# Christmas Drama! A Very Mad Mama Right Now!



## Ronin2016 (Feb 18, 2016)

I had a very upsetting phone call from my Mother-In-Law last night regarding our trip up for Christmas this year. For a bit of a back story, my MIL does not like dogs. Or any other animal for that fact. But she especially doesn't like big dogs. So when we got Ronin you can imagine the complaining and comments we got. We thought we were doing okay with him and her for the first while because she seemed to be coming around. However, then he got bigger and she stays completely away from him.

When my in-laws come to our house, we understand that she is not comfortable and I put Ronin on leash and keep him with me. It's his house, but out of respect and understanding that other people don't always like big dogs, we keep Ronin from getting too close to her so she can relax a bit. The sad part is that Ronin LOVES her! He whines and cries when she won't pet him and won't even look at him. But I get she's scared of him and I don't push it.

However, last night, I got a call from her and she asked if we were brining Ronin's crate with us when we are at their place for the 2 days we are there. (24th and 25th) I said yes of course. Then she told me that he's going to have to be crated the entire time he's there. He's only allowed out to pee and poop and then has to go right back in. We can't even walk him where they live because there is a rule in the subdivision that there are no dogs allowed larger than 40 pounds to be in the subdivision and visitors cannot walk big dogs there either. Yes I know it's stupid and makes no sense. We live in Canada so the chances of the weather being bad and very cold are high so it's even possible I couldn't take him to a park or for a walk anywhere else either.

I'm so upset about it all. My Sister-in-law and Brother-in-law have a 3 year old sheltie that is also going to be coming over at some point, and SHE will be allowed free access to roam and be around for opening gifts. This is the dog that is so scared of everything and everyone and will not sit on command unless you have a treat in your hand. And she has no recall whatsoever. She even still gets a treat for going "potty" outside! Don't even try and bring a new dog around because she runs for the hills. My plan had been to have Ronin on leash the entire time anyway just to be safe and cautious when she's around. But oh no! I was told too that my SIL and BIL wouldn't come over unless Ronin was crated because they didn't want Sierra to get upset.

I'm not even sure if I want to go at all because of all of this. Keeping a dog, especially a GSD, crated for 2 days is a no! I won't do that. Not only because of his joints and bones, but because it's cruel! Sorry for the rant but I had to get it off my chest!


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## BigHemi45 (May 10, 2016)

Honestly, I would stay home. But I am a bit of an a-hole when it comes to stuff like that.


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## Ronin2016 (Feb 18, 2016)

BigHemi45 said:


> Honestly, I would stay home. But I am a bit of an a-hole when it comes to stuff like that.


I feel like I should stay home but my husband says no he wants me there. So I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place at the moment.


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## BigHemi45 (May 10, 2016)

Ronin2016 said:


> I feel like I should stay home but my husband says no he wants me there. So I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place at the moment.


Yea, its a tough spot to be in. I am more of a I don't like people telling me what to do kind of guy. If it was my family, I would totally say eff it lol. But I know my inlaws would get rather irritated if I didn't show up to their place, and so would my wife for that matter. Take him out into the garage or something and play with him away from that cold-hearted woman lol.


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## Ronin2016 (Feb 18, 2016)

BigHemi45 said:


> Yea, its a tough spot to be in. I am more of a I don't like people telling me what to do kind of guy. If it was my family, I would totally say eff it lol. But I know my inlaws would get rather irritated if I didn't show up to their place, and so would my wife for that matter. Take him out into the garage or something and play with him away from that cold-hearted woman lol.


Problem is that they don't have a garage and only a tiny little storage shed that you can barely turn around in. If the weather will co-operate I'll take him to a park or the dog park if it's quiet there with no other dogs and let him play around for a while as well. I don't want to even deal with this, but you're right my husband would be very upset if I didn't go. It just may end up being a very short trip.


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## BigHemi45 (May 10, 2016)

Ronin2016 said:


> Problem is that they don't have a garage and only a tiny little storage shed that you can barely turn around in. If the weather will co-operate I'll take him to a park or the dog park if it's quiet there with no other dogs and let him play around for a while as well. I don't want to even deal with this, but you're right my husband would be very upset if I didn't go. It just may end up being a very short trip.


Yea, family sure has a way of being a massive inconvenience at times. Just pretend like you don't feel good so you guys have to leave lol.


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## lucygoosy (Dec 6, 2016)

I know the feeling, also. It's not nice , but try to stay positive. I'd take Ronin, anyway. Ignore everything that is negative and do what's best for the 3 of you. Ronin is a member of your family and if others can't see that, then oh well. If you don't get upset, it might change their mind. If it doesn't, I'd say their trying to get under your skin-don't let this happen if you can. You will be the winner imo. Merry Christmas!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## RZZNSTR (Jan 24, 2015)

Home for the holidays! That's the only solution. Sleeping in your own bed, showering in your own shower, drinking your own liquor (oops sorry!) but you get the idea...


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## MineAreWorkingline (May 2, 2015)

When your in laws come to your house, is this for a couple of hours or are you speaking of an all day affair or more?

First you say your MIL doesn't like big dogs and then you say she is afraid of them. Dislike and fear are not the same thing although they can occur together. What I would do would depend on whether it is fear, dislike or both.

What consequences would your in laws face if they were to break the subdivision's rules by allowing you to bring your dog?

Why would bad weather stop you from walking your dog in a park but not walking the dog in your in laws community? 

Can you drive your dog five minutes out of the subdivision to a parking lot or neighboring community to walk him?

What is your aversion to crating your dog short term?

Does your dog have a health condition that makes you not want to crate him for two days due to joint and bone issues?


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## islanddog (Jun 27, 2016)

Boarding?
I have friends that live in a tiny cabin, and one is not comfy with dogs. They feed and house and entertain me for 3 days--dog stays at a boarding facility. Everyone's happy.


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

I guess I'm not seeing the problem. She didn't request that you not bring your dog. She requested that he be crated for the couple days you are there. It's not going to hurt him to do so. She's scared of big dogs but she's trying to make allowances for him.

If you want to walk him, drive him out of the area to an appropriate place for an hour or so. She didn't make the sub-division rule.

Or board him.

Or stay home. Then the only one happy is the dog because they have no concept of Christmas and don't care. To me, you are creating more drama around this than is actually there when there are so many simply solutions.


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## SuperG (May 11, 2013)

Reminds me of an old joke.......I sez..." I just got back from a pleasure vacation"....he or she asks..." Really, where did ya go?".....I sez..." Just dropped my mother-in-law off at the airport".....rimshot please.


SuperG


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## llombardo (Dec 11, 2011)

How far are they? Can you just go for a few hours and leave the pup at home?


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## Themusicmanswife (Jul 16, 2015)

I don't know. I don't think your mother in law is being too unreasonable. 

I had a large GSD when I met my husband's family 22 years ago. They were not dog people. His step mother was terrified of big dogs and his other stepmother had mobility issues. So, when we were there, my GSD stayed away from everyone. He wasn't crated but shut in a room. He was old enough to not get into anything. If I were to take my current GSD to my inlaws, I would bring her crate and crate her most of the time. It's not that big of a deal and sometimes you have to compromise. I would also keep my dog away from any company in my home if they weren't comfortable with them. Especially the in laws. Those relationships are always looking to add fuel to the fire. 

On the flip side, my MIL has a horrendously behaved terrier that has ruined more than one of her familial relationship. She is completely unwilling to abide by anyone's house rules. The dog is terribly behaved,and lacks even the most basic training. It has attacked my cat and bit my children. It's not even potty trained as an adult dog. She has chosen her dog over her human family. She refuses to train or make the dog behave. It's heartbreaking. Her dog is no longer welcome at our home for even a few minutes. Our relationship is beyond salvaging all because of her dog. I'm not saying Ronin is like this. I'm just cautioning against allowing your relationship with your dog to ruin a necessary human relationship.

Ronin may be much happier in a quiet place away from all the excitement and away from the feelings of fear that will be coming his way.

Good luck


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## Stevenzachsmom (Mar 3, 2008)

I understand you not liking your MILs terms. But - it is her house. When she comes to your house, she has to abide by your rules. When you go to her house, you have to abide by hers. I agree with the solutions others have given. I doubt you would be able to find boarding for the holidays, this close to Christmas. They are probably booked solid. You would probably also have a hard time finding someone to come to your house, at Christmas. Unless, maybe a friend would like to take Ronin to their house for a few days.

