# Advice for grieving dog?



## mysweetkaos (Sep 20, 2011)

As most of you know we lost our Kaos last Thursday. My question is regarding Sherman....who just turned 1 yesterday.

The last full meal he has eaten was Thursday morning when Kaos was still with us. Since then he won't touch his kibble. I've tried adding things, he just picks out the "good" stuff and leaves the rest. I've tried adding canned....he won't touch it. He will eat treats or any human food. He does not have runny stools or anything else to indicate a problem. 

I think he's just missing K. We've taken him out a lot, tried to play ball....he won't touch any of the toys that they shared We've bought new food, new toys....everyone is home this week with spring break, so he has been getting plenty spoiled...and has even been trusted to sleep out of his crate the last 2 nights with no problems.

Any advice..any experience? How long did your dogs grieve? PLEASE don't recommend we get another dog. That is not really feasible right now. Sherman is young and still in training....we are still dearly grieving Kaos...and we literally spent thousands in K's last months to find a way to help him. Someday that will be an option...but until I am thinking clearly and Sherm is trained I can not think of adding another. Not too mention "if" we ever add another I want to take a lot of time to find a breeder because it would definitely be a GSD.

Thank you for any advice.


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## Bismarck (Oct 10, 2009)

i'm so sorry to hear about Kaos.

imo, dogs do grieve. he won't starve himself to death. he has to come to the realization himself.


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

Time. I"m not sure how long Banshee actually grieved for Bandit. It was very traumatic for her. And she went from grieving to a thyroid issue that went untreated because we thought she was depressed. We noticed the biggest change in her when we got Sierra a few years later, which is NOT a recommendation...just an observation on our experience.

I would suggest taking him out and playing with him. Rides? Try to get him engaged and give him time. 

:hugs: to all


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## NancyJ (Jun 15, 2003)

Grim spent about a week being subdued and down when Cyra passed away.

Now he is pretty much himself though he still chooses to sleep on the floor next to her empty crate (even though we removed and bleached the pan)

Like with us, time will ease the pain a bit, I think...plus he is still probably very sensitive to YOUR pain.


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## mysweetkaos (Sep 20, 2011)

Bismarck said:


> i'm so sorry to hear about Kaos.
> 
> imo, dogs do grieve. he won't starve himself to death. he has to come to the realization himself.


Thank you...that's what my husband keeps saying is that he won't starve himself. Plus he will eat treats and human food....but I don't want to indulge him too much because I don't want him to go from grieving to spoiled



Jax08 said:


> Time. I"m not sure how long Banshee actually grieved for Bandit. It was very traumatic for her. And she went from grieving to a thyroid issue that went untreated because we thought she was depressed. We noticed the biggest change in her when we got Sierra a few years later, which is NOT a recommendation...just an observation on our experience.
> 
> I would suggest taking him out and playing with him. Rides? Try to get him engaged and give him time.
> 
> :hugs: to all


Thank you Michelle....I just read a lot of other threads and that seemed to be a prevelant answer for which we are not ready He is happy when we take him somewhere else...he's been going everywhere with us. He's just "different" at home. He will go out with us, play for maybe 5 minutes and then go lay in K's spot on the back porch and just watch us. He's not even up to his pain in the butt antics like usual.


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## Cassidy's Mom (Mar 30, 2003)

Definitely time. Keefer was with Dena (his half sister) from the time we got him at 9 weeks old to when she died young at age 4. He was 3, and they'd been the best of friends. He was not himself for a couple of months, but he did slowly adjust. We ended up getting Halo about 3-1/2 months later, and by then he was actually starting to seem like he was used to being an only dog. I wasn't sure WE were ready for another dog, but we felt like he really needed some doggy companionship, so we got a puppy earlier than we might have if he wasn't so despondent. 

With a younger dog still in training, like you have, that's probably not the best option, so just be patient with him and give him lots of love and attention.

