# My worst fears. The big H confirmed by emergency ultrasound today



## GatorBytes

Gator nearly collapsed today. I say nearly as I caught him. First thought, he lost balance trying to scratch an itch with back leg.

Then I thought that in combo with tripping over boot tray. He's 11.5yrs old.

Then I thought severe allergic reaction to something I gave him just 1-2 mins before. Then thought type of seizure due to 

I steadied him, had him lay down on his mat. He made some odd noises, so thought best to give him Benadryl in the event was reaction. I started preparing (turning of oven, clothes, emerg vet card on fridge), His eyes half closed, head low but not touching floor. He took what looked like his last couple breaths...I checked his gums, they were almost white.

He had an ultrasound. 7cm in diameter mass on his spleen. A small recent bleed (as recent as about the hr before he made it to the dx). No active bleed.

He is home. Very lethargic.
I already booked off the next 4 days from work as he could go anytime:teary:


----------



## Momto2GSDs

Oh, I am SO very sorry.

Prayers for you and Gator.

Moms


----------



## Dunkirk

I'm so very, very sorry. I hope you have the right person to be there for you.


----------



## wolfstraum

so very very sorry - this seems to be what we lose them to.....if not DM,then hemangio.....

Spoil him for as long as he stays with you....

<<hugs>>


Lee


----------



## Thecowboysgirl

Oh, I am so sorry. I just lost my old guy in almost the exact same way. We were blessed that after they found the tumor, he had a great month on narcotics and we had some great quality time. Then he began to bleed again and we got him right in for euthanasia because his pain was awful.

So I totally know what you are going through. My heart goes out to you. Make the most of the moments you have left.


----------



## Lobo dog

I am so, so sorry. I lost my first dog to the big H, she was also 11.5. It is an absolutely terrible disease. Make the most of the time you have left and make as many peaceful and laughter filled memories with him as you can. Do totally fun things with Gator, things like backyard camping, couch sleeping, yummy food eating. Enjoy him and let him enjoy being with you <3 Sending prayers and hugs for you and Gator


----------



## GatorBytes

Momto2GSDs said:


> Oh, I am SO very sorry.
> 
> Prayers for you and Gator.
> 
> Moms





Dunkirk said:


> I'm so very, very sorry. I hope you have the right person to be there for you.


 Thank you. I am so very sad right now. and scared


----------



## dogma13

So very sorry to hear this.Kind thoughts for you and Gator.


----------



## maxtmill

I am so sorry to hear this. He is forunate to be so loved.


----------



## GatorBytes

wolfstraum said:


> so very very sorry - this seems to be what we lose them to.....if not DM,then hemangio.....
> 
> Spoil him for as long as he stays with you....
> 
> <<hugs>>
> 
> 
> Lee


 I'm not sure how to spoil him. He had a severe bowel upset for 5 days, it has resolved for about 5 days. His appetite has been lagging. But he has been eating with coaxing. I just afraid to cause more distress.



Thecowboysgirl said:


> Oh, I am so sorry. I just lost my old guy in almost the exact same way. We were blessed that after they found the tumor, he had a great month on narcotics and we had some great quality time. Then he began to bleed again and we got him right in for euthanasia because his pain was awful.
> 
> So I totally know what you are going through. My heart goes out to you. Make the most of the moments you have left.


 I'm going to take him to visit a couple of old friends about an hr away, plus take him to his old stomping grounds at the time. I miss those days when he was young, strong and invincible.



Lobo dog said:


> I am so, so sorry. I lost my first dog to the big H, she was also 11.5. It is an absolutely terrible disease. Make the most of the time you have left and make as many peaceful and laughter filled memories with him as you can. Do totally fun things with Gator, things like backyard camping, couch sleeping, yummy food eating. Enjoy him and let him enjoy being with you <3 Sending prayers and hugs for you and Gator


 Thank you. He hasn't moved from his mat since we got home 3 hrs ago. Taking treats though. After the ultrasound, he was laying on exam room floor and his abdomen started contracting. I questioned this, vet said he needs to poop. I went to pay, took him out, he peed but wouldn't poop. wanted to lay in snow. He cannot do this b/c his belly is shaved.

Got home, took him down street to usual spots he poops. He stopped and wanted to go home. 4 steps to get on the deck to enter house. He looked at stairs, then passed and layed in the snow. Wouldn't poop. It was his ave. walk time too. Ugh.

He is weak.

Hey ,he just jumped up on sofa! Going to go cuddle him now


----------



## Magwart

Oh, no. I'm so sorry. Your posts have shown many times how very much you love him, and you've been through so much together. 

Best wishes for your both during this sad time. He won't know why you're sad, so try to focus on all the good memories you have, while he's still with you. Talk to him a lot, share the "remember when..." stories, to keep your mind focused on all the good memories you have, and away from your fear of what's coming. 

Tell him the wonderful, magnificent story of his life, from your memories, while you still can. He'll understand and want to hear it.


----------



## selzer

Oh no! I'm sorry. Tell him how much you love him, they understand. He knows.


----------



## GatorBytes

Magwart said:


> Oh, no. I'm so sorry. Your posts have shown many times how very much you love him, and you've been through so much together.
> 
> Best wishes for your both during this sad time. He won't know why you're sad, so try to focus on all the good memories you have, while he's still with you. Talk to him a lot, share the "remember when..." stories, to keep your mind focused on all the good memories you have, and away from your fear of what's coming.
> 
> Tell him the wonderful, magnificent story of his life, from your memories, while you still can. He'll understand and want to hear it.


 OK, that sounds like a good idea. I can show him pictures of his old stomping grounds.


----------



## llombardo

I just hate reading these things and I'm so sorry. Let him do whatever he wants and whatever makes him happy--if he wants to lay in snow and take in the sun and breeze, let him. Capture these moments with pictures. Love him, talk to him, hug him and kiss him. In fact give him a hug and kiss from me.


----------



## GatorBytes

llombardo said:


> I just hate reading these things and I'm so sorry. Let him do whatever he wants and whatever makes him happy--if he wants to lay in snow and take in the sun and breeze, let him. Capture these moments with pictures. Love him, talk to him, hug him and kiss him. In fact give him a hug and kiss from me.



OK.

I have to cover his belly somehow so he doesn't get frostbite.

Yes, a big and hug and kiss from you to him. Right now:hug:


----------



## MyHans-someBoy

I know you two have been a team since long before I came to join the forum. 
I am so sorry this is happening.
You are both in my prayers!!


----------



## llombardo

GatorBytes said:


> OK.
> 
> I have to cover his belly somehow so he doesn't get frostbite.
> 
> Yes, a big and hug and kiss from you to him. Right now:hug:


He most likely won't stay there long, but I would imagine it might even feel good for a short time. I feel like I know him, like he is one of my own. It's just heartbreaking. Hugs to you too


----------



## Susan_GSD_mom

GatorBytes said:


> Thank you. I am so very sad right now. and scared


Oh, I know you are, I know you are... Stay with him, don't leave him for a moment... I went through this 2 years ago, it is so sudden and so tragic. My heart beats with yours in this.

Susan


----------



## ksotto333

I'm just so sorry to hear this. The more we love them, the harder these times are. He knows you're with him, that's what counts.


----------



## GatorBytes

dogma13 said:


> So very sorry to hear this.Kind thoughts for you and Gator.





maxtmill said:


> I am so sorry to hear this. He is forunate to be so loved.





selzer said:


> Oh no! I'm sorry. Tell him how much you love him, they understand. He knows.


 Thank you. I was fortunate to be loved by him.

I always ask him
"do you know how much I love you?" As I fire treats in his mouth I slaved over...lol

I can't stop crying


----------



## NancyJ

So very sorry.


----------



## shepherdmom

So Sorry Gator-Bytes. :teary:


----------



## Nigel

Don't even no what to say, so so sorry!


----------



## GSD2

So very sorry....


----------



## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

I am so sorry to hear this . take care and give Gator a hug.

Maggi


----------



## middleofnowhere

I'm sorry poor Gator came down with this. It's sneaky and mean.


----------



## SuperG

You have my best thoughts and hopes for your bud....

SuperG


----------



## Thecowboysgirl

I recently had the shaved belly & cold weather/snow problem. I was able to fashion this out of a old dog jacket (backwards ad upside down), and I sewed it onto a harness. It worked great. She was shaved for an ultra soundriht before -15 degree


----------



## Springbrz

Just heartbreaking. Hugs to you both.


----------



## lorihd

so sorry to read this, hugs


----------



## Sindyeli

I'm sad for you as I am going through the same thing, my dog having H and having made it 5 weeks so far since surgery. So yes, keep loving him lots, that's what I do, every moment is precious. Sending special thoughts your and his way.


----------



## readaboutdogs

I'm so sorry you and Gator are going thru this. I had posted about how I helped clipper with the pooping. It did give him relief, he just couldn't squat. If you try it, do it with him laying on his side, put a ice cube on his rectem, he will start to poop pretty quick. Don't try it with him standing. This is where all the trust you have built together really counts. So sorry.


----------



## Debanneball

Gator, I am so sorry you and your boy are going through this. Give him lots of cuddles, treats, extra loving, and take lots of pictures. Deb


----------



## newlie

So very sorry, Gator. My heart hurts for you (and for me, too) because every time I read a post like this I think about Newlie and how I will feel when he goes. Let your pup do what he wants, eat what he wants and anything that you think might give him pleasure and peace. Tell him what a good boy he has always been and how much you love him and cuddle him as much as you can. I don't believe love ever dies so I do believe you will see your boy again one day. Take care of yourself, too. We will all be thinking about you.


----------



## Jenny720

This is terrible news. It is good that you took off of work. my friends dog had this happen recently it is truly heartbreaking.


----------



## kelbonc

I am so so sorry. My heart goes out to you both. Sending prayers, thoughts for strength and hugs for you and Gator.


----------



## Saphire

I'm so sorry to hear about Gator. Keep life simple for him while he recovers from his bleed. When a bleed happens they are exhausted and low in platelets. Let him rest, cuddle, spoil and love him. He may appear to fully recover from this bleed and will appear almost normal until the next one. The godsend to Hemangio is that it's relatively painless.


----------



## GatorBytes

Saphire said:


> I'm so sorry to hear about Gator. Keep life simple for him while he recovers from his bleed. When a bleed happens they are exhausted and low in platelets. Let him rest, cuddle, spoil and love him. He may appear to fully recover from this bleed and will appear almost normal until the next one. The godsend to Hemangio is that it's relatively painless.


Thank you.

A vet called, not the vet who did ultrasound, but from other clinic he had been to prior (guess we'll call his primary conventional vet) She sent me to other as she doesn't have ultrasound.

Anywho, she called and implied that there was pain and asked what was my game plan if he crashes at 3am and cannot right himself as before. Do I have someone I can call to come assist getting him in van. Nope.

I felt really guilty after speaking with her, and felt like I should consider euth.
She then advised she wouldn't be in next two days should I need her.
While I appreciate her calling me (she didn't examine him, she was leaving for day at 2pm on a wed), Gator hated her. 

I spoke with the ultrasound vet (at time of visit), She said it is usually painless, and about "if" euth is on table (g was really good with her). She said I could schedule an at home but would have to coincide with their availability.

My head was spinning today after that call. Sigh


----------



## Loneforce

I am sorry to hear about Gator  Just spoil the crap out of him, and take it one day at a time...


----------



## Dunkirk

Can the ultra sound vet's office give you a schedule of when she is available (or not)? This information may be a comfort to you on your heartbreaking journey.


----------



## selzer

I lost Arwen to this, we think. 

No symptoms. Didn't eat all of her food that morning. Was running about like the puppy, when I came home she was dead. She bled out. I had the vet look her over, but not do anything very invasive, and she said there was blood somewhere, and agreed it was probably hemangiosarcoma.

