# Egan passed away



## EgansMom (Apr 18, 2020)

As some of you know.... my 10 yr 9mos old boy had alot of health problems and most recently gastro problems. I thought he was having a gastro problem again. He went off his food and was lethargic with a moderately bloated abdomen that given his history I thought was gas. I used everything that has previously worked on gastro to no avail. The bloating was not going down and he was not passing gas and he became very weak and started having trouble breathing and developed a cough. I rushed him to the emergency vet. They took him in quickly and did an abdominal ultrasound and a fine needle aspiration and found that his abdominal cavity was filled with bloody fluid. Hemangiosarcoma was what the vet explained to me. Must likely from a rapidly growing cancer of the spleen. It must have been a very aggressive tumor or inside his spleen because he had an abdominal ultrasound 2 months ago and it was not seen. This was a huge shock.
I had been praying for just a GI upset. I never expected that he would not be coming home again.
The vet said she was amazed at his strength and spirit. Despite all , he walked into the clinic under his own steam albeit very slowly.
The only decision I could make was to euthanize. No one ever wins against cancer and putting him through a big surgery and recovery would have been cruel.
He was brought into the "family" room and I was allowed to come in with mask on. When I came in he still found the strength to give me tons of kisses on my face. I swear he was saying "it's okay mom. Don't be sad. You gave me a good life despite all my problems and I love you so much" . I said out loud to him "I love you too". He was uncomfortable but they assured me he was not in acute pain at that point. His breathing was moderately labored due to the pressure from fluid so they put oxygen coming out a mask just on the floor close to his face and left to allow me some time with him.
I told him the story of our life together from 6weeks old to now. I sang him his favorite song (he would even recognize it when it came on the radio and get excited and bounce around and whine at me till I sang it to him with the radio. I think because I sang it to him since a puppy ! I even bought the used album for his birthday a few yrs ago) Bob Marley's "Everything's Gonna Be Alright". I could hardly sing... I was sobbing so hard.
I was really trying not to cry so he would not be upset but I'm just not that strong.
Then it was time.
The vet came in and I stayed with him till the end telling him "it's okay baby. mamma is right here with you" and patting his head.
I don't have any family or friends who could be there and honestly I don't know how I drove home in one piece.
I suspect I looked like a drunk driver and I am grateful it was very late and no cops around.
Then the hard part of coming into a house that felt so empty. The cat greeted me because he wanted food...then buggered off for the rest of the night. No comfort there !
I think that's the hardest part. I just feel so alone and the house feels so empty.
Here are pics from when Egan was a younger man ! His two favorite things were swimming and sticks (logs really - he used to have passers by staring in awe at him trotting around carrying a log as thick as your thigh and as long as his body!)













The pic below is a funny story. I had been to the pride parade and brought home a bunch of beads. I put them on Egan for kicks but he decided they were "his" and he wore them till I traded him out for a new collar !







Birthday pic with his ground beef "cake" ! He made the wish and I blew out the candles !








Thank you all for your support regarding his health in the recent months.


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## K9SHOUSE (Jun 8, 2003)

So sorry to hear of Egan's passing. Our time with them is so short and sweet. May you find comfort in your memories and know that you gave him a wonderful life and he knew he was loved deeply.


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## MineAreWorkingline (May 2, 2015)

I am so sorry. My condolences. RIP Egan. Don't be too hard on kitty, he will grieve too.


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## Heartandsoul (Jan 5, 2012)

I am so sorry. Your description of him and his life with you is beautiful.


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## Momto2GSDs (Mar 22, 2012)

Really sorry!

We lost our boy to hemangio too. 
Playing Frisbee in the morning.....saying goodbye that evening.

EVIL disease.

RIP sweet boy


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## LuvShepherds (May 27, 2012)

I’m so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful goodbye you gave him.


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## CactusWren (Nov 4, 2018)

I'm so sorry. Best wishes and RIP to your good boy.


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## Catrinka (Aug 6, 2020)

I'm so sorry about Egan's passing. He was such a beautiful boy. Thanks for sharing his story and pictures of his 'good times.'


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## Shane'sDad (Jul 22, 2010)

We went through hemangio a little over a year ago....still seems like yesterday....my heart goes out to you.....both of you were very very lucky to have found each other...


