# The perfect dog (yeah right)



## OUbrat79 (Jan 21, 2013)

Ok this is a partial vent partial question. My sister-in-law has a chocolate lab. This dog is considered to be the "perfect dog." I am always hearing about all the great things Dixie can do and how well behaved she is. Today we are having a birthday party for my 2 year old Rayne. When we walked through the door of my mother-in-law's house Dixie started barking and growling. My sister-in-law told her to hush, which didn't work, and told my kids to pet her so she would stop. When she kept growling my SIL went and got one of her toys and gave it to her. She then my kids not to try and take it cause Dixie might bight them. 

I am no expert on dogs, but I have dealt with them for way longer than my SIL. This is the 1st dog she has owned that I know of. She uses a shock collar set way to high, the theory is if you show the dog it hurts then the dog will behave to avoid it. Today she had a prong collar on very loosely around the base of the dogs neck. It is driving me nuts watching all the things she is doing wrong with this dog. She is convinced my boy Ammo is not trained as well as her dog and I don't know as much because Ammo is not cat friendly and her dog is. Her dog was raised with her cats, Ammo has never been around cats. 

How do I deal with her dog growling at my kids. My SIL rewards the dog when she growls, with toys or petting. I am very worried that her dog will snap at my daughter and hurt her. I really want to be snotty but I can not, remember she is someone I have to deal with for a very long time. I can tell my older 2 kids to leave Dixie alone but my 2 year old thinks ever dog is like her Ammo. Should I just start bringing Ammo with us so Rayne has a dog to play with that won't bite her? Should I keep Ammo away so he won't attack Dixie for threatening his kids? Should I just ignore Dixie and let her owner deal with it? If it was your kids what would you do?


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## misslesleedavis1 (Dec 5, 2013)

That is a tough one...maybe you could speak to her about how " amazing Dixie" really is and go from there? 

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## marbury (Apr 3, 2012)

Don't allow your kids to interact with the dog. Don't bring the kids or ask to meet where their dog cannot accompany. It's not your dog and it's not worth getting into an argument over. If she notices and asks say that you're just not comfortable with the growling around your children and leave it at that. Meanwhile, delight in your awesome dog and stop comparing.


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## Sp00ks (Nov 8, 2013)

I don't really have any concrete answers but I sure as heck wouldn't keep my mouth shut and let one of my kids get bitten. That sure isn't going to help the family dynamic. The first thing I would do is remove my kids from the situation, however you have to do that. 

I would definitely not introduce another dynamic into the already complicated situation by bringing my dog. 

If this is SIL, I might have a talk with my bro. Tough case but let me share a little story.....

My uncle had a K9. Dog was old and my uncle being selfish refused to put the dog down. My father had been on him for quite a while to put the dog down to the point that it was causing issues in the family. One day I walked up beside the dog and next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital, 52 stitches in my neck where the dog had attacked me. I was 6 or 7 years old. This situation did not turn out well for me, the dog, or my father/uncle's relationship. 

My point is, if something happens it will be worse than a little friction. However, it is definitely a touchy situation.


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## Xena9012 (Oct 12, 2013)

When people with little kids come over I keep my dog in a different room or on a leash (for now at least). I do this because she is still a puppy in training (can get very excited) and because you don't know what the little kids might do. 
I don't want to be responsible for an injury caused by the dog because the little kids were annoying her. You don't know what they might do depending on their last experience with a dog.

I'm very surprised that your SIL lets her dog around the kids if she is going to growl at them. I would tell her (nicely of course) that you value the safety of your children and that the dog should not be around them if she is going to behave like that. Don't take your dog over, it's her dog and her problem.


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## OUbrat79 (Jan 21, 2013)

It's hard not to be around this dog. She brings Dixie to every family dinner today is my daughter's birthday party at my mother-in-law's house and she brought the dog with her. She is my husband's sister. I may see if he will talk to her. 

Also I'm not trying to compare the 2 dogs. I frankly don't give a rat's backside that she thinks her dog is better than mine. I was just trying to give you all an understanding of how great they think this dog is. In the families eyes this dog walked on water next to Jesus. 


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## marbury (Apr 3, 2012)

OUbrat79 said:


> It's hard not to be around this dog. She brings Dixie to every family dinner today is my daughter's birthday party at my mother-in-law's house and she brought the dog with her. She is my husband's sister. I may see if he will talk to her.
> 
> Also I'm not trying to compare the 2 dogs. I frankly don't give a rat's backside that she thinks her dog is better than mine. I was just trying to give you all an understanding of how great they think this dog is. In the families eyes this dog walked on water next to Jesus.


