# Puppy isn't respecting me?!



## Ohaiiemilyy (Jul 21, 2015)

So, me and my boyfriend who live together got a german sheperd puppy, koda, at 8 weeks and he's about 3 months now. Immediately right off the bat, he took a liking to my bf. Follows him at his heel, never goes ahead of him and listens to him so well. Keep in mind, he works all day, and I am the one who stays home with him all day. I train him, exercise him, feed him, discipline him. I'm pretty much the one who raises him, yet he doesn't treat me with the respect he does my bf, when my bf has done nothing to get it and it drives me insane!

Is it because since my boyfriend is a male, koda sees him as alpha? I've always baby talked him and loved on him alot, and my bf has never really babied hum or shown him as much as I do. How do I make it clear that I'M the alpha ?! I raise him and am his care taker! Lol so irritating he does all this for my bf when bf does nothing for him to treat him that way! He doesn't stay by my side, he runs all over kingdom come and doesn't come when I ask! Doesnt come, follow me, he does what he wants with me but not my bf, when he did nothing to make him obey him. How do I get Koda to treat me like he does my bf? This puppy walks all over me!


----------



## DutchKarin (Nov 23, 2013)

You goal is not to be alpha but to have a good respectful relationship (goes both ways) with this puppy. You need to train him. He is a puppy with a limited attention span. Start slow with short training sessions that are all positive. At 3 months puppies start to become toddlers and they will not follow as readily as an 8 week old. He also probably has no idea what you want. Did you teach him anything? I sense your expectations are a bit off, that you expect all this stuff without teaching. . Keep him leashed, exercise him a lot and train him with consistency and fairness. Get a good trainer to help you teach this dog and help you develop a good relationship.

Read TEAM DOG by Mike Ritland.

It is time for you to take responsibility for training yourself now that you chose to get a dog.


----------



## voodoolamb (Jun 21, 2015)

At 12 weeks he's still very much a baby! Stop worrying about all this alpha business. All that stuff about not letting your dog walk ahead of you, needing to prove you are alpha is a load of bull anyways. There is no scientific basis for this type of training. There is no such thing as "alpha" wolves and feral dogs don't even form packs - they form transient groups without strict social hierarchies. 

 A REALLY Good article from whole dog journal about why "being alpha" just doesn't work 

Article from the Association of Professional Dog Trainers on dominance theory

One from Dr. Sophia Yin about dominance

 Study on feral dog "packs" - Turns out they really aren't packs after all 

 No such thing as Alpha wolves 

As to the problem you are having. Your pup prefering your boyfriend to you. 
Relax. Think about it from the pups perspective. He is gone aaaaaaaall day so he has to make up all that time he missed with "dad" when he does get home. You do an awesome job of tiring the pup out while your boyfriend it at work with all that exercising, training and play time. So by the time he gets home your pup isn't as full of pee and vinegar. So of course he is going to seem to listen better and be so tuckered out he is going to hang out by your boyfriend's side instead of wreaking havoc. 

Everything Koda is doing is completely normal and healthy puppy behavior. Puppies don't always come when called. They explore. They bite. They chew. They give you that "Come and get it" look when they have something they shouldn't. They need training! and at 3 months old there is no way Koda is mature enough and has been worked with enough to live up to your expectations. 

I'm confused as to what exactly you mean when you say you "discipline" the pup? Can you please go into some more detail? At his age, and training level - "discipline" should be the very last thing in your mind. Koda needs guidance, more training, and a lot more maturity in order to really understand what is expected of him. Corrections shouldn't be used until your pup know 100% what you are asking of him. 

As your relationship with Koda is a concern to you positive reinforcement training would be an awesome option for you two! Koda will associate working with you as something super fun and rewarding leading to him wanting to do it more and more! Plus current scientific research hails it as the most effective method.

 Study showing that dogs trained with Positive reinforcement techniques have less problematic behaviors then dogs trained with other methods

Even fruit flies learn with positive reinforcement! 

