# Lost Kilo today



## Cascade

Last night around 5pm Kilo was at the lake swimming and having fun when he suddenly collapsed. Pale gums and all, I rushed him back home- we luckily only live minutes away from the beach. He couldn't get out of the car. I got an emergency red bill (yunnan baiyao) into him and the colour started returning to his gums but he was so weak. He spent up to two hours in the back of the car. We parked in the shade and waited with him until he regained enough strength to come inside. He had no appetite but was able to rest all evening. I knew what to expect. We just saw our vet and spoke to a holistic vet last week about his hemangiosarcoma. My vet said he might suddenly lie down and pass away. He was still conscious just lethargic and weak. Had he been in distress I would have gone straight to the vet. 

I settled down to sleep on the floor with him last night but he seemed restless, despite barely able to keep his head up. I realized he kept looking to my bed, where he has been sleeping every night but it's so high. He kept getting up and seemed lost until I managed to pick him up and put him on my bed, where he went to sleep immediately. He weighs 85lbs and I'm only about 115lbs so I've never been able to pick him up like that before. Guess when times are dire enough that can change.

This morning he was very weak and had to be carried upstairs. Despite this, he still mentally seemed normal like he was trying to return to his regular routine. I had to zip over across the road to feed a friend's animals and he heard the keys jingle and tried to get up (he always came with me; I'd either walk over or drive with him chilling in the backseat). Then when I got back and was digging bones out of the freezer to make bone broth, he managed to get up and was waiting for me at the top of the stairs. He just had no appetite. 

The hour before he passed he seemed a bit restless. Getting up and drinking lots of water, which he vomited back up. He finally laid down in my room where I laid in bed watching him breathing. I heard my family get home and started getting up when I heard him take a big breath and his head was sitting awkwardly so I sat with him. His gums and tongue had suddenly gone pale. I had been monitoring the colour of his gums constantly and it happened very fast. He started taking awkward, delayed breaths and then he was gone. I was lucky to be able to call the rest of my family to come sit with us. But it seemed to happen so suddenly, especially when he'd been up and walking around and seemed to be getting stronger. 

We took him in to be cremated. I made sure to save some of his hair. It's just so shocking even though I've known since May 1 he had this cancer. For him to suddenly just be gone. The past week he was back to himself, alert playful and happy. He only had maybe 3 days where he seemed lethargic. I wish I had restricted his swimming last night; I'm pretty sure it triggered the bleed. But he was having so much fun, and I know I'd rather he had a good quality of life rather than just living every day on his bed not able to do the things he loved. 

It still doesn't seem real. I was trying to prepare for this, but he'd been doing so well I thought we'd have more time. He has always been at my side. Everywhere I'd go, he'd go. I don't know if I'll ever connect with another dog like I did with him. He always seemed to understand more than he should have, and was so in tune with me I often didn't need to say things to him he'd just do them. I've taken so many photos of him over the years. Without him I would have lost interest in photography. We could go for a hike and I would suddenly tell him to stop, and he would stand there patiently, or 'modeling' as I took photos at different angles, etc. He was so patient that way. 

I don't really know what to do now. Lola was diagnosed with hemangiosarcoma last year, but with how she hasn't changed I wonder if it wasn't malignant. We didn't do further testing with the symptoms she was showing but she seems ok. I've just always prepared to lose her at any time as well. She was only supposed to be a temporary foster as her owner passed away last year but I didn't think she had long to live either so I've been treating her palliative. I never thought Lola would've outlived him. 

It's so frustrating. I fed Kilo the best whole foods, his bloodwork was always excellent, no signs of masses. This cancer came up so fast. He would've only just been turning 8 this month but he seemed to be coming into his prime. He didn't show his age. I did so much work with him and he'd finally settled into the dog I always wanted. We fixed his leash aggression/reactive issues. I could take him anywhere and he would be so good. I learned so much with him I just wish we could have had more time. For years I rarely took him anywhere and it was always muzzled and on a short leash. This past year after working with a trainer he was like a different dog. So much more relaxed, confident. He was in such fantastic shape. Just in March, I was taking him out on the trails when I'd run my horses up the hill. We'd go out every day, often on 2-3 different rides while I got my horses in shape. He never seemed to tire, even running through snow the whole time. This time last year we were hiking 10km+ a day when I worked at an off leash hiking kennel.