That is absolutely inappropriate, honestly. This is YOUR DAUGHTER's party and her safety is paramount. The dog needs to be kept in an area separate from your children. Sounds like she just needs some boundaries set with regards to where her dog is welcome.


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## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

:thumbup:



marbury said:


> Don't allow your kids to interact with the dog. Don't bring the kids or ask to meet where their dog cannot accompany. It's not your dog and it's not worth getting into an argument over. If she notices and asks say that you're just not comfortable with the growling around your children and leave it at that. Meanwhile, delight in your awesome dog and stop comparing.


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## Bman0221 (May 3, 2010)

I would start with having a chat with your husband. If that did not work then, I guess it would be fight night. I would not be able to keep my mouth shut, family or not. I would have to tell someone about themself and their dog.


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## Twyla (Sep 18, 2011)

I'm the odd one out.. again 

My BiL moved in with my in-laws many years ago. Brought with him a St Bernard who preferred biting to eating it seemed. There was no effort made at all to control the dog or put him away when kids were around. My son did not go over to his grandparents house again until that dog was no longer there. My priority was my son, the relationship with the in-laws was secondary.


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## NancyJ (Jun 15, 2003)

I agree. This may create family tension but you are just going to have to stand up and say you do not want her dog around your kids. A dog growling at children is not a good sign no matter what.


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## OUbrat79 (Jan 21, 2013)

Twyla said:


> My priority was my son, the relationship with the in-laws was secondary.


Just to be clear my children are my number one priority. 

Everyone thinks the dog is great. She has never actually bit anyone. Anytime someone comes in the house she will growl and bark. My SIL's reaction to it is to reward her either through petting or toys. The advice given to my kids was to pet her, while she growled, to calm her down. 

I did make a big enough scene about the kids not petting a growling dog that my SIL finally put her in her crate. 


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## Bman0221 (May 3, 2010)

Maybe you could try talking to your SIL and pointing out the things you said and explain to her that she is rewarding the behavior. I get the impression just from the tone of your OP that she is probably not the kinda person who would listen, but it may be worth a shot. MAYBE !


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## OUbrat79 (Jan 21, 2013)

Bman0221 said:


> Maybe you could try talking to your SIL and pointing out the things you said and explain to her that she is rewarding the behavior. I get the impression just from the tone of your OP that she is probably not the kinda person who would listen, but it may be worth a shot. MAYBE !


She is the baby of the family, and can do no wrong. My husband, her brother, is the middle child and the black sheep of the family. I am the unwanted family member. They are all nice to me but it is clear by both sisters that I am not well liked. On more than one occasion the little sister (the one with the dog) has reprimanded me on my parenting, she has no children. 

I firmly believe that if I keep my mouth shut karma will eventually bite her in the you know what. I have told my older 2 to never ever pet a dog that is growling no matter who says it's ok. From now on when the dog is there and growling I will have my children far away from her. 


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

OUbrat79 said:


> She is the baby of the family, and can do no wrong. My husband, her brother, is the middle child and the black sheep of the family. I am the unwanted family member. *They are all nice to me but it is clear by both sisters that I am not well liked. On more than one occasion the little sister (the one with the dog) has reprimanded me on my parenting, she has no children*.
> 
> I firmly believe that if I keep my mouth shut karma will eventually bite her in the you know what. I have told my older 2 to never ever pet a dog that is growling no matter who says it's ok. From now on when the dog is there and growling I will have my children far away from her.
> 
> ...


Hey, it's hard to be an in-law and try to break into a family. They're nice to you, but you are not a sibling. They have a shared history that you don't have. It may not be that they dislike you, they just are familiar enough with you to be as comfortable with you as they are with each other.

As for the younger one reprimanding your parenting -- she doesn't have children. This is NORMAL. People who don't have children have plenty of time to think about how they would do if they DID have children. They have a very romantic idea of the whole thing. I would NEVER __________! Fill in the blank. 

My little brother is 38. He does not have kids. My little sister is 34, she has two: 4 and almost 3. My brother -- her sibling, tells her what she is doing wrong. I am 11 years older than she is, and don't have any kids. I sometimes tell her a thing or two too. It is normal. People who have never had children 24/7 are still kind of in la la land when it comes to what everyone else should do with their kids. 

Oh, BTW, before my little sister had kids, she used to tell my older sister what she should or shouldn't do. 

Families, ya just got to love them. You don't have to like them.


