# We don't have long



## mysweetkaos

I have been putting off writing this. Every time I go to start my hands start shaking and I start to cry. 

It seems every time we start to make progress with Kaos' pain management, we just as quickly start to go backwards. Last night the vet switched his routine and we are giving it 2 weeks to test it out.
I am not hopeful as in my heart I truly believe we can not make him comfortable enough for me to feel good about.

He has been showing increased discomfort in all of his daily activities, even with his extensive med intake. He is also starting to get defensive when he thinks you are too close to his back end, this is showing me he is not even close to being comfortable. In the last 2 weeks my husband has had to help him stand up 4x. This is something I can not do on a daily basis since I did it two weeks ago and reaggravated my 2 herniated discs. Having reinjured myself I was given a pretty good wake up call to what it's like to have chronic pain, and this is also playing into our decision. I have always said the minute we can not control his pain, we have to let him go. We have decided to give the new scheduling 2 weeks and if it is not helping immensely we will be picking a date to let Kaos be at peace.

Logically I am 100% sure this is the right thing to do for him.....but it's killing me. He still wants to play, eat, drink, love.....but his body is not capable.
Also since he is getting more defensive, I do not want him to snap at someone "too close" and to have that be how he is remembered, does that make sense?

I have a couple questions for all of you who have been through this.
How did you prepare yourself mentally? Are there special things you did?, wish you had done after the fact?
Also with another dog in the house....Sherman is 11 months old and has never known a life here w/out Kaos. Did you start seperating them more beforehand, ie right now they have times of the day they go outside together, do you limit those, so your other dog gets used to being alone? In the house we already do crate/rotate due to our vet recommendation a couple months ago....but is there more we should be doing?

My kids have also never known a house without Kaos, so we have been preparing for this for awhile. We have discussed sometimes it is the best thing you can do for them, how it is the most loving thing. Both of them have friends who've had to do the same in the last couple months so we used those opportunities to discuss that while it was hard, it was very kind.

Sorry if this is rambled, I have been a wreck the last couple of days, and I am sure that isn't going to change anytime soon.

Thank you in advance for any input you can offer.


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## LaRen616

I'm sorry. :hugs:


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## CarrieJ

Oh, I'm so, so, sorry that you are going through this.
I really am awkward about this so forgive me. I am kind of of the thought that if Kaos can't get up on his own or the desire to love and play is still there but the pain is too great that he may be frustrated. That's the heartbreaker part.
If he also can't get up to eliminate without excruciating agony it may be time to say goodbye.

Once again I'm sorry. And, I did not mean to sound blunt. Your post is touching and sad I and I really feel for you.


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## Falkosmom

I am going through this myself right now. Falko has cancer and it is spreading, we have run out of options. I have no words of wisdom to share. I make sure I hug him everyday. I cry every day.

As for my 10 month pup, he will have all my time and attention when I let Falko go. When he gets around two, I most likely will get another. Until then, we will grieve together and comfort each other.


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## RocketDog

Candice.....I'm sorry. I have no doubt you will not let Kaos suffer one second too long.  I don't have any advice about Sherman, but the fact that your kids are aware will help them be a little more prepared. I suspect there wil be much grief; I respected, acknowledged and shared in my children's when we lost our dog last spring. I emphasized how good it was for them to honor that love. I believe it helped them heal. We chose to all be with him to stroke and love him; your situation may be different but have faith in the strength of your children. They've had a great role model. 

My thoughts are with you-- But take comfort in the lessons of love and devotion that Kaos has taught them, in a way unmatched by humans.


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## Wolfiesmom

I am so sorry that you are going through this.


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## PaddyD

I know how hard this is having gone through it with previous dogs.
You have my sympathy/empathy.
You are preparing the right way, giving him every chance to have a tolerable life. But that time comes when you know that you have to spare him any more discomfort. It is never easy and we always (at least I do) feel guilty about not coming up with a miracle to make things better.
Keep in mind what a great friend he was and all the good times you had.


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## kiya

I'm so sorry you and your family have to go thru this. No matter what I do trying to prepare it never seems enough. 
As grusome as some may think it is, I do allow my other animals to say good bye very breifly when I come home, they know. For your children, they may find comfort in the Rainbow Bridge The Rainbow Bridge Poem - Petloss.com
Be strong, thats really all you can try to do.


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## TimberGSD2

I am so sorry you have to go thru this. I just had to do this last August. TJ also was still full of life, happy, eating, loving, but his back end just wasn't able to keep up. I had him on a lot of pain medications and probably kept him a little longer than I should have. After the third time he fell down the stairs and he looked at me with that LOOK I knew what I had to do. I did not seperate him from the others. Kya had only known the last 11 years with him and they were best friends. 

The morning of I made him a huge breakfast! Bacon, eggs, toast with butter. Anything he wanted. We had some play time, went out and had our last walk as a family, laid on the floor and loved as much as we could. I was lucky enough to have the vet come to my house as I wanted Kya to be with him, I didn't want him to just leave and never come back. She laid by his side the entire time. 

There is no easy way to do it. There is no right thing to say. There is never a good time. We just have to think of their quality of life, and that you are doing the best thing for Kaos. It may not be the best for you and your family, but it may be for him. 

I again am so sorry you are going thru this. It is all to familiar to me. I'm crying as I type this because I know how painful it can be. And if you ever need to talk, you may not know me but feel free to pm me. Cyber hugs to you and your family, human and canine.


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## Cassidy's Mom

It's a really hard decision, and it's going to be awful, and you'll be sad and you'll miss him, but I don't think there's anything you can do to prepare yourself for it, you just get through it because you have to. 

All you can really do is be sure that it's the right time (he will probably let you know, so watch for signs that he's ready to give up, if he hasn't already) so you don't second guess yourself later, and also make sure that you're not prolonging his suffering because you're just not ready to let him go yet. It's a difficult balance.

If Sherman is very close to him you will probably see signs of him grieving and missing his buddy just like you will. I'm not sure how you could minimize that, just try and be there for him and give him lots of love and attention. 

Keefer was not himself for a couple of months after Dena died, it was very clear that he missed her, and missed having doggy companionship. She was his half sister, about a year older, so he grew up with her from 9 weeks old and they were very bonded to each other. It took some time, but he got better.


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## Jax08

I am so sorry Candice :hugs:


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## Stosh

It's so hard to do. I had about a week to decide about our last gsd Omy, when she started having seizures and probably strokes when she was almost 11 yrs old. Like you, I knew it was the right thing to do but I kept searching her face and eyes and body for signs of improvement that I really knew wouldn't come. I made more than one appt and cancelled. I pretty much cried all the time. Afterwards I doubted my decision and felt guilty. Thankfully our dogs are spared those emotions and can trust us with their very lives, which ultimately mean we have to make the decision to spare them any more pain or sickness. I'm sorry you have to go through this


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## NewbieShepherdGirl

I am so sorry you're having to go through this. You and your family will be in my prayers and thoughts.


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## mysweetkaos

Thank you everyone for your kind words.....even though everyone's posts left me drenched in tears, I truly appreciate it.

I thought once we made the decision to set a date I would feel better, not constantly wondering....but it hasn't worked that way.

I find myself going through such emotions, I go back and forth to wanting to do more with Sherman one on one to distract from the pain, to resenting Sherman for wanting my attention. Is that bad? I feel bad admitting it.

I know in my heart it's right for Kaos, and well if I waited until it was right for us, that day would never come.

I am also going back and forth to dreading the first few weeks of waking up w/out him to a feeling of relief knowing he will not be suffering and struggling to keep up.

Sorry for all the rambling, Thank You all so much for your support


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

Candice I am so sorry. I know from your posts the love you have for Kaos.I look at our Daisy w/ her ever widening stance,her staring at the wall and then suddenly she's ok again. You have tried so hard to keep Kaos comfortable and have went to great lenghts medically to ease his pain. I have no doubt that you will put Kaos first no matter how much it hurts.My thoughts and prayers are w/ you . Your talking about how you dont want him remembered for a possible negative moment rang home w/ me. I hope that you can find comfort in this time.


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## NancyJ

When Linus left us at 15, we had kept him alive too long based on my youngest daughter who learned to walk by holding onto him, and a veterinarian who just would not let any dog go. 

I have not regretted helping other dogs go when it was time but have always regretted not letting him go-I knew it was time. He passed away on our back deck, all alone, one day while I was doing something else. 

It is so terribly hard when you know they are suffering but the twinkle is still in their eyes. 

I don't think you can ever prepare for it. You just take care of the logistical stuff up front so it is not a distraction. My other dogs have never seemed all that upset or impacted by the change other than looking for their buddy for a few days. And then, give your kids some lattitude to manage their grief however they can as it is not always so obvious with kids......sometimes they do all kinds of things to maks their feelings.

<hugs>


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## Falkosmom

mysweetkaos said:


> I find myself going through such emotions, I go back and forth to wanting to do more with Sherman one on one to distract from the pain, to resenting Sherman for wanting my attention. Is that bad? I feel bad admitting it.


Don't feel bad about wanting to spend time alone with Sherman. Caretakers need a little distraction themselves sometimes. 

As far as resenting him wanting your attention, he doesn't understand what is going on. But it is okayfor you to want some peaceful time with your thoughts to prepare for the inevitable.


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## Dragonwyke

hi candice, 

you don't know me, i'm just a junior member. but i've just recently been thru this w/one of our long time pack members. 

it took me about 2mos to make the final decision. probably it was too long a wait, but i just couldn't do it sooner. finally the day came it was just a day like any other. but i looked at Teddy sleeping and thought, that's it. it's just too much pain for too long, and it has to end today while the pain is back a bit, on a good day. so Teddy's last day was calm and sunny and happy and i can remember him that way, and he can leave this world that way too. 

we had talked about it extensively between the family members. i didn't separate the other dogs, they all checked on him continuously, mouthing him, sniffing him, laying by him in his sleep, following him in the yard (he was deaf/blind), checking his crate in the mornings and at 3am when it was everyone else's time to go out they checked Teddy's snoring w/me. i didn't stop them or cut back their time. he was still a pack member, just the elder citizen. they knew it. 

when i brought his body back from the vet wrapped in his crate blanket i didn't keep them away either. i took the whole pack out to the cemetery in the back yard where i have our other previous members buried. i had prepared his place before we left earlier. i laid his body beside his place. i finished deepening the bed, lined it with green leaves and flowers. while he laid there they all nuzzled the blanket, they opened it, they sniffed him, moved his body around, walked around him, tried to make him get up, after about half an hour they all just walked away. the only one that didn't was Grover, the little mixed breed i have that was very close to Teddy (the one that was put down). he lay down next to Teddy and rested his muzzle on his neck. i waited another 15mins or so but Grover didn't move. i had to take Teddy's body away from him and bury him. i put stones over Teddy's place and a cover over that. Grover lay down next to the cover. 20mins later i had to go out and carry Grover in the house. 

it's now been just over 2wks and Grover is just beginning to recover. he's been grieving all this time w/depression and tearing up his skin and hair. yesterday he started eating normally again. everyone else recovered just fine w/in about 2days. but they did grieve, in a shorter time, and not as drastically as Grover. 

i think you'll know, in your heart exactly the right day and time. you'll feel it. it'll just hit you at an odd moment and you'll suddenly feel at peace with the decision and the tears will feel relieving instead of painful. your pup may not grieve as heavily as my dogs did, mine are all adults and spent years and years w/Teddy. but he might miss him and wander around corners wondering where his buddy is, and look to you for guidance. be at peace about that. be at peace that there is the bridge and we once again will meet where there is no pain or tears. 

dw eace:


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## mysweetkaos

Thank you everyone. All of your personal stories have really touched me and made me more secure in knowing it is the right choice.

I, however, had never thought about "afterwards". Living in the city, we can't really bring him home to bury. I hadn't even thought of all of that. I need to make a list now of things to have taken care of with the vet so that I have everything covered.

Something one of you said really hit home with me and almost made me feel calmer. Not sure who said it now, and don't have it in me to re-read, but it was the part about looking into his eyes and hoping to see some sign of relief, while knowing in my heart it wouldn't be there. All too familiar.

Thank you all so much


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## DharmasMom

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I had to make this decision last Nov for Tessa. i originally wanted to wait until after the holidays but after a long talk with a friend in the rescue, she made me realize that I was doing that for me and not Tessa and it was best not to. Once I got Tessa to the vet for the final appointment, the vet made me realize that I was right not to wait. The old girl had been in much more pain then I had known. 

