# Grieving before there's even an issue?



## blord (Feb 14, 2009)

I know this will sound weird, but I can't stop thinking about Ellie dying. She is going to be ten next month and I keep thinking about how the average lifespan of a GSD is somewhere between 10-12. I know I should be happy that she has made it this long and there's nothing saying that she can't live until she's 15, but it's like I'm prematurely grieving her. She has no illnesses, other than starting to get stiff in the hips. Am I the only one that is doing this? I just love her so much and can't bear the thought of losing her. I'm such a freak that I'm crying as I type this! Any tips on how to enjoy her while she's still with us, other than completely sedating myself?


----------



## BowWowMeow (May 7, 2007)

Hi there,

I understand what you're going through. When Chama started to go noticeably downhill health-wise I got very depressed about losing her. I even withdrew from her for a while. Of course I still walked her and took good care of her but I was emotionally preparing herself for her death and that did not allow me to enjoy her life very well!







That was more than 2 years ago now and she is still very much here...at age 14.







She is half rottie and their lifespan is even shorter than gsds but she's got her own agenda.









1.5 years ago I lost Kai very suddenly. He was only 1 year old. I never for a moment thought about losing him.







That is really what snapped me out of it: I realized that you absolutely never know when it's someone's time and therefore it's really important to enjoy each moment you have with them. Dogs live so much in the moment--Chama has accepted each new health challenge with a positive attitude and I work hard to take my cues from her. She is happy when I am happy so I am happy whenever we're together.









Just work on taking one day at a time and enjoy what you have now, while you can.


----------



## lucymom (Jan 2, 2009)

Anticipatory Grieving is not unusual. I started to feel the "clock ticking" when my dogs turned ten. We look at them and wonder where the time has gone. We pay a high price for loving dogs so much, as these strong beasts are more fragile than we want to realize.

My white sheps live in to their teens. My girl Lucy got aggressive cancer and died at 11. Others lose their dogs far, far earlier.

What I learned during Lucy's illness was to think like her--and other dogs---she did not know she was sick. Aik does not know he is old.

We cherish the moments. I make sure my dogs get as much pleasure out of each day that they can. I want no regrets and when I'm in a position to see through the mourning, I want good times to prevail in my memories, not for illness or death to define them

Ruth above gives good advice--too much worry may take away from YOUR and THEIR enjoyment of the moment and even lead to withdrawal-subtle or not, from you dog, which WILL affect their quality of life and cause regrets.

It's not easy, not at all. It's the way of loving a dog---they are a gift we get to borrow and it's never long enough.

But experience each day in all it's richness so as not to miss a single moment of the magic.


----------



## girlll_face (Jun 9, 2009)

> Originally Posted By: BowWowMeowHi there,
> 
> I understand what you're going through. When Chama started to go noticeably downhill health-wise I got very depressed about losing her. I even withdrew from her for a while. Of course I still walked her and took good care of her but I was emotionally preparing herself for her death and that did not allow me to enjoy her life very well!
> 
> ...


Aw, this is the sweetest thing I've read on this whole website, and I have tears in my eyes!!! You!


----------



## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

"experience each day in all it's richness so as not to miss a single moment of the magic"...what a FABULOUS way to put it jennifer!!!

blord, i know exactly how you feel, i've had to say goodbye to so many, and it never gets any easier. but dh says that when you have to say good-bye to one it allows you to know another, and i like that thought too. 

wishing you many experiences of richness and many more moments of magic with your ellie!


----------



## SuzyE (Apr 22, 2005)

absolutly DO NOT mourn your dog's death before it dies.I lost my baby boy to a heart attack at 8 months, lost my precious angel Jazmin to cancer at 9 years and I refuse to think of Paige's death. matter of fact I am convinced the cranky girl will live to be 17.
we could mourn EVERYONES death if ya think about it. people die all the time in car crashes etc. my neighbor died of a sudden heart attack in front of his children.
LIFE IS ONLY HERE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it makes zero intellectual sense to be sad about something that isn't happening now. Thank God we don't know the future.
my ex boyfriend has two tragic sudden dog deaths and he used to simply say "just love them everyday."
NOW STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## blord (Feb 14, 2009)

You guys are great. God, I was a mess last night for some reason. I did notice a couple of months ago that I was withdrawing from her a little bit, but snapped out of that pretty quickly. Not fair to her at all. It wasn't bad, just maybe not cuddling as much, but now I'm probably too far the other way. She doesn't seem to mind me all over her all the time though. She's been having this limp for the last week or so that I think has really set me off. I understand that she's 10 years old and this is normal stuff for her age (but I'm still taking her to the vet tomorrow ) but I hate to see it happening. I call her my first born (my son is 8) and I have never had a dog before her. I had a cat when we got her and when that cat died I was devastated and never got another one. I can't imagine what losing Ellie will do to me!! I love what one of you said about the fact that she doesn't know she's old. That helps a little, thinking that she's not worrying about it. Anyway, I'm totally rambling now, but thank you so much for your thoughts. I know I'll be able to come here for help when the time really does come that I grieve her, however I hope that this is a long, long time from now.


