# How to train the husband?



## Emoore (Oct 9, 2002)

Kopper really has bad manners. He jumps on people, he takes the leash in his mouth and tries to pull you when you're walking, he barks loudly and joyfully from the time he pulls our car in the driveway until about 5 minutes after we come home, he's developed this habit of breaking into my weight room (the door doesn't shut well) and stealing small items like my headphones and my resistance bands, he climbs into your lap with muddy feet after you've asked him not to. . . 

I've addressed all of these behaviors, work with him, discipline, re-direct, but my husband encourages him. 

He's never done this with any other dog before. I've done some thinking, and I think this is all wrapped up in his guilt and grief over Cash. He was the one playing fetch with him when the ball went down his throat and he blames himself for Cash's death. I do not-- the dog loved to play ball and we both played it with him several times per day. But he loved that dog a lot and now he blames himself for his passing. Now he loves Kopper a lot and spoils him mercilessly. 

When I bring it up with him he says, "He's a little boy; let him be a little boy. Plenty of time for him to grow up later. Besides, Cash wasn't perfect either and you loved him." It's true he's still a little boy, but he's a BIG little boy and I'm getting sick of having an unmannered 80lb little boy. True, Cash wasn't perfect and did a lot of the same stuff, especially in the first year after we adopted him, but we worked with him and he got better. I feel like he really does love Kopper more than I do, but it's an unhealthy love that's all mixed up with grief and regret and doesn't have any spine to it. 

What do I do? :help: He's AWESOME at training, and he gets a lot better when my husband leaves town. I feel horrible for saying that, but there it is.


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## Stevenzachsmom (Mar 3, 2008)

Put your husband in a crate and use a shock collar. I think that's the only way. Are you practicing NILIF with him? 

Seriously, if is very sad that your husband feels such guilt over the loss of Cash, but Kopper isn't Cash. Kopper needs to learn manners so you can both better enjoy him and he can be the dog that he is meant to be. It really isn't doing Kopper any favors. At some point he needs to learn and the sooner the better.

Can you video Kopper's good behavior when hubby is not home? Sit down with hubby and calmly explain to him why it is so important that Kopper learn proper behavior and why waiting is a mistake. Your husband sounds like a great guy. I think you can make him see reason. Good luck!


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## Cassidy's Mom (Mar 30, 2003)

Sorry, can't help you there. Puppies and dogs? Easy to train. Husbands? Nearly impossible!


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## Stosh (Jun 26, 2010)

My husband travels a lot and when he's away Stosh takes his responsibilities as my protector seriously, but when Mike gets home Stosh goes nuts! My husband will let him play bite, let him do body blocks, generally 'guy stuff' that they both love. But when he's home I fall down the ladder to #3 in the house. My herding trainer had us do an exercise so Stosh could see the control I had- I gave Mike commands like sit stay come [which he did reluctantly] and Stosh couldn't believe I made my husband obey! He kept doing the head tilt, like WTH?? Then I have Stosh the same commands and he was all excited to do what Mike was doing. After that Mike gave Stosh the commands and he was more than willing to do them- kind of like a new guy game. Once Mike saw how much Stosh needed to be 'the dog' he was convinced that he couldn't let Stosh go wild when he's home.


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## mysweetkaos (Sep 20, 2011)

I don't know but if you figure it out let me know. My husband (who claims to only love the dogs because I do), is the same way. He doesn't understand why I get frustrated....Sherman can be perfect and calm all day, until my husband gets home. Then it is to put it nicely a goat rodeo in my living room. Even the kids point out the difference to my husband.

I just try and remember, I am glad I am married to a loving, fun man who takes interest in things I take interest in....even if he does it different. He was the same way with Kaos, and well eventually Kaos did mature past that stage

That is sad if your husband does have guilt over Cash. I personally would let him be. Eventually Kopper will mature past that stage. 

I guess it's good in our case too, Sherman acts that way with him and only him. He doesn't try it with the kids or anyone else, so I let it slide.


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## Emoore (Oct 9, 2002)

mysweetkaos said:


> .Sherman can be perfect and calm all day, until my husband gets home. Then it is to put it nicely *a goat rodeo* in my living room.


Hahahahahahahaha! A goat rodeo! What a perfect description. Do we live in the same house?


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## kiya (May 3, 2010)

Ifyou ever figure out what to do please let me know, I gave up on trying to teach my old husband new tricks. 
I was going thru some old pictures, I found one of my husband in puppy class with Apache (the only time I think he went to class good thing I got a pic). Seems since then he doesn't show any intrest in training. Anytime I suggest anything he gets offended. So basically I am on my own with training and behavioral issues.


