# Question about Grief.



## Shaolin (Jun 16, 2012)

So...

We just put our 14 yr old Collie, Cheyenne, down. It was one of the hardest things I've personally had to do, but it was necessary. Her quality of life was slowly going down, but she was still happy and healthy. The last month, it was as if the bottom fell out. We wanted to do it before she got to point where we were rushing to find an emergency vet; the closest emergency vet to myself is over an hour away and we never wanted her to be in pain that wasn't controlled by low strenght non-narcotics. She got to the point very early Thursday morning where she was unable to stand and she urinated/deficated all over herself before my husband could pick her up and get her outside. We got the quickest appointment possible for our Princess and she went with all the grace she exhibited in this world.

My question is, what should I look for in my 4 year old WGSD, Finn? I have never had a multiple dog household until I "adopted" Chey by moving in with and marrying my husband. Finn has known her all of his life; we picked him up at 8 weeks and they've never been separated for longer than a day. If my husband took Chey out for a walk, Finn would sit by the front window until she came back.

We kenneled Finn before we left after making sure he got to love up on her one more time. When we came back with an empty leash and her pillow resting empty in her favorite spot, I'm sure he picked up on our mood immediately. He has a very high drive, but not even the combination of his "Jackpot" toy and treats could get him from going from the front door, to the pillow, to the garage where the car is, then repeating the process. After about an hour of this, he laid down on her pillow and whimpered for a while.

What are the warning signs that we've gone past the "standard" grieving period and that we are progressing to something that needs to be treated by a vet? I know to make sure he continues to eat and drink and I know the signs to watch for when it comes to dehydration and hypoglycemia from not eating, but I don't want to go to the vet every other day because he's "not acting right" for them to just tell us he's upset and to give him two scritches behind the ears and call them in the morning, but I don't want to miss a subtle, but important sign and create a bigger problem.

I'm also completely okay with people telling me I'm a little nuts and I should just let my dog do his thing. I've just never done this before and I don't really know what to do.

Thank you in advance.
~Shao~


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## KatsMuse (Jun 5, 2012)

So sorry for your loss. 
Your question is not silly at all. I have always had 2 dogs at a time and yes, I think our dogs grieve the loss of a companion as well. 

(As hard as it is for us, I believe it's more difficult on them sometimes.
I've seen some go into complete shutdown.)

We usually give it a few months and get another...for all of us.
That may not be the right thing for everyone but we like having 2 dogs.

I'm not sure my reply answered your question.
I would try to keep the dogs activities as normal as possible and just watch for any abnormal things,
Whether it is in behaviour or eating, health, etc


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

It takes time. We just lost our Daisy ,who was 12, a month ago. Lucky came to us at about a year. Daisy was always there. He has been different. The first two weeks he was not into his ball or food and seemed to go off by himself. We took him on vacation b/c we had our own loss issues and we worried Lucky couldnt handle another seperation. He did great there. He does still seems to be grieving. The first week he looked for Daisy. He is better but seems to still have less interest in playing ball. We hopefully will be adding a dog to our home soon. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful princess Callie. My thoughts are w/ you ,your husband and Finn.I would look for weight loss, any kind of compulsive behavior such licking or biting self.While the later is unusual for a grief reaction your mostly looking at things that interfere w/ their health and daily routine.Kind of like us.I was worried when Lucky just stayed on his bed but about a week later that started decreasing.I was told the grieving can last 6 to 8 weeks by several people and our vet tech.
Maggi


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## Stosh (Jun 26, 2010)

There's a very interesting discussion about this on Patricia McConnell's blog "One Step Forward, Two Steps Back". You can google it or see it on her facebook page. There's a lot of good information on how to deal with a dog's grief as well as your own and many people wrote about their own experiences, along with links to other articles- one is about how the decision to put down a dog and going through that process has virtually the same affect on your body as surgery, so take care of yourselves too. I'm very sorry for your loss but you did what your Princess trusted you to do.


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## kiya (May 3, 2010)

I'm so sorry for your loss and your not nuts. It's very kind of you to think about how Finn feels. I'm sure he is missing her. Give him some extra love and some time.


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## Shaolin (Jun 16, 2012)

Thank you for your answers. There is no question, we are going to get another pup. We'd like it to be a Shepherd, but the state we are moving to has breed restrictions against "Attack" dogs in a lot of apartments and homes. We are getting by because our Finn is in SAR Training, so we are getting a very small break in some places because of that, but I don't want to push it with two just yet.

The humans in the house are just getting over the death of a very close family member, so that part rocked our world. We just want to do right by our boy. We've already scheduled an appointment for Finn for a few weeks down the road just to make sure he's not hiding any physical ailment, which he is very prone to do. We just have to do this part together. Thank you for the article/blog suggestion.


