# In your lowest moment, when your best friend is...



## flyinghayden (Oct 7, 2005)

About to pass on, did you ever wish you could trade places with them?? Coming up on the 2 year mark since losing Maxie, it is still hard to talk, or think about our last hours together. It was, and will probably always be the single most overwhelmingly, overpowering experience of my life. As I sat with her on that cold concrete floor, feeling her fading away, as I awaited the arrival of my family, I whispered to her that I wished I could trade places with her. Would I have done it, sacrificed my own life if it would have saved hers?? To this day, I would have done it in a second. Most everyday people would not understand what I am talking about, but I know some of the board members have suffered a crippling loss over the past year, and would know what I am talking about. Only my family, and a couple friends knew what I was going through, and the support I got from them was amazing. I is hard, even for, to comprehend that some dogs will become our siamese twin, and when they leave us, they tear a hole in us that is so hard to heal. I was really suprised because my mother and my sister asked me about this, when I thought it was a secret thought, and when I said yes I would have, they both said they understood. It would be interesting to hear some opinions of this, as I know some people have just lost their dogs, and some are about to.


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## doggonefool (Apr 15, 2004)

We lost Whimsey July 7, 2008. She went from a cocky attitude fun loving white GSD/Wolf into full blown kidney failure before we even knew that she was sick. She was only 4 and could no longer jump on the picnic table or chase Ranger. Within a week of diagnosis, I was giving fluids intravenously, feeding her green tripe or rotisserie chicken or whatever I could get her to eat to keep up her strength. And she was suffering and I would have traded places with her in a heartbeat. She was so young and it is always too soon when we have to say goodbye. Now she's gone, and I miss her so much sometimes, I can still feel her breath on my cheek and smell her fursmell, my little wolfgirl. I held her in my arms on that cold steel table, cause I couldn't get down on the floor, and watched the life drain from her eyes - yes I would have traded places.


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## lucymom (Jan 2, 2009)

Yes indeedy, I know how you feel. I lost my beloved soul mate, Lucy my black GSD, to hemangiosarcoma on Christmas. She was bleeding out and I had some time with her before the vet came in, but she was very weak. She lived with cancer with great relish and I would have done anything to take on that fight for her.

When Lucy and I looked in each other's eyes each day, all was right with the world. Now....the world seems very empty to me.

I wanted to go WITH her...to be where she was going. We could never bear to be apart and I worry about...wherever she is without me. It's like part of me went with her. 

I LOVE my other dog, Aik but he'd go home with the mailman. Luc was my girl, and mine only.

The pain is nearly unbearable, the void is so huge we can fall in deeply. I'm so sorry that it's still so powerful after two years, but I believe I'll be in your shoes too.

They are so beautiful, innocent, brave and giving...the loss is like nothing else

I like your reference to "siamese twin. " Yes, I believe that our soul can become woven with those of our special dogs. I called Lucy "mini me" and people noticed that our personalities were very similar. We could read each other with just a look.

How do we bear losing the one soul who may understand and accept and need us more than any other we ever know?

I don't know. I just know that maybe now I'm not afraid of dying, if it gets me where my other half is, forever.

I have found great comfort and understanding on an online dog loss support group--they understand all the depth of the loss and you'll never hear "it was just a dog."

Courage and peace to you and your pack,

Jennifer


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## lucymom (Jan 2, 2009)

Whimsy is beautiful! I too, fed tripe--the ULTIMATE expression of love as I hate meat and tripe is just...foul. when that stopped working...rotisserie chicken. Lucy's appetite changed during chemo and I was always trying new things.

We know we are signing up for heartbreak when we bring our dogs home... but even this awful grief is worth the amazing gift of having had them. 

Jennifer


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## GunnersMom (Jan 25, 2008)

Time _doesn't_ heal all wounds, does it? 
It's been a year and a half since I lost my Golden, Cooper, and it still feels like it was yesterday. Every one of my dogs has been special in their own way and every loss has hurt terribly, but none like Cooper. He was my first Golden and I can't even begin to describe him. He was just special.

His loss was very sudden and my mind was all over the place, so I still don't remember exactly what was or wasn't going through my head at the time. I don't know if I thought of it in those exact terms - that I'd trade places with him right then and there - but I do remember wondering where this "devil" is that people always talk about. I remember thinking that I'd deal. And I would have. I would have sold my soul, at that point, to save him.

I remember talking to mom later that night, after Coop was gone, and telling her that there are exactly two people on this earth who I wouldn't have preferred to see in his place - her and my dad. That's it. She felt the same way, so she understood. That's generally not something I say to many people. I can do without the horrified looks from people who just don't understand.



