# I can't do this without you........



## myshepharley (Feb 11, 2011)

This wasn't supposed to happen..... Not yet, Wednesday Harley was outside playing and running around being his goofy self, Thursday morning, I noticed he seemed aliitle off. Just acting weird. He took his morning treat before I left for work. I checked in on him thru out the day and the girls said he wouldn't go out and he had been laying on the bathroom floor for like two hours. When I got home and he did not get up to say hi, I knew something was wrong. Thought maybe he ate something or his arthritis was acting up. Took him to the vet that evening, an xray showed an enlarged spleen, bloodwork showed on the line of anemia, and some of his red cell counts were high. The vet said he was concerned and suggested I take him to the ER vet which had specialists. Once there, they did an ultrasound and I couldn't breath anymore. He had a mass on his spleen that was bleeding. Must of started the night before. They said they could stop the bleeding but it could start back up as soon as we walked out the door. Made the hardest decision of my life to not let him suffer, I said goodbye to my heart and soul. He laid on my lap with his head in my arms as I kept telling him I loved him so much and he was my best friend and gave him as many kisses as I could. Im numb and in shock. Its not fair. I can't go anywhere without seeing him or hearing him. I don't know what to do without him. The pain is unbearable. I miss you so much baby............


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## crazyontrt (Jul 27, 2004)

I am so very sorry for your loss. We lost our boy suddenly to the same thing in the fall. RIP Harley. He sounds like a very special boy.


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## wolfstraum (May 2, 2003)

So very sorry.....so many of our GSDs are lost to this......

It is never easy to let one go.....to have it be so unexpected tears our heart out with them....


He will always have a place in your heart.... 

Run free Harley :rip:



Lee


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## myshepharley (Feb 11, 2011)

this pic was taken 3 weeks ago


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

I am so very sorry for your loss. :crying:

I can't even imagine.


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## myshepharley (Feb 11, 2011)

He would of turned 9 on Saturday...... I had a special day planned doing some of his favorite things, and now we can't do those things anymore........


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## Heartandsoul (Jan 5, 2012)

I am so very sorry. Nothing can ever take away that loving bond. RIP Harley


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet baby Harley. Words do so little .You are in my thoughts.


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## pyratemom (Jan 10, 2011)

I'm so very sorry for your loss. It is never easy and for it to happen so sudden makes it twice as hard. He will live on in your heart in the memories and love you have for him and then one day at the Rainbow Bridge you will reunite. Hugs.:crying:


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## HappyGoLucky (Apr 7, 2016)

So very sorry for your loss! RIP Harley. Run free and chase butterflies and a wonderful dog heaven!


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## dogma13 (Mar 8, 2014)

So very sorry.What a shock.


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## sitstay (Jan 20, 2003)

I am so very sorry for your loss.
Sheilah


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## Shade (Feb 20, 2012)

I am so sorry  RIP Harley


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## MineAreWorkingline (May 2, 2015)

Aww! So sorry for your loss. Run free Harley!


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## GatorBytes (Jul 16, 2012)

I didn't want to read this. It is still so fresh what you describe that now I am starting to cry.
I can see in my mind the image you describe. I lost Gator just over 2 months ago. I was able to take him home as the recent bleed (found on ultra) was not active. We had another week, but there were signs of a couple more. One week to the day I had to do what was right for him. He wouldn't leave me on his own like so many here have done.


There is nothing that can be said to make you feel better. Just allow yourself to go through the stages of grief.


Do not beat yourself up. There was nothing you could do.


RIP beautiful Harley


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## charger (Jan 29, 2008)

So sorry to hear about your beautiful boy.


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## kelbonc (Aug 25, 2014)

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for the loss of your special boy. Run free Harley, run free beautiful boy!


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## HOBY (Aug 12, 2013)

Sorry for your loss.


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## Magwart (Jul 8, 2012)

Some day when you're feeling strong, do a search on the forum for "hemangiosarcoma" so that you can start to wrap your mind around it, and allow yourself to accept there truly was nothing anyone could have done for a different outcome. It might as well be called "GSD-cancer," and it's always terminal. I offer that because I remember second-guessing everything when we lost our first one to it -- should we have done different senior tests to have caught it early, how could the vet have missed it on her annual exam a few weeks earlier, what did we do that caused it, would a different vet have been able to treat it?....and as I read more, I realized it was probably just an inevitable outcome baked into her genetics. It allowed me some peace. 

SO many of us have lost dogs to this wicked disease -- it's always sudden, jarring, and heart-wrenching. Always.

I'm so sorry for you loss. Know that we understand, because we've been there too.


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## myshepharley (Feb 11, 2011)

Thank you for all the kind words, I am still trying to wrap my brain around the whole thing. I can't believe my baby boy is gone. The pain is unbearable. The other week he got sprayed by a skunk and still had a slight smell. Yesterday I was driving, and all of a sudden I got a whiff of that smell, not one on the road but his smell. I bawled the rest of the way home. I don't know what to do with myself, he was always there. Always by my side, even at the end, he wouldn't leave me to go for his xray and ultrasound, I had to leave the room so he would go.


