# Why can't people mind their own business?



## vicky2200 (Oct 29, 2010)

At the family Christmas party my mom was talking to her sisters about our animals and of course they had to voice their opinions about how we shouldn't get more animals. My mom said "I'm not getting more birds or fish" (she doesn't like them, they are mine). Her sisters replied with "And no more dogs!" My mom continued to tell them that when she finishes school (she is going back) and gets a job, she will get another dog. They went on to tell her how crazy she is and four dogs (what we have now) is way too many. 

I just really can never understand their need to tell my mom, and me, how to lead our lives. If we want to use all of our money on our animals, what is it to them? I just cant wrap my mind around it.


----------



## huntergreen (Jun 28, 2012)

its hard with family. they are her sisters so let her deal with it.


----------



## Ava_Shepsky (Aug 29, 2013)

My family stopped visiting because we have "too many" too. It's two dogs two birds and a cat -______- some people just don't get it.


----------



## onyx'girl (May 18, 2007)

my sister has 24 chickens, she is causing the local ordinance to be reviewed. I didn't voice my opinion on the numbers she hoards...but would have liked to. I know, 24 chickens is nothing to some people, and 4(like we have) is too many for others. My grandmother use to rehab critters all the time, and I know the neighbors looked down on her. "Why rehab a raccoon or opposum, just off those nasty vermits" yet we loved them and nutured them until they could be released.

It is all in the eye of the beholder, but when it comes down to neglect/hoarding or possibly abuse, then I'll step in and ignore the judgements.


----------



## MyHans-someBoy (Feb 23, 2013)

Ava_Shepsky said:


> My family stopped visiting because we have "too many" too. It's two dogs two birds and a cat -______- some people just don't get it.


Priceless! They won't want to visit me either, then. We currently have two dogs and five cats.

Years ago, when we did not have dogs, we had 12 cats and I saw one at the shelter that I HAD to have. He went on to become my heart cat 

The shelter I went to required several pages of info ( and that is great) and asked me how I was going to care for a 13th. I explained exactly how and told them they could call my vet for a reference. 

They called and after only a minute or so, said "He gave you an excellent reference, so you can adopt him."

I know that seems like a lot of animals, but if can truly take care of X number of animals, with attention and vet care, then who cares what anyone thinks!



Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## Galathiel (Nov 30, 2012)

I don't think they care what anyone thinks .. it's just annoying to have people tell you what THEY think is an appropriate number of pets for another person to have. I have run into that with family members in the past. I also have someone in the family that has wayyy too many dogs that don't get to be family members. They are used for various forms of hunting so I do get it ... but eh .. not when someone can care for the number they have and those have a quality life.


----------



## selzer (May 7, 2005)

Families are so distant nowadays. One would think that sisters ought to be able to voice their opinion about a sister's choices. It is just an opinion. Maybe it would indicate that someone cares. 

And there are people out there that have too many dogs or cats. Maybe if someone important to them, did care enough to discuss it, it wouldn't get blown so far out of hand. And then, maybe there is nothing one can do that will make that problem better until the person who has the problem is ready to try and change. 

I dunno. I think people have to choose their battles and try to figure out what is being interfering, and what is in the best interest of all the parties involved.


----------



## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

your mother was engaged in a conversation with her sisters
about animals. they expressed their opinons to your mother.
you weren't a part of the conversation. it seems like you
were minding their business. you overheard a conversation.


----------



## Betty (Aug 11, 2002)

doggiedad said:


> your mother was engaged in a conversation with her sisters
> about animals. they expressed their opinons to your mother.
> you weren't a part of the conversation. it seems like you
> were minding their business. you overheard a conversation.


That seems like a pretty big assumption on a couple different fronts.


----------



## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

assumption??



vicky2200 said:


> >>>>> At the family Christmas party >>>>my mom was talking to her sisters<<<<< about our animals and of course they had to voice their opinions about how we shouldn't get more animals.
> 
> My mom said "I'm not getting more birds or fish" (she doesn't like them, they are mine). Her sisters replied with "And no more dogs!"
> 
> ...





doggiedad said:


> your mother was engaged in a conversation with her sisters
> about animals. they expressed their opinons to your mother.
> you weren't a part of the conversation. it seems like you
> were minding their business. you overheard a conversation.





