# Ever feel like getting your GSD was wrong?



## dianefbarfield (Apr 12, 2010)

When I decided to get my dog Lizzie, my husband was totally in agreement. But when I do something I totally focus on it. Lizzie is a project for me as well as a pet and a friend. I am so into her and her training and making sure she is a well-behaved GSD. Lately, it seems that there has been tension between my spouse and myself over her. Now understand, we have been married for 30 years and he is the other half of me. We met and knew immediately that we were soulmates. We NEVER disagree, ever. So this is weird and not good. Finally, we had a long talk and we acknowledged that Lizzie has been a stresser. He realized that he has made me feel like we should not have gotten her. He was so tense and I was feeling it. He tries to help me train her, but he has never done that before and really has no instincts at it. I am patient and show him what to do but he doesn't enjoy it. I want him to be a part of this but I would rather him not fake it. 

Now I feel badly because I have spent time feeling negative about Lizzie and I bet she picked up on that. But no more. I am going to enjoy her and be proud of her and take all the time I want with her. My husband and I are having to make huge adjustments in our careers and lives. For the first time we have separate interests. He bikes and swims and I paint and work with Liz. That is hard when you have always done everything together. Most of you on here say that all family members have to be involved with the dog but if someone doesn't enjoy the training what do you do? He loves the play....and I love watching them. 

I know I am rambling and this is long. I am not saying things the way I want to. I just wonder if others have gone through this? Did you ever feel guilty or like you had to apologize for getting your GSD? We are working it out. I love him more than anything and I want to make him happy. Lizzie is here to stay so we have to come to a good compromise.


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

I am not married and do not have to include a spouse in my decisions, but it seems like you need to just work with the dog and hope that the husband gets on board at some point.

I gave a dog to my mom almost five years ago. Dad was NOT on board. In fact, I had mom taking care of the dog for a day here and there until I got him neutered and then he stayed here afterwards. My dad would come home, see the dog and start yelling and carrying on. The dog would stretch out his neck and look after Dad, then turn to Mom with a look that said "should I be afraid?"

When Mom finally told dad that Cujo was their dog, he was not pleased, but tried to make up with Cujo. At that point Cujo said "No Way!!!! You are supposed to be yelling and crazy, this being nice crap is scarey."

The relationship was strained. Cujo started barking and growling at Dad. Dad was not pleased, tried to get the dog to like him, and made the dog more scared. With Dad feeding him his treats after meals, and being more consistant about letting him in, after letting him out, Cujo started to accept that Dad lived here. For probably a year, he would visibly relax and play with his toys like crazy AFTER Dad went to work. 

When Mom went into the hospital, Cujo was about ten months old. He was crated at night, then Dad let him out, and crated him so he could go to work. He drove all the way home and lunch time and let Cujo out to potty then drove to the hospital and then back to work. In the evening Dad would sometimes visit Mom and sometimes stay home with Cujo. This was a great turning point for Cujo. 

Cujo also had to let the visiting nurse in to take care of Mom when she got home while Dad was at work. 

Dad was very impressed with how Cujo managed all of this. Cujo gained more confidence and started to bond with Dad. 

Cujo is almost five. Dad claims he is the best dog and the smartest dog. Mom loves him to death. 

Neither have done basic training or obedience training with him. But mom taught him to sit on the rags when he comes in from the wet and Dad has him do it to. Dad has a nightly ritual for his treats. And Dad has taken him for walks as well. 

In the past five years Dad has had three surgeries and Mom two major ones. The dog is like their seventh child. He is huge and strong, but he allows them to manage him. He listens better than any other dog they had. 

But all of this did not start out that way. 

Two years ago, my sister brought her babies home from Guatamala. Cujo had not been socialized to babies. But Mom was insistant that he would not hurt the babies. They set up a play yard for the babies. And we watched and supervised closely. It took some time, but he also proved that he can be very gentle and careful around the little ones. Dad is impressed.

I think you should just give it time. In time things sometimes work out. It has for Cujo. Take your dog to classes and accomplish things with him. One day your husband may just wake up and realize how great a dog he has. Not everyone has an easy time with puppies. 

Good luck.


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## bianca (Mar 28, 2010)

I have a similar story Diane although my partner and I have only been together for nearly 2 years. When we met he knew I missed my old dogs so much and wanted to get a GSD but I was working out at the mines so was not home much. Fast forward to 14 months ago and he had a terrible accident which has left him a low functioning paraplegic. I quit work to become his full time carer after the 7 months he spent in hospital. So in January of this year I 'found' Molly's breeder and he was all keen for me to get her (he isn't that fond of GS, wants a neo mastiff). So Molly comes into our lives as I thought now I am home all day it would be a perfect time.....well she is a handful and unfortunately feeds off my up and down emotions. My partner now says that the "dynamic have changed" since we got her  Molly is my love and he just has to accept that and all the time I spend on training etc...not to mention money lol. I am afraid that my animals come first for me.....2 days ago spent over $900 at the vet for one of my cats...and we do not have a lot of spare dosh anymore.