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## hunterisgreat (Jan 30, 2011)

I used my clicker on a coworker but it actually made her really angry. I think my reward wasn't high value enough


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## mysweetkaos (Sep 20, 2011)

Emoore said:


> Hahahahahahahaha! A goat rodeo! What a perfect description. Do we live in the same house?


We could very well....our dogs are about the same ages!! Although, I think you'd notice my 3 kids running around. I'd like to point out, my 2 yr old requires better behavior of Sherman than my husband does


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## DFrost (Oct 29, 2006)

Let me see; people that know how to train dogs but can't train a husband. I would think, when training a dog you find a reinforcement that the dog really likes and offer that when the dog does what is asked ----------- a marker could even be introduced - - - uhhh do I really need to explain the rest???????

DFrost


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## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

how long did it take to teach your dog how to drive??



Emoore said:


> he barks loudly and joyfully
> 
> >>>>from the time he pulls our car in the driveway<<<<
> 
> until about 5 minutes after we come home,


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## mysweetkaos (Sep 20, 2011)

DFrost said:


> Let me see; people that know how to train dogs but can't train a husband. I would think, when training a dog you find a reinforcement that the dog really likes and offer that when the dog does what is asked ----------- a marker could even be introduced - - - uhhh do I really need to explain the rest???????
> 
> DFrost


Nah....I prefer a short leash and a prong!


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## RocketDog (Sep 25, 2011)

hunterisgreat said:


> I used my clicker on a coworker but it actually made her really angry. I think my reward wasn't high value enough


LMAO


Emoore, maybe you could show him this thread. It might make him realize you're actually serious about it. Or maybe you could video the two of them together, so he can see the behaviors. You know how different it is, watching yourself on video. 

Otherwise.....I'm going to Seattle this weekend with some co-workers, and DH has to take Rocket for the first meeting of his "distractions" class. Should be interesting.... :crazy:


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## Emoore (Oct 9, 2002)

doggiedad said:


> how long did it take to teach your dog how to drive??


Not very long, but he still has a problem with left turns. He only has his learner's permit.


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## mysweetkaos (Sep 20, 2011)

hunterisgreat said:


> I used my clicker on a coworker but it actually made her really angry. I think my reward wasn't high value enough


That's too funny. My 2 yr old son was doing something this week and I said "eh-eh" My husband curtly pointed out that I shouldn't use the same voice and correction word for our son as I do the puppy:blush: So I poked him in the neck with 2 fingers and ssshhhh'd him


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## Emoore (Oct 9, 2002)

mysweetkaos said:


> That's too funny. My 2 yr old son was doing something this week and I said "eh-eh" My husband curtly pointed out that I shouldn't use the same voice and correction word for our son as I do the puppy:blush: So I poked him in the neck with 2 fingers and ssshhhh'd him


:rofl: If the dogs get too noisy when my husband's on the phone, he snaps his fingers at them a couple times to get them to quiet down. He tried that **** with me the other day. He still doesn't know how close he came to dying! When he hung up, I calmly explained that the next time he snaps his fingers at me, he will lose them.


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## mysweetkaos (Sep 20, 2011)

Emoore said:


> :rofl: If the dogs get too noisy when my husband's on the phone, he snaps his fingers at them a couple times to get them to quiet down. He tried that **** with me the other day. He still doesn't know how close he came to dying! When he hung up, I calmly explained that the next time he snaps his fingers at me, he will lose them.


:toasting: I think you're right we do live in the same house!!


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## kiya (May 3, 2010)

mysweetkaos said:


> Nah....I prefer a short leash and a prong!


I may need a shock collar.


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## Kittilicious (Sep 25, 2011)

I've been trying for years to train mine... I throw him treats, praise him when he's good, I ignore him when he's jumping on me... it doesn't work. I think they are an untrainable breed.


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## Lilie (Feb 3, 2010)

There are some things that I just have to let hubby learn on his own. An example is allowing Hondo to jump on him. When Hubby comes home he gets Hondo all excited, Hondo will 'talk' to him and jump on him. I complain, but it gives hubby warm fuzzies....until Hondo nailed him in the crotch. 

I enjoyed saying "I told you so".