Just spend lots of time with him


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## mysweetkaos (Sep 20, 2011)

jocoyn said:


> Grim spent about a week being subdued and down when Cyra passed away.
> 
> Now he is pretty much himself though he still chooses to sleep on the floor next to her empty crate (even though we removed and bleached the pan)
> 
> Like with us, time will ease the pain a bit, I think...plus he is still probably very sensitive to YOUR pain.


For the first couple days he just kept going to all K's favorite spots in the house, licking them, crying and then laying on them. That has stopped for the most part. So hopefully he will just need some time.



Cassidy's Mom said:


> Definitely time. Keefer was with Dena (his half sister) from the time we got him at 9 weeks old to when she died young at age 4. He was 3, and they'd been the best of friends. He was not himself for a couple of months, but he did slowly adjust. We ended up getting Halo about 3-1/2 months later, and by then he was actually starting to seem like he was used to being an only dog. I wasn't sure WE were ready for another dog, but we felt like he really needed some doggy companionship, so we got a puppy earlier than we might have if he wasn't so despondent.
> 
> With a younger dog still in training, like you have, that's probably not the best option, so just be patient with him and give him lots of love and attention.
> 
> Just spend lots of time with him


I hope he comes out of it soon....he is just so "subdued". I can't even get him to be naughty Our neighbors have a Golden Ret, who is a very laid back dog much like Sherman. Everyone they meet is just a belly rub waiting to happen.... We are going to take them to meet on neutral territory this week, with hopes they like playing together. Our neighbor works full time, so since I am home during the days they could have play dates a couple times a week if they hit it off.


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## Caitydid255 (Aug 28, 2010)

I do think some dogs grieve in their own way. Stop giving treats, it is only reinforcing that by being a picky eater he will get better things. A dog will not starve themselves to death, unlike a human. Teddy used to stop eating whenever I would go off to college, he'd refuse food for about a week or two but eventually would eat again. He did the same thing when Whisper, our old collie, died. Eventually he snapped out of it and was his normal self. 

Angus more recently lost his two companions who he grew up with, as both were put down on the same day. (old age of 16 years, and cancer, neither could live without the other, so it was kindest to do it together) He seemed more upset at the fact that the people in his life were upset. The more we acted normal the happier he was. It's possible that your own grief is affecting Sherman and he is reacting to it. When he lays in Kaos' spot, do you act differently? Do you cuddle him or try to comfort him? If so, it may be that he is lying there to get a reaction out of you or he thinks by doing so he's making you feel better. 

I'm terribly sorry for your loss, I know how hard this is, you will get through this, just as Sherman will.:hugs: Honestly, almost 6 years later I still cry for Teddy, and make it a point to visit his grave every time I go to my parent's house. I also understand you not wishing to get another dog, after Teddy passed my parents didn't get a dog for over 3 years as his death was so hard on everyone. He was a once in a lifetime dog.


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## mysweetkaos (Sep 20, 2011)

Caitydid255 said:


> I do think some dogs grieve in their own way. Stop giving treats, it is only reinforcing that by being a picky eater he will get better things. A dog will not starve themselves to death, unlike a human. Teddy used to stop eating whenever I would go off to college, he'd refuse food for about a week or two but eventually would eat again. He did the same thing when Whisper, our old collie, died. Eventually he snapped out of it and was his normal self.
> 
> AWWW that will be hard, but we will try that. He is scary smart....so perhaps he is just working me:blush:
> 
> ...


Thank you very much...Kaos was truly my once in a lifetime. I can't fathom another dog will have such an effect on me through their life and their passing.


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## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

sorry for your loss. i think some dogs grieve some
don't or not as much. we had a grey Hound that died
when our GSD was 2 yrs old. our pup was 9 weeks old 
we got him. our Grey Hound stayed in our bedroom a lot.
our pup would go in there often to lay down with the Grey
Hound, bark at her, nip at her, etc. when our Grey Hound
died our GSD went into the bedroom often as he did as pup
to check on her. i didn't notice what i would consider grieving.
my GSD was his happy go lucky self. after some time he stopped
going into the bedroom to check on the Grey Hound. 

maybe you should take Sherman to the Vet to make sure
there's no medical issue. it's easy to say Sherman is grieving
because of the time of death of Kaos. if my situation were
similar to yours i would take my dog to the Vet.


