# Kaylee Cheyenne, Please forgive me



## Amaruq

I have replayed those horrible minutes over and over in the last day, sweetheart, and a part of me died with you last night. You were my heart and soul and my heart is shattered with your loss. I will forever wonder if I did all I could to help you and forever second guess myself. I have always loved and admired your sheer strength and your strength cost us both in the most severe and heart wrenching way possible. By the time I could get your mouth open, your tongue was blue and you were beyond gasping. By the time I could reach it and clear your throat you were too far gone. You were always there when I needed you, yet I feel I let you down and it cost me my soul-mate, my strength and my best friend. You were always the one to be by my side when life was near impossible. Your quiet strength comforted me. Your powerful neck has absorbed so many tears. Now you are gone and it makes the grieving that much more difficult that you are not here with me to comfort me to protect my heart from the pain of your sudden and horrifying death. 

You were so vibrant and full of life and then in those horrific minutes you were gone. So young and so much life to live. I will forever love you and forever beg for forgiveness. If there was anything else I could do I would. I loved you so much my strong and beautiful Angel. You were everything a person could ever want in a dog and in a best friend. You were everything a German Shepherd Dog was supposed to be. You were simply awesome. So awesome that God took you back too soon and left me with a gaping hole in my heart. I trust that you are already with Dad and Phoenix and if you can forgive me I will have the best guardian angel I could ever hope for. I love you, Kaylee Cheyenne. 








My dear Friend. Now you finally have your flock to tend to and your water to swim in. I love you my sweet angel and I am so sorry.


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## Barb E

Oh my









I have no words


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## BJDimock

When you live your life with love, there is nothing to forgive.


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## Barb E

I am so sorry Amaruq, so very sorry


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## valb

I'm so sorry.


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## Castlemaid

What a shock, so very, very sorry . . .


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## Papanapa

I have no words.....
I will pray for you tonight.


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## flyinghayden

Oh man! I am so sorry. I wish I could say something to ease the pain. I know only too well what you are going through right now. I will be thinking of you, and keeping you in my prayers and thoughts.


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## ninhar

I am so very sorry for your loss.


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## rover51

Bless you Sweet Kaylee Cheyenne


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## JazzyGirl

I am so sorry. Kaylee Cheyenne knew she was well loved.


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## marksmom3

I'm so sorry for your loss.







Kaylee Cheyenne


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## 3K9Mom

Oh Ruq.









Losing a young, vibrant, beloved soulmate -- I don't know exactly what you're feeling, but my heart is breaking for you, because I've walked that path recently as well. I know how painful it is. There is little I can say -- and nothing that will make you feel better -- but please know that you and your Paq are in my thoughts and prayers. 

I'm so sorry for your loss.







So terribly sorry.


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## gsdlove212

Ruq~ please know that you did all that you could, and that KC would NOT want you to beat yourself up over this. She knew and felt your love and bond each and every second of every minute of every hour of every day! Run free at the bridge Kalee Cheyenne!


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## Karin

I'm so very sorry. What a horrible thing to happen. My thoughts and prayers are with you tonight.


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## ellen366

deepest sympathies; words are sooooo inadequate at a time like this


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## caview

I am so very sorry... Life is so precious and so fleeting.. Everything can end for everyone in a blink of an eye..

Be kind to youself..

BJDimock said it so well.. once you've given you whole self, your love, you have nothing else to give..

God bless you in your grief!

Tanya


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## Brightelf

Oh, Ruq!







I am so very, very sorry.







Kaylee Cheyenne has forgiven you a thousand times over-- love is like that. Such a deep bond you both had, a mutually supportive, caring LOVE. KC had everything she could ever wish or hope for in a life with you. You were HER soulmate, too-- and will always be. She will be watching over you and keeping you loved-- forever-- until you meet again. My wish for you Ruq is some measure of comfort and peace during such a very painful time. (((Hugs))) Run free, sweet, talented, strong, loving, wonderful Kaylee Cheyenne.


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## emjworks05

I am so very,very sorry for your loss.














Kaylee Cheyenne


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## Cassidy's Mom

So sorry Ruq.







KC


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## BowWowMeow

Ruq,

I am so sorry. Having lost a young dog in a tragic accident I have some idea what you're going through but I still can't find adequate words. Please take comfort in the wonderful bond you and K.C. shared and the memories that remain in your heart. 

Take good care,


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## Anita

KC

Ruq, I am so very, very sorry.








I understand what KC meant to you, and my heart is bleeding for your loss.


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## Kay13411

I am so sorry for you loss.... There are just no words to say to help at a time like this. Know you will be in my thoughts and prayers.


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## JeanKBBMMMAAN

Look at yourself through KC's eyes and you will feel that powerful love-and see that there is no need to ask for forgiveness from a being so blessed that they are born knowing how to love unconditionally forever. 

I am so sorry Ruq. I am glad to have met you KC-such a great representative of the GSD.


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## JenM66

I am so very, very sorry to hear of this. You and your paq are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Remo

What a nightmare. My heart aches for you. Please know you are in our thoughts.


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## Smithie86

Our thoughts and hugs are with you


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## AniasGSDs

Dearest Ruq and the Pack, sending you our deepest sympathies and lots of hugs and doggie smooches to cheer you up. Please do not torture yourself. You have nothing to be forgiven for. You've given K.C. a wonderful life full of love and comfort. She is in a different heaven now; somewhere where SHE can look after YOU......

