# Bella doesn't respect me.



## dgray (Feb 24, 2012)

Or so it seems. At puppy class, she ignores me and barks from frustration that she can't do whatever she wants to do! Then at home she will half listen to what I want her to do. Also, she will turn into a bully and bark/bite/growl at me if I'm not showing her attention! I know I'm supposed to give her a toy or distract her when she does this.. But isn't that rewarding her? Isn't that what she wants? I try to ignore her but it HURTS. She will start off just mouthing me, but the more I ignore her, the harder she bites.. Any ideas of how to get her to respect me? Should I start NILIF? She submits to my fiancé and never nips him.. It's frustrating since I'm the one who plays and trains her. Is this normal? How should I act when she gets like this? I try to bow up to her, but it only makes her crazier. I'm scared I'm reacting wrong and this is going to become an issue. Any reason she only does this to me? 


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

dgray said:


> Or so it seems. At puppy class, she ignores me and barks from frustration that she can't do whatever she wants to do! Then at home she will half listen to what I want her to do. Also, she will turn into a bully and bark/bite/growl at me if I'm not showing her attention! I know I'm supposed to give her a toy or distract her when she does this.. But isn't that rewarding her? Isn't that what she wants? I try to ignore her but it HURTS. She will start off just mouthing me, but the more I ignore her, the harder she bites.. Any ideas of how to get her to respect me? Should I start NILIF? She submits to my fiancé and never nips him.. It's frustrating since I'm the one who plays and trains her. Is this normal? How should I act when she gets like this? I try to bow up to her, but it only makes her crazier. I'm scared I'm reacting wrong and this is going to become an issue. Any reason she only does this to me?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using PG Free


Yes. I have an idea. But I don't know how old your puppy is. 

From what you wrote here, it sounds like your fiance is more of a natural leader than you are. You will have to work on being a leader. You need to learn to be calm, consistent, you need to learn to not give your puppy what she wants when she is giving you a behavior that you don't want. 

I don't understand what you mean exactly by submits. If you mean she turns over and shows her belly or she pees a little, then that is NOT good. That means she is frightened of your fiance. If you mean that she defers to him, doesn't nip at him, lets him move through doors first, does not nag him, then he knows how to carry himself and the dog knows what to expect from him. 

Again, she is a puppy. But I don't know how old she is. She bites and barks and growls because that is how she learned to play in the litter. She needs to learn how to play by your rules now. At the same time she NEEDS to chew, she needs to run around, she has the attention span of a flea, so don't expect her to sit on a stay for 30 minutes. 5-10 minute sessions a couple of times a day, change it up, and quit when she still wants more. Class day is long for a puppy, sometimes it makes sense to abbreviate it or to engage your pup in between exercises. Keep training light and fun. 

If she is chewing your fingers off, don't let her reach your fingers, ball your fingers into a fist, much less fun to bite a fist. 

Tire your puppy out, don't wait for your puppy to get bored and come over to you and tire you out. Get out there and teach the puppy to chase the ball. When the puppy gets too rough, game over.

Lots of people do not need NILIF. But it can be a good starting point for someone who wants to increase their leadership abilities.


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## dgray (Feb 24, 2012)

selzer said:


> I don't understand what you mean exactly by submits. If you mean she turns over and shows her belly or she pees a little, then that is NOT good. That means she is frightened of your fiance. If you mean that she defers to him, doesn't nip at him, lets him move through doors first, does not nag him, then he knows how to carry himself and the dog knows what to expect from him.


 She will lay on her back and pee sometimes .. But not at the same time. She will pee while he's petting her and she seems really really excited.. Not fearful. She doesn't nip him. I went to the breeders today for some pointers. I think that helped my confidence with her. I suppose I just need to be more firm with her on what I expect, etc. I'm sure she can sense my lack of confidence with her. Thanks for the tips! 



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## dgray (Feb 24, 2012)

Bella is 5 months btw. 


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## Zeeva (Aug 10, 2010)

dgray said:


> She will lay on her back and pee sometimes .. But not at the same time. She will pee while he's petting her and she seems really really excited.. Not fearful. She doesn't nip him. I went to the breeders today for some pointers. I think that helped my confidence with her. I suppose I just need to be more firm with her on what I expect, etc. I'm sure she can sense my lack of confidence with her. Thanks for the tips!
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using PG Free


You are right in that this is excited peeing. This takes time and ignoring to subside.