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## shepherdmom (Dec 24, 2011)

We've lost several seniors the past few years, and I thought we would loose Buddy too after Shadow died. Lots of loves, lots of attention and car rides helped. I just think it was getting away from here where he missed all his friends and seeing something new and different. It is a process though. Even though we have a new pup and even though the sparkle is back in his eyes he still hurts. The puppy was following my husband around and it just popped out of my mouth, "you have a shadow". Buddy looked at me with his big eyes put his head in my lap and let out a big sigh. My poor baby. He hasn't forgotten.


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## TimberGSD2 (Nov 8, 2011)

When we lost TJ, Kya who had been with him her whole life didn't eat much for the first 2 weeks. She gradually started eating again but it took a month before she was back to her old self. She also started taking on some of TJ's "duties" and behaviors that she had never done before. 

I believe they grieve as much as we do, just in a different way. I tried to spend as much time as possible with her just doing "us" stuff to help with the transition. He will get there. Give him time. He lost an important part of his life too. 

We lost TJ in August and his box sits on my dresser with his collar and leash and clay paw on it. Every week when I dust him, the dogs come over and smell his collar. Phinneas will actually cry when he does this. Kya just lays by my side because even now, I still bawl every week when I dust him. 

The pain will lessen, but it will take time. My thoughts are with you and your family. Take each day as it comes.


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## Clyde (Feb 13, 2011)

Try to act normal only put his food down at the usual times then pick it up if he is not interested. I would get him out and exercised extra right now to stimulate his mind and appetite. Something like running with him or biking so he has to work a bit and pay attention to where you are going but it is kind of mindless. Not just walks. You don't want to feel like you are really trying to be a cheerleader so if he is not as into playing I would not do this until he is feeling better. Or if you used to do lots of training I would hold off. You don't want to practice training or ball play or tug in this state of mind.


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## mysweetkaos (Sep 20, 2011)

Thank you all for your advice. I will give them a try. I hope he perks up soon, and I can come on and complain what a pain in the rear he's being


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## dogsnkiddos (Jul 22, 2008)

It has been 1 month, 2 weeks and 2 days since Beast died. Crazy White is really still a mess. She cries in the night. She seems so lost. We are thinking about having my parents' greys here during week days while they are at work (to give her some doggies companionship). When she first came to our home there were 3 resident GSDs. In the past five years there were 2 besides her. Beast came in after her and they had a real relationship (never the case with the original pack). I think she is grieving. I have no suggestions on how to help eased the pain, but thought it might help you to know we are experiencing something similar here.


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## shepherdmom (Dec 24, 2011)

dogsnkiddos said:


> It has been 1 month, 2 weeks and 2 days since Beast died. Crazy White is really still a mess. She cries in the night. She seems so lost. We are thinking about having my parents' greys here during week days while they are at work (to give her some doggies companionship). When she first came to our home there were 3 resident GSDs. In the past five years there were 2 besides her. Beast came in after her and they had a real relationship (never the case with the original pack). I think she is grieving. I have no suggestions on how to help eased the pain, but thought it might help you to know we are experiencing something similar here.


4 months and 2 days here. Buddy is finally starting to get the sparkle back and enjoy his days again, but its been a long process.


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## juliejujubean (May 4, 2011)

At my dads house king was very sick. We were so determined on fetting him better but he passed away at the vets office and we came home very sad and my dads pack just knew. (willie and sarge). They were not themselves. They would look for king with no success. Appetite went down. Willie started doing some things king would do. (walk inbetween legs and push on your leg until you started petting) it took a couple weeks to a month for them to start their new routine without him. My dad did get a puppy a couple months later (blitz) but they still have never been the same. Still loving but not the same as when he was there. 
Im sorry for your loss and im sure this does not help any. Just try to keep your dog distracted. That would be best. And it would be good bonding time for you and him.


