# My beloved Jacob



## skischool (Nov 11, 2011)

I had to say goodbye to my best friend Last sunday. He was fine one day died the next. He was almost 11 and I raised him from a pup. He knew of no other home his whole life. I have had 2 children that he helped to raise, both hand fed Jacob when they were toddlers.
He was the most gental, kind, sweet dogs I have ever known. He was smart as a whip too, he could pick out kongs by their color, get the tennis ball or the chuckit ball if you asked him..
Simply an amazing dog he was. I have buried him in the yard under his favorite tree and made his grave site a memorial to his greatness.
I am so total distraught at times I can't function. Unable to work I may loose my job.. This is harder than loosing a person. I feel guilty, pain, remose, the whole gamut.. I know time will heal this pain I just am unable to see that far ahead.. I am taking each day an hour at a time..
I miss my "big guy"!! My "buster brown nose" He was never more that 6 feet from me at all times I was home. Waiting at the door when I came home ready to please.. I can't stop looking for him in the house. I see him out of the corner of my eye and turn to see him... He's not there anymore..... I am so sad I don't know if will ever get over this...
Help me!!!
Michael


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

Michael It is a horrible experience to which every dog owner unfortunately experiences.Jacob had a great life . He spent his whole life in the home he loved and knew only joy and love. You no matter how hard you try could not stop this. There are some counselors who provide grief counseling to parents/owners weho have lost their 4 legged companions,What you are describing is grief and it is very similar to what a parent goes through when they lose a child.You gave Jacob the very best and blaming yourself is natural at this time but you need to hear You did nothing to cause this and it sounds as though there was nothing for you to do to stop it. My heart is w/ you at this terrible time. Jacob would be saddened to see you this upset and would want you to grief but take care of yourself. Please take care.


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## DanielleOttoMom (May 11, 2010)

My heart aches for you. Your memorial has brought me to tears.  

It ok to cry and morn your loss of your beloved friend, protector, your heart dog. Like you said take each day hour by hour. Celebrate the times you did have together. The memories your family and Jacob created. He will always be watching you and your family from heaven. I'm sorry for your loss, again my heart breaks for your family May he rest in peace in his spot under the tree. Send hugs and from Dallas!


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## rgollar (Dec 19, 2010)

I am so very sorry for you loss. Jacob is such a beautiful dog.


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## tami97 (Sep 15, 2011)

Im so sorry for your loss. Know that you gave him a wonderful like.


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## NancyJ (Jun 15, 2003)

Many of us share your loss and know the sting. The pain will never fully go away but it does get replaced by warm memories of the good times. Honest.


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## Todd (Sep 6, 2004)

What a handsome GSD! I'm very sorry for your loss. Take care of youself Michael. When I lost Heidi in May it helped me to think about how lucky I was to be with her for as long I was. Maybe that thought will help you through this.


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## PaddyD (Jul 22, 2010)

Very sorry for the passing of your friend. It takes a long time to grieve and a long time to stop looking for them at every turn. The habits we have of caring for them and spending time are hard to break. Be easy on yourself and take things as they come whether they be tears or smiles in remembering how great he was.


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## skischool (Nov 11, 2011)

*I miss you Big Guy...*

Thank you all for the kind words of support. I know I did all I could for Jacob and gave him a wonderful life, it's his big heart I miss. I know he wouldn't want me to feel this way he always could tell if I was sad or mad... He knew just what I needed to set me straight again.. Reading the fourm and going to pet support sites help but I think talking it thru with others is what helps the most. My mother is so distraught she wont call because we just cry.. She had found him for me, a New Skeet dog he was.. I have never been with such a noble, intelligent animal in my whole life. This guy was smarter than me... I took his presence for granted and didn't see his demise over that last week.. He slept more and drank a lot of water. I thought he was getting old... It's hard to imagine growing old without a true companion like Jacob was....