I just don't know what to do now. Kilo was my life. Everything I did was for him or to include him. With Lola she could also go at any time. She is a sweet dog but I don't have the same connection there. The thought of having no dogs, and missing that companionship disturbs me. But the thought of starting over with a puppy is overwhelming and exhausting to me. Especially when it took years for Kilo to mature into the dog he was. I don't even think I will bond with another dog like him again


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## LuvShepherds

I am so sorry for your loss. It’s always hard even if you know they are not well. He was a beautiful dog.


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## Ava&Phoenix

I’m sorry to hear about your loss ❤


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## kelbonc

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy. Rest in peace Kilo.


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## GandalfTheShepherd

I'm so sorry, your story sounds so familiar... exactly how my boy at 6 yrs young with hemangiosarcoma left us. Cancer is a bitch. You will keep questioning what you could have done better... what you didn't do... try to not be hard on yourself. Your boy was clearly so loved, you gave him a beautiful life! Give it time and remember your boy, don't be afraid to open up your heart again one day. Sending prayers your way...


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## dogma13

I'm so very sorry.I'm glad you were able to be with him in his final hours to comfort him.R.I.P. sweet Kilo.


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## slackoff01

GandalfTheShepherd said:


> Give it time and remember your boy, don't be afraid to open up your heart again one day. Sending prayers your way...



very well said.

I feel for you and your loss, he was a beautiful dog and it sounds like you loved him more than words can say.

Time will help you heal. You will always have the memories of the time you spent together, focus on that not what you should have done differently.

You are lucky to have been able to be there so he wasn't afraid and alone when his time came.


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## Cascade

slackoff01 said:


> very well said.
> 
> I feel for you and your loss, he was a beautiful dog and it sounds like you loved him more than words can say.
> 
> Time will help you heal. You will always have the memories of the time you spent together, focus on that not what you should have done differently.
> 
> You are lucky to have been able to be there so he wasn't afraid and alone when his time came.


As hard as it was I am glad to have been there. He barely left my side since the diagnosis. I knew how fast it could happen and didn't want him to be alone. It almost seemed like he waited until my mom and sister walked in the door before he went.


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## Cascade

GandalfTheShepherd said:


> I'm so sorry, your story sounds so familiar... exactly how my boy at 6 yrs young with hemangiosarcoma left us. Cancer is a bitch. You will keep questioning what you could have done better... what you didn't do... try to not be hard on yourself. Your boy was clearly so loved, you gave him a beautiful life! Give it time and remember your boy, don't be afraid to open up your heart again one day. Sending prayers your way...


6 is so young. I'm sorry for your loss as well


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## GandalfTheShepherd

Cascade said:


> As hard as it was I am glad to have been there. He barely left my side since the diagnosis. I knew how fast it could happen and didn't want him to be alone. It almost seemed like he waited until my mom and sister walked in the door before he went.


That is exactly what my boy did too. He waited until 9pm at night for every single one of my family members to come home from work so we could all gather around. That is the beautiful thing about these dogs, they are angels.. they want nothing more than to be with you by your side every step of the way.. they are forever loyal. And that is the most wonderful gift you could have given him, to be there with him until the very end. I bet he was very happy to have everyone he loved there with him.


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## Courtney

What a beautiful boy. I am so sorry.

These dogs will shatter us into a million pieces.

He left a huge paw print on your heart.

Sending you healing vibes!


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## sebrench

What a beautiful dog. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## tim_s_adams

So sorry for your loss! Give yourself time to reflect and heal, he was a beautiful beautiful dog...RIP Kilo!


