# Trigger. I love you.



## trigger01 (Dec 27, 2014)

My Trigger was my once in a lifetime dog of nearly 9.5 years. 
Even calling him a dog is something I don’t like saying. He was the best being in a dogs body. He was my everything And we his everything.
He went from being a tank his entire life to literally limping out of nowhere when he woke up in the morning. He was x rayed two days later and we found out he had bone cancer in his front left leg.
we were told he had 2 weeks to maybe 2 months.
I did everything I was able to think of to treat him. After agonizing discussions and deliberations, we decided that amputation was not the best option for him as we wanted him to maximize his quality of life based on the prognosis.
His conditioned steadily declined and he and I adapted to his needs. He swam every day without issues, even when walking was difficult.
then one day, without a decline in his swimming ability, he went into the pool and screamed in pain with each stroke of his left leg.
we knew he couldn’t swim anymore. But that didn’t stop him from enjoying the pool. He would then just dunk himself and sit in the pool entrance.
he would play fetch everyday. But he would do it in a sit or down position.
He never lost his appetite or zest for life.
then one day he wasn’t able to sleep without pain. He was up all night. I stayed home from work to be with him. He was never alone.
we tried new pain meds. Even anti anxiety meds to help calm him from the pain at night.
it worked, but for only one night.
each morning he was slightly worse than the day prior.
after 4 days of poor nights, I realized that the next decline might be that “I waited too long… what have I done” realities.
I gave him his favourite things on his favourite day (Sunday- and he knew when it was Sunday as those were “Trigger sundays”).
Monday morning was the worse day of my life.
I brought him to the vet, and had to literally pull him out of the car and carry him in.
I was shattered at what I was doing.
I then said goodbye to the best friend I ever had, and will ever have.
this was on Sept 26th 2022.

I still question if I could have waited longer, and gave him more time. He didn’t want to die. He didn’t give up.
but knowing Trigger, I don’t think he ever would have.
My guilt is overwhelming. I miss him so much and I hope if there was some magical rainbow bridge where he enjoyed an afterlife, I hope he would forgive me.
I love you Trigger, and miss you more than you will ever know.


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## Dunkirk (May 7, 2015)

I'm so very sorry for your loss. You did the right thing, at the right time. I personally would rather put my dog down 2 weeks too early than have him suffer. 

When the body that lived at your single will,
With its whimper of welcome, is stilled (how still!).
When the spirit that answered your every mood
Is gone—wherever it goes—for good,
_You will discover how much you care,
And will give your heart to a dog to tear._ 

Rudyard Kipling, The Power of the Dog


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## ksotto333 (Aug 3, 2011)

Please don't feel guilty, sometimes all we can do is the gift them an end to pain and confusion on why things hurt. He felt your love every day and on his final journey. Peace be with you.


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## car2ner (Apr 9, 2014)

It is 100 percent normal to wonder if you could have done more. It is normal for our heart to pray for a do over even though our head knows it isn't possible. It is normal for nothing to feel right. It takes a few weeks for the pain to settle and you can remember good times without crying. Then it is normal to feel guilty about not crying. But if Trigger was watching you he'd probably wonder why the tears. 
Sorry for your loss. Many of us have been whet you are now.


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## Sunsilver (Apr 8, 2014)

I have heard of SO many people who did amputations for bone cancer, only to have the cancer metastasize and crop up somewhere else just a short time later. I am sure you did the right thing.

I've had to euthanize a few of my friends over the years, and it never gets easier. There's always that guilty feeling, wondering if I could have done more. :'(

So sorry for your loss...


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## Crazy shep (9 mo ago)

So sorry for your loss, most of us have been there and it is never easy. You gave him a great life and someone to love and someone who loved him. That's what matters most. We would like them to all live forever, but the quality of life you gave him is the greatest gift.


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## cagal (Sep 3, 2013)

I’m so sorry for your loss. You did what you thought was right so it was right. Be kind to yourself. Run free Trigger.


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## CactusWren (Nov 4, 2018)

I'm sorry for your loss.


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## Cat Mom Adopts German Boy (Jan 4, 2021)

What a lucky boy Trigger was to have been so loved all his life. Try not to focus on the end. Focus on the beautiful life you lived together. So sorry for your loss. ❤


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## Vara (Aug 11, 2019)

Always remember your best friend, because it makes having to wait to see him again much easier. Trigger had the best life he could wish for in this world, and that is thanks to you. There is no wrong time to help your best friend find his peace.


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