Once i made my decision, I made the appointment for a Monday. I spent the entire last weekend spoiling her. She went for lots of long car rides (her favorite thing), I bought a 10lb roll of hamburger and gave her hamburger every night for dinner the entire weekend. I spent as much time with her just loving on her. Like you Kaos, she was still eating, drinking, and happy. But she was unable to go up and down the stairs without stopping multiple times, she could no longer get in and out of the car with out a large amount of assistance, and she had fallen a couple of times. The final straw was that she was no longer able to lay in one spot for more than 30 minutes or so. She was constantly having to get up to change position so she wasn't sleeping well. When I told her vet this, she told me that Tessa was in a lot more pain than I knew.

I had her cremated so I did not bring her home right away. Dharma looked everywhere for her that night. But with in a couple of days Dharma was okay. I did feel a lot of guilt and just sadness. I cried a lot. 

I wish you the best during this difficult time. My thoughts are with you.


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## myshepharley

I am sorry you are going thru this. Went thru it last July with our GSD mix, Rock. He was 13 and 137 lbs with a huge fat tumor on his side. His legs were always giving out. He spent 95% of his time lying down. He still talked to us and tried to play and always knew when there was food closeby. But his quality of life was no longer there, only able to take a few steps at a time then had to lay down. It was not easy and not fair to him. Know you are doing the right thing and also know there is a lot of pain and tears ahead. But when you meet again, he will run to you giving you kisses and thanking you for letting him go. Please hang in there.


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## blehmannwa

It's been a bit over two months since I had Felony, the pit bull, put to sleep. Even with all that has happened since (Husband's cardiac arrest and month long hospitalization) I still miss her every day. I think that I've cried a bit every day as well. The biggest comfort that I have is how happy her final minutes were. She wagged and greeted the vet, she jumped up on the couch and savored her bully stick and passed without even a flinch. Someone told me "Better a week too soon than a moment too late." I know that things would just get more painful and I promised her, "No more bad days" after her terrible reaction to chemo.

Havoc did not seem terribly upset by any of the dogs' passings. He's a pretty self involved pup. He is very dog reactive and especially interested in pits now. I don't think that he really mourned. Felony would play with him and cuddle with him occasionally and he loved her like a crazed stalker when she was alive. When she died, he tried to take her bully stick. We had it cremated with her.


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## mysweetkaos

Thank you again everyone. I have sat and thought (and cried) a lot this morning. I just called my husband and told him "I don't want to give the meds 2 weeks and then make a decision because we just keep doing this." I know in my heart and with my medical background, not enough was changed in his meds that could make a noticable difference. I think when I looked in his eyes after he fell on the stairs this morning, I just knew. I also know his pain is too advanced to completely control. I told him to look at dates in March when he would be available to go with me and stay off work for a couple of days. The boys will also be on Spring Break, so I think that may help them have some time off.

I didn't know what he'd say since he has not really said much through all of this, but he said "I love you and you are making the right decision" Bless him, he's known for awhile and didn't want to tell me what to do.


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## blehmannwa

Try to savor and enjoy these last days with your friend.


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## StryderPup

I am so sorry you are going through this. My prayers are with you and your family.


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## GSDBESTK9

Very sorro to heat that.


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## marielrowland

Candice thanks for sharing your journey today thru this most difficult decision. I held off on tears until your last post where you decided not to try 2 more weeks of meds. Nobody knows better than you & as difficult as that decision is, it's the right one. Your username has always been one of favorites. mysweetkaos Take care


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## Dragonwyke

candice may your decision bring you peace, and may Kaos' journey be filled w/light and painless carefree joy. all my thoughts are with you all. 

dw & the dragon pack


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## Stosh

Your husband sounds like a good guy- remember to take care of yourself


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## mysweetkaos

You all are amazing and have made it feel not so lonely here. It is hard when I don't have a lot of "dog people" for friends. I swear they think I'm crazy. Like I told my husband last night, I am a stay at home mom so honestly in the last 10 years I have spent more time with Kaos then with my own husband.

Stosh you are right my husband is a keeper, I am very fortunate. Kaos was actually a gift from him. A gift I picked out and knew about:wub: Here are some pics when he was a pup, I know how you all love pup pics and to those of you kind enough to keep up with me on this you deserve it


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## 1sttimeforgsd

May God give you strength and courage during this heartbreaking time. It is never easy to let them go, the pain will never go away but it will lesson with time.


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

Thank you for the puppy pics of Kaos. His pictures showed the promise of what a great boy he would be.May you and he have beautiful moments together and a peaceful journey. He will always be watching and trying to teach Mr Sherman Tank how to be a great GSD just like him.


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## Dragonwyke

i've never raised a dog from a puppy so i'm ALWAYS amazed at how much they change from their puppy looks to their adult looks. he was an amazing looking baby. he grew to be a beauty. you've been very blessed to have spent so much time w/him. i know how you feel about being a hausfrau. 

i've been a stay at home myself and now am pretty much house bound these last 15yrs, so my whole world is pretty much my dogs. it's a heartbreaker to have let one go. but they will never live long enough, no matter what we do. hmm, we always want more time. we love 'em so much. 

dw


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## Good_Karma

Aw, I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. It certainly is the bitter side of having these wonderful creatures sharing our lives, having to let them go. You are in my thoughts, and I hope you find the strength to get through these difficult times.


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## mysweetkaos

1sttimeforgsd said:


> May God give you strength and courage during this heartbreaking time. It is never easy to let them go, the pain will never go away but it will lesson with time.


Thank you, I hope so. We were very blessed to have him for almost 10 years.



Daisy&Lucky's Mom said:


> Thank you for the puppy pics of Kaos. His pictures showed the promise of what a great boy he would be.May you and he have beautiful moments together and a peaceful journey. He will always be watching and trying to teach Mr Sherman Tank how to be a great GSD just like him.


Thank you so much, you are always so kind. Wasn't he a cutie? I'm afraid Sherman has a little too much Mastiff in him to be as good as Kaos:wub:



Dragonwyke said:


> i've never raised a dog from a puppy so i'm ALWAYS amazed at how much they change from their puppy looks to their adult looks. he was an amazing looking baby. he grew to be a beauty. you've been very blessed to have spent so much time w/him. i know how you feel about being a hausfrau.
> 
> i've been a stay at home myself and now am pretty much house bound these last 15yrs, so my whole world is pretty much my dogs. it's a heartbreaker to have let one go. but they will never live long enough, no matter what we do. hmm, we always want more time. we love 'em so much.
> 
> dw


Isn't it crazy, he was about 14 weeks in that picture, hard to imagine he would grow into the 30 inch 115 lb montrosity that he is. As for the hausfrau...my husband always calls Kaos "sancho", it is spanish slang for other man:blush:



Good_Karma said:


> Aw, I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. It certainly is the bitter side of having these wonderful creatures sharing our lives, having to let them go. You are in my thoughts, and I hope you find the strength to get through these difficult times.


Thank you very much....why doesn't anyone tell you about this when you get that cute little puppy?.....I'd of done it anyway, who am I kidding?


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## cta

your post was so touching and it's very clear how much your family loves Kaos. I'm on my first GSD and have not yet had to go through this, but i absolutely dread the day i have to. just reading your posts and the posts of others brought tears to my eyes...my heart is breaking for you. and it's true...forever wouldn't be long enough for our furry family members. your family and your baby boy are in my thoughts and prayers. remember the good times, feel your emotions and follow your heart. your boy knows you love him very much so have faith in yourself that you are doing the best for him.


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## TrickyShepherd

mysweetkaos said:


> I have a couple questions for all of you who have been through this.
> How did you prepare yourself mentally? Are there special things you did?, wish you had done after the fact?
> Also with another dog in the house....Sherman is 11 months old and has never known a life here w/out Kaos. Did you start seperating them more beforehand, ie right now they have times of the day they go outside together, do you limit those, so your other dog gets used to being alone? In the house we already do crate/rotate due to our vet recommendation a couple months ago....but is there more we should be doing?


I know many have already commented and I haven't had time to read everything, so I am sorry if some of this has already been said. If it has... just ignore my post.

First off, I want to say I am so sorry to hear this news as I've prayed so many times for him to pull through and was THRILLED to hear how well he was doing just the other week. If this treatment doesn't work though, In my opinion you are making the best decision for him!

I put my golden retriever to sleep on Feb. 5th 2011. She was fighting an infection and just when things got a little better, we found out she had cancer. We didn't have the heart to put her through treatment and/or surgery as she was old and weak. We knew what was best and let her tell us when. Well, "when" came a little earlier then we had hoped. Two days later the light in her eyes left and she gave up. That morning I had her PTS.

I'm going to be 100% honest.... It is HARD to do and so so painful emotionally for those that love them. There is no way to prepare for that. Absolutely the hardest signature I ever had to write. A year later, I am still a wreck when talking about her (I'm in tears just typing this out!). However, just knowing you gave your best friend the more wonderful gift of all... setting them free from all their aches and pains and letting them be at peace again.... that right there is enough to get you through it. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do when that time comes. Probably the only horrible truth of owning a pet.

We didn't separate our animals during that time. We didn't have a lot of time, but we didn't want to make anything different for either of them.... less stress on the dogs, especially Peaches. IMO, I wouldn't really change too much so he doesn't stress, keep things fairly normal around the house. After she passed, The two other goldens were depressed for a little while and were looking for her, but we just gave them a LOT of attention and love.... they are now (a year later) doing very well. Sherman I am sure will adjust, especially being just a puppy. Give him lots of love, and attention.... he'll get through it and adjust to being the only dog. Some dogs take badly to it, but as he is still very young, I am sure he will be fine.

As of anything I wish I could have changed.... Well, since it was so last minute and she was sooooo sick and weak, I couldn't do anything for her but immediately get her to the vet. If I could have had more time with her, I would have let her do all the things she loved before she passed on. Some treats she loved, see all the family again, go down by the lake again like old times, maybe a short walk at the park she grew up going to with me.... I wish I could have enjoyed those with her one last time. Even though we didn't get to do all that, I still think she left this earth at peace. She was in my lap the whole time while I told her how much I loved her. She had most the family there and our close friends that she adored. She went with so much love around her. That was the best gift we could ever give her. All I have to say is to enjoy the time you have left with him... if you both use every bit of that time, you will have no regrets. 

With all that said... I DO pray and wish for this treatment to work. I would love nothing more but for him to be comfortable and enjoy more time on this earth with you and your family. If that doesn't happen, I know he will leave this earth one happy and extremely loved dog. He is very lucky to have a family like yours!

I wish the best for Kaos and your family. My thoughts and prayers are being sent your way. I really hope to hear about how much he's improved in 2 weeks!!

*Lots of hugs*


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## llombardo

I had a 120 pound lab that I rescued when he was about 9 because his owner died..He literally had a half of a brain because of cancer After I had him for about a year, he started to get a tumor in the same area. My other dog got used to having him around, so I went and got a golden retriever puppy. The Lab became the golden's "dad" and protector...Whenever the golden was scared he hid behind the lab I moved out of a second floor apt into a ground level apt so I could get the big boy out without killing myself. He started getting worse, I even got an easy lift harness so I could move him and not hurt myself-this worked for a while. One day I took him out for a walk and we were almost home, when he made an awful noise and just collapsed I couldn't move him, I laid on him crying rubbing his heart to get some kind of circulation..I believe he had a stroke, the next day I made an appointment and brought him in. I only had him two years, but I was an uncontrollable mess that couldn't be consoled. I think of him fondly and have many happy memories of him. They touch our lives in so many ways and anytime a person has to make this decision, I feel so bad, because its the hardest decision a person has to make.  Good luck at this tough time and give him lots of hugs and kisses every day!!


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## marielrowland

How precious baby Kaos!


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## mysweetkaos

cta said:


> your post was so touching and it's very clear how much your family loves Kaos. I'm on my first GSD and have not yet had to go through this, but i absolutely dread the day i have to. just reading your posts and the posts of others brought tears to my eyes...my heart is breaking for you. and it's true...forever wouldn't be long enough for our furry family members. your family and your baby boy are in my thoughts and prayers. remember the good times, feel your emotions and follow your heart. your boy knows you love him very much so have faith in yourself that you are doing the best for him.


Thank you. 



