# My husband left me holding the baby GSD!!!



## Amanda39 (Dec 30, 2009)

I am new to this forum. PLEASE could someone help me? I have a 4 yr old GSD named Meg. My husband always fed and walked her and he was her 'leader'. My husband left me 2 weeks ago and i am left with a dog that barks all the time when people pass the house, wont do anything i tell her too. I take her out to the park for an hour a day (to try and get rid of the energy). she pulls me down the road to the car, jumps about in the car like a mad thing, we get to the park, she comes off the lead and is Ok until she sees another dog and then she sees red and goes after it aggressively. I love her and dont want to get rid of her but could someone please advise me of the best way forward, as there are so many problems with the dog (and the owner of course) that it all seems overwhelming and my fear is that she will bite someone or a dog and have to be put down because i do not know how to handle her. Please help me. any advice will be very gratefully recieved. Meg hasnt had any training, except when she was a very small pup and was attacked by a small Westie (we left the training after that incident) and since then Meg has always hated Westies but this seems to have extended to all dogs since i started walking her. My email is [email protected] ...In anticipation of you help....many Thanks Amanda


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## Kayos and Havoc (Oct 17, 2002)

Welcome to you! And I am so sorry you are facing this. I think I would look for a private trainer to work with you. 

I would also google NILIF, it is a learn to earn program that helps put you in charge. There are a lot of threads on this also here on the board. 

You can do this, but you must get control of the dog. 

No more off leash when other dogs are anywhere around as she is clearly got some dog aggression issues.


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## Kaity (Nov 18, 2009)

Was she socialized well as a pup? YOU need to be in control of your dog now, do not let her pull you anywhere. When she does, stop and make her sit then give her a treat or something. Make sure she's calm before getting out of the car with her. I'm sure you're going to get a lot of really good responses on here but I'd also go watch episodes of the Dog Whisperer, the ones about dog aggression. Stopping training was a mistake, you need to start back up again and now it's going to be twice as hard because the dog is bigger now. At first when I read this, I thought it was 4 MONTHS, not years.
Good luck to you and your dog, try not to feed discouraged! And if she was your husbands dog (listened to him) why didn't he take her with him?


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## SunCzarina (Nov 24, 2000)

Hi Amanda,

First of all, you can't let her off leash if she doesn't listen. She gets aggressive with other dogs and you don't want her to hurt someone else's dog.

Look around for a dog training facility. You'll get all kinds of tips here but a formal trainer will be able to help you hands on with Meg. It's also good for bonding with her.

Look on this forum for NILIF (NOthing in life is free). Sounds to me like Meg is stressed over missing your husband and that will make her act up. She needs to learn to respect you now - training will be good for this and so will NILIF


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## Amanda39 (Dec 30, 2009)

I am looking online into dog obedience class in my local area. Although the thought of it is a bit scary as i know it sounds silly but even though i have a GSD, i am a bit scared of other big dogs. No doubt this does not help when we are out in the park???? I am a bit worried about not letting meg off the lead, as i am concerned as to how she will get rid of all that energy. she is a bit hyper at the best of times?? I am wondering if i am a lost cause??


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

Amanda...google "dog aggression fear" also. I found some really good articles on it last night and I think that is what you are dealing with. 

She was attacked and it scared her. So if she attacks first then she has control. I'm going through the same thing with my 2 year old right now. This aggression does not necessarily transfer to people.

And remember...meeting aggression with aggression does not work and most often makes it worse. So yelling, hitting, any kind of angry reaction from you will nto help her.

If you can work with her and create a relationship with her then you'll have a best friend you can always count on.


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## Bama4us (Oct 24, 2009)

Hi, and welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear about your situation, but maybe, in time, you'll feel you are better because of it. It may take time for your dog to realize, that now, you are in charge , but eventually, she will. Maybe this would be a great time to try organized training again. It would give both of you a new start. Good luck with everything.


