# Is there anyway to ensure the dog bonds to me? (And not my wife :P Hear me out)



## TrentL (May 10, 2011)

This may sound silly ... but as much as I love my wife... she will attempt to steal my dog I know it. 

I've spent months reading dogs, hours on these boards, talking to breeders, planning training, obedience, tracking, fun things for us to do. She shows interest in getting the dog, but nothing to reading up on how to help our dog succeed in his life, and thrive in ours.

I've used up all my holidays so that I can have a dedicated 2 weeks with him to work on House Training and Bonding. 

I want him to love my family, but I want him to be my dog, I want the excitement for when I get home. My wife is a stay at home mom... and she's going to be spending more time during the day with the dog than me. I'm going to be doing all the training.

The breeder suggested providing an old shirt that I have slept for several days a week before I come and get the pup. And of course I'm going to love him, and play with him and spend every moment I can when I'm home. But the second I go to work .....

Just wondering if there are things beside the shirt, and having fun together is enough when she's home ALL the time.

Seems silly but the Kids all want Mommy, leaves Daddy stuck out in the snow with nobody  LoL 

K I get I sound like a 2 year old who doesn't want to share his toys... but in a way that's how I feel L


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## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

you want the pup to be our/family dog. you and your
wife should be equally involved in all phases of your dogs life.
i'm not sure why you want the dog to bond with you more than
your wife. what do you mean your wife will try to steal the dog?


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## rooandtree (May 13, 2012)

my husband has this same problem. But in our case i think its because im the one that does the obedience,feeding,walking.He is the one that does more of the playtime.I also foster and have had adopters ask how to get the dogs to choose one person over the other..and sometimes i think the dog just chooses who they want..sorry dont think this helps much


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## shepherdmom (Dec 24, 2011)

The dog will choose, you can't force it. I've been a stay at home mom and we have had dogs that have bonded with me and dogs that have bonded with my husband and dogs that have bonded with the kids. Some dogs love everyone and some are a 1 person only dog. Do you get to pick out the puppy or is a breader doing it? Cause the only way I've found to ensure the dog will bond to you is to let the puppy pick you.


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## m1953 (May 7, 2012)

Your new pup should bond with everyone in your family especially your wife. If your looking for that something extra bond, usually the one who feeds, brushes, trains,walks, and cleans up after the pup will develope that little extra special bond.


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## Nigel (Jul 10, 2012)

Its almost impossible to insure who your dog will bond with in a family. I'm guilty of stealing my wife's dog (unintentionally). Here is the thread on it.
http://www.germanshepherds.com/forum/general-behavior/186629-i-stole-my-wifes-dog.html


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## BlackthornGSD (Feb 25, 2010)

Do your best to spend the first 48 hours with him and ask your wife to try to ignore him for the first 2 weeks. That's your best bet.


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## Nigel (Jul 10, 2012)

To get the excitement when you come, take him/her out shortly after you get home and do something fun like fetch or some other game. I think one of the reasons my wife's dog bonded to me was when I get home I'm ready to go play or exercise with them. Put them in your truck/car and take your pup somewhere.


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## Whiteshepherds (Aug 21, 2010)

You can't predict who a dog will bond to, but as long as you play with and train the dog when you're home, it should like you at least as much as her.
I'm with both of our dogs almost 24/7. I feed, train and play with them. My husband works from 7 in the morning until about 8 at night, usually 6 days a week. When he walks in the door my dogs will knock me over to get to him.


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## Bear L (Feb 9, 2012)

In my experience, the dog will decide, regardless of who feeds or trains or spends the most time.


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## Alyalanna (May 28, 2011)

BlackthornGSD said:


> Do your best to spend the first 48 hours with him and ask your wife to try to ignore him for the first 2 weeks. That's your best bet.



I think this is your best option. Just realize that it still might not work because some dogs do have a favorite person and it doesn't matter what the other person does for them.


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## Woof_Terrorist (Aug 3, 2012)

ROFL. Great topic!

Here are some ideas:

1) Temporary divorce : You also get compassionate leave from office.