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## Holmeshx2 (Apr 25, 2010)

I have never felt like it was the "wrong" choice but have been where you are where it put a stress on the relationship. My husband has a tendancy to do the same thing as yours. He'll go along with something for me but you can tell that they don't want to. Yes you want your husband to play and train with your pup but you want him to WANT to do it not do it simply to please you. I get this entirely. Different interests are good it gives you something else to talk about. Yes everyone should be on the same page it makes things easier but it really is about finding balance. My husband was always on board with getting the dog but not so much what was all involved with owning a dog (if that makes sense) so it caused a great deal of stress between us when I would focus on the dogs and he felt like I was ignoring him for the dogs.

You make a commitment to your spouse when you get married and you make when to a dog when you decide to bring them into the home neither one is something to be taken lightly and when something goes wrong it upsets the entire balance and can cause a huge amount of stress for everyone.

What I have found to work best is to not push my husband. I allow him to have his own relationship with the dogs it may not be what I would consider ideal but I have learned if I give him the space to handle as much or as little as he wants then it gives me the space to do as I please and not feel guilty for it. My husband knows that dogs take training he may not want to do that training or at least not all the time like it needs to be so I take that on.

Personally whats worked for me and hopefully will for you is I do all the training while my husband does whatever makes him happy. We spend time each day talking of course and he'll tell me what he did that day and I'll talk to him about my day and make sure to include what I did with the dogs or how great they did at learning something new and find a way to include how I taught it to them. This allows him to know what the dogs know and the proper way of doing it so if he decides to do it he knows how to. I let it be his choice to if/when he does anything with the dog it's on his terms and not a show just to make me happy.

If you see him trying to actually train your pup and see it being done completely wrong find a way to casually slip in the best way to do it and why they will generally accept it and not feel to upset like you are nagging or trying to tell them how they are wrong. Also, I've learned dogs are forgiving.. so much more then we are.

If you are training her properly she's going to know whats expected and if your husband makes a mistake now and then she'll most likely forgive and forget if your consistant. If he choose just to play with her then thats great let them have that bond but simply request a few certain rules be followed that just make sure to keep Lizzie knowing where her place in the pack is. Like have him not allow her to rush past him to go outside if he takes her out to play fetch type of thing. 

Some people enjoy dogs but not the work that goes in to them while others absolutely love the training part, you have to allow that room. Going off the activities you said you can still find ways to combine them. You train Lizzie the things she needs to learn possibly take her for a few bike rides teach her how to run with the bike things like that and then when she learns how to do it hand the leash over to your husband for him to incorporate her into something that he enjoys (biking) if there is something specific he needs to know such as a certain command let him know and then let them off to have their own time together. She will love the bonding and I'm sure he'll love the company it may do him good to see her doing something fun and her enjoying a common interest with him. If you enjoy riding maybe all 3 go together or just leave it as an acitivity that is only theirs so they have their own special connection.

I'd be glad to talk if youd like feel free to PM me any time.. I've been there a lot where both sides feel off because it's not going as you wanted it to. Hang in there it will work out you just have to find out what the best way to go about it is.


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## Holmeshx2 (Apr 25, 2010)

Bianca I get where you are coming from. It's a different love though and sometimes I think guys don't quite get it. 

For me my husband comes first he is my love and my soulmate he gives me things no one else can however on the other side my animals have always hit a spot that no person ever could and thats just the nature of animals. They are uncomplicated if you make a mistake they don't care its unconditional love regardless.

As a woman we need this the animals don't care if we just screamed at them for no reason they will still come and cuddle us we don't have to tell them how we feel they already know and somehow manage to know just the right thing to do to help us feel better. They will cuddle us while we are crying or do something to make us laugh to come out of a "funk" we've been in. Humans are not capable of this even the best person. If someone sits there screaming at you because they had a bad day its human nature to hold a bit of hostility when in 5 minutes they come up wanting sympathy but animals do not.

There were times where my husband felt like he was second to the animals and I might have possibly thought that at one time also my animals came first but they really don't they come in a different place that can not be measured.

Kind of like saying if your spouse or child is more important to you.. not a decision that can just be made they are different loves.

With animals they will love you no matter what and you know that they can not do things for them selves and our nurturing side comes out to take care of them as well.

Its just a matter of finding a balance that works and letting the spouse know that they don't come second to you but that they need to understand the animals are very important to you but in a different way then the spouse.


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## Sharbel (Apr 30, 2010)

NEVER!! We are all in love with him and day by day we even love him more. Me , my wife, my son and my daughter. We are actually competing on who will love him more.
But I hear of families who are not in agreement. These families should't have had a dog in the first place.

Unless all the family members are in agreement and all decide to be committed fully to raising a dog and having him/her as a family member it is a crime to get one.


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## Holmeshx2 (Apr 25, 2010)

Sharbel not everyone realizes exactly what is entailed in raising an animal especially from puppyhood. Yes they can read and learn all they want but each animal is different and it's completely different reading, puppysitting, and actually owning a dog for their entire life where everything they learn and do is because of you.

They may all be in agreement then one day realize OMG what did I get myself in to or frustrated the dog just isn't learning and they don't know where the mistakes are coming from. Its natural in all things even becomming a parent.

You decide ok I want kids you guys get pregnant then things start going wrong that you just never expected to happen and every once in awhile during a bad time you have a hard time remember why you made the choice you did.

