Sit down and explain that you BOTH need your hobbies that bring you joy. Point out was his are and the money involved so that you have an "even" playing field. Maybe if you compare things he will realize that you need Eli, he makes you happy and in return you are a better person, which will make your relationship better.

Just my 2 cents, sorry it is so long...not going to proofread, have to get ready for work  But good luck with everything. I hope you can keep Eli and work out things with the BF at the same time!!


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## Thru the Viewfinder (Aug 8, 2011)

Danielle... I think you can be 50 and still get married to early. I mean early in the sense of jumping into things, moving too fast, and not realizing anything until its too late to change it. Not necessarily early as in young in age.


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## GSDElsa (Jul 22, 2009)

Thru the Viewfinder said:


> Danielle... I think you can be 50 and still get married to early. I mean early in the sense of jumping into things, moving too fast, and not realizing anything until its too late to change it. Not necessarily early as in young in age.


Agreed. It's not so much the age in this situation but the underlying issues. Passive-aggressive or upfront she's letting another person's opinion (whether he is OPENLY expressing this or not, it's a well known fact) deeply influence something she loves. 

People are saying "that's too young" because she's so young to face a lifetime of this kind of behavior.

No one would be saying anything differently if she was 40 or 18. It's just a lot of people who are 40 have "been there and done that" in a similar type of situation and know that relationships that seemingly have this lack of support of each other passions rarely work out in the end where everyone dies at 90 married 65 years and the epitome of the perfect marriage.

Danielle, you have accepted and even embraced your husband's hobbies. Maybe the BF in question can to. But what the OP absolutely should NOT do is give her hobby up for him. Unless acceptance happens on his part, the marriage is almost guaranteed to have very unhappy campers in it down the road.


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## CaliBoy (Jun 22, 2010)

Don't rush to your boyfriend's defense. I understand that love makes us have that reaction, but it is the kind of reaction that is blind. The posters here who have told you to be very careful with a guy who reacts like this about a dog have given you extremely wise advice. 

I am a guy, and if I made my girl uncomfortable, unsupported, and pressured to give up something she absolutely loves, I would not be deserving of her love, much less the commitment of her hand in marriage. And yes, these disagreements are positively a sign of future things to come later on. No, it does not get easier. It gets harder. 

Your boyfriend is at least being very honest with you. But he needs to change his thinking on this matter, because it just isn't going to work out for you and him if he does not support your care and goodness toward your dog. When I think of my GSD, and how faithful and loyal he has been to me, and totally depends upon me, I think the only reason I could give him up was because I was dying of some disease. These dogs love us so unconditionally. Is it too much to ask to stand by them also?


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

OP

I am also 23 years old. I was dating a guy for 4 years, towards the end of our relationship he told me he wanted me to get rid of 1 of my cats and he told me that I could only have 1 dog. I have known my whole life that I love animals more than people, I am an animal person and I knew I wanted several animals so 1 dog and 1 cat just wasn't enough for me. I finally said enough is enough and we broke up. A couple of days after we broke up I bought a kitten and I have plans on getting another puppy next year. I am happy, I love my animals and I dont regret ending things with my ex. Surprisingly my ex misses ALL of the animals. 

If you love your dog, dont get rid of him.


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

VomBlack said:


> Been there, done that, and from my personal experience.. it's not worth it.
> 
> I'm 23 now (24 in a week.. yikes) and I was with someone with 4 years, he liked dogs.. and when we first got together my dog Harley was in her senior years and other than some personality quirks was a pretty easy dog around the house. I got Odin, the BF resented him.. and eventually me. He was jealous of the time I spent with him, how I would go off to training for a few hours once or twice a week.. I toughed it out with him thinking he'd eventually change and understand why I enjoyed doing what I did. Looking back on it now I realize that he was a very controlling, possessive person and didn't like the fact that I was spending so much of my time and affection on another living creature. He played the passive aggressive guilt game, and at one point told me if I loved him and valued our relationship that I would get rid of Odin.
> 
> ...


:thumbup:


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## jetscarbie (Feb 29, 2008)

I say dump the BF. Sorry.

If he loves you...then he knows how much the dog means to you and anybody that loves you, wouldn't ask you to give it up.

My hubby hunts. I don't. He spends all his spare time and money on hunting stuff. It's not cheap. You know what....whatever. If that's what he wants to do, so be it.

On the other hand....I love my dogs. That's what I do. They are not cheap. He knows better to complain about how much they cost or how much time I spend with them.

On the flip side of this though....how much does the dog mean to YOU? Are YOU feeling overworked and burdened by the dog? Do YOU feel like you have taken on to much?

Good luck


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## Eiros (Jun 30, 2011)

Everything in a relationship is all about compromise. A lot of people are saying "dump the BF" but what if *he *was going around to people asking and they were saying "dump her if she doesn't care about what you like as much as you do". Sounds kinda silly.

Everyone is different and people are going to argue about things they don't agree on. You should dump someone who *isn't* willing to compromise. If one of you is harboring ill feelings and refuses to give them up and move forward, the relationship won't work. Otherwise, you both need to compromise, make a plan, and stick with it. You BOTH need to be happy to make the relationship work. If one of you isn't and won't ever be, then end it. You should never go through life making yourself miserable for someone else, and that goes for him too. Jeff and I don't always agree but he always wants to talk about it. He's always looking forward to solving the issue to make us both happy, even when I am still bitter and cranky about things. I am very thankful for that!

Talk to your BF and ask him what would make HIM happy. Tell him what would make YOU happy. Then work on a solution. Same goes for your family. He is your dog and may be putting unneccessary burdens on your family - there are lots of solutions that can give them a break too. Talk to them and get their ideas! Some other members posted some good ideas too! Even switching things up a couple times a week to give your parents a break will really help them.

Good luck!