See how it goes this year. Everyone will survive. If it is heinous, look toward next year and make new plans. I always prefer to be home for the holidays.


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## ksotto333 (Aug 3, 2011)

I'm sorry, but my house my rules. I definitely have rules if someone wants to bring a dog into my house. I would board my dogs if they were unwelcome. I wouldn't want the extra stress.


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## BigHemi45 (May 10, 2016)

Jax08 said:


> I guess I'm not seeing the problem. She didn't request that you not bring your dog. She requested that he be crated for the couple days you are there. It's not going to hurt him to do so. She's scared of big dogs but she's trying to make allowances for him.
> 
> If you want to walk him, drive him out of the area to an appropriate place for an hour or so. She didn't make the sub-division rule.
> 
> ...


I retract my original statement, this makes way more sense lol.


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## carmspack (Feb 2, 2011)

Board the dog for the two days.

Seriously the in-laws are going to be there much longer than the dog.

your relationship with them impacts the relationship that you have with your partner, and the grand-kids (if there will be any) and the other relatives. 

the dog may be a "family member" but there has to be some perspective . The SO can't be second fiddle all the time . That wear's thin. 

why make an emotion-laden holiday even more stressful.


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## Ronin2016 (Feb 18, 2016)

Let me clarify a few thing.

There is no one available for boarding this close to Christmas, I did check. All my friends and my own family are gone so I can't leave him with anyone. My point in the whole drama of this is that I live in Canada, and as fellow Canadians know that here you can get -40 degree celcius weather and I will not be able to take Ronin out longer than to pee and poop if that's the case. Last year for Christmas, it was that cold and this year is looking the same. I couldn't take him to a park even if I'm there with it being that cold. I know that if you break the rules of the subdivision my MIL said that they can apply a fee or some such thing to the homeowners and it can get costly depending on how mean they want to be. We live about 2 hours away from them, but due to the fact that my husband works away so much and he rarely gets to see his family, he wants to stay the night. I would be fine going back home, but that is no longer an option.

Also, Ronin hates his crate as it is. I have been working on it, but he will try and destroy his crate if I am at home and he is crated for longer than a few hours. Which was the reason we had to get him a new crate recently. If I have to crate him for about 2 days worth of time then I figure that he's either going to destroy that crate, or I'm going to have to constantly be taking him out and putting him back in so he doesn't destroy it.

My MIL says she doesn't like big dogs, but I have seen other big dogs come up to her and she's fine. She pets them and talks to them like they are a baby. My guy and a few others, she I think is scared of because of nothing more than the breed. I asked her if she was bit or hurt by a dog, but she said no. She just said that GSDs are viscious and that I shouldn't have one and that she didn't raise her son to have a big dog like that and that she blamed me for even putting the thought in his head. She just doesn't like them. She comes from a family that had big dogs, but this was also a family where when one of the dogs chewed a piece of the door frame when it was just a growing pup, they took it out back and shot it. I have also seen her smack a large lab that belongs to her BIL and then tried to kick it because it tried to sit beside her.


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## Pawsed (May 24, 2014)

Can you get a motel room for that night? You could take the dog and crate to your MIL's when you go there, then go back to your own room where your dog could be loose. Personally, I would want some space of my own in this situation and would gladly pay for a room for that peace of mind.


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## DutchKarin (Nov 23, 2013)

You really have two choices then.

Don't go and explain that it is a hardship for you since it is last minute and you can't find boarding. From what you describe this is what I would do. Sorry hubby, not enough notification to make it work this year. Hope ya'll understand and Merry Christmas. Lets shoot for next year. 

OR

Suck it up for two days, take long excursions/walks outside the subdivision, sit and sleep next to the crate bring a good book.

Also, seems to me that you should plan on not taking the dog there ever again and explain you will need lots of notification on get togethers so you can find appropriate care.

Best to you. If one Christmas gets messed up it isn't that big of a deal.


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

:headbang:

On the other board you are talking about boarding home or taking him somewhere during the day to let him out of the crate. So which is it?

You can't board him, crate him or take him out?

Or you can?


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## Deb (Nov 20, 2010)

Your mother in law is terrified of Ronin. Sierra will go nuts with Ronin in the house. MIL isn't afraid of Sierra since she is small. Most important, it's family. Two days of being in a crate with driving for walks won't hurt Ronin. If you refuse to go because you don't like what rules your MIL is imposing, than you will make if difficult for your husband. What has *he* said about all of this? Personally, I would abide by her rules or find someone to pet sit Ronin at home while you're gone or board him if you have to. I love my dogs, but family has to be important as well. You're only talking two days, not a week.


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## Nurse Bishop (Nov 20, 2016)

Too bad you can't crate your inlaws. Only let them out to poop in the snow.

Crate your husband too. ( I realize this is not useful advice.)


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## Thecowboysgirl (Nov 30, 2006)

The hotel room sounded like the best emergency salvage for this visit to me...


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## Nurse Bishop (Nov 20, 2016)

xxx


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## Stevenzachsmom (Mar 3, 2008)

In-laws can be complicated. You won't always see eye to eye. But at the end of the day, these are your husbands parents. You will be in each others lives for a long, long time. My MIL was terrified of my GSD Annie. As years went by and they both got older, my MIL came to love Annie. She'd often say what a nice dog Annie was. My MIL passed away in 2012. Yes, we had our moments, but we loved each other and I miss her.

Life is too short. Don't make it more difficult than it needs to be.


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## Jayfeather (Dec 28, 2014)

Personally I don't see a huge issue with crating the dog. You can give the dog a stuffed Kong and chew toys to keep him occupied for a while, take him for walks somewhere else or find a place where he can run. If cold weather is an issue, I'd say maybe put a doggy coat and boots on him. Also, if he is running around then that will help keep him warm too. Try to tire him out enough so that he will sleep for a while when you get back, maybe using a flirt pole. Meanwhile, this might be good training for him to get used to the crate. Always reward him if he is in the crate being good.
I don't think two days will be too bad for the dog. Who knows, if he behaves nicely your MIL might decide that he would be ok outside the crate for a while, or maybe next time. Your best bet would probably be to convince her that Ronin is a dog that she can trust and be comfortable around. I know this is difficult, but don't let this ruin your human relationships.


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## cdwoodcox (Jul 4, 2015)

I would just explain that there needs to be a compromise. Like Ronin will be leashed tethered to you or your husband at all times or maybe in his crate for a couple hours at a time with a couple hours out leashed to yourself or husband. If she doesn't wanna give any or try and compromise then explain that the trip "for you and Ronin" will be canceled. It's only Christmas. Unless your sitting in a church all day celebrating the birth of christ. Then it's just another day anyway. Albeit one that we have been duped into buying a bunch of gifts for people who probably don't need them anyway. 
I am of agreement that 2 days in a crate is too much. Just don't force your husband to cancel let him decide for himself. It's only a two hour trip. You can still drive up for dinner and return home to Ronin and it would be no different then a normal work day as far as he's concerned.


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## sebrench (Dec 2, 2014)

I think the hotel room is a good idea. Have you considered a pet sitter who will come to your house while you are away? I had to board my cat one Christmas, and all the boarding places in my town were full, but I finally found a great little place on a farm about 40 minutes away in the bordering state. 

I used to visit my in-laws all the time with my papillon because he was small and unobtrusive, even so I kept him crated a lot of the time. My husband's family is kind of old-fashioned and thinks that dogs should live outside. A house dog (and a toy breed) was a novelty to them I think. They like dogs though and would ask me to bring the papillon out for visits. Since I've known them they've started to let their dogs come inside more...so I think I'm converting them. They like my GSDs (they used to have their own who lived outside), but I can't imagine a circumstance where I brought the GSDs on an overnight visit to their house. I'm kind of an introvert, though, it just gives me an excuse to stay at home and have them come to us, haha. They have a 91 year old family member and a family member in a wheelchair, so I keep the dogs outside or in another room when they visit, except for short supervised encounters. 

