# Murder & Depression not good....



## Stonevintage (Aug 26, 2014)

He shot her point blank, my best friend ever, she's been flown to one of the high trama center hospital, they were gardening one minute - the next - he shot Kelly in the head. Bullet went in under nose, came out eye. Whole left half of her face is gone..... This is not a typical big city thing - small towns....

They have a GSD, her daugher has been called and will not be in Seattle till day after tomorrow to see her mom (if she lives)... Police won't let anyone over there


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## Stonevintage (Aug 26, 2014)

I guess this about my depression. I'm crashing. Summer is not understanding but upset at me being upset. Summer and I have never been seperated, I will mourn, she's upset - should I just give her a hug and block her in the bedroom.

She's whining and I need time to bury this in my mind, now growling at me.....

I'm going to put her in the bedroom to separate my negative


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## llombardo (Dec 11, 2011)

This is when having Summer will help you. You bury your face with tears into her fur, pet her and you will be surprised at how relaxed you will feel. I'm very sorry about your friend


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## Sunflowers (Feb 17, 2012)

How horrifying. 

You are right to go in another room, especially if she is whining and growling. Dog will be stressed because you are stressed. 
I usually leave the room if I am having a problem. I don't need Hans all agitated because of me.


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## Stonevintage (Aug 26, 2014)

Thank you - she's in bedroom crying right now. I just got off the phone with the medical center ( she does not exist) referred to the detective in charge of the investigation - I talked with him a while Kelly will live! Shot under the nose and blew out her eye and that half of face. I discussed things about her life for the last 25 years and he gave me info he wouldn't normally give people.

Anyway, there is another post active about people with depression and if they should own a dog or not - my friend is alive - my dog picked on something wrong big time - on my way to reunite with my my dog and let my emotions turn to happy - BUT this - people with depression crash - the other post - it's complicated....


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## Stonevintage (Aug 26, 2014)

Sunflowers said:


> How horrifying.
> 
> You are right to go in another room, especially if she is whining and growling. Dog will be stressed because you are stressed.
> I usually leave the room if I am having a problem. I don't need Hans all agitated because of me.


Yea, I hear you - I am the pack leader, she is young, she needs me to be strong. Now, after a few minutes I can let her out...


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## Sunflowers (Feb 17, 2012)

Stonevintage said:


> Yea, I hear you - I am the pack leader, she is young, she needs me to be strong. Now, after a few minutes I can let her out...


Think is, we can't really fool them. I'm sure our scent changes when we are stressed, and they know.

Glad she will live, sorry she is so disfigured.


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## dogma13 (Mar 8, 2014)

Omg Stonevintage,you must be devastated and in shock.It's good the detective spoke with you,it obviously helped you come to terms with this terrible situation.Is there someone you can call just to help you through these first hours?Hang tough,hug Summer,help each other.


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## Stonevintage (Aug 26, 2014)

I'm going leaving to out find out more - I don't know, but the detective in charge says "it's complicated" there could be a previous murder crime here. Meeting with the husband of one of the attorneys that responded 1st on scene on the previous..... Summer is fine!


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

I am sorry about your friend. 

Sometimes you have to be strong for those around you no matter how hard it seems to be. Your friend could use a strong friend who can look past the anger, fear, pain, disfigurement, shame, bewilderment and be for her the friend she needs. Right now. 

When we see the pain others have, sometimes it can help up put our own into perspective, and help us to be there for her.

In the long run, we need to be kind to ourselves, accept our flaws, allow ourselves to be weak, give ourselves time to mourn, be depressed, be angry, and all of that. But there are times when we have to put our own needs on the back burner, give them 20 minutes a day, and then look beyond ourselves for those who need us.

As for the puppy. I really do not understand why we are even concerned about the puppy in this scenario. Our dogs need to be there whatever our mood is. If we are being ugly toward the dog, we need to go and take a walk (without the dog) and get our act together. Otherwise we need to allow our pup to experience all of who we are, and not lock them in the bedroom so that they do not see us experience some less than wonderful feelings. If we are expecting a dog or puppy to snap us out of a funk then we need to reconsider our reasons for having a dog.

