# Fearful dog eager to please, but boyfriend pushes him over threshhold...



## Oki (May 11, 2013)

Okay... I have posted here and there about my heeler/shepherd mix's fear aggression.

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Brief History (I have had him for about 2 years now, rescued at 3yo):

He resource guards "high value" treats - like himalayan chews - from my boyfriend, but not me. Thankfully, I think the resource guarding can be dealt with separately. When offered another treat - even something not as good as what he has - he drops it immediately with no problem. I always praise him for relinquishing the high value item without a fuss. I hope to eliminate the resource guarding completely.

He is protective of me - growls if people approach me on the couch or the bed. I have my boyfriend or whomever bring treats when they approach the couch/bed, and he will pace anxiously until he realizes "TREAT!" Once the person sits down, he gets the treat, he open mouth "smiles" and visibly relaxes. Seems like this is workable.

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My problem is trying to keep him below "growling threshhold." He paces/guards more especially when I am eating (ex: paces under the table, lays under the table). I hardly feed him my table scraps AT ALL - other family members are worse offenders with this. But he never gives my dad's wife any grief, never gives me grief, and only occassionally growls at my dad or brother if he is in a situation that he is uncomfortable in. It is a fear warning - if they back off, he stops. He only shows this level of fear aggression with my boyfriend. I am a bystander to it often, but they say he doesn't do it when I am not around.

Okay... so my boyfriend bothers me A LOT with how he handles Oki... and he is the threshhold breaker.

His basic command delivery is so frustrating. I don't blame Oki for becoming anxious. It goes something like this - *obscure hand signal* "OKI! OKI! OKI! OKI! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT!" THEN he gets mad when the dog doesn't do what he wants. I told my boyfriend - give a CLEAR HAND SIGNAL. ONE TIME. ONE VERBAL CUE. But he JUST KEEPS DOING IT. 

Even worse, when Oki begins to pace/guard me while I am eating, my boyfriend raises his voice and blurts commands, so it becomes, "OKI! OKI! OKI! OKI! OUT! OUT! OUT! NO! NO! NO!" So then Oki's anxiety sets in... he doesn't understand the command, this guy is raising his voice at him, walking towards him, trying to force him out of the room. A FEARFUL DOG. It is at this point that my dog devolves into a barking snarling nightmare pacing quickly around the room trying avoid him but be near me at the same time.

I know I need to be a part of the solution too. I can't just LET him think it's okay to growl at people because I am somewhere. I try to keep him out of my direct path so he cannot guard me from others. I try to keep him good and tired or occupied. I try to keep him in another room when I am eating. I know Oki expects me as the pack leader to "save him" from my boyfriend approaching him that way which Oki interprets as a threat.

But my boyfriend does not help the situation. When I intervene or say anything, then I am "siding with the dog" and "blaming him for everything."

But seriously, the way he is towards him, he is cruising for a bite. And I really don't want that...

/end rant.

*sigh* Any training suggestions to help my boyfriend foster a positive relationship with Oki? Methods to break this to my boyfriend? Ways to bolster my dog's confidence? (I definitely want to buy a starter agility set for the backyard)

I would love to hear anything at this point... I feel like I am taking crazy pills...


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## Baillif (Jun 26, 2013)

Anxious command delivery is a pet peeve of mine. Positive punishment on the boyfriend might work.


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## Oki (May 11, 2013)

Baillif said:


> Anxious command delivery is a pet peeve of mine. Positive punishment on the boyfriend might work.


Ironic that he says the "dog only listens to me" - I wonder why. :rolleyes2:

And I know dogs are very receptive to tone of voice. I feel like Oki picks up on the frenetic tone of my boyfriend's commands/voice and it just makes his fear/anxiety go up...


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## Sunflowers (Feb 17, 2012)

Why is the dog loose when you are eating?


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## wolfy dog (Aug 1, 2012)

I can see "the boy friend" issue surfacing here.\
Advice on this will be useless unless you and your boy friend get on one page and cooperate. If this is not possible, either rehome the dog or the boyfriend for the sake of everyone's sanity, including and especially the dog's.