> Originally Posted By: JenniferDWe know we are signing up for heartbreak when we bring our dogs home... but even this awful grief is worth the amazing gift of having had them.


So true. It's the price we pay for having that connection and that love. 
This was Cooper - aka Poohbear. Our last Christmas together.


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## JakesDogs (Jun 4, 2008)

I know, Richard. I know.


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## Brightelf (Sep 5, 2001)

But Richard, you DID trade places with her. She was suffering and sick at the time. You took all of the suffering and heartsick feelings upon yourself when you released her to peace. You gave her what YOU had-- freedom from pain.. and you took on what SHE had. You carry the painful but tender loving moments on that concrete floor with her forever. You exchanged, for her, peace for suffering. She got the peace end of the deal, and you took the suffering upon yourself.

Look at how many owners delay letting a dog go, watching the dog suffer horribly, because they are terrified of making such a painful exchange... even knowing that their best furry friend gets peace, freedom, and comfort out of the deal. Your special Maxie knows what you did for her!


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## Qyn (Jan 28, 2005)

Patti that is a beautiful way to see it. Thank you for writing that piece.

My girl, Cisco, was always meant to live forever and she helped me through the passing of both my parents and helped my mother also during that time. My mum encouraged Cisco up onto the bed with her and that had never happened before with any previous dog - my mum called Cisco her first grandchild. 

So, yes Richard, I do know what you mean and how you felt and still feel. It is a difficult and yet wonderful occasion when our canine family holds such a significant part of our being.


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## lucymom (Jan 2, 2009)

Beautifully said Patti. And yes, some dogs have that something extra special that connects with something deep within us. Oh, how I ache for my girl.

My best to all who are grieving.


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## daniella5574 (May 2, 2007)

I have to echo what the others said, that was beautiful Patti. Remembering my heart dog Titan, and those final minutes with him, this was all I could do not to bawl my eyes out.


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## RebelGSD (Mar 20, 2008)

That was a beautiful insight Patti, I did not think about it in that way.

I lost three heart dogs recently, one in February 2007, after a long and unsuccessful battle. I cherished every moment of those last two months. The second one I lost in February 2008, he seemed healthy and faded away within three days. One former foster had to be put down, in full health, because of a bite - he protected his family.

Each took a piece of my heart with them as did some of my former companions and rescues that I was unable to pull through. On good days I can live with the pain. On bad days I feel that the part of me that is gone is not replenished (not a good word, but I cannot think of a better one). As years pass, I am getting worse at dealing with sad events, even movies or news.

In it interesting how our mind processes loss and I know I am not good at it. I try to laugh a lot and enjoy the many happy moments of life. However, the pain of loss does not go away.


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## LJsMom (Jan 6, 2008)

Last year when Wooly Bear died suddenly, I wanted to die. I would have gladly traded places with him or gone with him. I didn't think I could go on without him, but it has been a year and a couple days, and hopefully things will get a little easier now.


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## Reik's mom (Dec 9, 2002)

I lost my " my son" almost four years ago and the pain has been lessened as the shock does.. I think of him every day and still cry. The day that he passed will forever be a nightmare. Would I trade places with him?? I would prefer to have gone with him. The strength that I never thought that I had in me , appeared and has been with me ever since. I cherish every memory and know that after suffering through that loss, there will be nothing that can hurt me more that I cannot handle. Even after my boy was gone and my world stopped, my boy still gave me strength to continue on. I knew that he would not want me to be so unhappy where he couldn't put his head on my shoulder, or my lap. I went on to get more furkids and even though they are not Reiker, they give me reasons to carry on and let me know that I can still love and cherish my blessings. I never really cared whether people understood or not.. It didn't matter.. All that mattered was that I was blessed with a boy that for the time that I had him, he gave me more comfort, love and understanding than any human could of. Is there a hole in my heart?? Always, but I know that this hole was worth every memory, and pain because being able to be a "mom" to this boy made me a better person. 
For everyone that is going to go through this or has been, be strong as your furkids would expect from you as they were for you and concentrate on good memories.. The time that it took for them to pass as devastating as it is and will be, is short in comparison to all the wonderful times you shared. Grieve for as long as you need to and don't listen to everyone else when they are not supportive. Once again, the relationship that you had/have with your furkid can never be fully understood. Just do not expect the pain to leave forever, just accept it and try to keep moving forward.