Why I write this: I found her on her cot in her kennel when I came home at 2 AM. She was not by the gate looking for me. She had gotten on her cot and went to sleep. She had a very, very peaceful expression on her face. Even my dad said this. The vet said that when they bleed out, they get very tired and go to sleep. They never wake up. 

I wish I would have been there with her, but I might have done something that would have caused her to suffer: rushed her to the vet, did emergency surgery, tried to keep her alive. 

I am sorry. It is best to have a vet lined up in case your dog does seem to be in pain. So they can come and euthanize. But I would not euth unless you feel he is in pain, or you feel his quality of life is so diminished that you do not want for him to have to keep going on -- don't take that wrong, please. We all have different understandings and feelings of when you should euthanize, and no one has a monopoly on the truth here. The point is, you love the dog, and you know the dog, and you are the only one that can truly make this decision. We are sure it will be made out of love for him, and no one should judge you on when or if you choose to euth. 

Sorry. I know it is hard. If it wasn't so hard, than his life with you wouldn't have been as good as it was.


----------



## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

I am so sorry your going through this. the ultra sound vet saying not painful is what Ive ben told. . daisy was good till her last three days and then it wasn't pain it was out of breath. tumor on hear pressing into lung. Chevy no pain just very lethargic. her's was a tumor on her intestines. if you can plan gfor it at home that is easiest for Gator but sometimes difficult to make happen. This is the hardest thing. Take your time cuddle hug ,spoil. my thoughts are w/ you and Gator. Give your handsome boy a hug from me. 
Maggi


----------



## GatorBytes

Dunkirk said:


> Can the ultra sound vet's office give you a schedule of when she is available (or not)? This information may be a comfort to you on your heartbreaking journey.


 She intended to give me brochure on their hrs. But this would have to be a scheduled visit. Much like a clinic app. 
So I would have to decide a day and see if can coordinate.

If an emergency decision is to be made after business hrs. (3 days they are open to 7, 2 days till 530 and sat - noon) Then I would have to go to the emergency clinic approx. 30 mins away. Which I was on my way to at around 2pm yesterday. When I called in transit, I was advised they are not 24 hr. Only open from 6pm to 8am.

I then called primary vet, assistant said to head to emerg, she would call and emerg would have a vet meet me. She put me on hold while she called. She came back on line and said to head to their clinic. While driving (literally 5 mins from my home), She puts vet on and she tells me NOT to come there, that she cannot help me. I am in front of it. She then looks up a place 20 mins away, and then she suggests the clinic in town I went to but first she has to call and see if they have ultrasound. They are her direct competition.
I start heading out of parking lot and she asks where I am, I said here (her clinic), well she says oh, well come back and let me see him. She came outside, She was going to check his gums, but he backed away, she then told me the other clinic could see me immediately and went on about likely hemangio, yadda yadda.

I'm like, yep, gotta go.

Sorry I'm rambling


----------



## GatorBytes

On a lighter note

Here's a couple pics from today
















I tried to tie a scarf around his belly. Fail, lol


----------



## llombardo

GatorBytes said:


> On a lighter note
> 
> Here's a couple pics from today
> View attachment 353034
> 
> 
> View attachment 353042
> 
> 
> I tried to tie a scarf around his belly. Fail, lol


Is he trying to play in the second picture?


----------



## GatorBytes

llombardo said:


> Is he trying to play in the second picture?


 No. Just going into a snow roll


----------



## Mary Beth

GatorBytes said:


> No. Just going into a snow roll


and wearing his fashionable tummy bandana  He does look good and will enjoy the snow no matter what! I am sure he was exhausted from the tests and his ordeal. Take it one day at a time - he has a great spirit.


----------



## middleofnowhere

Gator, I am not so happy with your "regular" vet. I would look at changing to the ultra sound vet for everything from here on out. For now and in the future. Really.

When the late BTY the 1st had her final bleed, I simply asked a neighbor to help me load her in the truck. He did. I had called my vet (it was Sunday) and she had darned near the entire staff there for us when we got there. And she didn't charge me a cent either. 
You will find a way to do what needs to be done when you need to do it. Take heart.


----------



## Chip18

Chiming in late here, sorry to hear your going through this. The hard part of life with dogs is always "this" part. Take Care.


----------



## MacD

I am so sorry for what you and your beautiful boy are going through ... heart breaking but you are amazing .. you are doing all the things to give him - and you - wonderful memories ... take some close up photos of his face too .. maybe get someone to get some pics with you in them? They might give you some peace when you're ready to view them - your love for him and his for you will be evident in the photos - bless you both. Maggie


----------



## Kayos and Havoc

Agree with middle.

I am so sorry. I have lost a dog to this years ago and I can still see him collapsed on the floor.  

What is so hard is that it is so sudden. Almost no time to prepare mentally. 

I understand Hemangio is not really painful, but the dogs can be nauseous. 

Hug Gator. 



middleofnowhere said:


> Gator, I am not so happy with your "regular" vet. I would look at changing to the ultra sound vet for everything from here on out. For now and in the future. Really.


----------



## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

GatorBytes said:


> On a lighter note
> 
> Here's a couple pics from today
> View attachment 353034
> 
> 
> View attachment 353042
> 
> 
> I tried to tie a scarf around his belly. Fail, lol


I like the leopard print but maybe Gator would prefer a more masculine scarf? Like something with wolves. He might decide its a good look on him.


----------



## GatorBytes

Daisy&Lucky's Mom said:


> I like the leopard print but maybe Gator would prefer a more masculine scarf? Like something with wolves. He might decide its a good look on him.


 You made me laugh. I was in a pinch:shrug:, It was that or the purple pashmina:blush:


You made me laugh too Mary Beth


----------



## GatorBytes

G was great on his a.m. walk today. Alert, frisky. BM a little off. We got back, had a coffee outside while his food cooled (getting home cooked). I mixed in some canned tripe. He didn't want to eat, I coaxed him to the bowl, he drank some water, sniffed his food and walked away. I brought to him and started hand feeding. He started eating and then got up, so I put bowl back in it's place and he proceeded to eat. He then just stopped and left about 1/3. Went to lay down. I brought back to him and he got up and moved like I was trying to poison him.

Him laying by door (cooler) I proceeded to do dishes, I checked on him and caught a hint of gas. There was some swelling on right bowel area about size of 1/2 a ping pong ball. Now slightly larger re: photo.

I checked his gums and tongue, they were slightly pale, not like the other day, but lighter nonetheless. I pressed on and colour returned at a 3 count (no Mississippi's) 

He's on the sofa right now resting. I want to take him for a quick spin in case he needs to go, but I'm afraid if he is having a bleed of collapse on the street.

This is so hard.

I HAVE to go out today for maybe 2 hrs. tops.


----------



## Saphire

Floyd was not in pain, even during bleeds he was quite comfortable, just tired. When he was tired, we let him rest undisturbed. He recovered from several bleeds and returned to his almost normall self until the next. At no time did he appear to be in pain. Near the end he did go off his kibble so we fed him raw chicken breast. Extended family showed up daily with their chicken donation which he happily gulped down. 
Near the end his breathing became labored and although not in pain, we knew he was not comfortable. That is when we made the decision. I had arrangements with my vet and had the ability to call him regardless of time. It was late evening when we made that call. I would recommend finding a clinic and vet your comfortable with that will be available to you when you need. 

Enjoy your time and only you should be the o e to make the decision when and without pressure to work it into a vets schedule.


----------



## GatorBytes

Saphire said:


> Floyd was not in pain, even during bleeds he was quite comfortable, just tired. When he was tired, we let him rest undisturbed. He recovered from several bleeds and returned to his almost normall self until the next. At no time did he appear to be in pain. Near the end he did go off his kibble so we fed him raw chicken breast. Extended family showed up daily with their chicken donation which he happily gulped down.
> Near the end his breathing became labored and although not in pain, we knew he was not comfortable. That is when we made the decision. I had arrangements with my vet and had the ability to call him regardless of time. It was late evening when we made that call. *I would recommend finding a clinic and vet your comfortable with that will be available to you when you need.
> *
> *Enjoy your time and only you should be the o e to make the decision when and without pressure to work it into a vets schedule*.


 Thank you, most comforting to know that they don't seem to be in distress.
What bothers me is 7cm mass. Can that be causing pain on spleen and/or surrounding areas?

I don't why they didn't sell me on Tramadol. I think I'll call and ask for.
They did sell me on abx though. Suggesting because had had a bout of diarrhea (some fluid still showing in bowel on the ultra) would I consider...I said only tylosan, so that's what they gave me. The poop issue had resolved 5+ days prior to incident. I gave him 1 immediately at home per vet. Then thurs. morning, Poop not good/not terrible thurs night, same this morning, not good, not terrible.

Wish I hadn't given to him.

In bold: I would think that would be the way, but we don't have a lot of time to start developing relationships with vets.

The e-vet is for after hrs. If during biz hrs I have to find a way to get him there if urgent. That is what I was told. If he dies at home...I have to get him there in order for them to proceed with having him cremated in Guelph


----------



## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

Gator Bytes you need to laugh it helps both you and Gator relax. I personally think he might like the purple. do you have a dog crematorium who will pick up at the home? We have one here and I've used them. It helps. :hugs: Hugs to you and Gator. 
Maggi


----------



## Mary Beth

I would check with the vet regarding the 7 cm mass and ask for the Tramadol. I don't have any experience with this cancer, but I do have experience with my pets. My cat who was elderly taught me alot. Shadow wanted to die at home so he took sick on an evening of a long weekend. He would rally a bit and so on. But what he wanted was as normal a routine as possible. I had my aussie and 2 other cats. Shadow wanted to be brushed, he didn't want to eat, but he wanted it to be offered a meal, at meal times. He laid on his blanket in the kitchen during meal times. He wanted me to eat. My other cats and dog gave him that space and acted normal. I didn't feel like acting normally but I did. I left him alone and took the dog for his regular walk. I had to get groceries, and so on. I cooked the usual chicken dinner on Sunday and he laid by the stove. He was not in pain but would have bouts of breathing difficulty. He wasn't ready to go. He waited until Sunday night and then I dreamed he was running by me. When I woke up that morning, he had died. So, what I mean is, try to keep Gator's normal routine as possible. Leave him when you need to, as then he also can rest. He senses your anxiety but a normal routine will comfort him. Perhaps, small meals, treats to tempt his appetite - and accepting after his bleeding episodes he may not be hungry. There is a dog type of Ensure - a protein drink or perhaps some broth.


----------



## dogfaeries

I'm so sorry about all this.  I lost a dog (an Italian Greyhound) to hemangiosarcoma several years ago. He had a collapse, but was acting totally fine the next day. About a week later, he passed in his sleep. He was in his crate with his little front feet crossed, looking very peaceful. I have no doubt that it wasn't painful for him. He just went to sleep and didn't wake up. 

It's difficult to not let them see how upset you are, and how sad. I tried really hard when Sage was so very ill last summer, not to act like my world was crashing down. She was so silly and cheerful, even when she was sick, that she made it easier for me to deal with it. I'm so so sorry.


----------



## GatorBytes

Hi all. All is fine as things stand, no update.

I just wanted to thank everyone thus far for their prayers, hugs and thoughts and kind words.

Forgive me if I didn't quote anyone specifically to say thank you, or if I didn't answer a question. I love everyone's comments ,suggestions, opinions and thoughtfulness as we try to navigate through this wait and see.

Right now G is having a nice upside down snooze on the sofa.:wub: I love watching him sleep. 

Back 2.5 yrs ago when I was scrambling to stay with my boy (most who have commented here will remember, many got involved and I owe a debt of gratitude to...), I contacted his prior owner a couple of times via e-mail to see if she could take him short term. I didn't hear back which is fine, not begrudging

Anyhow, I contacted her via the e-mail address I had yesterday. I had not updated her prior, so as far as she knew we vanished (I always updated her every yr with b-day pics of G)...

