# Rejected but feel belittled



## bvilchez (Nov 22, 2013)

Hello everyone. I know this is my 1st post but I have been lurking almost every other day just reading. This is definitely a great place for sure.

I'm in a bit of a dilemma and somewhat astounded by something that happened to my wife and I recently. We applied to a rescue in SoCal for an adoption and were turned down. Can someone help me make some sense to some of this because I truly am at a loss for words right now. 

The e-mails below show what was discussed but it seems that the rescue just made their own assumptions without asking the proper questions. When speaking to my wife about it it seemed as if they were almost rushing her on the phone and she (wife) was asking them more questions than she was asked (knowing my wife I don't put it past her...lol).

Their response to us:

Thank you for your application to adopt one of our dogs. During the telephone conversation with our volunteer, several concerns arose and we are not able to accept your offer to adopt at this time. First, it concerns us tremendously that there is a possibility that your husband could be transferred to Japan. It would be very difficult for you to take him with you if you have to move overseas. Secondly, you mentioned that your husband gave away a German Shepherd prior to your marriage--this would automatically disqualify you from adopting from our organization as we believe that dogs are family members not to be discarded due to challenges. Finally, we noticed that you have two small children and as a general rule, we do not place shepherds in homes with toddlers simply because the dogs have unknown backgrounds and we cannot be certain that they are respectful of toddlers. Our strong recommendation is that you adopt a much smaller breed of dog that would be easy to transport overseas should you have to move. When making your decision, you need to look into the future for 10-12 years (the life span of a dog) and be certain that you are planning to have the dog with you no matter what life changes take place. 

I'm sorry but we do not believe that a shepherd is a realistic choice for your current situation. We wish you all the best in your search for a new family member, but we hope that you will take time to really think about whether the timing is right for a new addition.


My response:

My wife forwarded the below response that she was sent and they're are a few things that I believe would need to be cleared by what I am reading. It apparently seems that the volunteer on the phone that my wife spoke to assumed or misunderstood what she told her. I hope to clarify them below.

1. I am presently in Japan. My wife and children are in California. If my family and I were to go overseas we would take our dog with us. If I were to go overseas alone again then everyone else would be at home in California to include our dog.

2. I gave away my German Shepherd because I was deploying overseas to Iraq. Unfortunately the government does not let you take pets when deploying into a combat zone. I took him in when he was wandering the streets and noticed he was mal-nourished. I tried to find his owners but no one would came forward and claimed him. He was also very wary of people which meant to tell me he might have been abused. I was afraid to take him to a shelter and that he would not make it there. At that point I made the conscious decision to keep him. I received last minute orders to deploy (1 week) to Iraq and had to prepare everything in that time frame. My deployment was for 1 year so many affairs needed tending to. I attempted keep him with family so we can continue our growth together but they were unable to keep him. I was not taking him to a shelter until a co-worker volunteered to take him in since his dog had recently passed and his family was looking for another addition. I hurt me so much to let him go but I had no option at that moment. The agreement was to have him come back to me upon my return but when I returned that had grown attached to him and seemed that he was at home so I let it be. It destroyed me inside.

3. Our children are not you're basic children when it comes to German Shepherds. My 2 year old gives German commands to the 2 other German shepherds that are 3 years old and 12 years old. My children have had an active interaction with German Shepherds since the day they were brought home from the hospital….literally. 

Dogs are family members and we have always considered them that in our family. They will go with us wherever we go wherever overseas or in the states. For recommending that we adopt a smaller breed because of transport makes it seem like a dog would be a burden on us. If we thought it would be a burden we would not be attempting to adopt. We are looking towards the future life of the dog which is until the end. I do not appreciate the e-mail to my wife below as if we are just some random family looking for a puppy because they are cute. We know what the care and responsibilities of a dog entail and we are ready for that commitment.

Thank you for your time and I await your response.



This was a few weeks ago and they still haven't responded to me.


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

Did you see the other thread on a person turned down by a rescue (also in California)? At least this one was courteous enough to take the time to explain why exactly, many aren't as they are staffed with volunteers who also work. Though I think their recommendation to adopt another breed is a more than a bit condescending. Don't try to make sense of it. They aren't going to change their minds. You would do yourself a favor by moving on. Either to a different rescue or to a shelter.


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## LoveEcho (Mar 4, 2011)

Agree with Jax. There are a lot of threads about rescues being ridiculous... the sad part is it completely detracts from the value of what they're doing and undermines rescues as a whole. I swore off rescue until I met a member here who worked closely with a very good rescue out in the midwest and I would absolutely consider a dog from him. I'm so sorry- it's hard not to take it personally, I know, especially with such a snotty email. The rescues that are really well run are too frequently overshadowed by the rescues that are run by PETA wannabes.


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## Sunflowers (Feb 17, 2012)

Hey, join the club. 

I was rejected by rescue because I had a cat, a one-year-old nephew who visited, and an unfenced yard.

I went to a reputable breeder, and I'm very glad I did.


And by the way, thank you for your service.


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## Shade (Feb 20, 2012)

There are many bad rescues out there just like bad breeders. It sucks but at least you know off the bat you don't want to work with them. Try again with a different rescue or keep a eye out at the local humane societies or go with a reputable breeder. 

I hope you don't let this one problem keep you down, there's a great dog waiting for you out there


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## misslesleedavis1 (Dec 5, 2013)

Absoluetly condescending, I agree with Jax too.