Holidays can be stressful, and your MIL sounds like a pill. I hope you find a solution. I know I kind of take it personally when people dislike my dogs for no reason or think they are vicious just because they are GSDs.


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## Traveler's Mom (Sep 24, 2012)

Stop focusing on your MIL and her issues. Focus on your husband and his small request that you be part of his side of the family at Christmas. It's 2 days.

Put on your big girl panties and suck it up. Ronin will live thru it.


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## Deb (Nov 20, 2010)

Thecowboysgirl said:


> The hotel room sounded like the best emergency salvage for this visit to me...



The problem with the hotel room is where will Ronin be when they are at the in-laws? Back to the same problem. They can probably have him loose in their bedroom at night at the MILs house the same as if they were in a hotel room.


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## snakeybird (Dec 9, 2016)

I am going to offer a perspective from the other side of the fence, per say. I have worked very hard to overcome a phobia of dogs, and struggled with my parents wanting to bring their dogs to my home and let them have the run of my house. 

In order to have a healthy relationship, it is vital to respect people's boundaries regarding both dog phobias and what is OK in their home. Everyone deserves to feel safe and respected, especially in their own space. I can't even begin to tell you how upset I used to get when I was in a public space and would ask a dog owner to please keep their dog at a distance from me (ie, I don't want to be sniffed, licked, or jumped on), explaining that I was afraid of dogs, and I'd get a dismissive response such as "He won't hurt you" or "She's friendly." Although gratified to know the dogs in question were good canine citizens, I was stating a boundary, and it was quite rude to disregard it (and both reinforced my fear and gave dog owners a bad image). Remember that phobias are, by definition, irrational. Perhaps there is something you are really afraid of; please think about how it would be if a family member wanted to bring that thing or creature into your home. I am guessing this would be an uncomfortable situation, and you would not necessarily want it in your living room on Christmas day, or any other day. 

I understand that the situation is inconvenient for you and your dog, but in all honesty, the request does not seem entirely unreasonable based on the details given. 

Now, if this is really not primarily about the dog at all, but rather about power dynamics within the family, that is a different situation entirely. I am wondering if that might be the case, but only you can answer that one. 

I hope a workable solution is found for all parties.


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## maxtmill (Dec 28, 2010)

Pawsed said:


> Can you get a motel room for that night? You could take the dog and crate to your MIL's when you go there, then go back to your own room where your dog could be loose. Personally, I would want some space of my own in this situation and would gladly pay for a room for that peace of mind.


My daughter in law did that for one holiday visit from out of state- she and our son got a hotel room for two nights. It's a long story...!


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## MamaofLEO (Aug 8, 2014)

Pawsed said:


> Can you get a motel room for that night? You could take the dog and *crate to your MIL*'s when you go there, then go back to your own room where your dog could be loose. Personally, I would want some space of my own in this situation and would gladly pay for a room for that peace of mind.


I read your response way TOO quickly as I thought you said to crate the MIL! HAHA LOL! Oops! 

Pawsed, I think you have a great point, though. A hotel, motel or AirBnB may be the best option. Or asking MIL if a baby gate (if it works for pup) is an option. Additionally, if weather holds out, have a plan of nearby parks or areas you can walk pup.


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

I am sorry your going through this . There is no great answers here. I like the hotel room but that's cause it would give me a break.


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## islanddog (Jun 27, 2016)

Having a keyboard now, yes, hotel room, and that gives you your own space, OR shorten the visit and comply (I actually do think 2 full days of crate would be weird and upsetting to a dog), or say, YES! I'd be delighted to come, I really want to come, but Ronin needs to stay home, and we are looking VERY hard to find a petsitter or boarding facility but everything's booked but we are trying and we WILL come as soon as we can find something.
I'm not sure about -40C, but -30C is FABULOUS weather for 2 hours of walks with a gsd. Yep, for a house dog, it's sweater time (old cut-off mens sweater do fine, just tape up the excess in the belly, 2 sweaters if it's -40) and maybe dog booties. I find if the body is warm the toes will follow. So if you do go, then your dog can be an excuse to leave the room and burn off some tension. I'm guessing this isn't all about the dog and maybe hanging out there is all fun and roses, but again, maybe if you did go, and Ronin is okay in a crate, and then gets exercise (and you get an MIL break) maybe she'd make some compromises as the hours go by (but don't count on it).
ONE other idea. Any dog daycares there (if Ronin is good with that), or a vet clinic that will board for a few hours (that one's a long shot), or super dog folks that will day sit your dog for a few hours, friends and neighbours of your MIL?
And, oh, I'm just curious. REALLY want to know what kind of a suburb has a bi-law against big dogs? Never heard of such a thing. Is it a gated community or can any township do that? That's just a curiousity question, please ignore if too intrusive. Jeeps, if I feed Sonic a few extra kibble, he'd be over the limit. Is there a purse-dogs only sign at the entrance? (could not resist, sorry, just couldn't--keyboards are dangerous things...)


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## LuvShepherds (May 27, 2012)

I found a trainer that boards and will take my dogs for a few days. We had this exact same situation. They picked a few dogs that are welcome. Mine are not invited anymore at all, crate or no crate. So we decided to stay home. If I wanted to go, I would find somewhere safe to leave the dogs. I agree, she is being unreasonable, but you don't have many options.


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## Deb (Nov 20, 2010)

Boarding doesn't mean loose, the dog is in a crate or pen. Some places give some free play time, some just let out into a small area to potty. Some they're just in indoor/outdoor runs. Personally, I know mine would rather be in the same house with me if it means being put up.


I'm heading to visit my son, about a sixteen hour drive. I'll spend five days there and then sixteen hours back. They have two older small dogs, ages 8 and 10, or 10 and 12, I don't remember, just that they're getting up there in age. Enya is four months old. She's not going to be allowed just loose in the house. I wouldn't even ask it of my son and his family. It wouldn't be fair to their dogs. It's those dogs' house. Enya would accidently hurt them if she tried to play with them and she would try. She would be totally frustrated tethered to me. So she will have a crate in the living room next to where I sit so she can see me. She's happy with a toy and me near her. She'll get lots of walks and have a yard to play in supervised. I'm their guest and there will be other people in and out. I want both of us to be welcomed there any time and that means being respectful of their house and everyone there. If I am a guest at someone's house, I put their wants and needs first. I want to be always able to bring her with me, for her to be welcome there. 


If I were invited somewhere and told I couldn't bring her at all I'd be upset. But she's welcomed because I'm considerate to the situation there. Sometimes when we visit and want to bring our very large dogs with us we need to put our own wants aside. I know I sure wouldn't be happy if they later on get some large breed dog and want to bring it with them to my house and have it loose or even tethered to them. That would mean my dogs would have to be put up because a tethered strange dog in my house would have both my big ones and small ones going crazy over it. 


I would be upset over the other dog, Sierra, being loose and mine can't be. But I have a feeling if Sierra was also a large dog or a GSD the same rules would be applied to her.


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## Thecowboysgirl (Nov 30, 2006)

My father won't allow dogs in his house period. We have a small rv that we park in his yard, if I go inside the dogs stay in the rv.

He isn't afraid of dogs per say but I would armchair diagnose him as both a hypochondriac and a germophobe...he believes he has a life threatening allergy to dogs.... I am almost certain he does not have an allergy at all....his wife is an MD and agrees he has no allergy....but I digress. It is what it is. He thinks it is real.

If he visits here I do not shut the dogs away, I just ask them to leave him alone and they do. But this is MY house and I am not banishing my own very well behaved dogs because someone doesn't like them. In fact I was SO proud of my pup for minding his own business, he went up to him a few times and I called him away and told him to go lay down and that was it. 

Family dynamics are weird. I feel SO blessed that my mother in law is so nice to us about the dogs. She has tons of cats so that is a challenge....sometimes they vanish while we visit because they are afraid of the dogs and I will take the dogs away for a few hours so they will come back because it upsets my MIL if she cant find all her cats to feed them a meal. As nice as she is to us about the dogs, the least I can do is make us all scarse so she can feed her cats. It usually works semi well because the cats mostly stay in the basement and sowe don't allow the dogs down there. And I lay down the law about cat chasing with the dogs and if they try to poke a kitty I am on them like white on rice.

