# We Let Him Go...



## KZoppa

My husband and I made the difficult decision to let our boy Riley go. Physically he was healthy. Mentally, we were losing him quickly. I think he just reached the point that whatever war was going on in his head, he was losing it. 

Riley came home with us when he was five months old in May 2005. He'd been dumped at the local humane society because he barked. The people who had him before we came to his rescue wanted a guard dog so they shoved him outside with nothing but a dog house and locked in a kennel. We knew even before bringing him home that he had some problems but we were willing to try. After he turned two, we started to notice a change in him. We managed him effectively and did what we knew would reduce his stress and anxiety. He was fine with OUR dogs in the family but other dogs on walks, he would become aggressive. Can't say I blame him any after he was nearly killed by a Saint Bernard years ago. He was content to stay home with us and hang out. 

He may not have spent much time around children but when my daughter was born, she grew on him. Riley became her dog in a sense. Then our son was born. He and Riley have never been close but they obviously loved each other. 

This last year to year and a half, something clicked and Riley started slipping further and further away from us. Our big barking black beastie couldn't relax. He started to act unpredictably with any number of things and beings when he'd been fine before. He reached the point where he had more bad days than good days. We'd lost him. His health had checked out several times. Riley wasn't Riley anymore. 

Today was the day we said goodbye. It hurt watching him as his fears would get the better of him. Today was also the day he's been more himself than he has in weeks; months even. I think he knew. He helped me eat some beef jerky. He got a cheeseburger and he got to spend some time at our favorite park. He was Riley. When it came time to go to the vets office, he didn't react the way he usually did. There was no fear aggression. He just stayed close to me and hid his face when he could. 

This was my first dog. I'd had a dog here and there for a few weeks at a time growing up but Riley was my first dog that my parents couldnt give away or get rid of. He helped me feel safer in my apartment when my husband was at work. He alerted us to potential dangers as we traveled across country or between duty stations. He helped raise two very young kittens. He's always been in Shasta's life since I brought her home. My kids don't know a time that Riley hasn't been with us. 

Like I said, physically he was healthy. Mentally, he'd always been a little off but recently, he was a completely different dog. He was no longer the happy go lucky love everybody he met dog. No more tail wags, no silly body wiggle dances when you talked to him. Riley was locked in his own head and there was this other dog in his place that looked like him. I may not have always liked him but I always loved him. He was my dorky boy. 

Riley passed away this afternoon with his head in my lap and my arms wrapped around him as best I could. Today, he was himself. Today was one of his rare good days. Today, he was Riley. He was my puppy boy. Before they came in with the medicines that would send him to a forever sleep, he relaxed. For the first time in a very long time, he was completely relaxed. He left us as the dog he once was. It was like he knew why we were there and was relieved that he would finally be able to rest without fear getting him. As he went to sleep, I told him how sorry I was that I couldn't do more to help him and that now he didn't have to be afraid. No more fears, no more stress. He was okay to sleep. As I told him that we would be okay without him, that's when he went. My big boy went to heaven knowing how much we love him and how much we're going to miss him. I know that as hard as this has been, it's what he needed to be at peace finally. No more demons for my boy. He can wait for us at the bridge. He's free to be a puppy again; to chase bubbles and snowflakes and maybe even a cat or two since I don't think anyone will tell him not to anymore. There's a hole right now. 

I know he and my cat Princess have probably met by now and are making plans on how to scare my husband in the middle of the night when he returns home. 

RIP my sweet silly sometimes aggravating boy. You were my handful puppy. You fit right in with us because you were just as hard headed and stubborn as we were at times. Love you knucklehead. 

Here are some pictures I took today while he was himself. His last day with us. 





































My kids saying goodbye to him, their first dog. 


















RIP Riley. My handsome pain in the butt. We love you and we'll see you again someday.


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## gsdlover91

So sorry for your loss. RIP to a very handsome boy. Very nice post - the pictures are beautiful (yet sad - they made me tear up!). Sorry you had to make such a difficult decision. Rest in puppy paradise Riley!


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## CeCe

I'm so sorry for your loss. You gave him a wonderful, long life filled with love. May he run free.


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## KZoppa

Thank you. I'm just glad that as hard as it was to do, he left us on one of his good days. I'm upset my husband couldn't be there but Riley went knowing he is very loved. I kept trying to talk myself out of the vet appointment but I know that he wasn't going to get better no matter how much I wanted him to. He really did drive me absolutely crazy sometimes but I think that was part of why I love him so much. He really was a good boy. No more fears or stress for him anymore. No more self destructive chewing. I hope he realizes he doesn't have to worry about us. We'll get through. He's not at war with himself anymore. Thats what's important.


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## gsdlover91

He's living fear and stress free now, while he waits for you guys  Glad you got to enjoy one last good day with Riley.


