# Chrono's last night



## Syaoransbear

Tomorrow we are taking Chrono to the vet's to be euthanized. 

Less than a month ago Chrono was suddenly struck with vestibular disease. While the vets were trying to figure out what caused it(which it turned out to be ideopathic), they discovered he had stage 4 kidney disease. His creatinine was in the 500's, and his Urea was 31. 

He was on fluids for days and his values plateaued in the high range. We were given meds and prescription kidney food.

Numerous tests later for everything they could think of, they settled on chronic kidney disease. 

He then suffered a stroke. They retested his blood levels. Even with meds and a special diet, his creatinine was 900 and his urea was 39.

This last week he's gone way, way down hill. Lost a tonne of weight because when he did eat, he would usually puke it up. These last few days he's barely drinking and not eating. He can't walk without help because he falls over. His breathing his hard and labored. His breath smells like ammonia.

I hate euthanasia. When I was a teenager I had a budgie with a tumor growing out of her beak euthanized because she couldn't eat or breathe. I felt like a murderer. I still do.

We've decided to euthanize Chrono tomorrow, before the next stage which is violent seizures from his blood becoming more and more toxic. But I just really, really want him to pass away in his sleep instead. I know if I euthanize him, even if it's kinder, I will still feel like a murderer. I don't want to set the date and time for when my dog dies. This is my first dog. He isn't even 7 years old. When he goes limp, I know I'm just going to lose it.


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## GatorDog

I am so sorry. Know that you are saving him from any further agony that he would suffer. It is so hard and I am just so, so sorry.


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## Debanneball

I am so sorry for you and Chrono! How precious your memories will be, now and forever! Please remember the good times you both had.. Be strong for your boy!


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## Sunflowers

This is shocking, sad, and I am so, so very sorry.
He is way too young to be so very sick.


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## katieliz

First of all, my heart goes out to you. Having said that, I have some suggestions. If there is any way your vet will come to you it will make things easier all the way round. If not, make absolutely sure you request sedation before euth. And this last thing is the most important thing I can say to you and something you must repeat to yourself frequently until you believe it.

In ABSOLUTELY NO WAY should you consider yourself a murderer. YOU ARE AN ANGEL OF MERCY. In his condition, you are giving him a huge gift of love. 

I am so incredibly sorry, and wish you strength and peace. Take care.


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## Jax08

I am so sorry Shauna. My heart breaks for you.


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## GatorBytes

katieliz said:


> First of all, my heart goes out to you. Having said that, I have some suggestions. If there is any way your vet will come to you it will make things easier all the way round. If not, make absolutely sure you request sedation before euth. And this last thing is the most important thing I can say to you and something you must repeat to yourself frequently until you believe it.
> 
> *In ABSOLUTELY NO WAY should you consider yourself a murderer. YOU ARE AN ANGEL OF MERCY. In his condition, you are giving him a huge gift of love.
> *
> I am so incredibly sorry, and wish you strength and peace. Take care.


 I second this. And I am sorry you have to make this decision. It is my hope too that when G's time comes, that it won't be by my hand, so to speak. May Chrono have peace and know the love he had with you and in his final hrs.


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## Cassidy's Mom

I'm so sorry.  We've lost two dogs in a row at 4 years old, so I know how hard it is to lose a young dog too soon. As difficult as this is for you, it's what you need to do because it's what's best for Chrono.


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## GSD2

I am so sorry for what you are going through, I know how hard it is. Such a hard decision to make. I lost two dogs within a few months of each other a few years ago. There just are no words to express how sad I feel for what you and Chono are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you


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## GSDluver4lyfe

katieliz said:


> First of all, my heart goes out to you. Having said that, I have some suggestions. If there is any way your vet will come to you it will make things easier all the way round. If not, make absolutely sure you request sedation before euth. And this last thing is the most important thing I can say to you and something you must repeat to yourself frequently until you believe it.
> 
> *In ABSOLUTELY NO WAY should you consider yourself a murderer. YOU ARE AN ANGEL OF MERCY. In his condition, you are giving him a huge gift of love. *
> 
> I am so incredibly sorry, and wish you strength and peace. Take care.


What you are doing for your best furry friend is such a selfless act! I have the utmost respect for you and your decision! I will keep you and Chrono in my thoughts, wishing you strength and courage through this time!:hug:


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## Wolfgeist

My heart breaks for you... I am so, so sorry that you are going through this. Will have you in my thoughts tomorrow.