Every situation is a little different. Planning ahead is key. Accepting what is is also key. When I had the killer GSD I never took him to my MIL's house because heaven forbid one of my dogs should kill one of her cats.


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## Ronin2016 (Feb 18, 2016)

Jax08 said:


> :headbang:
> 
> On the other board you are talking about boarding home or taking him somewhere during the day to let him out of the crate. So which is it?
> 
> ...


The only boarding place with open spaces is the one that he went to before at the daycare, where I found out that he was attacked by 2 other dogs and was not informed. I was also not informed that at the time they were letting kids run through the dogs in the kennels and daycare area, terrorizing the dogs. I won't even consider them. What I was talking about was that my parents have since altered their plans a bit since I posted this and I am going to take Ronin to their place for a few hours and then he will be crated when we get back to their place. I was hoping that they would be able to take Ronin for a few hours for me, but their plans can't keep them home that long, so that meant I have to go back to my in-laws and crate him.


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## LuvShepherds (May 27, 2012)

Ronin2016 said:


> The only boarding place with open spaces is the one that he went to before at the daycare, where I found out that he was attacked by 2 other dogs and was not informed. I was also not informed that at the time they were letting kids run through the dogs in the kennels and daycare area, terrorizing the dogs. I won't even consider them. What I was talking about was that my parents have since altered their plans a bit since I posted this and I am going to take Ronin to their place for a few hours and then he will be crated when we get back to their place. I was hoping that they would be able to take Ronin for a few hours for me, but their plans can't keep them home that long, so that meant I have to go back to my in-laws and crate him.


That sounds workable. You have to do something, pick the least stressful since you don't like the options you have.


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## Ronin2016 (Feb 18, 2016)

Since making the post, as I have stated in a reply to someone else, I have spoken with my parents and their travel plans have changed for the holidays a bit. They will now be home until about supper time on christmas eve. So I am going to take Ronin out there, where they have a large yard for him to run around in, and I'm going to spend time there and wear him out. Then, I will go back to my in-laws and have supper and open gifts with them and Ronin will be crated. As for the following day, I have made arrangements that I'm going to travel to my grandparents, where Ronin will also have a large open field to run in.


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## snakeybird (Dec 9, 2016)

That sounds like a lovely couple of days for a dog; running in open fields and being with his treasured humans. A nice Merry Christmas for him, even if it is a lot of driving for you.

Finding unique solutions to tense family situations, such as you have done, is commendable.


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## graciesmom (Jun 10, 2006)

Forget the fact that the Sheltie is treated differently than your dog. You can't change that, so let it go. 


As I understand it, the plan is a two hour drive to the MIL's on Christmas Eve, stay overnight, spend Christmas Day there and then two hour drive back home on Christmas Day. If it was me, that's too much family/in-law time, I would be wanting to get away. but like I said, that's just me. Two hours is not a terribly long drive, as we do not live in the city, it is often a two hour drive to get together with friends. We drive there, decide between us who the designated driver will be, and then drive back home same night. Our GSD, stays home, sleeping comfortably. In your situation, perhaps decide to forego the Christmas Eve get together, opting instead for a nice quiet Christmas Eve with just the hubby and leave the family get together for Christmas Day, leaving your dog comfortably at home. Or, go over Christmas Eve, come home and forego the family get together on Christmas Day.


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## Jack's Dad (Jun 7, 2011)

Sure would like to hear MIL's version of dealing with DIL.


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## angelas (Aug 23, 2003)

If you must stay overnight, I vote for the hotel. That's what we did after relatives told us the dogs could stay in the porch then turned around and said they weren't allowed in there at all. Never mind that we had only driven 4,000 km and planned to stay two weeks. We ended up shortening our stay with that half of the family and went back to my other grand mother's in Ontario for a few extra days. I've only been back there once in 16 years (for a funeral) and I don't miss those people at all.

Or since it is only a two hour drive you could drive down Christmas day (doubt there will be much traffic) and do dinner/present opening then drive home. That's what I did for Thanksgiving. Ronin can say in a crate in the car with pee breaks and you have an excuse to leave early.


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## carmspack (Feb 2, 2011)

- 40 C in New Brunswick ? 

Ronin " I live in Canada, and as fellow Canadians know that here you can get -40 degree celcius weather and I will not be able to take Ronin out longer than to pee and poop if that's the case. "

"The cold season lasts from December 2 to March 12 with an average daily high temperature below 2°C. The coldest day of the year is January 21, with an average low of -15°C and high of -4°C."

https://www.currentresults.com/Weather/Canada/New-Brunswick/temperature-annual-average.php 

That is pretty much the same temperature range that I experience some 50 miles east of Toronto, which is in Canada .

Average November Temperature (Low / High):

Vancouver, BC: 37 / 48ºFahrenheit (3 / 9ºCelsius)
Edmonton, AB: 14 / 32ºF, (-10 / 0ºC)
Yellowknife, NWT: 0 / 14ºF, (-18 / -10ºC)
Inukjuak, NU: 16 / 27ºF, (-9 / -3ºC)
Winnipeg, MB: 18 / 32ºF, (-8 / 0ºC)
Ottawa, ON: 28 / 41ºF, (-2 / 5ºC)
Toronto, ON: 32 / 45ºF, (0 / 7ºC)
Montréal:, QC: 30 / 41ºF, (-1 / 5ºC)
Halifax, NS: 32 / 45ºF, (0 / 7ºC)
St. John's, NF: 32 / 43ºF, (0 / 6ºC)

A great deal of New Brunswick is actually south of the Maine borders ! 
I can't recall a Maine resident complaining about -40 C .


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Maine



New Brunswick

find your province then draw a line to the west coast and see how many US states there are that are more northern
than your location !

now we have had those temperatures --- one which my racing-dog friend endured when he ran the brutal Yukon Quest. That is far north.

Believe me all the dogs are pooping and peeing without any problem. 

When citing a problem it is important to stick to facts.
Canada has this romantic notion of the far white north --- Mounties in ceremonial dress , cabins , -- 

potential tourists - come on up or down lol --- the weather is fine !

If cold weather is an issue, I'd say maybe put a doggy coat and boots on him. I don't think it is necessary .

Frosty relations? mmm it is warm enough to have Ronin run around at mom and dad's -- but at the mother in laws?
the pee will turn to slush before it hits the ground because it is so cold " So I am going to take Ronin out there, where they have a large yard for him to run around in, and I'm going to spend time there and wear him out"

lol

we all have families --


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## carmspack (Feb 2, 2011)

speak to your husband.


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## carmspack (Feb 2, 2011)

sorry - I tried to provide a map of New Brunswick and the beautiful state of Maine , which are almost shoulder to shoulder - just a wee bit of New Brunswick is more northern.


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## MissChloe (Oct 31, 2016)

I know you have a solution you can live with that accommodates your MIL but may I offer the POV of someone (me) who once hated the idea of a dog in the house?

I've a lab now but I went from "I like dogs but none in my house ever" to "a small dog will be fine but not on the furniture ever" (first dog) to "dogs on the furniture are fine but only if they're small" to "big dogs in the house are fine as long as they're calm" (second dog) to "big dogs who are nutbars are fine as long as they respond to training" (third dog). You can see it's been an evolving process for me.

Your MIL has gone from being afraid of all dogs to being okay with smaller dogs (or at least small dogs in the family like the Sheltie and Ronin when he was small). To someone who feels this way, having a big dog in their house is a huge concession and a great source of stress. That your MIL is willing to allow two dogs into her home to accommodate family is, to me, amazing. I don't wonder she's created what seems like contradictory rules which seem to favour the Sheltie and "punish" Ronin. Fear's never logical.

If you give your MIL time and abide cheerfully by her rules in her home, she might come around to accepting Ronin especially as he's a well-behaved, friendly dog. That's just a guess on my part but why not? She's gone from "no dogs ever" to "small dogs loose in the house and big dogs in crates".

Personally, even with the solution you have, I'd still try to have Ronin elsewhere for those two days. I'd thank my MIL for inviting Ronin but that you want to focus on family. She'd probably be relieved, appreciate your understanding. Might even make her think more kindly of Ronin. You never know. Just guessing though based on what you've written.

I hope all goes well during your time together.