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## CaliBoy (Jun 22, 2010)

Michael: The first healthy step in dealing with traumatic grief is to do what you are doing--to reach out to others who have experienced that kind of sorrow also, so that you can get it off your chest. I'm also glad that Jacob is buried at his favorite tree, where you can honor and cherish his memory. There is something about burial of the remains that is very healthy in the journey of letting go. And also, collecting Jacob's things, his toys, his leash, his bowl, etc. is a good way of sorting through the memories, which you need to do at this time.

Unfortunately, not all our friends or acquaintances understand what it is like to have such a warm and loyal bond to a German Shepherd. They don't have an experience of those qualities of sweetness, steadfastness, innocence, intelligence, and duty to hard work on our behalf that we have been blessed to know. So the loss of such a pet, especially our "heart dog" that we tell others, "I never had a dog like that" is indeed devastating. 

My guilt was weird when my heart dog died. I mourned her and was shaken by her loss more so than even the humans I had been so close to. I still don't have that one figured out, but I felt guilty about being more messed up from a dog's death than a human's death. I totally love my human family and friends who have passed on, and I miss them. But when my heart dog died, I took her death the worst of all. 

The folks in this forum who have lossed their beloved German Shepherds really do understand what you are going through, and it is always enjoyable to see them share their memories and their stories of the pets who have passed on. Everyone here has a unique path of finally coming to terms with the death of their fur babies. 

But Michael, after many sleepless nights, and rivers of tears when we yell "why, why, why, why?????" there is light at the end of the tunnel. After seeing our beloved deceased friends in the corners of our eyes, and swearing that we hear them in the next room, and wandering around in a daze and looking for them at all hours of night or day, only to realize they're not here physically, things do actually get better.

Someday, when you begin to dwell more on the happy times with Jacob, and not so much on those horrific last days, the nightmare of his taking a final turn for the worse, his last trip to the vet, etc.--when you begin to remember more the light and less the darkness and grief, you may well open up your heart for another one. When my dog died, I endured an extremely brief time before I had to get another GSD. I have no regrets, because he is the sunshine that warms each of my days. But each person has to give themselves an official time of mourning, an official permission to be miserable and in the dumps, before they decide that their dog would have wanted them to go on, and go forward, and live life again with joy and love and the heart to try a new adventure with a new pet. But that is a very personal decision to each person who is a mourner.


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## RebelGSD (Mar 20, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. I lost my boy to this cancer and we tried everything - I managed to buy us 4 months. Maybe reading our story will help you understand the disease.

http://www.germanshepherds.com/forum/loving-memory/105191-please-say-prayer-my-boy-hs.html

My boy sent me another dog in need that I rescued.

Take carevof yourself, can you take a sick leave?


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## Stosh (Jun 26, 2010)

What a beautiful dog! I'm so sorry you lost him. There aren't enough tears to mourn the loss of such a wonderful friend but you should take comfort in knowing he lived a long happy life thanks to you and wouldn't have been the dog he was without you. Hopefully the love and companionship you had with him will be shared with another lucky pup.


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## skischool (Nov 11, 2011)

Thanks everyone, the story of BoBo is heartbreaking...
The more I read the more I think GS is the kiss of death...
I am going to try and work today, I hope I can get through the day safely...
Michael


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## GSDBESTK9 (Mar 26, 2002)

I'm so sorry for your loss, I just lost my Mason too, so I feel your pain.


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## skischool (Nov 11, 2011)

*RIP Mason...*

I'm sorry gsdbestk9... I hope Mason went peacefully... The pain is beyond description, I am truly sorry for your loss.
This is quite possibly the most pain I have ever felt or been in, in 47 years of being alive.. I got Jacob before I had a family of my own.. He was born into a litter that had full human contact from birth, stimulation techniques, ala super dog stuff, son of a Monks of New Skeet bitch. I worked with him from 7 weeks till I put him down...A wonderful, sweet, intelligent, charming boy. Everyone that met him loved him. It's been 8 days and I still feel like it was 5 minutes ago. I was able to work today so I could free my mind of him for a while but then I must come home.. My wife is Korean so I don't have to tell you what she thinks of dogs or animals in general.. She came to love Jacob and cried like a baby when he passed, she just doesn't understand my pain and emotions. I have good moments and bad ones, luckily Jacob never had any real health issues and died without pain, for that I am forever grateful. The creatures are very special and I feel as though 1/2 of me is missing.... I know I want/need another shepherd I just don't want to tarnish Jacobs value to my life.
In hindsight a new pup when Jake was 7-8 might not have been a bad idea..