Personally, I consider myself a balanced trainer. I use 95% positive reinforcement - but will issue corrections when and if neccessary. But not on a young pup - it's not fair to correct them when they are still learning the ropes. The trick is to set your pup of for success - not failure. Don't call your dog away from something fun or he is going to think the next time around "Why should i? That means the fun isn't going to end!". Don't give a command unless you are sure the dog will follow it (or you are in a position where you can reinforce it - preferably in a positive way!)

You might also want to look into clicker training. I am having a lot of success with my 8 week old pup using it. Mako LOVES working for those clicks. It is the best game in the world to him. He's like your Koda - when my boyfriend is here he is ALL ABOUT daddy. Until I pull out the treat bag and clicker. Once those come out he could care less about who else is here. He's tunned into me. 

Good luck with your little guy


----------



## CountryGirl01 (Dec 10, 2014)

Both DutchKarin and voodoolamb offered great and varied advice so please heed it TS.

Like they both have said, your boy is still just a puppy and not near old enough to reliably obey any commands yet.

And this...


Ohaiiemilyy said:


> I've always baby talked him and loved on him alot, and my bf has never really babied hum or shown him as much as I do.


This might sound harsh, but if you are always baby talking to him and loving on him then the pup will simply take you for granted. Dogs do not operate like people do. Just because you love on a dog doesn't mean they will respect you. Especially a GSD, you need to earn their appreciation and respect. You can't buy it with toys or treats, you need to be authoritative. And no, don't obsess over the word alpha and no, being authoritative doesn't mean you have to bully your dog. You simply need to teach the pup that he has to listen to you in order for him to obtain the things he enjoys. If you don't instill that in your pup he will have no motivation to listen to you whatsoever. 

And don't let anyone tell you that the puppy not listening to you is okay and that he'll grow out of it. The fact that your pup is capable of obeying your bf and not you is proof of otherwise.

I second that you purchase and read Team Dog by Mike Ritland. He explains how dogs operate in terms that anyone can understand. He also endorses clicker training which is an easy method to learn and master.


----------



## Ohaiiemilyy (Jul 21, 2015)

To answer everyone, I discipline him by putting him in his cage if he does something BAD, otherwise I ignore him after telling him a stern NO ___ like no bite or jump and that really hits him the most cus he wants attention! I don't agree with spanking dogs or smacking their muzzle or laying a hand on them at all, so I hAve gotten him to associate his cage without the blanket on it as punishment and his blanket over it to indicate bedtime. See, I read all this stuff and it keeps talking of showing it you are 'alpha'. Didn't know if that was crap or not. I didn't know he didn't listen to me at all until I tried asking him to do something WITHOUT using a baby voice! I realize getting him to respect me is gunna take alot of time. Today was the first day I tried speaking normally to him and not drool over him outside. He hated it! He followed me outside t an extent, like when I walked away far enough but boy did he run where ever he wanted! I stood tall and stern, when he was far away from me asking him to come to me. He plopped down under shade, and just stared at me!!! And now he acts like I don't exist. Is it cus I stopped babying him? If I keep up and not let him get his way, love him but not baby him will he learn to respect me and treat me like he does my bf? We are trying to teach him he listens and obeys mommy just as he does dad. What techniques do I use to help him understand he needs to listen to me too now???? I'm afraid he doesn't love me anymore by the way he gives me the cold shoulder ever since I tried making him mind! He knows how to sit and I'm going to teach him other basic commands. I make him sit for everything he wants and make him sit to let me go first of him. If he darts when we are outside and goes where he wants and tries to run up the steps demanding ti be in, I stand there and we glare each other diwn, and usually he come to me, but as soon as I take a step he darts back up there. Never yelled at him, I enoucragw him more than discipline bc he thrives for encouragement. Any advice on techniques on how to get his respect and respect me so he minds????? He's so smart, just stubborn !!! Lol