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## mysweetkaos (Sep 20, 2011)

Thank you all for your advice and experiences. Sherm had a good night last night. My husband made him a flirt pole and my husband and Sherm had more fun together than I think they ever had. My husband was very attached to Kaos, so I don't think up to this point he's "tried" to bond with Sherman besides just co-existing.
After some flirt pole and playing in the back yard, Sherm came in and finished his whole bowl of food. 
He' been sleeping out of his crate at night for a couple days, last night he didn't seem to be able to settle down. My husband brought him up into our room, which was a huge surprise on my husbands part because that was Kaos' "special privilege". Sherman slept all night peacefully in our room and seems happier this morning.....although he still won't eat his breakfast

So I think you are all right....he just needs some time and lots of attention. Thankfully my boys and husband are off this week....he is getting plenty of both. We are off to the park with him soon, he loves going there and seeing the horses, so that should make him happy. I think it is such a huge adjustment for him. Not sure if dog's grieving is different based upon their "position" in the house or not.....but Kaos was always top dog and Sherm looked to him a lot for direction and sometimes correction


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## mysweetkaos (Sep 20, 2011)

****Update*****

We've had a busy week. We took a trip out of town. My husband found the only hotel with an indoor waterpark that allowed dogs within driving distance from StL. Sherm loved it. He loves car rides, and did amazing at the Hotel. He got to practice meeting tons of people and didn't bark once in the room. He thoroughly enjoyed sleeping in the bed with my two older boys...although I don't know if they enjoyed it as much as he did

We arranged a play date with our neighbors Golden Ret this weekend. That didn't go so well.....Sherm was so excited, he greeted nicely and really wanted to play. The GR however was not so sure he wanted to play. I have never noticed how "timid" he was. He kept hiding behind people and patio furniture and growling when Sherm got to close. I called Sherm to me and just had him lay by my feet for a bit, before deciding it wasn't worth the risk of the neighbor dog lashing out and biting. So I decided to take him home and find someone better suited to play with him.

However as far as the no eating.....we did the 4 days of no treats, no snacks that some of you and his trainer recommended. We kept a bowl of kibble out at all times. That was SO much harder on me than him. He stood his ground....on the 3rd day my husband asked why I had moved his eating place to Kaos' old place....I had done it to save space in my kitchen. Anyway thinking he may be on to something, I moved Sherm's bowl to a different location....and he ate. Not sure if it was a coincidence that he just happened to be so hungry he ate, or if it were truly because it was in K's spot...maybe a combination. 

He is still not eating like usual but for 3 days he has taken one feeding a day, so that is something.


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## shepherdmom (Dec 24, 2011)

mysweetkaos said:


> ****Update*****
> 
> on the 3rd day my husband asked why I had moved his eating place to Kaos' old place....I had done it to save space in my kitchen. Anyway thinking he may be on to something, I moved Sherm's bowl to a different location....and he ate. Not sure if it was a coincidence that he just happened to be so hungry he ate, or if it were truly because it was in K's spot...maybe a combination.
> 
> He is still not eating like usual but for 3 days he has taken one feeding a day, so that is something.


I had this same issue with Buddy. I didn't even think about it just moved Buddy's food dish into kitchen so he could be closer to us.... But this was the spot one of our other other senior dogs we've lost in the past couple of years used to eat (not Shadow). Buddy wouldn't eat. Husband pointed out that I had moved the bowl and he thought that was what was upsetting Buddy. Soon as I moved Buddy's bowl into the computer room he was happy again. Now puppy eats in the kitchen which is good because puppy makes a mess and kitchen floor easier to clean up.


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## Stosh (Jun 26, 2010)

I'm glad Sherman is eating better and has had some fun times. It's a big adjustment for the entire family and I'm sure as he feels the grief in all of you subside he'll have better and better days. It's nice that your husband has gotten closer to him too.


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

So glad Sherman is healing some. Sounds like the weekend was great for everybody! It is a very gradual thing healing from loss for everybody. Keep chugging on Sherman Tank!


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