Ania, Gretchen & Rorie


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## Qyn

I am very sorry to read this. My deepest condolences to you and your paq on the loss of your beautiful friend, KC.

RIP, Kaylee Cheyenne.


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## TG

I am so sorry. What a heartbreaking loss. RIP Kaylee Cheyenne


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## OkieAmazon

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## angelaw

Ruq, again my condolences. Please do not beat yourself up, it serves no good, believe me. Been there when I lost Gaudi. You can what-if all day long, it won't fix anything. Accept your time with KC as a wonderful bond that will never be broken and know she is watching over your paq with the same love you gave her. RIP dear KC.


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## kshort

Oh Ruq - I am so sorry for your loss. The consolation is that KC experienced more love and caring in her short life than many dogs ever have in a lifetime. That you were able to give that to her and her to you - well, it's just something special beyond words. Take care of yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you...


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## mspiker03

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## Sashmom

All my condolences.....R.I.P Kaylee Cheyenne, you were so loved







K.C.


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## Mary Jane

I'm so terribly sorry-what an awful loss to this world.

Mary Jane


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## natalie559

It is hard to imagine the horror and pain you must feel right now. Words don't seem to be enough, but since that is all we have here know how awfully sorry I am for you and yours. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help.

If you could muster the strength I would love to see a picture of your beautiful girl.


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## Amaruq

Thank you all. 

My four favorite pictures of her:

The first two were her greatest loves, sheep and water. Thank you Jean for the awesome herding picture.



















Perhaps the only very good "portrait" I have of her. 










And perhaps the most well known picture of her on this board. Most people do not believe me that she LOVED her floaties.


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## JenM66

I've been looking back on the birthday and herding threads all morning. I felt like I knew your paq through their wonderful photo journals. I am still in shock for you. Whatever I can do, anything I can do, please reach out to me. My heart breaks for you.





































That head shot is magnificent.


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## angelaw

I agree, very nice pics ruq!


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## aubie

I'm so sorry! My heart aches for you!!


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## agilegsds

Oh no.....I am so sorry for your tremendous loss. I will miss seeing her pics and hearing all those wonderful stories about her. Please take care of yourself.....sending you healing strength. You'll be in my thoughts.


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## Amaruq

Rayne is breaking my heart at times and trying to make me laugh at other times. I just let them out a bit ago to feed them and she raced out to the deck (where KC died) Rayne swung back around and looked in the door and down the hall, looking for her sister. Then she backed back out the door and looked to the spot where she died and then back to the hall then to me. Then she pulled the ultimate KC impersonation and started chasing a huge bumble bee. Rayne never paid any attention to bees, flies, bugs, moths and butterflies but KC loved to herd them all. KC started herding them when she was only 7 or 8 weeks old. Such amazing focus on them even at that young age.


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## Annikas Mom

I am so very sorry to read this thread, I rarely come here but saw her name and thought it can't be...I can't imagine the pain you are feeling but I do know about reliving something over and over in our heads, second guessing ourselves and wondering what if...I am sure there is no need for forgiveness...

Run free sweet girl, run free...

Words always seem so inadequate...


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## Brightelf

Ruq, perhaps KC whispered in her sister Rayne's ear about chasing that butterfly... to give you the message that she is okay, happy, and watching over your and your pack with as much of the wonderful love as you gave her.

I laughed at the lifeguard/floaties picture! You honestly give your dogs the BEST life, ever.

Thinking of you today, Ruq. Wishing that my words could comfort, knowing that your pack loves you, and that KC will be keeping watch over you and will never be far from you. (((Hugs)))


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## BowWowMeow

Still thinking of you Ruq. My Massie was a rock diver and Chama had absolutely no interest in her weird hobby. The summer after Massie died Chama started diving for rocks. I think they understand it gives up pleasure to carry on family traditions...


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## RebelGSD

What a tragic loss, I am so sorry. Please don't beat yourself up, we cannot control everything for them, unfortunately.
She was a stunning girl.

KC, say hello to the angels who left us before you, too soon, and watch over your family...


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## WiscTiger

I am so sorry. The pain and shock must be pretty unbearable.

RIP KC

Val


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## Ilovealldogs

I am so very sorry for your loss.
















Kaylee Cheyenne


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## Avamom

I know there are no words that are adequate right now....still my heart breaks for you.









Thank you for sharing KC with us all through your wonderful pictures and stories.

RIP beautiful KC


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## Skye'sMom

Kaylee Cheyenne was a much loved dog and would not want you to be so sad. I am so sorry for her loss - thank you for posting the great pictures for us.

Kaylee - run free with your firends at the bridge.


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## caview

Ruq,

Last February our white Siberian kitten run right under the wheels of a car on a very quiet street in front of our house.

Our other cat startled us the first day after it happened by making the very distinct meow only our kitty was making.. She was also playing exactly like he which she has never done before.. The second or third day she took us to the just washed and folded matress pad (which was white), touched it and gave out a meow.. All these days she was very concerned in the evening when we were locking up with the white kitty not at home..

When that happens it makes you hurt even more as you are hurting for their loss in addition to your own..

She is home now.. with Our Lord.. and you'll reunite one beautiful day!

