# Just expressing the sadness of my day



## oregongsdr111 (Nov 20, 2005)

Maybe other rescuers here can relate. 
Otherwise I am just posting to get it out of me, and off my chest.

I had to euthanize a rescue GSD today. 
My heart is aching, and my frustration toward the world is high.

A neighboring County Shelter asked if I could take on an emergency case.
I made a vet appointment and dashed off to get this dog in need.

Upon seeing her, you couldn’t help but really study her. Her head is like that of a mature large male, but the body of a 5 month old pup. She is skin over bones. She is a coated sable, and lumbering at me as fast as her deformed little body would go. She greets me with warm, happy kisses. Her back is twisted to the left; she has three normal legs and only half of one rear leg. The other rear leg is twisted and bent. Her stump leg is bleeding and infected. I have a few hours before we can get into the vet so we go home and I try to evaluate her issues to help the vet know what is going on. 

When I first got the call I assumed we would lob off the stump leg, fatten her up and get her off to a new family. Once I see her at home I realize we are dealing with some serious issues. Her spine is very off, due to trying to compensate for the bad leg. The “good” leg is severely compromised as well, from her attempts to use the stump. 

I am beginning to think we will not be able to amputate. How would she find a center of balance when her body is so pitched to the damaged side? I also do not see how the remaining leg could bear weight. It is only inches from the ground as it is. 

My mentally disabled daughter that really wishes we had no animals in the house, starts calling the dog Hannah. (For Hannah Montana of course). I tell her that is a good name. We take Hannah to the vet and they do the x-rays, and consult with each other, and unfortunately come up with the same observations as I did. They say we cannot leave the leg because her lymph nodes are hard and holding infection from the stump. It is determined that the stump will always have infection from the dragging she does with it. 
They will not do the amputation because the other leg in unstable and the spine would need thousands of dollars of bracing. They say she will not have a quality of life with, or without the leg. It is decided that Hannah will be PTS.

She is still knocked out from the x-ray process so we choose to PTS her while she was under. They bring her back into the room, and I hold her head while she slips away. I feel like a failure because I promised her a wonderful life with no more pain. 

I did not grab my camera so I don’t even have one photo of her. I only have the vivid picture in my mind of that big head, and huge eyes looking at me. She came and went and I do not have anything to honor her by. My daughter keeps saying “Hanna come home? “ She can’t comprehend death so there is no use in explaining that Hannah will not be coming home. I will keep putting her off until she forgets to ask.

I am very sad for this poor loving dog. I just keep going back to the thoughts, if only her owners would have cared enough to amputate her leg when the injuries happen. Maybe her little spine might have been strong, and her other leg might have been able to endure. Think nice things for Hannah tonight as she has left this cruel world, to a world of freedom. I have cried a river for a dog I have known less than 12 hours. She was a touching case, and would have made an awesome pet.


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## drkcloud4u (Jan 7, 2006)




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## lucymom (Jan 2, 2009)

Oh the poor little girl. I am crying with you. Little Hannah represents so many neglected and abused dogs who have not known love, only pain and emptiness, yet have the heart and soul to respond to kindness and friendliness. She endured so much yet still had kisses.

Of course you cry for her....and for all of them on her behalf. I am just grateful that she knew a few hours of love and kindness, even if they were her last.

Run free little Hannah, in a place where dogs are loved and healthy. If you see a little black german shepherd there named Lucy, say hello to her. She will help you find your way around.

Paula, it is so hard that these things are beyond our control. You did your best, and your heart is open and kind. You will continue to do good rescue work in part on Hannahs' behalf.

Jennifer


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## Laura H. (Feb 23, 2009)

The first thing that comes to mind after reading your post is what an extraordinary attempt you made to ease this poor dog's pain.

You didn't fail her, she is at peace and out of pain.

I don't even think I want to know how she got in such deplorable condition.


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## onyx'girl (May 18, 2007)

RIP Hannah~ at least she knew a bit of love and kindness with you after living such a hard life, thank you for what you do


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## allieg (Nov 4, 2008)

That is so sad that she was to far gone by the time you got her.Why are people so cruel sometimes to such wonderful animals.You did all you could and you have to remember that.You can't save all of them but you can try.


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## scannergirl (Feb 17, 2008)

Thank you


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## Remo (Sep 8, 2004)

Oh Paula, my heart aches for you. I know we can't save them all but **** it, some hurt us more than others. 

Thanks for trying, which is a whole lot more than anyone else had done. 

Keep up the good fight my friend. Draw strength from your many wonderful saves. 

