# Tough situation-Dog is suffering



## Wolfmother (Apr 17, 2007)

The owner is my brother. His dog Charlie is now suffering but my brother refuses to let go. He made a decision to euthanize his dog last night, but the vet he wanted was not available. Now he found this loophole and is being very irrational and wants the dog to hang in until New Years. Sadly, I don't think Charlie will make it that long. My sister-in-law is taking care of him as best as she can, but if she mentions anything about how sick Charlie is, my brother gets very angry at her. 

I know what the right thing is to do, but it is so hard to sit back and watch this poor dog suffer. He is getting Tramadol for pain right now and that seems to keep him comfortable for a while. How do you help someone in this situation? It isn't my dog so I can't do anything and my sister-in-law certainly can't either. I feel so horrible for thinking this, but I almost want to take him for the euthanasia myself, bring him back to the house and have my brother think he just passed on his own. I obviously would never do this, but I am feeling very desperate for this poor dog right now. Not really looking for advise, as I know what has to be done but my hands are tied. I guess I just needed to vent.


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## SouthernThistle (Nov 16, 2005)

Euthanizing a beloved four-legged friend is never an easy task especially for the owner. 

What is this "loophole" that he found ("Now he found this loophole and is being very irrational...")?

Perhaps you need to have his Vet (who I assume knows how sick Charlie is) give your brother a call and talk him through it? I know you said the Vet he wanted is unavailable, but is that the regular Vet and how "unavailable" is he/she?


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## jarn (Jul 18, 2007)

I'm sorry, that's very difficult. It's never easy to say goodbye, and I can imagine how difficult it is to watch what is happening with Charlie and your brother's family. Maybe you and your sister in law can together work on talking to your brother?


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## Wolfmother (Apr 17, 2007)

I have gone through euthanasia myself too many times, so I do understand how difficult it is. 

The loophole is that he decided to do it last night and since the vets he wanted weren't available at that moment, he has changed his mind about doing it. 

The vet already did talk to him about this and he hung the phone up on her and he is now very angry at them too. He won't answer his phone for anyone now so even if she did call, he wouldn't even talk to her. 

The other vet is on vacation all this week. He will not go to an emergency vet or another vet at his usual vet office.


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## rjvamp (Aug 23, 2008)

Tramadol is a good drug and should provide some comfort. I'm not sure as to what degree of suffering you are talking. Is Charlie whimpering and crying in pain constantly? Even the stress of seeing a different vet to be put down (and they know they are not waking back up or something "bad" is happening to them - they can see it in our eyes) can be horrible. Sounds like your brother is happy to have another day or so, but wants his own vet that he and Charlie is comfortable with doing the procedure. Once it is done in your brother's time and with the right vet he will get the peace he needs - a forced procedure will be very traumatic. See what you can do to help him keep Charlie comfortable and be supportive as best you can. 

I lost Lobo this year - 14 years and 45 days. He outlived his body. He was on Tramadol and Metacam consistently for the last couple of months before he died. We did that so that he would be comfortable and to also wait until after the holidays for us as he had surprised us so many times before and gotten better. But he didn't this time. We had his personal vet come to the house and he passed in our home. I could tell Lobo knew he was not waking up. But he really didn't have the strength to physically fight so he fought the medication as much as he could that was relaxing him at first. Our doctor was very patient and careful with him through the whole process. 

Will be keeping your brother, Charlie and your family in my thoughts and prayers. 

EDIT - funny how I write these things while others are posting and then I get more information! So he has talked to his vet, but his vet is out of town and he sounds angry with her? Can he get a mobile vet to come to the house instead so Charlie dies at home and not a hospital?


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## Wolfmother (Apr 17, 2007)

I was going to stop by his house last night, but he was not in any frame of mind to listen. I will try to stop by after work tonight and see Charlie for myself. Maybe after some time to calm down, he will do the right thing and I will be there to go with him to take care of what needs to be done. If his wife says anything to him, he just yells at her and says she doesn't care about Charlie and just doesn't want to deal with it. He is one of those people that you can't rationalize with. He has to come to the decision on his own. Since people have told him that he needs to do this, he is even more determined to NOT do it. I just hope with some more time to think about it, he will do the right thing.