Tanya


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## DancingCavy

I saw this topic heading this morning and my heart sank. All I could think was _No._ 

I'm so sorry to hear of the unexpected loss of your beloved KC. She was a truly special dog and worthy of the German shepherd breed.

She had a wonderful life with you. So many dogs would be absolutely envious of the places she went and the things she did. Coming to the Boro to perform a search and rescue demo and showing us all that she could urban track even without much training in that venue (and dragging you, Tika, and I through the bushes to prove it!). Not to mention the often remembered shoulder yank when I tried to leave with her at your request.







And who could forget her trip to the Edinboro basketball game where she artfully weaseled some pretzel from one of my friends. 

I'm thankful I got a chance to know her. I will certainly miss hearing stories about her. Her adventures in the water, with children, on playground equipment, stories about The Sisterhood. . .

R.I.P. dear sweet Kaylee Cheyenne. *HUGS to you, Ruq and pets to Chimo, Rayne, and the rest of the Paq.* 
I'll share a couple of my favorite photos I took of her.
The first time I met her, playing on the football field tarp at Edinboro:








Some portraits I took when we met up in November:
















With one of her mini trees:








And, most recently, herding:


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## shilohsmom

oh my gosh, I am so very sorry. What happened...something got caught down her throat? She was so beautiful...whatever you do-don't blame yourself. I know the pain is awful, but she loved you so and wouldn't want you to suffer. 
Hugs,


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## JenM66

Just checking in before heading off to bed. Prayers and hugs remain with you, Ruq. Please rest, grieve, but do not blame yourself. We're all here for you.


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## Kayos and Havoc

Oh my how did I miss this? I am soooo very sorry! It seems tragedy strikes too often. ((((HUGS))))


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## Kayos and Havoc

Gosh I just looked at all the pics too. I am so sorry again......... Such a wonderful girl.


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## Barb E

I too keep checking back, know that my thoughts are with you Ruq


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## HeidiW

She is a beautiful girl, so sorry!


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## agilegsds

Yes, checking back here also, and thinking about you.


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## kshort

Your Rayne bumblebee story takes me back to when we lost Max... He always chased the kitties - not with any malice and certainly not with any speed. One of his favorites to chase is our Lucy, who is "challenged" (born with Cerebellar Hypoplasia which affects her motor skills). They were quite the pair to watch. Lucy chasing the laser light weaving and bobbing and stumbling, and Max chasing her dragging that darned back foot. Two days after we lost Max, my hubby was playing laser with Lucy. All of a sudden, Murphy jumped up and started chasing her. She had never, ever done anything like that before. We were stunned. Murphy is no spring chicken - she was 16-1/2 at the time. It was like watching Max in a smaller body. It gave me chills, but also gave me comfort. We were so worried about Murphy, because when we lost our last two dogs, she quit eating for nearly two weeks - not something that we could have happen at her advanced age. It was a clear sign to me that Max was sending us a message - not only that he was okay, but that Murphy was going to be OK. I think KC was sending her message through Rayne...


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## LisaT

I'm so sorry Ruq























KC


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## SuzyE

oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I am crushed for you. you know that I lost my youngest dog suddenly two yrs ago and it almost killed me.I hope you have good support at home, I am praying for you, it takes a long time but it will get better. please hang in there


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## k9sarneko

I am so very sorry for your loss of the beautiful KC. I wish I had words to comfort you right now. She was such a loved girl and I am sure that her sister chasing bumble bee's was her way of letting you know she is ok and sending her love from the bridge. So many many hugs to you and the Paq during this difficult time.

Run free sweet girl, you carry your mom and your paq's love with you.


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## HeidiW

I feel your pain, I am so sorry.

My GSD's were playing with a plastic frisbee and having a blast. I thought nothing of it as I watched them. It started to break in pieces and they were chewing it. I thought they were just spitting it out and chewing, then suddenly Bo started gagging and I ran to him and was able to get it out fast enough. I learned my lesson never let them chew things that break into to pieces. For some reason I assumed they knew better.
I will be extra careful going forward after this post and my experience this week myself.


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## AniasGSDs

Just checking in on how you are doing this morning Rug. 

Been thinking of you all day...........

Sending healing thoughts!!!!!


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## Amaruq

Thank you everyone, we are hanging in there and I am trying to search for any answers I can find.


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## wolfstraum

I don't normally read these as I get so sad.....but saw the heading....I am so so so sorry to hear of your loss....I know you loved KC tremendously....the dearest ones leave us much too soon....










Lee


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## shilohsmom

Just checking up on you...


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## SunCzarina

I'm so sorry you lost her. It's always the hardest when they get taken away too young and totally unexpected


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## littledmc17

Wow I have no words to say
except I am so sorry, tears are filling up my eyes as I type.

if you need anything let us know
















beautiful K.C.


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## fourdogsrule

I am so very sorry for your loss, our hearts and prayers go out to you and your family.








KC, we all know you are now watching over your family from the heavens above.


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## GSDBESTK9

Ruq, once again, I'm so sorry for your loss. KC was a GORGEOUS girl and she had a great life with you. You will see her again some day till then, think only of the good memories you two shared.


