# What if you can't handle being there



## Lauri & The Gang

I have a friend that loves her dog but cannot emotionally handle being there if the dog would need to be euthanized.

I know her dog, have met him several times and he likes me. I told her that I would take him in for her if it came to that.

I have also gone with other friends to be their moral support when the moment comes.


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## Qyn

I have also been in that situation and have been there with the dog during euthanasia while the owner was in the reception area. The owner in that case is mentally impaired and would have distressed the dog had she been present. She regrets not being there but I have answered her questions honestly and she realises Toby was less stressed by her absence - he was also full of dried liver treats at the end.


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## srfd44-2

What a wonderful friend you are. Yes, some people can not handle being there, but that does not mean they loved their pet any less then someone who is present. It is a very hard thing to do. I was six months pregnant when my first GSD, Czar had to be put to sleep because of cancer and my vet wouldn't let me stay in the room because of my condition. My second GSD, Ringo, I was with when he was put to sleep at home. I held him the whole time and told him what a good boy he was and I loved him so much. Maybe if the pet has something with your scent on it then in a way you are there with them.


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## 3K9Mom

> Originally Posted By: Qynhe was also full of dried liver treats at the end.


I think this is as close as a dog can come to heaven on earth. 

With heaven awaiting him....









A lovely image. A wonderful friend.


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## 3K9Mom

My parents had to euthanize their GSD a few years ago, and they could not bear to be there for the actual procedure. But they spent 11 years building up a phenomenal relationship with a generous spirit of a vet, and Ralph adored her. He was with a friend he trusted at the end. Would I have been there with him had I known this was coming? Yes, but it came very fast for all of us; the stress of Wildfires, and losing his home devastated him and suddenly, it was his time (his brother, my aunt's dog died two months earlier under similar conditions). I couldn't fly to CA in time. But Ralphie had a good friend with him at the end, someone who could honestly tell him what a wonderful dog he was all of his life, someone who truly adored him. Being there at the end is an amazing thing. I hope to always be there for my dogs. 

But I realized that my parents built up the kind of relationship with their vet that she could stand in as their surrogate and do a good job. And I commend all three of them. He left this world knowing he was loved.


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## Timber1

I apogolize if this sounds offensive, but when the time comes the most important thing for a dog owner is to be there with there dog. 

Someone cares for a dog its entire life, but cannot be there to support the animal when it passes. Going with other friends is helpful, and I will never forget when my daughter unannounced showed up when I put my dog down.

But, as tough as it is, I think it is very important the dog's owner be their when the dog is put down. If you cannot be there when the dog wants you most I have a problem.

Futhermore, the dog should be allowed to pass on in his/her home, not at some Vet's office.

Excuses a plenty, but I just don't buy them.



There is no way on God's earth I would allow my dogs to die, away from there home and without me present.

Lauri, how can you friend let this dog die, which she has perhaps cared for many years, without being their when the dog needs her most.


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## Skye'sMom

Although I can and will be there for all my dogs, I understand that some people cannot. We are all different - we all have to approach this in the way best for us and our dog. No one knows what has come before in the person's life or what is currently going on.

Some people see things as black and white - I am glad I can see in many shades and not feel my way is the only way.

For those who have all the answers - how great for you.

For the rest us, we will all do the best we can. For some of us it will mean being with our dog. For others it will be knowing that cannot happen for their personal reasons and finding the best alternative possible.

For everyone making this choice, I wish you peace in your choice.


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## Guest

In the end it always comes back to the same thing - what's best for the dog? Yes, there are people who cannot handle the situation and their stress does the dog no good. Also dogs obviously aren't capable of knowing what is happening. Being there at the end for them is a human value that dogs have no concept of. They certainly do understand stress though and they recognize it in their owners and so become stressed themselves. A stressful end is to be avoided of course and if being seperated from their owner is the only way to assure this then that is what's best for the dog.

For my own dogs though I have been there to say goodbye to all of them save poor Kaiser who was murdered in my absence. I'm glad I was able to be there for them too. For me it was a big part of my connection to them. But I do understand those who just cannot bear to go through it. All of the experiences I have been through have been gut wrenching.


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## SuzyE

i never imagined as a pet sitter I would face euthanasia with my clients. I have talked three clients into being there although I would have done it for them-they all thank me now. It's not as bad as you might think. It is a heart wrenching decision and it really affects people drastically. More important is the vet and the level of compassion they have. I have been to euthanasias where the vet was ridiculously cold and it was maddening-I have been where a vet kissed a dog right on the mouth-that is my vet. I would encourage your friend to be there without pressing too much.


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## Qyn

> Originally Posted By: Timber1I apogolize if this sounds offensive, but when the time comes the most important thing for a dog owner is to be there with there dog.
> 
> Someone cares for a dog its entire life, but cannot be there to support the animal when it passes. Going with other friends is helpful, and I will never forget when my daughter unannounced showed up when I put my dog down.
> 
> But, as tough as it is, I think it is very important the dog's owner be their when the dog is put down. If you cannot be there when the dog wants you most I have a problem.
> 
> Futhermore, the dog should be allowed to pass on in his/her home, not at some Vet's office.
> 
> Excuses a plenty, but I just don't buy them.
> 
> 
> 
> There is no way on God's earth I would allow my dogs to die, away from there home and without me present.
> 
> Lauri, how can you friend let this dog die, which she has perhaps cared for many years, without being their when the dog needs her most.


Timber, were you there anytime your dog needed to be anethetised? And, I mean there, right at the operating table, if you haven't then I throw your questions right back at you as the same results could occur. 

If someone knows they will be so distressed that they will upset their dog (who has most likely been anethetised at some other point) that is far more loving than being present for some other motive unrelated to the dog's wellbeing. 

Being with your dog at this time is very difficult and, if you can, I agree it is a significant and moving way to say goodbye but I would never fault anyone who is too upset to be present during the process.


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## Betty

If only I lived in such a black and white world, things would be so much easier.......

I can not imagine choosing not being there when one of my animals pass. Whenever possible they will die at home with me there. But I have been there for a friend that just could not be. Lady left with me calmly petting her and listening to me tell her how beautiful and loved she was. 

I have a vet that will come to the home to euthanize Timber, not all people do.


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## Castlemaid

I had a dog that loved going to the vet, all that attention and extra treats! There was no issues for me to bring him in and be with him when the time came to let him go, and he was happy to be surrounded by so many people giving him pets, praises and attention. 

All dogs are different, and all people are different. Easy to be judgemental and arrogant. More difficult to reach deep within ourself and find bottomless compassion and acceptance of other people's choices and situations, and try to help as we can, as Laurie and others have done.


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## kasbn

I by no means have all the answers, but I have a strong opinion on this. If this thread/discussion can atleast maybe make someone change their mind and be there, all our opinions can do good.

As far as this issue of to be there or not, I believe there is no gray area. You should be there. The only reason I can think of for you not to be there is if you are physically unable. Other than that, be there.

Your dog was dependent on you for their whole life, and I think you owe it to them to hold their "hand" as they cross over. It is the right thing to do. Hard, yes, but right.

No one will ever regret being there, but they most likely will regret not being there.

I never understand people who say "I can't go to the hospital to see my mom, dad, uncle, grandma or whomever." "Or I hate hospitals, people die there"" WTF? Yes, people do die there. No one want to be there. But we must, and you must go visit and see your loved ones if they go to the hospital. Your family/dog needs you to be there.

Just as you comfort the dog when the cat scratched his nose. You should comfort them as they leave us. You can't be distressed, pull it together. Would you act crazy if it was your child lying there? No, you would be strong and help them through. It's tough being a parent. 

I don't think I am arrogant. I don't know it all. I feel compassion for people who make the decision and are there with their pet. 

A friend of mine made the decision not to be there. She said it was too hard. Hard ****, pull up your boot straps and hold your pet as they die. 

That's no to much to ask for all they gave you.

Kathy


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## trouble

I too can't handle it. In February I had to "be there" to put my dog to sleep. I cried like a baby, and would never, ever, have somebody else cry for me. 

It's damned hard, but the dog is more comfortable with us there than one who doesn't know her as well.


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## RebelGSD

I am absolutely with Kathy and Timber1 on this. It is hard and we owe it to our companions who gave us a lifetime of love and loyalty to be there for them when they need us most. It is as simple as that. 

The only exception I can think of is the owner having a health conditions that stress can make worse.