I don't think the OP really means she regrets getting the dog she just didn't anticipate certain things happening from owning the pup.

Shes doing the right thing shes not planning on getting rid of her just is in a down spot at the moment.. it happens. What matters is shes fully commited to both her husband and her dog shes just trying to make sense of finding the balance between it all.

Every new parent goes through it no matter if it has fur or not.

Yes there are people that get animals for the wrong reason.. want a golden because they saw air bud or something like that or the husband doesn't like dogs and the wife decides to go out and get one anyways hoping to force him to change his mind.. yes these people should not have a dog. But it is fairly common for everyone to agree to getting the dog and not fully understand what they are getting in to and when the uninformed person feels overwhelmed it can leak to the other people involved and cause extra stress. it works out with time, patience, and understanding.


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## Mrs.K (Jul 14, 2009)

I have stopped trying to make my husband part of it. He is the same way as yours is. Without his agreement we wouldnt have three dogs. He wants a pet to cuddle with and has no understanding why and what they need training for. He also doesn't understand that I can't make Indra stop with the mouthing and biting, that it is a phase all puppies go through. 
I am happy when he takes them out every once in a while and actually feeds them.


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## bianca (Mar 28, 2010)

Holmeshx2. Thank you. Yes it is a different kind of love and I suppose when first reading what I wrote about my animals come first....it probably doesn't sound quite right! My partner comes first or I would not have stayed with him throughout all of this as we were only together a few months prior to his accidents. But I suppose what I mean is I am fiercely loyal and protective of my 'babies' and once they are here, that is it for me! All or nothing is my personality! A few years ago, my ex tried to kill me...literally....and when I came to (bleeding and so forth) begged him to let me get my cats and leave. I left everything I owned in that house that night and didn't care as I had my cats. That's the type of person I am 

I should also add that he doesn't really have much to do with her, he is bed ridden a lot of the time and when he does see her, he mostly gets grumpy with her being a puppy  But we will work it out


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## Holmeshx2 (Apr 25, 2010)

I completely understand Bianca. It came across just fine to me because they do come first. I wouldn't leave my husband over my animals but I also wouldn't abandon my animals over my husband. They are all my number one it's just a different number one. Kind of like saying my favorite ice cream and my favorite movie. I have my number ones but they really don't take anything away from the other. You can have a movie without ice cream, ice cream without a movie or have them both at the same time and it takes nothing away from the other one the provide something different to me and I have a diffferent joy from each of them. 

Same thing goes with animals and humans my pets can not give me what my husband does but he can't give me certain things they do and it's just whats in their nature. Kind of like saying you have a favorite child you love them all equally. They are allowed to both be first in your life just on different levels. (of course this is something non animal people will never understand) lol


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## bianca (Mar 28, 2010)

I think you nailed it! So much more eloquently put than my blah blah blah!


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## Syaoransbear (Sep 25, 2008)

I regret getting Chrono. I should have waited until I moved out where everything would be my rules and my business, and I wouldn't have so many people sabotaging his training. It was just a bad time.


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## Holmeshx2 (Apr 25, 2010)

lol Bianca.. thank you for saying eloquent to me I seem to just ramble lol. Hopefully somewhere in the midst of a bunch of words I'm hoping someone can pick out the important points HAHAH.

Syaoransbear.. been there also but I wouldn't say I regret getting the dog I just regret the timing. Once again I live it up to a lesson learned realize the mistake was the timing not the dog love the dog and work on handling the situation at hand.


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## windwalker718 (Oct 9, 2008)

I've always had dogs... not a dog, but dogs... since I was living on my own. My spouse and I had 9 dogs when they moved here... 3 of hers, 6 of mine... fast forward 7 years, and we had "Just" 5 dogs, one of mine, two of hers and two of ours. All wonderful and much loved, and two were rescue GSD's... but I missed the bond with a dog that comes from raising them from puppy hood and molding them into what they become. I was and am soooooooo lucky that my spouse understood, and a year ago we got MY dog. From the day we picked him up he's been mine by his choice as well as mine...and my attachment to him is stronger than to any of my other dogs. 

Bev says that I basically melt just watching the Black Cyclone... and jokes that she'd never ask me to make a choice cause she's afraid that I'd pick the dog... LOL. I'm very fortunate that she sees and understands Ike and I, cause some spouses would be totally bent and jealous of the time and attention he gets. The important thing is to be certain to make and encourage time for you and your spouse without the dog... and that you include them in some part of working with the dog. It's like the jealousy that happens when a husband feels left out of the mother/child bond, and misses his time alone with their partner.
:halogsd:


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## Mrs.K (Jul 14, 2009)

You know... as of right now, I don't know what I would do if he would make me chose. 

I know that much. My husband wants a Lab. He really wants a Lab a chocolate colored Lab. 

A couple of days ago Indra was laying on the couch trying to play with him. He ignored her and she started mouthing to get his attention. He yelled at me "MAKE HER STOP BITING ME!" and I told him that it takes consistency and that she is going through a phase and that it's not that simple. "I DON'T CARE MAKE HER STOP!"