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## Deb (Nov 20, 2010)

I very much agree with your first part. I think also, the concessions are because she wants the whole family there, including her son and daughter-in-law. But it sounds like that is not going to happen. Maybe the son will be there most of the time, but the DIL will not be. My heart goes out to the son who is being put in the middle over the dog. MIL tried.


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## Coleen (Sep 18, 2015)

The breeder I got Tasha from will board puppies bought from her for a small fee. I don't know if that's a possibility for you or not, wouldn't hurt to ask. Good luck and Merry Christmas!


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## Deb (Nov 20, 2010)

Could your Mother-In-Law be afraid of Ronin because of his fear aggression?
_I don't think Ronin would be that good. He has fear aggression, but he's more fearful than aggressive with people. Other dogs, completely the opposite. Mind you, he's a lot better with the training. The second time we saw the trainer, he was still weary of him, but he went up to him and let him give him treats and pet him on the head for a second before coming back to me. Just depends. The only thing I can say is that I'm SOOOOO glad I had the prong collar on him or else we would have had a serious problem._


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## labX (Dec 7, 2016)

Late to the party but you have to do what you feel is right for and Ur husband.

Why cannot he be boarded . We are boarding Gigi even for the new year's and when ever we go to overnighter to water park and theme parks.

I saw rover.com , see if u can find.some one near Ur MIL to day care him during the day .

We went on road trips for 4000 miles with a dog ,5 yr old and 8 yr old. I would pick local day cares when we are say visiting sites ,like we went to Hersey park. 

You might be able to find a kennel where they might be willing to work with a dog like him.

Send him for day care a few times before the actual boarding 


Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk


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## islanddog (Jun 27, 2016)

So easy to armchair quarterback family functions. 
Take it as brainstorming & crowd-sourcing.
Have the best and awesomest holidays you possibly can.
I grew up in a very tense household--good people, loving, loyal, and yelling. All that love and so much discord. Make it the best you can. Hope it's awesome wonderful.


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## Jenny720 (Nov 21, 2014)

I was to say if someone was uncomfortable and afraid of my dogs I would want no one near them. Max is more in your face with the people he knows. I'm not sure if ronin is aloof or not but I know aloofness in dogs makes afraid family members more comfortable then a 90lb dog who even just wants to say hi every 30 seconds. It is your mother in laws house so her rules. Where you staying in a guest room at your mother in laws house would you be able to gate off that room or an Xpen may possibly work better for Ronin who does not like crates, hotel or rent an rv which I'm sure can be costly are other options. It looks like you have figured out a plan that will work for everyone hoping you have good holidays despite the preseason stress.


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## maxtmill (Dec 28, 2010)

islanddog said:


> So easy to armchair quarterback family functions.
> Take it as brainstorming & crowd-sourcing.
> Have the best and awesomest holidays you possibly can.
> I grew up in a very tense household--good people, loving, loyal, and yelling. All that love and so much discord. Make it the best you can. Hope it's awesome wonderful.


Haha! That sounds like many families!


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## wolfstraum (May 2, 2003)

Lots of conflicting info and lots of different perspectives....

Did most miss the comments that MIL just plain does not like GSDs and told OP that ?? She resents DIL "making" son get a GSD???

Sounds like splitting time between both family gatherings is more doable and should be less offensive to MIL....

I understand not everyone wants dogs around....if you want to be somewhere you adjust to fitting into the house as offered....if it is not acceptable, you adjust so that you can make token appearance, bow gracefully out as you have responsibilities that you have to accommodate in an acceptable manner to you, but without pointing fingers at MIL....


Good luck...



Lee


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## Stevenzachsmom (Mar 3, 2008)

wolfstraum said:


> Lots of conflicting info and lots of different perspectives....
> 
> *Did most miss the comments that MIL just plain does not like GSDs and told OP that ?? She resents DIL "making" son get a GSD???*
> 
> ...


No I didn't miss that part. Looking at the big picture, I think the most important thing, is not making the husband choose between his wife and his mother - especially not over a dog. Sometimes you definitely have to take a stand. Just choose your battles carefully.

Trust me, been there done that.


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## Ronin2016 (Feb 18, 2016)

Alright, thank you everyone for your opinions. This originally was just a rant, and while some suggestions have been helpful, others have seriously upset me or hurt my feelings. Yes I understand this is the internet and all that. To those who are saying that I am making my husband choose between me and his mother you are WRONG. I would never do that. I have given him no ultimatums, have said nothing to him about not going. His mother now has to work Christmas Eve until about 5:00 because someone quit on them, so she won't even be there for most of our entire vacation. So I am going to take Ronin and spend some time with my family and then when I head back to their place for supper and opening gifts, Ronin will go in his crate, and hopefully he will be so tired out that he will just go to sleep and not cry the entire time. 

I am sad that Ronin will not be welcome to be there when we open gifts and the sheltie will be because it's a time I was looking forward to a lot. Especially since for the past 2 years the sheltie has enjoyed herself so much doing it. And we enjoyed watching her. I wanted that for my boy. But that won't be happening and I'll live with it for a few hours. They are also now no longer spending much time with us on Christmas Day because they are going to my MIL's family for the day, which I am not invited to because they don't agree with a personal choice I made before I ever dated or married my husband. Nothing to do with the dog. So Ronin will now only be crated for a few hours and the night. It will all work out.

We will not be boarding Ronin because, one, there is no where he could be boarded because they are all full, and the only one who is not is his old trainers where he was attacked by 2 dogs, and exposed to kids tormenting him. I won't do that. He did not come from a breeder so I can't call a breeder to board him either. No hotels in the area will take us with him because of his size and breed. I did look into it. I'm going to hope that everything goes smoothly and I will make it up to Ronin when we get home.


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## maxtmill (Dec 28, 2010)

Ronin2016 said:


> Alright, thank you everyone for your opinions. This originally was just a rant, and while some suggestions have been helpful, others have seriously upset me or hurt my feelings. Yes I understand this is the internet and all that. To those who are saying that I am making my husband choose between me and his mother you are WRONG. I would never do that. I have given him no ultimatums, have said nothing to him about not going. His mother now has to work Christmas Eve until about 5:00 because someone quit on them, so she won't even be there for most of our entire vacation. So I am going to take Ronin and spend some time with my family and then when I head back to their place for supper and opening gifts, Ronin will go in his crate, and hopefully he will be so tired out that he will just go to sleep and not cry the entire time.
> 
> I am sad that Ronin will not be welcome to be there when we open gifts and the sheltie will be because it's a time I was looking forward to a lot. Especially since for the past 2 years the sheltie has enjoyed herself so much doing it. And we enjoyed watching her. I wanted that for my boy. But that won't be happening and I'll live with it for a few hours. They are also now no longer spending much time with us on Christmas Day because they are going to my MIL's family for the day, which I am not invited to because they don't agree with a personal choice I made before I ever dated or married my husband. Nothing to do with the dog. So Ronin will now only be crated for a few hours and the night. It will all work out.
> 
> We will not be boarding Ronin because, one, there is no where he could be boarded because they are all full, and the only one who is not is his old trainers where he was attacked by 2 dogs, and exposed to kids tormenting him. I won't do that. He did not come from a breeder so I can't call a breeder to board him either. No hotels in the area will take us with him because of his size and breed. I did look into it. I'm going to hope that everything goes smoothly and I will make it up to Ronin when we get home.


I am sorry some folks hurt your feelings - hopefully, it was not intentional! It is difficult sometimes to interpret someone's meaning on a Web comment. It is a challenge to travel, take a vacation, or visit relatives when you have dogs! When I had cats as well, they were so easy- just put out extra food and water and litter boxes, and you can leave for several days with no problem. But dogs... :/ Then, of course, you have "family dynamics"! Just do what works best for you and your husband and dogs, and try to let the rest go. Enjoy yourself!


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## alexg (Mar 22, 2013)

Ronin2016 said:


> ...
> I am sad that Ronin will not be welcome to be there when we open gifts and the sheltie will be because it's a time I was looking forward to a lot.
> ....


Just to make sure, Ronin is a dog, right? Never thought a dog would care about opening gifts ...


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## Stevenzachsmom (Mar 3, 2008)

I apologize, if I hurt your feelings. That was not my intention. Just reading between the lines. My husband and I have been together since 1976. That's a long time for a lot of family drama. I have made mistakes. Trying to help others (not just you) learn from my mistakes. 