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

Magwart said:


> Some day when you're feeling strong, do a search on the forum for "hemangiosarcoma" so that you can start to wrap your mind around it, and allow yourself to accept there truly was nothing anyone could have done for a different outcome. It might as well be called "GSD-cancer," and it's always terminal. I offer that because I remember second-guessing everything when we lost our first one to it -- should we have done different senior tests to have caught it early, how could the vet have missed it on her annual exam a few weeks earlier, what did we do that caused it, would a different vet have been able to treat it?....and as I read more, I realized it was probably just an inevitable outcome baked into her genetics. It allowed me some peace.
> 
> SO many of us have lost dogs to this wicked disease -- it's always sudden, jarring, and heart-wrenching. Always.
> 
> I'm so sorry for you loss. Know that we understand, because we've been there too.


This is so true. we lost two of ours , Chevy and Daisy to this thief. It is so sudden and it happens in blink.


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## middleofnowhere (Dec 20, 2000)

I'm sorry Harley got this crap. Hemangio often comes with no warning at all and if it does come with warning it is still too late for any effective treatment. Take comfort in what a great time you and Harley had together. He sounds like a wonderful dog that had a wonderful life with you.


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## Suzy25 (Mar 3, 2016)

RIP Harley
I know exactly what you are going though as I am going though it right now also, just over a week ago on May 7th I lost my 9 year old lab to a mass in her spleen, It was cancer, they went in to try and take out her whole spleen and found it had attached to other organs and if they took it out she would die in the middle of it, so all that was left to do was take her home and wait, she lasted just over a month and I put he down one morning when it was clear she was ready. 

Its so hard I wish you all the best during this time, it was so sudden I can imagine how horrible you both you must have felt during all that. You gave him an amazing life, you know that and so does he, don't blame anything on yourself there was nothing you could have done if it was bleeding like that so please spare blaming yourself for anything. Think of all the positive memories and keep away from all the "what ifs", just some advice from another grieving pet owner.


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

I'm sorry. He was still a young guy. And yes, it comes up so suddenly when it does. Thank you for not letting him suffer. I know that was hard, but you gave him a good life, and in the end, you helped him out too. That is all we can do. German Shepherds build up our hearts and when they go, it tears them pretty bad. Right now the ending is so huge it is hard to see around it to how good it was what you had with him. Time does help some with that. 

I lost Arwen to this, 6-7 years ago. I think of her every day. Every day her name comes up in one context or another: "Arwen used to do that that way." "She looks a lot like Arwen." "Arwen was half-human -- she taught me...." Losing her no longer over-shadows the joy of her lifetime. 

I'm really sorry.


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## Mudypoz (Mar 3, 2016)

RIP Harley. I'm so sorry for your loss :'(


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## Besketball (Apr 27, 2016)

I'm so sorry..


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## Jenny720 (Nov 21, 2014)

I'm so sorry for the loss of Harley-such a handsome boy. Wish there was something I can say that could take the pain away. He will be sure to visit you in your dreams. RIP Harley.


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## ksotto333 (Aug 3, 2011)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## shakariah (May 5, 2016)

Sorry for your loss but you did the right thing. It would have been worse to let him suffer. I went through similar few years ago. Time heals all wounds, you never get over it but learn to deal with it. Focus on the good times and the fact you did what was best for him.


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## BowWowMeow (May 7, 2007)

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost two gsds to hemangiosarcoma and it was such a shock. My boy Basu wasn't even 11 years old. 

I am confident that your boy knew how much you loved him and I hope that in time you will be able to cherish the memories of all of the wonderful times you shared. Take good care.


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## Loneforce (Feb 12, 2012)

I am sorry for your loss  Run free Harley....


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## myshepharley (Feb 11, 2011)

Thank you all so much. I do feel guilty, like I should of known, I could of done something, but I know that is not the case. You never think it will happen to you, until the day it does and you are no where prepared to say goodbye. Spending every day with him for 9 yrs and all of a sudden he is gone. It feels like a dream I am waiting to wake up from. Had a rough night, hoping today goes alittle better. I just want him back home..........


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## Susan_GSD_mom (Jan 7, 2014)

myshepharley said:


> Thank you all so much. I do feel guilty, like I should of known, I could of done something, but I know that is not the case. You never think it will happen to you, until the day it does and you are no where prepared to say goodbye. Spending every day with him for 9 yrs and all of a sudden he is gone. It feels like a dream I am waiting to wake up from. Had a rough night, hoping today goes alittle better. I just want him back home..........


