# Male GSD and Military Husband



## Grimm02 (Aug 2, 2015)

We have a male intact 3 year old GSD named Grimm. We "rescued" him when he was around a year old. I don't have a whole lot of information on his background but he does not seem to do well with male (humans) and all dogs. We've been through positive training, and worked with a local schutzhund trainer and have seen a lot of improvement. He is definitely "my" dog and I am definitely his person. My husband is in the military and leaves often. When he is gone its just the two of us and I am very consistent with his obedience and behaviors. 

The other night Grimm was in bed with me and he was asleep. My husband was coming to bed and came in the doorway and Grimm immediately started to growl. My husband thinks he needs to "out alpha" him and he took a step in the bedroom. It happened really fast but I jumped up and so did Grimm and my husband started yelling no at Grimm. Grimm started snarling and growling uncontrollably and im not sure how it really happened but it moved quickly out into the hallway and then into the living room where his crate is. I know I was yelling at both of them out of fear. We made it to the outside of his crate and Grimm finally looked at me and stopped growling. He went into his crate when asked to and my husband left the room. We have not let Grimm sleep in the bed since. 

My husband does not work with Grimm as much as I do. But he does feed him and they play often. My husband does let Grimm get away with more and isn't consistent. My concern is was this episode out of aggression? Or was he being pushy because he wants to be the alpha? (Thats my husband theory but I disagree). I know I reacted poorly and think I escalated the situation.

We are working on getting on the same page and building back their trust with one another. Really don't want this to happen again as I love both these guys.


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## dogma13 (Mar 8, 2014)

From the way you describe Grimm's initial growl it sounds like he was simply startled out of a sound sleep and reacted appropriately as if a stranger had entered the room.
Your husband could have just called him off of the bed matter of factly.Grimm would recognize his voice and know that all was well.The yelling and excitement only served to confuse and overwhelm your dog.
Please forget about the alpha stuff.If Grimm starts feeling bullied and like he needs to defend himself constantly it could create a problem.What you described in your post is not aggressive behavior.


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## konathegsd (Dec 3, 2016)

I wouldn't let him sleep in the bed anymore. That can cause a lot of problems. I would start making him sleep in the crate at night. I think you should have your husband work with the dog and bond with him. The alpha thing will not work. It will only make things worse.


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## Grimm02 (Aug 2, 2015)

I agree that the alpha stuff is nonsense, but can't seem to get my husband on the same page. I have concerns that my husband is going to ruin his relationship with Grimm by buying into the alpha hype. 
He is no longer sleeping in the bed with us but I do not crate him unless we have guests over. Working on training the husband. Haha


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## sebrench (Dec 2, 2014)

I'm just a pet owner, not an expert or a trainer by any means, but I'd be concerned if one of my GSDs growled uncontrollably at anyone I allowed in my home, let alone a family member. As others have said, I definitely wouldn't allow him up on the bed anymore. You might want to google a training technique called "Nothing in life is Free" (NILF). If your husband won't listen to your advice, perhaps you could hire a professional trainer. Some people might respond more favorably to an outsider. Anyway, sounds like this is the first time this situation has occurred. I hope everything works out okay. Keep us updated!


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## squerly (Aug 3, 2008)

Grimm02 said:


> The other night Grimm was in bed with me and he was asleep. My husband was coming to bed and came in the doorway and Grimm immediately started to growl.


Rex (7 year old GSD) has bonded to my wife. I have surprised him by walking into the bedroom while he was asleep. Same reaction as yours but I don't escalate anything. I just talk to him and once he realized who I am everything is good. It does make me feel better knowing how he will react if the wrong person ever walks into the room.


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## astrovan2487 (May 29, 2014)

Lol good luck with training the husband, if you find something that works, PLEASE let me know as all my attempts have failed. 
For the time being I would not let Grimm on the bed. It's hard to tell if he was being territorial or just confused waking up from a deep sleep without actually seeing it happen. I've noticed with dogs sometimes it seems like elevated positions like beds or sofas makes them territorial. If you really want him to sleep on the bed while your husband is away, teach him "up" or "place" command to invite him on the bed or couch and also teach him a "down" or "off" command for when you want him to get off. He needs to see the bed as off limits unless you invite him on it. I'm not a professional but this is what I'd do with my dog if I had the same issue.


