# Rescue dog afraid of my son



## WendiGSD (Mar 16, 2006)

I'm am hoping somebody can offer some advice. I'm going to try to keep this somewhat short...

Last Wed. we adopted a dog from a local rescue named Suko. Suko came up here from a shelter down South. We think Suko may be somewhere around 2-3 yrs. old. Other than that we know nothing about her background. She was in a foster home with other dogs and kids for about a week or so.

Suko is very fearful of my 7 year old son. On Wed., Thurs. & Fri. Suko stayed in the laundry room while my son was home. While he was at school she was would come out and was okay. I want to stress that he has not done anything that would be perceived as threatening. We have not allowed the two of them be alone at any time. Just my son's presence alone makes Suko nervous. If I have Suko out in the yard and my son comes out, she automatically wants to get away from him. Even if he's not anywhere near us. I also want to mention that we have a 20 month old daughter, and Suko is not as fearful with her. I am afraid Suko may bite my son if she feels threatened, or is startled by him. Suko growled at him on Thursday evening while trying to pet her. 

I spoke to Suko's foster Mom on Friday and told her the situation. The head of the rescue group thought it may be best to return Suko. We decided to give Suko the weekend to see if there was any improvement. At this point Suko will take food from my son's hand. She will let him pet her somewhat reluctantly. She did come out of the laundry room Sat. evening while my son was in the kitchen for awhile. She becomes very nervous if he is anywhere near her while she is on her leash.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to give up in Suko. I do think she would be better off in a home without kids. I don't know what happened to her in the past, but I have a feeling it involved a younger boy(s)/kids teasing her. My main concern needs to be my son's safety. We also have his friends come over, and I have nieces and nephews my son's age that come over. Even if Suko learns to tolerate my son, will I be able to trust her with him/other kids? I am hoping that we can make this work out, and that Suko can eventually learn to be friendly with my son. He wants nothing more than to have a dog to play with. We recently lost our previous shepherd to cancer, and my son is still very upset about it. I guess I'm not winning the "Mom of the year" award by bringing home a dog that doesn't like him







Poor kid....

So, any advice would be greatly appreciated!! 

~ Wendy


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## dd (Jun 10, 2003)

I think less than a week is not enough time to assess your situation. It seems probable Suko was hurt by children in the past, however if she is taking food from your son, I do think there is hope if you contniue to monitor the situation closely. I would not leave your son unsupervised with the dog at any time, but continue working with the two of them. Is it possible for you to remove the dog to a separate room when other children are in the home?

Please remember that everything is very new to Suko, that she has been through a period of upheaval and that it may take her somet time to adjust.


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## Mary Jane (Mar 3, 2006)

Wendy, other people suggest that it can take MONTHS for an adopted dog to reveal himself fully to his new family. I would hate to be in your situation-because you don't want to give up on Suko-but you also want the best for your family and for her. 

My first reaction is to return her to the rescue before you become too attached to her-with the information for the rescue that she is not comfortable around young children. When you consider other dogs, make sure that the dog in question has been tested around young children. As you well know, there are tons of fabulous, child-friendly dogs that need good homes. 

As I said, I would have trouble in your position, but it's a lot better to make a decision now so that both your family and Suko have a better chance. For me the risk is too great that she will not work out and that after a longer period with you, it will be even harder for her to adapt to another new situation.

Good luck,
Mary Jane

Good luck


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## Timber1 (May 19, 2007)

Wendy, I take rescue dogs and for the most part they are shy, and some fear aggressive. 

Regarding Suko, it does take time and you have had the dog for less then a week. Personally, I would give the dog much more time to adjust to your son. 

I would also try and let Suko get used to your son, but for now only on lease and supervised. If treats help keep it up and let your son continue to give them to Suko, with an open hand, but again why you control the dog, on lease.

Rescue groups are very concerned about biting, but in your case I would hang with the dog.

Hopewfully, during the next few weeks Suko will continue to bond more closely.

If you decided to give Suko only the weekend, then it is best to return the dog.


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## ThreeDogs (Mar 16, 2007)

My Cyrus was unsocialized and afraid of all people, especially men when I got him.

It took a few months for him to even be comfortable with me. He is now a wonderful dog.

I agree when people say that your son must come first, however it does not sound like Suko wants to hurt your son. She's scared.

If you decided to keep Suko, you can have your son start to slowly build a relationship with her by going very slowly, no touching or petting and turn him into a treat dispenser. I would discuss this with your family, explain to them the situation and see if they are willing to give Suko a chance.

