# Fool, get off my back...



## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

I am so **** mad. 

Every time...EVERY **** TIME...
I work/play/train with my boys, I always encounter that one person who's like,

"Oh. My. God. How could you?! No dog should ever have to work all day. You're taking away the essence of them being able to live their lives as dogs by placing so many demands on them. You're a terrible dog owner! My dog is just fine, even though he has no manners, doesn't listen to any of my requests, attack my children, neighbors, dogs, and even myself sometimes to get what they want. So what if they bark, it's called being a dog!"

...it's so hard not to take it personal. 
Especially when people insult my babies...it sends me in a RAGE. I get so protective and defensive, and with having PTSD and trying to train my own Service Dogs, sometimes it gets mentally frustrating and there have been times where. I almost ripped out this womans throat for telling me that my boys are "just dogs" as if they have no value. I can't STAND it. 

So my question is...what do I say? How do I tell people to back off and let me do my thing without being offended? And how do I draw the line to where once I do, there's no crossing it so I can properly train my babies in peace and confidence? 

- Akeiko Sage & The Boys









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## Rbeckett (Jun 19, 2013)

I just smile and say " You know, you might just be right" and finish the rest of the sentence "but not a chance this time, you bumbling idiot" under my breath. When you allow them to form the opinion that you "agree" they will shut up and toddle along and go bother someone else who they can harass. Once they are gone, give your dog a big ole hug and explain to him or her that is why dogs eat their young so they can avoid having stupid members of the pack out loose in the world. Dogs are much smarter than we usually give them credit for, who else reads posture, body language, tone, temper and attitude with not one word spoken. And live to love their person and do what ever they can every day of their life to make that person happy they are in their pack. I cant think of a better friend in the whole word to have around. Too bad people aren't loyal and driven to do the same things as our animal friends. Think how nice the world could be. So don't let the idiots ruffle your feathers, they are just stupid and have no clue what they are talking about. I wouldn't take job advice from an idiot and I certainly wont take training advice from them either...

Wheelchair Bob


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## MichaelE (Dec 15, 2012)

I probably wouldn't have been that nice about it. But then I'm not a very PC person and never will be.

I can guarantee you that she would never speak to me nor bother me while working with the dog ever again.


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## Brighteyes (Sep 28, 2013)

Yours may be just dogs....mine are much more.


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## Bane Vom Vox (Jul 31, 2013)

Next time duct tape a bite sleeve to her head?


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## Cassidy's Mom (Mar 30, 2003)

Ignore, ignore, ignore. Can you avoid this person, or is she completely unavoidable? 

No matter where you go, no matter what you do, you're going to encounter people with stupid ideas and bizarre opinions on any number of topics, and there's nothing you can do about that other than not let those people get to you. They can't hurt you or make you angry or upset you if you refuse to allow them to. Smile politely, thank her for her opinion if you want, and then move away. You are under no obligation to stick around and listen to her crap.


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## David Winners (Apr 30, 2012)

SageDogs said:


> I am so **** mad.
> 
> 
> ...it's so hard not to take it personal.
> Especially when people insult my babies...it sends me in a RAGE. I get so protective and defensive, and with having PTSD and trying to train my own Service Dogs, sometimes it gets mentally frustrating and there have been times where. I almost ripped out this womans throat for telling me that my boys are "just dogs" as if they have no value. I can't STAND it.


I don't know if you are exaggerating, though I hope you are. If you are seriously at this level of instability and aggression, I can only advise you to get some professional help. I have been through counseling on several occasions to help deal with PTSD, and I have personally had great results. 

What you post on the internet is admissible in court.

David Winners


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## boomer11 (Jun 9, 2013)

what the heck are you doing to these dogs that "EVERY TIME" people say something?


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## KatsMuse (Jun 5, 2012)

SageDogs said:


> I am so **** mad.
> 
> Every time...EVERY **** TIME...
> I work/play/train with my boys, I always encounter that one person who's like,
> ...


...seriously? Why not just walk away?