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## Amaruq

Rayne chased another bee or fly yesterday. But she seldom stays in the same room with me, even though right now she is laying on the futon behind me. She has always been the independent one emotionally. If the situation was reversed and I was mourning Rayne, KC would not leave my side. I know Rayne misses her sister as much as I do, I see her occasionally looking for KC. But I am not sure how to help Rayne through this either as she is emotionally distant. Surprisingly Nucky seems to be helping some by playing with her and taking the rough play that Rayne always had with KC. But I know Rayne misses their noisy greeting EVERY time they came out of their crates. To people that did not know them they would assume the worst bitch fight EVER was starting with the growling/barking/raising on their haunches, embracing each other with their powerful legs wrapped around the others bodies, teeth barred... full of sound and fury but signifying a deep bond of sisterhood. The neighbors I am sure hated it and I always tried to keep them quiet- thinking "what if the neighbors turn us in".... I would give anything to hear them greet each other again.


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## Brightelf

I just love hearing the WW III greeting story! KC and Rayne must have had the most fun rumbles, greeting eachother that way! I wonder if Rayne is trying in her own way to comfort you? I am glad Nuky is stepping in to give Rayne someone to pummel a bit. Your loving Paq knows that you hurt, and they want to support you as best as they are able. Every KC story we get is like gold, Ruq. What a special girl-- truly, a force.


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## Barb E

x 1,000,000,000.50

Just checking on you


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## Amaruq

Yesterday was more of a numbness, today an overwhelming emptiness.









I had to run to the store for a few things this AM. When I came home one of KC's butterflies was on her spot on the deck.


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## Brightelf

I doubt that was a co-incidence, Ruq. I don't believe in co-incidences. A powerful dog, a powerful bond... love is more powerful than a transition into spirit form.

I understand what you mean, the empty feeling comes a bit as the fuzzy cocoon of numbness fades. Wishing you strength today, sending you good thoughts as you draw strength from your loving Paq. KC was and is an amazing spirit, unique, and so FULL of life, love, enthusiasm, spunk, and many other things. Continued prayers and hugs your way.


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## selzer

I am so sorry about KC. It's sad, but she had a great life with you, and left you with good memories. The picture with the floaties shows a real character.


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## sd3567

<span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'> </span>







I can't tell you how sorry I am for your loss.


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## CMorton

I am so, so very sorry for your loss. I know how it feels to lose such an angel so suddenly and wonder if you did every thing you could, and feel immense guilt. It hurts deeply, so deep you feel as if you are in ****. So many others who wrote before me wrote beautifully, much more so than I ever could, but I just wanted to express to you how deeply I feel your pain.


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## Lynn_P

I just spoke with Lee and she told me about this. I am so very sorry for your loss. I also do not visit this section very often because it breaks my heart. Sending love your way.


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## zyppi

I'm so very sorry.

Like others, this site is hard to visit so I just saw your post.

Memories are treasures and I know you have many to hold dear.


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## agilegsds

Ruq, thinking about you today.









Your description of KC and Rayne coming out of their crates is the exact same thing that Cooper and Rio (brothers) do every day here. I can't imagine that joy being silenced and I'm sending lots more hugs to you and Rayne.


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## BJDimock

Checking in and sending you love and hugs.


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## JenM66

KC sent a butterfly to Gracie...a lovely orange/black painted lady. Gracie sniffed it and it was on its way again - probably back to NY. I keep checking this thread, somehow hoping it is just a bad dream, I cannot begin to imagine, Ruq, how you're feeling.





















to you Rayne, Nucky, Jethro and Chimo.


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## Brightelf

Thinking of you and the Paq today, Ruq. Knowing it is hard, knowing that the fur-buddies want to help you so much. I wish that there were a way to make this easier for you. Such a rock of strength, such a caretaker was KC, and so young to leave so soon. KC was so very loved, though, and she KNEW it... every day. I am certain that she is near, watching over you and the Paq. I am hoping that today there are some moments of calm, of peace for you. You're in my thoughts today for sure.


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## wolfstraum

Thinking of you today as well - it is so devastating to lose them....I hope you can start to remember all the good times with KC and those memories are strong enough to soften the shock of her loss

Lee


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## Amaruq

On Memorial Day, Monday, May 25, 2009 shortly after 8 PM my heart and soul, my rock and my BFF choked to death. I was there when it happened and tried all that I could but it was not enough. She clamped her mouth shut and when she did that over the years of playing tug with her there was NO way to to unclamp them. I tried, my God I tried, the Heimlich did not help. By the time I was finally able to clear her throat she was too far gone. CPR failed. 



Kaylee Cheyenne was the absolute picture of strength and power. The first and only time she met the natural vet last November he did an exam and figured her to be 3 maybe 4, 5 at the absolute oldest. He was speechless and flabbergasted to learn that she was indeed 7 1/2 years old. 

KC loved few, tolerated some and ignored the rest of the human population. She was an excellent judge of human character and has not been wrong yet. She was a dog that commanded respect just by her mere presence. But if there was a child around, especially toddlers, she would melt into a gooey pile of dark, velvety fur and just BEG for their attention. She treated most dogs the same as she did humans, loved a few, tolerated many but ignored the others. She was charged several times but off leash rude dogs and she remained calm and ignored them. Every time the other dogs charged they stopped 3-5 feet away and would bark and carry on. Every time KC had enough leash if she had wanted to reach the dog but she never showed any desire to do so. She would patiently stand there and wait for the hapless owners to scoop their dog up and shuffle off, which always had the same result with KC..... as they would turn their back and take the first step or two with the offending dog KC would simply huff her disgust and return to my side if we were not already side by side. 

