# Unhealthy relationship with dogs?



## Zeeva (Aug 10, 2010)

Is there such thing as an unhealthy relationship with a doggie? Unhealthy for a human, I mean? 

For example giving up family for your pets or finding sole comfort in your pets and not seeking out human relationships? Or is that all just preference rather than an unhealthy relationship?


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## Zeeva (Aug 10, 2010)

Another example?
Man Marries His Dog | Oddity Central - Collecting Oddities


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## julie87 (Aug 19, 2012)

Zeeva said:


> Another example?
> Man Marries His Dog | Oddity Central - Collecting Oddities


 
Well, what do you think? Does reading this headline "Man marries his dog" sound normal? I think by asking this you already know the answer to that question. 

Giving up your family for a dog is NOT ok, seeking out relationship with pets instead of humans is NOT ok... and sound like this type of person would have to see a pshycologist. I don't mean to be rude, just saying if I had thoughts like that I would get help.

If you prefer dog company over friends/family OCCASIONALLY then I think its normal because sometimes you want simple time vs the drama or complications that human relationships can have.

I am not an expert this is just my personal opinion. I love my dog and I am usually with her everywhere I go, I spend more money on her then myself....but my friends and family are more important to me, and I wouldn't call it healthy to have a "relationship" with your pet. Sorry if I sound harsh just saying my honest opinion...


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## sparra (Jun 27, 2011)

I think it depends. If you have had very bad experiences with people.....been treated poorly etc then seeking companionship with animals could be very justified.....even healing. It is sad to think that things could be so bad that someone would turn their back on contact with people and find true solace in an animal companion but it probably happens more than we would like to think.
I remember when I was young meeting an old man who lived by himself with about 6 dogs. people would say how strange he was.....my father befriended him and we learned he had been deeply hurt by various family members and he just wanted to be by himself with his dogs and he was content.....he was a lovely man and it was very sad to see him by himself but those dogs were his family and he loved them and he knew they would never hurt him like people had in his life.

Now marrying a dog.....that does seem a little off.....but then again he is an Aussie and he could be just taking the piss out of everyone.....


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## julie87 (Aug 19, 2012)

So what does marryiing a dog really mean? Does he sleep with his dog too?!! (you all know what I mean) Some people are just SICK.


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## blackshep (Aug 3, 2012)

I can say 100% that I like animals more than I like people.

I still have my friends, but I'm a homebody who prefers to be home with my pup than out in a pub. I doubt I'll ever marry (never say never!) as I'm very shy and keep to myself.

Marrying your dog? Yeah, I'd say that's definitely unhealthy. 

But for someone who perhaps doesn't want to get married (including to their dog  ) and simply enjoys being home with their dog, well, that's their business.

I have always been a shy, quiet person. I am up early, so late nights at the bar were never much fun for me, because I would be tired. People used to poke fun at me for being a bit antisocial. I have just discovered that my friends like different things than I do, and perhaps a lot of people don't understand me. Their idea of a good time is partying late into the night, my idea of a good time is grooming my horse, or hiking with my dog.

I love my dog. I love my horses, and I love being home with them.

I have a small family I love, have dinner with my sister every week and I have good friends that I get together with on occasion, but for the most part I enjoy just doing my thing, and my pup is a big part of that.

Maybe I need a psychiatrist! But I'm happy and I function well out in the 'real world'. If my horsey friends call up to do something horse related, or my dog friends call up to go for a hike, I'm game. These are things that make me happy. I've stopped trying to make other people happy. It's who I am, they can accept it, or leave me be, but I can't tell you how frustrating it is if people seem to think you're unhappy living a quiet life alone. Thankfully, my friends seem to accept it. 

My only fear is me dying and nobody finding me for three weeks. lol


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## onyx'girl (May 18, 2007)

Much rather spend time with animals than people/ but I do enjoy being with people who share my love for animals! Everyone else is boring....
That said, my animals are not my 'kids' and I'm not their 'mom'. I do live in reality for the most part!


