# Favorite and Least Favorite Useless Commands?



## CarrieJ (Feb 22, 2011)

Not sure where to place this thread. (sorry)

I've learned that usually the less said to my dog reflects better on her behavior. But, I do catch myself talking to her (not really expecting a specific response).
I call this my "useless command"
Personally, I'm fond of "Jeez Louize! Alice!"
and Zoey's is "Shut Up or I'll sell you to the circus!"

I think my least favorite are:
(usually heard at a dogpark)
"No Jumping" in a praise tone
"Get down" (for jumping) in a praise tone
"gentle" in a praise tone (for dominant aggressive behavior)

It's probably just me; I'm turning into a grumpy old lady.


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## GSD MOM (Apr 21, 2010)

LOL- My boyfriend let the dogs out last weekend and when they came back in they were covered in mud. So I asked him... "did you wipe their paws off?? Because they are covered in mud." And he says... "I told them not to run in the mud!".... When in the world did you teach them that command....


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## Kris10 (Aug 26, 2010)

GSD MOM said:


> LOL- My boyfriend let the dogs out last weekend and when they came back in they were covered in mud. So I asked him... "did you wipe their paws off?? Because they are covered in mud." And he says... "I told them not to run in the mud!".... When in the world did you teach them that command....


That's hilarious! Well, clearly it is not his fault...


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## clearcreekranch (Mar 18, 2010)

It's probably just me; I'm turning into a grumpy old lady.[/QUOTE]
:crazy:

If finding the general public a little bit "annoying" especially the average dog owner is the criteria for being a grumpy old woman, I'm right there with ya!


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## CarrieJ (Feb 22, 2011)

Too many years as a service worker, working on weekends. People tend to leave their brains in their offices at five o'clock on Fridays.


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## Coastie01 (Mar 17, 2011)

Maybe not a command but it pisses me off when owners of little dogs think its cute that their stupid dog trys to attack a big dog. NO HE IS BRAVE!!!! HE IS STUPID!!! Oh and heaven forbid the big dog so much as grunts about it.


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## Emoore (Oct 9, 2002)

CarrieJ said:


> I think my least favorite are:
> (usually heard at a dogpark)
> "No Jumping" in a praise tone
> "Get down" (for jumping) in a praise tone
> "gentle" in a praise tone (for dominant aggressive behavior)


Ugh.  or this one:

Siiiiiiiiiiiiit?. . . . . Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiit? Sammie? SiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIiiiitt????

Staaaaaaaaaaayy?? Sammie? Staaaaaaaay?


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## CarrieJ (Feb 22, 2011)

> Maybe not a command but it pisses me off when owners of little dogs think its cute that their stupid dog trys to attack a big dog. NO HE IS BRAVE!!!! HE IS STUPID!!! Oh and heaven forbid the big dog so much as grunts about it.


I really hurt my knee badly in Nov. So, I've been walking the girls one at a time. When I have the GSD and that happens....I tell them, "Cool, she hasn't eaten today"
Happens a lot at the outdoor shopping center I walk Alice at, attack of the purse dogs. If my GSD acted like that I'd be in jail.

Emoore, No kidding!


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## CLARKE-DUNCAN (Apr 8, 2011)

I think Im turning into a grumpy old lady too the other day at the dog park a woman was sat at a bench and her dog was barking at her kids, They were playing football and I had Nero on the lead as we were leaving the park, This woman was saying as her dog was barking and lunging (good boy- good boy) If anything I would of just got up and took the dog away from the situation it obviously wanted to play rather than be half strangled!!!


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## Lin (Jul 3, 2007)

Emoore said:


> Ugh.  or this one:
> 
> Siiiiiiiiiiiiit?. . . . . Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiit? Sammie? SiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIiiiitt????
> 
> Staaaaaaaaaaayy?? Sammie? Staaaaaaaay?


Oh god, that drives me up the wall. Especially when people do it to MY dogs and they tilt their heads and look back like "lady/man what the f is wrong with you?"


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## Good_Karma (Jun 28, 2009)

My husband has changed "Sit" to "Can you sit?" Very irritating, because now I have to use it. Also, "Down" has morphed into "Lay down" somehow.


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## Lilie (Feb 3, 2010)

Emoore said:


> Ugh.  or this one:
> 
> Siiiiiiiiiiiiit?. . . . . Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiit? Sammie? SiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIiiiitt????
> 
> Staaaaaaaaaaayy?? Sammie? Staaaaaaaay?



And along the same lines:


It's ok? Eassssssssssy? Easssssssy? Eassssssy?


