# Being polite to people, but doing what's best for Kane



## Dbrooke407 (Apr 18, 2013)

Okay, so since I've had Kane (February 2013 at 8 weeks of age) he has been aggressive towards men. Not my make family members, he's fine with them, but strangers. In our home he will only allow blond men to stay without getting a whole bunch of attitude and snarling and snapping at them. And then he'll sit in my lap for comfort. I guess he is okay with blonds because my dad and I are blond. He adores my dad, btw. But he'll greet my brunette grandfathers in the house with toys and kisses and love. I have worked with him on positively associating men with good things happening since I got him. Progress has been slow, but noticeable. In public he will now approach a man confidently but not aggressively and sniff them while wagging his tail. Unless they're looking at him or reaching for him. When they do that he hides behind me. So I feel like his aggression is probably fear based. Anyway, I always have people running up to pet him. I can't blame them, he really is a looker. He adores women and kids and greets them happily. But every time a man comes up and starts trying to pet him, he regresses. Which is why the progress has been so slow. I've had a FEW men ask if it would be okay to pet him and I would tell them that if they didn't reach for him and gave him a minute, he would come to them. And he would always go to them! But most people don't believe in asking before petting a strange dog because he must not have any issues if he's in public. So my question is, what are some polite ways to let people rushing toward Kane know to stop and leave him alone. I don't particularly enjoy being rude and prefer to try to be nice first. But two trainers I've spoken to about it both told me to just be rude because he's my dog and I'm the one having to deal with his problems. 


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## martemchik (Nov 23, 2010)

Dbrooke407 said:


> But most people don't believe in asking before petting a strange dog because he must not have any issues if he's in public.


Not sure if you're being sarcastic or not but this is a very important line and is very true. Depending on the public setting you're in...people will naturally assume your dog is safe. Only an idiot would bring their aggressive dog into a public setting where it might do something stupid. Depending on where you are, you are kind of endangering the public (even though they are touching your dog without permission) when you take your dog and try to train/desensitize him to his fears...and they are fears.

Buy him a vest, or something that screams that he's in training. Last thing you want to EVER say in public is that my dog doesn't like X. People will look at you very strange. There are a lot of places you can find vests that say "dog in training, do not pet" or something like that and then people generally think its for service work and don't touch. Just make sure you're not playing the dog off as a service dog in training.


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## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

i think you need trainer asap.


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

Actually, if you keep a puppy that is showing the behaviors that the OPs dog is, under wraps, and never take it anywhere it is not going to get better. It is better to go ahead and take the dog out, and being rude is better than letting your dog bite someone. 

If the dog hides -- goes behind you, that means he is fearful, but not necessarily aggressive. If someone persists, he may be forced to escalate -- don't let that happen even if you have to be rude. 

In fact, you do not want the dog to reach the level of being uncomfortable of going behind you. If a man asks you to pet your dog, have your dog SIT, and then say to the man, "My dog is afraid of guys, so I wonder if you can help me. Please do not reach for him, just hold your hand like this, and let him come up and take this tasty treat from you." Offer a treat from your pocket. Tell him that you just want the dog to take the treat for today, as he isn't ready to have guys pet him yet. If the guy says no, that's fine, not everyone is willing to do this. If he is willing, tell your dog to SAY HELLO, if the dog moves up and takes the offered treat, and the guy did what you asked, thank him, and move away praising your dog.

You really have to decide whether someone is likely to do what you asked or do what he thinks he should do. Sometimes it is best to have guys in your training class do this for you, at least at first. 

Say Hello, should mean a good treat is coming. It does not mean allowing petting. It just means going up and sniffing a person to see if they have a treat. If my pup does that, sometimes I will say good girl, enough for today, to let the person know that we are training, and I don't want them to pet the dog, I am happy with that much contact. 

If someone is not asking, and moving forward toward your dog, Body block them rudely if necessary. And some people are so crazy they say things like, all dogs love me. Body block these fools, be rude, because a nice response to them is an invitation to do whatever they want.