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## suzzyq01 (Feb 15, 2011)

Thru the Viewfinder said:


> This post ^ is where I stopped reading and wanted to say something.
> 
> I don't want to beat a dead horse. I know it gets annoying. BUT. I can tell you first hand, the pain of getting married too early, thinking someone would easily compromise with you, and support you in things only YOU honestly liked (not him)...
> 
> ...


Are you still married? This is ridiculous if you are! I was stupid and got married at 20, divorce at 24 because I didn't want to waste my life with someone I didn't love and wasn't happy with just because I didn't want to get divorced. Divorce, although not fun, it is not worth staying in a relationship you are not happy with just to not be the 50% statistic of divorce. We were all young and stupid, it happens.

As far as Eli, I have read that it is just not the boyfriend. They live with her parents also. Which is a strain on any relationship no matter how well you get along with your family. I would suggest getting your own place first and foremost. If still he is not happy with the dog then you may need to make a painful decision to choose him or the dog. You have said if you could turn back time you wouldn't have gotten him, no matter how much you love him, it wasn't the right time. It seemed also as though your trainer also pushed you into getting another dog. You seem as though you are easily manipulated into making decisions by other people putting ideas in your head. STOP and think about what YOU want. This is YOUR life, the people in it are privileged to be part of it. We don't know your boyfriend but he may be upset/hate the dog because #1 he takes time away from you and him #2 he takes money for vet bills, training, etc from putting away for a place of your own and getting married #3 he was a disruption to the normal flow of your life causing everyone including him extra work. 

Getting a puppy in my opinion is like having a baby. You discuss it and both must be on the same page. It is going to be more work for everyone but in the long run well worth it. If you both weren't on the same page in the beginning, he just said ok to appease you then it is not going to work. 

Like I have said before, it is not ideal but if you love this man and want to marry him, then I would find a new ideal home for the dog (back with the breeder?) and move on with your life. Make sure the next time you are on the same page before bringing another life into the mix.


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## Rerun (Feb 27, 2006)

LovemyEli said:


> I think of it as if we can get through these rough patches we will be able to handle anything in life


I tend to disagree...if the dog is causing problems like this, you are in for a very rough ride with him in the future when real problems crop up.


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## kiya (May 3, 2010)

My husband and I just celebrated our 17 yr wedding aniversary, been together about 21yrs.
Everything is like a 50/50 partnership. We both have different intrests but work together. It's all about respecting each other. I wish he had more of an interest in the animals but unfortunatly the occassional pats and cuddles will have to do. 
I can tell you if the dog is an issue now he will be an issue in the future. 
What it all boils down to is you have to make yourself happy. Going to classes with my dogs makes me happy, it can be an inconvience to my husband because we have to wait till I get home to do stuff. Oh well, sorry, I compromised, I took August off, you know what we still haven't done anything on saturday morning. Classes will resumme soon.
Giving up my dog would not even be a consideration in my mind.


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## Lilie (Feb 3, 2010)

I was married when I was 18. Next March we'll be married 30 years. He has his interests, I have mine. He is an individual, as I am. Sometimes we share interests. Sometimes we agree to disagree. Sometimes we compromise. You've got to pick your fights. The normal types of fights, like where you're going on vacation or where you're going to eat dinner, how short your daughter's skirt should or shouldn't be or if your son should or shouldn't play foot ball. 

Every relationship has to have respect. If BF doesn't respect you enough to allow you to follow your heart regarding a dog - he won't respect you enough to value your opinion or feelings on anything else for your ENTIRE relationship. 

Bottom line - a dog is easy in the big picture of life. When it comes to mortgages, vehicles, children, life choices, I hope you are willing to forever be a sheep and follow his wants and needs.


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## robinhuerta (Apr 21, 2007)

FWIW....
After reading all the pages within this thread....AND...being a breeder/owner of GSDs and a mother to children ages 23, 25 & 30.....I am pretty comfortable with my opinion.
*Personally....I think that you are not yet equipped mentally or environmentally for the responsibility of owning a dog of "your own".
Personal sacrifice, financial sacrifice and responsible ownership all goes hand in hand.
Animal ownership takes commitment......and many times it can be overwhelming.
If you must "question" whether you should keep this young dog now..(for what ever reason other than reason's stemming from the dog itself)....you are already doubtful that this partnership (dog & you) is right for you.
*Perhaps it would be in the young dog's best interest...if he was re-homed.* JMO

I mean no disrespect and am not trying to be mean......this is just simply my opinion, nothing more.
I wish you and your dog the very best!


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## stealthq (May 1, 2011)

First off, I'm in the 'don't re-home the dog if you love him and he makes you happy' camp.

Secondly, I'm going to go out on a limb here and give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt. I can't tell from what you've posted, but is it possible that your boyfriend doesn't understand how his complaints about your dog are making you feel? If dogs aren't particularly important to him, he may have a hard time comprehending how important they are to you. If that is the case, then he might not guess that his complaints are having such an impact, so he would see nothing wrong in making them. 

(I've been on both sides of this kind of misunderstanding, which is why I bring it up. Sometimes we honestly have no idea how much we are hurting someone we care about until the issue gets shoved in our faces.) 

I would make absolutely sure that he KNOWS how important your dogs are to you and how his complaints make you feel. Be painfully explicit and leave no room for misunderstanding. Then you can see how he behaves in the coming weeks and make a good decision.

If you've done this already, well... add me to the 'dump the boyfriend' camp.


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

Wow I did not expect so many responses, but I have read each one and even though I may not have agreed I have taken them into account. 

There were also a few main points I wanted to point out about my relationship with my boyfriend as I feel like some of the responses might not be taking this into account.
He doesn't live with my family and I, and we are not planning on getting married for over a year. Simply trying to save money so we will be well equipped when the time comes. Is he being passive aggressive about all this, that could be. He doesnt tell me to get rid of him constantly but he makes it clear he is simply tolerating him because he knows this is what I like.