TrickyShepherd said:


> I know many have already commented and I haven't had time to read everything, so I am sorry if some of this has already been said. If it has... just ignore my post.
> 
> First off, I want to say I am so sorry to hear this news as I've prayed so many times for him to pull through and was THRILLED to hear how well he was doing just the other week. If this treatment doesn't work though, In my opinion you are making the best decision for him!
> 
> I put my golden retriever to sleep on Feb. 5th 2011. She was fighting an infection and just when things got a little better, we found out she had cancer. We didn't have the heart to put her through treatment and/or surgery as she was old and weak. We knew what was best and let her tell us when. Well, "when" came a little earlier then we had hoped. Two days later the light in her eyes left and she gave up. That morning I had her PTS.
> 
> I'm going to be 100% honest.... It is HARD to do and so so painful emotionally for those that love them. There is no way to prepare for that. Absolutely the hardest signature I ever had to write. A year later, I am still a wreck when talking about her (I'm in tears just typing this out!). However, just knowing you gave your best friend the more wonderful gift of all... setting them free from all their aches and pains and letting them be at peace again.... that right there is enough to get you through it. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do when that time comes. Probably the only horrible truth of owning a pet.
> 
> We didn't separate our animals during that time. We didn't have a lot of time, but we didn't want to make anything different for either of them.... less stress on the dogs, especially Peaches. IMO, I wouldn't really change too much so he doesn't stress, keep things fairly normal around the house. After she passed, The two other goldens were depressed for a little while and were looking for her, but we just gave them a LOT of attention and love.... they are now (a year later) doing very well. Sherman I am sure will adjust, especially being just a puppy. Give him lots of love, and attention.... he'll get through it and adjust to being the only dog. Some dogs take badly to it, but as he is still very young, I am sure he will be fine.
> 
> As of anything I wish I could have changed.... Well, since it was so last minute and she was sooooo sick and weak, I couldn't do anything for her but immediately get her to the vet. If I could have had more time with her, I would have let her do all the things she loved before she passed on. Some treats she loved, see all the family again, go down by the lake again like old times, maybe a short walk at the park she grew up going to with me.... I wish I could have enjoyed those with her one last time. Even though we didn't get to do all that, I still think she left this earth at peace. She was in my lap the whole time while I told her how much I loved her. She had most the family there and our close friends that she adored. She went with so much love around her. That was the best gift we could ever give her. All I have to say is to enjoy the time you have left with him... if you both use every bit of that time, you will have no regrets.
> 
> With all that said... I DO pray and wish for this treatment to work. I would love nothing more but for him to be comfortable and enjoy more time on this earth with you and your family. If that doesn't happen, I know he will leave this earth one happy and extremely loved dog. He is very lucky to have a family like yours!
> 
> I wish the best for Kaos and your family. My thoughts and prayers are being sent your way. I really hope to hear about how much he's improved in 2 weeks!!
> 
> *Lots of hugs*


Thank you doesn't seem like enough.....We will enjoy every day indeed. We have decided to set the appt as I am less than optimistic we can get him to a pain level I'm comfortable with having him endure. He fell off the bottom two stairs today and the look in his eyes was chilling... he's ready so I need to be too. So glad no one is home right now, I am sobbing and look like a train wreck, Thank you again



llombardo said:


> I had a 120 pound lab that I rescued when he was about 9 because his owner died..He literally had a half of a brain because of cancer After I had him for about a year, he started to get a tumor in the same area. My other dog got used to having him around, so I went and got a golden retriever puppy. The Lab became the golden's "dad" and protector...Whenever the golden was scared he hid behind the lab I moved out of a second floor apt into a ground level apt so I could get the big boy out without killing myself. He started getting worse, I even got an easy lift harness so I could move him and not hurt myself-this worked for a while. One day I took him out for a walk and we were almost home, when he made an awful noise and just collapsed I couldn't move him, I laid on him crying rubbing his heart to get some kind of circulation..I believe he had a stroke, the next day I made an appointment and brought him in. I only had him two years, but I was an uncontrollable mess that couldn't be consoled. I think of him fondly and have many happy memories of him. They touch our lives in so many ways and anytime a person has to make this decision, I feel so bad, because its the hardest decision a person has to make.  Good luck at this tough time and give him lots of hugs and kisses every day!!


I've thought of this day often but I didn't even come close to imagining all of the feelings it brings with it. Thank you.



marielrowland said:


> How precious baby Kaos!


Wasn't that a cute little puppy face?


----------



## TrickyShepherd

mysweetkaos said:


> Thank you doesn't seem like enough.....We will enjoy every day indeed. We have decided to set the appt as I am less than optimistic we can get him to a pain level I'm comfortable with having him endure. He fell off the bottom two stairs today and the look in his eyes was chilling... he's ready so I need to be too. So glad no one is home right now, I am sobbing and look like a train wreck, Thank you again


You are very welcome. I wish I could do more! 

You know him best, and it seems to me you've already seen it in his eyes. They let you know. There is no way to be prepared for this, it's just a matter of forcing yourself to make that call and that drive... no matter what emotions pop in your end.

I'm so sorry this time has come for him, but I know Kaos will forever love and protect you and your family..... he will always be thankful for everything you all did for him. Especially the gift of letting go and allowing him to be free from his painful body. 

It still kills me to talk about this process... but, I feel if others haven't said it, it's very important. If you do go with the appointment, make sure to have them sedate him first. We did this for Peaches and it was the best thing for her. She was peaceful and painless for her last moments on earth... what an amazing gift that is! The look in her eyes was priceless.... she was so relieved. They pass on very peaceful and quietly this way....


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## mysweetkaos

Sedate him before we leave our house or after we're at the office?

And thank you for being open to talk about a very painful subject


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## TrickyShepherd

mysweetkaos said:


> Sedate him before we leave our house or after we're at the office?
> 
> And thank you for being open to talk about a very painful subject


When I know it helps others, I don't mind at all.

We sedated Peaches once we got to the clinic. If I had known BEFORE the appointment that this was possible, I may have done it before hand (with a more mild sedation) so she wasn't so stressed going into the clinic (she never liked going to the vets). Thankfully our clinic is very very caring and brought her to a room immediately as we got there (most clinics do this as far as I know). So she didn't have to be in the waiting room for more than a minute as we carried her in. When you do it is up to you, but I would definitely make sure it is done when you get into the room. The one they use then is very strong and only takes a moment as it's an injection. Once they are calm and relaxed, and you are ready... they do the final injection, which stops the heart. To see them breathe so easily, and in no pain.... god it's amazing and they are so relieved. Peaches was happy when she left this earth, and that right there is what gets me through this time without her. She came into this world happy and pain free, and she left this world happy and pain free.


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## shepherdmom

I am so sorry. We just went through this in November with our Shadow. I spent the day with him doing the things he loved doing and was still able to do. I took him through the McDonalds drive-thru and for the first time ever he got his very own entire burger. He loved his vet so the trip there was not a stressful thing for him. The only thing I wish I had done differently was to get more pictures. Again I'm so sorry. :hug:

Cindy


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## Stosh

I'm sure Kaos knows you'll do your best for him- he needs you now, maybe more than ever. There aren't enough tears


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## Loneforce

Just enjoy the last hours you have with him, as he will enjoy being with you. No matter how strong you think you are,there is really no easy way to say goodbye to a loved one, other then to show them your love. Im sorry that we all have to deal with this, sometimes it just doesnt seem fair. Never second guess your decision to relieve his pain. You are doing the nicest thing a human can do for their animal in pain. .....Sorry for your future loss :rip: Kaos you will be missed


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## selzer

Candice,

I am really sorry you are going through this. The one problem with dogs is that they are so **** special that losing them is like ripping apart our very souls. Try to think of this as the last gift you can give to your boy, though.

I let myself feel awful about it for a while, and then I gather up and create a group of pictures from their life. Pictures when they were a puppy, and the things I did with them, and when I gather them together, I celebrate their life, and know that overall, they had a good life, however long it was. That and increasing the work and things I do with the other dogs usually helps me put in into a place in my heart that is manageable. Pretty soon, I can tell stories about them, and talk about them with family, and the memories are good, not painful. 

Again, I am sorry, it is the awful part of having critters.


----------



## OriginalWacky

I am so very sorry that you are going through this. If there was a way I could take some of the pain away, I gladly would. Huge hugs to you and your family in this difficult time.

This will probably be jumbled, but here are some of the things I've found that help me get through the whole ordeal:

If you're unable or don't want to bury your dog, look for a pet cremation service, and arrange in advance for it, as you'll be overcome at the moment and possibly not able to deal with those kinds of arrangements. Some will even pick up your dog at the vet's office so that you don't have to try to drive any more yourself. 

Let the kids decide whether they want to be there at the moment or not. If they do, then make sure you explain what will happen so they know what to expect. If they don't want to, then make sure they know that it is perfectly okay not to go. If they don't want to be IN the room, but want to see the body, allow it. They will need to have their own form of closure, and they will probably know how they can deal with it best. Trust them. 

If possible, make it the first or last appointment of the day at the vet's office. If it's the first, you won't have to wait in misery in the waiting room, seeing the other pets coming and going. If it's the last, then you won't have to deal with walking out in tears through the other pet owners. Do any paperwork and payments up front so that you don't have to deal with it afterwards. It may be helpful to have Sherman with you, but not IN the room when it happens, so he can see the body as well. Perhaps he can wait in the car. 

Spoil him completely rotten while you can. On the last day, give him any and all things he normally cannot have - if he loves ice cream and chocolate, let him have it. Feed him hot dogs or other "horrible" foods that he will love, but that is bad for him otherwise. It might be worth it to sedate him (pill in food) more easily this way if you think he will be upset at going to the vet's office. However, if he normally enjoys the vet, then I wouldn't go with sedation, so that he can be "himself" when he goes in.

Tell him that he has your permission to go, and how much you love him. If you're going to be in the room with him, then make sure you are telling him how wonderful he is right up until the end and how happy he has made you. Don't be afraid of him seeing you cry, he will understand. Don't think it's bad if he sees you grieving, he knows more than you think. 

That's all I can think of right now, especially since I've used up the rest of my Kleenix, and I need to go hug my critters and bawl on them. I hate that you're going through this, that you're having this pain, it is a pretty awful thing to deal with. There's just one more thing, and it's a beautiful writing about the three most memorable days of your pet's life.


> A Living Love
> If you ever love an animal, there are three days in your life you will always remember . . .
> The first is a day, blessed with happiness, when you bring home your young new friend. You may have spent weeks deciding on a breed. You may have asked numerous opinions of many vets, or done long research in finding a breeder. Or, perhaps in a fleeting moment, you may have just chosen that silly looking mutt in a shelter -- simply because something in its eyes reached your heart. But when you bring that chosen pet home, and watch it explore, and claim its special place in your hall or front room -- and when you feel it brush against you for the first time -- it instills a feeling of pure love you will carry with you through the many years to come.
> 
> The second day will occur eight or nine or ten years later. It will be a day like any other. Routine and unexceptional. But, for a surprising instant, you will look at your longtime friend and see age where you once saw youth. You will see slow deliberate steps where you once saw energy. And you will see sleep when you once saw activity. So you will begin to adjust your friend's diet -- and you may add a pill or two to her food. And you may feel a growing fear deep within yourself, which bodes of a coming emptiness. And you will feel this uneasy feeling, on and off, until the third day finally arrives.
> 
> And on this day -- if your friend and whatever higher being you believe in have not decided for you, then you will be faced with making a decision of your own -- on behalf of your lifelong friend, and with the guidance of your own deepest Spirit. But whichever way your friend eventually leaves you -- you will feel as long as a single star in the dark night.
> If you are wise, you will let the tears flow as freely and as often as they must. And if you are typical, you will find that not many in your circle of family or friends will be able to understand your grief, or comfort you.
> 
> But if you are true to the love of the pet you cherished through the many joy-filled years, you may find that a soul -- a bit smaller in size than your own -- seems to walk with you, at times, during the lonely days to come.
> And at moments when you least expect anything out of the ordinary to happen, you may feel something brush against your leg -- very very lightly.
> 
> And looking down at the place where your dear, perhaps dearest, friend used to lie -- you will remember those three significant days. The memory will most likely to be painful, and leave an ache in your heart--
> -
> As time passes the ache will come and go as if it has a life of its own. You will both reject it and embrace it, and it may confuse you. If you reject it, it will depress you. If you embrace it, it will deepen you. Either way, it will still be an ache.
> 
> But there will be, I assure you, a fourth day when -- along with the memory of your pet -- and piercing through the heaviness in your heart -- there will come a realization that belongs only to you. It will be as unique and strong as our relationship with each animal we have loved, and lost. This realization takes the form of a Living Love -- like the heavenly scent of a rose that remains after the petals have wilted, this Love will remain and grow -- and be there for us to remember. It is a love we have earned. It is the legacy our pets leave us when they go. And it is a gift we may keep with us as long as we live. It is a Love which is ours alone. And until we ourselves leave, perhaps to join our Beloved Pets -- it is a Love we will always possess.
> 
> ~~by Martin Scot Kosins


----------



## mysweetkaos

Thank you everyone so much. I never thought I'd be so thankful for so many tears.

