# Help: Our rescue doesn't like my husband



## doggerel (Aug 3, 2011)

We adopted Pyrrha about two weeks ago. She's a lovely, sensitive 1-year-old, rescued from a backyard breeder; she lived her whole life outdoors in a kennel and, as a result, is very undersocialized.

She came to us very shy but has made remarkable progress just in these two weeks. She's bonded with me very closely. She's become very cuddly with me, loves to play with me, seems to listen to everything I say.

Here's the problem: She really doesn't like my husband. She doesn't even want to be in the same room as him--and this is an issue that didn't seem present at first. It's becoming more and more noticeable. 

He is very gentle himself and has never done anything to harm her. He does play acoustic guitar, which we've seen she's very afraid of for some reason. I have him feed her, give her high-value treats (bits of chicken, hot dog), etc. She'll take food from him, but then she backs away. She flatly refuses to play with him. 

He probably spends more time with her than I do, since he has a flexible schedule and is often home in the afternoon with her. He takes her on walks and lets her out, but she ignores him all day long. When I come home, she's suddenly overjoyed and affectionate and wants to romp and play.

It breaks my heart, because he is really trying so hard to win her over. Has anyone experienced this with a rescue? Will she ever come to love him? Any advice is appreciated!


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

It's not that she doesn't like him....she's scared of him. Get a good trainer that is experienced with fearful dogs. Poor baby...thank you for rescuing her! Give her more time. 2 weeks is still really early in her adjustment period.


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## JeanKBBMMMAAN (May 11, 2005)

The first thing I would do would be to contact her foster to see what kind of input they might have. 

But yes, have seen this lots of times with all dogs - they come to us from somewhere - that they are uncomfortable with someone, a man is kind of common. I think it's an odor thing, but will not be doing any research studies soon!

See what the foster says and then let us know. There is a Yahoo group for shy dogs shy-k9s : shy-k9s that I would highly recommend, but the foster may know some things that will make our remarks unhelpful.


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## kindofabigdealsmom (Jun 2, 2012)

My rescued female shep/husky was just terrified of men at first--much like what you describe. Even after ten years she much prefers me, but what did help was for them to go on "pack like" adventures together without me there. He'd take her out to the woods where she could run and chase things and he'd even chase them with her. She's never played with toys and I think might have had to live on her own for a bit by hunting small animals. Maybe an idea.


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## VChurch (Jun 14, 2010)

I was in a training class with a great instructor that got Minna to warm-up to her and become less fearful towards strangers over a matter of 5-weeks (one day a week, mind you). The instructor would walk by our pen (because we were working off-leash in a 10x10 or so space) and she would not look at Minna but just drop some treats and walk away. Slowly Minna would start going towards her when she saw her coming. And the instructor still wouldn't look at her, but would turn her back to her and hand her the treats and then walk away (still never speaking or making eye contact or even paying any attention to Minna).
Minna started going towards her more and more, and worked up to the point that she could approach the pen and hand her treats (still not look at her though). And by the end of the class she could walk up and pet Minna and hand her a treat, and Minna was no longer afraid of her. It was all about working with Minna's comfort level and never surpassing it.
Minna is now very well-adjusted and while she still gets fearful of some people, she is perfectly okay with most people. Using that method for Minna allowed her to become comfortable with the strangers in her own time or her own manner. I know your husband isn't a stranger, obviously, but maybe some of the no eye contact etc, would allow your new dog to adjust on her own terms.

Not sure if that would help your situation or not, that was just what we had to do with her.


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## mycobraracr (Dec 4, 2011)

The only suggestion I have is to maybe have him hand feed her. I don't mean treats but her actual meals. If you feed raw that could be difficult but I have seen that work wonders.


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## Mary Jane (Mar 3, 2006)

How wonderful it is that you have given Pyrrha a loving home. I found ShyK9s to be extremely helpful with our dear adopted shy Wolf.

If it is any help to you, in my tiny experience the bond that you form with a shy dog is enormously precious. When your dog overcomes some fear to play or smile or lick your hand, you know the effort she expended to show her affection. It is truly worth the wait.

MJ


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## EJQ (May 13, 2003)

First of all - thank you for saving Pyrrha!
My guess is that it's not so much that she doesn't like your husband as much as it is that she's afraid of him. From your description it is no fault of his! I'm sure it stems from her past (maybe ill treatment from the breeder). It will take time. In the meantime your husband is doing all of the right stuff but you would probably benefit by seeking out a professional trainer that deals with fearful dogs.
Good Luck!


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## Jo_in_TX (Feb 14, 2012)

Handfeeding
Placing her "between" the two of you on the sofa or bed while you watch tv, read, etc. 
Placing the crate she sleeps in near his side of the bed

Of course, if she is just trembling with fear, sleeping near your husband might be too much stress for her, but I'm a big believer that sleeping together helps with bonding.

Good luck.


