# Would you return your rescue?



## Jax's Mom (Apr 2, 2010)

I'm not actually contemplating this... but we've had our "rescue" girl for about 2 years now. I don't really like to use the word "rescue" because she was just fine without us, it's just that her owners (friend of my bf) were going through a divorce and moving all over the country looking for work. She was with my bf's friend for a long time while he chased his ex and kids all over the country, when he decided to find a new family for her, and we volunteered. She's been a great dog, not a single thing wrong with her (other than she's whiney) but other than that, she's probably less maintenance than a cat. People alway ask us if they can borrow her while we go on vacation... so it's not like he just dumped his problems on someone else... there were no "issues" that he couldn't handle.... he really didn't want to give her up.
So, after 2 years, he's bringing his kids up here (from California) to see their grandparents... and they're going to visit us. The kids are younger than 10 so I'm certain they'll remember each other, and the question will come up... "can we have her back?" I see from their Facebook that they seem to have their life in order and probably their lifestyle would lend itself to having a dog again... if I were in that situation, I would probably want my dog back because she's not really "just a dog"... she's a great dog... and it would be only fair to return her to her family.... but I don't want to.... ?
Moral dilemma?


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## Emoore (Oct 9, 2002)

Re-homing is really hard on a dog. If she's your dog now and you love her, no way I'd give her back.


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## Girth (Jan 27, 2011)

I have three rescues and having bonded with them all no way would I give them up. I could understand a couple of weeks but two years is a long time. Easy answer for me.


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## gsdraven (Jul 8, 2009)

In the circumstance that you described, no.


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## CarrieJ (Feb 22, 2011)

No, the dog is stable where it's at.


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

They couldn't care for her, they gave her up, you've had her for 2 years. 

If you are bonded to her and want to keep her then I would keep her and not give her back.


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## Rerun (Feb 27, 2006)

That's a tough one, because I haven't ever adopted a dog that came from a "good" situation.

Certainly, you may love your dog. I used to be one of those people who thought that only a lazy or uncaring owner would rehome their dog.  I've since changed my viewpoint after growing up and seeing how the world really works once you are out of the young single fantasy land of "everything will work out perfectly." I think dogs adjust fine to rehoming, coming from the rescue side of things. They always adjust fine into their foster home after a transition period getting used to new people, new rules, new schedule, etc. Then they get adopted and readjust again. They seem to settle in fine to me. I've had many rescues over the years. They've always adjusted beautifully, as have all here that I've seen.

IMHO, him finding her a home so he can concentrate on his human family (kids, wife) and trying to keep the family together is more important. He found a good home for his dog, he didn't dump her in a shelter the day before he left town to whatever state the mom had taken the kids to. He was responsible about it.

Would I give the dog back? The depends on a number of things. How attached I am to that particular dog, how much they really want her back. Is the family as it stands now a good fit for her? Will she be nearby in case things go south again, and if they do, are you willing to take her into your home again?

I think, either way, you will have to make the decision your heart and head are ok with. If there was a chance to reunite this dog with her previous family, I would strongly consider it. Are you obligated or immoral if you don't - no. There are dogs I've had that I would've never given up, and others that I would have let go back to their family, given your story.


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## JustMeLeslie (Sep 15, 2010)

Where there any terms when he handed her over to you like once I become stable I can choose to take her back? Or once she's yours she yours and I can't have her back even if I tried? I mean other than she is doing great with you did the two of you agree to any specific terms about her?


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## Good_Karma (Jun 28, 2009)

It would break my heart to have to give back my rescue, so I say no.


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## Rerun (Feb 27, 2006)

Jax's Mom said:


> I'm not actually contemplating this... but we've had our "rescue" girl for about 2 years now. I don't really like to use the word "rescue" because she was just fine without us,


 By the way, meant to address this earlier - this is why there's a difference IMHO between a rescue and an adoption. In your case, I'd call her an adoption. Not a rescue. But that's JMHO.


