# GSD Prejudice and a SiL Rant



## BR870 (May 15, 2011)

So my wife and I had plans for a nice Memorial Day weekend family BBQ. Well, atleast it would have been nice if one of my Sisters-in-Laws had not decided to come into our house and insult us and our puppy.

One of the ideas behind doing the gathering here was to let Abbie get a chance to practice socialization in the home. We've been working alot with her socialization, both with humans and dogs, outside the home, but she hasn't really gotten to see to many people that she doesn't already know come over into her space. Plus many in the family had not gotten a chance to meet her yet. My plan was that she was never going to be off leash, that way she could meet people but I could also keep her close.

FWIW, Abbie has a very good temperament. She doesn't like car rides and can be alittle reserved in new situations, but she is friendly and warm to people and dogs and especially to children. Abbie loves children. I think this is because the Breeder had 4 children of various ages, and we have my son.

So anyway, my Brother-in-Law and his wife (the SiL) are new parents with a 3-4 month old, they decide they are coming. No problem, we have a kid, other family we invited are bringing their son... There's gonna be kids, so no problem...

...Wrong. Problem. After 5 minutes of being here they get up and rush outside. Abbie BTW has been being very good. She's on leash, and has been greeting everyone with puppy kisses. She's only jumped up once, and that was on my Mother-in-Law, who Abbie knows quite well, and my MiL always greats her with just bit too much enthusiasm (we've asked her to tone it down, since we don't want Abbie jumping, but that's just how my MiL is with dogs). She's also hasn't really cared about or even looked at my SiL and her child other than a quick sniff as they entered. 

After a couple of minutes, my BiL/SiL/their baby return inside and my SiL looks very worried. I forget who, but someone asks "Something wrong?" And then my SiL just totally goes off about how this was an unsafe situation, and that German Shepherds are as bad as pitbulls, and that my 4.5 month old puppy is going to literally eat her child.

My wife and I were dumbfounded. I pointed out that she was on leash, and that Abbie lives with a 3 year old and is quite good with him, but she won't hear it. She continues to act like the very presence of a German shepherd was mortal danger to her and her child. We asked her why she came since she knew we just got a puppy and they acted like they just thought we just kept it in the backyard or something.

By this point I was about explode and tell her to get the *bleep* out of my house, this is Abbie's house. I bit my tongue and walked out. I spent the rest of the night outside with Abbie and avoiding them because if I had to talk to them again I was gonna say stuff from which there would have been no going back.

I mean where does she get off coming into my house and insulting my dog? Heck, by extension she was calling us unsafe by saying even owning a GSD was unsafe. She even insulted our other BiL's family, since they owned a pitbull (he was put down a month ago due to cancer). I mean, why come to a party that the whole point is everyone meeting and getting to know Abbie, and then freak out that you might have to be around Abbie? Seriously? If I thought for a second my dog was a danger to children, I wouldn't let my 3 year around her, or my other BiL's 3 year old around her, much less their precious little infant. 

You know, it would have been one thing if they had said they were concerned about her jumping up and possibly scratching their infant. That's reasonable, even though Abbie wasn't jumping much, but I would have understood. But to accuse my dog of being a deadly threat that is going to attack and eat your child while a room full of adults looks on? Really?

Really? :angryfire:

Its almost 24hrs latter and I am still fuming....


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

okay, take this for what it's worth, 'kay? obviously there's something a bit off about your sil, and you've made her problem your problem. i do understand you feeling protective of your family, which of course includes abbie, which it should because you're a good dad...maybe the sil is overly protective, maybe she's looking for attention, maybe she's jealous of your family for some reason, maybe she's just mental. but you can't control other people and their weirdnesses. since i wasn't there i can't tell you exactly what you should have said or done, but you have the equivalent there of a child throwing a temper tantrum (the sil), and to defend your family or abbie is fruitless because the situation itself makes no sense so there isn't any defense that will make sense to the sil, because there's something obviously behind her behavior which has nothing to do with the reality of how abbie was or was not acting. sometimes when people are saying silly stuff that makes no sense you can just act concerned and keep asking them "why's that?" or something similar, but never, ever defend yourself (or your family), or legitimize what they're saying in any way.

now can i ask you a question? since you know what she was saying was pretty silly and not at all true and really didn't even make any sense...why do you think it makes you so mad that 24 hours later you're "still fuming"...