Your friend and admirer,

Lea


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## JerzeyGSD (Jun 26, 2008)

It is amazing that a dog that has suffered so much was so happy and willing to go to you for help. You did not fail her. You certainly allowed her to live without any further pain. Know that at least you gave her 12 hours of unrelinquished love and support. Thank you for all you have done and all you will continue to do for the Hannahs of the world. You are truly amazing.


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## BowWowMeow (May 7, 2007)

Paula,

Thanks for taking care of this little girl as best you could. 

Please take care of yourself--it was painful reading this story and I can only imagine how much your heart is hurting.


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## doggonefool (Apr 15, 2004)

> Originally Posted By: oregongsdr111
> 
> She is still knocked out from the x-ray process so we choose to PTS her while she was under. They bring her back into the room, and I hold her head while she slips away. I feel like a failure because I promised her a wonderful life with no more pain.
> 
> My daughter keeps saying “Hanna come home? “ She can’t comprehend death so there is no use in explaining that Hannah will not be coming home. I will keep putting her off until she forgets to ask.


But you DID fulfill your promise: She now has a wonderful life with all of our furbabies over that Rainbow Bridge! And she has no more pain and can run free and wild. As we rescue, we sometimes have to make choices that insufficient people have left to us because of their inability to take care, to care, or to make those choices. Hannah is blessed that you found her and cared enough to hold her with love while she crossed over. Bless you 1000 times!


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## Barb E (Jun 6, 2004)

I'm sorry about Hannah, I hope you'll come to see you didn't fail her, you were with her as she passed


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## Karin (Jan 4, 2008)

I'm so sorry, Paula. Thank you for loving and taking care of this sweet little girl. You did all that you could and at least she experienced kindness and compassion on her last day of life.









Rest in peace, Hanna.


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## oregongsdr111 (Nov 20, 2005)

Sometimes I feel myself feeling hopeless instead of hopeful. I think it goes with the job. It helps to vent, and I have no one to vent to.

So, as an unfortunate side effect to all that read here, I vent on this forum. : (


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## sitstay (Jan 20, 2003)

Paula, I am so sorry for both you and little Hannah. I honestly believe that sometimes the best we can do is provide a humane, compassionate end for some of the dogs that come through our doors.
It sucks that the people that should have had her best interests in mind didn't step up to the plate early on.
Thankfully, she had you to hold her. That counts, Paula. That really, really counts.
Sheilah


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## Skye'sMom (Jul 11, 2004)

Paula;
You took a sweet dog that has lived with pain and hopelessness. You were caring and brave enough to face what had to be done.

Think of Miss Hannah running over the bridge - no more pain, whole and happy.

Sometimes saving a dog does not mean finding a home. Sometimes it means to help it leave a world of pain and suffering. Sometimes it means to give them their last breaths in the hands and heart of a kind new friend.

Hugs.


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## dd (Jun 10, 2003)

Paula - thank you for trying to help this poor pup. My heart aches for both of you.


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## lsoilm1936 (Dec 28, 2003)

How sad Paula. I couldn't help but cry with you as I read the post. Bless you for helping her cross over peacefully. Run free with no pain sweet girl...


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## lupina (Mar 4, 2009)

Paula: You are a remarkable woman! What you do for GS's is obviously a labor of love...I've held more than one beautiful Shepherd head as they move from this physical world to the next. I always have to remind myself that they're no longer in pain and I believe their souls are at peace...Thank you for sharing what was an extremely difficult event. The dogs in the upper NW are lucky to have you looking out for them...


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## ThreeDogs (Mar 16, 2007)

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I agree you did not fail her at all. 

She was safe and loved at her end with a wonderful person to mourn her.

RIP Miss Hannah


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## Timber1 (May 19, 2007)

As a fellow rescue person, you did the right thing. Even to try and save the dog, would have caused that poor animal so much pain, not only during the medical process, but for the rest of the dog's life.


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## lakota757 (Apr 10, 2008)

Bless you for doing all you could to help her. Rest In Peace sweet Hannah!


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## Qyn (Jan 28, 2005)

> Originally Posted By: LaraThe first thing that comes to mind after reading your post is what an extraordinary attempt you made to ease this poor dog's pain.
> 
> You didn't fail her, she is at peace and out of pain.


I agree. Thank you for being there for Hannah and seeing and acknowledging her remarkable good nature despite the neglect that had brought her to this situation. Hannah is out of pain now and was comforted by you as she was released - how is that a failure? Failure belongs to those that allowed her situation to arise.


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