Unfortunately in this society it has become widely accepted to walk away when things get hard and feel entitled that others pick up the pieces (because for others it is easy). It is hard to have a baby and a dog so it is OK to dump the dog at the shelter when the baby arrives. It is hard/work to housebreak a dog so it is OK to return the dog someone ruins to the rescue because for the volunteers with full time jobs it is easy to supervise (unlike for the loving owner). 

Responsibility is a part of life not just enjoyment. It is hard and it is a right thing to do.


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## 3K9Mom

> Originally Posted By: Timber I apogolize if this sounds offensive, but when the time comes the most important thing for a dog owner is to be there with there dog.
> 
> Someone cares for a dog its entire life, but cannot be there to support the animal when it passes.
> .
> 
> But, as tough as it is, I think it is very important the dog's owner be their when the dog is put down. If you cannot be there when the dog wants you most I have a problem.
> 
> Futhermore, the dog should be allowed to pass on in his/her home, not at some Vet's office.
> 
> Excuses a plenty, but I just don't buy them.


Ah, to live in the Ivory Tower and pass judgement. My parents had lost their home. There was no "home" for the dog to die in, no home he knew anyhow. They (senior citizens) had lost every material thing they owned; and their community. And have you seen my other posts where I've mentioned that my sister's and my aunt's (my mom's sister's) house burned to the ground too?

They brought their dog in, thinking that he was having a bad day. He had many of those since they evacuated their home, never to see it again. When the vet told them that it really was time to let him go, then and there, they both broke down. My dad, the big guy (he was a volunteer firefighter in our community for years, and all the kids in the community called him Dad long after I moved away), he just sobbed and sobbed. Mom could barely form sentences when they called me.

I simply told them if it's Ralph's time to go, let him go. But they had no idea it was coming, weren't prepared, had no emotional resources to deal with it; all their friends had suffered loss and weren't really available to them. And you have no idea how many people go through life like this permanently. They're lonely. They don't have much in the way of family and friends. Their dogs are all they have. When they're told (or they realize) their dogs need to be euthanized, they're paralyzed. It's not about avoiding responsibility. It's about the sheer terror of losing your best friend, and facing it alone. 

Maybe it would have been better for them to be there in the room with Ralph. Maybe not. If I could have flown to San Diego fast enough, I would have. My sister (curse her!) was preoccupied with her own selfishness...her own child, and dog, and trying to teach traumatized kids in the community, about half of whom lost THEIR homes. She couldn't leave her classroom to be there for Ralph either. 

But we loved him. We all wanted to be there for him. What does it say about the life of a GSD that his human "sister" tried to get off work and fly 1500 miles to be there for him during his last moments because her parents were traumatized (and no, I don't use that word lightly) by his impending death.

Timber, your arrogance shows that you've never lived in the real world most of us exist in day to day. My parent's GSD knew he was loved. His vet stood compassionately in all of our places. I believe in heaven, and I know my dogs are there. And Ralphie is there, standing at the gate, greeting friends, and neighbors (hoping to mooch a few snacks). But mostly, waiting for my parents. He doesn't doubt for a second that he is still loved, passionately by all of us. 

My dear dog Grover, who died in the emergency room, because we didn't know her heart was failing, didn't endure a better or worse euthanasia than she would have if she were home. We let her go because we didn't want her to suffer as her heart would have stopped within 12-24 hours. So sure, we could have taken her home for the "perfect" at home death. But why? 

She was surrounded by a loving family, who held her as she took her last breath. She's in heaven too, with a dear mountain climber friend that she adored who died entirely too young. We'll have to hunt her down because they'll be off scaling mountains and fording rivers whenever Dh and I arrive in heaven. She lived a life of travel, excitement, outdoor adventure and surrounded by us and friends who loved her. Where she took her last breaths isn't as important as how she lived her life. And that she died in the arms of her loving owners. 

You don't "sound offensive." You sound out of touch, and ignorant. You may only be able to give your dogs a loving send-off in your living room. The rest of us manage to do it under more difficult circumstances.


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## Guest

Well said, Lori.

For the life of me, I don't understand how people can talk out of one side of their mouths about compassion for their dog but have none for people who just cannot be there at the end no matter how much they love their dog.

I can be there. Many can and many cannot. However, it is a cruel assumption to say that those who cannot are turning their backs on their responsibility to their dog. As I stated in my first post, sometimes they are being very responsible by not being there. They recognize that their trauma will only be felt by the dog and so traumatize the dog at the end when they might avoid being stressed if their owner were not there.


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## Barb E

In highschool I had study class my Jr and Sr years where I spent one afternoon a week at one of the local vet's office.

Not all owners could be with their animals as they crossed. The 2 vets were very kind and took good care of the passing of these animals. On the days I was in, I held, stroked and loved on these animals as they passed and I was happy to do it. Often the sobs from the owners in the waiting room could be heard in the exam room. 

I feel bad for those of you that don't have enough compassion or empathy for your fellow human being that you can't grasp the concept that it's not always the right thing for the owner to be there, for the owner and sometimes for the pet.


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## kasbn

This can go on and on. 

My boys and I had already talked, that if I knew when the time was right to call them. They would leave work and be there with him. 

We all set priorities and each is different. Just as we all justify our choices and behavior. 

As I left the vets office last week after my dog was gone, I turned and looked one last time. My dog laid on the floor, with a blanket covering up his hind end, where his bowels had emptied. His head did lay on a pillow. No one in the room with him, I said I love you to him, and closed the door. I ask the little girl at the desk, to please not let him lay there long. That was very sad to me. Maybe next time, and if I get another dog, if possible, I would like to do it at home.

I don't want to fuss and fight here with anyone. I value all opinions and advice. It helps me make choices right for me.

So I agree to disagree.

Kathy


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## RebelGSD

Everybody has a life and has hard times. It is not everybody's choice to put the hardships on the internet and expect others to feel sorry for them. I have been cleaning up in rescue for years after people for whom it was "too hard" to keep their dogs. Labeling it Ivory Tower is fine with me. 

My compassion goes to the dogs (other people's and my own) who died in my arms. People have the option to make choices, dogs don't. So I agree to disagree.


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## SuzyE

I can totally understamd how people can't be there, I almost bailed on my first euthanasia, then I almost fainted in the room.After that I saw it wasn't that bad. too much emphasis on the dog's death, it'sd great if you can bear it but understandable if you can't. Dogs dying is very very very very hard on people.


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## Betty

> Originally Posted By: RebelGSDEverybody has a life and has hard times. It is not everybody's choice to put the hardships on the internet and expect others to feel sorry for them. I have been cleaning up in rescue for years after people for whom it was "too hard" to keep their dogs. Labeling it Ivory Tower is fine with me.
> 
> My compassion goes to the dogs (other people's and my own) who died in my arms. People have the option to make choices, dogs don't. So I agree to disagree.


I think there is a big difference between someone who dumps a dog at a rescue and someone who is unable because of emotional pain to be with their beloved companion for their final moments.

You are right, life can be hard at times. I hope it is never so hard that I choose not to show compassion to someone that handles grief differently then I do.


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## RebelGSD

I personally choose to show compassion to the dog who is suffering and dying alone. I wonder if the people who let their dog die alone or with strangers would like to die alone themselves because those they love cannot bear to be with them.

BTW, most people show so much compassion for themselves that they really don't need mine.


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## BlackPuppy

I can't handle it, but you bet I'm going to be there. I've been a basket case just thinking about it since my dog was diagnosed with cancer. Treatment is finally over and now I wait. As I wait I'm making arrangements to have somebody come to the house when his time is up. I've already found my crematoriam, and I have have a backup emergency vet who is nearby and has a large carpeted treatment room for the "event". 

Mostly I'm fine, but making the preparations is hard. The hardest day is yet to come. I'm not looking forward to it.


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## tracyc

I met a woman a year or so ago who was being honored at a rescue organization's charity event, and her story moved me more than almost anything else I've ever heard. 

For the last several years, she has dedicated herself, using her own money and time, to giving shelter dogs one final day of happiness and human contact. She goes to kill shelters on the day of--or day before--euthanization, and takes each dog scheduled to die for a one-hour walk. She brings the dogs special treats--often things like McDonalds hamburgers--the kind of things most shelter dogs would never have known. She plays with the dogs--or if they don't want to interact with her directly, she just lets them enjoy being out of a cage for a while. 

And the thing that really gets me--and I'm choking up right now typing this--is that she tells each one of these dogs exactly what is going to happen to them. She explains that today they are going to die, but that they shouldn't be afraid, and after it's over they will be going to a better place. She honestly believes--and so do I--that on some level these dogs understand, and are comforted by her and by knowing what's going to happen. She isn't with the dogs when they are euthanized. But the shelters she works with report that the dogs she spends time with go to their deaths in a much calmer state than those she is unable to help. 