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## Wolfmother (Apr 17, 2007)

The one vet (who is actually my vet) is a mobile vet. She doesn't have availability until today but he has to work so he can't do it today. Now he just wants to wait until after New Years. She told him it would be the kinder thing to do to go someplace that can fit him in sooner as he isn't in good shape. That is when he got mad and hung up on them. 

Unfortunately, he won't even consider the thought of a vet he has never met do this. 

Charlie has started crying a little from what I understand, but hopefully the Tramadol will give him some relief. It isn't constant crying though. 

I am very sorry to hear about Lobo. It sounds like he was very lucky to have you (and you to have him).


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

Maybe instead of trying to get him to listen to you, you should listen to him. It sounds like he is very distraught and continuing to push him into "doing the right" thing apparently is only making the situation worse.


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## Wolfmother (Apr 17, 2007)

That is what I am doing. In fact, I am the only one that is "listening" to him. I have never once said that he should do it as I didn't like people doing that to me when I had a sick dog. I needed to make the decision on my own. The difference is, when I saw my dog suffering, I actually made the decision. That is the frustrating part. I just hope he comes to his senses. I actually have given everyone the advice to not push him.


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## StGeorgeK9 (Jan 5, 2008)

I'm sitting here reading this with tears in my eyes.......... I am so sorry, for you, for your brother and your brothers wife. How sad, I'm not sure I wouldnt sit next to poor Charlie and cry with him. I'm sure you have. Obviously you brother is very attached to Charlie and probably feels like doing this is giving up on Charlie or taking the easy way out. I have had to put down my best friends before, and will have to do it again someday, it is devastating and heartbreaking, and I always felt somehow I had let my best friend down. But Charlie needs your brothers help, and it sounds like this is the best way to help him. Until he gets there, I think you should give your brother a hug and tell him you love him.


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## rjvamp (Aug 23, 2008)

Michele, I'm just so sorry to hear this. I know it is hard. Hopefully soon he will realize what the right thing to do is. It is good you are there for him and for Charlie. The Tramadol kept Lobo very comfortable (he couldn't walk on his back legs and then his front legs started to give out). 

One thing I did before Lobo died was I wrote him a letter and I told him thank you for all the years and what he meant to me and that my decision was tough but I knew it was for the better. There were other things I told him as well. But I took that letter and some incense and asked them to please burn it with his body. That might be a strategy to get your brother "ready" to say his goodbyes (not setting a time lime) but once he says his goodbyes in a letter he may realize it is time now. Plus he can have the letter burned with his dogs body if that is what he chooses to do. It really helped me get through the process by looking at this as a ceremony in helping Lobo to the other side.


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## Wolfmother (Apr 17, 2007)

Thanks Betsy. I have definitely sat with Charlie a lot lately. I am also attached to him. He lived with me for a few years when he was younger and we spent a lot of time together. I'm sure all of your past dogs knew that you did what was best for them. In the end, that is all we can do is keep them comfortable and do what is in their best interest.


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## Zisso (Mar 20, 2009)

What a difficult situation to be in! I am in the same tought spot with a friend of mine. I decided that I will let him choose when and where and how. I know too that it needs to be done, but I have to be the supportive friend and let him do this his way. I know he will be distraught when Queenie passes no matter how she goes to the Rainbow Bridge. No matter how hard it is to see her struggle, my hands are tied too. 

My prayers are with you in this trying time.


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## Wolfmother (Apr 17, 2007)

Robert, 
That is a very nice idea about the letter. My brother is a very sensitive guy so maybe this will help him. 

I do think he will come to the right decision with some time. I just spoke to my sister-in-law and she is going to stop and get more Tramadol. She is also going to lay low and let him come to the decision on his own. 

Thanks to everyone for all the supportive words.