He is not refusing to help with the dog, he will come to training when I ask and has even shown up on his own a few times. He will help with tracking or just go over to let him out of his kennel all with out arguing because he knows that I need help. 

His hobby is DJ'ing. So its unfortunate that my hobby cost money and his makes us money. 

I did say that if I could go back I probably wouldn't have gotten the dog because I was not quite ready but I didnt say that I regret it. I love this dog with all my heart and I think I knew deep down I would never re-home him. I just needed some help realizing this. If I still think about the litter of kittens I nursed for less then 2 weeks and then gave to a rescue I would never get over thinking about my boy.

I am a bit surprised that some of you said I should re home the dog. I do think in spite of everything know that I am a great mom to my Eli. I have done everything right.. extensive training, socialization, taking him to the vet when he needs it, training everyone on bloat symptoms. My family and I love this dog, he is not unhappy by any means I am constantly taking him to training or on hikes. I have always been there for him financially and provided him with training and plenty of kisses and cuddles. 

I talked to my boyfriend this morning and I put it all out there... I told him this is what I love. My family has accepted that and if you cant this isnt going to work out. I told him the comments here and there need to stop because it is weighing on me. I cant change who I am to be with you and loving animals is a part of me. I am willing to compromise about the no puppy thing but I will not just give up animals in general. I also told him I dont expect him to change and suddenly like animals so he needs to decide if this is something he can deal with and that I dont want to argue about this again in a few months. *It is not an option for my Eli to go. 
*
Right away he hugged me and said he knows that I love doing this and he will work on his attitude towards it. I still told him I want him to think about it and let me know.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done but I feel liberated. I think it will all work out in the end.

Love you all! xoxo

-Allison


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## stealthq (May 1, 2011)

I think you did exactly the right thing. I am certain that whatever happens it will work out for the best for all three of you.


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## Freestep (May 1, 2011)

LovemyEli said:


> Right away he hugged me and said he knows that I love doing this and he will work on his attitude towards it. I still told him I want him to think about it and let me know.


Good for you! Now you get to sit back and watch his attitude change (or not). Time will tell.


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## GSDElsa (Jul 22, 2009)

Good job! Sometimes things can change so I'll be rooting for you! Re: the dj thing....point out that eben if it cost money you wouldn't ask him to it up. His equipment costs a lot of $ I'm sure and its not like he was bringing in profit immediately. And compared to kids or doing something like riding horses...dogs ars cheap! Super cheap! Lol. you never know...one day you might be a great dog trainer and make some very good side $  

I think saying no more puppies is a good comprimise on your part. Still allows you to do what you love but creates a happy medium for him. Hehe...just wait til he sees the prices of adult dogs (but hey you could find your next schh dog in rescue!)

I'm also a bit surprised by the people that said to give him up. If you were coming here asking if you should GET a dog I would probably say no. but you are doing some pretty serious training with him amd sound like you are doing a great job. It might be overwhelming sometimes but you are not letting him sit in a crate 24/7 with only potty breaks-you er training in schh for crying out loud which is a lot more than most 40 year old can handle!


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## robinhuerta (Apr 21, 2007)

I will always side on the welfare of the dog....
If a person questions whether they should keep an animal.....or they have personal conflicts that may cause problems down the road....I will always suggest to re-home the animal. The animals always deserve a stationary & secure life.
I have watched people over the years "question" keeping an animal for many different reasons...many reasons because of personal conflict....and the animal in the end...loses.
So, although I would LOVE to encourage people..."Don't give up!, Stand your ground!, Move away..etc..etc.."......too many times, in the end.....the animal possibly faces re-homing. *Now...I simply suggest...IF you must question(?)...then re-homing is a possibility.*

I have a young adult dog back....for a VERY similar situation......they questioned "keeping" him over a year ago....and I asked for him back at that time.....1 yr later...he is here. (They had no time, spouse changed her mind, had another child, dog needs OB), etc..etc...).....bottom line.....he needs stability & security in a home.
So don't be surprised when "some" of us.....suggest to re-home or return to breeder.
*My suggestion is out of concern..


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

robinhuerta said:


> I will always side on the welfare of the *
> 
> I have a young adult dog back....for a VERY similar situation......they questioned "keeping" him over a year ago....and I asked for him back at that time.....1 yr later...he is here. (They had no time, spouse changed her mind, had another child, dog needs OB), etc..etc...).....bottom line.....he needs stability & security in a home.
> So don't be surprised when "some" of us.....suggest to re-home or return to breeder.
> *My suggestion is out of concern..


I see your point but if the dog is in a happy home why re-home him IF there is only a *possibility* that he will need to be re-homed. I am just wondering why you wouldnt want to keep him in his happy home and just automatically re-home just because there MIGHT be a slight possibility. Not that there even is in my case anymore. I see the point of re-homing the dog in your statement but it seems different. Like that situation had been going down hill for a while.


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## gsdraven (Jul 8, 2009)

LovemyEli said:


> I see your point but if the dog is in a happy home why re-home him IF there is only a *possibility* that he will need to be re-homed. I am just wondering why you wouldnt want to keep him in his happy home and just automatically re-home just because there MIGHT be a slight possibility. Not that there even is in my case anymore. I see the point of re-homing the dog in your statement but it seems different. Like that situation had been going down hill for a while.


I understand where Robin is coming from and we see it alot in rescue. People are thinking about giving up their puppy (or dog) because it is too much for them to handle and are talked into making it work only to decide again a year later that they can't/won't handle the dog. By this time, the dog's behavior is much worse and maybe they have even bit someone and now a rescue can't help due to liability issues. 

It may not be the same scenario as your situation but truthfully we don't know that. 