Betty said:


> That seems like a pretty
> 
> >>>>>big assumption<<<<<
> 
> on a couple different fronts.


----------



## Betty (Aug 11, 2002)

doggiedad said:


> assumption??


Yep.


----------



## The Packman (Jan 31, 2011)

Vicky to answer your question, I'd have to say _the problem with people is that they are people........that's why._


----------



## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

that's funny. the OP said his mother was talking to her sisters.
read the post.



Betty said:


> Yep.


----------



## GSDolch (May 15, 2006)

Just because the mom was talking to the sisters doesn't mean anything. Unless they were in a private room speaking privately, I highly doubt it was a conversation that was limited to ONLY them.

Over Christmas between the living room and dining room, both connected to each other, there were probably thirty people at my grandfathers house.

There is NO SUCH THING as a "private" conversation. Besides, the OP is talking about her MOTHER, as far as I am concerned, my children have MORE of a say on most conversations between myself and other family members than any one else. Only second to my husband.

I also believe there is a difference between expressing a simple opinion and TELLING someone what they should do. I use to get this a lot from my family. They were not opinions, they were telling me what I should be doing. For some people it doesn't matter how much you explain to them that you have it handled, they are dead set on believing that you don't and that they know better.

"You don't need another dog"
"You don't need anymore animals"
"You don't need to spend that much money on them"

For some families it gets to the point that it goes from an opinion to "I know better than you!"

I finally ended up telling them to bug off and moved away 1500 miles for awhile. Eventually they finally gave up and started keeping their feelings to themselves.


----------



## sarah1366 (Nov 3, 2013)

Believe it or not my family was same and always saying not to get another dog bird whatever the more they told not to the more I did go get another till one day they realised if they stop criticism then I wouldn't do it as much they got the message eventually it's your home and so long as you love your pets what should it matter to anyone else I loved every single one mine and would never part with any them my family came to realise my love of animals came from child hood come he'll or high water I stuck to my guns you stick to yours you obviously love your animals maybe time to tell them exactly how the land lies and if dont like it yes may sulk but your family will get over it your partner obviously has same beliefs as you and thats all that matters 

Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

it means the sister were speaking amongst themselves not
to vicky2000. 



GSDolch said:


> >>>>>Just because the mom was talking to the sisters doesn't mean anything.<<<<<
> 
> 
> Unless they were in a private room speaking privately, I highly doubt it was a conversation that was limited to ONLY them.
> ...


----------



## Galathiel (Nov 30, 2012)

That's like saying just because someone made a derogatory comment about you with you standing there but addressed it to a third party, it's okay as it wasn't spoken directly to you. Umm .. no.


----------



## alexg (Mar 22, 2013)

sarah1366 said:


> Believe it or not my family was same and always saying not to get another dog bird whatever the more they told not to the more I did go get another till one day they realised if they stop criticism then I wouldn't do it as much they got the message eventually it's your home and so long as you love your pets what should it matter to anyone else I loved every single one mine and would never part with any them my family came to realise my love of animals came from child hood come he'll or high water I stuck to my guns you stick to yours you obviously love your animals maybe time to tell them exactly how the land lies and if dont like it yes may sulk but your family will get over it your partner obviously has same beliefs as you and thats all that matters
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App


Am I the only one here who can't read this?


----------



## GSDolch (May 15, 2006)

doggiedad said:


> it means the sister were speaking amongst themselves not
> to vicky2000.



So did you intentionally chose to ignore the rest of the post or did you just not read it?

I agree with Galathiel, just because it was the mother and sisters talking doesn't mean that it was a PRIVATE conversation.

It was a family get together, there were probably different convos going on at once within the same room and everyone talking to everyone. I don't know how your family gathers go, but with ours, unless someone goes somewhere PRIVATE, then EVERYONE is part of the conversation that is around.