Glad you got a boost of confidence from the breeder! I have a confidence issue with my dogs as well. Even if you don't feel confident, at least try to act like it  Walk tall, walk with purpose and walk strong when walking; be firm in voice like you mean it. Eventually the confidence will come from the inside even though you are pretending on the outside...

Best!


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## LuvShepherds (May 27, 2012)

You could still be in the "she's so cute" stage, since she's a young puppy. You have to get firmer with her so she'll learn to respect you. Be consistent. Learn NILIF, as I think it will teach YOU how to react to her. Is the puppy class treat based? I tried one of those with my youngest dog, and found it made her even more out of control. I didn't get her under complete control until we began obedience. At 5 months, she should be getting out of puppy class and into a regular obedience. Then once she knows Sit or Down, you can put her on the leash and run her through the various obedience tasks until she's focused on you.

Another thing to teach her asap is Watch. You want her to look into your eyes and put all her attention on you every time you say Watch. If you don't want to use treats, teach her the commands when you feed her. Put her bowl down, make her Sit/Stay or Sit/wait if you aren't teaching Stay yet, and then make her watch you. The second her eyes meet yours, say Good girl, and let her have her food. The next time, make her stare at you a few seconds, Good Girl, Wait, even if you have to hold your hand in front of her to keep her sitting. Then let her go. Keep increasing both the Watch time and the Wait time before she gets her food. That is a good way to establish yourself not only as a leader, but as the keeper of the food, and the one who decides when she can eat it.


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## GSDGunner (Feb 22, 2011)

dgray said:


> Also, she will turn into a bully and bark/bite/growl at me if I'm not showing her attention! I know I'm supposed to give her a toy or distract her when she does this.. But isn't that rewarding her? Isn't that what she wants? I try to ignore her but it HURTS. She will start off just mouthing me, but the more I ignore her, the harder she bites..


I can SO relate to this. Gunner did this when he was 4-5 months old.
Is this how she acts?





I let him go so I could record it. It lasted nearly 6 minutes, and this was a mild bout.
Here's what I did and it worked. The behavior was gone very shortly after.
I had him gated in the family room and kitchen area, which is also where his crate was located.
When he started this behavior, and it was sometimes very brutal. I left the room, which is the LAST thing he wanted. I would go out of his sight until he was calm, then return. This whole behavior was geared towards getting my attention. By leaving him, he didn't get want he wanted by doing this behavior. He got the opposite, which he quickly figured out. And it stopped. Of you don't have her gated, you can put her in her crate when she does this behavior. Not with anger, just put her in the crate and leave the room. 

I became more assertive with my voice when I talked to him or gave him a command. He obeyed my husband, but not so much for me. I worked on his commands religiously and with a stern voice. That too worked. 
NILIF is a must have. He didn't eat without earning it. He had to obey a command to get anything, even a treat. It made for a much more obedient dog. And a much happier momma! 

Hope this helps.


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## dgray (Feb 24, 2012)

GSDGunner said:


> I can SO relate to this. Gunner did this when he was 4-5 months old.
> Is this how she acts?
> Gunner's Barking Fit - YouTube
> 
> ...


That's exactly what Bella does! Three to five times a day.. Lol with A LOT more biting.. And lunging at me! I will start trying to leave her when she acts like this. I don't want to ruin her drive; I may want to do Sch. with her. I LIKE playing with her rough, but she doesn't know how to shut it off. I guess I need to pick a word and teach her to stop when I'm done playing. Thanks for the help! I definitely need
To be more firm with her and confident. I picked all her toys up, so we will see how Bella responds to me being in control! (she's going to throw a fit! Lol )



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## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

train and socialize everyday. i find training and
socializing in short sessions works best. train
indoors and outside. i think what you're describing
as being a bully is your dog asking for attention.
whenever my dog behaved that way i didn't ignore
him, turn my back or stuff a toy in his mouth. i played with
him or we went for a walk. if i didn't play with him or walk him
i used that time to train. somtimes when my pup tried
to engage me i would give him a pet, a few kind words
and a treat. when my pup barked at me, nipped me,
pawed at me i took that as my pup was bonding with me
and i think the ways i redirected wasn't a correction
or disencouragement.


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