Hope your holidays go well.


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

I think splitting time is a great idea. I understand wanting your dog there when you open gifts. Spend time w/ Ronin on Christmas eve and see your inlaw on the next day. MIL sounds like she has other issues


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## astrovan2487 (May 29, 2014)

Sounds like you found a good solution to your problem. I was going to say if you did have to go to your MIL's for the full two days find some local pet friendly shops to take your dog to or go to a park and do some hiking during the day, even if it's cold/snowy it could still be done. Even though the dog is not allowed out of the crate, keep the crate in the room you'll be staying in, close the door, let him out of the crate and just hang out with him awhile, noone would know he's out. Don't blame you for not wanting to board, I won't board my dogs either. Every public boarding kennel I've seen to seems like **** on earth for a dog, constant barking and nervous dogs that don't want to be there, not to mention it's expensive. It really is too bad we can't put in-laws in crates.


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## kelbonc (Aug 25, 2014)

The Christmas season can bring some stress along with all the joy. I was glad to read that you have found some solutions that will make yours go a little smoother. I really hope you have a great Christmas and along the way make some great memories that one day the thought of will bring you joy and make you smile.


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## carmspack (Feb 2, 2011)

take a moment and think on this 

"To those who are saying that I am making my husband choose between me and his mother you are WRONG. I would never do that. I have given him no ultimatums, have said nothing to him about not going."

You don't have to give an ultimatum.

MY read on this is that priority considerations and worries were given to accommodate Ronin.
The old boy is second fiddle .

Still getting the same feeling . I am sure it doesn't feel good for him. 

"I am sad that Ronin will not be welcome to be there when we open gifts and the sheltie will be because it's a time I was looking forward to a lot. Especially since for the past 2 years the sheltie has enjoyed herself so much doing it. And we enjoyed watching her. I wanted that for my boy. But that won't be happening and I'll live with it for a few hours."

sounds like sibling rivalry --- shouldn't it be ideally --- I was looking forward to a sharing this moment of gathering and gift exchange . There is jealousy shown when you say the sheltie enjoyed herself so much for the last two years.
So more and deeper dynamics . 

You said
" His mother now has to work Christmas Eve until about 5:00 because someone quit on them, so she won't even be there for most of our entire vacation. So I am going to take Ronin and spend some time with my family and then when I head back to their place for supper and opening gifts, Ronin will go in his crate, and hopefully he will be so tired out that he will just go to sleep and not cry the entire time"

What would it mean to your husband and future family relations if you were to drop in for a quick hi and bye to your mother's house === and leave the dog with them for overnight since they don't seem to mind? 
Go back to mother in law's house and HELP - do something -- set the table - do the canape's , clear the sidewalk for 
quests -- turn some nobs and get the dinner started . Something , anything.
That woman is hosting the dinner and gets dumped with extra hours at work , during a season that can wipe you out physically, emotionally and finacially. 
Don't just head back to her house for supper and gifts . 
She might be grateful. 

Your're still bringing this dog to a house where the owner/host has some fears and problems and although they won't necessarily have contact the thought of the dog potentially crying the whole night doesn't sound good. 
Especially after a long day at work and then bing bing bing - round two. She'll be KO'd .

everything you have said has been dog-centric.


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## Giovani (Oct 27, 2016)

BigHemi45 said:


> Honestly, I would stay home. But I am a bit of an a-hole when it comes to stuff like that.


The way the situation was described it doesn't sound very Christmasy. :crying:


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## MissChloe (Oct 31, 2016)

Ronin2016 said:


> Alright, thank you everyone for your opinions. This originally was just a rant, and while some suggestions have been helpful, others have seriously upset me or hurt my feelings. Yes I understand this is the internet and all that...


It's tough to rant about something, especially something so personal, and have some people take or offer an opposing view. You've been very even-toned in your replies, something I very much respect (and one of the reasons I like this forum). Family dynamics can be complicated and none of us are in your shoes. Holidays are a busy and stressful time with high expectations all around. I wish you and your family an enjoyable Christmas season.


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## Shooter (Nov 19, 2016)

Who do you love more, your GSD or MIL? Which one loves you more, your GSD or MIL? Which one puts conditions on you for your friendship GSD or MIL? Put your GSD and then your MIL in seperate closets for 30 minutes then let them out and which one will be happy to see you?

Jesus spent the first christmas with the animals because the people had no place for him. Stay home with your GSD


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## Stevenzachsmom (Mar 3, 2008)

I think we should all stay out of this drama. Don't know about y'all, but I have enough danged drama in my life. lol!


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## islanddog (Jun 27, 2016)

Everyone's answering from their own perspectives and experience. Some of it may applies, and other bits are way off course. Maybe most of it. Hot thread, likely, because most of us have been in some sort of strife. Stressful times. 
Ronin, Please, have the BEST Christmas you can possibly have. You are doing the best to make things work, there is stress, and sadness, and hurt feelings, and that is part of it. Sometimes you can't find a solution where everyone wins, but instead, everyone gets by.
All the best to you.


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## GatorBytes (Jul 16, 2012)

My Dog was my baby. If he wasn't welcome or if circumstances were not viable for him. I stayed home with him. But I was not up against SO relationships. Last yr I was invited for dinner to an old friends place, She is an hr away and xmas dinner conflicted with Gators dinner and walk times (plus I don't see well at night for driving home). She has 3 dogs. G was dog aggressive so it wouldn't work to bring him. I declined and spent my 2 days off with him. It was our last Christmas :crying:
I am going this year.
So I guess I am on the side of...dog is family, I would work around the dog.


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

Just a thought from a DIL whose MIL liked to show up, eat, and leave without picking up so much as a plate.....I despised her for it. Follow Carmen's advice. Show up, lend a hand, make yourself useful, respect the In-Laws house and wishes. It's 2 days out of the entire year.


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

It appear that I agree w/ everyone . Each person has a view point . I see Carmspack and StevenandZacks Mom but I see GatorByte's point as well. I think the compromise of going to your parents house for awhile on Christmas Eve and seeing if your Ronin could stay there or just be there for festivities and pictures at your parents house w/ Ronin that you can share w/ your hubby when you return. The offering to help with dinner is a big one that helps you join with the family. Spend Christmas day with his ( now your) family . Find a way to spend some time tiring your pup out. However if Ronin hates his crate as much as the poster states this is going to be difficult. Can your parents watch Ronin on Christmas day? If the crate is an issue it might be better. On the other hand in no win situations I often chose not to play so I might consider staying at my parents for one night if not both. Reading about your dilemma I am thankful for my in house dog sitter and his willingness to be there for us over the years. There is no great answer . Hopefully New Years you can celebrate with out all these issues.


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## carmspack (Feb 2, 2011)

Pulling a quote from an old Christmas chestnut - Dicken's classic A Crhistmas Carol 

"“You are fettered," said Scrooge, trembling. "Tell me why?"
"I wear the chain I forged in life," replied the Ghost. "I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it.” 

you make your situation in life.


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

carmspack said:


> Pulling a quote from an old Christmas chestnut - Dicken's classic A Crhistmas Carol
> 
> "“You are fettered," said Scrooge, trembling. "Tell me why?"
> "I wear the chain I forged in life," replied the Ghost. "I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it.”
> ...


So everyone has a chain? I know I have one. some links caused by avoidance some caused by choices to not avoid. There are negatives to either way the op handles this. You values ,mine and hers could all be very different. That means different links in chains. I had some great Christmas with my dogs. The best answer is a well trained dog who can handle all these situations and lets look at Ronin's age . He's a year old. Still learning. I looked forward to my first Christmas w/ each of my dogs. I guess that was my chain. I would give heaven and earth for one more Christmas with either Daisy or Lucky. Sometimes a dog is more then a dog or pet . You may disagree vigorously with that but its true. I don't know enough about the OP and Ronin but she looked forward to sharing the holiday and came on here to express and rant. I unlike others her get stuck at times and need to vent, maybe another chain or link . I see everyone's point its just that doing it the way the family wants will have some consequences and perhaps several links in a chain.