KC was a superb at dealing with shy and fearful beings, both human and canine. The general population of either species she would ignore but if she came in contact with a human or dog that was either shy or flat out afraid of dogs or German Shepherds in general she made it a POINT and her sole mission to dissolve that fear or shyness. At least for the time they were with her she had a remarkable success rate.

KC had an awesome work ethic. From her early days of being trained for SAR (first trailing and then switching to cadaver) to her transition into herding she showed her same strength of character and overwhelming determination to exceed and excel. While she only ever achieved the most entry level of herding tests through the AHBA, she was the ONLY dog to receive a standing ovation at the trial. The trial judge of her second leg was the loudest and first to begin the cheers. He had trialed his own dogs earlier (under different judges of course) in one of the HIGHEST titles. The others at her training sessions always stopped to watch her work. She was about the only Shepherd in a Border Collie and Aussie arena but, as was her nature, she commanded attention and respect in all that she did. She exuded a calm strength and sheer presence in all that she did. 

KC lived to herd, to run, to jump and to swim. She loved her "adventures" to the local parks to run in the ball fields or swim in the river. She would race with reckless abandon in the woods weaving between the standing trees and jumping over fallen ones and never missing a stride. She stopped my heart more than once at the sheer speed and power that she displayed. Her eyes bright and full of love of life and sheer happiness. She would hike the trails or pull eagerly to get to HER field with HER pond to run and swim with the same joy of life that she exhibited in the woods. She loved the boat. Her first time on the boat we got in from the dock and took a short ride then went to our "camp" spot where we unloaded the boat. It was her first time in a boat, first time in the water. We mapped the game plan, Suzi and I would stay in the boat and hand the coolers and the dogs to Scott in the water to take to shore. Scott was careful with both KC and Rayne as they had not swam before and they both had their life vests on. Rayne went in as planned, KC on the other hand had other plans. As soon as she hit the water she swam away from Scott, circled to the back of the boat and climbed up the ladder because MOM was still in the boat. She had NO way to know there was a ladder but somehow she did. So after she was back on the boat I jumped off and Suzi went to lift her over the side.... not to happen KC eluded her grasp and jumped in and swam beside me to shore. By my side as always. 

KC and I were so incredibly close. She would lay on my bed and share my pillow and we would just gaze into each others eyes in an in depth wordless conversation. She would come up behind me when I was on the computer and gently hit her head under my arm in a perfect way to cause my hand to leave the mouse or keyboard and land squarely on her head for a "brain massage". She came to my side minutes before my Dad passed away 70 some miles away and stayed by my side. She was away from me for less than a minute to get a drink and she was back at her post when I received the call that he had passed. 

She was my heart and soul, my best friend and now, far too soon, she is my Guardian Angel. I am sure as with everything else she did in life, I know she will do her new job in a way that will leave others applauding her and watching with the respect and admiration she deserves.


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## Barb E

A wonderful tribute to a wonderful dog.

Again, I am so very sorry







x 1,000,000,000.50


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## Betty

What a beautiful soul.


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## wolfstraum

Words just cannot express the sadness, empathy and sympathy I feel at thinking of your loss























KC was very special and she now is your guardian angel...

I am so so sorry....

Lee


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## DancingCavy

KC was truly a one-of-a-kind and amazing dog. I will miss her greatly. Knowing how she was never the 'Golden Retriever-type' like Phoenix and Tika, I was always honored that she was so fond of me. 

Rest in Peace, KC. Your Mini-Me and I will always think back on memories of you fondly.

More *HUGS* to Ruq as well. I'm here for you if you need me.


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## Qyn

I posted before and have read each other reply but, now, reading this tribute, I have tears pouring from my eyes for both of you. It seems, no matter what you know, or what you do, sometimes terrible things just happen. I wish this terrible thing had not happened but I do agree that KC will make the best guardian angel you could ever have had and, for now, your dad has KC for company.

Again, my deepest sympathy.







The only thing I am thankful for is that you both did have each other to create these wonderful memories. Thank you for sharing them with us.


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## kelso

so sorry to hear of your loss








What a wonderful tribute to KC. May she rest in peace and watch over you and your family always, beautiful girl 

take care, and many thoughts


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## Brightelf

Just checking in today on you Ruq and your Paq. I loved reading the touching tribute to KC. She was and is an example of what we all fantasize our GSDs would be. I hope that you are getting enough to eat and drink, sleeping as well as you are able, and that you can take some breaks from the pain to recieve the love of the fur-buddies. KC was such a superstar, and always there for you. That was such a part of who she was in this life, that I have no doubt that she will dive into being your Guardian Angel with as much passion as she had in this life for herding, swimming, and taking care of your needs. Dogs like KC were born to be strong, and to tend a flock of some type.... KC is still strong, and still tending to you in whatever was she is able right now. Wishing you strength and some measure of peace today, Ruq. ((Hugs))


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## JenM66

Beautifully written, truly from the heart. May you find peace and solace in the days to come. Thank you for sharing KC with us.


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## caview

Ruq, what a dog! You've been so blessed to have shared your life with her!

How are you doing today?

God bless!

