# My dog hates me?



## WannaBeK9 (Jan 14, 2012)

I returned from a yearlong deployment at the beginning of October. My 2 year old GSD, Jax, was thrilled to see me, ran over and we rolled around on the grass for a little bit, I was covered in doggie kisses. He stayed with my parents thru the deployment.

I moved in with my OH as soon as I got back. For the first week, Jax stayed with Mom and Dad, but I went over daily and threw the ball, took him on walks, hung out etc. After about a week we decided to try Jax at OH's house, with his Lab, Rowdy. They get along fine on walks and at the dogpark, we just hadn't had them in 'Rowdy's' house together. No issue, they get along just fine. 

Jax's routine hasn't changed much. He actually gets walked more now than before, generally twice a day. Most days of the week we do a small training session that ends in a long game of fetch. I am the only person that walks or trains him. My OH and his roommate (and I) play with him in the house, pet him, toss the ball a few times in the backyard, roughhouse with them etc. (except I don't roughhouse).

It's rare that Jax is left alone for any time exceeding 3 hours. (maybe once a week it ends up being four or five). When no one is home, Jax is loose in the house with chewbones and toys and Rowdy is crated in the garage because he'll chew the house to shreds. 

Lately, (in the past week or so) I've noticed that Jax ignores me totally in the house. (Unless its time to eat, go on a walk or play ball). He used to come lay by me, beg to be petted, and listen to a quiet command (Whether "off" the couch, or "down" or "comes", though he will listen to these from the other two people in the house) now he avoids me, and wont listen to anything unless its in a stern voice. 

The only time I feel like he's connected with me at all is on a walk and when its time to play fetch. (when working OB, sometimes I feel that he is just going thru the motions, there because he has to be)

Is there a way to repair my relationship with my dog?


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## hunterisgreat (Jan 30, 2011)

When you left he was 1 year old, and now he is 2. He became an adult while you were gone. Male dogs tend to be more independent. My male, as I sit here, is somewhere else in the house. My two females are laying within 5 feet of me.


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## Jag (Jul 27, 2012)

I'd say time, and maybe get into some sort of class or club with him!  Training with him is a great way to bond with him. When you do work with him, are you using a stern tone, or a happy one? Do you use treats, etc? It's a change for him, and he was just a pup when you left. You need to get to 'know' each other again. He's changed, and I'm sure you've changed some too. Not all dogs remain the same when they get older. My previous shepherd didn't fawn all over me when they got older, either. I was the leader. They respected me. My wife they fawned all over, but didn't respect her. However, it also sounds like he's blowing you off some and isn't happy to train. Take some time off training to just do fun things, maybe. Re-bond with him. Don't be too hard on him. Beyond that, training together in a class or club in a fun way would probably help. Realize he's not the same pup you left. Start over with him. Even if he recognized you. Maybe he wants you to recognize him, and just spend some time hanging out and having fun while you two get reacquainted.


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## Lilie (Feb 3, 2010)

I strongly suggest you enroll in some sort of training class. The classes aren't just to teach your dog to do OB, or jump over jumps, it teaches your dog to trust you, to look to you for leadership etc. You won't be disappointed. 

Also, thank you for your service to our country.


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## TommyB681 (Oct 19, 2012)

First: Welcome home! Second: I agree with hunterisgreat. A year is a long time to be away and your dog deff has change. However, it sounds like you guys still have a bond. Keep spending time with him.


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## BowWowMeow (May 7, 2007)

If I understand your post correctly, your dog was very comfortable with you and happy to be with you after you returned and has just now changed his attitude. I would guess that has something to do with your mood and/or the way you are training him. Avoidance and slow responses are calming behaviors. Are you feeling or acting differently lately? Is your training style different than the style your parents used? Is he is a soft dog?

Also, it's possible that he's missing your parents and what you are seeing is a little depression.