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## Stevenzachsmom (Mar 3, 2008)

I guess the bottom line for me is - My dogs don't know it's Christmas. We can have our doggie celebration on Christmas, the day/week before or day/week after. I can set aside special time just for them, to enjoy them, and to give them a fun day. It would be a day of no stress and no chaos. All about them. But - that's just me.


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## WateryTart (Sep 25, 2013)

Your MIL doesn't want the dog at her house. It would have been better if she'd spoken up sooner, but she didn't, and here you are. I think she's trying to meet you halfway so you can still come.

Here are your choices (not saying they are good choices, but they are choices): 1) Skip the visit and stay home with the dog; 2) arrange boarding; 3) get a room at a dog-friendly hotel in their city; 4) go on the visit and crate your dog to your MIL's specifications. That's really it. What will work best for you and your husband is up to you guys, but those are your options.

Next time, prearrange boarding for the dog or a hotel for you guys. I know your husband wants you to go, but maybe he would be willing to let you off the hook this time if you agree to plan on a longer timeline next year and board the dog so the visit can happen and everyone is comfortable.


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## Jack's Dad (Jun 7, 2011)

Stevenzachsmom said:


> I guess the bottom line for me is - My dogs don't know it's Christmas. We can have our doggie celebration on Christmas, the day/week before or day/week after. I can set aside special time just for them, to enjoy them, and to give them a fun day. It would be a day of no stress and no chaos. All about them. But - that's just me.[
> 
> You are kidding right? Dogs don't get ready for Christmas ? Don't know it's Christmas?
> 
> Seriously I believe that the OP's dog is not the only issue between these two ladies and it won't get solved here. I do hope they all have a nice Christmas though.


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## carmspack (Feb 2, 2011)

the dog isn't the one making decisions.

there are several things to consider.

from the outset it was clear "my MIL does not like dogs. Or any other animal for that fact. But she especially doesn't like big dogs. So when we got Ronin you can imagine the complaining and comments we got"

we don't know what the husband thinks about the dog -- the time spent --- the issues that the dog does have.

somewhere their has to be some compromise some accommodation . Looks a little bit like the dog is being used as a surrogate which plays out some tensions .

when the in-laws visit I can understand that they are in YOUR house , not the dogs house , YOUR house. Maybe that is part of the problem. 
But you also know that the people are afraid , and a dog who may have issues , lack discipline, is cause for concern.

so when "When my in-laws come to our house, we understand that she is not comfortable and I put Ronin on leash and keep him with me"

But that makes YOU unapproachable . mmmm " we keep Ronin from getting too close to her so she can relax a bit"

is she ? A dog that whines and scrambles and lunges to get close for attention is unnerving to a person who is intimidated by dogs " The sad part is that Ronin LOVES her! He whines and cries when she won't pet him and won't even look at him."

but that is your home. They visit / or not and that is the chance that they take . But the son isn't oblivious - and it is his parent (s) and the dog is becoming a wedge .

When you visit -- the MIL asked "I got a call from her and she asked if we were brining Ronin's crate with us "
so even with all that she is not boycotting the dog -- she is saying these are the conditions that you have to abide with. Just to have the dog there is big of her. 

Rules were made by her subdivision community "We can't even walk him where they live because there is a rule in the subdivision that there are no dogs allowed larger than 40 pounds to be in the subdivision and visitors cannot walk big dogs there either. "
" I know that if you break the rules of the subdivision my MIL said that they can apply a fee or some such thing to the homeowners and it can get costly depending on how mean they want to be. "

It won't get so cold as you state . You might have snow , I'll give you that , but not the bone-snapping -40 C .

This has been an established routine and your in-laws are comfortable , and the community is okay , with this breed .

"My Sister-in-law and Brother-in-law have a 3 year old sheltie that is also going to be coming over at some point, and SHE will be allowed free access to roam and be around for opening gifts. '

Want the best gift ever for the husband ? " but due to the fact that my husband works away so much and he rarely gets to see his family, he wants to stay the night."

one night to see his family without drama ! 

this year will have to shamble along as it does ---- make your plans for NEXT year NOW .

who said Christmas was a vacation. You want vacation then you take yourself away from your routine and obligations, book a flight , go to some heavenly white sand beach with free flowing food and drinks and entertainment , pay for the service , the attention , the being catered to . THAT is a vacation.

Visiting relatives is not a vacation. You are a guest . Guests contribute to the success of the event. It is the spirit and the spirits that you bring.


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## Stevenzachsmom (Mar 3, 2008)

Jack's Dad said:


> Stevenzachsmom said:
> 
> 
> > I guess the bottom line for me is - My dogs don't know it's Christmas. We can have our doggie celebration on Christmas, the day/week before or day/week after. I can set aside special time just for them, to enjoy them, and to give them a fun day. It would be a day of no stress and no chaos. All about them. But - that's just me.[
> ...


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

Stevenzachsmom said:


> Can you hear me singing? Can hear me now? lol!


I can!!! Save it for Halloween and keep your day job!!!!>


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## Saito (Dec 3, 2015)

"And if you click on this thread, folks, you can see people taking pagan holidays way too seriously. The most interesting part about their annual festivities is that even though so much is put into them, 95% of participants dread the festivities; however, most modern day humans are seemingly incapable of free-thinking & breaking away from outdated traditions and doing what makes themselves happy--or shall we say, merry."


"Coming up shortly, you'll next be able to see hundreds of millions of people watch as a shiny ball slowly descends! Thinking this ball somehow has an impact on their lives, they cling to silly traditions, even if it means jeopardizing long last relationships with family & friends. Stay tuned!"


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## Jack's Dad (Jun 7, 2011)

Ah well there are brilliant folks like yourself to keep us enlightened.


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## car2ner (Apr 9, 2014)

Saito said:


> " The most interesting part about their annual festivities is that even though so much is put into them, 95% of participants dread the festivities; however, most modern day humans are seemingly incapable of free-thinking & breaking away from outdated traditions "


Oh my, what a broad brush you paint with. This "modern day human" enjoys having holidays to break up the routine a bit and have wonderful excuses to be with friends and family "making merry". I do hope that this family can boil it all down to what really is important. I think they've gotten some very good advice here. :build_snowman:


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

Saito said:


> "And if you click on this thread, folks, you can see people taking pagan holidays way too seriously.


Christmas is not a Pagan Holiday. Pagan, by definition, is non-Christian. Christmas is the made up holiday the Catholic Church put it place to hi-jack the Pagan Holiday and Festivals occurring at that time cuz ain't no self respecting pagan givin' up their wine and orgy festivals for some po' kid born, in the spring, in a barn. So Wine and Presents and Trees and Capitalism for all!!!!


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## carmspack (Feb 2, 2011)

when you think of it this lyric taken from a carol sums it up nicely 

" The hopes and fears of all the years
Are met in thee tonight"

and you thought it was going to be Rudolph the Red Nosed . ha!


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## Stevenzachsmom (Mar 3, 2008)

Wow, Saito! I love the holidays. I love my large extended crazy family. The holidays are the only time I get to see some of them. Saturday, I had a party with my side of the family. My Italian cousin just married a Greek. Put the Italians and Greeks together and we are louder than ever. Doesn't get any better than that. My mother has dementia and if it wasn't for my family, she wouldn't be able to stay in her own home. My family rocks.

It's been a hard year. My 50 year old BIL died of cancer, in May. There is a lot of pain on my husbands' side of the family. We are hosting a luncheon the day after Christmas to bring the family together. Some feelings are pretty raw. But, I will have all of these people in my shoebox of a house, to try to help them mend. And I am looking forward to it.

You don't have to celebrate a specific holiday, to be thankful. It is nice to take the time to let those closest to you know that you love and appreciate them. Holidays are what you make them.


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## carmspack (Feb 2, 2011)

You don't have to celebrate a specific holiday, to be thankful -- or generous -- or thoughtful ......

so very true. Just imagine . 