Yes, they _can. _Often they do help us get through the yuck in life. Partly because the dog gets up, the dog needs to go out, the dog needs exercise, the dog needs to be fed, and we HAVE to get our butts out of bed and take the dog out, we HAVE to get dressed and out of the house and carry our butt around the block with the dog, we HAVE to feed the dog so we HAVE to get out of the house and go to work so that we can provide for the dog. DOING is the cure for depression. 

I am sorry. That is not the politically correct answer. The proper answer is to go and talk to a therapist, consider talking to a doctor and getting drugs to get you through it, and all of that is fine, BUT we can hang onto our depression like a crutch. It is an excuse to stay at home, an excuse not to meet people, an excuse to not do well at work or at school -- so an excuse for low expectations. And the only way to cure depression is to go and do anyway. Go meet people even if you are sure they will all think you are stupid or weird or nasty. Go and exercise (with or without the dog) it makes you feel better. Energy begats energy. It does. 

To everything there is a season. And sometimes we can afford to wallow in the dumps and perhaps learn a few things about ourselves and others. But there is also a time to wake up, and look past ourselves. There are definite wake up calls. A traffic accident that might have killed me made me understand that life was a pretty beautiful thing. 

Should people with depression have dogs? Yes, if they are willing to do the work with the dog. You have to DO. Dogs help, not so much because they come over and rub against you when you are feeling blue and understand -- yeah after you have a strong bond that took years to develop. But they can help right away with making us do stuff.


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## Susan_GSD_mom (Jan 7, 2014)

selzer said:


> ....I am sorry. That is not the politically correct answer. The proper answer is to go and talk to a therapist, consider talking to a doctor and getting drugs to get you through it, and all of that is fine, BUT we can hang onto our depression like a crutch. It is an excuse to stay at home, an excuse not to meet people, an excuse to not do well at work or at school -- so an excuse for low expectations. And the only way to cure depression is to go and do anyway. Go meet people even if you are sure they will all think you are stupid or weird or nasty. Go and exercise (with or without the dog) it makes you feel better. Energy begats energy. It does....


Sue, I usually agree with most of your posts, and agree with most of this one. The part I have quoted above, however...mmm... not so much. There are times when this is true. However, there are so many levels and facets to depression--one person's depression is not the same as another's. Some people's depression stems from such horrible things, and has existed for so long, that it has done irreparable damage to the chemical balances in the brain. One can't snap out of it or will oneself out of it. Meds are necessary in these cases, along with deep therapy and often lengthy hospitalization.

Stonevintage, I am so sorry for your friend. I can relate to your position, believe me. I have screamed into a thick pillow many times, cried in the dead of night where no one can hear but the dogs. And then I can be the strong person I need to be for my sister who has suffered tremendously at the hands of this world. And for me, the dogs do help.

Susan


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

Susan_GSD_mom said:


> Sue, I usually agree with most of your posts, and agree with most of this one. The part I have quoted above, however...mmm... not so much. There are times when this is true. However, there are so many levels and facets to depression--one person's depression is not the same as another's. Some people's depression stems from such horrible things, and has existed for so long, that it has done irreparable damage to the chemical balances in the brain. One can't snap out of it or will oneself out of it. Meds are necessary in these cases, along with deep therapy and often lengthy hospitalization.
> 
> Stonevintage, I am so sorry for your friend. I can relate to your position, believe me. I have screamed into a thick pillow many times, cried in the dead of night where no one can hear but the dogs. And then I can be the strong person I need to be for my sister who has suffered tremendously at the hands of this world. And for me, the dogs do help.
> 
> Susan


I did not discount the drugs and therapy route. But, even with therapy and drugs, they still need to get a severely depressed person up and about, they need to get them to do stuff, and build on that. 

No, I never said that you have to snap yourself out of it. That is as ludicrous as expecting a dog to snap you out of it. For most depressive episodes though, we can work ourselves out of it by getting out there and doing, and even those episodes that require extra help, both therapy and drugs, the doing is still necessary.