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## blackshep (Aug 3, 2012)

Oh, who am I kidding? I probably hug and kiss my pup too much


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## Kyleigh (Oct 16, 2012)

onyx'girl said:


> Much rather spend time with animals than people/ but I do enjoy being with people who share my love for animals! Everyone else is boring....
> That said, my animals are not my 'kids' and I'm not their 'mom'. I do live in reality for the most part!


 
Count me in on this post! 

I haven't had the "easiest" life, nor one with less drama than I would prefer - brought on by other people. I find that I share my "people" time with positive people, that share the same fun things with me ... quilting, my animals, and maybe watching a movie every now and then. 

Outside of the mandatory twice monthly dinners with the family (which can be a trial and HUGE amounts of drama that I so do NOT want to get involved in) I prefer to spend my time with my small zoo!


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## Gretchen (Jan 20, 2011)

Zeeva said:


> Is there such thing as an unhealthy relationship with a doggie? Unhealthy for a human, I mean?
> 
> For example giving up family for your pets or finding sole comfort in your pets and not seeking out human relationships? Or is that all just preference rather than an unhealthy relationship?


Any relationship can become unhealthy, human or pet, if during the relationship you become isolated, neglect your job and health, and then there's animal hoarding.

When you say giving up family for pets, that is hard to say if unhealthy or not. Is your family cruel or critical? Then they are unhealthy to begin with. If your family was nice, offers unconditional love and helps with major vet bills, well then it would be unhealthy to ignore them for your dog.

A preference for animal companionship seems normal to me, pets seldom disappoint and seek to please you, especially a well trained dog. In a human relationship, the seeking to please you is not very enduring in most cases. It often turns out to be seeking to get something from you. 

On the positive side, studies have shown having pets reduces stress and blood pressure, for me having my dog keeps my weight in check and going outside and exercising with her everyday improves my mood and helps with sleep.


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## SewSleepy (Sep 4, 2012)

There is a simplicity with dogs that you don't have with humans. It's refreshing.

On parenting boards, I've seen people accused of choosing their dogs over their kids. I see it mostly from the dogless though who encourage people to get rid of a pet because they don't understand the training that can and needs to be done. 


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## Blanketback (Apr 27, 2012)

I know lots of people that would be very very lonely if not for their pets. Myself included, but I don't consider it unhealthy. Look at all the studies that show that people with pets are happier and healthier. Human companionship is over-rated, at least if the relationships are what they call 'toxic' - then you have no choice but to limit your contact with these people.


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## starburst (Jun 9, 2012)

In my opinion..... if someone ends up choosing a pet over a family member ,the family dynamics must have already been stressed.
In which case I would say the individual did not choose the pet over the family but rather decided "enough is enough"

There would have to be more to the story kwim ?


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## Carriesue (Aug 13, 2012)

It's a really long story lol but I'll just say that I had a very rough childhood and was betrayed by adults I was supposed to be able to trust... So I grew up with negative experiences with people, I don't have much family to speak of, the only family contact I have is my mother but she lives on the other side of the country. Take into account that I inherited my fathers anxiety issues and I would say that in general I prefer my animals over people.

I'm really shy and have a hard time making friends, I find too that when I did have more friends, being out with them stressed me out, I get terrible headaches and just wanted to go home. I am married though and my husband is somewhat like me... We're home bodies, I don't think there's anything wrong with that.  We go out all the time and do stuff with each other, we're not shut ins by any means... I'm happy and I think that's all that matters! Though I wouldn't mind a female friend to girl talk with and all that, I just have such a hard time trusting people... sure, I could probably use some therapy lol but I'm not quite ready to go there yet and deal with my Pandora's box.


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## Kyleigh (Oct 16, 2012)

CarrieSue ... I'm sure we all have our own Pandora's boxes LOL ... I'm sure I could spend my retirement money on psychotheraphy and try and resolve it all sooner rather than later ... but when I realize how at peace I am with my zoo, I say "screw it" ... 

One of my "boxes" is my relationship with my mother ... I realized about 25 years ago that my mother will never change ... why should she? She's always right LOL ... so I changed my expectations of her ... consequently, we are not close at all, and seldom speak to each other - even at the mandatory family dinners. 

