# How do you cope?



## Mrs.K (Jul 14, 2009)

I handed over Rex yesterday and I am still balling whenever I think about him. It was love from first sight and I simply loved that dog. I wished I could have kept him myself but I knew it wasn't fair to any of them to keep yet another dog. 
However I am literally balling my eyes out over him. I don't know if it is because he was our first foster or if I am unfit to be a foster because I let myself get too attached. It's like I gave away one of my own dogs. For that short period of time I considered him my dog. I treated him like one of my own and love him deeply and dearly. Especially since he has such a sweet nature. 

How do you cope with letting go off a foster, how hard is it for you to let go off a foster. That experience had a huge impact on me and I am not sure if I can go through that every single time I am fostering a dog. So maybe, for me, it would be better to be more involved to get a dog from point a to point b and help that way. 

How did it feel when you had to let go of your first foster?


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

Ask MAGSR about Nero! I cried when I handed him over also. You have to have the point of view that you are opening up your 'slot' for the next dog to be saved and that the rescue will find a wonderful home where Rex will be king.


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## Mrs.K (Jul 14, 2009)

i could hold myself together when I handed him over but I almost wanted to take him back home. Once they drove off and he sat in the passenger seat and looked at me, that was the breaking point and I am still crying as I sit here, writing this. 

I don't know how people can so easily dump their dogs. I know I couldn't.


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## gsdraven (Jul 8, 2009)

Mrs.K said:


> How do you cope with letting go off a foster, how hard is it for you to let go off a foster. That experience had a huge impact on me and I am not sure if I can go through that every single time I am fostering a dog. So maybe, for me, it would be better to be more involved to get a dog from point a to point b and help that way.
> 
> How did it feel when you had to let go of your first foster?


How do I cope? I foster again 

The first one is definitely the hardest. I was actually depressed for a couple of days when I let my first one go. I held it in until I got home and when my Mom called, I just lost it. Raven and I just layed around all weekend moping. It got easier for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th....

Now, when we let a foster go, I just spend the extra time with Raven. Admittedly she gets a little less one on one time and training when I have a foster because I am trying to get them ready to go, so I do extra special stuff with her when we are between fosters and it helps to take my mind off things.


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## Wolfiesmom (Apr 10, 2010)

When I was a kid, my parents fostered a GSD for a couple months. When it came time to let go, I cried and cried. I always remembered that feeling, and I'm not sure that I could handle being a foster mom. I know how you feel Mrs. K, but you did a wonderful thing for Rex.


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## doreenf (Nov 7, 2007)

I felt the very same way you did, I cried for two days, then a week after the adoptive parents picked up Ellie they sent pictures and an email on how happy she was and they were very thankful that they were choosen to adopt her. That helped me alot knowing I made the right decision and she had the right home. They all take a piece of your heart when they leave. Thank-You for fostering, its not easy but knowing that you have changed the life of a dog that otherwise would be put down or staying in a shelter. Thank goodness for fosters.:wub:

Doreen


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## EchoGSD (Mar 12, 2010)

People have very different responses to fostering, and the letting go process. I've fostered dogs and cats for various groups; all are hard to give up. My strongest attachments were to a husky mix that I took from an animal hospital after they treated her for Parvo (it took several months of at home rehabilitation, socializing, obedience classes, and resume reviewing before I was comfortable letting her go to her forever home), and 2 kittens from a litter I hand raised after the queen died. When the last kitten went to her new family, my husband was so ecstatic about the now-empty kitten house that he didn't notice my tears. The tears fall, then the next foster comes into your life to mop them up. I love knowing that I helped these babies when they needed it.


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## Elaine (Sep 10, 2006)

I've only had one foster that I bawled my eyes out as I handed him over. He was a very special dog and I still miss him. 

Most of my fosters I'm not that attached to and make a conscious effort not to too. I liked a lot of them, but didn't get that attached. 

I had a foster last summer that I was just days away from failing fostering when she was placed in a great home. I have visitation rights to her, have seen her a couple of times, get regular email updates, and will be dogsitting her for a long weekend in a couple of months. Her people are going to have to pry her out of my arms when they come to pick her back up. As hard as it will be to give her back, I'm looking forward to three whole days of snuggling her as much as I want.