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## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

your dogs have no manners, don't listen to any of your requests, attacks your children, neighbors, dogs, you and they bark but you think your dogs are fine. what work are your dogs doing if they're not trained?

your dogs aren't offended, hurt or angry because people make comments about them. 



SageDogs said:


> I am so **** mad.
> 
> >>>>> Every time...EVERY **** TIME...
> I work/play/train with my boys, I always encounter that one person who's like, "Oh. My. God. How could you?! No dog should ever have to work all day. You're taking away the essence of them being able to live their lives as dogs by placing so many demands on them. You're a terrible dog owner! <<<<<
> ...


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## Merciel (Apr 25, 2013)

doggiedad said:


> your dogs have no manners, don't listen to any of your requests, attacks your children, neighbors, dogs, you and they bark but you think your dogs are fine.


I think that line was meant to be attributed to the hypothetical person making these comments, i.e., they're being hypocritical by attacking OP for training his dog while not seeing any problem with their own dog(s) being totally _un_trained.

I don't think he meant to say that his own dog does any of those things.


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

I can't believe I just had a seizure over reading some of the responses who attacked first before asking questions first. I'm going to go for a pack walk with my boys in the forest and I will be right back. 


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## Glacier (Feb 25, 2009)

Why stick around an allow someone the privilege of engaging with you if all they do is insult you? You can usually gauge the direction a conversation will go, why not just leave when you start seeing/hearing red flags? You're under no obligation to entertain nutters, just walk away. When you allow randoms to get under your skin you're letting them have control over you and your emotions. Heck, people think I'm cruel for keeping my cat's inside, instead allowing the a chance to be horribly killed any random car/person/dog. Let them say what they want.


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

Rbeckett said:


> I just smile and say " You know, you might just be right" and finish the rest of the sentence "but not a chance this time, you bumbling idiot" under my breath. When you allow them to form the opinion that you "agree" they will shut up and toddle along and go bother someone else who they can harass. Once they are gone, give your dog a big ole hug and explain to him or her that is why dogs eat their young so they can avoid having stupid members of the pack out loose in the world. Dogs are much smarter than we usually give them credit for, who else reads posture, body language, tone, temper and attitude with not one word spoken. And live to love their person and do what ever they can every day of their life to make that person happy they are in their pack. I cant think of a better friend in the whole word to have around. Too bad people aren't loyal and driven to do the same things as our animal friends. Think how nice the world could be. So don't let the idiots ruffle your feathers, they are just stupid and have no clue what they are talking about. I wouldn't take job advice from an idiot and I certainly wont take training advice from them either...
> 
> Wheelchair Bob


Thank You Wheelchair Bob  

I'm surely going to do that next time someone who isn't as loyal as their dog is to them tell me what to do with a fat smile on my face. I really like what you said, *"I wouldn't take job advice from an idiot, and I certainly won't take training advice from them either." *That's a really awesome personal dog 'mantra' (lol) to remember when I deal with people like this. My utmost gratitude for your help <3


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

MichaelE said:


> I probably wouldn't have been that nice about it. But then I'm not a very PC person and never will be.
> 
> I can guarantee you that she would never speak to me nor bother me while working with the dog ever again.


What would you say though? Or do? I have a problem defending myself (blame my Mothers ex husband) so pushing people away or 'keeping my ground' is really hard. I either freeze out of fear and frustration, or I 'blackout' in defensive and agitated anger in trying to 'protect' myself.

What words or postures would you suggest I try? I'm not a very dominant/confident person at this point in time.  :help:


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

Brighteyes said:


> Yours may be just dogs....mine are much more.



Thank you <3 That's an excellent thing to say back to someone who doesn't care about the value of their own dogs. Most definitely going to remember that line for the next time someone decides to insult my dogs. <3


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

Bane Vom Vox said:


> Next time duct tape a bite sleeve to her head?
> 
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App


Oh dear god the temptation... :rofl:


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

Cassidy's Mom said:


> Ignore, ignore, ignore. Can you avoid this person, or is she completely unavoidable?
> 
> No matter where you go, no matter what you do, you're going to encounter people with stupid ideas and bizarre opinions on any number of topics, and there's nothing you can do about that other than not let those people get to you. They can't hurt you or make you angry or upset you if you refuse to allow them to. Smile politely, thank her for her opinion if you want, and then move away. You are under no obligation to stick around and listen to her crap.