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## Amanda39 (Dec 30, 2009)

Thank you for your advice Kaity. My husband couldnt take meg with him as he has moved into a flat with his 21 yr old girlfriend (very cliche...lol) anyways you are right in that Meg hasnt been socialised enough. when she was pulling me to the car the other day, i did keep stopping until she stopped pulling and then continued walking but the problem was that someone then crossed over toward us and she started barking at them. that made them scared, me anxious so i just bungled Meg into the back of the car a.s.a.p. when we are alone together, Meg is really loving its just she doesnt manage other people or dogs that well (although thus far she has not ever bitten anyone thankfully). Its all a bit of a nightmare but i feel that if i can get the right advice and training sorted out then there is hope. Do you think it would be better to take meg to a dog training class where she will be sociaised with other dogs and people at the same time (and get a muzzle) or get a one to one dog trainer (bearing in mind that i am now on less income since my husband left and have a huge house to financially maintain until i can sell it). any advice would be much appreciated.


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

I think I would start with a private class. That way she will learn commands, bond with you and you will gain some confidence. Then move on to a regular class with distractions.

A good trainer will be able to evaluate her and give you better advice on how to proceed.


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## Amanda39 (Dec 30, 2009)

I have been looking online to see all the things i need to do to make Meg realise that i am in charge (i.e. making her move rather than stepping over her, and eating my meal first and then giving her her dinner rather than sharing my dinner with her as i eat) My Goodness i have been doing it all wrong?????


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## SunCzarina (Nov 24, 2000)

> Originally Posted By: AmandaC39i am a bit scared of other big dogs. No doubt this does not help when we are out in the park????


Confidence, my friend. Your dog will feel your emotions and it could be what makes her not listen - she feels like she needs to take control of the situation. Instead of feeling comfortable that you are controlling the situtation. This could be the root of her problems. 

Getting beat up at a young age shouldn't have had a life long effect. My Morgan does not have fear agression towards other dogs. She used to get beat up all the time as a pup - not my fault and my older male took an each one teach one attitude towards correcting the offender who was beating up his little sister.



> Originally Posted By: AmandaC39I am a bit worried about not letting meg off the lead, as i am concerned as to how she will get rid of all that energy. she is a bit hyper at the best of times?? I am wondering if i am a lost cause??


You're not a lost cause! Do you have a yard? Tag and ball are good for burning up that energy. Kick ball, booda tug... what does Meg like to play? My dogs haven't left the house in over a week becuase my kids are all sick and it's cold. They're still getting their exercise in the yard and in the basement.


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

And if the yard is not fenced in then get a long lunge line. I have a 30' one. That will give her a bit of room to play.

A simple place to start in taking the lead is just making her sit before you feed her. She has to "earn" her food. Don't pet her if she comes up and nudges you. You pick the time and place to pet her. You can ignore her for a couple of minutes and then YOU call her to you.

I know it all seems very overwhelming but NILIF is actually very easy to implement and they catch on to it very quickly.









And don't ever give your husband Meg. He doesn't deserve her.


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## Myamom (Oct 10, 2005)

Hi Amanda, Welcome...and I am sorry about your situation. Just wanted to add...that there is also a GSD UK forum...maybe they could help with giving local trainer recommendations, etc........

http://www.germanshepherdsuk.co.uk/forum/index.php


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## StGeorgeK9 (Jan 5, 2008)

Welcome Amanda, sit down, get a cup of coffee, take a deep breath and get yourself a couple of books. One is called Fiesty Fido, the other is called The other End of the Leash. I think these are two really good books that are both very good reads and packed with valuable information. Mostly on how we relate to our dogs and how a dog thinks. I think the biggest success I ever had was when I stopped thinking like a human, and tried to think like a dog. There are a lot of good people out here that are really knowledgable and willing to help. So Welcome, its going to be alright.


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## SunCzarina (Nov 24, 2000)

> Originally Posted By: AmandaC39I have been looking online to see all the things i need to do to make Meg realise that i am in charge (i.e. making her move rather than stepping over her, and eating my meal first and then giving her her dinner rather than sharing my dinner with her as i eat) My Goodness i have been doing it all wrong?????


LOL it's often been said that a german shepherd will manage your house if you let it.

