# Petless Due To Spouse?



## Gharrissc (May 19, 2012)

I was making my weekly stop at one of the local rescues this evening,when a lady and her new husband walked in with 4 dogs (11 year old Cocker Spaniel,5 Year Old Husky,14 Year old Golden Mix and a 2 Year old Shepherd/Lab mix).

It was clear that she loved the dogs on some level and had taken excellent care of them.She even brought in all of their vet records and all of their supplies,even though that's not required. 

After answering all of the preliminary questions for surrender and saying that all of the dogs were well behaved( which was obvious), her reason for surrender:

*New husband doesn't want the dogs because he's not an animal person!*


I know everyone is different,but it seems like that is an important requirement if you are going to be with someone and you love your pets!

The woman was very emotional and said her goodbyes to her dogs,while her husband just stood there with a smug look. He didn't even offer any consolation to his wife,considering that she did this for him.


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## m1953 (May 7, 2012)

Sounds like just didn't take the number one warning sign she was marring a jerk


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## PatchonGSD (Jun 27, 2012)

How sad for the dogs....sounds like the beginning of an abusive and controlling relationship for her....


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## angelas (Aug 23, 2003)

Sounds to me like she married an emotional abuser.


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## huntergreen (Jun 28, 2012)

she will be sorry when she understands she got rid of the wrong pets.


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## Anitsisqua (Mar 25, 2012)

It wasn't even an allergy?! I'd rather be single that have to live without my babies...alone with a jerk like that.


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## bjbryant73 (Dec 2, 2006)

My pets were here first, if you don't like my animals don't let the door hit you on the booty when you're headed out the door.


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## Gharrissc (May 19, 2012)

No it wasn't an allergy,the dogs weren't destructive or anything.He just doesn't like animals. I guess the woman felt like he is worth it. According to her, the dogs were always indoors,but because he protested so much,she moved them outside.Apparently that became a problem,and so to the rescue the dogs went. I am glad this rescue has a high rate of successful adoptions, and foster homes. This does take spots that other dogs could use though.

It was really sad and I could see that this woman was hurting,but her 'main squeeze' was looking at his watch and becoming increasingly impatient as if he had somewhere to go!

The two older dogs actually went home for a short term foster with a staff member because they were concerned about the stress of being in the kennel.





Anitsisqua said:


> It wasn't even an allergy?! I'd rather be single that have to live without my babies...alone with a jerk like that.


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## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

bad situation. she seems very weak. i wish i could post
how low i think of her husband.



PatchonGSD said:


> How sad for the dogs....sounds like the beginning of an abusive and controlling relationship for her....





angelas said:


> Sounds to me like she married an emotional abuser.


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## chelle (Feb 1, 2009)

That is heart breaking. No partner is worth that. No partner who loved the other partner would force that. 

Reminds me of when I went to rescue Tucker. The woman was non-emotional for the most part, but said good bye to him at least. She then poked her head inside the door and yelled at her boyfriend and kids -- did they want to come say goodbye?

They didn't. He was nothing more than the pita that lived in the back yard to them. 

My boyfriend wasn't a dog person when he moved in, but he quickly and clearly received the "message." Dog here first, dog here last. Period.

That woman is going to live to really regret that decision.


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## Castlemaid (Jun 29, 2006)

This is so sad on so many different levels . . .


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## Syaoransbear (Sep 25, 2008)

If a spouse loved you at all they'd _never_ make you get rid of your pets. I wish that woman good luck, because she is not going to have a happy future.

If I worked at the rescue I would not have been able to stop myself from chewing out that douchebag of a husband. And I'd chew her out too for dooming her animals by marrying someone like that. If this kind of an issue hasn't been discussed sometime in the relationship, you aren't ready to get married.

At least she didn't have children and he turned out to hate kids, because she'd probably be making stops at the orphanage too.


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## LARHAGE (Jul 24, 2006)

This woman is a complete moron, an 11 and 14 year old dog???? Those dogs were FAR more loyal than that _*** Removed by Mod ***_she's marrying , she's one desperate broad, if she thinks this man was worth it she's in for a rude awakening, I could never be with someone who made me abandon my pets, and in fact I was once engaged to a guy who while not really into animals at least realized I was, than reality hit me in the head like an axe when not
15 minutes after a much anticipated foal was born he asked how old did it have to be before "we" sold it, I realized I was looking more forward to the foals future than my life with him, so I high-tailed it out of that relationship, never regretted one second, and I kept that foal till he died last year at 23, he meant far more to me!!


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## NewbieShepherdGirl (Jan 7, 2011)

How horrible, especially for the older dogs. I told the boy on day one that Sasha was #1 and that wasn't going to change, regardless of what went on between us. I also told him I would always have at least one dog and would prefer to have two or three. It was made clear I didn't do many things if they didn't involve Sasha (not fair to her after she's spent X amount of time in a crate due to school or work). Any jerk that makes you get rid of something you love for them, doesn't love you. I don't like cats but if the boy's cat had to move in with us after we got married, then I'd buy a litter box and adapt. That's just what you do.