Oookay... I asked him. Didn't you want a Lab puppy"?
"Yes!"
"Are you willed to train the puppy? To housebreak your pup, take it to the puppy classes? Play with him?"

"Well... I just wanted a Lab to have a pet."

"Honey, having a puppy means work, a lot of work. You are not interested in the dog club and training them, so why do you want a Lab? It'll go through the same stages as Indra does."

"Well than I get a one year old Lab!"

"And what do you want to do with that Lab?"

"I just want a pet..."

When it comes up to dogs I am talking to a wall of bricks... I don't know how I fell in love with that man but he's so ignorant about a dogs needs it ain't funny. My neighbor tried (she's black too) to explain to me that to some black people a dog is a dog and nothing else. They are not family members and some don't even see the need to vaccinate them. If they die from parvo they get a new one. NOW I DO NOT KNOW IF THAT IS TRUE!!! SO PLEASE DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE IN THAT!!! That is what she told me but I was like "My husband isn't like that, he does care about them... just in a different way."

Heck if he would tell me that I can't vaccinate them because it's to expensive I'd take the Turkey off his plate and feed it to the dogs with the words _"Honey, you can't have turkey, it's too expensive, from now on we will live off of Ramen Noodles!" _

However, I still love him. As much as I don't understand his ignorance about dogs, he's the man and I married him for a reason.


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## kimkats000 (Dec 28, 2005)

My husband has never held a leash since we have been married. I do the training, vetting, taking, etc. He does the playing, feeding, running around the yard.

It works for us. Let your husband do what he wants with the dog. You do what you want. No need to MAKE anyone do anything. So long as the training happens who cares who does it?

Good luck!

Kim


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## onyx'girl (May 18, 2007)

My husband surprised the family with Onyx for a Christmas gift...we already had a senior and I was almost looking forward to a clean, dog free home when the time would come.
When my husband and I first got together(30 yrs ago) we got a black GSD pup and both love the breed. Stomper lived 11 years.
Well, enter Onyx, with her unsteady nerves, etc. I learned as much as possible on how to manage her and it turned into an obsession. Before her I was into exotic birds, so my obsession for them transferred to GSD's. 
My husband doesn't regret getting Onyx and encourages me to train. I have regrets on him getting her without researching the breeder, but whats done is done and I love her. 
The kids on the other hand think I am a crazy lady because we have 3!


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## dianefbarfield (Apr 12, 2010)

That is a fantastic answer Holmeshx2 and I sooooooooooo appreciate it. I think you hit it exactly. I have to let him play with her and enjoy her in his own way and just make sure the rules are followed. She loves him and he loves her. Don't get me wrong about that. He is the kindest, most loving person I have ever known. Right now he is in a new job (retired from teacher and they called him back short term) and is tired and stressed there too.) but that will be over soon. He gives me everything I need emotionally, and every other way and I can't imagine one moment without him. I hate that Lizzie has been a stresser but to me it is just like having a new child. Lots of work, less sleep, and raising her right. Thank you so much.


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## dianefbarfield (Apr 12, 2010)

wow....you are so right on and so wise. I am glad you are on this forum. that is EXACTLY what is going on! Again, your posts are wonderful holmeshx2. You seem to have great insight. Thanks to everyone here for understanding and for helping me with this.


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## Mrs.K (Jul 14, 2009)

Thats the best you can do. That's why I have stopped trying to make him do something he doesn't want. BUT on the other hand I am trying to get some sense into him. We already have three dogs, we can't afford a fourth one. And getting a Lab just because he wants a pet.. well, he's got three dogs already that love cuddling with him. He's got pets already and I really really don't want a fourth dog on my hands, because I'd be the one training him. 

So yeah, once one of our dogs passed away we can talk about getting a Lab but as long as we have three dogs already I really don't want a fourth one. 

Oh and HE BOUGHT ME INDRA!!! He could have easily said "No honey, I want my Lab... do the research..." and we would have gotten a Lab. But he didn't and he's got to live with that. 

Other than that... I am not making him come with me. Well maybe to take pics.... but he doesn't have to train them if he doesn't want to. But than... on the other hand... he has no reason to complain if they don't listen to him. 

What do you all think about the Labrador thing? Am I in the right or should I let him get the Lab? I am just trying to be reasonable....


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## ZAYDA (Apr 22, 2010)

Mrs.k Your hubby is not that stupid he is just playing you.... He knows what you are saying he just knows it irritates you and he didn't get what he wanted . Only a NON dog lover would act like your husband did about your puppy biting at him and he is not that person he is just not happy at times with the situation and he wants to irritate you.
It's almost like if it was a chocolate lab it wouldn't be doing that but you had to get a GSD!!


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

I have never regretted getting Sinister, never.