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## LifeofRiley (Oct 20, 2011)

As others have already said, many of the fosters I have had as well as dogs I have adopted have been initially fearful of men. John and I had an experience much like yours when we first fostered and then adopted our current dog Riley. It took several months before Riley was truly comfortable with John in the same way he was with me from Day One. Flash forward a year and a half and you would never have thought he had trust issues with men. Riley absolutely loves John and has no issues with other men who meet him.... That said, he still sees me as his "heart human" which I have to admit I am happy about : )


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## LifeofRiley (Oct 20, 2011)

Just wanted to add that in our experience, we found that time and consistency were the most important factors. In other words, be fair and kind... but not overwhelming to the dog. Stay within his/her comfort zone and after time and observation the dog will learn that your husband not only means him/her no harm but is a friend. I think the most important message is not to try to push the dog at this point. You have plenty of time. Don't flood the dog. Let it happen naturally.


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## chelle (Feb 1, 2009)

My first dog was fearful of the boyfriend for some time and there was no reason at all, perhaps other than she hadn't been around men. I brought her home at ten weeks and know she'd never been abused or treated poorly by a man. She just was afraid of him -- he was tall, deep voice, etc. She was a fairly timid puppy.

I bet she will come around if not forced into anything that reinforces her fear(s). Just give it lots of time and gentle handling.  Lots of great advice here! Try different things and if there is a hint of her getting nervous, stop and try sometime later. Baby steps.

Good luck! I'll bet you're back in a month or two saying things are turned around.


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## llombardo (Dec 11, 2011)

I rescued a rottweiler that was about 1 years old years ago. I brought her to my mom and dad's house, she loved my mom, but growled at my dad(she did not like him one bit). My mom continued to give me her credit card and told me to take her to the vet for exam and shots. My dad almost fell over It took about a month or so, but she finally came around and she became my dad's baby. When she got cancer and had to put to sleep, it was really rough on my dad. He actually had a picture of her tattooed on his arm with her name(beautiful tattoo) It just takes time and patience. Lots of walks, play time, feeding, and any good stuff that he can do with her. Good Luck.


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## AddieGirl (May 10, 2011)

So weird, I just logged in to post an almost identical question and yours was right at the top of the active topics page! I will just read through the responses you have gotten so far and watch for more. Our rescue is K-Bar and he is 3 years old. He has the same issues you are describing along with urinating in certain situations like if my husband stands up quickly or raises his voice (not in anger or toward K-Bar). If my husband is laying on the floor or in bed, K-bar will come and lay by him, even show affection (snuggling, licking).

In addition to your questions, I'm curious if medication has been helpful in similar situations. 

It is heartbreaking to see such fear in his eyes and know that someone treated him badly when we love him so much!


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## doggerel (Aug 3, 2011)

Thanks so much, everyone, for your advice and input. It is really helpful and encouraging. I need to keep remembering that we've only had Pyrrha for three weeks now and that we need to be more patient with her. 

I think she will warm up in time; the reminder to take everything slowly and let her approach my husband on her own time, on her own terms, is helpful. 

I feel encouraged about her prospect of warming up to him: She doesn't display excessive fear (no shaking, urinating in his presence, no fear-based aggression) in his company; her shyness with him comes out more in a display of avoidance or in totally ignoring him. She doesn't want to come to him or listen to his commands, but she does choose to lay down in whatever room he's in (probably to keep an eye on him, I'm guessing). I hope she'll continue to improve.

It's also encouraging to know we're not alone here. I know this is a common issue with rescues. We just want her to know that she is loved, equally, by both of us.


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

Taking her to obedience classes will help to build that bond. For her, I would recommend ONLY positive reinforcement. You wouldn't want to give her a physical correction because your goal is to build the bond in happy, motivational, ways. I would highly recommend he do that.


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## marbury (Apr 3, 2012)

All good advice, I'd add another personal opinion. I personally would put the entirety of Pyrrha's care in the hands of your husband until she warms up, at least to the extent that she's not over-anxious. If all good things come from him and no bad things ever do she'll warm up at good speed; handfeeding and crating closest her her (as mentioned) will really help. Polarizing your living situation by administering all her care yourself and leaving your husband out will just strengthen her dependance on you and not 'gently force' her to accept him as well (I use 'force' despite it being all positive methods). If you're her primary person her fear could grow into SA or over-dependance on you, that just depends on the dog.

Thanks so much for rescuing! You're awesome!


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## doggerel (Aug 3, 2011)

Thanks so much for all of this great advice!

I'm happy to say that she seems to be warming up to him by degrees, particularly over this past week. Yesterday was a big breakthrough day: She played "fetch" with my husband in the back yard and seemed really comfortable with him (especially since she got a tiny bit of hot dog from him whenever she brought the ball back to him). This was the first time she's actively played with him, and that was really exciting to see. 

He has been feeding her more (as he is able, with his schedule) and we've been associating him with all her favorite things. Whenever he plays guitar (which is something she's been very scared of, for whatever reason), she gets a little rawhide when she lays down in the same room. 

I think she'll get there... thanks again for sharing your wisdom!


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