2) Send the wife to Paris on a month long vacation with 3 of your credit cards.

3) Spray your wife's clothes with bitter apple or vinegar. 

4) Secretly create a dummy with a picture of your wife's face on its head and wearing her clothes, and teach your dog how to attack / bite it.

5) Mark your shirt collar with a red crayon and get a picture of a hot co-worker in your wallet. Make sure your wife sees you looking at the picture, ignore her questions, make up a very easy to see through lie. Your wife will be mad at you and thus unpleasant to be around. 

Well I am of course joking about the above points. :hug:

But your concern is shared among a lot of people. The real advise:

1) Walk him and take him for poop/pee when ever you can. Insist on doing it in the morning before going to work, and when you get back in the evening. Wifey gets only in the afternoon when you are out.

2) You serve the pup its food. Who ever feeds, gets MAJOR brownie points.

3) You brush the dog : atleast every other day. Rub him, clean his ears, clip his nails. The more difficult tasks you do, the more the dog knows to trust you.

4) Play with your dog. Playing reinforces hierarchy and bonds in animals.

Your dog will love you more for this, and since you are doing everything, your wife will love you more too. Then ask her for a birthday gift in advance : That this be YOUR dog, and she not do anything to change that.

Sugar gets more ants than vinegar. ROFL. :wild:


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## TrentL (May 10, 2011)

I know it seems silly and I know there will be lots of differing opinions on this and I appreciate the people who are making suggestions. 

Things I'll be doing:
- Getting up with him in the night
- Taking him for a walk every morning and night
- Feeding him in the Morning and Evening
- Playing with him
- Obedience Training (Weekly with an instructor, and probably a couple of times a week at my dad's)
- Tracking with the him.

My wife will be:
- Spoiling him (She can't help it)
- Feeding him in the Afternoon (Until he goes to twice a day)



Whiteshepherds said:


> You can't predict who a dog will bond to, but as long as you play with and train the dog when you're home, it should like you at least as much as her.
> I'm with both of our dogs almost 24/7. I feed, train and play with them. My husband works from 7 in the morning until about 8 at night, usually 6 days a week. When he walks in the door my dogs will knock me over to get to him.


That's what I have envisioned in my head  Whether or not its going to happen I don't know...

- I may move my bedroom out to the living room and just sleep with me and the pup for the first month


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## Danielle609 (Jun 18, 2011)

TrentL said:


> I know it seems silly and I know there will be lots of differing opinions on this and I appreciate the people who are making suggestions.
> *
> Things I'll be doing:
> - Getting up with him in the night
> ...


When I get my puppy can I temporarily marry you so I can get you to do these things with my puppy too? LOL I love my husband to pieces but I already know who is going to wake up at night


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## blackshep (Aug 3, 2012)

lol!

Keep treats in your pockets at all times!


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## harleyboysmom (Apr 22, 2012)

We were lucky with our old dog Harley(r.i.p). He was what I called an equal "lover Puppy". I did all the work, but when he felt like passing out a little love, goes to Dad first, gives lots of kisses, then runs to me, gives lots of kisses.
Our new pup is starting to show those traits also, and I do all the training. 
I hope he loves you and bonds with you both, you don't want a one person dog.
Good luck.


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## TrentL (May 10, 2011)

Danielle609 said:


> When I get my puppy can I temporarily marry you so I can get you to do these things with my puppy too? LOL I love my husband to pieces but I already know who is going to wake up at night


LoL, My father all his life had dogs that were his. Yes they were great with the family, and they were loved us, but they always went to my dad first, and everyone else second. Maybe that's why I want it *Shrug* I'm not the only one from talking around alot of people (Both Men and Women) wanted their dogs to be theirs first. Doesn't always work out though.

I want this dog to be mine, I researched the breeder, read countless books on raising a good puppy, I badger everyone I know who has dogs about making sure I socialize properly use positive re-enforcement, and bring up a good citizen! 

At the end of the day I want to go on "guys" camping trips just the two of us.