Tanya


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## elsie

i can't find the words i want to say, 
i can only come up with my heart aches for you.
























butterflies will from now on make me think of kc
rip, beloved


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## BowWowMeow

Ruq,

What a beautiful tribute to KC. She was truly amazing. I am glad to have known her, if only through your words and photos.


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## Crabtree

I am so so sorry Ruq, I hardly every come here anymore but I saw the title to your thread.
KC was a truly special and amazing girl. My heart goes out to you and your wonderful heart felt tribute left me in tears.
She will for ever watch over you.
RIP KC. until you are reunited.


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## geokon_2000

I couldn't believe my eyes, when I was scrolling down and saw KC's name here.







All I can do is








I'm so, so, so sorry. My heart felt thoughts are with you.

Rest in peace beautiful girl.


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## Amaruq

It has been one week Angel and I still miss you ever so much.


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## SeriousConfusion

I am so very sorry for your loss. Maybe she rest in peace and be waiting for you at the bridge.


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## Avamom

What a beautiful tribute!


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## angelaw

Ruq, that was absolutely beautiful


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## Barb E

Stopping in to leave some







s


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## Amaruq

Some days are slightly better than others but they all still feel empty, especially when I have to be away from the Paq.


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## Brightelf

After such a horrific loss, Ruq, you need to be extra good to yourself. (I say that way too much, huh?) Really, KC was your rock, your soft place to fall, your support system. She KNEW it, too. You both gave eachother so much. The intensity of that love is a tribute to what a great bond can be between us and our dogs. KC was a lucky dog to have had you. 

Thinking of you, knowing it is harder some days than others. You will get through this. It will not feel like you will. One day, you will find yourself thinking of Tika... of Nuky... and KC will pop into your thoughts. You will feel no pain. You will just feel warmth and love. The pain lessens, but the love remains and comes through with less radio-static than when the pain was so high. Love survives the grieving, and memories of KC will feel safe, comfortable, and loving.

Wishing you peace today, and slurps from your wonderful Paq.


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## Gunnarspack

I'm so so sorry Ruq. What an amazing tribute to an amazing girl. My thoughts are with you, wishing you peace. ((hugs))


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## littledmc17

That was a wonderful tribute to KC
again my heart goes out to you and the rest of of family and pack


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## HarleyGirl52874

I am so sorry to hear about KC, Amaruq hugs to you and the rest of the pack!


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## Brightelf

More good thoughts for you today, Ruq. KC touched so many of us here on the board. An example, an inspiration-- and sometimes even a comic in her pictures. KC was your "eyebrow girl"-- I loved her eyebrows. She had so much oomph and passion but so much sense, too.Wishing you today the best day you can have as you miss her. My hope is that you feel her drawing near to you. Her job never stops, loving and caring for you. May the Paq surround you with love today, and bring you a measure of peace.


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## SuzyE

bad things do happen to good people with no real justification.I HOPE YOU ARE HANGINg in there.


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## meisha98

Tears flow as I feel for you. Please accept my condolences although I know nothing helps right now.


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## Kayos and Havoc

Always thinking of you.


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## Amaruq

Yesterday was another tough day. Rayne was again looking earnestly for me to let KC out of her crate to come play with her. Rayne was so excited waiting in the living room for her sister to come roaring down the hall to smash into her in their customary greeting. She looked so devastated again when she realized I couldn't. I have not been able to bring myself to take down her crate. It took me over 6 months before I could with Phoenix's. 

Rayne and I have played tuggy a little which does seem to help. Her and KC used to LOVE playing Tug together. Both relentless, both tough as nails, their tug games would last 10-20 minutes at ONE time. I tried having her play tug with Jethro because he has the same tug mentality. Rayne would either rip it out of his mouth or drop it and walk away from him. She just refuses to play "their" game with him. But she will play with me but not with the same reckless abandon and sheer joy she would play with KC, which she would play with me the same way. I could see in her eyes she was happier playing tug with me but her eyes did not have the deep down to her soul sheer love of the game look that they did when she would play with me and/or KC.


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## JenM66




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## caview

Their pain makes your pain so much more... to the point of unbearable.. 

Part of Rayne must have died with KC..

Please keep on posting -- I check daily to see if you have any update on how you and the Paq are doing!

God bless!

Tanya


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## Amaruq

I needed something that resembled real food tonight and our little town does not have a whole lot of options. I don't eat "out" much anyway, wasn't sure what I wanted so I loaded Rayne in the van and went to KFC for their grilled chicken meal. They screwed up my order but I didn't realize that until we got to one of our fav parks and I wasn't about ready to drive back across town. I took Rayne on her leash to a picnic table under the pavilion and ate. It was so-so and I shared some morsels with Rayne which she enjoyed. Then I let her play for a couple minutes on the kiddy playground with slides and tunnels and she went over the teeter. Took her back to the van as I wanted to "test" something with her. Kenneled her up and grabbed her Wubba and a tug toy and tossed them into the grass away from the van. Wubba went further than the tug so I got her out of the van, hooked her on the tracking leash and told her to "Get your Wubba!" She ran out, sniffed the tug and came back like "Wubba's not there" I told her to find it again and she went to the tug and sniffed "This isn't it" so I told her to keep looking, she swung back around and spotted her wubba and went running to snag it and then strut around with it. The point of the "test" was to see if I could use her as a demo dog for some training classes I am going to be having. Since she ONLY played with her Wubba one day (their birthday) I had no clue she even knew it's name!! 