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## Dbrooke407 (Apr 18, 2013)

martemchik said:


> Not sure if you're being sarcastic or not but this is a very important line and is very true. Depending on the public setting you're in...people will naturally assume your dog is safe. Only an idiot would bring their aggressive dog into a public setting where it might do something stupid. Depending on where you are, you are kind of endangering the public (even though they are touching your dog without permission) when you take your dog and try to train/desensitize him to his fears...and they are fears.
> 
> Buy him a vest, or something that screams that he's in training. Last thing you want to EVER say in public is that my dog doesn't like X. People will look at you very strange. There are a lot of places you can find vests that say "dog in training, do not pet" or something like that and then people generally think its for service work and don't touch. Just make sure you're not playing the dog off as a service dog in training.


I was being sarcastic! I guess maybe I made it sound as though he's ever bitten another person. He hasn't. He puts up a very large front and then hides behind me at my house. In public he goes straight to standing behind me and peeking around at the person. I bring him out once a week for training both in commands and for his "aggression" or whatever you want to call it. My trainer friend suggested pairing men with children because Kane goes crazy (in a good way) for kids! I took him to petsmart the other day and a kid got excited about him. Kane rushed to kid and started kissing her all over and her dad chuckled and put his hand on Kane's head to pet him. Kane flinched but didn't back off and stayed right there to love on the little girl. When I told her this she suggested I bring a kid with me and go at it from that angle rather than treats. I'm still trying to find a kid lol. But my boss said I could take her 3yo son with me! So maybe that'll help? 

But where can I find one of those vests? 


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## Dbrooke407 (Apr 18, 2013)

selzer said:


> Actually, if you keep a puppy that is showing the behaviors that the OPs dog is, under wraps, and never take it anywhere it is not going to get better. It is better to go ahead and take the dog out, and being rude is better than letting your dog bite someone.
> 
> If the dog hides -- goes behind you, that means he is fearful, but not necessarily aggressive. If someone persists, he may be forced to escalate -- don't let that happen even if you have to be rude.
> 
> ...


I'll definitely try this. Kane stands beside me as the men walk up, but goes behind me when they start to reach. After that they get the hint and walk away. 


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## martemchik (Nov 23, 2010)

Please remember that your dog is only 9 months old. At some point, he will "grow a pair" and it might be more than just an act and he'll be likely to make a mistake. He's a juvenile and he knows it, at one point, he'll challenge that and might decide that at this point he might want to defend you from that male.

I agree that your dog needs training, but I also believe that a majority of public places is not where I would be doing this training. If you're at a park...away from people and they're randomly coming up to you that's one thing. But at a store...what if a male just rounds the corner around an aisle and start walking towards you and the dog decides to do something. I 100% agree that people shouldn't just be coming up to pet your dog...but in a small store aisle they might not have a choice but to walk by you very closely and sorry, I believe its not right to be telling someone they can't walk somewhere just because your dog is scared of them.

Check out this website that I easily found by googling "dog in training vest"... Service Dog Vest, Service Dog Vests, Service Dog Harnesses, Leather Dog Harness

Again...don't get one that says "SERVICE DOG IN TRAINING" but you can for sure get "THERAPY DOG IN TRAINING" as people don't really know the difference and a therapy dog is something that any dog can become.


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## Dbrooke407 (Apr 18, 2013)

martemchik said:


> Please remember that your dog is only 9 months old. At some point, he will "grow a pair" and it might be more than just an act and he'll be likely to make a mistake. He's a juvenile and he knows it, at one point, he'll challenge that and might decide that at this point he might want to defend you from that male.
> 
> I agree that your dog needs training, but I also believe that a majority of public places is not where I would be doing this training. If you're at a park...away from people and they're randomly coming up to you that's one thing. But at a store...what if a male just rounds the corner around an aisle and start walking towards you and the dog decides to do something. I 100% agree that people shouldn't just be coming up to pet your dog...but in a small store aisle they might not have a choice but to walk by you very closely and sorry, I believe its not right to be telling someone they can't walk somewhere just because your dog is scared of them.
> 
> ...


He doesn't mind them walking past. It's just the hands reaching for him that he doesn't like. They can come talk to me or walk right past us and he doesn't show any aggressive or fearful signs. Although men being on our property is something else entirely. 