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## Freestep (May 1, 2011)

WannaBeK9 said:


> Lately, (in the past week or so) I've noticed that Jax ignores me totally in the house. (Unless its time to eat, go on a walk or play ball). He used to come lay by me, beg to be petted, and listen to a quiet command (Whether "off" the couch, or "down" or "comes", though he will listen to these from the other two people in the house) now he avoids me, and wont listen to anything unless its in a stern voice.
> 
> The only time I feel like he's connected with me at all is on a walk and when its time to play fetch. (when working OB, sometimes I feel that he is just going thru the motions, there because he has to be)
> 
> Is there a way to repair my relationship with my dog?


What is your training style? How do you motivate him... are you using treats or a toy for reward? Are you using corrections, or becoming stern when he doesn't obey? Or are you simply drilling the exercises over and over? It may be that he's simply not responding well to your particular style. He's not a puppy anymore, he's become an adult and may need something more to motivate him.

Some dogs naturally become more independent and less lovey-dovey as they mature.

Try doing more walks and more fetch play, and take a look at your training style and regimen.


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## WannaBeK9 (Jan 14, 2012)

Thanks for the replies everyone, I guess I'm feeling a little put out over it as Jax was always 'my dog' and it feels like he's blowing me off. I will look into possibly taking a training class with him soon. Any opinions if it should be basic OB or something like basic agility? 




BowWowMeow said:


> If I understand your post correctly, your dog was very comfortable with you and happy to be with you after you returned and has just now changed his attitude. I would guess that has something to do with your mood and/or the way you are training him. Avoidance and slow responses are calming behaviors. Are you feeling or acting differently lately? Is your training style different than the style your parents used? Is he is a soft dog?
> 
> Also, it's possible that he's missing your parents and what you are seeing is a little depression.


BowWowMeow, he was excited to see me when I got home, he's always excited to see someone when he's been left alone for a bit, and those times, if you ask him to sit, stay, come, down, heel, etc he works with focus and energy.(in the house). I don't know if I'm feeling or acting differently, but I will try to be more aware of my mood when I'm with him. I use the same style training as my parents, possibly with a little more positive reinforcement. 




Freestep said:


> What is your training style? How do you motivate him... are you using treats or a toy for reward? Are you using corrections, or becoming stern when he doesn't obey? Or are you simply drilling the exercises over and over? It may be that he's simply not responding well to your particular style. He's not a puppy anymore, he's become an adult and may need something more to motivate him.
> 
> Some dogs naturally become more independent and less lovey-dovey as they mature.
> 
> Try doing more walks and more fetch play, and take a look at your training style and regimen.


I can't label my training style, for fear it'd be the wrong term. But when 'training', he wears a choke collar up behind his ears and is rewarded periodically (for best efforts) with treats. He will do all the basic AKC OB exercises, and has more animation if he knows you have his Kong, which he LOVES. I do collar correct if needed, but it's not often. Sometimes heeling he'll need one, but is rewarded when he's right. We'll work some on lead OB, with a small fetch/play session thrown in (30 sec-1min) and work a little more. Then if we work off lead, we'll do some, throw the ball, do a little more, then tell him to 'find it' and have a party when he does. He is a soft dog. A stern "Shame" or "Shame on you" is probably the strongest thing he gets, even his collar corrections don't have as much effect.


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## Blanketback (Apr 27, 2012)

Is he leaving your side to go spend his time with someone else, or is he just choosing to relax where he's most comfortable? My 1 yr. old has finally cut his apron strings with me - he used to be my constant shadow but now he prefers to relax where he can keep an eye on everything, not just me, lol.


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## Courtney (Feb 12, 2010)

My husband was gone the first month our boy was home, then traveled for work for extended periods of time his first year. Rusty would be excited when he first got home...then was over him...just didn't really engage him for play, pets, etc.

My husband started doing casual things with him...walks, exploring in the woods, a few shared apples, inviting him on the sofa while he was watching tv, feeding him some meals, going along for truck rides...they eventually formed a strong bond. It will just take time...good luck and welcome home


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## Freestep (May 1, 2011)

WannaBeK9 said:


> he wears a choke collar up behind his ears and is rewarded periodically (for best efforts) with treats. He will do all the basic AKC OB exercises, and has more animation if he knows you have his Kong, which he LOVES. I do collar correct if needed, but it's not often. Sometimes heeling he'll need one, but is rewarded when he's right.