So, again, just because it was a two parties talking doesn't mean that other parties weren't also part of it. I was always taught that if you didn't want other people in on a conversation, don't have it around them!


----------



## Betty (Aug 11, 2002)

doggiedad said:


> that's funny. the OP said his mother was talking to her sisters.
> read the post.


I did read the post.

However I don't know if it was a conversation over the dinner table.

I don't know if the OP was part of the conversation.

I don't know if the mother confided in the daughter saying she was upset.

I do know that only one person would have the right to rebuke the daughter if she intruded on a "private conversation" and that would be the mother.

I am fairly confident that you are not the mother.


----------



## Betty (Aug 11, 2002)

And back to the OP..... LOL

The curse and the blessing of most family's are that they don't mind their own business! My brothers are grandfathers but they will always be my little brothers who I baby sat, taught how to drive, and explained the birds and the bees to.

And yes I sometimes rather vocal with my opinions to them!

The bottom line with unwanted advice is you don't have to take it. If it's offered in a good spirit you can tell them thank you and move on. If it's motivated by negativity or intrusive your mom has the option to say Thank you but the subject is closed.

You only choke up on it the first time or two. It does get easier.

No matter how old I am, I am still my parent's little girl in someways. My mom calls to tell me to wear a sweater, it's cold out. My dad gives advice on everything. Its given with love and I receive it that way.

Now I had an Aunt that did not give her opinions with Love. BUT she taught me a very valuable lesson in life. I am not responsible for what she says only how I react to it. We actually came to peace when i learned to say thank you but I'm not going to do that and if she pushed to say I don't chose to discuss it any more.

Well, ok, the first couple of times I said it the peace came when she didn't talk to me for a couple of months but it all worked out and we did become friends in the end.


----------



## holland (Jan 11, 2009)

Betty said:


> And back to the OP..... LOL
> 
> The curse and the blessing of most family's are that they don't mind their own business! My brothers are grandfathers but they will always be my little brothers who I baby sat, taught how to drive, and explained the birds and the bees to.
> 
> ...


That is so much easier said than done-do we have the same aunt?


----------



## Darth_Ariel (Jun 20, 2013)

What is that old saying? Water off a duck's back? 

If you are confident in your family's ability to take care of another addition, and aren't breaking any laws on how many you have, just out of them jeopardizing who you already care for then go for it. Their opinion is theirs, they don't know your life or schedule. Only if you don't have the means or time to care for everyone should you let other's opinions influence what you do.


----------



## Nikitta (Nov 10, 2011)

My family is very vocal about my pets too. I shrug it off. I had a bad year healthwise this year and my poor dogs spent more time in a kennel then with me but I refused to give them up. We are a family. My mom even said why don't you just have one dog? I said," Why have one when I can have two, or three?" She thinks I'm nuts. I don't care. I don't give up my babies. I had to move heaven and earth when I was in rehab to get my horse taken care of this last spring. ( shots, wormer, feet trimmed ) But I did it. I'll crawl on my belly and beg if I have to, to get what I need for my animals. I don't care.


----------



## vicky2200 (Oct 29, 2010)

I suppose I could have been clearer in my description of the conversation. It was not a private conversation-it could be heard from anywhere in the house. I was in the same room, standing right next to my mom. I was involved with the conversation, but when I voiced my opinion, I was ignored. I tried to tell them how "everybody chooses how they want to spend their money" but they don't want to hear it.

It would be different if it was a simple opinion that they gave, but it isn't. It is more demanding, like they feel they have say in what we (me and my mother) do. It is just rude and pretty obnoxious, but I doubt they will ever change.


----------



## alexg (Mar 22, 2013)




----------



## selzer (May 7, 2005)

People can express their opinions and demands all they want. You do not have to accept either. The thing is, if it is really bothering you, do you need to look at it deeper? Maybe there is some wisdom in the opinion however obnoxious it came across. 

If these relatives are supporting you and your mother, or if it is their home that you are renting, or if the expenses of the dogs or the care of falls to them when you are unavailable or hospitalized (if that is a common event), then they may have a point. 

