# Having a bad night....how do you let go?



## momto3k9s

I didn't know where to post this - I'm crying so much I can hardly see the screen. I thought I was moving on. I thought I was getting better. Only breaking down 3 or 4 times a day instead of 15-20. I sit here and re-read my posts on when I posted about getting ready to say goodbye to Zeus - after we put him down - the pictures I posted. .... I'm sitting here with a huge picture frame of his pictures next to me. Looking at all the pictures of him with the kids - remembering he was with me for EVERY important moment in my life. My marriage, he welcomed every child I had into our home, he was with us every time we moved into a new house, he was my protector when my husband was away with the military and work, he was the one that made me laugh like the time I put him in the car - went to go around the other side to get in but Zeus locked himself in the car. So I called the cops to get him out and when the officer used his flashlight to try and get him out, Zeus kept going after the flashing and hitting the button to lock the car again ....I could go on and on. I look at all these pictures of him sleeping with the kids, sitting patiently with them while they ate - waiting for them to drop something. But he would NEVER take anything from them. I'm looking at the picture of when I took a picture of the 4 kids and at the last moment as I said - "say cheese" and I went to snap the picture, Zeus stuck his head infront of the camera and took up most of the picture. That's my boy! Oh God I miss him!

I can't seem to let go. It still seems unreal. It's been over 3 weeks. When will I move on??!! And why does it seem to be getting worse instead of better. .... I guess I'm just having an off night. 

I'm sitting here sobbing and sobbing and when I was so upset Zeus would come to me - put his head in my lap and cry himself. He would actually cry until I stopped. I just can't seem to let go. 

I guess I've been keeping myself so busy so I couldn't keep breaking down - I let myself slip up tonight and instead of doing laundry, dishes, cleaning after work - I just got the kids ready for bed and sat down and was just looking at my pictures of Zeus. It's so hard to say goodbye. I still hold his bag of ashes. Morbid to some - normal for me I guess. I guess I'm still in so much pain, I'm just having a bad night. He's not in pain anymore and that alone should make me feel more at peace - in a way it does - a big way because he out of anyone, did not deserve to suffer - I guess I'm just having a selfish night and I am thinking about myself too much and not the fact that he's not in pain anymore. I just miss him so much!


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## Baby Byron

Hey Linda,

First of all... big, big, big hugs from all of us to you. 
Answering to your question (or pathetically trying to)...I don't know if one really lets go. Our heart just gets numb with time I guess. It's been 3 years since we lost Sidney and just today, on our way back home from our Wed night program at church, I was saying to my husband how much I still miss Sidney. My new shepherds are amazing and I love them dearly. I never, ever compare any of my current dogs to the ones we lost. It's not fair to anybody: the fallen hero, us or the new puppers. But even with 3 dogs running around, being awesome GSDs all the time... I still miss my Sidney. And I still feel that guilty pang of "what if?" for putting him down at 12 yo with his severe spondylosis that finally took away his hind body mobility and control. 

It is hard to say goodbye but in the other hand you have an amazing history together, great memories and that legacy never goes. Don't be hard on yourself. It's a lifetime of love and it will take time to heal. It never really goes. The skin just gets tougher I suppose.

Again, super hugs from all of us, 2- and 4-legged alike. I'm sure Sidney and Zeus are having a ball together. 
Love,
Ana


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## Samba

It is a very real and deep grief. I hear what you are saying. A year later, I cry less but I don't think it hurts less. I have given myself permission to feel it. What a profound bond and love...

now crying myself..


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## momto3k9s

Thank you!!! :hugs: I am so tired - exhausted - eyes swollen - burning ... yet I can't sleep. I have to get up in a few hours to go to work - I don't understand how I can be so tired and can't sleep. Grieving - ... it's such a hard thing to deal with.


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## bianca

Linda, please don't be so hard on yourself. You are NOT being selfish at all by feeling the pain. Yes you know that Zeus is not suffering now but you are still allowed to grieve and feel your pain. I am sitting here balling my eyes out after reading your post and it has been years since I lost my beloved dogs. I think you just have to do what works best for you...keep busy if you feel able but then also allow yourself times when you can cry. I am sending you a big virtual hug too. Take care.


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## patrons_haus

Linda,
Having been in your shoes, I can understand how you feel, my heart goes out to you.

All I can say is that you never forget, but it gets easier everyday.
My 1st Weimeraner Gabriella died 6 years ago and I still cry when I think about her dying in my arms, but I know that I did the right thing to end her suffering. 
You did the right thing, and it's ok to cry and grieve.