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## CarrieJ (Feb 22, 2011)

Funny story about the "siiiiiiiiiit?" "Can you siiiiiiit?"
I was at the feedstore and the girl who works there asked if Alice can have a treat.

I say sure, tell her to sit first.

She does the questions above. Alice just looked at her and remained standing. Even cocked her head like she was an alien. (just like Lin said)
So, I tell the girl, "She's a German Shepherd...don't ask her a question, tell her to sit" 
The girl was oooohhhh, "one of those kind" (I don't know what that meant ?????) 
Alice was just looking at her probably thinking, "Aw Heck (edited) No, you're a weenie, and you're gonna give up that treat anyway"


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## Lin (Jul 3, 2007)

Good_Karma said:


> My husband has changed "Sit" to "Can you sit?" Very irritating, because now I have to use it. Also, "Down" has morphed into "Lay down" somehow.


I'd keep using just sit and down yourself. As long as your husband is only adding words, and not completely changing it the dogs will catch on. They will eventually pick it out. Most common for me is variations of "move" with Tessa. I can say "Tessa sorry but I need you to move" "can you move please" "hey move over" or just "move" alone and she still picks out the move and performs it. 

Now when people tell my dogs down instead of off? That pisses me off. Thats why I switched from using "down" to using "platz" so people would stop messing with my down command.


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## CainGSD (Nov 15, 2003)

Emoore said:


> Ugh.  or this one:
> 
> Siiiiiiiiiiiiit?. . . . . Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiit? Sammie? SiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIiiiitt????
> 
> Staaaaaaaaaaayy?? Sammie? Staaaaaaaay?


I knew someone who was irritated by this one too. Her answer was to name her next OB dog Woodja.....ROFL....all ob commands were issued as questions.

Woodja sit? 
Woodja Down?
Woodja Stay?

LOL, he excelled at OB after finished his AKC Ch. and was a hit in the OB ring :crazy:


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## CarrieJ (Feb 22, 2011)

That's classic!!

I'm just not that creative. (aside from the point of asking a lifeform who can't pay my rent a question)

Seriously, it's the same tone of voice I'll ask my other half to pick up milk from the store...

Alice is older now so we don't have jumping issues. We tell people when she did, to look up and turn around. The one guy who kept saying "get down" we just let her pretty much maul him. The people who listened and gave no attention the behavior stopped.

We used to call the "get down" guy Alice's bitch.


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## Lin (Jul 3, 2007)

If that was a reply about the "off" command, thats not where the problem is. The problem is when the dogs are on the furniture etc. I've had roommates tell them "down" to which I reply, they are already down. Tell them off. But get nowhere. Then I had a roommate who constantly told them "go lay down" if he didn't want the dog in the room, didn't want the dog next to him, didn't want the dog licking him, or any of another million things. I told him a million times just say NO if theres something specific you want stopped. Because "go lay down" is not a command they've learned, it means nothing, and you're screwing with the actual down command.


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## Mac's Mom (Jun 7, 2010)

I catch myself saying "Mac, what did I just say?" For instance, I'll say "Mac, move" and he won't and I'll say "Maaac, what did I just say?" And he moves. It looks funny because it appears as though he understands what I'm saying but I know its the tone of voice he's reacting to.


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## Dogaroo (Mar 4, 2003)

My dumbest question ever: "Awright, which one of you dogs took my sandwich?" :crazy:


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## Emoore (Oct 9, 2002)

Lin said:


> If that was a reply about the "off" command, thats not where the problem is. The problem is when the dogs are on the furniture etc. I've had roommates tell them "down" to which I reply, they are already down. Tell them off. But get nowhere. Then I had a roommate who constantly told them "go lay down" if he didn't want the dog in the room, didn't want the dog next to him, didn't want the dog licking him, or any of another million things. I told him a million times just say NO if theres something specific you want stopped. Because "go lay down" is not a command they've learned, it means nothing, and you're screwing with the actual down command.


Lin, I think you and I would get along on this.  I want to murdilize my husband when we're walking out the door to go somewhere and he turns to the dogs and says, "Stay!" GAAAAAH!


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## GuardianShep (Apr 19, 2010)

GSD MOM said:


> LOL- My boyfriend let the dogs out last weekend and when they came back in they were covered in mud. So I asked him... "did you wipe their paws off?? Because they are covered in mud." And he says... "I told them not to run in the mud!".... When in the world did you teach them that command....


couldnt resist replying

WOW..HILARIOUS !!!! :spittingcoffee: that made my day.. wow..i still cant stop laughing.. :hammer: :rofl: good Lord, we humans ARE a dumb lot!!!