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## voodoolamb (Jun 21, 2015)

Oh honey I am so sorry about this.  Sending positive vibes your and your friend's way. Hugs to you.


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## wyominggrandma (Jan 2, 2011)

Stonevintage, not sure how much this will ease your mind about your friend living and making it through this.My husband has a friend where he worked, quite young, two small kids and was very depressed. He decided to commit suicide by placing a rifle under his chin and pulling the trigger. He lost his entire lower face including his throat, jaw, teeth, nose, mouth, everything below his eyes is gone. He was blind for a time,but that has repaired itself. He has had multiple surgeries,this happened last summer, and actually looks good and is slowly recovering his face. He has multiple surgeries left, has to use a feeding tube in his stomach,and will be having new surgery to make a new jaw and teeth. They already gave him a nose and partial mouth. he is able to talk a bit. 
I am not trying to be graphic,but wanted to hopefully make you feel that there is a light ahead for your friend and her recovery. Maybe this can help you feel a little more easy looking for a future for her, and with good doctors she can be repaired from this devastating injury.
Go hug your girl, she needs you and you need her.


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## Jenny720 (Nov 21, 2014)

Sorry to hear your friend had to suffer such a brutal attack. It is incredible your friend survived this story. Even though you are still processing this all there still could be a good ending to all of this. Your friend will need you now and you will help each other move forward. As for summer she will just remind you to redirect your attention to her and make you climb out of yourself. Summer is there for the long hall. Life has its ups and downs and she will always be there for you either at a distance or in your lap. When your ready let her unconditional love do what it needs to do.


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## Stonevintage (Aug 26, 2014)

Thank you! I just met with my friend. He wants to to immediately communicate with the detective. I just tried to call, they are closed for the night. I will call in the am.

There was another violent death here....I all friends were attorneys. He said he will support me in court. I'm really scared - this could involve cover up with LE and attorneys involved.... I met with my friend, he has no answers, but suspects murder and cover up on the 1st. I'm scared, but know I need to talk to LE. Are any on the two, three LE officers online right now?

Please PM me. How to proceed - Thanks!l


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## Stonevintage (Aug 26, 2014)

I think I should go to legal aid tomorrow morning The only thing I have to say, is how the leaders of a community can outright lie to protect one of their own..... not happening with me. I will take them down.......


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## Stonevintage (Aug 26, 2014)

Thanks!

We are settled now. In our house and safe. Summer's really keyed up, just barked on the whole neighborhood during her last potty trip.

I can't settle myself, but I can hold her and sooth her and let her know the she and I are safe in this house. But my thoughts- I just want to ignore and have it go away.....


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## Moriah (May 20, 2014)

So very sorry your friend is going through this. Saw the article in the Spokesman-Review. It reminded me of when my friend was shot by a stalker and paralyzed from the waist down. Good came of it--she helped change the stalker laws in WA state afterwards.

I hope some good can come from this horribly tragic situation. Take care, Stonevintage, be gentle with yourself, and feel the love from your dear Summer.


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## Stonevintage (Aug 26, 2014)

Summer's settled. This is where that post on someone with depression comes in. Take a look at my posts.....probably not normal because I'm loosing it.

This is depression, but with a dog and my priority is her. but I'm in a bad place, but she is stopping me from spinning out of control.

What will save me from getting worse is my love and responsibility to my GSD. The buck stops here.... no longer about me, but her. This is why animals can save lives- the sheer sense of responsibility - Summer 1st, we're fine and going to to go to bed now. I may not come out of my house for the next 3 days - and that's ok with Summer, we'll chase ball and kill sprinklers and all such things in OUR backyard until I'm ready to face the crap again.....

If it weren't for my GSD's in the last 20 years - I wouldn't be here. Sorry about all the posts, Summer says, just live for now, lets just go to bed mom -that's what a therapy dog does.... Sorry for the posts - Mod please delete- this was inappropriate


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## Stonevintage (Aug 26, 2014)

Moriah said:


> So very sorry your friend is going through this. Saw the article in the Spokesman-Review. It reminded me of when my friend was shot by a stalker and paralyzed from the waist down. Good came of it--she helped change the stalker laws in WA state afterwards.
> 
> I hope some good can come from this horribly tragic situation. Take care, Stonevintage, be gentle with yourself, and feel the love from your dear Summer.