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## skischool (Nov 11, 2011)

*Jacobs memorial page*

My breeder Sharon Smith has made a memorial page to my Jacob at this link.
Sundance Shepherds
I think she did a great job and I think she rasies the best pups.. I'm biased of course...


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## chelle (Feb 1, 2009)

I'm so sorry. Such a handsome boy! Caliboy did such a nice job with his post.! I'm so very sorry for what you're going through. Your baby is in a good place now. You will be reunited again!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Jelpy (Nov 8, 2009)

I grieve with you for your beloved Jacob. Try to remember that the depth of your love is why you greive so. This following passage is from "The Prophet" and I found it incredibly comforting at times of loss.

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. 

Some of you say, "Joy is greater thar sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed. 

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.


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## GSDLoverII (May 12, 2004)

I am so sorry for your loss of Jacob.
I too have recently lost our girl of 10 to this horrible disease.
I still can't stop crying.
You are not alone.
With Deepest Sympathy. 
God Speed Jacob and Casey :rip::rip:
Here is Casey's link.
http://www.germanshepherds.com/forum/loving-memory/169347-our-beloved-casey-gone.html


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## skischool (Nov 11, 2011)

*Thank you all*

Thank you all for the kind words of support, it really makes a difference knowing others have felt your pain and survived..
I believe everything happens for a reason, and there better be a darn good reason for this..


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## boiseno (Oct 20, 2011)

So very very sorry for your loss


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

His breeders memorail page is beautiful as is story about Jake and I loved the fact you bought him a pass for Mt Hood. As time passes and you remember those years those stories will bring smiles and laughter. Jake will be smiling at the Bridge hearing you tell them.
Maggi


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## skischool (Nov 11, 2011)

*Jacobs Memorial web site*

I think Sharon did a wonderful job on her web site memorial to Jacob. Daisy mom, I didn't actually pay for a season pass for Jake, I just got them to take his picture and make a pass for him. My daughter had been making homemade ski passes for a few years, so when I called the ski office in town I simply asked them for a favor, told her about my dog, my daughter and love of all of them and skiing and she told me to come in early and she would do it for me.. What a great lady!!
I am so glad I have that forever to remember my snow dog!!
I have a friend that told me a long time ago, if you don't ask, you will never receive. So I ask, nice, be polite and a little sweet talk and you either get it or you don't, but if you never ask......
It has been over two weeks now and it is starting to sink in, Jacob is gone and I will get through this. And sometime in the future I will start another love affair with another wonderful pup...


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## EchoGSD (Mar 12, 2010)

Hello, Michael
I am so sorry you are hurting. Jacob is a beautiful dog, and your tributes make it easy to understand how very much you loved each other. I lost my heart dog 6 years ago, and though I've lost others and love those that I have now dearly, thinking of her still sometimes brings me to tears. And you know what? That is ok. They wouldn't want us to be miserable, for sure, but missing them and grieving for them is natural. You will find that, in time, there will be less grief and more remembrances of the fun times, the silly times, and even the times you were exasperated beyond belief. There are plenty of us on this site who have felt the pain you are feeling, and we understand it well. Keep going, one hour, then one day, etc at a time. We're here for you.


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## skischool (Nov 11, 2011)

Thank you Echo, it is getting better each day that passes. I really appreciate the support from this site, and it has helped me pass time reading about all the others that had this terrible disease. 
I know I gave Jacob a great life and I am positive he was happy up to the end....
I was waiting for his hips to fail, not be able to go upstairs ect.. I wasn't prepared for such a fast killing tumor... Of all the ways to go, not too painful... He was one tough guy.. He made it up our stairs to the bedroom three times in the last 24 hours he was alive..