----------



## wick (Mar 7, 2015)

Hi  I know that it can be frustrating when the little ones don't seem to care what we have to say but 9 out of ten times they actually have no clue What we want from them! They are terrible at generalizing any training so what they know as sit inside may just drop out of their brain when they see a leaf. Its not stubborness it is purely just being a baby. The best advice that I have for you, which others are trying to say is MAKE IT FUN! stop trying to be the boss and instead try to build a bond instead, please please remember this is an infant, very much like a human infant assume the expectations to be similar to what you would expect a one year old to understand, it will help put it in perspective. A great example of this is parenting: is a child more likely to hang out with its mom or enjoy time together if the mother plays his favorite games and makes chores a game/ fun or a mom that tells the kid what to do all the time but doesn't make it entertaining. In both situations (child and puppy) the mom needs to be firm that the chores are accomplished or they will be a spoiled brat, but the process makes or breaks the relationship and whether the kid is willing to work for them. if training and everyday obedience is turned into a game (which let's be honest all puppies want to do is play) the puppies just do what is asked because it is "the" fun, not the stick or leaf etc that is distracting them. Try looking up engagement techniques and practicing them, they will help your little buddy view you as fun and practice attention to you (which you will like). An example of this is using a clicker and treats to mark and reward every time he looks up at you. He will learn quick that you like that and that he gets something he likes too  so he will do it more often. I hope this helps!


----------



## wick (Mar 7, 2015)

Oh yeah and if its possiible I really reccomend a group puppy training course because they have AWESOME positive techniques for making training easier for us newbies to understand...plus then YOU will be able to see that Koda is just doing the normal puppy things and that everyone is struggling to get them to listen too  I really really hope you do this, it will help enormously!


----------



## Blondi's Revenge (Jan 31, 2015)

There's some great information in this thread. This issue isn't your dog . . I mean it's just a puppy and we can't hold it to adult standard. What you've mentioned about your dog is actually good, even at just 3 months he is getting a feel for social construct and seems to be learning well. The likely difference could just be a matter of pheromones. Also as far as your concerns about him seeing you as an alpha . . by the construct of that theory there's only one alpha in the pack and he sees that as your boyfriend . . so unless you plan to beat your boyfriend up when he gets home I don't see that changing. If you wish to subscribe to this pack mentality you may have to fight the dog for your position . . 

What it likely is though . . he associates discipline with you, and that's no fun. Who likes discipline?


----------



## Ohaiiemilyy (Jul 21, 2015)

Yes, my koda is EXTREMELY smart. Learns anything usually in one day if he wants! He learned sit the first 5 mins I asked him to sit! Right now he is still ignoring me ever since I tried making him listen to me. I understand he is a baby and that's why I'm not trying to throw a million different things at him, right now I want to focus on making him listen (come to me when outside or in, stop running all over kingdom come, stay by my side etc) cud that seems to be the main problem. I know he is suppose to stay by my side or behind me when walking like he does with my bf. Im scared **** grw up to hate me. Do I just keep working with him every day to gain his respect ? I was thinking of using his favorite toys and he works for food, so treats ! I can see wby he wouldn't want to. I just demanded him to in a stern voice cus that's what read before ! My bf says once he gets older he will balance out and like ne too and listen but if I don't gain control over him now **** be dragging ne around as a 100 pound dog!


----------



## Pawsed (May 24, 2014)

You don't need a stern voice. You need a payoff. What does the puppy get from doing what you want him to? He needs a reward he can appreciate. 

High value treats are a good option. Give him little pieces of hot dogs or cook some liver and cut it into very small bits. When you ask him for something, reward him with a treat when he gives you the right response. You also need to learn how to ask for what you want, and what gestures or cues to use to get the correct response. 

Research positive training. There are lots of threads here about that. It will help you and your puppy a lot. The pup needs to enjoy the training. It shouldn't be punishment.


----------



## voodoolamb (Jun 21, 2015)

Ohaiiemilyy said:


> To answer everyone, I discipline him by putting him in his cage if he does something BAD, otherwise I ignore him after telling him a stern NO ___ like no bite or jump and that really hits him the most cus he wants attention! I don't agree with spanking dogs or smacking their muzzle or laying a hand on them at all, so I hAve gotten him to associate his cage without the blanket on it as punishment and his blanket over it to indicate bedtime.