The best way to shut up someone is to agree with them. 

i.e.:
Them: I hope you are done getting any more dogs?
You: What do you mean?
Them: Well four is a lot of dogs, you better not get anymore.
You: Yeah, you're right. 

Then, you make your own decision, do what you want, and when they find out about it, and if they call you on it, just say that you changed your mind. 

It is none of their business. Really. Why have a fight about it? Just agree with them, and shut them up. 

Them: Hey! I thought you agreed not to get any more dogs!
You: I did?
Them: Yes! you agreed that four were enough, and you weren't going to get anymore.
You: Oh that? I guess I did? How could I forget?
Them: Really! What are you going to do with them all?
You: Well, bless your heart, when I need for you to take care of them, I will ask.


----------



## Darth_Ariel (Jun 20, 2013)

selzer said:


> People can express their opinions and demands all they want. You do not have to accept either. The thing is, if it is really bothering you, do you need to look at it deeper? Maybe there is some wisdom in the opinion however obnoxious it came across.
> 
> If these relatives are supporting you and your mother, or if it is their home that you are renting, or if the expenses of the dogs or the care of falls to them when you are unavailable or hospitalized (if that is a common event), then they may have a point.
> 
> ...


A good bless your heart is always my favorite way to go


----------



## MyHans-someBoy (Feb 23, 2013)

selzer said:


> People can express their opinions and demands all they want. You do not have to accept either. The thing is, if it is really bothering you, do you need to look at it deeper? Maybe there is some wisdom in the opinion however obnoxious it came across.
> 
> If these relatives are supporting you and your mother, or if it is their home that you are renting, or if the expenses of the dogs or the care of falls to them when you are unavailable or hospitalized (if that is a common event), then they may have a point.
> 
> ...


I like your strategy. 


Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## Betty (Aug 11, 2002)

holland said:


> That is so much easier said than done-do we have the same aunt?


Maybe! did yours threaten to punch you over a scrabble game?

But she did teach me a valuable lesson, to have boundaries and to handle things with humor when ever possible.

Really, it's amazing what a "thanks for the advice" and then a change of subject will do. 

Took a while but we actually found common ground.


----------



## selzer (May 7, 2005)

Betty said:


> Maybe! did yours threaten to punch you over a scrabble game?
> 
> But she did teach me a valuable lesson, to have boundaries and to handle things with humor when ever possible.
> 
> ...


Uhg! I am an aunt now. My oldest niece is in college now. But we are not super close. So, I really don't offer her any advice or guidance. But my 7 year olds. I've been watching them since they were 2 pretty regularly. It is my job to teach them everything about dogs. The idea of becoming an interfering old bat that they have to brush off, uhg! I suppose there is a decade or two between me letting them socialize the puppies and taking them to kool places and them visiting me in the home, where they will be people that want to be respected as intelligent adults. No, sorry, I can't process that at this point.


----------



## Betty (Aug 11, 2002)

I am a great Aunt! Got ya beat! LOL


----------



## angelas (Aug 23, 2003)

I mostly ignore my family and with my extended family it's easy. None of them live in the same province as me so I only have to deal with them if I go there for a funeral.

The last time there was any dog talk round me was when my uncle, who owned the dog that bite me twice as a kid, tried to goad me into an argument when he found out that Rottweilers are my favored breed. He shut up real quick when I told him that dogs with responsible owners don't get the chance to bite people regardless of breed. I've no interest in talking dogs with a person whose allowed every dog he's owned bite someone (often children and often seriously) and since I never have to see him again I not that worried about hurting his feelings.


----------



## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

if someone makes a derogatory comment about me when speaking with someone and i overhear it i figure their opinion of me isn't my business.



Galathiel said:


> That's like saying just because someone made a derogatory comment about you with you standing there but addressed it to a third party, it's okay as it wasn't spoken directly to you. Umm .. no.


----------



## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

allowing children to have a say in adult conversations must be a new
parenting technique. i don't think i'll use it.