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## Chuck94!

I am so so so sorry for your loss :crying:


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## GypsyGhost

I’m so sorry for your loss. Rest in peace, Kilo.


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## Nigel

Sorry he's gone. I think you did the right thing in taking him swimming, he got to do what he enjoyed right up to the end. I did the same thing with a lab I lost to osteosarcoma at 5 yrs old. I took him swimming every day for as long as he enjoyed it.


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## Magwart

I am so very sorry. This cancer is so insidious. I'm glad he got to pass on his own terms, at home with you, instead of in a vet hospital. There's so much dignity it going peacefully that way. We did that for my last one who died of hemangio too.

It's too soon to be thinking of another dog, but know that there _will _be one. Kilo would not have wanted you to be without a canine companion -- now that he's on the other side, he will want to know you're protected and loved. Eventually, he may even visit with the other dog -- you'll perhaps see a bizarre quirk in a future dog, a trick you never taught, known only to Kilo, and you'll know he's in touch saying "hi."

With your future dogs, the bond won't be the "same" bond -- it can't be as that one belongs to Kilo. Instead, it will be wonderful in a different way. The decades of of a dog lover's life are marked by the dogs we own in our 20s, 30s, 40s, etc. Every decade is defined by the dogs that shared it. Their passing never gets easier, but over time I've realized my heart gets more full of love with each dog that shares a decade of my life. The pain at the end is the price of years and years of love and joy -- the more love, the more it hurts to lose them.


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## Cascade

Magwart said:


> I am so very sorry. This cancer is so insidious. I'm glad he got to pass on his own terms, at home with you, instead of in a vet hospital. There's so much dignity it going peacefully that way. We did that for my last one who died of hemangio too.
> 
> It's too soon to be thinking of another dog, but know that there _will _be one. Kilo would not have wanted you to be without a canine companion -- now that he's on the other side, he will want to know you're protected and loved. Eventually, he may even visit with the other dog -- you'll perhaps see a bizarre quirk in a future dog, a trick you never taught, known only to Kilo, and you'll know he's in touch saying "hi."
> 
> With your future dogs, the bond won't be the "same" bond -- it can't be as that one belongs to Kilo. Instead, it will be wonderful in a different way. The decades of of a dog lover's life are marked by the dogs we own in our 20s, 30s, 40s, etc. Every decade is defined by the dogs that shared it. Their passing never gets easier, but over time I've realized my heart gets more full of love with each dog that shares a decade of my life. The pain at the end is the price of years and years of love and joy -- the more love, the more it hurts to lose them.


Thank you for this. I've never bonded with a dog like this before and definitely don't have anything close like it with Lola (which is kind of unfair to her, I've only had her a year, but I just haven't felt the same connection. I'm very fond of her, but Kilo felt like my soulmate whereas she just feels like another dog. She was a foster who is also sick so I didn't let myself get too attached. I didn't think she'd even make it this long.) It's hard to think about starting over. I know I'm not ready, but I'm also scared of losing Lola now and being totally alone. Everything I did was for Kilo. I never had any interest in hiking or exploring local spots if I wasn't taking him with me. I don't even know what to do now. I can work on taking Lola places and doing more with her. But she can be dog aggressive which is why I ended up keeping her; it was too risky trying to rehome her. It's something I can definitely work with and she can get better. I just feel as soon as I start getting close with her I'll probably lose her as well.


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## Genalis_mom

You have me in tears. I lost my dobe of 17 years, she raised my kids with me. It wasn't like losing a child, it was like losing part of me. Thought I would never love another dog like her again, and I was right. I *need* a dog in my life, so I got my mastiff. She died of cancer as well, only a few weeks after her diagnoses. She died young, and I buried my heart with her. It took me a couple years before I was ready for Genali, but I have her. The first few days were strange, she kept reminding me of my mastiff in silly ways. It didn't take me long to see the similarities and embrace the differences. Bella and Kaliopy would have liked Genali, and one day they will all romp together across the bridge.