Original Wacky that was a great read, I am saving that for sure


----------



## mysweetkaos

My husband just emailed this to me.....not sure where he found it, but it is lovely.
Thought all of you who have been through this or are going through it, might appreciate it


*From a Grateful Dog
*You're giving me a special gift,
So sorrowfully endowed,
And through these last few cherished days,
Your courage makes me proud.
But really, love is knowing
When your best friend is in pain,
And understanding earthly acts
Will only be in vain.
So looking deep into your eyes,
Beyond, into your soul,
I see in you the magic that will
Once more make me whole.
The strength that you possess,
Is why I look to you today,
To do this thing that must be done,
For it's the only way.
That strength is why I've followed you,
And chose you as my friend,
And why I've loved you all these years...
My partner till the end.
Please, understand just what this gift
You're giving, means to me,
It gives me back the strength I've lost,
And all my dignity.
You take a stand on my behalf,
For that is what friends do.
And know that what you do is right,
For I believe it, too.
So one last time, I breathe your scent,
And through your hand I feel,
The courage that's within you,
To grant me this appeal.
Cut the leash that holds me here,
Dear friend, and let me run,
Once more a strong and steady dog,
My pain and struggle done.
And don't despair my passing,
For I won't be far away,
Forever here, within your heart,
And memory I'll stay.
I'll be there watching over you,
Your ever-faithful friend,
... a young dog once again.


----------



## LaRen616

mysweetkaos said:


> My husband just emailed this to me.....not sure where he found it, but it is lovely.
> Thought all of you who have been through this or are going through it, might appreciate it
> 
> 
> *From a Grateful Dog*
> You're giving me a special gift,
> So sorrowfully endowed,
> And through these last few cherished days,
> Your courage makes me proud.
> But really, love is knowing
> When your best friend is in pain,
> And understanding earthly acts
> Will only be in vain.
> So looking deep into your eyes,
> Beyond, into your soul,
> I see in you the magic that will
> Once more make me whole.
> The strength that you possess,
> Is why I look to you today,
> To do this thing that must be done,
> For it's the only way.
> That strength is why I've followed you,
> And chose you as my friend,
> And why I've loved you all these years...
> My partner till the end.
> Please, understand just what this gift
> You're giving, means to me,
> It gives me back the strength I've lost,
> And all my dignity.
> You take a stand on my behalf,
> For that is what friends do.
> And know that what you do is right,
> For I believe it, too.
> So one last time, I breathe your scent,
> And through your hand I feel,
> The courage that's within you,
> To grant me this appeal.
> Cut the leash that holds me here,
> Dear friend, and let me run,
> Once more a strong and steady dog,
> My pain and struggle done.
> And don't despair my passing,
> For I won't be far away,
> Forever here, within your heart,
> And memory I'll stay.
> I'll be there watching over you,
> Your ever-faithful friend,
> ... a young dog once again.


This is beautiful!


----------



## Zisso

I am soooo sorry you are having to make this decision! It is definitely the most difficult one we ever make, after so many years of happiness and pure unadulterated love. 

In October '08 I had to make the same decision for my Miss Lizzy. She could not take more than a few steps without falling over, and getting her back up was extremely difficult. Not only did she have severe HD and arthritis, but her eyes were also cloudy and her vision was not the best. She still had the desire to play- frisbee was her most favorite thing in the world. But she could not walk let alone run to catch her frisbee. She struggled to get up after laying down. 

Her last day was supposed to be filled with her and I spending the day snuggling, letting her eat everything she loved so much, especially spaghetti, and cherishing our last few hours. A dear friend of mine was to come over to help me get her loaded up for the final trip to the vet. When he arrived, he was 4 hours early. He had known her from the day I brought her home, and she was 10 years old. He was far more emotional than I was and sat here for those 4 hours crying his eyes out. He was inconsolable. 

At one point she was laying at his feet and he was uncontrollably rubbing his foot against her back & hips. All I could think was that is where the arthritis was and her hips were so bad, it had to be painful to have him doing that, not that she would ever grumble. I finally had to ask him to stop. 

When it came time to load her up, we were supposed to take his car as it would be easier on her than my truck and at the last minute, he bailed on me. Said he couldn't drive her to her death. He did help me get her into my truck, but he was so distraught that he couldn't close the gate or even my front door. So once she was loaded up, I had to go back to close the door and gate. When I came back out to take her to the vet, he was still sitting in his car, parked behind my truck. I had to go ask him to move so I could go! 

So in the long run, I did not get to do the spaghetti, or snuggle or any of our special things, because he was so distraught. I should have asked him to leave so we could have those last few precious hours together. Had I known he was going to bail at the last minute, I would have. 

I guess the moral of my story is to savor every minute you have with Kaos. 

Again, I am truly sorry you are faced with making this decision. {{{hugs}}}


----------



## mysweetkaos

LaRen616 said:


> This is beautiful!


I know, I just keep reading it. Helps me stay strong




Zisso said:


> I am soooo sorry you are having to make this decision! It is definitely the most difficult one we ever make, after so many years of happiness and pure unadulterated love.
> 
> In October '08 I had to make the same decision for my Miss Lizzy. She could not take more than a few steps without falling over, and getting her back up was extremely difficult. Not only did she have severe HD and arthritis, but her eyes were also cloudy and her vision was not the best. She still had the desire to play- frisbee was her most favorite thing in the world. But she could not walk let alone run to catch her frisbee. She struggled to get up after laying down.
> 
> Her last day was supposed to be filled with her and I spending the day snuggling, letting her eat everything she loved so much, especially spaghetti, and cherishing our last few hours. A dear friend of mine was to come over to help me get her loaded up for the final trip to the vet. When he arrived, he was 4 hours early. He had known her from the day I brought her home, and she was 10 years old. He was far more emotional than I was and sat here for those 4 hours crying his eyes out. He was inconsolable.
> 
> At one point she was laying at his feet and he was uncontrollably rubbing his foot against her back & hips. All I could think was that is where the arthritis was and her hips were so bad, it had to be painful to have him doing that, not that she would ever grumble. I finally had to ask him to stop.
> 
> When it came time to load her up, we were supposed to take his car as it would be easier on her than my truck and at the last minute, he bailed on me. Said he couldn't drive her to her death. He did help me get her into my truck, but he was so distraught that he couldn't close the gate or even my front door. So once she was loaded up, I had to go back to close the door and gate. When I came back out to take her to the vet, he was still sitting in his car, parked behind my truck. I had to go ask him to move so I could go!
> 
> So in the long run, I did not get to do the spaghetti, or snuggle or any of our special things, because he was so distraught. I should have asked him to leave so we could have those last few precious hours together. Had I known he was going to bail at the last minute, I would have.
> 
> I guess the moral of my story is to savor every minute you have with Kaos.
> 
> Again, I am truly sorry you are faced with making this decision. {{{hugs}}}


 
So sorry your last hours were not what you imagined. That is sad your friend bailed on you when you needed him most. Thank you for your support and sharing your story.

I just made it through an entire conversation with the vet about 2 prospective dates in March without crying I think that means I know in my heart it is right and have accepted it. WON'T make that day any easier, but nothing could. The vet was so nice and sweet, she is truly a gem. We originally switched vets when our old one refused to look into other options for Kaos. Our first appt I told her I just wanted him to make it through Christmas, the rate he was going it wasn't going to happen. I guess she gave us that and then some.


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## CarrieJ

Wow, that's all I can say about From A Grateful Dog. Wow.
I saved it in my documents. Just beautiful.

It's been almost five years and I finally found a basic picture of Loki and the story behind it made me laugh.


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## dogsnkiddos

I am so so sorry. I don't have any answers about how to prepare the children. We lost Old Bitch after a long battle with cancer. We had the time to prepare the children and they still cry for her. Beast went so suddenly and they are a mess from it. My daughter insists that everything that made our home good died with him My heart goes out to you all. Hugs from us to you.


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## shilohsmom

I'm so sorry.


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## myshepharley

Been thinking of you today wandring how you holding up. Keeping you in my thoughts.


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## mysweetkaos

myshepharley said:


> Been thinking of you today wandring how you holding up. Keeping you in my thoughts.


Thank you:wub: I woke up in a panic thinking, what was I thinking yesterday..it's not time. Then I went downstairs where he was sleeping, he wouldn't get up to go out, had to bribe him to get up for breakfast, he immediately laid back down and I had to bribe him again to get him out to potty....I knew I made the right decision yesterday...He's just lost his zest I had a long talk with the vet today about final preperations and decided on two dates which I have to get my husbands input on when he would be most available.
I am doing better overall, I am more comfortable with my decision, so there has been *less* crying. Although I feel like a walking train wreck. Our vet said they don't usually presedate, so I talked to about 5 of my friends who had been through this to get their experience and left all of them in tears including my grown, tattooed tough looking motorcycle riding neighbor man. That about sums it up


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## myshepharley

I am glad to hear you are feeling better. Its so hard of a decision. But when you see them unable to do anything without the pain know it is the only and kind thing to do. I sat with ROck outside in the grass while my husband stood next to us. I held his head in my lap telling him its ok. Crying my eyes out, I couldn't leave him. But knew he was free. Hang in there.


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## Renofan2

I am so sorry. I wish there were some words of wisdom to share with you, but unfortunately it hits you so hard now matter how much you try. You are doing right by Kaos and he is lucky to have you for his owner. I had to make this decision for my 10.5 year old Libby on January 23, 2012. She is not the first dog i had to send to the bridge, but was the most difficult. She was only 10.5 years old and received a good evaluation during her senior check a month before. When I came home from work on a Thursday evening she seemed fine, ate her dinner. When we went to bed I noticed she wasn't right. In the morning she wouldn't eat breakfast. Xray discovered a beachball sized mass on her spleen. Went back and forth with the vet for 3 days. Vet wanted me to wait until biopsy came back in 5 days. By Sunday, I couldn't watch her suffer anymore. My vet still tried to convince me to wait, but she couldn't eat, needed help to walk and started expelling large volumes of blood. Still vet thought I should wait, so me over riding the vet has tortured me, but in my heart I knew when I looked into her eyes, i couldn't let her suffer another minute. After she passed, while I held her tight in my arms, she looked years younger and her face was no longer strained. 

As for other dogs being upset. Two of mine didn't react at all, but Libby's daughter Falon did act out. She shared a kennel in my garage with her mother when I had to drive into the office. She has destroyed the bottom of the kennel (6x10 chainlink) and broken two teeth. She pulled the kennel across the garage. Have no idea how she had enough strength to do so. I had to stop putting her in the kennel and decided to give her free reign of the house. She seems better when left there instead of in the kennel alone. 

This is picture of my Libby taken that Friday night when I got her home from the vet. I wish I had the chance to make her days special, but she was unable to eat, and had severe diarrhea the entire weekend. I couldn't even take her for a walk. All I could do was hold her and tell her how much I loved her and be the one to set her free from her pain. 

I wish you the strength and courage to face what needs to be done. It is not easy, but it is up to you as his loving guardian to set him free. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Kaos.

Cheryl


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## mysweetkaos

Libby looks like a good loving girl. Thank you for sharing your story...everyone has been so kind and forthcoming with their stories of love and pain. It has definetely made me realize two things, 1.I am not alone in this pain and 2.Kaos is going to have some really great GSD friends to spend his days with until we meet again.

