# Goodbye my first true love.



## audrienco (Apr 22, 2016)

Tonight we said goodbye to this little angel. She was a trooper throughout her entire life, but ultimately we lost her to brain and nasal cancer. We were still in the process of getting further testing back on her nasal cancer when the brain tumor began to show signs of a rapid health decline. She was experiencing seizures at night time and ultimately losing her ability to use her back legs. Once regaining strength, she would pace the house back and forth in the same pattern running into things and getting stuck in corners. It was time to say goodbye, even though it was the hardest decision I have ever made. 

You were my first dog adopted at 12 weeks, my best friend, and my everything. I will miss you everyday, forever. Im not quite sure how to go on without you here. Your sister, Serena, also is unsure of how to cope. My heart breaks knowing I wont see you at the window as I come home. Not hearing your tags/collar jingle as you come trotting down the hallway. Not being able to cuddle every waking and sleeping moment together. 

Please give me strength to continue on and celebrate your life. 

RIP Audrie


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## KaiserAus (Dec 16, 2016)

I'm so sorry for your loss! RIP Audrie


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## Bramble (Oct 23, 2011)

She was beautiful. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## annabirdie (Jul 3, 2015)

so sorry for your loss. What a sweetie.


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## car2ner (Apr 9, 2014)

keep those tissues at the ready when the happy memories come flooding back in. 
((hug))


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## kelbonc (Aug 25, 2014)

I am so sorry for your loss. RIP sweet Audrie.


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## RZZNSTR (Jan 24, 2015)

I am very sorry for your loss!


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## wolfy dog (Aug 1, 2012)

I am so sorry. I know the feeling all too well. Heal well, you and Selena.


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## Chip18 (Jan 11, 2014)

Oh that sounds heartbreaking, it's bad enough to lose them but to watch them struggling is an extra kick in the gut. Sorry for your loss.


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## RuthArt (Oct 25, 2017)

Losing a valued friend, one who has been at your side for many years, is so difficult...
but even more when you have to be the one to decide when to let go. I hate it and
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. 
Grief, it's such an exhausting and painful thing to endure. You and
Serena will comfort and help each other get through this time of sorrow. Time to
remember, time to grieve, time to cry, time to heal....it's a roller coaster and I'm
right there with you in the front row!!!
Hugs


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## audrienco (Apr 22, 2016)

Thank you for the kind words everyone. I never imagined it to be this difficult and yet I feel guilty for also being relieved that she is no longer suffering. I feel as if she thinks I took the quote:easy way out: and is mad at me for letting her go in the middle of the night. 

When I flew home days early from an international trip, I arrived to see her holed up in her cage. We spent one last day together napping and cuddling on the couch watching TV before she had her last seizure at bedtime that ultimately led to her complete mental confusion. I knew when I saw her panting for hours, pacing for hours, having focal seizures, stuck in corners of the house head first, falling over, running into the walls, and unwilling to allow us to guide her back to sleep... it was time. I could not endure another night of seeing her in pain. 

While Im glad she held out long enough for me to come home to her and spend one last day of cuddles... I now feel so lonely without her. She filled my soul and heart with so much comfort, Im afraid it will never feel whole again.


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## bkernan (May 17, 2009)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know nothing anyone says can be much comfort right now, but try to keep the memories of your favorite times with her top of mind and know you did all you could in her final days. No one deserves suffering and those final hard days are just a small piece in what sounds like a beautiful life she had with you otherwise. It's the hardest decision in the world and the emotions come from every angle before and after. We do the best we can. 

Your post made me cry from beginning to end - I hope you begin to feel better soon. These dogs are such a gift, RIP Audrie..


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## Jenny720 (Nov 21, 2014)

We learn a lot from these incredible animals even when they move on from this world. So sorry of the loss of your beautiful Audrey.


