# We're Stuck with another Dog



## Konotashi (Jan 11, 2010)

Well, we have 7 dogs again. 

Against my wishes, Mom agreed to take in another dog. Her friend's girlfriend's sister is moving and her little Chihuahua/dauchshund needed a place to stay during the move, so Mom agreed to take her for a few days. Well, the owner dumped her with us after Mom got her home. And NONE of the six dogs liked her. They all wanted to eat her. 
So Mom put her in a crate upstairs in her room last night. Where she screamed and cried. ALL NIGHT. 

They did better with her today, but they're still staying separated. 

I am SO MAD at my mom! She brought in another dog after I told her NO MORE DOGS with Gracie! And look what happened. UGH.


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## JudynRich (Apr 16, 2010)

Little dogs are sometimes easier to re-home...is it possible to try to find this little one a new home?


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## will_and_jamie (Jul 8, 2006)

Is your mom capable of saying no to anyone other than you? I remember reading your other posts about how your mom is willing and ready to take dogs in, but how she won't really help you with their exercise, training, etc. 

My only hope for this is for that little dog to be adopted out to the right people asap. 

Is there any way to get your mom not to accept anymore dogs?


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## DanielleOttoMom (May 11, 2010)

No offence but I haven't even meet your mother but she is stressing me out just by reading your messages on the form. LOL.... I'm so sorry. She sounds just like my mother too. Can't ever say no.... eaither. She means well but probably doing more harm that good in the long run. To much stress on you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.


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## chicagojosh (Jun 22, 2010)

wow...how do you guys keep the peace?


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

It sounds like your Mom is an addict. And if you are picking up the pieces, then you are enabling her by doing all the work that she is creating.  She really needs to learn the limits of what SHE can handle. Maybe it's time to stop...just stop helping her with this. Let her do the work.


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## emsoskar (Oct 17, 2008)

Yikes!! How frustrating


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

DanielleOttoMom said:


> *No offence but I haven't even meet your mother but she is stressing me out just by reading your messages on the form.* LOL.... I'm so sorry. She sounds just like my mother too. Can't ever say no.... eaither. She means well but probably doing more harm that good in the long run. To much stress on you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.


Same here!

UGH! I kinda what to shake her!


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## 1sttimeforgsd (Jul 29, 2010)

Sounds like as long as she is in her MOMS home, HER vote doesn't count.


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## gsdraven (Jul 8, 2009)

Jax08 said:


> It sounds like your Mom is an addict. And if you are picking up the pieces, then you are enabling her by doing all the work that she is creating.  She really needs to learn the limits of what SHE can handle. Maybe it's time to stop...just stop helping her with this. Let her do the work.


:thumbup: x 10


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## ChristenHolden (Jan 16, 2010)

And she said no to a gsd but brought home a pitty and a other large mix? That's kinda contraditory is it not? I would be PO'd too. She can bring home the dogs she wants for you to care for but whn its a dog you want and will care for she said no :shocked:


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## Konotashi (Jan 11, 2010)

I already told her (since she texted me when I was at work that she picked her up) that I will have nothing to do with this dog. She is HER responsibility this time, since she decided to bring her in. Hopefully she learns something from it, but I'm doubting it.


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## Stosh (Jun 26, 2010)

Show her some episodes of that show about animal hoarding...


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## EJQ (May 13, 2003)

Wow - look at the bright side - it could have been a St. Bernard! LOL!


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## Larien (Sep 26, 2010)

It sounds like your mom is a borderline hoarder.

Think about it - if you weren't there, the dogs would not be trained, or taken care of. YOU do everything. YOU keep her from having 20 dogs, I think. If you left the house, I think she'd accumulate a lot more, and the quality of care would decrease.

You need to do something. This has got to stop, 7 dogs is ludicrous for you guys right now. I think you really need to think about moving out again, this is going to end up dragging you down forever.


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## Konotashi (Jan 11, 2010)

Stosh said:


> Show her some episodes of that show about animal hoarding...


I'd rather not. She gets FURIOUS when people comment about how many dogs she has or say she's going to be an animal hoarder. 

She says, "They're all taken care of and have a good, loving home." 

If it weren't for me, it would be total, utter chaos. When I'm gone, reality is going to hit her hard.


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## Larien (Sep 26, 2010)

That is, incidentally, what all of the hoarders on that show say when confronted.


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## Konotashi (Jan 11, 2010)

Larien said:


> That is, incidentally, what all of the hoarders on that show say when confronted.


Unfortunately, I've noticed the same pattern. 

However, I know she won't let them go hungry or fight with each other and try to kill each other or live in filth like the animals on that show. However, I'm not trying to justify her taking in every dog that needs help, because eventually, she'll get overwhelmed.


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## CassandGunnar (Jan 3, 2011)

Konotashi said:


> Unfortunately, I've noticed the same pattern.
> 
> However, I know she won't let them go hungry or fight with each other and try to kill each other or live in filth like the animals on that show. However, I'm not trying to justify her taking in every dog that needs help, because eventually, she'll get overwhelmed.


Unfortunately, "she" won't get overwhelmed, but it sounds like YOU are the one that has been overwhelmed.
I don't envy your position, but I agree with a previous poster. You have to let her do it on her own.
It's wonderful that you are so helpful and have put up with some of the nonsense, but it appears to be having negative consequences for you, not her. Until you "make" her handle this mess herself, she has no incentive to stop taking in every dog that needs help. She's being very generous with your time and effort.

