# Dealing with guilt?...



## gsdlover91 (Jul 21, 2012)

How do you guys deal with the feelings of guilt, anger, sadness, and such?

The past few days have been so hard on me. I have been crying nonstop. I feel so guilty that I didn't know that she was suffering from such a terrible disease. I feel guilty because I SHOULD have taken her to the neurologist way before it got to this point...maybe then she could have been saved...

I feel guilty over stupid stuff, when I would get mad because she was biting me...or getting distracted outside...I feel like the biggest jerk ever..

I guess, I mean, I am having an exceptionally hard time with dealing with her passing, more so than I usually do when my pets pass. Although, being such an extreme animal lover, this type of stuff is never easy. 

I am just so overwhelmed with sadness that her life was cut SO short...she barely even scratched the surface of what her life could have been...I feel like she was ripped away from me..

I also feel like I gave up on her...Should I have tried the Prednisone and Omeprazole? What if it would have made her better? Maybe her condition wasnt so severe, I am not certain because I could not afford an MRI and did not want to put her through that. Ugh..this just sucks so bad...

I hope she knows I loved her with everything I had, and I tried so soooo hard to make her better..
She was the very best thing that came into my life. I miss my babygirl so much.


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## JakodaCD OA (May 14, 2000)

no matter when something like this happens, when our dogs leave us, I think we all feel guilty, and alot of "ifs",,like what IF i did this, I SHOULD have tried this, why didn't I do this

I think it's normal to feel this way, and I think it's even worse when it happens to a young innocent puppy

There's nothing I or anyone can say to make you feel better, except BELIEVE this was not your fault, there was probably nothing you could have done different, and believe that she came to you for a reason, she was with you and went thru what she went thru for a reason. 

She was blessed to have YOU for her human, and I'm sure she left you loving you for the short time you had.

I'm one of those weird believers that certain dogs come back to us whether it's in the form of another dog, 'something',,I hope someday you will see atleast some of her in another. 

Hang in there,


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## Loneforce (Feb 12, 2012)

Dont be so hard on yourself, you tried everything you possibly could for her. I would be willing to bet, she knows you loved her very much and will miss her alot. She will always be in your memories. You are doing the best thing possible that you can do...Talk about it and dont keep your feelings trapped inside.Again I am sorry for your loss , she was a beautiful little girl .


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

gsdlover91 said:


> How do you guys deal with the feelings of guilt, anger, sadness, and such?
> 
> The past few days have been so hard on me. I have been crying nonstop. I feel so guilty that I didn't know that she was suffering from such a terrible disease. I feel guilty because I SHOULD have taken her to the neurologist way before it got to this point...maybe then she could have been saved...
> 
> ...


This is part of the grieving process. Look, your puppy is in a better place right now, whether you believe they go to heaven, or if you believe that she is no longer in pain. 

You are going to school to help people deal with greiving the loss of a pet -- Yes, veterinarians have to be there when people put a beloved dog down, sometimes a little puppy down. As hard as this is, it is preparing you to be a human being when you see people down the line. 

Maybe you will be in a position to fight problems like these and find solutions. 

Guilt isn't much use. Feeling guilty will not make your puppy happy. It will not bring her back. It is just a way for you to beat up on yourself. You did what you could for this girl, and you loved her. I think that does not die. 

Sometimes rituals help though. I have made a collage of my girl's life and that really was healing. Sometimes doing something in the pup's honor helps, like donating bleach and cleaning supplies to a shelter, or a days' work with your hands in honor of your pup. (I find that giving money is usually just not very meaningful to me.)

I am sorry for the loss of your puppy. It is natural for us to second guess every step of the road with them. In the end you need to come away with the understanding that you did your best for her, or that you learned something important and you will be able to help someone else.


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## Shade (Feb 20, 2012)

Talking helps, there are pet grief websites and call centers as well.

Honestly it sucks, when I put down my first dog it was the worst feeling ever. He was in pain and there was nothing I could do, I spent several hundred dollars on useless medications and finally had to give up when he started crying in his sleep . I hated that I had to make that decision and I did my best to hold it together for his sake as he breathed his last in my arms. Afterwards I cried for hours, I've never cried to the point there are literally no more tears but I did that night

Just remember you're not alone :hugs: Most of us have gone through it and know what it feels like


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## Freestep (May 1, 2011)

Feelings of guilt during grief are normal. I've had to go through this many times, and no matter what the situation or the circumstances, I always have feelings of guilt... did I wait too long? Did I do it too soon? What if I'd done this or that differently? Believe me, you'll second-guess every single thing you ever did, every decision you ever made, any little mistake, it can be heart-wrenching. But you are not alone in feeling this way.

Just know in your heart that you did the best you could. That is all any of us can do. If we all had a crystal ball, we would know exactly what to do, but we don't have that luxury.

You did NOTHING wrong. Just know that. Your puppy knows that.


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## Zeeva (Aug 10, 2010)

I am sorry for your loss. Try not to think about the 'ifs' in this situation; there are just too many and it's not fair to you. Don't be so hard on yourself. I know the feeling of not trying hard enough and the guilt associated with it. I usually talk it out with someone or write about it. It helps to get positive responses from people who understand that no matter what you think, you DID do your best and that's all that counts. 

If you believe in God, just know that she is in a better place and that it was her time. Nothing you could've controlled no matter what you tried to do. It may have just made her suffer more...

It's not your fault. I'm sorry you are hurting, angry and feel guilty. Please try to feel better 

Warm hugs from my pack and I...