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## RuthArt (Oct 25, 2017)

I remember when my mom passed away, I had seen her that day and she looked so different
from the mom I loved. I had a picture of her when she was sick but still looked like
herself....I put that in front of me at work and looked at it many times. Now I don't even 
remember how she looked that last day.
I am doing the same with Wiena, who passed on 9/6/17. Going through all her pictures
has helped me remember her as a sweet pup and how she grew to be the lovely girl
of my heart. I still cry when I miss her doing those day to day things, even when the
smoke alarm goes off. But it's not as bad as it was the first month. It's been 10 weeks
today. I had 20 weeks with her after diagnosis of cancer. This 10 weeks seems longer
than the 20 I had at the end. Strange eh?
Hang in there, look at pictures, cry, talk about her....she was an important part of your
life and is still there in your heart and memories.


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## GatorBytes (Jul 16, 2012)

From Serena


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## audrienco (Apr 22, 2016)

Lately it's been hard to remember the good times and I only keep replaying the last few moments and dying week in my head. I find myself replaying her seizures, hopeless confusion, and dying in my arms over and over throughout the day. 

I'm finding it hard to move on. My husband tends to shy away from conflict and pushes the emotions away (which I understand we all grieve differently - no hard feelings there). My other pure GSD pup (almost 2 years), is not much of a cuddler. While she has gotten a lot better (Her puppy days = she did not like to cuddle, she was loving, but being forced to cuddle was not her strong trait) - now she will cuddle for a few minutes or few hours tops - but eventually moves away to the other side of the couch or goes off to play with her toys. My recently passed rescue pup LOVED to cuddle - she was there right next to me, almost suffocating me, as soon as I wake up until it was time for bed. She was your kind of BFF shadow dog, my soul mate. She knew exactly what I was thinking without even asking. I miss her companionship, I miss the 85 lb weight of her on my lap, I miss getting way too hot but not willing to move the cuteness from my lap. I want the happy moments to flood in, even if it does cause more tears. 

I don't want my grief to affect my relationship with Serena (2 yr old GSD) - but i'm afraid it already has. When my older was dying, I had a six sense about it and felt it year in advance, I started to baby her more, show her loads of cuddle time and attention, etc. I don't ignore my 2 year old GSD by any means, but of course I wanted to get in as much time as possible with the older before saying goodbye. I still took the 2 year old GSD to training classes, pet stores, 1 on 1 time, etc. She is quite shockingly taking the passing of her sister quite well. Some may call me crazy for making an assumption that "she knew well before we did" - she could constantly sniff the areas of brain tumor, nasal cancer, etc. She was easy on her and not pestering her as much as she used to. It also helps that shes younger and very vibrant - she loves to play and I hope I can open my heart even bigger than before to help myself heal with her by my side. 

Any suggestions are welcome. Thanks for being my outlet to grief and express myself everyone, I appreciate you all.


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## tim_s_adams (Aug 9, 2017)

So sorry for your loss! No matter how it happens, when it happens it's difficult. And yes, I'd be surprised if the good memories were surpassing the bad ones this soon...but it will come in time. She was as lucky to have you as you were lucky to have her...hold on to that for now, and in time the good memories will be what you remember the most!


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## audrienco (Apr 22, 2016)

We got a great card in the mail today from our "Pet Sitter" Company.. they donated a tree to be planted Chippewa National Forest in memory of our girl Audrie. 

This really helped comfort me just a little bit during this difficult time.


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## RuthArt (Oct 25, 2017)

the tree memorial is so nice, I intend to do that in spring at our house.

this is such a rough time for you, I know. those memories of the time
of struggle seem to be haunting you, I go through the same thing even
though it's been 15 weeks, but not as much as at the beginning. It
takes time to get through this, and it seems forever, but just keep giving
the younger dog your attention, she will come around and she will
be close to you in a different way. My cats have changed since Wiena
passed, they are much more loving now, I think they must have 
sensed the cancer in her and were put off. 

You are in my thoughts, I pray for peace and comfort for you,
especially at this time of year, it is very difficult. hugs


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## Cassidy's Mom (Mar 30, 2003)

What a beautiful tribute, she sounds like a very special dog. I think it's very possible that Serena was able to sense in some way that things weren't right. When we lost Dena, Keefer wasn't himself for months. They had been together since he was 9 weeks old, and they were joined at the hip. He did get over the loss but it was hard for him, he visibly grieved for her.


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