What this woman does is so beyond what I would ever be capable of that I was humbled beyond words to simply meet her. She is one of the heroes of my life.


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## Betty

She is truly a hero.

Words just really fail me.


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## jypsykoda

We lost our Zeus a little over a year ago. He was 13. He had bloat and I recognized the symptoms and rushed to the vet. My husband was working hours away, and I didn't have time to try and reach him, so I decided to do surgery, other than being a bit stiff in the mornings, he was in perfect health. He came through fine, he had no permanent damage, they were surprised how well it went, especially on a dog his age. I went in to see him afterwards. He was heavily sedated and immobile, but with his eyes and ears and the tip of his tail he said he was glad to see me. I petted him and he relaxed and closed his eyes. Then when I finally got up to go home, he heard me say 'go' and he tried to come with me, he lifted his head, and looked me in the eyes, he had heard me say 'go' and he was trying to...but he couldn't... and that look, It tore out my heart to leave him there, I would have slept on that floor next to his cage I they would have let me. He was never crated, never tied, and his favorite place to be was home with us. And I left him there. I finally reached my husband, and he headed home, but he couldn't get to the vet before they closed. Zeus was his best friend, he lost his two best friends just out of high school to an accident, and all he had was Zeus, he took him to work with him, and when he got done work they went fishing. They were inseperable. It was just the two of them for seven years until I came along. I called in the morning to see how he was doing and tell them we were coming up to see him, and he was dead. He had died during the night, alone, in a cage, and away from everything and everbody he loved. I couldn't sleep for days, I still dream about leaving him there and wake up crying. It wasn't right for him to die alone, it just wasn't right. He tried to come with me and I left him there. I didn't have the chance to be there and hold him, and rub his ears the way he liked, to press my forehead to his and look him in the eyes and smell his fur. My husband doesn't say much about it, but he will never forgive himself for not being there for Zeus, because Zeus was always there for him, no matter what discomfort is caused him, you wouldn't believe the lengths Zeus had gone to stay by his side! 
Be grateful you have the chance to be there for your dog.
Some of the best moments in my life have come as a result of my most painful experiences. Don't be afraid.
We went to the vet that day, and picked him up, in a black garbage bag. We loaded him in the back of the truck, his favorite place to be, and went down the first dirt road we could find, stopped on the side and took him out of the bag and put him in the box my father in lay made for him that morning. And we rode down the dusty bumpy road and talked about Zeus and how much we wanted to be there, and how much it hurt our hearts that we weren't.


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## kasbn

jypsykoda, oh my, that breaks my heart. And there is no need to tell you, but you didn't know that would happen. You and hubby know if you had known, it would have played out different. I too would have felt the same way, it would have caused me many sleepless nights. Don't beat yourself up (too much), Zeus knew you didn't know. Yes, he did. I'm sorry for you and Zeus. 

As for the lady who spends time with the dogs on the day they will die. Talk about doing something good with your life. What a remarkable woman. I don't think I could personally do that, but I wish I could.

Kathy


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## RebelGSD

I had two fosters die in my home suddenly and unexpectedly. One was thrown out of the car on a busy highway, she was a senior. The vet did not find anything obviously wrong with her. She was very sweet and was enjoying being in a home, probably for the first time in her life. On the third day I went to her room to greet her as I got home from work. She wagged her tail, got up and collapsed. Five minutes later she was gone, it was probably a stroke from a blood clot that dislodged. I was talking to her and petting her while she was taking her last breath. 

The second dog was a young male with heartworm too advanced to treat. He was still happy and playing and was not particularly uncomfortable. He was laying on his bed when I got home from work one day and I realized he could not get up. I sat next to him and petted him and talked to him. He started breathing heavily and a few minutes later he was gone while I was petting him and telling him what a good boy he was. 

I believe that animals know. Shelter animals definitely do and they are scared. I believe that these two dogs were waiting for me to come home and be there with them when they let it go. Even though I only had them for days or weeks, they waited for me. It is hard and painful but I am happy that I was there for them to comfort them and be with them until the moment they left this world. Their ashes are in my bay window along with the ashes of my dogs that passed.


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## WiscTiger

This is a very emotional and hard subject for people to talk about. I want EVERYONE to be respectful of others feelings. We are all human and some people can handle things better than others.

I personally believe it would be easier on a dog to leave this world if it's owner was there calmly talking with them and petting them. 

I also believe that it would be difficult for a dog to leave this world if it's owners were there being hysterical, saying it isn't fair, I don't want you to leave, etc. 

So in the second scenario I think it would be easier for the dog if the owners weren't there and they dog couldn't hear them.

If I have my choice I want to go peacefully even if it with strangers or medical people over having someone with me telling me it isn't fair and they don't want me to leave. I want peace when I leave this earth, bot a bunch of hysterics.

Val


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## CainGSD

I have been there for each of my own dogs. My mom finds it impossible to be there. I flew home from FL to NH to be there for their last dog. He was a born into my hands and left from them as well. In hindsight it was selfish of me to make him wait until I could get there. I felt I had to be there because my mom found it impossible to do. Hoover should have been freed of his pain from cancer sooner. He hated going to the vet so we gave him tranquilizers before going on that last car ride. I laid on the blanket in the back of the blazer with him and we snuggled. My dad and I carried him into the office in his blanket and our wonderful vet put the iv in his rear leg so that Hoov didn't have to know he was even there. It was a very peaceful passing and I can say with absolute certainity that had my mom been present it would not have been peaceful due to her inner turmoil and pain at losing him. I believe the comfort of the dog should dictate how things happen and agree that if someone isn't able to push their own pain aside to let the dog pass peacefully than it is better left to someone else.


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## katieliz

so well said nora.


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## Delta

*Some alternatives.*

I can identify with several of the replies here. The "canine love of my life" died overnight, alone at a vet after bowel surgery. I was in high school and I'd found her on the street, a young GSD mix, about 5 years earlier. The memory hurts my stomach to this day.

When my last GSD, Delta, was 11 she had an obstruction and bowel surgery. A local vet, a large animal vet with only a small office, allowed me to come and go all hours and he lived in the home attached to the clinic so checked on the animals frequently. He called me very late that night to say she didn't look well (I believe she had a reaction to the morphine they gave her after the surgery) and I came right away. I stayed in her kennel with her and held and talked to her. Her breathing was labored but after a few hours it was better and she pulled through. I don't think she would have made it if I hadn't been with her. A second surgery a year later at the same vet and I also was with her all night. 

I didn't particularly like this vet. He was gruff and rough and didn't recognize that this was an obstruction until I insisted on x-rays. (He wanted to worm her!). But he was a good surgeon and their open door policy, made me stick with them until Delta passed away.

When I made the decision to have Delta euthanized I didn't think about doing it at home (and having a stranger in the house when she couldn't walk may have been more stressful) but this same vet agreed to do it in the parking lot in my van. Delta was not afraid of the vet and she loved going for rides. My husband and I threw a pile of comforters on the floor and carried her to the van. She got to eat beef and chocolate all the way there. She was allergic to beef and hadn't had any for over 10 years so it was special. She had stopped eating the day before but made an exception for the beef and chocolate. 

I admit I had a couple of drinks right before as this was the hardest thing I think I ever did. She was my second "dog love of my life". I did what was necessary to be there with her. If I'd have had access I would have taken valium. But the drinks helped. Of course my husband drove.

The vet met us early in the morning, before they opened and came to the van. This allowed us privacy and allowed Delta the least amount of stress.

I buy my dog food now from a different vet in town. I don't like this vet office much at all so I take my dogs to a vet in another town, but they are the only ones anywhere around that carry my dog food. The last three times I've been there I've witnessed people bringing their dogs in to be euthanized and leaving them there. The same thing three times! They cry, they say good bye, but then they give them to the vet techs and leave. All three times the dogs could walk and didn't seem ill, just old. The techs walk away with these dogs on leashes, obviously hardened to the event and not paying any attention to the dogs. The dogs tried to follow their owners out and their fear and confusion was obvious. Nothing can convince me this is acceptable. None of these owners knows how those dogs were treated at the end. And this is a horrible thought, but how do they even know the dogs were euthanized humanely? 

Take sedatives or have a couple of drinks. Bring friends or loved ones to help and drive. Find a vet that will meet you at your car before office hours or who can do it at your home. But all of them deserve better than being dropped off at a strange place with strange people. 

Sorry if this is harsh.....but I was at the vet for food just yesterday and the memory of the latest dog dropped off is all too fresh.


