# Hard enough saying good bye



## Tina & Dave (Apr 19, 2004)

Well our beautiful gentle and loving Ben is nearing his end. He can not walk and has stopped eating, its been 4 days now. So I have asked dh to make the preparations. He called the vet this am and asked about cost to have him come to the house and then have a cremation done and I think dh is in shock. The total service package, as they called it costs over $600. Not that I won't pay it but it seems like so much money. Hard enough saying good bye to our loyal and loving pets but to then have that charge is something else. I wonder silently and now aloud how some people come up with the money in these trying times. 

Oh well - I guess I am just venting a bit... The end is coming so soon for my guy... it just seems like yesterday we brought him home from the shelter. 8 1/2 is far to young to go... 

Tina


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## ozzymama (Jan 17, 2005)

Aw hugs Tina!!

I remember that e-mail Dave sent you when Ben was first with you, it was so funny!

We will be thinking of you and wishing you strength.


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## Brightelf (Sep 5, 2001)

I'm so sorry, Tina. Wishing you and Dave some strength during this difficult time.


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## rgrim84 (May 8, 2009)

Aww. I'm sorry, my prayers will be with you. How come your losing him at such a young age? Poor guy, at least he had a happy life with you.


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## sunfluer (May 12, 2009)

<span style='font-size: 11pt'>I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. He seems so young, though... has he been sick? Prayers and thoughts are with you.</span>


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## Tina & Dave (Apr 19, 2004)

Thank you all.... 

Ben was diagnoised with DM earlier this year. Sadly it has advanced very quickly. He hasnt been able to get around too well for the past 2 weeks but still looked forward to his 100 foot walk every nite.. lol However over the past few days he has now stopped eating. We have tried everything and he just isnt interested. It appears to me that he has just given up. Last nite he soiled his bed not once but twice. I see that look when I look at him... I just cant be bothered mum. There has been a rather big change with dynamic also within the pack recently. Our little female has always been the top dog, even though she came after Ben. But he allowed it and she seemed to amuse him with allowing him to think he was still tog dog. She is now fussing and brooding over him constantly. I also noticed that my latest foster wont go near him.. I am wondering if death scares her?


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## Sashmom (Jun 5, 2002)

I am so sorry about Ben
Actually I am so shocked that vets even come to the house. 
The day I lost Sash (he died sometimes during the night) at almost 9 yr old I was looking forward to his birthday in 3 wks. 
Anyways, the vet would not even send the vet tech up here to help my husband get him into the car. that was so upsetting we live only 3 min away and he has alays been his vet since a puppy. 
I am a little bitter about it, youre right, it is hard enough just losing them. 
Why does it cost so much? Are you having a service or they just cremate him and you bring the urn home? I did not pick out an urn, I thought: he is no longer here I cant even explain what I thought that day I think I was in shock I went numb. 
Poor Ben, I think he is trying to tell you: let me go Mom. 
God bless you Tina and Dave.


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## sunfluer (May 12, 2009)

<span style='font-size: 11pt'>Guess I'm not too smart - what's DM? And, once I read it, I probably go duh







</span>


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## kshort (Jun 4, 2004)

Oh Tina...I am so sorry. I don't know what to say. He seems far too young to have to be dealing with this horrible disease. 

When I lost Max, his acupuncture vet (who is the one who came to our house), made a paw print for me. I treasure having it.

My thoughts and prayers will be with you all.


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## middleofnowhere (Dec 20, 2000)

I think my vet now would send someone out to help me. They've said they would do it just in general although I am across town from them. Private cremation here is 325 - 350. My vet gave me a huge credit - and a ton of her staff and she came in on a Sunday to figure out Barker the Younger's case. So I would have to check on what the normal charges would be. 

In the past I had a vet come to the house once, the earlier two I took in. There was no charge at all for those. The last one I drove up to be cremated myself. (With Barker the Elder who was but a punk at the time.) I guess I've been lucky.


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## WiscTiger (Sep 25, 2002)

Tina and Dave I am so sorry what you are going through right now. I wish I had some words to ease your pain. Call the Vet and see if that was Private Cremation or Public. Private is always more. 

Val


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## PipiK (May 25, 2009)

I'm so terribly sorry! 

You're right...8 is too young for this sort of thing. We lost our Samantha at 13 from DM, and even then I thought if she hadn't gotten it she might have had another few years left in her. Too soon...it's always too soon, no matter how long they're with us....

We couldn't get a vet to come ot the house, for Samantha and, later, for Amy, who had cancer. We had to pack them up and go to the vet, and I will never ever forget how hard that was, and how I feel that they were betrayed in their final hour by not being able to slip away quietly at home.

My heart goes out to you... 

I don't always read this part of the boards because it literally rips my heart to shreds... I can feel the pain others go through when they lose their beloved companions...