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## chelle (Feb 1, 2009)

NewbieShepherdGirl said:


> How horrible, especially for the older dogs..


Giving up any dog is awful (for this woman's "reasons,") but to give them up as they're nearing their last years? I just cannot imagine. How does someone spend 10, 12, 14 *YEARS* with a dog and walk away... over a MAN?

I don't get it. I can only pray those older dogs can find a happy home, somewhere that an older couple, or less active family, can give them a nice, peaceful end to their days. I hope the younger ones can find a good home as well... ugh... it is just upsetting no matter how you look at it. 

I personalize these things a bit much. My dogs could live and be healthy and happy with someone else.. but THIS is the home they know... I am the human they really know. I wouldn't dream of displacing them over something as unimportant as an idiot who "demanded" such a thing.

I'm sorry this woman has been so blindsided by an absolute selfish jerk excuse for a human being.


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## Gharrissc (May 19, 2012)

It was pretty amazing how this man was almost proud while his wife was crying her eyes out! You could really cut the hatred from him with a knife!
He certainly had more compassion for his BMW SUV that was parked outside,as he kept checking on it everytime someone walked by.

The 'good' side to all of this is that the 11 and 14 year old were able to go to a temp foster with a staff member, and a family that has an approved application on file is looking for a Husky to adopt, so that may work out.


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## KatsMuse (Jun 5, 2012)

Wow!  No allergies? New spouse doesn't like dogs!?
That should've been a red flag BEFORE she married him!

I believe ownership of a dog is a responsibility that you take on until the end...or a terrible situation causes you to forfeit the dog.

One of our GSD rescues came from a domestic violence situation at age 5 because the husband threatened to KILL the dog...he had abused her for the entire time and the wife couldn't take it anymore. We took her in and she lived with us for 8 years. The poor girl ( Keena) cowered at any hand movement and didn't bark for 7 months....took a long time to gain our trust.

Maybe the woman could foresee this as well? I personally wouldn't have married a man like that!


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## llombardo (Dec 11, 2011)

When I first met my boyfriend 4 years, part of the conversation was about the pets I had at the time. It was 5 cats and 1 dog. He mentioned he was allergic to cats and I mentioned that the cats would not go anywhere. Well 4 years later I still have the boyfriend, 5 cats, and 3 dogs. I was lucky because he became somewhat immune to the cats(although) he's not a cat person at all. He even has rescued two stray cats for me, because they were black cats and it was close to Halloween and I didn't want them outside. Under no circumstances would I get rid of my pets or even get involved with someone that required this.


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## breyer08 (Jul 4, 2012)

How incredibly sad for the dogs and the woman. At least the dogs made it to a rescue shelter... I have a feeling the woman might need one at some point, too.


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## Draugr (Jul 8, 2011)

How disgusting.

I have not met Ms. Right yet, but when/if I do, I'm walking straight away no matter how perfect she is otherwise, if there are any caveats about my pets.


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## Franksmom (Oct 13, 2010)

Feel so sorry for the dogs and the woman too, I can't help but feel like she's married a controler and it will just get worse.

One of the first things I discussed with my husband before we married was where the dogs belong and we both agreed on the foot of the bed! 
One of my son's has already said if his girlfriends don't agree that the dogs belong in the house as a part of the family forever then they're not the girl for him.


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## huntergreen (Jun 28, 2012)

don't understand why people feel sorry for this woman as she could have said no, or walked away from this guy before she married him.


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## ozzymama (Jan 17, 2005)

Those poor dogs. So sad.
I've said before, due to my job at the time, dh's and my dates revolved around the dogs. It might be just coffee in the park and a long walk during the week if we had time, but if he wanted to see me, they had to come. Funny thing was, he was a dog person, but he was a typical bachelor with the typical bachelor life, so he couldn't have dogs. When we moved in together it made it so much easier  He was already used to dog hair on everything, including in his food.
I remember when I was pregnant going for walks, there would be Oz and dh a half block ahead of us, chuck-it slung over dh's shoulder for Oz and Sandi and I, waddling along behind, pregnant and geriatric following the "young bucks".
They were a part of me, if dh wanted to be a part of us, we were a package. Now, Oz loves him more than me most times and Dolly, well dh bought her. She was his choice, she was his dream.


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## kiya (May 3, 2010)

When I first met my husband in 1989, I only had my horse Stroker at the time. I told him "If you ever make me choose between you and my horse...sorry mister you loose". He understood that right off the bat and till this day he tells the story.
Stupid woman, she will live to regret what she has done. Those poor dogs.


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## NatalieCat (Apr 10, 2012)

huntergreen said:


> don't understand why people feel sorry for this woman as she could have said no, or walked away from this guy before she married him.


I feel bad for her because down the road she's going to seriously regret what she did, and she won't be able to fix that mistake.

I would never be with someone who didn't love animals. Fortunately for me my boyfriend is as animal crazy as I am.


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## Mrs.K (Jul 14, 2009)

huntergreen said:


> don't understand why people feel sorry for this woman as she could have said no, or walked away from this guy before she married him.


If that relationship was already abusive before she married him, it's a never ending circle. 