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## Helly

> Originally Posted By: Luca_stlI met a woman a year or so ago who was being honored at a rescue organization's charity event, and her story moved me more than almost anything else I've ever heard.
> 
> For the last several years, she has dedicated herself, using her own money and time, to giving shelter dogs one final day of happiness and human contact. She goes to kill shelters on the day of--or day before--euthanization, and takes each dog scheduled to die for a one-hour walk. She brings the dogs special treats--often things like McDonalds hamburgers--the kind of things most shelter dogs would never have known. She plays with the dogs--or if they don't want to interact with her directly, she just lets them enjoy being out of a cage for a while.
> 
> And the thing that really gets me--and I'm choking up right now typing this--is that she tells each one of these dogs exactly what is going to happen to them. She explains that today they are going to die, but that they shouldn't be afraid, and after it's over they will be going to a better place. She honestly believes--and so do I--that on some level these dogs understand, and are comforted by her and by knowing what's going to happen. She isn't with the dogs when they are euthanized. But the shelters she works with report that the dogs she spends time with go to their deaths in a much calmer state than those she is unable to help.
> 
> What this woman does is so beyond what I would ever be capable of that I was humbled beyond words to simply meet her. She is one of the heroes of my life.


oh Luca...that made me cry...what a wonderful woman


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## Guest

*Re: Some alternatives.*

I think there is some confusion here as to the difference between those who don't care enough and those who care so much they can't handle it. There is indeed a difference between those who won't handle it and those who are simply unable to hold themselves together. 

What all here seem to agree on is that the dog's welfare is paramount. What we disagree on is how that should be considered. There is a world of difference between being there no matter what and causing your dog unneeded anguish as they see the owner having a meltdown and realizing that your dog deserves a peaceful end even if that means not being there is the only way to ensure it. 

People should not confuse the uncaring with those who care more than they can deal with.


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## ninhar

*Re: Some alternatives.*

Very well said GSDad. 

Cody was my daughter's dog and when she saw that Cody was suffering, she made the call that we should end her suffering. Vets in my area don't do housecalls and it was the middle of the night. We brought Cody to the emergency vet and they prepped her. When it came time for the final shot, my daughter couldn't handle it and had to leave the room. Cody passed with me and my BF there. It didn't mean that my daughter didn't love her dog any less, she just couldn't handle being there. 

That is a far cry from the times that I have been at shelters and have seen people bring in their old dogs for euthanasia and just hand them over to the shelter staff.


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## srfd44-2

*Re: Some alternatives.*

Some times the hospital staff is just like family for the pet and the owners. If the pet has been a client for a long time or has had on going health problems and receiving care from the staff. The pet is still with people who loved them even if for a short time.


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## djpohn

*Re: Some alternatives.*

I feel sorry for both the owners of the dog as well as the dog if they can not find the inner strength to be there as they beloved companion leaves them for the last time. This is the most humane and compassionate thing we can do for a pet that has been part of our family. 

Losing one of our "fur kids" is hard, but I find alot of comfort in being able to be there and hold my babies as they leave this world, knowing that the last thing they see is my face and they feel the love I have for them. 

Being at home is great, but sometimes it is not possible. Often a vet will come out to the car and euthanize them there, which can be less stressful. There are bach flower remedies and even homeopathy that can be given to help make this less tramatic on the animal (and owner too). When done correctly with the administration of a sedative first, the animal simply goes to sleep.

Loving an animal enough to be there in the end is the ultimate scarifice an owner can make, putting aside their fears or issues to be there one last time for their beloved pet.


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## Timber1

Thanks to all of you that understand my feelings about being there when your dog is dying. 

Yes, some things are black and white, despite those that seem to disagree, and this is not about being in an Ivory Tower. If everything was grey we could never make a decision for ourselves.


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## Guest

One thing I've found in life that is very true is that many things cannot be understood until you've actually lived them. Lately I'm seeing this myself as I realize for the first time what being a parent actually means. In war I saw this also many times when soldiers who in the peacetime Army seemed to be the bravest of troops and little nebbish guys who could barely dress themselves right wound up together in battle and the "shiny" soldier crumbled while the geek became the hero. 

The point? Some things cannot be understood or sympathized with until actually lived. I have always been there for my dogs thought it was the hardest thing to do. However, I have also spent a lifetime with dogs and known many owners in that time. I have seen these people and even had relatives who have been utterly unable to control themselves with the loss. I never once questioned their devotion to their dogs. Rather than that I felt for them and their anguish. It appears to me that the people in this thread who share my views have experienced what I have. It also appears to me that those who don't haven't.


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## RubySlippers

Just reading this thread brought tears to my eyes. Contemplating the day I may have to add my story for our GS is gut-wrenching. Makes me want to stick my head in the sand and yell "go away!" to the very idea.

But my 2 cents is this- It's unfair and an error in judgement for one person to decide what another person's spirit is capable of and ready to handle. We can have our opinions on how people "should" be, how we would like them to be, but it doesn't make that other person's spirit/soul any more ready or able to process that experience in whatever way is best for them. 

We are drawn to those we love and are loved by for a reason. We've all heard the story of that one dog that was viscious but who lit up and melted at the touch of a special person. The young man who seemed without care or compassion who learned to love better because of a small cat no one else wanted... the stories go on and on. I believe it's because on some level those creatures and those people recognized and honored a need, a special place in each other. And after having loved each other, laughed, hugged, hours of one sided-conversations and fuzzy head tilts.. they each knew and loved each other in all their glory and weaknesses. 
We judge each other too harshly too often. That's why we love our dogs and we have this board- we are amazed by their kindness and acceptance. We sing their praises, admire them, and love them the best way we each know how.

In the end our dogs love us, protect us, and help illuminate the joy in our lives. In the end they would want us to be happy too- because thier hearts simply have no need for regret and condemnation. I think each of us should love them the best way we know how and in the end dogs will do what they do best.... live, love, and go on chasing those things that make their tongue loll an and their spirit sing. 

In the mean time we can honor our dog's/cat's/etc... friendship by understanding we are the better for having been loved by them and have learned: to be more tolerant of each other, care less about who's scruffy and more about who gives the best cuddles, listen to each other even when you're pretty sure you just "don't get it", fogive each other, and just enjoy each other for who we are.


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## eberesche

Wow, this is a really amazing thread.
There's really not much I can say about it, except that everyone must do what is best for them and their pet. I will say thank you to my kind and caring vet that understands and works with me. And thank you to all the other vets out there that do. I can see everyone's sides here from those that say the owner should be there, and the ones that can't be there. 

Myself, I've been with all of mine, every time. If they can, they have a last walk or a run, a special day, not so much for them maybe, but for me. To give them a last happy day with their friend. To remember them in life not death. And when they pass on, it's always been outside on the grass, under the sun. And the last voice they hear is mine, the last thing they see is me looking into their eyes and the last touch they feel is my own. I believe I owe them that much at the very least for the life they've given me. It's always the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I will always be there. If the day comes I can't do that anymore, I will never have another dog. 

And whenever I've gotten a call from someone asking "I don't know what to do about Spot, he's not doing good." or "Can you please take Fido, I just cant do it?" my answer is always yes. I don't judge them or question their decision or reasons. I already know. And that dog spends their day with me and leaves this world as if they were mine. Their owner may not be there with them, but they go with the touch and comfort of a friend they know and trust. To me that's important. For my human and animal friend alike.


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## Phay1018

This is one of the worst things anyone has to go thru, and I agree, not everyone can be there. I am always there for all my animals, my fosters, and endless numbers of shelter animals where I work. It's not easy and I shed plenty of tears (perhaps enough to flood the world for my own animals). 

In May we had to euthanise my "heart" dog due to old age, and being so arthritic. I had my best friend/LVT do it for me. I trust her probably even more so than asking one of our vets to do it, weird I know but... the week before I took him in, he went out to eat with us every night or got a home cooked meal. He was pampered to death and he loved every minute of it. (he was pampered for 9 years before that but mom was strict on his diet then







So he was probably in heaven with all that yummy food. I aced him to take the edge off as he hates being restrained for needles anyhow, then we gave him a IV tranquilizer and finally his last shot. I held him the whole time, I wouldn't have had it any other way. 

