# The official story of Sailor's life



## BARBIElovesSAILOR (Aug 11, 2014)

I wanted to tell the story of my Sailor's life. Sailor was an all black german shepherd, very beautiful and noble above all else. One day I went into the animal rescue to adopt a dog. I always liked chows and wanted a golden or tan colored one. I found one and met it, walked it, but the dog didn't seem that interested in me. I then decided that wasn't the dog for me so I decided with my ex husband (we were married at the time) to keep looking. We found a black dog, I wasn't sure what kind, and I didn't particularly like black dogs either, I thought they were ugly. Anyway we did the meet and greet with him, I found out he was a gsd that was found as a stray in New Mexico. They think he might have been off an Indian reservation. They estimated him at about 5 yr. old. That dog, named Styx was so different from any of the other dogs I saw that day. He won me over and forever changed my mind about big black dogs! When I was sitting in the adoption counselors room he came over and nudged my arm with his snout to get my attention. He then put his head on my knee and rested it there. I was like okay this dog is kind of cute... Wants my attention... Then I'm done speaking with the counselor so I get up to leave. Well Styx jumps up and puts his paws on each side of me, like a hug almost. That's when I knew, okay this dog reallyyyy wants me or he really wants to get the **** out of here, either way I have to take him . The next day I came back to pick up Styx for good. When I got him on the leash and took him out to my car, the moment I opened my door I didn't even say anything to him, he just jumped up in my car like it belonged to him, like he knew he was going home, like come on! What's taking u so long? Start the car woman! I knew instantly this was all meant to be. I renamed Styx, Sailor because Styx is an ugly name and I am really obsessed with anything nautical so sailor stuck, and if think he liked it too. About two days after adopting him, or rather him adopting me, sailor left me a beautiful present in my house. A BIG giant dead RAT !!! On my stairs !!! So I couldn't miss it of course, he hadn't chewed or tried to eat it. He only killed it but left it intact I think to bring to me as a "thank you for rescuing me" gift. Hahaha, crazy dog. He never brought me another dead rat, he knew his thank you was accepted, and fortunately I never had to deal with that again. Lol. Anyway the next 6 years went by, where everyday I fell more and more in love with my sailor, feeling like he was my son, my soulmate, the light of my life. Times when I was sick he wouldn't leave my side. Times when he heard me crying he would come over to me to see what's wrong. He was always alert on walks and in the house to make sure strangers stayed clear and in essence trying to keep me safe. He would even organize his toys when he would see me cleaning the house furiously to do his part to help. He would arrange them in triangles, straight lines, smallest to biggest, diagonally etc... Very smArt boy. Anyway throughout the time I had sailor I divorced and remarried. My second husband lived with sailor and I for about 2 years... He had never had a pet before at all, but it could tell he respected and loved sailor and his companionship. One week, sailor seemed perfectly fine. The next week he was acting funny. Staring at doors and walls, like day dreaming or something. Being pickier about food. Being winded more like the day before I noticed this. One day I was having dinner w my hubby and we noticed sailor staring at the wall. I joked with him that sailor was losing it and needed a doggy psychologist. I thought sailor was just being goofy like he could be sometimes. Then sailor came and laid down next to my husband and me while we were on our computers. My husband noticed sailor was laying down but. Wouldn't close his eyes and go to sleep. And noticed his chest going up and down a little more than it should when they have normal breathing... I dismissed it thinking it was nothing. Then it was time to go to bed and I told sailor to get up let's go, when he got up he seemed winded, so I was like, let me just call the vet and see... I did and they wanted to charge a whole lot of money to just do an exam, and me still thinking it was nothing dismissed it and took sailor upstairs. Well when we got upstairs I told sailor to lay in his bed and he did something I had never heard him do before. He started whimpering under his breath. I knew instantly with all the little signs plus this, that something was really wrong and I immediately lost it. I called to my husband we need to go to vet NOW and I threw on my clothes as fast as I could while crying hysterically and somehow what I had been dismissing and denying just opened up the flood gates and was a complete epiphany for me. I knew my baby could die tonight. It was a feeling. I hadn't even seen the vet or anything but I knew my baby was dying. I told him if he wanted to go for a ride in the care which normally he goes ape **** when I say that, but this time he just calmly walked and when he tried to jump in my SUV he barely made it, something that he never had problems with this. I laid in the trunk part of my SUV with him the whole time petting him and crying but at the same time trying not to cause I didn't want to scare him. My husband was driving fast. I was freaking. When we got to the vet at 2 am sailor could not get out of the car, my husband didn't know what to do so I just grabbed sailors 70 pounds as if it were 5 pounds and picked him up and took him to the vet. After some waiting the vets came back and told us our worst fears. Sailor had an enlarged heart and fluid in the abdomen and was in shock, and was dying. They could try to treat him, but if we wanted him treated, he would have to be sent to another hospital where we would not be with him, and at any point he could die on the table because his condition had progressed that severely. I found myself thinking, how the F was sailor with me and normal and fine a few hours ago or so I thought, and within the next 30 minutes I have to make a decision on his life or death!? It's like, he was here, and then he's not... Wtf? I thought that was so unfair. I felt so much despair and sadness. Like if someone told me my human child is dying, and I have to decide when to pull the plug. I literally felt that night like a mother who watched her son die in her arms. Like my baby was ripped from me. Anyway, the reason we decided on euthanasia? If sailor had a high probability of dying during treatment as the vet told us, I would much rather have him die in his mommy and daddy's arms, with us petting him and me singing to him, and telling him he's a good boy and we love him. I did not want to send sailor for treatment and later find out he died all alone in a hospital not knowing where we are at, scared, alone, or with strangers, hooked up to machines, no one telling him they love him, I couldn't bare the thought. Also, we didn't have pet insurance so money was an issue, but if the vet said his prognosis was good and sailor was a younger dog, that we thought could have withstood the treatment, we would have gone into bankruptcy trying to save him. Alas, at 11 years old, and with all the other circumstances, we decided to let my beauty boy sleep forever. On the table he was completely still, mouth pulled tight, eyes wide open, no movement at all, not trying to get up or anything. This was BEFORE he got the euthanasia shots... So I knew he was in serious condition. At about 4 am, it was done. My baby was gone, and I walked out into the parking lot a childless mother. I felt dead inside and empty, and even like I wish I died with him. My husband has cried about sailor so much and is taking his death very hard. We finally got his cremains back, and if know it makes me sound like a weirdo, but if hold his box of cremains every night as I go to sleep. We built him a shrine in our bedroom where he used to sleep. And still, the emptiness and the silence in our house is so loud it's deafening. I know I want a gsd one day again, sailor made me completely fall in love with the breed you see. And now black dogs are my favorite too. But I just can't bear the thought of another dog laying in his spot, taking his place. There was my one and only sailor and he can never be replaced or duplicated. He was one of a kind. I know time will heal and maybe I will move on one day but honestly, I just want my baby back. I just want him and only him. :-( I feel like he saved my life. And now when I wake up in the morning ps I feel I have no purpose. He was my reason for being. He showed me what real unconditional love is. Right now, I have a dog boarding and training business, but I am also going to begin volunteering with the local gsd rescue. I decided to do this in sailors honor, to help his kind, and also to get my butt out of bed in the morning and stop being depressed. The depression is there and the sadness and all that, but at least I'm a functional depressed person. I do have many moments where I'm happy and laughing, especially watching funny videos of sailor, I know I can love again one day, but sometimes I know that sailor was the only one who ever truly had my heart. I miss him so much. I don't believe in heaven, because I knew sailor experienced heaven on earth. I could tell when we would lay on the couch together when I sung him to sleep, or when he would run in the fields of grass, or go for car rides, or throw his body down in the snow and roll around like he had gone completely bonkers. These are the memories I force myself to remember, to remember the beauty that he was and the beauty and "heaven" he brought to my life. 

