# Stay away from someone who lives with us



## jessjeric (Oct 22, 2013)

So I just moved back in with my parents. While I was gone my Grandpa moved in. He is a grumpy old man to say the least, convinced Veda is a coyote and belongs outside. He's old and grew up in a time and country where all dogs belonged outside and were used for work only, not a part of the family, etc. 
Our older dog Jack has been smacked and kicked by Grandpa enough he knows to stay out of his way and ignore him now. Veda doesn't. When he comes out of his room, I have to hold her back to keep her away from him. We put up gates to keep Veda and Grandpa separated throughout the house but if he needs to use the kitchen or whatever that doesn't really work. I can't always be there when he decides to come out of wherever he's been at the time and that worries me. He kicked Veda for the first time the other day (because "this GD coyote" was in his way) and I nearly smacked him. I've already asked him to just ignore her and if she's doing anything that's bothering him to just let me know. He forgets things and also chooses to ignore other things so I don't really know what to do 
Is there any way to train my puppy to stay away from him? I feel like I'm constantly distracting her or holding her back to keep her away.


----------



## Msmaria (Mar 2, 2013)

Have you talked to your parents about how you feel and what is happening? What is their thoughts on the matter. it might help if they asked your grandpa to respect their home and not kick their dog.

Being old or growing up in another time is not an excuse. I say that in the nicest way.

EDIT: Sorry I didnt read too well. I see you noted hes forgetful, so maybe some dementia....so Im a little more understanding. But I would still talk to my parents and ask them have a talk with him.


----------



## jessjeric (Oct 22, 2013)

They have... He just doesn't care  My mom said to just keep doing what I've been doing and do my best to keep her away from him. 
I wish grandpa could have a fence around him at all times 


Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## stmcfred (Aug 13, 2013)

If moving out isn't an option would you be able to tether her to you?


----------



## MilesNY (Aug 12, 2010)

I stayed with my parents for 3 days a week during nursing school. Even though they love my dogs, asking them to deal with dogs running around all the time was not something I was comfortable doing since they were being so generous as to let me stay there. They have a border collie, so my border collie was allowed loose all the time. My shepherds were a different story. I only had them out when I was out and watching them. If I was at clinical or going out, I would crate them or shut them in my room. It had no ill effects what so ever. It wasn't that they were bad (although one was a puppy) but my male is big and he is just naturally in the way sometimes as well as slightly pushy about being cuddled and played with. Keeping control was the best situation, so he could spend time with his "gramps" without over staying his welcome. 

If I were you I would put your dog in a crate when you cant be right there to ensure your grandfather doesn't act inappropriately. I don't know about your dog, but I would not trust my dogs not to react if someone kicked or hit them. A few times might be fine, but my dogs have a line that I would not want to risk someone crossing.


----------



## kjdreyer (Feb 7, 2013)

That sounds like a rough situation, but it's great you're looking out for your girl! I kinda doubt there's going to be any change in how your Grandfather acts, so I think the best thing you can do is manage your dog. Is she crate trained? If not, I think working on that right away would be good so you could crate her when you're not around. That way you don't have to worry about her getting in the way. I don't have any experience with this, and I don't know how old Veda is, but I imagine it won't take very long for her to figure out to keep her distance from your Grandfather. Not pleasant for you or for her, but I think dogs have a pretty good sense of who to stick with, and who to avoid. Maybe just reinforcing (with a high value treat) her coming straight to you when she sees Grumpy Grandpa will be enough to keep her out of range. If she's less than a year old, though, I would ignore my suggestion and wait for someone with more knowledge to advise you, because you don't want to set her up for fear and/or aggression. Good luck!


----------



## cethlen1621 (Nov 6, 2013)

That is super tough. It does sound like shutting the dog in a room or crate might be the only answer until Gramps is ready for a "retirement community" since there is some true getting old memory loss. True, certain regions & time periods were different, but it's hard to not be grumpy at Gramps fornot understanding the way things currently are. If you have any trainers in your area with crate training or Grampa training suggestions, that would be most handy. Wishing you lots of luck!

Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## wolfy dog (Aug 1, 2012)

I would start practicing positive reinforcement on Grandpa. As soon as he sees the dog you will be nice to the old grump and distract him from Veda. Encourage him to pet her and to talk sweet things to her. Have him play with her by letting him throwing a ball for her. As soon as he is cranky you quietly, without any comments, remove yourself and Veda from the situation so he doesn't get a payoff.
I have had clients who practiced this technique on a grouchy neighbor and it worked within two weeks. Maybe he needs more quality time in his early dementia. Old folks can still be aware of their deteriorating brain which can make them sad or grouchy.
Try to appreciate the fact that you exist because of him if he is your biological one.