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## G-burg (Nov 10, 2002)

> She is the baby of the family, and can do no wrong. My husband, her brother, is the middle child and the black sheep of the family. I am the unwanted family member. They are all nice to me but it is clear by both sisters that I am not well liked. On more than one occasion the little sister (the one with the dog) has reprimanded me on my parenting, she has no children.
> 
> I firmly believe that if I keep my mouth shut karma will eventually bite her in the you know what. I have told my older 2 to never ever pet a dog that is growling no matter who says it's ok. From now on when the dog is there and growling I will have my children far away from her.


 And you want to be a part of this? Honestly? Let alone your kids?


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## ksotto333 (Aug 3, 2011)

Twyla said:


> I'm the odd one out.. again
> 
> My BiL moved in with my in-laws many years ago. Brought with him a St Bernard who preferred biting to eating it seemed. There was no effort made at all to control the dog or put him away when kids were around. My son did not go over to his grandparents house again until that dog was no longer there. My priority was my son, the relationship with the in-laws was secondary.


I out there with you. I wouldn't have my children around a dog that I wasn't comfortable with. Anyone who doesn't understand will just have to get over it.


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## KZoppa (Aug 14, 2010)

A growl is a warning. Plain and simple. Do not under any circumstances allow your kids around that dog. Especially since some dimwit is encouraging people to pet the growling dog until she calms down. THAT is a horrible idea. It comes down to protecting your kids or ticking off clueless family members, protect your kids. Especially since you have a young one that is at the age where all dogs are just as great and loving as their own. It doesn't work that way and we know that but they don't. 

Protect your kids and whatever you do, don't bring Ammo into the mix. That could create further problems. The growling dog could be a huge threat in Ammo's eyes and could result in massive vet bills. Nobody wants that. 

Even if it means no longer attending family functions unless you can be certain the growling spoiled brat isn't there... OR start having the functions at your house and restrict your SIL from bringing the growler. They'll either see your dog behaves or they wont, doesn't really matter. You know your kids are safe with your dog.


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## Blanketback (Apr 27, 2012)

I'm the one in my family that always has to bring her dog along, so I can relate. But I feel terrible seeing her side of it, because wow, what a nutter! Yikes! I'm glad she was finally able to crate her dog and keep your children safe, and I really hope she keeps that up! Otherwise, I'd just stay away. Go pet the growling dog?! Worst advice ever. Poor you to have to put up with her.


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

G-burg said:


> And you want to be a part of this? Honestly? Let alone your kids?


This is what I was thinking. 

If his family doesn't like you then why keep trying? Who wants to be around negativity?

If a dog growled at my kids and I felt that he could/would bite them then my kids would never be around that dog again. I am the kind of person that tells it like it is, I would let my SIL know that she doesn't know how to properly use dog training equipment nor does she know how to properly train a dog. I would also let her know that her dog is a lawsuit waiting to happen. 

If she doesn't like you and you don't really like her and your kids being around her dog is dangerous then who cares what she thinks/says, tell her she's in the wrong!


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

OUbrat79 said:


> She is the baby of the family, and can do no wrong. My husband, her brother, is the middle child and the black sheep of the family. I am the unwanted family member. They are all nice to me but it is clear by both sisters that I am not well liked. On more than one occasion the little sister (the one with the dog) has reprimanded me on my parenting, she has no children.
> 
> I firmly believe that if I keep my mouth shut karma will eventually bite her in the you know what. I have told my older 2 to never ever pet a dog that is growling no matter who says it's ok. From now on when the dog is there and growling I will have my children far away from her.
> 
> ...


This does not get better. I was treated like this for years. These people are no longer allowed in my home and I don't participate in any holiday activity. My husband was sick of it all as well and he doesn't either. So much more peaceful!

Karma hasn't come back to bite them yet. Well...maybe his mother. The grandkids (all 4 of them) have very little to do with her.


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## OUbrat79 (Jan 21, 2013)

I don't want to disconnect with her or my husband's other sister. For as much grief as I get from them they love my kids very much. The dog problem is very annoying and I will be more outspoken about it. 

My kids have already lost a lot of family on my side of the family. I would really hate for them to lose my husband's family too. From all the things that has happen with my side of the family I have refined a very distinct set of skills called "Not caring what they think of me." I simply can't take my kids family away from them, and that is what would happen. With the exception of my mom, my husband's family is the only family left.


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## stmcfred (Aug 13, 2013)

Right there is where I'd speak my mind. I'd say NO, my kids are not going to pet a growling dog. Either the dog gets put away or I'm leaving. 



