# How Could You ...2



## Mac's Mom (Jun 7, 2010)

Hi All, 

Does anyone remember that thread called “How Could You?”….it was a “video” depicting an example of how some dogs end up in shelters &/or ultimately being euthanized….but told through the dog’s perspective. Remember it? The reason I ask is because it’s applicable to this thread but I cannot find it. Can anyone help me with that? 

Anyway, that video made me sob. I remember thinking that only a monster would let that happen to their dog. Forgive me. I know that sounds horribly judgmental but honestly that’s exactly how I felt. I know dogs are rehomed, sent to shelters or rescues for many reasons and maybe even the parent/owner is doing it for completely unavoidable and/or selfless reasons. I generally try not to judge others and give them the benefit of the doubt. However…

Last night I had dinner with a close friend who has recently started dating a new man. She is so happy and in love. And I am so happy for her. The last few years of her life have been extremely painful and lonely due to her divorce. If it weren’t for her dog, Indy, I don’t know what she would have done. She told me many times her boy was a constant comfort and companion to her. 

Over dinner, she told me great things about this new guy. And she said he has 2 little kids from his previous marriage and is a great dad. She said they all spend almost every day together. I couldn’t help but smile imagining them all together….family walks with Indy, playing at the park…wrestling on the floor in the living room…etc.. Ya know the good stuff.

When I commented to her how happy Indy must be to have kids to play with she told me that her new boyfriend wasn’t a dog person. Indy has never been to her new man’s house and has never met his kids. I felt anger shoot throughout my entire body. I couldn’t believe it. I know I’m probably crazy but I was enraged. Before I thought, I said “oh, you have to accept his kids but he cannot accept yours?” 

Later when I got home I told my husband about it and we agreed that there is no way we would not include Mac in our lives. He's a part of everything we do. 

How could she?


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## KZoppa (Aug 14, 2010)

wow. i agree with the have to accept his kids but not hers comment. ridiculous.


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

Fingers are crossed for Indy. Hope the lady comes to her senses before it turns very ugly.


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## mssandslinger (Sep 21, 2010)

Dang! thats sad! the first thing i do when i meet people is talk about how amazing my dogs are! I dont get along well with "non animal" people. And i certainty would never date anyone who "wasn't a dog person"!


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## codmaster (Aug 5, 2009)

Does this mean that she has to get rid of the dog?

Also, how is Indy with kids? That could certainly be a problem.

Most normal dogs would get along with reasonable behaving kids I would think.


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## Zoeys mom (Jan 23, 2010)

I think if things progress with these two Indy will eventually be accepted....after all the man not being a dog person always ends up better than it being the woman- men cave easier


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## Moonlight (Aug 13, 2010)

I've seen few men with the loyalty that a dog has, I'd pick the dog over the new man. What happens if he splits and she's lost her best friend too?


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## Mac's Mom (Jun 7, 2010)

I want her to be happy ...but the entire time she's been dating this guy...Indy has been home alone. I asked her that and she said "No, I go home and let him out." Let him out? So he get's to pee...great. What about his love & exercise? I can just imagine her moving in with him, which she mentioned, and so busy planning a wedding and selling her house...whatever...and not having time to "rehome" Indy...and....I'm sick to my stomach


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## vat (Jul 23, 2010)

If it helps I work with a man who used to give all of us a hard time about our dogs this and our dogs that. Until....he got his first dog and now he has two! Guess who is giving who a hard time now?

Hopefully she will have them all meet and who knows he may become a dog person after all.


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## Jax's Mom (Apr 2, 2010)

In the friend's defense, maybe he's nt making her choose, he's just not (yet) a dog person. I was in a similar situation a few years ago, I wasn't spending enough time at home with my dogs so I "rehomed" them with my dad. 
I wouldn't have just tossed them out to any family but sometimes there's a fine line between loyalty and "crazy cat lady".


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## MaggieRoseLee (Aug 17, 2001)

There ya go....


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## Zisso (Mar 20, 2009)

In my book, if my dogs don't like ya, neither do I. If someone doesn't pass the introduction to them, they don't get a step farther in my life. On the other hand, for some reason, Nadia likes all men, good or bad so I don't base my judgement solely on her.


