# How to Cope??



## mjackson0902 (Sep 14, 2015)

Friday night we noticed that LJ had been eating less than usual and just seemed all around not himself. He seemed almost borderline depressed. So we waited it out and keep trying to feed him in smaller amounts hoping that maybe the less is more would get him back to his normal self. Sunday night things took a turn for the worse and not only was he not eating at all but he was also not drinking. He was semi lethargic and did not want to get up to go outside to potty or to play. I made a call to the emergency vet (which was not our own because he was out of town), he said just to try and keep liquids in him and make an appointment first thing Monday morning, that he thought it could wait until then. So yesterday off we went to the vet. They did xrays, blood work and started an iv wile we waited for the results. Results came back that LJ had sudden onset of renal failure. He said there was nothing we could do but keep him comfortable and pray. Pray we did but he just got worse. To the point where our vet took my husband outside and suggested we put him to sleep. By this time he was having seizures back to back and was in so much pain. My husband made the decison because I could not. I was too selfish and just could not let go. LJ took his last breath at 12:11 yesterday afternoon. The house is quite, I am still looking around expecting to trip over my best friend, my daughter is carrying around his collar with tags on it like it is the attached to her. I do not know how to cope, what to do with myself? How does everyone else deal with the loss of their best friend? Does it get better? Do you ever get used to the silence you have in your homes? Also, how long did everyone wait before adding a new family member? I almost feel as if I could never love another dog like I did LJ. I am so lost I cannot concentrate on anything else right now. I got up in the middle of the night last night because I was half asleep thought that the silence was because I forgot to let LJ inside. Am I overreacting?


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## Jameson23 (Oct 27, 2015)

mjackson0902 said:


> Friday night we noticed that LJ had been eating less than usual and just seemed all around not himself. He seemed almost borderline depressed. So we waited it out and keep trying to feed him in smaller amounts hoping that maybe the less is more would get him back to his normal self. Sunday night things took a turn for the worse and not only was he not eating at all but he was also not drinking. He was semi lethargic and did not want to get up to go outside to potty or to play. I made a call to the emergency vet (which was not our own because he was out of town), he said just to try and keep liquids in him and make an appointment first thing Monday morning, that he thought it could wait until then. So yesterday off we went to the vet. They did xrays, blood work and started an iv wile we waited for the results. Results came back that LJ had sudden onset of renal failure. He said there was nothing we could do but keep him comfortable and pray. Pray we did but he just got worse. To the point where our vet took my husband outside and suggested we put him to sleep. By this time he was having seizures back to back and was in so much pain. My husband made the decison because I could not. I was too selfish and just could not let go. LJ took his last breath at 12:11 yesterday afternoon. The house is quite, I am still looking around expecting to trip over my best friend, my daughter is carrying around his collar with tags on it like it is the attached to her. I do not know how to cope, what to do with myself? How does everyone else deal with the loss of their best friend? Does it get better? Do you ever get used to the silence you have in your homes? Also, how long did everyone wait before adding a new family member? I almost feel as if I could never love another dog like I did LJ. I am so lost I cannot concentrate on anything else right now. I got up in the middle of the night last night because I was half asleep thought that the silence was because I forgot to let LJ inside. Am I overreacting?


I am very sorry for your loss and in no way are you overreacting !!


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## car2ner (Apr 9, 2014)

You are not over reacting. Our pets become such a pleasure it hurts when you realize that there will be no more new memories. You realize, "I had to walk the dog" becomes "I got to walk the dog". Your old habits are worthless now. Even a pile of fur that was trapped under a chair can start you crying instead of grumping.

To get a new dog is not to replace your past dog. It is in honor of your past dog. If it wasn't such a joy to have them around you not even think about getting another one. Each new fur buddy stands on the fond memories of our past fur buddies, until they start building their own.

no one can tell you if it is time to fill the hole with another pet. For our family, when my "this will be my last dog" past away the house was too quiet. We now have two dogs and the house is once again busy, and there is dog hair everywhere.


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## Black Kali (Aug 31, 2013)

I'm so sorry for your loss... you are not overreacting. We all cope different. 

We suddenly lost our 4.5 years old girl in February and I was crying every day, pain was unbearable. We didn't want to get a new dog but at the same time she left big void in our lives. Then, two months later, her breeder and his wife gave us her little cousin and he made us feel better. He is not her replacement and we never treated him like that. I'm blessed that he is such a good puppy and total opposite of her so he doesn't remind us of her and he can be himself without us subconsciously trying to find "her" in him. 

We will never forget her, she was one of a kind for us, and the pain is still there, but it is a lot easier now that we have him. 