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## bellamia

i didn't even get thru ur whole post when i had to reply. first of all LOTS OF HUGS TO U!!!! secondly though i haven't gone thru it yet with my current one, i'll have u know i did go thru this with my first ever GSD when i was growing up. and that has hardly gone away and i am 40 + now! people don't understand, to most they are dogs! which they are but they have no clue about how they have filled gaps in life, sometimes dare i say better than friends, children parents etc. so no use explaining to them. pain will go i promise in time(maye be a lot of time maybe not that much) and memories will be ur treasure, ur secret. so enjoy ur treasure and secret because only a few of us are fortunate to have them.
love and take care


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## Lilie

Linda, you never let go, you just don't hold on as tight. Sometimes you just have to let them walk around in your mind for a little while, as you did last night. As time goes on you will remember them with less sorrow and rejoice in all of the good things that they brought into your life.


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## GSD MOM

Crying now myself...I feel so bad for you. I am so sorry. I hope nights like last night become fewer. But I know the pain will never stop. I think time is the only thing that helps. But time takes so long....


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## dianefbarfield

When I lost my niece I joined Compassionate Friends. They are for parents who have lost a child. I learned from them that there is NO CORRECT WAY to grieve. You do what feels right for you and helps you. When I lost my Summer (had to put her down and the vet wouldn't let me stay with her) I did not let myself grieve. I totally put it out of my life and went on....it came out much later and it was not a good thing. Don't deny your feelings and don't let anyone else tell you how to feel. Only you know the bond you had with him. Perhaps this would be a good time to think about honoring him in some way. Did you have a ceremony? Would you like to start a group for grieving pet parents? You could help lots of people and honor your best friend. I will be thinking about you.


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## raysmom

Linda -

I can totally relate to your grief. When Ray passed away 5 years ago, it was totally unexpected and it was devastating for my husband and I. How could a dog who was just running and playing on Friday be gone on Monday? It wasn't fair. He was only 8 years old and was our constant companion. We don't have kids, so I can't relate to that part of what you're going through, but he was one of those "one-in-a-million" kind of dogs that we'll meet once in our lives if we're lucky. 

I don't think anyone can tell you how to get through it. I know I spent a lot of time searching the internet and reading various pet loss sites. But the tears would still come when I least expected them. When I drove past the corner where we used to wait to cross the street; when I looked outside at the spot where he used to lay in the shade; when walk-time would come and there was nobody to walk; any little thing would remind me of him.

But then something happened and those memories became happy memories. I can't really tell you what that something was - I think it's different for everyone. But gradually the sorrow seemed to lessen. I still didn't think it was fair that he was gone, but, and I don't mean for this to sound cold at all, there was nothing I could do about it and nothing was going to bring him back. I could choose to celebrate his life and remember all the joy he brought to us, or I could stay stuck in my grief wondering why he had to leave. Ray would not have wanted me to stay stuck! He would've wanted me to go on - never forgetting him of course - but honoring his memory and celebrating his life and all that he gave us for those 8 wonderful years.

One of the things that really helped me was Crystal Ward Kent's "The Journey". I'm hoping maybe it will help you also. Take care.

The Journey - by Crystal Ward Kent - Celebrating Your Companion


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## RebelGSD

I designated a quiet place in my yard to be Ranger's garden. It has a bench where I can sit and relax, have breakfast or coffee, and think back about my companions that are at the Bridge. I took in several seniors and hospice cases who left since Ranger. I plant a tree or add something to the garden for each of them. It has been almost a year since I sent my BoBo to the Bridge and the pain is not any less: I and his canine pals miss him and life will never be the same. We often share banana-nut-bread, gummi bears and almonds in his honor - he adored those, especially during the last few months of his life. I will be eternally grateful for being given those four months to create memories and say goodbye.


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## celiamarie

*I'm so sorry for you losses.. and mine...*

I am standing on the seashore. A ship at my side spreads his white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. He is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch him until at length he hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says: "There, he is gone!"

"Gone Where?"

Gone from my sight. That is all. He is just as large in mast and hull and spar as he was when he left my side and he is just as able to bear the load of living freight to his destined port.

His diminished size is in me, not in him. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: "There, he is gone!" There are other eyes watching him coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: "Here he comes!"

And that is dying.

- Henry Van ****


Rest in peace, Max.. 10/23/05 -5/3/10


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## SylvieUS

-hug hug hug hug-

No one can make this any better with you, but I can share my own story, if it helps...

My once-in-a-lifetime critter thus far was a Siamese cat, not a GSD, but the pain is just as real and profound. 