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## KaiserAus (Dec 16, 2016)

I agree, all the screaming and shouting escalated the issue, a simple "Its me, you silly goose" in a light tone might have calmed everything down.

Having hubby play games with him is also a good way for them to bond.


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## Kyrielle (Jun 28, 2016)

Maybe you could convince your hubby that being "alpha" (ie leader) is like being a good commanding officer. Dogs like rules and consistency. Dogs hate being confused, led around in circles, and "lied" to. They like people who are fair and follow through. Dogs, especially the smart ones, have an innate understanding of basic justice, fairness, and trustworthiness. Be those things, and your dog will follow you off a cliff if you ask.

He also needs to understand that dogs don't want to be the leader. They are looking FOR a leader. They're happier when they're the follower. He just needs to make it clear that the dog doesn't need to worry about that.

There's no need to out alpha the dog in the bedroom instance. A simple, "It's me" would have probably fixed the situation. If that wasn't enough, then a no-nonsense command to get out of his spot would also work (provided your dog knows something like "off"). No emotion at all. Just a command and the expectation that it will be followed. Dogs pick up on that.


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## Casto (Jun 18, 2016)

If he is on the "ALPHA" train of thought your husband prolly felt disrespected... A lot of men can not cope with this and most likely took it as a threat on multiple levels. i cant imagine a staredown of growling walking back to the crate with your husband saying "no" while backing up. did he try and grab the dog and put him in his crate?

Also, you jumping up dindt help the situation but it was prolly startling so I understand. I dont think there is any damage done ( on the dogs side) but a more open mind from your husband is needed.

p.s. I am a guy, with experience in thinking I "have" to be Alpha or he wont listen. 

another note... what you described can happen from a poodle to a golden to a anybreed. Dont think its GSD exclusive.


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## Slamdunc (Dec 6, 2007)

Grimm02 said:


> I agree that the alpha stuff is nonsense, but can't seem to get my husband on the same page. I have concerns that my husband is going to ruin his relationship with Grimm by buying into the alpha hype.
> He is no longer sleeping in the bed with us but I do not crate him unless we have guests over. Working on training the husband. Haha


The "alpha stuff" is definitely nonsense. You do not need to be tougher, bigger or stronger than a dog to be "alpha." If you need to prove to your dog that you are "alpha" you already have problems. Going down that road with out knowledge and experience is a really bad idea. 

He probably startled the dog when he walked into the room, then all of the yelling, screaming and frantic behavior by you and your husband made the whole situation worse. 

You need to get some good obedience training and you and your husband, both must be involved.


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## griz (Jan 1, 2001)

gosh sounds similar to a situation we had many years ago. I had a BYB rottie that my Marine husband gave me before he deployed. He then ended up deployed 2 times in 18 mos and we chalked it up to that at the time. But he hated and I mean HATED my husband. For 8 years he would growl and snarl at my husband , any time he came into the room. And this was a dog that had his CD ( trained thru most UD but he hated OB and we always got eliminated at the off leash heel for CDX too many commands to catch up), CGC, and no one I mean NO one believed this dog was aggressive like that. My vet would say " this is the only dog i trust to check a prostate on with out a muzzle". We did NILIF and made him sleep in his kennel in another room, neutered him ( i was also showing in the breed ring at the time ).
We just lived with it , until one day he did that to me. At the time we had a 15 mos old son and we made the decision to rehome him with a family that didn't have kids. I just felt that this was something that was becoming dangerous. Looking back maybe he should have been humanely put to sleep , I lost touch with who took him. Anywho im sorry to hear of the situation but you may have to make some hard choices.


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## Grimm02 (Aug 2, 2015)

After my husbands first deployment, Grimm was weary of him and growled at him once when he was trimming his nails. My husband recently left for about 3 months and upon his arrival home that's when the snarling episode started. 

Tonight when my husband came home Grimm came over to me and was leaning on me and had his ears back. I moved out of the way and ignored him. He finally went over to my husband and let him pet him. He submissively peed on the carpet in the process. I got on the ground close to him to clean the carpet and I wasn't paying him or my husband any attention so I don't know what triggered it, but he jumped up and started snarling and growling at my husband. I told Grimm to go to his crate, and he did. 

It's very difficult, confusing, and extremely concerning. I fear one day Grimm will react this way to me, or a child.