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## Del (Apr 25, 2011)

The best I've seen to date. Leaving the store I had to side step this lady that stopped right in front of the door. As I started around her I heard, "if you don't stop momma's gonna put you in time out".

Looking over expecting to see a kid. In the cart was her purse with a fur ball stinking out dressed in bright pink to match the lady. The dog looked like it was thinking the samething I was, man this lady is nuts. 

The dog couldn't do it, I shouldn't have done it but I couldn't contain it. I walked away LMAO.


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## VomBlack (May 23, 2009)

Lin said:


> If that was a reply about the "off" command, thats not where the problem is. The problem is when the dogs are on the furniture etc. I've had roommates tell them "down" to which I reply, they are already down. Tell them off. But get nowhere. Then I had a roommate who constantly told them "go lay down" if he didn't want the dog in the room, didn't want the dog next to him, didn't want the dog licking him, or any of another million things. I told him a million times just say NO if theres something specific you want stopped. Because "go lay down" is not a command they've learned, it means nothing, and you're screwing with the actual down command.


This for sure. One of my roommates would tell Odin "down" when he hopped up on the couch and he'd lay right down, and she'd get annoyed because he "wasn't listening" and trying to be defiant. I walked in, told him "off" and he jumped down happily.. after going through this 2 or 3 times she finally caught on. Oddly enough "go lay down" has morphed into an actual command, and he'll either go to his bed or simply back away a few feet and lay down. Thankfully we use "platz" in training so the actual down command doesn't hold a whole lot of meaning for us anymore.


The siiiiiiiit, siiiiiiiit... eeeassssssy. People really drive me up the wall at work, especially if i'm assisting in an appointment and all you hear is the owner talking over the doctor, petting their dog forcefully and shrieking "Eaaaaaaasyyyyy... eeeeeasy... siiiiit..." over and over... and over.. and the dog is either totally fine and calm and doesn't need the "reminders" or so stressed that the constant fussing over it is just making the situation worse.

Or "listen to mommy!" .. that's another good one. 

I think one of my favorites kind of came about by accident. If I catch Odin just sitting and staring at me i'll ask "What's your problem?" and now he'll circle around and whine before coming over for attention. My dog may be a little strange.


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## Caledon (Nov 10, 2008)

Coastie01 said:


> Maybe not a command but it pisses me off when owners of little dogs think its cute that their stupid dog trys to attack a big dog. NO HE IS BRAVE!!!! HE IS STUPID!!! Oh and heaven forbid the big dog so much as grunts about it.


I agree and I have been known to comment back. " Yes your dog is brave and he can kill my dog when he gets caught in her throat". Yes this was during one of my "grumpy old lady days" when I've had enough of small dogs acting crazy.

I cannot stand the command "no bark" used mostly on dogs that have no concept of the word no and could not tell the difference between the word bark and sit.

My husband speeks to Dakota in sentences. Come over here with that toy, as an example and wonders why she didn't come and bring her toy. Then I get "you didn't train her very good".

For some reason I also dislike when someone asks for somthing, like a sit and then says "good sit" as the dog does it.


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## ayoitzrimz (Apr 14, 2010)

VomBlack said:


> This for sure. One of my roommates would tell Odin "down" when he hopped up on the couch and he'd lay right down, and she'd get annoyed because he "wasn't listening" and trying to be defiant. I walked in, told him "off" and he jumped down happily.. after going through this 2 or 3 times she finally caught on. Oddly enough "go lay down" has morphed into an actual command, and he'll either go to his bed or simply back away a few feet and lay down. Thankfully we use "platz" in training so the actual down command doesn't hold a whole lot of meaning for us anymore.
> 
> 
> The siiiiiiiit, siiiiiiiit... eeeassssssy. People really drive me up the wall at work, especially if i'm assisting in an appointment and all you hear is the owner talking over the doctor, petting their dog forcefully and shrieking "Eaaaaaaasyyyyy... eeeeeasy... siiiiit..." over and over... and over.. and the dog is either totally fine and calm and doesn't need the "reminders" or so stressed that the constant fussing over it is just making the situation worse.
> ...