GSDolch said:


> Just because the mom was talking to the sisters doesn't mean anything. Unless they were in a private room speaking privately, I highly doubt it was a conversation that was limited to ONLY them.
> 
> Over Christmas between the living room and dining room, both connected to each other, there were probably thirty people at my grandfathers house.
> 
> ...


----------



## GSDolch (May 15, 2006)

doggiedad said:


> allowing children to have a say in adult conversations must be a new
> parenting technique. i don't think i'll use it.



<sigh>

You really missed the point of that. You must not have kids. 

There you go again, with assuming again. Who's to say that the child isn't ALSO an adult? This assumption is not even relevant to the topic. I believe its whats called a red herring. 

As I said, my children have more of a say and I value their opinions WAY more than aunt or uncles or cousins. Sorry, I don't adhere to the whole "children should be seen and not heard". If I want to have a conversation that they aren't a part of, then I wont have it where they, and everyone else can hear it, OR, I will ask them to leave the room. (shocker, thats never been an issue if I ask that of them, hmmm, I wonder why?) That stuff is meant for PRIVATE settings, not family gatherings.

My children live in this home, my aunt/uncles/cousins do not.

I'm proud I have children that would come to my defense, as I would theirs. So many parents/children just don't have actual close relationships anymore. Eh, that's for another topic though.


----------



## selzer (May 7, 2005)

I think the mother was talking to her sisters. 

I would hope that sisters, people who grew up with same set of values, shared experiences, same type parenting, in relatively the same age group, would value each other's opinions, and often more than a child that they raised. Only because kids, and yes 20 year olds are still kids to people in their 40s and above, don't have the life-experience. 

Of course it depends on the individuals. Some people are born with more sense than other people have full grown. But I think sisters, siblings, are different than aunts, cousins etc. Sisters/siblings have shared history. 

I am a couple years younger than my _aunt, _or rather my ungle's second wife. I met her when I was 19, shortly before they got married, at a party for her birthday and my mom and my college graduation. 

Leap forward about 10 or 15 years. My mom was diagnosed with cancer and my aunt had stopped to pick up my niece from my brother's house -- she was a year younger than her daughter. Anyhow, I offended her by something I said -- she had tried to get me to talk. I did not know this woman, not really they came for Thankgiving a couple of times. That's it. I sensed she wanted me to give her some feelings, so I said that I wished my mother's doctor had suggested a colonoscopy. 

The woman lost it on me. Her husband is a podiatrist and she is a nurse. She argued with me that that didn't happen, she went back and forth. She told me my parents insurance was to blame, and all kinds of things. I lived it, I was right there. She told me that my parents talk to her about such stuff. Which they do not. 

Well anyway. She left in a huff. She called and told my parents I chased her down the road in her car. They were right out there on the porch. She called me and told me that I should apologize for talking to her that way, that she is my aunt, blah blah blah. 

I told her I needed to get to sleep since I had to work in the morning. She didn't stop, and I hung up on her. It has been 6 or 7 years, and she won't talk to the family. Didn't come to my sister's wedding, or my niece's graduation. 

My folks did not value her opinions, etc, more than their kids, but they were adults when we met this woman. My mom's brother, that's different. I think it does even out some over the years. I mean at 45, I am not as wet behind the ears as at 20, but then, my parents and uncle are facing medicare and supplemental insurance, and dealing with retirement, and having grand children, struggles with adult children. So, there are still a lot of experiences that they share that I do not share.


----------



## GSDolch (May 15, 2006)

selzer said:


> I think the mother was talking to her sisters.
> 
> I would hope that sisters, people who grew up with same set of values, shared experiences, same type parenting, in relatively the same age group, would value each other's opinions, and often more than a child that they raised. Only because kids, and yes 20 year olds are still kids to people in their 40s and above, don't have the life-experience.
> 
> ...


Oh I don't deny that it depends on the situation. It really comes down to not being so cut and dry.

The way I've always seen it and felt is that kids/parents bond is much stronger than siblings/aunts/uncles/etc.

It depends on family dynamics also, some families are lucky that they are all close, some are not, some its a mix of it. I've seen children, from the same family, same parents, same upbringing, turn out like oil and vinegar as adults. I think people forget that children (regardless of age) are people and are individuals. I'm not a conformist though, which in my family was an issue. :/ At least now they've given up trying to get me to not be wrong, lol.