My boyfriend (ex now) moved into my apartment with me. At the time I had 2 cats. When it came time to get a puppy my bf wanted a English Bulldog, I wanted a GSD. I mean Bullies are cute dont get me wrong but I'm young and I want a dog with some energy  plus I love big dogs. He didn't like GSD's, didn't want anything to do with getting one. Well, I won. We brought Sinister home and my bf fell in love with him. Fast forward a year and it brings you to present day. My bf and I broke up. I love my animals more than I love anyone else, well my mama is on the same level as my animals. No one comes before them, no one ever will. I made that very clear to my ex. He didn't like one of my cats, kept telling me to get rid of her. Not going to happen. I told him I wanted to get another dog, he said no way, one is enough. I had had enough. *It is my house, I feed all of them, I pay for all of their Vet care, food, toys and I paid to buy them. They are all mine.* I told him "You only live once and I choose to spend my time here doing things that make me happy and all of my animals make me very happy, if I want to get another dog then i'm going to do that. This is my house and I will do as I please." So we broke up, he moved out and I bought a kitten  Next september I'm getting a female GSD puppy. I am completely happy with my decisions, I enjoy being with my animals.

So I dont regret my GSD, he is the best thing that ever happened to me


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## bianca (Mar 28, 2010)

LaRen616 said:


> I have never regretted getting Sinister, never.
> 
> My boyfriend (ex now) moved into my apartment with me. At the time I had 2 cats. When it came time to get a puppy my bf wanted a English Bulldog, I wanted a GSD. I mean Bullies are cute dont get me wrong but I'm young and I want a dog with some energy  plus I love big dogs. He didn't like GSD's, didn't want anything to do with getting one. Well, I won. We brought Sinister home and my bf fell in love with him. Fast forward a year and it brings you to present day. My bf and I broke up. I love my animals more than I love anyone else, well my mama is on the same level as my animals. No one comes before them, no one ever will. I made that very clear to my ex. He didn't like one of my cats, kept telling me to get rid of her. Not going to happen. I told him I wanted to get another dog, he said no way, one is enough. I had had enough. *It is my house, I feed all of them, I pay for all of their Vet care, food, toys and I paid to buy them. They are all mine.* I told him "You only live once and I choose to spend my time here doing things that make me happy and all of my animals make me very happy, if I want to get another dog then i'm going to do that. This is my house and I will do as I please." So we broke up, he moved out and I bought a kitten  Next september I'm getting a female GSD puppy. I am completely happy with my decisions, I enjoy being with my animals.
> 
> So I dont regret my GSD, he is the best thing that ever happened to me


I love that line LaRen! Brilliant


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## kiya (May 3, 2010)

No regrets here. When I first met my husband about 20yrs ago, I told him if you ever make me choose between my horse & you, sorry honey, you loose. That just carried over to to the dogs. He still tells everyone that story. He doesn't partake in any of the training, grooming, exercise or anything else. His role is play a little on the floor or a few minutes or run around a bit in the yard. Lakoda is the 4th shepherd baby I am raising and I feel I have learned so much over the years that I want to teach her more. He doen't understand why I want to do agility. I don't even ask him anymore to come to class or practice commands anymore. I used to print out articles on training and such and he just would put them to the side. I don't waste the paper & ink anymore. I laugh when he'll tell the big dogs "Koda's got to go to school" like he thinks I bring her there and she'll come home all trained.
I have told him if anything happens to him, I will become the "dog lady" and have about 20 dogs. I'd rather live alone with a pack of dogs then get married again. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but over the years we've drifted apart. My intrests never changed, my animals are my babies and they come before anything. As inconvenient as it can be having all my critters, it's worth it. Yes everything revolves around feeding time, giving meds or getting home to let the dogs go potty.
Sorry for my rant, my dogs don't get moody like hubby eighter!


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## JKlatsky (Apr 21, 2007)

Regret? Maybe sometimes on Dog number 3,4, or 5. 

The reality is that DH and I have always agreed together on adding the dogs. We would discuss it, and review it, and do it. I think we're a little weird in that we are both nuts about the dogs. He bought Argos for me as my very first dog. He got jealous and bought Anka for himself. So then we did training and dog-stuff together (which can get a wee bit competitive). He did the training on the dog that got us Cade. He's the one that found Ike. And Tag was all me  But he bought and paid for him. 

HOWEVER, work situations being what they are I am the one who bears the brunt of reponsibility for the dogs in terms of time. I feed all the dogs. In the mornings we split take out (I do 3, and he does 3, puppy goes out twice). When I get home I am outside from 3:30 to 5:30pm running and playing with the dogs and then I come in to start our dinner and feed the dogs. I'm the one who grooms and takes care of health issues. I'm the one who runs out to buy dog food, treats, supplies, etc. So yes, sometimes when I'm exhuasted from a long day at work, Ike is barking like a maniac at Argos because Anka's in heat, Cade is covering me in slobber/dirty goo, and Tag is screaming murder because he didn't want to be put back in his crate yet...Well then yes. I wonder what I was thinking and how much easier life was when we only had Argos and Anka...and I get frustrated and a little snappy with DH when he gets home and sometimes we argue. But ultimately, then I look at Cade and Tag and Ike...and well. I don't think I would have done anything differently.

I'm sure people with kids must feel the same way sometimes.


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## valreegrl (Nov 11, 2009)

I can't say I regret it, but I understand the "Husband issue". 
My Hubby loves Timber, however he also loves to say "Would you get YOUR dog please!" 

I take care of the training, vetting, feeding, bathing and anything else associated with the dogs. Hubby does play time and the occasional walk...oh and poop clean-up  

We have an understanding. He "tolerates" my obsession and will help some, but the responsibility falls mainly on me. But, I'll take it.