I have always had better success teaching my pups what I WANT them to do as opposed to what I don't want them to do. No "discipline" needed that way. Just redirection and lots and lots of praise. If my pup bites me too - I grab a toy and shake that in his face and get him to bite that instead. If he keeps goign for me I stand up and walk away. He learns much faster that biting the toy = more play time. Then if I were to tell him no or crate him. If he is jumping he gets ignored until I ask for a sit - once he does it is PARTY TIME! If he is chewing on the end of the couch I engage in play with one of his appropriate toys. Make the things you want him to do WAAAAAAAAAAAY more fun then anything you don't want him to do ever could be. If he keeps getting into stuff then he simply is not mature enough to be loose in the house and it's time for the tethering/umbilical cord method. 



> See, I read all this stuff and it keeps talking of showing it you are 'alpha'. Didn't know if that was crap or not.


I know it can be confusing. Theories on dog training are like butts - everyone has one. I personally put credence to the theories that have solid scientific backing. It makes more sense to me to follow the methods of people who have years of formal study, degrees from credible universities, and that have done scientific research which has been published in credible journals. Rather then some crackpot on TV (Or worse those who watch said crackpot and attempt to apply the methods). The notion of being alpha is incredibly outdated. It's a dry read for sure - but that study I posted about the feral dog packs was an eye opener for me. As well as the current studies about wolves. There are no "alpha" canines in nature. That's not the way pack dynamics work. At the end of the day the reputable organizations like the association of professional dog trainers & the american veterinary society of animal behavior recommend positive reinforcement training not dominance theory.



> I didn't know he didn't listen to me at all until I tried asking him to do something WITHOUT using a baby voice! I realize getting him to respect me is gunna take alot of time. Today was the first day I tried speaking normally to him and not drool over him outside. He hated it!


He's a puppy! You really can't expect obedience until he is older. At his age he has the mentality of a 3 year old. 



> He followed me outside t an extent, like when I walked away far enough but boy did he run where ever he wanted!


Sounds like you have a confident well adjusted puppy! Good job! Independence is part of growing up. 



> I stood tall and stern, when he was far away from me asking him to come to me. He plopped down under shade, and just stared at me!!! And now he acts like I don't exist. Is it cus I stopped babying him?


Let's think about it from your pups perspective. Would YOU go to the person who regularly punishes you when they were showing body language that says "I mean business"???? I sure wouldn't.



> If I keep up and not let him get his way, love him but not baby him will he learn to respect me and treat me like he does my bf? We are trying to teach him he listens and obeys mommy just as he does dad. What techniques do I use to help him understand he needs to listen to me too now????


You need to train him consistently and fairly.



> I'm afraid he doesn't love me anymore by the way he gives me the cold shoulder ever since I tried making him mind!


You're no fun. You are the drill sargent. Your boyfriend is his buddy. There is no need to be so strict on a pup so young.



> He knows how to sit and I'm going to teach him other basic commands. I make him sit for everything he wants and make him sit to let me go first of him.


Awesome! Keep teaching him! Puppies LOVE to learn!!!



> If he darts when we are outside and goes where he wants and tries to run up the steps demanding ti be in, I stand there and we glare each other diwn, and usually he come to me, but as soon as I take a step he darts back up there.


So what if he goes ahead of you? Why would you expect him to come to you when you are glaring at him? Would you approach someone who is glaring at you? You are setting up an adversarial relationship with him. 



> Never yelled at him, I enoucragw him more than discipline bc he thrives for encouragement.


Good! Now what you need to ask yourself is if he thrives more on encouragement than discipline wouldn't it make more sense to use THAT to teach him?



> Any advice on techniques on how to get his respect and respect me so he minds????? He's so smart, just stubborn !!! Lol


training. training. training. But fair and consistent training!!! Consistency is key. Every good trainer worth their salt has said the same thing regarding the beginings of obedience- do not issue a command unless you are sure the dog will follow it! If you tell your dog to "come" 1000 times and he comes each time - he is going to do it on the 1001st try. If you tell him come and he only doest it 9 out of 10 times. You never know when he is going to say "screw you I'm having more fun". This means you have to take things sloooooowly. At his age and training level you are going to set him up to fail if you try to get him to obey when he is distracted or having fun. I train my dogs in german that way *I* have to think about what I am telling them. It's a foreign language to me so it takes an extra few seconds for my brain to go "which one means lay down again?" So I have that built in buffer to be able to think things through instead of just reacting. 