Just let her settle in and approach him on HER terms.

It is going to be work for all involved but sometimes the payoff with dogs like this can be wonderful.


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## Packen (Sep 14, 2008)

The rule of the thumb is to not leave children unsupervised with dogs till they are 11 years old. This is the safest approach even with stable dogs. 

With your son at 7 years and a new GSD in the house who has demontrated her insecurity/fear very clearly, it would be a HUGE undertaking to keep things safe and the risk of serious injury will still be present. 7 yr olds are unpredictable, their movements are sometimes fast/haphazard resembling prey. If it were me I would seriously consider returning Suko with the hope that she goes to a home without young children. 

In my opinion (stressing my opinion only) the possible negatives in this situation outweigh the positives (if Suko bites, chances are she will be put down not to mention your trauma) she deserves a chance in a different home.


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## LandosMom (Nov 30, 2005)

it might be in both Suko's and your son's best interests to return her. she might always be stressed in your house and it seems like both she and your son deserve better. i say this having a 7 yo son. with little kids coming and going all the time, you would constantly be nervous about her and you would probably be right to be concerned and cautious. are you concerned the rescue would put her down?


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## Brightelf (Sep 5, 2001)

She's telling you that her son makes her very, very uncomfortable. You could give it time, work with her, force the issue-- or consider letting her return to the rescue to find a kid-free home where she can have peace in her own home. I bet your family would be perfect for the next rescue dog you take in. You sound like such a caring person!


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## Timber1 (May 19, 2007)

I am not so sure on this one. They have had the dog for less then a week, and some rescue dogs are going to be fearful in a new situation. 

On a positive note, the fearful, aggressive one I have had, all adjusted. Under close supervision, my hunch is this dog will be the same.


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## ILGHAUS (Nov 25, 2002)

With some experience with Rescue and with working with Child/Dog safety issues, in my opinion I would have the rescue place her in a foster home without children. Once she is settled and all other issues taken care of then work can be done around children (boys) in a secure and limited fashion. Too much chance for something to go wrong and child hurt and dog then has a bite history.


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## GunnerJones (Jul 30, 2005)

My nerve bag Max didn't warm up to my kids immediatly, he was six months old, so I turned them into little hotdog despensers and got them involved in the training, he's still a nerve bag but not around my kids. any other child however............


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## WendiGSD (Mar 16, 2006)

Thanks so much for the replies! I have read through all the responses, and have decided to contact Suko's foster. She has forwarded my email to the head of the organization, and we will go from there.

I wanted to add a little more info. on Suko. Whether or not it's relevant, I'm not sure but I'll add it anyhow. Suko was obviously mis-treated. I don't know if I would go as far as to say she was physically beaten, but I do think she may have been beaten down mentally. She has obviously had a litter of puppies (who knows what happened to them), and her bottom teeth are worn down pretty bad. I'm guessing it's from trying to chew her way out of something, but who knows. When I reach for her collar to put her leash on it makes her uncomfortable. She warms up to men quite a bit faster than women. The sound of my son's voice makes her nervous. She is obviously very uncomfortable. She is such a sweet dog, and craves attention after she gets to know you after awhile. She is very insecure. 

I want to keep her more than anything. I want to give her the loving home where she feels safe. If I could look into a crystal ball and have it guaranteed she would never intentionally harm my son, or any other child, then we would have found the perfect dog. I don't completely trust any dog 100% with my kids, and vice versa. My son has been raised to treat animals with respect, but he's still a kid. Since we are starting off on a "bad foot" with her reaction to my son I am very nervous about the future if we decide to keep her. 

Thanks again so much for the advice. I have a heck of a lot to think about.

Wendy


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## Timber1 (May 19, 2007)

I cannot disagree with your comments, and anyone else that stated the dog should be returned.

However, most rescues are not going to adjust in literally less then a week. And frankly, those few that do are frankly more timid and shy, then the ones that show a bit of aggression, be it fear based or not.

In some respects I will tell the original poster that perhaps a different breed would be better. Because if she adopted a GSD rescue and expects the dog to be wonderful in six days that would be a bit unusual.


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## Skye'sMom (Jul 11, 2004)

Wendy;

Kids always come first. Suko is probably very uncomfortable and dogs do react from fear - not a good situation. I know you must be quite upset with this, but I agree those who say to return her to the rescue group.

