# Question about bonding



## GSDream (Jun 25, 2015)

So I'm about one month away from getting my first puppy (YAY!!! :happyboogie, and I have a question about bonding with my puppy (I'm a newbie here so I hope this is the right place to post this? )

I've heard that GSDs have a reputation for being loyal to their whole family but bonding especially closely with one person. Both my hubby and I love dogs, but getting this particular dog has been my dream for over 20 years now, so the pup is meant to be my dog most of all.

My question is, how can I balance things so that the puppy is most likely to bond most strongly with me, while still being obedient and affectionate with my husband? Is it something that should come naturally just by me doing most of the normal stuff with the dog like training, feeding and playing?

Have any of you ever had a dog that was meant to be yours but ended up choosing someone else in the family instead? Do you recommend anything specific as 'bonding exercises' with a new puppy or is it a natural process?

I definitely don't want an unhealthy situation where the dog is coming between my man and I - she has to see both of us as pack leaders, and my hubby is wonderfully understanding and keen to help without taking over  Any advice would be appreciated, and if my questions are silly, let me know!


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## Charlie W (Feb 12, 2013)

My two GSD's love the whole family but are bonded to me, I put it down to training, I firmly believe that it doesn't really matter who feeds them, but that they bond with the person who trains them. I am the one that takes my dogs to obedience classes, practices through the week with them, and enforces certain rules on a daily basis. (i.e, making them sit and wait before they come in, making them sit before going through gates or jumping into and out of the car)...


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## Dunkirk (May 7, 2015)

My dog really loves my son, and gets more excited and gives the better welcome when my son comes home than when I do. But, my dog is bonded to me. I do the training, feeding, and am home with him. I don't think you'll have any problems.


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## Cassidy's Mom (Mar 30, 2003)

GSDream said:


> My question is, *how can I balance things so that the puppy is most likely to bond most strongly with me,* while still being obedient and affectionate with my husband? Is it something that should come naturally just by me doing most of the normal stuff with the dog like training, feeding and playing?


In my experience (29 years, 5 GSDs), the dog chooses who their special person is, and there's not much you can do about that. I've always done all the feeding and training, but all 4 of our females have been Daddy's girls, and our one male is a Mama's boy.

BUT, that doesn't mean that any of our dogs haven't also bonded very strongly to the other person - Keefer adores my husband, and the feeling is mutual. Sneaker, Cassidy, and Dena loved me very much, and Halo does too. People watching me race her in flyball have commented on how focused on me she is, and how much our bond shows. And that's true. But if Tom shows up to watch her race he has to hide, so she doesn't know he's there. One time she didn't even see him, she apparently _smelled _him, and ran out of the ring looking for him in the middle of a heat. :wild: She saw him that morning, she was going to see him that night, but once she figured out he was THERE at the tournament (OMG, Daddy!!! :wub, I virtually disappeared. I had to pull her from that race, but was able to walk her around later and show her that he'd left so I could continue with the rest of her races for the day.

I think play is important, so I'd definitely do a lot of that. I think my bond with Halo deepened once we started flyball. I was more the disciplinarian since I did all the obedience training, and Tom was the fun guy. If we took the dogs to the park to play ball, he's always the one with the Chuck-it. Even if I took the Chuck-it and threw the ball, Halo would bring it back to him, not me, lol. But with flyball, now I'm fun too, and that seems to have made a big difference. Also, some of the tournaments are out of town, so it's just me and Halo together for the weekend, while the boys stay home together. 



> Have any of you ever had a dog that was meant to be yours but ended up choosing someone else in the family instead?


Prior to Halo, we lost our last two females young, shortly after they turned 4 years old. Losing Cassidy to discospondylitis, and then Dena to lymphoma was brutal, and even more so for Tom. I still had "my" dog Keefer, but he'd lost his. When we got Halo a few months after Dena died I think we were both worried that she'd bond more to me, and then I'd have two dogs and he wouldn't have any. Fortunately, that did not happen. And with me being away for flyball a lot (we practice most Sundays so I'm gone 6 or 7 hours), he and Keefer are closer than ever.


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## GSDream (Jun 25, 2015)

Thank you so much for the replies! It's really helpful to me as this is all very new territory for me 

Cassidy's Mom, Halo sounds really besotted with your husband! So cute  In cases like that I guess it helps having more than one dog in the pack... we're starting off with one for now, but who knows how long that will last 

That's interesting about the daddy's girl/mommy's boy kind of thing with the different sexes. I'd read about that happening and had first considered getting a male pup because of it, but since this is my first dog and I'm a small woman, I think I'm not physically prepared to handle a male yet. Hopefully one day though...


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## Chip18 (Jan 11, 2014)

I think dogs tend to bond with the one that they spend the most time with?? So in our household that was me. That was especially the case with my Boxer Struddell and she loved "everybody" literally! She never saw a face she would not lick! 