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## Myamom (Oct 10, 2005)

It's hard...and you cry...but what makes it all worthwhile is knowing that WITHOUT YOU that dog would not be alive. Without fosters...rescues could not save lives. Each and every foster is invaluable...one foster...equals another saved. 
Many adopters love to keep in touch and update...and that really helps. I think one of my hardest to give up was a cute wgsd puppy. My family sooooo wanted to adopt him. He found a wonderful home with a BDBH volunteer...and years later...she still takes the time to send me pictures and updates...that make me smile. 

As a foster...you are the most vital piece...in the process of saving a life. So while we may be sad for a short while...until the next one comes along...lol....look at the bigger picture and smile and know you saved a life.


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## Hatterasser (Oct 25, 2007)

I picked up a liver puppy from Tyner, NC and had him with me until transport was arranged. I loved that puppy and would have been happy to keep him forever. But I know that the most I can handle full time are the now and then fosters, that I know will be going to their permanent homes. But the knowledge that they will live a good life and not die in some cold shelter somewhere, alone and unloved, is enough for me to handle the temporary nature of fostering.


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## JakodaCD OA (May 14, 2000)

I am a foster failure


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## paulag1955 (Jun 29, 2010)

I do not believe I _could_ cope...that is why there is not likely to be any fostering in my future.


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## CassandGunnar (Jan 3, 2011)

First of all: THANKS TO ALL OF YOU WHO FOSTER. EVERY ONE OF YOU!!!!

I would also have a hard time "letting go" of a foster. I agree with the post of getting easier over time and knowing that you are moving on the the next life you save.


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## Myamom (Oct 10, 2005)

Keep in mind...you are allowed to "fail" once in a while...lol. I think we all have....me...x 2...LOL. 

After a while...you just know you're at your limit anyway...so it makes it easier ... or you'd be the crazy dog person...lol.


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## rickaz80 (Feb 24, 2008)

I think the breed has a lot to do with your feelings. This breed has a way of endearing them selfs on you. One day going to work, I saw two GSDs walking down the sidewalk on a busy street. I stopped the car, waited for a break in traffic and called the dogs to me. To my surprise, they ran over and jumped in my car. It turns out they were both GSDs, one was a female about 2 years old and one was a 6 month old male. Both licked my head all the way home. I took them to my back yard and introduced them to my two female GSDs, a grand time was had by all.
The female had a tag which gave a phone number. We called the number and the owner came over and picked the dogs up. To this day I have had bad feelings about giving the dog back. In that short time I grew very attached to those dogs.


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## Mrs.K (Jul 14, 2009)

Myamom said:


> Keep in mind...you are allowed to "fail" once in a while...lol. I think we all have....me...x 2...LOL.
> 
> After a while...you just know you're at your limit anyway...so it makes it easier ... or you'd be the crazy dog person...lol.


Oh, I already am the crazy dog person haha. 

It think with Rex it has a lot to do with his nature. He is the sweetest dogs that one can wish for. The Shepherd that everybody wants. Gorgeous, strong, kind and loving, great with every situation he encounters and not the least bit aggressive. 

He would snuggle with you for hours and sleep with you, resting his head on your shoulder and not moving a bit. Rex itself is a dog that simply leaves an impression behind and even if you have had him for only a day, he is the kind of dog that you will miss for a lifetime.


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## Dogaroo (Mar 4, 2003)

I thought Gunner's "grandbreeder" was going to start bawling when I was putting her grandpuppy in my car! At least she's close enough to visit at least once a year. 

I had a hard time letting go of the few dogs I fostered & re-homed. I never did let go of Kaija. I knew after only four days that she had already found her forever home, and I think she knew four days earlier than I did. I'm a little slow on the uptake sometimes.


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

I fostered Jasmine for two years. During that time she and Arwen started WWIII, and all three of us where hospitalized. 

I built the escape proof kennels because of her.

I had to completely tarp the the one side so that the two of them could not make nasty faces at each other.

She went through my bedroom window three times, twice to get in, and once to get out!

She ate the cable to the TV antenna. I have not had television in my house since. It has been five or six years since she left.

I do not suppose that I danced a jig when she went home. She really is a very sweet girl. But keeping two bitches that HATE each other... 

I still see Jazzy from time to time, and she LOVES me. And that is really odd considering how horrible I was to her. 