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## Wolfmother (Apr 17, 2007)

Zisso,

I definitely understand how you feel. It really is frustrating. I do feel better realizing that it is out of my hands and there really is nothing I can do but be supportive. I hope that brings you some comfort as well. I hope Queenie is comfortable and your friend can find the strength to get through this difficult time.


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## Mandalay (Apr 21, 2008)

Michele
I went through this with my mom and my childhood dog. My Bearded Collie, Muggsie Malone, was the absolute BEST dog EVER!! I know we all say that we have the best dog, but *we* really did!









Muggsie got to be about 17 years old (we adopted her from a shelter when she was about 1 and had her for 16 years). She may have even been older as she had been found as a stray when the shelter got her. Well, this dog came practically trained. She was housebroken, knew sit, walked nice on a leash, etc. We got her a week before I was going on summer break from school, so I spent the summer when I was 10 training this dog to do everything I could think of! She never bit anyone, she never growled, just perfect.

17 years takes it toll on a dog and she was almost completely blind, she had arthritis and then, sadly, she started to not even be able to (or feel like) getting up to use the washroom. We tried to convince my mom that it was Muggsie's time for months and she just couldn't do it. She would carry Muggsie outside and then stand there and hold her up so Muggsie could go to the bathroom. It was not that she couldn't walk, but the dog had lost her will to live. She old, sick and tired.

It took 3 months for my mom to agree that it was finally time. Some people say that she let her suffer way too long (and I agree), but when I try to look at it from my moms POV, she carried the dog to the bathroom and held her up! She was loving the dog more than some people love their healthy dogs.

Your brother is not going to be able to let go until he is ready. No amount of begging, or trying to rationalize will make him be ready any faster. It would be nice if everyone could let their dogs go at the perfect point, but we can't all do that. It's frustrating for the people who are trying to do the convincing and the people they are trying to convince both.

I feel for you. Good luck.


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## Wolfmother (Apr 17, 2007)

Emily,

Muggsie sounds like an amazing dog and was lucky to have been adopted by your family. It sounds like your mom really went the distance for her. 

I had gone the same route with all of my older dogs. I even had one dog in diapers for well over 2 years. I don't have kids and I constantly had diapers and wipes on hand at all times. I was willing to go that far for him and he wasn't suffering so I didn't mind the extra work it took. Looking back, I can't believe the lengths I went to to ensure their comfort. I also think I had a lot of time to absorb what was happening. All of this with Charlie is pretty recent and he is only 10 1/2 years old so in my brother's mind, he is too young. I had a Lhasa make it to 18 and a collie make it to 14 so he is used to dogs living to ripe old ages. 

Unfortulately, Charlie is suffering. He has had voluminous amounts of bloody diarhhea for the past few days and now will not eat even if he is fed with a syringe.

I think my brother is on the right path to making the decision, but like you said, he has to do it when he is ready. He does love his dog so much that when he sees him suffering, he will eventually do the right thing if Charlie makes it that long. Thanks!


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## Wolfmother (Apr 17, 2007)

OK. I just got a call from my sister-in-law that my brother will be calling me soon to ask me to go with him tonight to have Charlie put to sleep. I just hope he can go through with this. My husband and I will pick up my brother and Charlie and drive them to the vet and will handle everything for him so he can just concentrate on Charlie.


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## Anja1Blue (Feb 27, 2008)

I can so relate to what your brother is experiencing. There is so much guilt in our minds when we have to make the decision to put a beloved family member to sleep, no matter what they are going through. We don't have to make this decision with the human members of the group. There is something which goes against the grain when it comes to "killing" (unless it's in self defense or for food.) We always think that we are letting our friend down, that there must be one more thing we can do to save them - when in fact in our hearts we know that this last battle can't be won. I myself have kept guys going beyond the point where I should have. I didn't want them to leave me because I loved them so much. So in the end, and if I was being totally honest, I was keeping them alive for ME - which was selfish. You have to look back and see this in retrospect however, it doesn't occur to you at the time.