She replied!
In part:

_We had to put Gator's mom done. Came home from work one night and she was in bad shape. Devastated that we lost her and still miss her to this day. It's been about 2 years. _

_I am thrilled and eternally grateful for all you have done for Gator. I have always felt that he was my one misunderstood pup. _

_You obviously show him the love he so deserved and have taken wonderful care of him._

_I hope I can visit Gator some time soon. I would love to see him._

_Thank you for taking great care of Gator._


----------



## astrovan2487

So sad to hear about Gator, I really liked hearing all your stories about him, it's very obvious he is an extremely loved dog. You two really have a special bond together and that will never go away. Even though the end seems near, I hope you get to spend a lot of quality time together and that when it is his time to go that it's painless and you can be there for him.


----------



## Stevenzachsmom

Sending hugs and prayers for you and Gator.


----------



## GatorBytes

Gator snubbed his food this morning, only ate 1/2 of his meal last night. Wouldn't touch his bone stock which is totally out of the norm.

I usually mix it with enzymes, tblsp of pumpkin, kefir, and his NEM and he scarfs it. Few days ago he started to go to it then walk away. I would then crumble up a treat and he would slurp it up. He was so weird last night with his food. He would give up, lay down and as I was about to give up go back to it, take a bite, give up.

I took it away, tossed it and threw some canned bison tripe (which was also mixed in his food - which he loves!) on it's own with a blob of stock, no supplements. Wouldn't touch it.

This morning I omitted the tripe, stuck to poached chicken, organic rice and ground turkey thinking he may want tripe separate (usually the norm as I use this to add kelp). Even sprinkled with dehydrated beef lung he wouldn't touch. He would take the lung, but wouldn't touch it on his food.

So off to the store.
Stew beef, organic beef broth, frozen broccoli, cauliflower, green and yellow bean and carrot mix. 
Meat and broth are in slow cooker now.

I will switch out the bison for beef too, may be that particular can.
However, not touching the stock, that in of itself is totally weird  

Is this a common sign that either a bleed is happening or we are nearing that fatal moment? 
He was really good on his walk this morning. Longer then usual as of late. IDK, thought it would spark an appetite


----------



## gsdsar

Gator, so sorry you are dealing with this. I have been in your shoes. 

My boy never stopped eating. He just got very weak. Check his gums. If they are pale/white, he is bleeding. Weakness and notveating can be signs of this as well. You know Gator best.


----------



## GatorBytes

gsdsar said:


> Gator, so sorry you are dealing with this. I have been in your shoes.
> 
> My boy never stopped eating. He just got very weak. Check his gums. If they are pale/white, he is bleeding. Weakness and notveating can be signs of this as well. You know Gator best.


 Thanks for the reply. I check his gums constantly. He sleeps a lot, but I am doing a lot of nothing just to keep things calm and quiet for him.

Couple friends came to see him last night for a few hrs (to say good-bye while they could). That made him really happy, but was also exhausting.

I am feeling really down today. I had to go out and the horrible mind game of what if's as I was pulling in and didn't hear him barking...I was so scared, but then he barked.

I'm going to get an ulcer from this


----------



## gsdsar

When my boy was sick I was the same way. I knew the first time he had a bleed. I got home with new fish, and he did not greet me at the door. I heard him stumble up the steps and he collapsed at my feet. We took his spleen that night. I got 6 more weeks, where he acted perfectly normal. Then one night it was an exact repeat. Exact. He stumbled up the steps and collapsed again. I remember so clearly saying to him that second time "oh so it's tonight huh monster". And it was. 

Gator loves you. He will tell you when it's time. It could be little things, or big, like my boy. If he decides to pass when you are not home, he thought it was best. I know that sounds weird, but he knows you as well as you know him. He would not want you obsessing. Even though it's hard. 

Just love him. Make every day a happy day and know you did everything to be the loyal and amazing owner you have been. He deserved you and you him. Trust that.


----------



## GatorBytes

gsdsar said:


> When my boy was sick I was the same way. I knew the first time he had a bleed. I got home with new fish, and he did not greet me at the door. I heard him stumble up the steps and he collapsed at my feet. We took his spleen that night. I got 6 more weeks, where he acted perfectly normal. Then one night it was an exact repeat. Exact. He stumbled up the steps and collapsed again. I remember so clearly saying to him that second time "oh so it's tonight huh monster". And it was.
> 
> *Gator loves you. He will tell you when it's time. It could be little things, or big, like my boy. If he decides to pass when you are not home, he thought it was best. I know that sounds weird, but he knows you as well as you know him. He would not want you obsessing. Even though it's hard.
> *
> Just love him. Make every day a happy day and know you did everything to be the loyal and amazing owner you have been. He deserved you and you him. Trust that.


It is comforting as well as distressing. I have had moments prior where I thought he was a little off and that was always moments before I had to walk out the door to go to work (heavy sigh), I would say to him "I won't be long, don't you leave me"

My hope that he passes without distress and not alone. That he tells me goodbye in some way.

Last night he jumped on the bed, which is pretty good for a senior who is sick. I wanted so bad to cuddle up to him and have him sleep with me (like old times). He seemed to want to stay too. I did spoon him for awhile at foot of the bed and I guess I was falling asleep and he was getting hot...so he moved.

He exits the bed on opposite side which is tight for him to jump down...so I have had to have him leave the bed so he doesn't risk injury. He usually leaves on his own accord and goes to the sofa.

Lately he has jumped down and then layed at foot of bed or in between bed and door. Last night once he jumped down, he went to leave, I got into bed, he turned and he stuck his face near me and layed down beside me/bed on the floor. He was on the sofa when I got up.

Little things that make you go hmm


----------



## barnyard

I'm so sorry.


----------



## llombardo

I know the feeling if I don't hear one of mine bark when I pull up. If I don't hear one I take a deep breath before I open the door. I understand completely how you feel, because you just never know


----------



## GatorBytes

I think he's having another bleed. He was at the door looking funny. same thing with eyes almost closed, head hovering couple inches from floor. Absolutely no interest in treats. wouldn't get up. Gums/tongue pale.

I hooked on his leash to guide him into livingroom on his bed and away from door as my only access...

He was very weak. I started patting him and giving him kisses, he gave back, but eyes still almost closed. Made a few grump noises, was putting his head down like he was about to go to sleep...I told him it's ok if he wants to go to sleep.

He got up and got a drink of water...omg (crying)


----------



## llombardo

GatorBytes said:


> I think he's having another bleed. He was at the door looking funny. same thing with eyes almost closed, head hovering couple inches from floor. Absolutely no interest in treats. wouldn't get up. Gums/tongue pale.
> 
> I hooked on his leash to guide him into livingroom on his bed and away from door as my only access...
> 
> He was very weak. I started patting him and giving him kisses, he gave back, but eyes still almost closed. Made a few grump noises, was putting his head down like he was about to go to sleep...I told him it's ok if he wants to go to sleep.
> 
> He got up and got a drink of water...omg (crying)


My heart hurts for you and I sincerely mean that.


----------



## Loneforce

llombardo said:


> My heart hurts for you and I sincerely mean that.


I agree with llombardo I really feel terrible. This just totally sux our furry friends have to go through this  It always seems a German Shepherd stays sharp all the way to the end. They are fighters...


----------



## GatorBytes

*Not sure what to do*

G seems uncomfortable. Colour came back in his gums, he just had a big drink, but he doesn't want to move from his mat, keeps going back to this spot (area between the kitchen and entry area). I was petting him and he pushed his head into my knee. He wants bellies but barely lifts his arm. Usually he is pushing it into me.

He doesn't seem like he's resting. No noises. I had a shower a bit ago and he was on the sofa when I came out. I felt good about that.

It's dinner time and walk time soon. I'm afraid of both.
Last time he didn't eat in a.m. he hoovered dinner and then promptly threw it back up (2 weeks ago). I'm afraid he won't eat, afraid if he does he'll vomit and afraid beef will upset his belly, afraid of a 2am emergency outing. Afraid that he is too weak to walk, but needs to eliminate and he will not do in house. 

I'm afraid I'll have to make that drive tonight:teary:


----------



## ksotto333

Thoughts, hugs and prayers for you both.


----------



## wolfstraum

so very veyr very sorry - this is absolutely the very worst thing when you love a dog...finding that moment - the fine line to cross to make the decision to let them go....

Hugs and prayers to you and Gator......


Lee


----------



## dogma13

So very,very sorry.Hugs and prayers for you and Gator tonight.


----------



## GatorBytes

ksotto333 said:


> Thoughts, hugs and prayers for you both.





wolfstraum said:


> so very veyr very sorry - this is absolutely the very worst thing when you love a dog...finding that moment - the fine line to cross to make the decision to let them go....
> 
> Hugs and prayers to you and Gator......
> 
> 
> Lee





dogma13 said:


> So very,very sorry.Hugs and prayers for you and Gator tonight.


 Thank you, He started doing tiny bit better later. Got food into him (struggle), stock, enzymes pumpkin. Pretty much hand fed most.
Out - had small pee. Didn't hit sidewalk and he wanted back up drive. He started getting an alertness after, really wanting to take treats, wanted to go back outside to sit on deck. Was getting up better, but not great.

I really appreciate ALL for the support:hug:

G just came and hopped up on the sofa

Good night


----------



## middleofnowhere

Overall, Gator seems very uncomfortable from what you post. Chronically uncomfortable at this point. Near collapse or you are fearing collapse virtually every day. Interspersed with occassional (infrequent) rallies.

With the late Barker the Younger the first, At the time of the second bleed (after surgery and chemo), the ultra sound revealed that the cancer had spread to her liver (many sites.) I asked the vet if there was any point in going on? The answer was no. She might live a while longer but she would no longer be comfortable. We said our goodbyes and euthanized her. 

Perhaps it is time to back up and look at the percentage of good versus the highly uncomfortable, the stresful (for both you and Gator). Are you at 50% good? Creeping down to 10%? Do you need to hang on to 0%?


----------



## GatorBytes

middleofnowhere said:


> Overall, Gator seems very uncomfortable from what you post. Chronically uncomfortable at this point. Near collapse or you are fearing collapse virtually every day. Interspersed with occassional (infrequent) rallies.
> 
> With the late Barker the Younger the first, At the time of the second bleed (after surgery and chemo), the ultra sound revealed that the cancer had spread to her liver (many sites.) I asked the vet if there was any point in going on? The answer was no. She might live a while longer but she would no longer be comfortable. We said our goodbyes and euthanized her.
> 
> Perhaps it is time to back up and look at the percentage of good versus the highly uncomfortable, the stresful (for both you and Gator). Are you at 50% good? Creeping down to 10%? Do you need to hang on to 0%?


 
Yesterday morning we had really good walk, afternoon, good energy, alert, wanted to walk, taking treats etc. Approx an hr later is when I posted about another bleed. It took approx. 4-5 hrs for him to come around. his behaviour and my perception could have been in part due to my anxiety of the situation, the unknown...staring at him wondering if it was time either his or for me to decide. At 1145 I posted he was doing a bit better. This was starting around his supper time around 8pm.

It took that long (5+hrs) for him to come around on the initial day of dx.

I am not sure what we are doing one min to the next.
I am sure however, that I will not be euthanizing him because of an inconvenience to me...And yes, I am stressed, but I can manage that.
He isn't ready to go. That I know


----------



## GatorBytes

I want to be clear about this one thing...

I have accepted that he is going to leave me...that he will be going sooner then later. I have to because it is what it is. Accepting doesn't make the reality of the situation any easier though

I am not hanging on to him for me.


