# Spouce not on the same training page



## kiya (May 3, 2010)

I have been doing a lot of reading on training and really want my new pup to be well socialized and obeidient. My husband doesn't take the training part as serious as I do. He will play with them, I do everything else. Last night we were in the yard and he calls out "Lakoda come" and repeated it a few times. I told him not to call her to "come" (because it is not totally learned yet) he got all annoyed with me and went in to the house. In my eyes its the same as repeating sit, sit, sit. The command should only be given once, but it has to be learned first. Am I just realling getting obsessive with her training, do you think the end result be that she will listen to me when I give her a command regardless of how many times anyone else "barks" out commands to her.


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## Caledon (Nov 10, 2008)

Welcome to my world.

To make matters worse, when I was training Dakota for a dumb-bell retrieve my husband would play the "chace the dog to get the ball game". I had to hide the dumb-bells so he would not play that game with them. Now when I try and play fetch with her she will return with the ball, stop, and run. We hardly play fetch anymore because I refuse to chace her. 

The repeating of the commands tick me off too. He's moved from Dakota, come, come, come, to DAKOTA GET OVER HERE. Yup that makes her want to come. He does not buy into my argurement that you never issue a come command unless you are in a position to enforce it - and you need to work on commands in all different siturations.


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## aubie (Dec 22, 2008)

My DH is more of the play guy too...but he's sat in a few of our training classes and even though he gets half of the commands' names wrong, he usually looks to me to make sure he's doing it right...or I'll just be like "Oh honey, we're using 'down' instead of 'lay' for that," and he'll change up.

But he has learned to make Anna sit before he throws her toy or before we go out the door...I think it makes him feel good to do those little things...after I did the work to train her!


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## Lilie (Feb 3, 2010)

It does prove difficult when the significant other in the house doesn't take training seriously, but feels the dog should respond at their first command. And when the dog doesn't, they look at you and say, "...and you paid all that money for training, and he didn't learn a thing?" 

Your dog will figure it out. It'll just take longer for him to get it. If hubby and I are out in the fields with Hondo, hubby can say, "Hondo! Get over here!" and Hondo totally ignores him. I don't say a word. I give it a minute or two then I'll say, "Hondo, Here!" And as Hondo runs towards me, I'll stop and say, "Puppy! Puppy! Puppy! Good Boy!" It is all in the tone - as well as using only one word. At least for Hondo it is. I don't say anything to Hubby, but the next time he calls Hondo, he'll change his tone and Hondo will come bounding. But I don't correct Hubby - as then I have to listen to the, " in my days, when you trained a dog.." I just let hubby learn by trial and error. And be more patient with Hondo. 

Just like our dogs, we have to train our significant others. I suppose you can use your treat of choice.


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

I say 

"Get away from my dog!"

Not really...

when you find a solution that doesn't end in divorce, please let me know.


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## Cassidy's Mom (Mar 30, 2003)

I'd be thrilled if the problem was merely that he was not on the same page regarding training. Most of the time he's not even on the same planet!


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

My Ex and I were on the exact same page. If he taught Sinister a new trick or command he showed me exactly how to do it. When I taught Sinister how to do something I made sure to go over it with my Ex the same way.

Example: I taught Sinister to sit by the door and wait for me to go outside first and then when I say "OK" he can come out.

I taught my Ex that and now if either one of us goes outside we make Sinister sit and wait while we go outside first.

Same thing when we go to feed him. We set his dish down and make him sit and then give the "OK" or snap our fingers to release him so he can eat. 

It's so much easier to do the training when your on the same page but sometimes boys will be boys


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## MaggieRoseLee (Aug 17, 2001)

For some reason the vast majority of men (and I apologize to the few of you who don't fit this :wub feel they were born with the innate knowledge to train any dog, anything. So the idea of going to a class, listening to anyone else, reading a book/DVD is just completely ridiculous and a huge waste of time. They already know it all. Really! :wild:

In all the years and all the different dog classes/seminars, it's almost always females that are there to listen, learn and do the best with their dogs. Learning new things, new ways, and changing what they THINK they knew if they have to.

I personally wouldn't fight your husband on what he 'knows' at all. Interesting thing is the dogs figure it out. Same as they don't necessarily obey a stranger in the street, they learn to ignore the husbands (unless something is in it for them) or obey them some of the time cause, why not?

While the wives go to class and really get the special bond and relationship that real dog training can give us. And the dogs do just fine. No surprise, the guys eventually pick up some of the learning cause they CAN watch and learn too! (but probably not admit they were wrong  )


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## Relayer (Apr 29, 2010)

As a man... sorry, but I was born that way...  ...I actually have the exact same problem, but with my wife. So there!  I empathize because consistency is so important. I feel like I'm training two students, but the human is the more difficult one.