Our dogs take a huge piece of our heart with them when they die. But, before long, you will see that you loved Kilo so and he love you so that your heart grew so big that you could give him that piece and still have another piece there for the dog Kilo would want you to have once you are healed and ready. He was certainly a beautiful dog. I am so glad that his last activity was one that he loved and was with someone that he loved.


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## Jenny720

So sorry for your loss of Kilo such a special boy!


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## Mareesey

So sorry for your loss. He was well loved, and I'm glad he knew peace and was able to go places with you. The day before my girl died she kept looking at the couch but she was in a lot of pain and could no longer walk so I didn't put her up there. I'm glad he got to sleep on your bed one last time.


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## car2ner

what a beautiful but heart breaking story. I'm sorry.


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## Shane'sDad

You did all the right things.....you and Kilo were very lucky to have each other......he was a better dog and you a better dog owner because you had each other........Sorry for your loss......RIP Kilo.


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## CometDog

I am so so sorry. Such a beautiful dog. Cancer is infuriating! Ugh, my heart breaks for you. Wish there were words that could help


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## dogbyte

No longer by your side,but forever snuggled deep inside your heart.....I also used yunnan baiyao with my late GSD, Gracie, for idiopathic heart bleeds. K-State Vet school is actually recommending it. 
Also, where love is deep, so is grief.


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## holland

I am so sorry for your loss ...such a beautiful dog


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## Cascade

Thank you all for your kind words. I went to pick out an urn for Kilo and picked up his paw/nose prints today. I also received this necklace in the mail. I had ordered it just after his diagnosis and it came so fast. It's made with some of his hair in resin. I love how it turned out. It's about smaller than a quarter and is something I can always wear and have him with me.


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## EyeDogtor

Just read the news on tumblr, too. I'm so sorry. Many condolences.


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## razorseal

Brings tears to my eyes. So sorry for your loss. When I read these, I think about my new pup and the stages of life we will all go through and the inevitable. Makes me think if I made the right choice bringing a dog to our family :crying:


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## Arathorn II

Sorry for your loss


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## Thecowboysgirl

So sorry.

I just want to say-- you said maybe you shouldn't have let him swim because it triggered the bleed.

I lost a dog to this 2 years ago. He had had a bleed that he survived, and was diagnosed. They said to keep him quiet because anything could trigger another bleed which would probably be it for him. His tumor was inoperable. 

I boarded this little pit bull that was super friendly. My GSD had come from a pitbull rescue and had once lived in a house with 16 pits. He did seem to have an affinity for them, and he just really wanted to hang out with this little pit. I knew if he played with her it could kill him. But he wanted to, it was just clearly what he wanted that day and I decided to heck with it, if it's the last thing he does he may as well do what he wants since he could literally go at any moment.

He spent the afternoon with her, they had a ball together. It did not trigger a bleed and we had him another week or two after that. But I am not sorry I did it and I wouldn't have been sorry if he had died that day.

If the last thing your dog got to do was something he loved with you, then it was a good last day.


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## Cascade

razorseal said:


> Brings tears to my eyes. So sorry for your loss. When I read these, I think about my new pup and the stages of life we will all go through and the inevitable. Makes me think if I made the right choice bringing a dog to our family /forum/images/Germanshepherds_2016/smilies/tango_face_crying.png


I think about this too, but then I remember how much joy he brought to my life. Every day he made my life better. Losing them is the hardest, but just have to focus on all the good.