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## BR870 (May 15, 2011)

katieliz said:


> okay, take this for what it's worth, 'kay? obviously there's something a bit off about your sil, and you've made her problem your problem. i do understand you feeling protective of your family, which of course includes abbie, which it should because you're a good dad...maybe the sil is overly protective, maybe she's looking for attention, maybe she's jealous of your family for some reason, maybe she's just mental. but you can't control other people and their weirdnesses. since i wasn't there i can't tell you exactly what you should have said or done, but you have the equivalent there of a child throwing a temper tantrum (the sil), and to defend your family or abbie is fruitless because the situation itself makes no sense so there isn't any defense that will make sense to the sil, because there's something obviously behind her behavior which has nothing to do with the reality of how abbie was or was not acting. sometimes when people are saying silly stuff that makes no sense you can just act concerned and keep asking them "why's that?" or something similar, but never, ever defend yourself (or your family), or legitimize what they're saying in any way.
> 
> now can i ask you a question? since you know what she was saying was pretty silly and not at all true and really didn't even make any sense...why do you think it makes you so mad that 24 hours later you're "still fuming"...


I dunno, I guess I hadn't thought of it like that. I (and my wife) were really just mad that she would come in and act so insulting. Here we are opening our house up, cooking for everyone, being hospitable, and she turns around and acts like we are placing her and her child in jeopardy.

I'm also very protective of my family. I am very laid back and easy going. Maybe too laid back sometimes. But the one thing that gets me going and will set me off is the health and happiness of my family.


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## WarrantsWifey (Dec 18, 2010)

Oh your initial reaction you WANTED to say, is what I WOULD have said. I'm non confrontational, but ignorance is a PET PEEVE of mine. Most people who think certain breeds are "dangerous", have never in their life had a bad experience with that breed. It's all mental, it's what they "hear".... I would have told her she was welcome to leave, but I have one Sister In Law, who if she said something like that. Oh she'd get a piece of my mind, my other SIL, I'd attempt to educate. 

Maybe education is the key with your SIL??


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## onyx'girl (May 18, 2007)

Some people are just not dog savvy and fearful. I respect that and put my dogs up when company comes over. Or if I brought my young pup to social settings, I was aware of others that weren't into having a puppy around them. 
A new mom hormonally is very protective, and sometimes not rational in the thoughts concerning the childs safety(magnified!), so I would just let this roll off your back and not let it fester. 
I have a couple of family members that are intimidated by GSD's and I respect their feelings.
As far as the breed opinion, maybe send her some links concerning her opinions and see if she will be open to change.


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## ILGHAUS (Nov 25, 2002)

> A new mom hormonally is very protective,


I would at this time think of it as this and let it slide off your back. Be mindful of her fear - we can not always be logical of what scares us. If you make a big deal of it then you face major family rifts and possible wounds that will never be healed. 

We as GSD owners know that there are people out there that do not like our breed and many many that are scared of them. We just go on while making sure our dogs do nothing to give any weight to that fear.


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## JakodaCD OA (May 14, 2000)

I have a family with some 'kooks' in it especially the hubby's side who are not animal lovers at all. 

When his family comes over, we actually laugh at the MIL and my SIL, who god forbid a hair get on them LOL..the hubby actually loves to gross out his mother,,if we have dinner, when he's done he'll put the plate on the floor and let the dogs lick it off..This absolutely disgusts my MIL , but hey it's his mother and he can do whatever,,he will then say,,"ok dish is clean no need to wash" THAT really gags her LOL..

