# Training issue with husband



## sheep (Dec 2, 2011)

Hi guys, I can't believe that I'm writing about this, as I usually don't like to expose certain personal issues, but here it goes... 

So our dog is male and currently almost 2 years old. He was neutered 2 weeks ago.

He has always been a difficult dog to educate, and while I somehow managed to educate him to become an easier dog, thing is, my husband is not assertive nor consistent, and even make things worse by encouraging bad habits.

Since we adopted him (when he was 3 months old), I've been putting huge efforts to learn how to tackle each dog issue that appeared. I came to learn a lot about more modern methods of training and so on. I've taught him to interact calmer, to play with his own toys and so on, so that he became a much easier dog to live with as we grow up.

But despite all my efforts, there are things that just doesn't get better. It's not that I need him to be a perfect dog, but I'm tired of having a dog that might not listen or demand attention even when we need him to behave. We have to constantly supervise and verbally block him so that he wouldn't destroy anything in the house. We also have to often deal with demands of attention which includes barking and running around, and not stopping even if we tell him to. There are times in which we just can't give attention, nor allow such kind of uncontrollable behavior.

But my husband doesn't seem to understand it. He thinks that dogs are not perfect anyways, but he doesn't understand the difference between accepting dogs as dogs and simply not being able to stop him when we need to. I don't mind my dog misbehaving, but I do mind it if I ask him to stop and he doesn't. I've explained to my husband many times that we can't afford to deal with that when we have kids, but he just can't understand it. 

I'm really at my wits end, and I've made an ultimatum that if in 6 months he can't do anything to educate our dog, The dog has to be rehomed. I've told him that I'm too tired as I have been trying to deal with our dog's issue all by myself for the past almost 2 years, so now it's up to him. Now only 3.5 months are left, and yet he still didn't do anything. He was putting all his hopes on the neutering before, even when I've told him not to, to which I was right (dog is still the same, only peeing and sniffing behavior changed).

Thing is, despite our dog being a more difficult dog, the main issue is also that my husband is not having the right posture and attitude towards his education.

I'm sorry for venting this all here, thought I'm feeling really upset right now... It's like, I love our dog and I hate the idea that we can never see him nor control his fate again (not knowing where he might end up, since we can't control what the next owner would do, even if we can try to find him a good one); and then it upsets me how my husband is not doing much for the sake of our dog (given the ultimatum was thrown)...


I just don't know what can I do... Any advices?  I've tried to train my husband, it's much harder than our dog...


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## kiya (May 3, 2010)

I've been with my husband almost 25 years, I do all the feeding, cleaning, training and exercising. My huband gives them love. It sounds like your dealing with a high energy dog maybe having difficulty in public areas. Im not one for rehoming an animal unless there is absolutely no other choice. If your husband isn't on board with the training I don't see any reason why you can't be. I don't know what kind of trainers you have where you are but a lot of issues can be helped with sufficient exercise, restrict freedom with crate training, teach boundrys. At almost 3 years old your dog is maturing, that's when it usually gets better.


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## Sheriandloki (May 10, 2013)

Don't rehome the dog, rehome the husband! 


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## JakodaCD OA (May 14, 2000)

who wanted the dog in the first place? If you were both on board, you both should be contributing.

But I can see one may not want to follow thru with an animal after getting it, happens all the time

With that, if you want to keep this dog, it might just have to be up to YOU to enforce the obedience, rules, take the dog to a training class.

If you don't feel your up to the task, find him a home who will appreciate him and continue the training he needs.

I do like the rehome the husband  but that isn't always feasable


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## sheep (Dec 2, 2011)

Thanks for the replies. 

The problem is, without consistency, plus a consistency of wrong things would ruin any education I'm trying to implement.  Specially with this dog. I've had no problems with a few dogs in the past, but this one requires a more demanding education/consistency, so that it's important that my husband could learn how to deal with him as well, or we can't really succeed.

But he's like a rock... I've been trying to train him to train our dog over and over again, and he is never truly getting it nor changing certain things. The thing that he managed to change is to not engage the dog in some wrestling play, which used to make our dog very bitey (he used to wonder why our dog would be much more gentle with me, who actually teach him that licking and petting him back are what I liked).

He's contributing by being the one to walk him daily. Thought I really need him to improve himself as an owner.


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## Gretchen (Jan 20, 2011)

kiya said:


> I've been with my husband almost 25 years, I do all the feeding, cleaning, training and exercising. My huband gives them love. It sounds like your dealing with a high energy dog maybe having difficulty in public areas. Im not one for rehoming an animal unless there is absolutely no other choice. If your husband isn't on board with the training I don't see any reason why you can't be. I don't know what kind of trainers you have where you are but a lot of issues can be helped with sufficient exercise, restrict freedom with crate training, teach boundrys. At almost 3 years old your dog is maturing, that's when it usually gets better.


This is our family too! This is our second dog together and my husband has never walked either. 

As far as the destruction, is your dog getting enough exercise? If you ever watch Cesar Milan, whether you agree with him or not, you'll notice he always exercises with them, roller blading,etc.

I understand your dilemma as when you have kids, for a while you physically will not be able to put all your energy into the dog. I don't want to scare you, but I had so many unexpected complications with my pregnancy, including 2 months of strict bedrest. Maybe if you explain this kind of scenario your husband will understand why you need his help.


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## Galathiel (Nov 30, 2012)

Maybe your husband would benefit from taking a class with the dog. I know that at least for me, I will learn something much better coming from someone OTHER than my significant other. Also, the trainer may not be as frustrated because they don't live with them when the training is over for the day!