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## Courtney (Feb 12, 2010)

Lilie said:


> There are some things that I just have to let hubby learn on his own. An example is allowing Hondo to jump on him. When Hubby comes home he gets Hondo all excited, Hondo will 'talk' to him and jump on him. I complain, but it gives hubby warm fuzzies....until Hondo nailed him in the crotch.
> 
> I enjoyed saying "I told you so".


Your post made me laugh!

I do not rough house, my husband does, I always say "be careful"...he yells "don't worry hun, this is how boys play!" while they are making the house shake...and then it happened, my boy went right into his crotch like a linebacker...my husband went into a fetal position...the dog starts licking his face & just staring at him....I thought to myself, told you so


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## Mary&Stella (Jan 1, 2011)

hunterisgreat said:


> I used my clicker on a coworker but it actually made her really angry. I think my reward wasn't high value enough


:wild:Thank you for that reply you made me laugh outloud!!!


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## GregK (Sep 4, 2006)

DFrost said:


> Let me see; people that know how to train dogs but can't train a husband. I would think, when training a dog you find a reinforcement that the dog really likes and offer that when the dog does what is asked ----------- a marker could even be introduced - - - uhhh do I really need to explain the rest???????
> 
> DFrost


 
You're a smart woman!!


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## Rua (Jan 2, 2012)

Oh my goodness. This thread has made me laugh out loud so much. 

Emoore, don't feel alone in all this! I'm still trying to figure out how to get my husband to be consistent with training our girl. But as another poster said, everyone has got their own methods with dealing with things. Out of the two of us, my hubby is "the fun one" that lightens things up with both the dog and the kids. The majority of discipline comes from me, so I've become "the serious one" by default. Sometimes it's a good balance cuz I need a reminder from time to time to lighten up a bit.
Other times it can be frustrating when hubby "undoes" all my hard work with the dog....even if it is only in good fun.


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## Wolfiesmom (Apr 10, 2010)

I have a boys club here. Wolfie, my husband and my 20 year old LOVE to wrestle. UGH! Then they wonder why Wolfie won't calm down when they are tired of the game.


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## Lilie (Feb 3, 2010)

Courtney said:


> Your post made me laugh!
> 
> I do not rough house, my husband does, I always say "be careful"...he yells "don't worry hun, this is how boys play!" while they are making the house shake...and then it happened, my boy went right into his crotch like a linebacker...my husband went into a fetal position...the dog starts licking his face & just staring at him....I thought to myself, told you so


Exactly....and you know, we see it coming. We warn them. We explain to them. We spell it out very carefully....but....they don't listen. 

Hondo jumps and bounces and talks and Hubby says, "Ohhh did you miss me? Tell me! You miss me?" And I'm thinking, yeah, this time he missed. But it's going to happen....and it did.


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## Skribbles (Jan 11, 2012)

Same way you train your dogs. Positive reinforcement. 

When your husband does something good, get him a beer, cook him a nice meal or giv... I'll leave the last part out cause I don't want to get banned


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## Holmeshx2 (Apr 25, 2010)

Wolfiesmom said:


> I have a boys club here. Wolfie, my husband and my 20 year old LOVE to wrestle. UGH!* Then they wonder why Wolfie won't calm down when they are tired of the game*.


THIS THIS THIS THIS!!!!! 

Hubby was deployed during jinx's early learning and it made things so much easier since I had absolute rule (except when we visited family UGH) however now we are working on reintegrating him and it doesn't work well at all. Jinx and him love to play and wrestle like "boys" (she doesn't know shes a girl shhhhh lol) which I have no problem with however he does what he wants and doesn't listen to me then gets ticked off because she keeps pushing him and pushing him when he wants the game to end and she refuses to let it end. When he comes home from work she jumps ALL over him non stop I come home and she licks my hand then inspects what I have etc.. So we went somewhere together and I normally come in first she steps past me and jumps all over him he "claimed" it was whoever walked in second so next time I let him go first... she jumped all over him and gave me a lick on the hand he starts yelling about how its BS she does it to him he doesn't know why etc.. Hmm hunny I swear I don't talk for my health! Or when I stop fetching in the house because she will demolish everything and hurt herself as hard as she plays (scared of a torn ACL) and he tells her "no more play because mommy is no fun" or tells me to stop being so paranoid etc.. However she doesn't jump all over me when I come through the door she doesn't push me to play and no matter how rough I get with her playing I can say "enough" and she stops the game instantly and thats the end of it.