I don't agree with the make her move thing, unless she's laying in a door way blocking it. If she's in the middle of the floor taking a nap and you've been watching tellie, it's not going to mess her up by stepping over her.

My 3 biggies with asserting my status are

1. Dog does not walk through a doorway before I do - if they're already through it's a not issue but pushy dogs or dogs who don't understand their status will try to push through the doorway as you're going through. This requires a body block.

2. sit before you go outside. Don't jump on the door, don't dance like a loonie.

3. Get off my furniture. The dogs have their own beds. Go lay on them, not on my couch!


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

yup...what she said! LOL

Jax will always find the one spot to lay in the kitchen that is the most inconvenient for me. I only move her if she's going to get hurt. She's not doing that to be the "boss". She's just trying to find a spot to be with us.


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## Amanda39 (Dec 30, 2009)

Thank you all so much for your support and advice. i am truely astonished at how kind, understanding and knowledgeable you all are. I have found a dog training in Northampton, UK who appears to offer a good service. It £90 (approx $150) for a 2-2.5 consultation sesssion and then £45 (apprx $75) per hour after that. does this seem good value? Also do you think he may let me have the consultation in Jan, and leave me some exercises to do with Meg and then come for a follow up visit in Feb as i am on a tight budget!
I am determined to keep Meg, i would be more loathed to let go of her than i was my husband..lol...But i do know from what i have read so far that she will be happier if i am the leader!!


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## Amanda39 (Dec 30, 2009)

Thank you Jenn and Michelle, i have taken all of those points on board. I do want to become the leader but i dont need to turn into Hitler to do it!!!


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

Not sure what a fair price is in the UK. I would keep looking for recommendations. call you vet and see who they recommend.


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## StGeorgeK9 (Jan 5, 2008)

Look up clicker training in the meantime, you will start building your relationship and have fun at the same time!


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## Pedders (Mar 22, 2005)

Amanda

Another UK board to check out. 

http://s10.zetaboards.com/biggsd/index/

I know some of the people who post there and they know what they are talking about (as do people here of course, but BIGGSD is UK based).

Good luck


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## SunCzarina (Nov 24, 2000)

> Originally Posted By: Jax08 call you vet and see who they recommend.


Ask your neighbors and friends who have nicely trained dogs. You might be able to find a kind person who'd be willing to come over and help you a little before you can get into classes.

LOL no you don't need to turn into Hitler to get her to behave. Start simple! Whatever she likes for treats, stock up on it. Shaved roast beef from the deli really works wonders for most dogs.

Another thing to consider is she's probably confused wtih the changes in the house. Dogs can't say 'I'm sad. I'm confused' so they act up in ways we as humans don't understand. Been there, my husband was in an accident when my female GSD was 2. She went phycho for a while.


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## Amanda39 (Dec 30, 2009)

Thank you Jenn. yes i am sure that Meg has noticed that there is something wrong, with me being emotionally fragile and crying at the drop of a hat!! lol..and also my ex walks her on a mon and tues morning as he starts work late on those days and i am in work early, so its probably best to stop that as its probably confusing her even more. A male friend popped by today and when he tried to give me a hug goodbye, Meg jumped in between us and was going mad and was really aggitated!!
I dont have any friends with dogs locally that could help but i am awaiting a call back from what seems to be 'northamptonshires version of the Dog Whisperer'. he has a really good website, with lots of positive feedback from customers and he also runs a dog class on a Tuesday night locally so hopefully he can help and he may even let us join his dog class! 
Thanks for the tip about the roast beef, Meg would love that i will get some tomorrow and use it for training purposes. 
You pics of ur GSD's look so cute Jenn!


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## Amanda39 (Dec 30, 2009)

Betsy, i have never heard of clicker training. what is it?


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## Sheppy (Nov 13, 2004)

Think of Pavlov's dogs. They associate the sound (clicker) with something good -- often a treat. You use this response to shape behaviors. In reality the 'clicker' can be any sound or vocal marker. 