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## EgansMom (Apr 18, 2020)

Thank you all for your kind words. I am sure you all can relate ... I have caught myself talking out loud to him or glancing over at where he normally sleeps to see how he's doing/what he's up to .... then realized he's gone.
After my first female gsd died (ironically also cancer - melanoma) at 12.5 yrs it took me 5 yrs to be ready to get Egan.
My first girl came from the humane society (and was incredible and steady in all situations) and Egan came from a byb hence all his challenges with reactivity, anxiety, and health. He had seasonal allergies, skin problems, GI problems, and ear problems. I loved him dearly but never want to go through that again. His whole life was difficult and limited by his issues so in a strange way I think it made our bond stronger because he could only be handled by me and do activities that were one on one with me. Crowds, events and other dogs were a no go. Loud noises - forget about it ! Off leash - no way. So we led a pretty quiet and peaceful life. I was determined to not give up on him and give him the happiest life I could. Switching to raw greatly improved his anxiety and reactivity but he would never be the guy who could handle or be trusted under stress. He was a genetic hot mess but I was able to develop a strong trust bond with him. He became happy and content and loving in the home and I basically modified my expectations to within what he was capable of doing. I am sure some of you might disagree but to me he was a family member and I never gave up on him. Much like you would not give up on a special needs child.
His mental stimulation was being my "helper" in everything I did around the home and yard and physically we would play ball in the yard, go for very late night walks when no dogs were around , and drive to isolated places for a forest walk or swimming outing. He had a happy life and he gave me huge love and he knew that he was safe and loved.
I often wonder what happened to his siblings. I hate to say it but if they had the same level of fearful aggressive reactivity Egan had... they were probably abused or put to sleep by the owners.
So the next pup will be from a reputable breeder. As much as I loved Egan and am grieving... I would still like to get a pup sooner rather than later since I am not getting any younger !
I will need you guys help again because even though I raised up 2 gsd's from pups I really know very little about genetics/lines/what to look for etc. I also don't know alot about what different types of organized activities I could get the pup involved in. All I know is this time I am looking for a well rounded, solid and steady non reactive dog that I can trust in all situations and who I can get into an organized activity with and be a "soccer mom " ! I don't think I am interested in show lines. I am not looking for just a pretty dog. I am looking for a dog with rock solid nerves who is smart as a whip (like my first girl was).
I will post in the appropriate section for some advice. Carmen suggested this one. I have reached out but they are also 5 hrs from me. I am in Ottawa, On, Canada.
Again thanks to you all.


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## EgansMom (Apr 18, 2020)

Shane'sDad said:


> We went through hemangio a little over a year ago....still seems like yesterday....my heart goes out to you.....both of you were very very lucky to have found each other...


I am sorry for your loss also. It happens so quickly. There is no time to prepare mentally and emotionally.


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## Muskeg (Jun 15, 2012)

I am so sorry for your loss, he was clearly loved! I recently lost my old guy and it is heartbreaking and I look for him all the time- grief comes and goes in waves. 

I'll send you a PM about an upcoming litter that may fit your needs. Look for it this week.


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## WNGD (Jan 15, 2005)

What a beautiful boy, thank you for doing right by him. He knew it too....


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## Squidwardp (Oct 15, 2019)

EgansMom said:


> As much as I loved Egan and am grieving... I would still like to get a pup sooner rather than later since I am not getting any younger !


First, very, very sorry to hear. He looks like a beautiful boy in his photos.
We lost a girl to hemangio in 2019. I think you will find nothing heals the wound, the raw hurt, anywhere close to getting another pup.
At least not for us. We still cannot speak of our lost girl without pain. But having the new girl, and now a new boy helps more than anything.


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## EgansMom (Apr 18, 2020)

Squidwardp said:


> First, very, very sorry to hear. He looks like a beautiful boy in his photos.
> We lost a girl to hemangio in 2019. I think you will find nothing heals the wound, the raw hurt, anywhere close to getting another pup.
> At least not for us. We still cannot speak of our lost girl without pain. But having the new girl, and now a new boy helps more than anything.


Thank you and I am sorry for your loss also.


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## crittersitter (Mar 31, 2011)

I'm so sorry. :-( Hugs to you.


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## cagal (Sep 3, 2013)

So sorry for your loss. He was a beautiful boy


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