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## sheep (Dec 2, 2011)

As for the energy level, he is moderate and it seems that 2 walks per day is enough for him, thought in some times he would be more energetic (it seems that rice can cause that, sometimes I give him plain rice leftovers and then he would become more energetic).
But even when after walk, he might misbehave as well. For example, he can be calm, but still suddenly run around home when we verbally block him to reach and destroy something. I've tried time out, and it can calm him down after, but he still would not seem to get the idea, or the chase is just thrilling to him anyways. :/ (and then my husband would take a long time to start getting him to time out, he would yell at our dog a few times before implementing the time out when I'd do it after waring him once -> another issue of consistency)


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## sheep (Dec 2, 2011)

Galathiel said:


> Maybe your husband would benefit from taking a class with the dog. I know that at least for me, I will learn something much better coming from someone OTHER than my significant other. Also, the trainer may not be as frustrated because they don't live with them when the training is over for the day!


I want him to start going to some seminaries, since I've heard of some good things (owner guides). Thought they are not common in my country and not very advertised.

We have been into an old school dominance trainer before and quit, and then we went to talk to a positive trainer, but for now we don't have any trainer in list that seems to satisfy our requirements. The positive trainer seemed knowledgeable, thought he is the kind that would prefer to ignore bad behavior instead, and that isn't practical nor works well with our dog, and then I don't really believe that taking away negative remarks to show the dog what is not right would be productive.


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## kiya (May 3, 2010)

Are you talking about off leash walks where the dog is running to his hearts content. Or a walk on leash at human pace. My girl Lakota is 3-1/2 she stills gets the "zoomies" around the yard, she goes out for about a 2 mile jog with me and the bike and still want to run for the ball a few times when I come home from work. But when we come in at night she settles down for the most part.


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## MaggieRoseLee (Aug 17, 2001)

If he's behaving badly and getting on your nerves, plus getting destructive... then I'd say he's NOT getting enough exercise. My dogs need MILES of OFF leash exercise a few times a week. So 2 walks a day on a leash would give me a potentially destroyed home too.

My mental picture of exercise is this:





 
I'd also have to say there are some things men are good at (generally) and some things they are not. And GENERALLY speaking they don't tend to address the day to day stuff that dog raising and training involves. It's just the way it is and to expect them to change is NOT realisitic.

So you need to make up your mind now to either do a brain shift and take charge FOR YOUR DOG, or give up entirely by calling the breeder and returning the dog. Because your husband isn't going to change no matter how many ultimatums you give him, and do expect different isn't realistic. Really.

I've been to dog training classes for years and guess what. The vast majority of people that have taken the time, effort and LOVE to take their dogs are WOMEN!!! There is no comparison to the numbers. Almost all or all will be women with their dogs in the class.

Your dog sounds like a normal BORED energetic pup. The way to deal with that is management in the home (crate training helps for when you aren't home), real exercise, and DOG CLASSES. The classes will help with the mental engagement and give you the leadership role in the relationship. The exercise will have your puppy in the right mental framework to want to pay attention and learn. And you will learn to love your puppy so much more when you see how smart he really is.

Have you been able to clickertrain yet? 

http://www.germanshepherds.com/foru...0-intro-clicker-training-perfect-puppies.html

Your husband is what he is and instead of suddenly expecting him to change I'd keep the following quote in mind:



> Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
> 
> Albert Einstein


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## MaggieRoseLee (Aug 17, 2001)

sheep said:


> The positive trainer seemed knowledgeable, thought he is the kind that would prefer to ignore bad behavior instead, and that isn't practical nor works well with our dog, and then I don't really believe that taking away negative remarks to show the dog what is not right would be productive.


Using traditional 'correction' based training shows fast differences in our dogs but tends to ruin our relationship with them or may end up with behavioral issues.

The thing about POSITIVE based training is it is NOT fast and the humans need to really listen and learn to teach this new training method. It takes months (years?) for our dogs to develop bad behaviors and it also takes alot of time and effort for them to learn to speak human and live in our human world with our silly human ways (what? Not eat the sofa??? that's CRAZY talk  ).

Additionally, positive training is NOT permissive and not all bad behavior is ignored. Learning, really learning, positive based training is something that takes time for US to learn too. 

Just take the bull by the horns, do what we females do best, and take this task on. Your dog is WORTH IT! 

Victoria Stilwell Positively| Philosophy

Common Dog Training Mistakes - Whole Dog Journal Article



> *Mistake #1: “Positive = permissive”
> *You may hear non-positive trainers insist that there has to be a negative consequence for a dog’s inappropriate behavior or he’ll never learn what’s not allowed. It might surprise you to hear that positive trainers _don’t disagree_. We just differ on the nature of the consequence. A well-implemented positive training program combines good management, to prevent the dog from having the opportunity to be reinforced for undesirable behavior, and negative punishment, in which the dog’s inappropriate behavior makes a good thing go away.


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## sheep (Dec 2, 2011)

*MaggieRoseLee*, I think that you are right about insanity lol. *sigh*

Maybe it's really about exercising a bit more (thought he is not that energetic), thought I don't think that we can really provide off-leash exercises. Where we live, we don't even have dog parks. 

Honestly I'm too drained mentally/emotionally that I can't deal with it alone... I've never thought that it would be an issue before having a dog, as I always believed that all I need is to be firm and consistent. But he is too demanding and I don't think that me and my husband can really manage it in the long run, at least not without my husband's help.


