# Life Without Odin...



## Cthulhu_Cult (Oct 28, 2013)

It's been almost a week since losing Odin. I knew at some point I would have to face the prospect of our family without his presence, but despite being cognizant I don't think we're ever really 'ready'.

The last month or two has been turbulent. He was diagnosed with spondylitis after he began losing bladder control around the house and having trouble passing urine. He initially responded well to the antibiotics and flowmax, so our vet was content to continue treating him for spondylitis. The only other culprit was prostate cancer but that didn't seem as likely at the time.

We watched his progress and just a few weekends ago he rallied with what seemed to be the Odin we were used to; therefore we continued to plan our short family vacation as we had only a small window of opportunity before the holidays and a massive global go-live for the project I am working on.

Odin's appetite slowed before we were to fly out, so instead of boarding him at his usual place we opted for our vet simply because he was on medication and we have family that works there. 

They called us with updates each day but the evening before flying back we got the bad news. Odin began throwing up blood with his food which prompted x-rays of his chest area. That's when the decreased lung capacity and masses were found.

We did not tell our daughter so as not to spoil the remainder of the trip, but flew back the next day and drove immediately from the airport to the vet.

The rest was so horrible and part of me wanted to run far away, but the sensible part of me knew what to do. After we spent time with Odin and I had some alone time with him to thank him for all he did for the family, I told him to rest well and that his watch had ended. I would have to take it from here for a time. 

I held him until he passed knowing that part of me would die with that dog. He was my 'Once in a Lifetime' dog I'm afraid.

So here I am almost a week later...found this site over the weekend after trying everything to dull the pain. Alcohol, spending time with family, spending time alone...nothing helped for very long. So I started looking at GSD info and prospective breeders just to remind myself that perhaps a happier day will come again.

I'm desperately clinging to the bittersweet end of the spectrum as opposed to the darker area because not only was I blessed with a wonderful friend, but I got to spend more time with him that most do with their dogs. Over the last 3-4 years, the office I worked in was closing but I was retained by corporate. Until the location fully closed, I took Odin with me most days and then after closure I started working from home when not travelling.

Odin has been my constant companion - from the home office to picking our daughter up from school. He touched hearts from co-workers to neighbors to the vet and local boarding / playcamp. 

The recurring theme across the board over the last week from everyone has been that Odin was 'soulful' and he had the kindest eyes - like they looked into your soul.

I know it's true. He looked into mine. He fundamentally changed me. He had his share of issues that I was forced to deal with - namely DEEP seated storm fear. I learned how to care for others and how selfish I was in my 'pre GSD' life. He basically prepared me for fatherhood...and he became a perfect big brother to our daughter 7 years ago.

I realize this post has been perhaps disjointed, but my mind and heart are still in chaos. It will be for some time.

I tried to concentrate on work today, but was only marginally successful. 

I just keep looking at all the wonderful dogs on this site and hope that one day I can find another friend that will take their place in this family to help fill this massive chasm in my soul.

For those going through the loss or quickly approaching, I hope you too can realize that the depth of our grief is directly proportional to the depth of the love we share with our dogs.


Kind regards,

Mike


----------



## gsdsar (May 21, 2002)

I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a best friend is terrible. Have dogs long enough and you go through it. 

Odin sounds like an amazing friend and great dog. My thoughts and prayers are with you. 


Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## JakodaCD OA (May 14, 2000)

Mike, I think most of us have been, and are going thru what your going thru

It's the worst I lost my male dog two years ago, he was one of my very special ones, and to think about him, leaves a dull ache still

I have 3 other dogs that take up my time, and I love them all, but there was just something about 'him', that makes me feel ill when I think of him not being here..

Tho another will not replace what you've lost, I thank god every day for my other dogs, they've kept me moving, and make me smile every day..

I'm sure at some point, you will find one that will put a smile on your face as well..

Since you are so missing Odin, can you go back to his breeder? For the future?? 
The girl I have now, is somewhat the same lines as my male was, which is what I like, and she reminds me alot of him at times...

Hang in there, I won't say it gets easier, because words are easy to say..


----------



## Crocky (Aug 16, 2013)

So sorry for your loss! Odin sounds like he was a great companion. Your last sentence sums it up! We lost our girl in July this year and I think of her everyday! I wish you much peace my friend!


----------



## TAR HEEL MOM (Mar 22, 2013)

My heart hurts for you. I am so sorry. I know there are many who will never understand the depth of the grief, but most of us here do and we hurt along with you.

Blessings to you.


----------



## Shade (Feb 20, 2012)

It never stops hurting but eventually you get to a point where memories make you smile rather than tear up. I lost Alex 3 years ago this month and I still cry at moments thinking about him, but then I start to remember the fun things we did together. I remember his "high 5" trick and how much the residents at the nursing homes we visited adored him. I remember the way he always slept in front of the front door of the house when I left no matter how long I was gone just so that he wouldn't miss me walking back through the door. Even the memory of his last breath and how he snuggled his head into the crook of my arm as if to tell him "its ok" before passing peacefully has some sweetness to it now. These memories used to make me weep and my heart hurt so bad that I wanted to tear it from my chest but now it just aches

I can only send hugs and sympathy and pray you find another dog just as special but in a different way. We never replace the ones we lose in our hearts but each one is sent for a reason and brings something new to our lives.