Honestly, I'm not as nice as some posters above, I would have showed her the door. but then again I can be a meanie


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## BR870 (May 15, 2011)

onyx'girl said:


> Some people are just not dog savvy and fearful. I respect that and put my dogs up when company comes over. Or if I brought my young pup to social settings, I was aware of others that weren't into having a puppy around them.
> A new mom hormonally is very protective, and sometimes not rational in the thoughts concerning the childs safety(magnified!), so I would just let this roll off your back and not let it fester.
> I have a couple of family members that are intimidated by GSD's and I respect their feelings.
> As far as the breed opinion, maybe send her some links concerning her opinions and see if she will be open to change.


If they were coming over for some other occasion, perhaps. But one of the primary reasons for choosing to do this was for Abbie's benefit, so that she could get some experience with socialization in the home environment. Everyone else was completely comfortable with her and thought she was great...

Secondly, I'm not that far removed from a new parent. My sons only 3. Never once did I go into someone's home and act so insulting though.

I understand some people are dog phobic. I would have understood if they were worried about a scratch (we trimmed Abbie's nails early that day for exactly that reason). However, openly accusing my 4.5 month old puppy of being a direct threat to the life of her child? I was already planning on keeping her leashed and with me, if for no other reason than I wouldn't have trusted her to not steal a momentarily unattended burger or piece of sausage. If they had asked tactfully, I would have made it a point to just kind of stay elsewhere so as to minimize the chance of any over enthusiastic sniffing. But they were just totally rude about it. It was uncalled for and disrespectful.


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## DharmasMom (Jul 4, 2010)

You handled that situation MUCH better than I would have. She would have been given a piece of my mind and then shown the door. As for that "new mom hormonally protective" crap- sorry if that was the case she would have either 1) not come (she knew about the dog and the breed before hand) or 2) left immediately if she felt her child was _truly_ in any danger. She is narrow minded, hates gsds and used the situation (and her "fear")as an excuse to grandstand.


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## mthurston0001 (Jul 12, 2009)

Sorry to hear your troubles. No one comes near my dogs, unless I need them to be fed or something when I'm not around. They are not dangerous, but people can be. Dangerous, foolish, stupid, ignorant, clueless, uninformed, etc. That being said sometimes ya' just gotta be a duck and let it roll off your back. Be a duck man, be a duck...


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## onyx'girl (May 18, 2007)

Some people are just unstable...as Katieliz posted, why are you still so steamed? Let it slide. Especially when you know she has an unstable temperament! 
And yes, hormones/exhaustion do play a role in certain new mothers perspectives, it isn't "crap"
Next family gathering, I bet she won't be there....


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## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

i would have kept the dog out for a while
and let her meet the people. then i would have crated
her or put her in another room.

when my dog was a pup i invited family, friends and neighbors to visit
all of the time. i made sure my pup met people and dogs at our house.

your SIL's reaction was over board but i would have kept the peace.


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## BR870 (May 15, 2011)

onyx'girl said:


> Next family gathering, I bet she won't be there....


Here's the thing. She was at the last big gathering here in 09. It was my sons first birthday party. We had ALOT of young kids, ranging from 1 to 7 running around. We also had my big male GSD. 

My big GSD was the hit of the party. He was great. Sadly, he died a week later from bloat. We like to think of it as his last huzzah, and we are so grateful that everyone got to see how great he was and got to know him before he passed... My SiL was there, and she didn't act like she did last night at all.


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## BR870 (May 15, 2011)

doggiedad said:


> i would have kept the dog out for a while
> and let her meet the people. then i would have crated
> her or put her in another room.
> 
> ...


She's met people and dogs here before (see below), but never alot at once. Plus she had kinda gotten used to all the regulars, and we saw this as an opportunity to get some new people over. She did great... Thats not the issue.

And I did keep the peace. It just sucks that keeping the peace involved Abbie being exiled from her own party.

One upside to all this was while Abbie and I were exiled outside, my neighbor walked by with his female GSD. Abbie and her had met once before. I walked Abbie out and let them greet. They both did great. We'd have probably missed that had we not been banished to the outside of our own home.