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## kiya (May 3, 2010)

*How could you

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. ... 

Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" -- but then you'd relent and roll me over for a belly rub.

My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect.

We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.

She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.

Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a prisoner of love."

As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.

There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.

Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family.

I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers."

You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed, "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life.

You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?"

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago.

At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.

When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room.

She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days.

As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood.

She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago.

She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?"

Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself --a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place.

And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her. It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.*


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

That is the saddest story ever.

I dont understand how anyone could do this their dog. I truly dont. You raise them since they were babies, you take care of them and you love them. They offer nothing but love in return and then all of a sudden your life changes and you dump your middle aged or senior dog off at a shelter! Knowing that so many animals get put down everyday and that it is hard to find homes for adult dogs! That pisses me off! 

I raised 2 mixed breed puppies, they were siblings, I had them for a year and then problems at home got so bad that I had to move out and all I could afford was a tiny apartment that didn't allow any animals. I asked my sister to keep them at her house until I could find a better job and get an apartment that allowed dogs. I visited them everyday, I walked them, I paid for their food, I played with them, I paid for their vet care. Well my sister, her husband and her children fell in love with them. They had them for almost a year and didn't want to part with them, so I let them keep them. They are very happy at her house with her children and their other dog. They love it. I still get to see them all the time and I still pay for their vet bills because they were my dogs. I had planned on getting them back but I couldn't take them away from my nephews and niece. I would have never taken them to a shelter. NEVER.


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## Mac's Mom (Jun 7, 2010)

Hi All, Thanks for your replies. Also Maggie thanks so much for helping me find the video.

I couldn't sleep last night thinking about Indy and what I should do. I know....I honestly know that this is not my business and I have no right to push my opinions on my long time friend or anyone else. And, I'm not trying to crucify her. She is a good person. I'm worried about Indy.


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

Mac's Mom said:


> Hi All, Thanks for your replies. Also Maggie thanks so much for helping me find the video.
> 
> I couldn't sleep last night thinking about Indy and what I should do. I know....I honestly know that this is not my business and I have no right to push my opinions on my long time friend or anyone else. And, I'm not trying to crucify her. She is a good person. I'm worried about Indy.


 If she does rehome Indy, would there be a way for you to take her? I mean if you can take her on and if you want to?


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## Mac's Mom (Jun 7, 2010)

Listen, there's another reason I'm worried. 

Indy is sweet warm and loving 6 year old mutt. But, he's not well trained. He's great with cats & kids but she still has to hold him when people come in the house or he'll jump all over you, he doesn't come when called, he still needs a leash, he begs for food and he barks a lot. Its not his fault. She admitted she didn't take the time to train him when he was a puppy. 

He can get annoying but I've just learned to accept these things and handle him accordingly (would never tried to train someone elses dog). She recently committed herself to training him, took him to some classes and bought a shock collar. I think seeing him & Mac together made it pretty appparent he needed a lot of work. Mac was in the yard responding to her commands while her dog ran out of the yard. Anyway, sorry thats off topic. And, my husband and I have baby-sat him and when she's not around he barks & yelps entire she returns. 

Its obvious now that she's stopped training. So aside from the heart ache of imagining him home alone wondering where is mom is, I'm also worried that if she does decide to rehome him....he's going to have a problem.


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## Mac's Mom (Jun 7, 2010)

LaRen616 said:


> If she does rehome Indy, would there be a way for you to take her? I mean if you can take her on and if you want to?


I thought about that. Eventhough he's naughty now...I really believe old dogs can learn new tricks...right?


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## Mac's Mom (Jun 7, 2010)

selzer said:


> Fingers are crossed for Indy. Hope the lady comes to her senses before it turns very ugly.


Ok, I'm going to say one more thing then I'll just shut up and listen . I really do want your opinions on my next move. 

Originally, I planned on sending her the "how you could you"story/video" hoping that would open her eyes. And even if it she still didn't plan to include Indy in her future...at least she would start thinking now about rehoming...instead of Indy being a afterthought and ending up in a shelter.