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## Oki (May 11, 2013)

Sunflowers said:


> Why is the dog loose when you are eating?


Do you mean why is he roaming the house? It took a few times for me to realize it was at its worst when I eat meals - that was just one of the "aha" incidents before I figured it out. I've started eating out on the patio with him in the house or keeping him closed in the back hallway when I eat now because of this.

He just lays under the table and is perfectly content to do so until my boyfriend starts yelling commands...


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## middleofnowhere (Dec 20, 2000)

wolfy dog said:


> I can see "the boy friend" issue surfacing here.\
> Advice on this will be useless unless you and your boy friend get on one page and cooperate. If this is not possible, either rehome the dog or the boyfriend for the sake of everyone's sanity, including and especially the dog's.


This pretty much covers it.


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## Twyla (Sep 18, 2011)

Train a place command for *you* to use at meal times with your dog.

Until you and the bf are on the same page with this dog, put your foot down about bf is NOT to give commands. May cause an argument with the bf, but better an argument then your dog moving from warning to bites. 

Dogs and especially FA dogs need clear, concise direction. Without clarity, the confusion and stress levels continue to rise and you are seeing the results.

If the bf is a permanent prospect, he needs training with your dog, with a very experienced trainer. At this point, I don't think you will get through to him on what he needs to learn.


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## lennyb (Jan 1, 2014)

Honestly sounds to me like your boyfriend is a large part of the problem. He has no business acting like that towards a already anxious animal. I'll feel bad for the dog when it finally bites and has to suffer for its actions when it probably feels its just defending itself or you... I agree that he needs to STOP his actions / commands / what ever asap.


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## Sabis mom (Mar 20, 2014)

wolfy dog said:


> I can see "the boy friend" issue surfacing here.\
> Advice on this will be useless unless you and your boy friend get on one page and cooperate. If this is not possible, either rehome the dog or the boyfriend for the sake of everyone's sanity, including and especially the dog's.


I vote for rehoming BF. 

I rehomed my husband until he got it through his skull that interference with MY dog will not be tolerated. 
I have an extremely FA dog, basically I crate her around individuals who may not follow instruction. Or I remove them from HER home. Suggest a basic obedience class with BF, if that is not possible then you teach him. If he cannot or will not do what you need then I would suggest you sit down and have a long chat with yourself about where this relationship is heading, because honestly a grown man who accuses you of siding with the dog has issues he needs to address. If things can't change rehome the dog before his life is ruined.


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## Chip18 (Jan 11, 2014)

lennyb said:


> Honestly sounds to me like your boyfriend is a large part of the problem. He has no business acting like that towards a already anxious animal. I'll feel bad for the dog when it finally bites and has to suffer for its actions when it probably feels its just defending itself or you... I agree that he needs to STOP his actions / commands / what ever asap.


Boy friend should be treated by the dog like company and dog should be expected to "civil!"

But BF is stepping way beyond that boundary! And doesn't know what he's doing! I have dealt with a dog who did not care for "company" in his home! And it did not involve "folks" trying to bribe him with treats!

That being said this situation sounds like it's headed for failure! I'd trust my dog and rehome either the dog for his good or the boyfriend!


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

you will have issues like this over everything, EVERYTHING, for your entire life if you continue on with this relationship (and i don't mean the dog), please consider things very, very carefully before you even CONSIDER making this permanent. people are light hearted and kidding about this, but i am here to tell you from a lifetime of experience, you do not want to spend time with someone who does this sort of thing over ANYTHING, but most especially about how you treat your dog. sorry.


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## Cara Fusinato (May 29, 2011)

Gonna have to go the same direction. 



> But my boyfriend does not help the situation. When I intervene or say anything, then I am "siding with the dog" and "blaming him for everything."


Wait until it is elderly parent or grandparent, child, a doctor due an illness, a boss, paying bills. 

If the guy can't listen to you and say "let's find a compromise so we can work for beneficial good on this issue" you are in for a lifetime of fights until you call it quits. And you will, someday. Don't tie yourself to this guy. Rehome him now. The dog is going to suffer or even pay with his life, and you will never forgive this guy for that. A couple needs to be a team and have each other's back on everything from pets to kids to finances to health to family and not this guy running around whining because he has to be in control and you have to go along with him.