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## Cascade

Thecowboysgirl said:


> So sorry.
> 
> I just want to say-- you said maybe you shouldn't have let him swim because it triggered the bleed.
> 
> I lost a dog to this 2 years ago. He had had a bleed that he survived, and was diagnosed. They said to keep him quiet because anything could trigger another bleed which would probably be it for him. His tumor was inoperable.
> 
> I boarded this little pit bull that was super friendly. My GSD had come from a pitbull rescue and had once lived in a house with 16 pits. He did seem to have an affinity for them, and he just really wanted to hang out with this little pit. I knew if he played with her it could kill him. But he wanted to, it was just clearly what he wanted that day and I decided to heck with it, if it's the last thing he does he may as well do what he wants since he could literally go at any moment.
> 
> He spent the afternoon with her, they had a ball together. It did not trigger a bleed and we had him another week or two after that. But I am not sorry I did it and I wouldn't have been sorry if he had died that day.
> 
> If the last thing your dog got to do was something he loved with you, then it was a good last day.


Thank you. I know a bleed could have happened any time. I was keeping Kilo basically on bed rest until I saw my vet who said he can still run and play. He lives in the moment and isn't thinking about trying to live longer. Quality over quantity. I realized trying keeping him quiet like that might give us more time but it would've been for my benefit, and since They live in the moment it's best to let them do the things they love in this case. He wanted to play and swim. 

I know logically it makes sense but it's still hard.


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## [email protected]

*Kind words*



Magwart said:


> I am so very sorry. This cancer is so insidious. I'm glad he got to pass on his own terms, at home with you, instead of in a vet hospital. There's so much dignity it going peacefully that way. We did that for my last one who died of hemangio too.
> 
> It's too soon to be thinking of another dog, but know that there _will _be one. Kilo would not have wanted you to be without a canine companion -- now that he's on the other side, he will want to know you're protected and loved. Eventually, he may even visit with the other dog -- you'll perhaps see a bizarre quirk in a future dog, a trick you never taught, known only to Kilo, and you'll know he's in touch saying "hi."
> 
> With your future dogs, the bond won't be the "same" bond -- it can't be as that one belongs to Kilo. Instead, it will be wonderful in a different way. The decades of of a dog lover's life are marked by the dogs we own in our 20s, 30s, 40s, etc. Every decade is defined by the dogs that shared it. Their passing never gets easier, but over time I've realized my heart gets more full of love with each dog that shares a decade of my life. The pain at the end is the price of years and years of love and joy -- the more love, the more it hurts to lose them.



I could not have said it better. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Kilo. I had the pleasure and privilege to own my Solito for 12 years. He died in my home with my arms wrapped around him. I loved him so much and he loved me. I have Regalo now and while he is not Soli, he is magnificent to my heart in so many different ways. For me, years could not pass between pups. Soli has not been gone a year yet, and I have Rego. To each his own. RIP Kilo. Thanks you for being such a good dog to your owner. Soli will show you the ropes in Rainbow heaven.


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## DorianGrayFFM

I am so sorry for your loss and Kilo's sudden passing. It sounds like you two lived life as well as anyone could ask up to the last minutes. That is worth remembering and you were fortunate to have one another.


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## selzer

I am so very sorry. I can say I know exactly how you feel. I lost my Jenna today, only I took her in and she was put to sleep. She became paralyzed yesterday. We tried prednizone. She would have been 13 in August. I thought she would outlive Babsy and Heidi. I'm broken.


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## Cascade

selzer said:


> I am so very sorry. I can say I know exactly how you feel. I lost my Jenna today, only I took her in and she was put to sleep. She became paralyzed yesterday. We tried prednizone. She would have been 13 in August. I thought she would outlive Babsy and Heidi. I'm broken.


I'm so sorry. I know there aren't really any words that help. I know what you are going through. I never would have thought my rescue GSD would outlive Kilo. She was the unhealthy one (Hemangio tumors, exercise intolerance, breathing issues, pannus, ate cheap grocery store kibble, etc). He never had any issues. Now suddenly he's gone. I just hope my rescue girl can hold on longer.


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## mnm

There are no words to take away the pain, when you lose a dog that is so special to you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. May Kilo run free with all our friends there at the Rainbow Bridge, and he'll be waiting patiently for you again one day.