Abusive relationships are not that easy and they are not rational. You can't apply common sense or rationality to an abusive relationship. 

Which also explains why she married him in the first place and why she agreed to give up her dogs. A rational thinking person, like you and me wouldn't do that. A person in an absuive relationship... whole different ballgame. 

If it is an abusive relationship, I feel sorry but know that she's got to come to terms. You can't help people in an abusive relationship. They won't see nor believe it until the day they realize it themselves. Very similar to alcohol or drug abuse, actually. But of course we don't know whats really going on in that relationship...so it's all speculation.


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## holland (Jan 11, 2009)

That is so sad


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## kbella999 (Jan 6, 2012)

That is terribly sad. Breaks my heart for the dogs who lost their "mommy" and for the lady who didn't have the self-esteem to tell the guy to shove it. If you marry me, you marry my dogs.


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## apenn0006 (Jun 22, 2012)

llombardo said:


> When I first met my boyfriend 4 years, part of the conversation was about the pets I had at the time. It was 5 cats and 1 dog. He mentioned he was allergic to cats and I mentioned that the cats would not go anywhere. Well 4 years later I still have the boyfriend, 5 cats, and 3 dogs. I was lucky because he became somewhat immune to the cats(although) he's not a cat person at all. He even has rescued two stray cats for me, because they were black cats and it was close to Halloween and I didn't want them outside. Under no circumstances would I get rid of my pets or even get involved with someone that required this.


See that's what I'm talking about! If someone really loves you, they won't make you choose between them and something you love. I gave up my motorcycle for an emotionally abusive boyfriend when I was younger and regretted it so much (not bc it was dangerous but bc he said it drew too much attention to me from other guys). As soon as we broke up I went out and bought another one. 

This lady will regret it when she wakes up one day and realizes that guy was not worth letting go of something she loved.


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## ElviraCross (Jun 29, 2012)

Sounds like an amazing marriage. What a jerk, he obviously doesn't care about her at all!


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

Sad for both the animals and the woman. Classic signs of an abuser.


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## SpookyShepherd (Oct 12, 2010)

That's so sad for both the woman and her dogs. 
When DH and I started seriously dating I made it quite clear that critters came first. In fact, he got kicked out one night because a cat accidentally spilled a drink, and DH called him "**** cat". Yeah... not cool. Didn't talk to him for two days, lol!


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## Liesje (Mar 4, 2007)

Jax08 said:


> Sad for both the animals and the woman. Classic signs of an abuser.


I agree. I think it's more than the guy is a jerk or the woman doesn't care or is a pushover. Sounds like emotional abuse and control.


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

Liesje said:


> I agree. I think it's more than the guy is a jerk or the woman doesn't care or is a pushover. Sounds like emotional abuse and control.


Yes. It's the start of the "isolation". Take away everything so she only has him for support.  So very sad.


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## Blanketback (Apr 27, 2012)

Well, since we're all just speculating anyways...I say she should have picked the guy with the 12 year old Buick instead of the BMW. That's what I did, and I've never looked back. My guy might not have a big wallet but he sure does have a big heart.

We actually have a 'joke' at out house. A long time ago my DH had to take his dog to the vet, so he asked to leave work early. His boss didn't want to give him the time off, so he asked DH what was more important to him, his job or his dog. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha , LMFAO, ha ha ha ha!!!
Of course it wasn't funny at the time....what a stupid question....


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## CarrieJ (Feb 22, 2011)

Unbelievable.
That would be a biggie even before the first date. 
Just like that movie Snatch:
"Do you like dogs?"


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## Caledon (Nov 10, 2008)

Jax08 said:


> Yes. It's the start of the "isolation". Take away everything so she only has him for support.  So very sad.


I agree. 

Things change though. Before marriage my husband knew I was an animal lover and wanted pets. He agreed. After marriage he tells me he is not an animal lover and the best pet is someone elses. He tells me this weekly. He is one of those people that like the playing and the affection but does not like the hair and on the very rare occasion how they tie us down.

I do have a dog and two cats and I'm really getting sick of listening to him state that once these pets are gone, no more pets. I will always have a dog, with or without him.


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## Nikitta (Nov 10, 2011)

That's beyond sad. Especially for the older dogs, poor things. I'm not sure how much sympathy I have for the woman though. But like you said, abuse creeps up on you. I've said it before, love me love my pets. I've kicked more then one boyfriend to the curb for trying to give me ultimatums about my pets. I didn't let the door hit them in the butt either because my foot had already booted them through it.


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## Lilie (Feb 3, 2010)

Sadly for the woman, her pets won't be the only part of her identity she is going to lose. My heart breaks for the dogs and I hope they find a better, healthier home. 

I respect my spouse enough not to have a dozen 4 legged animals running amuck. He respects me enough not to question the fact that I have....10 (4 dogs, 3 horses, 3 cats). Well now, didn't think of it that way.


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## Jo_in_TX (Feb 14, 2012)

I don't know that this is a symptom of abuse, but I do know it's a symptom of serious problems.