NOT worth it, I promise. Tell him it is not working out. There are lots of wonderful guys who are not selfish or egotistical and will treat you and your dog with respect. When you meet that guy, you can both thank your dog for saving you from a huge mistake.

Listen to us "older folk" on this thread who have been through relationship troubles. We aren't lightly saying to rehome the boyfriend, we know how hard that is to do, but we are saying it because the long-term prospect is so unkind to you, your dog, your family, your future kids. If it isn't easy, it isn't meant to be. I promise.

Pet your pup for me and tell him he is a good dog even though he has his challenges.


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## SuperG (May 11, 2013)

*"He is protective of me - "*

The ball is in your court as to whom your dog needs to feel this protectiveness characteristic towards...the dog is doing just as he feels he should....but you have the lead.

IMHO..dogs see/sense inconsistencies/changes in our behavior...and either act a bit off-kilter or perhaps become a bit more "primal" and could choose to protect. I decided a long time ago, with my current dog....that others are either with me or of no benefit in the development of my dog...hence I gave up on trying to persuade others to come into alliance with my cause for the pooch. So, I say..screw it....proceed worst case scenario and do it all by yourself...AND..I would wager..you have the confidence and control of the dog to affect the changes you desire...you are in the driver's seat..you will have an incredible dog which is solely yours and in turn...can let your dog know who he should lighten up around ... you set the theme.....frustration is telegraphed....the vibe your dog is picking up is either coming from you or the other person...and if it is the other person...and you are consistent in emotion and cool with the situation...then you need to impart that on your dog and not allow it. I don't know what it is with some friends which come over to our house..but my dog reacts differently to a few...is it me...is it them...is it my dog...or is it Memorex??...anyway...it's up to me to control the situation through correction for the pooch to lighten up on those she feels the need to be protective.

Dogs are smart...and certainly can see through my "pretending".

SuperG


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## sparra (Jun 27, 2011)

Not all people are good with dogs.......even dogs with no issues. If your BF is not a dog person then I can see that it may be difficult for him to deal with a dog who is behaving this way toward him.
By the sound of it he has a genuine reason to be anxious when interacting with this dog.
You can tell him to not be anxious until your blue in the face but if he genuinely fears the dog then he may not be able to change. No body likes to be growled at or threatened when they just want to chill out with their girlfriend .......what a mood killer 
Unless he can overcome this anxiety he feels around the dog then it is an untenable situation. The phrase "it's me or the dog" comes to mind. It sounds like the dog doesn't like men very much so unless you find a very understanding BF the issue may still be there if you get rid of this one


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## GatorBytes (Jul 16, 2012)

I was with a guy when I first got Gator. Gator was supposed to be for my dad except he was too young and my Dad too fragile. Readers digest version...G was supposed to go back to prior owner. My BF and I, although already had had troubles and were working on things (not living together), had decided that IF we were to keep G, then we would have to get a bigger place (as in, move in together). 

G was velcroed to me. Not him. He was jealous, wouldn't participate in walking, paying or caring for. I complained to him about this...he said, "well, get rid of the dog"...so I got rid of him (BF). Gator and I have lived happily ever since for 8 yrs. Always trust your dog


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## Jack's Dad (Jun 7, 2011)

Interesting to me how free people are to give relationship advice on a dog forum but whatever, I don't see this the same.

Your BF may or may not be a low life undeserving of your affection but the problem is your dog. The dog needs to be trained to accept whoever you do.

If it can't be trained then the dog needs to be put up somewhere when you have guests.

I put my two up whenever small children are around. Not because they don't like kids but they can be too rowdy with play sometimes. It's no big deal, guests including BF, should feel welcome and not be required to worry about your dog.


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## SuperG (May 11, 2013)

sparra said:


> It sounds like the dog doesn't like men very much


It's always the man's fault....well darn it..we have feelings to...and sometimes we just want to cuddle....okay...thought I'd give it a whirl....