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## sheep (Dec 2, 2011)

MaggieRoseLee said:


> Using traditional 'correction' based training shows fast differences in our dogs but tends to ruin our relationship with them or may end up with behavioral issues.
> 
> The thing about POSITIVE based training is it is NOT fast and the humans need to really listen and learn to teach this new training method. It takes months (years?) for our dogs to develop bad behaviors and it also takes alot of time and effort for them to learn to speak human and live in our human world with our silly human ways (what? Not eat the sofa??? that's CRAZY talk  ).
> 
> ...


I've been using correction with reinforcement at the same time, but actually the most troublesome behaviors in the past were indeed improved by reinforcement rather than corrections. For example, I'va taught him to chew on his toys instead of us or house stuffs; and then taught him how I liked to interact with him, so he is much more gentle during interactions and just loves to be scratched (he would act like a cat at times lol). It's much more efficient when we show him what we want, as it redirects his needs to appropriate behaviors. Thought in the few times when I need him to stop certain behaviors, I still couldn't deal with it well.

I've watched VS before, too bad the episodes are hard to find online. But I've started using time out after seeing her using it efficiently.
I also agree that while we can ignore some behaviors so that it would extinguish, we also need "punishment" in some other cases (like time out). PR is not being permissive, but rather reinforce most of the times while showing consequences for undesired behaviors in a non physical/confronting manner.

Thought I'm a bit tired of trying to figure out how to be the right leader for my dog by my own... Since having our dog, it revolutionized all that I knew about training, and I've dealt with so much confusion and even despair at times, it's just so tiring by my own...


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## MaggieRoseLee (Aug 17, 2001)

> Thought I'm a bit tired of trying to figure out how to be the right leader for my dog by my own... Since having our dog, it revolutionized all that I knew about training, and I've dealt with so much confusion and even despair at times, it's just so tiring by my own...


Instead of thinking all the burden is yours, and you are all alone, I'd just take your husband out of the equation entirely (like many women have to do  ) that way you won't blame him or continue to be overwhelmed and frustrated by expecting any different.

And you are NOT alone at all. There are MANY dog people in the world who would be more than willing to try to help you. Sign up and attend dog classes. If one instructor doesn't seem to click, then join another club/classes/instructor. If obedience doesn't seem to be your thing, then look for agility, rally, herding, flyball..... something else you BOTH enjoy with and instructor and classmates that are fun.

I LOVE agility. But not just cause of the dog stuff but because of the PEOPLE. I have a huge support system to immediately go to for help/hints/suggestions. These are people I only met because I have a dog, went to classes, and now even dog shows cause it's so much fun.

Watch/listen to this video of my 'new puppy' at a dog show (past the part of Bretta getting her MACH). All the people and friends and social stuff at the trial are part of the fun!


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## shepherdmom (Dec 24, 2011)

sheep said:


> Thanks for the replies.
> 
> The problem is, without consistency, plus a consistency of wrong things would ruin any education I'm trying to implement.
> 
> He's contributing by being the one to walk him daily. Thought I really need him to improve himself as an owner.


It's not going to happen and ultimatums won't help. You accept it as it or you decide not to have dogs. Been married 27 years my husband has always grumbled at me because I'm not as consistent with the dogs as he is. I'm not going to change. I don't need or want a perfect dog. I laugh when wiggles crawls into my lap. I can't help it she is a sweetie. I know its the wrong message and I don't freaking care. I like having her crawled into my lap cuddling. So ragging at me isn't going to change things. Deal with it and move on. Thankfully my husband gets that. Or we wouldn't still be together. He does things that make me crazy too.  BTW what makes you think he will let you get rid of the dog?


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## sheep (Dec 2, 2011)

MaggieRoseLee said:


> Instead of thinking all the burden is yours, and you are all alone, I'd just take your husband out of the equation entirely (like many women have to do  ) that way you won't blame him or continue to be overwhelmed and frustrated by expecting any different.
> 
> And you are NOT alone at all. There are MANY dog people in the world who would be more than willing to try to help you. Sign up and attend dog classes. If one instructor doesn't seem to click, then join another club/classes/instructor. If obedience doesn't seem to be your thing, then look for agility, rally, herding, flyball..... something else you BOTH enjoy with and instructor and classmates that are fun.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the encouragement, I really appreciate it. 

Thing is, I was dealing it all by myself before, without putting my husband into the equation. I've thought that I could do it by myself and since my husband is too soft and permissive, I never expected him to help at all (I'm also better at reading dogs instinctively). But then without consistency from his part too, plus reinforcing certain bad behaviors, made things really difficult. 
I've always been independent, but this is an issue that I really can't deal with it anymore as I'm too drained and can't figure it by myself.


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## sheep (Dec 2, 2011)

shepherdmom said:


> It's not going to happen and ultimatums won't help. You accept it as it or you decide not to have dogs. Been married 27 years my husband has always grumbled at me because I'm not as consistent with the dogs as he is. I'm not going to change. I don't need or want a perfect dog. I laugh when wiggles crawls into my lap. I can't help it she is a sweetie. I know its the wrong message and I don't freaking care. I like having her crawled into my lap cuddling. So ragging at me isn't going to change things. Deal with it and move on. Thankfully my husband gets that. Or we wouldn't still be together. He does things that make me crazy too.  BTW what makes you think he will let you get rid of the dog?