Give your self as much time as you think you need, there are no rules in situations like this.


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## middleofnowhere (Dec 20, 2000)

It has always hit me hard. Things I try to keep in mind: The joy they bring to my life is more than worth the pain they leave me with when they die. It also seems to me like when one dies, they have waited until there is another dog out there that is just right for me and needing a home. Their short lives make it possible for me to know more dogs.
None of this doesn't mean that my heart is not being ripped up. But for me needing another dog honors the one that's died. It says that they have given me so much that of course I will get another dog.
For me, getting another dog helps to pull me in to the here and now. 

In the mean time, it is fine to wail and yell and, sometimes, throw things. It is fine to go for long drives and cry. Do what works for you. When people do not understand, keep in mind there is no such thing as "just a dog." Do not bother to try to explain this to them. Keep doing what works for you and your family.


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## mjackson0902 (Sep 14, 2015)

Thank you for all the support. It is funny how I used to take an extra 15 minutes in the morning cleaning dog hair off of me before I went into the office. I used that time this morning to start a journal about the way I was feeling at that moment. Granted the language was R rated but maybe over time it will get better. My husband is about to get a new working dog their department has had in training so maybe just having this new pups presence will be comforting. I have always said I am the type of person who always has to stay busy (ADHD). I think it is just finding things to do with my time. Everything that I used to do involved LJ so it is like missing an 80lb extention of myself plus investing in a hug body pillow to keep me company at night  I may looking into a puppy in the far future but as of right now that is up in the air.


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## RZZNSTR (Jan 24, 2015)

I am very sorry to hear of your loss. This is one of those types of pain that will never completely go away!


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## WIBackpacker (Jan 9, 2014)

I'm very sorry and extend my sympathy. You're in no way overreacting, though some people will not understand (just ignore them, it's not about them).

Everyone is different, and it's okay to hurt. Even now, years after I made the decision to let my old girl go, and even though I have two happy healthy dogs in my house, I think about her. And that's okay. My older GSD is almost 7 now, and has a tiny white scar on her nose from the one and only time she got too sassy with my old girl that's now gone. Once in a great while, when I kiss her nose and see the tiny scar, I tear up.

When you're ready to open up to another dog, you'll know. It will be wonderful and crazy and fun, but you can still keep your memories close.


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## justine.diaz (Nov 14, 2015)

I lost my girl in August. Still feels like yesterday. I miss her every day. Having another pet in the house ha helped a lot but I crumble when I know that he is missing her. Like playing with her toys and sleeping in her spot. We have decided to wait but you will know. At first when I looked at other dogs all i could think is they aren't her. Now I have started to have that thought of puppyhood again. There is still times I feel her presence with me and all I want to do is turn around and pet her. 

Meisha was almost 13 when she passed. She was fine on Wednesday until bed time. Then by breakfast she could not get up. She refused to eat, which I knew was bad. My heart said somethings was terribly wrong, that and the 10years as a vet tech. But we took her in and we found she had cancer.... Hemangiosarcoma. It was in her heart and spleen. Though I felt something else was wrong too. After 24 hours of rehydration she was walking and eating again! I took her home and had her princess area set up. She was home for 8 hours and then she passed away. The only explanation I had was she probably threw a clot. The thing that killed me the most was that no matter what I did I could have helped her. 

At the end your always going to say what if, but only, I wish. It's okay. 

I know that another dog will never fill the hole in my heart but I do know that that life Meisha had was fulfilled and more than any dog could have had. I want that for another one..... Someday. 

FYI. I still cry for her. Even when I was typing this. I hope you find comfort in my words 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Magwart (Jul 8, 2012)

I've been there too many times. Here are are a few things that have helped me over the years:

1. Go to a shelter/spca/humane society to donate your unused food, dog bed, collars and toys in useable condition if they have too many memories and make you cry. Save one favorite toy or blanket to smell your dog, when you want to remember, but get the rest out so that you don't see an empty dog bed every time you walk through the living room. I have start over buying stuff for a new dog anyway, so this is part of my grieving process. 

While at the shelter, ask them to let you do some "puppy therapy." The pups need to be handled and socialized, and smelling puppy breath while a little one licks away your tears will help. I promise. (Don't take one home. Explain to the shelter staff what you are doing and why--they'll totally get it.) This was actually suggested to me by a volunteer at an SPCA when I was dropping off stuff for them, and sobbing. A very, very nice lady invited me inside to sit in a room with small pup, to remind myself that there will be another someday--not today, but someday.