The downside of being a LVT and being able to euthanise animals is that I've euthanised some of my own in emergencies and that is harder than words can discribe. One was my first cat that was still living with my mom, she was diabetic and when my mom was on vacation and my brother was at her house watching all the animals, she went downhill. She was in a diabetic coma when I got there to get her, she was 15 years old, she was so far gone, taking her to the emergency vet wasn't worth it to me, to try and stress her out so much so we drove back to work with her in my lap, when I got to work, she was almost dead, barelly had a heartbeat. But I couldn't let her suffer and being it was late at night and HS was closed I couldn't ask a co-worker to do her so I did what I had to do. 

As far as working for the shelter, it's nice to be the one who can hold those animals when need be to let them know someone cares and they aren't alone. 

I have also had one of my horses euthanised and I have to say that bothers me the most as there's no letting them fall gently. Most vets (mine) won't tranq them enough that they go down as the risk they will kick, so she got a mild tranquilizer, then the juice and after that was in or almost before it was all in she went down. Not something I like to see but I had to be there for her.


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## angelaw

I have always been there for mine and always will be. DH says he can't when we take Vishnu, which sadly is very rapidly approaching. What gets me are the people who just dump the dog at the pound because they "can't handle it". I've seen it and find it absolutely disgusting. People had the dog for a good 15 years and dumped it. Ok so you ask a family member to do it for you, but to do it that way? No. Sadly V is my heart dog (as was Gaudi) and it's going to kill me, but seeing him as he is now, I know his time is soon. I'm just waiting for my son who is home on leave from the military goes to his next station at the end of the month since they shared alot and the same birthday, lol. But I wanted him to be able to see him one last time and not be half way around the world.


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## katieliz

in general, for the most part, i just prefer not to judge other people's behavior/limits/fears, etc. well, unless it's bringing unwanted kids into the world, now there's a behavior i can be quite judgemental about.

a german shepherd dog has slept at my bedside (or in my bed), since i was born sixty-some years ago, so i've dealt with this issue many, many times. i have never had one go to the bridge on their own and have had to help them all. my preference is at home, although my dear dakota bear was status epilepticus (continuous seizures), full of phenobarbital, and made his trip from a comfy bed in the back of our van, parked in the woods at the vet's office.

some people have just never learned to deal with grief. it's not my place to judge them.


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## shepherdbydesign

I'm sorry if this affends anyone, but if you can't deal with being there for your pet than don't get one. Remember that this said pet has been with you when you needed him/her unconditionally. Every living thing including us will pass in time and this is something that all of us have to come to terms with. I'm not judging anyone that can't handle it, it is just my thoughts of this matter


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## WiscTiger

I think this world would be a lot nicer place if people wouldn't be so judgmental and try to get others to live up to their standards.

My DH couldn't handle being here when I let my old guy Apache got to the bridge. But I did force the issue with Pixie our horse because some times we had a love hate relationship, some days she just loved to hate me, she would try to kick me or bite me. I didn't want her last minutes to be fighting with me.

I don't know if it is people haven't learned to deal with their grief, I know my mom can't handle things like this, but I think it is because she has had more pain in her life than she can deal with. Both her mother and her husband were in hospice care at the same time and she was with each one when they left. 

We are all humans and have different backgrounds, different up bringing and different genes. We are tolerant of our dogs that have a fear problem, but it seems that some can't tolerate people who don't live up to their standard.

Val


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## bozic4

I think it's a very personal decision. I was there, infact I put our Max to sleep myself. I talked to him, held him and comforted him one last time. I wouldn't have it any other way. Working in the veterinary field, I hear from lots of people that they regretted NOT being there with their pet after the fact.


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## angelaw

Yes but even if you couldn't be there, and waited outside the office, how many of you who "can't handle it" would just dump your dog off at the pound? Those are the people I "can't handle".

Fine if you can't be in the room, but you can wait outside of it. But to completely abandon your companion of many years because of your feelings? What about your companion? 

Sorry, I just don't get it.


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## Phay1018

Angela, exactly how I feel I hate it when people do that. And sadly it happens on a daily basis, we get in at least one euth request a day due to old age. That's where those of us who work in the shelter have to step in and try and make those animals feel as comfortable as possible given their owners just dumped them and left. 

Some are ok though, some stay, give a big donation, and either ask to be present or wait and want to see the animal after we have put it down. Those people don't bother me so much because they aren't just walking out the door before their animal is even out of the admissions room. 

but still...


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## 3K9Mom

Our Humane Society doesn't allow owners to be there when the animal is euthanized. The website explains it. Not enough room, too much else going on, not enough staff to deal with distraught owners. Whatever their reason is, that's their policy:

"At the XX Humane Society, our licensed or certified veterinary staff are able to perform compassionate euthanasia for seriously ill or suffering companion animals. No appointment is needed, but unfortunately we do not have the resources available to allow you to be present." 

Why might someone go to the Humane Society? It's close to home and the transporting the dog is difficult or painful. (Not everyone has a car.) The owner has a previous relationship with the society (having adopted the dog there, taken clases there, etc). For a GSD-sized dog, a euthanasia there costs $108, or $132 for a private cremation. It cost me far more than that when my dogs needed to be euthanized. Not everyone has the resources to spend more. Heck, not everyone (including members here, who appear to be very good owners) has a regular vet for a variety of reasons. 

What exactly is the point of sitting outside in the lobby? The dog doesn't know their owner is there. The person may be grief-stricken; do they need for a bunch of strangers to see that? Perhaps the owner instead would rather pay homage to their dog by walking the same route that they walked every morning, or clean the car of the McDonalds wrappers from their breakfast that day. Or sit on their favorite beach and cry. Or, funny enough, maybe they really have to go to work. Their boss thinks that Molly is "just a dog" and will dock the owner's pay if he's late again. He's already been late 20 times in the last 3 months dealing with Molly's illness (which has drained his savings account).

I just don't see how anyone can *accurately* evaluate the life that a dog lived based on the 5-10 minutes before the dog is euthanized. You may think you can. But someone at the park might think they can evaluate your dog's life based on seeing you give your dog a correction. They can't. They don't know you. They don't know your dog. They don't know anything about your life together. You'd likely tell them, nicely or otherwise, they don't have a clue, and there's no way they could have one just by a few minutes of observation. Or you may ignore them. But almost certainly, you'd resent them judging you.


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## TMarie

My mom couldn't handle being there. She loves her dogs just as much as the rest of us. She took very good care of them and was a great dog mom. Her not being able to handle it didn't make her care any less for her dogs.
My mom is a stroke victim, and has early signs of dementia, plus many other health problems. Last month she had to have her shelti put down. She tried to be there, she wanted to be there, but, she couldn't. She would have made it so much more uncomfortable for her boy.

I gave the pup to her when he was 8 weeks old, so it was only fitting that I was there last month and let him go while holding him so gently in my arms, letting him know he was loved by all. There was no way my mom could have handled it, she had a stroke again right after she got home.

So we don't know why some people just can't be there. For me, I have and always will be for each and every one, but for some people, they have there reasons.


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## reesegsd

To each his own .......everyone handles things differently.My girl Keyla passed in April at the age of 12 years.I got her when she was a puppy at 8 weeks old and only spent 2 nights away from her in all that time. So I personally could not let my girl go with out me being there holding her and hoping that i was keeping her calm and making her feel loved as she passed. God knows i was far from calm or prepared .... i had to excuse myself 2 times (couldnt keep my lunch down) while we desided what need to be done. It was sudden and i was far from being prepared. I dont think there is a way to prepare for it . ..... My heart goes out to every one that has been down this road and that has this to go through.I just know i was very lucky i had a compassionate vet that didnt hurry me and let me take as much time as i needed before and after. I am just glad i chose to stay with her even though it was very hard. As sick as she was when i lay my head on her and told her i loved her that last time she lifted up and licked my face as if to say it was ok.... I am ever thankful for that last moment .


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## djpohn

Here is a poem that was posted on the yahoo lymphoma group I belong to. I thought it might help people make a better decision for themselves.


> Quote:THE LAST BATTLE
> 
> If it should be that I grow frail and weak
> And pain should keep me from my sleep,
> Then will you do what must be done,
> For this -- the last battle -- can't be won.
> 
> You will be sad I understand,
> But don't let grief then stay your hand,
> For on this day, more than the rest,
> Your love and friendship must stand the test.
> 
> We have had so many happy years,
> You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
> When the time comes, please, let me go.
> 
> Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
> Only, stay with me till the end
> And hold me firm and speak to me
> Until my eyes no longer see.
> I know in time you will agree
> It is a kindness you do to me.
> 
> Although my tail its last has waved,
> From pain and suffering I have been saved.
> Don't grieve that it must be you
> Who has to decide this thing to do;
> 
> We've been so close -- we two -- these years,
> Don't let your heart hold any tears.
> 
> ---Unknown


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## Timber1

Thank you, I could say more but wonder how the folks that can't support their sick pets whould react if a child was dying. 