----------



## Brightelf (Sep 5, 2001)

Does this help some? When I adopted Chell, he was almost 7! I thought I'd get maybe 3 more good years of him feeling well, being healthy and alive with me. He lived until 15-- and only died due to a quick surgery to close an elbow wound that head healed open. He got pneumonia after the surgery, and if he hadn't had it, I cannot say he wouldn't have lived until 16, who knows! And-- he felt GOOD at age 15. Enjoy your wonderful dog and the time you have with her, it may be longer-- and richer-- than you expect!


----------



## debbiebrown (Apr 13, 2002)

i think everyone here understands what your going through, i started doing this with Toby at 9 years old, and he's 13 1/2 now. i have been given a gift of extra time with my boy, but as the time draws closer i have times where i start thinking about life without him here, and its very hard to face. but, i try to enjoy each day with him and realize they are a joy for only a small amount of time then they must leave us. its one of the hardest things in life to go through.

debbie


----------



## SunCzarina (Nov 24, 2000)

I think about it often. Morgan was 2 when my oldest was born, there aren't many baby pictures without her in them becuase she is so attached to my kids. She's almost 8 now, a little stiff and has been turning seriously gray in the last year (I blame Otto!). Sometimes it chokes me when I go to kiss her goodnight. She's been such a good girl all these years, my little orphan annie who turned into the best girl.


----------



## LisaT (Feb 7, 2005)

I have the same thoughts about Indy, my heart dog. She has been with me through so much, and is 12 now (non-GSD), with a number of health issues. I almost lost her when she was about 2 years old. She was so sick, that I thought we would have to put her down. At that time, I knew that every day was a gift, and soon the days turned into years, each a gift. So I get to choose how I use that gift -- I carefully choose her diet and supplements for longevity, and I'm proactive with her health, and like Ruth, I try to make the most of each day with her - taking time to be with her and do things that she enjoys.

(Btw, I would make sure that that limp isn't a tick disease!)


----------



## blord (Feb 14, 2009)

> Originally Posted By: LisaT(Btw, I would make sure that that limp isn't a tick disease!)


Calling vet today as soon as they open!!







My husband does take her running out in the woods, so that thought had crossed my mind as well, even though we use a tick treatment. Between my aging dog and my asthmatic child I am constantly paranoid about something!!! But, what else can a mom do, right?


----------



## blord (Feb 14, 2009)

> Originally Posted By: SunCzarinaSometimes it chokes me when I go to kiss her goodnight.


Me too! She's just been such a good girl and sooooo lovable. She thinks she's a lap dog. Half the time I have her and my son laying on me. I think part of my problem is worrying about how my son will deal as well, when the time comes. He's very sensitive and has never known life without Ellie.


----------



## Qyn (Jan 28, 2005)

I think the human species tend to overthink things and it causes us a lot of much heartache - I'm as guilty as everyone else, but we also have the ability to acknowledge our behaviour, assess it and change it. 

My old dog, Cisco, was PTS at exactly 6 weeks shy of 17yo (BC-GSD mix). I truly thought she'd live forever as she was still active and seemed healthy despite her age and any other health issues and I treated her accordingly.

Maybe that is the answer, treat any issues as they arise but assume that longevity is a given. When I look at photos now, she did look like an old dog as she began greying a 2yo. But, I still thought of her as the young dog I loved and I still do, and .... I treated her accordingly because she was that young dog in both our minds.


----------



## AK GSD (Feb 27, 2008)

Hello Blord,

I read your post several weeks ago when it was new. Having experienced the same feelings as you 2 summers ago with my last boy Buck, I was in tears and had no words of advice. I came back today and read all the great advice from others. One of the great things about this forum is being able to share "where you are at" with others that are "in the same place". It helps to do that whether it is sorrow, frustration or joy you are experiencing. I hope the above posts helped you live in the moment and enjoy the magic with Ellie. 

I better hop back over to the Puppy section... Scout just ran past with what looked like a clump of newly excavated turf!

Best wishes,
Becky


----------