As I mentioned before, I don't need a perfect dog either, just a dog that would stop misbehaving when we need him to. I don't want to have a baby on my hands and then suddenly baby cries, and dog starts barking and running mad inside the house, while I tell him to stop to no avail. Or having him bump me to the floor while I'm pregnant, coz he wouldn't stop or behave inside the house. I don't think that needing this is the same as being consistent or lack of it when dogs lays on your lap or your sofa or bed... And "deal with it" is not even considered, I'm not willing to take such risks. Our dog even jumps and scratches us when excited, so if a dog cannot stop when we ask him to, then not able to stop him from running around me and jump on me while I have a baby on my arms can be dangerous.

And this is where my ultimatum comes in - since I can't educate our dog (and I'm already so tired of trying for a long time), if he also can't, then we are not the right owners and I won't risk our future kids' safety.
So if our dog is not minimally controllable, it's either the dog or kids.


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## Diesel and Lace (Apr 15, 2013)

As someone who also has a ambivalent husband I can relate. My suggestion would not to be asking him to do it, however setting up sessions with a trainer and asking him to go with you. Then slowly withdraw yourself from the training. Make an excuse why you cannot go and ask him to take over once, rejoin him but let him handle the dog, or tell him you dont feel comfortable or that you think he is better at it. You will probably find he enjoys the training as a man typically needs to feel in control, once he gets the liberation of having control over the dog he will quickly WANT to do it... Sometimes you have to get creative


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## Gwenhwyfair (Jul 27, 2010)

Been there too. My DH isn't as much into training as I am. I stuck with it, put up with _some _shenanigans at home but I do a lot of training and they mind me when I need them too. It does make it harder but what I did was give up on my DH and use German commands and just LOL at him when he tries his 'methods'. That's one good thing about the guys, they're stubborn so you can shift gears and they'll not pick up on it. 

Are you really that burned out? I mean deep down your heart is just not in it? Or do you need a break? (like maybe send the dog out for board and train so he can get additional training while you get a bit of a break).

It would be very sad if you rehomed the dog and then later regretted it, so I suggest you give yourself a break from the dog and make sure rehoming is really what you think is best.

Best to you....I hope it works out...

in edit just read your post about the problems and plans for future kids....that does put a different scale on the question. Perhaps it is best to rehome your dog, the stress would not be good for you.




sheep said:


> Thanks for the encouragement, I really appreciate it.
> 
> Thing is, I was dealing it all by myself before, without putting my husband into the equation. I've thought that I could do it by myself and since my husband is too soft and permissive, I never expected him to help at all (I'm also better at reading dogs instinctively). But then without consistency from his part too, plus reinforcing certain bad behaviors, made things really difficult.
> I've always been independent, but this is an issue that I really can't deal with it anymore as I'm too drained and can't figure it by myself.


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## David Taggart (Nov 25, 2012)

Dear lady,
Are you pregnant? It is usual for the pregnant to feel vulnerable. Maybe things are not that bad!
If your dog was exhausted in the morning, he would sleep until the evening. Ask your husband to do what he can do - get up at 6AM, go and exhaust the dog. He must continue throwing the ball untill his arm dangles dry. Evening comes - send him out again. All men are egoistical, that's why they never take the initiative but dare to criticize their wives. Men don't like to be told. If you wish to succeed, present him with your idea in such a way that he will think that it is his own, admonish it canningly, you are a woman. Men don't like to be threatened. Then, he might, doesn't understand your worries...Make it visible for him, start inviting your friends with children home, ignore your dog, let him destroy something. Maybe then he will see you cannot handle everything.


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## shepherdmom (Dec 24, 2011)

sheep said:


> As I mentioned before, I don't need a perfect dog either, just a dog that would stop misbehaving when we need him to. I don't want to have a baby on my hands and then suddenly baby cries, and dog starts barking and running mad inside the house, while I tell him to stop to no avail. Or having him bump me to the floor while I'm pregnant, coz he wouldn't stop or behave inside the house. I don't think that needing this is the same as being consistent or lack of it when dogs lays on your lap or your sofa or bed... And "deal with it" is not even considered, I'm not willing to take such risks. Our dog even jumps and scratches us when excited, so if a dog cannot stop when we ask him to, then not able to stop him from running around me and jump on me while I have a baby on my arms can be dangerous.
> 
> And this is where my ultimatum comes in - since I can't educate our dog (and I'm already so tired of trying for a long time), if he also can't, then we are not the right owners and I won't risk our future kids' safety.
> So if our dog is not minimally controllable, it's either the dog or kids.


Re-home the dog.. obviously you are not a dog person and if I were you I would re-think the kid thing too. Kids run around they bite, scratch and jump when excited and they get hurt. I raised two grown kids with 5 very large dogs who were not perfect. I was swim team mom, soccer mom, girl scout leader... I had kids and dogs in and out of my house for 20 years and yeah sometimes kids got knocked down by an excited dog or a dog got knocked down by an excited kid. You pick them up kiss it better and move on. BTW if your dog is not minimally controllable that is on you. God knows I'm not consistent but if I say go lay down now they know they better do it.


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## sheep (Dec 2, 2011)

David Taggart said:


> Dear lady,
> Are you pregnant? It is usual for the pregnant to feel vulnerable. Maybe things are not that bad!
> If your dog was exhausted in the morning, he would sleep until the evening. Ask your husband to do what he can do - get up at 6AM, go and exhaust the dog. He must continue throwing the ball untill his arm dangles dry. Evening comes - send him out again. All men are egoistical, that's why they never take the initiative but dare to criticize their wives. Men don't like to be told. If you wish to succeed, present him with your idea in such a way that he will think that it is his own, admonish it canningly, you are a woman. Men don't like to be threatened. Then, he might, doesn't understand your worries...Make it visible for him, start inviting your friends with children home, ignore your dog, let him destroy something. Maybe then he will see you cannot handle everything.