Too many women marry men thinking that they will change them. ha I suspect that he told her upfront that he didn't want to live with animals, and she thought she could change him. Then she moved the dogs outside when she couldn't.

It's just a sad, sad situation all around. You can blame her just as much as him for thinking she could move his boundaries.

She married the wrong guy.


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## crackem (Mar 29, 2006)

I feel badly for the dogs, the woman? I guess some people get what they ask for in life, i'm guessing she has lots of love and happiness coming her way in the future. Pretty much exactly what she's asking for.


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## CarrieJ (Feb 22, 2011)

Lilie said:


> Sadly for the woman, her pets won't be the only part of her identity she is going to lose. My heart breaks for the dogs and I hope they find a better, healthier home.
> 
> I respect my spouse enough not to have a dozen 4 legged animals running amuck. He respects me enough not to question the fact that I have....10 (4 dogs, 3 horses, 3 cats). Well now, didn't think of it that way.


No, you have an even dozen. Lonestar counts for at least two....


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## Lilie (Feb 3, 2010)

CarrieJ said:


> No, you have an even dozen. Lonestar counts for at least two....


So true. If Lonestar was the first dog I ever brought home, hubby would be a cat - man!


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## TMarie (Jul 6, 2006)

This is really sad. Unfortunately it occurs more often then many people realize.

There is a lady here that was very active in agility and conformation shows. All 5 of her dogs were titled in both. They all lived indoors, and were well taken care of, until she met a man that didn't like dogs. She moved all her dogs outside when he moved in, and she soon spent less and less time with them, then they just became a nuisance for her and her boyfriend. Luckily for the dogs, a friend of hers was able to convince her to give her the dogs, and they were all placed in other homes. 6 months later, the boyfriend left her.

Another situation similar was a lady with 2 eight year old Dobermans she raised since puppies, always indoor dogs, and her boyfriend also moved in and told her to get rid of the dogs because he didn't like them. She dropped them off at the shelter that very day. Such a shame.


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

There was a lady who drowned her two boys because her boy friend did not want kids. Some women have a serious problem when it comes to having or not having a relationship. These dogs are better off in the rescue. 

She does not care enough about them to stop serious abuse either. One of the ways abusers use to control and hurt/demonstrate power over their spouse or children is to physically hurt the pet that the person really cares about. I made that gender neutral but I have only heard of men doing this to women and children. Women are catching up though on being jerks, and it would not surprise me to have a woman do the same thing. After all, women generally hold first place when it comes to jealousy and it does not have to be another woman that is the source of the jealousy.

Let's just be thankful the dogs are safe. If they are well-behaved, nice dogs, who are up to date on all their vetting, then they will be easy to manage until the right home comes along for them. 

Do I feel sorry for the woman? I guess I do. I feel sorry for women who will put themselves out like that to satisfy a man, women that feel that if they do not do this the man might leave, women that feel that if the man leaves, that is worse than losing all four of her beloved pets at once.

Now if she married a multi-millionaire and is planning on slowly poisoning his coffee every day until he dies and leave his immense fortune to her, well then I don't feel sorry for her, but wish her the best of luck. (Just kidding!) But I certainly have no use for a man that would make someone give up her critters. 4 is a lot of dogs if you are not into dogs. He could have said that when the old ones go, they will not be replaced. He might have even convinced her to find a better situation for a young one. But all four at once. That is disgusting, and shows a lack of empathy on his part.

So, this woman will pay for dumping her dogs. She will pay and pay and pay and pay. A big part of her heart has been blackened already. You cannot do something like that without dying a little inside.


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## Dainerra (Nov 14, 2003)

ok, I'll go out on a limb, though, and say that it doesn't mean that the guy is an abuser. Some people just DO NOT like animals. We don't know that he forced or coerced her into giving up the dogs. Sadly, not everyone looks at their pets as members of their families the way we do - even if they take excellent care of them. Others, well, they get brainwashed into the "only pets" and that a woman shouldn't choose an animal over a potential mate. That doesn't mean that the guy is brainwashing - he doesn't have to, society will do it.
I know several people who have multiple pets but if someone said "dogs need to go" then they would go. Sure, they may be sad, but they wouldn't consider not getting rid of the animals.

Me, my husband knows better to say "me or the dogs" He knows I'd miss him though


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## rooandtree (May 13, 2012)

the day i left my ex husband was the day i came home and found out he gave my 3 dogs who he never liked to a rescue...that sealed the deal for me


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## Gharrissc (May 19, 2012)

That's true the man doesn't have to be an abuser,and the woman could have made the decision to honor the commitment to her pets. So yes she was sad,but she could have made the choice if the pets were that huge to her. 

Update: Staff member at rescue decided to keep the two older dogs and the Husky is going to be doing a meet/greet with potential adopters' dogs to see how it goes with them.


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## ken k (Apr 3, 2006)

I feel bad for the dogs, if anyone told me, "its the dogs or me", well you can guess what may answer would be


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## Stosh (Jun 26, 2010)

My vet was telling me about a good friend of hers, another vet, who recently married for the second time. While she was out of town, her dog killed the neighbor's chicken so her husband shot and killed her dog!!! He didn't tell her until she got home and asked where the dog was. She's already filed for divorce.


