# My pups... The whole Story.



## Crywulf (Aug 31, 2011)

Lemme start out by saying this will most likely be long, and will have many errors as I am tearing up before I have even started writing. 


I had 3 German Shepherds. 'Had' Is the key word in this story. Their names are Shelbie, Fury, and Steelie. I used to live in a large house with my family. Everything was alright, things were where they should be. Good times. Today is about the exact opposite of those days, and has been for 2 years now.

Lets start off with Shelbie. We got shelbie as a puppy from the pound I believe, when I was young. I am fourteen now, to clarify. Shelbie was a loving affectionate girl. She was a mix, but we never knew with what. She had a Black/LIGHT Tan coat. I remember when I would sit by the stairs and she would come next to me and lay down. She would lick my leg until I told her to stop or moved away. She was like my second mom. I loved her and she loved me, more than anything. I, however, stopped showing affection to her after a while, when we got our other dogs (Fury and Steelie) and that is one of my biggest regret. I would be laying with Steelie and Fury and she would be in the corner. By herself. I didn't think much of it, and i feel terrible for that. If she was here right now I would spend all the time I could with her. One of the saddest things I think of is her, as a kind of ghost that I can't see or feel, and her licking my leg as she used to, but I can't feel it. Like as if right now, as i'm crying, shes trying to comfort me, yet I wouldn't know. Later in life she developed arthritis. This is the time she needed me most. The time where I could repay all the tears she licked off my cheeks, all the bad days she made great. Yet I didn't. At one point, I realized it would be her time soon, and spent as long as I could crying into her fur, trying to say everything I needed to say, and looking back on it, I don't believe i said everything i wanted to, and that kills me inside. I did that a couple of days. Not saying everything I needed to say... Then the day came... The day we took her to the vet... The day I cried harder then ever... The day of my #1 regret. The vet left me in the room to say my last words... I don't remember what they were but I know it wasn't great. I know I said I love you... That might've been it. Now heres the point where I have the most regret. The doctor asked if I wanted to be in there with her during the euthinization. I said no. My dad (the only one with me) also refused to go in. I regret that she died in a room full of strangers because I thought it would be too sad to watch her die. I let her die in a room full of strangers after promising to protect her. No one she knew was there to pet her til her last breath. No one to comfort her. Every night I cry because of this. Shelbie, if you are next to me right know girl, know that i loved you so much, and im sorry for all the "Bad girl"s and the yelling. I love you, and I want you to know that. Since I won't be going to heaven, you'll have to wait for Chris at rainbow Bridge. You're a good dog.



Let's go on to Fury. We got Fury in 2006 I wanna say. He was a police K9 who was given to us because he bit too hard and wouldnt release. He was an adventurous dog... We got him when her was about 4.. He always bit bees out of the air and chased lizards and such. One day he bit my shoulder. He was stung by a scorpion twice in the leg (Unknown to us) and I accedentally touched it. He almost ripped my shoulder out, and I wouldn't go near him for 2 weeks. I wish I could get those two weeks back to hang with him... Fury isn't dead though. When my parents split up, me and my mom were forced to move into an apartment that was too small for 2 GSD's and they didn't allow them either. So we gave Fury to my moms friend at the time (now ex-friend) and I got to see him a few times before my mom was fired from her job as a teacher, and her boss spread rumors about her... So she lost all those friends. INCLUDING THE ONE IN POSSESSION OF MY PUP. So I wouldn't be able to tell you if he is alive or not. I don't even know where he is at the moment. Fury, I hope you are in the greatest place you can be in. You're a good dog, and you're like a brother to me. I love you, never forget that. When I saw you at their house, you either didn't remember me, or were mad at me for breaking my promise. I said I would protect you and love you forever... And I'm sorry pup... I hope you forgive me. 