She had lived out a full life, 18 years. I was still grieving more than a year later. Went to visit Mom for Mothers day, and there, in the middle of her living room, was a giant cage, with an itty bitty kitten in it. Siamese, with all the breed traits, but not a stunning Chocolate Siamese like my Mocha. Nono, This teeny tortiseshell siamese..er..well...my Sig other STILL calls her a "Dairy Cow...Moooooo!!!"

Well! Kitters looked about 8 weeks old. In reality, she was better than 3 months. The runt of the litter. Had been treated for worms, ringworm (twice), lost all her fur, twice, picked on by the rest of the 'breeders' animals, all scabs. Mom says "I'll keep her if you don't want her...but no one else wants her either, and otherwise she would have just been put down or dumped off God knows where...." -Le Gasp!- Never! C'mon baby, lets go home....

I'd like to say it was instantly all better, happy ever after, finally able to let the grief go...but...the reality is, that was not the case.

I liked the kitten. Took care of it, nursed it, got it vetted...all the things a do-gooder animal-lover does. But...While I liked having her around, petting her, playing with her...She was NOT my Mocha, I felt no real bond with her for over a year. She was 'okay' but I didn't feel any real attachment or bond. In some ways, at times, there was almost..anger? resentment? Because she was there, and she was not my Mo, and and and....

Fast forward a year...Little Miss Mags is now THE baby girl. We both call her that. She -answers- to it. "Baby girl?" "Meroooowl!" "Baaaaaby girl.." "MEROWL!" lol Her wee undersized self, with personality plus, has finally wiggled into my heart. Because I was ready.

It happens day by day, month by month. You go a few more days at a time without crying. I found myself smiling at her antics, despite myself, here and there. Particularly on days I could see that she was really, finally, feeling better. It took a long time to get her healthy. You find yourself smiling wistfully at a memory, rather than breaking down in tears. Someone tells a story, and your first reaction is warmth and joy, remembering "Ohhh, I remember the time Zeus did x!" And can tell the story with happy memories, not tears. Thats when you're on your way to healing.

She hasn't, could never, replace my Mocha. She was my "once in a lifetime' Cat. But now I'm able to remember her without crying (most of the time). Look at her pictures. Miss her. Think about how very different she and Mags are, but both dear. To remember that I went above and beyond, did everything I possibly could have for Mocha, and helped her to the bridge when it was time. My spunky little Mags actually helps me remember all the good things about Mo, warmly and with fondness.

I'm not suggesting you run out and get another dog (remember, I didn't even get the kitten till 15 months after Mo passed, and even then, not by choice) The point is....time does heal. And when your heart is ready, some other furball will wiggle in there and nestle in the spot of your heart, right next to where you keep Zeus thoughts. Not replacing them, but rather living side by side with them. And making the Zeus memories all the warmer and richer for the company. Once an animal person, always an animal person  And I think both your Zeus and my Mo would 'want it that way'.

Hope you're feeling at least some better soon -hugs- You're in my thoughts...


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## UConnGSD

I feel for you, for the pain that you are feeling right now :hugs:
I have a suggestion. Please don't take this otherwise and please ignore if this offends your beliefs. I think talking to a good reliable animal communicator can be quite helpful under certain circumstances. I went through a very rough patch with my Wolfie when he was very young (there were times when I thought he wouldn't make it). I'm not good at pouring out my feelings to people but talking to an animal communicator actually gave me strength in unexpected ways. It was oddly comforting and had a great positive effect on me and my relationship with Wolfie. Maybe something like this might help a little bit?


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## dianefbarfield

There are also people who do beautiful pet portraits and people say it really helps to have their pet painted and looking down at them. I think if Zeus could speak to you he would probably say "hey, every minute we had together was wonderful". A good artist can capture that look and it can be very comforting.


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## momto3k9s

Thank you all so much!!! :hugs::hugs::hugs:I read all your posts, stories and poems with tears in my ears - tears of the heartache I'm going through but tears for having such wonderful and amazing people here that understand what I am going through. It's so hard to find people that REALLY understand what I'm going through. 