SuperG


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## sparra (Jun 27, 2011)

sparra said:


> No body likes to be growled at or threatened when they just want to chill out with their girlfriend .......what a mood killer


@SuperG....Haha.....yes ......I agree.....see above


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## sparra (Jun 27, 2011)

Jack's Dad said:


> Interesting to me how free people are to give relationship advice on a dog forum but whatever, I don't see this the same.
> 
> Your BF may or may not be a low life undeserving of your affection but the problem is your dog. The dog needs to be trained to accept whoever you do.
> 
> ...


Agree......even if the boyfriend goes OP still has a problem dog.


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## Chip18 (Jan 11, 2014)

Well weighting on the guy side. I see the dog as a problem to be worked with. I dealt with the same thing...a dog with "people issues."

She is '"working" with her dog and to "me" it sounds like the "BF" is getting in the way? Not really seeing how one can train a dog if there better half disregards anything they say?

I don't handle "folks" disrespecting my dogs well. My GSD is "well behaved" he doesn't have to "like" company but he has to be under control! I don't see how that can be accomplished, if you have someone in the household undermining what is trying to be accomplished?

Nope this isn't "Days of Our Life" but no trainer can help, if you have a second party in the home under minding their effort!


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## sparra (Jun 27, 2011)

I just find it amusing how quick some are to tell a person to get rid of a BF, friends or even family members in order to accommodate a dog like this......I have seen many threads over the years where this happens.....


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## SuperG (May 11, 2013)

sparra said:


> I just find it amusing how quick some are to tell a person to get rid of a BF, friends or even family members in order to accommodate a dog like this......I have seen many threads over the years where this happens.....


sparra...

I sense we both appreciate the value of making rationalizations when the real cure is our own performance......

As I like to cynically say..." we are only as good as our next excuse"..

I completely agree with your amusement.

SuperG


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## gsdsar (May 21, 2002)

sparra said:


> I just find it amusing how quick some are to tell a person to get rid of a BF, friends or even family members in order to accommodate a dog like this......I have seen many threads over the years where this happens.....



I agree with you. I find it amazing how we tell people to get rid if human relationships because if a dog. It's a trend I too have seen on this board. It scares me a bit. But I think it speaks to how we value our dogs, sometimes more than people. Right or wrong, not for me to say. 

If your boyfriend loves you and is good to you, then work on your communication in regards to this dog. I don't personally think you should throw the baby out with bath water. 

But I am the host that puts dogs away if guests are uncomfortable. I invited humans in to my home. It's my job to make them feel comfortable and safe. 


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## GatorBytes (Jul 16, 2012)

Now insert "Child" instead of dog.

If this were the child (by other) of OP who is reaching out b/c the BF just won't listen


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## Jack's Dad (Jun 7, 2011)

Oki said:


> Okay... I have posted here and there about my heeler/shepherd mix's fear aggression.
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------
> 
> ...


Whoops, need to get rid of dad and brother too. Need to eliminate whomever also. Anyone that poopsie is bothered by just get them out of your life.


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## gsdsar (May 21, 2002)

GatorBytes said:


> Now insert "Child" instead of dog.
> 
> If this were the child (by other) of OP who is reaching out b/c the BF just won't listen



My advice would be the same. If a child was acting in am aggressive manner towards a guest, I would not eliminate other people from my life, I would fix my child. Now granted I can't crate a kid in another room. But I would not live my life alone to make a child comfortable. 


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## shepherdmom (Dec 24, 2011)

SuperG said:


> It's always the man's fault....well darn it..we have feelings to...and sometimes we just want to cuddle....okay...thought I'd give it a whirl....
> 
> SuperG


:rofl: Wrong thread. Try misinformation Thursdays.


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## SuperG (May 11, 2013)

The problem here is the expectation of solidarity at the human level....if it exists the synergy can be amazing....if it does not exist, the excuses run deep. This is one of those situations where there are no excuses...one doesn't get a dog because of someone else..the decision to get the dog solely rests on the OP...unless I have read into this incorrectly.

SuperG


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## SuperG (May 11, 2013)

shepherdmom said:


> :rofl: Wrong thread. Try misinformation Thursdays.