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## Jax's Mom (Apr 2, 2010)

There weren't really any terms discussed. I think the "man code" dictates that when you give something up, you don't ask for it back.
Normally I wouldn't think twice to tell someone to eff off if they just dumped their dog... but he drove 2,600 miles in one weekend to get her to us because he had to be back at work on the following Monday.
I'm pretty sure they were homeless because his ex wife had already moved out of the house and was off to California with their kids and he was telling the bank he didn't care what they did with the house, it was worth less than what they put down on it.
I can't imagine how a person must feel when they lose a $100,000 downpayment on a house, both incomes, wife moves across the country with both kids and have to drive their dog 22 hours to give them away.


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## bruiser (Feb 14, 2011)

I wouldn't give my rescue back...I bond for life


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## GSDElsa (Jul 22, 2009)

NOPE. Even if he has a justifiable reason to give her up, I could NOT do that. No way in heck. Unless it's a agreed upon foster situation, I just couldn't do it.


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## Caledon (Nov 10, 2008)

No I would not.


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## Lilie (Feb 3, 2010)

Honestly....if the family walked through my door and the rescue dog went absolute nuts with delight from seeing them. Stuck next to them like glue - and totally ignored me. Made it obvious that the dog truly wanted to be with them....I'd have to think long and hard about which one of us was being selfish. 

But..if they came in and dog said "Whoopee!" and then came back to me, then it's my dog.


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## rebelsgirl (May 19, 2005)

I have two rescues. One of them was picked up from the rescue by a girl in my training class. He ate her chicken and she was in the navy and couldn't take care of him the way she thought he should be taken care of so she rehomed him again. 

He then went to another home that had a GSD and a cat, that didn't work out to well, he was there for less than 24 hours before those people were calling my trainer and the previous owner wanting him to be picked up. I picked him up and brought him home and he is here to stay. 

Even if the previous owner decided to be a stay home mom and never leave him again, I couldn't give him up. He's went thru so much stress, so many owners. We just got him well from demodex mange, a bacterial infection and a fungal infection. He is adjusted well here and has been thru too much already. 

Even if they walked in the door and he was glued to them, he would stay here. Period.

I'm glad they cared about him to leave him with someone who cares so much about him.(meaning your dog)


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

I think it depends on what was said when you took on the dog. If they gave you the dog, it is yours, and you should not be constantly looking over your shoulder to see if they are going to ask for her back. 

But if they asked you to take the dog until they could get on their feet, well you go into it with the idea that she is going to go back home again. I did this for my brother. I had his dog for two years after his partner died. He finished school, and got a job, and then bought a house, and then I gave him the dog back. It was really good too because she lived for another six years, and was an awesome dog. We all loved her. (But I loved her just a little more at her own house than mine, as she did NOT get along with my Arwen.)


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## GSD MOM (Apr 21, 2010)

WOW.... this is a big time hard one... I think I would have to agree with Lilie. It would really depend on how the dog reacts. I mean if they leave and she goes to the door crying or shows in anyway that she is sad about them leaving I think it would hurt me to keep her, knowing that she misses her "before family". But if she is happy when they are there and when they leave she looks at you like "what's for dinner?" then I think I would be good with it. My Ace is a craigslist rescue. But he came from a bad place so I wouldn't care if he wanted to go back or not. IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN!


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## Jax's Mom (Apr 2, 2010)

Lilie said:


> Honestly....if the family walked through my door and the rescue dog went absolute nuts with delight from seeing them. Stuck next to them like glue - and totally ignored me. Made it obvious that the dog truly wanted to be with them....I'd have to think long and hard about which one of us was being selfish.


That reminds me of another gut-wrenching part of the story... a few weeks ago we were at a fenced in dog park when a big yellow school bus pulled up and parked. I had never seen her see a school bus before. She became absolutely hysterical, screaming and crying and actually jammed herself through the fence and ran over to the bus to wait by the door. Since there were no kids on it, the door never opened and I had to drag her away, but that makes me 99% positive that she remembers her old family...

 this is not gonna be good...


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## krystyne73 (Oct 13, 2010)

Yeah, that would be hard. Sasha' s old family had several kids. When we are at the park or near schools on our walks, sometimes she looks like she is looking for someone and that makes me sad since we have no little ones at home.
You can tell she has those memories though.