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## Sunflowers (Feb 17, 2012)

Wow, she must have been really desperate to get married.


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## Sunflowers (Feb 17, 2012)

rooandtree said:


> the day i left my ex husband was the day i came home and found out he gave my 3 dogs who he never liked to a rescue...that sealed the deal for me


Did you get them back?


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## Blue22 (Jan 22, 2012)

I believe that if a person doesn't like animals they don't like people either and they aren't the kind of person I want to be around. How sad for that woman but how pathetic that she needs such a horrible person in her life more...I am certain the dogs loved her unconditionally...I would bet all I have this man won't My dogs brighten my life...I couldn't imagine being married to a man who could care less about what kind of loss not having them would cause me. If he is that selfish the dogs will be better off finding new homes as I am sure their life was even worse in that situation than her's is going to be.

And OMG, to the person whose husband got rid of her dogs...I would have died...no HE would have if I was unable to get them back...were you able to get them back? Glad to hear it the the gateway to you finding strength though

Linda


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## JakodaCD OA (May 14, 2000)

there are alot of people who just don't like animals unfortunately, they don't know what they're missing.

BUT, he'd have been out the door before my animals would be.

I honestly don't feel sorry for the woman, she had a choice and it's obvious what she chose..Wonder how she'll feel if he leaves her in a year or two and she gave her animals up for nothing


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## rooandtree (May 13, 2012)

Sunflowers said:


> Did you get them back?


 no i didnt  that was 15 years ago and i still get mad thinking about it


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## TrickyShepherd (Aug 15, 2011)

How very sad...

I would absolutely never get rid of my pets because my spouse "didn't like them". What a terrible man he is!!!


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## GSD2 (Jan 27, 2012)

That is so sad. I guess we really don't know the circumstances, although from the discription of his smug look it really sounds as if he was abusive. It could be that he had started to abuse and theaten her and her animals and this was the only choice she felt she had to keep them safe, hard to say. Perhaps she was an animal hoarder and had another 100 dogs at home and these were the 4 she was able to give up, hmm probably not.....just too sad anyway it went........


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## DunRingill (Dec 28, 2007)

Wow. When I saw the subject line "Petless due to spouse" my first thought was "Spouseless due to PETS!" 

Fortunately my husband loves the dogs as much as I do


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## codmaster (Aug 5, 2009)

Anybody want to bet how long that marrige lasts?


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## Pepper311 (Sep 11, 2011)

So sad. If a guy did not like dogs I would not date them. That's a fact. Must love dogs. One reason I was attracted to my husband was because he had 2 dogs a pit and a Pom mix. How awesome is that. 

My sister inlay had to give up her cats for her husband who does not like responsibility or pets. My husband thought it was not fair that his sister had to give up her pets just because he said so. But that's love she says she is happy. 

Us crazy animal people would never let someone take our pets.


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## DharmasMom (Jul 4, 2010)

Me upon MEETING someone new: Do you like dogs? 

Them: No, can't stand them.

Me: Heh. Nice meeting you. (walks away)

It would NEVER even get to the point of a FIRST date much less getting married. I certainly would never be in the position of giving up my dogs for some man. I don't want or need one that bad.


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## codmaster (Aug 5, 2009)

Yea, that would be very hard with someone who actively did not like my dog!


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## chelle (Feb 1, 2009)

DharmasMom said:


> Me upon MEETING someone new: Do you like dogs?
> 
> Them: No, can't stand them.
> 
> ...


Exactly!!!! You know that list of "must answer correctly" type questions? Yeah, how they feel about dogs is in that list. 

That woman must be very beaten down, very lonely, very susceptible to an abuser-sort to allow that to happen. I want to hate her, but even more, I want to cry for her, that she's lost her spirit to stand for what she loves.

The man, OTOH, well... no sympathy there. I'd *love* to meet him.  Yes, I would truly enjoy conversing with him on this issue. The whole thing would likely end in handcuffs, but I can tell you I wouldn't be wearing them.  I'm craftier than that, lol.


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## DharmasMom (Jul 4, 2010)

chelle said:


> Exactly!!!! You know that list of "must answer correctly" type questions? Yeah, how they feel about dogs is in that list.
> 
> That woman must be very beaten down, very lonely, very susceptible to an abuser-sort to allow that to happen. I want to hate her, but even more, I want to cry for her, that she's lost her spirit to stand for what she loves.
> 
> The man, OTOH, well... no sympathy there. I'd *love* to meet him.  Yes, I would truly enjoy conversing with him on this issue. The whole thing would likely end in handcuffs, but I can tell you I wouldn't be wearing them.  I'm craftier than that, lol.


Yep, that question is at the top of the list and completely nonnegotiable. I can negotiate on A LOT of things but not that. If you don't like dogs you won't get a phone number. I can get over you not liking the Grateful Dead but not Fido.


ETA: I don't attract non dog lover's anyway. It is pretty obvious 5 min after meeting me I am "crazy dog lady", lol. I probably would scare a guy like that off anyway!