It probably sounds like I'm jumping the gun & speculating too much. But, seriously, my gut says this thing with this guy is moving fast. She mentioned she'd have to sell her house since his kids go to school in the district where he lives. 

Anyway...I'm done rabbling. Sorry for taking up so much of everyone's time I just cannot get this out of my head.


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

Mac's Mom said:


> I thought about that. Eventhough he's naughty now...*I really believe old dogs can learn new tricks...right*?


Even though he isn't really old because he is only 1.5 years old but I got my GSD/Husky mix free off of Craigslist 5 weeks ago, he didn't have any "manners" he was allowed on furniture at his old home, he jumped up on people, he refused to go into his crate, he hated car rides, he refused to sit the first couple of times you asked him to. We do not have any of those problems anymore. He doesn't go on the furniture, no jumping, he willingly goes into his crate, he loves car rides and he sits the first time you ask him to. He caught on fast. He just needed someone to take the time and work with him. Now he is very well behaved.

I think Indy could be a wonderful dog with the proper training.


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## Mac's Mom (Jun 7, 2010)

LaRen616 said:


> Even though he isn't really old because he is only 1.5 years old but I got my GSD/Husky mix free off of Craigslist 5 weeks ago, he didn't have any "manners" he was allowed on furniture at his old home, he jumped up on people, he refused to go into his crate, he hated car rides, he refused to sit the first couple of times you asked him to. We do not have any of those problems anymore. He doesn't go on the furniture, no jumping, he willingly goes into his crate, he loves car rides and he sits the first time you ask him to. He caught on fast. He just needed someone to take the time and work with him. Now he is very well behaved.
> 
> I think Indy could be a wonderful dog with the proper training.


Thank you. You've given me a lot to think about. Earlier in the summer before she met this guy, Indy & Mac played together really well. I'll keep that idea in my back pocket and start working on my husband just in case. Also, I wonder if the x husband would want him. They raised the boy together and ironically she fought to keep Indy during the divorce. 

But I also think I should try to figure out a way to get my friend to snap out of it.


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

Mac's Mom said:


> Thank you. You've given me a lot to think about. Earlier in the summer before she met this guy, Indy & Mac played together really well. I'll keep that idea in my back pocket and start working on my husband just in case. Also, I wonder if the x husband would want him. They raised the boy together and ironically she fought to keep Indy during the divorce.
> 
> But I also think I should try to figure out a way to get my friend to snap out of it.


Yes, try to get your friend to wake up. Remind her that he was always there for her and now she needs to do the same.


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## Mac's Mom (Jun 7, 2010)

I responded to an email from my friend....with this passive aggressive email...

...Mac is now a 75 lb beast of a puppy!!!!  His training is coming along great but he's spoiled rotten . Speaking of our hairy children, has Indy been made part of the equation yet? I hate to think of him home alone (w/o his mom) all day and night. I think its great that you spend time with Chris & his kids. Hopefully, he shows you the same consideration by spending time with yours. I'm sure the kids will not only get used to him but will grow to love Indy.What kid doesn't like a dog...afterall? 

Carving pumpkins is so fun. I bet with your creativity you'll make it even more fun & special for the kids.

I miss you too but am sooo happy you met someone so awesome.....


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## Mac's Mom (Jun 7, 2010)

Am I an a hole?


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## vat (Jul 23, 2010)

No just a good friend. If she knows you well enough she knows what you mean. How is it going for Indy anyway?


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## clearcreekranch (Mar 18, 2010)

News Flash----don't date non-animal people!


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## Mac's Mom (Jun 7, 2010)

Clear & Vat - Thanks. I feel like a jerk because I know this isn't my business and I should be happy for my friend.

I've been taking care of my nephew for 16 years. When my husband met me 10 years ago, he knew that me & my nephew were a package deal. If he wanted to be in my life he'd have to accept that. I feel the same way about Mac. I know I shouldn't expect people to feel the same way I do. And, I honestly know I have no right to judge. I just cannot comprehend how someone can ditch a dog after 6 loyal and loving years.

My friend replied to my email by saying she's thinking about hiring a dog walker. Thats it.