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## Nigel

So so sorry, 7 is too young. Painful having to make the decision to pts, but we owe them that respect, in no way what so ever does it make anyone a murder, only merciful.


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## Castlemaid

I'm very sorry, this is too sudden, too soon.


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## Moriah

Thinking of you. So very sorry about your beloved boy. 

I felt so guilty about putting down a four year old dog until the actual moment came. He looked at me with such relief.

I pray you have a moment of grace with Chrono.

Take care.


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## RebGyp

Sending you my sincere condolences. May you find the strength you will need to get you through this ordeal. 
You are not a murderer. Sometimes we do what we have to do, no matter how distasteful it is.
Hold him, love him. Cherish your memories.


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## ShenzisMom

I am so sorry. You are truly giving him a gift of mercy. When I had to have Scar and Zira PTS it was not murder. It was a final act of love. It was have them go peacefully... or in pain and scared. Death is so seldomly a calm situation (in sleep) at least at the vets it is quick and painless. I truly want you to know you are doing the best thing you can for your best friend and I am so sorry you had to experience this.


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## Charlie W

You are doing the merciful thing, do not feel guilty, I have to do the same to a young horse soon (8 years old, had him since he was 7 months), he has an incurable condition.. I know how agonizing it is, but that, sadly is the pact we make when we take on animals.. I feel for you, I really do.


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## JoeyG

I'm so sorry you're facing this and my heart breaks for Chrono. You're doing the only thing you can for your friend. If you love someone enough at times you just have to let go. Its hard on you but best for him. I hope in time your memories together will bring you comfort and peace. My thoughts and condolences will be with you today...


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## Kayos and Havoc

I am so sorry. Hugs.


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## Susan_GSD_mom

I am so, so, so sorry for you. I pray for strength to get you through today. He will be at peace and pain free.

Susan


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## onyx'girl

Shauna, I am so sorry. I agree with Katieliz and see if the vet can come to you. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Stevenzachsmom

Oh Shauna, I am so sorry. As humans, we always feel guilty, no matter what - if we feel we should keep them alive, or let them go, we still feel guilt. Like you, I always wish they would go in their sleep, but that just so seldom happens. I had to make the difficult decision in 2012 to let my Annie go. It was so hard. As someone else suggested, I had the vet come to my house so Annie could be home. When it was over, I felt at peace. It was the right thing for her. I owed her that.

Virginia, on this forum, once told me, *"It is better to put a pet to sleep two weeks too soon, than one day too late." * This is so true. I once had a dog that I should have put to sleep sooner. I still regret that. I have no regrets about Annie. I hope you can find some peace. You do not deserve to feel any guilt. You are an amazing owner.


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

I am so sorry.Sending thoughts and prayers for you. The decision is so hard but merciful and allows them to be free from pain and illness.Take care.
Maggi


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## shantinath1000

I am so sorry to hear this and understand why you might feel this way. However, we can not believe everything we think. This is a true act of kindness- you are putting the needs of Chronos ahead of your own.


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## ksotto333

This is never an easy decision, especially with one so young. You know the depth of your love for him, and while this is so difficult for you, it's his peace and comfort you are thinking of. Peace be with you..
I've always thought he was such a beautiful boy..


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## shepherdmom

I am sorry you are going through this. You are not a murderer you are an angel. Despite how badly this hurts you, you are giving him the gift of a death free of pain and horrible suffering. It is the right thing to do.


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## SuperG

Taking your ailing buddy to the end of the road being by his side and doing what you must...is a very noble thing. I suppose you can call yourself harsh names if you choose...and I somewhat appreciate your mentality...but this is for you and you alone to subject yourself to but nobody else ever will. Your selflessness at this point in time is worthy and in the best interests of your beloved Chrono.

I wish you strength and peace,

SuperG


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## BowWowMeow

I am so sorry. What a shock! Sending all good thoughts your way -- this is such a difficult decision but please know that you are doing the right thing for your beloved Chrono.


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## Carriesue

I recently lost my heart cat in May to chronic renal failure... I wish I could swear here because it's the only words good enough to describe this horrible disease, it was one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with. But I kept my cat going doing a million meds and stabbing him twice a day doing subQ fluids(also put in an E feeding tube because he was losing so much weight) but in the end the disease always wins, I let him go too far and we ended up rushing him to the E-vet when he started seizuring non-stop. Trust me that is not an image you want stuck in your head the rest of your life.