My greatest comfort is that I truly believe that when we arrive at Heaven that all our pets will be waiting there to greet us there and we will never have to be separated again. They're free of pain and sadness and have all they need while they're waiting patiently 

Not all people understand the loss of a beloved pet, but here we do. If you need to talk we’re all here for you and understand the pain you’re going through :hugs:


----------



## blehmannwa (Jan 11, 2011)

I have tears in my eyes. I lost two 14 year old shepherds and a 10 year old pit in the course of six months about two years ago. If I hadn't already had a pup, I don't think that I could have gotten through the loss.

As George Carlin said. "Life is a series of dogs."


----------



## Cthulhu_Cult (Oct 28, 2013)

Thanks all for your thoughts and sentiments. I really appreciate that coming from people who understand.

After a week has passed since it was a reality as to what was going on and what I had to do, I find that part of me is still utterly devastated while another part is strangely at peace.

I think the peace comes from how our family gave Odin the very best home we could. He was a challenge with his storm phobia as it was PRIMAL...and East TN weather loves to sneak in thunder storms spring thru autumn. Logistically, we had to plan everything around that.

My wife says that he was meant for us because we just loved him anyway and coped.

So I'm steeling my nerves to pick up the urn/ashes on Thursday from a great place locally that does pet cremations. They have helped us with both Odin and a spectacular bengal cat we lost last year.

Perhaps picking the remains up so Odin will be at home again will be another step towards healing.

Regards,

Mike


----------



## Wolfgeist (Dec 4, 2010)

So sorry for your loss... the only truly unhappy part of bringing a dog into our heart is feeling their absence some day in the future.

Would love to see some of your favourite photos of him if you'd be willing to share, perhaps hear some of your favourite Odin stories? He was amazing!


----------



## Loneforce (Feb 12, 2012)

Cthulhu_Cult said:


> Thanks all for your thoughts and sentiments. I really appreciate that coming from people who understand.
> 
> After a week has passed since it was a reality as to what was going on and what I had to do, I find that part of me is still utterly devastated while another part is strangely at peace.
> 
> ...


I am sorry for your loss of Odin  Yes you are 100% right. It feels a lot better getting your babies home to help start the healing process. "At least that is how I was" Rest in Peace Odin....


----------



## SDG (Jul 30, 2013)

I am so sorry for your loss. After our storm-phobic Kuvasz passed away last year I remember the first bad storm we had and thought "Well, Sophie, you don't have to be afraid any longer".

Do you have any photos of your boy you can share with us? He sounds wonderful. You are so fortunate that you got to spend so much time with him the last few years. You will heal, and you will share your heart again.


----------



## Bridget (Apr 5, 2004)

I am so sorry for the pain you are going through, but glad you got to spend so much time with Odin and had some a great bond and gave him such a wonderful life. Thank you for summing up how we all feel about our dogs. Take care.


----------



## Scout's Mama (Oct 30, 2013)

Cthulhu_Cult, my heart aches for you! 
In November of 2011, our beloved Shadow was put to rest as well. This girl was a far better friend than anyone could have asked for, we took care of each other for years and I couldn't imagine weathering the storms of those times without her at my side.
The scar will always be there, but the pain will (slowly!) subside. Keep pictures of him and anything special of his - Shadow's leather leash will always be a treasure to me.

Last week, we adopted Scout into the family. My daughter slips and calls her "Shadow." It is bittersweet, and awfully big shoes to fill, but Scout also helps me remember Shadow's special moments. And how tough teething is 

Hug your family, and don't be shy about sharing your memories and emotions!


----------



## chicagojosh (Jun 22, 2010)

hang in there Mike! I'm sorry for your loss. nothing any of us can type will take the pain away. us humans all know that we'll likely outlive our furry companions and that dealing with their death is inevitable...sadly that doesn't make it easier.

my best advise is to remember the good times, know that you gave him an amazing life and that in due time you'll reunite in the afterlife.


----------



## Cthulhu_Cult (Oct 28, 2013)

Thank you all once again. 

I'll post up some pictures as I find some good ones. Just got the courage to start going through my wife's digital camera and some of the old SD cards we have laying around.

Tomorrow is the day I pick up his ashes/urn. Dreading it but want to get him home.

As silly as it sounds and probably is, I took his collar off after he passed and now it goes with me in the vehicle and on my duffle bag. It gave me courage to go back to Jiu Jitsu last night even though I really didn't want to go. Odin still managed to get me up off the couch and stop feeling sorry for myself 

So again, thanks everyone for your kind words and sentiments. I'll post a few pics in this thread and in the proper forums as well.

Regards,

Mike


----------



## Aviorwolf (Apr 10, 2013)

Mike, first of all my heart is with you and your family during this sad time. I lost my beautiful Kongur to DM in April. Don't feel silly for having his collar with you; I did the same thing and I keep it right by my bed. As others have said, in time the wonderful memories will outweigh the pain. Best wishes, Susan


----------

