# On The Fence About This One



## Gharrissc (May 19, 2012)

I did a phone 'interview' with a family who is interested in one of my fosters Dakota. The wife is really nice and had plenty of questions,but when I spoke with her husband,he was *very* abrasive and short. I know it can be easy to misunderstand someone so is it rude to mention my concerns about the husband to his wife? I don't want to miss out on *what could *be a good home for her,but at the same time I don't want to put her in another bad situation. 

The wife and kids are really excited and want to meet her,but I think it's important to take care of this little issue first. I would hate to have them meet Dakota and want her,if I still have reservations about her husband. He could be a great guy,but I didn't get that from him.

I'm usually very sure when it comes to potential adopters,but this one has me a little confused. I would appreciate some suggestions:crazy:.


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## GsdLoverr729 (Jun 20, 2010)

I would maybe schedule a meeting place/time, and interview them in person as well. Make sure the husband is there. Maybe bring Dakota along, to see how they interact with her (paticularly the husband). That's about all I've got


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## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

don't do it. the fact that you have questions about the husband
is telling you don't do it.


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## rooandtree (May 13, 2012)

for my fosters we always meet everyone in the family in person and with the dog before we make a descion. Sometimes people come across differntly on phone and email then they do in person. not saying this is the case. but i just find i can tell a person better in person and how they act around the dog. and i always listen to my gut feeling


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## llombardo (Dec 11, 2011)

It could have been bad timing in general. I would do the face to face and focus on him. You'll know after about 5 minutes if he is just as jerky in person as on the phone And you could tell them there is another interested party so that way you have a way out.


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## shepherdmom (Dec 24, 2011)

My husband hates phones, hates crowds and in general is not really fond of people. He is great with dogs, he loves them and they love him. You would have to meet him in person with a dog or you would never see that side of him.


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## msvette2u (Mar 20, 2006)

I personally have folks fill out an application. Electronically, preferably.
I can usually tell by the answers if someone's resentful of the adoption process or not.
Oh, and I have no problem telling people face-to-face, if they've done something unpardonable or not. Rare, but it happens.

Like, they come to meet the dog they've applied for and were very interested in, then when they've met it and played with it, and the dog loves them and is bouncy, happy, etc., they stand up, look around and say "do you have any others we can see...??"

But to be clear, this isn't a "shelter" per se, we have very limited time and make it clear we only take appointments for serious adopters


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## Lilie (Feb 3, 2010)

My husband has never met a stranger. He is a friendly, warm person...in person. Speak to him on the phone and you'd think he was in the middle of a root canal. I'd do a face to face. Trust your instincts, and don't cut him any slack. But see if perhaps it's just his phone personality.


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## paulag1955 (Jun 29, 2010)

My dad seems like the world's biggest jerk on the phone, even though he's a great guy. He just very reserved and doesn't_ like_ to talk on the phone and it comes across as rude. Reserve judgment until you meet them in person and, no, don't say anything about the husband to the wife.


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## KaiserBastiansMom (Jul 6, 2012)

I am very socially awkward on the phone. I am very uncomfortable, so I tend to do whatever it takes to end the call ASAP. However in person I am very outgoing and love talking to people. I say meet them in person, and if he is the same way there is your answer.


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## wyoung2153 (Feb 28, 2010)

I agree with everyone.. face to face. My dad is very quiet and distracted on the phone but a completely different person face to face.. trust your gut though. if the face to face leaves you with the same feeling just say "I will call you and let you know my decision as there is another family I am meeting with after you guys."


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## kiya (May 3, 2010)

My husband HATES talking on the phone, he is always pleasant but if you & me were talking about the dog and I handed the phone to him I'd definately be getting the hairy eyeball. 
Meet everyone face to face before you make that call.


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## Gharrissc (May 19, 2012)

*Update*

Well I met the family at an outdoor cafe that allows dogs and not only did the husband show up late, he stayed on his cell phone the whole time because he had 'business calls'. I understand people being busy,but if this was really important to him I would think that he would at least be courteous enough to do his calls before or after we were finished. I thought it was very rude for him to be on the phone,but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. The deal breaker though was when Dakota went up to him and *sat politely* in front of him and he kicked at her. She wasn't jumping or doing anything obnoxious,just sitting there waiting for him to pet her. His excuse was that he didn't want her to mess up his dress pants. I tried to include him the conversation,but he showed me that he wasn't too interested.

Soooooooooo I thanked the wife and even him for his time and said that I am reviewing the other applicants and will let them know. I think his wife knew though what that meant because she looked disappointed. I don't know what it is,but it seems like lately I've been getting a few people that check out reference wise and *sound like the perfect home*,but something always happens when we meet in person. Oh well I am not in a hurry and she can stay for as long as she needs to.

The wife and kids were very nice and even brought a scrapbook of some of the dogs that have since passed away.I could tell her they were the animal people in the house. The husband just put up with them even though he told me over the phone that he loved animals. Maybe he shows his love in a different way that I don't understand.


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## doggerel (Aug 3, 2011)

Sounds like you made a good call on that one! That does NOT sound like a good home for any dog, mainly because of the preexisting tension from the husband. I really feel for his wife...


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## sitstay (Jan 20, 2003)

I don't believe that you can really adequately ascertain anything from a phone call. There are too many variables that could have played into his behavior.

I would put a whole lot more weight on how the husband behaves during the meet and greet. Base your decision on that, and the home visit, and not a single phone conversation.
Sheilah


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