I know Rayne is really good at toy names at home. She even knows the difference between "Devie" and "BA" (red devil cuz and Blue Angel cuz- both large). I think she will be perfect to tempt others into continuing on to a "thinking dog" series of lessons. 

I think getting Rayne out of the house, even just for a brief time, helped her. I know she would have loved to stay longer but I had to get home and get everyone fed. BTW she likes the coleslaw that was supposed to be corn from KFC.


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## DancingCavy

I'm glad to hear Rayne was able to have a fun day. I'm sure all of the Paq is reeling from the loss just as much as you are. KC was a presence without a doubt.


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## Kerrycanton

Amaruq, my Aunt once told me that everytime you think of a loved one that has passed on, it means that they are standing beside you. They want you to be comforted, to ease the pain that you are feeling. Please don't be sad. KC loved you with all she had in her. She is still with you, but in another way. Your paq will pull you through this difficult time. Good thoughts to you and yours Ruq. Be strong.


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## Brightelf

Butting in again, sending good thoughts and well-wishes to you, Ruq. HUGS to sweetie Rayne. This will all get easier. Your rock of strength and support and concern, KC, will never be far from you. When you feel the loss, remember her neck... her ruff... her caring for you. That caring remains, and she would WANT you to think of her strong furry neck being there for you. I am wishing you strength today, Ruq! ((Hugs))


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## Amaruq

Somehow my days that I do not work are SO much better than the days that I do work. Ironically it seems much the same for Rayne too. Lakota has withdrawn a bit too as she no longer wants to be around Jethro. She now retreats to sleeping on my bed instead of under her futon. KC used to submissively lick Lakota's NUMEROUS times a day. Lakota would ALWAYS use her "motherly growl" the entire time KC was washing her face. As much as it probably annoyed Lakota I think she immensely misses it now. KC worshiped the ground that Lakota walked on. While the other dogs respect her they do not worship her. 

Yesterday Chimo slept in the living room when I slept in the bedroom. First time since KC died. Also the first day that I didn't wake up with KC on my mind, just took a few seconds of being awake but..... Today I again woke up with KC on my mind, Chimo laying in the doorway to the bed room. How do they know??







KC got her heart and intuition from Chimo and those qualities multiplied 1000+ times in her.


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## lucymom

Ruq, I am NOT a person of few words so I won't repeat what I said in my PM, but I did want to join in here and say how beautifully written the tribute to KC is. I would NEVER have guessed her age, joy and exuberance shines from her, a tribute to her life with you. When we are so joined with our dogs, we all reflect each other--the love and fun in her eyes is a reflection of you and what you give your dogs.

Trying to hold oneself together while dealing with the grief of the other dogs is incredibly hard. Our tough doggies have sensitive, kind hearts that search for understanding that we can't give them. Their grief compounds ours and feelings of powerlessness can be overwhelming. YOu have to acknowledge the very small steps of improvement each day---in you and them, and know that there will be steps foward and back. 

Even small moment of enjoyment with another paq member, a meal you can actually taste, some joy exhibited by one of the paq, is a step to be savored.

Working with Aik to bring him back moments of joy since losing his "wife" Lucy has helped me feel joy again--it's more of that reflection and joined emotions bond. But it does not come easily. And then...just for fun...guilt can kick you down again as if it's wrong to have a moment or two or more when you CAN tuck grief away someplace safe for a bit while living on.

But sometimes---I would have liked to stay in bed and let somebody else take care of Aik, thank goodness, he made me get up and throw the ball for him. Seeing his goofy smile start to come back was my reward.

We can all honor our lost dogs for the rest of our lives, without letting go of them.

These fleeting souls who pass through our lives, it's always a rude shock to see how fragile and mortal they really are, so strong, yet they float away on us sometimes with no warning, or ten years passes and we remember bringing them home as pups like it was yesterday.

I am so sorry for the whole paq, watching a dog grieve is yet another reminder--which almost nobody here needs--of how hard and deeply they love and bond and feel pain.

What special souls they are and how gifted are we to have them in our lives and homes.

And such a price we pay for this love, such a huge price, we know each dog we bring home will break our hearts one day.

We can take a lesson from them and try to live in the moment and cherish each day as if our lives were as fragile as theirs, which they nearly are. And despite the price of heartbreak, we take it on over and over again, because...it's so worth it. 

The gift....the gift of being loved and loving a dog is priceless and without description. It nurtures and nourishes us beyond oftentimes, what human relationships can because a dog's love is so pure and--in the case of GSDs especially--EARNED. KC could not be bought for a biscuit I'll bet--she determined with good cause who to have in her inner circle and chose wisely.

Well alrighty, I wasn't going to babble, but I have committed babble-onomy,. so I'll stop.

You are not in this alone, so many are empathizing with your pain and wanting you to know that it is shared.

Please take care of yourself.


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## Amaruq

Last night for supper was the first time Lakota (12+ year old Sibe) did her dinner dance. I apparently was in a massive fog because, until she did it, I had not realized she HADN'T done it since KC died. 

Rayne continues to hunt bugs, especially peas. Ironically she never did this before KC died but KC LOVED to hunt flying bugs. When Rayne catches one it looks like a baby eating the worst tasting baby food EVER for the first time. 

