# Training Problem: Anxiety/Panic/Frustration



## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

Hello All  

I have PTSD & BPD, which in short I get anxious, frustrated, and panic quite easily. 

I've noticed that while working/training with my dogs (which I spoiled for ages and gave them everything without working for it, now I've learned from my mistakes and I am in pursuit to correct them) I find myself getting all strung up and frustrated quite quickly, and I'm afraid my dogs are picking up on it. 

How would you deal with issues like these? My goal is that if I could put my foot down to my dogs, I could stand up to people in everyday life. (Used to be a push over) 

Are there any exercises or calming techniques for the trainer you would recommend? And if so is it possible that my dogs would purposely get me all worked up to avoid working and getting what they want? 


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## paulag1955 (Jun 29, 2010)

For starters, keep your training sessions short and walk away if you feel any negative emotions coming on. And manage your expectations; unrealistic expectations lead quite quickly to frustration. I'm sorry, I'm just an average dog owner, so I don't have anything more specific for you.


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## honeysdad (Oct 12, 2013)

"exercises or calming techniques for the trainer". You mean to calm _you_ down?

Aside from that, a few people on the forum have recommended NILIF training.

Nothing in Life is Free


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## Merciel (Apr 25, 2013)

When do you tend to get frustrated? What are your triggers, what are the responses you have that you don't like in those situations, and what do you _want_ to do when they arise? Pinpoint the trouble spots (for you, not for the dogs) and be mindful when you approach them. Have your alternatives planned and prepared.

Dogs aren't going to get you "all worked up" on purpose to avoid having to do stuff, and thinking in those terms may mislead you into blaming them when in fact they are blameless. IMO that is a pitfall to recognize and avoid.


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

honeysdad said:


> "exercises or calming techniques for the trainer". You mean to calm _you_ down?
> 
> Aside from that, a few people on the forum have recommended NILIF training.
> 
> Nothing in Life is Free


Yes, for me. I can't demand for my dogs to be cool, calm, and collected if I can't do it myself during training. So I was hoping that if someone else who's experienced this would have and idea. 




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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

paulag1955 said:


> For starters, keep your training sessions short and walk away if you feel any negative emotions coming on. And manage your expectations; unrealistic expectations lead quite quickly to frustration. I'm sorry, I'm just an average dog owner, so I don't have anything more specific for you.


Don't be sorry, I take everyones advice to heart, even if it's something I don't want to hear but need to. Ok, shorter sessions it is. 


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## honeysdad (Oct 12, 2013)

I think that "Nothin In Life Is Free" training might be suitable for you. The hardest part would be learning to ignore your dogs' demands, and wondering what affect this might have on your relationship. It's hard to see an otherwise care-free, happy, (but demanding,) dog moping away, seemingly depressed because it's been ignored. I haven't got passed that stage either.


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

Merciel said:


> When do you tend to get frustrated? What are your triggers, what are the responses you have that you don't like in those situations, and what do you _want_ to do when they arise? Pinpoint the trouble spots (for you, not for the dogs) and be mindful when you approach them. Have your alternatives planned and prepared.
> 
> Dogs aren't going to get you "all worked up" on purpose to avoid having to do stuff, and thinking in those terms may mislead you into blaming them when in fact they are blameless. IMO that is a pitfall to recognize and avoid.


Those are some really great points, I didn't even think of it that way. I'm going to go write down the triggers/cycles to see if I can find a pattern. 


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

honeysdad said:


> I think that "Nothin In Life Is Free" training might be suitable for you. The hardest part would be learning to ignore your dogs' demands, and wondering what affect this might have on your relationship. It's hard to see an otherwise care-free, happy, (but demanding,) dog moping away, seemingly depressed because it's been ignored. I haven't got passed that stage either.


That's the trouble right there, as soon as they whine, bark, moan, STARE for eye contact my chest gets tight. And when they're in public it get's worse especially when they want to greet someone. I just downloaded NILIF last night but did not have the chance to read it yet, but it looks like I got to get right to it. 

The biggest frustrating issue I have with them is when they create a scene and I feel guilty/compelled to silence it. When I ignore it gets louder and louder, but if I say 'knock it off' even if I give no eye contact it get's worse and longer the next time. NILIF it is!!! 


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

Oh. My. God. 

It works. The NILIF method is totally working on both of my dogs!!! Not going to lie they're not making it easy for me, but I can tell that they're catching onto it! 

I see now how they would get what they want in their own little ways, and I even taught Mr. Sage about our little plan and he's finally happy that the dogs are starting to respect him!!! 

Yayyyyy!!!! 


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## honeysdad (Oct 12, 2013)

:congratulations:


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## ubctress (Oct 11, 2013)

My trainer told me to close my eyes, take a deep breath and *know* what I want from my dog. She had me practice with an invisible bubble, and my dog was supposed to stay out of it. Reprimanded the dog when she got into my bubble, and praised her when she backed off and was curious about what I was wanting. 

My dog plays in a bad way when she's excited. I think dogs know when they're getting a reaction so we "play" more with them. 

Good luck!