She's also got a couple of puppy friends in the neighborhood, including a 1 yr old lab/boxer mix, and Am. Eskimo Dog, and a Jack Russel. She plays with them. Plus all the other dogs at her obedience class and at the dog park.


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

you'll get lots of varying opinions here about how you should have reacted, but again i have to ask you...why are you still trying to make sense of and rationalize a situation where someone has not been rational...for _whatever_ reason. hey, chalk it up to being a new mom (which guaranteed is different from being a new dad, lolol), having pms, having a bad day, having some kind of festering mental illness, being jealous, grandstanding, etc., etc., etc...but in the end...oh yeah, be a duck, BE A DUCK!!! there's a reason this is bothering you SO MUCH, only you know what that reason is and it might take a bit of self reflection on your part to figure it out. you are taking this way too personally, it's her problem but you're makin' it your's.


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## MicheleMarie (Mar 29, 2011)

i think he may still be fumed because it's family? i think your wife should have stepped in and said something  if my brother came over and his wife was acting like that and i tried to do explaining and she didn't want to hear it i would ask her kindly to leave the room or go out back or maybe this isn't the time for you to be over.
if my husband's sister comes over and does that i'd expect him to say something.

either way i feel your pain on german shepherds being put down  people cross the street, give me glares for having two, and tell me when the puppy grows up "i hope i can still pet him!" **sigh**


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

no, no...abbie was not exiled from her own party. you made a choice in the way you dealt with the situation. probably a more mature choice than telling the sil where to get off. but don't be so offended by her irrational, not based in reality behavior. you dealt with it how you chose to deal with it. nobody was exiled.

btw, it sounds like abbie is a very sweet, well adjusted, four and a half month old puppy. good job.

and don't let breed discrimination get you down...there are only two kinds of dogs, german shepherds and those who wish they were, lolol...


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## spidermilk (Mar 18, 2010)

Frustrating, but it is something we all have to deal with. I know that 95% of my friends and family love our dog and they are great together. BUT there are 5% who are either terrified of dogs (and often tell me how scary a big black dog is and I understand this!) or just are not dog people.

So if non dog people are coming then Dax is just going to have to spend the event in his crate with a nice frozen knucklebone. We did this on Christmas (my boyfriend's cousin's wife is TERRIFIED of dogs), Dax was crated in our room and quiet while the girl who was scared was here. After they left he got to come out and get some love from the remaining family members.

Sounds like your puppy was very well-behaved and you kept your cool!


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## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

when i said i invited family, friends and neighbors over
i did it daily. i didn't wait for an occassional party to socialize
my dog.

i'm not sure why you didn't crate Abbie or put her in another room.

i think you should wait a month and have another cook out
and invite them. i wonder if they would come?? 



BR870 said:


> She's met people and dogs here before (see below), but never alot at once.
> 
> And I did keep the peace. It just sucks that keeping the peace involved Abbie being exiled from her own party.


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

oh doggiedad, 
there you go again 
stirring the pot, lolol...


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## Holmeshx2 (Apr 25, 2010)

mthurston0001 said:


> Sorry to hear your troubles. No one comes near my dogs, unless I need them to be fed or something when I'm not around. They are not dangerous, but people can be. Dangerous, foolish, stupid, ignorant, clueless, uninformed, etc. That being said sometimes ya' just gotta be a duck and let it roll off your back. *Be a duck man, be a duck*...


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: I'm so using this on my next phone call from my husband ahh made my night.

As far as the OP is concerned I agree with not crating the dog since the purpose of them coming over was to socialize her. However sometimes people are just stupid/annoying you just have to leave it alone obviously be ticked off but then get over it to hold on to it for so long is just unhealthy for you. 

I am someone though that refuses to crate my dog when someone comes over unless its like a worker or something. If its friends or family everyone knows I am a package deal with my dog if you don't like it stay home or if I'm invited over I'll obviously leave Jinx however if its to stay for a few weeks Jinx comes or I don't go it's just that simple for me.