Last one... Steelie. We got steelie for free on Craigslist from some guy whose wife wouldn't let him keep him because she was afraid he'd hurt their son. I don't know if you read the poem that is similar to that, but it's basically the same thing. The look in his eyes as he gave his best friend up was heart-wrenching. He obviously loved that dog more than anything in the world. And I know why. Steelie was a dog who loved everyone and everything, especially his family. Fury attacked him numerous times before he realized they were brothers. I remember how he would lay his head on my lap and actually WATCH TV with me... And in my house after that one (a couple months before I gave up 3 parts of myself [metaphor for the dogs]) he would lay on my futon and nap as I sat next to him. He would always want to play in any way he could... I loved him dearly... Even though he always bit my ear... He was about 2 when we got him in about '09, but he was a big dog. Steelie, I know there where a lot of times when we would say you were bad,but you need to know that you weren't. You're a good pup. I remember the way you walked down stairs making everyone laugh... And sometimes you got hurt, and i helped you most of the time. Im sorry we took you into our home, and spit you out 1 and a half years later. I always said you'd be my puppy, and you still are... I'm sorry for making you leave us... I saw the look you had when you left your last master... You were depressed for weeks... I don't know what you think of me, and I don't know if you're still waiting for me to come get you like you waited for your old master way back then. But remember puppy, if I had the chance, i would get all of you back together. I would go as far as I had to to get you. 


To all of my dogs. I'm sorry I couldn't keep you. If I could, i would get you all back in a heartbeat. I said I would protect you, but i had no say in any of this. I am so sorry I broke that promise... That is definitely my biggest regret of all time, that i didn't protect you until the end. 

I hate my parents for making me lose all my dogs... But I love them still... I need my dogs back... I think those dogs were the only thing keeping me happy.

Reader: If you have or are getting a German Shepherd, hold onto it forever, love it, and prepare to make the best friend you have ever met. Never hurt it. Treat it like a brother. But be prepared for the death of your best friend.


I think it would hurt less if i hadn't lost all 3 of my dogs within 2 months... and on top of that: Divorce, Poverty, Depression, etc.

Please leave something that may make me feel better... Or just a comment on the story... Thank you...



-Nate


----------



## Danielle609 (Jun 18, 2011)

That was a beautiful story Nate! Had me in tears! Keep your head up, I know it is not easy to lose your best friends, especially during such a hard time for you. You have no control over what your parents do, and in the end you may realize that they are doing the bet they can. Still doesn't make it any easier. Make sure something good comes out of you life struggles. Get through High School, Find a career that you love and when you are on your own and get your own dogs, remember everything that you just said. Good luck Nate, sounds like things are difficult right now for them, but you will get through them. And on a side note, if you really think that you are depressed, do not feel embarrassed to go talk to someone, it might help! I see too many teens try to hold their feeling inside, not good!


----------



## Stosh (Jun 26, 2010)

They taught you powerful lessons- hold on to them to get you through these tough times. Do everything you can to get yourself in a position where you can have another gsd, this time for the rest of it's life. Sorry your parents are making stupid mistakes


----------



## GSDBESTK9 (Mar 26, 2002)

Nate, I cried like a baby while reading your story, and I'm at work!!! :crazy:

I'm sorry for what you are going through, but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. When a door closes, a window opens. Don't give up. You will some day have GSDs of your own and I'm sure you will try your best to be the best possible owner.

Hugs to you.


----------



## robinhuerta (Apr 21, 2007)

Nate,
Being a teenager is a very, vary hard time in life. Things happen that you have no control over, and life can make you experience some very tough times and decisions.
ALL these things will mold you to be a better person (if you learn from them).
Express your thoughts and feelings, share them with others.
Right now you are filled with hurt, anger & remorse.....these are "good feelings"...they validate that you care.
Use your ability to "care" for the dogs, as a stepping tool in assisting you to learn more about the dogs. Perhaps you could consider "volunteering" at a shelter or animal clinic. *Share your time & love with unfortunate dogs that *need* people that care about their welfare.*
Take care of yourself Nate....continue to share your thoughts and feelings....things will get better.


----------



## 1sttimeforgsd (Jul 29, 2010)

Nate, so sorry that you are experiencing such great loss at such an early age. Take your education seriously, so that when you reach adulthood you will be able to have more gsd's in your life and be able to care for them and love them like you didn't get a chance to now. Try your best to make good grades and get a degree from college so that you may be able to make your own life choices and that no-one else will be making those choices for you.