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## Josiebear (Oct 16, 2006)

Josie is actually my husband's dog even though i'm the one that is feeding her, taking her to the vet, we both do the training but i do the majority of it. She is with me all day.

Hubby has always loved shepherds and after we got married that's all he would talk about " once we move out of this apartment we're getting a GSD". 

I just rolled my eyes because i did not care for this breed despite the fact i did grow up with one, but i thought there would be NO Other German Shepherd like the one i knew. I kept reminding my hubby 

" you know they have lots of energy"

Him: " yes i know we are active people too".

Me: " They are extremly smart too are we going to be able to give them mental exercise too"

him: " yes".

me " if not exercised properly they can turn aggressive".

Him " i am not worried about that".

So whatever i said i lose he wins, sure enough we found a breeder and i've been in love with Josie ever since . Will i get another shepherd after her? if the right one comes along with great temperment like hers.


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## Wolfiesmom (Apr 10, 2010)

I know how you feel. I have been married for 28 years, and I've known my husband since I was 11 and he was 13. My husband has never said we should never have got Wolfie. He actually thanked me the other day for talking him into getting Wolfie. I love to watch them play and interact, and they do love each other very much. Sometimes I feel like Wolfie loves his Dad more than he loves me. I think he sees hubby as a play toy, and I am Mom. We do have some tension between us, though, and it is because I am always with Wolfie, taking care of him, training him, playing with him. I think it's like when we bring a newborn child home and the father feels left out because the baby is getting all the attention.


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

Wolfiesmom said:


> I think it's like when we bring a newborn child home and the father feels left out because the baby is getting all the attention.


So true!!! :rofl:


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## GunnersMom (Jan 25, 2008)

Well, my mom and I live together, so I don't have the husband/significant other issue. Actually, my dogs are the biggest reason WHY I no longer have the husband issue. 

Have I ever regretted getting Gunner? There have been days. Honestly - I don't really know how to put it into words - it's not that I've "regretted getting him" as much as I've doubted myself. It's not so much "I wish we hadn't gotten him" as it's been "He's too much for me", "I can't handle this", that kind of thing.

My mom is 61. (A very _young_ 61, but still.) She has a very high-stress job and puts in long hours. I don't. So everything, including most of the care and training with the dogs, falls on me - she gets the fun stuff. Her and I are always on the same page, it's just that most of the actual work is up to me. Which I don't mind, at all, but it can get overwhelming if a behavioral issue pops up.
That's when I have to suck it up, give myself the old pep talk and get to work. And you know what - I don't think there's anything more rewarding.


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## Caledon (Nov 10, 2008)

Like others I have been married just over 30 years. I love pets, my husband does not. He does love Dakota.

When Murphy(English Setter) passed on at the age of 14 I went two years without a dog. I didn't miss the old Murphy who had trouble getting up, but I missed the young Murphy. I loved this dog with all my heart. I did the training, the feeding the vetting, grooming etc.

Then I wanted another dog. Always wanted a golden and a GSD. Both breeds fit our lifestyle and would love to have one of each. Decided on a GSD and along comes Dakota. We love her. I do the training, grooming, 1/2 of feeding, vetting, etc. Big difference between Dakota and Murphy in our lives is that our kids are no longer children, and the easier access to the interent and message boards. I get support/advice on the message boards for dog issues because I do not get it with my husband.

Do I wish my husband was on the same page as me, training wise, YES. I see and hear so many couples that are both thrilled with their dog and I don't see that with us. It hurts, but I do it on my own.

Do I regret getting a GSD. I did, when Daktoa started to have dog issues and started to issolate me. I got her to love, and to enter the obedience world. I meet so many people because of Murphy and I wanted that again. Murphy was a magnet, everyone wanted to pet her. With Dakota (GSD) people used to cross the street when she was a puppy, but now that she is full grown most can't cross the street quickly enough. (most are unaware of her dog issues).

Since she pinned a poodle in obedience class I no longer go to training classes, don't let her meet other dogs (just in case), and stopped going on off leash hikes.

So I'm working as hard as I can to get her over these issues, but I do realize that these issues could be with a golden too. Regret was only because I wanted everything to be like it was with Murphy - different dog, different time. I'm over it.


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## Lilie (Feb 3, 2010)

Being an 'old married couple' (28 years) as well as the OP - there is a strange phase we go through after being married so long. I think Lizzie just happens to be around during that phase. 

My hubby had attention disorder as a child, and as he ages it is either getting worse, or getting on my nerves. Because of this he is always all over the place with Hondo. But it's up to Hondo to figure it out. And I know he will. That is just life. I don't have the perfect dog or spouse. They are just really lucky I am perfect and that balances everything out. 

And btw - when we were married 3 years, I had a two year old child, three dogs and two horses. I was out of town for work for 4 days, and when I returned hubby had sold the horses and rehomed the dogs. He thought I had too much on my plate and wanted to simplify my life. It took me one week to find a new place to live. I filed for divorce and had every intention of following through. He had no idea what hit him. Eight months later we worked everything out - bought a house with property, and have been happy since. My animals are part of my life. Part of me.


