# Children and Fostering



## AuberryShortcake (Mar 9, 2010)

Does anyone have advice on how to help my son understand fostering and how we are helping dogs by finding them forever homes? I have tried explaining it to him, but he is having a hard time. We took Gypsy to meet a family and he cried all the way saying "But WE are a forever home" I wouldn't have brought him with me, but I couldn't get anyone to watch him. I knew it would be hard for both of us, but didn't know it would be this hard for him. Any tips?


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## Myamom (Oct 10, 2005)

Be honest  
I have small children too..and have been fostering for years. Sure..it's hard when a dog leaves...on all of us. But you present it honestly...that we can't keep every dog...because then we wouldn't be able to help the next one that needs us. Without us...that dog can't be saved. We take it and keep it safe until the perfect home can be found...then we can help save the next one. 

We actually have a hospice foster now. I discussed it with my children before we took her. I told them that we probably won't have her long...that she is sick and will go to heaven soon. We can take her and give her a wonderful life with lots of love before that time..or not...but either way...she is going to heaven....they chose to give her that gift. 

I believe these experiences shape our children positively. It makes them more giving, selfless, compassionate.


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## sitstay (Jan 20, 2003)

I agree with Myamom, be honest from the very first day. My youngest child is now almost 12 years old, and we have been fostering his whole life. It was always clear that the foster was only staying with us, and that there was a difference between the fosters and our own, resident pets.

He only flipped out once, over a kitten that we took in as a 3 week old bottle baby. When I took her back to the shelter so she could go up for adoption, my son had a huge meltdown and my poor husband called and begged me to bring the kitten home. I thought my son would recover, so I said no. As I was leaving for the day, the cattery called and said the kitten was just under the weight goal for spay and adoption and that I needed to take her home and feed her like a Christmas goose for another week or two. 

LOL, her name is Lisa and she is now 7 years old. Jake still loves her to distraction and she still sleeps with him every night. My husband and two kids are more cat people, so the dogs we have fostered were never in much danger of staying.

I do think there is a natural life cycle of attachment with fosters. You start out those first few days and think to yourself that this is a nice dog/cat. Then you think to yourself that this is the greatest dog/cat in the world and you fall madly in love and think you'll have to adopt yourself because you are all so attached. Then you start thinking that the dog/cat is **** on earth (this is about the same time the honeymoon in behavior ends, like when I found the Border Collie we named Luke standing with all four feet on the kitchen counter eating out of the butter dish or when the same dog ate the remote control for the t.v.) and will never get adopted and you'll have it for the rest of your life. Then everything calms down, behavioral stuff has been addressed enough to make life better and you think to yourself that your foster is going to make a great pet...for someone else. I think we all go through similar systems of phases with our fosters?
Sheilah


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## AuberryShortcake (Mar 9, 2010)

I just keep explaining to him what y'all have suggested. I guess there is no real way to make it any easier for him to deal with. Is it bad of me to say that I already feel like she would make a great pet, for another family? She is a sweetheart, a great dog, but she really isn't a perfect fit with us as a forever friend, do you know what I mean?


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## JeanKBBMMMAAN (May 11, 2005)

How old is he?

(38 :rofl 

You can tell him I am an old lady and I still cry every time I adopt a dog out. That it's good to cry because that means you loved a dog enough to save them, and loved them even more to give them a family that will treasure them forever, so that you can help another dog. 

He may like this: 
Little Pieces of My Heart


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## lanaw13 (Jan 8, 2011)

I totally understand…. Our foster girl is a GREAT dog, but she isn't the dog for us…. she is going to make someone a great companion….
People keep asking us, "how do you give her up?" and my husband says "cry a lot"…. My answer is that we can't save every dog, bu this is how we help….
And I totally agree about the life cycle of fosters…


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## spiritsmom (Mar 1, 2003)

My last foster, Ollie, was adopted New Years Day and Bianca still has not quite gotten over it. I told her from the beginning that we were just babysitting him till he found his own home. She's only 3 so I think in my case I need to wait till she is older and has more of an understanding about it.


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## Rerun (Feb 27, 2006)

sit said:


> I agree with Myamom, be honest from the very first day. My youngest child is now almost 12 years old, and we have been fostering his whole life. It was always clear that the foster was only staying with us, and that there was a difference between the fosters and our own, resident pets.
> 
> He only flipped out once, over a kitten that we took in as a 3 week old bottle baby. When I took her back to the shelter so she could go up for adoption, my son had a huge meltdown and my poor husband called and begged me to bring the kitten home. I thought my son would recover, so I said no. As I was leaving for the day, the cattery called and said the kitten was just under the weight goal for spay and adoption and that I needed to take her home and feed her like a Christmas goose for another week or two.
> 
> ...


haha, I can totally relate. There have been a few that were REALLY hard to say goodbye to,:wub: but some that you are opening the door as wide as you can when they leave with their new family....