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## 1sttimeforgsd (Jul 29, 2010)

So sorry for the loss of your precious girl Cheyenne, hope that the pain lessons for you in time but from experience I know it will never go away. Some of my dogs have grieved and some have not with the loss of one of the pack, try to find fun things for your boy Finn to do to help him through this tough time.


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

Stosh the blog by Patricia was a great read. I found it helpful. Thanks .


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## Stosh (Jun 26, 2010)

You're welcome. I thought it was too and it's been a few years since we had to put our last gsd down. 
Cindy


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## blackshep (Aug 3, 2012)

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I can't help with your question, but I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that all of your hearts are hurting.

((hugs))


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## wolfy dog (Aug 1, 2012)

I never thought that dogs would grieve so much until we dealt with it with our sight hounds. He was 14 years old and the oldest of three and had always been their good top dog, next to me . He was PTS at home with the others present. They saw him for a few more hours, snuggled hesitantly up against his body, which he would never have allowed when he was alive. When we buried him, one of them tried to jump into the grave to be with him. They both stood at the edge of the grave until he was buried. Dogs are so incredible sensitive.
Then they went on an anorexia plan, became depressed no matter what we did for them. I had to cook up some very special meals to keep them going. It took them about 5 months to be back to normal. I could have never imagined what impact this could have had on dogs. 6 months later WD came and the house was alive again.


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## Shaolin (Jun 16, 2012)

Finn is just a mess. He's definately off his feed and so I made him his favorite meal: rice, baked chicken, sweet potatoes, with a bit of chicken broth mixed in. He'll eat a very small bit, then go lay back down on her pillow. I thought about collapsing her kennel and moving her pillow, but he won't lay in/on anything else. He's definately not himself. We're going to see the Vet on Friday, it was already scheduled for his second Kennel Cough shot, but I want him to get checked over. He played with his toys for the first time this morning in the back yard, but I'm hoping his appetite improves soon.


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

Shaolin Its so hard to see your dog grieve. Lucky today was in the LR and heard our neighbors tractor and ran out to bark and chase. I went out to redirect and she stopped and said "Its good to see him back to chasing and playing ball. She had noticed his lack of interest and just his general down mood. Its been almost 7 weeks . He really came back fully today. I think having the vet look at Finn is a great idea. Lucky got alot of steak ,chicken and beef soup bones in attempt to spark his appetite.He at first would eat part of it but then would walk away.I think our Vacation helped him. I know it was good for both my husband and me.Take care.
Maggi


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## rooandtree (May 13, 2012)

when my 14 year old passed this feb my 9 year old went into depression. they had been together since she was 8 weeks. she too laid on his bed and stayed with his toys. she still lays on his bed i never had the heart to take it away.
what i did was shower her with extra extra attention. i took her for extra long walks..played with her non stop and took her everywhere i could.. spoiled her more than ever. i think it helped us both heal some. 
i believe her appetite came back after a month..and she started to play more than too.


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## Shaolin (Jun 16, 2012)

He played for the very first time yesterday, which was great. His appetite is up, just a very small amount, but it's there. We as a family have started to discuss new dogs, which we had been doing prior to her death, so hopefully we will be adding to our pack in the next six months.


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## pyratemom (Jan 10, 2011)

I'm so sorry for your loss. When Pyrate crossed the bridge in May Raina grieved him immediately as he had been here every day of her life. She went off her feed for a few days and had to be encouraged to eat. To this day she still will not play with any of the toys they played with together. She wouldn't even play at all for weeks. I bought new toys, took her to an easy Rally competition for a couple days, bought more new toys. Slowly she started to play a little and wake up to some of her previous happy joyous self but she would back slide still too. I just took her on a 10 day road trip with new toys, new places, and new people to meet. She enjoyed the time with just me and her together I think and did start to play more. It has been almost 4 months and she is just starting to get back to her normal self - still won't play with the toys with Pyrate's smell though. She also seems to have become more protective of me. I wish you luck. Give it time. Each dog is different.


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## Shaolin (Jun 16, 2012)

He sleeps on her pillows, not his. They didn't really play play together; she was 10 when we got him and she wasn't much for toys, but they would be out in the back yard chasing each other. She would wait until he chewed his rawhide sticks into flat strips, then she would steal them and chew them into tiny pieces. He's chewing on the strips she worked on, but won't start another roll.

Hubby and I are going to take him to the beach for the first time this weekend. We just had to wait until they closed for the season, then the beaches open to pets. I figured something new and different would be good for him.