As for her, I just can't feel sorry for her. She KNEW long before she married him that he didn't like dogs, he didn't wake up that morning and say "honey, I HATE the pooches, they need to go". She obviously cares more about having a man in her life than her dogs' lives and I can't respect that. 

As for him, I wouldn't cross the street to spit on him if he was on fire.


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## Dainerra (Nov 14, 2003)

chelle said:


> Exactly!!!! You know that list of "must answer correctly" type questions? Yeah, how they feel about dogs is in that list.
> 
> That woman must be very beaten down, very lonely, very susceptible to an abuser-sort to allow that to happen. I want to hate her, but even more, I want to cry for her, that she's lost her spirit to stand for what she loves.
> 
> The man, OTOH, well... no sympathy there. I'd *love* to meet him.  Yes, I would truly enjoy conversing with him on this issue. The whole thing would likely end in handcuffs, but I can tell you I wouldn't be wearing them.  I'm craftier than that, lol.


Like I said before, unless the woman was in hysterical tears when she dropped off her dogs, why is everyone blaming this all on the guy? I know more than a few women (and men) who give up something they "love" because of an idle comment from a potential boyfriend (let alone a spouse!) that they don't like it. That is because to a lot of people, dogs are dogs. They're cute and they love having them around but in the end they're just another item. They might even feel sad that it's gone but it's the same sadness you feel when you give your old toys to Goodwill, not the heartbreak of losing a member of your family.

I see the incident a bit differently as everyone else.

Guy - "Oh I don't like dogs."
Woman - "We'll move them outside"
sometime later...
Guy - "The dogs are barking all the time and the neighbors are complaining."
Woman - "Yes. The dogs will have to go" 
And the dogs go to the pound and she is sad.

The fact that she had 4 dogs doesn't equal that she is a super great "my dogs are family" owner. It makes her a person who owns 4 dogs. Shoot, I have a neighbor with 2 dogs and he HATES dogs.


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## NewbieShepherdGirl (Jan 7, 2011)

DharmasMom said:


> ETA: I don't attract non dog lover's anyway. *It is pretty obvious 5 min after meeting me I am "crazy dog lady",* lol. I probably would scare a guy like that off anyway!


Is it the hair or the random pet supplies on your person that gives you away lol! I have one of those big wool coats (that I no longer use because of all the Sasha hair it attracts) and I went to meet with a group to do a project. I had just defured it, but the fur in my car instantly stuck to it, so that was sign #1. The second was I reached into my pocket to get something and training treats came out lol! If you get in my car you'll also find a spare collar, leash, and bowl, and sometimes random dog stuff too. I don't know how, but people seem to know I have a dog without me having to say anything


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

codmaster said:


> Anybody want to bet how long that marrige lasts?


Dixie Chicks - Goodbye Earl - YouTube


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## DharmasMom (Jul 4, 2010)

NewbieShepherdGirl said:


> Is it the hair or the random pet supplies on your person that gives you away lol! I have one of those big wool coats (that I no longer use because of all the Sasha hair it attracts) and I went to meet with a group to do a project. I had just defured it, but the fur in my car instantly stuck to it, so that was sign #1. The second was I reached into my pocket to get something and training treats came out lol! If you get in my car you'll also find a spare collar, leash, and bowl, and sometimes random dog stuff too. I don't know how, but people seem to know I have a dog without me having to say anything


 It is all of the above. I almost always have at least a few random dog hairs clinging to me despite my best efforts. I am always finding poop bags in the pockets of my shorts and jeans (that is fun when I throw them in the laundry-:wild, my car has treats, a collapsible water bowl, a chuck it, several balls, a collar, A random toy or 2 that Dharma has been known to sneak with her when we go some place, poop bags and of course the prerequisite dog hair and snot art on the windows. I used to have an extra leash but Pippa chewed through it. And of course by barrier is currently up since my last transport, just haven't taken it down. It is almost embarrassing going to the car wash. 

I pretty much scream "dog lover" or "crazy dog lady", whichever.


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## chelle (Feb 1, 2009)

Dainerra said:


> Like I said before, unless the woman was in hysterical tears when she dropped off her dogs, *why is everyone blaming this all on the guy?* I know more than a few women (and men) who give up something they "love" because of an idle comment from a potential boyfriend (let alone a spouse!) that they don't like it. That is because to a lot of people, dogs are dogs. They're cute and they love having them around but in the end they're just another item. They might even feel sad that it's gone but it's the same sadness you feel when you give your old toys to Goodwill, not the heartbreak of losing a member of your family.....


I'm blaming him due to the initial description the OP gave and other info from OP that came later ... the woman being distraught and the man looking only at his watch and car.

"Very emotional" on her part and "very smug" on his part. 

Even if she were "very emotional" over the loss of a goldfish, I'd think a decent man would offer at least some condolence, an arm around the shoulder, something.


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## Freestep (May 1, 2011)

It's possible the guy was "Mr. Wonderful" before she married him. Some guys will do and say all the right things and get a woman to marry him, make her dependent on him... and THEN the truth comes out, and the woman is trapped in an abusive relationship.