----------



## Nigel

I know you love and respect Gator, I have no doubt you'll do right by him


----------



## llombardo

He is going to have good and bad moments. I can imagine that he tires easily and that could be the end of day issue. I really have a feeling that he isn't going anywhere until you aren't around. I'm sure he senses something. Sometimes I wonder what are they thinking? They seem to speak to us with their souls through their eyes. As loyal as they are, they still look out for us until the very end.

Give that boy another hug from me and my pack!


----------



## GatorBytes

llombardo said:


> I really have a feeling that he isn't going anywhere until you aren't around. I'm sure he senses something. As loyal as they are, they still look out for us until the very end.
> 
> Give that boy another hug from me and my pack!


 That would be just like him too! If I want to go left, he wants to go right
My little pita.
I swear he was looking at me this morning like, "ahhh lady, don't you have a job to go to?"

L-pack hugs going out to G now!
TY:hug:


----------



## Sabis mom

GatorBytes said:


> I want to be clear about this one thing...
> 
> I have accepted that he is going to leave me...that he will be going sooner then later. I have to because it is what it is. Accepting doesn't make the reality of the situation any easier though
> 
> I am not hanging on to him for me.


 I asked when Sabi was dying why doing the right thing felt so wrong.

Hugs to you and Gator. This last road always sucks. You are both in my thoughts.


----------



## GatorBytes

Thank you Sabis mom, you too Nigel, and Middle (I know you are trying to help)

G didn't want to eat this morning, I think he has developed a behavioural problem with his bowl and/or location.

I'm going to lightly scramble some eggs and have canned organic sweet potato, so going to give him a light meal before afternoon walk.

BTW, he had bad poop this morning. We went out on deck before walk for morning coffee. He was anxious, so me in my robe with coat over it and slip on shoes, hooked him up...big pee and soft poop. Back on deck, have coffee. Put food down, he ignored. 10 mins later he starts the I have to go dance...torn down driveway across street and went.

He didn't go back to food though. I knew beef was a risk
He is taking treats normal though

AND his gums are a nice healthy pink so far today.
We're going to go sit outside and have "brushies" he loves being brushed


----------



## GatorBytes

Geez, just spoke with my holistic vet. I had left message on wed but never heard back.

She said to get Yunnan Chinese herb. to go knock on doors in Toronto.

I had been to her in sept. She gave me 2 herbal tinctures. Graviola and Bloodroot. Graviola has a laundry list of side effects incl. vestibular type reaction and Bloodroot you can barely find any info.

She questioned if he was getting these.

She told me small bleeds were painful to which I questioned why the vet wouldn't script tramadol if that were the case.

Anyhow, she basically said to call them if that's the route I want to choose, then said good-bye dear and hung up.

Found her to be a little snarky
Anyhow, I doubt her tinctures are going to save him.


----------



## dogfaeries

GatorBytes said:


> I want to be clear about this one thing...
> 
> I have accepted that he is going to leave me...that he will be going sooner then later. I have to because it is what it is. Accepting doesn't make the reality of the situation any easier though
> 
> I am not hanging on to him for me.



I went through this with Sage. Not with hemangiosarcoma but Discospondylitis. I knew I was going to lose her. And she took it out of my hands, which I am so thankful for. Gator may do the same for you. I get the sense that you have a good handle on this awful situation. My heart goes out to you.


----------



## Mary Beth

GatorBytes said:


> Geez, just spoke with my holistic vet. I had left message on wed but never heard back.
> 
> She said to get Yunnan Chinese herb. to go knock on doors in Toronto.


I looked up Yunnan Chinese herb and found this article on the dog cancer blog:

Chinese Herb for Bleeding Dog Cancers - Dog Cancer Blog

It may help. It can be ordered online - a google search pulled up several sources.


----------



## pyratemom

I'm so sorry to hear the news of Gator. It is so hard to know your time is growing shorter. Love him with all you have and give him whatever he loves. I'm glad you are able to take off work to be with him. Hugs.


----------



## ksotto333

He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion. - Unknown
You'll know when you have to let him go. He knows you have his back. Your signature says it all.


----------



## GatorBytes

ksotto333 said:


> He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion. - Unknown
> You'll know when you have to let him go. He knows you have his back. Your signature says it all.


 Very sweet TY



pyratemom said:


> I'm so sorry to hear the news of Gator. It is so hard to know your time is growing shorter. Love him with all you have and give him whatever he loves. I'm glad you are able to take off work to be with him. Hugs.


 :wub: Alway's love you.



Mary Beth said:


> I looked up Yunnan Chinese herb and found this article on the dog cancer blog:
> 
> Chinese Herb for Bleeding Dog Cancers - Dog Cancer Blog
> 
> It may help. It can be ordered online - a google search pulled up several sources.


 Thank you too
Vet says trouble getting in Canada, but i'm going to try, especially since the vet comment (holistic) about pain



dogfaeries said:


> I went through this with Sage. Not with hemangiosarcoma but Discospondylitis. I knew I was going to lose her. And she took it out of my hands, which I am so thankful for. Gator may do the same for you. I get the sense that you have a good handle on this awful situation. My heart goes out to you.


 Big hug to you for what you went thru w/Sage:hug:
Thank you for the support


----------



## Mary Beth

For purchasing the Yunnan Chinese herb in Canada:

This Chinese herb store is in Toronto

Great China Herbs Centre

For other possible sources in Toronto, see Carmspack post #14 in this thread http://www.germanshepherds.com/foru...ate-find-supplier-ontario-yunnan-baiyo-2.html


----------



## GatorBytes

Mary Beth said:


> For purchasing the Yunnan Chinese herb in Canada:
> 
> This Chinese herb store is in Toronto
> 
> Great China Herbs Centre
> 
> For other possible sources in Toronto, see Carmspack post #14 in this thread http://www.germanshepherds.com/foru...ate-find-supplier-ontario-yunnan-baiyo-2.html


 
Thank you Mary Beth!
Very Helpful, I'm going to call as soon as they open!
:hug:


----------



## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

Your point about placement of the bowl could be very true. Lucky's mood and how his back legs are doing sets up where we feed him. It really depends on how he is feeling. Just thinking about you and G and wanted to check in and say your doing everything you can for your boy. He still enjoys treats and his time with you and his brushies. It is very hard to know when to let them go but you love him and have fought to keep Gator by your side and you will know.


----------



## GatorBytes

Thank you D&L. The kitchen has hardwood floors and I do see his back legs slide a bit forward as he eats.

I think he has had sharp pains while he is eating therefore setting up the negative association with eating. Fri night he wanted his food while company was here, started munching away then suddenly stopped and ran away from the bowl and went to his bed in living room. I was going to take away and then he came back to it hesitantly, took bite ran away again.

I fed him a couple scrambled eggs and 3 heaping tablespoons of the canned organic sweet potato yesterday after his walk around 4pm. He unloaded on the walk, all wet, 2nd poop liquid.

He was very energetic on walk, happy to get that out of his system.
I fed the egg and potato out of glass bowl while he was laying down. He started gobbling the egg, and on fence w/potato but licked up hesitantly. I then gave the rest of the bison tripe (1/4c), then beef tripe and then couple globs of THK limited ingredient mix (he had been eating a bit of this just prior to dx. he had gone off the preference). His poops were really good. Now not so good. I did give the tripe and HK out of his reg bowl, but ate lying down.

Welllll...5pm, another sprint outside and liquid poop. I gave him dinner, spoon fed the stewed beef and rice while lying down around 8pm.

We went on our reg night walk, he pooped liquid 2x and wanted to go home. Then 11pm (I had fallen asleep on the sofa) the whining starts...Out we go! just almost clear liquid....Then 2am - Out we go! AND 630am...I was already awake, just considering getting up, had put coffee on and jumped back in bed when the pacing and cries started....UGH, no coffee yet! 2x liquid mush, and then 1 more liquid.

Despite all the poop runs (pun), He was in good shape yesterday. Felt like normal day, beautiful sunny relaxing. He got brushies, he always walks a little caulkier when he's brushed, like he's showing off his handsomeness

He's sleeping on sofa right now


----------



## GatorBytes

GatorBytes said:


> Thank you Mary Beth!
> Very Helpful, I'm going to call as soon as they open!
> :hug:


 
Mary Beth, you ROCK!
They are shipping me 5 boxes priority post(the lady estimates 1pkg per 4 days), She thinks if they get out before noon I should have tomorrow.

I could drive there but 3 hrs round trip not incl trying to find parking. know the area fairly well.

$8.49/pkg...very reasonable price.


----------



## GSD2

My heart breaks for you. I hope today is a good day for you and Gator. I have had a similar experience, not with hemangio, but with cancer. It is so very hard. Do you use spiraluna? It was recommended to me when my girl had cancer. I really don't even remember much about it and what other protocol I was using, it was a few years ago. It may be worth looking into though. Just a thought.


----------



## GSD2

GatorBytes said:


> Thank you D&L.
> 
> He got brushies, he always walks a little caulkier when he's brushed, like he's showing off his handsomeness
> 
> He's sleeping on sofa right now


 :wub: I'm so happy for the updates, thinking of you and Gator. (I think we were posting at the same time)


----------



## Aviorwolf

I'm so sorry you and Gator are going through this; I also had a dog with hemangiosarcoma. When the time comes, I'm wondering if you've checked for 24 hour home euthanasia services for pets. I'm in Colorado and we have that service here. I don't know where in southern Ontario you are, but I did a quick search and found this:
At Home Pet Euthanasia
Dr. Goldie Rosen, B.Sc., DVM
Member of the College of Veterinarians of Ontario
Milton, ON
Phone905) 693-4VET(4838)
There are probably others, too.
Knowing that you can call this type of service 24/7 was a great help to me when my last GSD was dying of DM. My vet will come to the house, but is not available all the time.


----------



## Aviorwolf

P.S. Not sure how the sad emoji got in there...? Not from me anyway.


----------



## Aviorwolf

Oh, here's the website:At Home Pet Euthanasia Services - About


----------



## GatorBytes

Aviorwolf said:


> I'm so sorry you and Gator are going through this; I also had a dog with hemangiosarcoma. When the time comes, I'm wondering if you've checked for 24 hour home euthanasia services for pets. I'm in Colorado and we have that service here. I don't know where in southern Ontario you are, but I did a quick search and found this:
> At Home Pet Euthanasia
> Dr. Goldie Rosen, B.Sc., DVM
> Member of the College of Veterinarians of Ontario
> Milton, ON
> Phone905) 693-4VET(4838)
> There are probably others, too.
> Knowing that you can call this type of service 24/7 was a great help to me when my last GSD was dying of DM. My vet will come to the house, but is not available all the time.





Aviorwolf said:


> Oh, here's the website:At Home Pet Euthanasia Services - About


 Thank you soooo much, I really appreciate the help :hug:!

Everyone, truly, you have all been a huge help!


----------



## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

You are doing everything there is to do. You love him so much and it is evident. gator loves you and he knows you have always been there for him. Thanks for updating us.


----------



## GatorBytes

Wouldn't eat today, gums are good. Got tramadol from the ultrasound clinic.
He's drugged right now on a nominal dose - 50mg

We had 2 more poop emergencies after my A.M. post (heavy sigh). He had couple of drops of blood too from straining.

I bought organic sweet potatoes, cooked them (never touched a sweet potato before), going to mash up real well.
May cook up some eggs with that and give him light meal for dinner. No tripe, no rice....maybe do rice water...IDK

He's so dopey right now. I hate drugs


----------



## GSD2

I'm sure I read that you give pumpkin routinely? When my dog doesn't feel like eating I give the canned pumpkin (not pie mix, pure 100% pumpkin) if she doesn't want it i give it like I would a medicine, messy, LOL not fun, but I open her mouth and put small amounts in her mouth, maybe just a tablespoon total, even that small amount really helps her feel better on the tummy. When it's more serious, (she has GI issues) I give propectalin gel from the vet, she loves the taste and she is so much more comfortable after a dose.


