# Still Mourning For A Dog That's Not Dead



## judith (Nov 18, 2008)

Here's my story:

I have always loved GSDs. A few years ago, I worked at a farm. The owner had an old GSD, a middle aged Golden and decided to get a young GSD puppy.

He was a ball of fire and some other things that I don't think I'm allowed to say...

I wound up doing all his training. He and I bonded very close. We did tracking and obedience together... we had so much fun! 

I took him to parties with me. He would never leave my side. Ever. We went to big pet stores and did pictures at Christmas. I took him through large crowds. Nothing fazed him. I've had dogs lunge at him when we were together and he just didn't care. 

He loved to work. I trained with him a couple hours every night. I gave him "tasks" to do all day... he just loved it.

There were problems when I was away with the other staff though. He totally ignored them. If I wasn't there, he believed he wasn't working and so he amused himself. Stealing things, chasing horses etc.

Management decided to sell him or give him away. I don't know what the terms were. Basically they decided he wasn't a Golden with GSD wrapping paper like their other GSD was. He had to go.

I couldn't take him. I worked long hours outside. They didn't even want him on the farm. I knew it wasn't fair to kennel him all day. I knew when I came home, I wouldn't be able to be the person he needed... it was a hard job.

I let him go.

I don't know where he is. I do think he's happy, but it's the not knowing part that hurts me. I miss him incredibly. I have never hurt this much before... maybe because there is no closure. I'm always searching I guess.

Anyways. If anyone has gone through this, please let me in on your coping strategies... I could use them.

I last saw him May 16, 2007.

I no longer work there... I lasted 7 months after he was gone. I couldn't stay anymore.


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## Jacqui (Feb 5, 2001)

Awww, big ((cwtches) to you...have never been thru your situation, but can imagine how hard it is and how hurt you feel...keep thinking the best! That he's happy and went to a home that loves him as much as you do! xx


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## 3K9Mom (Jun 12, 2006)

I'm sorry. Life often deals us bad circumstances -- situations beyond our control. I hope, and I do believe that all of the training and love that you gave "your" pup (because he was, and always will be yours in your heart) allowed him to transition and fit into a family home somewhere else -- where he is being loved, adored, and treated the way you would have, had you been able to keep him.

We don't know how or why life gives us the hand it does. But this is my guiding motto in life:

_I will pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do now, any kindness that I can show to any person or creature, let me do it now, for I will not pass this way again. _

You did that. Somewhere, your pup is living a better life for having been loved by you. You must believe that. 

I do.


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## Mandalay (Apr 21, 2008)

My Doberman. Her name was Sooner (my ex husband "agreed" to "let me" get a dog as long as he could name it). I often say that I lost her (implying she passed) and then change the topic quickly as avoidance has been my way of dealing with it.

The truth?

*deep breath* and the tears already start before I have had a chance to even start my story.

My ex husband did not like dogs. He was raised as dogs being an outside only kind of pet. He never knew what it meant to bond with a dog or have one sleep at your feet. He and I were never meant to be married, but we were young and we were foolish. So I got my Doberman puppy. My husband literally pretended she did not exist. He did not let her out, he did not talk to her, did not play with her, did not show her ANY attention whatsoever. It all went downhill one day when he and I were arguing, nothing big, some random husband wife disagreement. He threw his hands up in disgust and the dog, I guess, thought he was intending on hitting me. My mild, submissive Doberman lept into the air from laying down and grabbed onto his arm. Looked like a ScH dog! Only he was not wearing a sleeve. Let me say that did not go over well with him.

He paid even less attention to her and her mere existence became a constant source of stress to him. She never did so much as bark at him again, she paid him as much attention as he paid her...it was mutual that they did not like eachother.

We went on to have our daughter and this made things more stressed between my ex and I. Even more so when the dog bonded with our daughter (Mackenzie). Sooner would let Kenzie gnaw on her ears (uncropped) when she was teething. When Kenzie was learning to walk, she would stand and hold onto Sooner and walk along her. When she got to the end, Sooner would take a step or two and Kenzie could continue on. If Kenzie fell, Sooner was to her before I could. She slept outside the nursery or under the crib.

The time came when my ex and I decided that we could not work things out and were going to get divorced. After a few weeks on consideration we decided to work it out. We each had things that had to "change". Things that we had to compromise on. His "demand" was that I get rid of the dog. It broke my heart. I took her to my moms and she stayed there for a few months while I hoped my exhusband would change his mind. He never did. 

I looked into finding her a home and could not find anyone that I felt was suitable. The truth was that there was no one in the world that would be suitable for her if she was not with me. My parents had two dogs at the time and Sooner was not a good fit for them or their two older dogs they had. It came to where I had to find her a home. 

I contacted the Doberman rescue and explained the situation. The woman there told me I was making the wrong choice, and in my heart I knew I was. The woman at the rescue made me feel like I was the WORST person in the world for giving my dog up. I understand that rescues have heard every excuse and I dont fault her for how she acted, but at a time when I was as low as I think I could be, she actually made me feel lower. 