I'm sure you know peers of yours who's parents constantly get them out of trouble or give in to everything they want and I bet it drives you nuts because your peers are never going to learn if there are no consequences for their actions. As unfortunate as it is, you're in the same circumstance. Your mother has no incentive to stop her behavior and it sounds like you are nearing the end of your rope.

Good luck and I hope you and your mom can work out something.


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## Blazings (Jan 24, 2011)

She dumped the dog there? Can't you deliver it back on her doorstep or report this anywhere?


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## Stosh (Jun 26, 2010)

I was kind of being sarcastic and trying to make a joke- I hope I didn't offend you or hurt your feelings. I really wasn't making fun of her or the situation. You're in a tough spot- you live with her and care enough about animals to provide for their needs but don't have control over how many dogs she brings in. Apparently she's getting some kind of satisfaction out of simply taking them in but not out of truly taking care of them.


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## Anja1Blue (Feb 27, 2008)

Konotashi said:


> I'd rather not. She gets FURIOUS when people comment about how many dogs she has or say she's going to be an animal hoarder.
> 
> She says, "They're all taken care of and have a good, loving home."
> 
> If it weren't for me, it would be total, utter chaos. When I'm gone, reality is going to hit her hard.


I think this is a Catch-22 - for you. As long as you are dependent on your Mom for a roof over your head I think it is going to be very difficult to break this cycle. It is pretty obvious that she is continuing on her merry way because she knows you will do all the work, and because you are not independent. That gives her leverage. I don't know what your situation is, how old you are etc. - but is there any way you could move out? She is counting on you to feel sorry enough for all these dogs to work yourself to the emotional bone trying to take care of them. If you were no longer there it's true, they might be neglected, and you will feel bad for them - but I think you have to hang tough and just let her get on with it. NO more help from you, nada......BTW, doesn't Arizona have any laws as to the number of dogs you can keep? In Denver the limit is 3 and the city is very strict about it.....
______________________________________
Susan

Anja SchH3 GSD
Conor GSD
Blue BH WH T1 GSD - waiting at the Bridge :angel:


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## Konotashi (Jan 11, 2010)

Stosh said:


> I was kind of being sarcastic and trying to make a joke- I hope I didn't offend you or hurt your feelings.


No worries, no offense taken. 

But people have honestly brought up animal hoarding to her (and how can I blame them?), and she was none too happy with it. 

And no, Maricopa county has no limit on how many animals you are allowed to own. 

"Maricopa County does not limit the number of animals a person can keep in their home. However, all pets must be well-cared for and provided adequate food, water and shelter."
Maricopa County Animal Care & Control :: FAQs


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## Zith (May 28, 2010)

Good luck, my parents had a similar mentality but it was usually to foster a pet until they found a home. We lived in a subdivision that was surrounded by a lot of farm / rural areas, that decided it was fine to dump random dogs / cats at the entrance. 

I feel sorry that your mothers friends know how she feels about dogs, and use it as a excuse to dump a dog.


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## GSDElsa (Jul 22, 2009)

How old are you again? Can't remember how close to 18 you are.

I hope as soon as you are done with high school you book it out of there to a college dorm room far, far away.


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## L_Dan (Mar 8, 2006)

** Removed by Admin*


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## GSDElsa (Jul 22, 2009)

** Quote removed by ADMIN**

Hey now.....look at the backstory to this situation. We're only getting one side of the story, but mom is notorious for bringing in dogs, not doing a lick of work with them, and saddling all the responsibility of her bad habit on her teenaged kid. It sounds like a pretty sick situation with a lot of mental mindgames going on. That's fine if mom wants to to bring in more dogs, but mom shouldn't expect her kids to mop up after her irresponsible behavior.


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## DCluver33 (May 27, 2010)

** Quote removed by AdMIN**

 maybe you should get both sides of the story before you go off on someone


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## JakodaCD OA (May 14, 2000)

anymore nasty negative responses, the thread will be closed. 

Can't say anything helpful, don't say anything at all ,,thanks


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

Konotashi said:


> Well, we have 7 dogs again.
> 
> Against my wishes, Mom agreed to take in another dog. Her friend's girlfriend's sister is moving and her little Chihuahua/dauchshund needed a place to stay during the move, so Mom agreed to take her for a few days. Well, the owner dumped her with us after Mom got her home. And NONE of the six dogs liked her. They all wanted to eat her.
> So Mom put her in a crate upstairs in her room last night. Where she screamed and cried. ALL NIGHT.
> ...


Does Mom live you you or do you live with Mom?

If Mom lives with you, put your foot down -- tell her you are going to take it to the shelter in three days if it is still there.

If you live with Mom, then stop complaining, and move out. If you do not like what your mother does, than it is that inner timing thing that says go go go. Something I heard in the Breakfast Club. Of course living at home is awful, if it wasn't we would never leave (paraphrased). 

7 dogs is a lot of dogs, and that much worse if you are not set up for it, and the dogs do not get along. There is a point when doing for another dog is taking away from your current dogs. There is a point where doing a kind thing is actually doing an unkind thing.