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## JeanKBBMMMAAN (May 11, 2005)

Get a female.


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## JakodaCD OA (May 14, 2000)

Things I have done with all the dogs I've gotten, and mine would walk over hot coals to get to me vs my husband who'd they walk on top of to get to me

I have always held the puppy on the ride home..Feed their meals by hand for a couple weeks, and just do what your going to do. 

Mine all 'like' my husband, he's viewed as a play mate, but when it comes down to it, all of mine would leave him in the dust for me

I should I add, I DO have/had the luxury of spending ALOT of time with my dogs, so that time spent probably has something to do with it as well

Good luck and congrats onyour new puppy


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## meldleistikow (Oct 24, 2011)

I second getting a female. In my personal dog experience my females, while they love me, tend to really like males. They were still "my" dogs but my first GSD ADORED my father and he rarely spent any time with her because she was never a house dog and he was very busy. My current female loves my husband and his father (really loves his father) and I am the one that stays home, feeds, walks, plays with, and trains the dogs. 

All my males have bonded more to me. Even the dog my husband had before we met became "my" dog. My current male is 10 months old and follows me everywhere, but is super excited when my husband comes home and will bring a stick to him first when he wants to play fetch.

A dog will choose who it chooses, but I would rather have a dog that loved everyone in the family than one that is bonded to just one person. It makes it much easier on everyone in the family. 

I will admit that it feels really good (sometimes annoying though) when I am the one being followed everywhere and no one else is. So, I get it


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## TrentL (May 10, 2011)

Yeah I heard the "Get a Female" but my house is full of females (And this probably always go back to my father) I've never been drawn to female animals, don't hate them, but I want males. My dad never had females, always males, and his dogs were all great family dogs, but they were very much his dogs. The second my father showed any interest in play the dog would drop the family and run to dad.

I agree I want the dog to be everyone's Sorta like a 25% to each Daughters, 25% to my wife and maybe 30% to me  Just that little extra 



JakodaCD OA said:


> Things I have done with all the dogs I've gotten, and mine would walk over hot coals to get to me vs my husband who'd they walk on top of to get to me
> 
> I have always held the puppy on the ride home..Feed their meals by hand for a couple weeks, and just do what your going to do.
> 
> ...


Those are all things that my father suggested as well..(MInus the hand feeding) so I'll add that to the list!


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## Blanketback (Apr 27, 2012)

JakodaCD OA said:


> I have always held the puppy on the ride home.


This is huge, but don't ask me why. Nine years after the fact, a family member is still upset that I held her puppy on the way home because her dog seems to 'love me more', as she says. Every time I see her dog, she gets jealous of the attention he gives me, it's that bad, lol.


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## blackshep (Aug 3, 2012)

I don't know, I didn't hold my pup on the way home, but I did sit beside her crate in the back seat. She was a bit scared about being held in the car and seemed to like being in the crate where she slept the whole way home.

I have heard that female dogs tend to like male handlers and vice versa, but I'm female, so is my dog, and she's glued to me, so I'm not sure that isn't maybe a myth.


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## KatsMuse (Jun 5, 2012)

Nigel said:


> Its almost impossible to insure who your dog will bond with in a family. I'm guilty of stealing my wife's dog (unintentionally). Here is the thread on it.
> http://www.germanshepherds.com/forum/general-behavior/186629-i-stole-my-wifes-dog.html


Yep! Nigel did the same thing! :rofl: 

Some dogs bond more to one person than others...but, they are still part of the pack and love you. It shouldn't really be a problem. 
We don't have his and hers here...everything is ours. we have 2 dogs in our house.
One has gravitated more to hubby , the other more to me...but they love us both. . 

If you get another dog , that MAY work...but, what if the next one gravitates to your wife too!??


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## MaggieRoseLee (Aug 17, 2001)

Danielle609 said:


> *When I get my puppy can I temporarily marry you so I can get you to do these things with my puppy too?* LOL I love my husband to pieces but I already know who is going to wake up at night


Me TOO!!!