So the cautious answer is that if you are even considering it, then do it because you (in general terms) would be doing everything possible to make it work if you (general) really wanted the dog in the first place.
(_and in case I wasn't clear... my "you" in this paragraph is not directed at the OP)_


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

gsdraven said:


> I understand where Robin is coming from and we see it alot in rescue. People are thinking about giving up their puppy (or dog) because it is too much for them to handle and are talked into making it work only to decide again a year later that they can't/won't handle the dog. By this time, the dog's behavior is much worse and maybe they have even bit someone and now a rescue can't help due to liability issues.
> 
> It may not be the same scenario as your situation but truthfully we don't know that. So the cautious answer is that if you are even considering it, then do it because you (in general terms) would be doing everything possible to make it work if you (general) really wanted the dog in the first place.
> 
> (_and in case I wasn't clear... my "you" is not directed at the OP)_


 I can see that and I agreed with the other situation Robin mentioned. It is very unfortunate and I do see dogs come through our training class that are too far gone and will probably end up getting dumped. I have seen some come through that with the patience of their owners have pulled through and now their behavior is manageable.


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## robinhuerta (Apr 21, 2007)

*If* a dog is in a _happy, secure home_.....why the question of re-home or the *possibility* of re-home??....there should be no question.
I believe IF the owner is "already questioning" or is "already having personal difficulties"..in which the possibility of re-homing is being considered......then I believe they should act "sooner than later"...for the animal's sake.
I think ALL animals belong in loving, stable homes....whether it's with the original owner or not.
And ALL situations *start* somewhere......how fast & IF they decline?....that depends on each situation.

*IF you choose to keep your dog?....WONDERFUL!...all animals deserve to "belong".
My comments were not meant to discourage...they were meant to be a "realistic" option...
I'm a breeder...and the LAST THING that I want...is to have my puppies/dog(s) re-homed.
Best wishes to you & your dog!


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## Freestep (May 1, 2011)

LovemyEli said:


> I see your point but if the dog is in a happy home why re-home him IF there is only a *possibility* that he will need to be re-homed. I am just wondering why you wouldnt want to keep him in his happy home and just automatically re-home just because there MIGHT be a slight possibility.


You were the one who was considering rehoming him, and came here to ask opinions on the best course of action. I am glad you've decided to keep him, as it sounds like you are doing all the right things for your dog. BUT...

Sometimes people bite off more than they can chew, without realizing it at the time. Like I said originally, I'd sooner dump a boyfriend than dump a dog, but if your relationship with your boyfriend is serious enough to be heading toward marriage... it gets more complicated. Personally, I wouldn't even date someone who had a bad attitude toward dogs... but sometimes you don't know until you know...ya know? 

Those who said to think about rehoming the dog have the dog's best interest in mind; if there is strife in the family regarding the dog, it's not good for the DOG, or for the family either. Every situation is different and if there was someone in your SchH club begging to have your dog, I would never chastise you for rehoming him... you might chastise yourself, however, and the most important thing is that you make a decision you can live with, and still sleep at night.

You are young and have your whole life ahead of you--lots of time to make decisions regarding your future. I think you're off to a good start.


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## robinhuerta (Apr 21, 2007)

One more thing.....
This thread was started by you.
Your thread even has the topic header......"Need Advice- To keep or not to keep?"
Obviously...you are/were having personal conflict regarding your dog.....hence my response. I would never just suggest to someone to re-home any animal for no reason.

I just wanted to clear that up.....I did not comment to offend...I commented "for the sake of the animal".


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## suzzyq01 (Feb 15, 2011)

LovemyEli said:


> Hello All- I have a bit of a rant here, please take it easy on the judging I am aware of which faults are mine...
> 
> 8 1/2 years ago my parents let me get a 6 month old Shepherd Mix and it was love at first sight when I saw her. She was a shelter girl and I couldnt be happier with how she turned out! We did extensive obedience training but she couldnt do any bite work etc due to nerve issues. I loved her just the same but always wanted that picture perfect working Shepherd.
> 
> ...


Allison,
Based on your OP you seemed defeated by everything that you were dealing with in concern to the puppy Eli, your boyfriend, and your family. It was clear you love him but were teeter tottering whether or not to give him up. Your tittle is "to keep or not to keep?". 

Those of us who said to re-home the dog felt that even though you loved this dog with all your heart it just wasn't the right time/place to have him. 
We were thinking of the best interest of the dog. Not saying you are not in the best interest of the dog, but when a owner has doubts that necessarily can't be remedied by training, education, etc. Then re-homing is the next best thing. No one was saying you are a bad mom/owner just that sometimes you bite off more than you can chew and if that's so then deal with it. Your options were to make it work with everyone, re-home the dog, or ditch the boyfriend. You asked so we gave our opinions.


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## marielrowland (Jan 6, 2011)

I think you did a great job of putting it all out there with your BF. That had to have been very difficult to do & you sound very mature for 23 (I'm thinking back a few decades to how I was, YIKES). Thanks for sharing your dog/family/BF issues & again I think you were brave & said the right stuff.


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## GSDolch (May 15, 2006)

gsdraven said:


> IMO, you made a commitment to the dog, honor it. If you enjoy training so much, do more of it and make the situation work.
> 
> *And your boyfriend is getting way too much weight on YOUR important life decisions.* Do what is right for you. This is coming from someone who has been there, done that. If took into account what my boyfriend wanted, I wouldn't have Kaiser.



How is it to much weight when the decision effects him also? 

IMO it was bad on your part to get the dog from the beginning if he was not on board with it. I would NEVER do that to my husband, and he would never do that to me. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean that you should.

Everyone is harping on the BF and I really don't get why. For those in a relationship, would you really just chuck the feelings and effects a decision has on your partner? And then say "oh just get rid of the bf/gf/spouse"

Anyways. You have some hard choices ahead of you and you and the BF need to sit down and have some serious heart to heart because about the future and what is best for the dog. Cause while everyone might want to chuck the boyfriend, making a decision like this that directly effects his life too without him being 100% on board with it, would make me question if I wanted to be with that person. I'm not trying to be harsh, I'm really not, but it sounds like he was not on board with it and still isnt, but despite everything still tries to support you.