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## BR870 (May 15, 2011)

doggiedad said:


> when i said i invited family, friends and neighbors over
> i did it daily. i didn't wait for an occassional party to socialize
> my dog.
> 
> ...


People do come over regularly. Abbie is already good friends with the neighbors and our family and friends....

...I don't know why you keep steering it back towards what we are doing with her. Abbie is doing great and her reaction to the night is not the issue. My SiL's reaction was the issue. Its not about Abbie. It's about the SiL.

ETA: BTW, by "many of the family had not gotten to meet her" what I meant was obviously the SiL and her husband, another SiL and her Husband, and my FiL who lives out of state. Everyone else there she knows and has met.


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## onyx'girl (May 18, 2007)

What if.....your SIL screamed or swatted at Abbie because she is obviously fearful....then Abbie has an issue with certain females/becomes reactive because of this incident?
I would rather protect my dog from certain people than try to socialize them up the wazoo. 
Dog parks and GSD's aren't a good mix, you'll find this out as Abbie matures(you'll be lucky if I'm wrong). Play styles are different with this breed and Abbie will be blamed if something happens. 
And as your last sentence in your post, it isn't about Abbie, it is the SIL...keep Abbie away from her for Abbies sake.


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## BR870 (May 15, 2011)

onyx'girl said:


> Dog parks and GSD's aren't a good mix, you'll find this out as Abbie matures(you'll be lucky if I'm wrong). Play styles are different with this breed and Abbie will be blamed if something happens.


I hope not. My male GSD Kai didn't do good with the dog park, but we chalked that up to him warming up slowly to dogs. He did great with dogs after he got a proper introduction though.

The dog park we go to here has some pretty big dogs as regulars. A Rhodesian Ridgey and a couple of Huskies that Abbie loves. Not that many small dogs. 

Maybe so, but I hope not. Dog parks are a great place to do socialization work...



> And as your last sentence in your post, it isn't about Abbie, it is the SIL...keep Abbie away from her for Abbies sake.


Probably true, but before last night we had no idea. She had literally never made any indication of feeling that way, and acted totally normal around my full grown male GSD previously.


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## DharmasMom (Jul 4, 2010)

That's not true of all dog parks nor all gsds. Both of mine do well at our dog park and love going. We do make sure to go at the same time each day so we are always with the same group of people.


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## onyx'girl (May 18, 2007)

Yes, your dogs are familiar with the ones they run with. Bring in a newbie and I bet it will upset the apple cart, unless the dog is submissive. Like I said, I hope I'm wrong.


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## BR870 (May 15, 2011)

I think I've gotten it out of my system now... I guess I just needed to rant a bit.

Thanks


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## Josh's mom (Oct 30, 2010)

Sounds like SIL might be dealing with post-partum depression. Sounds beyond the normal baby blues.


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## Sulamk (Jan 30, 2011)

I think what your sil problem was that your mil made a fuss of Abbie and didn't gush over her new baby! You said in your first post that your mil just gave a sniff when they came in! it was just jealousy!


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## CarrieJ (Feb 22, 2011)

I would have wrapped up some food and said, "Thanks for coming, Buh Bye!"
Possibly handed her some printed up litrature about puppy socialization and why it's so important.

Hope it's somewhat better now, I came late to the thread.


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

The people are new parents and a bit crazy about it. Kind of like new dog owners, or new Christians. 

When My Uncle had is first kid, (My uncle is a doctor and his wife a nurse), he would not bring the kid to our house for months because my parents had five kids, and they were worried about germs. My dad fashioned himself a doctors mouth covering from the rag bag -- and put it on when they finally did bring the kid over.

People are weird, don't let them ruin your day. If you invite them again, send the invitation from your Dog, or from you, your wife, and your dog, "Char, Abby and I warmly invite you for a night of pinachle and beer drinking. Abby is looking forward to fresh baby..." Ok, you can leave out the line about fresh-baby. But in your invitation, make it clear that your dog is there to stay, and if they cannot manage the dog, they should decline -- but nice. Or just don't invite him again.