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## Safzola

Omg we are so sorry for your loss,,,,it took me so long to read your post due to tears,if its ok with you I wouldn`t read it again,,,,,thank you for sharing it with us....Riley will be having so much fun now at the bridge just think of that and yes expect a few little strange things to happen in the house haha he will let you know, he too is thinking of you all...Take care...RIP Big guy


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## KZoppa

Safzola said:


> Omg we are so sorry for your loss,,,,it took me so long to read your post due to tears,if its ok with you I wouldn`t read it again,,,,,thank you for sharing it with us....Riley will be having so much fun now at the bridge just think of that and yes expect a few little strange things to happen in the house haha he will let you know, he too is thinking of you all...Take care...RIP Big guy


 
Thats okay. It took me a while to write it between tissue boxes lol. I'm used to strange happenings in the house. Princess was put to sleep when I was 14 and she's been with me ever since. Freaks my husband out when he see's three cats and we only have two.... Now we'll have Riley sneaking up on him. I'm going to miss his fur and his ears. Some of the softest ears. But I admit, I am looking forward to seeing what crazy antics he has up his doggie sleeve to tease the other animals and my husband. I know he's going to have some fun. Silly boy that he could be. It's going to be tough for a little while but we'll make it through. I'm sure he's probably leaping after bubbles right now.


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## Safzola

Ahh ,love to hear of the strange things Riley will do,so keep us posted plz,,,we had the same we we lost Sapphire suddenly last xmas,we got Zola 8 months ago but we are sure she is Sapphire , its scary the things Zola does are the same things Sapphire used to do,And yes Sapphire did let us know,after she died,that she was still with us....:shocked Hope you get through this ok


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## KZoppa

Safzola said:


> Ahh ,love to hear of the strange things Riley will do,so keep us posted plz,,,we had the same we we lost Sapphire suddenly last xmas,we got Zola 8 months ago but we are sure she is Sapphire , its scary the things Zola does are the same things Sapphire used to do,And yes Sapphire did let us know,after she died,that she was still with us....:shocked Hope you get through this ok


 
I'm a firm believer that the ones we lose, choose our next family members for us. Sooner or later when they find the right one for us, so I can definitely believe they act a great deal alike! I hope Riley takes his time picking our next pup. I'll definitely post any stories. I'm sure Riley will tease my husband every chance he gets.


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## Safzola

KZoppa said:


> I'm a firm believer that the ones we lose, choose our next family members for us. Sooner or later when they find the right one for us, so I can definitely believe they act a great deal alike! I hope Riley takes his time picking our next pup. I'll definitely post any stories. I'm sure Riley will tease my husband every chance he gets.


And I hope your husband gets the fright of his life haha:laugh:


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## Shade

I'm so sorry :hugs:


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## blkgsd

Just put my dog Cole down 1-27-13 he gave us ten great years, Bloat was the cause


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## Loneforce

I am sorry for your loss  Rest In Peace Riley...


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## doggiedad

so sorry KZoppa and family.


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## JakodaCD OA

I'm so sorry for your loss, he was a beautiful boy


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## NancyJ

Sorry for your loss........


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## Stosh

He was obviously a well-loved boy. May the demons that tormented him in life be his angels now


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## Bear GSD

I am so sorry for your loss. Rest in peace sweet Riley


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## BellaLuna

Sorry for your loss, he was a beautiful boy. :rip: Riley


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## onyx'girl

My sympathy to you and the kids, R.I.Peace Riley :halogsd:


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## GSDGunner

I'm so sorry Krystal. My sincerest condolences to you. :hug:


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## zivagirl

I am so, so sorry for your loss.I believe you did right by Riley, though. A tortured mind is a miserable mind. 

You and your husband are phenomenal GSDers. My prayers for peace are with you both.


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## 1sttimeforgsd

So sorry for your loss, your precious boy can be free from his demons now and run free. Your story was very touching, thanks for sharing with us. :rip:


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## bellamia

so sorry for you! Riley will be in peace now. its yall who need to heal, sending lots of good vibes your way. take care


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

I am so sorry for youyr loss. Again its the hardest but kindest thing to do. That change you talk about also means they dont get to be happy so much of the time and then they have no joy as it progresses.


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## msvette2u

So very sorry for your loss :hugs:


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## Wolfiesmom

I am so very sorry for your loss. RIP Riley, may you find peace at the bridge.


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## Pete

Rest in peace Riley


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## blehmannwa

So sorry...what a beautiful tribute.


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## Rua

My heart is truly broken for you, KZoppa. At least you can have peace knowing that your dear Riley is resting peacefully and without fear. xx


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## sitstay

What a difficult decision. I am sorry for your loss.
Sheilah


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## bryant88

Im sorry for your loss but could someone else not have handled him? Like someone living in the country with no other pets? You said he was healthy. I guess I just don't understand. because Ive never had a dog loose it's mind though so I don't know how they act. Im not questioning your decision at all. Im just asking a question.