Very wise, it would be intensively difficult to just walk away but you're totally 100% right. I would be just as responsible for their own actions by allowing their words to get underneath my skin and effect me so hard. I humbly would like to thank you so much, another life lesson learned and another one to practice.


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

doggiedad said:


> your dogs have no manners, don't listen to any of your requests, attacks your children, neighbors, dogs, you and they bark but you think your dogs are fine. what work are your dogs doing if they're not trained?
> 
> your dogs aren't offended, hurt or angry because people make comments about them.


I believe you are mixing up by referring the QUOTES of OTHERS I put in parentheses to put in perspective of what they say about THEIR own dogs. Not mine.


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

boomer11 said:


> what the heck are you doing to these dogs that "EVERY TIME" people say something?


I live in the forest. So the people here who are my neighbors heavily believe that dogs should be free roaming wild hogs. 

I on the other hand, care about the safety and security of my dogs, so I do not allow them to be unsupervised at any point or at any time. I use a prong collar for my GSD and a face halter for my pit bull when leash/walk training, I use a clicker, and when we do task work, I make them wear their Service Dogs vests.

Apparently in my area old folks just don't like dogs having more than just a pointless backyard driven life. 

Thank you for the concern.


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

Merciel said:


> I think that line was meant to be attributed to the hypothetical person making these comments, i.e., they're being hypocritical by attacking OP for training his dog while not seeing any problem with their own dog(s) being totally _un_trained.
> 
> I don't think he meant to say that his own dog does any of those things.


Thank you, that was exactly what I was trying to say. I guess when I came back home heated in the moment I wasn't thinking clear enough to elaborate. That persons comment actually triggered a seizure, and yours made my night a whole lot better. Thank you so much for clarifying for me <3 (I'm a 'she' by the way lol)


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

Glacier said:


> Why stick around an allow someone the privilege of engaging with you if all they do is insult you? You can usually gauge the direction a conversation will go, why not just leave when you start seeing/hearing red flags? You're under no obligation to entertain nutters, just walk away. When you allow randoms to get under your skin you're letting them have control over you and your emotions. Heck, people think I'm cruel for keeping my cat's inside, instead allowing the a chance to be horribly killed any random car/person/dog. Let them say what they want.


Honestly? I don't know how to handle the 'red flags,' and I have a realllllyyyyy hard time standing up for myself. Usually when I deal with people like this I feel 'forced' or 'cornered' or even 'embarrassed' when some people gang up on me. 

But then again, you're totally right, and I won't learn if I don't try. So I'm going to print this and the other replies about keeping the conversations in control and walking away. Normally I have always 'felt' like I had control of my own emotions, but that you SO much for showing me that all this time I've been allowing them to take control.

However, they're won't be a next time for them >


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## Glacier (Feb 25, 2009)

SageDogs said:


> Honestly? I don't know how to handle the 'red flags,' and I have a realllllyyyyy hard time standing up for myself. Usually when I deal with people like this I feel 'forced' or 'cornered' or even 'embarrassed' when some people gang up on me.
> 
> But then again, you're totally right, and I won't learn if I don't try. So I'm going to print this and the other replies about keeping the conversations in control and walking away. Normally I have always 'felt' like I had control of my own emotions, but that you SO much for showing me that all this time I've been allowing them to take control.
> 
> However, they're won't be a next time for them >


You handle the red flags by disengaging, just leave. That's pretty much what I learned in food service. I'm a chef and there are plenty of pretentious butt-holes in the kitchen. my thoughts are always "If you can't talk to me with respect, don't talk to me at all." I also learned that some people are crazy, no matter what you do or what you say they're going to keep being crazy, just let them do their thing.


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## Cassidy's Mom (Mar 30, 2003)

It might be hard to just walk away the first time, but I promise you it will get easier! 