You ARE doing the right thing but I am very sorry this is happening to your beautiful boy and so young, definitely sucks and isn't fair at all.


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## Katey

I am so terribly sorry. I have my first dog as well, and my heart is breaking for you today. You are absolutely doing the right thing for Chrono, and your feelings about euthanasia only make your decision to do this for him that much more beautiful, even amidst all the sadness it will bring. I hope you are able to feel peace with your decision and find comfort knowing you did everything you could to ease his passing.


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## Loneforce

I am sorry you are losing Chrono  You really are doing the right thing for him. He is so young to have such a disease


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## Syaoransbear

Thought I'd let everyone know that he was euthanized this morning. I read so many things about people saying that when they look at you that you'll "just know" that it's time.

But I never got that look. I wonder if it's something only seniors get. His eyes seemed to be screaming "fix me, make me better". He wasn't wishing I'd put him out of his misery. He didn't want to die. 

I'm crushed.


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## GatorBytes

Oh honey. Perception. You started off feeling/calling it murder...He looked at you saying fix this? You did what he asked...Big squeeze. I'm sorry for you. 

R.I.P. Chrono


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## Loneforce

Syaoransbear said:


> Thought I'd let everyone know that he was euthanized this morning. I read so many things about people saying that when they look at you that you'll "just know" that it's time.
> 
> But I never got that look. I wonder if it's something only seniors get. His eyes seemed to be screaming "fix me, make me better". He wasn't wishing I'd put him out of his misery. He didn't want to die.
> 
> I'm crushed.


Don't be hard on yourself Syaoransbear. You really did do all you could for him.


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## Stevenzachsmom

Shauna, I have had to have three dogs put to sleep. I can't honestly say that any of them gave me a look. I just knew that they were suffering and there was nothing more medically I could do. They needed freedom from their pain and suffering. I gave them peace the only way I could. Chrono was asking you for help, to make it stop and you did. You loved Chrono enough to let him go.


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## Susan_GSD_mom

I am so, so sorry, my heart breaks for you. He was such a beautiful, beautiful boy. 

I hope this doesn't offend you, but the best thing for you would be to get a puppy or a rescue soon. It will never take Chrono's place, but it will have a healing power, doing so has helped me innumerable times... You would not be disloyal to your beloved Chrono, but you would be honoring him to do so. And doing so will never diminish your good memories of him, they will be with you forever.

Susan


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## joneser

Shauna I'm so sorry...
The best thing anyone said to me when I pts my heart dane was "you are the best momma." He did not give me "the look." 
This is real love...you feel your greatest pain while Chrono feels the sweetest relief. 
And you are the best person to do this for him. You are his person, and as his person, you've been given the privilege to make him happy, warm, safe, spoiled...now you've given him the greatest gift, freedom from his poor body that has failed his sweet heart and mind. 
Murder is malicious and unjust...this is nothing of the sort.
I pray for peace for both of you.
You are the BEST momma.


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## Saphire

You gave him a gift. He is free of pain and discomfort, you did the only thing he needed.

Hugz


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## glowingtoadfly

He is at peace now. You don't need to feel guilty for helping him, at all.


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## katieliz

I simply LOVE the statement by someone above. "We can't believe everything we think". There is an explanation for what you think he was thinking, but now is a time to only offer heartfelt sympathy and understanding of your immense pain. I am so incredibly sorry for your great loss.


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## selzer

Syaoransbear said:


> Tomorrow we are taking Chrono to the vet's to be euthanized.
> 
> Less than a month ago Chrono was suddenly struck with vestibular disease. While the vets were trying to figure out what caused it(which it turned out to be ideopathic), they discovered he had stage 4 kidney disease. His creatinine was in the 500's, and his Urea was 31.
> 
> He was on fluids for days and his values plateaued in the high range. We were given meds and prescription kidney food.
> 
> Numerous tests later for everything they could think of, they settled on chronic kidney disease.
> 
> He then suffered a stroke. They retested his blood levels. Even with meds and a special diet, his creatinine was 900 and his urea was 39.
> 
> This last week he's gone way, way down hill. Lost a tonne of weight because when he did eat, he would usually puke it up. These last few days he's barely drinking and not eating. He can't walk without help because he falls over. His breathing his hard and labored. His breath smells like ammonia.
> 
> I hate euthanasia. When I was a teenager I had a budgie with a tumor growing out of her beak euthanized because she couldn't eat or breathe. I felt like a murderer. I still do.
> 
> We've decided to euthanize Chrono tomorrow, before the next stage which is violent seizures from his blood becoming more and more toxic. But I just really, really want him to pass away in his sleep instead. I know if I euthanize him, even if it's kinder, I will still feel like a murderer. I don't want to set the date and time for when my dog dies. This is my first dog. He isn't even 7 years old. When he goes limp, I know I'm just going to lose it.