The day I took Sooner to the rescue is one that I will never forget. A guy there went to take the leash and I held onto it. It was worse than if I had her PTS. I stayed with my ex husband for about 3 months after that. I was never able to forgive him for making me get rid of her. He acted like nothing had happened. I layed in bed and cried for days. I did not leave the house, I did not eat, it was worse than losing a person. 

That act make me realize that he was not who I should be with and my daughter and I left. My ex and I get along now. We really do. In fact when he comes into town to visit our daughter, he stays with my current husband and I, but I have never been able to forgive him for this situation. I never will. I forgave him for a lot of things he did during our marriage - things other women would not forgive their husbands for, but not for making me get rid of my dog. 

The way I cope is by convincing myself that I "lost" her, not that she was sent away. If I didnt convince myself of this, I'd never be able to live myself.

After I started dating again, I made a point to ask the men if they liked big dogs and if they saw having SOME in their future. If they said no, I did not date them. This was a requirement. LoL. I remarried last fall. My husband understands my NEED to have a dog, and while he would prefer a medium sized mutt, he knows that I have to have a large dog in my home. He knows I always will. He'd have preferred I adopted an adult rescue as he never went through having a puppy before, but he has accepted it all in stride and has done well with Mandalay. After our cats pass, we will probably adopt another dog. An adult. Maybe another GSD, maybe a mutt, maybe GSDx...who knows. He thinks I am crazy for doting over Mandi the way I do, and he knows that even though he came first into my life, he will never come in between Mandi and I. Luckily, I dont think he'll ever try or even attempt to try.

I dont have any advise for you on how to cope better. Its only been a year and a half for you. I lost my Doberman four years ago and I am still not over it and, as the tears are showing, I am not that good at coping with it. I wish you luck. I know what you are going through and I wish you did not have to.


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## dOg (Jan 23, 2006)

ok, so the way I see it you can 2 things. Find him, see if he's happy, or available. 

and/or

realize he trained you, and now you know enough to love another.

another won't replace him, but it sure will help you get past it.

either way, you both were lucky to have known one another!


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## caview (Jun 30, 2008)

Emily, 

heart-wrenching! I'm so very sorry...

For both Emily and OP: you didn't kill, you let go... 

It was the wrong decision in your case, but you may have given an increadible gift to others! 

Forgive yourselves and find peace in those you do have!

God bless you!

Tanya


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## BJDimock (Sep 14, 2008)

Once a year I give up a GSD for Fidelco. I raise these pups from 8 weeks of age. They become my partners and go where I do. We have an incredible bond, both personal and working, and then the day comes, when they are about a year and a half, and I walk into the kennel and hand their leash over to someone they don't really know or trust. 

Walking out kills me every time. 

When I see these dogs again, 6 months later or so, they are always very happy to reconnect, but there is a part of them that is no longer mine.

During our play time, they are generally keeping one eye out for their trainer, wondering when they should go back to work.

Your ex bosses got a dog they couldn't handle, and did the right thing for them. Thats ok. If they found an appropriate home, then I can not imagine that your friend is unhappy. You did the right thing by knowing that you could not provide an energy outlet for him. Thats ok too.

Just know that you had a part in shaping a really nice dog. The bond you share will never break, but if you found him again, I bet you would be surprised at how much he was able to let go. Learn from him.


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## judith (Nov 18, 2008)

Thank you all, and mostly, thank you Emily.

dOg- I've tried to find him. At the time it happend, I was told I wouldn't know where he was going... The last time in inquired, management had lost all the contact info. 

So yeah... it's pretty hopeless trying to find him. I do believe he's happy though. I know he's not working though. I'm sure he misses that. He loved to work for me.


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## denwil2007 (Apr 15, 2007)

Every once in a while I feel that way about Sabian. In this case, however, he is dead. When I remember how he carried his stuffed animal out with him everytime he went to potty...

How he barked on command, and went into a down stay in the middle of a park full of dogs...

I was able to train him to do things I have yet been able to train my other dogs to do.

And yet, there was something wrong with him, something about him that I could never trust.

I knew it was over when he killed one of my other pets when he was 12wks old. I kept him till he was a year. I thought I could train him out of it. I finally returned him to the breeder, only to find out a few months later he had been PTS.

Sometimes I feel like I failed him, but if he was truly as unstable as he seemed, I did him and me a favor. I should have put him down myself, and been there by his side.

And from now on, every dog I raise bears his name, Sabian. As if through them, he can live out the life he never had. Every one of them will take on the burden of his life, and either individually, or collectively, achieve the goals that I had meant for him. It's an awesome task for them, but they are GSD's and they bear it well. 

It's not a shame if we make mistakes; the shame is not learning from them.


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## Kayos and Havoc (Oct 17, 2002)

Oh gosh I am so sorry. I wish you could find him.


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