When you chose to be with someone and live your life with them, they SHOULD be able to weigh in on your life decisions. Because they are no longer just YOUR life decisions, but his too.

Good luck with everything and I hope that it all works out for you.


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## Cassidy's Mom (Mar 30, 2003)

LovemyEli said:


> ...but he makes it clear he is simply tolerating him because he knows this is what I like.


As long as it doesn't become a never ending conflict between you two, and he understands and respects that you love animals and will always have them in your life, that's fine. I love cats. My husband has never been a cat person. I have two cats that he simply tolerates, and he does care about them but ONLY because he loves me and *I* care about them. He will never be a cat lover, and that's okay.



> He is not refusing to help with the dog, he will come to training when I ask and has even shown up on his own a few times. He will help with tracking or just go over to let him out of his kennel all with out arguing because he knows that I need help.


My husband is a dog lover, and has had dogs his entire life, but he's not a dog trainer and he's really not interested in being one. Again, that's okay. I enjoy it and don't mind doing it all, he enjoys the dogs I've trained for him.  There was a time when I tried him to get him to help, and he was going to classes with me, but it was always a struggle to get him to do the homework even once or twice a week, which was a source of endless frustration for me. He'd do it only because I asked and he'd put the least amount of effort into it, which annoyed me. Finally I decided that if he wasn't going to apply himself and even bother to try, it was better if he just got out of the way and let me do it by myself, and things are actually much better now. I'm not nagging him and he's not failing to meet my expectations. It works.



> Right away he hugged me and said he knows that I love doing this and he will work on his attitude towards it.


Good for him, and good luck! Even if all he ever ends up being is understanding of YOUR love of dogs, that's enough.


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

i too think you were brave, and only have one more bit of wisdom to pass on...

always listen to what people do (no matter what they _say_). i wish you and eli the very best always.


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## GSDElsa (Jul 22, 2009)

I still think people were too quick to jump on the "give the dog away" bandwagon when taking her whole post into consideration--that she is doing some pretty hard core training and keeping up with his care.

I think everyone feels overwhelmed and stretched thin at times. 

I think of myself. About 2 weeks after Medo came we suffered a devastating flood in our house. Nothing compared to the people in the midwest that couldn't see anything but the tops of their houses...but HORRIBLE none the less.

Trust me when I say that their were MANY times during that first month and a half of rehab on the house that I cried myself to sleep or to my husband lamenting about what the heck we got ourselves into with getting a puppy. The last thing I wanted to do after pumping 2.5 feet of trash, water, leaves, and logs out of our house...ripping drywall out...doing flood and mold remediation....was to satifsy the needs of a 12 week old puppy. Probably the closest thing to "depression" that I have ever felt in my life. 

Trust me when I say I might have been close at times to coming on here saying "I can't do this anymore!"

But I knew why I got my puppy-as my next SAR prospect. I was forcing myself to train. To get out of the house. To socialize. I was overwhelmed and fighting for my sanity on a day to day basis....but he's older, more settled, loads of fun....the rehab is just about done...I'm sleeping a full night again....and feel back to normal.

SOMETIMES I sort of feel you have to take these posts as an overwhemled new mother wondering if she made the right choice to have kids...you have to take the whole scenario into account. The OP obviously is very committed to her dog. Not many people do that level of training and put that time into their dog in the first place. Yet keep it up even when they question their decision.

Dogs mature and mellow out. People grow and become more well rounded. Times are constantly changing as well as life.As long as the dog has all it's needs met I really don't see how giving up a dog is the answer, I'm sorry.


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## gsdraven (Jul 8, 2009)

GSDolch said:


> How is it to much weight when the decision effects him also?
> 
> IMO it was bad on your part to get the dog from the beginning if he was not on board with it. I would NEVER do that to my *husband*, and he would never do that to me.


He gets more weight when he is the *husband*. They are young and their lives are not yet one (or IMO, shouldn't be). Life experiences shape how people are going to answer and as someone who has been there and done that, I've learned that I need to do what makes me happy and if my SO isn't on board (as in interested too or atleast supportive) then they aren't the right one for me.

I was the OP at her age. I had a boyfriend that I had been with for the better part of 10 years, we were living together and engaged and so when I wanted a dog and he said no, let's get cats, I settled for cats. And we split up less than a year later without making it down the aisle. We acted married for all intents and purposes and even considered it "our" money as the OP has mentioned. What a mess that was to sort out. Now, I'm stuck with 2 cats that I never really wanted but have also gotten my dogs that are my passion.


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## GSDolch (May 15, 2006)

LovemyEli said:


> Right away he hugged me and said he knows that I love doing this and he will work on his attitude towards it. I still told him I want him to think about it and let me know.
> 
> It was the hardest thing I have ever done but I feel liberated. I think it will all work out in the end.
> 
> ...



I am glad that you chose to keep Eli, and I think that your BF is going above and beyond what he has to. 

I would make sure that next time, either he is on board, or you two have worked things out and have an understanding *before* decisions like this are mad in the future.


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

GSDolch said:


> How is it to much weight when the decision effects him also?
> 
> IMO it was bad on your part to get the dog from the beginning if he was not on board with it. I would NEVER do that to my husband, and he would never do that to me. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean that you should.
> 
> Everyone is harping on the BF and I really don't get why. For those in a relationship, would you really just chuck the feelings and effects a decision has on your partner? And then say "oh just get rid of the bf/gf/spouse"


He did say he was on board at the time but that was before either of us really knew what it entailed. He even went up north with me to get him. :crazy:

I do agree with the 2nd part of your statement entirely.