I'll take spending fun, healthy, quality time with my pets - time that leaves me feeling good, proud of what I've accomplished with them, happy and joyful at their antics, any day over a 2-hour dinner that leaves me feeling useless, stupid and "beneath" them b/c I don't have a career making 1/2 a million dollars a year, or a fancy house, or children that are just "oh so fabulous" or whatever. I have what makes me happy, and that's what life is all about ... doing what makes you happy!


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

Amina - are you asking for yourself? Or theoretical?

I think we can form relationships with animals when we feel isolated. That can become a hard cycle to break. The more isolated you feel, the more you withdraw, thereby making you even more isolated.

On the other hand, there is no reason preferring to be with animals over people is harmful as long as you do maintain healthy relationships with people. Perhaps you look for people with similar interests in animals.


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## Zeeva (Aug 10, 2010)

Jax08 said:


> Amina - are you asking for yourself? Or theoretical?


Both. I guess I'll share this even though it's hard for me to say this. I'm really isolated right now. I've no friends out here and I don't get out much. I feel it's because my dogs are holding me down. I dread leaving them behind in their crate for even a couple of hours. I can't allow family to come over because my dogs are inside the house. I find myself playing with my dogs or reading about them rather than doing the things I absolutely NEED to do. IMO this is unhealthy but I really have no one to confide with or ask. I will be going to see a psychologist middle of this month...But I don't know...

Does it sound unhealthy to you???


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

I think in your case, yes it could be unhealthy. The dogs are fine in their crates for a few hours. They are safe and when you aren't there...dogs just sleep. Seriously, you could set up a camera and find out they don't move except to roll over. I"ve moved from one school to another in Michigan and then to a third out of state. It's so hard to make friends and find a new "group". But I feel, from your other posts, that you need to force yourself to get out and meet people. Why not start by finding a dog training group? Then you have a group with similar interests. What else are you interested in? Do you have a mosque you go to where you can meet people? How about a part time job? Even if it's just waitressing or something like that, it still gets you out and busy. And you have Saturday to look forward too! It is Saturday when you are going to start volunteering, right?


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## Kyleigh (Oct 16, 2012)

Amina, 

You sound like you've wrapped yourself in a cycle ... a VERY hard one to break. I'm no psychologist, but not having people over because of the dogs, and then not wanting to go out because of the dogs isn't healthy. I have people over (granted not that often LOL). I have a friend who is absolutely terrified of dogs (and my parrots). When she comes over, Ky's in her crate and the birds are in their cages. 

When my whole family comes over, Kyleigh's in her crate. My nephew is not good at listening, and my sister doesn't like dogs. 

Otherwise, my other friends have dogs, and they know Kyleigh, so if they come over, she's out of her crate. 

Not wanting to go out and leave them in their crate for a couple of hours. Do you work during the day? I know that during the week, I am at work all day, so when I come home the first thing I do is take Ky out for 2-3 hours. Once I'm home and have had supper it's about 7:30 pm. I don't really want to go out then LOL ... doesn't really have much to do with Kyleigh going in her crate (she doesn't sleep in it at night). 

During the weekend when I have errands to run, and she can't come (groceries LOL), I have ZERO problems leaving her in her crate for a couple of hours. 

When I was unemployed for 5 months, I made a point of having her in her crate from noon til 4 Monday - Friday. I needed a break, and she needed to rest - and needed to remember that the crate was her friend!!!

I am glad to read that you will be seeing a psychologist soon. If you have a positive relationship with them, they can be extremely helpful.

Does this help?


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## Zeeva (Aug 10, 2010)

Jax08 said:


> It is Saturday when you are going to start volunteering, right?


Yes, it's Saturday morning! Thanks for your insight


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## Zeeva (Aug 10, 2010)

Kyleigh said:


> Does this help?


Yes, it helps a lot. Thanks


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

Zeeva said:


> Yes, it's Saturday morning! Thanks for your insight


I"ll be thinking of you when I'm at the local shelter volunteering Saturday.  I think you'll find it very rewarding and you'll make new friends. Some shelter workers are a little jaded so don't take any gruffness personally. Remember they've seen the worst of people but when they warm up...they are great people with big hearts.