I have to say, I avoided reading your thread, I read the first few sentences the other day and had to stop--it was too much for me, because your pain, everything you are going through, I have had, too. More times than I care to recall. And in at least two instances, exactly the same, with the same horrific disease. But I post this, as others have, with hope that it may help you to know you are not alone in this. Others have dealt with it in different ways, but for me, the best way was to bring another puppy or rescue GSD into my home asap. This helps so much. At first you may feel like you're being a traitor... But you will still love Harley just as much, and you will learn to love the new puppy or dog for his or her own personality. He won't be a replacement at all, we know that could never be. But your heart is big enough, your love is expansive, and you will love the new dog for himself. And he will help you to heal.

Susan


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## Chip18 (Jan 11, 2014)

So sorry to hear this. RIP Harley.


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## myshepharley (Feb 11, 2011)

Susan_GSD_mom said:


> I have to say, I avoided reading your thread, I read the first few sentences the other day and had to stop--it was too much for me, because your pain, everything you are going through, I have had, too. More times than I care to recall. And in at least two instances, exactly the same, with the same horrific disease. But I post this, as others have, with hope that it may help you to know you are not alone in this. Others have dealt with it in different ways, but for me, the best way was to bring another puppy or rescue GSD into my home asap. This helps so much. At first you may feel like you're being a traitor... But you will still love Harley just as much, and you will learn to love the new puppy or dog for his or her own personality. He won't be a replacement at all, we know that could never be. But your heart is big enough, your love is expansive, and you will love the new dog for himself. And he will help you to heal.
> 
> Susan


Thank you. I know there will never be a bond close to what we had. Yes I have thought about another GSD or another breed (prob won't make me happy). I feel like I can't be around a dog right now but at the same time I know it would help. I just remember how jealous Harley would get if another dog was getting my attention. He would cry like a baby. I would feel guilt even though I know I shouldn't. IDK what I am going to do. Can I handle going thru this pain again with another GSD? I don't think any other dog would make me feel complete. Harley def spoiled me with his good behavior and I think I would always compare and not be able to give a new one the right love. Maybe I just need alittle more time. I broke down last night holding his red ball to my face, bawling my eyes out. Still doesn't seem real..........


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## myshepharley (Feb 11, 2011)

I had him put down at the ER vet and wanted his own vet to keep him to send his body for cremation so I brought him home Thursday night, wrapped in nice comforters as his body lay on my back seat. I was taking him to his own vet first thing in morning, well I ended up laying on the back seat with him, holding him for half the night. I just couldn't leave him........


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## RZZNSTR (Jan 24, 2015)

I am very sorry for your loss!


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## Susan_GSD_mom (Jan 7, 2014)

myshepharley said:


> I had him put down at the ER vet and wanted his own vet to keep him to send his body for cremation so I brought him home Thursday night, wrapped in nice comforters as his body lay on my back seat. I was taking him to his own vet first thing in morning, well I ended up laying on the back seat with him, holding him for half the night. I just couldn't leave him........


:crying:


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## Magwart (Jul 8, 2012)

myshepharley said:


> Thank you. I know there will never be a bond close to what we had. Yes I have thought about another GSD or another breed (prob won't make me happy). I feel like I can't be around a dog right now but at the same time I know it would help.


Harley would not have wanted for you to be alone. Honor his memory by ensuring that someday, when you're ready, you'll allow another dog into your heart.

After some time passes, consider fostering for a breed rescue. You only commit to keep the dog until it's forever home is found. You're just a temporary bridge -- and the dog will be a bridge for you too. If you foster a few dogs and eventually find "the one" that you can't bear to let go, you can always adopt it, but the rest will find great homes, and lives will be saved. 

You won't ever have another love that's like the one you lost. You will have a _different_ love though for a different dog, and it will surprise and amaze you with how glorious it will grow to be, if you let it. The love for each dog is unique and special. Over a lifetime, it's like tending a garden of one-of-a-kind flowers in your heart. You make room to let the next one grow and bloom.


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## Hineni7 (Nov 8, 2014)

First, I am so sorry for your loss.. I think most of us have been in your shoes in losing such a beloved family member.. My heart goes out to you... Having lost a heart dog (which took a long time to feel normal and I still miss greatly) I can honestly say, for me, having a dog ready to rub and cry on helped... There is no replacement for your boy. Period.. But as I type this, my girl is laying on her side, a paw over nose trying to get me to pay attention to her... My relationship with my current 'kids' (sorry to those who hate that term, it is what they are to me) is different, but oh so good.. I had 3 weeks without a dog and that was the longest for 25yrs! I was lost... But that is just me.. You would not be betraying your boys memory, not at all.. If anything, he would want you to be cared for... I prayed for dogs that had special aspects that my cherished lost pets had, and I swear to you, I see it! They are different from those dogs, but they have little areas, nuances that remind me of a particular dog and I can see that dog smiling.. I think of it as a gift.. But that is just me... In the meantime know that I am praying the grief will ease and you heal..


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