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## Skeezix (Nov 24, 2004)

Richard, Thank you sincerely for this post. It makes me realize that there are others out there (and other guys) that feel the way we do about our canine soul mates. They are WAY more than just dogs or pets, even more than best friends; our souls and spirits are intertwined and connected on a level that most folks will never understand or experience. 

Last month, I found out that my soul mate and best friend, Bo, has terminal cancer. I have been overwhelmed by grief. I, also, would gladly trade places with him, so that he can live on. If that's not possible, then I, also, want to go with him. 

Between the waves of grief that hit me, I am sometimes overcome with anger. Anger that such a remarkable and beautiful and perfect and sweet-spirited being as Bo would be subjected to this horror. He does NOT deserve this! Why is someone as loved and cherished as he being struck down when there are so many that are unloved and neglected that live on and on? It is NOT FAIR! But,... I guess this is the result of living in an imperfect world....

After learning of his cancer, several times I broke down and would be crying and then there would be a gentle nudge, and there would be Bo, worried about me, and as always, looking after me. I am learning to control my grief in front of him so that it doesn't stress him unduly.

We are spending as much quality time together as possible. Taking more walks in the woods and more guy-trips to Sonic for cheeseburgers (shhhhh... don't tell Mama). And when he nudges my hand when I'm on the computer, rather than telling him "just a minute", I stop right then and take care of whatever need he has, whether he wants out or just wants his ears scratched.

I'm sorry for this long response, but again, thank you so much for the guts to express your honest feelings on this terrible subject. I have other questions, but I'll start another thread for them. It has been comforting to me to find folks who share the same feelings as I.

Tim B.


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## flyinghayden (Oct 7, 2005)

Tim, I just saw in your signature line that Bo passed on Saturday. I am so sorry. I know in so many ways what you are going through. I wish there was something I could say to help you cope with this right now. Take care of yourself, and your family.


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## middleofnowhere (Dec 20, 2000)

I have felt that it is my obligation to take care of them until the last. It is part of the deal that I see they are taken care of. Trade places with them? That's not part of the bargain.


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## ArmyGSD (Apr 27, 2009)

It is never easy to deal and cope with grief. It is always a downward feeling when we have to let the ones we love go. It is never easy, even if you are there with family when we do what is in the best interest for our friends. Crying and anger are both stepping stones in the healing process.

I would have traded places with all of my dogs who have been PTS. It's always the feeling of wanting what is best for them, and far too many times we look for our wants before the wants and needs of our friends. 

Trade places- Yes for my family,
Gone along with them- Yes to keep them company
Traded someone for them-Never, becuase my needs are not that important.


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## meisha98 (Aug 27, 2008)

I'm not sure how to answer this. At the time of putting Vegas down, I would have said "****, yes- take me", but then he would have been left behind without me and he would have been the miserable one. I've had to put aside my grief over Vegas to take care of Lainey, just as I had to put it aside as some others have to get my boy through his final days. If I had traded places with Vegas, I wouldn't be here for Lainey. I'd have missed all those puppy firsts that we've shared and in the future I look forward to 
introducing her to those special places I shared with my boy. Not to replace Vegas or recreate memories, but to share the love and joy he brought me with her.


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## Ilovealldogs (Nov 17, 2006)

As many of you know, I lost my heart dog seven weeks ago (as of today) and I still can't believe she is not here with me- at least physically. I, as some of you have stated, would have chosen to go with her. Life didn't seem to have any purpose or meaning when she died. I know that sounds horrible because I still have another dog and cats to care for, but she was special and I harbor so much guilt- did I love her enough? Why did I need to yell at her those very few times that I did? Why was I so caught up in life to not always enjoy the precious moments with her? You know, our pets really don't have much life outside of their owners and sometimes we forget that. I have to wonder while cussing at the ignorant drivers on the road, does any of this petty stuff matter? The love I showed my dog and the love she showed me, selflessly and loyally, is what really matters. My furbaby sure taught me a lot of life lessons.


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## windwalker718 (Oct 9, 2008)

I've gone thru several losses in the past year, and facing two more in the near future... all of which tear the heart our of us. But still we return to invest our all for the one creature who will do the same. As We prepare to say goodbye to Jezzabelle (Basset) and Jonah (Lab) we are also waiting for the birth of a new baby boy in the next few days. My first Baby Shepherd in nearly 20 years! And even knowing the pain of "SOMEDAY" we return. 

I've had 3 "Soul dogs" in my life... One (wgs/husky) has been gone since 1972, the 2nd passed in 1990 (WGS)... Misty (aussie) just passed in 08 and there's still times I can feel them with me and miss them. (Yes even with other much loved dogs here).