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## Dbrooke407 (Apr 18, 2013)

martemchik said:


> Please remember that your dog is only 9 months old. At some point, he will "grow a pair" and it might be more than just an act and he'll be likely to make a mistake. He's a juvenile and he knows it, at one point, he'll challenge that and might decide that at this point he might want to defend you from that male.
> 
> I agree that your dog needs training, but I also believe that a majority of public places is not where I would be doing this training. If you're at a park...away from people and they're randomly coming up to you that's one thing. But at a store...what if a male just rounds the corner around an aisle and start walking towards you and the dog decides to do something. I 100% agree that people shouldn't just be coming up to pet your dog...but in a small store aisle they might not have a choice but to walk by you very closely and sorry, I believe its not right to be telling someone they can't walk somewhere just because your dog is scared of them.
> 
> ...


Also, I know you can get them online. I thought you were perhaps talking about a particular store. 


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## Gretchen (Jan 20, 2011)

Just like people, dogs may not want to socialize all the time and have to interact. It's OK. I think you should not feel like you are being rude, but indifferent, try to be calm and neutral. I know its difficult, most normal people do want to be nice and please others, it may just need to wait until your dog matures some more.

I'm brunette, but my daughters are blonde, and of course my dog loves my daughters and will always respond positively to any blonde woman.

here is a referral and link to dog body language and how they respond to humans and other dogs. We found this very fun and helpful to observe.

On Talking Terms With Dogs: Calming Signals: Turid Rugaas: 9781929242368: Amazon.com: Books

The author has her own website.


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## sparra (Jun 27, 2011)

Dbrooke407 said:


> But most people don't believe in asking before petting a strange dog because he must not have any issues if he's in public.
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Not sure why you are being sarcastic.....this is indeed what most people would think about a dog amongst them......I would always remember that when you have an unstable dog out in the general public.


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## Suka (Apr 9, 2004)

Dbrooke407 said:


> In our home he will only allow blond men to stay without getting a whole bunch of attitude and snarling and snapping at them. And then he'll sit in my lap for comfort.
> 
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App


There are a lot of things to say about this, some of which has already been said so I won't repeat. What I do want to point out is this part of your statement. Sit in your lap for comfort. This is reinforcing/praising his behavior. I am not saying to not be your dog's rock, so to speak, but giving your dog a guide as to what to do will be his comfort.

You will need to get your dog to a level of absolute obedience for management of this behavior for the safety of others and for the safety of your dog. Don't let your dog make up what he does - teach your dog what you need him to do instead of acting on his own accord. Teach him to sit, down, stay, go to a place whatever you choose - just don't let your dog make the choice for himself. I hope I don't sound panicky but I feel that this is very important as soon as possible after reading your post.

I know how you feel re: people approaching without asking. I was walking an aggressive dog just yesterday and a girl snuck up behind me on the sidewalk and reached out to him and said "HI DOGGIE!". Thank goodness I have lightning fast reflexes or that would have been a bite. People never cease to amaze me and I will be hypervigilant now.


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## Sarah~ (Apr 30, 2012)

My pit mix is like this, she's terrified of all men and when we first got her, if a man came into the room she would lie down, pee on herself and drool and shake. We've worked with her for about 7 months now and she is much better, she will approach men at home and let them touch her if they take it slow and don't reach over her head. In public she still won't go near them unless I have them give her a treat.

I had to learn not to let her sit in my lap or let her hide behind me too, what I did was just got up or moved to the side


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

I also think that allowing the dog to sit on your lap after a show of fearfulness is reinforcing the dog's response to the situation. I would not allow this, however cute it may seem, and however appropriate it may be if this was a child that was fearful.


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## Dbrooke407 (Apr 18, 2013)

Sarah~ said:


> My pit mix is like this, she's terrified of all men and when we first got her, if a man came into the room she would lie down, pee on herself and drool and shake. We've worked with her for about 7 months now and she is much better, she will approach men at home and let them touch her if they take it slow and don't reach over her head. In public she still won't go near them unless I have them give her a treat.
> 
> I had to learn not to let her sit in my lap or let her hide behind me too, what I did was just got up or moved to the side


My problem is trying to get out from under him! I try to keep him from jumping in my lap so I don't reinforce the behavior, but it doesn't work out all the time. When he does jump on me, it takes me a little while to get out from under him. 