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## Lilie (Feb 3, 2010)

Jax's Mom said:


> That reminds me of another gut-wrenching part of the story... a few weeks ago we were at a fenced in dog park when a big yellow school bus pulled up and parked. I had never seen her see a school bus before. She became absolutely hysterical, screaming and crying and actually jammed herself through the fence and ran over to the bus to wait by the door. Since there were no kids on it, the door never opened and I had to drag her away, but that makes me 99% positive that she remembers her old family...
> 
> this is not gonna be good...


See, that would be the only reason I'd even consider it. If the dog bonded to me and although friendly towards it's old family, still showed that it now belongs to my family, I'd fight for it. But, if I had to drag it kicking and screaming back to me...I'd feel horrible.


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## weber1b (Nov 30, 2008)

I would do it only if the dog showed me that they wanted to be with the previous owners, and I was confortable they were really ready to take the dog back on full time and forever. Otherwise we have never been able to give one up.


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## gsdraven (Jul 8, 2009)

Lilie said:


> See, that would be the only reason I'd even consider it. If the dog bonded to me and although friendly towards it's old family, still showed that it now belongs to my family, I'd fight for it. But, if I had to drag it kicking and screaming back to me...I'd feel horrible.


I'll share my story. I absolutely love my very first foster ever and the only reason I didn't keep him is because I didn't want to be a "foster failure" my first time fostering. 

The couple that adopted him joined my training class with him about a month after they got him (I had him about 3 months). The woman would be in tears during class the first few weeks because he'd be watching me the whole time. There was one class where I wasn't participating because of a hurt foot but sat on the sidelines while my roommate at the time worked Raven. During recall, Batman (yes that's his name ) ran right over to me and jumped in my lap when she called him. In retrospect, it was too soon for me to be around him so I don't visit fosters anymore until they've been in their home longer than they were with me.

For the next couple of years, I would dog sit Batman regularly. The times that they would bring him to my house, they said he knew where he was going before they got on my street and would be dying to get out of the car when they pulled in the drive. When let out, he would race to the front door and then going running off with Raven to wrestle and play for the next 48 hours. He was always super excited to see me and to be here but he was always more excited when they came to pick him up. The couple had a baby recently so I don't get to dogsit him anymore but we try to see each other a couple of times a year. They know I love him like he's my own dog.

I don't think they ever forget their first (or second or third) family but they do learn who is their family now and grow attached to that family. My personal opinion is why disrupt what they know now if you don't have to.


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## Lilie (Feb 3, 2010)

This is a hard one for sure.


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## London's Mom (Aug 19, 2009)

I don't think that I could give up a GSD after owning it for 2 weeks let alone 2 years. My vote is to keep her.


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## RebelGSD (Mar 20, 2008)

I avoid visiting my former fosters during the early times because I don't want to disturb the situation, especially in case of dogs that were very bonded to me. Once I had a dog slip the collar and escape right after I dropped him off at his new home. He was very attached to me and he took off on the road after my car half an hour after I left. Later he bonded equally strongly with his new family. Other dogs are not phased too much and adjust more easily to the "loss" and the gain of the new family.

I am not really sure that it is a very good idea for this dog to meet the former family. The question is whether they are really prepared to take the dog back. Also if the dog reacts to the children, for example, you will always live in doubt, regardless which decision you make.

It might be better to avoid this meeting and let the past remain the past, unless you are really willing and happy to return the dog to them. If she was stongly bonded to them, the meeting may upset the dog (both the coming and the going). It is not going to kill her, but why stir up things. You can send them pictures and movies so that they can see how happy she is.


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## Heidibu (Jul 22, 2008)

My gut and initial reaction to the original post was: nope. 2 years is a long time, the dog is yours.

But thennnn...you mention the school bus and how the dog reacted. I think you might have to make the final determination after seeing how the dog reacts when seeing them together. Not so much right away...because that will be exciting enough. But after a bit...where will she (or he? sorry) want to be. At your feet or theirs.

Tough one. I do hope the dog sits by you.


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

i learned with my first rescue that once a dog comes in my door the only place they leave my home for is the bridge. but every situation is individual and it will come down to what *you* feel is best for the dog. i don't envy you having to make this decision. i think you know where my vote goes.