I'm not pregnant yet, but planning to be soon.  But I've been thinking about this, as I would prefer to have time to find him a good owner if I really rehome him, and doing so only when I'm pregnant would limit the time I have to do so.

The idea of making him see by himself, I actually did it when I began to make him supervise our dog as well, coz in the past, I was the one who took care of him when we are at home. I needed him to see how it is so that he could understand what I try to do instead of criticizing, and it worked. Thought he has a long way to actually become a good leader, and our dog listens to me much better than him.


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## sheep (Dec 2, 2011)

shepherdmom said:


> Re-home the dog.. obviously you are not a dog person and if I were you I would re-think the kid thing too. Kids run around they bite, scratch and jump when excited and they get hurt. I raised two grown kids with 5 very large dogs who were not perfect. I was swim team mom, soccer mom, girl scout leader... I had kids and dogs in and out of my house for 20 years and yeah sometimes kids got knocked down by an excited dog or a dog got knocked down by an excited kid. You pick them up kiss it better and move on. BTW if your dog is not minimally controllable that is on you. God knows I'm not consistent but if I say go lay down now they know they better do it.


I think that blaming the owner for not being able to control a dog is typical of those who never had a more difficult one. I have never had any issues with my past few dogs, and if I didn't have my current dog, I would also think that way.

But if pondering about giving up a dog for the sake of children's safety, after dedicating a lot and trying hard to figure out ways to educate him better to no avail, makes me not a dog person, then so be it.

Kids don't born as 3/5 years old already. They born as fragile babies first. I don't worry much if a kid gets knocked down by a dog, but a baby and while in my arms, coz a dog might jump and scratch/pull baby down or knock me down? Good for you if you never experienced trouble with your dogs being controllable. I was that lucky too... 'till my current dog.


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## Gwenhwyfair (Jul 27, 2010)

Sometimes being a responsible dog owner also means being honest about one's limitations. This dog may not be a good match for sheep and ignoring that reality may well end up with a bad ending, a news story about a GSD hurting a child. 

IMO Sheep is being honest with herself, her capabilities and her situation and that should be commended not criticized, especially considering she has invested 3 years and sought professional help.

Being realistic and pragmatic, looking ahead so that she will have time to find the right home is wise IMO.

Sheep, I think the difficult part maybe finding the right match for your dog. It sounds like he needs an outlet like doing dog sports, obedience, agilty or lure coursing. I hope you can find an experienced owner who wants to do that sort of activity with your dog and then it will be more likely a happy ending.

Best to you.


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## Blanketback (Apr 27, 2012)

I know from your posts that you've put in alot of effort to train your puppy to become a nice dog. My last GSD really changed when he hit about 3 years of age, with a very noticeable difference in attitude. Even though I had trained him in those prior years, his maturity was so welcome!`Lol! Maybe this will be your salvation? I too have all the training responsibility, with DH just giving affection and nothing more. I really like this though, since basically all DH has to do is follow some basic rules and then I can keep the training consistent. Lol, no pulling at socks as a game, no flicking food from the couch - you know, that kind of thing, lmao. Good luck Sheep!


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## shepherdmom (Dec 24, 2011)

sheep said:


> I think that blaming the owner for not being able to control a dog is typical of those who never had a more difficult one. I have never had any issues with my past few dogs, and if I didn't have my current dog, I would also think that way.
> .


I help with rescue... I hear bad excuses all the time. ALL of my dogs except Buddy are dogs someone else couldn't control. What most people call "difficult dogs". My Tasha doesn't have a tail because the POS owner couldn't take her to the vet because she supposedly bites. Shaking head... the idiot owner couldn't figure out that she was biting because there was something wrong with her tail? 

Meet my big scary aggressive uncontrollable shepherd










How about my going to be PTS cage agressive must where a muzzle to see the shelter vet Ivan









and here is my rescue Akita and my shepherd with my baby. 










Go ahead throw away your dog... Hopefully he will find a home like mine.


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## Rallhaus (May 17, 2011)

sounds like my home.....LOL


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## wolfy dog (Aug 1, 2012)

Dogs deserve to be welcome and cared for for the full 100%. It doesn't sound like it from the OP's posts. If you cannot make this commitment, rehome him. Also talk with your hubby about how you will raise your future kids. Think before you leap into parenthood. You need a good relationship to make that work. It is hard to rehome children


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## wolfy dog (Aug 1, 2012)

shepherdmom said:


> Go ahead throw away your dog... Hopefully he will find a home like mine.


No need to be nasty. The OP came here for help and not for this kind of "advice" and trying to putting her on a guilt trip.
I commend the OP for thinking things over with the help of forum members and if she decides to rehome the dog, it is in the best interest of the dog and people as well. Have you never had a dog that was a mismatch? I have and now I know better so that doesn't happen anymore.
I commend you for rescuing dogs but please do not put yourself above others because of it. I have fostered many dogs and learned that there is a story behind every dog and owner.


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## JackandMattie (Feb 4, 2013)

Make the dog your own. Let your husband come second. Natural consequences and dogs work hand in hand 






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## shepherdmom (Dec 24, 2011)

wolfy dog said:


> No need to be nasty. The OP came here for help and not for this kind of "advice" and trying to putting her on a guilt trip.
> I commend the OP for thinking things over with the help of forum members and if she decides to rehome the dog, it is in the best interest of the dog and people as well. Have you never had a dog that was a mismatch? I have and now I know better so that doesn't happen anymore.
> .