He is better about it though! My biggest problem is trying to ask men not to reach for his head.

I actually had one guy lean over him while staring him in the eyes. The guy had no idea what he was doing. Kane did pretty good with that though. He growled, but once I redirected his attention, he went about wagging his tail and looking around. Didn't even say anything to that man. Just walked away. 


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## Dbrooke407 (Apr 18, 2013)

When I take him out in public, it's to meet up with a friend of mine and her puppy. I like for Kane to be out around other dogs of all ages and sizes as much as possible. Also, it's the only way to get his children loving fix in. He goes crazy for kids! 


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## Springbrz (Aug 13, 2013)

Suka said:


> There are a lot of things to say about this, some of which has already been said so I won't repeat. What I do want to point out is this part of your statement. Sit in your lap for comfort. This is reinforcing/praising his behavior. I am not saying to not be your dog's rock, so to speak, but giving your dog a guide as to what to do will be his comfort.
> 
> You will need to get your dog to a level of absolute obedience for management of this behavior for the safety of others and for the safety of your dog. Don't let your dog make up what he does - teach your dog what you need him to do instead of acting on his own accord. Teach him to sit, down, stay, go to a place whatever you choose - just don't let your dog make the choice for himself. I hope I don't sound panicky but I feel that this is very important as soon as possible after reading your post.
> 
> I know how you feel re: *people approaching without asking. I was walking an aggressive dog just yesterday and a girl snuck up behind me on the sidewalk and reached out to him and said "HI DOGGIE!". Thank goodness I have lightning fast reflexes or that would have been a bite. People never cease to amaze me and I will be hypervigilant now.*





Dbrooke407 said:


> My problem is trying to get out from under him! I try to keep him from jumping in my lap so I don't reinforce the behavior, but it doesn't work out all the time. When he does jump on me, it takes me a little while to get out from under him.
> 
> He is better about it though! My biggest problem is trying to ask men not to reach for his head.
> 
> ...


This may help both of you:
Theyellowdogproject.com


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## angryrainbow (Jul 1, 2012)

As they approach smile and say "He is in training" and walk right past them.. they usually stare at your dog as they walk up to you, so it is easy to tell their intentions.

It is not rude, it is simply the truth. I'd feel horrible if I interrupted someone's training.


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## Suka (Apr 9, 2004)

TYDP is a nice idea. Dog walkers encounter this all the time in Chicago; in fact it's one of the things we kvetch about all the time. Even people with their dogs in tow will practically chase you down to "meet your dog". You can very obviously cross the street to avoid them but it doesn't matter. As a rule, I don't socialize with other dogs when walking a client's dog, even if they are friendly. I am insured, but I will not take that risk.

I was out walking my puppy when a woman with two giant labs came out of the alley. She had almost no control over these two and was being dragged behind, arms held out in front of her as these labs sled-dogged their way towards me. I said "please stop" and the lady, huffing and puffing as they continued their approach gasps, "oh they are friendly!" but you know what - I don't know that, and this woman wasn't able to stop them. I held out my hand palm open and said "STOP!" and when they hesitated, I started walking away with my pup. The lady repeated "oh they are okay with other dogs!" and I told her that I didn't know that because she wasn't able to hold her dogs. Unbelievably, she replied, "but I have e-collars for them" and started fumbling some receiver out of her pocket and zapped one! i would have handed her my card if I didn't have puppy with me.

This particular dog in my former post was a hot mess when I first brought him on as a walking/training client and he has come a long way but has a ways to go. I'm the person clients call when their dogs are refused service for aggression.


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## Gwenhwyfair (Jul 27, 2010)

Agree with the advice Sue gives, this is exactly what my trainer had me do PLUS get a vest.

Ilda went through a similar phase at about 10 months, except she didn't try to get in my lap. Advice like Sue's, the vest and yes being rude if need be to protect my dog helped her through that phase. 

I'll add one tip that worked for me. One way to avoid having to be directly rude is to tell a little 'white lie'. If I sensed someone was going to get too pushy I told them that Ilda was rescued from an abusive situation and trying to get over her fear and it takes time.