Quite frankly, I am surprised they would turn over an obviously abused dog to a family with a young child after only "about a week in her foster home." A week was not enough time to fully evaluate her to see how she would be with kids or stressful situations.

If she is more comfortable with men, it could be that she would do better in a home with a man or a couple without kids.

I have worked with dogs for many years and there are times your head has to over rule your heart. I do not agree that a gsd is not right for your family. Just this one may not be ther right one. With adults only you could take the luxury of spending a lot of time to helper work out her issues. With children, that is not an option.

For your child and Suko, return her so she can be rehomed where she is happy, too.

I hope you find a good fit soon and I hope the rescue takes a little more time for evaluations in the future.


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## Packen (Sep 14, 2008)

> Originally Posted By: Timber1I cannot disagree with your comments, and anyone else that stated the dog should be returned.
> 
> However, most rescues are not going to adjust in literally less then a week. And frankly, those few that do are frankly more timid and shy, then the ones that show a bit of aggression, be it fear based or not.
> 
> In some respects I will tell the original poster that perhaps a different breed would be better. Because if she adopted a GSD rescue and expects the dog to be wonderful in six days that would be a bit unusual.


My dog is also a rescue and had "issues" that exercise, training and trust worked away. Never was there a high risk of harm coming to my family. This is not the case here and I believe another GSD with known child compatability or better yet a GSD puppy will be more suited for the given situation.


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## Timber1 (May 19, 2007)

I still am not sure if the dog is a threat or just needs to settle. A poster just before you mentioned that she was suprised a rescue would give a possible problem dog to a family with a child. 

I am also a bit suprised because my group is a bit paranoid about allowing an adoption that might pssibly result in biting.

As you mentioned, a puppy is a good alternative, unless the child would abuse the dog.

Like some many situations, I would love to meet this dog. Because some of the ones I have taken were described as aggressive from the shelters, and once rescued and adopted they have done great.


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## WendiGSD (Mar 16, 2006)

Thanks again for the replies. I am still waiting to hear from the rescue group to figure out what would be best.

I don't know what the deal is with her and my son. Suko is fine with my daughter, not afraid at all. Suko came upstairs for the first time this morning. She took one step into my son's room, put her ears back and took off back down the hallway. He was sleeping, and from where she was at she couldn't see him. He hasn't done anything negative to her at all. I know a lot of parents will say this, but he is excellent with animals. He grew up with our last shepherd, and was wonderful with her. He knows I will NOT tolerate any mis-treatment of our pets or animals in general.

I'm thinking it is possible Suko was mis-treated or teased by a kid, and that is why she is afraid of my son... I don't know.

I didn't expect to adopt a perfect dog. She was listed as "shy" in her PF description. I know dogs have their issues. Maggie had all sorts of issues. We learned to deal with them. However, none of her issues could cause harm to the kids. 

I did put on the adoption application (online) that the dog had to be good with kids, along with the ages of my kids. I did ask Suko's foster to confirm that she was good with kids, and she stated there were kids in her house. I suppose there could have been some sort of mis-communication between us, but that was my main concern.

So, the reason I originally posted this was to get some advice, which I did. So thank you! I still don't know what to do, but I appreciate it


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## Timber1 (May 19, 2007)

Let us know what you decide. In my mind it is a tough call.

The kicker, which I do not think anyone mentioned is you wanted your son to have a dog friendly toward him, and clearly this has not happened.

I have less concerns about the dog hurting your son, but just based on my experience with the shy ones.


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## Riley's Mom (Jun 7, 2007)

Dogs don't immediately adjust even if they're well adjusted to begin with. It does sound like Suko's background includes unpleasant-ness with a male child about your son's age. I believe this kind of thing can be overcome, but that doesn't mean I'm suggesting your family overcome it. 

Most shepherds are also naturally aloof for awhile when meeting new people or situations. Sounds like she made a little progress when you said she finally went upstairs. Does she have a crate she can get into, her own safety zone when she needs to?

You're nervous the dog may hurt your son or his friends, the dog can sense this which adds to the dog's nervousness and the potential danger of a bite. The dog is not comfortable even going into your son's room if they boy's sleeping. So pretty much we have a dog moved into a strange home, who appears to be afraid of your son and because of this the family is understandably nervous and the dog can sense this so it's a vicious circle.

I don't think a week is enough time to effectively eval a dog in a foster home or anywhere else for that matter.

I'm like you, Wendi and would not want to give up since this does seem to be the only issue. I'd be torn as well as to what to do. Unless I missed it, the dog is not being aggressive around your son, instead is avoiding contact. That to me is a good sign.