While I was building the kennels, as a temporary measure, I put a runner up for her in the front yard that ran from my front door to the tree in my front yard. I pushed a dog house out there, and put a water bucket and food bowl out there and went to work. On my way to work it started to rain. When I got home, my front yard was a mud pit, and Jazzy was mud from the tip of her snout to the end of her tail. I had visions of being one of those total zeroes on animal cops saying, "really, this all happened today."

Ok, so I moved her into the back yard...

I had already put fencing around the back yard, horse fencing, after the neighbor called to tell me the two girls were having the time of their lives digging under the kennel, and going through a puddle to get in and out of the kennel. (That was before WWIII.) And I put the electric fence around the base to discourage climbing or digging around the horse fencing. 

But I could not leave Jazzy in this area, because, well, windows were not barriers to her. 3 times! Unbelieveable. (In fact, I still have the lower half of that window boarded up.)

I could not crate them in the house, because Arwen had already gone through two wire crates and three fiberglass crates. Crates would not prevent the bloody murder that they were capable of. 

So I moved the runner to the back yard, and put up a plastic garden fence around a section behind the shed on harder ground. I could not use the runner because the cable was too short to reach the tree, so I went ahead and chained her to the shed. I pushed the dog house back there. Got the orange garden fencing in place to keep out other critters, and gave her food and water. 

I came home and she would not come out of her house. 

I called her and ordered her out, and she came out all trembling. I was baffled, and then noticed that the chain had moved in close proximity to a section of the solar powered fence, and Jazzy found that the only place she was safe was in her house. I felt like a major heel.

Let's see, FINALLY the kennels were completed. Nice large kennels, 25 x14 and 23 x14 foot. I filled them with wood chips. And I covered them with tarps. I put bucket holders in them, and a nice platform so they would not have to lie on the concrete. I then went on vacation, and my brother was to care for the dogs -- Jazzy was his.

That night Baby Hugo struck. It was the aftermath of one of the hurricanes that hit the coasts, that made it up to the midwest. 

It rained buckets, literally. And the tarp was not a sun screen, it held the buckets of water, and collapsed one of the two by four by fourteen foot center supports. 

Ah, the fond memories of fostering Jasmine! 

She is eleven now. I got her when my brothers roomate died and he had to move back in with my parents to finish school, etc. I gave her back when he bought his house two years later. She is a sweet, loving girl who has a great home -- NOW. But that time of crates and fences, and chains, and runners, and broken windows, and eaten antennas, well, it did mean that she was able to remain with my brother. 

I guess I felt pretty good to let her go home.


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## Dogaroo (Mar 4, 2003)

selzer said:


> I fostered Jasmine for two years....


Wow. Now, THAT is dedication!


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## K9SHOUSE (Jun 8, 2003)

I think every person who fosters has a twinge of sadness when they let their foster be adopted away. Sometimes it is really painful and sometimes it's a happy/proud sadness. I imagine like sending your kid to kindergarten or college. It does get easier as you foster more and learn to let go. For my fosters I tried to do the homechecks for families interested in them. I think it's a little easier (or more reassuring) to let them go that way. 

I can honestly say some adopting families were just perfect for certain dogs. Plus I will honestly admit that there are adopters who can provide a much better home then I could have given my fosters. I've homechecked families I want to be reincarnated as their dogs because they are loved, cherished and have built their homes or fenced acres of it for their dogs. One of my favorites was a very large, dominant, head strong 2 yo male who loved men. He ended up going to a family with teenage children, no nonsense Mama and the father owned his own manufacturing plant next door to his house. He brings the dog to work with him everyday and is loved on by all the guys there. I could never give him that perfect home.

It's also easier when you stay and touch (if possible) and hear how the dogs are doing and how much they are loved or needed. Before we adopted Dakota I did a foster to adopt a young female GSD/Setter pup. I fostered her for 6 months and it was just too much for Guinness because she was constantly biting or jumping on him and he refused to fight back and would just cry. With a VERY heavy and guilty heart I put her up for adoption. I felt like a complete failure since I couldn't work it out between them. I received an adoption application 3 days after posting her and it was an amazing family. After meeting them I felt comfortable in letting her go. She went to a great home on the water, Mom stayed home, kids in college, swam daily, went on their boat and loved like a child. I kept in touch for about 6 months as a follow up and then didn't talk for about a year. I then got an email that the Dad's cancer had returned over that year and he had passed away. This pup was his constant companion and one of his greatest joys and comforts till the end. She would just lay with him calmly and knew to act that way. The Mom could not thank me enough for blessing them with her. She was perfect for them and was helping the Mom to cope with each day at that difficult time.


