# Dear Wolfbane, thank you for saving my life <3



## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

Wolfbane is my first ever GSD, I did not intentionally look for one, let alone a new dog, but the Universe had other plans and he somehow fell on my lap and into my world.

Yesterday, I almost took my own life. I am not proud of it, and I am still working out the kinks. But Wolf...made me make a promise to him that I will never break.

I left both my dogs at home (with company there at the time) to go take a walk in the dense and primitively wild forest. My days was pure ****, things that no human being should ever experience and too...'tormenting' to describe online was being dished to me like the force of a waterfall pinpointing an ant.

I collapsed. I broke down. I crumbled. To me, I was nothing and I wanted to end it. Years of abuse of all angles just got too much to bear and I decided to take a walk in the forest, my most favorite place int the world, and sleep there for one last time. 

As I had a knife in my right hand, and my iPhone in my left, I looked at my pups faces peeking from the screensaver, mentally praying goodbye and apologizing for not being strong enough to be the woman they deserved to be raised by. 

Within the same second, I placed the cold steel tip to my heart, I was as numb as I've ever been and I was **** bent that at this point there was no return, I counted down to prepare whatever nerves that decided to rise up at the last minute-

1...

2...

3...

*FWAP!!!*

Taken away by my own emotions, I did not notice anything in my environment nor did I hear anyone or anything by me.

Wolfbane, a 14 month old black and tan rescued GSD from the ghetto streets of South Sacramento, a dog I've been having back and forth battles training, a puppy not even fully matured...somehow followed and trailed from behind me without even making a single sound 5 miles on foot within the depths of the Olypmic Forest -

...ran full force, and tackled me to the ground. 

The blunt feeling of his fore head hit me square on the shoulder, and the fear of not knowing what hit me led me to somehow release the knife trying to stand back up and find out what blew the air out of my lungs. 

When I notice it was Wolf, I was still intensely emotional and I wasn't even trying to figure out how he even got there. Frustrated and intense in my own sorrows, I scream at him repeatedly, "GO HOME! JUST GO HOME!" and in the heat of the moment I try snatching the knife off of the fern bed and quickly end all the pain. 

Big mistake. 

Wolf got in between the knife and I, and just barked. After several confusing seconds, I tried moving him, repositioning him, but he would not budge. The more I tried to walk toward the blade, the louder his barks would get. The more he would stare me down with those amber eyes, there was not one sign of showing some form of aggression, but he was exhibiting an energetic behavior that I have never seen nor felt from any dog I have ever encountered. 

In that moment, I feel to my knees sobbing, screaming, asking why, just why was life such a living asylum. 

Then out of the mist, on the edge of darkness I have never been before...my little fluff ball positioned his body between my legs, with his ears down gazed in my eyes, and gave me a physical hug. 

A real, untaught, unprovoked, unprompted, physical hug.

While my face was somehow miraculously positioned onto his chest, I just cried, clenching his fur and body closer to mine.

At that moment, I have never felt more loved, more wanted, more appreciated, more beautiful, more cared for, more...everything. Attention and just the yearning to be heard and not just be seen that I have been screaming for my whole life - he gave to me with pure unconditional loyalty that very second. 

When I came back to my senses of selfish sorrow, I looked him in the eyes and made a promise to him, and myself. 

"Wolfbane, thank you for being my very best friend. As long as I live, I promise to give you the same love, trust, and loyalty you unselfishly gave to me tonight. I'm so sorry for almost abandoning you, and I promise to never, EVER, try that again. I love you Son. I don't know where I would have been without you."

Now, he is laying down with me on my left, with his paw and arm cuddling my leg, as I type my experience down with tears falling down my face.

My love is eternally in debt to him. 

I love you Wolfbane Sage, now, always, and forever. 

-Akeiko


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## shugarhey (Jul 29, 2013)

:'( wow... what a blessing he is to you. Please don't abandon him. Get some professional help with your illness and live a long beautiful life with your pup. I am glad you are okay.

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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

shugarhey said:


> :'( wow... what a blessing he is to you. Please don't abandon him. Get some professional help with your illness and live a long beautiful life with your pup. I am glad you are okay.
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App


Thank you for the love  , but I wouldn't consider my life events an 'illness,' it was the illness of others that took their personal faults on me just tore me down. 

Wolfbane is all the professional help I'll ever need. I am training him to be my PTSD Service Dog, because after years of being treated like a piece of paper to therapists, there's nothing they can do for me that my boy can't do better. 