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## Heidibu (Jul 22, 2008)

This one has been on my mind all evening. I retract my earlier statement. This girl has been with you for the last two years, and is right where she belongs. Wishing you the best of luck with this one...:hug:


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## middleofnowhere (Dec 20, 2000)

I don't know what I would do. They may not ask for her back. Or they may. I might give her back or I might not.
Obviously, the family really cared about her. That he drove so far to get her to you, that the dog is nuts for the kids. .. It's a hard one.


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## Zoeys mom (Jan 23, 2010)

I think she will be happy to see them, but remember she is your's not their's anymore. Would you raise a child and give it back if the parents wanted them? How do you think they would feel? This dog has bonded to you and loves you...she's loved them and will probably greet them happily but it is you she lives for each day and don't let her wagging tail tell you otherwise. She would be devastated to leave you and you can always point them in the direction of rescue or a good breeder


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## JakodaCD OA (May 14, 2000)

I also would keep her She may be happy to see the family, but are they equipped to take care of her now? And what if they took her back and the same thing happened? 

I think I'd feel bad for the kids, but I guess I'm rather selfish if I really loved her, I wouldn't give her back..If they protest, well I'd start adding up all the money you've spent on her the last two years and tell them to reimburse you..As soon as that was mentioned I'm betting they'd say no we don't want her back.


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## Castlemaid (Jun 29, 2006)

Tough situation to be in. I say go with your gut, don't let the old owners guilt you into anything, but if it feels right, then consider it. 

My first dog was a young spaniel mix that was a shelter surrender. From what I learned about him, he grew up with kids, but was surrendered because he kept "running away". Which I found out was because the kids kept forgetting to close the backyard gate. 

For the longest time I felt bad for him thinking he must really miss "his" kids (I was upset at the mom for surrendering the dog instead of training the kids!). But when I was with people that had young children, he liked to play with them for maybe half an hour tops, then would get enough and came back to me on his own. Made me realized that he was more bonded to me now, and that his previous life did not have as much meaning to him as I thought it had. Made me feel better that I was more important and meaningful to him now. 

Though the school bus incident would have been gut-wrenching.  I'd be torn too, not sure how what I would want to do.


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## JeanKBBMMMAAN (May 11, 2005)

I would board her when they came to visit. Or visit away from your home and her. 

That way no one has to go through anything, no upsets, nothing. I think that would be what would be best for her, and for the kids, and that's why I would do that. 

Then I would do classes/get certified for her to do pet therapy with kids.


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## holland (Jan 11, 2009)

Hope things work out-My cousin was given a dog by a friend-they were working and didn't feel they had enough time for the dog-when my cousin went away on vacation they cared for the dog-it worked for both of them


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## Mrs.K (Jul 14, 2009)

Jax's Mom said:


> There weren't really any terms discussed. I think the "man code" dictates that when you give something up, you don't ask for it back.
> Normally I wouldn't think twice to tell someone to eff off if they just dumped their dog... but he drove 2,600 miles in one weekend to get her to us because he had to be back at work on the following Monday.
> I'm pretty sure they were homeless because his ex wife had already moved out of the house and was off to California with their kids and he was telling the bank he didn't care what they did with the house, it was worth less than what they put down on it.
> I can't imagine how a person must feel when they lose a $100,000 downpayment on a house, both incomes, wife moves across the country with both kids and have to drive their dog 22 hours to give them away.


Honestly, I don't know what I would do but if I knew that they were in such a sever situation like that I'd probably consider her more as a foster than a rescue or adoptee and giver her back, now that they are back on their feet. 

If they hadn't gone through all that, chances are, they'd never given her up in the first place.


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## doreenf (Nov 7, 2007)

No!


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## GrayWolf (Feb 19, 2006)

I agree with Jean statement 100%





> I would board her when they came to visit. Or visit away from your home and her.
> 
> That way no one has to go through anything, no upsets, nothing. I think that would be what would be best for her, and for the kids, and that's why I would do that.
> 
> Then I would do classes/get certified for her to do pet therapy with kids.


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## Holmeshx2 (Apr 25, 2010)

maybe I can give a bit of a different perspective as someone who had to give up a dog.