This I think is what I would do, at least to try it as long as the dog remains in your home. I'm thinking any approach your son makes toward the dog is going to scare her because of whatever happened in her past. I would tell my child to totally ignore the dog. Do not call it's name, do not approach it, do not give it any treats that he's got to either approach the dog to give to her or call the dog to him to give to her, try to keep the child's voice calm when around the dog (no screeeching but that's prolly impossible) .. nothing. Like the dog doesn't exist. If he's sitting on the floor watching tv he could maybe drop a little snack next to him but not alert the dog to this fact. Just drop it and leave it. The dog still does not exist to your son. Eventually what I'm thinking will happen is that the dog's natural curiosity will get the best of her and she will make the first move to overcome her fear especially if she's had some time to find out that your son is not going to abuse her like she apparently was in the past by a child your son's age. 

This sounds like a trust issue, the dog needs to learn to trust and she needs to do it in her own time. You and your family need to find a way to relax so the dog doesn't pick up nervousness from you. Not an easy task under the circumstances. 

Can you walk the dog on one side of you with your son walking quietly on the other side of you? He should not address the dog or go near her, just walk. Again, dog's natural curiosity may win out eventually. She needs to learn your son is not a threat to her and again, needs to learn this in her own time. Forcing it I don't think will help at all.

Let us know what you decide?


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## Timber1 (May 19, 2007)

What a nice, intelligent reply. I think the dog would be fine in most cases. However, Wendy wanted a dog that would relate to her son. Do you think that is possible.

I have taken a few rescues, or for whatever reason, it is difficult to get them to adjust to there strongest fears. They do progress, but if the dog's biggest issue is the son, it will take time to overcome.


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## Riley's Mom (Jun 7, 2007)

Why thank you, Timber1. 

I think it's entirely possible if they are able to give it time. But it doesn't sound like they're able to do that. I can understand their fears with small kids. It's a tough call. The longer the dog is there the more potential for getting attached without a guarantee the dog will come around. Personally, I think eventually she will but of course that's only my opinion. And it could be a pretty long time before she does. I agree it could be difficult, I just don't feel it's impossible. 

One of the biggest things here in my opinion is finding a way for the family to lose the nervous energy. That's probably the biggest negative feed for the dog. To do that is NOT easy, that much I know from my own experience. Another is making an objective decision as to whether the dog is showing any signs of aggression. Fear will definitely bring that out, or if she's moving away from anything that scares her. Do NOT chase her, corner her or push her into a position where she feels she needs to defend/protect herself! If a dog is scared and feels cornered they can bite out of fear. You can't blame them for protecting themselves. She needs to watch from her own comfortable spot the day to day activity in that house and if the family can effectively pretend she's not there that will help. I feel strongly that by ignoring her you'll get her natural curiosity in gear. Dogs are social, but some need to socialize on their terms until they're comfy.

I should add that if you can walk like I suggested, that nobody talks or addresses the dog. Just quiet walks so she can just be a dog and feel some comfortable energy. Depending on the child this too may not be possible. Don't let her do a casual sniff the world walk, show her some confidence, that you are the boss and you can do this gently but firmly. Start out with a short walk, like down the block once. Every other day or so increase it another one side of the block or something like that. She needs to learn she's SAFE and protected because it sure seems like she doesn't think so.

Any type of excitement is in my opinion going to be negative. One doesn't learn to be safe in an excited nervous environment. When you have children that's really tough to do. It's natural for children to be rambunctious etc.

If she finds a spot to lay down and is calm, the parents could calmly approach her w/o saying anything and just give her a gentle pat as they walk by, quietly telling her "goood girl" kind of thing. Then walk away, don't make a huge deal of it. I wouldn't think it would be a good idea for the children to yet until she's accepting of the parents doing this. She will learn that calm is good and gets her skritches and "atta-girls!" 

Once she starts coming on her own to the children they should just leave her come to them, lay down by them, sit by them, whatever for a few minutes, then the children get up and walk away. See if she follows. No acknowledgement for awhile. After a few weeks they can try slow but confident quiet approaches by the kids. But the parents would have to feel very strongly that the dog is feeling comfortable before I'd try this or she may get scared off again.

I think overall, showing her confidence, that she's safe and that it's ok to be near these childen in her own time - she'll come around and probably be the biggest protecter of those kids!

I'm so curious what the decision winds up being! I hope the poster will come back and let us know.


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