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## Kyleigh (Oct 16, 2012)

Jax08 said:


> I"ll be thinking of you when I'm at the local shelter volunteering Saturday.  I think you'll find it very rewarding and you'll make new friends. Some shelter workers are a little jaded so don't take any gruffness personally. Remember they've seen the worst of people but when they warm up...they are great people with big hearts.


Zeeva,

This is so true!!!! I co-founded and ran a rescue for 14 years (not dogs) ... and I met some amazing people! There are always the negative people out there, but when you are with people that share the same passion as you, it's a very positive and wonderful feeling! Can be the best therapy in this world!


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## wolfy dog (Aug 1, 2012)

I love people and animals both but it is easier to spend time away from people than without my dogs. I have gone on only a few vacations without our dogs and in the first week I was ready to go to the nearest shelter and adopt another dog. 
As a kid I was lonely and always walked the neighbor dogs. That was very comforting. I think my love for dogs comes from that time. I do envy dogs because they are so clear in their communications to each other, don't lie and don't care how they look or how old they are.


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## Blanketback (Apr 27, 2012)

I'm in the same boat as you are. When I moved here, I don't know anyone. Then I worked crazy hours at a job I loved for more than 10 years. Then I got laid off. Huh, in all that time all I did was work or do volunteer hours with a dog that's passed away. So everything got wiped out and now I'm back to square one. I have DH for company and I'm friendly with my neighbors, but I don't have any real "friends" the way I had where I used to live. I know I need to get out more, and do things that interest me. But when you feel low, it's easy to do nothing. I understand.


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## martemchik (Nov 23, 2010)

My family has adjusted to my dog. They know not to expect me to go over for a long period of time for any kind of dinner, and that more likely than not the dog will be with me whenever possible. They don't mind anymore when I leave a dinner after 3 or 4 hours in order to go back to my dog. It actually pissed me off one time when "distant" family was over at my mom's and my dog was out, the lady (older grandma) actually had the balls to say "can't you just put that dog in the crate" well...the dog was in his crate for 4 hours before that and I don't want him in there for a longer period of time just because you decided to come over. I told my mom we'd just leave and she understood why.

I don't choose my dog over people, I just adjust my schedule/life so that he's involved, but I don't ever mind leaving him for 4+ hours at home to go do something. I think that pets are wonderful, but we all need to have some quality time with humans.


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## Nikitta (Nov 10, 2011)

I get enough people action at my job. When i go home to relax I want my dogs around me. Other then their basic needs, no one is demanding do this do that. I like it that way.


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## TimberGSD2 (Nov 8, 2011)

I work with interesting people all day long. I love to spend most of my free time with my dogs. I also like spending time with other dog crazy people. I find that most of my outings away from my animals (I have cats, chickens, and a horse) are with animal people who understand that I need to get home to feed the chickens or walk the dogs. 

I have found as I have gotten older that I would much rather spend my time with my animals. Not because of a dislike for people (although there is a small truth to that) but because that is what I like. 

I don't think shutting all people out for your animals is healthy but I see nothing wrong with being happy being with your animals more than people.


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## kiya (May 3, 2010)

I am obsessed with my dogs, I don't want to go away, when I do I worry. It's always some excuse, when they are pups they can't be left alone and now I don't want to leave my older dogs alone. I seem to have trouble making friends. I "used" to portray this tuff, hard type person. I've mellowed out over the years but I still seem to have a hard time making new friends. I can say the few I do have are worth thier weight in gold. My friend Ann, whom I haven't really hung out with much over the last few years sat in the hospital with me last week about 6 hours. I am taking her to lunch as soon as Sandy is a memory. 
I wouldn't want to marry my dog but I certainly find them much better company than some people.


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## Carriesue (Aug 13, 2012)

I'd also like to say that for me, I also have pretty bad arthritis(at the ripe old age of 30 yup!) and other pain issues which I'm not on any pain medication for... I'm scared of the long term impact on my organs most medications cause. Still looking for a solution.