My kids opinion and outlook on something is much more important to me than my aunts who I only see once a year on Christmas day. So there are situations like that. My youngest children didn't even know her, and I heard her make a comment when we left about it being rude that my two youngest didn't tell her bye. (my two youngest are five and four)

I guess I should point out that for the longest time, it was always just myself and my children, no one else. We were all we had in this world for the longest time. No one else really has any business putting in their two cents on things as far as I'm concerned.


----------



## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

1 >>>> yes, i missed the point. the snarky "you must not
have children", snarky you.

2 >>>> not sure what you think i was assuming.

3 >>>> definitely missed the point there.



doggiedad said:


> allowing children to have a say in adult conversations must be a new
> parenting technique. i don't think i'll use it.





GSDolch said:


> <sigh>
> 
> 1>>>> You really missed the point of that. You must not have kids.
> 
> ...


----------



## Betty (Aug 11, 2002)

doggiedad said:


> if someone makes a derogatory comment about me when speaking with someone and i overhear it i figure their opinion of me isn't my business.


More power to you. I'm not quite that evolved. 

It is interesting though that while you would not have a comment on a derogatory comment about you, you have plenty on the family dynamics of 
a group of people you only know via a few postings on the internet.


----------



## Betty (Aug 11, 2002)

GSDolch said:


> <sigh>
> 
> You really missed the point of that. You must not have kids.
> 
> ...


You brought back memories of us being told to go to a room or upstairs that my parents needed to talk.

Years later we confessed that the heating vent in my bedroom floor allowed us to hear everything because it was directly above the kitchen table where my parents had most of their serious discussions. 

ROFL I think they would of grounded us right then and there if we were not all living independently. 

I know when I place a dog I want the whole family on board, including the children (if any). Bringing an animal into a household effects everyone, not just the person obtaining him/her.


----------



## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

show me what derogatory remarks i made about people?



doggiedad said:


> if someone makes a derogatory comment about me when speaking with someone and i overhear it i figure their opinion of me isn't my business.





Betty said:


> More power to you. I'm not quite that evolved.
> 
> >>>>> It is interesting though that while you would not have a comment on a derogatory comment about you, you have plenty on the family dynamics of a group of people you only know via a few postings on the internet.


----------



## belladonnalily (May 24, 2013)

My family loves to pass judgment and tell me how I should be living my life. I'm 42, FWIW. 

The animals have always been a "special" target for my mother. (Still doesn't rank as high as the bad parenting stuff...I got crucified for not flying home from AZ because my teen daughter was having a meltdown with her dad because he told her *gasp* No).

My GSD pup is ugly. And GSDs are a "Man's Dog." All according to my mom...at EVERY family function. Women are better suited for fluffy little dogs. As long as they don't break a nail handling them. Ive kept my mouth shut. So far. :banghead:

That said, I find that a good portion of the criticism and unsolicited advice from our families cease once WE learn to keep our mouths shut. As adults, we seem to tell our families more than they need to know. Then we get upset because we dont get their approval.

When it comes to things you can't help them knowing, I'd advise shutting the convo down immediately and changing the subject. Its okay to say "I don't care to discuss this with you but thanks for your concern."

I was separated from my husband for 3 months before I told my mom. And she lives 30 minutes away. I've spent several years soul-searching and figuring my life out and this is one of the most important life skills I've learned. Dont invite people into your decisions unless your prepared to listen.

Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## belladonnalily (May 24, 2013)

Btw, I was told I had too many animals too. We lived on a 600 acre farm with 3 dogs, 1 cat and 5 horses. We have 3 daughters that actively ride and show. 

Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## GSDolch (May 15, 2006)

Betty said:


> You brought back memories of us being told to go to a room or upstairs that my parents needed to talk.
> 
> Years later we confessed that the heating vent in my bedroom floor allowed us to hear everything because it was directly above the kitchen table where my parents had most of their serious discussions.
> 
> ...



