# 1st visiting a club (socially awkward / anxious)



## —GSD/Lover— (Jan 15, 2021)

How do I be helpful and visit a club for the first time if I’m socially awkward and sometimes socially anxious?

I know it sounds like a pathetic excuse. And I know I’ve posted questions here a lot! So sorry about that.

But...! People tell me to be helpful when I visit the club. But the thing is, I don't start the conversations, I’m socially awkward and anxious, I’m shy, and I’m always asking for reassurance of different things (asking questions twice to make sure I don't do something wrong, making sure I heard them right, making sure I please them). My mom will be there with me because I’m not an adult. But she’s always telling me to lead and start the conversations, but I just can't!

I know these sound like pathetic excuses and I’m always asking questions on this forum. Sorry.


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## Bearshandler (Aug 29, 2019)

Get there on time and help setup, pay attention to other people working and help with things like the group when you aren’t busy, stay till the end and help with the take down. It’s a dog event. The easiest thing to do is ask people to tell you about their dog, where thy got them from and how they found them, and how long they’ve been doing schutzhund.


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## CeraDean (Jul 9, 2019)

Bearshandler said:


> Get there on time and help setup, pay attention to other people working and help with things like the group when you aren’t busy, stay till the end and help with the take down. It’s a dog event. The easiest thing to do is ask people to tell you about their dog, where thy got them from and how they found them, and how long they’ve been doing schutzhund.


Yes. All of these things. 

These people love their dogs and love to talk about them: how they trained them, where they got them, how they first got into Schutzhund, what their goals are. If you came to me during club with even one of these questions, I’d be more than happy to answer and every one of my club members would have different answers. There’s tons to talk about with passionate people because it’s already boiling to come out. 
Even last week we had a visitor to club. They asked one question and I was all over them talking about our current challenges, our goals for the coming session and what the visitor should look for while I was working. So ask them about their situation and then it’s not about you. 

So I’d suggest to ask questions. A young person interested in club is a very cool thing. I’ve found it to be universal that clubs like younger people showing interest. I’d assume it’s not your mom interested but you. Show that interest and leave your embarrassment and ego at the door. That’s how dog sports work. It’s refreshing. 

I’d also suggest to bring cookies or donuts (also lunch for yourself and your mom). It might be slightly different with Covid but it’s a long day and the snack bringer is always much rejoiced.


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## Aly (May 26, 2011)

I have a somewhat different take on things. First, good on you for even thinking about pursuing introduction to a sport that interests you. That takes courage and I'm impressed. Second, if this is your first visit to the club, I'd focus on being helpful and not so much on talking to folks, _per se. _So, introduce yourself to the organizers when you arrive and ask what they'd like you to do. It's a good idea to practice that introduction before you get there. ("Hi, my name is Suzy Q, and I'm here to help. What would you like me to do?"). Repeating their instructions to make sure that you understand is an excellent idea and one that I've taught many students to do, especially in anxiety-provoking settings. Be sure to do what they've asked you to do.  Third, if one of your goals is to talk to people during what I'm assuming is your first visit then the advice that you've gotten so far is great. But, if you're just sticking your toe in the water to see if you'd like to join or return, I'd focus on being helpful, followed by sitting on the sidelines and quietly observing. You learn a LOT that way and it'll relieve some of the pressure you experience. If you decide to come back/join the club, you'll have lots of time and opportunity to talk to people when you do. Finally, when the event ends, ask the organizers how you can help break down the equipment. Be sure to thank them for letting you attend; always end on a good note. Thinking ahead and planning what you want to accomplish, as you're doing here, is great preparation for the event itself. And, finally, try to have fun. Remember, it's a dog event, I assume, and they're always fun/interesting/amusing to watch. Good luck!


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## middleofnowhere (Dec 20, 2000)

Well, "socially awkward and anxious" -- I'd say you'd fit right in. I think that's how most of us approach a club or a new club. Just hoping that foot-in-mouth disease doesn't show up for the first few visits...


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## GSDchoice (Jul 26, 2016)

I'm not a socially-smooth type myself, and introverted...but there are certain things that bring me out of my shell.
For example, when talking about design (my work) I become surprisingly fluent and forceful because I'm not thinking about myself at all. Ditto for playing music with people...I am 100% myself and 100% comfortable, because I am only thinking about the music.

Since you love dogs, just go there, focus on the dogs and enjoy what you are learning and seeing!
Then "socializing" could come naturally...when you're not even aware of "You", or what people think of you.
( I also hope that your mom doesn't push you too much, because I feel like that just makes it worse (like, when they nudge you and tell you to say Hi 

Good luck with your visit, and enjoy it! 
Just think how cool it will be to see all those dogs training and working with their people.


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## Honey Maid (Dec 25, 2020)

You don't say how old you are. But could your Mom just drop you off, and then pick you up when the club meeting is finished? Bite the bullet, walk up to one of the club members when you get there, introduce yourself, ask if there is anything you can do to assist with set up. Ask that person if there is someone in the meeting that would be amenable to cluing you in on what is going on in the meeting, how their club operates, etc.... It'll get easier over time. Just gotta take that first step.


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## Loki.777 (Aug 25, 2020)

—GSD/Lover— said:


> How do I be helpful and visit a club for the first time if I’m socially awkward and sometimes socially anxious?
> 
> I know it sounds like a pathetic excuse. And I know I’ve posted questions here a lot! So sorry about that.
> 
> ...


My club is kinda boring especially as most people are social distancing. 

I spend a full day at the club, a lot of that time is just killing time. I spend a lot of that time walking my dog, watching other dogs work or sometimes sitting in my car if the weather is bad. 

I'm quite social and do enjoy talking to people but I also enjoy the alone time I can make for myself while at the club. 

What I find is most people will be talking about the dogs which is great ! I find it hard to find people in every day life that what to talk about dogs all day. 

I wouldn't worry about feeling awkward.


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