That drives me instance - siiit siiiiiit fluff siittt sit sit sit sit sit SIT SIT SIT... THat's my dad actually with his Shih Tzu, and I'll tell him calmly "Just once dad". He'll say "Sit" and the dog is still not paying attention and I'll have to hear another one of those "see I asked him once and he didnt do it" - uh yea because you asked once MORE after asking him 20 times 

Back to the original question:
My favorite useless command - Einstein started developing a habit of chasing his tail. At first we didn't reinforce it, then we tried to verbally correct it (no leash corrections because he won't know what he's being corrected for), finally I just started teaching a command for it and this is what I got:

"Einstein, where's the bad guys?" LOLOL and he'll do it every time. But now when starts chasing his tail I'll say "no bad guys!" and he'll stop - it's hilarious!

Other than that - he knows to find mommy  that one started because my GF likes to sleep in on saturdays so when we come back from the park I'll say "where's mommy" and he'll go bother her. Now we actually have generalized it enough so he knows "where's mommy" means go find my girlfriend...


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## GSD MOM (Apr 21, 2010)

Caledon said:


> I agree and I have been known to comment back.* " Yes your dog is brave and he can kill my dog when he gets caught in her throat".* Yes this was during one of my "grumpy old lady days" when I've had enough of small dogs acting crazy.


:thumbup: I need a t-shirt with that on it.


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## Lin (Jul 3, 2007)

Caledon said:


> For some reason I also dislike when someone asks for somthing, like a sit and then says "good sit" as the dog does it.


I always do that when I'm training new commands. Helps associate the behavior with the command. 

The no bark drives me crazy since generally the dogs completely ignore it! My dad and stepmom have 3 min pins, and they bark a lot. One time I was over there and they were barking their heads off and she kept saying "no bark!" to no avail. Then Tessa lets out one loud woof telling them to SHUT UP, and she gets on ME and tells me to discipline my dog. I glared at her and said Tessa was telling her dogs to stop, and I agreed with her and was not going to punish it.


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## CarrieJ (Feb 22, 2011)

I thought of another one that I do...that means nothing to dogs but sure makes me feel better:

"I saw that" 

or:

"I'm watching you" complete with the meaningless hand signal of pointing two fingers to my eyes and one finger back at the dog.


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## Lin (Jul 3, 2007)

CarrieJ said:


> "I'm watching you" complete with the meaningless hand signal of pointing two fingers to my eyes and one finger back at the dog.


I tell my dogs I have eyes in the back of my head. One day I caught Emma jumping up on something right at the edge of my peripheral vision, and yelled OFF without turning towards her. My roommate exclaimed "you really DO have eyes in the back of your head!!"


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## Mac's Mom (Jun 7, 2010)

CarrieJ said:


> I thought of another one that I do...that means nothing to dogs but sure makes me feel better:
> 
> "I saw that"
> 
> ...


this totally cracked me up. do you get the head tilt with this one?


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## Mac's Mom (Jun 7, 2010)

Not sure if this was covered. A meaningless command my husband uses is "No". It drives me nuts when he does it. Like if he wants Mac to stay but Mac gets up, he'll sometimes say "no" instead of "stay".


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## CarrieJ (Feb 22, 2011)

> this totally cracked me up. do you get the head tilt with this one?


No...*sigh* I get the tongue lolling laugh look.



> Not sure if this was covered. A meaningless command my husband uses is "No". It drives me nuts when he does it. Like if he wants Mac to stay but Mac gets up, he'll sometimes say "no" instead of "stay".


This is why I have grey hair. "NO" for everything. My dog is smart...not bragging but she's a GSD; they are smart. Very smart. Apparently, the dog whisperer that I live with can only come up with:
"NO KITTY" 
Really? I swear my dog will do stuff just hear "no...blah, blah, blah..."
Somebody get me a gun...wait..that's a bit drastic. I'll use the marble rolling pin he bought me.

Aside from the ridiculous appearance of an old retired biker having "NO KITTY" come out of his mouth.


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## Konotashi (Jan 11, 2010)

Coastie01 said:


> Maybe not a command but it pisses me off when owners of little dogs think its cute that their stupid dog trys to attack a big dog. NO HE IS BRAVE!!!! HE IS STUPID!!! Oh and heaven forbid the big dog so much as grunts about it.


This is why I hate small dogs. (Funny 'cause I have a Pom, huh?) 

It's not the dog's fault, it's the owner's fault. And it just irks me. 

The section of the dog park that's for timid and small dogs is the only part of the dog park I WILL NOT go to. The entire time, the small dogs are trying to eat every dog going/coming from the park through the fence, every person passing by, etc. It's like doggy demolition derby in there! 