Head for the parking lot, LOL who knows.


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## srfd44-2

That was not called for.


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## Timber1

I respectfully disagree.

Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.


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## scannergirl

Death is a touchy subject. Some people have an overwhelming fear of it. To imply that someone who does not choose to witness a death because their mental health would be damaged is somehow less than you is unkind. Do you know the circumstances behind their feelings? Have you walked in their shoes, shared their history, felt their feelings and lived their life? No?
Then you should not judge them, nor should you imply anything else about their character. It is just unkind. 
People are what they are, and everyone does the best they can with the cards they're dealt.


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## Skye'sMom

Perhaps Timber1 is not capable of offering humans the same respect and forgiveness he says he offers his dogs. This is far from the first post where someones honest feelings were rudely trampled.

If someone I knew could not be there for their pet (due to their own private, personal reasons) and they asked me, I would do it for them. AND, I will not think less of them. I would know they gave their dog all their best love and devotion during it's life time.

This is not a 'right or wrong' issue. Can't we be as comforting to our friends as our animals?


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## Betty

> Quote: This is not a 'right or wrong' issue. Can't we be as comforting to our friends as our animals?


Well said.


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## Guest

> Originally Posted By: Betty101
> 
> 
> 
> Quote: This is not a 'right or wrong' issue. Can't we be as comforting to our friends as our animals?
> 
> 
> 
> Well said.
Click to expand...

Indeed, well said!









I was thinking how best to answer this earlier and decided to come back to it. I have a hard time with people who show little empathy for others. Bonnie, in her usual elegant simplicity hit the nail on the head.


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## Timber1

My hunch is a person's mental health might be damaged, perhaps forever, by not being there when there dog passes on.

To each his own, but I do not appreciate the personal attacks directed toward me, because I express an opinion that differs from some on this board.


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## scannergirl

You didn't just express an opinion. You implied that people who did not wish to witness death, for whatever reason, would also sit in the parking lot while their child was critically ill.
That sounds more like a personal attack than anything else on this thread.


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## pupresq

Two things jump out at me on this topic that I thought worth mentioning - one is the difference between euthanasia of a beloved pet and any other kind of medical procedure and the other is that the ability to deal with things exists on a continuum and can change depending on what else is going on emotionally in a person's life. 

I have been there for every one of my pets and I always will be. For me, that's the last gift I can give them. I have also held countless shelter animals - healthy animals, baby animals, while they were gently eased out of a world that had no space for them, because, again, it was the last (and only) gift I could give them. Plenty of people tell me that can't even walk into a shelter - they couldn't "deal with it." Okay. As long as no one thinks that my ability to deal with it is the same thing as it being easy for me (IT'S NOT!!!) then I don't judge. We're all different. I feel the same way about being there for your pet on that last day. And this gets back to my first point - watching your pet be euthanized is really different from standing by your pet's sickbed while they are treated for something. It's not the same as being squeamish or not wanting to be bothered, at least not for everyone. 

My dad said he could not be there when my parent's dog Sasquatch was euthanized. He just couldn't handle it - NOT because he didn't love him but because killing his dog was something he couldn't face. My dad values life. I have watched that man stay awake for several days straight, carefully force feeding a turtle or nursing some other sick animal to keep them alive. By the time Sasquatch died my parents had nursed him through two rounds of chemo and several surgeries. My dad did everything he could do to keep Sasquatch alive. But eventually my mom prevailed on him to let Sasquatch go, that it was kinder, that the fight was over. And my dad agreed. But still he could not be in the room while someone killed his dog. He just couldn't. He was constitutionally unable to let someone hurt an animal in his presence and certainly not his beloved companion of 13 years. Not being there didn't mean he didn't love him. It also doesn't mean he loved Sasquatch more than I loved my Golden Charlotte or Rottie Ivo, who I _was_ able to sit and hold while they were put to sleep. It just means we're all different. And that's okay. 

As long as people take good care of their pets while they're alive and make provisions for their gentle passing when that time comes, I'm inclined to be tolerant of the specifics, especially when I consider how many animals are given neither of those things. _Those_ are the people I have a problem with.


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## Qyn

PupResq

Thank you for your post and for what you are prepared to do despite it's difficulty.









All the best .... Alison


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## scannergirl

> Originally Posted By: QynPupResq
> 
> Thank you for your post and for what you are prepared to do despite it's difficulty.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> All the best .... Alison


Amen!


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## amjrchamberlain

This is a subject with many opinions. Despite the few who feel the need to impress their beliefs on others, I think this thread is going well. Kudos to you all for expressing your opinions and for being tolerant of others. 

Personally, I'm in the "can't be there" camp. I feel so sad for those of you that would judge me based on that single factor out of my pet's and mine relationship and life together. Maybe a few psychology courses would help you better understand that people are different in their grief. 

The first pet that I experienced euthanasia with was my kitty "Troubles". He had feline leukemia and had progressively gotten worse. I was there for the diagnosis as a little girl of 10 or 11 and when they said that nothing else could really be done for him, that he was suffering, I made the decision to let him go. I kissed him and pet him and CRIED so much. And THEN I LEFT THE ROOM. I still have that cat's Christmas stocking to this day, with his collar and a picture of him inside. He was my heart cat. I've never had another that I could relate to so deeply and now I no longer have cats. When my grandma sold the property, we made a provision that nothing would be placed over his grave - that it would always remain bare to honor him. I drive by occassionally and they still do honor it. 

Recently, I lost a puppy that I had only had for 4 days. I was so devastated (this puppy represented so many things and I had loved her from the moment I knew she was to be mine) that I was sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't be with her, but my grandmother, my vet (the same one I've had all my life), and the vet tech (who I'm also close too) were with her. They eased her pain and let her move on. I only had her for 4 days, but it has taken me months to be ready to have a puppy again. That's how much pain and torment I have had to endure. Meanwhile, she runs free and I don't believe for a second that any of our animals would ever want us to be in pain or to feel such deep sadness because of them. They would want us to remember all the great times and to know that they run free and happy, healed of any affliction that they may have had on earth. I don't believe they would begrudge us our decision - so why should we do it to each other? 

So...that's my opinion.


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## Qyn

Angela, thank you for sharing your opinion and experiences. 



> Originally Posted By: AngelaMO... I don't believe for a second that any of our animals would ever want us to be in pain or to feel such deep sadness because of them. They would want us to remember all the great times and to know that they run free and happy, healed of any affliction that they may have had on earth. I don't believe they would begrudge us our decision - so why should we do it to each other?


Well said - I agree with you.


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## djpohn

> Originally Posted By: AngelaMO... I don't believe for a second that any of our animals would ever want us to be in pain or to feel such deep sadness because of them. They would want us to remember all the great times and to know that they run free and happy, healed of any affliction that they may have had on earth.


Here is a little story I just read that that shares this sentiment:



> Quote: <span style="color: #3366FF"> YOU HAVE CHOSEN TEARS
> 
> The little orange boy stopped.
> Behind him, kitties were playing, chasing each other and wrestling in
> the warm sunshine.
> It looked like so much fun, but in front of him, through the clear
> stillness of the pond's water, he could see his mommy.
> And she was crying.
> He pawed at the water, trying to get at her, and when that didn't
> work, he jumped into the shallow water. All that got him was wet and
> Mommy's image danced away in the ripples.
> "Mommy!" he cried. "Is something wrong?" The little orange boy turned
> around.
> A lady was standing at the edge of the pond, her eyes sad but filled
> with love.
> The little orange boy sighed and walked out of the water.
> "There's been a mistake," he said. "I'm not supposed to be here."
> He looked back at the water.
> It was starting to still again and his mommy's image was coming back.
> "I'm just a baby. Mommy said it had to be a mistake. She said I
> wasn't supposed to come here yet." The kind lady sighed and sat down
> on the grass. The little orange boy climbed into her lap.
> It wasn't Mommy's lap, but it was almost as good.
> When she started to pet him and scratch under his chin like he liked,
> he started to purr. He hadn't wanted to, but he couldn't help
> it. "I'm afraid there is no mistake. You are supposed to be
> here and your mommy knows it deep down in her heart," the lady said.
> The little orange boy sighed and laid his head on the lady's leg.
> "But she's so sad. It hurts me to see her cry. And daddy too."
> "But they knew right from the beginning this would happen."
> "That I was sick?"
> That surprised the little orange boy.
> No one had ever said anything and he had listened when
> they thought he was sleeping.
> All he had heard them talk about was how cute he was, or
> how fast he was or how big he was getting.
> "No, not that you were sick," the lady said.
> "But you see, they chose tears."
> "No, they didn't," the little orange boy argued. Who would choose to
> cry?
> The lady gently brushed the top of his head with a kiss.
> It made him feel safe and loved and warm - but he still worried about
> his mommy.
> "Let me tell you a story," the lady said.
> The little orange boy looked up and saw other animals gathering
> around. Cats - Big Boy and Snowball and Shamus and Abby and little
> Cleo and Robin. Merlin and Toby and Iggy and Zachary. Sweetie and
> Kamatte and OBie. Dogs too- Sally and Baby and Morgan and Rocky and
> Belle. Even a lizard named Clyde and some rats named Saffron and
> Becky and a hamster named Odo. They all lay down near the kind lady
> and looked up at her, waiting.
> She smiled at them and began:
> A long long time ago, the Loving Ones went to the Angel
> in Charge. They were lonesome and asked the Angel to help them.
> The Angel took them to a wall of windows and let them
> look out the first window at all sorts of things - dolls and stuffed
> animals and cars and toys and sporting events. "Here are things
> you can love," the Angel said. "They will keep you from being
> lonesome."
> "Oh, thank you," the Loving Ones said. "These are just what we need."
> "You have chosen Pleasure," the Angel told them.
> But after a time the Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge.
> "Things are okay to love," they said. "But they don't care that we
> love them."
> The Angel in Charge led them over to the second window. It looked out
> at all sorts of wild animals. "Here are animals to love," he
> said. "They will know you love them."
> So the Loving Ones hurried out to care for the wild
> animals. "You have chosen Satisfaction," the Angel said.
> Some of the Loving Ones worked at zoos and wild animal
> preserves, some just had bird feeders in their yards, but after a
> time they all came back to the Angel in Charge.
> "They know we love them," they told the Angel. "But they don't love
> us back. We want to be loved in return."
> So the Angel took them to the third window and showed
> them lots of people walking around, hurrying places.
> "Here are people for you to love," the Angel told them.
> So the Loving Ones hurried off to find other people to love.
> "You have chosen Commitment," the Angel said.
> But after a time a lot of Loving Ones came back to the
> Angel in Charge.
> "People were okay to love," they said. "But sometimes
> they stopped loving us and left. They broke our hearts."
> The Angel just shook his head. "I cannot help you," he said.
> "You will have to be satisfied with the choices I gave you."
> As the Loving Ones were leaving, someone saw a window
> off to one side and hurried to look out.
> Through it, they could see puppies and kittens and dogs
> and cats and lizards and hamsters and ferrets.
> The other Loving Ones hurried over. "What about these?" they asked.
> But the Angel just tried to shoo them away.
> "Those are Personal Empathy Trainers," he said.
> "But there's a problem with their system operations."
> "Would they know that we love them?" someone asked.
> "Yes," the Angel said.
> "Would they love us back?" another asked.
> "Yes," the Angel said.
> "Will they stop loving us?" someone else asked.
> "No," the Angel admitted. "They will love you forever."
> "Then these are what we want," the Loving Ones said.
> But the Angel was very upset.
> "You don't understand," he told them. "You will have to
> feed these animals."
> "That's all right," the Loving Ones said.
> "You will have to clean up after them and take care of them
> forever." "We don't care."
> The Loving Ones did not listen. They went down to where
> the Pets were and picked them up, seeing the love in their own hearts
> reflected in the animals' eyes.
> "They were not programmed right," the Angel said. "We can't offer a
> warranty. We don't know how durable they are. Some of their systems
> malfunction very quickly, others last a long time."
> But the Loving Ones did not care. They were holding the warm little
> bodies and finding their hearts so filled with love that they thought
> they would burst.
> "We will take our chances," they said.
> "You do not understand." The Angel tried one more time.
> "They are so dependent on you that even the most well-made of them is
> not designed to out live you. You are destined to suffer their loss."
> The Loving Ones looked at the sweetness in their arms
> and nodded.
> "That is how it should be. It is a fair trade for the
> love they offer."
> The Angel just watched them all go, shaking his head.
> "You have chosen Tears," he whispered.
> "So it is," the kind lady told the kitties.
> "And so each mommy and daddy knows. When they take a baby into their
> heart, they know that one day it will leave them and they will cry."
> The little orange boy sat up. "So why do they take us in?" he asked.
> "Because even a moment of your love is worth years of pain later."
> "Oh."
> The little orange boy got off the lady's lap and went back to the
> edge of the pond. His mommy was still there, and still crying.
> "Will she ever stop crying?" he asked the kind lady.
> She nodded. "You see, the Angel felt sorry for the
> Loving Ones, knowing how much they would suffer. He couldn't take the
> tears away but he made them special."
> She dipped her hand into the pond and let the water
> trickle off her fingers.
> "He made them healing tears, formed from the special water here.
> Each tear holds bits of all the happy times of purring
> and petting and shared love.
> And the promise of love once again.
> As your mommy cries, she is healing. It may take a long
> while, but the tears will help her feel better. In time she will be
> less sad and she will smile when she thinks of you.
> And then she will open her heart again to another little baby."
> "But then she will cry again one day," the little orange
> boy said.
> The lady just smiled at him as she got to her feet.
> "No, she will love again. That is all she will think about."
> She picked up Big Boy and Snowball and gave them hugs,
> then scratched Morgan's ear just how she liked.
> "Look," she said. "The butterflies have come. Shall we
> go over to play?"
> The other animals all ran ahead, but the little orange
> boy wasn't ready to leave his mommy.
> "Will I ever get to be with her again?"
> The kind lady nodded.
> "You'll be in the eyes of every kitty she looks at.
> You'll be in the purr of every cat she pets. And late at night, when
> she's fast asleep, your spirit will snuggle up close to her and you
> both will feel at peace. One day soon, you can even send her a
> rainbow to tell her you're safe and waiting here for when it's her
> turn to come."
> "I would like that," the little orange boy said and took
> one long look at his mommy.
> He saw her smile slightly through her tears and he knew
> she had remembered the time he almost fell into the bathtub.
> "I love you, Mommy," he whispered. "It's okay if you
> cry."
> He glanced over at the other pets, running and playing
> and laughing with the butterflies.
> "Uh, Mommy? I gotta go play now, okay? But I'll be
> around, I promise."
> Then he turned and raced after the others.
> 
> 
> Author Unknown </span>


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## amjrchamberlain

OH my gosh. Talk about water works. I've got unstoppable tears running out. 

Thank you SO much for sharing. That's very beautiful.


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## 3K9Mom




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## Timber1

I promised myself I would never read this post again, but her goes.

I serve as a rescue and have a two year old German Shepherd that is literally scared of her own shadow. I am trying my best to help this dog, but it has been very difficult.

She has now bonded to me, but no one else, and it is clearly fear aggression.  This dog came from a high kill shelter and if she was dying Iwould be there.

Lord knows, no one else has ever been there for my newest rescue.


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## zyppi

No one should judge another for their decision.

There is something much worse than not being there -- it's the need to keep a loved one going because you're afraid to face the greater kindness of putting their suffering to an end.

I've been there and would be there again and again, but I do not judge those who cannot.

I let my last old girl go while letting her lick up all the strawberry ice cream her heart desired. She loved it so!


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## djpohn

Someone cross posted it on the K9 lymphoma group from a lab board. Even though it is about a cat I thought it was a touching story and may help at least one person to heal after they have to say good by!


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## ninhar

What a wonderful story, even though I cried reading it. That should be a sticky. Thank you for posting it.


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## TankGrrl66

Lauri & The Gang said:


> I have a friend that loves her dog but cannot emotionally handle being there if the dog would need to be euthanized.
> 
> I know her dog, have met him several times and he likes me. I told her that I would take him in for her if it came to that.
> 
> I have also gone with other friends to be their moral support when the moment comes.


First and foremost, you are a wonderful friend!

I usually see at least one euthanasia a day at my job, sometimes several+. 

Some of my colleagues get upset when the owner does not want to be present during the euthanasia. I do not - I understand that is a very intense experience on top of likely already intense experience (sickness, sudden trauma, declining quality of life, lack of finances for treatment) and no matter the root cause...a life is still ending. It is a peaceful, painless ending...but still an ending.

If I am part of a case where a patient is being PTS and the owner does not wish to be present...in each and every instance, myself and my colleagues do our best to make them as comfortable as possible. We give them special treats/food if they want, toys, and of course plenty of TLC and comfort. I have personally held and comforted patients as they have died, and we all do our best to live up to the name - good/peaceful death.