I have a client whose brand-new husband decided, two weeks after the wedding, that he didn't like her dogs and wanted them out. Now the dogs live outside. Granted, they have a nice covered kennel and a yard to play in, but they don't get to come in the house. They still come in for grooming every 8 weeks and they are always filthy. At least he didn't make her get rid of the dogs, but it's pretty low blow. They are still married, I think about 5 or 6 years now, which is pretty surprising to me.


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## DharmasMom (Jul 4, 2010)

Freestep said:


> It's possible the guy was "Mr. Wonderful" before she married him. Some guys will do and say all the right things and get a woman to marry him, make her dependent on him... and THEN the truth comes out, and the woman is trapped in an abusive relationship.
> 
> I have a client whose brand-new husband decided, two weeks after the wedding, that he didn't like her dogs and wanted them out. Now the dogs live outside. Granted, they have a nice covered kennel and a yard to play in, but they don't get to come in the house. They still come in for grooming every 8 weeks and they are always filthy. At least he didn't make her get rid of the dogs, but it's pretty low blow. They are still married, I think about 5 or 6 years now, which is pretty surprising to me.



Heh, he had better be deciding where else he wants to live. But again, that would have been made VERY clear before I ever said "I do". 

You can tell when you are getting to know someone if they are animal lovers or not. When one of my best friends started dating her husband, he was not a dog lover and was not a fan of her dogs. The longer they dated though he came around. After he moved in, he was in love with them just like she was and when the female blew out her knee, he helped her pay for the surgery. He even allows them to sleep on the bed with him when she is at work. His problem was he had never been around dogs and never had them as pets.


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## Freestep (May 1, 2011)

DharmasMom said:


> Heh, he had better be deciding where else he wants to live. But again, that would have been made VERY clear before I ever said "I do".


Oh yeah. I'm a big believer in living together before saying "I do". Lots of things come out that you don't see when you live apart.

My husband loves animals, maybe even more than I do--I think it's his fault we have so many cats.


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## TimberGSD2 (Nov 8, 2011)

I just saw this post and how sad! When DH and I met I was very upfront with how much my animals meant to me and that if he had ANY issues with how I am (my dogs are my kids and are treated as such) then he should tell me now. I also explained that if at anytime he tried the "it's me or the dogs" routine then I would gladly let him have his animal free life back. I cannot imagine giving up something I had raised, loved, and cared for for that reason. He sounds like an >>> and she sounds like she needs a backbone. I'm guessing that will not be a happy relationship and it's sad that she does not see that.


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## Jo Ellen (Aug 30, 2011)

I stopped dating a wonderful man once because he told me my dog would need to be outside in a kennel. End of that story. 

I think the signs are there if you're paying attention. People make their choices, and I believe people generally do what they want to. 

Lots of unlucky dogs out there. Mine will never be one of them.


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## Bridget (Apr 5, 2004)

I have no sympathy for this woman. How could anyone give up their dogs especially for a reason like that? And if she loved her dogs so much, how did she even get involved with this person? I mean, is I was single and I met someone who didn't like dogs, it would be our first and last date because we simply wouldn't have anything to talk about! I mean, how does that work??


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## Jo Ellen (Aug 30, 2011)

LOL, my cardinal rule for dating is the first date is with the dogs


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## DharmasMom (Jul 4, 2010)

Jo Ellen said:


> I stopped dating a wonderful man once because he told me my dog would need to be outside in a kennel. End of that story.
> 
> I think the signs are there if you're paying attention. People make their choices, and I believe people generally do what they want to.
> 
> Lots of unlucky dogs out there. Mine will never be one of them.



He is ONLY wonderful if he likes dogs. Otherwise he is just "heh", no matter what is going on with him. 

if Johnny Depp called tomorrow and asked me out but then said, "oh by the way, I don't like dogs", I would have to say sorry, no can do.


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

DharmasMom said:


> He is ONLY wonderful if he likes dogs. Otherwise he is just "heh", no matter what is going on with him.
> 
> if Johnny Depp called tomorrow and asked me out but then said, "oh by the way, I don't like dogs", I would have to say sorry, no can do.


If Johnny Depp called you I would be extremely jealous.


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## DharmasMom (Jul 4, 2010)

LaRen616 said:


> If Johnny Depp called you I would be extremely jealous.



 Who are we kidding. I would at least give him a booty call. But I definitely wouldn't go on a date with him or anything if he didn't like dogs.


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## Remo (Sep 8, 2004)

I just have to say that I absolutely love the term "Snot Art" in an earlier post! It describes my SUV windows perfectly!

Many years ago I found an ancient poodle in the middle of a very busy road. We called the numbers on the tags and of course everything was disconnected. Eventually, through the police, I found the distraught owner of the geriatric pooch (he was 17!) and found out that she was on a honeymoon trip with her new husband and the dog had escaped from her parents house. They had a tight time frame and the husband was ready to leave Virginia WITHOUT the dog. His new wife promptly informed him that she had been with the dog for 17 years and had only known him for a couple of years. She then told him that if he forced her to make a choice, he would NOT be happy about her decision. 