More to the point, if you really spend alot of quality time with the dog, exercising and training, you should really form a fantastic bond with it. Specially with training OUTSIDE the home/yard. So driving to training and teaching helps form your own bond and relationship with a dog.


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## x0emiroxy0x (Nov 29, 2010)

When I first got Rocky, he chose my boyfriend and I was SO upset. He followed Cody everywhere and slept with Cody but did nothing but bite me. I was working 40+ hours a week waiting tables AND going to school and my boyfriend's parents were paying ALL his bills and giving him 500 a month for "allowance" so he could concentrate on good grades. He spent every day with the puppy.

Once I saved up 2000$, I quit my job and hand-fed the puppy every day and walked the puppy every day and every time I came home I had a new toy for him. I was also a *very bad dog owner* and every time my boyfriend scolded the puppy, I would comfort him. It got to the point if he peed in the house or ate clothes, the second my boyfriend would catch him he would run into my lap and sit there  (This led to very bad behavior issues and I don't suggest it!) In one month Rocky made the right decision and became a mommy's boy


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## TrentL (May 10, 2011)

Cool another mention of hand feeding, that's cool, my breeder looked at me funny when I mentioned hand feeding.


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## Sunflowers (Feb 17, 2012)

Bear L said:


> In my experience, the dog will decide, regardless of who feeds or trains or spends the most time.


This.


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## JeanKBBMMMAAN (May 11, 2005)

And I can almost guarantee that because it means so much to you, your dog will pick someone else.  (kidding - but not out of the realm!)


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## billsharp (May 3, 2011)

I think you can try all those things, and they may have some influence, but in the end the dog will pick simply based on "chemistry." Your dog will sense a combination of characteristics in a person in your pack that "clicks" for the dog, and the bonding will be done. It may be that the aloof person who isn't in his face all the time triggers that for him, or it may be the one who feeds and brushes him everyday. It may the one whose presence and bearing makes him feel good and secure, regardless of other factors.

I think it's kind of like having a crush on a girl in the 5th grade--no matter how much you try to do things to impress her, they may not work. She will like the boy she will like, for sometimes inexplicable reasons, that can only be roughly summarized as "chemistry."


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## TrentL (May 10, 2011)

JeanKBBMMMAAN said:


> And I can almost guarantee that because it means so much to you, your dog will pick someone else.  (kidding - but not out of the realm!)


Yeah that's on my mind alot... you suck by the way  hehe


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## *Lisa* (Nov 20, 2011)

The dog really will choose whoever they gravitate towards lol. It may be your wife if she is going to spend more time with the dog during the day, but it may be you if you really put in the effort.

Our girl has a bond with each of us, but our bonds are very different. She is very strongly bonded to my husband. She listens to his commands, she follows him everywhere, she respects him more, she cuddles, etc. My husband works from home, and they spend nearly all day together.

With me, while she can do those things, they're more optional for her, and I have to work harder with her to obtain the actions I want. She doesn't respect me nearly as much. I represent excitement and play to her, since I am gone 10 hours a day at work. The more time I put into her though, the more of a response I get from her.

Her favourite time though is when all 3 of us are together on weekends. She loves when both of us are there to spend time with her, and in general, she is less anxious and spends her time with both of us.


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## Freestep (May 1, 2011)

I think that he'll bond to you no matter what. He will bond to everyone in the family to some extent. I think what you're getting at is that you want that "special relationship", where he gravitates toward YOU at all times, rather than to your wife or kids.

He will certainly love you. But really, what you want is that he respects you. Some dogs appear to LOVE a certain person in the family (and it's not always the one doing the feeding and training), but you can bet your bottom dollar that if you're the one doing the training and controlling the resources, it's YOU the dog will obey, when it comes right down to it. The person who the dog is most affectionate with is not always the person he respects the most. 

For example, my dogs LOVE my husband and often pester him for attention, more so than they pester me. This may be because my husband never disciplines them, allows them to walk all over him, and gives them nothing but affection. *I* do the feeding, walking, training, socializing, etc., and yet they're schmoozing HIM? Well, it makes sense when you think about it. I also hand out the discipline, and he never does, so he is all fun and games, and with him, they know they can get away with stuff I don't allow. He's more of a playmate than a leader. 