I have had a dog I screwed up on. The dog wasn't a mismatch. I screwed up! My fault. I don't blame the dog, or my husband. I'm so sick and tired of excuses. I'm not going to commend someone for self justification or even worse blaming someone else. When I screwed up I did my best to fix it, but I won't forgive myself and I **** sure will never let it happen again. If being what you might consider nasty will open up even one persons eyes then yes I will be nasty. Because this is what can happen when people screw up... I see post after post of this day after day on my facebook. 










Now meet Ruby... this poor dog has been screwed too many times to count she is back at the rescue for the second time after her latest forever home split up moved and left her running in the streets to starve. 










I was fortunate enough to meet Ruby a couple of weeks ago. Even after all she has been through she is the sweetest loving soul.


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## sheep (Dec 2, 2011)

shepherdmom, do you have more photos? Why not post your entire album of abused and abandoned dogs? Then go on with your holier than thou "everyone that rehomes their dogs for whatever reason shall be shamed and judged". Coz whether an owner did put lots of time and effort do deal with some stressful dog issues, cared enough to get a trainer and find another when the first one didn't work out well, and cares enough to ask for opinions as well as find a good enough owner if she really rehomes the dog after all the attempts to make it work; or simply throw him back to the shelter, or even to the streets - for you it's the same, everyone shall be criticized and judged by you as long as they think of rehoming a dog.

It is your kind of people that makes owners who needs help avoid finding help. Coz instead of actually saying something that can help, and actually make a difference for a dog's life (if the advice is useful), you prefer judging all the way.


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## shepherdmom (Dec 24, 2011)

If you don't want to be judged then don't post in a public forum. Does your husband know you talk about him that way in public ?


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## sheep (Dec 2, 2011)

shepherdmom said:


> If you don't want to be judged then don't post in a public forum. Does your husband know you talk about him that way in public ?


I guess that anyone that comes to a forum without being conscious that some people would judge you would be naive, specially when it comes to dog forum.  However, are you expecting people to just accept exaggerated judgments without replying back?

And my husband already saw this thread. What way is this "that way in the public" you are talking about? I've been saying that he is not good at dog education and I need him to understand and commit to it together, so I don't understand your "Does your husband know you talk about him that way in public".


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## David Taggart (Nov 25, 2012)

> Also talk with your hubby about how you will raise your future kids. Think before you leap into parenthood. You need a good relationship to make that work. It is hard to rehome children


Maybe, really ... It has nothing to do with your dog? 
Imagine, there's no husband, just the dog. Imagine, there's no dog, just the husband. Then kids, enormous responsibility, sleepless nights, and all the hardship left to you alone. There are many such husbands who will help you just with cash, but wouldn't take his own son for a walk, rather sit and watch TV.
Don't give up with your dog, it is a *treachery*. Husbands are replacable, dogs are not. He will grow older, more stable like all dogs do.


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## sheep (Dec 2, 2011)

David Taggart said:


> Maybe, really ... It has nothing to do with your dog?
> Imagine, there's no husband, just the dog. Imagine, there's no dog, just the husband. Then kids, enormous responsibility, sleepless nights, and all the hardship left to you alone. There are many such husbands who will help you just with cash, but wouldn't take his own son for a walk, rather sit and watch TV.
> Don't give up with your dog, it is a *treachery*. Husbands are replacable, dogs are not. He will grow older, more stable like all dogs do.


I think that the reasons are that I was not prepared enough for this dog. Before adopting him, I never had issues with my few other dogs, and all I knew and needed was training them basic commands through reinforcement, and be firm and consistent with rules. As we got him, and issues started to arise and what I knew back then didn't work, I started to learn more and more, and has been able to educate him into a much better dog.
But I still can't figure out how to educate him to respond in a controllable way during moments of sudden excitement, and that is when I needed my husband to help. It could just be anyone else to help me figure it out actually, but I believe that this dog needs better leaders, so I need him to commit to that as well.

Thought I'm currently thinking that maybe I would wait 'till longer, as I'm thinking of trying to implement much more strict methods, similar to Ruff Love. When we cannot supervise him, his freedom will be restricted, and when we are together, freedom is restricted by a long leash. This aside of the reinforcements of the good behaviors and basic commands.
Also, if there are seminaries for dog owners, I'm taking my husband with me. Maybe someone else explaining things in different ways can make him understand the basic leadership rules better.


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## Charlie W (Feb 12, 2013)

Whether you keep the dog or rehome him, I think you should be proud that you have thought it through. There is NO shame in re-homing a dog, better that than keeping him and making him you and your husband miserable. I hope you and your husband work things out with the dog training as you clearly love the dog.
Good luck..


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## Diesel and Lace (Apr 15, 2013)

OP: Did you see my suggestion on how to get him involved? 

If everyone would look back at the original post she did not come here to tell everyone she is rehoming the dog. She came for suggestions on how to get her husband involved with a dog that is beyond her control and she needs HELP. Not bashing on getting rid of the dog. Yes she said if she cannot get it under control she may have to rehome the dog which I think is a fair assessment. While there are very few circumstances in which I personally believe in rehoming the dog, she is TRYING to get help on training the dog and getting her husband involved. This is a common problem pet is brought into the home and one party in the home disassociates themselves and puts blinders on to the problem. 

OP: Get into a training program with the dog end of story. Try to get your husband to participate and if you are successful start to have him handle the dog and withdraw yourself from the training. I think the dog, your husband, and yourself will be much happier all around. The #1 reason dogs end up in shelters is because the lack of training. A GSD is very smart, it will not take long at all, probably after the first session you will see a difference. You don't have to go 25 times. Just go enough times that you can effectively handle the dog and have a dog that is happy and you are happy. Good Luck!