OUbrat79 said:


> The advice given to my kids was to pet her, while she growled, to calm her down.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Baillif (Jun 26, 2013)

As far as bark collars go (assuming that's what it was) then highest setting is fine, for the reasons she basically stated. You start low on a bark collar and the dog runs a pretty good chance of just getting accustomed to it and powering through it. 

Prong collars that are hanging a bit loose or low on the neck are also fine as long as they are being used correctly. It isn't really a big deal either way.

As for the other stuff...well that's just crap, but hey if shes happy with the dog shes happy with the dog.


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## Kayos and Havoc (Oct 17, 2002)

I think I would have to put my foot down. The growling dog is put in another room or crate and not allowed access to your kids. 

Not a bad idea to have your hubby deal with it, it is his family.


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

I wouldn't let my kids pet a growling dog, if I had any kids. 

I do understand why you do not want to break ties with the family though. The best thing to do is to divorce yourself from them. This means you completely give up all your expectations for them, but you don't stop coming and bringing your kids. If the younger one says you should hold your kid back in school or pushes you to put them in early, or discipline them for something stupid, or anything else, you just say, "really, I'll look into that" and totally give it not another thought. 

It is our expectations for people, specifically their behavior toward us, that gets us into trouble. If we do not have expectations that people will act normal, or nicely toward us, or reasonably toward our children we will not take it personally when they don't. Ah, that's Uncle Louis. It lets the dookie roll off, because they are not family anymore. They are just people that happen to be there, and what they say, and what do no longer matters anymore than what strangers say on the internet. You would not let a stranger have your children pet their growling dog. Not on your life. 

A funny thing is, that sometimes, after we stop reacting to inappropriate behavior of family members, after we divorce ourselves from them, and drop our expectations, sometimes everything gets a little more relaxed, and sometimes, behavior improves.

Divorcing yourself from family members does not mean you don't protect your children from what they say or how they act around them, you just do it as if they were the guy down the street, not like they are someone whose opinion you care about. Sometimes that means, telling your kids before hand, "Uncle Louis is going to be there, and he's says a lot of things that we don't listen to." and afterward, if he was particularly horrible, talk about it to your kid. Or if he starts, tell him point blank, "Leave the kid alone, or we are leaving right now." But you don't take it personally. You don't expect him to act like a human being. You just have an evacuation plan if needed.


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## jafo220 (Mar 16, 2013)

OUbrat79 said:


> Ok this is a partial vent partial question. My sister-in-law has a chocolate lab. This dog is considered to be the "perfect dog." I am always hearing about all the great things Dixie can do and how well behaved she is. Today we are having a birthday party for my 2 year old Rayne. When we walked through the door of my mother-in-law's house Dixie started barking and growling. My sister-in-law told her to hush, which didn't work, and told my kids to pet her so she would stop. When she kept growling my SIL went and got one of her toys and gave it to her. She then my kids not to try and take it cause Dixie might bight them.
> 
> I am no expert on dogs, but I have dealt with them for way longer than my SIL. This is the 1st dog she has owned that I know of. She uses a shock collar set way to high, the theory is if you show the dog it hurts then the dog will behave to avoid it. Today she had a prong collar on very loosely around the base of the dogs neck. It is driving me nuts watching all the things she is doing wrong with this dog. She is convinced my boy Ammo is not trained as well as her dog and I don't know as much because Ammo is not cat friendly and her dog is. Her dog was raised with her cats, Ammo has never been around cats.
> 
> ...


I guess I don't understand just "how much" your kids are going to have to interact with this dog Dixie. 

I can guarentee you, that if my brother had a dog that growled at my kids, my kids wouldn't be within 20 miles of this dog Dixie. It's that simple. I would tell him to control his dog, that I feel my kids are threatened by his dog and that my kids will no longer interact with his dog. My kids come before anything else. I also don't want one of my kids being nipped or bit by a dog causing them to be affraid of dogs. I wouldn't want to fracture the relationship and trust my kids have with thier own dog. 

It's that simple.


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## Oisin's Aoire (Jun 17, 2013)

Don't let your kids around the dog. Period. If you think you do not get along now , wait until there is a bite , even a minor one. It will somehow be your kid's fault too , believe me. 

People who see no wrong in their dog/child/spouse whatever can't be corrected or reasoned with usually. 

I would simply state that you will not allow a dog that is growling at your kids to be near them , end of story. Add to that statement " my dog is good with kids and my kids are good with dogs and I would like to keep it that way ".

Sorry you are dealing with this , strife in family especially when their is already tension is a very stressful thing to deal with.


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