We cannot simply turn off our male hormones like a switch....we need loving, care and attention 7 days a week...not just on Thursdays....

Sincerely,

Super " Everyday is Thursday" G


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## GatorBytes (Jul 16, 2012)

gsdsar said:


> My advice would be the same. If a child was acting in am aggressive manner towards a guest, I would not eliminate other people from my life, I would fix my child. Now granted I can't crate a kid in another room. But I would not live my life alone to make a child comfortable.
> 
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App


 
What if child was 2 or 3? (the estimate a dog reaches in human yrs. as far as comprehension), not 10 and the BF took it upon themselves to discipline despite the mom/owners request as to what works? The child is not the BF's.


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## sparra (Jun 27, 2011)

SuperG said:


> We cannot simply turn off our male hormones like a switch....


Ain't that the truth.......no misinformation there....


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## Jack's Dad (Jun 7, 2011)

GatorBytes said:


> What if child was 2 or 3? (the estimate a dog reaches in human yrs. as far as comprehension), not 10 and the BF took it upon themselves to discipline despite the mom/owners request as to what works? The child is not the BF's.


If you think dogs and children are equal it's probably best to not have children.


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## sparra (Jun 27, 2011)

GatorBytes said:


> What if child was 2 or 3? (the estimate a dog reaches in human yrs. as far as comprehension), not 10 and the BF took it upon themselves to discipline despite the mom/owners request as to what works? The child is not the BF's.


This is not a child......it's a dog.......


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## SuperG (May 11, 2013)

sparra said:


> Ain't that the truth.......no misinformation there....



Hey !!!!!! I'm crying foul.....the whole quote or none of the quote...Oh..are you in the media industry by chance ??? 

SuperG


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## sparra (Jun 27, 2011)

Nope.....just a woman.....


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## wyoung2153 (Feb 28, 2010)

OP-I do not have a dog with behavior issues like yours, but I did have a BF who was the worst at commanding Titan to do things. Same as yours, screaming at him to do things, repeating a million things at once, etc. Still have the BF and Titan (2 yrs later)  but what helped a lot was sitting the BF down and explaining some basic dog behavior to him and why you only give precise commands. If he's a research guy, like mine is, even research a few things to have him read on behavior and how NOT to be and what the appropriate responses should be. Explain how their relationship and Oki's obedience with him would be if he just tweeked things a "little." 

It took a bit for him to get it, and though he'll never be a dog trainer, he has made all the effort to make it better and we live together now and Titan minds him pretty well. 

I don't have much advice for the other, except to put Oki in a place when you eat. Titan knows when the table is being set he needs to be in his bed. It makes all the difference in just the atmosphere of eating, and for you worrying about your dog's anxiety. Whether it's a place command, a go to bed command, or crating, I would definitely not having him around the table while you eat. 

 Good luck with the BF and Oki!


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## my boy diesel (Mar 9, 2013)

i would never stay with someone who treated my dog so shabbily


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## GatorBytes (Jul 16, 2012)

sparra said:


> This is not a child......it's a dog.......


 Dah...Point is about the BF being a dimwhit where the dog is concerned and the mixed signals as well as over stimulating the dog causing set backs and furthering the anxiety and because HE just won't LISTEN


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## sparra (Jun 27, 2011)

GatorBytes said:


> Dah...Point is about the BF being a dimwhit where the dog is concerned and the mixed signals as well as over stimulating the dog causing set backs and furthering the anxiety and because HE just won't LISTEN


Well no.....you made the comparison.......there is no comparison.......that was my point .......
So now he is a dimwit........very nice ......


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## Chip18 (Jan 11, 2014)

sparra said:


> I just find it amusing how quick some are to tell a person to get rid of a BF, friends or even family members in order to accommodate a dog like this......I have seen many threads over the years where this happens.....


Well "I" lost contact with my best friend from HS. 30 year friend and he hit hard times so we took him in. He was in my opinion disrespecting my Boxer, he would not give her the time of day!

No petting or even a hi! I don't expect people to gush over her though every other "NORMAL" male visitor did! Women...yeah not so much..they were all jealous..in my opinion! 