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## TAR HEEL MOM (Mar 22, 2013)

Dear God. You have me sobbing this morning. I am so thankful for your wonderful dog. Please love him for all he is worth and be strong for him. Blessings to you!


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## JakodaCD OA (May 14, 2000)

animals can be the best therapy and healers.


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## PhoenixGuardian (Jul 10, 2013)

What an amazing story! You should write a book about it!!


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## gsdemack (Feb 19, 2013)

Wow!


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## Shade (Feb 20, 2012)

Wow, I'm so sorry for your pain and I'm thankful that Wolfbane interceded, it obviously wasn't your time yet 

I hope he helps you heal and your life becomes brighter. One of the things I remind myself of when I'm feeling too down is that we can't appreciate the light without the dark.


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## wolfstraum (May 2, 2003)

I hope that your life changes course - sooner rather than later and that you can stay strong and be the person Wolf knows you are....

<<<hugs>>>

Lee


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## Chantald (Jul 23, 2013)

You've got a wonderful dog there, and you're both lucky to heave each other! Wishing you nothing but continued success in your recovery! 

There's a bunch of people on here, myself included, who work in mental health, so never feel bad about reaching out on a particularly rough day! 


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## blueangele (Aug 5, 2013)

I am sitting at work, crying my eyes out with my co-workers thinking I have lost it. You, my dear, have an amazing gift with words. Never have I read anything so moving. Please, start writing in a journal, find a on line class on how to write a book, something...don't let this gift go to waste! I am just amazed at how your story filled me with all kinds of emotions. I read a LOT, it is my escape, and I can say, just from this little story, that you are one in a million! Please, keep us posted, start a blog somewhere that we can subscribe to and continue with you on your amazing journey of love and discovery!


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## NTexFoster (Jul 18, 2013)

wow. Thank god Wolf was there to help you. You owe it to him and yourself to seek out help. 

Perhaps next time you go for a walk: take Wolf and leave the knife at home.


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## Springbrz (Aug 13, 2013)

blueangele said:


> I am sitting at work, crying my eyes out with my co-workers thinking I have lost it. You, my dear, have an amazing gift with words. Never have I read anything so moving. Please, start writing in a journal, find a on line class on how to write a book, something...don't let this gift go to waste! I am just amazed at how your story filled me with all kinds of emotions. I read a LOT, it is my escape, and I can say, just from this little story, that you are one in a million! Please, keep us posted, start a blog somewhere that we can subscribe to and continue with you on your amazing journey of love and discovery!


Same thoughts here. I am sorry you found yourself in such a dark place. I am so happy your wonderful Wolfbane was there to show you great love and a reason for being. I know it sounds odd, but your near tragedy has exposed something you may not have realized you have. You are a gifted writer. Please know that you have value. Continue your writing. Along with your hero Wolbane, writing can be a great form of therapy that heals. 

Wishes for the best future for you and Wolfbane. :hug:


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

TAR HEEL MOM said:


> Dear God. You have me sobbing this morning. I am so thankful for your wonderful dog. Please love him for all he is worth and be strong for him. Blessings to you!


*Wow, I didn't mean to make anyone cry  I can't believe my energy was that strong and melted through my words. I promise to love him until the day I die, and then some. Just that one moment showed me that if he cared about me that much, then who am I to throw his love away? I promise to do my very best and work on become a stronger person than I was at that moment. Thank you so much for the love <3
*


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

JakodaCD OA said:


> animals can be the best therapy and healers.


*YES! I couldn't of agreed with you more, Wolfbane is my Guardian Angel for sure. He's all the therapy I'll ever need. *


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

PhoenixGuardian said:


> What an amazing story! You should write a book about it!!


*Really? But who would bother reading it? I'm not a writer lol, so it's a shock to me when everyone is telling me to write a book about it. Thank you for hearing me out, this forum/website helps me release a lot on my chest.*


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

Shade said:


> Wow, I'm so sorry for your pain and I'm thankful that Wolfbane interceded, it obviously wasn't your time yet
> 
> I hope he helps you heal and your life becomes brighter. One of the things I remind myself of when I'm feeling too down is that we can't appreciate the light without the dark.