Here is a pic taken of my Big K this weekend. I filled one of his treat balls with bacon, a year ago he would have ripped it to shreds...this weekend he licked the outside and just left it laying there So since I'm a sucker for him, I dug all the bacon out and gave it to him:wub:


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## GatorDog

mysweetkaos said:


> Libby looks like a good loving girl. Thank you for sharing your story...everyone has been so kind and forthcoming with their stories of love and pain. It has definetely made me realize two things, 1.I am not alone in this pain and 2.Kaos is going to have some really great GSD friends to spend his days with until we meet again.
> 
> Here is a pic taken of my Big K this weekend. I filled one of his treat balls with bacon, a year ago he would have ripped it to shreds...this weekend he licked the outside and just left it laying there So since I'm a sucker for him, I dug all the bacon out and gave it to him:wub:


He is so stunning. :wub:


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## Jelpy

Sorry to hear you're in your last days with your doggie. Just try to make them as perfect as possible. 

jelpy


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## mysweetkaos

GatorDog said:


> He is so stunning. :wub:


Thank you so much, I think he's pretty handsome...here's how he spent his day today.....


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## myshepharley

He is gorgeous and looks so innocent.


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## Germanshepherdlova

Very sorry. I had to put my cat to sleep a few weeks ago (cancer) and it was tough. You will know when the time is right though-just spend all the time you can with him now and make each moment you have together count, that is the only advice I can offer. Again, I am so sorry.


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## mysweetkaos

myshepharley said:


> He is gorgeous and looks so innocent.


Thank you, I've always seen a kindness in his eyes. He loves his kids so much, he just lays and watches them. He's a good boy.



Germanshepherdlova said:


> Very sorry. I had to put my cat to sleep a few weeks ago (cancer) and it was tough. You will know when the time is right though-just spend all the time you can with him now and make each moment you have together count, that is the only advice I can offer. Again, I am so sorry.


I remember that...I'm sorry for your loss. We are just savoring each day. He'd been on a diet, I have taken him off it and well, I'm just kind of letting him do whatever he wants.:wub: My FIL is sending down some deer meat (Kaos' favorite) for him to enjoy in the next couple weeks. I think we've decided on March 15th....I am at peace with that, but very scared at the same time.


----------



## Stosh

It's wonderful that you have these last weeks together.


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## mysweetkaos

Stosh said:


> It's wonderful that you have these last weeks together.


We are very fortunate to have the time to make the decision. I can't imagine not having that time before hand and having to make this kind of decision unexpectedly.


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## iBaman

oh no!! I'm so sorry =[ I hope these next couple of weeks are great for you both!


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## katdog5911

I am sitting crying my eyes out...It is so very hard to say goodbye. I had to make that decision a few years ago for my 14 year old mutt. He had a tumor on his throat. I put things off as long as I could. There was no medication or treatment for him....it got to where I was blending his food into a liquid so he could swallow it. My regret is that I waited a bit too long. I just couldn't do it until I had no choice. I was able to be with him at the end and chose to have him cremated. His remains rest in our dining room in a nice tin...he was very food motivated and it seemed the dining room would a good room for him! I now have a 9 year old newfie mix and he is starting to have some joint issues. I dread that day....Just am hoping for a few more good years with him. And then of course there is 8 month old GSD Stella.....
Enjoy these last moments with your boy. He will live on in your heart.


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## mysweetkaos

iBaman said:


> oh no!! I'm so sorry =[ I hope these next couple of weeks are great for you both!





katdog5911 said:


> I am sitting crying my eyes out...It is so very hard to say goodbye. I had to make that decision a few years ago for my 14 year old mutt. He had a tumor on his throat. I put things off as long as I could. There was no medication or treatment for him....it got to where I was blending his food into a liquid so he could swallow it. My regret is that I waited a bit too long. I just couldn't do it until I had no choice. I was able to be with him at the end and chose to have him cremated. His remains rest in our dining room in a nice tin...he was very food motivated and it seemed the dining room would a good room for him! I now have a 9 year old newfie mix and he is starting to have some joint issues. I dread that day....Just am hoping for a few more good years with him. And then of course there is 8 month old GSD Stella.....
> Enjoy these last moments with your boy. He will live on in your heart.


Thank you both very much. It has been so helpful to hear all the support and stories from everyone.
Kaos has a favorite tree in our yard, we have decided that is where he and his favorite red ball will rest under. He loves that stupid tree, probably because there are raccoons in it, and he has tried for years to get ahold of them. :wub:


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## mysweetkaos

*Update, appointment is booked *

All weekend I was careful to watch Kaos as an outsider would. Thinking rather than feeling. I was so confident by Saturday evening, not a doubt, I know this is what he needs me to do now.

I called and booked the appt for next Thursday the 15th, then I laid on my bedroom floor and cried for 45 minutes. 

The tech informed me last week they do not normally pre-sedate unless there is an issue with the dog. After much research and thought I told them today that I absolutely want him pre-sedated, no question that will be more peaceful for him and "easier" for me if there is such a thing. 

Thank you again everyone for all your support through this.


----------



## msvette2u

Yes pre-sedation is much easier on the dog.
I had the misfortune of taking a very aggressive (crippling fear, completely unadoptable) dog in to rescue, and ended up having to put her to sleep. 
I asked the vet to pre-sedate (which often can make them vomit and/or have a BM, in her case, both) and told her how I wanted the euth. done.
I am a euth. tech and once I explained it to her, she was all in agreement. 
One of the most peaceful situations I've had putting a dog to sleep and just before she passed on, she wagged her tail for me. That was the first wag I'd ever seen and I have no regrets about having to make the decision to euth.
If you like I can message you regarding the procedure and you can ask if your vet can do that for you guys.


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## mysweetkaos

msvette2u said:


> Yes pre-sedation is much easier on the dog.
> I had the misfortune of taking a very aggressive (crippling fear, completely unadoptable) dog in to rescue, and ended up having to put her to sleep.
> I asked the vet to pre-sedate (which often can make them vomit and/or have a BM, in her case, both) and told her how I wanted the euth. done.
> I am a euth. tech and once I explained it to her, she was all in agreement.
> One of the most peaceful situations I've had putting a dog to sleep and just before she passed on, she wagged her tail for me. That was the first wag I'd ever seen and I have no regrets about having to make the decision to euth.
> If you like I can message you regarding the procedure and you can ask if your vet can do that for you guys.


Yes any tips would be great. Fortunately we have never been through this and in addition to being terribly sad I am scared. Thank you


----------



## marielrowland

I do see so much sweetness in your boy Kaos. Thanks for keeping us updated & I love seeing his recent pictures. He looks like a big boy, how much does he weigh. Take care Candice.


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## mysweetkaos

marielrowland said:


> I do see so much sweetness in your boy Kaos. Thanks for keeping us updated & I love seeing his recent pictures. He looks like a big boy, how much does he weigh. Take care Candice.


Thank you! I've always thought there was a softness in his eyes, but I'm more than biased:wub: He is a big boy. When he was healthy he always maintained about 105-110 weight range, closer to 105. He is definitely out of standard for size, @ 30 inches tall. Arthritis has really made exercise impossible so he did get up to 122, about 6 months ago we put him on a diet and he dropped back down to 110ish.

The last couple weeks he has been eating like a King, so I don't even want to know what he weighs


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## NancyJ

He is blessed to be surrounded by so much love. <hugs>


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

I wish you and Kaos a beautiful and peaceful goodbye. I know you are hurting as you put Kaos first. My heart goes out to you and your family.


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## Rua

Awww...I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I hope you can enjoy your last days with your beloved Kaos. What a loved dog he is! 

You're both in my thoughts. xxx


----------



## Stosh

I was thinking about you and Kaos today while Stosh and I were at the vet's office [he had a run in with some bull nettles]. They do a wonderful job of making sure the pet and owners are the only ones in the office when they put it to sleep.


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## mysweetkaos

THANK you all so much, your kindness has been so overwhelming. I know nothing will make this process easier, but you all have made feel less lonely.


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## llombardo

I give you so much credit for making this decision I once had a 120 pound lab that had a half of a head/brain due to cancer, once the tumor came back it was always in the back of my mind what I would do(I only had him for about 2 yrs, his owner passed away) and to be honest I played with the idea and finally one day we were walking and he collapsed--I couldn't move him, he had a stroke. The next day we brought him in, originally everyone in my house said they couldn't be there, but I was such a mess that they all stayed with me. He was sedated, I talked to him, and I held him, then I cried like I never cried before Its been two years in April and I think of him everyday, sometimes I cry and sometimes I smile because I know his last 2 years were wonderful for him. Just give him lots of love and one day you will smile when you think of him


----------



## mysweetkaos

*Am I forgetting anything??*

Ok so the appt is booked as I updated this morning. I have talked about everything with the vet, we are going to touch base again tomorrow as her partner is going to be handling the actual appt, so I want everything on file.
No paperwork or billing issues remain, so we just have to show up and leave. 

I have arranged child care. My dearest best friend is going to spend the afternoon with my boys. I have also arranged for my neighbor to come over while we are gone and break down K's crate and put it away while we are gone. He is taking the bedding home to wash and hold until I am ready for it. Kaos only loves one toy, a big red ball, we are taking that to be cremated with him.

We are getting paw prints made to go next to the ones we had made when he was a puppy. I have ordered a marker stone for the boys to put at his final resting place.

Am I forgetting anything?


----------



## Shade

I had to take my first dog who was my baby in Oct 2010, Alex had a severe ear infection and I tried weeks of antibiotics and drops with no effect. The last night he was whining in his sleep most of the night and he had never done that so I knew it was time. I called my parents and they met me at the vet later that night, it was late at night so the office was closed and we had the place to ourselves and the vet allowed us as much time as we wanted

I asked for the sedation and it went so smoothly, I held him the entire time and once he settled she did the iv and she waited until I said my final goodbye and one sigh later it was done. There was no struggle and while it was the hardest decision of my life I knew it was for the best. My parents took him back to their farm to bury him and I can visit him anytime I want. 

The vet cut me some of his fur and I still have it, anytime I miss him I can still touch his fur and remember what he felt like and it makes me feel a little better.


----------



## llombardo

mysweetkaos said:


> Ok so the appt is booked as I updated this morning. I have talked about everything with the vet, we are going to touch base again tomorrow as her partner is going to be handling the actual appt, so I want everything on file.
> No paperwork or billing issues remain, so we just have to show up and leave.
> 
> I have arranged child care. My dearest best friend is going to spend the afternoon with my boys. I have also arranged for my neighbor to come over while we are gone and break down K's crate and put it away while we are gone. He is taking the bedding home to wash and hold until I am ready for it. Kaos only loves one toy, a big red ball, we are taking that to be cremated with him.
> 
> We are getting paw prints made to go next to the ones we had made when he was a puppy. I have ordered a marker stone for the boys to put at his final resting place.
> 
> Am I forgetting anything?


Take a couple aspirin that day and bring lots of kleenex. Again I'm sorry your going through this!


----------



## mysweetkaos

llombardo said:


> Take a couple aspirin that day and bring lots of kleenex. Again I'm sorry your going through this!


NO doubt....I'm not sure aspirin will be enough 
Thank you for sharing your story and support. It means a lot:hug:


----------



## blehmannwa

A while back I started carrying a little airline bottle of brandy in my purse. It was kind of a joke but in the last year I've gone through three of them. It comes in handy.


----------



## KZoppa

Candice, I've been following your story but havent commented until now. I am so sorry that you and your family have to go through this. It really is so very hard to lose them, whether its sudden or a planned date. I wish i'd had the time or thought to get everything taken care of ahead of time but I was 14 when I made the decision to have my cat put to sleep. She'd been with me since I was 5. She got so sick so fast. I remember a couple weeks after I let Princess go, my mom's cat Tigger came into my room and I wanted NOTHING to do with him or any of our other cats. I allowed Fluffy into my room but he was the only one. He'd been with me since I was about 3. He was born into the house. I kicked tossed Tigger out of my room and slammed my door. My mom got mad at me for shutting him and I remember screaming at her that at least she had a cat and how nice it was that HER cat was still around and mine wasn't. I guess what i'm trying to say is its okay to want to avoid your other pets for a little while but dont forget they can also help. 

Princess is still around. I have her ashes in my curio cabinet in my dining room and we also see her around the house. She basically moves with us. Still freaks my husband out when he see's 3 cats but knows we only have 2. Its nice still being able to feel her around. 

You and your family are in my prayers. Sending hugs.


----------



## mysweetkaos

blehmannwa said:


> A while back I started carrying a little airline bottle of brandy in my purse. It was kind of a joke but in the last year I've gone through three of them. It comes in handy.


That made me smile, and it's actually not a bad idea!