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## selzer

Cascade said:


> I'm so sorry. I know there aren't really any words that help. I know what you are going through. I never would have thought my rescue GSD would outlive Kilo. She was the unhealthy one (Hemangio tumors, exercise intolerance, breathing issues, pannus, ate cheap grocery store kibble, etc). He never had any issues. Now suddenly he's gone. I just hope my rescue girl can hold on longer.


Thank you. I know this could sound insensitive, but you might consider bringing home another dog before you lose your rescue girl. Because when she goes, there is going to be a giant hole in your home. You cannot replace dogs. But there is a place that dogs fill in our lives. Without them, some of us are so very lost. They can also help us get through the pain of losing them. 

I am fortunate there, because I have a bunch of dogs. Losing Jenna is like ripping out 2/5s of my heart and just leaving it on the side of the road. It doesn't take away the pain, but petting the puppy, and hugging some of the others, does help. It does. I HAD to get out of bed today and go feed them. Else I might have just stayed in bed all day. 

Sudden deaths are the worst. Last week I thought Jenna would make it to 14. I had her set up for an ear flush procedure because I thought that if it gives her six months without an ear infection... Today she is gone. Anyway, think about it. Lots of folks say you should wait so that you do not compare the one to the other, give yourself a chance to grieve. Everyone handles this stuff differently. 

Sometimes we do not want to open ourselves up to this kind of pain again. The thing is, you know you are a good owner. Another dog deserves you. Think about it. When you are ready.


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## Cascade

selzer said:


> Thank you. I know this could sound insensitive, but you might consider bringing home another dog before you lose your rescue girl. Because when she goes, there is going to be a giant hole in your home. You cannot replace dogs. But there is a place that dogs fill in our lives. Without them, some of us are so very lost. They can also help us get through the pain of losing them.
> 
> I am fortunate there, because I have a bunch of dogs. Losing Jenna is like ripping out 2/5s of my heart and just leaving it on the side of the road. It doesn't take away the pain, but petting the puppy, and hugging some of the others, does help. It does. I HAD to get out of bed today and go feed them. Else I might have just stayed in bed all day.
> 
> Sudden deaths are the worst. Last week I thought Jenna would make it to 14. I had her set up for an ear flush procedure because I thought that if it gives her six months without an ear infection... Today she is gone. Anyway, think about it. Lots of folks say you should wait so that you do not compare the one to the other, give yourself a chance to grieve. Everyone handles this stuff differently.
> 
> Sometimes we do not want to open ourselves up to this kind of pain again. The thing is, you know you are a good owner. Another dog deserves you. Think about it. When you are ready.


Thank you, it is not insensitive I've already been thinking about it. Having no dog at all is unthinkable. My dogs are my life. My original plan was to get a puppy when Kilo started showing signs of slowing down. I've always been sorta browsing breeders to get an idea for a future pup but I lost Kilo so suddenly instead. I have started contacting a few breeders to put some feelers out there. I think by the time choosing and being on a waiting list and actually getting the pup will give me more time to grieve and prepare. I am focusing on my rescue girl for now, but also trying to be mentally prepared in losing her at any time. I never really allowed myself to get super attached knowing her condition. 

I lost my dad in 2016 to cancer and Kilo helped the grieving process so much. Like you said, having to get up and feed, and take him out and do things or else he'd drive me crazy. My mom is actually getting a LGD puppy that will be ready to come home in June. I will help train socialize etc it and perhaps it will be a good distraction. Maybe helping her with her puppy will help mentally prepare myself for my next pup. I don't want to be always comparing to Kilo or expecting my next dog to be like him. I already find myself doing that with Lola. Seeing how she reacts to things, and thinking of what Kilo would do. I will mentally prepare for my next dog to not be like Kilo but to be itself and hopefully I will be able to grow a new special bond.


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## Cascade

Just wanted to share this photo I processed tonight. This was from Sunday. He had a wonderful day of playing and being around family before going to the lake and then having a small campfire. Always such a patient model. I'm glad he had an enjoyable last couple of days.