But anyways, it's not that easy for me to just go out and do things and often times I can't keep up with people because of the pain. Believe me it's incredibly frustrating. I am no longer able to work be because of it too... I have a nerve problem in my back too which makes it so I can't sit down for very long(quite a fun predicament with arthritis LOL) so even just going to the movies can be incredibly painful for me especially that now a lot of them are like 3 hours long. 

My zoo is what keeps me going and moving and happy through all the pain.

So if it doesn't physically hurt you Zeeva, definitely get out there! Your doggies won't mind especially if in the long run it helps make you happier. And if you find the right person, therapy definitely helps... At the very least just to have someone to talk to about things you might be nervous talking with your fiends or family about... It's good to get stuff off your chest like that.


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## Freestep (May 1, 2011)

When a person starts putting their dog above their own health and well-being, that is when it is unhealthy.

I tend to be a loner and spend far more time with animals than I do with people; I prefer it that way (it's why I chose a career working with animals). However, I know my limits (after overstepping them far enough to be uncomfortable) and I try not to take on more than I can reasonably deal with. Even though I prefer the company of animals, it is good for me to get out and be with PEOPLE, to go out and do things for myself, etc. When animals start to get in the way of that, it is time to re-evaluate my situation.

Amina, please don't be afraid to crate your dogs for a few hours while you go out. They will be fine, they'll probably sleep the whole time. When I groom dogs, I usually allow about 3-4 hours between the time the dog is dropped off and the time he goes home. Sometimes longer if the client needs that. Some clients are hesitant or worried about leaving their dog in a cage for any amount of time--they expect me to work on that dog continuously the whole time he is in my care and get him out the door the second he's done, so he never has to be in a cage. Some clients even want to stay with their dog the whole time I'm grooming him. These are the kind of people I worry about; they are so wrapped up in the dog's world (or what they perceive a dog's world as being) that they forget themselves and the PEOPLE around them. The grandma that won't attend the family's Thanksgiving dinner because she would have to leave her dog. The people who take on so many rescue/foster dogs that they cannot have a life outside of it. The people who can no longer have company to their house because of the dogs. Those people are, in my opinion, at risk.

Dogs in my salon do get cage time; it's a break for them. Most dogs simply go to sleep. I have some clients who drop them off at 9:00 in the morning and cannot return until closing time--those dogs essentially stay with me all day, and when they're not being groomed or potty walked, they're in a crate. What do they do all day? Sleep, mostly. Even dogs that are not used to crating, those that bark and whine and scratch at the crate door initially, will calm down after a while.

That's kind of off-topic but the point is, I've seen a lot of dogs in crates and witnessed their behavior. Don't be worried about crating your dogs for an evening. As much as you love your dogs, you have to put yourself first, and give yourself what you need. Because if you don't take care of yourself, it's your dogs that will really suffer.


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## Zeeva (Aug 10, 2010)

Carriesue said:


> I'd also like to say that for me, I also have pretty bad arthritis(at the ripe old age of 30 yup!)


Have you tried glucosamine chondroitin and msm? I've always recommended these when I used to work at GNC. Worked wonders for people with arthritis but you do have to talk to your primary care doctor if you take other medications or have other problems as it can interfere and possibly cause more damage...


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## TimberGSD2 (Nov 8, 2011)

Freestep said:


> When a person starts putting their dog above their own health and well-being, that is when it is unhealthy.
> 
> I tend to be a loner and spend far more time with animals than I do with people; I prefer it that way (it's why I chose a career working with animals). However, I know my limits (after overstepping them far enough to be uncomfortable) and I try not to take on more than I can reasonably deal with. Even though I prefer the company of animals, it is good for me to get out and be with PEOPLE, to go out and do things for myself, etc. When animals start to get in the way of that, it is time to re-evaluate my situation.
> 
> ...


We had a dog that used to come into the clinic I worked at that I swear to this day would cough about once a month so that she could come spend the day in a cage away from her owners. We never would find anything wrong with her and she would curl up peacefully and go to sleep the whole day! It was like her break from her life.


