# Lost my soul mate



## opiemybaby (Jun 24, 2011)

Opie was my first dog ever. I rescued him when he was 1. He actually found me and the rest was history. I honestly didn’t know how much I was capable of loving something. Opie was the love of my life. I am feeling tremendous guilt at this time.  
Opie was 11.5 He got a benign tumor just above his tail a few years ago. I didnt want it removed because it wasn’t necessary. A few months ago it bled a little so I took him to the vet. The vet felt it was time to get it removed he also was encouraging me to have his teeth cleaned. So, reluctantly I decided to have both done. 
This was two months ago. He came out of surgery just fine. He started skipping breakfast a bit (just not as hungry) He still ate night and still loved treats. He seemed a bit more tired than normal but still loved his daily walks and seemed to have normal energy. No throwing up, no whining, still drank just fine. I called the vet but decided not to take him in. People kept telling me he was just older and recovering and this was all normal. I hate taking him to the vet unnecessarily. 
Well I woke up 2 days ago Opie was in the bathroom waiting for us to wake up. He couldn’t move, couldn’t stand . I gave him kisses told him I loved him, called several vets freaking out he died in about 15 minutes. 
His blood tests were 100% normal two months ago, the day he had the surgery.
I am so devastated over this. I totally regret not doing an autopsy. The vet did an ultrasound and said there was fluid in his belly so she thinks it was his spleen. (Shouldn’t this have been caught on the blood test?). 
How does one get past the guilt and self blame? How does one move on when the one thing keeping them going is gone? When does the crying end?


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

I'm so sorry for your loss. He's a beautiful boy and has such soulful eyes. It sounds like hemangiosarcoma (sp?). It's truly a silent killer. There is nothing you could have done. It's a sad day in the German Shepherd world.* 
*


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## Lilie (Feb 3, 2010)

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Big hugs to you. He was a very beautiful boy.


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## PaddyD (Jul 22, 2010)

I feel so sad for you. Many of us here have lost our canine friends and it is very normal to feel guilt. Because they can't speak, we don't know what is going on inside them. Many dogs are very stoic and don't show how much they are suffering, which makes it harder for them and for us to help them. We feel guilt because we think we should have known or done something sooner but part of that is grief. It takes a long time to accept that we always did our best. But right now there are no words that are adequate to relieve your sadness.


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## Tbarrios333 (May 31, 2009)

PaddyD said:


> I feel so sad for you. Many of us here have lost our canine friends and it is very normal to feel guilt. Because they can't speak, we don't know what is going on inside them. Many dogs are very stoic and don't show how much they are suffering, which makes it harder for them and for us to help them. We feel guilt because we think we should have known or done something sooner but part of that is grief. It takes a long time to accept that we always did our best. But right now there are no words that are adequate to relieve your sadness.


Beautifully said. I'm very sorry for your loss. RIP big guy.


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## vat (Jul 23, 2010)

I am so very sorry for your loss. It does get easier with time but we always remember and they always hold a special place in our hearts.


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## asja (Mar 22, 2011)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Opie. We all know how you feel. I've lost several dogs. 

Please don't have any guilt or self blame, there is nothing you could have done. From your description, I'm pretty certain your dog had hemangiosarcoma, a blood-borne cancer that invades the spleen, liver, and heart. It is a silent killer. There are few if any symptoms. My dog had a swollen abdomen, and my vet removed his spleen, but the cancer had already spread. He only lived another three weeks. He also had blood tests a few months before, and all were normal. Look up hemangiosarcoma, and believe me, there was nothing you could have done to save him. 

I'm so sorry.


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## Silvermoon (Apr 2, 2011)

What a handsome boy. I am so sorry for yor loss. He will be forever in your heart and waiting for you at the bridge. Try not to feel guilty, he knows you loved him with all yor heart.

Holly


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## fuzzybunny (Apr 29, 2011)

I'm very sorry for your loss.


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## KSdogowner (Jun 22, 2011)

I am so sorry for your loss. He was such a handsome boy. Hugs


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## Cassidy's Mom (Mar 30, 2003)

asja said:


> Please don't have any guilt or self blame, there is nothing you could have done. From your description, I'm pretty certain your dog had hemangiosarcoma, a blood-borne cancer that invades the spleen, liver, and heart. It is a silent killer. There are few if any symptoms. My dog had a swollen abdomen, and my vet removed his spleen, but the cancer had already spread. He only lived another three weeks. He also had blood tests a few months before, and all were normal. Look up hemangiosarcoma, and believe me, there was nothing you could have done to save him.


^This. I have fortunately so far not had experience with this terrible disease, but I've read about it enough here on the board that that was my first thought too. And if so, there was truly nothing you could have done, and often there are no advance warning signs anyway. I'm very sorry for your loss.


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## Cassidy's Mom (Mar 30, 2003)

There are many similar stories here, this is just one of the most recent ones: http://www.germanshepherds.com/foru...looking-support-lost-dog-hemangiosarcoma.html

I know it won't do anything to alleviate your pain, but I hope it will help with the guilt and blame.


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## krystyne73 (Oct 13, 2010)

I am so sorry for your loss! Your story sounds close to what I am sort of going through with my Great Dane although he is still holding on, he has some tumors on his belly that occasionally bleed. 
My vet says he is to old to do anything about it. 
We are thinking of ending his pain but then some days he is fine so I worry I am making a hasty decision. It's so hard to make these choice when you don't know what they are truly feeling. Don't feel guilty...we all go through this at some point. 
Again, sorry for your loss....


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## clearcreekranch (Mar 18, 2010)

So sorry for your loss.


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## 1sttimeforgsd (Jul 29, 2010)

So sorry for your loss of Opie, he was a gorgeous boy for sure. He will be waiting for you at the bridge some day, for now he is running free,run free Opie run free. :rip:


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

I lost my dog to this, (probable hemangiosarcoma) more than a year ago. Her only symptom was leaving a little kibble in her bowl for a few days. I took some comfort in that, that she did not suffer for months with pain and decline. 

Your pup lived a good life and loved you, as you did him. I am sorry. Deaths that happen suddenly, are easier for the one that dies, and very hard on those left behind. 

I think of my Arwen often. Now it is mostly the funny and the good times and the good stuff that we shared. I wish that you come to this place in your journey soon. It does not matter how long they live, it is never long enough.


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## opiemybaby (Jun 24, 2011)

This does give me some comfort. Thank you all. I would have loved just one more day with him. He went so fast I didnt have time to think.


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