It is ok to lose it. I cried when I put Tori down. It was awful. But it was still the right thing to do. 

Cujo passed at the vet before the juice was administered. I feel bad because we waited as long as we did, and that last night he suffered. 

You can't win. It hurts to lose a dog. It doesn't matter how they go, we can make ourselves guilty. We can feel guilty of _murdering _them. And we can feel guilty for not putting him out of his pain sooner. And we can feel both of these with the same dog. Some of us just need to feel guilty. 

I love my dogs. They give me so much. Their devotion to me is something I can not come close to being for them. But, if I can make their passing easier, I will. 

Now, Jenna and Babsy are over nine, and Jenna turned up lame a few weeks ago. Oh shucks! Will I lose her? I rushed her to the vet and we did bloodwork and started her on some meds. A few days later Heidi slipped by me and attacked her. Back to the vet, and add antibiotics to her regimen. (Heidi got the worst of that.) She stopped eating. So off to PetsMart for some Blue Wilderness canned food and some Vital Pet grain free -- that did it, she is eating. She is walking fine now too. So I am not advocating putting down a critter that can be helped with meds or surgery or therapy to the point where they have a good life. I might not put a 9 year old dog through some types of surgery. But, if the end is coming, and I can make it easier by making sure the dog dies quickly and with enough medication that the dog does not suffer, well, that is the last gift I can give my dog. 

The problem is, we are going to wonder if we did it too soon. And at the same time we will wonder if we waited too long. Loving dogs isn't easy. But if this decision is about the dog, not us, then we did our best.


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## SuperG

Syaoransbear said:


> But I never got that look. I wonder if it's something only seniors get. His eyes seemed to be screaming "fix me, make me better". He wasn't wishing I'd put him out of his misery. He didn't want to die.
> 
> I'm crushed.



So hard to have done the proper thing....but you did and I appreciate your hardship...it's just so damned difficult to let go of such a wonderful creature.

"that look"...yes I know exactly what you are saying. I got "that look" from 2 of my dogs but my last GSD at 8 never gave me "that look " when I brought her to the end of the road in my arms after 8 years. DM had ravaged her so wickedly but her eyes were so bright and alive...I felt so fricking horrible because her eyes spoke so differently than her crippled body....

This much I do know...you didn't act out of selfishness, you acted out of love for your wonderful Chrono...let that guide you brightly.

I'm respectful of your commitment to Chrono and so sad for your loss.

Take care,

SuperG


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## brembo

Some perspective I hope....

I pulled the plug (as they say) on both my parents. Meh, they asked for no heroic measures and goodbyes were said. It wasn't pleasant and I didn't like it. Pretty well chugged along with life. Some depression and crappy times, but generally life goes on.

Last dog, Banjo, ripped out my heart, jumped on it and then tossed it into the fire. I was a wreck for days. I guess it's that dogs can't TELL us for sure it's what is needed, we have to use common sense and trust our instincts. 

Wish I could say something to help with the loss, but I dunno what that would be. You did right by Chrono, did the right thing even though it wasn't the easy way. Repeat that, believe that.


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## HOBY

It is a far better thing that you were there at this time for Chrono, than not being there. I was indescribable to find my dog had passed when I arrived home. You did what was right. RIP Chrono.


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## LaRen616

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss Shauna. 

Chrono knows how much you both loved him, you guys fought as hard as you could to save him. You will see him again one day and that will be a glorious day.


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## osito23

I'm very sorry for your loss. RIP, Chrono


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## Zeeva

I'm sorry. I know how much your pets mean to you especially with respect to mental state...I feel the same way to a certain extent. 

You have birds, too correct? 

I wish you strength through this rough patch. If you need to vent more, please continue to do so. I don't see you posting much especially since that 'random misfits' thread closed...and I miss your thoughts...