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## Merciel (Apr 25, 2013)

Shade said:


> There are many bad rescues out there just like bad breeders. It sucks but at least you know off the bat you don't want to work with them. Try again with a different rescue or keep a eye out at the local humane societies or go with a reputable breeder.
> 
> I hope you don't let this one problem keep you down, there's a great dog waiting for you out there


yep

Sorry you hit a bad apple, but that's all this is: a one-off mismatch. Don't let it get to you on a personal level.

Try again with another rescue, go to a shelter, or look for an ethical breeder. If this was a breed-specific rescue, you may have better luck working with an all-breed rescue.


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## bvilchez (Nov 22, 2013)

Thank you everyone and I appreciate the input. I'm actually amazed that a rescue would even come across like that. I know everything is in the best interest of the dog but still in awe somewhat. 

Thank you for the support.


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## Betty (Aug 11, 2002)

While I believe every dog should be placed as if his life depends on it (it does) even more for rescues I think. These are dogs that have already beat the odds once and chances are they will not get so lucky the next time...............

As a breeder the points they have brought up would be of concern to me. And while I have placed dogs with many military families I have turned down more. Just look at the shelters near any military base and you will know why.

And toddlers are another caution flag for me. Again I have placed some pups but have turned away more. An adult dog that I did not know the history of? Big red flag...........

Don't take it personally. Rescues that I have transported for, evaluated for, pulled for, and offered emergency boarding for have adoption requirements that I would not meet. 

I'm fine with that and it actually tickles my funny bone at times. (in a good way)


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## Magwart (Jul 8, 2012)

I heard the history years ago of why one rescue in your area was formed by people who had previously been involved with another, and differing philosophies regarding adoption policies were a factor. Try again--adoption policies aren't uniform. 

Or just go save a life from a shelter -- So Cal shelters have tons of great GSDs! The So Cal shelters mostly use Petharbor to list their dogs. Go to PetHarbor.com: Animal Shelter adopt a pet; dogs, cats, puppies, kittens! Humane Society, SPCA. Lost & Found. and you'll be astounded how many purebred dogs are in shelters in your area -- there are dozens of them circulated from the L.A. metro area on national rescue lists a few times a week! You'll also save a bunch of money on adoption fees, as the shelter adoption fees are quite low.


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## scarfish (Apr 9, 2013)

just curious how did you have a dog in the army if you weren't married. when i was in the army all single soldiers lived in the barracks and could only have fish. married soldiers all lived in housing or in off post apartments and their wives would take care of their dogs while deployed.


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## LoveEcho (Mar 4, 2011)

scarfish said:


> just curious how did you have a dog in the army if you weren't married. when i was in the army all single soldiers lived in the barracks and could only have fish. married soldiers all lived in housing or in off post apartments and their wives would take care of their dogs while deployed.


Depends on your rank. If I recall correctly E5 or higher are eligible to live off-base if single.


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## truckola (Nov 3, 2013)

If your are in California go here and find one (or More!!) to pull yourself. There seems to be a never ending supply in So Cal.


https://www.facebook.com/pages/German-Shepherds-Needing-Rescue/171493536247694


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## sitstay (Jan 20, 2003)

OP, I know it can be difficult to be turned down, especially when you hear about so many dogs needing homes.

Try not to take this denial personally. The military issue, the small children issue, the rehoming of a previous dog issue. These are all things that have caused them problems in the past, and those experiences have made them decide that it just isn't worth the risk to the dog. It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the other military families who can't or won't take their pets with them overseas (or even across country-shoot, sometimes it seems some people are disinclined to take pets with them when they move across town), other families that had issues with big dogs and little children and other prospective adopters that really do get rid of every pet any time they have a life change.

It isn't you. That being said, because of the military issue and because of the age of your children, you might run into the same problem with most reputable rescues. Personally, I find it irresponsible of them to suggest a smaller dog. Yes, it might be cheaper to transport a smaller dog overseas, but a smaller dog can still inflict a pretty nasty bite on a child. So from that standpoint, size doesn't matter. One of the worst bites I have ever seen was on a child's face, inflicted by a Cocker. 

Good luck. Maybe you can wait until your children are older? And your career less mobile? Or maybe you would be better off finding a really great breeder and going that route. I know it is very tempting to go to a shelter and just adopt straight from there, and cut out the "middleman" rescue altogether. Please, don't do that. That is just too much risk when you have small children in the house. Many (most, in my experience) of the dogs in shelters have unknown or inaccurate histories. I am all for adoption, believe me. I have been active in rescue and I ran a busy foster program in a large, open admission shelter for years. But I still wouldn't advise a family with young children to adopt straight from a shelter. 
Sheilah


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## qbchottu (Jul 10, 2011)

It happens. Sorry

Now if you are still set on a GSD, start researching breeders in your area. There are several nice ones in the CA area.


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## Moriah (May 20, 2014)

Thank you for your service to our country. I grew up in the military and knew many responsible dog owners (families) including when we lived in Japan. Please don't personalize this. Sometimes the generalizations made about military families are just plain wrong.


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## bvilchez (Nov 22, 2013)

scarfish said:


> just curious how did you have a dog in the army if you weren't married. when i was in the army all single soldiers lived in the barracks and could only have fish. married soldiers all lived in housing or in off post apartments and their wives would take care of their dogs while deployed.


I'm a Marine and was stationed in San Diego. At the time I was a single Staff Sergeant (E-6) and did not rate to live in the barracks anymore. I was renting a townhouse. Fast forward 8 years, I'm now married with 3 beautiful children and a home owner so the room to run around, play and train is readily available. 

I appreciate everyone's feedback on this matter. You all are right. I should not dwell on it and just keep it moving. Hopefully the dog we were trying to adopt finds a great home like the one we were willing to provide.


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