# I lost my best friend...I need support please



## almaherself (Jul 25, 2011)

I lost my baby Paco on April 24th 2017
He was 9 yrs old. 

Everything was normal that day, we went out to play and walk ...he was inside and started to act strange late at night. I called my boyfriend because I panicked, his stomach was bloating. He suggested we take him to the emergency and we did. They told me he had GDV...and I saw an xray. I could either put him in surgery or put him down. The surgery was high risk because his heart was unhealthy and he may not have survived. I coudlnt afford surgery ...I dont know if what I did was the right thing anymore. I Am very sad. 

I dream about him and I miss him every moment. 



I love you, love of my life. you are forever in my heart and mind. 
You re my baby, my best friend, my old man and my angel. I love you.


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## ksotto333 (Aug 3, 2011)

I am so sorry.


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## dogfaeries (Feb 22, 2010)

I'm so sorry about Paco. Sometimes we have to make decisions, and it's never easy. We just never have them long enough.


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## Springbrz (Aug 13, 2013)

Sorry for your loss. Second guessing yourself now isn't going to benefit you or Paco in any way. In the moment you made the best informed decision you could for both Paco and you. You loved him, cared for him and gave him the best life you could. In the end you were there for him and made the ultimate sacrifice for him. You freed him of pain and suffering. It's never easy to let them go. Be kind to yourself. 

Rest easy Paco


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## Shooter (Nov 19, 2016)

I am so very sorry for the loss of your best friend. I know the pain is awful. You will see Paco again one day


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## Sabis mom (Mar 20, 2014)

The great thing about our dogs is that they accept what is. Second guessing will do no good. I am sorry for the loss of your friend but he will live on in your dreams.


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## Aly (May 26, 2011)

Almost 2 years ago, I lost my 10.5 year old wolfhound Zora ---- also to GDV. Got her to the vet 15 minutes after she started crashing and had 5 minutes to make a decision. Like you, I decided to let her go. We'd had over 10 blessed years and, however much I wanted 10 more, I couldn't have done otherwise given what it would have cost her. 

There is no 'right' decision here. There is only the _best _decision and only you can make that. You did and, I suspect, Paco loved you for it. Now, you have to cherish the memories you have and be kind to yourself. I'll share the best advice I've ever received about loss, from my grandfather: "That pain you feel right now is just your heart growing to love some more."

Hugs.


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## Momto2GSDs (Mar 22, 2012)

I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Paco.


_Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. __ When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. _

_All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. _

_They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. _
_ You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. 
_
_
_
_The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. _
_ Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.... Author Unknown_



Moms


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## kelbonc (Aug 25, 2014)

I am so very sorry for your loss. RIP Paco.


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## Muskeg (Jun 15, 2012)

I am so sorry. I've had to make similar decisions with dogs and I understand the second-guessing can keep you up all night. Please know you made the best decision you possibly could, and that Paco is not in pain anymore. I hope you can find some peace in that.


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

I'm sorry. 

Even had you had the money to do the surgery and even if the dog did survive, the dog may have suffered more and may have only given you a few months. You did what you needed to do in the moment and that was to prevent him from suffering anymore. 

Sometimes, with pet insurance, we can take the money portion of that decision out of the equation, where-in, we think, lies the guilt for us. But, then we will be worrying that we allowed the critter to suffer more than he should have, by putting him through more surgery and more tests, and more time, etc. Guilt is a funny thing. Those of us who are specially susceptible to it, can always find a way to heap it on ourselves. It it drives us to make a change in how we do something and then goes away, it is a good thing. If it drags us down into depression, it is unhealthy. Of course it is generally an unavoidable part of the grief process. 

What you are experiencing is the grieving process. A dog you loved, that was an adult, not nearing the point when you would expect him to start failing, has passed away fairly suddenly. And it IS losing a family member. There are a bunch of feelings associated with this, that will come, and will go. Anger, pain, loss, sadness, guilt, defeat. 

Time does heal. I have found that it is helpful, after a few days or so, to go back into my photos of him or her, and make a collage of sorts of the dog's life with me. Then I can focus on his life, and how good it was, how good he was. 

Again, I am very sorry. Be kind to yourself. You did the right thing, and he is not suffering now.


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## car2ner (Apr 9, 2014)

Second guessing is absolutely normal and absolutely useless, try not to allow guilt in. It will hurt badly for a while, then it will settle down. You'll know if someday soon you will be ready for a new pup. It never replaces your old dog, it is a tribute to the love and good times you shared. 
A practical bit of advice, carry tissues. You may find yourself crying at the oddest moments. Don't feel silly about it, we either all have or all will go through this. 

run free Paco


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## RZZNSTR (Jan 24, 2015)

I am very sorry for your loss! This loss creates a pain that never really subsides. All the best!