Okay, ditch the treats and use the Kong for a reward, and not just intermittently. You want to use whatever reward motivates him most, and use it frequently. For now, just to get his motivation and attitude up, throw his kong EVERY time he does something right. Later you can reward him every second or third time, but for now, you want it to be a game of fetch with some obedience thrown in.

Try to approach things this way: pretend HE is the one training YOU... to throw his kong.

Get him excited with the kong, then give him a command. As soon as he obeys it, throw the kong.

When heeling, put the kong under your armpit. When he's looking animated and happy during heeling, and he's in precisely the right position, throw the kong.

Ditch any corrections, either by stern tones or by collar, for now. If he does not obey or perform correctly, he doesn't get his kong. That is his "punishment". Keep it positive and fun for him. You can add corrections later, if needed, but for now what you are doing is re-wiring his brain so that he feels differently about obedience and about you.

Pretty soon his mind will switch over from following commands out of rote with few rewards, to pushing you for a reward, by performing the action he knows will make you do it. Like he is training you.

Keep training sessions short, happy, and energetic. When you see his energy or drive flagging, stop the obedience and just play fetch for a few throws. Then give him some water, and put him in his crate for 20 minutes (or more). No scientific studies have been done to prove that crating a dog after a training session helps things sink in, but many trainers recommend it. My theory is that it helps the new associations and connections form while the dog is in a state of sensory calm, without any influence from other things that may be happening around him.

I assume you are the one who feeds, walks, and grooms him? If not, become that person.

Working with soft dogs can be a challenge.

Is there a Schutzhund club in your area? If so, see if you can join for the obedience part, or at least watch others doing obedience. SchH people have great methods for happy, animated obedience.


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## blackshep (Aug 3, 2012)

First off, welcome home! 

Secondly I agree with whoever said your dog might miss your parents and be moping a bit. There's a big adjustment going on for both of you right now, I'd just give it time.

I also think an obedience class and/or maybe something fun and engaging like agility would be a great way to reforge your bond with your dog.

Remember these dogs are hugely loyal to their humans, and can be somewhat aloof with people they don't see as their people. Right now he probably sees your parents as his people, and is acting a bit cool with you.

I have no doubt your dog remembers you, but he's spent the last 50% of his life under another person's care, so it's going to take some time for him to warm up to you again.

I really think if you give it some time he'll come around, just keep things fun and happy for him and I'm sure you'll pick back up where you left off.


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## WannaBeK9 (Jan 14, 2012)

Blanketback said:


> Is he leaving your side to go spend his time with someone else, or is he just choosing to relax where he's most comfortable? My 1 yr. old has finally cut his apron strings with me - he used to be my constant shadow but now he prefers to relax where he can keep an eye on everything, not just me, lol.


He'll relax by himself at times....right this second he's on the back deck sunbathing while the Lab is laying at my OH's feet and I'm on the laptop (doing classwork...this is uhhhh...a mental break ) However in the evenings, when OH, me and J (Roommate) are watching TV he'll seek out either of them to play or get petted on...might be just a little jealousy on my part.



Freestep said:


> Okay, ditch the treats and use the Kong for a reward, and not just intermittently. You want to use whatever reward motivates him most, and use it frequently. For now, just to get his motivation and attitude up, throw his kong EVERY time he does something right. Later you can reward him every second or third time, but for now, you want it to be a game of fetch with some obedience thrown in.
> 
> Try to approach things this way: pretend HE is the one training YOU... to throw his kong.
> 
> ...


Freestep, thanks so much for that thought out advice. I will definitely try that. Do you think it would be better to keep the Kong from him when he's on his own? So that it's just around when we're interacting, whether it be fetch or OB or walks? I do feed walk and groom him. There is no SchH club near me, the closest is 1.5 hours away, but maybe there'd be a way to get there a couple times a month...I'll look into it. 