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## Stevenzachsmom

Oh honey...I am so very sorry. He was such a beautiful boy. 

Big Hugs all of you!!!


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## wolfy dog

I lost a dog like that last year; physically healthy but mentally a wreck.. He matched all the symptoms of Rabies Vaccinosis.
Heal well.


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## juliejujubean

beautiful. I am so sorry for your loss  but he can be free now. rest in peace sweet angel.


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## Midnight12

So sorry for your loss.


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## onyx'girl

wolfy dog said:


> I lost a dog like that last year; physically healthy but mentally a wreck.. He matched all the symptoms of Rabies Vaccinosis.
> Heal well.


So sorry for you too. Is there any way a necropsy exam could have helped prove this? I wish the statistics could be tracked.


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## KZoppa

bryant88 said:


> Im sorry for your loss but could someone else not have handled him? Like someone living in the country with no other pets? You said he was healthy. I guess I just don't understand. because Ive never had a dog loose it's mind though so I don't know how they act. Im not questioning your decision at all. Im just asking a question.


 It wouldn't have been a good idea because the path he was going down, he would have been a liability if he bit someone. Not to mention the fact, if you'd seen him slowly losing himself, it was kinder to let him go before there was nothing left. Its a hard decision to make but some dogs, its one that needs to be made. He got 7.5 spoiled years with us. Thats more than a lot of dogs in his mental state get in most cases. I don't think its truly something one can understand unless they've had to make that decision between quality of life and quantity. His quality of life had dimished greatly. You could see it in his eyes when he was more himself than usual. He used to love bones and running and playing and he just stopped all that. He wasn't Riley anymore. I've had to make the decision for shelter dogs as well but it doesn't even compare when it's one of your own. Especially one you've had for so long. Riley joined our family as we were beginning a family. He was my husband's and my first dog together so letting him go for HIS peace of mind was very hard because you want nothing more than to be selfish and keep them with you as long as you possibly can but in the end, his quality of life wasnt anywhere near what it used to be. We could have managed him longer but we'd already watched him slip further and further and he wasn't getting better.


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## KZoppa

wolfy dog said:


> I lost a dog like that last year; physically healthy but mentally a wreck.. He matched all the symptoms of Rabies Vaccinosis.
> Heal well.


 
i'm sorry for your loss! I can't imagine losing them to something that is supposed to actually help them stay safer. I honestly think its harder to watch them fall apart mentally rather than physically.


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## KZoppa

Stevenzachsmom said:


> Oh honey...I am so very sorry. He was such a beautiful boy.
> 
> Big Hugs all of you!!!


 
thank you Jan.


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## KZoppa

My daughter and Riley.... he sure loved my little girl... Spent a lot of his time just being close to her


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## wolfy dog

It was a few months after his death that I came upon Rabies Vaccinosis. I emailed the vet who treated him for all this crazy behavior but never got a response. I let it go because it wouldn't get my dog back. 
These Rabies vaccinations freak me out and they have it so well organized that the vets report to animal control who has been vaccinated or not, I do save the labels from the viles in case WD develops some problems. I don't want to steal this thread but wanted to answer some of your questions.


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## RocketDog

I'm so sorry. I know all too well the dark days you are in right now; I hope the light shines bright and strong quickly again for you. Watching your children grieve is one of the hardest parts.


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## KZoppa

wolfy dog said:


> It was a few months after his death that I came upon Rabies Vaccinosis. I emailed the vet who treated him for all this crazy behavior but never got a response. I let it go because it wouldn't get my dog back.
> These Rabies vaccinations freak me out and they have it so well organized that the vets report to animal control who has been vaccinated or not, I do save the labels from the viles in case WD develops some problems. I don't want to steal this thread but wanted to answer some of your questions.


 
no worries. If it helps to get the word out to those who dont already know its a potential issue, it works.


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## KZoppa

Stosh said:


> He was obviously a well-loved boy. *May the demons that tormented him in life be his angels now*


 
I sure hope so. Miss my big beastie but I pray he's free from those demons now.