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

exactly the same thing happened with cinderfella, the not eating and not wanting to go out for business. his eyes also got a look of being quite dark and "bottomless". the light had gone out. it is so hard to make that call. to make the decision. even tho it really is a gift to them. 

we have a new thing here...mobile vets. they have rigs like campers, equipped with or's and x-ray equip and lab facilities. and they're happy to come in the house so the dog can leave for the bridge from their own bed. the charge for cinder was around $300 and that included transport to the crematorium, single cremation, return of the ashes in a sweet little container. they made the pawprint too.

may time turn your sadness into beautiful memories. take good care.


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## shilohsmom (Jul 14, 2003)

I am so very sorry for what you are going through. The cost does seem a bit high, maybe you could call a few different places today and ask what they charge.


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## Tina & Dave (Apr 19, 2004)

Thank you everyone... Ben is still hanging on. Dave is having a hard time deciding when enough is enough. He managed to get him to eat a couple of slices of cooked ham yesterday and of course now thinks my worries are premature. Ben is also drinking water when brought to him and of course electrilites too, but is too weak to go to the water dish himself. I had a moment like that myself when Ben met me at the door, tail wagging and a smile on his face. But I spent the better half of a lovely afternoon with my boy yesterday and have to disagee with Dave. As I brushed him ( and believe me his coat is coming out in handfuls, a sure sign he is not well) I watched him closely and he just looks tired and almost ready. The one thing I dont understand is some of Ben's body language and actions. He can walk or should I say drag himself for about 10 feet and then plops down .. but yesterday he kept leaving Dave's side and coming to me and leaning on me. Strange, not because he doesnt like me but because Dave spends so much time at home with our animals (sadly having a hard time finding employment) that I always thought Ben to be more his dog than mine since he spends more time with them. I wonder if he is trying to ask me to help him because he knows Dave is struggling with this. He is the overly emotional one at our house. I have the same emotions but capable of suppressing them. 

For the person who asked what DM is, it is Degenerative Myelopathy. 

As for the cost - here is the break down as far as I can read it written by Dave. 

House Call (travel cost) - $86. plus $47 which they indicate as an office visit. $225 for the 2 shots, one sedative and the other for.... and then there is another charge of $248 to have him cremated and send back to us. Apparently the local aminal crematorium is and hour and half drive away. To be exact Dorchester ON almost a spit away from my hometown. 

I am not sure about checking around for another vet as Ben is one of those nervous dogs and hates going to the vet.. He has been seeing Dr. K since we brought him home for the shelter 5 1/2 years ago. Dr. K is the only vet Lia will allow to get near her... 2 other associates have both had their backsides nipped by her. But she sees Dr. K and goes crazy... almost like a love scene.. lol I think though that Dave has decided to take Ben there instead of Dr. K coming to our home. I hope it is the right decision. I want to make sure Lia gets her chance to understand he wont be back also. I dont want her looking for him every time we go out for a walk. I think she is going to have a hard enough time as it is without him. Should I take her with us to the vets and if so should I have her in the room when Ben is going or should I wait until he is gone?


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## kathyb (May 16, 2007)

I am so sorry that you are going through this, I lost my Yogi at 11 to DM. My female went first at 8 and I did take Yogi with me as I had read that was how he would know she was gone. He seemed very uneasy and sniffed her, when we got home he seemed fine and I was even mad at him. Misty at times would be having trouble walking and I would leave her at my parent's house so I think he really thought she was there. The next day I took him to my parent's to make sure he would be OK. Yogi ran around the house then stoped and let out a cry I can still hear. When I got home with him he went in my closet, never did that before, and that is where he slept every night from then on.


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## ozzymama (Jan 17, 2005)

I don't know what to tell you Tina. I won't be doing at home with Sandi, one because the vet's office doesn't stress her, two because Ozzy really loves our new vets and that would stress her. I think Lia will know as soon as Ben doesn't come home, you did say she is mothering and attentive to him. She probably knows better than you what he wants. 
Poor Dave, I know Tom will be the same way. The third bedroom on the main level is the cat/dog room and the hardwood is ruined from accidents and the workshop floor is ruined from accidents (but that is more to do with Tommy using the wrong floor paint) but her quality of life is still good, she still loves to go for walks, short ones, she still loves the beach, but just to get her paws wet LOL, and when Tom comments on the state of the floors I get very snarky........ I told him one day "Fine if your "censored" floors are so important you take her to the vets" I got a mumbled apology and he's kept his mouth shut since, we do mats on the floor and I really think alot of Sandi's is her canine dementia, we have basically retrained her with treats and that has helped. But I know I'll make the decision, one because she is my dog and two because he won't be able to.
Poor Ben, and poor you guys, you guys will be in our thoughts for the next while while you make your decisions and while you recover.

BTW I had to LOL at Lia biting backsides........ Hard to believe Leapin' Lia could do that!


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## BowWowMeow (May 7, 2007)

Hi Tina,

So sorry to hear about Ben. I understand how incredibly difficult this time is for both of you but it really sounds like Ben is ready to go and is asking for your help. It really is the final gift you can give him.