Thank you! Thoughts and prayers for Kelly please. Good night....


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## McWeagle (Apr 23, 2014)

I'm so sorry for your friend. So horrifying how life can completely change in one second. Be there for her, be strong for her as best you can. Summer will help you help her.


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## newlie (Feb 12, 2013)

So very sorry that this happened to your friend. Life can be terribly cruel sometimes. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.


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## wyoung2153 (Feb 28, 2010)

Stone, I am so sorry to read of this. I am sending prayers for you and your friend. Go enjoy your pup and let her help bring you out.. in time. :hugs: Thinking of you, today. Please keep us posted on YOU and your friend.


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## Ruger Monster (Jan 29, 2015)

So sorry to read this about your friend. A week ago today a friend I hadn't spoken to in awhile was shot and killed in her apartment by her child's father / ex-boyfriend. It is crazy how lives can be changed in an instant.

Positive thoughts to you, and for your friend's recovery. :hugs:


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## Shade (Feb 20, 2012)

That is absolutely awful, I hope your friend makes a full recovery and please don't be hard on yourself.


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

Oh I am so sorry . Sending prayers for your friend and her family and you.:hug::hug:
Maggi


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## pyratemom (Jan 10, 2011)

I'm so sorry you are going through this. They do miracles with facial surgery now and your friend may look better than you thought when its all over. First comes the healing though. Let your pup help you. Stroking fur is one of the best relaxing things I know. Prayers for you and your friend.


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## huntergreen (Jun 28, 2012)

stone: cant help your friend unless you help yourself. you need to see your md or go to the er.


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## Jenny720 (Nov 21, 2014)

How are you doing? Hope you are getting sleep. Nothing wrong with going to your doctor so he can help prescribe something to help give your mind and nerves a rest.


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## kelbonc (Aug 25, 2014)

I am so sorry!! Please take care of yourself. Sending thoughts and prayers for Kelly, her family and you.


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## Stonevintage (Aug 26, 2014)

I'm fine. Thank you. Not sleeping much but that's to be expected. My talk with a mutual friend of the victim did a lot of good the other night. It's up to the detectives to do their job. Nothing I can or should be doing right now. 

I don't need meds, all is well. I went thru tons of training several years ago to learn to "catch myself" when I start to fall - these tools are what I'm using now. With depression - there are warnings. Sleep is one (when I'm in trouble I will sleep for up to 20 hours per day and still feel tired - appetite is another (it's still good), inability to concentrate is another (ok there too) Anyway - should be ok again in a couple of days. The doctors say the only way I would need to be on meds again is if I stop using the tools they gave me to prevent the downward spiral. 

Not going out among people for a while but staying active. Sticking to regular work activities at home. Summer is awesome! When I start to get down - we go outside and play ball, she's always ready 24/7 for that! Her latest project is to catch as many grasshoppers and butterflys as possible. The grasshoppers take big hops and she does too - it's pretty hilarious. 

Thanks everyone for the thoughts and well wishes. Her daughter is with her now (daughter is in her 30's) and will be able to take care of mom. I hope that her daughter takes her to live with her and puts that house up for sale. This is not the first gun violence there. I didn't think about how great they are with plastic surgery now, thank you for bringing that up. When I finally get a chance to talk with my friend, I'm going to tell her about sharing this with you guys and how caring you all are. She will appreciated it too


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## newlie (Feb 12, 2013)

Stone, you sound so much better, thank goodness!


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## blueangele (Aug 5, 2013)

Yay Stone, you sound SO much better. I was reading what you said about 'catching' yourself. My best friends daughter could sure use a doctor that would teach her some coping skills. I am glad your friend is going to be ok, the best thing you can do for her is just be there for whatever she will need. Even something simple like watering her plants, helping her pack, etc.


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