Life is simple for some of us, you have a problem with my dog..."you have a problem with me!"


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## GatorBytes (Jul 16, 2012)

Oki said:


> Okay... so my boyfriend bothers me A LOT with how he handles Oki... and he is the threshhold breaker.
> 
> His basic command delivery is so frustrating. I don't blame Oki for becoming anxious. It goes something like this - *obscure hand signal* *"OKI! OKI! OKI! OKI! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT!" THEN he gets mad when the dog doesn't do what he wants.* I told my boyfriend - give a CLEAR HAND SIGNAL. ONE TIME. ONE VERBAL CUE. But he JUST KEEPS DOING IT.
> 
> ...


 Any thoughts on helping with the OP's problems instead of remove the dog while eating?


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

disrespect is disrespect. hard to live with over a long period of time. no matter what it's about, but especially if it's about your animals.


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## GatorBytes (Jul 16, 2012)

sparra said:


> Well no.....you made the comparison.......there is no comparison.......that was my point .......
> So now he is a dimwit........very nice ......


 
You still no point...never done a comparative analysis?...this is as much about human nature as dog. if the BF was disrespecting how you raise your child you wouldn't rehome the child would you? well maybe some would...lol


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## wolfy dog (Aug 1, 2012)

Oki said:


> Okay... so my boyfriend bothers me A LOT with how he handles Oki... and he is the threshhold breaker.
> 
> His basic command delivery is so frustrating. I don't blame Oki for becoming anxious. It goes something like this - *obscure hand signal* "OKI! OKI! OKI! OKI! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT!" THEN he gets mad when the dog doesn't do what he wants. I told my boyfriend - give a CLEAR HAND SIGNAL. ONE TIME. ONE VERBAL CUE. But he JUST KEEPS DOING IT.
> 
> ...


We don't just advice the OP to get rid of her BF. I have high lighted the red flags that show how immature he is and possiblys the signs for being controling. Without help this will only escalate later in the relationship.


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## my boy diesel (Mar 9, 2013)

to me it says there is a basic lack of respect in the relationship you cannot overcome
it does not have anything to do with the dog but the dog issue is a symptom of the real problem


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## wyoung2153 (Feb 28, 2010)

People do have to remember that one, not everyone is knowledgeable on dog behavior or training as some of us here. Two, some people really truly do believe dogs are just a pet and don't care after that. Three, some honestly just don't have experience with dogs in general and they know this dog can't understand them but have no idea how to communicate with it to begin with. Not only that, but he may just not understand that there is an appropriate way to interact and believe that she is just doing things blindly.. which would be were research comes in. 

I'd hardly say that warrants her to leave him or that shows his controlling nature in the future of the relationship, give me a break. The OP just needs to provide some education and understanding to the man and see where that takes them.


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

Whitney please see wolfy dog's post, especially what's highlighted in red.


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## wyoung2153 (Feb 28, 2010)

katieliz said:


> Whitney please see wolfy dog's post, especially what's highlighted in red.


I have. And to me it sounds like 2 inexperienced people dealing with a dog. No offense OP. The OP seems to have a little more knowledge obviously.. and I think the BF needs a lot more. The way he is with could mean something or it couldn't mean anything at all. In my situation when my BF was the same way with Titan.. a little less vulgar it seems.. just annoyed and didn't know how to communicate.. but regardless I educated him on things and taught him how to communicate with Titan. And wouldn't you guess.. they do just fine and he has no control issues whatsoever. 

All I'm saying is don't be so quick to judge. And if the BF has things to work on.. how the heck is he gonna learn unless someone tells him. OP came on here for better advice on how to handle her dog and likely advice to help her BF and dog get along and figure things out.. probably even things to tell the BF so he can better understand... 

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## Cara Fusinato (May 29, 2011)

The dog needs work -- the OP knows this -- the dog should have a crate or bed or pen or room where it goes as a safe zone. All members of family and repeat guests (such as the BF) should be able to calmly say "Oki, go to crate (bed, pen,room) and the dog obeys and stays until released or stays quietly if a door is shut. For a fearful dog, a quiet place away from the food, guests, etc. is welcome and necessary. Forcing them to go head to head is asking for trouble. IF you BF is bitten, the dog may lose his life and you watch how quickly you don't have a BF but instead a lawsuit. Love? There are many things more powerful than love, esp. at a younger age.