----------



## newlie

I wish I had some helpful advice, Gator, but I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and your boy.


----------



## GatorBytes

GSD2 said:


> I'm sure I read that you give pumpkin routinely? When my dog doesn't feel like eating I give the canned pumpkin (not pie mix, pure 100% pumpkin) if she doesn't want it i give it like I would a medicine, messy, LOL not fun, but I open her mouth and put small amounts in her mouth, maybe just a tablespoon total, even that small amount really helps her feel better on the tummy. When it's more serious, (she has GI issues) I give *propectalin gel* from the vet, she loves the taste and she is so much more comfortable after a dose.


 I looked this up. Might call and ask if they carry this
I decided on the sweet potato b/c he wouldn't touch his pumpkin at all.



newlie said:


> I wish I had some helpful advice, Gator, but I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and your boy.


:hug: TY


----------



## GatorBytes

After the afternoon runs and then drugging him around 2pm, he slept until about 6pm...then another urgent outing. 9pm another. Wouldn't eat again. I did manage to get him to take 2-3 bites of his food, then he went to living room.
I spoon fed him some THK thrive (LID mix), he took to that, but in intervals laying down. there was only about 3/4 of a cup he had. Plus a glob of potato. I had to trick him to eat it by putting on his paw, then from my hand, then paw...he wants treats though...grrr
We just came back in from another urgent BM.

just pooping liquid. My poor guy. Wish I hadn't messed with his diet. I should have just let him fast himself

Live and learn


----------



## dogfaeries

The not eating drove me crazy with Sage. It got to where she only wanted dehydrated lamb lung treats and raw goats milk. So that's what she ate. She was on tramadol too.


----------



## Kayos and Havoc

Just checking in on Gator. So sorry this is a struggle for both of you. I hope there are some good days ahead yet.


----------



## GatorBytes

dogfaeries said:


> The not eating drove me crazy with Sage. It got to where she only wanted dehydrated lamb lung treats and raw goats milk. So that's what she ate. She was on tramadol too.


 Yes I remember your struggles with Sage. I cannot find goats milk around here. I used to be able to get goats milk yogurt.
I cannot feed him, everything is going through him.



Kayos and Havoc said:


> Just checking in on Gator. So sorry this is a struggle for both of you. I hope there are some good days ahead yet.


 Thank you for checking on us. Been a ruff night, seems no end in sight.


----------



## Mary Beth

Since he still has the bad runs and it has been since Sunday, I suggest calling the vet. They do have medications that can settle his tummy. It also could be possible that he needs an antibiotic to restore the good bacteria in his tummy. If I didn't know Gator has cancer, his runs remind me of what my aussie had. It started one night - he couldn't hold it and felt so bad - then every hour or so it seemed -pure liquid. Everything went thru him. The vet said he has colitis and prescribed the antibiotic which cleared it up. I blamed the raw egg I gave him, but the vet said it could have been anything or stress. 

This article (towards the bottom) discusses inappetence in dogs that have cancer with diet suggestions.

Inappetence - when your dog just won't eat a thing - The Possible Canine


----------



## Smithie86

have you tried kefir?


----------



## GatorBytes

Smithie86 said:


> have you tried kefir?


 He was getting kefir. I back off anything that can aggravate when things go wonky. It hadn't been reintroduced since prior to incident when his bowels went off tract and then resolved. 

I am on my way to vet now to bring this mornings BM. It is pretty scary looking.

The Yunnan didn't arrive today.

I just fed him some coconut water with carob and raw honey. Reluctant to take it and he loves carob.

He hasn't eaten anything today. I didn't even offer a treat.


----------



## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

sending thoughts and hugs to both of you. I know this is so difficult.


----------



## Magwart

What about powdered goat's milk? It's widely available online:
[ame]http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=powdered+goat%27s+milk[/ame] 

Also, have you tried cooking some of his raw diet (esp. the organs), to give to him warm? The aroma from the steam of the cooked meat (esp. beef) entices some anorexic dogs. I've had a few fosters at deaths door who came back to the land of the living because of the smell of a warm, cooked meat ball loaded with with beef liver and/or kidney. Maybe the change of format would entice Gator?


----------



## GatorBytes

Magwart said:


> What about powdered goat's milk? It's widely available online:
> Amazon.com: powdered goat's milk
> 
> Also, have you tried cooking some of his raw diet (esp. the organs), to give to him warm? The aroma from the steam of the cooked meat (esp. beef) entices some anorexic dogs. I've had a few fosters at deaths door who came back to the land of the living because of the smell of a warm, cooked meat ball loaded with with beef liver and/or kidney. Maybe the change of format would entice Gator?


 Gator hasn't had Raw in months. It was because he wouldn't eat turkey/chicken and rice that I did up stew beef in organic beef broth. His nose is always going when I pull out a steak. 

He ate it reluctantly, laying down, spoon feeding him. Absolutely nothing that he loves he would touch. I cannot give gr. beef, doesn't tolerate fat. I chopped all fat off the stew beef and cut into little nickel size bites.

This is where the two hour urgent outings started. With beef. I knew better, but I was hearing in my head from vet that he NEEDS to eat.

No. He needed to rest his gut.


----------



## GatorBytes

Magwart said:


> What about powdered goat's milk? It's widely available online:
> Amazon.com: powdered goat's milk


 
Actually I got some goats milk yogurt!

The vet examined the stool sample and she was actually relieved, that it wasn't as bad as I had described. Just mucousy, a little blood tinged, but there was concerns he was shedding the intestinal wall. All clear.

She also suggested goats milk and was well versed in HK products and mentioned they had a goats milk probiotic blend.

She sold me 5 packets of forta flora (not a box), just to see if he'll take it in before I waste my money (so that was nice)

I really like this vet. She didn't push this or that...but she really thinks he needs protein.

He is not underweight, just to be clear

Gotta go jamb some yogurt in him now


----------



## dogfaeries

GatorBytes said:


> She also suggested goats milk and was well versed in HK products and mentioned they had a goats milk probiotic blend.


I keep the HK powdered goats milk around. I give it occasionally over their food, when I don't have fresh goats milk. They seem to like it.

I'm so glad your vet had good news about his stool sample!


----------



## GatorBytes

dogfaeries said:


> I keep the HK powdered goats milk around. I give it occasionally over their food, when I don't have fresh goats milk. They seem to like it.
> 
> I'm so glad your vet had good news about his stool sample!


 
Oh, me too!!! I was thinking what else has he got left in him but his innards!

He took me on two more rounds when I got back

6pm, 9pm, 11pm, 1am, 330am, 845am ~ 3x before we could safely come home...2pm and not again until about an hr ago (545/6pm which is shortly after I got back).

I hope this levels off soon. 

I have tomorrow off, then it's back to work. I hope.


----------



## wolfstraum

what about baby food??? Expensive for a dog - but protein .....just make sure it has no onion or garlic powder

Nutrical too


Lee


----------



## GatorBytes

wolfstraum said:


> what about baby food??? Expensive for a dog - but protein .....just make sure it has no onion or garlic powder
> 
> Nutrical too
> 
> 
> Lee



Thank you. I had thought about baby food, but that left my brain

He hasn't eaten anything since the tidbit I got into him yesterday eve.

I had put his chicken/rice at the front door (yesterday) thinking along behavioural lines/negative association where he was eating...he looked excited to eat...ran to it, then ran to the kitchen had a big drink, ran back to his food ate may 2-3 bites...went for another drink, back to his food, turned his nose and went to the livingroom. Then he got approx. 3/4 c of HK and a blob of sweet potato
That is all he's had in 24hrs. No treats. He looked up at my hand a moment ago thinking I was bringing him some...

Poor guy still wants doggie spoilage

I got 2 heaping tblsps of goat yogurt into him w/forta flora. That's it. It was a struggle.
I don't want to aggravate his colon, so I think he is going with out until tomorrow morning. Maybe a bit more yogurt before bed.


----------



## astrovan2487

Years ago when Pasta had a vestibular episode and wouldn't eat I got a big syringe and fed her baby food and ensure that way. If he's struggling to eat the ensure provides a good amount of nutrients without taking much effort to eat it, too much might upset his stomach though. Hope he starts eating more


----------



## selzer

GatorBytes said:


> Yes I remember your struggles with Sage. I cannot find goats milk around here. I used to be able to get goats milk yogurt.
> I cannot feed him, everything is going through him.
> 
> 
> 
> Thank you for checking on us. *Been a ruff night, seems no end in sight*.


 I hope that this does not become normality for this dog. I know this is hard. But if he has no pleasure in eating, and he can't walk, and he is having intestinal issues, at some point, your going to have to figure out at what point he has no quality of life left. 

I feel for you, and I feel for the dog.


----------



## Stonevintage

Quality of life is important. Pain and/or nausea/ weakness and confusion/frustration and an lack of understanding needs to be considered. Depression results as quality of life when these conditions continue. Mercy...


----------



## Susan_GSD_mom

selzer said:


> I hope that this does not become normality for this dog. I know this is hard. But if he has no pleasure in eating, and he can't walk, and he is having intestinal issues, at some point, your going to have to figure out at what point he has no quality of life left.
> 
> I feel for you, and I feel for the dog.


I agree with Sue. When my heart dog, Shadow, had surgery for hemangio (spleen), they told me that if it had metastasized, it would be in his lungs, and it would manifest with a dry cough... The cough started 5-1/2 months after his surgery and about 2 weeks later we put him down. I had promised him that I wouldn't let him suffer...... I waited at least 3 days too long.... I knew he was in pain, he wouldn't eat.... I feel guilty today, eleven years since, because I should have done it sooner. Don't let him suffer, you will mourn him and the pain of his suffering won't leave you soon, if at all.

Susan


----------



## Mary Beth

GatorBytes said:


> That is all he's had in 24hrs. No treats. He looked up at my hand a moment ago thinking I was bringing him some...
> 
> Poor guy still wants doggie spoilage


Good for Gator  And that's an uplifting sign - he does want to eat, but only the goodies. Now, if only you can hide the stuff he should eat inside the treat!


----------



## GatorBytes

Stonevintage said:


> Quality of life is important. Pain and/or nausea/ weakness and confusion/frustration and an lack of understanding needs to be considered. Depression results as quality of life when these conditions continue. Mercy...


 He isn't nauseous. No vomiting. The pain is being addressed. Per the holistic vet, small bleeds are painful. The Yunnan Baiyao should be here tomorrow to address that. That along with Tramadol. He could have had 100mg, but 50mg yesterday at 2pm is all he has had.
The weakness was after the bleed he nearly collapsed and then Sat eve when he likely had another. I called the holistic vet Sunday, even though she is closed. She answered, which is why I contacted the vet Monday to get the pain meds.

He isn't showing any signs of pain. Other then the straining. The vet examined the poop today and thought it should resolve with probiotics rice and goat yogurt and meat. She wasn't concerned. He is not confused
Frustration? That's all me.

Selzer ~ he isn't having trouble walking. I was/am scared to walk him in the event of "the" bleed...He wants to keep on keepin on. We came back from a 1/2hr walk not too long ago. He was boogie-ing along
He is still hopping on sofa lounging upside down, throwing his paw at me for bellies, he had to be kicked off my bed a couple nights so I could go to bed.

He wants to eat. Just not what I was offering last night. I bbq'd yesterday while he lounged on the deck. When I brought him in he looked to the counter as though to say "dinner"

As I said prior. He may have had a sharp pain/small bleed at feeding time Friday when he ran away from his food. Negative association. FF, I feed beef and things went downhill!

I know things could change on the "H" front at anytime. But right now the focus is fixing the poop problem.