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## DCluver33 (May 27, 2010)

selzer said:


> Does Mom live you you or do you live with Mom?
> 
> If Mom lives with you, put your foot down -- tell her you are going to take it to the shelter in three days if it is still there.
> 
> ...


I don't think she can move out legally unless she get exempt from her parents.


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## Rerun (Feb 27, 2006)

selzer said:


> If you live with Mom, then stop complaining, and move out. If you do not like what your mother does, than it is that inner timing thing that says go go go. Something I heard in the Breakfast Club. Of course living at home is awful, if it wasn't we would never leave (paraphrased).


Agreed.

Furthermore, if the OP isover 18 and isn't paying half the mortgage, half the utilities, half the grocery bill, her cell phone bill (should she have one) and otherwise fully supporting herself - consider this (caring for the dogs) your payment to mom for everything listed above.

JMHO


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

Ok, I know kids complain about their parents. I think that if she is under eighteen, it is time to put together the old hope chest and sock money away in the bank so that she can move out when she is old enough.

It is not until we are paying for all of it on our own, that we understand where our parents are coming from. But when I was living with my parents, I could not dictate anything to them. It was their house. When you have your own house and are paying for all of it yourself, then you can decide who goes and who stays.


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## L_Dan (Mar 8, 2006)

Was it the "spoiled brat" part of my post that got it removed?

How dare you people criticise me for not knowing "both sides" of this story! Have you been in conversation with the mom? If not, then YOU only know one side...the youngster's side.

selzer has it right (if no one else seems to). I don't care if she stays or goes. But if she stays, she should not disrespect the owner of the house, her mother for goodness sake, who has probably given the best part of _her_ life caring for this kid.

What difference does it make if the child has to clean after the dogs or take out trash or wash dishes? All things required are things in life.

Kid, obey your mom or change your situation, or like it, or not. How would you like your mom getting on her favorite forum and trying to gain support for how "bad" you are?


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

L Dan~

The problem is that the mom brings these dogs into her home and she doesn't help take proper care of them, she doesn't help train them, I dont care if Konotashi lives there for free, they are not all her responsibility. It is not fair. Her mother is also bringing in dogs that have aggression issues which is dangerous to both her and Konotashi and the other dogs in the house. If a fight broke loose they could all get bit.

Doing the dishes, taking out the trash, cleaning the house are chores that every kid should do, but taking care of all the dogs, being responsible for all of the dogs and training all of the dogs is not fair especially because most of them belong to her mother. It is also unfair that she should have to take care of 7 dogs by herself. 

Her mom wants the dogs but not the responsibilty of owning/having them in her house.


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## DCluver33 (May 27, 2010)

LaRen616 said:


> L Dan~
> 
> The problem is that the mom brings these dogs into her home and she doesn't help take proper care of them, she doesn't help train them, I dont care if Konotashi lives there for free, they are not all her responsibility. It is not fair. Her mother is also bringing in dogs that have aggression issues which is dangerous to both her and Konotashi and the other dogs in the house. If a fight broke loose they could all get bit.
> 
> ...


plus I believe the only dog that's actually Konotashi's is Ozzy her Pom the others are I believe her mothers and the mom doesn't even really take care of HER own dogs, but leaves it to Konotashi to do it for her.


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

LaRen616 said:


> L Dan~
> 
> The problem is that the mom brings these dogs into her home and she doesn't help take proper care of them, she doesn't help train them, I dont care if Konotashi lives there for free, they are not all her responsibility. It is not fair. Her mother is also bringing in dogs that have aggression issues which is dangerous to both her and Konotashi and the other dogs in the house. If a fight broke loose they could all get bit.
> 
> ...


And then Mom will have to take the dogs to the vet and the kid to the doctor. Should parents not allow roller skates or bicycles because a child might break an arm?

Life is not fair. If I counted all the things up that I felt were unfair when I lived with my parents, well, I guess the same can be said for all of us. Life really, really does not seem fair when you are living at home and under someone else's rule.

Does Konotoshi train and care for the dogs the way she feels they should be cared for because her mother makes that her job, or because she thinks the dog should be trained and cared for a certain way? If she feels the dog needs training and she is training it, when her mother really doesn't care about that sort of thing, well, that is a choice she is making. It is nice for her to do it. But it isn't nice to see what you feel needs doing, do it, and then complain about it, or be irritable to the person you did it for.

If on the other hand, Mom says, Here is another dog, I expect you to train, socialize, and care for it. Well, what of that? She would then do that because that is part of what she is expected to do in the household. Before I could drive, my mother expected me to walk up town, grocery shop for a family of eight, borrow the grocery cart, push it home, about a half mile, in the snow, up hill, both ways, unload the groceries, and push the cart back. And since I cooked for the family, there was no list, she gave me the money and I had to make it work. I did not think it was fair either, but I did it. 

It is part of growing up. 

You decide what you like and what you dislike about what your parents do, and when you move out you have it your way. Maybe when she moves out, her mother will bring home ten or fifteen more dogs and let them poop all over the house. And maybe she will take over what her daughter is doing and decide that she has enough dogs. 

But for now her daughter has a self-imposed chore, or a regular chore, and being miserable about it will not make it any easier.


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

selzer said:


> *And then Mom will have to take the dogs to the vet and the kid to the doctor. Should parents not allow roller skates or bicycles because a child might break an arm?*
> 
> That is completely different from bringing home an aggressive dog that could kill your little dogs and seriously harm your child.
> 
> ...