2. If you are up to it, contact your local breed rescue, or any foster-based rescue, and ask about fostering. There's no commitment. You aren't adopting. You're just being a bridge for a little while to help a dog find the people it's meant to find. Those dogs are often missing their people, grieving for someone who passed away or who had to leave them behind. Sometimes foster dogs and foster people can help heal each other's broken hearts. Over time, one may come along that you know is "the one," and if that happens, it's great, but if it doesn't you've helped several dogs, done a good deed, and enjoyed their company enormously at a time when it meant a lot to have it.


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## Snowmyst (Feb 21, 2015)

Everyone copes differently. I cried everytime I came across a lost toy or bone, putting up collars and brushes, cried buckets. As time went on I missed him less and the tears came farther apart. It was several years before we got another dog, just couldn't give my heart to another one so soon. But we eventually got another one and she has been gone about 4 years now. In Feb our newest pup was born and I have loved him since the moment I brought him home. Life goes on, we all have a lot of love to give.


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## newlie (Feb 12, 2013)

I am so very sorry that you lost your boy. Most of us on this forum have lost at least one pet and I can say that it's always heartbreaking. The absence is what hurt me the most: no more stepping over him to get through a doorway, no more click of toenails, no more clunk of the bathroom door opening with an eye and a nose coming around the corner to peek at me, no more big sleepy head looking up from the floor, no more pulling in the driveway to see a faithful friend waiting by the door for me. 

I honestly think Max stayed with us as long as he could because he knew how much we needed him. He was one of the few bright lights in the darkness of my husband's final illness.

Some of the things I did was to have Max cremated so that I could somehow still have a part of him with me. I took a partial wall in my house and gave it over to pictures of Max to remind me of all the good times. I wrote a poem for him, put it up on the wall, and also took a picture and a copy of the poem into his vet. (Max was put to sleep at home by a vet who made house calls, so his regular vet did not get to say goodbye to him.) I had a plaster cast of a yellow lab made with his year of birth and date of death and hung that on the wall as well. A friend of mine has given me an open invitation to help me put together a scrapbook of Max. I will take her up on it one day. I want him to be remembered, I can't stand the thought that he is gone and people would not know how special he was. 

I cried every day, sometimes multiple times, and my husband was getting worried so he persuaded me to look into getting another dog. I knew I would take care of any dog we got, maybe even grow fond, but I never thought I would love another dog like I did Max. Getting Newlie was the best medicine for me...for one thing I was too busy keeping up with him to spend a lot of time crying! And with the passage of time, I have found that I love Newlie just as much as I loved Max. They are different but they both hold a piece of my heart.

This is one place that you don't have to worry about people not understanding your grief. Cherish your memories and remember that he will never really die as long as you remember him.


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

Everyone copes differently. 

Understand that for some people, bringing in another dog because there is a hole in your home helps them. Other people need to take time and grieve for the lost one before getting another dog. And other people never get another dog. 

The thing is, people will say all kinds of things to try and help you cope. They will tell you it was just a dog -- ignore them. They are trying to be helpful, but they haven't a clue. They will tell you to bring home another dog -- this works for some people and they are trying to be helpful. It may not work for you, though. It is not trying to replace the dog you had, but to try to make the hole in your life a little less. It can work, it can also be very hard if you aren't ready yet, so don't let others influence this decision. 

Try to remember that the people that care about you, do care. They just may not understand the depth of your pain, and they may say some things that tend to be insensitive. Try to just accept that they do not understand what your dog was to you.

I am sorry for what you are going through. I know it is hard. 

I lost Arwen six years ago, and I still think of her several times a week, if not every day. Of course, I have dogs that are very much like her in different ways, so I often think "that's just like Arwen." 

Can't get over it. Sorry. She was super special. My heart-dog. I may have another heart dog, but even another heart-dog will not be Arwen. But, I have come to a place where I think more of her life, than I do of her passing and the pain and loss of it. It would truly be tragic, if all I had of our time together was the hole in my heart. And, it seemed for a while that that is what it would be. 

But it does get better. 

I do find that after I give myself some time to process, I go through the pictures and create a memorial of their life. I have shared on here. But, mostly it is just for me to remember and to let go. To help move beyond the emptiness and grief. 

Remember that if it didn't hurt so badly, than you really didn't experience all the beauty of the shared life. It hurts so badly because it really, truly, was a wonderful thing that you had between you. And your dog enjoyed a loving home and wonderful existence. I hope that someday another dog can have the benefit of what you have to offer, when you are ready.