You at the age of only 14 show great love and compassion for the breed that we all love. Use that love to help you get through these rough times and keep your head up, for I feel that you are going to be a successful person someday just from reading your story. 

God Bless you and help guide you on the right path.


----------



## DharmasMom (Jul 4, 2010)

Nate, your story completely made me cry. I am sure that all of your dogs knew how much you loved them. GSDs are so smart like that. I can't imagine how hard things are for you right now. Being a teenager is tough enough with out all of the other stuff going on in your life. It has to be especially hard when your best furry friends aren't there to comfort you. 
It may be a good idea to try and talk to someone. Is there a teacher or counselor at school you trust?? Also, no matter what, please try to stay focused on school. It is so important. One day when the time is right you will have another wonderful GSD come into your life. One of your very own. And you will get to keep that wonderful pup from the time you bring them home until they are old and grey. 
Please hang in there. <hugs>


----------



## NewbieShepherdGirl (Jan 7, 2011)

Nate:
I am very sorry for what you have been through. Being a teenager/young adult is a very tough time. It's a time when you have relatively little control, yet expectations to live up to. You have very limited knowledge, yet are asked to make informed decisions. As someone who is only a little older than yourself (20) I would like to say that being a young adult, at least for people who are doing it right, is a time of lots of lessons in a very limited amount of time. In the past year I have learned more lessons than I even care to think about, and I know I'm not out of the woods yet. I call this part of life being "adult light". Take the lessons you learn in the "adult light" stage, and know that the older you get the more opportunities you have to put those lessons to work. For instance, you've learned now that you don't ever want to take anyone you love for granted, and you only get one chance to let them know how much they mean to you. If you take that and try to apply it to your daily life from now on, you'll have made yourself a better person.


----------



## selzer (May 7, 2005)

Nate, for fourteen, you have an awesome command of the English language, and with that a very bright future. You need to work hard and get yourself through college because you have the potential to be whatever you want to be. 

The problem right now is money. But now is the time to work at keeping your grades up and look for scholarships. Or a path through the service and through school. But you have a good brain and a good heart. You have all the tools you need to get where you want to be. Money is a temporary problem, a hurdle. I am sure you will figure that out. But you must go to college and use your brain and your wits. 

Now you have just been through enough pain that could break down adults and make them give up. That's hard, and nothing I can say can make that go away or I would. Worse yet, your parents are in the thick of it, and they probably cannot see exactly how all of this is affecting you. Friends your age are invaluable, but they may not be the best people to work with as they can turn on you -- just like your mother's friend. But teenagers are not all the safest to confide in. Is there an adult in your life, who you can trust, who has been decent to you? It would be good to talk to this person, and let them know how you are feeling. 

Have you considered getting a job? Through your school guidance office, they may be able to help you get yourself a job that can actually help you in a lot of ways. For one thing, it can help you learn where your strengths and weaknesses are, and what you really want to do down the road. But it can also provide you with something to channel your energies into for a while. 

I am really sorry that you lost your dogs. It sucks and there is no way around that. But it _is not_ your fault. It may not be your mother's fault or your father's fault. Decisions had been made that affected you negatively, but it is possible that whatever choices were made it was going to have a negative outcome for you. We rarely know from where we are standing, why or how things happen or how they will work out, but looking backwards 50 years, we can often point at some of our worst moments, and see how they changed our direction for good, how they made us a stronger or better person, how they prepared us to the work that we will have done in our lives. And I am not talking about our job for our existence but the work that we do that gives our lives meaning.

Please know that you have some powerful gifts. I can tell in your writing that you are intelligent and can make it. What is going on right now is temporary. This will get better.


----------



## sagelfn (Aug 13, 2009)

Nate-

I know people older than you that can't express their feelings as well as you just did. Don't lose that. Don't ever be afraid to share what's inside of you. Being young is difficult. Things happen that effect you and you have no control over it. Take these experiences, learn from them and set yourself up so in the future they will never be repeated.