I look at his pictures - still sitting next to me on this table and I look into his eyes and I know - I really, really know deep inside that he would not want me to be this sad. He was the happiest when I was happy. I am trying to hold onto that. I am trying to do as he would want me to do - be happy. It will happen. I have sooooooooooo many wonderful - absoultely beautiful memories of my boy. I look at his pictures and wonder how a dog could be so PERFECT - so intune to what my family needed and to my feelings, how could he be so protective yet so so so gentle. I look into his eyes in these pictures and can not believe he is gone - truly gone. He's not supposed to be gone. He was the last one I spoke to before going to bed - the first one that greeted me with his giant head ploped next to mind on the bed. He would always step all over my feet with his gianormus feet because he was so excited to see me. Even up til a day or two before he passed. Just a few days before he passed he was playing hide and seek with us - so full of life. He had a check up 2 or 3 weeks before he left us and was in such good shape. To call him a dog....doesn't seem to do him justice - dog isn't the right word.

I was trying to explain to a friend of mine how I felt about him when we would go out. If I was taking him to the vet or park or wherever and I would open the back of my truck and he jumped out - I would just stand there with him and I felt like this ray of sunlight shone right down on us and this heavenly music playing in the back ground. I felt sooooooooooooo proud to have Zeus as my dog. Everyone always said how beautiful he was and how stunning he was. ... And they are right - he was. And that's how I'll remember him - always. It's just so hard to say goodbye.

I liked The Journey! Thank you! I don't really have a special spot for Zeus - every place is special - every room has about 20 pictures of him. My bedroom has his ashes, favorite stuff animal, collar and more pictures. In the front of the house is his memorial tree that has some of his ashes at the base. He LOVED to look out those front windows - so I thought that was a good spot to plant his tree and sprinkle some of his ashes. 

I am going to make this an early bed night. I'm starting to have a bad night again like last night. I know it will get easier with time. I just wasn't expecting it to get so much harder first. .... I turned my head to look at his pictures here..... My God - what an absolute perfect soul. I am so lucky that he was in our lives. I will see my hero again one day - and we will never again be seperated!!!:wub: I have to go to bed before I spend the whole night crying again.

Thank you all so much for your amazing help! It helps to know that there are people that understand my pain. Thank you!!!! :hugs:

I hope I can hold it all together when we hopefully bring home our new family member this weekend. Zeus will give me the strength, for him - I will be strong.

This is one of my favorite poems of all time...


*We Have A Secret*



We have a secret, you and I​ 
that no one else shall know,​ 
for who but I can see you lie​ 
each night in fire glow?​ 

And who but I can reach my hand​ 
before we go to bed​ 
and feel the living warmth of you​ 
and touch your silken head?​ 

And only I walk woodland paths​ 
and see ahead of me,​ 
your small form racing with the wind​ 
so young again, and free.​ 

And only I can see you swim​ 
in every brook I pass​ 
and when I call, no one but I​ 
can see the bending grass.​ 

Author Unknown​


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## chevysmom

Linda, I am sooooo sorry for your loss. I wish I had some magic words to ease your pain. Many cyber ((((((((hugs))))))) to you...


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## SylvieUS

Hrm. 

Please, do, remember my story. While bringing a new animal, particularly a rescue animal, on board, can be something for you to focus on, to partially, but never really, 'fill the void'. While you're doing a totally selfless, wonderful thing, for another animal....it's not Zeus.

Please don't feel bad, if you feel no bond, no attachment, no connection, to your new guy, right away. Even if it doesn't happen for months. It WILL happen. When you are ready. It may not, and honestly probably will not, be the bond, love, connection you had with Zeus.

But in the meanwhile, this new dog is an outlet for you to focus your energy on, to comfort you when you cry. Another being that needs help. Try to focus, and hold onto that. Don't resent 'new guy'...because he is there, and your Zeus is not. Its not his fault (easier said than done, trust me I know.)

And. When you are ready? Maybe it will have taken 'new guy' just as long to get over his/her fear/issues/mistrust. And when you're both ready....new critter will wiggle its way into another place of your heart. Never Zeus's spot. That is his, and yours, and yours together, alone. But a new part, all this new critters. Maybe a spot nearly as close, or maybe a spot somewhere in between, but its spot, all its own.

And when you, and new critter, are both ready? You will know. You will smile. And it will be a good thing 

Best wishes, always. 

ps. Looking forward to pics!!!!


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## My GSD

I am sorry to hear about this, I have been hear a few days but that doesnt change the fact that it even makes me sad and made me teary eyed.. I am very sorry


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## katieliz

take care linda, i just want to say again how sorry i am for the loss of your very, very special boy.