----------



## jessjeric (Oct 22, 2013)

Tethering her to me would be an option but I like her to be able to go off with my parents dog and play with him, play with my dad (he loves her, it's so cute), get a drink, or go nap somewhere when she wants/needs it. So that's why I've kinda been not wanting to do that :/

She is crate trained. She sleeps in her crate in my room at night and is in there when I go out. My room is in the basement so when I'm down there and she wants to take a nap, that's where she goes. Otherwise the basement is gated off from the upstairs because I've been trying to keep Grandpa and Veda separated as much as possible. Then she likes to sleep in the foyer by the front door. 

I never ask my parents to deal with her. If I'm gone and they come home they'll let her out of her crate and hang out with her because they feel bad... even if it's just a couple hours (they've never been big on crate training). If I'm leaving and my parents are home one of them will let me know if she can stay out or not without me asking.

I seriously doubt my grandpa will change his ways/thoughts about the dogs... his "playing" with Jack is stepping on his toes and he'll do it 2 minutes after he smacked him! Ugh, I just don't understand it. His wife always had dogs but was forced to keep them outside when he was home, poor things.

wolfy dog I will try your suggestion. I hope it helps! Veda also starts her "Positive Puppy" training classes this Saturday so I'll see if her trainer has any advice.

I'm also afraid that me keeping her from him constantly will have some sort of negative effect on her in the future with elderly people... also afraid that if I let her "learn her lesson" by going to him every chance she gets the same thing will happen.


Veda will be 15 weeks old on Saturday.


----------



## GSxOwner (Jul 9, 2013)

I would puppy proof an area of the house for your pup while your not there...or get the gates that attach to the kennel so she can move about. I would try to keep her out of harms way aka Gramps way. And remember one day when she's big and confident she may try to retaliate against your gramps :|

Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## DJEtzel (Feb 11, 2010)

The best option would be for you to move out. Is it kind of sad that you brought a puppy into the situation knowing how your grandfather treats the other dog, already. 

Keep your dog safe by tethering her to you at all times or crating/confining her to your room.


----------



## MilesNY (Aug 12, 2010)

I am just going to be honest, risking my dog getting hit or kicked at 15 weeks old so that she "can go get a drink" or "lay down somewhere" is just plan silly. You are setting your dog up to have very negative experiences with older people that will leave a lasting impression on her. I am not sure why you brought a puppy into this situation, but your responsibility as a dog owner is to protect your puppy from abuse. Puppies do not need to be roaming free in the house, they are fine being confined to a safe crate or room when not under direct supervision. 


Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## jessjeric (Oct 22, 2013)

I didn't ask for anyone's criticism coming on here. Veda is with me 18-24 hours out of the day, she's well fed and exercised, has plenty of things to chew on, I take her to outings and play dates all of the time, and she is very much loved. She's a happy, confident pup. 

I've had another talk with my grandpa about it and so far he seems to be making an effort. I've also been trying to play games with her as a distraction for when he comes around. I think then it'd more of a fun thing with me than me keeping her from what she thinks could be fun. That's been helping her ignore him as well, even when we aren't playing.


----------



## DJEtzel (Feb 11, 2010)

It doesn't matter if she's a happy, confident pup. Your grandpa could easily change that you knowingly put her in that situation which is irresponsible. You should not have gotten a dog while living with that man. 

Glad your grandpa *might* be changing... But don't count in it. LAT training could go far in this case as well.


----------



## Sri (Apr 25, 2013)

I was in a somewhat similar situation when we had a relative who is afraid of dogs stay with us for a few days. Ours was only3.5 months old then. I had him on leash the first day, and every time he went near her, i just said 'uh uh' and walked a few feet away. Second day on, I could take the leash off and just called him back. After that he just ignored her. I think he sensed too that she was afraid of him and stayed away. He normally loves people. 

They are smart, I am pretty sure Veda will understand that you want her to stay away from your grandpa in just a few days if you just say 'leave it' and call her back every time she goes near your grandpa. This won't help all of your situation but I just had to say something encouraging to you.


----------



## jessjeric (Oct 22, 2013)

Thank you, Sri. I've noticed this morning she has been automatically coming to me when she sees him which is encouraging. I will start working with her on a leash. 

DJ you do not know me or my situation so kindly back off. This was an unexpected and unwanted move. Obviously it's not ideal. 


Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## wolfy dog (Aug 1, 2012)

jessjeric said:


> I've had another talk with my grandpa about it and so far he seems to be making an effort. I've also been trying to play games with her as a distraction for when he comes around. I think then it'd more of a fun thing with me than me keeping her from what she thinks could be fun. That's been helping her ignore him as well, even when we aren't playing.


Great!
It is like desensitizing dogs. Small steps will do it. Stop when things go well. Slowly involve Gramps in simple games. You could teach her his name so she can look at him when you ask her "Where is grandpa?" People generally are flattered about it. It just comes down to "You cannot appreciate what you don't understand". 
I don't know how clear minded he still is but you could try to explain that times have changed and nowadays dogs are more considered family members and that you love Veda so much that you don't want her to live outside. 
Just find the right time to have conversations like this to make it effective.
It is easy for us to say for you to move out (don't know your age) but that is not always an option and you have to respect the rules of the house. I think some of the advice you got is too harsh. Negativity in this case will only make matters worse. At the same time you have to keep Veda safe from possible outbursts and never leave her alone with him. If he comments on that, you cannot say that you don't trust him but rather that you want her with you at all times 
And later, after you grandpa has passed, it is wonderful to be able to look back on an experience that you were able to turn positive.
Good luck in working with Grandpa, keep us posted.


----------



## Sri (Apr 25, 2013)

wolfy dog said:


> Great!
> It is like desensitizing dogs. Small steps will do it. Stop when things go well. Slowly involve Gramps in simple games. You could teach her his name so she can look at him when you ask her "Where is grandpa?" People generally are flattered about it. It just comes down to "You cannot appreciate what you don't understand".
> I don't know how clear minded he still is but you could try to explain that times have changed and nowadays dogs are more considered family members and that you love Veda so much that you don't want her to live outside.
> Just find the right time to have conversations like this to make it effective.
> ...


I love wolfydog's advice . So balanced.


----------



## OriginalWacky (Dec 21, 2011)

jessjeric said:


> Thank you, Sri. I've noticed this morning she has been automatically coming to me when she sees him which is encouraging. I will start working with her on a leash.
> 
> DJ you do not know me or my situation so kindly back off. This was an unexpected and unwanted move. Obviously it's not ideal.


Please try not to take the blunt (and often harsh) things people say on here personally. All of us (including you, obviously) are passionate about dogs or we wouldn't be here, and often things that aren't meant in a cruel manner can come across that way in text, without the context of body language. 

As far as her and your grandpa, if she uses seeing him as a cue to come to you, then that's one step towards preventing him from mistreating her. For the times when you aren't around, if she is going to be 'free' to spend time with your parents and their dog, maybe you can teach her something different as a reaction to him so that she doesn't wind up too close to him and have negative stuff happening. 

I hope it works out for you all, and that grandpa starts to behave a little bit (yeah, wishful thinking probably, I know), and your pup doesn't suffer for it all. Hopefully your trainer will have further ideas that can help.


----------



## jessjeric (Oct 22, 2013)

Grandpa has refused to play with Veda ( he laughed and said "I don't play with dogs") but things have been better. He's been helping moving the gates around when he switches rooms and hasn't been AS grumpy about Veda being around so that's a plus. 
Veda is also doing better about staying away from him throughout the day. I just keep distracting her with treats and games. My parents like having her around so if they come home before I do they let her out of her crate and have been doing the same things to distract Veda from my grandpa. 


Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## MichaelE (Dec 15, 2012)

Your dog sounds as if she is high threshold, which in this case is a good thing or grandpa is liable to get a leg full of angry teeth at some point down the line.

If grandpa doesn't back off, Veda might decide not to be so friendly one day and get tired of putting up with the abuse. I agree in that it's possible she is going to be very wary or downright afraid of elderly people when she gets older, and possibly aggressive towards them.

All dogs are different though and I wish you luck.


----------



## jessjeric (Oct 22, 2013)

MichaelE said:


> Your dog sounds as if she is high threshold, which in this case is a good thing or grandpa is liable to get a leg full of angry teeth at some point down the line.
> 
> If grandpa doesn't back off, Veda might decide not to be so friendly one day and get tired of putting up with the abuse. I agree in that it's possible she is going to be very wary or downright afraid of elderly people when she gets older, and possibly aggressive towards them.
> 
> All dogs are different though and I wish you luck.




Nothing has happened between them since I originally posted this so I am happy about that. So far grandpa is the only elderly person Veda is weird around. She has started to bark at him when she sees him sometimes. It's usually when he's not even doing anything but reading the paper. 
I make it a point to get her out to meet new people so I'm hoping that will help counteract this not so great situation with an elderly person. 


Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------