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## blehmannwa (Jan 11, 2011)

I am so sorry for your loss. Jacob had a wonderful life with you.


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## KZoppa (Aug 14, 2010)

I am sorry for your loss. Please know that Jacob will send another to you when the time is right. Keep your heart open. It may be sooner or it may be later. You just never know when they send us our next. One day at a time.


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## hrle9406 (Dec 11, 2007)

I am sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel.


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## Courtney (Feb 12, 2010)

These dogs will shatter us into a million pieces..there companionship is like no other. Sending healing vibes your way


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## skischool (Nov 11, 2011)

*Thank you all...*

You are all so kind, Thank you. 
I am having a tough time today as Jacob was such a big part of this family... He loved the smells and treats of this day..
I am Thankful for the 10 years 8 months I had with you, I miss you big guy.... Rest easy Jacob...


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

i would like to share something with you that my husband says. he says, "when one goes it allows us to know another one", (since we can't just have an unlimited number of dogs). 

in no way will it ever diminish your love for jacob or reflect in any way on what he meant to you...but when you are ready (and it's always the sooner the better, for me anyway), it will fill your heart with joy once again. and if you rescue it will fill your heart with double joy.

take good care, many blessings.


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## CaliBoy (Jun 22, 2010)

The first Thanksgiving without your heart dog is very bitter. I also remember how my heart dog loved that day, she loved all the attention from the relatives, she loved her play date with the visiting dogs, and of course, she loved her huge plate of turkey with all the fixings, which she got served as if she was one of the humans (LOL). She would get so many leftovers in the days afterward too. She would play with all my relatives' kids and then after all her turkey, would pass out, sprawled on my bed. That first Thanksgiving after her, people said I depressed folks with stories about her. Thanksgiving isn't at all fun when you have just lost a fur baby.


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## HollyAnn (Jun 10, 2006)

I just put my 11 year old Jonas down. I've had many dogs, but I have never loved one like him. He was the most beautiful black shiny majestic gsd ever (I'm probably a little bias). I just wish this hole in my heart would not hurt so much. The big lug slept on our bed at the foot of it every night. I'm dreading going to bed tonight without him there. My other dog Haley is so confused. Every sound she hears, she goes looking for him. How can we love a dog so much. I know he is in heaven running and playing with my other dogs I've had and my mother and my daughter's dog Kinley who had to be put down in September. For that, I feel some peace. I know this pain will get better and maybe Jonas will send me another gsd in time.. .we'll see.


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## skischool (Nov 11, 2011)

I'm so sorry Holly.. It is very hard dealing with the pain... It has been a little over 3 weeks since I lost Jacob and each day is a little better...


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## yindao (Jul 5, 2005)

skischool said:


> I'm so sorry Holly.. It is very hard dealing with the pain... It has been a little over 3 weeks since I lost Jacob and each day is a little better...


Take care of yourself. 

You gave Jacob a wonderful home. I too am dealing with the loss of my Quinn a little over a week ago. It still hurts extremely bad knowing that we are in the holiday season without her here - but each day seems a little easier.

Please be strong - continue to reach out to others and share the good times you had with your pal - it helps.


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## codell (Dec 20, 2011)

Michael-I also lost my 11 yr. old unexpectedly. I know how you feel and I hope that every day gets a little better for you. The grief we feel when we lose our beloved pets is unlike any other. You are in my thoughts.


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## skischool (Nov 11, 2011)

Well I had a good "talk" with jacob this morning at his grave site.. I told him I needed to get another pup, that the pain is just too great. He "told me" he was wondering why I was waiting... I really miss him this time of year.. He loved the snow and going with us to the mountains, and all the good smells of the holidays... This is tough....
Thank you all for the kind words and I feel you loss as well, these creatures are very special indeed...


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

skischool said:


> Well I had a good "talk" with jacob this morning at his grave site.. I told him I needed to get another pup, that the pain is just too great. He "told me" he was wondering why I was waiting... I really miss him this time of year.. He loved the snow and going with us to the mountains, and all the good smells of the holidays... This is tough....
> Thank you all for the kind words and I feel you loss as well, these creatures are very special indeed...