----------



## GatorBytes

Susan_GSD_mom said:


> I agree with Sue. When my heart dog, Shadow, had surgery for hemangio (spleen), they told me that if it had metastasized, it would be in his lungs, and it would manifest with a dry cough... The cough started 5-1/2 months after his surgery and about 2 weeks later we put him down. I had promised him that I wouldn't let him suffer...... I waited at least 3 days too long.... I knew he was in pain, he wouldn't eat.... I feel guilty today, eleven years since, because I should have done it sooner. Don't let him suffer, you will mourn him and the pain of his suffering won't leave you soon, if at all.
> 
> Susan


 Susan, I appreciate what you're saying.

At this time. It's not time. 
That could change in an hour though
I have only given 1 pain pill. 1 out of a possible 8


----------



## GatorBytes

Mary Beth said:


> Good for Gator  And that's an uplifting sign - he does want to eat, but only the goodies. Now, if only you can hide the stuff he should eat inside the treat!


 Thank you for your positivity


----------



## Zeeva

Thinking of you guys...


----------



## Stonevintage

As long as your are reality based and not letting emotions lead you to something that is detrimental for you and your dog. I made that mistake because I was devastated over the inevitable loss and did my 14.5 GSD no favor as a result. He should have been released 6 months earlier. Same with my last cat. Should have been released a year earlier - now that I look back and my emotions aren't raw.... I was scared and hurt but that was not fair to them.


----------



## GatorBytes

*Good (sorta) and bad*

We almost made it through the night w/o a poop emergency. 5am. Then 630am (just clear broth). Last night after our walk at 10pm I had given him more yogurt which he fought me on, then 1/2 c of bone stock (homemade) - he gobbled it and started looking to me for more...you know that look like you just gave them the best thing in the world.:wub:

At home after 630 am walk he layed on his mat as per usual and looked at me with those "is it treat time?" eyes.

We went out on the deck for coffee as I considered I would warm some food and make slippery elm syrup.

He started looking tired, reluctant to get up to come back in...
I mixed the elm with water and started to warm...

Looked over at him, again with the eyes half closed, head just hovering above the floor. I gave him a pain pill and brought him his water. He had a drink.

I tried a treat just to see. He touched it, then put his head down. Not good.

His gums getting pale

Crud:teary:


----------



## wolfstraum

We love them so much it hurts.

We don't want to lose them.

We have to invite that pain to consume us when they are in pain, to let him be pain free...

It is probably the hardest thing we have to do ever.....to make the decision whether their joy in life is enough to keep them here....to accept the devastation to our hearts that their release will bring to us.....


I am so sorry......I know how hard this is and dread - am terrified of the day in the not so distant future I will face it myself.....it is a horrible place to be


<<<hugs>>> for both Gator and you....


Lee


----------



## Shade

Hugs to you and Gator in this tough time


----------



## GatorBytes

Thank you Lee.

He isn't going to make this easy on me. No. He isn't going to be the dog that passes peacefully in his sleep. He's going to make me do the deed. omg...

I am reluctantly picking up the phone to call. He is sleeping right now. I spent the last while on the floor with him and he wouldn't go to sleep. I know there is discomfort. He rests his head on my knee for a bit, then moves into semi curled position.

The head on my knee thing is the sign I think. Generally when he is unwell he doesn't want to be hovered over, or fussed on. Rare for him to put his head on me.

I had been petting him, asked him to hang on so I could pee...
I saw my prior post up on screen so I sent it.
He then got up to head into kitchen I think for a drink, but layed down half way. I sat with him on the floor and he wanted bellies (ugh), I brought him his water. We sat for a bit more. Then he moved back to his mat.

I am going to sit with him a bit more before I decide to call


----------



## Mister C

This is such a hard time. My thoughts are with you. It takes great courage to do that one last favor for your friend. 

Peace to you and Gator,

Michael


----------



## barnyard

I know it's so hard to make that final decision. And yet through the tears you feel peace when they are out of pain. Thinking of you and Gator. Whatever you decide I know it will be the right decision for him. He knows he is loved.


----------



## Jenny720

You will know when it is time and will have no doubts. This is so sad and he is very lucky to have such great care and love till the end.


----------



## dogma13

Don't know what to say.This is heartbreaking.


----------



## Kayos and Havoc

dogma13 said:


> Don't know what to say.This is heartbreaking.


This ^^

So very sorry. 

I was going to tell you to google the Ohio Statue University quality of life scale. It is a fillable form to track this as these decisions are so emotional. We are doing this for Kayos who has rectal cancer. We kept moving the bar for Max and we waited to long. Do not want to do that for Kay. But I think you won't need this. 

And I am so sorry.


----------



## wolfstraum

I am sitting here crying ....... I understand how horrible it is to try to decide if and when.....so very very sorry and wish I or anyone else here could help.....

<<<<hugs>>>>


Lee


----------



## Loneforce

It kind of feels like we are loosing one of our own. I remember all you did for Gator to be able to keep him. Having to make the decision has to be one of the most hard things to do in a dog owners life. Sending prayers and good thoughts to you and Gator.


----------



## kelbonc

My heart is hurting for you and Gator. I am so sorry. Thinking of you and wishing you and your beautiful boy much peace. Hugs.


----------



## Mary Beth

I've been there also but not with cancer. Thinking of you and Gator. He was doing so well, this could be another setback (especially concerning his tummy issues which are exhausting) or is the final one. The only advice is not to feel rushed or pressured. As I did with my Dobe, I would ask the vet, if this is just an episode that Gator can pull thru and have good days ahead, or if not and he is suffering and no hope- then it is time to let him go. When it was my husky's time and I had to make the decision, my vet told me that is the final gift - to relieve the suffering. Praying for you both.


----------



## GatorBytes

I called the clinic at 1130am. They are scheduled to be here between 230-245. It's 220 now. I am sitting on the kitchen floor, with G right beside me.

We went outside just before 1130 and I brought my cell and purse, coat and G's bunny. I thought he may need to poop, but strange things were happening. I was afraid if I couldn't get him back up the steps that I should be prepared. I had already decided it was necessary to call. I just couldn't yet.

G decided to lay down instead of go for walk. I called and they were available for 230pm. I asked if they could come here. Yes and same time. I went and got his toys and layed them out on his blanket thinking he would go lay there. He went to other end of deck away from me. 

15 mins later, he got up and walked over to me and leaned on me, I hugged and kissed him and he walked away toward where he had been. then turned around and layed down.

Turns out he had soiled himself. He didn't ask to go. Never in 10yrs/3mnths has he ever had this happen.

I made the right decision.

I am going to miss him so flippen much...omg....

The time, so close. Longest 3hrs at the same time as the shortest 3 hrs in my life


----------



## GSDBESTK9

I'm so very sorry


----------



## Aviorwolf

Holding you both in my heart. You're doing the right and loving thing, but oh, I know how hard it is. Run free, Gator!


----------



## dogfaeries

My heart is broken for you. I'm just so very sorry. I wish I didn't know how you feel.


----------



## Shade

I'm am so very sorry, RIP Gator


----------



## newlie

Love never dies. I truly believe you will see him again one day. Praying for you both.


----------



## dogma13

RIP beautiful boy.


----------



## Kayos and Havoc

I ma so sorry. Run Free Gator.


----------



## selzer

I'm sorry. You did the right thing. Gator is letting you know. Nothing prepares us for the loss. But know that he isn't suffering now.


----------



## GSD2

dogfaeries said:


> My heart is broken for you. I'm just so very sorry. I wish I didn't know how you feel.


^^^
Wishing you and Gator comfort and peace. I am so sorry.


----------



## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

Oh I am so sorry . It is so hard to let them go but you gave him his release. Waiting for the vet is so hard. Take care. Run free sweet Gator run free.


----------



## GatorBytes

Loneforce said:


> It kind of feels like we are loosing one of our own. I remember all you did for Gator to be able to keep him. Having to make the decision has to be one of the most hard things to do in a dog owners life. Sending prayers and good thoughts to you and Gator.


 You know, when we were homeless and he was in good care and I was driving around looking for places, this song would come on and I would turn it up sing along while I willed getting back on track to get him back

It would make me cry to this day, it's always going to for sure now
:teary:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppi1uDvc44w


----------



## NancyJ

So sorry, he can run free now.


----------



## gsdsar

I am so sorry. Gator will be very missed by many.


----------



## Susan_GSD_mom

Here is a new link to Serena Ryder's song... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUdOG5IWBE0

I'm with Diane--I wish I didn't know how you are feeling now. And as Lee is, I am crying as I type. Oh, Gator... My heart is with both of you.


----------



## ksotto333

I'm so very very sorry. "And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance" From Garth Brooks song, The Dance. Such a great dance you had with him.


----------



## Nigel

I'm so sorry. As difficult as it is, you've done right by him. He is at peace now


----------



## Dunkirk

I'm so very sorry, so many of us have done this journey and we know what you are going through. Rudyard Kipling expresses it better than I can, "You've given your heart to a dog to tear".
The Power of the Dog, by Rudyard Kipling.

The Power of the Dog - Rudyard Kipling


----------



## wolfstraum

Was afraid to open this thread - just got home......

<<<<HUGS>>>> Run Free Gator ~ rest easy at the bridge and your mom will meet you there again....


Lee


----------



## Jenny720

So sorry for your lossensive:Whenever you here your song it will be a sign that he is around checking in on you.


----------



## llombardo

I've been following all day and I just couldn't write anything, but I couldn't end my night without doing so. I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain you are feeling. He was your friend and always there for you, that won't change. He will always be with you and be in your heart.


----------



## kelbonc

I am so very sorry. 

Sometimes our lives are touched 
by gentle friends who stay only for a while...
but remain forever in our hearts.

Run free Gator.


----------



## Mary Beth

I am so sorry. It is so hard to let go, but you spared him so much suffering. You did all you could for him. Gator is running free now but you will meet again. When my husky died, a Lakota woman who I used to meet while walking her, asked about her When I said she had died, the lady told me that my husky would be waiting for me at the other side. The Lakota belief is that if one has loved and cared well for an animal, when one dies, the animal comes and leads them over the great river. Without the animal's help, a human cannot cross. May in time, the memories comfort you. Gator was a great German Shepherd . He will be missed by all of us who have come to know him thru your posts.


----------



## GatorBytes

Thank you everyone. I am so lost right now. Those ghosts. 
I sent an e-mail to his prior owner, below is her reply...
(Pyper a Dutch or Belgian and Teddie GSD were Gators parents...oops litter)

_I'm so sad. It's the end of an era. I really believe that Gator is playing with Pyper and Teddie now. _

_Thank you so much for taking such good care of Gator. You gave him a great life._
_I'm so glad after everything you went through that you were able to bring Gator home._

_Thank you for being there until it was his time. Gator, my misunderstood pup, ended up being such a great companion thanks to the kindness you showed._

_Please take care and keep in touch._
________________

Tragic story behind Teddie death, but reason behind is how I ended up with the crazy, beautiful, love of my life...


----------



## Momto2GSDs

Ohhhh, I am SO very sorry!

My heart is breaking for you!

Moms


----------



## DaisyDaws

My heart has ached for you throughout this thread, I'm so sorry for you loss and hope you can hold on to all the good memories until that time you can hold Gator again.


----------



## joneser

Hugs from Jericho and I.

I'm so so sorry.


----------



## Miss Molly May

I am so sorry! I just read threw the whole thread and my heart hurts for you!
You showed unmatched love for him and dedication! He couldn't not have found a better life partner/best friend then you!
Take care 
Marc


----------



## Stevenzachsmom

I am so sorry. Sending really big hugs!


----------



## Magwart

I wish you peace and solace. I'm so very sorry for your loss.


----------



## GatorBytes

I have flipped through the catalogue of urns and other stuff (didn't really like anything). Once I decide on what, then notify the clinic and process the aftercare. He will be picked up by the company from the clinic once this is confirmed.

I will be having private cremation with ashes returned.