KZoppa said:


> Candice, I've been following your story but havent commented until now. I am so sorry that you and your family have to go through this. It really is so very hard to lose them, whether its sudden or a planned date. I wish i'd had the time or thought to get everything taken care of ahead of time but I was 14 when I made the decision to have my cat put to sleep. She'd been with me since I was 5. She got so sick so fast. I remember a couple weeks after I let Princess go, my mom's cat Tigger came into my room and I wanted NOTHING to do with him or any of our other cats. I allowed Fluffy into my room but he was the only one. He'd been with me since I was about 3. He was born into the house. I kicked tossed Tigger out of my room and slammed my door. My mom got mad at me for shutting him and I remember screaming at her that at least she had a cat and how nice it was that HER cat was still around and mine wasn't. I guess what i'm trying to say is its okay to want to avoid your other pets for a little while but dont forget they can also help.
> 
> Princess is still around. I have her ashes in my curio cabinet in my dining room and we also see her around the house. She basically moves with us. Still freaks my husband out when he see's 3 cats but knows we only have 2. Its nice still being able to feel her around.
> 
> You and your family are in my prayers. Sending hugs.


Thank you very much.


----------



## Karin

I'm so sorry, Candice. This is so hard. It's painful to read what you're going through and brings back memories of when we had to do the same with our last dog, Sheba, when she had incurable cancer. But the act itself of putting her to sleep was very peaceful and we did feel like we did the right thing for her, just like you're doing with Kaos.

The one thing I did do before Sheba died was to cut off a lock of her hair. It felt a little funny doing it, but it was nice to have it after she was gone. We also took a video of her and that was nice to look back on, even though she was pretty frail by that time.

You're all in my prayers. Take care and know that a lot of people are thinking of Kaos and you and will mourn right alongside you. :hugs:


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## mysweetkaos

Thank you so much. Our vet had suggested cutting a lock of hair. I haven't yet, I too felt a little funny about it. I guess worse case I will cut it and put in a special place.....nothing worse than regretting not doing something.


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## Angelina03

Candice,
I just saw this... I'm so, so sorry. You must have been going through **** with this. I don't have any words of wisdom. Only, when I had to put down my cat of 18, almost 19, years, who was the love of my life all that time, it was actually easier than putting down my younger cat who got suddenly ill (kidney failure). I think it helped "knowing" and preparing for it. Nothing will ease the pain, however. Just know that it is our responsibility to do what is best for them, not us. Allow yourself to accept that responsibility and allow yourself to be sad for it, but not guilty, never guilty. What would they do without us? You are giving him, and have given him, the best life he could have ever had. That alone should keep you strong. I will be thinking of you and praying for your peace.


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## mysweetkaos

Angelina03 said:


> Candice,
> I just saw this... I'm so, so sorry. You must have been going through **** with this. I don't have any words of wisdom. Only, when I had to put down my cat of 18, almost 19, years, who was the love of my life all that time, it was actually easier than putting down my younger cat who got suddenly ill (kidney failure). I think it helped "knowing" and preparing for it. Nothing will ease the pain, however. Just know that it is our responsibility to do what is best for them, not us. Allow yourself to accept that responsibility and allow yourself to be sad for it, but not guilty, never guilty. What would they do without us? You are giving him, and have given him, the best life he could have ever had. That alone should keep you strong. I will be thinking of you and praying for your peace.


Thank you so so much. I too am thankful we have a chance to "plan" and make sure we squeeze every bit of love and fun we can into the next few days. Thanks you again


----------



## achampagne

If it should be that I grow weak, 
And pain should keep me from my sleep, 
Then you must do what must be done, 
For this last battle cannot be won.
You will be sad, I understand,
Don't let your greif then stay your hand,
For this day more than all the rest ,
Your love for me must stand the test.
We've had so many happy years, 
What is to come can hold no fears.
You'd not want me to suffer so,
The time has come, please let me go.
Take me where my need they'll tend,
And please stay with me until the end.
I know in time that you will see, 
The kindnesses you did for me.
Although my tailors last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.
Please don't grieve, it must be you
Who has this painful thing to do.
We've been so close, we two, these years,
Don't let your heat hold back the tears.


----------



## achampagne

I have been through this a few times before and this poem has helped. Please for give me for the error. It should have read, "Although my tail its last has waved". It's these feeling and heart ack that shows how much they mean to us. My heart hurts with you. Good luck.


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## BowWowMeow

Sending you my very best, Candice. I have been through this too many times and it never does get easier.


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## mysweetkaos

achampagne said:


> I have been through this a few times before and this poem has helped. Please for give me for the error. It should have read, "Although my tail its last has waved". It's these feeling and heart ack that shows how much they mean to us. My heart hurts with you. Good luck.





BowWowMeow said:


> Sending you my very best, Candice. I have been through this too many times and it never does get easier.


Thank you all so much. I have that poem saved to my computer with a couple others....I reread it when I start to feel guilty, or second guess, or one of many other emotions that seem to be flowing through me lately.


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## JakodaCD OA

This is the worst part of dog ownership 

I have fur from all my dogs that I've saved over the years, some I have in a heart shaped locket, consider it my good luck charm

Hang in there , hugs to you all.


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## drosado

I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is so very hard to let them go. At the time, I could not afford the fee for cremation so I, too, cut a lock of Rudi's hair. I keep it in a beautiful glass container with his picture on my dresser. At first it was sad to see it, but now it makes me smile to remember all the good times with him.


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## mysweetkaos

JakodaCD OA said:


> This is the worst part of dog ownership
> 
> I have fur from all my dogs that I've saved over the years, some I have in a heart shaped locket, consider it my good luck charm
> 
> Hang in there , hugs to you all.





drosado said:


> I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is so very hard to let them go. At the time, I could not afford the fee for cremation so I, too, cut a lock of Rudi's hair. I keep it in a beautiful glass container with his picture on my dresser. At first it was sad to see it, but now it makes me smile to remember all the good times with him.


Thank you both. I have cut some hair...not sure if I'll ever want it, but just in case, I don't want to regret not doing it.

I am overwhelmed by the roller coaster of emotions this is bringing out in me. From panic about the actual act...to watching him and being able to see so many signs maybe I'd been avoiding seeing and feeling guilt. ugh...I can't even imagine what next week will be like. We are taking him to the lake this weekend for pictures. I hope I can keep it together through that for Kaos' and my kids sake. I'm a mess, thank you all for all of your support. I don't really have a lot of "dog people" for friends so this forum has helped a lot.


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## OriginalWacky

I know it helps me to take some time and go ahead and cry with my dogs when that time comes. For the kids' sake, I might not do it in front of them, depending on how well they handle it, but I really do think that the dogs understand and will be a little less worried so to speak if you go ahead and express your feelings.


----------



## Beau

I'm thinking of you every day......


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## Angelina03

I hope you are doing OK. Find some time to just let it out. It will help you "deal" afterwards. All those pent up emotions tend to cloud our thinking. It is so hard what we have to do for our pets sometimes...Thinking of you.


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## mysweetkaos

OriginalWacky said:


> I know it helps me to take some time and go ahead and cry with my dogs when that time comes. For the kids' sake, I might not do it in front of them, depending on how well they handle it, but I really do think that the dogs understand and will be a little less worried so to speak if you go ahead and express your feelings.





Beau said:


> I'm thinking of you every day......





Angelina03 said:


> I hope you are doing OK. Find some time to just let it out. It will help you "deal" afterwards. All those pent up emotions tend to cloud our thinking. It is so hard what we have to do for our pets sometimes...Thinking of you.


Thank you all so much! I have been making time to cry, as funny as that sounds. Every morning after my kids leave for school, Kaos and I sit outside with my cup of coffee. This week I've just talked to him, petted and cried. Not too mention all the tears I've gotten out when I told the neighbors and 3 different sets of neighbors started crying. They all love him so much. They always volunteered to pet sit when ever we would have to leave. Often they would all share the days so that they could all play with him. It's nice seeing that he is so well loved and will be missed by everyone.

The tears are just about how much of an emptiness he will leave behind him. I am totally comfortable with our decision, and know it is the right one for him. He's been a lot worse the last few days, or maybe I've just been willing to notice more. His deer meat from my FIL arrived today, so he will be so excited for that come breakfast time. He's probably put on 5 lbs this week with all his good meals already:wub:

Thank you again so much for all of you continuing to follow and support me in such a heartbreaking time.


----------



## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

Thinking of you, Kaos and your family. Glad you are getting some time w/ just the two of you.


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## jprice103

My thoughts and prayers are with all of you!


----------



## Midnight12

My thoughts are with you. You are a strong person dealing with this when it's so hard.


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## mysweetkaos

Thank you everyone. I had been doing so good. Had been are the key words. I was sitting at the table eating lunch....thinking about it being Friday so I needed to go pick up some fish for dinner. Then it hit me that this is Kaos' last Friday, as his appt is next Thursday evening.

I am now a crying wreck again, and can't concentrate on anything. I was planning on some housework and errands this afternoon......I think my 2 yr old and I will just take Kaos out back to play and sit in the sun.

I can't begin to fathom what the pain feels like afterward....because I am not sure I can handle it. So hard to cherish each day when I can't stop crying.


----------



## CarrieJ

mysweetkaos said:


> I think my 2 yr old and I will just take Kaos out back to play and sit in the sun.


Excellent plan.
((((big hug)))))


"I started missing you long before you were gone. I'll keep loving you long after the memories bring you back"

"I can look into the world and see you in every act of love. Where once you were one, you are now many"

~~Safe Passage~~ 
Words to help the grieving hold fast and let go
(a book given to me when I lost my last dog, originally it had been given to my mother upon losing my dad)
Take care.


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## Rua

Every time I see this thread bumped to the top I always hold my breath before opening it. I really feel your pain and I hope that you can enjoy your last days with Kaos even through your tears. The rivers you cry now and afterwards just show how much he is loved.

Thinking about you and Kaos. xxx


----------



## Witz

I walked the road you are on too many times and know the pain it brings. I have always stopped to think of my pet's best interests and tried to appreciate how much they gave and what decision I needed to make for them. As difficult as it is to say good bye, they know that you have given them a life that all animals would like to have had. 

We have also been the types to bring a new pet into our life within a short time after loosing one. I know that it may sound strange but my wife and I see characteristics of our past pets in the new additions. This allows us to feel as if we have not lost the last pet but that they are living thru the new ones. 

It's never easy.


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## Stosh

Be sure you're drinking plenty of water. I cried so much when my brother was missing and then found dead that I actually became dehydrated. And that brandy wouldn't hurt either!


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

Hope you got to have a sunny and great afternoon w/ Kaos.


----------



## Zeeva

this is one of the hardest things to do. i offer you my own peace, some kind words and wish you the best. you will meet again in good health and good time...

bless xoxo


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## GSD Parent

I went thru this same thing right around christmas time. I made the dreaded appointment a week before christmas for the day after christmas. I was so glad to have been able to take my Rush to all his favorite places that final week and to spoil the crap out of him. His friends all had a chance to come over to say goodbye as well. Not a single person left dry eyed. You sound like you love your boy like I did mine. I can honestly say that I can feel your pain thru your posts. The first week after we lost Rush, I did feel relief that he was no longer suffering, the following week I felt the emptiness without him, now almost 3 months later, everytime I see something beautiful, it reminds me of him. there is this one very bright star in the sky which comes out before any of the other stars. I call this my rush star. It is my boy twinkling and watching over me, daddy and Rush's sister dyna. I don't think I will ever totally get over loosing Rush. He was truly my soul dog. Good luck this week. My heart is with you!


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## LoveEcho

Oh Candice, I just saw this... I'm so, so sorry....


----------



## GSDLoverII

We had to go through this with Gypsy.
It is one of the hardest decisions we've ever had to make.
My thoughts and prayers.
:angel:


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## mysweetkaos

Thank you all SO much. It is comforting to see all of your thoughts and experiences. 

We had a great weekend with Kaos. I doubled his tramadol, so that he hopefully had more relief....watching him play with my husband and boys and in the lake was so bittersweet. He was in such a great mood at one point, I found myself thinking "he still looks pretty good" Not 10 minutes later his back legs gave out and he collapsed in the lake and couldn't get footing with the sand so my husband had to help him back up. What a sharp painful reminder of his struggle.

I am finding myself in a new stage of replaying most of his life...wondering what I could've/should've done differently and if it would have made a difference in the outcome.....