However, the other day when I took Ozzy to the dog park, there was this lab/sharpei mix lookin' dog, and she kept taking Ozzy's ball and was being rough with him. Normally Ozzy doesn't care if other dogs take his ball, but he went after her because she was being persistent and kept bugging him. I tried to stay away from her, but she was too infatuated with his tiny tennis ball. :/ I heard the owner say somthing about vicious little dogs and how good her dog is with them.  Her dog was being a bully to just about every other dog in the park! Thankfully, Ozzy left her alone as soon as I called him off. (When we tried going to the other side of the park, she pretty much followed us!)  And when they were leaving, Chloe (that was the dog's name) grabbed her leash and started thrashing it around and running. So what does the owner do? Bounce with her! :shocked:

Anyway, to answer the original question... 

I love Ozzy's hugs. I tell him to give me a hug and he jumps up in my arms.  
I also love 'shame,' just because it's cute to watch him hide his face with his paw. 

I hate when I try telling Ozzy not to lick someone or jump up on someone, the person he's licking/jumping on says, "Oh, no. It's okay."  No, it's NOT okay, because I don't want him doing it! That's probably my biggest pet peeve. I suppose that counts as a 'command?'


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## Lin (Jul 3, 2007)

Konotashi said:


> I hate when I try telling Ozzy not to lick someone or jump up on someone, the person he's licking/jumping on says, "Oh, no. It's okay."  No, it's NOT okay, because I don't want him doing it! That's probably my biggest pet peeve. I suppose that counts as a 'command?'


Ditto! If only people were as easy to train as dogs.


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## Dogaroo (Mar 4, 2003)

I remember my mom standing by a completely destroyed flower garden with her hands on her hips, berating a certain errant pup: "Just LOOK at this mess! WHAT do you have to say for yourself?"  (She's since become more fluent in Dog, thanks to my ever-patient stepdad. Also, now that she understands dogs better, she's decided that she prefers dogs to cats. GOOOOOOD Mommy!  )


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## Stosh (Jun 26, 2010)

I won't admit this to anyone else but I've actually done the two fingers in a v pointing from my eyes to Stosh's eyes and back again- I get the head tilt in reply since he can't do that with his front toes


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## CarrieJ (Feb 22, 2011)

> "Just LOOK at this mess! WHAT do you have to say for yourself?"


Classic!

Um..."Arf?"


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## elisabeth_00117 (May 17, 2009)

It was pointed out to me that during free play with other dogs, if I want Stark to come over to me (informal) I say:

"Stark, come here please."

Hahaha... I am so bad... lol. BUT, he does respond to that and has a lightening recall. Our informal recall command is "heya" by the way.


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## MegansGrace (Apr 27, 2011)

I got my lab as a puppy during college and when I trying to teach him not to jump on people *IF* I could get people to correct him, they would say "down" instead of "off." errrr There goes that command.

I also hate when my family walks out of the house and says "okay Lucas STAY!" Deep down I cringe! I also use "wait" and "stay" differently so when my sister tells him to "stay" and then calls him it irks me because that's my "wait" command. My "stay" command is that he stays put until I come back to him. Lucas knows the difference.

I personally love when everyone likes to practice their iffy at best recall whenever there is a minor scuffle at the dog park. Instantly there's 15 people yelling 10 dog names, clapping, whistling, yelling here fido here!!!! Almost none of their dogs come at all, or even seem to know their names. Maybe I'm at an especially entertaining park


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## Chicagocanine (Aug 7, 2008)

Well I've told Bianca to "stop being a brat" several times before so I guess that would be my favorite perhaps? 

I also find myself telling my cats to "play nice" when they're play-fighting and getting too rough with each other. Although they do think I am their mom because I bottle-fed them as babies, so they actually do listen to me to an extent (if I make a hissing sound they will stop what they're doing immediately for example.)

My least favorite would probably be what I saw a trainer doing while demonstrating something in a therapy dog class I was in. She was using her puppy to demo something and she told the dog "Sit....sitsitsit" all the while giving short, soft (nagging) pulls up on the dog's collar. :crazy:




MegansGrace said:


> I also hate when my family walks out of the house and says "okay Lucas STAY!" Deep down I cringe! I also use "wait" and "stay" differently so when my sister tells him to "stay" and then calls him it irks me because that's my "wait" command. My "stay" command is that he stays put until I come back to him. Lucas knows the difference.


Oh yeah I hate that too! I also use 'wait' and 'stay' in that way and I hate when I'm in a training class and the instructor says to tell the dogs to stay and I think we're doing a stay, when they actually end up wanting us to do a recall next. If I knew we were doing a recall I would have said "wait" not "stay".


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