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## Crabtree

First of all Linda, Big Hugs to you. I didn't read any of the responses so I hope I"m not repeating anyone.
"To be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have" Look familiar?
Your not being very fair to yourself, you are looking at all these pictures and it's tearing open your already broken heart. Put your pictures away and promise yourself that you won't look at them for at least a week. If you really must then put one in your wallet, but don't look at it, just know it's there.
Your not being unfaithful to your beloved Zeus, by doing this. If Zeus was here now he would be so upset to know that he caused you so much pain. Our German Shepherds are like that and Zeus hated to see you cry!
Please let go a little, I know how hard it is, when I lost my little Palla I thought I would die. But after a time I picked up all her pictures, I put them all away, I didn't really need to look at them, she was imprinted on my heart.
My words seem so hollow somehow as I type this Lacy is sleeping at my feet. She is loosing the fight with mammary cancer and I know that very soon I will be having to take her in for the help to the bridge also.
My heart truly goes out to you Linda, do you have a small locket that you could put some of Zeus ashes in? Then he will always be with you.
I'm so sorry, my heart breaks for you.


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## kensbuns1

Sitting her crying for you loss and for mine. How is it the big gentle animals come into our lives and make them selves such a part of the family. My grief has gone from being upset to being angry. Angry at the world for taking my Chewey from me. I am pissed off and I dont care who knows it. I am mad at myself for not knowing anything about bloat. And mad because my heart has a whole the size of Texas. I want my dog back, and I want to understand what I did so terribly to someone that my bestest friend in the whole world had to be taken from me. It is a heart wretching thing to go through and please know that many many people are going through this with you. And your pain is our pain. May you heal and may I heal with you!!!


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## debbiebrown

Linda,
i Really feel your pain, i lost the "love of my life" the "heart dog of my lifetime" a few short months ago...........at first like you i kept myself busy, real busy every minute of the day, i wouldn't let myself think about things........i did this for a while, then i thought time had gone by and i could deal with thinking of him at times, then things would come up in everyday life that would make me think of him since he was always right by my side, was always looking to see where i was, etc, etc........it was winter when we put him down, i find myself 4 months later, having some real hard times, because summer was a time that he was out in the yard with me, there when i was mowing the lawn, gardening, etc, always dropping his ball in the middle of whatever i was doing..........there has been SO many moments for me that i just want to melt, it hits me he's really gone, never coming back, he was my Very Very best friend, such a faithful companion and such a love for me his person and a love for life........i honestly don't think i will ever get over losing him, just one of those extra special bonds............the only thing that helps me is to take comfort in the things left behind, i hold his ashes, talk to him, lay down on his bed like i did every night before i went to bed.........all these things help me to feel he was here and still a very huge part of my memories, etc, it hurts, it stinks, it does get a bit easier as time goes on, but it never goes away..........always harder for the ones left behind............i try to think of all the special times i spent with him, all the things we did together.................and hold him very close to my heart.............as foolish as it sounds i have to believe there is a rainbow bridge and he will meet me there someday.......it gets you by.......
god bless..................


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## EchoGSD

I lost my heart dog, Shiloh 5 years ago. There are more good days now than bad, and I have added a new GSD (Echo, a real lover) and a Sheltie to my home-pack, but I still choke and tear up if anyone talks about Shiloh too much. My head says I did everything I possible could have to prolong her life, but my heart will always ache for her. I have her ashes in a home-made treasure box on the bookshelf beside my bed (sounds morbid but actually makes me feel better to know she's still sleeping there beside the bed where she always did). Time does help, but we also have to help ourselves. Don't rush it: Set aside some time to mourn: weep, sob, cry, pound the walls. Then chin up, and march on. You may opt to do this many times ( I know I did ), and it does get easier. By all accounts, Zeus enjoyed a wonderful life with you and your family. Remember him, honor him, love him, but know, too, that he would be very concerned and worried to know you were so upset. It's okay to grieve, but it's also okay to move on...when you're ready. Big, big hugs as you go through this heartwrenching time...


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## Samba

I did have some artwork done of my dogs. It is nice to have, but I don't think the pain is any less. In some way it must help to memorialize them though.

Leanne does good work. here is pencil of my girl...

Dog Portraits - Gala : German Shepherd Pencil Portrait - Leanne Wildermuth : Artist by Nature


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## doggiedad

sorry about Zeus.
it's better to grieve
out loud rather than
holding it in.


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## momto3k9s

Thank you all. That portrait is beautiful!!! I read your stories and it brings tears to my eyes. Just knowing that there are others that feel as strong as I do - it comforts me. Through my grieving I went through an anger stage - major anger! I was so so so mad that my Zeus is gone because someone didn't responsiblity for him when he was a puppy. But everything happens for a reason. And I'm trying so - SO - hard to not be so upset because I know my Zeusy wouldn't want that. He was the happiest when I was. So I'm going to try and move on - I seem to be OK one day and horrible the next. 