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

GSDElsa said:


> Trust me when I say that their were MANY times during that first month and a half of rehab on the house that I cried myself to sleep or to my husband lamenting about what the heck we got ourselves into with getting a puppy. The last thing I wanted to do after pumping 2.5 feet of trash, water, leaves, and logs out of our house...ripping drywall out...doing flood and mold remediation....was to satifsy the needs of a 12 week old puppy. Probably the closest thing to "depression" that I have ever felt in my life.
> 
> Trust me when I say I might have been close at times to coming on here saying "I can't do this anymore!"


Exactly!!! I did the crying myself to sleep thing, not sure how it can get better but it did slowly and it still is.


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## GSDolch (May 15, 2006)

heh..sometimes hindsight is 20/40 

just keep those lines of communication open and everyone, including Eli, will benefit from it


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

suzzyq01 said:


> Allison,
> Based on your OP you seemed defeated by everything that you were dealing with in concern to the puppy Eli, your boyfriend, and your family. It was clear you love him but were teeter tottering whether or not to give him up. Your tittle is "to keep or not to keep?".
> 
> Those of us who said to re-home the dog felt that even though you loved this dog with all your heart it just wasn't the right time/place to have him.
> We were thinking of the best interest of the dog. Not saying you are not in the best interest of the dog, but when a owner has doubts that necessarily can't be remedied by training, education, etc. Then re-homing is the next best thing. No one was saying you are a bad mom/owner just that sometimes you bite off more than you can chew and if that's so then deal with it. Your options were to make it work with everyone, re-home the dog, or ditch the boyfriend. You asked so we gave our opinions.


Your right I did get myself into this by asking and I am hoping I dont seem like I am attacking any of you for giving your opinions. I did read every single one and appreciate them all. I feel the love


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

GSDolch said:


> Everyone is harping on the BF and I really don't get why. For those in a relationship, would you really just chuck the feelings and effects a decision has on your partner? And then say "oh just get rid of the bf/gf/spouse"


Yup and I did. 



LaRen616 said:


> OP
> 
> I am also 23 years old. I was dating a guy for 4 years, towards the end of our relationship he told me he wanted me to get rid of 1 of my cats and he told me that I could only have 1 dog. I have known my whole life that I love animals more than people, I am an animal person and I knew I wanted several animals so 1 dog and 1 cat just wasn't enough for me. I finally said enough is enough and we broke up. A couple of days after we broke up I bought a kitten and I have plans on getting another puppy next year. I am happy, I love my animals and I dont regret ending things with my ex. Surprisingly my ex misses ALL of the animals.
> 
> If you love your dog, dont get rid of him.


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## GSDolch (May 15, 2006)

LaRen616 said:


> Yup and I did.



You...really missed the point

I'm not talking about things after the fact. IE: You already had the cat going into the relationship. I'm talking about things that come after the relationship is already established.


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## mwiacek10 (Nov 8, 2010)

I'm feeling a little of your pain. My husband gives me grief whenever Gunny's not the perfect dog. I'm the one who wanted him, therefore I'm the one to deal with him and I DO. I love him and know he was my choice. I've given up a lot for him. I have a horse who I can't ride as much as I used to, can't go out for drinks after work anymore and understand that I made the choice. He's my world. If your family is supportive then give it time. She will get better with age and so will the weight on your shoulders.


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## suzzyq01 (Feb 15, 2011)

It is never my first choice to advise to rehome a dog. But when there are people who don't want the dog there it make it difficult. I didn't honestly think you were going to just say "ok the majority of these strangers said I should break up with my bf/re-home Eli, so I am going to." You wanted a reality check and some advise, so you got it. 

It kills me when people say "We found out we are pregnant and want the dog to have the time it deserves." or "I work too much and don't have enough time for the dog, he deserves a better life." etc, etc.

Those people are ridiculous. When you purchase/adopt a dog/cat it is a commitment. I do understand some things cannot be avoided and re-homing a pet is in their best interest. But there are too many people out there that buy a dog and when the going gets tough they opt to get rid of the "problem." It's great you decided to stand your ground, just be sure that you stay on the same page with your family/bf. Good luck.


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## Cara Fusinato (May 29, 2011)

> I talked to my boyfriend this morning and I put it all out there... I told him this is what I love. My family has accepted that and if you cant this isnt going to work out. I told him the comments here and there need to stop because it is weighing on me. I cant change who I am to be with you and loving animals is a part of me. I am willing to compromise about the no puppy thing but I will not just give up animals in general. I also told him I dont expect him to change and suddenly like animals so he needs to decide if this is something he can deal with and that I dont want to argue about this again in a few months. *It is not an option for my Eli to go.
> *
> Right away he hugged me and said he knows that I love doing this and he will work on his attitude towards it. I still told him I want him to think about it and let me know.
> 
> It was the hardest thing I have ever done but I feel liberated. I think it will all work out in the end.


I think you did the right thing laying it all out there and discussing it in a calm adult manner. You need to stand firm and if he reverts to some comment or hint, remind him of the discussion. Be thrilled when he and the dog work well together. Clicker training for your BF might be helpful (JK). I totally get the DJ thing. Husband is a drummer. Making money from the gigs is sort of relative (gas, time, equipment, new music purchases, replacement equipment due to wear and tear, replacement equipment due to beer spillage into the equipment, etc.). But, the whole scene is something he loves, and it is as good as the animal-hobby/lifestyle. I am very proud of you for expressing your desires, examining all involved (dog, self, BF, family). Now that Eli is a "clear" priority, perhaps you can intently work on some of the other issues that will make things smoother for everyone. Hugs my dear and best wishes.


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## Jessiewessie99 (Mar 6, 2009)

I sincerely hope the best works out with you, your dog and your boyfriend.


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## CaliBoy (Jun 22, 2010)

Just want to add my voice of support to you for having the heart to heart with your BF and putting all the cards on the table. And I think your words were wise and well chosen. You took him into account in a respectful way, but made it clear that your dog has become your family and he needs to help support family. I can tell that you took to heart the advice of the helpful posts in this thread and really thought through this issue. Plus I think you were very brave.