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## gr8flcat (May 13, 2006)

My children have been through this many times as well and there are some dogs they still mention and mourn. We are always clear abt this being a foster dog we are "training" to live with their future family. The other thing is I usually as the adopters to come get the dog, so we are not leaving it somewhere. It helps my kids to see them get in their new car all happy with their new people. I know how the kids feel, I have sobbed my heart out when a few of the dogs have left.


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## Danielle_Robb26 (Jan 9, 2009)

I have fostered of 80 dogs in the past 3 years- I have 2 small children- 3 and 6. (I was preg. with my youngest when I started fostering) You do have to be honest with them. At first, they will get upset. Unfortunatly they are too little to understand. No matter how much you try to explain, they don't understand. My 6 year old use to get upset everytime a pup left our house. Then, just 2 weeks ago, I have a foster dog that is very fearful/reactive. He told me... "mom, why was someone so mean to her? She needs to stay with us and learn that we can be nice to her. Maybe if she can learn to love us she wont be so scared any more. Mom can she stay with us until she learns to trust again? Then she will be happy and her new family will be happy" I cried. I thought..... He finally gets it! He understands. He tells all of his friends/teachers, even strangers that we help dogs from " doggie jail" and dogs where people where not so nice to them. It is amazing for me to hear that and everytime it makes me cry. But.... It took us 3 years of having him being involved in every aspect including the care of the dogs, for him to understand that we "make them better" and find them great homes. He helps me even with some of the fearful ones (drops treats in a closed crate **never outside the crate or in danger) (never left alone with ANY dog!) But it finally did " click" Just takes time!


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## Danielle_Robb26 (Jan 9, 2009)

on a note from that- he also goes with me to get the dogs from the shelters. He travels with me (sometimes) when we transport dogs- I have my children involved in every aspect of it. Both my children have grown to LOVE it and appreciate animals and the care of them. (I say that both my children are going to grow up as dog whisperers LOL!!!)


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## sitstay (Jan 20, 2003)

Danielle_Robb26 said:


> He tells all of his friends/teachers, even strangers that we help dogs from " doggie jail"


LOL, you know what my youngest child called the shelter when he was really little? "The Dog Store", because every time we went there we came home with a new foster dog.

When he was three years old my oldest son was teasing him, telling him that he was adopted. My youngest son was outraged at this, insisting that he couldn't have been adopted because he was a boy, not a dog and everyone knows that DOGS are adopted and not little boys. 
Sheilah


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## Danielle_Robb26 (Jan 9, 2009)

LOL children are great- fostering and saving is a great experience for children- they learn a whole new respect for animals..... When I was preg. with my youngest I had 17 dogs. True story, the day I had him at the hospital, I was sitting in bed with him in my lapl. I was watching animal cops. When the dog on TV barked, David popped open his eyes and tried to lift his head up as to say... Hey that sounds farmiliar LMAO!!!!


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## fam07 (Apr 17, 2011)

I got excited when I saw the title of the thread b/c I thought it was about human fostering! We are a foster/adoptive family of humans. We had two biological kids to start and have now added three more via adoption. So many families ask us about if it was hard on our bio kids. Having come full circle my response is "Yes, and it was the best thing for them". Anytime, you sacrificially provide love and safety for another, teach them how to be a family member and have the potential to end a cycle of violence/neglect you WILL grow. I also think it is a safe way to expose your kids to the reality of the world but in a productive way. I would imagine that after several animals are rehomed and your child has the opportunity to see how happy the family and dog are he will wonder why more families DON"T do it! Maybe also allow him to be part of the discussion about what are the characteristics of the dog and what kind of family would be a good fit. Then he would have some "control" over the outcome...even it is just him giving his opinion! Monica


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## AuberryShortcake (Mar 9, 2010)

Jean, J-man is seven years old. He has such a big heart for animals. He loves all of them, I would be the crazy cat/dog hoarder if it was up to my son, LOL.

These are all such great stories. It will just take him time, I am beginning to see. Thanks everyone =)


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## Rerun (Feb 27, 2006)

Mine is only 8 months but we've had several fosters since he's been here, just pups though (bottle babies), though this time around it's mom and pups. He has no interaction with them at this point of course but he loves to watch me feed the babies. He's very curious and fascinated, knows they are something different and not usually here.

We plan to keep fostering as he grows up so hopefully we'll be able to explain things well to him so he doesn't get heartbroken everytime one leaves...


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