It still isn't right.


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## DanielleOttoMom (May 11, 2010)

L Dan,

I thought of one thing when I read you message. A quote from a movie that I watched as a child. 

_If you don't have any thing nice to say don't say any thing at all!_- Tumpers Mother (Bambi)


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## Konotashi (Jan 11, 2010)

I'm 17, so I can't move out yet. I also don't want to move out while I'm still in school, but school ends in May. I'm saving up to move out ASAP, so I'm doing what I can in the meantime. 

The dogs aren't a self-imposed chore. Mom expects me to train Gracie so that she's more adoptable. That means I have to exercise her so I don't set her up for failure when I train her. I also take more precautions during feeding time for safety reasons. (I did it my mom's way one time and Gracie had Aiden by the head).

ETA: I also pay for all of the dogs' food, so that lifts a bit of the financial burden from my mom. However, I agreed to pay for the dogs' food because I insisted that they all eat a better diet. In return, she pays for my car insurance. (Which is cheaper than dog food at the moment).


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## Kola_2010 (Jan 22, 2011)

Ouch, sorry to hear that!


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## Lin (Jul 3, 2007)

LaRen616 said:


> I didn't like living at home so I moved out when I was 19 but not everyone can do that. Some people do not have a choice.


For an adult, it absolutely is a choice. Since konotashi isn't 18 yet, it might not be an option since her mother could report her as a runaway. 

But if definitely is a choice, it just isn't the easiest one. I moved out at 17, and I was still in high school. Boy was that complicated, the school didn't want to recognize the fact that my parents were not my guardians anymore. I had to have them write letters to the school, and then deal with some bullcrap where they treated my landlords as if they were my guardians and gave them personal information about me that they did not have the right to give. But, it can all be done. The person just has to decide what is the better option for their situation. In konotashi's case, I wouldn't move out. But for me I was being physically abused and moving out was the only option. I would have left sooner than 17 if I'd found someone willing to rent to me.


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## Syaoransbear (Sep 25, 2008)

I'm sorry for your situation, your mom sounds stressful and frustrating to live with. You already have a part-time job(if I remember correctly) and a full time job(school), she shouldn't dump her responsibilities on you when you already likely have very little free time. How does she expect you to graduate with good grades and work enough hours to make enough money to move out when she's making it so difficult?


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## L_Dan (Mar 8, 2006)

[trying not to be offensive]

It seems everyone except selzer is a either a Gossip-monger or an adolescent.

You've received what a 17 year-old kid has said and jumped on board not knowing how much is true or close to the truth. All the responses are sympathetic to the OP, but could be totally inappropriate.

No matter how difficult she "might" have it, she should not be dishonoring her mom here. No good can come from that. If she thrives on the sympathy-remarks then she is being satisfied. If she really wants advice (assuming her situation is exactly as she states) then she can accept the truth.

If her mom assigns these chores and negotiation is not an option, she must comply or be in conflict with her mom (as she seems to be). If she does as her mom requests then the interpersonal relationship will be bearable, and maybe change for the better.

All the grumbling _AND BAD ADVICE_ that is done on this forum only continues the broken relationship between a mother and her daughter. This happens to be a forum setup for dog-lovers...forget about the dogs! It is what it is. Nothing you people have said or will say can change the person.


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## Lin (Jul 3, 2007)

L_Dan said:


> No matter how difficult she "might" have it, she should not be dishonoring her mom here. No good can come from that. If she thrives on the sympathy-remarks then she is being satisfied. If she really wants advice (assuming her situation is exactly as she states) then she can accept the truth.


Sorry, I don't believe in respecting/honoring people strictly for their position. I only respect people who deserve that respect. I will give it with the benefit of the doubt, but once you lose it your familiar relation to me is irrelevant. 

You're right, we don't know the whole story. So why go attacking the poster? Because she dared speak out about her frustration towards her mother? Sorry, most of the world doesn't believe "children are to be seen and not heard" any longer.


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

Lin said:


> Sorry, I don't believe in respecting/honoring people strictly for their position. I only respect people who deserve that respect. I will give it with the benefit of the doubt, but once you lose it your familiar relation to me is irrelevant.
> 
> You're right, we don't know the whole story. *So why go attacking the poster? Because she dared speak out about her frustration towards her mother?* *Sorry, most of the world doesn't believe "children are to be seen and not heard" any longer*.


:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:


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## GSDElsa (Jul 22, 2009)

L_Dan said:


> [trying not to be offensive]
> 
> It seems everyone except selzer is a either a Gossip-monger or an adolescent.
> 
> ...


Why does it matter? 

One side or both sides. It's an internet forum, not a court of law. Even if Konotosi is making up everything said in these threads...who cares on the mom's end? 

I hardly think there is any bad advice. I'm curious where that is coming from? No one is saying to sabotage or hurt the mother. Most of the advice has been how to manage a really bad situation and encouragment to get out on their own.

I think that you are speaking quite nicely from someone who must have lived in a bubble your whole life and had no interaction with the sick and abusive parents out there. Konotosi's mom is hardly the worst I've heard of, but it does seem like she has some serious screws loose that are causing some damage to her kid...not to mention that this woman is bringing new dogs into the house that are causing serious issues within the household and are, IMO, plain dangerous. 