However, it's ME that they watch, follow from room to room, and listen to. If my husband and I and any one of our dogs were out in the woods together, and we each went a different direction, the dogs would follow ME. At the end of the day, that is what you really want.

Having said that, if you are really dying to have that LOVE, that affection, that gravitational pull, the only thing that may work is for your family to be gone for a couple of weeks. You could acheive the same effect by having your family ignore him for a couple of weeks, but I know that's not possible.  And even if your family were out of town for the first couple weeks you have him, it's no guarantee that he won't glom onto your wife. So my advice is to take it as it comes, do everything you can with the pup, and hope for the best.


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## Stevenzachsmom (Mar 3, 2008)

My GSD was a shelter dog. I picked her. I did everything for her. My husband wasn't that into dogs. He didn't understand why GSDs followed you around all the time. He didn't pay her much attention. And she ADORED him like no other. She could hear his car coming a mile away. Say, "Daddy's home" and the ears came up and she did the happy dance at the front door. Of course she was a FEMALE. 

I'm glad she chose my husband. She made him into a dog person. No one can withstand that kind of adoration. LOL!

BTW... While it may not always hold true, I have a good friend who is a long time GSD owner. All her married life, she had females, who favored her husband. Their recent dog is a male. He is HER dog.


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## BowWowMeow (May 7, 2007)

My experience has been that if you are a dog person then the dog will bond to you. I have had males and females and they all bonded to me. Other people's dogs bond to me too. My cousins' dog (who she adores and takes great care of) will leave her side to come with me. He's a golden doodle though. 

If you are a fair, kind, consistent and natural leader and also the primary person in terms of exercise, training, etc. then the dog will bond to you. If she ends up being more bonded to your wife then I guess you will just have to get a second dog! :laugh:


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## Stevenzachsmom (Mar 3, 2008)

Ruth, then why do ALL animals love my mother? Dogs and cats just gravitate toward her. She is NOT an animal person. She would never hurt an animal, but she doesn't want them near her. She is actually terrified of cats, but they still love her. HA!


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## BowWowMeow (May 7, 2007)

Stevenzachsmom said:


> Ruth, then why do ALL animals love my mother? Dogs and cats just gravitate toward her. She is NOT an animal person. She would never hurt an animal, but she doesn't want them near her. She is actually terrified of cats, but they still love her. HA!



But notice I said, "if you are an animal person." The law of opposites could also work here so that if you are NOT an animal person they will try extra hard to convert you! 

My childhood Siamese cat used to get right up on the laps of people that hated cats! :crazy:


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## Zeeva (Aug 10, 2010)

LOL. You're funny! I hope it works out for you, but despite all the time I spend with my dogs, the poopy patrol, the walking, the walky dogging and the feeding, my dogs take to my husband!


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## Bear L (Feb 9, 2012)

Stevenzachsmom said:


> Ruth, then why do ALL animals love my mother? Dogs and cats just gravitate toward her. She is NOT an animal person. She would never hurt an animal, but she doesn't want them near her. She is actually terrified of cats, but they still love her. HA!


I've the same mom and same experience. It's weird.... I don't get it.


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## drosado (Aug 9, 2011)

In our case, they were both treated the same by my husband and me. R.D. bonded more closely with me and Mia bonded more closely with my husband. My husband is retired and spends all day with them, but when I get home from work, R.D. becomes my shadow. He will still mind my husband, but it is clear who is #1 person is. Same with Mia. She will greet me with kisses and tail wagging, but then returns to my husband's side.


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## catz (Dec 10, 2010)

You may regret wanting to be your pups favorite. 

My OH is second best in Rio's eyes but he..

-enjoys the privacy of going to the bathroom alone
-doesn't get whined at for food 
-can leave the house without the drama 
-doesn't get toys buried in his lap while he tries to work
-doesn't notice subtle changes in Rio so never panics when shes a little off 

He actually says he prefers being second best because she expects very little of him while she pesters me for everything! He likes being a playmate over a provider. 