I had 2 dogs a lab and a GSD who I love(d) more then anything. We are military and my husband got orders for us to go to Korea. The dogs had moved with us numerous times and to quite a few different states however Korea dog meat is HUGE on the black market. People would break into houses to steal your dogs and large dogs were targeted mainly because it was "more meat" for the work. We already knew we couldn't live on post (no availability) so we knew we were living off post on the economy. I could never live with myself if something happened to them knowing what happened, so after a ton of soul searching I decided to rehome them. I never in my life thought I would EVER rehome a dog but it really was a last resort thing and was done strictly in the best interest of the dog. 

I could have possibly had someone "foster" for 2 years but honestly after 2 years they would have bonded to their new homes and it's just wrong to the dog to up root them again. Sometimes it's just best to leave well enough alone. I have been offered to come visit whenever I want and I want to soooo bad but honestly I don't want the dogs to run to me and be crushed when I leave. Granted that may not happen but "what if". What if their bond to me is still so strong that the instantly connect again and want to come home with me it's going to crush their new family and crush the dog with me having to leave them again. Would I LOVE to have them back? Of course!! I miss them every single day still and it's been close to 3 years now. However, they are in a new home that loves them to death and they are happy and flourishing there. I gave them up for unselfish reasons and taking them back would be purely selfish.

Personally, I completely agree with Jean. If you want to see the family fine, however I would not let them see the dog. A foster visiting an adoptive home to see how the dog is getting along is fine IMO however the original family showing up to the "new" family is just disrupting the dog's life for no reason besides making the humans feel better. Let the dog enjoy it's current home and let them find a way to make peace with the situation however they need to without the dog's life being disrupted. 

I'm sure the bus stop was gut wrenching for you but don't let it sway your decision. Now if she is not happy with you and just "existing" then I could see possibly considering it but after 2 years I'm pretty sure she's settled in and truly loves you. Find a way to socialize her with kids so she has some play time with them.. volunteering at a childrens hospital or something and just leave well enough alone. Don't beat yourself up about this. It's hard to give a dog up you love, it took everything in me when talking to the new owner not to say " my boys" like I was used to and whenever she tells me something they do not to say some story of when that habit started in my home. Or another hard thing was to shut up and not give advice like some worried mother leaving directions for the babysitter. I always wanted to tell them how the dogs liked their food and if they did something the best way to handle it to put them back on track etc... It really is something the old owners just have to get over on their own and nothing you can do to make it any better or any easier on them. The only thing that helps me is knowing they are doing great and happy in a loving home. I love when she takes a picture and texts it to me because she thought it would make me laugh it lets me know she considers my feelings still and knows I still love him but having boundries is a BIG thing that they need to learn. 

Also don't feel guilted about him driving so far. I drove to another state to place them in their new home it was best for them and part of placing them responsibly as the last act of love we do for them as their original owners. You wouldn't feel quilty and want to give the dog back because he spent $3K on a surgery while he owned the dog because it's part of owning them and what you do because you love them. If he gave the dog up with no strings about possibly wanting it back in the future then just let it go. As hard as it will be just let them know you think it would be hard for the dog to see the family but you would be more then happy to send videos and updates as often as they like. If they do ask just let them know you don't feel it's in the best interest of the dog to rehome it again. It's happy and well adjusted with you just let it be.

I am truly sorry you are going through this but please know you are very right in your stance to keep the dog. If you want anymore insight to the "other" side of the story feel free to PM me and I'd be glad to help however I can.


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## Anja1Blue (Feb 27, 2008)

JeanKBBMMMAAN said:


> I would board her when they came to visit. Or visit away from your home and her.
> 
> That way no one has to go through anything, no upsets, nothing. I think that would be what would be best for her, and for the kids, and that's why I would do that.
> 
> Then I would do classes/get certified for her to do pet therapy with kids.


Absolutely spot on Jean - we adopted a GSD some years ago, returned to the breeder at age 3 by the family. Some time later the three children wanted to see him - I said no, confusing and not fair to the dog (who had settled in and was doing well) and not fair to us who had provided him with his new home. I sent a photo instead. This thread has been up for a while, so the whole thing may be a moot point - but if these people haven't visited yet I would follow the course of action specified by Jean.
________________________________________
Susan

Anja SchH3 GSD
Conor GSD
Blue BH WH T1 GSD - waiting at the Bridge :angel:


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