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## dianefbarfield (Apr 12, 2010)

WOW....what a great discussion. I don't feel so alone anymore after hearing all of your stories and advice. It will alleviate lots of the pressure if we divide the attention--my more training. Him the playing and now I know that is ok to do. thank you all so much.


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## UConnGSD (May 19, 2008)

Lilie said:


> And btw - when we were married 3 years, I had a two year old child, three dogs and two horses. I was out of town for work for 4 days, and when I returned hubby had sold the horses and rehomed the dogs. He thought I had too much on my plate and wanted to simplify my life. It took me one week to find a new place to live. I filed for divorce and had every intention of following through. He had no idea what hit him. Eight months later we worked everything out - bought a house with property, and have been happy since. My animals are part of my life. Part of me.


Wow, Lilie, all I'll say that you are the epitome of forgiveness. I don't know how I would have handled that. Wait, I do know but can't write it out here... Were you able to get your animals back?


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## Holmeshx2 (Apr 25, 2010)

Lilie said:


> But it's up to Hondo to figure it out. And I know he will. That is just life. I* don't have the perfect dog or spouse. They are just really lucky I am perfect* and that balances everything out.


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: I love this!!! words just can't even describe it.. amazing how many of us women have this same exact though lmao


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## Lilie (Feb 3, 2010)

UConnGSD said:


> Wow, Lilie, all I'll say that you are the epitome of forgiveness. I don't know how I would have handled that. Wait, I do know but can't write it out here... Were you able to get your animals back?


I was able to get my GSD back, as my dad heard what hubby was doing, so he came and got her in my absence. 

Hubby was old school. We were a very young couple. He thought he was doing the right thing. It's hard to explain, he really didn't think what he was doing was the wrong thing to do. All the animals that I had (with the exception of one dog) I had before we were married. I was drowning, and he thought he could fix it. He knew it would break my heart to let my critters go, so he did it while I was gone. He hadn't developed his love for animals back then. I forgave him because he was an idiot. Now he is a well trained idiot :laugh:


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## EchoGSD (Mar 12, 2010)

My husband, by all definitions, is NOT an animal person. How he ended up with me is a mystery only God can answer: on our first date I was handraising a kitten and so wore an oversized flannel shirt with kitty in pocket to keep warm and be fed on schedule. At the time he thought it was "maternalistic" of me....little did he know what he was in for! I work at a veterinary hospital, teach obedience training classes, show my own dogs, hand-raise, foster, and otherwise rescue dogs, cats, and birds...you get the picture. For the most part hubby has been very patient. He doesn't love the dogs like I do (and certainly not the cats!!), but he generally _tolerates_ them very well. He does love the GSD in our home more than any other animal we've had, except maybe for a GSD we rescued and had for about a year a long time ago...his first experience with GSD's and he loved it. He doesn't like how much $$ is spent on "dog stuff", and he doesn't agree with me that the dogs should go pretty much everywhere we go, but we've both made concessions over the years and it seems to work. Been married for 24 years, still have the dogs, and still like each other: that's something, right? Hang in there - your hubby doesn't have to understand your focus on your GSD in order to respect it: if you work at it, I'm sure you guys will be fine!


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## GSDElsa (Jul 22, 2009)

I think it's healthy that you guys are going through this and finding your own ways. I feel some of the strongest relationships out there are couples that have their own interests. Of course, quality time is important, but so is getting to be your own person. Even people married 30 years can suddenly realize this. Let the dog training be your thing and let the swimming be his thing. Occasionally go for a jaunt in the water with him, and let him enjoy his fun time with Lizzie. Nothing wrong with any of that!


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## holland (Jan 11, 2009)

I'm single so I don't have the husband issue. I couldn't imagine my life without anja and rorie in it really they are my family and my best friends. I got rorie to do schutzhund and when i got her I had more time to spend with her since then i don't do schutzhund and my job has changed and there are times I wish I had more time to spend with her We do rally but I often feel sad sort of like she deserves more but I still can't imagine my life without them


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## JakodaCD OA (May 14, 2000)

I've been married, well, way to long) My husband has his fav's...He LOVES all our cats (5),,he LOVES his Harley, He LOVES Jag, the bad boy aussie. He tolerates my girlz)

They are to high energy for him, Even before Masi, he would say "no more dogs",,he's not the one who takes care of them, nor is with them when they are dying, I am. He says he can't handle losing them..

I can't handle it either, and my only regret is they don't live long enough for me(
I will never regret having the wonderful animals in my life that I have been blessed with. 

I do regret also, that there just isn't enough hours in the day


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## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

i've never felt guilty about any pets 
i've owned.

you train Lizzie and let your husband
play with her because that's what
he enjoys.

Lizzy is going to fine with you training her.
i bet she'll listen to your husband just
fine even though you are the primary
trainer.


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## trudy (Aug 25, 2008)

Married 34 years to a man who would never own a dog on his own. WE have always had more than 1 and they are house dogs all. He has picked up one in Holland cause work sent him there and I wanted a specific line. He has travelled over a thousand miles to buy one for me. He has made dumbells, kennels, re done back yards with gravel. Repaired chewed things, sucked it up when the head rest was eaten from a new car, replaced seat belts. Is he happy? no, but he does it cause I love them. 