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## GregK (Sep 4, 2006)

Skribbles said:


> Same way you train your dogs. Positive reinforcement.
> 
> When your husband does something good, get him a beer, cook him a nice meal or giv... I'll leave the last part out cause I don't want to get banned


 
another smart woman!!! :thumbup:


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## DFrost (Oct 29, 2006)

mysweetkaos said:


> Nah....I prefer a short leash and a prong!


What ever floats your boat.


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## GregK (Sep 4, 2006)

LOL!!! Kinky!!


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## Cassidy's Mom (Mar 30, 2003)

GregK said:


> You're a smart woman!!


She's a man! :laugh:


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## GregK (Sep 4, 2006)

Cassidy's Mom said:


> She's a man! :laugh:


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## sparra (Jun 27, 2011)

hunterisgreat said:


> I used my clicker on a coworker but it actually made her really angry. I think my reward wasn't high value enough


That reminds me of a BIG BANG THEORY episode where Sheldon uses chocolates to reward Penny's good behaviour and it works ......Emoore....maybe you could try that!!!!


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## KZoppa (Aug 14, 2010)

wait.... you mean husbands can be trained? Is there a class for that because I must not be doing it right. Should I call a behaviorist?! He is kind of snappy sometimes. 

he didnt appreciate the attempt at using a shock collar... perhaps I should try a prong for corrections? I did tell him to put his dirty clothes in the hamper but he still chose to leave them hanging out in the living room.


On a serious note: How we handle it here is I'm the sore provider of all things dog. I feed them, I train them and so on. He lets them out when he lets me sleep in but otherwise, they're mine. He rough houses with them and when he's done and they still think its playtime, he then gets mad and they get banished from his high and mighty presence, though they slowly sneak back in almost immediately so no big. He doesnt feel its really necessary to do more than teach them sit and down and "kennel" aka crate. The only time he would walk them is if we lived in an apartment. beyond that, a dog is meant to be seen, not heard and sit there and look pretty. It drives him crazy that I take Shasta out with me all the time. He doesnt understand how its enjoyable taking her with me places she can go because the dogs his parents had when he was growing up were house dogs. They knew Sit and Down and that was the end of it. they didnt go anywhere fun. If they left the house, it was a trip to the vet and back home. Rest of the time, they were put outside in the yard so he's slightly confused by me actually involving at least Shasta in things.


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## shepherdmom (Dec 24, 2011)

Love the title of this thread.

I don't think it is possible but if anyone ever figures it out please let me know.


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## CarrieJ (Feb 22, 2011)

Gar and I fortunately are pretty much on the same page, most of the time. I know people that aren't even in the same library. 

But, boys will boys.....*sigh* even with a female dog. Gar has "Bank Day" I swear that dog can count....on "Bank Day" Gar goes to the bank with Alice early in the morning, lets her out of the truck, lets her run around the parking lot like an idiot, walks her off leash to the ATM, has her sit while he gets cash, then repeats the process back to the truck.
Then they go to the diner to have coffee where every old dude and old vet can worship her and tell her how pretty she is and then go get doughnuts. She likes the diner.....

When they arrive home, there is a rousing game of barking and lunging in the driveway.....*sigh*

I have learned that when I say "stand" to Alice that means in her head, "LUNGE" to which I calmly turn my back on her and remind her "I'm NOT DAD".....then she's like OH, got it.

I get him back though, I'll put on music and have a dance party which "Whips" her up.....then split for work....and leave him with an ampy barky dog.....


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## DFrost (Oct 29, 2006)

GregK said:


> You're a smart woman!!


I have been and been called many things in this life. Woman is NOT one of them. 

D(avid)Frost


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## Good_Karma (Jun 28, 2009)

I'll chime in on the other side of things since my husband attempts to train me. I find it offensive when he suggests I am doing things wrong. I have done more reading and research, I'm the one who takes the dogs to classes and on socialization outings. I'm the one who goes online for advice and the one who has spent the most time talking to trainers and working with the dogs. So it really sticks in my craw when he gives me "tips" on how to do whatever with the dogs. Unfortunately, at least half the time he's right, although he'll never hear me say it.

I don't know how you can make your message to him any easier to digest. The proof of your words lies in Kopper's misbehavior. I think until your husband deals with his grief, you are facing an uphill battle.


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## Holmeshx2 (Apr 25, 2010)

sparra said:


> That reminds me of a BIG BANG THEORY episode where Sheldon uses chocolates to reward Penny's good behaviour and it works ......Emoore....maybe you could try that!!!!