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## CarrieJ (Feb 22, 2011)

> "Char, Abby and I warmly invite you for a night of pinachle and beer drinking. Abby is looking forward to fresh baby..."


:laugh:...Oh jeez, that was so subtle it killed me....I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything.


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## brembo (Jun 30, 2009)

The way I see it, my house is just as much my dog's house as it is mine. He takes guarding it, patrolling it and generally watching the house very seriously. It's his job in his little doggie mind. Anyone that gets invited to my house knows that I have a big GSD running around and he is never limited in his access within or around the house. If it's a service tech or the like who HAS to be here, I'll ask what their preference is as they do not have a choice in being here. Anyone else is here by choice and if they don't like dogs, well.....too **** bad. It's Banjo's home and I stand by him. 

My ex's mom was all out of sorts that Banjo was "running loose" (her words) around my house. She wanted me to put him in the basement for a dinner party. I told her that if Banjo was to be banished to the basement, I'd need my food brought down there as well and if people wanted to say hi to me, I'd be in the basement. I won that tussle. Later in the week Banjo peed on her shoes (she was not wearing them at the time sadly).


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## vat (Jul 23, 2010)

I am sure I would have told her that she was more than welcome to leave if she did not like it! Especially since the dog was on a leash. Ignorant or not she had no right to insult you in your home, SHE could have handled it much better than she did. Perhaps by taking you aside and expressing her fears in private.

Just remind her at the next family function that your dog will be there since she does live there. Offer to educate her on GSD.


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## rgollar (Dec 19, 2010)

> if we have dinner, when he's done he'll put the plate on the floor and let the dogs lick it off..This absolutely disgusts my MIL , but hey it's his mother and he can do whatever,,he will then say,,"ok dish is clean no need to wash" THAT really gags her LOL..


Oh I just love that I should do that myself lol


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

People are stupid. My bet is she may have other issues. My husband's familty was angry when we got Dausy and so Daisy was not around them for her first year year and a half which made her gett6ing to know them difficult.She is fine nowbut it could and should have been a good oppurtunity was lost. Your SiL sounds like maybe she has issues.In regard to segregating GSD's I think it is your choice.Daisy has on occassion had a dog sitter who we paid to help avoid any problems when my father's family was here for get to gethers. Animal people they are not.One actually screamed when Lucky came downstairs amnd he was 20ft away. it was well worth the 25. bucks and the package of ribeyes we paid our buddy to help them cope with the strange humans we had that day.


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## BR870 (May 15, 2011)

brembo said:


> The way I see it, my house is just as much my dog's house as it is mine. He takes guarding it, patrolling it and generally watching the house very seriously. It's his job in his little doggie mind. Anyone that gets invited to my house knows that I have a big GSD running around and he is never limited in his access within or around the house. If it's a service tech or the like who HAS to be here, I'll ask what their preference is as they do not have a choice in being here. Anyone else is here by choice and if they don't like dogs, well.....too **** bad. It's Banjo's home and I stand by him.
> 
> My ex's mom was all out of sorts that Banjo was "running loose" (her words) around my house. She wanted me to put him in the basement for a dinner party.* I told her that if Banjo was to be banished to the basement, I'd need my food brought down there as well and if people wanted to say hi to me, I'd be in the basement. *I won that tussle. Later in the week Banjo peed on her shoes (she was not wearing them at the time sadly).


This pretty much sums it up for me. Seeing that there are others in this thread that feel the same way helped.


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## GSDolch (May 15, 2006)

What I dont understand is if she was THAT worried, why didn't SHE leave instead? I, as a mom, and feeling that way before, do not understand why she would keep her child in a situation she feels is threatening.

With that said, I would ask her to leave and not come back. I consider my home a safe/sacred place for people. If people come into my house acting like that, then they are not welcome.


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