R.I.P.

Sailor Midnight Apocalypse S. 
2003?-6.26.2014


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## Harry and Lola (Oct 26, 2013)

Sailor was yours and always yours, it is truly amazing when you have this type of relationship with your dog. I could barely get through your story, I still have tears rolling down my face and all I can think of, was thank God you two found each other - you both were meant to be. Stay strong.


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## BARBIElovesSAILOR (Aug 11, 2014)

Thank you :*-(


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## BARBIElovesSAILOR (Aug 11, 2014)

P.s. 

the MORAL of the story is: 1. love your dog until you feel like your heart can't take it anymore, and 2. Get pet insurance so money is never a deciding factor in your dogs fate!


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## wolfstraum (May 2, 2003)

I am so sorry.....I loved a black GSD too...and as I read your story I cried for you and Sailor and my boy too....he was 12 when I lost him and I also had to make that terrible decision that tore my heart out but released him from his pain....

<<<hugs>>>

Lee


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## Nikitta (Nov 10, 2011)

Wow, I have tears running down my face. They call that your heart dog. Everyone has one. It never gets any easier. /hugs


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## Moriah (May 20, 2014)

Sailor was a gift to you and you were a gift to Sailor. Thank you so very much for sharing your story. It was very moving.


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## BARBIElovesSAILOR (Aug 11, 2014)

Thank you everyone <3


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## Loneforce (Feb 12, 2012)

I am sorry for your loss of Sailor  He sounded like a really cool dog and he was supposed to be in your life. Rest in peace" Black Dog of Destiny...."


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## BARBIElovesSAILOR (Aug 11, 2014)

*Video tribute to sailor*

Sailor by Barbie - YouTube


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## taytay (May 13, 2014)

Very nice tribute video


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## misslesleedavis1 (Dec 5, 2013)

Well I am in tears


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## SDG (Jul 30, 2013)

So sorry for your loss, you must be just devastated. (sobbing with you).

He knew you loved him, and you gave him such a wonderful, special life, even up till the end making that painful decision. I'm so happy he found his way to you.

The video you made for him was lovely. I noticed that you used "Time After Time". If you ever need background music for yet another session of tears, try Eva Cassidy's version of "Time After Time". Cyndi wrote it, and sang it beautifully, but Eva.....well, have a listen. And remember..this was LIVE with no auto-tune or back up singers.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRoBiHzkXrI

Sail on Sailor--R.I.P.


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## BARBIElovesSAILOR (Aug 11, 2014)

*Yes*



SDG said:


> So sorry for your loss, you must be just devastated. (sobbing with you).
> 
> He knew you loved him, and you gave him such a wonderful, special life, even up till the end making that painful decision. I'm so happy he found his way to you.
> 
> ...


Thank you so much!


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## BARBIElovesSAILOR (Aug 11, 2014)

*Eva*

The Eva Cassidy version is so beautiful and it almost helps you hear the lyrics better, and really understand the weight of what cyndi lauper wrote. So great. Thank you again for sharing


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## SDG (Jul 30, 2013)

BARBIElovesSAILOR said:


> The Eva Cassidy version is so beautiful and it almost helps you hear the lyrics better, and really understand the weight of what cyndi lauper wrote. So great. Thank you again for sharing



So glad that you liked it. It becomes even more moving when you know Eva's story.


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