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## katdog5911

What a lovely gift Riley gave you on his last day. And what a gift you gave him...freeing him from a life with no joy. I have seen people with Alzheimer's slowly lose themselves mentally, and be physically fine. They are not really there anymore...just their bodies. It is tragic. Fortunately with animals, they can be released from the bodies that house a broken mind. Sounds like Riley had a lot of years of being loved and loving. The pictures with your daughter and Riley are priceless.
Run free, bark as much as you want, and be happy...RIP Riley


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## wolfstraum

:rip: Riley.....you were so loved, your family broke their own hearts rather than have you suffer....


lee


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## KZoppa

katdog5911 said:


> What a lovely gift Riley gave you on his last day. And what a gift you gave him...freeing him from a life with no joy. I have seen people with Alzheimer's slowly lose themselves mentally, and be physically fine. They are not really there anymore...just their bodies. It is tragic. Fortunately with animals, they can be released from the bodies that house a broken mind. Sounds like Riley had a lot of years of being loved and loving. The pictures with your daughter and Riley are priceless.
> Run free, bark as much as you want, and be happy...RIP Riley


 
Thank you.


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## KZoppa

As long as nobody hugs me and starts telling me how sorry they are, I don't fall apart. I can make it through without crying until one of the kids comes in and tells me how much they miss Riley. 

Shasta is showing signs of confusion and she's mildly depressed. She would always run to Riley's crate when it was time to go outside for a potty break in the morning. She runs over, looks for him and remembers he's not there and then glares at me. I still haven't taken his crate down. Not ready yet. I know I should but it's not that time yet.


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## Debbieg

Riley was very loved and I am sorry you had to go through this. Been there once.....


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## Muneraven

I just want to thank you for posting this. One of my elderly dogs is starting to have some days where she is just not herself at all. She has always been an oddball dog, a bit of a headcase, but I can see it is getting worse. I have the feeling I am going to have to make the same call you did at some point. Not yet, but maybe eventually. It helped me to read your post and to know that, if Pele gets consistently confused and mean or afraid, that is also a kind of pain I should not put her through.

So thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad you did right by Riley all the way to the end. I will try to do the same for Pele.


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## KZoppa

Muneraven said:


> I just want to thank you for posting this. One of my elderly dogs is starting to have some days where she is just not herself at all. She has always been an oddball dog, a bit of a headcase, but I can see it is getting worse. I have the feeling I am going to have to make the same call you did at some point. Not yet, but maybe eventually. It helped me to read your post and to know that, if Pele gets consistently confused and mean or afraid, that is also a kind of pain I should not put her through.
> 
> So thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad you did right by Riley all the way to the end. I will try to do the same for Pele.


 
I hope it helps. I think it hurts them more to lose themselves, especially before their body is ready to go. I really think Riley knew he wasn't totally right but there wasn't anything he could do about it.


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## Bridget

I am so sad for you. What a beautiful dog. You know you did the right thing. Have you ever read the book "The Dogs Who Grew Me" by Ann Pregosin? You may want to, as she had a very similar experience with one of her dogs, a rottweiler. Take care.


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## KZoppa

Bridget said:


> I am so sad for you. What a beautiful dog. You know you did the right thing. Have you ever read the book "The Dogs Who Grew Me" by Ann Pregosin? You may want to, as she had a very similar experience with one of her dogs, a rottweiler. Take care.


thank you. I'll add it to my reading list.


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## KZoppa

Got Riley's ashes back today. Wrapped his collar around the urn. Shasta sniffed and sniffed and then stomped out of the room like an angry child. I think it's finally clicked for her that he isn't coming back. Still trying to figure out how to explain cremation to a 3 year old and a 5 year old.... Somehow I dont think "They burned him until there's nothing but ash" is the way to go. I think i'll wait a few years before I explain that one. The crematorium also sent a copy of The Rainbow Bridge as well as some wildflower seeds to plant in Riley's memory. I thought that was really nice of them.


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## Gilly1331

So sorry for your loss. It is so hard to say goodbye as they become apart of you and your heart.


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## Courtney

I am so very sorry....sending healing thoughts your way to you & your family. 

He left this world loved with kind words being spoke to him. We send Riley's spirit off with much love....


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## Emmy

such a handsome boy... I'm sorry for your loss


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## KZoppa

Emmy said:


> such a handsome boy... I'm sorry for your loss


 
thank you


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## readaboutdogs

So sorry for your loss, the pictures are so sweet. We had Cody cremated, and I didn't bring in his leash and car blanket till we brought him home. It was hard to put away some of his things and to wash his nite nite blanket for the last time. His ashes rest on his folded blanket now.


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## KZoppa

Still havent taken Riley's crate down and put it away. His bowl sits where he left it in his crate and his leash is still hanging up. I know I need to do it but I just haven't been able to yet.


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## katdog5911

You will do it when you need to do it. It is all part of the grieving process. 
It wan't good bye...it was Auf Wiedersehen.....till we meet again...


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## Sunflowers

I am so very sorry.


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## arycrest

:hugs: I'm so sorry to hear about your wonderful Riley. What a difficult and sad decision you had to make, my heart is breaking for you and your family.

:rip: Rest in Peace Riley!!!


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## KZoppa

thanks everyone.


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