*Most* people would stop, say something like "Awwww poor baby, I understand" and give us our space, no hurt feelings.

Yellow Dog Project and DINOS (dogs in need of space) are great. I get that we shouldn't be dragging 'Cujos' out in public, there are dogs who simply are too unsafe. Puppies who are being trained or dogs that have milder issues and are being rehabilitated are different. I for one am getting sick and tired of people thinking just because it's a dog they are 'entitled' to pet it when ever they feel like as though they owned it themselves. It's time for some push back on that IMO.


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

My friend has a Berner that was scared of men. She used to hand her off to men (that she knew and trusted). Perhaps find men that you know will handle him appropriately and hand the leash to them in controlled settings. Let them treat him and work him. It sounds like he needs that to learn that men are not to be afraid of and right now he is feeding off of you. 

Outside of that, get a vest like martemchik suggested and keep a handful of treats so that men can treat him. They don't need to hand it to him, they can toss them on the floor in front of him if he wont' take them. but somehow you need to modify how he views men before he reaches maturity.


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## Dbrooke407 (Apr 18, 2013)

The YDP is great, except I'm pretty sure only me and my dog trainer friend know what the heck it is. Oh! Here's a good question for y'all, how do I politely tell parents that they should not allow their children to literally run full doped up to a dog and put their hands in its face?? I mean thank God Kane loves kids and isn't aggressive towards them! The mom just let her 4 year old daughter run at him full speed and grab him. Kane responded with a lot of kisses, but what if he didn't?? What if he had a bad history with kids and feared them and struck out at the child out of this fear? 
I mean I don't want to be rude, it's not in my nature. I also don't want to sound like a preachy know it all at 20 years old. But that could have gone so terribly wrong. 


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

Dbrooke407 said:


> The YDP is great, except I'm pretty sure only me and my dog trainer friend know what the heck it is. Oh! Here's a good question for y'all, *how do I politely tell parents that they should not allow their children to literally run full doped up to a dog and put their hands in its face??* I mean thank God Kane loves kids and isn't aggressive towards them! The mom just let her 4 year old daughter run at him full speed and grab him. Kane responded with a lot of kisses, but what if he didn't?? What if he had a bad history with kids and feared them and struck out at the child out of this fear?
> I mean I don't want to be rude, it's not in my nature. I also don't want to sound like a preachy know it all at 20 years old. But that could have gone so terribly wrong.
> 
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App


Don't say anything to the parents. Body block the child from your dog. Then tell the child that he should ask to pet other people's dogs. If the child is not daunted, and asks to pet your dog, that decide whether or not you will let him, and if so, tell him how to pet your dog. Don't assume he knows how. 

I feel that it is inappropriate for me to tell people how or what they should teach their children. If a child is trying to pet one of my dogs, I think it is inappropriate for me not to use that as a teaching opportunity.


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## Dbrooke407 (Apr 18, 2013)

selzer said:


> Don't say anything to the parents. Body block the child from your dog. Then tell the child that he should ask to pet other people's dogs. If the child is not daunted, and asks to pet your dog, that decide whether or not you will let him, and if so, tell him how to pet your dog. Don't assume he knows how.
> 
> I feel that it is inappropriate for me to tell people how or what they should teach their children. If a child is trying to pet one of my dogs, I think it is inappropriate for me not to use that as a teaching opportunity.


I didn't have time to body block. When I said "full speed" I wasn't exaggerating. And I'm not looking to tell the mother how to raise her children, but I'm also not looking to get sued because people don't teach their children how to approach dogs. As for telling the kid they should always ask, they could be perceived as rude if it was said the wrong way. How do you say it? Because I don't want to come off as a jerk. 


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## Dbrooke407 (Apr 18, 2013)

selzer said:


> Don't say anything to the parents. Body block the child from your dog. Then tell the child that he should ask to pet other people's dogs. If the child is not daunted, and asks to pet your dog, that decide whether or not you will let him, and if so, tell him how to pet your dog. Don't assume he knows how.
> 
> I feel that it is inappropriate for me to tell people how or what they should teach their children. If a child is trying to pet one of my dogs, I think it is inappropriate for me not to use that as a teaching opportunity.