All it takes is her darling 17 year old having to break up one dog fight that she refuses to take action towards for their to be serious consequences. I would say most advice given is with safety in mind.


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## L_Dan (Mar 8, 2006)

GSDElsa said:


> I hardly think there is any bad advice. I'm curious where that is coming from?


Some of it is coming from you GSDElsa.

You want her to "book it out of there" as soon as she turns 18.
Better advice would be to stop trashing her mom's reputation on a public forum [behind her back], and do her best to continue to get along.

What else do you think she would do but leave when she is old enough?
If she has sights set on college, great! Maybe mom can help with that.

The problem with your advice, GSDElsa, is that you are suggesting stompping away leaving a broken relationship that might never be reconciled. I think this girl needs to think about the fact that it will only be a little longer before her life changes dramatically...like it or not.

So I would say try and make the best of the situation, do the chores, appease the mom if necessary, and leave when appropriate. But leave with good feelings for your mom, not bad. konotashi might even need to help her mom "with love" in whatever difficulties she is facing.

This, as far as I am concerned, is not about the action of bringing another dog home. That is easy to handle...feed the dog, go to your room...done.

Please think about your future relationship with your family. And don't say bad things about your mom. That is how you can show respect to some one you really don't want to. Just don't disrespect them though you might like to.


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

When people complain about how bad things are at home, telling them to get their stuff in order so they can move out is valid advice. 

I think that sometimes the best thing for a mother/daughter relationship is for the daughter to move out.


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## arycrest (Feb 28, 2006)

selzer said:


> When people complain about how bad things are at home, telling them to get their stuff in order so they can move out is valid advice.
> 
> I think that sometimes the best thing for a mother/daughter relationship is for the daughter to move out.


I agree. My sister and her oldest daughter got along like cats and dogs. The daughter moved out at 17 (with her parents permission - they knew the people she was going to live with). After the daughter was out on her own for a while peace was made, and mother/daughter became best friends and remain close to this day.


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## Mrs.K (Jul 14, 2009)

arycrest said:


> I agree. My sister and her oldest daughter got along like cats and dogs. The daughter moved out at 17 (with her parents permission - they knew the people she was going to live with). After the daughter was out on her own for a while peace was made, and mother/daughter became best friends and remain close to this day.



I absolutely agree. That is what I had to do. My mother and I had a very bad relationship. It was so bad that we didn't even talk for years which changed significantly in the past five years. 

Think of it as bitches. Some can live with each other, some can't


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## GSDElsa (Jul 22, 2009)

L_Dan said:


> Some of it is coming from you GSDElsa.
> 
> You want her to "book it out of there" as soon as she turns 18.
> Better advice would be to stop trashing her mom's reputation on a public forum [behind her back], and do her best to continue to get along.
> ...


Oh, you're cute.

Actually, it's amazing advice. Living with an irresponsible parent with issues who dumps those issues on their children does nothing but fester a lifetime of resentment and hard feelings. Booking it out of there ASAP if an excellent thing to do if any form of a future relationship is to be saved.

I never said shun your mother and never speak to her again. But it is very obvious from the amount of stress and frustration that K posts about every day that any good feelings are steadily going downhill. I hardly think moving out on your own and away from the horrible atmosphere is going to do anyone anything but good.


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## Lin (Jul 3, 2007)

Mrs.K said:


> I absolutely agree. That is what I had to do. My mother and I had a very bad relationship. It was so bad that we didn't even talk for years which changed significantly in the past five years.


Ditto. To get something out of the relationship with my mom I had to completely cut off contact. After I moved out, she continued to emotionally/verbally abuse me. I decided I needed to get completely away from that for my own sanity and cut contact. After a couple years, I timidly started up contact again. Turns out she had done a LOT of growing herself in those years, and really the person she is today is NOTHING like the person I grew up with.


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## DharmasMom (Jul 4, 2010)

L_Dan said:


> Some of it is coming from you GSDElsa.
> 
> You want her to "book it out of there" as soon as she turns 18.
> Better advice would be to stop trashing her mom's reputation on a public forum [behind her back], and do her best to continue to get along.
> ...




Are you serious?? Do you really think she should just close her eyes, keep her chin up, mouth shut and obey her mother no matter what. She isn't in here complaining because her mother is making her take out the trash, clean her room or fold the laundry. Her mother is a border line animal hoarder who is continuing to bring animals into the home DESPITE the fact it is becoming dangerous and she is dumping all of the responsibility onto a 17 year old girl. 

She brought an extremely dog aggressive pit into the house with older dogs and smaller dogs and now she brings yet another smaller dog into the house that apparently NONE of the dogs like. This is a DISASTER waiting to happen and the mother is not only helping but she has placed all of the responsibility onto a pair of shoulders that are still in high school. 

So you saying suck it up and do your chores and respect your mother is about as helpful as two **** on a bullfrog.


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## middleofnowhere (Dec 20, 2000)

Kono...
Well, it IS a bad idea. 
BUT, you are living in your mother's house. I don't think you have much of a place to tell her what she can do.


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## Syaoransbear (Sep 25, 2008)

I don't see it that way. I consider them living together in _their_ home, not Konotashi living in her mother's house. Otherwise children never have a home, they are just guests for like 20 years until they move out. I think children(when they are old enough) would benefit from having an active voice in household choices, instead of the being told "Do everything I say because I said so." That's not teaching responsibility, that's just teaching how to be a robot.