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## mjackson0902 (Sep 14, 2015)

Today is much better. It seems the hurt is being taken over by the funny, goofy memories I had with LJ. The dreaded question came up last night at dinner with my children. When can we get another dog? Am I emotionally ready right now..no..but after sitting down last night I realized that I am not the person that has ever been without a dog in my life. I think it will help the process to have another fur baby. Don't be mad yall but LJ was my first GSD before that I was a pit bull kind of girl, I guess due to the bad rap they have always had. But now I am hooked on my GSDs, I do know that this go around I want to go through a breeder. We dealt with so many issues with LJ from poor breeding so I want to make the best informed decision I can. I am not looking to bring a pup home until at LEAST February of next year. Do you think that is too far off to find a breeder we like that can help match us to our next baby? I know that I am going to be doing extensive research, but above all the only thing I care about is: 

1. tempermant 
2. rock solid nerves 
**These two are an absolute must for me due to the fact of how crazy our house can be**
3. I need to do more research on everything else..Lj just came the way he was so I didn't have options.


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## Susan_GSD_mom (Jan 7, 2014)

Ohhhh, I am so sorry for you. I lost my Sarah to the exact same thing in 2008. It was so sudden. Over my nearly 7 decades' lifetime of having dogs, mostly GSDs, I have lost so many... I have found that the sooner I get another in the house, the better. A puppy would really keep you busy, but think about rescuing a dog in your boy's name. Some people can't get another dog right away, but for me, the best therapy was to get another dog in the house right away. Don't feel like you are being disloyal--you will find that you never stop loving your boy, he will be in your memory forever, but your heart has so much capacity for love that you certainly have more than enough for another dog who needs your family so much!

I remember one puppy I bought, supposedly for my female who was mourning the loss of her best friend as much as we were. I swore I wasn't going to get so attached to that puppy! He turned into one of my best dogs!

Susan


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## mjackson0902 (Sep 14, 2015)

Susan_GSD_mom said:


> Ohhhh, I am so sorry for you. I lost my Sarah to the exact same thing in 2008. It was so sudden. Over my nearly 7 decades' lifetime of having dogs, mostly GSDs, I have lost so many... I have found that the sooner I get another in the house, the better. A puppy would really keep you busy, but think about rescuing a dog in your boy's name. Some people can't get another dog right away, but for me, the best therapy was to get another dog in the house right away. Don't feel like you are being disloyal--you will find that you never stop loving your boy, he will be in your memory forever, but your heart has so much capacity for love that you certainly have more than enough for another dog who needs your family so much!
> 
> I remember one puppy I bought, supposedly for my female who was mourning the loss of her best friend as much as we were. I swore I wasn't going to get so attached to that puppy! He turned into one of my best dogs!
> 
> Susan


All of my previous dogs have been rescues...either by choice or luck of them finding us. I really want to be able to have the option of getting a pup. I know that we need to find a breeder that produces rock solid nerves. I cannot handle another dog with unstable nerves.


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## Gwenhwyfair (Jul 27, 2010)

Oh wow...I see what happened now in this thread.

(((HUGS)))

Time will heal you and it's already starting....

When I've had to let go of a beloved dog or cat I often would see something out of the corner of my eye. I would think, "Oh there he is". Then the shadow would be gone and I'd be left with sadness.

Some people say it's the soul of our lost pet coming back to check on us and we sense them.

As time went I would see the shadows less and less.

I think that symbolized the grieving and healing process.

How to cope, be kind to yourself and allow yourself to have the different emotions that go along with grieving and healing.


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## Findlay (Jan 8, 2015)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Such a sad time for you and your family.

We rescued our GSD, Jake when he was about 2. He passed away in May, 2014
He was almost 13.
My husband and I agreed to wait one full year before getting a new dog. 

Last October I started looking around at GSD breeders and then I started emailing GSD breeders, then my husband and I took a ride to just LOOK at a specific GSD puppy.
2 days later we went back to the breeder and took that pup home : )

Jake was our 1st GSD. Our whole family fell in love with him. Our hearts were broken when he passed. 
Now we have Finn. He's 15 months old and 92lbs of pure energy and naughtiness. lol

Jake is always present in our thoughts. Out grandchildren still talk about him.
You'll know when it's time to bring another dog in to your home.
Take care.


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## Loneforce (Feb 12, 2012)

I am sorry for your loss of LJ. His memories will always be in your heart. In time it will get easier to talk about him, and remember all the good times you had with him. Hang in there...


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## kelbonc (Aug 25, 2014)

I am so sorry for the loss of your special boy LJ. My heart goes out to you and your family. Take care.


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## MythicMut (May 22, 2015)

I am so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.


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