 
I cant imagine how hard this time is. I think Jacob is looking down at you and saying Its Time. I wish you happinesss and peace in the coming year 
A new puppy will be blessed by Jacob's training of you but will have a different pawprint. I look forward to hearing about the next pup.


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## chicagojosh (Jun 22, 2010)

Gorgeous dog! Wishing you the best! You gave Jacob and awesome life, and will re-unite with him in heaven


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## skischool (Nov 11, 2011)

*Jacob lives on in Uli...*

I wanted to thank everyone who posted all you kind words really do help those of us so distraught as to come here for support. I wanted to end this thread with a light note. 
I was so shaken by this loss I have gotten another pup to help me get thru it. I was concerned I would forget Jacob but it has brought back all of my memories of his puppy hood. I still talk to Jacob every day and Uli pup seems to know the importance our stops by the tree to talk to the ground...
Again I don't know how I would have made it without knowing I wasn't alone in my utter sadness of loosing a good part of my being.. The site is wonderful and I appreciate all who keep it going.. Now to post puppy pictures huh....


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## blehmannwa (Jan 11, 2011)

So glad to hear about your pup! I truly don't know what I'd have done without my boy Havoc. I brought Havs home last January and have lost 3 dogs this year. I think I would have seriously considered remaining dogless without him.


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

i am *so very happy* for you. jacob will always be in your heart and in your head. uli is now here to bring some joy and those wonderful memories to your life. yes, pictures please!


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## dakotachloe (Dec 27, 2011)

skischool said:


> I am so total distraught at times I can't function. Unable to work I may loose my job.. This is harder than loosing a person. I feel guilty, pain, remose, the whole gamut.. I know time will heal this pain I just am unable to see that far ahead.. I am taking each day an hour at a time..
> I miss my "big guy"!! My "buster brown nose" He was never more that 6 feet from me at all times I was home. Waiting at the door when I came home ready to please.. I can't stop looking for him in the house. I see him out of the corner of my eye and turn to see him... He's not there anymore..... I am so sad I don't know if will ever get over this...
> Help me!!!
> Michael


I lost my Duncan 2 weeks ago, and I know exactly the feelings you are talking about. As if an elephant were sitting on your chest, crying at the littlest thing, the world keeps going on without your precious boy, but it shouldn't!! You want him back so badly, just to touch him and love him. I know.
And yes, it has been the worst pain of loss I've ever felt. Like I lost my soul mate. I miss him so badly... 
I'm two weeks out and I know you can't see past more than the next couple minutes because the grief is so thick. I still cry about once a day, and I'm able to look at pictures of him and laugh at his antics. I have another dog and a cat at home and they help _tremendously_. I'm loving them up as much as they'll let me because I don't want to miss one minute of them. I'm so happy for your new pup, it's hard to be sad looking at that cute face and puppy shenanigans. 
Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know that there are people out there that completely understand what you're going through.


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## Bridget (Apr 5, 2004)

I am sorry for your loss of Jake. Jake was very lucky to have you and you him. I am so happy that you have a new puppy. Take care.


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## Karin (Jan 4, 2008)

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss of your sweet Jacob. We lost our 11 year old dog many years ago but I still remember how awful the pain was and how long it took to get past it. 

It's great to hear that you have a new companion to take care of and to help you ease your pain. Congratulations and the best of luck on your new addition. And, yes, we would LOVE to see some pictures!


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## skischool (Nov 11, 2011)

*Three months ago today...*

It has been three months since Jacob passed and I don't know what I would have done without this forum. I got comfort, answers and the feeling that I wasn't alone and that others had gone through this and lived.
I still "talk" to Jacob at his grave everyday. My new pup Uli is such a sweet boy and very very smart... I know he will come to be as great companion as Jacob was..
I just wish Jacob could have taught him all of his good traits before he passed.
I will get another pup when Uli gets to older, so as to have the elder teach the young.
Uli pup found a picture of me with Jacob as a pup his age. took it right off the fridge!.. Too cute I had to take the picture.


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