*Thank you for all of the love <3 I'm very thankful to Wolf for showing me what I couldn't see, and for that small little moment of weakness I am eternally in debt to him. You're so right, because of him, there will never be a moment where I won't remember that he is my light at the end of every dark tunnel. *


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

wolfstraum said:


> I hope that your life changes course - sooner rather than later and that you can stay strong and be the person Wolf knows you are....
> 
> <<<hugs>>>
> 
> Lee


*Because of what Wolf did for me, at that moment my life has changed course. I promise to do my very best to become as strong as the person that he see's inside of me <3 Thank you so much for your love, HUGS!!! *


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

Chantald said:


> You've got a wonderful dog there, and you're both lucky to heave each other! Wishing you nothing but continued success in your recovery!
> 
> There's a bunch of people on here, myself included, who work in mental health, so never feel bad about reaching out on a particularly rough day!
> 
> ...


*I'm so blessed to have him in my life, the one he gave back to me. I'm so lucky to have this fat fluff ball, and your words of encouragement just fuels the fires of my passions to continue to give him the love that he gives so willingly to me. Not going to lie, I honestly thought that I would get trashed talked about this. I just had to tell someone, but I didn't know to who. Plus when my own Doctors/Psychs treat me like "cow chow" it's very hard even having faith in yourself. Thank you SO much for showing love, I won't forget  This forum and it's community has been so kind and supportive, I can't believe it sometimes. *


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

blueangele said:


> I am sitting at work, crying my eyes out with my co-workers thinking I have lost it. You, my dear, have an amazing gift with words. Never have I read anything so moving. Please, start writing in a journal, find a on line class on how to write a book, something...don't let this gift go to waste! I am just amazed at how your story filled me with all kinds of emotions. I read a LOT, it is my escape, and I can say, just from this little story, that you are one in a million! Please, keep us posted, start a blog somewhere that we can subscribe to and continue with you on your amazing journey of love and discovery!


*Oh no! I didn't mean to make anyone cry  I didn't know who to tell about this, mainly because I don't trust anyone within my own circle, so this was a last resort outlet. I'm sorry if I made any tears fall, when I get super emotional (which is like...a lot because I hold everything in lol) I can't help but be descriptive. To be honest I'm really surprised you think I should start writing...I've never wrote something like this a day in my life, and I just wanted everyone to feel what I felt that night. The pain, the lost, the dark, the shock, and the love. Thank you SOOOO much for saying I'm one in a million, it really lifted my spirits and the love and support I'm getting feels so foreign I don't know what to do with myself. I'm going to take your advice...

Tonight I'm going to start a blog journey with Wolfbane and I <3

MUCH LOVE TO YOU!!!
*


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

NTexFoster said:


> wow. Thank god Wolf was there to help you. You owe it to him and yourself to seek out help.
> 
> Perhaps next time you go for a walk: take Wolf and leave the knife at home.


*I promise to always have Wolf by my side <3 I finally got a written Service Animal Letter from my Psychiatrist, so I'm gong to create a blog to track our journey together. He's all the help and love I'll ever need. Thank you for the love <3*


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## SageDogs (Oct 6, 2013)

Springbrz said:


> Same thoughts here. I am sorry you found yourself in such a dark place. I am so happy your wonderful Wolfbane was there to show you great love and a reason for being. I know it sounds odd, but your near tragedy has exposed something you may not have realized you have. You are a gifted writer. Please know that you have value. Continue your writing. Along with your hero Wolbane, writing can be a great form of therapy that heals.
> 
> Wishes for the best future for you and Wolfbane. :hug:


*Thank you! All the support is really encouraging me to keep on going, and Wolf of course, has been a Lighthouse to me that I owe everything I am to him. I had no idea my personal story hit that hard to some people, and I've never written anything like this a day in my life, so I am going to create a blog of our journey to help me release all the nonsense of my chest, and hopefully inspire others to love their GSD's as much as I am in love with mine. He was the reality slap I needed, but you're right, that night...my whole world changed. So I'm going to do my very best to change his for the better <3 MUCH LOVE!*


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## robk (Jun 16, 2011)

That dog is your guardian angel. Keep him close by.


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## blueangele (Aug 5, 2013)

Let me know the blog address if you feel like sharing!!


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## TAR HEEL MOM (Mar 22, 2013)

Me too. And the tears were not a bad thing. It was sadness for you, yes, but also a goodness about the extreme love between you and your dog. Hope you have a wonderful day today!


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## Nikitta (Nov 10, 2011)

Gads. I'm sitting here crying too. What a touchingly sad, turned happy, moving story and bless God for sending you such a wonderful caring animal. I know my dogs have absorbed my tears many times.


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