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## SuzyE (Apr 22, 2005)

we have to remember that our dogs were the very lucky ones. having lost two dogs now and seeing many many clients lose dogs I have come to the sad fact that most of us will outlive our pets.the important thing is how their lives are when they are living. what are the chances if you are a dog that you will land in a loving home? Statistically the odds are against it.so although our dogs have passed on let's be thankful that during their lives they knew they were cherished and loved, probably even more than a lot of children are.
never ever stop getting dogs because each dog is so very fortunate to find a good owner and our lives are so enriched by their presence.


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## MARCOGSD (Jun 23, 2009)

I agree with Tim. It is comforting to find folks that share the same feelings as I. You have no idea how reading this has helped me...or maybe you do. My heart dog, Marco, is with Maxie, Whimsey, Lucy, Cooper, Cisco, Titan, Wooly Bear, Reiker, Bo, Vegas, and all our other heart dogs now. He left us suddenly and unexpectedly on May 10, 2009-Mother's day. We were traveling back to Pennsylvania after a family vacation on the beach in N.C. when he got sick. We still aren't sure what made him sick. We took him to an emergency vet in Frederick Maryland and we feel they did not do him justice. We handed our most precious gift over to them, desperately thinking he would be taken care of and instead other routine duties came before his care. Funny how we can see that now. He walked into the clinic. We waited 7 plus hrs in the waiting room because we would never dream of leaving him. When we were allowed to see him he was laying on the dirty floor and could not even lift his head. It was his lungs. They said pneumonia. ??? We were 15 minutes down the road when he stopped breathing and nothing we could do could bring him back because you see his lungs were filled with fluid. Did the treatment with fluids actually cause his death? My husband sais at least he was with us when he went instead of alone on the clinic floor. He went from a big beautiful healthy gsd to dead in a matter of hours. How could this be? Why were all those precious hrs. wasted? Darn anger stage keeps showing it's head. Right now I think we will never get over the loss of our Bub-We just have to learn to deal with it. " That hole is sooo hard to heal." Sorry for rattling on. Thank you Jennifer for putting my feelings into words: " We could never bear to be apart and I worry about..wherever he is without me. It's like part of me went with him. The pain is nearly unbearable. The void so huge we can fall in deeply. Our souls are have become woven with those of our special dog. And I am not afraid of dying if it gets me to where my other half is." He had just turned 7. And yes we are greatful for the time we did have with him. ... Even though I expected it to be years down the road, I guess I was already preparing myself for when Marco would go. I would look into those gorgeous brown almond eyes and tell him "Forever my Bub".


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## Qyn (Jan 28, 2005)

Marsh L., I am very sorry to read of the loss of your special Marco - especially under such circumstances although it is always heartbreaking.








RIP, Marco.


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## JakesDogs (Jun 4, 2008)

Marsha L - I am so sorry that your loss of Marco was compounded by circumstances beyond your control, despite all your efforts. My heart goes out to you and your family, and I wish you the grace of closure and the comfort of knowing Marco will always truly be with you. ID


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## BJDimock (Sep 14, 2008)

I am a vet tech, and I deal with the death of best friends every day. I have to do it in a manner that is compassionate and yet professional, so my clients feel comforted. I deal with life a bit scientifically now, because of my job. If I didn't, I would loose myself everyday.
October 20, 2006.
My 51 year old Thoroughbred started with signs of colic. I stayed up and walked him until 2 am, when he began to show signs of relief. I set the alarm clock every hour after that, and he spent a fairly restful night, barring the times I went to check on him.
The next morning he seemed fine, ate well, and I staggered off to work.
I came home, let him out, and proceeded with the family routine. I happened to glance out the window to see him lying prone on the ground.
Ran out, got him up, and started walking. His bowels sounded normal, and he did pass stool, but he was still in distress. I checked his gums and they were blue.
I don't have to describe the feeling of knowing that a soul pet was at the end. He had had a heart murmur for a few years...
On Oct 24, at 7:00 am, I let my Beloved go. I walked him to his final resting place, and handed him off to my husband. (Colorado has also gone blind in 2 days, probably from hypertension from his failing heart) It is the only euthanasia that I have not been able to be present for. I think that I would have gone mad. I gave him a kiss and turned him over to my best friend (and my vet). DH stayed with him for me, and fed him carrots.
When it was over, I walked back and laid down next to him. I think that if I didn't have a family, and a young child who was also devastated, I would have laid there forever. Those weeks following were the darkest in my history.
I always thought that I had a good grip ......
Now I'm much more emotional with my clients. Every goodbye brings back that awesome horse.


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