I sent my husband to Target this weekend and was surprised when he came home with Kaos' Rx refills. He told me they had automatically refilled them and he didn't have the heart to tell them we didn't need them.....that hurt a LOT. My husband is not a dog lover....just a Kaos lover and he is rarely emotional....so seeing him be so torn up over all of this is so hard.

I know the hardest is yet to come...but I can't fathom what that is going to feel like...as of right now it feels like someone is sitting on my chest every time I look at him.


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## jprice103

Every time I read this thread, my eyes well up with tears. I can't imagine the pain you are going through! My heart and prayers are with you through this difficult time! I know it won't be easy, but you know in your heart you are doing what is best for your boy, and putting his needs before yours. I know that doesn't make it much better though. This week and the next few weeks are going to be the hardest. Hopefully you will get past the initial pain and quickly get to the point that thinking of Kaos will bring a smile instead of tears. :hug:


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## mysweetkaos

Here's a pic of him from this weekend. He's so handsome:wub: I can say he was truly happy this weekend...if only he could double his tramadol, eat whatever he wanted and have every day to play in the lake.


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## Loneforce

Its hard to believe looking at him in that picture, that he will be gone soon  He looks so happy/ You are a very good human to him!!


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## mysweetkaos

Loneforce said:


> Its hard to believe looking at him in that picture, that he will be gone soon  He looks so happy/ You are a very good human to him!!


He hasn't had that content look for so long...it caught me off guard when we got back to the house and I looked through the pics. I was sad at first....then I thought I'm glad we were able to restore some of that even if just for a bit. He deserves to feel that good every day.


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## mysweetkaos

Here's a couple "cute" ones from Friday. Looks like they are planning something


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

I am so glad you had a great weekend w/ Kaos. Its those really good days that you will remember.My heart goes out to you at this time.He looks very happy to be out w/ his family . Thanks for sharing his pictures.


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## Stosh

He looks so content and peaceful. I know these coming days will be hard and wonderful at the same time


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## mysweetkaos

I think his sudden lucidity is certainly a double edged sword. 
One hand is so comforting to have his last few days seeing the joy in his eyes.
Other hand it is painful to remember that this is not his normal self.

Not sure what's brought on this sudden contentedness. I've worked with the elderly a lot and it reminds me of the last few days when some could "sense" the end was close....they would often have such clarity and calmness to them. Perhaps in relief to knowing they weren't going to struggle much longer. Maybe he know and is truly thankful....or at least that's what I'll tell myself.


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## blehmannwa

I experienced a similar serenity and calmness in both Crusher and Felony's last days. I think that they sense that we are at peace and they trust us. Once the decision was made. I was able to focus and enjoy my time with them. I remember Felony trotting toward the lake. I remember Crusher's look of ecstatic disbelief as she got to eat all the tempura shrimp that she wanted.

It's been almost three months since Felony died and I still miss her every day. I am comforted by the fact that she passed so peacefully, surrounded by her family.


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## Angelina03

I really dont' have much to say, just that I'm thinking of you. I'm very sad for you and what you are having to go through. I'm glad you have a nice weekend with him. He does look very, very happy.


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## Jax08

:hugs:


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## Bridget

I keep reading this thread and I am so scared each time to open it. I am so sorry you are having to go through all this, your family and Kaos. I wish they could all pass peacefully in their sleep and none of us would have to make these difficult decisions. There can't be anything worse. Thinking of you.


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## mysweetkaos

Thank you all so much for following along.....it has given me an opportunity to "vent" a little now and then.

Kaos is definitely paying for all of his "good times" this weekend. He is very stiff and sore, and back to just sleeping, eating and the occasional growl and whimper this morning. As scared as I am for how it is going to feel Friday morning, the first morning waking up without him...I am anxious for him to be out of pain.

I think he would struggle on forever if we allowed it. He is so eager to be with his family always...that is the hardest part.

Our neighbor who I would venture to say loves Kaos as much as we do has asked to take Kaos to play for a little bit this evening. His playing consists of K following him around his woodworking shop while feeding him treats :wub: I wanted to say no....as I don't want to share him right now....but he and Kaos are so close...I know he needs closure as well.


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## RocketDog

My neighbor, who is going to be 83, felt the same way about our lab. In fact, our dog used to follow him around in his shop too, LOL. The day we had to put him down, I had him come and say goodbye, and my mom too. They both thanked me.  

Thinking of you Candice.


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## krystyne73

Sorry you are going through this. My dog was diagnosed
with cancer this week. He is 10 yrs old but thinks he is a pup. Many times he will run around then fall over stunned he wasn't able
to keep with the other dogs. Now he has mouth cancer.

All I can say is make the best of the good days, hug them a lot
on the bad ones and prepare for inevitable.
Easier said than done right? 
I hope we can get through this.
(( hugs to you))


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## drosado

So sorry you are having to go through this, but so very happy you will have such wonderful memories of your handsome Kaos.


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## mysweetkaos

Thank you everyone. Kaos did not want to work in the shop last night. He just kept going out the doggy door and to the gate to come back home. Our neighbor did get to sit outside with him a bit. Seeing grown men cry is not a strong point for me....so I spent most of yesterday in tears yesterday. So many of our neighbors have been so upset....I always knew they liked him, I never realized how much. It is comforting and sad to see that so many others will be missing him....even if it's not at the same level I will.

My husband has been showing his "true colors" lately. He has always jokingly told me " I only love that dog, because you do". Seeing how upset (even though he tries to hide it) he has been lately is very hard for me as well. No matter what he's always said, he loves Kaos so much. I think the kids are trying to pretend this isn't happening....I don't think they will start to fall apart until he actually leaves us. I'm especially worried about my oldest son... he and Kaos probably have the strongest bond outside of mine and Kaos'. Before PSR on Monday...my middle boy said his prayer was going to be that Sherman never get arthritis and that God find a way to make Kaos' go away. OH if only that were possible.

Krystyne...I'm very sorry to hear about your dog. Don't take any day for granted and cherish each moment, each bark, each lick...........


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## NancyJ

Society does strange thing to men and crying. My husband broke down and balwed liky a baby when we put Toby to sleep, yet did not cry when his own parents passed away. 

The dogs have always been my dogs but there is a wall sometimes I think men put up to keep from being hurt. .... Lets add prayers for your whole family too. You never know how someone will handle grief and somehow those who seem the most unaffected are bothered the deepest. My husband told me just this year after Cyra passed that he had memories of his father dying when he was a young man during that time.....that through Tobys death he grieved for his own father in a way he had not been "allowed" to. {we were born in the 50s when little boys had to be "men" and not have emotions}

Over the years I have come to accept and not judge any display or non display of grief. We all carry it differently.


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## PaddyD

It is very sad you have to go through this for so long. It was the same with my last 2 dogs. They hang on and you think you are prepared but ...
My sympathy to Kaos and you and your family.


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## mysweetkaos

Thank you for prayers for the family....we could definitely use them.

I have always tried to let my boys know it is ok to cry. I hope you know I meant no judgement about men crying.....if anything it is one of the saddest, hardest things to watch, perhaps because they're not "allowed" to do it often enough. I truly struggle watching others in pain. My husband is always so busy making sure every one is "ok" he rarely takes time to "feel" the emotions himself.....until he can't hold it and that usually ends with horrible migraines. So I am actually welcoming of any emotion he is letting out, reminds me and him that he is not superman and can not be responsible for everyone else while neglecting himself.

Watching my neighbor man cry is so hard, I know he is 1/2 crying for Kaos and 1/2 for his Ol' Benny that he had to say goodbye to 2 years ago.


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## mysweetkaos

PaddyD said:


> It is very sad you have to go through this for so long. It was the same with my last 2 dogs. They hang on and you think you are prepared but ...
> My sympathy to Kaos and you and your family.


Thank you so much. I think Kaos would hang on forever if that's what he thought I wanted. I asked at the beginning of this thread how to prepare myself. Many said you can't....didn't make sense.

Now that we are one day away from losing him....it makes sense. You CAN'T prepare yourself. I feel like someone is sitting on my chest, squeezing my stomach.......all the while I can't stop the tears from coming.


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## Stosh

I didn't have as long to spend with our last gsd before she was put to sleep, just two days. She was having uncontrollable seizures. Amazingly on her last morning she ran over to the neighbor's house to visit one last time, something she hadn't been able to do for weeks. It meant the world to my neighbors who had lost Omy's best friend the year before. You're right- these dogs are so strong and devoted that they will sacrifice themselves to bring a smile to our faces.


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

Candace my heart goes out to you. I truly respect and hope I can emulate your example w/ Kaos w/ my two seniors. Kaos based on your posts ,pics and your neighbors is a fantastic dog and a beautiful senior gentlemen. It is a wonderful gift you give him to leave while still being who he is. I wish you comfort tommorrow and the knowledge that Kaos wil be running free but always having his eye on you and yours.


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## jhoop371

I've been watching and reading this thread for some time now. I cry with every update and thoughts and prayers for you. I have been right along with you and feel your heartache. He sounds like a much loved guy who you gave a wonderful life too. You will have a great number of people thinking of you and Kaos tomorrow as you send him on to his next journey of his life. I have had Thursday in my mind also knowing that is the day you will send Kaos on his way. He will go forth but will be looking over his shoulder for you to follow when it is your time and he will be there for you as you were for him. Until then.. he will be having a great time running and playing as pups should. :hug:


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## Loneforce

This has been a real tough post to watch  Prayers to you and your loved one .........:hug::hug:


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## Beau

I too, have been following along with this thread. I know tomorrow will be hard. Just keep in mind that all of us will be thinking of you and praying for you and your family!

I learned when Beau died three weeks ago, that you cannot contain your sorrow or your heartache. You have to let it out somehow, whether through crying or talking or posting on an internet forum, which by the way, was very therapeutic for me. It didn't take the pain away, or make it any easier, but it was nice to be able to discuss my feelings with people who love animals, especially dogs, as much as I do. I didn't feel so alone, or so stupid because I was heartbroken over losing my dog, something that some in society find silly.

Tomorrow, Kaos will be whole once more. And he will be waiting at the bridge for you when the time comes. In the meantime, he will be keeping company with all of the dogs we have all lost over the years. 

Tears coming.....and all this from a 50 year old man.

Bless you and your family!


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## mysweetkaos

You all have been such an amazing source of comfort through all of this. I truly appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers. Also your continuing to stick through this terribly painful situation. You have all helped make such a lonely heartbreaking time a bit more bearable.

I am not sure how it is possible to feel so emotional yet so numb at the same time. I cannot explain it any better than that......I just feel empty. 

Kaos is an amazing boy. He has truly been the source of more comfort and love than I could have ever imagined. He has been through so much with us and loved us through all of it. He is one constant in my life who has never not been able to give me what I needed, whether it be cheering up, calming down, a laugh....he has always been there....through changing of cities, through loss of pregnancies, through my husband traveling, through birth of my children...he has always brought a calm serenity to my days. He's never asked why, he never judged, he's never told me to get over it....he was just there to be whatever I needed him to be. I don't know what I will do without that. 

I read somewhere about this being a time that I need to accept my pain so that he could be free of his....no truer words have been spoken. I just wish it wasn't so hard.


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## LoveEcho

I will be thinking of you all day tomorrow... I hope that you may find a little easment in your pain knowing that he is free of his.


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## Wolfiesmom

Thinking of you and Kaos. You are both in my prayers.


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## Stosh

We'll hold you in our hearts tomorrow


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## GatorDog

I will be thinking of you and your family tonight and tomorrow. Hugs to you all.


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## blehmannwa

My best wishes to you and your beloved friend.


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## shepherdmom

:hugs:


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## Jo_in_TX

Although I'm pretty new here, I have been reading and following this thread with sadness. My prayer is that you will find peace amidst your sorrow.