I think you are expecting to much obedience wise from such a young pup. At this stage it should be AAAAAAALL about fun!!! Putting the ground work into place. Bonding with him and building a relationship. 

I have always found it interesting to note that back in the day when the you-need-to-dominate-your-dog type training was the most prevailant one out there. There was no such thing as puppy classes and puppy obedience. You couldn't enroll your dog into an obedience course until they were 6 - 9 months old. Because young puppies just are not mature enough to handle it! 
A highly suggest that you enroll in a puppy training class with a good positive reinforcement trainer. Normally I suggest that the whole family should be involved - but I think for you guys it might be beneficial for you to go to a class in the afternoon while your boyfriend is at work. It can be yours and koda's special thing. A good way for the two of you to bond. Just make sure it is FUN! FUN! FUN! Even if you choose to do some more adversial training techniques - make this first puppy class 100% Positive reinforcement to help build your relationship with him. There will be time for corrections down the road if they are needed. 

I am getting Mako involved in puppy agility classes. Just something super fun and exciting for him to do to build his confidence and strengthen our bond.



Ohaiiemilyy said:


> Yes, my koda is EXTREMELY smart. Learns anything usually in one day if he wants! He learned sit the first 5 mins I asked him to sit! Right now he is still ignoring me ever since I tried making him listen to me. I understand he is a baby and that's why I'm not trying to throw a million different things at him, right now I want to focus on making him listen (come to me when outside or in, stop running all over kingdom come, stay by my side etc) cud that seems to be the main problem. I know he is suppose to stay by my side or behind me when walking like he does with my bf. Im scared **** grw up to hate me. Do I just keep working with him every day to gain his respect ? I was thinking of using his favorite toys and he works for food, so treats ! I can see wby he wouldn't want to. I just demanded him to in a stern voice cus that's what read before ! My bf says once he gets older he will balance out and like ne too and listen but if I don't gain control over him now **** be dragging ne around as a 100 pound dog!


There is a difference between learning the behavior and being obedient. Think of it like sports for humans. You can learn how to throw a ball as a toddler but it takes years and years of physical and mental training to be able to pitch in the majors ya know.
To be honest it doesn't sound like a training session with you is any fun for Koda. When i work with Mako I have his tug toy, his treats, his clicker. We take a lot of play breaks. I baby talk him, I tell him he is the biggest strongest dog in the world and make a huge show when he tugs that he can just pull me right over! He LOVES it. It makes him WANT to work with me. 

Being stern and bullying CAN work. But what would you rather have? A dog that WANTS to hang around you all day and be by your side? Or one that does it to avoid going to the crate, getting a stern correction or other type of punishment?

Here's the thing. This is just going to get WORSE as he gets older. He isn't in his teenage stage yet - where he will become rebellious and start testing to see whether or not he actually needs to do as he has been told. 

A friend of mine who trains at the humane society in our city does 100% positive reinforcement. He has a rescued rottweiler who has the best off leash obedience I have EVER seen in any dog. That dog does not leave his handler's side unless his handler instructs him to. I once asked him how he did that. He said by making hanging out by his side more fun then doing his own thing. He used a clicker. EVERY time the dog naturally came up to him - he clicked and rewarded. With food or play. After literally tens of thousands of repetitions of that - the dog could be walked through the national association of cheese smelling squirrels annual fun run with dental floss. 

It be came habit for that rottie to obey. It just took time and consistency. 
Get into a puppy class ASAP. A good trainer will be able to help you better then we ever could on the internet. 

I'm sorry if I started sounding like a broken record there. I just wanted to go down the list so to speak and address everything. Overall it sounds like Koda is an AMAZING and SMART puppy! You guys have a GOOD ONE! That's for sure!!!!


----------