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## Grimm02 (Aug 2, 2015)

Slamdunc said:


> The "alpha stuff" is definitely nonsense. You do not need to be tougher, bigger or stronger than a dog to be "alpha." If you need to prove to your dog that you are "alpha" you already have problems. Going down that road with out knowledge and experience is a really bad idea.
> 
> He probably startled the dog when he walked into the room, then all of the yelling, screaming and frantic behavior by you and your husband made the whole situation worse.
> 
> You need to get some good obedience training and you and your husband, both must be involved.


Yes I definitely agree with you. I think the major problem right now is that my husband and I aren't on the same page.

I know the yelling escalated the situation. I became scared and wasn't thinking. I didn't know how to de-escalate the situation with my husband. He believes that Grimm should listen to him when he becomes aggressive, and he got upset that I intervened. He said that Grimm is going to think he can act like that and "mom will save him." I don't agree with his logic. I think identifying the triggers, working on their relationship, and training together is key.

I did two rounds of BAT and positive training with Grimm alone and my husband and I did a few sessions with a local schutzhund trainer. Grimm progressed the most when my husband and I trained him together. 

I realize we have a lot more to work on.


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## Grimm02 (Aug 2, 2015)

Unfortunately, Grimm has lashed out at my husband several times since I've posted this. It seems to happen at night-time and on/ near the couch. My husband and Grimm played all day and he let him up on the couch with him and he became aggressive. My husband stood up and turned his body away, I think he said no. It's not like a warning growl, he snarls and runs after him. I was able to get Grimm to listen to me and go to his crate.
So he is no longer allowed up with us. A few days later, Grimm was laying near my feet while I sat on the couch, and my husband came over to tell me goodnight and Grimm had the same response. So he is no longer allowed in the room with us, unless he is in his crate. Then this morning, my husband fed Grimm, and let him out. My husband was sitting on the couch and Grimm came in the living room and reacted the same. This was the only situation in which I was not present, and I was glad to hear that my husband asked him to go to his crate and he did. 

Whenever my husband comes home from work Grimm will bark and whine at the front door then when he sees him walking up will cower and go into his crate. My husband has never laid a hand on him, even though he believed he needed to "out-alpha" him in the beginning, I was able to change his mind. 

Pretty frustrating but I'm hoping we've identified the cause as the couch/resting places. However, he doesn't act that way towards me. 
He does have bed that he never used, but now that this is happening, I'm breaking it back out for some place training.


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## car2ner (Apr 9, 2014)

Glad that you two are working together on this. Most likely Grimm is still trying to figure out the rules. It is tough on human children, too, when a parent comes home from and extended deployment. Everything subtly changes. I'm interested in watching how this plays out. My son is in the service and so far their dog misses him when he is gone and is happy to see him come home. They have access to a good trainer and that has helped keep both he and his wife on the same page.


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## DutchKarin (Nov 23, 2013)

Grimm02 said:


> I agree that the alpha stuff is nonsense, but can't seem to get my husband on the same page. I have concerns that my husband is going to ruin his relationship with Grimm by buying into the alpha hype.
> He is no longer sleeping in the bed with us but I do not crate him unless we have guests over. Working on training the husband. Haha


You really need to work with a trainer on this before something happens. Go work with the Schutzhund trainer again. Maybe your husband will listen to him (?) more than you. BUT you do not want this to happen again. There is a behavior setting up be it he has too much control, is too possessive, etc. BUT you need to not rely on the internet.


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## Cassidy's Mom (Mar 30, 2003)

I think he's afraid of your husband, and the way your husband acts around him is only making it worse. I agree that he needs to hear it from someone other than you since he clearly thinks he knows better than you. 

I also think he's resource guarding - both places (couch and bed) AND you. This is a potentially serious situation. Your husband needs to understand that, ditch all the alpha crap, and get on the same page with an experienced trainer. Building trust is going to be important, and being clear and consistent.


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## Thecowboysgirl (Nov 30, 2006)

I agree, get professional help asap, and I think you need a trainer who will come to your house and see the dynamic.

I also agree that it sounds like the dog is afraid of your husband.


I hope you can find a good balanced trainer to help rebuild the relationship


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## Thecowboysgirl (Nov 30, 2006)

What did you do BAT for? People problems or dog problems?


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