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## KZoppa (Aug 14, 2010)

OP, i will admit flat out, i have not read everyone else's responses. I can tell you i just celebrated my 5th wedding anniversary and honestly, if my husband wasnt happy with large dogs or dogs in general, we wouldnt still be together. He has issues with cats. We have two cats. He keeps telling me that we HAVE to go a few years without any animals. I told him he had lost his mind if he thought that would happen. You made a commitment to this dog and honestly, the dog will love you unconditionally. Dont rehome your dog. Rehome the boyfriend. Just a personal opinion. There is a saying. Your true friends will always be there through all the relationships. You're 23. Only a year younger than i am. I love my husband but there are definitely times i really wish it was just me, the kids and the animals. My kids, even though both are under 4 years old, help more with the animals than my husband does. At this point, we have the dogs and cats because the kids and i are happy with them. My husband doesnt want them around and it does cause a great deal of stress sometimes. Dont put that on yourself. If you love shepherds so much and the boyfriend isnt keen on bigger dogs, it may not be wise to spend time with someone who will only be unhappy and eventually show it a great deal as it will negatively affect your relationship. Boyfriend or womans best friend.


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## KZoppa (Aug 14, 2010)

props on the good conversation with boyfriend. keep us updated.


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## chelle (Feb 1, 2009)

HOLY HOLY HOLY Celebration, I made it thru every post of 11 pages!!!!!! WooHOO!!!! 

I was interested because I've been in a sort of similar position..

When I got my Shiba pup, it was supposidely a joint decision.. we would share care, expenses, etc. Um well that didn't work out too well. He had no interest in the hard task of raising a pup. The 3AM pee breaks, all of that. Oh sure he loved when she was behaving well and would snuggle with him, but the work? Oh no. No interest. The vet visits? Oh no. No interest. The walking, socializing, etc and so on? No, no interest. I did it myself, but deep inside, there was certainly a lot of disappointment. Didn't matter in the end so much, because all that hard work paid off. But it was lonely going as I did it alone.

Reminded me actually of when my son (now 21) was born. Great dad, loved his son with all his heart.... until the 3AM feedings. He couldn't wake up for those. The poopy diapers, oh NO  Funny how many men aren't too interested in newborn babies to the extent they are once those kids are two or older, and much more easily managed. 

Once the Shiba was housebroken and nearly an adult, gee whiz... it was a different thing then. She became far less maintenance and trouble and he was on board. Sort of like you're explaining about the adult you have. They're in it when it's easier, but want no part of the hard stuff.

When I decided to take my latest challenge, I sat down and discussed it with him, since such a challenge REQUIRES the two adults to be on-board. Somehow I believed him when he said he would help & was enthusiastic and excited about it. (Why didn't I know that was crap after raising the Shiba? Duh! I guess because you want to believe certain things.) 

As with my son all those years ago with my son's dad, as well as with my experience with the Shiba with this boyfriend, I ask very little with the new pup because I do not want him to help when he feels forced. He may subconsciously actually cause damage because in his heart, he doesn't *want* to do those tiring, mundane, often frustrating things like training, housebreaking, etc. 

I'm not happy about it, I thought I had him "on board" this time... but come to find out, he fell in love with the IDEA of the pup and when it gets hard, he gets lazy. Once my new pup is older, once my new pup will faithfully play fetch, frisbee, whatever, the boyfriend will be just fine. Just like with a newborn child, really. 

Sounds like your bf might be like that. Not interested in the hard stuff. 

I also had a dog (Dolly) when he moved in. He was not a nice person with her. It **** near broke us up because I told him in no uncertain terms, this dog was here with me before you and she WILL be here after you, so mellow tfo or you'll go. He was not mean to her, but didn't like her... for awhile.... but he came around there, too. There were a lot of fights between he and I though. He was NOT a dog person. He knew nothing of anything dog. He would get pissed because he was stupid and left his leather stuff within dog reach.. and it got chewed... duh.. dumbass. Although I didn't let my dog unattended much at all, she ate the wallet. Anyway, it fed the problem. Are you ready for these kinds of fights during the rearing process? They WILL present issues, I promise you that. You'll be forced to take sides! Man or dog! I'm proud to say  my dog(s) have always won and always will. 

If you can live thru the young pup, adolescent period, you could make this work... but just beware, it's a hard time. And you can't resent their lack of help. You have to be able to stand up when your man becomes a whiny ass over dog stuff. And he will get whiny. A poop mistake on the new carpet. A puke when they ate grass. Chewing something. Typical puppy difficulties. I mean, you can't enable the pup the be a terror, but you can't let the man whine and change the way you'd be training/treating that pup, either. Tough balance!!!!!!!!!!! There will be times you will be so conflicted. But you have to trust your gut. 

Good luck, girl.  Not easy. In my next life or relationship, I'm totally, totally going for a dog guy.


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

chelle said:


> HOLY HOLY HOLY Celebration, I made it thru every post of 11 pages!!!!!! WooHOO!!!!
> 
> I was interested because I've been in a sort of similar position..



I cant believe you tackled that! Haha 

Thanks for sharing your story, I feel you. Good luck to you as well


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

We talked details on lunch today and he seemed very understanding and sweet about it. 

I feel a bit closer to him and that it was genuine. Only time will tell as many of you said


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## jetscarbie (Feb 29, 2008)

Since my previous post on this subject...I've been thinking. And some of the poster's post on this have been very good.

I forgot how my husband was with puppies but *Chelle's* post above reminded me. My husband loves puppies....except when puppies act like puppies. He was not a lot of help at all.

Right after we got our first dog....my hubby was working out of state. His appendix ruptured. I rushed to the hospital which was 5 hrs away. I had to bring the new GSD (he was around 9mth old). My hubby ended up being in the hospital for almost 1 mth. 1 week in ICU. 2 surgeries. I still had our dog....in the motel. I guess I could have boarded him except at this point I was scared about the "money" situation.