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## Gretchen (Jan 20, 2011)

First, I would recommend two books. Don't Give Up On That Dog, by Denine Phillips, will let you know you are not alone in your frustrations so you don't take your perceptions of inadequacy too personally. 2nd is On Talking Terms with Dogs: Calming Signals by Turid Rugaas so you can understand your dogs communications. 

This is very personal, but I find peace in Christian faith and trusting in God. I used to have severe panic, anxiety, insomnia. these issues still come up, but I deal with them better through my faith. Part of this for me is treating others (including my pets) as I would want to be treated.

I also like what paulag1955 wrote about keeping training sessions short. I used to work with our dog Molly for about 10 minutes in the early morning and that was enough for both of us. 

Find some fun things to do - you live in the Bay Area, I would suggest you look up German Shepherds of the Bay ARea meetup groups. There is a lovely lady who has activities mostly in the San Jose area for GSDs almost everyday of the week. Exercise is great for everyone and puts you in a better mood. Try some agility with your dog, go on hikes, go to the beaches. A tired dog is a good dog.

As for being a push over, I found that having a GSD made me more confident. I had to learn to speak clearly and to the point with people on how to interact or not interact with my dog. Our dog trainer had self protection classes for humans (we got to bring our dogs which was a bonus). I took a firearms class (you may already be trained?). These were things that helped me feel less helpless. And finally trusting my dog and learning it's limits which comes from reading its body language. 

If your dogs start creating a scene, take action and walk away. The biggest thing I got from our trainer who is an ex-LEO, is if your dog or another dog starts acting aggressive, walk away get away from the danger (if you can), same theory with the self protection class for humans. "knock it off" is way too many words, it should be "no", "down" or if prong collar trained, a quick pop. You might want to invest in a few private lessons with a good trainer and just focus on one or two things you'd really like to improve. Hopefully one of these suggestions may help. I certainly understand what you are going through.


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## letty (Oct 15, 2013)

Hi I'm. having problems with my dog Jax hes a 8week old german sheperd we leave him in a crate when we go out and when we're. In the house he's. Pooing and peeing in it and whining is this anxiety and if it is how can I prevent it? Please help


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## shilorio (Mar 21, 2010)

SageDogs said:


> Hello All
> 
> I have PTSD & BPD, which in short I get anxious, frustrated, and panic quite easily.
> 
> ...


I have the same problem. But I find that the dog actually helps me. But if I do get frustrated I put him away so he doesn't feed off of it. 
I taught my dog to lay on me calmly on command until I calm down. This helps me a lot.


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## David Taggart (Nov 25, 2012)

> Are there any exercises or calming techniques for the trainer you would recommend?


There are some. Chinese saying: "I am - what I eat". Remove anything you may suspect poisonous from your diet. For instance, it could be coffe. Replace it with herbal tea. Hard liver work may cause anxiety, if your urine is dark you should go to the doctor, but also choose "lighter" food. What do you feed your dogs? If your life is sporadic - your diet would be inconsistent, and the times of eating as well - your dogs, probably, are fed in the same manner? If that is so - good reason to develop nervousness. And sleep? Is it long and regular? What about them? All carnivours are such animals, they are lenghy sleepers. If you could put these things in order - the rest shouldn't be difficult.
About training your dogs. Change the tunes in your commanding tone. make them low. All in all, try to aquire a different voice, lower, softer and slower, it calms the dog. You will see and feel, that you started to like yourself. Think about your body movements, mainly our dogs read our body language, not some psychic emanations out of our brain. Dogs can also read our facial expressions very well. You can try a technique of "reverse impression": start smiling - and your mood slowly will improve.


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## MadLab (Jan 7, 2013)

Tai chi or Aikido is one way to balance the body and mind and develop strength.. 

When it comes to training a dog you must have power, strength and self control. Even pretend to have these qualities when handling and the dog will respond better. Never freak out or get angry or frustrated. 

Walk dogs individually if you have many dogs and they are stress. 

Work on your posture. Always have confident pose and chin up. It's simply body language but dogs do totally read body language.


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## Lilie (Feb 3, 2010)

While you are working through NILIF, try different techniques with your dogs. Try to work only one dog at a time. Find something that works for you. What is good for me, may not work for you. That doesn't make me wrong and you right...or you wrong and me right. 

An example would be you have a treat you want to give your dog. Let your dog know you have the treat. Ask him to sit. Say it once. Say it like you mean it, but not sternly. (Like if your partner said "Coffee or tea? You'd say, Coffee." Don't nag. Don't repeat the command. Stand where you are and stare at your dog. If he takes off running and does all sorts of silly things, don't correct, don't say anything. Your dog is going to want the treat and it will start going through behaviors trying to get the treat. Assuming it knows to sit, he will eventually sit. The MOMENT he does, melt your body, praise and give the treat. 

So you are ignoring the behaviors you didn't ask for. And rewarding the correct behaviors. You're teaching your dogs to watch you. You aren't nagging. You aren't pleading. You aren't reacting to poor behavior. 

Like anything else, this is a learned behavior - practice, practice, practice. Don't ask your dog to sit...then down...then roll over...then serve you coffee before you treat. One requested behavior gets a reward. Later....you won't even have to reward with a lure, your dog will just want the praise. 

Remember baby steps. Baby steps. Rejoice in small beginnings & break throughs.


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