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## PawsOfAloha (Apr 29, 2010)

My husband and I weren't on the same page either when it came to training. Luckily I'm not working so I get to spend the most time with Koa. A few months after doing it my way my the hubby realized how Koa responded to me and not him. He never said I was right, I just noticed him doing what I do and giving the same commands. :laugh: Hang in there.


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

yup, boys will be boys...and then sometimes men will be boys too. lots of times, it seems to me.


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## Miss Molly May (Feb 19, 2010)

Wow I thought I was alone on this subject!!

My wife and Molly are always scheming behind my back. When I am not around wifey will let Molly on the bed, couch, share her supper and let Molly get away with everything. When I walk in the house I always hear her whisper to Molly "get off Molly cranky is here"


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## Lilie (Feb 3, 2010)

Miss Molly May said:


> Wow I thought I was alone on this subject!!
> 
> My wife and Molly are always scheming behind my back. When I am not around wifey will let Molly on the bed, couch, share her supper and let Molly get away with everything. When I walk in the house I always hear her whisper to Molly "get off Molly cranky is here"


:rofl:


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## bianca (Mar 28, 2010)

Relayer said:


> I empathize because consistency is so important. I feel like I'm training two students, but the human is the more difficult one.


Bingo!


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## Caledon (Nov 10, 2008)

That's true about the women vs. men in training classes. In the puppy class it was all couples, and then the lone woman (me). The next level up it was a few couples and lone women. The next level it was one man and all women.

I like training, my husband does not, he just wants the finished product. I enjoy the journey.


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## Miss Molly May (Feb 19, 2010)

It must be pick on the poor men night!!!!lol:hammer:


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## Relayer (Apr 29, 2010)

Dingo!!


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## dianefbarfield (Apr 12, 2010)

My husband is so great with our dogs but he wants to use a whole sentence instead of the one word. Lizzie is fantastic with frizbees. She catches almost anything and i have her "bring it" and "drop" before we throw another one. I have to keep reminding him that "drop" is the command and not "Lizzie, drop the frizbee and I'll throw it". He means well and he is such a wonderful person I don't mean to sound critical but he is learning. And he doesn't mind if I correct him.


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## dianefbarfield (Apr 12, 2010)

One more comment: we raised two children together.. they are 25 and 28 now and are the most magnificent people. We did it through working together and consistency. I think the same works for dogs. We are both going to training classes starting tomorrow.


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## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

it's better for all that's involved if you're
on the same page. my GF and i equally trained
and cared for our dog. our neighbor who helped
and helps us with our dog is on the same page
as we are. all of us discussed how we handled the 
pup to make sure we were doing things in the same manner.

discuss with your husband how each of you must
handle the pup in the same manner. it's "our dog" not "your dog"
or "his dog".


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## debbiebrown (Apr 13, 2002)

LOL,
i think the dogs take better corrections than husbands do........

i am always correcting my husband with the dogs........doesn't go over well.........


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## MaggieRoseLee (Aug 17, 2001)

Caledon said:


> That's true about the women vs. men in training classes. In the puppy class it was all couples, and then the lone woman (me). The next level up it was a few couples and lone women. The next level it was one man and all women.
> 
> I like training, my husband does not, he just wants the finished product. I enjoy the journey.


:wild::wub::wild:


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## Aldo (Mar 19, 2010)

Reading all of this, it doesn't surprise me that there are such problems in your relationships. Relational pathology underlies the majority of the problems that people have, and so the idea of a dog that will do EXACTLY what YOU WANT is most appealing. I do not dispute the issue around lack of knowledge around behavioral conditioning/modification, but I suspect that if some of you put the same level of effort into looking at YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR as you do in dog training, you would have FAR more satisfying relationships.


And yes, I do have expertise in this matter...but that is not why I am on the doggie forum, so forgive my 'professional' intrusion.

The actual matter at hand of inconsistency (based on one party having a more clear understanding of the principals) is valid. My wife isn't the one spending almost all of her time with our puppy, I am. But she IS learning...with support, encouragement, and love...just like the puppy...


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## Lin (Jul 3, 2007)

dianefbarfield said:


> I have to keep reminding him that "drop" is the command and not "Lizzie, drop the frizbee and I'll throw it"


I trained my dogs with the short preferably one word commands but when using them in real life I use full sentences half or maybe more of the time. The dogs know to pick out the word in the sentence that is the command, such as saying "sorry guys but you are going to have to get off the bed now" and they hear "off" and leave.