Below is a living shrine I have had for yrs on my fridge (incl. our last apt., on his freezer when we were at my cousins, and the past 2.5 yrs living here) They are photo magnet sleeves.


----------



## wolfstraum

Again - so very very sorry about Gator...

I have some really nice urns I got on ebay....that are Raku pottery....

I will try a link - but you can find them by searching pet urn Raku kerry gonzalez

Kerry Gonzalez Copper Raku Cremation Funeral Urn Jar Studio Art Pottery | eBay

<<<hugs>>>

Lee


----------



## GatorBytes

Thank you Lee


----------



## Sabis mom

I am thinking of you and Gator.

Run free Gator.


----------



## newlie

I wonder if it too late to have them make you a paw print? A little snip of his fur? It may sound silly but I have those things from my Max.


----------



## Traveler's Mom

Sabis Mom,

That is just beautiful!!! Thank you for sharing that.

Obviously I have been following this thread closely. I haven't posted because it's just to painful I just had to say how much I appreciate the attachment Sabis mom sent.

Thank you,

Lynn & Traveler


----------



## Sabis mom

Traveler's Mom said:


> Sabis Mom,
> 
> That is just beautiful!!! Thank you for sharing that.
> 
> Obviously I have been following this thread closely. I haven't posted because it's just to painful I just had to say how much I appreciate the attachment Sabis mom sent.
> 
> Thank you,
> 
> Lynn & Traveler


 I have that framed, beside my bed with her ashes and her collar. 

When she died I took a tuft of her fur down to the river where we used to play and released it into the water. 
I will miss her for the rest of my days, and every time one of you loses one I get this image of my girl standing there waiting for another Shepherd. 
She was the eternal mother dog, rounding up those in need and giving them comfort and love.
Gator, I hope you find peace and can hold in your heart the love and devotion of a Good Dog, a great friend and the best confidante a person could ask for.


----------



## GatorBytes

Sabis mom said:


> View attachment 354194
> 
> 
> I am thinking of you and Gator.
> 
> Run free Gator.


 Yes that is lovely, As well as the pic Llombardo posted.
Everyones sentiment is very much appreciated. 



newlie said:


> I wonder if it too late to have them make you a paw print? A little snip of his fur? It may sound silly but I have those things from my Max.


 The aftercare place that will be cremating does pawprints. I will have done. 
I had the vet clip off some of his fur, from his big gorgeous mane.

I want so bad to kiss his head and wrap my arms around him right now.
I just can't believe he's gone:teary:

I went out, I came home. I took deep breath before opening my door, saying...ok, I know he's not there.

I broke down anyway


----------



## newlie

GatorBytes said:


> Yes that is lovely, As well as the pic Llombardo posted.
> Everyones sentiment is very much appreciated.
> 
> 
> 
> The aftercare place that will be cremating does pawprints. I will have done.
> I had the vet clip off some of his fur, from his big gorgeous mane.
> 
> I want so bad to kiss his head and wrap my arms around him right now.
> I just can't believe he's gone:teary:
> 
> I went out, I came home. I took deep breath before opening my door, saying...ok, I know he's not there.
> 
> I broke down anyway


Yes, my Max died in 2012 and I can still sometimes feel the weight of him in my arms as he died.


----------



## MineAreWorkingline

So sorry for your loss. Run free Gator!


----------



## HOBY

I am so sorry for your loss. I know only to well your journey. Gator will see you in your dreams.


----------



## Susan_GSD_mom

newlie said:


> Yes, my Max died in 2012 and I can still sometimes feel the weight of him in my arms as he died.


Yes, every one of those who took their last breath in my arms, I can feel them, smell them, hear that breath... All of us who have had dogs over a period of time, we all have felt every bit of your pain, your loneliness, your copious tears... With the last one, I asked my vet in tears, desperately, why I have to always make this decision. She said, "Because you love German Shepherds." I don't think she was being unkind, she emphasized the love part, but the truth of it cut me deeply. And, yes, I still have German Shepherds. 

Take comfort in knowing absolutely that Gator knew and felt your deep love for him.

Susan


----------



## Rosy831

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss....


----------



## Blanketback

I'm so, so sorry! I just got home and heard your message - hugs, many of them, GB! I'm crying with you, what a wonderful boy he was, he'll always be missed. RIP Gator. 

I haven't been on this board in ages. But it was here that I met you, so it's only right that I log on to say goodbye to a dear friend - a fuzzy friend, a funny friend, a chewing fiend of a friend. My doorknob on the bedroom door's never been replaced, even though you chewed the heck out of it. You liked the privacy for dinnertime, but that was about it. You were such a wonderful houseguest - you even tolerated my spazzy puppy, and my crabby bitch. You even let my cat win a fight - you were the BEST!!! I love you Gator, and I'll miss you. Not nearly as much as your skin-mom though - please watch out for her. She's going to miss you so much. XO, sweet boy.


----------



## San

I am so sorry for your loss


----------



## GatorBytes

Blanketback said:


> I'm so, so sorry! I just got home and heard your message - hugs, many of them, GB! I'm crying with you, what a wonderful boy he was, he'll always be missed. RIP Gator.
> 
> I haven't been on this board in ages. But it was here that I met you, so it's only right that I log on to say goodbye to a dear friend - a fuzzy friend, a funny friend, a chewing fiend of a friend. My doorknob on the bedroom door's never been replaced, even though you chewed the heck out of it. You liked the privacy for dinnertime, but that was about it. You were such a wonderful houseguest - you even tolerated my spazzy puppy, and my crabby bitch. You even let my cat win a fight - you were the BEST!!! I love you Gator, and I'll miss you. Not nearly as much as your skin-mom though - please watch out for her. She's going to miss you so much. XO, sweet boy.


 
Oh, Blanketback, thank you:teary:

Welcome back, Thank you for posting. You always had funny ways of describing G's antic's

One of the funniest was the night or two before I was picking him up to bring him to his new home...
You took him out to potty and said "It was like walking a lion" (so true)
Still cracks me up


----------



## Blanketback

GB, I added a picture to my album - if you click Remy's picture, that'll take you to the album (I tried to add pics to this thread, but I'm too inept, lol) and that's our 2 darlings enjoying the sunshine. I know you've seen this pic before, but I'm sharing it for everyone else. Those were some fun times! I wish we could turn back the clock, and do it over again. Remember going to the river? Hugs again, I don't mean to make you cry. But I know you will anyway...

Maybe if I retell the story of my cat meeting Gator, it'll make you smile: Ok, so I was told that Gator was really bad with cats. Not so good with some dogs, but *definitely* not good with cats. 

No problem, I'm confident that he'll be fine with my cat . But to be safe, I want to see just how bad he is - do I keep my cat locked in another room the whole time he's here, or what? So I braced myself for a wicked wrestling - wrapped the leash around me, put all my weight into this...nothing. Gator looks at my cat, and that's the extent of it. A look. That was the encounter I'd been worrying about - a look.

Except, I forgot how territorial my cat could be. She's an indoor cat, been around dogs her whole life...WTH, she's coming at him! She's all puffed up like a bear, and waddling sideways back and forth - like a gator! - FFS, what am I seeing?! I quickly drag Gator by the leash, "C'mon outta here, now - hurry!" OMG, here comes my cat into the hallway, stalking this dog!!

She leaps at him! WTF!? Who IS this cat??? Gator had had enough by that point. Leaping cat?! What kind of hotel is this?! No, that's enough - CAT! HA!

Gator caught my leaping cat by the leg, and flung her to the floor. My cat was fine, but her ego was destroyed. Dog drool covered her leg! WHAAA! 

They lived happily ever after, for the duration of Gator's visit. She didn't pretend to eat dogs for breakfast, and he didn't acknowledge that he could eat her if he wanted to. 

I know some people won't like that I introduced them, but what's done is done. If I'd known what a wild beast my cat would be, I wouldn't have even *thought* about doing that. Who knew? She's still here, bossing my dogs around.


----------



## GatorBytes

OMG you tell a good story!!! :rofl:I'm laughing so hard. I laughed that night we first met.

Thank you so much again and again and again!

"what kind of hotel is this"...hilarious


----------



## Springbrz

So sorry for your loss. RIP Gator.


----------



## GatorBytes

I went to the Vet clinic today to make the arrangements for Gator's cremation. I didn't really like any of the urns, photo box's, photo frames that can hold remains (two pics or the clay paw print they sell on one side and pic on the other)...So I decided to go with the cedar box that is included in the price for return of ashes.

I ordered the clay paw print in Autumn. Almond was other colour choice, but the example at the clinic, once I saw it, I wasn't crazy about. So I figured the Autumn colour complimented the hint of red in his fur and the cedar box.
Gateway - Pet Memorial Services Prints

I also ordered a silver charm of his paw print. They do an ink stamp or something of the paw, scan it on computer and shrink it down and it is etched into the charm. Chain I will buy later. This item takes 6-8 weeks.
Gateway - Pet Memorial Services

Not on their website, but the tech at the clinic said they also sell the paw ink stamp too.

Paid the bill today too


----------



## GSD2

I like the silver charm. How are you holding up? I loved the song that you posted, but it made me cry. I am so sorry for your loss. I have a poem I'd like to post, I hope it doesn't make you even more sad today....


Separate Lifetimes

We who choose to surround ourselves
with lives even more temporary than our
own, live within a fragile circle;
easily and often breached.
Unable to accept its awful gaps,
we would still live no other way.
We cherish memory as the only
certain immortality, never fully
understanding the necessary plan....

--- Irving Townsend ---
"The Once Again Prince"


----------



## McWeagle

Oh, I'm so sorry! I haven't been on this site in a while, and I'm sorry that I missed this thread. RIP Gator, run free, run and have fun like a crazy puppy!


----------



## pyratemom

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I have been absent for awhile but saw this post and really didn't want to open it. I know the pain you must feel. He was such a good boy and he loved you so much. Through all the hard times you went through he was the one that still loved you no matter what and was there for you. They always are. I know it's been a few days now but I also know it doesn't get any easier very soon. My heart is breaking for you and the tears won't stop. Much love and hugs to you. Raina and Abby sent wet kisses and tail wags. Gator is running at the bridge with Pyrate now without pain. His spirit will remain in your heart.


----------



## Kane's World

For some reason, I read this today...I never do, because it's really hard to think about. 

Of course it made me cry and my heart breaks for you, but it also made me appreciate Kane on one of those days that is difficult to do so. I gave him some extra attention, which is really all he ever wants...and was saying out loud to him 'this is in honour of Gator.' Just as the words escaped my heart and passed through my lips, a loud crash of thunder came out of the blue. Just one.

RIP Gator. I didn't know you, but I get the impression you were a one of a kind thunderous explosion too.


----------



## newlie

Just thinking about you and hope you are doing OK


----------



## GatorBytes

GSD2 said:


> I like the silver charm. How are you holding up? I loved the song that you posted, but it made me cry. I am so sorry for your loss. I have a poem I'd like to post, I hope it doesn't make you even more sad today...


I'm so glad about the charm.. I was on the fence about the ink stamp paw print as an added expense (not included in the charm), but next day I decided to go ahead
Also the tech hadn't covered engraving either, so added on a "G" onto the back of the charm at time.
Thank you for the poem btw



McWeagle said:


> Oh, I'm so sorry! I haven't been on this site in a while, and I'm sorry that I missed this thread. RIP Gator, run free, run and have fun like a crazy puppy!


Uh yeah, too busy making omelettes...JK
Glad to hear from you, thank you for your condolences



pyratemom said:


> I'm so very sorry for your loss. I have been absent for awhile but saw this post and really didn't want to open it. I know the pain you must feel. He was such a good boy and he loved you so much. *Through all the hard times you went through he was the one that still loved you no matter what and was there for you.* They always are. I know it's been a few days now but I also know it doesn't get any easier very soon. My heart is breaking for you and the tears won't stop. Much love and hugs to you. Raina and Abby sent wet kisses and tail wags. Gator is running at the bridge with Pyrate now without pain. His spirit will remain in your heart.