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## DharmasMom (Jul 4, 2010)

middleofnowhere said:


> Kono...
> Well, it IS a bad idea.
> BUT, you are living in your mother's house. I don't think you have much of a place to tell her what she can do.




I feel like if her mother is expecting her to be the one to provide the food, care and training for all of these dogs then it should be a _joint_ decision when a new dog is brought into the home. If the mother was providing all of those things for the dogs then I would agree with you and it would be her decision and her's alone.


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## Dainerra (Nov 14, 2003)

I agree. It's not sounding like Mom is just deciding to bring a new pet into the household.

She brings in abused/unstable fosters (not a bad thing of course!). Then she dumps all the actual work on her daughter. Then, she also undermines all the work that the daughter tries to do to help the dogs - IE the pit on the couch, not wanting to keep her crated, etc

And I'll speak as another who thinks that moving out can do wonders for a bad family relationship! My mother and I get along great now! Seems it took a couple years and 1000 miles to make that possible, but it was worth it!


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## L_Dan (Mar 8, 2006)

Sad.

Apparently, mending a relationship is not worth the hard work it takes to make it right. The answer (from some here) is separation. And the only thing you have to base your so-called advice is what this kid has typed on this forum. You're telling her to move away from the mother without suggestion of reconciliation or ever knowing how the mom feels.

The mom is probably giving the best advice she can and the daughter is a teenager bent on rebellion. This is my experience. I've done it (seems many others have also), I've experienced it with my daughter, and I've seen it in other Youth.

Sure, running away from the "real" issues sometimes helps for quick-fix, but with that separation can be years of unnecessary heartache.


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

L_Dan said:


> Sad.
> 
> Apparently, mending a relationship is not worth the hard work it takes to make it right. The answer (from some here) is separation. And the only thing you have to base your so-called advice is what this kid has typed on this forum. You're telling her to move away from the mother without suggestion of reconciliation or ever knowing how the mom feels.
> 
> ...


Why dont you read her new thread, her mom is kicking her out and she might be forced to live with a father that she doesn't feel safe around.

http://www.germanshepherds.com/forum/chat-room/153618-im-parental-predicament.html

Maybe you have some issues with your teenager and that is the reason you are getting so bent out of shape?


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## L_Dan (Mar 8, 2006)

I don't currently have a teenager, but, like most teenagers she did go through a time of rebellion.

I read her new thread...sad.

What gets me bent out of shape is that so many young people are suffering due to the poor choices of their parents. Then when they are old enough and haven't learned what a healthy relationship looks like, they are bombarded by more BAD ADVICE that only perpetuates their bad situation where there has been no honest teaching of [good] in life.

Then it takes two or three decades (if ever) to have enough life-experience to understand what love is and what "normal" should have been for them...sad.

She should be talking with a counselor, not posting on forums.


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

I think you are wrong L_Dan. I think that a big part of growing up is that unsettled feeling and unhappiness to be under someone else's set of rules. It is the driving force that gets most of us to take the leap into being on our own. It is not something that you feel one day, and move out the next, it builds. 

It does not mean you will hate your parent/parents forever. It makes parents see their children as young adults, and it makes children see their parents as human beings. It IMPROVES relationships. 

Because mothers and daughters are far more likely to clash than mothers and sons. Fathers and sons are far more likely to clash than fathers and daughters. My dad told me once that his daughters could stay forever, but his sons need to get out and make their way. My mom on the other hand kept upping the age for NO MORE RETURNS to allow my brother more time to get his feet. 

Growing up and moving out is a huge step, and until it happens, tensions build. Once that step is made, problems and troubles that were just so important before, become unimportant. And if parents are truly mature adults, they give their children a bit of help and a bit of encouragement, and a bit of a push, and a bit of a cushion, and it is USUALLY not a relationship breaking deal.

If you are working with immature parents, all bets are off, but staying inside a system that is denegrading or abusive will only make it harder and harder to get the self confidence to make that first step. I do not think that therapy is the answer to every issue. I think sometimes, people spend years going to the nice therapist, and get almost no where. Sometimes you can gain more self-confidence from a permanent and a few good friends.


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## Lin (Jul 3, 2007)

L_Dan said:


> Sad.
> 
> Apparently, mending a relationship is not worth the hard work it takes to make it right. The answer (from some here) is separation. And the only thing you have to base your so-called advice is what this kid has typed on this forum. You're telling her to move away from the mother without suggestion of reconciliation or ever knowing how the mom feels.


Actually, separation is often part of that hard work necessary to mend a relationship. Apparently you missed that part. 

And I've said quite the contrary, advising to NOT burn bridges or give up on reconciliation. My mother beat the **** out of me. And her mother did the same to her. There were times my busted nose was bleeding so bad I thought I was going to bleed to death, at around 11 years old. 

My mother still has her problems, but she's grown in leaps and bounds since I left. She's apologized profusely for the things she's done. Her excuse when I was a kid was "you don't have it half as bad as I did" but has since realized she did many of the exact same things, and upon that realization broke down sobbing and telling me how sorry she was. We would not be where we are today if I didn't put my foot down, walk away, protect myself, and give her time to reflect on what had gone on. 