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## KentuckyGSDLover (Nov 17, 2011)

Buddy looked for our Beagle for a week, and searched the house for my diabetic cat for a week, too. He moped and seemed depressed. My first GSD, Bear, wouldn't eat when we went on vacation without him unless we left him with one particular friend. I think, like us, it just takes time. I'm sorry for your loss.


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## middleofnowhere (Dec 20, 2000)

My experiences were somewhat different. Barker the Elder joined me and a 12 yo as a 12 week old pup. The 12 yo was a dear, patient dog but she would have been more pleased to have Barker the Elder as a guest. BTE was quite taken with the senior dog. When she died 3 years later, BTE and I drove the body to the crematory a couple hundred miles up the road. It seemed to me that BTE's attitude changed once we left the body. She did let me know that for my sanity I needed to bring in another pup - someone for her to boss around. Otherwise she was going to pester me to death.
Ironically, 12 years later Barker the Elder was fading and Barker the Younger and I went to the vets to visit and expected to put BTE down. BTE rallied, and BTY climbed in her kennel as if to say "you go home, I need to stay." I took BTY home but we were back the next day. Her hemangio had returned with a vengance & she was euthanized. BTE rallied, came home with me, and lived another 8 months. 
The Barker Sisters truly were best buddies and undoubtedly confidants too. While I think in both instances the bonds of the dogs to one another was quite strong, it seems they somehow communicated what was going on with one another and accepted death of the other.
I think taking the dog on a special trip could be helpful. It would signal that although things have changed, life is still good.


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## Magwart (Jul 8, 2012)

I'm very sorry for your loss.

When my old girl died of hemangio in April, we brought her home to pass. Our whole pack was with her as she took her last breath cradled in my husbands arms. It was a very loving passage. I think it somehow helped us all with accepting her passing, in a way that would have been more difficult if it had happened at a vet's office, without the whole pack present.

My old male who had been her friend for 9 years did not go through a long, difficult grieving process for only one reason: my foster puppy. She had been with us during Ivy's death, and something magical happened between that puppy and my male during the event that caused him to bond very deeply with the puppy. They became inseparable and adore one another. Needless to say, we "foster failed" and kept her because of how good she was for all of us during that dark, sad time. She came to us for a reason--we didn't know it when we fostered her, but we believe she was sent to help us through the sadness and make it possible for us to form a new, happy pack. 

Having a new dog-friend sometimes helps ease the loss--at least it did in my experience.


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## wolfy dog (Aug 1, 2012)

Magwart said:


> Having a new dog-friend sometimes helps ease the loss--at least it did in my experience.


That has at least helped me. WD brought everyone back into the real dog world, which is a great thing.


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## Shaolin (Jun 16, 2012)

I am grateful for all of you and your advice through this. My hubby has read through this thread a few times and it has helped him grieve. He had her well before I came along and his heart is still hurting, but he is starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you, everyone.

As for the new pup. We had been discussing new puppies for several months. We knew she wouldn't make it to her next birthday, but we thought we had more time. My husband may be getting a job back in our hometown of Pittsburgh, PA. Initially, we might have to live in an apartment and that's where we are running into trouble. A lot of apartment buildings have very strict rules against (in their words) "attack breeds" unfortunately, that includes our favorite breed, GSDs. The hubby and I would love another SAR/Agility/Obedience dog (especially from a specific breeder I found on this forum!), but we can't make plans until we know where we are moving.

Our house seems empty. Even though Chey was an old girl, she filled our house with such love. Every night, she'd meet my husband at the door letting lose her sharp, Collie bark. This particular exchange happened every time my husband walked in the door:

Chey: *barkbarkbarkbarkbark!!!*
Hubby: "Hey! I live here!"
Chey: *barkbarkbarkbark!!!* until he could get to her and give her a scratch behind the ears.

We were going to go to the beach today, but the FD needed him for a few events today. Finn is slowly coming around, but his appetite isn't where it's supposed to be. He hung out with his best buddy, Layla, this morning after the hubby had to go to the station for an emergency and he had Finn with him. Layla's owner, our cheif engineer at the FD and a very good friend of ours, said Finn didn't really want to be bothered. They usually play tug with an old section of fire hose, but today he just didn't want to play like he usually did.

I decided to enroll him into CGC classes in October. Is now a good time to start training or should I wait until he's back to normal?


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

Shaolin ,Lucky should start training w/ an individual trainer as soon as I get my work schedule and kid schedule straightened out. Lucky seems back ,he actually was his silly self yesterday and today. hadnt seen that in a while.So as to the training Im not sure. Lucky when Id try different stuff to spark his interest would just lay down. Ill let you know how Luck does. You and your hubby take care.
Maggi


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