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## onyx'girl (May 18, 2007)

I am so sorry you feel guilty. You have no reason to. You did so much for Akira and she was really blessed that you were the one she was placed with. 
She was a gorgeous pup and needed someone like you in her life to make it special for her, even though her time was limited. 
Please try not to feel guilty. Instead you should be proud that you gave her comfort and love. 
Thinking of you in this difficult sad time. 
Rest peacefully Akira. :halogsd:


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## Jag (Jul 27, 2012)

Trust me, no matter how old or young a pet is when you lose them... it's NEVER enough time. Everyone knows you loved her with all your heart, you did everything you could for her. She doesn't want you to do this to yourself. It's not going to make anything better. You did nothing wrong, but the 'what ifs' are always there in the beginning. You'll find peace with it when you accept that you did everything you could for her. It wasn't fair for her life to be cut so short. It wasn't your fault, either. You did what was humane. You put her first. Forgive yourself for what wasn't your fault to begin with. Then, slowly, your heart can heal and you can remember her with smiles and good memories.


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## Blanketback (Apr 27, 2012)

I don't deal with it very well at all. I'm a bad example of how to deal with grief. But after a while, I can be thankful that I was blessed to have the very special gift of the love they gave me. And I know that I wouldn't trade my broken heart for not having that love, and that it was worth all the pain. It takes time to get to that point though. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hugs and more hugs, I know how much it hurts.


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## Franklin0412 (Sep 17, 2012)

I don't know how to encourage or advise you except to say I know exactly how I feel. I put Franklin down exactly a week ago and I have had those "what if moments" often. I think the best thing we can do is cry our eyes out and feel what we are going to feel. I want my dog back and that's all there is too it but nothing will bring him back. I have his memory, and you have Akira's. They are our angel's. Our other dogs still need us. I don't know about you but my two living dogs have not left my side.


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## blehmannwa (Jan 11, 2011)

Selzer said 
"Guilt isn't much use. Feeling guilty will not make your puppy happy. It will not bring her back. It is just a way for you to beat up on yourself. You did what you could for this girl, and you loved her.I think that does not die." and I couldn't agree more. Concentrate on the good memories and be secure in the knowledge that you did your best.

My old girl Crusher had bad arthritis and entitlement issues in her old age and I lost my temper with her a few times when she would wake me up with her lonely barks. I do feel badly about yelling at her but in retrospect those episodes reinforce my decision to put her to sleep. Neither of us were comfortable.


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## Mooch (May 23, 2012)

Only time will make it better! 
It will always hurt, always be sad but the pain gets less as time goes on. 
My first dog has been gone just over a year and I still feel so guilty over the way she was PTS. I also still get teary thinking about her, I don't often read this particular forum because it brings all those sad feelings up again. 
BUT - I can now also think and talk about my Maxi and laugh about some of the silly things she used to do.
You will never forget your little girl, once it stops hurting quite so much let yourself think about some of the happier times you guys had - don't dwell on the bad things, you did everything you could for her!


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## gsdlover91 (Jul 21, 2012)

Thank you everyone for the advice. For now, I will continue to cry and cry and cry...and hopefully soon it will get better. I will never stop missing her.

I still keep thinking this isn't real, that she really isn't gone. I wish it wasn't real. Life is so unfair at times. 

I picked up her ashes yesterday, I bought her the most beautiful urn ever, it's copper with two paw prints on it. I do believe I will see her again, at the rainbow bridge. Until then, her paw prints will forever be on my heart. 

It's crazy how much of an impact these little fuzzballs make on your life. You get so attached to them so fast. Dogs are the bestfriends a human could ever have. <3


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## Zeeva (Aug 10, 2010)

gsdlover91 said:


> Thank you everyone for the advice. For now, I will continue to cry and cry and cry...and hopefully soon it will get better. I will never stop missing her.
> 
> I still keep thinking this isn't real, that she really isn't gone. I wish it wasn't real. Life is so unfair at times.
> 
> ...


I was going to search for this post and ask you how you're feeling...
Hang in there...
We are here for you <3
If you need anything, PM me. I know virtual friendships can't get you through much but sometimes just some comfy cozy words do help.
You and your pup are in my prayers...


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## gsdlover91 (Jul 21, 2012)

Zeeva said:


> I was going to search for this post and ask you how you're feeling...
> Hang in there...
> We are here for you <3
> If you need anything, PM me. I know virtual friendships can't get you through much but sometimes just some comfy cozy words do help.
> You and your pup are in my prayers...


Thank you. 

No, you are completely right, kind words help a ton. And it helps a ton to talk about it, and know that I am not the only one who feels this way.

Thank you again.


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## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

i don't do things that i'll feel guilty about.
i don't have anger or sadness. i see the
beauty in life. i don't feel anger because
i'm connected to love. i don't feel sad because
i choose to be happy.


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## Stosh (Jun 26, 2010)

There are some good article about grieving the loss of a pet on Patricia McConnell's blog "One Step Forward Two Steps Back" and I think they're on her website "The Other End of the Leash". Some research indicates that having to put down a pet and the days after have a similar affect on the human's body as having surgery. So give yourself some time to recover.


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## gsdlover91 (Jul 21, 2012)

Stosh said:


> There are some good article about grieving the loss of a pet on Patricia McConnell's blog "One Step Forward Two Steps Back" and I think they're on her website "The Other End of the Leash". Some research indicates that having to put down a pet and the days after have a similar affect on the human's body as having surgery. So give yourself some time to recover.


Thank you, I read her blog, it did help.

Doggiedad, you are a strong person.


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## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

you can choose to be strong also.



gsdlover91 said:


> Thank you, I read her blog, it did help.
> 
> Doggiedad, you are a strong person.


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