I had the vet come to my house for Chama. It was $225, including the private cremation and house call. Rafi was here and although it was still difficult, the whole thing was much better for everyone and Rafi definitely knew what happened. 

The vets in your area are so expensive--they seem to be on the high end of the scale for everything! It sure doesn't help this whole process when you have to think about cost. My thoughts will be with you in this difficult time.


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## bdeeb1 (Aug 28, 2009)

Hi Tina:

We just let our beloved 4 year old Long Haired Shepherd Thunder go to the Bridge Saturday August 22nd. He was diagnosed with Lymphoma December 23rd. My husband and I made a pack that we would let our baby boy go with dignaty. He was still able to go up the stairs, eat, play a little bit of ball, but his legs started to get weeker, his breathing was harsh and he developed an infection on his elbow. I know it is hard to say goodbye but you are giving your baby the most precious gift, freedom. 

Like you we were also quoted $600 for someone to come to the house. 
We ended up goint to his regular vet and they were wonderful, put down a nice handmade blanket and made him comfy. Also when you are ready please see about your baby getting a sentative first. Thunder was asleep, his big head resting on his furry paws and his little pink tong sticking out, this was how he use to sleep and how I will always remember him, in peace. I never stayed for the final. Hope this helps a little.

Amy


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## meisha98 (Aug 27, 2008)

So sorry you are going through this. It is awful to have to worry about the costs associated with trying to make them comfortable at the end. Our thoughts are with you during this hard, hard time.


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## GT (Oct 29, 2006)

I'm so very sorry to hear that Ben is not doing well, Tina. 

Our beloved Nike passed away in December 2004 and back then, the cost of a private cremation (arranged through our vet) was $290. She too, was very stressed by visits to the vet's office; and we had planned that when the day came to help her over the bridge, we would give her something for anxiety and have our vet come to our home... but, life had other plans and she passed on her own.

I can't begin to imagine how hard this must be - my thoughts and prayers are with you and Dave.


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## Tina & Dave (Apr 19, 2004)

Thanks everyone... 

I am glad Dave and I decided to wait as Ben appears to have rallied a bit over the past week. He is up and about and eating small amounts of food. Dave is convinced he just missed us while we were away for 2 days. Who knows .. he is still having diffiuclty walking, eating and daily body functions but he has a smile on his face once in awhile. 

He has a vet appt later this month to renew a prescription for his arthritis and I am sure Dave will discuss all of this with the vet. I am sure they are wondering as last week Dave called them about euthanizing ... 

I myself am going to say its the little foster that has perked him up. Earlier this year I had a foster ( min poodle) and Ben fell in love with her. She was a puppy mill momma and had no socialization. She never left his side. When she left to go to her new home it was all down hill for Ben from there. The new foster isnt too sure about him but whenever she goes out to pee so does Ben... so I am wondering if this is helping him. 

For whatever the reason it appears we will have him around for a bit longer than anticipated... something we are all grateful for. 

T


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## kshort (Jun 4, 2004)

Tina - I'm so glad Ben has rallied. That's what is so darned hard... My sheltie mix Murphy is going to be 18 in October. For the most part, she has good days, but there are those that aren't so great. Jean posted something in another thread that I found very comforting.



> Quote: take this for what it's worth because of the source-but I had an animal communicator I really trusted (how would he know I told Bella to sit up straight during her obedience sits-he asked me for her why I was doing that-yikes-creepy). Anyway, he said we would be surprised at how long they feel like sticking around, not doing much, not really bothered by it, and not feeling any real need to leave us. That a lot of his work was end of life consultations and in almost every case the dog was like no, I'm not ready yet. So again, maybe a bunch of malarkey, but I had him talking with Kramer at the end and again, he was able to nail things-and said Kramer was kind of like, knock it off, I love being here with her and feel great, all things considered.
> 
> It's so hard, but maybe their simple way of living gives them the simplest joys and allows them to enjoy their existence, when it's blessed like hers has been, far more than we do ours.


It made me feel better to look at it from that perspective...


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## Tina & Dave (Apr 19, 2004)

Thanks Kris... I can certainly understand that... 

Yes he has good days and some really rough ones too... Dave's poor mother thought she was to blame for Ben's downward spiral, she was watching him when he started to slip. I am glad for her as no 80 year old woman should have to feel that guilt. Perhaps Dave will now have the time to prepare himself for this. He was not prepared as of last week even though he was told what was to come. I feel he just thought if he ignored it that it may just go away.. lucky for us it did for the time being. Maybe its Ben way of giving Dave the time.. nothing suprises when it comes to our pets anymore. 

T


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## maggs30 (Aug 5, 2008)

When my heart dog Trooper started getting older and less active we rescued Ruby to perk him up. It worked. He had slowed down and was just mopping around the house a lot and from the first time he set eyes on her......well we could not leave the rescue ladies house without her or he was determined to stay there







It does sometimes help them to feel a little more of a spark for life, but on the flip side as Ruby is older now, getting a puppy only irritated her and did not perk her up.


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