This cracked me up because I know the episode you are talking about haha.


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## Skribbles (Jan 11, 2012)

GregK said:


> another smart woman!!! :thumbup:


Not a woman. Just a guy looking for a beer and a meal.


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## GregK (Sep 4, 2006)

DFrost said:


> I have been and been called many things in this life. Woman is NOT one of them.
> 
> D(avid)Frost


LOL!!! Sorry there fella. I though D = Dianne. :thinking:


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## GregK (Sep 4, 2006)

Skribbles said:


> Not a woman. Just a guy looking for a beer and a meal.


Darn it!!! Here I was thinking there were women on here that 'got it'.


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

Hahahahaha DFrost and GregK! :rofl:


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## GregK (Sep 4, 2006)

LaRen616 said:


> Hahahahaha DFrost and GregK! :rofl:


 
What? As a couple???   



I'm not a switch hitter!!!!


:nono::nono::nono:


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## mysweetkaos (Sep 20, 2011)

GregK said:


> Darn it!!! Here I was thinking there were women on here that 'got it'.





GregK said:


> LOL!!! Sorry there fella. I though D = Dianne. :thinking:


Thanks for the good laughs


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

GregK said:


> What? As a couple???
> 
> 
> 
> ...


:spittingcoffee:


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## SamanthaBrynn (Sep 2, 2011)

Ohhh, this has gone horribly awry lol. Thanks for the laugh though!


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## ascendo (Feb 22, 2012)

I have a question..is it possible to teach a dog there is a time for playing rough and a time not to? For instance, I come home from work every day at 5, and I teach my dog from 5 to 5:10 is happy happy fun time, but when I give the signal, rough time is over?


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## Gwenhwyfair (Jul 27, 2010)

Yes, you can teach them a command to 'settle' in a designated spot in the house.

Our dogs are all to be quiet and resting after meals especially (to help prevent bloat). My fiance' is understanding of the importance of this so he helps reinforce it.

Everyone has to be on board with that training .... 



ascendo said:


> I have a question..is it possible to teach a dog there is a time for playing rough and a time not to? For instance, I come home from work every day at 5, and I teach my dog from 5 to 5:10 is happy happy fun time, but when I give the signal, rough time is over?


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## Gwenhwyfair (Jul 27, 2010)

Funny funny guys.... 

Still, as to Mr. Frost's advice .... if only that were true. 

Positive reinforcement just doesn't work with hooman beans like it does with the dogs.....


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## Gwenhwyfair (Jul 27, 2010)

My fiance had his first (and at that time only) dog for a long time before I met him. He did not know anything about training yet those two developed a relationship that was cute as heck. 

Holly, his sweet little heinz 57 pup, could be pretty aggressive about begging for table scraps. I don't mind dogs laying around the dining room table but really don't like a 60 pound dog pushing her head between my arm and the table.

So while at his house eating dinner one evening he noticed that she was being very distracting and pushy. He told her in a firm voice "you wanna bath?" 

She hated water, even getting her paws wet so she took off into the bedroom and under the bed. She didn't bother us again for the rest of the dinner. 

His recall was yelling "HEY". She rarily came when he called the first time. So the command sequence was as follows: "hey" moderate tone of voice, then "Hey!" she would stop sniffing and look at him, 'nope not serious enough yet' and then he would raise his voice another notch "HEY!" at this point she would look at him, think a moment and then amble up to him, nice and slow. "See" he told me, "she comes when I call". Yeah it worried me that this kind of 'recall' could be dangerous but those two were so very pleased with themselves that I couldn't help but laugh.

Now he has his little puppy. He's watched as I've worked with Ilda, I've even asked him to help me a time or two. 

Yesterday we went for a walk and then worked on recalls in the front yard. I gave my fiance' a few hot dog bits and asked him to walk about 20 feet away while I held the leash for his little puppy Autumn (who is one little rockin' aussie!). She started jumping at the end of the leash, wanting her daddy. I held the leash told my guy call her to you now! Sure enough that little puppy dashed, B-lined as fast as she could to him....TREATS now(!) I told him. The guy was just busting with pride at how his puppy had come flat out RUNNING to be with her human. 

I think he gets it now. I think having his own dog (who really wants to please and has GREAT food drive) has helped him understand, at least better, why training is important. 

I still use German commands with my dogs though. That way if my guy is doing something with them and not being precise or fast enough it's not undoing the training I've done, because the commands are completely different and they KNOW what I mean.


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