I sit here at the table, with our new furbaby curled up on the floor next to me, and my old Belle laying in the bed and I do have to be thankful for the things I have. As I say in my signature, "to be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have". I know Zeus wouldn't want me to be so sad...he would cry when I would cry. I am going to try and have more better days then worse ones. I'm going to cherish what I do have and work with our new little family member. Which I believe Zeus lead us to him so I am hoping we do a great job with him and make our Zeusy proud. Thank you all for your help! It means so much. It's just so hard to pull myself out of this hole. I'm going to really work on it though. Thank you all! {{{hugs}}}


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## Myles

Im so sorry. You asked how you should let go, you should take as long as you need to greive and accept that he's gone. But never ever let go of the great memories you have. Those will be with you forever and in the future when you think of these memories and look at the pictures you will still be crying but they will be tears of happiness.


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## Smithie86

I will never let go of Baer. We had an incredible life together and I do not want to forget him. It has been a little over 2 years and it is still hard. But, that means that you loved him....


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## 3ToesTonyismydog

Get another dog and not to replace your loved one, but to enjoy dogs in general. I for one would have a very hard time not having a dog in my life. When I lost Beno I went right out and got another GSD, but I made sure he was a different color. I hug Tony all the time and when I hug him, sometimes I feel I am hugging all the dogs that I miss. Believe me you well not nor well you be able to forget a dog you loved with all your heart. Get another GSD and enjoy them while they are here, life is short and even shorter for these great and wonderful dogs. Believe me every time I come to this part of the forums I get very teary eyed because I feel everyones pain and BECAUSE I MISS MY OLD BUDDIES WITH ALL THATS INSIDE ME. Go to the pictures and look at the puppies AND GET ONE!!!!


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## 3ToesTonyismydog

Look at how sweet they are. Black and tan, black and red, sable, white, black it doesn't matter, JUST GET ONE IT WELL HELP. But never ever forget about those who you have loved.

http://www.germanshepherds.com/forum/pictures-pictures-pictures/136087-tired-puppies.html


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## Basil2010

Linda...It is still sad i got a vet card about getting his shots and all did was miss and started to cry , Basil came over and wipe my tears ...with her sweet tongue..it's ok...I love you too...please be happy... I need you


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## IllinoisNative

bianca said:


> I am sitting here balling my eyes out after reading your post and it has been years since I lost my beloved dogs.


I'm doing the same thing. I read this thread and I'm bawling...and it's been seven years since I lost my dog. Seven years and I still cry when thinking about her. And every time I read one of these threads, I'm hysterical again as if it happened yesterday.



SylvieUS said:


> But in the meanwhile, this new dog is an outlet for you to focus your energy on, to comfort you when you cry. Another being that needs help. Try to focus, and hold onto that.


That's what I did. I got a dog three days later. I had to put my dog down on Super Bowl Sunday 2002. I was hysterical. I couldn't even eat because I felt guilty that I was eating while my dog was dead. Not exactly rational but that was my state of mind. I can eat through any emotion except grief, apparently. Who knew? I missed Monday at work because I couldn't get myself together. On Tuesday, they sent me home because I was inconsolable and couldn't hold a conversation without dissolving into tears. So I went to the shelter that day on my way home and got a Shepherd/Rottie mix puppy (who is my heart dog) on a fluke. He made the pain lessen. It was another being that needed me to care for it so I wasn't as consumed by my own grief. He made me smile when I had thought that was impossible.

I never regretted the decision and it's what got me through. I know that my decision isn't right for everyone but it worked for me. But my other dog is still with me every day. I miss her more than words can say.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It's a rough road.


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## momto3k9s

Thank you all so much! I seem to have my good days and bad days. I think that's better though - because it was my bad days and worse days. So little by little I think I'll do better. 

I did get a new dog - this past weekend. He's home with us and is a handsome boy - very calm (right now at least) but I kinda feel guilty that I don't feel I have that bond with him, as I did with my Zeus. I know I was with Zeus for over 10 years - through the most difficult times of my life. It will take a little while for me to bond with my new guy. Even with this new guy, I find myself still crying and upset over missing Zeus. Time might not heal my wound but it will probably put a band-aid over it. Thank you all! {{{hugs}}}


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## Samba

I lost two dogs within two months of each other. One died suddenly with torsion and the other quickly succumbed to hemangiosarcoma. I got more dogs, sure. Somehow I ended up with two rescues and a puppy! 
I have to say they keep me busy training and occupy my time. They are no replacement, though. I imagine time and relationship building will create more, but when you have had a great one it may be only once.