You have NO idea what this person is going through. And the entire time I was being abused, I made excuses for my mom. I joked about the abuse at times when people caught on and made comments. I used to tell myself over and over that it was all my fault, I provoked her. Children usually defend their parents. It happens constantly in abuse cases. I'm not saying konotashi is being abused, but then again its the psychological abuse my mother did to me that still scars me to this day. You have NO flippin clue what goes on in that house. And to call her a rebellious teenager for leaving so she can FEEL SAFE at night, is sickening.


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## KZoppa (Aug 14, 2010)

i agree with Selzer and Lin. I was 18. I had graduated high school. 3 days after graduation i was packing up my stuff and moving the heck out. My mom was a teenage mom. I was pretty much raised by my grandparents who BTW arent exactly mature adultes themselves. I spent my first 3-4 years almost exclusively with my grandparents because my mom was off being a kid and having fun. She never learned responsibility until she and my step dad had screwed themselves over so badly on their credit, my dad got booted from the military and we lived with my grandparents off and on from then on. To this day my parents are still living with my grandparents. Only now they have my two baby brothers and my baby sister. It wasnt until i moved out, telling them THE VERY DAY i started moving that i was leaving that my mom and i finally started getting along more consistently. My parents constantly made promises that were never kept. My parents are in debt up to their eyeballs. I moved out because my senior year of high school they found out they were expecting after having supposedly given up years before and they expected me to continue working and to pay rent and pay for diapers and basically giving them my entire paycheck which wasnt much to begin with. I had been accepted to college and was promised they would help pay for it. Well i never finished my first semester because they stopped paying the little bit they were and i got booted. I literally learned what NOT to do from my parents. I love my parents but they are some of the most irresponsible people and i wasnt going to stick around for them to drag me down any further. I'm 24 years old, have NOT lived with my parents since i moved out and i dont skip out on my bill payments. I have two car payments that my parents couldnt even handle one payment on because they'd put the money towards dinners out instead of being responsible. I opened up savings accounts for my siblings that my parents dont have access to so my siblings at least have a chance to go to college if they want to. The kids should be borrowing money from their parents instead of the other way around. I'm sorry but L_Dan you are terribly wrong in saying its all just teenage rebellian because sometimes, thats not the case. Sometimes the kids are actually in a situation that is not good for them or if they stay wont be good for them and they have to find a way out. Konotashi has been put in a situation by her mother who obviously has no respect for her and any useful knowledge she has and NOW her mother has kicked her out demanding she live with her dad who she doesnt feel safe with/around and she's trying to find a way to get away from it all. I dont blame her. She has been put under far more stress than a 17 year old should have to deal with and she's trying to find a way to cope and make it through until she can get out of that drag her down situation. Some teenagers rebel. Others actually need to find a better place. There is a drastic difference. Drinking and drugs are rebellion forms. getting arrested for theft is rebellion. trying to raise the people who are supposed to raise you... well thats h.e.l.l. I could go into further detail of how my parents are. Me moving out was the best thing for our relationship though my mom still gets childish and angry when i have my own opinions or say something she doesnt want to hear though she knows its true. instead of buying a vehicle that is in good working order, they would rather buy a new junker every 6 months when they could put that money into getting something better and safer. MY parents are not anywhere near as responsible as they should be and my grandparents arent either though they at least pay all their bills. Walk in someone else shoes before you claim they need therapy and its teenage issues at play. Would you still say a runaway is teenage rebellion even when there is solid proof that runaway was being mentally and/or physically abused?


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## DharmasMom (Jul 4, 2010)

L Dan, you strike me as a person who has a very old fashioned outlook on the world. Parents are always right and kids should obey their parents no matter what. Well guess what, that is an outdated view. If a teenager is in a situation that isn't safe for them then they should not be forced to stay in it. Relationships need to be built on respect and mutual love first and blood second. You don't owe anyone respect automatically just because they donated a sperm or and egg toward your existence. Respect is STILL earned. Parents will always love their kids and kids will always love their parents, no matter how horrible or violent the relationship may be. But that doesn't mean that respect is there or is it automatically deserved.


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## L_Dan (Mar 8, 2006)

I hope you're not suggesting that kids should NOT obey their parents.

Konotashi, (if true what she says), is already lost. And it didn't start 6 months or a year ago...it started the day she was born with un-married or at least "un-committed" parents. In her story, her dad was never committed to her so she never learned what a father's real and proper love is, and she still does not know. She may never be able to love properly.

It's also too bad so many of you seem to attack me for _suggesting_ something be repaired if possible. I admit and agree that when it is abusive and dangerous she has no choice but to leave. Early in this thread though, it seemed there might be a chance for her and her mom to mend, or at least begin a healing-process. That's all I wanted to say.

You guys can go find quotes from my posts and rip me up if you want. I really don't care. Youth have it rough these days and they grow up not knowing any different than they were taught. All of us who admit our own "rough" times as youngsters are probably suffering similar brokenness in families. What's wrong with pointing out an alternative that might help in a situation (I said "might" as I've said before).

I stand on the fact she should not be airing this here or facebook or anywhere behind her mom's back. She would be better off seeking help from professionals; counselor at school, Youth Leader at church, Pastor, hot line...lots of better choices.

Nothing more to be said from me.


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## Lin (Jul 3, 2007)

L_Dan said:


> Konotashi, (if true what she says), is already lost.
> ...
> She may never be able to love properly.
> ...
> Nothing more to be said from me.