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## Jenny720

Such a beautiful photo - yes enjoying and celebrating life all the way till the very end - can not get better then that. Life lives on in a very different way then we can ever really understand- Kilo will visit you to remind you of this!


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## rabsparks

*In Memory of Kilo*

My sincerest sympathies on your loss. I've been where you are and know what you are feeling. I have shepherds that I connected with and ones that I couldn't no matter how hard I tried. So I understand your connection with Kilo. And I know how hard it is going forward inch by inch. I know your pain and I know how much Kilo meant to you.

In between the words of your post, I can see how much you loved Kilo. I'm approaching six years since I lost my Sarek. Sarek was a unique german shepherd. He was with me when I lost my younger sister to an aneurism. Then again when I had my stroke. I don't think that I would have made it through those two parts of my life had I not Sarek to "lean on".

Keep the feelings in your heart. Don't rush getting through the mourning and don't try to push yourself through it. Over time, you'll look back on your relationship with Kilo and bit by bit the horrendous pain will ease. 

When I was ten years old and my parents decided that it was time for us to get our own GSD, they bought a book about German shepherds. It is no longer in print and hasn't been for more years that I can count. But I saved a copy of the book by Mansfield Schalk and would like to share part of the book with you.

The Final Tribute
(Courtesy of and best said by Mr. Mansfield Schalk)

"Keep your dog as long as he is happy and comfortable. Do everything you can reasonably can to keep him that way. But when the sad time comes that he is sick, always uncomfortable, or in some pain, it is your obligation then to have him put to sleep...But you owe it to your old friend to allow him to go to sleep...And because you loved your old dog as much as you did, you'll pay him the greatest tribute. He proved to you that there's nothing quite so wonderful as a fine German shepherd, so in his honor you'll get another German shepherd as soon as you can. I think he'd like it that way." 

When the time is right, you'll honor Kilo's memory.

Rick Bajackson
Sparks, Maryland


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## Nico Pico

I am so sorry for your loss. We lost a GSD to a hemangiosarcoma, & still second guess everything we did during those final days. I commend you for the love, & care you've given your dog. And, your desire to make Kilo as happy, & as comfortable as possible. These marvelous creatures will live on in our hearts, & memories. Celebrate your beautiful Kilo when you feel you are able. ❤


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## charger

so sorry for your loss.


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## Cascade

rabsparks said:


> My sincerest sympathies on your loss. I've been where you are and know what you are feeling. I have shepherds that I connected with and ones that I couldn't no matter how hard I tried. So I understand your connection with Kilo. And I know how hard it is going forward inch by inch. I know your pain and I know how much Kilo meant to you.
> 
> In between the words of your post, I can see how much you loved Kilo. I'm approaching six years since I lost my Sarek. Sarek was a unique german shepherd. He was with me when I lost my younger sister to an aneurism. Then again when I had my stroke. I don't think that I would have made it through those two parts of my life had I not Sarek to "lean on".
> 
> Keep the feelings in your heart. Don't rush getting through the mourning and don't try to push yourself through it. Over time, you'll look back on your relationship with Kilo and bit by bit the horrendous pain will ease.
> 
> When I was ten years old and my parents decided that it was time for us to get our own GSD, they bought a book about German shepherds. It is no longer in print and hasn't been for more years that I can count. But I saved a copy of the book by Mansfield Schalk and would like to share part of the book with you.
> 
> The Final Tribute
> (Courtesy of and best said by Mr. Mansfield Schalk)
> 
> "Keep your dog as long as he is happy and comfortable. Do everything you can reasonably can to keep him that way. But when the sad time comes that he is sick, always uncomfortable, or in some pain, it is your obligation then to have him put to sleep...But you owe it to your old friend to allow him to go to sleep...And because you loved your old dog as much as you did, you'll pay him the greatest tribute. He proved to you that there's nothing quite so wonderful as a fine German shepherd, so in his honor you'll get another German shepherd as soon as you can. I think he'd like it that way."
> 
> When the time is right, you'll honor Kilo's memory.
> 
> Rick Bajackson
> Sparks, Maryland


Thank you for your kind words. I worry I won't have a good connection with my next dog. I know it won't be the same but hope to have some type of special connection again. Sometimes I think I'm doing ok, and then I'm just hit with it all again. I am looking to add another pup or dog to my family but will make sure not to compare them and grow to love the next one as it's own, and not as a Kilo replacement.