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## Dogaroo (Mar 4, 2003)

Dogaroo said:


> Wow. Now, THAT is dedication!


Selzer:

Urgh. I was actually referring to what went on during those two years; not "Wow, people foster for that long?" 

She was lucky to have you.


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## CaliBoy (Jun 22, 2010)

Mrs. K:

Bless you for fostering Rex, and bless all those who foster other dogs. I have been wondering about the same question you ask, "how do the foster folks do it?" My sister asked me to take care of her female dog for only two months. And in that amount of time, that dog bore a huge hole into my heart.

When my sister came to get her, the dog didn't want to get in the car and kept running back to me. I was able to stay strong until they drove away, and then I lost it. 

My heart is still broken, although I know that the dog is with her mommy, who is so happy to have her back. I once considered fostering, since I have the house, the yard and the resources that could handle this. But I can't handle the separation and goodbye. Everyone says to just remember that the dog is happy to be reunited with her mommy in a nice house where she is once again the sole dog and getting all the attention. But no matter how much I talk to myself and soothe myself, the pain is still there. I just couldn't go through that again.


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## vat (Jul 23, 2010)

I am much to emotional to foster but if I had room I would probably end up doing it any way because I am to emotional, lol. Thank you to all of those that do, you are true angels in saving these precious lives.

You did a wonderful thing Mrs K.


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## Myamom (Oct 10, 2005)

I actually have a hospice foster right now..who I love with all my heart. Would I have EVER said this is something I could do...NO WAY! I don't think there is anyone more emotional than me...ask all the rescue friends that have to listen to my crying phone calls. If I can do this...anyone can foster. Emotionally...this has been probably one of the most difficult things I have ever done...and I wouldn't change a thing. She will die...she could have died without a loving family...or with one...I chose with one...and I think she has rewarded me...far more than what I have given her. I cherish every moment we have. 

We were at a Dr. appt the other day...I was asking some pretty deep questions and was very upset. My husband looked at the Dr. and said...she's too emotional to be doing this....and the Dr. said...No...it's because she's emotional that she DOES do this.


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## Denali Girl (Nov 20, 2010)

Hey think of all the great things you did for that dog and probably saved him from death, you turned him into a great dog and will settle into a new home because of you, you should pat yourself on the back for a job well done. We need people like you and everyone else that does this great service for the dogs.


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## Mrs.K (Jul 14, 2009)

He already was a great dog. When I saw him on craigslist, unfixed... I thought I'd take him in from preventing him ending up at a BYB and when I saw him I knew he would end up at a BYB. 

I am just glad that Rex has a great family now. but I am wondering at what cost I took him in.


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## mychance (Oct 22, 2007)

Myamom said:


> I don't think there is anyone more emotional than me...


Ummm, yup.



Mrs.K said:


> I am just glad that Rex has a great family now. but I am wondering at what cost I took him in.


The biggest cost was to that BYB who didn't have the chance to undo everything that made Rex such a great dog and to produce litter after litter that will likely add to the sad statistics on homeless dogs. I've been involved with GSD rescue for about 12 years, I've probably fostered almost 200 dogs in that time, and two of those never left. It is still hard to let some of them go and there have been a few that our family still misses. There are also many who went on to a family that was a much better fit. I volunteered with SASRA as a way of "paying it forward" after adopting my heart dog, Chance. He was everything I could have ever wanted in a dog; loyal, kind, steady, wise, and a handsome guy to boot. I decided that fostering was a way to pay my karmic debt. I wanted other families to have the chance to build a relationship with one of these amazing (but never quite AS amazing as Chance ) dogs.

For you, for all of us who foster, the "cost" is that pinch in your heart when your foster dog leaves. It's the proof that you did it right - you didn't just give them food and water, you gave them a home until you could give them a family. The pay-off can get addicting and that is what keeps me fostering.


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## SylvieUS (Oct 15, 2009)

I was looking for a female puppy from a good breeder to be a companion to my male Husky, and to give me a reason to get my butt off the couch.