Some free, on-line resources ... 
http://leerburg.com/dogtrainingebooks.htm

Roni Hoff working with a Wildhaus puppy learing response to a marker, in this case "Ye-s-s" 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-etXQ9GC9w


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## StGeorgeK9 (Jan 5, 2008)

> Originally Posted By: AmandaC39Betsy, i have never heard of clicker training. what is it?


this looks like a pretty good video for basic explanation.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15vKqCSNhqY

it doesnt go into detail, but it will give you the idea, Clicker training is a way to be able to mark the behavior you want and shape behavior. There are a lot of threads on here, and http://www.clickertraining.com/ can also help explain the concepts more fully.


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## Amanda39 (Dec 30, 2009)

Thank you everyone for your great advice. I have decided i will no longer be passive i am taking control of my dog and my life. i am going to give all your suggestions a try, plus getting a dog trainer and i am joining Match.com!! lol


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

She might have jumped in between you and your friend because you were upset. It doesn't mean she is aggression towards him just simply that she is trying to interpret your body language and emotions. Dogs are pretty smart cookies.


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## StGeorgeK9 (Jan 5, 2008)

Go Get 'em Amanda!!!! Go girl!


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

*Look for a SINGLE, MALE Dog Trainer!!*







I love the dancing tree!!


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## StGeorgeK9 (Jan 5, 2008)

> Originally Posted By: Jax08*Look for a SINGLE, MALE Dog Trainer!!*
> 
> 
> 
> ...


PERFECT!!!


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## caview (Jun 30, 2008)

Amanda,

So sorry to hear about the situation, and think that it's a blessing in disguise for you and Meg!!

You have a great chance now to structure your life and get a great friend in Meg!!

Agree with everything said and highly recommend reading "Don't Shoot the Dog"! -- very healthy reading to benefit you and Meg!

Love Michelle's recommendation on the selection criteria for the future husband : ) 

Tanya


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## SuzyE (Apr 22, 2005)

Amanda you can do it! a good book is Jan Fennels The Dog Listener. You probably need a prong collar to walk your dog. You can do it and she will be your best friend!


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## GSDog (Mar 5, 2008)

Look for a male trainer.....that is sooooo funny....good one girl


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

> Originally Posted By: caviewAmanda,
> 
> Love Michelle's recommendation on the selection criteria for the future husband : )


Oh that wasn't for a future husband...who needs another one of those!?...she just deserves something nice to look at!


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## StGeorgeK9 (Jan 5, 2008)

> Originally Posted By: Jax08
> 
> 
> > Originally Posted By: caviewAmanda,
> ...


Isnt that the truth! Have some fun for gods sake!!!!


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## TxRider (Apr 15, 2009)

> Originally Posted By: AmandaC39Thank you everyone for your great advice. I have decided i will no longer be passive i am taking control of my dog and my life. i am going to give all your suggestions a try, plus getting a dog trainer and i am joining Match.com!! lol


You are not a lost cause unless you make yourself believe you are, neither is your dog.

Go find a trainer or training class, You can meet other dogs and owners, gain confidence with your dog and others, and end up with an awesome companion dog, and new friends. New lives for the both of you, make the most of it.


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## middleofnowhere (Dec 20, 2000)

> Originally Posted By: AmandaC39I have been looking online to see all the things i need to do to make Meg realise that i am in charge (i.e. making her move rather than stepping over her, and eating my meal first and then giving her her dinner rather than sharing my dinner with her as i eat) My Goodness i have been doing it all wrong?????


No you haven't been doing everything wrong. This is not exactly sterling advise.
You might be interested in Bill Campbell's website: http://www.webtrail/petbehavior I think it is. It's been a while. He has some good case studies. His books are pretty good too.
Another book I like a lot is Sheila Booth's Purely Positive Training: Companion to Competition


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## SuzyE (Apr 22, 2005)

your attitude is everything, I tell people ALL the time that when you get serious the dog WILL know it!


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## LisaT (Feb 7, 2005)

> Originally Posted By: AmandaC39 I have a 4 yr old GSD named Meg. My husband always fed and walked her and he was her 'leader'. My husband left me.....


Been there, doing that now. Max is 8 1/2 and has made more progress in the last 6 months than in 6 years of marriage.