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## Cassidy's Mom (Mar 30, 2003)

Aldo said:


> I do not dispute the issue around lack of knowledge around behavioral conditioning/modification...





Aldo said:


> The actual matter at hand of inconsistency (based on one party having a more clear understanding of the principals) is valid. My wife isn't the one spending almost all of her time with our puppy, I am. But she IS learning...with support, encouragement, and love...just like the puppy...


Yes, but there is this: 



MaggieRoseLee said:


> For some reason the vast majority of men (and I apologize to the few of you who don't fit this :wub feel they were born with the innate knowledge to train any dog, anything. So the idea of going to a class, listening to anyone else, reading a book/DVD is just completely ridiculous and a huge waste of time. They already know it all. Really! :wild:


While MRL's characterization is obviously a gross generalization, this attitude is much more common with men than women - they are simply more likely to think they know what they're doing and to muddle through things without bothering to read the manual or ask for directions, than most women are. 

My hubby reads the  directions as an absolute last resort, that's who he is and he ain't gonna change! He has zero interest in reading a training book or watching a DVD (although he's watched a few episodes of Victoria Stillwell because she's cute), thinks going to training classes is about as interesting as watching paint dry, and is really not the slightest bit interested in developing a clear understanding of the principles. There is no amount of support, encouragement, and love that's going to change that, just like I will never be fascinated by the History and Military channels like he is - to ME, that's like watching paint dry.

So I ask him not to use formal commands, that I've spent a lot of time and effort teaching, in situations that he KNOWS they won't obey. I ask him not to repeat commands over and over and over again, but to say it once and wait for them to comply. I remind him that getting frustrated and mad when they're overly excited isn't going to help them calm down. I remind him that yelling at them under those circumstances is counter-productive. And he continues to things the way he's always done them. :headbang: If you've got any suggestions from a man's perspective about how to improve that, I'm all ears.


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## Relayer (Apr 29, 2010)

Cassidy's Mom said:


> Yes, but there is this:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Your husband might just have the need to be more right than you... or the dog for that matter. It's a normal male human trait, we seek to be alpha, even if we're wrong (and especially if we don't know it!). 

The problem is, encouraging your male human to learn how he can really be powerful and alpha (at least with the dog) may in fact, cause him to be more resolute in his misguided "rightness." Perhaps there is a way that you can get him to believe that he discovered Cesar Millan, Victoria S., or any other trainer type that he might find inspirational. The key is probably making him believe that he had the discovery and the revelation. That's about all I've got on the subject. Best.


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## debbiebrown (Apr 13, 2002)

it would be interesting to take a poll on how many of woman vs men participate in most of the training, exercising, feeding, etc with the household dogs........In my house i do 99% of it..............

alot of our issues is my husband not being consistant with the dogs, i spend alot of time training and teaching good behaviors,........he comes home at the end of the day, gets to enjoy the dogs after they have been tired out etc...............he lets my female jump up on him when he comes home, instead of waiting for her to calm down before she greets him, when i remind him of what he should have done he gets mad...ugh! so, all my efforts are for not............


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## TxRider (Apr 15, 2009)

ROFL, I'm a guy and find this funny. Guys are simple, much like dogs.

One would think you girls would learn guys are easy, we respond poorly to correction and aversives but great to positive reinforcement.

Correcting us for not performing behaviors we haven't learned and have not been properly reinforced to perform is also not effective, just as it isn't effective with dogs.

Put your training education to work... 

R+ and P-, with a little R- when needed. Why would you expect us to perform the correct behaviors when we haven't been trained?


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

I trained my Ex boyfriend to put the toilet seat down after he used it, it took a couple weeks, it was alot of work but eventually he learned.


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## Lilie (Feb 3, 2010)

It took me less than a week to teach Hondo to put his toys back in his toy basket. But I've been married for 28 years, and I still can't teach my husband to put his dirty underwear in the clothes hamper. 

I think that if I could lock hubby up in a kennel when he's bad, it would greatly increase his trainability.


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## Kamahi (Feb 27, 2010)

LaRen616 said:


> I trained my Ex boyfriend to put the toilet seat down after he used it, it took a couple weeks, it was alot of work but eventually he learned.


:spittingcoffee:


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## TxRider (Apr 15, 2009)

lilie said:


> it took me less than a week to teach hondo to put his toys back in his toy basket. But i've been married for 28 years, and i still can't teach my husband to put his dirty underwear in the clothes hamper.
> 
> I think that if i could lock hubby up in a kennel when he's bad, it would greatly increase his trainability.


nilif...


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