I followed Shadows story on these boards (nearly 2 years old, male, 'adolescent butthead') for weeks, before taking him "to evaluate and foster" when his time was nearly up.

Fast forward 7 months and 20 pounds of muscle later.

I am sitting on the floor, "indian style", in front of the fireplace, as I type this. Sir Shadow is lounging against my left thigh, as close as he can get, gnawing contentedly on a chew toy. Every once in awhile, I pat his flank, his tail thumps on the floor, and he give me that "I'm sooo glad to be here Mom, don't ever send me away" look.

After a very rocky start, Shadow was quickly a member of the family. We're still working on issues, but he is here to stay. He is such a stinking SMART dog, makes my job hard sometimes!

Total, utter, foster failure.

I'll get that female puppy yet! "Someday".....


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## rickaz80 (Feb 24, 2008)

Well done.


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## kasbn (Nov 4, 2006)

My foster just recently found her forever home and she had been with me for two years. She is a calm, loving dog..never a problem to be found. It was her age that played against her. 

Happy dancing that she has now found that perfect forever home. :happyboogie:

...on how do I cope?

Knowing that my home is a temporary safe house for a dog in need. Temporary meaning as long as it takes.

Knowing the rescue did a thorough job at checking references and home visits... at making sure the new home is perfect for our dogs..helps me 100%. We would not let any of them go if there were any doubt.

I get attached to each one...but attachment is good..it means my heart is working. It means that dog and I are connected.

Here is a picture of how she looked at first introduction and after much love. Fostering = Priceless


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## Zeusismydog (Aug 23, 2001)

I used to foster and loved it. I think there is nothing like the feeling you get when you KNOW that you saved a dogs life. When you let them go you know you can do it for another dog. I wish there was a limited number of dogs to foster. It is hard at the start, but if you think of it as a gift to the new owners and to the dog it (was for me) easier. The foster dog willl NEVER forget you. I got to meet a dog that I fostered a few years after he was adopted. I had kept in touch with his new mom and dad. He was extatic to see me. I think they know exactly what you are doing and they love you for it. There is a special place in heaven for people who foster dogs


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## gsdmi (Apr 4, 2009)

I wish I could tell you that it gets easier with every foster, but I can't. We have loved and gotten attached to all of them, well with the exception of one that we had less than a week, we fostered just until her spay surgery, where she then went to her real foster home who adopted her. We did like her, but our contact was too brief to become "attached".

We have learned so much by fostering, and each dog has taught us something. Some dogs were easy fosters, others were major challenges. In our case, I think becoming attached helped them -- some of them knew loving humans for the first time, they came from abuse or neglect. I'd like to think that because we loved them, treated them like they were our own dogs, that helped them be able to accept and love their new families. I hope anyway -- I know they helped us in many ways.

Our most recent foster was horribly abused -- he was a true "throw-away" by humans. Abused, then dumped in the streets. Taken to a shelter where he was so stressed they were going to euthanize him -- not even give him a chance to be put up for adoption. Instead, they scheduled him for euthanization. He was the dog that was the most challenging for us -- we knew he would be with us a while and we gave him the same love, devotion, attention that we give our dogs. When his family was identified, and his adoption complete, he went home with them. They had a few transition days, but overall he adapted very well and quickly. 

It doesn't get easier, but over time you learn how to deal with it better. Did I cry my heart out when he left? Yes . . . as I did with the prior 20+ fosters. What helped me the most? KNOWING in my heart that they were a better family for him than we were. We loved him like he was ours, he ate the same food as ours, went thru more toys, went to the vet more, received the same or more attention due to his needs, he needed medical/supplements that ours didn't, and we saw he got them. 

BUT we have our dogs and cats that need us as their family, we knew taking him was to help him get better healthwise and behaviorally and when we found THE family -- I knew they were the best place for him. Still cried my heart out -- and will for any in the future, I don't think that will ever go away.


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## Petrarch (Apr 13, 2010)

It takes a special person who is willing to love and let go. This is the type of love that is courageous, willing to love and be hurt by loss, a mature love, not possessive. 

Without that brave and willing person, the dog would be euthanized. 

Hats off to the people that have the courage to embrace that type of emotional pain, and keep doing so for the good of others. You stand with the brave of our country.


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