Rocky my GSD is, to say the least, not a fan of uh anyone! And he loves my wife but Daddy is pretty clearly his guy! And he is "my" dog (now) and with us that relation was hard earned! He had to earn my devotion which he did, it's a long story which I have told on here before. 

Now Gunther (Bull Mastiff/APBT/Lab) mix was an odd duck. There were a couple occasions where he would cut his paw and I'd have no clue. He'd be in the home with me so it must have happened on a walk?? I'd see no indication of anything being wrong??

But as soon as my wife would get home he'd go over to her and put his paw on her lap if something was wrong and she would see the cut?? Off to the vet we go for stitches! That happened a couple times. So most likely he did in fact bond with her more?? 

So I guess this is more of an observation than an actually answer to a question.


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## Susan_GSD_mom (Jan 7, 2014)

Mmmm.... Bonding with the one who trains, feeds, etc. isn't always true. Growing up as a child we had dogs, and the whole family loved them (different breeds), but every one of them was my Dad's dog. It's just how it was. Now, at nearly 70 with many GSDs and crosses in my life for the last nearly 6 decades, every dog I have owned has been mine. I have shared my life with two sisters and one's 4 children, and all the dogs loved and were protective of all of them, but they were my dogs. No effort on my part for that to happen, I really think whatever it is could be genetic in this case. 

My grandnephews (4 of them) now being raised by my sister got a pug/chih mix puppy a few months ago. Everyone in that household loves the little spoiled thing. I take my other sister (whose caregiver I am) over to visit 2-3 times a week. Then I take that time to do grocery shopping etc., so I am in their house maybe 5 minutes. While I'm there, however, that puppy has eyes only for me, and will break away from anyone trying to hold him, just to get to me. He is ecstatic to have me pet him, play with him, even just touch him. 

I have always attributed it to the fact that I truly love dogs, all dogs, and have never been afraid of a dog in my life. Respect, but not fear. I can walk up to a strange dog tied in a yard or fenced, and we are buddies right away. But maybe there is something genetic in it too. 

Any professionals out there who have experienced the same, either as I have, with a parent who was a dog magnet, or perhaps you have a son or daughter who shows signs of being that way?

Susan


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## GSDream (Jun 25, 2015)

Great input, thank you  I guess part of the fun of owning incredible creatures like these is 'the luck of the draw' - they all have their own unique personalities and quirks, which you can't really guess at when you're picking your little bundle of potential from the litter!

Susan_GSD_mom, I think what you're saying is spot on... and perhaps that's part of my concern, because even though we both love dogs, my hubby stands out as one of those 'dog magnets'. Which is awesome... except when it comes to finally getting my dream dog after so long. I'd be soooo bleak if I get her and she devotes herself to him! :shocked:

What to do in that case? Just keep getting more dogs till I find the one that picks me? lol


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## Stonevintage (Aug 26, 2014)

I don't look at it that way, as a "mine" thing. My dogs were always trained and fed by me, but my husband was the "fun guy" that did the interesting yard stuff" and never reinforced any rules. 

Just like little kids - when the dogs were confused, insecure or wanted layed back snooze time, they were with me. When they wanted crazy fun with little restrictions - they were with him. Which was great! A mutual sharing that benefited both our desires It all crossed over, we all had crazy fun together every week - but at the end of the day - it was me that they flopped down and snored around and me that they trusted to help them when they were sick or hurt - you get the idea


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## GSDream (Jun 25, 2015)

That makes good sense, and I'd be happy with a balance like that


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## amburger16 (May 22, 2015)

I think deep down its up to the dog. Bear is still a pup, loves everyone, but is always attached to me. If I walk away from that person, they no longer matter to him. He does have a strange bond with my friend and her husband as they watch him when I need to go for an extended period of time.. They have no rules except not on the furniture... So when we go out there he turns into a horrid puppy you would think has never been trained a thing in his life. Kinda goes with what Stonevintage said.. Depends on their mood sometimes, cause when he gets tired and wants to cuddle hes on top of me or laying under my chair not theirs.


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## GSDream (Jun 25, 2015)

Well, I've had Meadow for about 5 weeks now, and she's definitely bonded with me most strongly. Yay!  She likes my husband and gets happy to see him, but there's a huge difference in the way she interacts with me.

It's been an amazing experience for me, this being my first dog... I'd heard Shepherds were one-person dogs, but seeing it in action (and being the object of their affection) is really special  I don't think I could ever have another breed after experiencing this 

Here's a random pic of her practising 'Down' in random places like on this big toolbox


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## MythicMut (May 22, 2015)

Thanks for posting a pic for us to see. She is absolutely beautiful!


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

Cute Pup, congratulations!


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