My heart goes out to your brother, to his wife, and to you at this difficult time. I hope that he is able to see his way to doing the right thing for Charlie. Unfortunately, however long our dogs live it is never long enough, and even if Charlie had been lucky enough to get to 14 your brother's reaction would be no different then than it is now. 

If you think he would be helped by a support group, http://www.petloss.com is a lovely, gentle website for people who have lost their pets and are hurting. Just a thought.......

Best to you all - I hope that some day there will be room in your brothers' heart for another Charlie.

_____________________________________________
Susan

Anja GSD
Conor GSD - adopted from this Board
Blue GSD - waiting at the Bridge
Blue


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## Ilovealldogs (Nov 17, 2006)

I'm so sorry that your family is going through all of this. I can tell you that it is much easier to see things rationally when you are at a distance or even not personally involved. 

My dog was in her last days and I really didn't want to make the decision to euthanize her, but knew I had to. (I still have nightmares about it though.) When I met a new client several months later, her dog was having seizures and was in a similar state that my dog was in. I told her that she needed to have her dog seen by a vet immediately and I sat with her while her husband drove thirty minutes to the vet's office. The vet concurred that it was the dog's time and that she was suffering. My client made the decision to let her go peacefully instead of struggling with her last few days, weeks, or however much time she had naturally. She would have really suffered. 

I am telling you this because when it was happening to me with my own dog, I was in a bit of denial and felt like there was always some new drug to try or some new anything to do to prevent her death, but I could see it for what it was in someone else's pet because I wasn't as bonded with her dog as my own. 

We must face that everything has a time to live and a time to die, but it's hard to go on when people and pets that we love so much leave this world before us. We must have faith that we'll see them again someday in a much better place than here.


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

i hope that charlie had a good and easy trip to the bridge. in the end it is all we can give them in return for all they've given us.

rest in peace charlie, and wishing peace of mind for the family you've left behind. it is so incredibly hard, but the right thing to do.

ps...i love, love, love the idea of the note and the incense robert.


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## Skye'sMom (Jul 11, 2004)

What a difficult time for you and your brother and family. I hope he called you and the crossover was quiet.

I wish peace for all of you and good memories.


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## jarn (Jul 18, 2007)

You guys are in my thoughts. RIP Charlie.


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## Anja1Blue (Feb 27, 2008)

It's too bad the OP didn't come back and tell us if Charlie was indeed PTS - for his sake I hope that he was, it sounded as though he was in a bad way, poor guy.

_________________________________________
Susan

Anja GSD
Conor GSD - adoptred from this Board
Blue GSD - waiting at the Bridge


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## Wolfmother (Apr 17, 2007)

> Originally Posted By: WolfmotherOK. I just got a call from my sister-in-law that my brother will be calling me soon to ask me to go with him tonight to have Charlie put to sleep.


Charlie was put to sleep last Tuesday night. His veins were so bad that the catheter was not able to be inserted. While the vet was trying, Charlie actually started to pass on his own. The vet injected his abdomen, then his heart just to make sure he was gone. Luckily, my brother never realized what exactly happened. I wish I was as lucky. That was the most horrible experience I ever went through. I have been present for 4 other euthanasia's and while they were difficult, the dogs all passed peacefully. This one was just awful. I still can't get it out of my head.


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## jarn (Jul 18, 2007)

Michele, I'm so sorry - that does sound awful, and very upsetting. Good for you for being there, I can imagine it would have been very hard.


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## Anja1Blue (Feb 27, 2008)

As bad as it was, thank you for doing what you could for Charlie - I went through a similar experience with one of our cats, so I know how you must feel. It's pretty dreadful. All you can focus on is the fact that Charlie is at peace now, and you helped to give him that final gift. Think of him not as he was when he died, but whole and young again, running free at the Rainbow Bridge.......

______________________________________
Susan

Anja GSD
Conor GSD - adopted from this Board
Blue GSD - waiting at the Bridge


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