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## audrienco

Kilo was such a handsome boy! I know what you are going though as my 9yr girl , Audrie, passed within 2-3 weeks of finding out she had nasal lymphoma and a brain tumor in November 2017. Kilo would have agreed with you, let him swim ? he loved it! I understand how u feel about worrying you’ll never bond again with another dog like you did with Kilo, I’ve also had the same trouble myself while going back and forth on if I am ready to add another dog again. I even had those thoughts with my 2 year old GSD who is now the single dog of the home. In the back of your mind you wonder... “what kind of unrealistic expectations you have for the new puppy, what if they don’t meet those expesctations? Will you be even more sad? Will it just not ‘feel right’?” (I could go on and on). While I don’t have an easy answer for you, I just want you to know that you’re not alone. 

While it’s taken me over 1/2 a year to come to any kind of “acceptance” with having our best friends pass so quickly .. it’s that we didn’t have to watch them suffer for longer than they did. We watched them play and be the sidekicks up until the very last few moments. That was Audrie’s last gift to me. 

RIP Kilo (Have fun swimming in doggie heaven) 

Hang in there OP. -xo


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## Cascade

audrienco said:


> Kilo was such a handsome boy! I know what you are going though as my 9yr girl , Audrie, passed within 2-3 weeks of finding out she had nasal lymphoma and a brain tumor in November 2017. Kilo would have agreed with you, let him swim ? he loved it! I understand how u feel about worrying you’ll never bond again with another dog like you did with Kilo, I’ve also had the same trouble myself while going back and forth on if I am ready to add another dog again. I even had those thoughts with my 2 year old GSD who is now the single dog of the home. In the back of your mind you wonder... “what kind of unrealistic expectations you have for the new puppy, what if they don’t meet those expesctations? Will you be even more sad? Will it just not ‘feel right’?” (I could go on and on). While I don’t have an easy answer for you, I just want you to know that you’re not alone.
> 
> While it’s taken me over 1/2 a year to come to any kind of “acceptance” with having our best friends pass so quickly .. it’s that we didn’t have to watch them suffer for longer than they did. We watched them play and be the sidekicks up until the very last few moments. That was Audrie’s last gift to me.
> 
> RIP Kilo (Have fun swimming in doggie heaven)
> 
> Hang in there OP. -xo


Thank you for this. I am so sorry for your loss. It's so hard when you try to do everything right but it's not enough. I have unfortunately dealt with a lot of loss over the past few years (dogs and close family) I'm almost becoming numb to it now. I am still struggling with his loss but at the same time I am so relieved that he was able to go peacefully and on his own. It was a constant stress his past two weeks not knowing if I made the wrong decision and was letting him suffer for my own selfishness. It's still hard to believe he's really gone, a month later now.

I have brought a pup into my life, a lot sooner than expected but the timing ended up working out well. I know he won't ever be a replacement for Kilo but I hope we will have our own special connection. It was hard going from being so focused on Kilo his past 3 months, obsessing over his diet and exercise, keeping track of every little change, to him suddenly be gone. At least with the new pup there is something to focus on now and he has a future (as sadly I'm not sure how long Lola will be with us).


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet boy Kilo. I have always ben fortunate that we have had multiple dogs who helped me get through by making me focus on them. Each of my dogs have been very different and have had unique relationships with me. I still miss Lucky and Daisy and will always but Chevy and Thunder helped me get through losing Daisy and Charlie and Hershey helped me with getting through the pain losing Luck. Take care .


Maggi


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