I just want the best for my dog, I have no HUGE goals for competing, I'd love to do SchH, but I know in my heart that Jax doesn't have the nerve. He's my first GSD after having Labs my whole life (minus dad's working K9's when I was a kid). I just want him happy is all.


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## Jag (Jul 27, 2012)

Freestep said:


> Okay, ditch the treats and use the Kong for a reward, and not just intermittently. You want to use whatever reward motivates him most, and use it frequently. For now, just to get his motivation and attitude up, throw his kong EVERY time he does something right. Later you can reward him every second or third time, but for now, you want it to be a game of fetch with some obedience thrown in.
> 
> Try to approach things this way: pretend HE is the one training YOU... to throw his kong.
> 
> ...


I really like this! Excellent!


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## Freestep (May 1, 2011)

WannaBeK9 said:


> Do you think it would be better to keep the Kong from him when he's on his own? So that it's just around when we're interacting, whether it be fetch or OB or walks?


Oh yes, I meant to mention that. The kong should be his super-duper-special toy that he gets ONLY when he's working with you. When you're done training or playing fetch, put the kong away. He can have other toys to play with by himself, but the kong should be golden, and controlled only by you.



> I just want the best for my dog, I have no HUGE goals for competing, I'd love to do SchH, but I know in my heart that Jax doesn't have the nerve.


Well you don't need to COMPETE in SchH, but the obedience part could be useful for your personal training goals. Most competitors these days use positive and motivational methods for obedience, which would be great for him. You don't need to do bitework or anything like that (unless he wants to).


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## RowdyDogs (Nov 12, 2012)

I totally agree with Freestep's advice. Keep it totally positive and FUN for now!

In my area at least there is a big SchH club where most people aren't actually competitive, they just like doing the sport with their dogs. It's a lot of fun.

Otherwise, I would maybe pick up an activity like basic agility. I've found that having an activity like that really motivates and encourages my dog even with his basic obedience work. It's almost like he sees a point to it now. 

Good luck, I'm sure you can get the kind of relationship you want with your dog. It sounds like you guys are just figuring each other out again and redeveloping your bond after such a long time part. And welcome home!


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## WannaBeK9 (Jan 14, 2012)

*Update*

I just wanted to put a quick update here, since everyone was so nice in getting me ideas. 

I have been working Jax almost daily, just in short bursts, with no collar corrections, and lots of postive reinforcement with his Kong. I've been trying to make 'our' time nice for him, began grooming him daily instead of twice a week and he's seeming to come around. I just called and found an intro to agility class that starts next week that I may do if there is room in it...I was going to do OB but as his OB in the house and out and about is where we need it to be, and I have no thoughts (at the moment) of going to compete, I think agility will be fun. I'm slowly but surely getting my dog back...thanks everyone!


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## Cassidy's Mom (Mar 30, 2003)

That's great! I hope you can get into the class, having a fun activity to participate in together should further cement your bond.


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## Freestep (May 1, 2011)

That's awesome--good work, keep it up! I think that if he enjoys agility, it will be a great thing to get involved with. Agility is very motivational, and if you approach it as a fun game rather than a competitive event, it will be very good for your dog and your relationship with him. You can even sneak some obedience in there if you want.


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## Kyleigh (Oct 16, 2012)

I keep putting this link in people's threads LOL 

http://www.germanshepherds.com/forum/agility/85897-agility-real-world.html#post1170331

This can be a great way to build / strengthen that bond with you and your dog!!!


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## Cassidy's Mom (Mar 30, 2003)

Freestep said:


> Agility is very motivational, and if you approach it as a fun game rather than a competitive event, it will be very good for your dog and your relationship with him. You can even sneak some obedience in there if you want.


Totally! One of the most fun classes I've taken (with Dena & Keefer, it wasn't on the class schedule anymore when I wanted to take it with Halo ) was called Agility Basics. It was a level 1 obedience class for dogs over 5 months old that used modified puppy safe obstacles. We worked on all the usual basic OB stuff, but in a fun and interesting way.


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