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## shepherdmom (Dec 24, 2011)

I'm out of town replying from my phone so I hope this works. Op your very first post was complaining about your husbands lack of involvement and blaming him for the dogs issues then you say the dog has so much more issues than other dogs. The dog doesn't listen, the husband doesn't listen what is the common denominator in both of these equations ? Maybe the both don't listen because of lack of follow thru? If you work the dog and train the dog it won't matter what your husband does he can spoil the dog rotton and it will still be trained. If you put as much time into training the dog as you do into posting you wouldn't have to rehome the dog when you have kids. 

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## shepherdmom (Dec 24, 2011)

sheep said:


> Thanks for the replies.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


@ diesel and lace she is not asking for help for her on training the dog she is looking for help on getting someone else to do it. 

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## Lilie (Feb 3, 2010)

david taggart said:


> dear lady,
> if your dog was exhausted in the morning, he would sleep until the evening. Ask your husband to do what he can do - get up at 6am, go and exhaust the dog. He must continue throwing the ball untill his arm dangles dry. Evening comes - send him out again. All men are egoistical, that's why they never take the initiative but dare to criticize their wives. Men don't like to be told. If you wish to succeed, present him with your idea in such a way that he will think that it is his own, admonish it canningly, you are a woman. Men don't like to be threatened. Then, he might, doesn't understand your worries...make it visible for him, start inviting your friends with children home, ignore your dog, let him destroy something. Maybe then he will see you cannot handle everything.


 
great advice!!!!!!!


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## FlyAway (Jul 17, 2012)

MaggieRoseLee said:


> I've been to dog training classes for years and guess what. The vast majority of people that have taken the time, effort and LOVE to take their dogs are WOMEN!!! There is no comparison to the numbers. Almost all or all will be women with their dogs in the class.


And often, when there are men in the class, they have their own ideas of how to train. 

If you can't get into a training class, or meet with some kind of positive trainer, doing the restrictions you mentioned is good. I have a tough male, when he has naughty days, maybe I will make him wait a couple hours late with his food, or he has to sit in his kennel for a while as I ignore him, and no petting. It really works well with my boy who wants his recognition.


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## JakodaCD OA (May 14, 2000)

I think what you have to do is ask yourself honestly, are things going to change? 

If you can't handle the dog, and your husband isn't on board, it may be a good idea to find another home for him. 

It sounds like your previous dogs were pretty easy to deal with/train, but this guy may just be to much for you..

Certainly not a bash, on you as an owner by any means, if it isn't good for you or the dog, and your husband isn't willing to help out, this dog may just not be a good fit for you at this time.


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## wolfy dog (Aug 1, 2012)

shepherdmom said:


> I'm out of town replying from my phone so I hope this works. Op your very first post was complaining about your husbands lack of involvement and blaming him for the dogs issues then you say the dog has so much more issues than other dogs. The dog doesn't listen, the husband doesn't listen what is the common denominator in both of these equations ? Maybe the both don't listen because of lack of follow thru? If you work the dog and train the dog it won't matter what your husband does he can spoil the dog rotton and it will still be trained. If you put as much time into training the dog as you do into posting you wouldn't have to rehome the dog when you have kids.
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App


In Kindergarten we learned "if you cannot say anything nice, don't say anything at all".


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## sheep (Dec 2, 2011)

Diesel and Lace said:


> OP: Did you see my suggestion on how to get him involved?
> 
> If everyone would look back at the original post she did not come here to tell everyone she is rehoming the dog. She came for suggestions on how to get her husband involved with a dog that is beyond her control and she needs HELP. Not bashing on getting rid of the dog. Yes she said if she cannot get it under control she may have to rehome the dog which I think is a fair assessment. While there are very few circumstances in which I personally believe in rehoming the dog, she is TRYING to get help on training the dog and getting her husband involved. This is a common problem pet is brought into the home and one party in the home disassociates themselves and puts blinders on to the problem.
> 
> OP: Get into a training program with the dog end of story. Try to get your husband to participate and if you are successful start to have him handle the dog and withdraw yourself from the training. I think the dog, your husband, and yourself will be much happier all around. The #1 reason dogs end up in shelters is because the lack of training. A GSD is very smart, it will not take long at all, probably after the first session you will see a difference. You don't have to go 25 times. Just go enough times that you can effectively handle the dog and have a dog that is happy and you are happy. Good Luck!


Yes, thank you for the advice.  I think that if I can find a trainer with compatible ideas, I will have my husband do the training while I observe from distance.

Also, aside of training, I will drag him with me if there are any seminars nearby.


Also, I have an idea for him. I've told him that he might try to start feeding him not by handling him the food but rather using it for training sessions during walks. I've told him that if he can commit to that, it might condition our dog to listen better, specially since he would have to work for food.


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## sheep (Dec 2, 2011)

shepherdmom said:


> I'm out of town replying from my phone so I hope this works. Op your very first post was complaining about your husbands lack of involvement and blaming him for the dogs issues then you say the dog has so much more issues than other dogs. The dog doesn't listen, the husband doesn't listen what is the common denominator in both of these equations ? Maybe the both don't listen because of lack of follow thru? If you work the dog and train the dog it won't matter what your husband does he can spoil the dog rotton and it will still be trained. If you put as much time into training the dog as you do into posting you wouldn't have to rehome the dog when you have kids.
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App


If you paid attention, you'd notice that I've assumed the responsibility of our dog's education by myself for almost 2 years but still can't deal with some issues, so that's why I need my husband to commit to be a better leader as well, as I'm drained and cannot figure it out by myself, and the lack of consistency would not help (and no it's not about not spoiling him by allowing him on laps or couches or whatever, can you stop projecting your own consistency situation on ours?). These issues are actually fine if we don't want kids, but if we are having kids, then it's not safe for a dog to not be minimally controllable.