Just realized my phone changed "full speed" to "full doped"! Oops! 


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## Shade (Feb 20, 2012)

Dbrooke407 said:


> I didn't have time to body block. When I said "full speed" I wasn't exaggerating. And I'm not looking to tell the mother how to raise her children, but I'm also not looking to get sued because people don't teach their children how to approach dogs. As for telling the kid they should always ask, they could be perceived as rude if it was said the wrong way. How do you say it? Because I don't want to come off as a jerk.
> 
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App


I think it really is about tone. You can say very nicely exactly what Sue said and I doubt any parent would be upset. If they do protest you can nicely explain that you truly have their child's best interest at heart 

Absolutely get the vest, I really hope it will help


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## MadLab (Jan 7, 2013)

I would always look to the parent and ask them to get the child. 

I don't think it is a good idea to talk to the child before speaking to the parents or guardian.

I've seen some parents who leave their child unattended when there are big dogs in the area and i think it is irresponsible. I avoid these people.

IMO It is always better to keep walking and avoid meeting families etc. Socialize your dog with children in a controlled environment where you have consent from the parent or guardian and they are there to observe. That way you can explain properly how to greet and if the child doesn't get it you can easily remove them or the dog to avoid any conflict.


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## MadLab (Jan 7, 2013)

> I didn't have time to body block. When I said "full speed" I wasn't exaggerating. And I'm not looking to tell the mother how to raise her children, but I'm also not looking to get sued because people don't teach their children how to approach dogs. As for telling the kid they should always ask, they could be perceived as rude if it was said the wrong way. How do you say it?


Easy way to say it is, 'the dog is shy and doesn't like to be petted by strangers'. 

Another way is to say 'a dog sees people approaching from the front, staring into the dogs eyes and talking to it, as confrontational'. 

Another way is to say a dog respect people who ignore it and let the dog come to them and the dog will do that when ready.

I find most of the time people or children are staring straight into the dogs eyes when approaching. If you engage them and say a big Hello, you can get them to look at you and then explain the dog doesn't want to be approached and if they stay there and the dog approaches them then they can rub it.

Usually the dog will not go and so you say sorry, maybe next time. It is off putting for the child or person but maybe they will think first next time before approaching a dog.

It is better to be blunt than the dog to bark or growl at the child.


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## martemchik (Nov 23, 2010)

I'm sorry...but unless a kid rounds a corner and surprises me, there is not situation in which I can't block my dog from the kid. And if YOU can't do that...its another reason not to have your dog out in a situation like that if you think there's a chance he might do something.

I know YOU said he doesn't have any issues with children, but if anyone else out there has a dog that does have problems with children, and they can't guarantee that they'll keep all kids away from that dog while out in public, that dog shouldn't be out in public until that issue is dealt with under much more controlled training situations.

Everyone needs to have control of the situation around them...especially if their dog has questionable reactions to humans. I can't believe there is any situation in which a kid running "full speed" would be able to get to MY dog before I can move him with the 6 foot leash that I'm walking him with. Are you walking your dog on a flexi that you can't get him out of the way? I mean...I live in a neighborhood where the house doors are a good 30 feet from the sidewalk...no matter how fast a child could run out of a door and try to run up to my dog, I can still react faster and put myself in a position between the child and the dog (even though I don't have to as mine is fine with all people). If you're between the child and the dog, its not hard to stop them and ask them what they're doing. Then just let them know they should always ask before petting someones dog...trust me, no one will find that rude. Parents will also be fine with it as their kids are going to learn how to approach a strange dog.

Sorry, I don't mean to sound harsh, but it worries me that you seem to not have control over the dog and prefer to try and control the things that you really can't. You're trying to learn how to control other children, other men, instead of focusing on controlling your dog.

And I just want to reiterate for OP and also everyone else that might read this...IF YOUR DOG IS OUT IN PUBLIC, THE PUBLIC THINKS ITS A SAFE DOG. Depending on where you're walking, even I will assume that your dog is not a danger to myself or everyone else around it. Like I've said...if you're training your dog in a corner of a park...I won't bother you as I might think you're working on some behaviors. But if you're in a pet store, on a busy street in the middle of a city, or at a festival of some sort...I will believe your dog is safe. If your dog is OFF-LEASH (even in the middle of a huge park)...it better be safe.