----------



## Crywulf (Aug 31, 2011)

Thank all of you for the nice thoughts... For everybody who told me to stick to school and keep my chin up, don't worry. I am doing great in school as I always have, and am aggressively pursuing a career as an actor. I am also currently writing a book (that explains my awesome english as 'Selzer' said). However, Robinhuerta; How can I volunteer at a shelter and what would I do? Knowing I can do that at this age sort of interests me.

Once again thank all of you, and I am not too terribly sad about this any more. I just cry some nights while I'm alone and wanted to get my thoughts somewhere where people could help me. 


Thank you all.

~Nate


----------



## Stosh (Jun 26, 2010)

It's normal and natural to be sad and it does take time to reconcile overwhelming feelings of loss, regret, guilt, conflict. Acting sounds like a great way to express your talents and emotions. You can volunteer at shelters to play with and exercise the dogs. You can also volunteer to walk dogs for people who are elderly or can physically exercise their dogs enough. Or start a dog sitting/walking business. I have no doubt that you'll succeed at whatever you put your mind to


----------



## Crywulf (Aug 31, 2011)

Stosh said:


> It's normal and natural to be sad and it does take time to reconcile overwhelming feelings of loss, regret, guilt, conflict. Acting sounds like a great way to express your talents and emotions. You can volunteer at shelters to play with and exercise the dogs. You can also volunteer to walk dogs for people who are elderly or can physically exercise their dogs enough. Or start a dog sitting/walking business. I have no doubt that you'll succeed at whatever you put your mind to


So basically I can go into a shelter and volunteer to play with the dogs and stuff? That sounds amazing! I think ill try that some time


----------



## JulieBays (Jun 26, 2011)

Nate:

I am 49 years old but I remember my life at 14 years old. It wasn't happy. My mom and dad divorced during my 3rd grade. After this, my mom went through lots of depression. We had a hard time. My mom married multiple times and they were all bad. By the time I was your age, I sort of gave up. I had an Irish Setter who was my constant companion though. When my mom gave him away due to circumstances of a rental, I shut down. By the time I was 15, I dropped out of high school. Don't get me wrong, I was a good student and a good writer like you. I was so depressed and so mad at the fact that I couldn't control what was going on, I just gave up. I spent the next 3 years wandering. I left home. It was the worst thing I should have done. My mom was far from perfect. Actually, she sucked as a mom during this time. But, in the end, she loved me.

Fast forward to the future. I decided that I would not repeat my mother's legacy. I went back to school. I graduated the top of my class in college and became a prosecutor and raised two sons. Finally, when I turned 49 years old, I got my GSD for ME.

But, when my mother died, I coiled up in a fetal position and thought I would never survive her death. Even though she wasn't perfect, she made me who I am. It would take a book to explain everything I'm trying to say but I do want to say, you are not alone. EVER.

Thanks for the story. I cried my eyes out. My perfectionism now needs people like you to remember where I came from. Sometimes we forget our awful past.


----------



## sagelfn (Aug 13, 2009)

Crywulf said:


> So basically I can go into a shelter and volunteer to play with the dogs and stuff? That sounds amazing! I think ill try that some time


Find the website for your local humane society or shelter. They usually require you to attend some type of training - learn policies, time required, etc.. Then you can volunteer.

They usually require you to be at least 16 

here is one of Chicago's site's with requirements for an example
The Animal Welfare League - Volunteers


----------



## Crywulf (Aug 31, 2011)

sagelfn said:


> Find the website for your local humane society or shelter. They usually require you to attend some type of training - learn policies, time required, etc.. Then you can volunteer.
> 
> They usually require you to be at least 16
> 
> ...



Okay thank you, I'll check it out!


----------



## Dogaroo (Mar 4, 2003)

Crywulf: Keep writing, and learn everything you possibly can about writing to fine tune your already incredible gift.


----------



## Crywulf (Aug 31, 2011)

*Quick Update*

Hey Guys, I just recently found out that the people we gave Fury to apparently put him in a pound or something... However I do believe he is no longer with us, yet here next to me now, in spirit... Thanks...


----------



## Stosh (Jun 26, 2010)

Sorry to hear that, but his spirit lives on with you. I hope things are going well for you and that you'll be able to have a gsd again


----------