Chimo is still sad but helping me with the Paq. Any day that I wake up with KC already on my mind- he is sleeping in my door or by the side of my bed. He has yet to head butt my hand off the keyboard or mouse- another endearing quality that he and his youngest daughter shared. Tika has once, her first time. Rayne will occasionally come and stand by me. She has never been one to actively seek attention like KC, Chimo and Tika would (just because they WANT it, any time and for no particular reason). When Rayne comes she truly needs the attention/the contact/the interaction.


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## Brightelf

Sounds to me like everyone is being receptive to KC. Just my impression, as she watches over you and her Paq.


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## Barb E

Just wanted you to know I'm still thinking of you often







x 1,000,000,000.50


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## ddcha

Amaruq,

First off let me say how deeply sorrow I am for your tragic loss of such a beautiful girl. I know it will be a long time before you ever get over this but know that you have many friends to get you thru. I only found this post yesterday,cause I usually don't like to go here because it is so depressing, but when I saw this I had to open it. I still do not understand exactly what happened. I do not mean to sound disrespectful but can you tell us sometime what got lodged in her throat? I ask this because I had nightmares all night long of my dogs having something in their throat and I didn't know what it was or how to help them. Obviously, I had you on my mind all night long and woke up really freaked out about what I let my dogs have to play with now. It is so bad that accidents do happen no matter how careful we are!


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## arycrest

I am so very sorry for your tragic loss, words cannot express my sympathy adequately. That was such a touching tribute to your beautiful KC. After reading it I felt like I knew this intelligent, loving, sensitive girl.


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## Amaruq

KC's ashes were finally returned to me today. LONG overdue in my opinion. I am still trying to decide what type of urn to get for her (and Phoenix). The one she was returned in is not suitable for her. I am thinking I want one that can have a picture added since pictures have been important to me and the dogs get SO excited when the camera comes out. 

I kind of like these Photo Urns. The Black Walnut reminds me so much of her deep rich color. But I can't decide.


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## JenM66

http://www.dog.com/item/pet-keepsake-memorial-maple-rotating/

http://www.perfectmemorials.com/photo-frame-pet-urns-c-343.html

http://www.foreverpets.com/index.php?cPath=214

http://www.paws2heaven.com/products.asp?cat=165


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## Amaruq

Thanks for the links, Jen!!

I think Rayne had some of the same issues as I did...... today AFTER KC's ashes came back was the first time she INSTIGATED tug of war games with me. Her and KC would have 10, 15 and 20 minute tug fests with rope toys, rubber toys and even 1 to 3 inch pieces of former stuffed toys. 

I found some awesome little suede tug toys today that are the perfect size for OB training. Rayne absolutely LOVED this as soon as she saw it today. Enthusiastically played tug with me with it, refused to drop it, strutted around with it HAPPILY for a long time, laid on the futon with it. I snagged it when she finally dropped it 20 minutes later. I hid it in a box. She promptly flipped the lid open, snagged it and ran off in old fashioned Rayne style. This was the most she has acted like her old self since KC died. Is it a coincidence?


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## JenM66

She needed her sister to be "home".


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## Amaruq

Then as she went back to bed after all of this she walked past KC's crate, sniffed, lowered her head and looked back at me like she missed her best friend.


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## Brightelf

I think Rayne was relieved that KC's ashes finally came home. For all we know, KC herself could have given her sister the nudge to start playing tuggy so wildly again.

Those are wonderful photo urns. I like them. They kind of don't look so urn-like, but rather.. a special memory container with that loving photo on a wood that would bring out her vibrant colors. Black walnut or Brazilian Jotoba would look wonderful with KC's photo. 

Welcome home, sweet, strong, responsible, individualistic, caring, healing, funny, powerful, loving KC.


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## Amaruq

I found this picture last night while I was looking for another picture in Photobucket. This is exactly how she was looking at me the night we laid in bed having our deep, long conversation without words......










I still ache for her. Rayne is hunting bugs in record fashion. Rayne will still sneak a toy back and drop in front of KC's crate every so often. I still have not been able to take it down or even clean it. Chimo still misses her in his own way. Some pictures I am OK to look at and through, others, like this one are so very bitter sweet. I am glad that I found this one as it will now be a special reminder of our "conversation" but now it makes me long for her again. Yet I could not help but make it my desk top at work and at home. Replacing her herding picture at both computers. This past weekend I had to pick up some more stuff that my Mom had as she prepares to sell their house. This weekend my Dad and KC have been on my mind a LOT. <sigh> Still missing you KeefyBoo!


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## angelaw

That is a beautiful picture, Ruq. I have a special one of vishnu on my desktop here at work. Still makes me sad and it's going on a year now.


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## Amaruq

Thank you , Angela. It was kind of "just a picture" when I first took it but it is SO much more now.


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## Brightelf

Such a deep and meaningful gaze. I understand the longing for her being so painful with such a picture. In time, the pain will recede and the warmth will be there instead. KC was such a special friend, and she reached out to you as much as you did to her. I love this picture. I'm glad it's taking a special place for you.


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## BowWowMeow

That's a beautiful picture--really captures her soul. I'm so glad you have it.


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## Barb E

That picture says volumes about her, I too am so glad you have it.

I still think of you often and this loss


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## GSDTrain

Oh My...
I have no words. I a SO sorry to hear about your loss.


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