I do agree with the holding the puppy on the drive home advise though. The only puppy I didn't hold coming home was the one that bonded with me the least and loved my ex. Congrats on your new baby


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## TrentL (May 10, 2011)

Thanks for all the great advice and the fantastic laughs! I need both!


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## Jag (Jul 27, 2012)

Freestep said:


> I think that he'll bond to you no matter what. He will bond to everyone in the family to some extent. I think what you're getting at is that you want that "special relationship", where he gravitates toward YOU at all times, rather than to your wife or kids.
> 
> He will certainly love you. But really, what you want is that he respects you. Some dogs appear to LOVE a certain person in the family (and it's not always the one doing the feeding and training), but you can bet your bottom dollar that if you're the one doing the training and controlling the resources, it's YOU the dog will obey, when it comes right down to it. The person who the dog is most affectionate with is not always the person he respects the most.
> 
> ...


Could not have said this better!! My wife let our shepherds get away with anything. They loved her, but ignored her when they felt like it. I was always viewed as 'the leader' even though I worked a lot. I trained them, kept them in line, etc. They were both VERY bonded to me. They look for the leader.


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## JeanKBBMMMAAN (May 11, 2005)

TrentL said:


> Yeah that's on my mind alot... you suck by the way  hehe


:rofl:

You're welcome!


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## TrentL (May 10, 2011)

Well I for sure bonded to Draven or more like bonded to me didn't take long I tried holding him on the way home but he was fussy instead he laid beside me and hid his face in my ball cap

I slept on the couch for the first three nights and his crate beside me. He goes to my wife with glee but if I'm gone to long he fusses.

He almost always sleeps up against me or near me and when off leash in the backyard he follows me around and gets whiny when I disappear (hiding) and he quickly comes to find me.

That being said...being his personal chew toy is SO frustrating!! I had to put him in his outside kennel last night he nipped me so hard he drew blood (in a scrape not a puncture) 

So ask and you shall recieve but careful what you ask for lol


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## bocron (Mar 15, 2009)

You'll find that the GSD will also bond to the one who sets the rules. So don't be afraid to establish boundaries (no biting you LOL) and getting going with fun training. In our house we have 9 GSDs (yes, 9 in our house!). 2 are mine, 3 are my daughters and 4 belong to my husband. They are all members of the family as a whole, but each dog knows who to report to, so to speak. The one who does the training, the feeding and the exploration of the world is who they bond to around here. All of them respect the family unit and will respond when called by any family member, but at the end of the day each adjourns to sleep with "their" person. 
Good luck with the new pup!


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## Jo_in_TX (Feb 14, 2012)

I slept with Teddy on the sofa for the first five days so she wouldn't wake my husband who had to get up very early every morning, and I could also pop her outside since we were five feet from the back door. After a few days, I moved her crate right next to our bed where I sleep, and nine months later, she still sleeps in a crate two feet from me. 

Most mammal mommies  sleep with their young, so I think that it is quite natural to think that sleeping with your pup with contribute to the bonding experience.


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## TrentL (May 10, 2011)

Yeah we aren't too too strict right now with rules just repetition of "no-bite" an strict a toy in his mouth

It's more about new experiences fun and good experiences


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## Jag (Jul 27, 2012)

Don't feel alone about being the chew toy, Trent! I've got bruises, scratches, scrapes, etc. all over my arms, LOL! I'm on prednisone, though, and have sjogren's so my skin is very sensitive to anything and everything. On top of that, I get nipped on a regular basis by at least one of my parrots.  However, we're still in the 'nice to meet you' and 'everything is OK and happy' so the only thing Grim may hear is a gentle 'ah-ah' and then a toy goes in his mouth. I've had to remove his mouth from my arms several times! He's over his jet lag now, and he's a bundle of energy! The only time he sleeps is when I put him in his crate!  This phase won't last forever! I'm glad that your boy is bonding to you like you'd hoped!!


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