I wonder if their marriage lasted??? 

If my partner/husband loved something/anything, it would be important to me too since I love him so much. 

That woman is doomed to a miserable future with that man.


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

DharmasMom said:


> Who are we kidding. I would at least give him a booty call. But I definitely wouldn't go on a date with him or anything if he didn't like dogs.


I would definitely have some fun with him for a while.


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## Gharrissc (May 19, 2012)

Husky was adopted today..Now there is just the Lab mix.
I've seen it happen where people like this 'make a mistake' 
and want their dogs back.That's SOL for her if that does happen!


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## Okie2 (Aug 23, 2010)

In my opinion she should have dropped off the jerk................and took her beloved pets home.


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## pets4life (Feb 22, 2011)

hes probably abusive to her and shes probably lonely and stuck this happens a lot and is common why cant you people see that? The real world isnt always perfect and people arent always strong. Yeah i feel real sorry for the dogs also. In the womans head she probably doesnt have a choice who knows what the guy does to her. Love how some people act like stuff is so easy. Maybe she was saving the animals from abuse who knows. Maybe he would have killed them himself if she didnt do this. Maybe she will end up dead one day. WE will never know.


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## kiya (May 3, 2010)

pets4life said:


> hes probably abusive to her and shes probably lonely and stuck this happens a lot and is common why cant you people see that? The real world isnt always perfect and people arent always strong. Yeah i feel real sorry for the dogs also. In the womans head she probably *doesnt have a choice* who knows what the guy does to her. Love how some people act like stuff is so easy. Maybe she was saving the animals from abuse who knows. Maybe he would have killed them himself if she didnt do this. Maybe she will end up dead one day. WE will never know.


Wrong every one has choices to make. If your in an abusive relationship it is because you choose to be in one.


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

kiya said:


> Wrong every one has choices to make. If your in an abusive relationship it is because you choose to be in one.


I"m sorry but that is not true. Women don't think "I like being beaten and mentally torn down so I choose to stay"

Anyone that thinks it is that simple..well...hope you never have to walk in those shoes.


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## Marnie (Oct 11, 2011)

PatchonGSD said:


> How sad for the dogs....sounds like the beginning of an abusive and controlling relationship for her....


That was my thought too. Next thing she will be checking in at the battered woman's shelter. Karma. Love has to be one part attraction and one part common sense or it is a bad bargain.


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## kiya (May 3, 2010)

Jax08 said:


> I"m sorry but that is not true. Women don't think "I like being beaten and mentally torn down so I choose to stay"
> 
> Anyone that thinks it is that simple..well...hope you never have to walk in those shoes.


We will have to agree to disagree. 
My mother visits her abusive husbands grave. My late sister-in law chose to go back to her husband. Maybe I've just seen way to much. Some women believe it is what they diserve. 
And I have walked in those shoes.


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## Lakl (Jul 23, 2011)

I have been an animal lover for as long as I can remember, and couldn't imagine being married to someone that could not tolerate them. The DH loves our dogs just as much as me. Our oldest is 10 yrs old and is starting to show the signs of old age. He calls her his first daughter and says that when she passes, he's going to take 30 days leave from work.

I have an old friend that absolutely could not stand animals, but especially dogs. She would not even pet a dog. Well, her daughter and grand kids moved in for awhile and somehow convinced her to let them get a puppy. I came back to visit a few months later and she was so in love with the dog it was sleeping in her bed with her. I was stunned. She was 52 yrs old and had always found dogs repulsive, but somehow, this pup had found the way to her heart.

I don't know what this woman's emotional or mental state is, but the pain she felt letting those dogs go today will not end anytime soon. This man will not be able to replace the bond or love she had with those dogs. Unfortunately, it will be too late by the time she realizes it...


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## Marnie (Oct 11, 2011)

In a way, it might be a very good thing. Since she picked the boy friend, it is far better that the dogs are out of the house and away from this person. If she kept them, they would probably become abused too. In a few months we can hope the dogs will adjust to a new home and be safe.


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## chelle (Feb 1, 2009)

This "choice" thing... ok, yes it is a "choice" in the definition of the word, but it goes far, far deeper than that. It isn't like making the choice of which pair of socks to wear. People who allow themselves to be abused, controlled, etc, have other very deep rooted issues that make them feel as though they do not have a choice.

My .02. Been there, done that, sloshed around in the muck for awhile, eventually got out... Which is actually funny now. It was over a dog. I took my puppy to the Fair. Boyfriend hated how we couldn't go to certain areas because I'd insisted on bringing the dog. He yelled, threw a FIT. Scared me, thought he'd beat me when we got home. I ran away, went to a stranger's house, called dad to get me... never looked back. Moved out the next day. So, I guess you could say I made a choice and left an abuser over a dog -- but it took a lot of fear of what he was going to do to me to get me that far.


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## Bear GSD (Apr 12, 2012)

IMO I don't feel sorry for the woman, she made her bed, so to speak. What I feel really bad for are the dogs, here they are ripped from the only home that they have ever known and now will ultimately be separated. Imagine how they feel, some of these dogs were not that young!


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