Greek and italian -- I can smell the herbs -- must be some good eatin' -- 

may you have the best


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## KillRbee18 (Apr 11, 2016)

Ronin2016 said:


> I had a very upsetting phone call from my Mother-In-Law last night regarding our trip up for Christmas this year. For a bit of a back story, my MIL does not like dogs. Or any other animal for that fact. But she especially doesn't like big dogs. So when we got Ronin you can imagine the complaining and comments we got. We thought we were doing okay with him and her for the first while because she seemed to be coming around. However, then he got bigger and she stays completely away from him.
> 
> When my in-laws come to our house, we understand that she is not comfortable and I put Ronin on leash and keep him with me. It's his house, but out of respect and understanding that other people don't always like big dogs, we keep Ronin from getting too close to her so she can relax a bit. The sad part is that Ronin LOVES her! He whines and cries when she won't pet him and won't even look at him. But I get she's scared of him and I don't push it.
> 
> ...


OMG -- Are you kidding me -- I understand that everyone has their own rules and opinions --- I GET THAT! But if it was me --- my dog and I would have a killer Christmas (without them)... Heck -- if that is a way to keep the In-laws away --- I am running out and getting a pack of GS :grin2: "Titan is the king of our house -- so the wife says!"


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## Thecowboysgirl (Nov 30, 2006)

I'll just say quickly...I had a small conflict with my mother in law over a dog many years ago now. I'll spare you the details, what it boils down to is this: I was being too oversensitive. Luckily she is a forgiving woman and a kind one too. 

I am so grateful that that thing did not sour our relationship. I am also so grateful that when we went to visit most recently, and I was bringing 2 GSDs, I asked her how she felt about it, where she felt comfortable with them being. Her response was, well I know you love them like family so we will treat them like family. I did my best to be a good guest as I stated in earlier posts. We did drive the rv so a huge releif that we could get the dogs out of her house when needed (its a crappy little old rv that we are refurbishing, I wouldn't say we are wealthy, I guess average middle class)

You never know how the relationship might turn out many years down the road...at this time I say I am really grateful a petty thing about a dog didn't ruin our relationship.

Even if things dont seem ideal with the MIL now, they could change for the better and you wouldn't want to midd out on that


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## Ronin2016 (Feb 18, 2016)

I just wanted to explain a little bit why Ronin is so important to me. I have mentioned briefly in my other posts but the entire reason I got Ronin was that I had wanted a GSD puppy my entire life and finally my husband and I got married and we were told that he was finally going to be home for the majority of the year from now on and only away for a little bit of time maybe once a year. It was all looking great and then we got Ronin. Well, not even 2 weeks later, my husband was sent away for over a month and I had to deal with a new puppy all by myself. He became me sole focus. I have no kids, and I was in a new city with no friends to help me, my family two hours away. My husband was then informed that he was going to be working away more than ever and so much for him being home. I now had a new puppy to take care all on my own, got a promotion at work, and was dealing with behavior issues at the same time. I had no support really whatsoever. But I refused to rehome Ronin. I had committed and that was it, I was going to make it work. So I have poured everything I have into this dog, he is what keeps me sane since I rarely see my husband anymore it seems. Ronin is my family, whether everyone agrees with that or not. He is with me when I have a bad day, when I'm alone and missing having someone to talk to, and when I have questions, I come here because I really don't have anyone else around to ask. My trainer is a Schutzhund trainer and he doesn't really help me with day to day stuff, just high obedience work.

Christmas was going to be a time when I would get to spend time with people and my dog and finally get to relax. My FIL is a wonderful person who comes and helps me with outside tasks if I need him to, and he ADORES Ronin. My MIL is a very good person, and we do get along (for those of you who think that we don't) but when it comes to her children, she is controlling and resents that fact they are both married. She still calls and expected my husband (when he gets home from being away) to bring her his clothes to wash for him. She does resent the fact that both us and my SIL and BIL have dogs and that they take up our time. She doesn't like Ronin for his breed and because he is a puppy and can get excited and just wants to constantly play. However, saying all of that, since I last posted, she has called and informed me that she has bought Ronin some toys for Christmas and asked my opinion on them. I was grateful for that, not because of the gifts, but she has since explained that she is scared of Ronin, but that it is because of his breed, and she is afraid if he jumps on her accidentally he might hurt her. We will work it out and I'm sure the holidays will be fine. We'll get through it all.


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## Jack's Dad (Jun 7, 2011)

That is a lot going on in a short time for you and your dog.
I would seriously suggest some human help for you. it's hard to deal with a relatively new husbnd (who is not there mutch) and young dog.
It will also be difficult for your dog to grow without problems because of all that is put on him. He has to be everything for you. He just needs to be a dog. 

Best to you and hope you have a nice Christmas.


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

Ronin sounds like you and your pup have a very close relationship. I agree w/ Jack's Dad you sound like you can use some help. Glad your FIL is so positive , Sounds like your MIL is trying.


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## carmspack (Feb 2, 2011)

I think that all that anyone was saying , myself included , was not to isolate yourself .
Don't put up barriers . 

any relationship , even dog and owner , has to be healthy .

husband is rarely home ? Sounds like Christmas and his family is one opportunity to enjoy each 
other's company and catch up - help cement a bond , maybe talk through things such as why he needs to work those hours and be away so much. 

anything that can be done to change that?

but don't let the dog create a greater divide, a wedge. 

I wish you well .


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## LuvShepherds (May 27, 2012)

We all have opinions and some of the advice here has been harsh, but you don't owe us an explanation. Holidays are a dificult time with extended family and you are just beginning to know your in laws. You will figure it out and in a year or two, you will be offering advice to the next person. One of our relatives once mistreated my puppy out of sheer obnoxiousness and I lashed out. It ruined our relationship with that person. Even though I was right, no one should intentionally hurt a puppy that is eating because it's in their way, I would probably respect the older person more and make adjustments on my end rather than expect them to. We mature and we learn.


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## Ronin2016 (Feb 18, 2016)

Thank you guys. I'll apologize if any of my replies came off defensive or rude. I didn't intend that. I do appreciate advice and suggestions. I do agree that I have put way too much Ronin. I am starting to step back and he goes off and does his thing and Indo mine. I now have friends in the area who can help me but they just left to go home for the holidays but they are great supports. My husband's job is what we need right now because he gets paid ALOT of extra money when he works away and we get debt paid off faster as well as can afford a bit more when it comes to Ronin's training. He isn't interested in finding a new job and that's okay for now. I have a routine when he's gone and it gives me more time to work on the things I need to.

Thank you again everyone and I hope that no is too upset with me. As for the harsh critisism, yes that was hard and it hurt, but all water under the bridge as they say  Sometimes you have to hear it even when you don't want to.

Hope everyone has a Happy Holiday! Ronin says he can't wait to see pics of all his friends enjoying themselves!


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## ksotto333 (Aug 3, 2011)

Ronin2016 said:


> Thank you guys. I'll apologize if any of my replies came off defensive or rude. I didn't intend that. I do appreciate advice and suggestions. I do agree that I have put way too much Ronin. I am starting to step back and he goes off and does his thing and Indo mine. I now have friends in the area who can help me but they just left to go home for the holidays but they are great supports. My husband's job is what we need right now because he gets paid ALOT of extra money when he works away and we get debt paid off faster as well as can afford a bit more when it comes to Ronin's training. He isn't interested in finding a new job and that's okay for now. I have a routine when he's gone and it gives me more time to work on the things I need to.
> 
> Thank you again everyone and I hope that no is too upset with me. As for the harsh critisism, yes that was hard and it hurt, but all water under the bridge as they say  Sometimes you have to hear it even when you don't want to.
> 
> Hope everyone has a Happy Holiday! Ronin says he can't wait to see pics of all his friends enjoying themselves!


What a beautiful boy you have. Merry Christmas!


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## Stevenzachsmom (Mar 3, 2008)

Ronin is gorgeous!


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

Ronin is very handsome and happy.


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## Galathiel (Nov 30, 2012)

I understand where you're coming from to a degree. My husband works out of town every week, but fortunately not more than 4 days at a time, then home for a couple, then travels back. I work, but at home I'm pretty much alone with my dog and cat all week. My day to day revolves around them, refereeing their interactions and messing with Varik. I also read and play a game or two (Diablo 3 anyone?), but not much human interaction during the week's downtime. 

I think as long as you're open to any conciliatory gestures she makes and be as accommodating as you can, you'll be fine. It's hard when a spouse has a controlling parent (yeahhh, I'm trying not to be that in my son's marriage ugh), but hopefully that will gradually lessen in time as she adjusts to the new 'rest of her life' as well.


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