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## ba1614 (Feb 17, 2010)

I feel for your friend and her going through a rough time, and I'm trying to be sensitive because of your relationship, but "how could she?" indeed!!

I've seen likely a hundred times people trying to change for perceived love. Almost without fail it blows up once the novelty of "new love" wears off, and the selfishness once overlooked becomes routine. 

Hopefully someone does what's right for this dog.


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## Mac's Mom (Jun 7, 2010)

ba1614 said:


> I feel for your friend and her going through a rough time, and I'm trying to be sensitive because of your relationship, but "how could she?" indeed!!
> 
> I've seen likely a hundred times people trying to change for perceived love. Almost without fail it blows up once the novelty of "new love" wears off, and the selfishness once overlooked becomes routine.
> 
> Hopefully someone does what's right for this dog.


Thanks for being sensitive. I totally know what you're saying. I don't want to put words in your mouth...but what I feel you're saying is its selfish of this new guy to force her to choose between him and her dog. Right? 

I know that her parents love Indy and the exhusband tried to get "custody" during the divorce. So Indy has 2 potential homes where he'll be loved if she decides to rehome.


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## Konotashi (Jan 11, 2010)

That's so sad. I love the "his kids, your kid" comment. It's fair. Human kids are more work than fur kids, and harder to get along with, and don't listen as well, and are more expensive. D:

It's sad that the dog has taken a backseat the the new guy, though.... I'd never give up my dog for anyone. If they split, where would that leave me? I'd lose my bf, or husband or whatever, and I wouldn't have my dog there to comfort me and to say, "Told ya so."


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## Syaoransbear (Sep 25, 2008)

If the new guy makes her give up Indy, I hope she understands that not only will she be losing her beloved dog, she will be unable to get another dog ever for as long as the duration of the relationship.

I hate how people think animals are so disposable. We do enough to them to make them adjust to our lifestyles, we shouldn't leave them _homeless_ because of our lifestyle too.


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## Mac's Mom (Jun 7, 2010)

Update on Indy

Last night I took Mac to my friend's house for a playdate with Indy. Indy was much more aggressive and territorial over his house & mom than the last time they played. But that was 3 months ago and Mac is much bigger now. My friend said "its the only child syndrome". I was wondering if its because he's alone all of the time. I don't know. Anyway, I'm not mentioning that to criticize her or Indy. I just feel Indy's behavior is going to make it even more difficult to assimilate him into her new boyfriend's family. 

My friend told me that she did hire the dog walker. And, she did tell her boyfriend that Indy is like a child to her and he will have to accept him eventually. So, things are looking up.


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## Mac's Mom (Jun 7, 2010)

--Update on Indy--
Took Mac to Indy's again last night for a play date. My friend and her new boyfriend are talking about moving in together next summer. Since she'll be moving into his house so his kids won't have to change schools, they are going to build a fence in his yard for Indy. I think this will have a happy ending afterall....


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## Mac's Mom (Jun 7, 2010)

Mac's Mom said:


> Update on Indy
> 
> Last night I took Mac to my friend's house for a playdate with Indy. Indy was much more aggressive and territorial over his house & mom than the last time they played. But that was 3 months ago and Mac is much bigger now. My friend said "its the only child syndrome". I was wondering if its because he's alone all of the time. I don't know. Anyway, I'm not mentioning that to criticize her or Indy. I just feel Indy's behavior is going to make it even more difficult to assimilate him into her new boyfriend's family.
> 
> My friend told me that she did hire the dog walker. And, she did tell her boyfriend that Indy is like a child to her and he will have to accept him eventually. So, things are looking up.


Also, she did realize that some of his behavior was due to lack of exercise and now she comes home every night so she can resume his schedule.


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## Aescleah (Mar 28, 2008)

sounds like at least they will keep the dog but i hope they dont banish him outside

Ashley


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## KZoppa (Aug 14, 2010)

Aescleah said:


> sounds like at least they will keep the dog but i hope they dont banish him outside
> 
> Ashley


 
agreed. i'm glad she's seeing the light even if it is a sliver through a partially opened door.


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## vat (Jul 23, 2010)

I too hope that he does not end up a back yard dog.


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