I'm glad you're finished. I've found your posts to be condescending and insulting and I can't even imagine how konotashi feels. 

Sometimes an anonymous internet forum is the only place you can reach out for help on. I know thats how I first reached out for support when I was her age, and was able to build the confidence I needed to seek support systems in real life due to online support.


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

Lin said:


> I'm glad you're finished. I've found your posts to be condescending and insulting and I can't even imagine how konotashi feels.
> 
> Sometimes an anonymous internet forum is the only place you can reach out for help on. *I know thats how I first reached out for support when I was her age, and was able to build the confidence I needed to seek support systems in real life due to online support*.


And we do not even know Konotashi personally and we are here for her, we care about her and we want what's best for her.


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## Mrs.K (Jul 14, 2009)

LaRen616 said:


> And we do not even know Konotashi personally and we are here for her, we care about her and we want what's best for her.


DITTO! :wub:


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## Mrs.K (Jul 14, 2009)

Lin said:


> I'm glad you're finished. I've found your posts to be condescending and insulting and I can't even imagine how konotashi feels.
> 
> Sometimes an anonymous internet forum is the only place you can reach out for help on. I know thats how I first reached out for support when I was her age, and was able to build the confidence I needed to seek support systems in real life due to online support.


That is what I did too and some of these old online friends are real life friends now that are still there when I feel like I need to whine about something and I am there for them.


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## codmaster (Aug 5, 2009)

Ditto Ditto!


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

L_Dan said:


> I hope you're not suggesting that kids should NOT obey their parents.
> 
> Konotashi, (if true what she says), is already lost. And it didn't start 6 months or a year ago...it started the day she was born with un-married or at least "un-committed" parents. In her story, her dad was never committed to her so she never learned what a father's real and proper love is, and she still does not know. She may never be able to love properly.
> 
> ...


I do not care what horrors a person has endured, witness to murder, years of physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, war, disaster, or anything else -- NO ONE CAN SAY THAT SOMEONE'S LIFE IS RUINED OR LOST.

It is true that people who stay within the circles of abuse often meet and marry people who have the same behaviours of people who they are most familiar with, parents. But people can break abusive circles. People can learn new ways to manage pain, to manage hopelessnesss, to manage life. Can choose to not take it out on the people around them. They may need help on the journey, but what individual whose life is ruined or lost will bother with that road? 

And how many others listen to those cold, blanket statements, who are struggling with the same demons, have just been given a stumbling block. If you see a person in a wheel chair struggling up a hill, would you pour an oily substance in their path? Statements like that can paralyze people into attitudes of victimhood. Victims are to be pitied, because victims cannot go forward -- they cannot go forward until they become survivors. A survivor will tell you that no matter how bad someone has it, where there is life, there is hope.


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## L_Dan (Mar 8, 2006)

Just for the record, I do have self-control not to continue posting after having stated I was done. *This is for one purpose only*.

selzer, you have completely misunderstood me, though earlier I thought you were the only one who did understand.

YOU mention "RUINED"...I did not say or imply that. When I say "lost", it doesn't mean "can never be found". Plus I did NOT say "LIFE LOST", you added "LIFE". I am speaking of the present situation in this story, which is: she lost out on having a father _and_ a mother growing up. She unfortunately lost having a loving home where she got respect and consideration from the one parent. Now, she doesn't know whether to go to the dad, stay with the mom, or go to the boyfriend. I consider that "lost".

Fact is, anyone can say anything.

I don't see why anyone would kick someone when they are down; that's cruel. Here, in this thread, I have simply tried to get the attention of this person and offer that there are alternatives to everyone's advice to "book it out of there". So, if there is no alternative, then BOOK IT! I never tried to say that that _could_ not be the answer, just maybe not the best. How could I know? I am more annoyed by the responders here than anything else.

Furthermore, if you think, like others, that this forum is healthy discussion ((in matters like this (non-dog-related)), you are terribly mistaken. Discussion is face-to-face with compassion. Better with a friend, but to a stranger no one can accurately understand the real meaning of the words typed. Unless someone actually knows this person to be who she says, "she" could be a 50 year old, male, pervert laughing at all of us for responding in such ways as we have.

I hope you can believe me that I am just a logical-thinking person who does not take things at face value, but am compassionate and caring...no, that is not exactly true. I don't really care what anyone on here thinks of me because it is probably wrong since no one "KNOWS" me.

DONE>no matter any response.


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## Mrs.K (Jul 14, 2009)

Oh boy...


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

:rolleyes2:


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

L_Dan, it sounded like you were saying that she was already lost. And yes I took that to mean hopelessly unable to have a positive normal loving relationship. That would truly be lost. 

I take some of this personally a little. If I had a nickel for all the people that said things like, that ruins their whole life, or now they can never have a life, or it will effect her forever, etc. I just want to slap those people. Some of us have larger hurdles to manage than others. But people have managed to have very good lives and very good relationships in spite of some very bad experiences early on. 

If I misunderstood your meaning by lost, someone else may have too, specifically that part about never being able to be in a good loving relationship. I am glad you clarified.

I think that sometimes it is good to have conversations that are not dog-related with your dog-friends.


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## Courtney (Feb 12, 2010)

L Dan - I could appreciate alot of what you said. Emotions are very high in this thread.


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