Keep reminding yourself that just because she feels compelled to berate you with her opinions, that does not compel you to stick around and listen to them. Practice a polite smile and some sort of neutral response in advance, if you think that would help you feel more in control of the situation.


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## Gwenhwyfair (Jul 27, 2010)

I had similar problems in the past. Either too passive or too harsh in my response.

I see you practice reiki and other holistic healing. First surround yourself with a positive energy or light before you go out. Make sure you feel very grounded and centered. If you are not feeling grounded and centered (we all have good and bad days) then work with your dogs in a 'safe' place, be patient with yourself first then you will have more patience to deal with people who are unkind, unfair or annoying.

There are generic patterns in what people say and it follows that you can have generic comebacks to counter them. Think about the patterns and practice your responses to them. Practice responses that create a clear boundary but are not overly aggressive. You will make mistakes and flub up sometimes, be patient with yourself first.

I'll give an example I dealt with recently. My Ilda is 75 pounds she is on the large side within breed standard for a female. Every once and awhile people question me about how 'small' she is in a derogatory way. Most of the time I explain she is breed standard and leave it at that. Recently a women was being pushy about her being 'too small'. I was prepared. She was aware that GSDs often work as police and military dogs so I asked her "When was the last time you saw a St. Bernard doing police work?" That shut her up. 

Lastly we all have a tendency (myself included) to pay more attention to the negative things people say. If you really think about it I bet there are times when people have complimented your dogs. I'd say for every ugly look I get for using a prong I get 3-4 smiles and outright positive compliments on how well behaved my dogs are. My hubby and I both own businesses and once and awhile we get a nasty client. We'll mull that client over for a couple of days, thinking about how ugly they were. Lately we've gotten into the practice of remembering and talking about ALL the nice clients we have, who appreciate us and let us know in many different ways.

While there is always negative energy around us we don't have to 'enable' it right? This takes practice as we all have a strange fascination with negative energy so you must practice (just like you practice breathing while you meditate) practice minimizing the power of negativity in your life.

I hope this helps and I wish you peace, be well.






SageDogs said:


> Honestly? I don't know how to handle the 'red flags,' and I have a realllllyyyyy hard time standing up for myself. Usually when I deal with people like this I feel 'forced' or 'cornered' or even 'embarrassed' when some people gang up on me.
> 
> But then again, you're totally right, and I won't learn if I don't try. So I'm going to print this and the other replies about keeping the conversations in control and walking away. Normally I have always 'felt' like I had control of my own emotions, but that you SO much for showing me that all this time I've been allowing them to take control.
> 
> However, they're won't be a next time for them >


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

*This is by far the best piece of advice that anyone could ever give me. Wow. Just wow. Don't get me wrong, you all as a whole community have shown me all sorts of wonderful ways to handle these types of situations, and I am eternally grateful.

You're right, I've been looking at all of the negative aspects and not really observing all of the positive. Practicing my lifestyle I can't but help feel like a hypocrite to my ways, I mean I should know better. I should. But then again, I needed this reality slap. I've been absorbing so much negative energy so willingly and acceptingly lately that I was blinded by my own emotions to actually see the heart of the matter. 

I really love everything you wrote, and I'm going to practice everything you noted every day. Thank you SO much <3*



Gwenhwyfair said:


> I had similar problems in the past. Either too passive or too harsh in my response.
> 
> I see you practice reiki and other holistic healing. First surround yourself with a positive energy or light before you go out. Make sure you feel very grounded and centered. If you are not feeling grounded and centered (we all have good and bad days) then work with your dogs in a 'safe' place, be patient with yourself first then you will have more patience to deal with people who are unkind, unfair or annoying.
> 
> ...


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## Gwenhwyfair (Jul 27, 2010)

You are welcome.  

I'm just another soul walking the path with you. Please always remember none of us are perfect, that's why I use the word 'practice'. Because we all are practicing and learning and improving. Your soul has some wounds and you are trying to heal. Healing takes time and there maybe always be some scars, but they will be manageable. Be patient with yourself first, forgive yourself first. This is not selfish this is how you energize yourself to pay forward positive energy of patience, love and respect to other people (many of whom are wounded souls too).