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## julie87 (Aug 19, 2012)

Zeeva said:


> Both. I guess I'll share this even though it's hard for me to say this. I'm really isolated right now. I've no friends out here and I don't get out much. I feel it's because my dogs are holding me down. I dread leaving them behind in their crate for even a couple of hours. I can't allow family to come over because my dogs are inside the house. I find myself playing with my dogs or reading about them rather than doing the things I absolutely NEED to do. IMO this is unhealthy but I really have no one to confide with or ask. I will be going to see a psychologist middle of this month...But I don't know...
> 
> Does it sound unhealthy to you???


I am very happy to hear you are going to get professional help!  it is so easy to get over attached to our dogs it can be hard to control. And I am saying this because I am very attached for my dog as well for example I always take her with me everywhere.. The other day I went to a winery an hour away from home with a friend and all I could think about how my dog is lonely at home.. I was gone about 5 hours that day.. I have issues also, I wish I could change that but how? Only thing I do is try to force myself to leave her alone and focus on things that are more important. I totally understand where you are coming from. Except I do have friends and I am not isolated but just too attached to my dog.. I can only imagine if I was all alone it would be so bad.. Try to meet new people you have to realize that dog can't give you what people can give you... They can't take care of you when you are old they you can't share your whole life with an animal, please don't put it off seek help find human relationship it doesn't mean you are betraying your dog if you do. And please share what tips your physiologist gave you I think some of us need to eat it. Be blessed.


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## Gharrissc (May 19, 2012)

I think any relationship can be unhealthy no matter if it's with animals or people. I know a lot of people who prefer the company of their animals over most people,and I am the same way sometimes. I am not a recluse though and enjoy meeting new people,so I don't think that's an unhealthy relationship. 

Too mch togetherness with anyone (animal or human) isn't good IMO.


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## Freestep (May 1, 2011)

TimberGSD2 said:


> We had a dog that used to come into the clinic I worked at that I swear to this day would cough about once a month so that she could come spend the day in a cage away from her owners. We never would find anything wrong with her and she would curl up peacefully and go to sleep the whole day! It was like her break from her life.


Oh, that's funny... and I believe it! I have a couple of dogs that come into my shop and don't want to leave. Seriously. Their owners have to drag them OUT.

It's got to be a sad situation when the relationship is so unhealthy even the DOG knows it!

I've been accused of having an "unhealthy" relationship with my animals, and I think I probably did at one point, when I was very young. Nowadays, even though my life pretty much revolves around animals, I perceive my relationship with them as reasonably normal and healthy. I have limits and boundaries with them.  I don't have children, and some have suggested that I have used pets to replace children. I am not sure I buy this, because I never WANTED children.... but I always wanted animals.


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## Mrs.K (Jul 14, 2009)

I was told that I have an unhealthy relationship with my dogs but that is coming from people who never owned a dog. 

I basically go nowhere without them. They are always on my side, except for when I go to a restaurant with friends, but even when I go shopping, I have at least one dog with me. 

For the past year, I've lived with our dogs. I have friends, even friends outside the dog world but I'm allowed to bring them to the house. 

Sometimes I have a phase where I isolate myself from the rest of the world and stay in the house. But that's that, a phase. I just enjoy "me-time". 

I chose to spend time with my dogs. I too don't necessarily want kids, but I love my dogs and I love the attention they give me. 

Now that my husband is back, it is kin of an adjustment for all of us. LOL


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## Sasha86 (Sep 8, 2012)

I am guilty too. I treat my dog as my baby. I am not ready for kids and everywhere I go, she goes too. We are inseparable and I am an over protective mother at the dog park and am quick to tell a owner to get his dog and my last instance even had to kick a pitbul. I am guilty and I don't care hahahahahaha


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## Paul K (Oct 31, 2012)

I work in a people orientated profession. I listen to their problems, find solutions, protect and help them In my time off, I prefer the company of horses and my dogs. Just enjoy the solitude and the connection. I am married, have three kids and sometimes, I prefer my german shep pup to them. Sometimes the pup is on their side too so its just the horses. Is that unhealthy or un natural....nope, its just me. However...marrying your dog???? Yeah thats just plain wrong.


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