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## Johnny & Hope

Hi Candice, 
I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through. You will be in my prayers for quite some time.
Johnny & Hope


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## Johnny & Hope

Hi Again,
New thing for me these blasted computers, I'll get the hang of it though.
I ran across germanshepherds.com a couple nights ago, and came across
your story first thing. Through blurry eyes and major sniffles I couldn't quit reading, final got the whole story by 4:00AM. I felt I had to join and reach out. Back in the early 90's I was going through a very difficult time, and a gift from God that I named Lady adopted me. I tried to run her off for four days, but she wouldn't budge, stayed at the front door day and night. Any way long story short in 2001 she got a cancerous tumor in her throat. At that point in my life I just couldn't let go, she passed in the night beside my bed. Looking back I can see that I chose my feelings over hers, and I will always regret that. If only we could get do overs. I just wanted you to know that as much as it hurts, you are doing the right thing. My prayers will go out to you and your family for a long time from now. As much as it hurts I 
would never trade the hurt for not knowing the unconditional love and loyalty of one of Gods most remarkable creatures. We have so much to learn from them. It makes my heart glad to see so many people praying for you and your family, and sharing in your grief. As someone said in this post it takes a dog lover to understand, and there is a lot of understanding and love in this post. Lots of good people, may God Bless you all. This is difficult and awkward, and I hope none of my ramblings come out wrong, if so I'm sorry its not my intention. 
God Bless, Love and Hugs!
Johnny & Hope


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## bianca

I'm another one who has been reading and crying with you. You and dear Kaos are in my thoughts and prayers :hugs:


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## Jax08

Thinking of you today. :hugs:


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## myshepharley

Thinking of you today. Stay strong... BIG HUGS


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## LaRen616

I tried to stay out of this thread because it is just so sad but I knew today was the day, I am so sorry you have to go through this. He loves you, remember that. :hugs:


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## mysweetkaos

I have tried to get on for about 2.5 hrs to tell everyone thank you again. I am overwhelmed at all of the support you have all offered. It is nothing short of amazing to be comforted by so many who know my pain. It is a true testament to what amazing dogs we have. 
There is one thing as dog owners that equalizes all of us, no matter what you feed, when you neuter, any other squabble that gets carried on here......loss will be something that levels us all. I can't thank you all enough.

I truly hoped Kaos would continue with his good mood today, as it has been so nice to have old K back for a short while. No luck. Last night we had storms. The last year or so , storms have really frightened him. Last night was no exception, poor thing was cowering in the corner behind the piano. It took everything I had to get him to come lay on my lap. He just cried...I cried too, but promised him it would be the last time anything scared him.
Woke up this morning and he was under the piano....looking confused. I did my normal routine with he and Sherman.....determined to put on a happy face for him all day. We went outside with coffee. I was filling their water and heard some strange noise. Kaos had Sherman cornered behind the grill......making that low continuous "don't * with me growl"....Sherman was just crying. I have only heard him make that growl about 3 times in his life......and never with Sherman. It took me calling his name about 5 times and finally walking up to him, before he stopped and just started at me.

I brought K in and made him a special breakfast with bacon and eggs....he wouldn't touch it. I had some steak defrosted for his lunch, so I chopped that up and added it....still won't touch it.

I am not sure what is going on.....I have to believe in my heart maybe this is his way of making sure I don't second guess myself. You know how sometimes when people are moving or leaving....they start to push away people before they leave....that's what it feels like. I may be silly to think it....but I think he wants to leave and he doesn't want me doubting or feeling guilty for allowing him too.

Not sure I will post again today, every time I do...the pain rears back up and I feel like someone is sitting on me and twisting my stomach in knots. I do so appreciate all of you................


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## DanielleOttoMom

:hugs: Sending Hugs for you. I've been following your story and praying for you.


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

My thoughts are with you on this difficult and sad day.


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## Zoeys mom

It's just his time. He is in pain and tired- he's saying it's ok I'm miserable here don't take it personal. Sending good energy your way today saying goodbye is definitely an impossible task


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## GSDGunner

I am just in tears right now reading your last update. My heart aches for you. 
The GSD community is thinking and praying for you and sweet Kaos today.

My sincerest sympathy and prayers are with you. :hugs:


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## Rua

xx Thinking of you on this most difficult of days. xx


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## Courtney

Hugs to you today...prayers coming your way.

To Kaos, you have served your master proud, find peace brave boy.


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## smdaigle

I, like many others, have followed this thread but stayed out of it until now. I know first hand how hard it is to do what you're doing today. Peace to you and your family and especially to Kaos.


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## jprice103

My prayers are with you and your family today! Just know that you are doing the right thing by Kaos...he deserved a peaceful and dignified crossing to the Bridge and you provided that!! He will forever be by your side in spirit and you will meet again one day!!


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## jang

Wishing you moments of peace, grace and strength during this difficult time..Jan


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## KZoppa

Candice, please know that you and your family are in my thoughts.


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## PaddyD

mysweetkaos said:


> There is one thing as dog owners that equalizes all of us, no matter what you feed, when you neuter, any other squabble that gets carried on here......loss will be something that levels us all. I can't thank you all enough.
> 
> 
> I brought K in and made him a special breakfast with bacon and eggs....he wouldn't touch it. I had some steak defrosted for his lunch, so I chopped that up and added it....still won't touch it.
> 
> I am not sure what is going on.....I have to believe in my heart maybe this is his way of making sure I don't second guess myself. You know how sometimes when people are moving or leaving....they start to push away people before they leave....that's what it feels like. I may be silly to think it....but I think he wants to leave and he doesn't want me doubting or feeling guilty for allowing him too.
> 
> Not sure I will post again today, every time I do...the pain rears back up and I feel like someone is sitting on me and twisting my stomach in knots. I do so appreciate all of you................


That is so true about us being equals when it comes time to say good bye. It looks like Kaos was really telling you today that you are making the right decision, for him. Afterwards, we (almost) always second guess ourselves and feel guilty. That is a normal part of grief. I hope you can get past the hardest parts very soon. It just plain sucks.


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## Josie/Zeus

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I have been following Kaos story and it breaks my heart what you all are going through. 

Big big hugs to you and Kaos today.


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## GSDAlphaMom

LaRen616 said:


> I tried to stay out of this thread because it is just so sad but I knew today was the day, I am so sorry you have to go through this. He loves you, remember that. :hugs:


My sentiments exactly. I get upset everytime I open this thread and I know it is nothing compared to what you are going through. I've been through it too often and it never gets easier. Lauren is right, he does love you and it's so apparent how much you love him. Please take comfort in what a wondeful life you have given him. His spirit will live on within you.


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## glinny

So many of us have had to do this for our dogs. It is always hard even though we know it must be done. I'm sure every member here is in tears for you and Kaos today. Know that you are in our prayers.


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## CarrieJ

I just wanted to stop by in here and tell you that I'm thinking of you on this difficult day.
(((big hug))))
I'm so sorry and wish there was something that we could do to ease your grief.


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## OriginalWacky

mysweetkaos said:


> I have tried to get on for about 2.5 hrs to tell everyone thank you again.
> <gently snipped>
> Not sure I will post again today, every time I do...the pain rears back up and I feel like someone is sitting on me and twisting my stomach in knots. I do so appreciate all of you................


I'm so very much thinking of you, and I wish there was something that would ease your pain. THere is nothing quite like this pain, and you will always have a special place in your heart for him. Huge hugs to you and to him.


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## Twyla

Like others, I have been following this thread.. just had no idea what to say... and still don't. 

Thank you for sharing these last few precious private days with all of us here. The love shared by the 2 of you, the grief .... all a very tangible thing.

My thoughts are with you and your family for today and the days to come.


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## Henny

My thoughts have been with you all day and at times I have been sharing tears with you too.
I know it will have been so very hard but you made the ultimate sacrifice by letting him go, putting his needs before your own.
Now you need time to grieve and remember, painful as it will be

(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))


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## drosado

Just wanted to stop in and let you know that I am thinking of you today and praying that you will find some peace in your decision. You are lucky to have spent so much quality time with Kaos and have him as a part of your family and he is lucky to have had you and your family as his "people". May God bless you and be with you through this difficult time.


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## Kittilicious

:hugs:


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## Zisso

Sending prayers, strength, and hugsss to you and yours on your difficult day.


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## Chance&Reno

I have been thinking of you the entire week. I know how you are feeling and I can only say how sorry I am that you have to make this choice but I do know that you are doing it for the love of your Kaos.

In the moments, days, weeks following, we are left with an empty pain that never seems to end. Just know that it will, eventually, get better. My thoughts are with you and sending you a great big hug. I hope Chance meets Kaos at the bridge and they can go frolic together.


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## TrickyShepherd

Just wanted to let you know I've been keeping you, Kaos and your family in my thoughts and prayers today. You are doing the right thing for him, and he will never really leave your side. When you are lonely or missing him... he'll be right there beside you, just remember that. They never completely leave us, they are always there to watch over us and make sure we find our way. He'll do the same for you.

Be strong.


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## iBaman

Hugs today! I'm so sorry you have to go through this! Praying for your strength!


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## YukonGal

Candice, like many others, I've been following this thread and my heart truly goes out to you and your family today. Find peace knowing he's in a better place now and was lucky to have someone who loved him so much. Hugs.


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## krystyne73

Thinking of you at this difficult time....You have helped me work through the emotions with my own dogs journey. Thank you


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## Cassidy's Mom

I'm so sorry. He really did sound like he was ready to go, I hope you can find some comfort in that. :hugs:


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## NancyJ

<hugs>


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## PupperLove

I haven't been following this thread because I knew it was a sad one...but I just ended up reading it all now. I'm so sorry you have to be going through this. I am crying now just like everyone else has been...

I hope your heart can heal soon. I know it is going to be, and has been, a tough journey but there's only one thing you can do, and that's face it and use the strength you have. God wouldn't give you something you couldn't handle; However, It won't be easy. Take care of yourself, dear..

It sounds like he was telling you he was ready.


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## msvette2u

:hugs:


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## bianca

:hugs:


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

Thinking of you and your family.


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## achampagne

God speed Kaos, been sick to my stomach most of the week. Wishing you the best Candice and family. You have done what God and the rest of us knows was the best.


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## mysweetkaos

I just wanted to thank you all again....for helping me walk through the first part of this terribly painful journey. It truly helped me get out my tears through writing and reading everything that you all were kind enough to post.

I hope it helps others in the same situation.....just having an outlet to read and get your tears flowing sometimes helps...or at least it did me.

I mentioned before, but it is worth mentioning again. I truly didn't understand when people said there is no way to prepare yourself. I understand now....there isn't. You just have to make the best of each day you are blessed to have with them. When the end is near it will take every fiber of your being to just keep going. It truly felt like someone was sitting on my chest and twisting my stomach...it still does, just not as much. Love them every day...take lots of pictures, every time they nudge you for a pet...don't be too busy..you'll wish you had all those moments back. My oldest son said it sadly best...he said "I don't ever want to play video games again....every time I was doing that or something else I could have been playing with Kaos" Broke my heart.....I assured him he was the best boy Kaos could have asked for...but sometimes it takes a kid to remind us of the obvious. Cherish every moment.


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## Angelina03

:hugs:
Thank you for sharing your experience with us... as painful as it has been. Thinking of you.


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## Bridget

My thoughts are with you.


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## ErinMiller

You and your pet are in my thoughts. I cried reading this looking at my two pups . I am so sorry that you are going through this..death is a hard thing and it is even harder when death has to be based off of our own decision. If only they could speak to us with words... their eyes and bodies never seem to give enough information. and those eyes..keep us hanging on. 


You will meet again on the other side.


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## katieliz

they are all so incredibly special. want to share something my dh says...

he says, "when one goes it allows us to know another one" (since we can't just have an unlimited number of dogs at once). i hope that someday when the time is right that will be true for you.

take care, many blessings.


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## krystyne73

mysweetkaos said:


> I just wanted to thank you all again....for helping me walk through the first part of this terribly painful journey. It truly helped me get out my tears through writing and reading everything that you all were kind enough to post.
> 
> I hope it helps others in the same situation.....just having an outlet to read and get your tears flowing sometimes helps...or at least it did me.
> 
> I mentioned before, but it is worth mentioning again. I truly didn't understand when people said there is no way to prepare yourself. I understand now....there isn't. You just have to make the best of each day you are blessed to have with them. When the end is near it will take every fiber of your being to just keep going. It truly felt like someone was sitting on my chest and twisting my stomach...it still does, just not as much. Love them every day...take lots of pictures, every time they nudge you for a pet...don't be too busy..you'll wish you had all those moments back. My oldest son said it sadly best...he said "I don't ever want to play video games again....every time I was doing that or something else I could have been playing with Kaos" Broke my heart.....I assured him he was the best boy Kaos could have asked for...but sometimes it takes a kid to remind us of the obvious. Cherish every moment.


I am so sorry for your loss. I do feel your pain. Since losing my dog last week to Bone Cancer, every day is a roller coaster of emotions. I even cried in class today...it was not good. Some days are better than others.
Just know , you have helped others.


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## Tristan and Loki

Thanks for sharing the story, Candice! can't help myself cryin...


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