I hope this makes anyone reading this feel better, if they have ever decided that they "couldn't do it". Just know that it is okay, and that we understand.


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## newlie

I would try to understand, but I will be honest, unless we are talking about a child or perhaps someone with some sort of true emotional difficulties or disabilities, it would not be easy for me. I equate it with people who say "Oh, I can't visit my brother in the hospital, it's just too hard for me" or "Once my sister went into a nursing home, I just called her on the phone, it just made me too sad." When people say these kind of things, I always wonder if they honestly think it's a riot for anybody else. No, you grow up. It's not easy, but you do it because it's the right thing to do for someone or something you love.

I expect I will get some nastygrams, but that's the way I feel.


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## ArkansasJazz

I just want to put my perspective out there for the onesthat just cannot be there when it is time. 
I just put my 7 yr old Lab to sleep a few days ago due tosuspected hemangio. I never knew he waseven sick with this awful disease. Ithappened so suddenly. He collapsed at home and I rushed him to my vet. Vet ranblood work and took x-rays and determined that my boy was bleeding out fromsplenic and liver tumors. The decisionwas made by me at that time to PTS since there was absolutely NOTHING my vetcould do. 
With all that said, I could not be in there when he wasPTS. First off, yes, he was my baby andI loved him to death. He was very closeto me as most Labs tend to be with their "parent". We had our goofyroutines, play time, buddy time, snack time and he had his"wrestling" time with his sister my GSD Jazzy. They were the best ofbuds. When the diagnosis came, I wasstunned. Suddenly the emotions came rushing through like a raging river. I was losing it bad in front of my boy. There was no way in **** I could stop theflood of emotions let alone contain myself in short order. I loved, hugged and kissed him repeatedly andsaid I love you to many times to count then I had to leave just before Iemotionally burst. The last thing onthis earth I would want to do is to let my baby see me so visibly upset. In turn, that would stress him so much by mebeing an emotional wreck since he was so attuned to me. To me it is almost cruel if you cannotcontain your emotions enough in order to not stress them. I could not. 
I have been going to my vet for many years. All my babies LOVE her. She is very compassionate and I trust her completely. That trust I have in her has given me somecomfort. Do I have guilt, yes I do. Guiltthat I cannot contain or control my emotions to a moderate level to be inthere. But I have to take it as it comesfor each circumstance I face with euthanasia. I may hold it together enough next time, who knows. Bottom line is I do not want my babies to bein fear, fret or be upset by my uncontrollable emotions in their finalmoments.


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## wolfy dog

I have the vet come out to my home for euthanasia. Before the vet arrives, I have given the dog a good dose of Valium (from the vet) a few hours earlier so he/she is in a deep sleep and won't even know what happens. I don't want them to leave this earth in fear in the presence of the vet. The transition is seamless. The most emotional moment is when I give their dose of Valium as it is the first step of goodbye. I won't do it any other way if at all possible. I always stay with them, no matter where it happens.


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## GatorBytes

When I had two cats, the first to go, I had a friend take to the vet for me. I felt fine about my decision, until she brought the carrier back and he had pee'd and pooped himself in it. 15 yrs later, when I think about it, I still feel guilty.
My second cat a yr. later had to be PTS...I was there, it was cathartic to hold him and kiss him goodbye, for him to know I was there with him to the end.


Now with Gator, I had the vet come out. He was PTS on the deck, me sitting cross legged in front of him with his head in my lap. He didn't struggle, it was as though he knew, or trusted b/c I was with him. I cried and cried before, during and ever since...


Before she administered the drug, I asked him for a kiss, and he lifted his head and showered me in kisses, and then put his head back in my lap as if to say...it's o.k
Regardless of how hard it is to make that choice...I would never ever ever leave my pet again. 
I will always have that memory of how terrified my little kitty was....BUT I will always have that LAST kiss from my baby G


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## Thecowboysgirl

I have been present with 2 dogs and 1 horse so far. 

I would only not be present if it were physically impossible for me to do so (I.e. I am a lengthy trip away and some emergency has happened and the animal would suffer if it waited for me to get back). 

After the horse was gone, my friend, the barn owner, did forbid me from watching them take his body away. I am sure it wasn't pretty. But he was no longer in it. I would have given anything to be able to bury him with some dignity bt I had no power or ability to do so...


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## maxtmill

I have always been with my sweet old dogs if they need help at the end. It absolutely breaks my heart, but it means alot for me to be there kissing them and stroking them at that moment. I totally understand if someone is unable to endure the moment, however. But I recall the words of my vet, who said that the dog always gazes at the door when their owner leaves, if they are able.  Tough call.


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## KaiserAus

Oh goodness, I can't even read this thread without crying, never mind having to actually be there. I don't know if I could do it.


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## Kazel

It was extremely difficult as I didn't realize it was almost instantaneous but I am very glad I was there for my pup. I regretted not being there for my cat that was attacked by a dog as she died as soon as I left the room 'naturally'. So even though it was difficult for me I'm glad I was there for her and that she at least got to go in the arms of her human and not in the arms of a stranger she would have been terrified as she didn't like strangers and only tolerated them because she wanted to be near me.


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## MissChloe

This thread was started 8 years ago. I wonder if anyone's changed their minds since then.


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## wolfy dog

No matter how hard it is for owners, we owe them big time for all their loyalty. That means sticking with them *thorough* the end, not to the end. They would have done the same for you.
I have abandoned one many years ago during that time and I still regret it. Never again will that happen.


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## Sabis mom

They dont leave when **** gets ugly. Why should we?
I have survived the death of a child, a horrifically abusive relationship, homlessness, a brutal attack and beating, health problems that left me helpless. Not one of my dogs ever kissed me goodbye and left.
The least I owe them is the comfort of my presence at the end.


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## MayzieGSD

I thought I wouldn't be able to be there and that it would be too hard. But when it actually happened, I couldn't picture leaving. I laid on the floor with her with her head on my arm. :teary::teary::teary:


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## wolfy dog

Sabis mom said:


> They dont leave when **** gets ugly. Why should we?
> I have survived the death of a child, a horrifically abusive relationship, homlessness, a brutal attack and beating, health problems that left me helpless. Not one of my dogs ever kissed me goodbye and left.
> The least I owe them is the comfort of my presence at the end.


Oh my. 
:hug:


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## Minoli

I never grew up with dogs (or any pets), so I never dealt with one passing. When the time comes (hopefully in many years, he's 5 1/2), there's no way I could leave him. My girlfriend and I will be there to comfort him. He would do anything for us.


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## wolfstraum

there was only 1 I was not with at the end - but she was sleeping from a preop before the actual injection....that is a way to be there without witnessing the actual death....I know I will be a basket case and have the hardest time ever when it comes time for Csabre.......at 13, 3 mo it is coming :'( 

I did take a friends Persian cat who I loved when she could not because he knew and loved me as well....

Lee


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## cragbetty

I was there for my first dog who was a puppy mill Shiba that died of kidney failure. I sobbed in the waiting room for hours before I could drive. Two years later, when my senior WGSD rescue told me it was time, I couldn't go. My ex-husband went with him and though it was over 10 years ago, I regret it to this day. I feel like I let him down. 

Since then I've been with two other friends when they had to say goodbye to their dogs. It was heart wrenching, but all a part of the grieving process. It doesn't hurt any less to not be with them, you know?


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## Breaker's mom

I have had dog euthanized at the vets and at home. I highly recommend having it done at home if you can. For me the extra cost is worth every penny. I have sat on the floor cradling my pup's head in my lap, the tears streaming down my face and that is when the compassion of the vet becomes so important. Recognizing the loss and grieving you are embarking on and giving you the time to need to begin that journey.

If someone really cannot face it and it needs to be done I guess having someone else do it is the only alternative. That is simple black and white. But I like the idea of offering to go/being with someone to support them. Maybe that is enough to give them the courage to face it...


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## wolfy dog

cragbetty said:


> It doesn't hurt any less to not be with them, you know?


It might hurt less at the moment if you are not there but it can haunt you later big time. There will always be the 'what if' feeling, a missing piece of the process of grieving and regret. That is my experience, only once and never again. Being with them at the time gives me the strongest connection with them possible, I am one with the dog at that moment and the love and gratitude I feel for him/her is bigger than ever before. But the moment of death does feel as if we are ripped apart from each other. For me it is intense but something I wouldn't want to have missed for the world. There is a weird sens of beauty in it as well, especially when the dog can pass at home. :crying:


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