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## giebel (Jul 28, 2016)

Hey Alma,

You did the right thing and please try not to second guess it. You loved your dog with all of your being and he did the same for you. In the end that is all that really matters. My heart goes out to you. My beloved GSD( 11 years) passed in July and I couldnt talk about it until about 2 months ago. The forum is definitely a big help because believe me we get you. Non gsd and non dog lover people can never completely understand the bond we share with our dog. My dog died at home because the vet couldnt make it to my home(for euthanasia) until the afternoon. He always hated the vet by the way and probably would have bit him with his last bit of energyHe died in my arms at home as I sat next to him at night and into the sunrise and I cry everytime I think about it( or when Im writing this now). I to dream about my dog all the time, I hear his collar clang and fpawsteps coming towards me in those quieter moments in the evening at home. I miss his expressions, curiosity, and all around loveable loyalty. The rituals and good times that made up our days. I hear his breath on his dog bed when I sleep at night and sadly am reminded he is not there. But he is there and your dog is still there, he will always be with you because your life is better because of him. I try to remind myself about that daily. So sorry for your loss.


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## Dunkirk (May 7, 2015)

So very sorry for your loss. Hugs. The loss of Paco is profound. It may be a good idea to let your employer know (depending on the type of person he/she is).


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## cheffjapman (Jun 8, 2017)

I know that this is old, but I want you to know that you did the right thing. Earlier this year, we experienced something similar with our 11 year old boxer. Everything was fine, every vet check up she ever had, the vet would tell us how unusual it was to see a large breed dog be in such good health at her age. One morning she ate breakfast, like normal, and then started coughing and vomiting. Took her to the vet, who said she had gastric torsion. We made the decision to put her down. Mostly because the vet told us that the surgery runs $4,000 and that he would say that it maybe has a 50% success rate. 

The situation you describe is hard because we don't get to prep ourselves to have to make that call. It is a spur of the moment, make it right now type of deal. Everything was a fog for about two days following. Lots of second guessing, lots of doubt. But in the end, you did the right thing. I hope that you see that now.


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## maxtmill (Dec 28, 2010)

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It is always extremely difficult to lose our bebes, but I am sure you did the very best you could for him! I know how it is to second guess your decisions, but it doesn't do us much good. Be kind to yourself. I still struggle with the events surrounding the death of one of my precious dogs a few years ago, because it was due to irresponsibility on the part of my husband. I still struggle witn it, and I don't think I will ever make peace with it. But it sounds like you did the very best you could for your sweet dog!


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## wolfy dog (Aug 1, 2012)

OP, it only has been since April. That wound is still gaping. You did the right thing. I second guess that dreadful decision with every dog. Either "did I help him along too soon or too late?" I do know that these dogs of mine have had a great life and were/still are very much loved. None have suffered hardships when under my care but still, I sometimes wonder about it with every dog that passed.


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## kriver (Jun 21, 2017)

Hi,
I am very sorry for your loss. The people here really do understand what your feeling. I would imagine that most of us, if not all have gone through the same type of situation. 
The thing I discovered that I had no clue it was true. Is the fact our hearts are like a house with many rooms. Each room is designated and designed for one certain dog. It is their place 
FOREVER. When they leave us. They remain a part of us. There is always a place for more special rooms for all future dogs that come into our lives. But each space is separate no matter how many dogs or other animals come into our lives. The place each of our animals occupies never changes.


Here is a poem I wrote about this subject.


Laying in Wait at Heaven's Pearly Gates

Dogs and cats and other animals too all with Christian masters
Lay waiting at Heaven's pearly gates anticipating their greeting rapture
It is quite the animal menagerie waiting for their special dates
They are laying there waiting without a worldly care
Sleeping with one ear cocked dreaming of that day
They guard the gates a foe's entrance they would dare
Until they hear St Peter say
Their waiting time is through
It is time to grab their plates 
Their mater is now due
They lay in wait at heaven's pearly gates
To greet their master right on cue
There is no debate that this is their fate
Over the job they were assigned to do
The arrival they anxiously anticipate
This is no time to visit the tree loo
For their master's call they now await
At Heaven's Pearly Gates

K River 
I sincerely hope it helps the reader even if it is just a little


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## kriver (Jun 21, 2017)

Hi,
I am very sorry for your loss. The people here really do understand what your feeling. I would imagine that most of us, if not all have gone through the same type of situation. 
The thing I discovered that I had no clue it was true. Is the fact our hearts are like a house with many rooms. Each room is designated and designed for one certain dog. It is their place 
FOREVER. When they leave us. They remain a part of us. There is always a place for more special rooms for all future dogs that come into our lives. But each space is separate no matter how many dogs or other animals come into our lives. The place each of our animals occupies never changes.


Here is a poem I wrote about this subject.


Laying in Wait at Heaven's Pearly Gates

Dogs and cats and other animals too all with Christian masters
Lay waiting at Heaven's pearly gates anticipating their greeting rapture
It is quite the animal menagerie waiting for their special dates
They are laying there waiting without a worldly care
Sleeping with one ear cocked dreaming of that day
They guard the gates a foe's entrance they would dare
Until they hear St Peter say
Their waiting time is through
It is time to grab their plates 
Their mater is now due
They lay in wait at heaven's pearly gates
To greet their master right on cue
There is no debate that this is their fate
Over the job they were assigned to do
The arrival they anxiously anticipate
This is no time to visit the tree loo
For their master's call they now await
At Heaven's Pearly Gates

K River 
I sincerely hope it helps even if it is just a little


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