HA, I remember doing that at a friends house. You could listen through the vents and we got caught a time or two. BIG trouble! Growing up my house wasn't set up so I couldn't listen in to anything. Not that it mattered really, even if I did hear anything I wasn't allowed to say anything or have an opinion on anything, even if it effected me. I remember once trying to ask about a president debate on TV and was told to keep my mouth shut. :/

It makes me happy that you think about the kids in the house too. I've been told so many times how my kids just shouldn't have an opinion on anything. I don't let them make large decisions of course, but this is still their home, they live here until they are old enough to move out. Heck, I was even told I shouldn't let them choose their own paint for their rooms because it might not go with the rest of the house....<dumbfounded by that one>


----------



## ozzymama (Jan 17, 2005)

Families always think they need to have opinions on how others live their lives... I have learned to say, "Do you pay my bills? No, then it is none of your bloody business". I don't get much discussed about my life anymore. That and people are usually afraid of the way I will respond, it is nothing for me to say to someone, "Are you (insert choice of nasty words) crazy, that is an absolutely asinine idea". The most recent was a cousin who is a vast wealth of misinformation, attempted to advise me on a business deal, my response, you rent your home, lost your business and drink too much, I don't need advice from you. Although that did contribute to why I didn't choose to go to the family Christmas Party for the extended family. After I found out I was missed and she was told not to come.

There's two ways to deal with things, either smile, accept the advice with grace or go full on assault - but this is only the way if you have the right kind of personality. I don't do passive-agressive, I do agressive-agressive. I have too many animals, your ass is fat. My kid isn't behaving, yours is a drunk, college drop-out. Glass houses baby and I keep my own counsel on things until you cross the line. All your mother had to say was that her sisters should put down the wine, it's aging them badly, or the amount of turkey they ate was quite a bit more than an average portion, pat their butts and tell them they really can't afford to over-indulge. Otherwise, people are jerks and you have to deal with it. Politely and with grace.

Incidentally, I am always invited to parties with family members, sometimes I am not sure if it's because I'm more fun than a barrel of monkeys, or because I can diffuse situations and we never have drama at a family party when I am there. I have no issue telling someone their opinion is not one anyone wants to hear. It took a long time to learn to call out bullies, someone should have looked at your Aunts and said, "That's really rude, why would you say that". My guess, is they would have recanted.

As an aside, my kid can pick whatever shade of beige she wants for her bedroom


----------



## Mac's Mom (Jun 7, 2010)

vicky2200 said:


> At the family Christmas party my mom was talking to her sisters about our animals and of course they had to voice their opinions about how we shouldn't get more animals. My mom said "I'm not getting more birds or fish" (she doesn't like them, they are mine). Her sisters replied with "And no more dogs!" My mom continued to tell them that when she finishes school (she is going back) and gets a job, she will get another dog. They went on to tell her how crazy she is and four dogs (what we have now) is way too many.
> 
> I just really can never understand their need to tell my mom, and me, how to lead our lives. If we want to use all of our money on our animals, what is it to them? I just cant wrap my mind around it.


I know how you feel and I cannot wrap my head around it either. For me personally my dogs & cats are my children. I understand some people cannot grasp that or think its stupid. Oh well. But when they start busting out their opinions, judgments & unsolicited advice I start to get annoyed & sometimes offended. Its none of their business.


----------



## Betty (Aug 11, 2002)

I grew up in a time where I think the prevailing philosophy was still children should be seen and not heard. Luckily for us my parents were not on board on that and things that effected the family was discussed among the family.

I think the only time my dad really regretted that was when my youngest brother picked the harp as the musical instrument he wanted to learn. ROFL Poor dad did a lot of bribery to get him to change to a trumpet or something. Before you judge dad too harshly this was in the days that girls took home ec and boys took shop and never did the twain meet.

I also remember my mom doing a lot of convincing on me that pink was really the deep dark red paint I had picked out for my bedroom. "pink is ight red" I can still hear her saying with a note of panic in her voice. 

Think we settled for her red on the walls and mine for the drapes and bedspread.


----------