I have two dogs -both of which bark when people arrive and then settle nicely once they assess the guests. We usually have many guests at a time or someone the dogs know like my mom or father-in-law. Once all the greetings, food exchanges, luggage, etc. are complete and calmer, the dogs join the group. They are expected to behave, go to rug and lay down, or approach guests calmly for petting. One of my dogs is very fearful and yet this is expected of him and he does this. This is your goal and something perhaps you can work on.

Now, as to the BF -- the red flag is this: But my boyfriend does not help the situation. When I intervene or say anything, then I am "siding with the dog" and "blaming him for everything." I am very sorry but this points to a lot of bad things. When you deal with life's major issues like children, finances, health, jobs, friends, family this quote is going to come up over and over. This is controlling, childish, and unfair. This kind of talk leads to isolating you from others and eventually possible physical and mental abuse. 

Yes, everyone, the dog needs to continue to be worked on. Aggression from the dog cannot be tolerated. Fear can be controlled with a safe place for the dog to go. This dog may never interact well with certain people but needs to have a place to retreat from something too intense for him or a situation in which he cannot control himself. The image of the dog pacing trying to get away from the BF but not abandon you is horrifying to think of. That should not be happening and is very dangerous.

But on the other hand, the BF has given signs that aside from the dog -- once he has made you leave it with the family, give it away, or put it to sleep -- these issues are going to surface again and again with friends, family, children, jobs, finances, medical situations. If you had posted in the non-dog related about this guy without the dog even mentioned in the thread, I think you would be having the same response about rehoming the BF.

Issue A: Work on the dog having a safe place to go willingly and quietly during meals, with guests, any time he is not acting appropriately. Issue B: The BF is a jerk and you deserve better.


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

Cara, you said it WAY better than I did. Nice post!


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## GatorBytes (Jul 16, 2012)

Rehoming reminded of this

Craig's List: Free to good home.

My girlfriend doesn't like my dog, so I appeal to you.
She is a purebred from a wealthy area and I have had her 4 years. She likes to play games. Not totally trained. Has long hair so she's a little high maintenance, especially the nails, but she loves having them done. Stays up all night yapping but sleeps while I work. Only eats the best, most expensive food. Will NEVER greet you at the door after a long day or give you unconditional love when you're down. Does not bite but she can be mean as ****! 

So........anyone interested in my 30 year old, selfish, wicked, gold-digging girlfriend? Come and get her! Me and my dog want her re-homed!!


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## Chip18 (Jan 11, 2014)

GatorBytes said:


> Rehoming reminded of this
> 
> Craig's List: Free to good home.
> 
> ...


LOL!

I do think the BF is an issue but..had he not been brought up I would have posted this:
Useful links in Post 8
http://www.germanshepherds.com/forum/general-behavior/431289-new-dog-very-challenging.html

"Who Pets my Puppy or Dog" fearful or aggressive same deal, keep people out of his face.

Certainly the dog should have a safe place to go when folks come over!


And this:
http://www.germanshepherds.com/forum/training-theory-methods/426322-selzer-sitting-dog.html

Never done it myself, never had the need but it strikes me it could be useful here.


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## rena (Nov 19, 2005)

Your dog is your "child". And it seems your boyfriend is acting like one…. I would let him know he is your child and needs to respect how you discipline and train him. If he does not respect that then of course there will be issues and you will most likely end up argueing which wiil just add more anxieties to your "child".
People need to be on the same page when it comes to training. Dont blame the dog when they become anxious. Your bf may not stay in your life who knows… But your dog "child" will so I would stick up and try to protect your dog from your bfs confusing training issues.


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## Aviorwolf (Apr 10, 2013)

my boy diesel said:


> i would never stay with someone who treated my dog so shabbily


That's it in a nutshell, well said. Makes you wonder about both humans in this situation.


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