I remember that being the worst month ever. I also remember thinking that the dog was too much. Especially when I could have moved to the hospital's apartment except I couldn't take the dog. So I had to stay in the motel. I would spend a couple hrs with hubby then run back to motel and let the dog out.

I hope you work everything out.. Sounds like you adore your dog. Hang in there. It will get better.


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## LARHAGE (Jul 24, 2006)

LovemyEli said:


> Hes not such a fan of larger dogs, a small dog might be more in the future but I just love my Shepherds. Such a hard decision


 
Not a hard decison at all, you state HE likes smaller dogs so thats whats in your future.... already he's controlling the game, no thanks he's an auto-toss to me, keep the dog.


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## Syaoransbear (Sep 25, 2008)

GSDolch said:


> How is it to much weight when the decision effects him also?
> 
> IMO it was bad on your part to get the dog from the beginning if he was not on board with it. I would NEVER do that to my husband, and he would never do that to me. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean that you should.
> 
> ...


I totally agree with this. 

I think you should keep the dog, and disregard every opinion telling you to end your relationship with your boyfriend. They don't know you or  your boyfriend, and as far as I can tell this thread is about keeping _the dog_, not the boyfriend, and your relationship with your boyfriend shouldn't be the topic for discussion. 

It's incredibly rude to just tell people to break up with their significant other willy nilly over every issue. A relationship is composed of compromises, and I'm glad the OP decided to discuss things with her boyfriend and not just drop him like many have suggested. 

I'm of the opinion that when you purchase or adopt an animal, you are in it for the total life of the animal, and the only time rehoming should be considered is if it would benefit the animal you decided to make a life-long commitment to. 

I can understand why your boyfriend might dislike the dog. He has to care for a large, expensive _working lines puppy_ that is really more your dog than his. There's lots of people who are totally nuts about dogs and start thinking "What have I done?" when they get their first working line dog. It's a difficult project.

I'm glad you have decided not to get rid of the dog. One of the things that could be stressing you out is the _decision_ of getting rid of the dog. Decide now, and don't consider it again. 

I received a bird as a birthday present recently. This bird is very aggressive to me and my other birds, loud, and I'm having a tough time socializing it. When I started to consider returning it to the breeder or rehoming it, that was when I became most stressed out. The decision plagued me more than the bird's issues. I finally decided that I was keeping it forever and ever, and that alleviated a lot of my stress. Now we finally seem to be making progress.


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## mason79 (Apr 12, 2011)

take your bf and dog both, lock them in the trunk of a car for 20 minutes. let them out and see which one is happy to see you. that should give you some idea of which to keep. lol

that was just a little humor for the day, i would never do that to my dog.................................................................................., probably not the wife either.


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

Syaoransbear said:


> I totally agree with this.
> 
> 
> I received a bird as a birthday present recently. This bird is very aggressive to me and my other birds, loud, and I'm having a tough time socializing it. When I started to consider returning it to the breeder or rehoming it, that was when I became most stressed out. The decision plagued me more than the bird's issues. I finally decided that I was keeping it forever and ever, and that alleviated a lot of my stress. Now we finally seem to be making progress.


I love your entire response very well put. About the above topic you are totally right, now that I decided I am keeping him I have been much calmer about it all. :wild:


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## shilohsmom (Jul 14, 2003)

mason79 said:


> take your bf and dog both, lock them in the trunk of a car for 20 minutes. let them out and see which one is happy to see you. that should give you some idea of which to keep. lol
> 
> that was just a little humor for the day, i would never do that to my dog.................................................................................., probably not the wife either.


OMG, that is just too funny


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## msvette2u (Mar 20, 2006)

Why would you be going to training if you give up your dog anyway? You said the older one wasn't able to.
I was just trying to figure that out...



LovemyEli said:


> There are people in my club that would most likely be interested but I would have to give up training in general as I dont think I could possibly see him and have him not be mine. It would be way too painful.


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

msvette2u said:


> Why would you be going to training if you give up your dog anyway? You said the older one wasn't able to.
> I was just trying to figure that out...


I was working with my trainer because I wanted to be a trainer. That is why I got Eli but after I got him I dont have time to help with other dogs very often.


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## msvette2u (Mar 20, 2006)

Ohh okay, thank you for the explanation


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## GSDElsa (Jul 22, 2009)

msvette2u said:


> Ohh okay, thank you for the explanation


Lots of people go to training even if they don't have dogs. Watching other people work their dogs and through problems is a big way to learn.


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

Just wanted to hop in and add a pic of my boy since so many people helped us out and gave advice! Should have done this sooner


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## mason79 (Apr 12, 2011)

beautiful dog.


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## hunterisgreat (Jan 30, 2011)

I don't date women who don't lovingly embrace my dog (and dog obsession). If I get mere tolerance, thats still a "sorry sweetie... ain't working out". My family is free to do what they wish, as I can't choose them. I do however, stand up for my dogs when smaller family dogs are treated differently than my exceedingly well behaved dogs.


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## marshies (May 18, 2011)

Wanted to thank the OP for posting the link in my thread asking for advice. It was quite an eye-opening 12 page read.


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

marshies said:


> Wanted to thank the OP for posting the link in my thread asking for advice. It was quite an eye-opening 12 page read.


I am so glad I could help 

Long but a lot of good info


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## LovemyEli (Dec 28, 2010)

I know this thread is so old but I found myself here looking for some old pictures I had saved so thought I would update.



I still have my Eli and the (now) Hubby lol. We worked through it until we got married, we moved out but Eli stayed with my parents and is very bonded with my dad. He is now 8.5 years old and I still see him a few times a week when I am over there. His EPI is managed, and we just started injections for allergies, but overall a happy...healthy boy!


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## middleofnowhere (Dec 20, 2000)

I like happy endings. Thanks for the update.


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