He takes pride in their good behavior and that we can take them anywhere and they behave, that we get so many compliments. He doesn't use the right commands, nor does he expect the same level of obedience, but every dog figures out what he wants and I have given up trying to train him the correct terms, I know he knows them but....

When he is away he knows I am safe, that the kids were always safe, h has his hobbies, I never ask how much he spends on his and he never asks what I spend on mine. We are planning our retirement and today he was talking about needing a fifth wheel or trailer so the dogs could come too. He will go canoeing and kayaking while I do herding, showing etc. That we would co-ordinate our events. This is still quite a few years down the road but he knows they will always be with me. He did say he wants another Belgian next because he does miss them now too, I have often said he does like them but he denies it.....Oh yeah he smokes about a pack a day outside and throws balls and frisbees with every cigarette break. And while working in the garage today he had both dogs out at different times and when he went out he took one. 

We are different, he would not have had them but would have missed out on so much and I wouldn't still be married if I couldn't have them, we make it work, he is not a saint and often complains about hair or mess or time consuming but on the whole he does appreciate them


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## TxRider (Apr 15, 2009)

I have thought it might be wrong at times, but never seriously.

Hope has cost me over 3k in vet bills her first year, that's had me thinking I made a bad choice, but she's my family now.

Getting Kaya to foster, and then not even trying to find her home has made me think about it as well. These two girls were not really meant to live together and I feel I am forcing it at times as they need constant refereeing around me or food or playing so they don't fight. Sometimes I wonder if I am keeping her for her sake or just for my own sake.

I'm a single guy and live alone, work full time and take care of a business, the house, the dogs and their care and training. I don't even know what it would be like to have help.


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## FLyMuSLiMa (Apr 25, 2010)

I honestly have never regreted getting Zaidy; although today; hubby and I found ourselves arguing over Zaidy spilling a large bucket of mop water; Which was completely my fault; I should have moved it out of the kitchen; out of her reach; Today is my birthday; and I had tons to get done; and I didn;t need the added stress of him telling me; I told ya so; LOL, so we argued; and I also try and teach him to follow the same training methods I do; so she is consistant; and when he doesn't it angers me; he has no desire to continue teaching her to heel; he kinda enjoys the pulling of the leash; some days we have good family days where he's really involved; helping in the training process; some days; I feel as though he's like; get your dog; but he loves her; I guess different people in the family will react differently?? ...


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## veeds35 (Mar 15, 2010)

My husband and I are both animal lovers, but before Bella all we ever had were small toy dogs a pom and a pug. About a year and a half ago our home got broken into, so my husband decided to go get a GSD and honestly at first I was nervouse about this decision because I was afraid she would grow up to be some mean animal that would hurt my kids. Boy was I wrong I have found I was just giving into all the misconceptions of the breed she is so intellegent and loyal. And in feb I got Legend our new GSD. After having them I dont think I would ever want a differant breed. 
They are wonderfull with the kids and the family.


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## SylvieUS (Oct 15, 2009)

Mrs K, sounds like your hubby wants a lower-energy, lower-demand large dog. One he can toss a ball for for a half hour, or a stick in the pond, but otherwise the dog is happy to lounge around, hop in the car, sit patiently. One that wants a half hour of excercise, not half a day -g- Something much more sedate.

How about a young adult from a Lab Rescue org? Many are already trained. In this economy, more and more people are losing their homes/having to move in with family/apartments dogs 25 pounds or less, etc. Could be a good compromise, and you could be saving a life  Good luck!


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## dianefbarfield (Apr 12, 2010)

Since I posted this question, things have changed for the better. First of all, my husband and I sat down and had a talk. We both realized that Lizzie has been a stresser for both of us. I was so worried about her being perfect that I couldn't relax and enjoy her. He was worried about ME (as usual, he is the best!). I told him that we had to find a way to enjoy her and make her part of things. The first thing I had to do was to make up my mind to ENJOY her, accept her mistakes, and not worry so much about what she "might" do wrong. He agreed to try the training. Well, we are all different people.....Lizzie is so happy and relaxed because I am now. I felt like all I did was correct her and train her and I forgot to have fun. Now I pour all of this love into her and her eyes tell me she knows. My husband went to our first training session and he was a STAR! I was the one who kept forgetting what to do. Turns out he is a natural! And he is loving it. I have given up some control and we are just a happy, happy family now!!!!! Thanks to all of you for the help.


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## GSD MOM (Apr 21, 2010)

This has a happy ending!! I also had to give up some control to enjoy my pups. But life is good and with dogs....its even better.


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## JudynRich (Apr 16, 2010)

When I met my husband over 10 years ago I had a 3 yr. old GSD. Susie was textbook perfect...an amazing dog. He was never a "dog" person but he saw my passion and understood it was who I was. Sue died in 2008, and this last year we find ourselves w/ two GSD puppies...one planned, one rescued. It has been a blur of vet trips, poop accidents, couches (2) destroyed. I know he is not happy, but he endures it knowing that they will not always be puppies. Regret? No...Guilt? You bet!


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