As were you! Thank you for sticking by...I sincerely mean that



Kane's World said:


> For some reason, I read this today...I never do, because it's really hard to think about.
> 
> Of course it made me cry and my heart breaks for you, but it also made me appreciate Kane on one of those days that is difficult to do so. I gave him some extra attention, which is really all he ever wants...and was saying out loud to him 'this is in honour of Gator.' Just as the words escaped my heart and passed through my lips, a loud crash of thunder came out of the blue. Just one.
> 
> RIP Gator. I didn't know you, but I get the impression you were a one of a kind thunderous explosion too.


This just gets a big WOW! You really made me smile, I have read over a half dozen+ times
Keep on appreciating Kane, and take and mark and file all the pics and vid's you can



newlie said:


> Just thinking about you and hope you are doing OK


Thank you for checking in:hug:


----------



## llombardo

I've been thinking about you and hope you are doing ok. I found these charms that fit on a pandora bracelet that hold a small amount of ashes. It's not something I wanted to look at but found them when my cat died. They are like $140 each and I slowly realized that I will eventually fill my bracelet up


----------



## GatorBytes

llombardo said:


> I've been thinking about you and hope you are doing ok. I found these charms that fit on a pandora bracelet that hold a small amount of ashes. It's not something I wanted to look at but found them when my cat died. They are like $140 each and I slowly realized that I will eventually fill my bracelet up


 Oddly, I wondered about something like this


----------



## llombardo

GatorBytes said:


> Oddly, I wondered about something like this


I have a charm that has my moms ashes in it. I need a new chain for it though.


----------



## GatorBytes

*1 week today*

So. Today marks 1 week since G's passing. (& 2 weeks post dx.) I am going through the grieving process. A lot of me is questioning if I had given him just 1 more day. I suppose this is normal. So many feelings, questions, doubts, tears...IDK.

The Vet and tech left with G. I was just lost. Alone. I decided to light some candles incl. one special one. A Himalayan salt rock. I had purchased one for me, my Brother and Step Mom one day when my Father was in hospital with days left...

I have lit this candle for some members here, for those I have lost, on my fathers anniversary and on the night G left me forever.

Tonight I have lit it again as this starts the "firsts" in anniversaries. Week, Month, 6 month, Year....Anniversaries - Much like when we celebrate when we first get our little fur monsters.

I love you Gator with all my heart


----------



## dogfaeries

It's brutal. It's been almost 8 months since I lost Sage, and I still feel like my heart was ripped out. 

I took her ashes to my breeders house out in the country where Sage loved to run, and we spread them in a beautiful spot. Her husband made a little silver disk with her name stamped on it. We are going to make a little wind chime and add the tag to it, and hang it out in the tree near where we put her ashes. I may make another wind chime with her name for my house too.


----------



## GatorBytes

dogfaeries said:


> It's brutal. It's been almost 8 months since I lost Sage, and I still feel like my heart was ripped out.
> 
> I took her ashes to my breeders house out in the country where Sage loved to run, and we spread them in a beautiful spot. *Her husband made a little silver disk with her name stamped on it. We are going to make a little wind chime and add the tag to it, and hang it out in the tree near where we put her ashes.* I may make another wind chime with her name for my house too.


 Hmmm. That's really nice

Following Sage's story really tugged on my heart strings


----------



## dogfaeries

GatorBytes said:


> Hmmm. That's really nice
> 
> Following Sage's story really tugged on my heart strings




I know how you feel. This thread about Gator made me cry. 

It just feels so unfair.


----------



## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

thinking about you and wanted to check in. the charm sounds like a great idea. It is hard. I still thin k of Daisy most days and Thunder and Chevy. It does get better and you get to the point you laugh about stuff and in our house we talk about which girl is whispering in Charlie's ear. You miss them but you have tears and laughter together.


----------



## McWeagle

I was thinking about you, too, and thought I'd check in. Hang in there, the pain does lessen a bit as time goes on. The pain you feel is just a testament to how much you loved him. Hugs.

And now, I'm gonna go make an omelette...


----------



## GatorBytes

*2 Weeks today*

I got Gators ashes back on Monday, as well the paw print and ink stamp of his paw. It made me feel slightly better to have him home. That lasted about a day.
Last night I cried myself to sleep, I can barely sleep. I dream about him every night...But not the visiting me or watching over me dreams. Stress dreams, not nightmares though
I have no desire to do anything, but am forcing myself to complete a project I had started prior to his dx.
I cried for at least the first 4 hrs upon rising today. I had to resort to taking a Xanax as I couldn't stop trembling. 
I'm crying now as I write this.
I can't get the image out of my head of him being taken away. Lifeless.
I cannot believe the pain


----------



## dogfaeries

I wish I could fast-forward you to where I am now. I really really do.

It was a year ago today that I took Sage to the vet for the first time because I thought she had a shoulder sprain. She died exactly 4 months later. I had to tell my family and friends to let me mourn her, and that it was going take awhile, and if I started crying, don't ask me what's wrong. I slept on the couch with Sage the whole time she was sick. When she died, I slept on the couch for another month because I felt closer to her there. I must've said 20 times a day "I miss my dog. I miss my Sage. I want my dog back".

I also have the image of my dog, lying on the deck, gone. I had to put her in the minivan and take her to the vet, and then help the vet tech get her in the building. It was awful. _Awful_. I'm so sorry. 

Today I'm able to watch videos of her and not cry. I smile because she was such an incredible joy to have. You'll never EVER stop missing Gator, but you will be able to think of him and laugh. I swear it will happen. I'm not saying my heart isn't broken, because it absolutely is, but I think of all the adventures the two of us went on, and I'm so glad we had that time together. You'll be able to do that too one day. It's just going to be a bear to get through the other side.


----------



## dogma13

I sincerely hope that it gets better day by day.


----------



## Loneforce

It will get better. Just hang in there, Don't hold it in.Just think of all the great times you and gator had. I always enjoyed reading about his shenanigans  He was a great friend to you,and I'm sure he don't want you to be sad.


----------



## pyratemom

It has been a little over 3 years since Pyrate went to the bridge. I still think of him everyday. His pictures are everywhere in my house. I still find his fur occasionally even. He was my heart dog and he will always be in my heart. Some days I still cry when I look at his pictures or talk to someone who knew him but it has gotten a little easier (not better). You did everything for Gator just as I would have for Pyrate so I understand not being able to get past his loss very soon. In a corner of your heart put his love and memories to keep so you can always get them out and look at them. He will always be with you in spirit. May your heart be warmed by the sun and your memories colored by rainbows.


----------



## GSD2

I remember this, what you are describing, how you are feeling. It was about 7 years ago when I lost my Shatzi. The anniversary of losing her is coming up next month. I had it bad. I didn't want to do anything. I made myself go for a walk hoping it would help me feel better, yeah, by myself, dumb, made me cry, although getting out and crying was some relief I think. Tears have a purpose and can be good. Releasing stress hormones and all.

I was going to warn you, too, about picking up the ashes, I was fine one minute and when they handed me the urn I just lost it. I do wish I could fast forward you to now, as dogfaeries posted earlier. I am just trying to remember some of the things that helped some. One thing was being around people that understood how you feel. It's really bad to be around people who just don't get it. I remember when I went to work there was a nurse that had lost her German shepherd about a month before my loss. I went into her office a few times a day, to get something or ask her a question, whatever it was, every single time I left that office she was in tears, we both were. Even if I went in to just get a bandaid I just couldn't leave without talking about our dogs, leaving us both in tears every time. Not sure and don't care what our co-workers thought of us. I think that was such a help, talking to someone who cares, some co-workers just didn't get it.

I'm just so sorry you have to go through this......

I went to the rainbow bridge site the other day, the site has changed a lot since I last visited. I noticed they are looking for volunteers to be in the chat room for grief support for others. I think they have some people already, they volunteer to be in the chat room for a certain time period each day to help others. Until you find a grief support group, this may be something to check out. It really does get better, I don't think I would have believed that at the time though.


----------



## llombardo

I had adopted a senior lab that had a brain tumor, his previous owner had the tumor and part of his brain removed then she passed away, so I took him. I only had him a couple years when the tumor came back. I was not prepared for that and never thought about how long I wouldn't have him. We did things like camping and swimming, it felt like he was there forever. I was walking him one day and he threw his head in the air and collapsed, he had a stroke. He was 120 pounds and I couldn't move him, I laid on the ground with him massaging him crying. I got him home and made the appointment for the next day. I slept on the floor with him, talking to him and hugging him. All the other animals came over and seemed to say goodbye. My friend and son came with me but said they wouldn't stay in the room, well that changed once they got there. I was a mess and they couldn't leave. I laid there with him and held him, a dog I had for a couple years. The staff escorted me out the back door, told me not to worry about paying they would invoice me. I called work and my boss(now the owner of the company) told me to stay home. The next week I sat at my desk just crying, it was awful. It's coming up on 6 yrs in 2 weeks and I still think about him, I still get sad but I can smile and remember lots of the good things and I hold those memories in my heart. 

My baby Boo(he came with that name)


----------



## Magwart

Time is the only thing that makes it bearable, really.

The only therapy I know that takes the edge of the pain is "puppy therapy." A shelter worker at a humane society shared that secret with me years ago, when I was sobbing as I was donating all the toys, bedding, and food that belonged to a beloved dog that had just passed away. She led me into a socialization room and brought out a little puppy, then respectfully left me alone to cry while the puppy licked my tears. If you can find anyone with a tiny puppy, sit with a wiggly little one with milk teeth and puppy breath, not to take it home, but to remind yourself that someday there will be another, and you'll start another journey when your heart is ready. Puppy breath is strangely soothing when your heart hurts this much.


----------



## Susan_GSD_mom

For us, we've taken the puppy therapy a step further, and brought one home as soon as possible. You can't help but to love them, they need you, they need your time and energy... (One time I told myself that the puppy was for our remaining dog who was mourning as much as we were, and I just wasn't going to get attached--that lasted about a hot minute!) It goes a long way toward at least putting a scab on the hurt. And I long ago realized that my heart had more than enough love to go around, so I left behind the guilt that can come from pouring out my love on another. A puppy (or a rescue who REALLY needs you, your love, your time) goes a long way in helping you begin the healing process.

Susan


----------



## llombardo

Magwart said:


> Time is the only thing that makes it bearable, really.
> 
> The only therapy I know that takes the edge of the pain is "puppy therapy." A shelter worker at a humane society shared that secret with me years ago, when I was sobbing as I was donating all the toys, bedding, and food that belonged to a beloved dog that had just passed away. She led me into a socialization room and brought out a little puppy, then respectfully left me alone to cry while the puppy licked my tears. If you can find anyone with a tiny puppy, sit with a wiggly little one with milk teeth and puppy breath, not to take it home, but to remind yourself that someday there will be another, and you'll start another journey when your heart is ready. Puppy breath is strangely soothing when your heart hurts this much.



So true, Tannor was a puppy when I lost mine and it helped a lot..


----------



## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

Gatorbytes I am so sorry. I understand though. I think what Magwart said is true . Do you know anyone with a puppy or a shelter nearby? We will get through this it is just incredibly painful. Sending hugs.


----------



## Jenny720

It is always painful to see anyone suffer from a terrible loss. The only thing that ever helped me heal my broken heart when my beloved pets passed on was to care for and love another. Although you may not want to hear it now, it is true. Saying that -my life always had a dog in it and each one was so incredibly special and each one shared the many different chapters of life with me. I'm very greatful for this- life would not be the same without each and every one. They each have something to share and teach you. One of the hardest things in life to do is let go. The journey continues. It helps to have a companion with a cute cold nose by your side. One day at a time.


----------