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## elsie

awww, yay, you got a puppy!!!!!
this little one will never take Zeus' place in your heart, but when you heart is ready, it will embrace this new little guy in your life, and you'll be amazed how much love your heart can hold.
congrats, and many wishes for many happy years together.
:hug::hug::hug:


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## middleofnowhere

The grief for my dogs has been different for each one. For two of them, I HAD to get another dog. Others, it was OK I could wait. It is all circumstance. I would have suggested getting another dog but it looks like you have done that. (It helped me a lot.) Since you have two others, it might be time you start thinking of how this prolonged, intense mourning is affecting them. Generally with excessive thoughts of any sort one needs to take charge and break the cycle. In these circumstances the procedure as I understand it is to tell yourself to quit and then quit by doing something that interupts the cycle. 

Remind yourself that it is time to play with the ones you have (yes this will probably bring back memories). Their time too is limited. It's not particularly sweet of me to say this but it is what you asked. If you cannot interupt this cycle on your own, you may want to go to grief counseling. Three weeks with this level of mourning ... I'm with you on it - time to move on. However that happens, there will be a time when thinking of your late Zeus will bring laughter and good memories more than sorrow. It was a privilege to have him share your live. Remember that. Honor him with good memories and joy rather than prolonged profound mourning.


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## Ilovealldogs

I am so sorry that you are in such pain. I can say that I know the feeling. I lost my dog to cancer March 2009 and still have bad days. I put on 15 pounds in that time, stopped going to the gym, etc. I haven't gotten another dog yet, but I will when the time is right and the right dog comes along. My dog chose me and I guess I'm looking for the same thing. 

The first month or so lasted what seemed like an eternity and now that it has been over a year I cannot believe that much time has passed. What I can tell you is to allow yourself to cry, allow yourself to feel whatever emotions you need to feel. It is okay! I was totally devastated when my dog passed away and I asked everyone if I should still be crying and all I can say is that everyone experiences things differently and everyone "heals" in their own time. It is okay to cry and it is okay to cry for a long time.

I look at life a lot differently now and I am sure I will again when my only other dog passes away as she will be 13 next month. One thing I learned is that I never realized my capacity to love someone so much by letting her go- although not the memories of course.


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## BlackPuppy

I keep a photo of Doerak on the shelf in my office. I lost him 2 years ago to cancer. Yes, I start crying whenever I think about him for more than a minute, especially when I type a post about him. 

Think about where he is right now. He is free of his body, and free of pain. Be happy for him. He is moving on. Keep your memories and be thankful that he was willing to share his live with you. 

Doerak was a wonderful dog, but Balto is also wonderful and very kind and gentle.


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## Mannyb

Hi,
I'm very sorry about your loss, I had to put down my 15year old gsd a year ago and I still think of him alot. I just recently got a new gs Puppy and it is helping Unfortunately most animals just don't last as long as humans. I have also had two pit bulls poisoned both died, one was only 2 and half months !!!
I thought I was going to have a heart attack on the last one. Give it some time and then get a new dog you will never forget your previous dog but at least you will feel a little better. at least I do.
Good Luck Manny


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## JazzNScout

3 weeks isn't a long time at all -- and I realize more time has passed since you first posted.

I lost my Jasmina a year ago. It struck me on the anniversary of her death (July 3) how different I feel. I never dreamed I would get out of that awful, heavy grief. I couldn't imagine the feeling gone. 

You will. Ugh. It just takes time and it will eventually lift.


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## Mac's Mom

bianca said:


> Linda, please don't be so hard on yourself. You are NOT being selfish at all by feeling the pain. Yes you know that Zeus is not suffering now but you are still allowed to grieve and feel your pain. I am sitting here balling my eyes out after reading your post and it has been years since I lost my beloved dogs. I think you just have to do what works best for you...keep busy if you feel able but then also allow yourself times when you can cry. I am sending you a big virtual hug too. Take care.


I agree. Its not selfish to allow yourself to grieve. You lost a part of your family...give yourself time...


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## steaminz

I lost my Mother two years ago July 31st. Then my job due to the 'economy'. Then two of my four legged friends, one 12, the other 17. A couple of months apart. Strangely, my truck is still running. (sorry,my 'sanity keeping' humor is working) 

I am very serious though in saying I had no idea how to grieve for any of my loss.