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

You own a GSD. You cannot afford to let a child run full tilt at them without being able to block. Sorry, I agree that unless the child ran around the corner into your dog, there is no reason, you should not be able to get between the dog and the child. If you have a dog that isn't bomb-proof around children, then you cannot afford to be oblivious. Or, put a muzzle on the dog. 

It is not against the law to speak directly to children and I am not afraid to do so. I do not feel that the child in the situation is at fault, they have just not been taught better, so I do not say it rudely in my opinion. It is ALWAYS possible for someone to take what you say the wrong way. If a parent does so, tough. They are being extremely rude and negligent by not training their children better. Who gives a flying hockey puck whether some stranger thinks you are rude? These are life-skills they and their children are learning. And if they choose not to listen that is on them. 

I just think it is more presumptuous to say to the parent, "You really need to teach your child to ask to pet a dog they don't know," than it is to say to the kid in the hearing of the parent, "If you want to pet someone else's dog, you need to ask. Not all dogs are friendly, and you could get hurt."


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## alexg (Mar 22, 2013)

[quote *Suka*...[/quote]Hmmmm... interesting choice for a user name on the dogs forum.


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## Dbrooke407 (Apr 18, 2013)

The point of this post was to get some polite ways to speak to people. Not have people tell me what I am and am not doing wrong. My ways of training aren't going to be the same as yours. I prefer to go by the advice of my trainer friend. 
If my dog was a danger to children, I'm not stupid enough to bring him in public. If I believed he would attack a man, I would not be stupid enough to bring him in public. I'm not saying he won't try to one day, but as of right now, he's never tried to attack somebody. 
As for me not being able to block fast enough, keep in mind y'all have been doing that longer than me. My first dogs were Whippets. Which compared to a GSD were plain dumb. It's still a learning process for me. So I come on this forum to get FRIENDLY advice. Not to get blasted on every little thing I'm doing wrong. 

Thank you to those who answered the question and gave me some ideas. 


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## martemchik (Nov 23, 2010)

Dbrooke407 said:


> The point of this post was to get some polite ways to speak to people.


Then maybe this will get you to realize what just happened. No matter what you say or how you say it, there will be people out there that take it wrong and don't think you're being polite. People gave you advice, very politely, based on the situations you explained. But you took it the wrong way and decided that it wasn't polite for them to say those things.

You also asked this question in the "training and behavior" section of the forum. Therefore you will get training advice for GSD and not training advice for other people. You cannot control or train other people, what you can do is control yourself and your dog.


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## Dbrooke407 (Apr 18, 2013)

martemchik said:


> Then maybe this will get you to realize what just happened. No matter what you say or how you say it, there will be people out there that take it wrong and don't think you're being polite. People gave you advice, very politely, based on the situations you explained. But you took it the wrong way and decided that it wasn't polite for them to say those things.
> 
> You also asked this question in the "training and behavior" section of the forum. Therefore you will get training advice for GSD and not training advice for other people. You cannot control or train other people, what you can do is control yourself and your dog.


You're right. I can't hear voice inflections through text. So some ways of wording things while speaking and while typing come out two different ways. Also, I don't recall posting under Training and Behavior. Is it possible somebody moved my post? I keep seeing that people can do that to other people's posts but I dont know how that works. 


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## Dbrooke407 (Apr 18, 2013)

martemchik said:


> Then maybe this will get you to realize what just happened. No matter what you say or how you say it, there will be people out there that take it wrong and don't think you're being polite. People gave you advice, very politely, based on the situations you explained. But you took it the wrong way and decided that it wasn't polite for them to say those things.
> 
> You also asked this question in the "training and behavior" section of the forum. Therefore you will get training advice for GSD and not training advice for other people. You cannot control or train other people, what you can do is control yourself and your dog.


Scratch what I just said. I see it now. I look at the forums by the names, not by categories. I didn't see the category I was posting under. 


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