In addition to all the great recommendations above...

You haven't developed a real working relationship with her, and now is where you start. Don't obsess over "being the boss", but do think about what ground rules you want followed and being consistent with them. Withholding a reward (could be attention, sitting on the couch, etc.) is very powerful.

It's about fair consistent leadership with consequence. For example, if they break a sit when you open the front door, the door closes again until they sit, and hold it until they are released. You might have to start opening and closing that door many times before you actually get to go out.

I don't care if my dogs go out before me, as long as they defer to me when I want them to. For Max, I actually had to teach him the command "me first" before he would start doing it voluntarily. Indy will wait before I direct her - she did it naturally, for Max, I had to teach it and often have to direct more of his movements.

I don't have a problem with dogs on the couch, subject to two conditions: if they are laying on the couch and you tell them to get off and they do, they will readily move and let you sit where they are laying if you ask, and they don't try to move you from the spot that you are sitting. Okay, that's three conditions. If my dog isn't doing one of those three, then my solution is not to ban the dog from the couch, but to work on that one thing. It's funny how just the actions on the couch can change the relationship you have with a dog.

When she's pulling, don't continue heading straight to your direction, zig and zag and make the path unpredicatable, and keep her closer to you. When she reacts, you move away from your goal, when she is walking nicely, you move toward it. A 3 minute walk may take you 20 minutes. You want to teach her to control her own actions, rather than having to be controlled.

I don't ask my dogs to move out of the way unless they really need to, and I do share meals with them. But don't give anything away for free. *Anything you do that might be a reward, needs to be given when they are offering the appropriate behaviour.*

There are many philosophies to dog training. I subscribe to the one where you two are now a team. You may be in charge of the resources, but you are teaching her the rules of your team and how you want her to behave. It's not about who's the boss and who can "win", it's about fair and consistent leadership with consequences, and those consequences can be very low key and still be very effective.


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## LisaT (Feb 7, 2005)

There are some good articles here: http://www.4pawsu.com/articles.htm


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## caview (Jun 30, 2008)

Lisa,

What a insightful and profound post!

Thank you, and God bless!!

Tanya


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## LisaT (Feb 7, 2005)

Thank you caview


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## Kayos and Havoc (Oct 17, 2002)

Yes that was a great post. I have not had a chance to get back to this post but I see some great advice for you.

There are lots of methods and lots of ideas but the bottom line is you have to be comfortable with the things you are doing with Meg to secure her compliane. it is easier to start a little tougher and lighten up. You don't have to be mean or even raise your voice, just think calm, assertive and consistent. If you told her to sit she needs to sit, help her to do if you have to, and like Lisa said, the door may open and close a lot.

We all have different rules for our dogs, I don't want mine on the furniture so I don't let them, I don't care if I have to step over them so I don't ask them to move. Thye cannot bowl me over going out the door, they have to wit til I release them. Nor can they jump up on me or knock the food bowl out of my hands, they have to sit to get the food and wait til I release them to the bowl.

I think the price you noted for the training sounds reasonable, it is pretty comparable I think to prices here in the states. I think a good trainer will work with you on your schedule as well. If you do some private lessons it probably won't take many (maybe just 2 or 3) before you are ready for a group class. You get more for your money with a private lesson as you are not competing for the trainers attention and time.

Somone suggested a prong collar but I think they are really looked down on in the UK, you can also try a gentle leader head collar or canny collar or a front clip harness like the Premier easy walk. The dog has a much harder time pulling with those and you have better control which will raise your confidence level too.

Good luck to you and please hang around with us a long time with Meg.


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## LisaT (Feb 7, 2005)

> Originally Posted By: KathyWThere are lots of methods and lots of ideas but the bottom line is you have to be comfortable with the things you are doing with Meg to secure her compliance. it is easier to start a little tougher and lighten up. You don't have to be mean or even raise your voice, just think calm, assertive and consistent.


It is definitely a lot easier to start out tougher and lighten up. Definitely a great point to start out firmer, and this will probably stretch your comfort zone a bit!


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