Pretty pissed off and in some stage of denial about all of it. But being sad and feeling pain is so very ok. For me pictures have helped. The act of finding and taking old prints to a copier, and put on disc, and then putting them in a kind of order to music has helped me. Yes, I could be overdoing it, but who is really to say? 

I posted some photos of our lost 'kids' on youtube. That process helped me.

Above all, you have found there are a lot of us feeling similar.


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## shannonrae

Unfortunately the hurt never stops, but eventually you will learn to remember the good things and the things Zeus taught you and you will smile (sometimes). I have lost 2 wonderful Shepherds. Both of them taught me lessons in patience, love and loss (among countless other things). The hard thing with dogs, especially GSD's is that as the bond develops they stop being your dog and start being your best friend. To help myself "get over" the loss of my first love I decided that I would get another GSD. But I did not go to a breeder, I made a promise to Bear that I would always have a GSD and it would always be a rescue. Not just any rescue but dogs that are "unadoptable" due to health/behavior issues. I am able to do this as I am a licencsed vet. tech. with lots of experience in canine behavior. I do not think this is the soloution for just anybody. I thought this was appropriate because Bear was a "throw away" dog, and doing it in his memory makes me feel good. I have since adopted and rehabed 2 GSD's that would otherwise have been euthanised. My current work in progress, Birbo is laying on the couch now, watching me with eyes full of love! I am proud to say he is doing wonderfully and is making great strides is overcoming his previous "issues".
In memory of;
Bear, my first ever GSD. Patient, loving, intelligent and the very best friend and teacher I have ever had. The "perfect" dog. 
Kai, always a spark in her eye and an undying interest in learning new things. This dog never stopped "laughing". I still wonder who really recued who . . .


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## KZoppa

i understand you pain and your loss. Zeus will always be with you watching over you. You never truly move on or forget those you've lost but you grieve in your own way and open your heart to another furry pal. Sending you many cyber hugs and best wishes with your new pal.


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## vat

Linda many hugs to you. As someone who just went thru this in Feb it is very hard. It does get easier each day but then there are still some that make me tear up. More often then not I can now talk about Rio and remember all the good times and not cry. Allow yourself this grief and talk to those that understand, it helps.

Max does not replace Rio but he brings me great joy and I realize they are 2 different dogs.


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## Eva von Selah

Everyone here is right on... you don't get over it, you just kind of get used to them being gone, though they are always with you. Your grief will run its course.

It's been nearly three years since I let Chelsea go and I'm standing here crying as I type, remembering all that she was.


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## Stevenzachsmom

Linda, You originally posted this in May. How are things going now? How is it going with the new guy? Time really does heal all wounds. My first child was stillborn. I felt as if my heart had been ripped from my chest. I spoke to my friend's father, who told me that he and his wife had also lost their first child. I asked, "Does it ever get any better?" He said, "Oh yes. In time." The wounds heal - but oh the scars. My first child would have been 22 years old. You never forget, but it becomes a dull ache.

I hope you are feeling better and enjoying your new pup.

Hugs,
Jan


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## Blitz Burgh Steeler

I am so sorry for you babe.i know your pain well and even though i have Blitz now i still have a hole in my heart for Czar who i lost last March 20th. Blitz helps me remember the best times with Czar and it helps to fill the hole. Death leaves a heartache no one can heal---And Love leaves Memories no one can Steal :halogsd:


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## Baersmama

Linda, I am so sorry for your loss, and the pain you are feeling. You should not feel bad about these feelings. You have suffered a loss... and it will take time to heal. I have lost three GSD. One, Baer, we had to let go at 20 months. The pain was almost more than I could handle. I think that he was meant to be my heart dog, and I ache when I think about what he could have been had he lived to be an adult. He had a congenital kidney problem that we became aware of when he was about nine months. We did all we could for him, and gave him a wonderful life. When it was time to let him go, we did. I held him in my arms while he slipped away. I think that God knew his life would be short, and he was given to us so that we could care for him, and love him. About a month after he passed, we contacted the breeder and told him what had happened. We now have Baer's half-brother, Max, and he is a joy. But still, when I look at him I think of Baer and I mourn for the loss. It has been over almost four years and I still miss my boy. 
You will move on, and you will make room in your heart for another special dog. But you will not forget Zeus, and the love and life you shared. Remember that the stronger the love, the greater the loss. Send me a message anytime you want to tell a story about your boy. I understand your loss. 
-mel


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## VegasResident

I hope things have gotten easier for you since May. One thing I found was you never "let go". they always own a special piece of your heart. As I come closer to the one year mark of the departure of my soul dog, l realize that you don't "let go"...you just have a longer leash for a while...:angel:


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