<3

and I was thinking, you may not have gotten that 'look' because he thought you weren't ready to let go...


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## lorihd

so sorry for your loss, it just sucks to have to euthanize a loved family member. that said look at it this way; you have spared him a terrible, terrible death, if he could talk to you, he would say; thank you  lori


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## Zeeva

How are you...?

We want to know how your last few days without your pup have been...


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## Syaoransbear

I'm okay. It's very lonely not having a dog in the house. I had put a deposit on a pup back in I think february that was going to be Chrono's buddy but it wasn't born in time, and I really wish it was. It would be easier if I had a second dog, that way every dog thing in the house wouldn't be specifically Chrono's. And all the dog hair would mesh together instead of all of it belonging to him. And I wouldn't notice it all slowly disappearing.

I don't feel upset about euthanizing him like I did with my budgie. When morning came, he was unable to stand up or walk. He just laid in his bed vomiting. My husband had to carry him to the car, and then carry him from the car into the vet clinic. I'm glad it got to that point because I wouldn't have been comfortable with my decision if I thought he would have appreciated even 1 more day.

We're getting his ashes back today.


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## Hineni7

First, I am so sorry for your loss... I truly understand the devastation and pain, the hollowness that comes from losing such a cherished animal and friend. ... My Dunamis aka Dooney, died in May at 8,extremely unexpectedly. On Thursday evening, I noticed he was toe tapping with a hindleg as he drank water, thought it odd, but figured he needed an adjustment from the chirpractor. On Friday, he walked a little funny on his hind end, but like he hurt (he had left knee issues, would need adjustment on occassion and be perfectly fine for a month or so, unless he did a hard turn or slipped), so he went to the chiropractor... I thought he was acting slightly odd, but I had to go to Canada for a 3 day horse show judging ( I was the judge). My mom said she would watch him and take care of him, which she did nicely. Saturday, he couldn't walk with his hind legs, vet figured it was a stroke and most dogs recover from strokes... Sunday he coudn't eat, his jaw was locked in a half open, his tongue lolled out the side of his mouth and he would cut his tongue trying to lap water. I came home on Sunday and he was so excited, knew it was me, but could barely sit up on his brisket.... We would carry him outside on a blanket so he could urinate and defecate, but he wasn't able to eat much (we spoon fed him), and was sliding downhill fast.... Vet said there was nothing they could do... Tuesday, I figured if he didn't show signs of improvement I would let him go home to be with the Lord.... He showed a slight sign of improvement (sat up onhis brisket and seemed a bit more alert and energetic. Not that he wasn't ever alert or aware of his surrondings, he just was becoming paralyzed in everyway). The vet was going to come and put him to rest on Wed. he asked if it couuld be done in the evening, and since Dunamis was seeming to improve I thought it ok, especially as I was starting to doubt it the best idea. I figured he might continue to improve over the next few weeks and I was totally ok with that if he wasn't in pain or suffering...... <<sigh>> Over the next few hours, as he lay outside in the sunshine, me by his side stroking his lovely body and praying he would go quickly.., he started to gasp, unable to get oxygen, the paralysis spreading.. The vet was to far away to come... I had to watch him die of suffocation! Oh my Lord..... I can't even express how unbelievably difficult that was/is... I have never been without a dog, all my life... never without a German Shepherd since 17yrs of age... For 3 weeks I was a walking zombie, the loss of him, the space a dear friend occupies, the routine, the love, so many things you don't even realize come with such wonderful creatures living with you, changed forever...

I had a pup, a female GSD, born May 7th and I was excited to have her arrive and be a playmate for Dunamis as well as for her to learn from him.... Dunamis died May25th, 2014... so she wasn't available... I did pick up a shepherd/malaute mix pup (which is a wonderful boy!! Delightful in everyway and a good playmate for my GS female) as I wanted 2 dogs and the emptiness was almost unbearable... I am a horse trainer/clinician, and my dogs go everywhere with me as well as help me in so many things, so that loss and routine loss, emptiness seemed so profound.... Again, my deepest sympathy for you, and I do hope you don't ever regret your decision!!!! As I went through, the loss could be harder to take because you waited too long......

Hopefully, sweet puppy breath, joy and happiness will once again quickly fill your life, and while your wonderful boy will never be forgotten or replaced, a new wonderful spirit sent from our Creator will be in your life to enrich it, bless it, and be your cherished companion forever!

God Bless,

Misty


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