And why are you now criticizing how I'm posting in a forum to ask for help is actually wasting time? But I do understand your logic - wasting time paying attention to posts like yours is in fact nothing more than wasting time. Thought others has contributed much more useful advices than yours, and I wouldn't consider it a waste of time to read their advices!


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## sheep (Dec 2, 2011)

shepherdmom said:


> @ diesel and lace she is not asking for help for her on training the dog she is looking for help on getting someone else to do it.
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App


What part of me saying that I need him to do it together did you not understand?


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## shepherdmom (Dec 24, 2011)

What part of put on your big girl panties and train the dog yourself do you not understand? Several people have all given you that same advice. If you worked half as much training the dog as you do arguing with me the dog would ne trained by now :banghead:
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## sheep (Dec 2, 2011)

shepherdmom said:


> What part of put on your big girl panties and train the dog yourself do you not understand? Several people have all given you that same advice. If you worked half as much training the dog as you do arguing with me the dog would ne trained by now :banghead:
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App


What part of I've already tried to figure out and deal with it by myself for almost 2 years but still can't figure it out so I need help do you not understand? Gee, so when you have nothing more to attack, you just use stupid arguments about people wasting time posting on forums for help? Honestly, I don't know why are you trying so hard to post your judgments here. If you can't stand people needing help and posting it on forums, you can simply ignore the threads instead of spamming with your holier than thou judgments and expect people to just suck it up. And if you didn't notice, others are much nicer and understanding, and actually posted useful advices.


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## Galathiel (Nov 30, 2012)

You know, you can ignore posters if you feel it has gotten down to 'nothing useful here'. Works well. Go to Quick Links on the black bar above-->User Control Panel-->Settings & Options.


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## shepherdmom (Dec 24, 2011)

sheep said:


> What part of I've already tried to figure out and deal with it by myself for almost 2 years but still can't figure it out so I need help do you not understand? Gee, so when you have nothing more to attack, you just use stupid arguments about people wasting time posting on forums for help? Honestly, I don't know why are you trying so hard to post your judgments here. If you can't stand people needing help and posting it on forums, you can simply ignore the threads instead of spamming with your holier than thou judgments and expect people to just suck it up. And if you didn't notice, others are much nicer and understanding, and actually posted useful advices.


So for two years you have tried and failed to train the dog. And somehow magically its going to get trained if your husband helps ? If you want help go to a trainer. I don't get any sense or feeling from you that you want real help. There are plenty on here that have done it without their partner. I will not sit quietly by when someone tries to garner sympathy for dumping a dog. Whatever, you will do what you want anyway. Just find the dog a good home... Please. 

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## Swifty (May 11, 2013)

shepherdmom said:


> So for two years you have tried and failed to train the dog. And somehow magically its going to get trained if your husband helps ? If you want help go to a trainer. I don't get any sense or feeling from you that you want real help. There are plenty on here that have done it without their partner. I will not sit quietly by when someone tries to garner sympathy for dumping a dog. Whatever, you will do what you want anyway. Just find the dog a good home... Please.


I learned early from the trainer that having the whole household be consistent really helps with training. I've had a similar experience where I'm the one going to the trainer with the dog and I'm the one who works with the dog every day practicing. Everyone else in the house is permissive and "don't want the dog to not like them" and it makes training her that much harder.

Having a hard time training a dog or finding a dog a new home does not make someone a bad person.


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## sheep (Dec 2, 2011)

shepherdmom said:


> So for two years you have tried and failed to train the dog. And somehow magically its going to get trained if your husband helps ? If you want help go to a trainer. I don't get any sense or feeling from you that you want real help. There are plenty on here that have done it without their partner. I will not sit quietly by when someone tries to garner sympathy for dumping a dog. Whatever, you will do what you want anyway. Just find the dog a good home... Please.
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App


1 - My husband becoming a better leader as well might not guarantee success, but it increases the chances of it.
Also, maybe he can provide a fresh perspective or realize something I didn't, if he also reads more about dog training and such. Two different people dealing with the same thing can come up with different ideas.

2 - I have been asking for advices here, not sympathy for dumping my dog. If I have already decided to rehome him, I wouldn't have to worry anymore anyways, and the last thing I'd care to do is to come to the forum to just vent and get sympathy.

3 - Maybe you have some anger and hate towards anyone who ever considers rehoming their dogs, but attempting to distort what other people said and think in order to justify your own judgmental comments is low.


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## sheep (Dec 2, 2011)

Galathiel said:


> You know, you can ignore posters if you feel it has gotten down to 'nothing useful here'. Works well. Go to Quick Links on the black bar above-->User Control Panel-->Settings & Options.


Thanks for the tip.  I just don't do that since I always prefer to know what other people might say about me, thought maybe I should really consider ignoring and stop replying to those comments, as we would end up in circles if I don't.


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## JakodaCD OA (May 14, 2000)

I think the back and forth can cease now it's enough.

I think you have a few choices

1. No one can 'force' your husband to get on board, if he does , great, if not, well move on to the next ..I DO think it would be a GOOD idea for your husband to take the dog to training classes but again you can't force him.

2. Get into a training class/trainer yourself, commit to it and just do it

3. Learn to live with the issues

4. Rehome the dog..


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