Since you study Reiki do you carry a crystal? Talismans help, perhaps a wolf talisman would suit you? When you feel stressed reach into your pocket or purse and hold it.

We have a Wiccan on this board of Native American descent. She maybe of help to you too if you are interested. 




SageDogs said:


> *This is by far the best piece of advice that anyone could ever give me. Wow. Just wow. Don't get me wrong, you all as a whole community have shown me all sorts of wonderful ways to handle these types of situations, and I am eternally grateful.*
> 
> *You're right, I've been looking at all of the negative aspects and not really observing all of the positive. Practicing my lifestyle I can't but help feel like a hypocrite to my ways, I mean I should know better. I should. But then again, I needed this reality slap. I've been absorbing so much negative energy so willingly and acceptingly lately that I was blinded by my own emotions to actually see the heart of the matter. *
> 
> *I really love everything you wrote, and I'm going to practice everything you noted every day. Thank you SO much <3*


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

Ya know, normally, I would just say ignore them. Don't give a jerk the time or effort of a response. Or just agree with them (out loud) it will shut them up. But if you want to practice being more assertive, having a quick, witty response ready for such instances makes sense. 

The only thing that comes to mind is, "How about we make a deal? You can raise your dog however you want to, and I will raise mine?" And then don't listen to any response. 

Or, I can't possibly do this as well as the person did when I first read the repsonse:

Look at them for a full five seconds and then yell, MY PILLS! DID YOU TAKE MY PILLS?!? turn your head quickly and back and ask, DID YOU SEE THAT?!? 

Eh well, I so want to do something like that, but I would just screw it up.


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## Chance88 (Oct 5, 2013)

I say, let your dogs do the talking for you. They can speak much louder by never saying a word. Simply put him/her/them in a long down/stay and walk 50 or so yards away. After you've allowed an impressive amount of time to pass, call your dog. This simple display of obedience and spirit will say all you need to say (ask me how I know this  )

Simply stated, there's nothing you as a human can say to another human in a case such as this that will ever make a difference, so put the energy you're describing here into your dogs....


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## Redrider469 (Jul 19, 2013)

Someone you don't know insults you and your dogs and you get mad? This person doesn't know you or your dogs. Why does their opinion matter? Just walk away and don't give them the satisfaction of even a reply. 

And I agree with what David Winners said about dealing with the PTSD.


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

selzer said:


> Ya know, normally, I would just say ignore them. Don't give a jerk the time or effort of a response. Or just agree with them (out loud) it will shut them up. But if you want to practice being more assertive, having a quick, witty response ready for such instances makes sense.
> 
> The only thing that comes to mind is, "How about we make a deal? You can raise your dog however you want to, and I will raise mine?" And then don't listen to any response.
> 
> ...


I was just running the scenario through my head and just laughed for dayyyysss lol, visits to the dog park would be totally appropriate to try that out :'D


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

Chance88 said:


> I say, let your dogs do the talking for you. They can speak much louder by never saying a word. Simply put him/her/them in a long down/stay and walk 50 or so yards away. After you've allowed an impressive amount of time to pass, call your dog. This simple display of obedience and spirit will say all you need to say (ask me how I know this  )
> 
> Simply stated, there's nothing you as a human can say to another human in a case such as this that will ever make a difference, so put the energy you're describing here into your dogs....


It's gonna take some hard work, but I'm up to the advice and challenge  Thank you! This seems like an amazing thing to practice with my boys, plus it wouldn't hurt to learn how to practice a super long wait and stay 


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

Gwenhwyfair said:


> You are welcome.
> 
> I'm just another soul walking the path with you. Please always remember none of us are perfect, that's why I use the word 'practice'. Because we all are practicing and learning and improving. Your soul has some wounds and you are trying to heal. Healing takes time and there maybe always be some scars, but they will be manageable. Be patient with yourself first, forgive yourself first. This is not selfish this is how you energize yourself to pay forward positive energy of patience, love and respect to other people (many of whom are wounded souls too).
> 
> ...


*Oh yes please!* How do I get a hold of her? You're so amazing with your words, it really touched my heart


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