# How do you do it? (give them up, when you've fallen in love) I don't know how...



## chelle (Feb 1, 2009)

I think I probably do need to give up the guy I brought in last February. Long story there -- some issues with another dog in the house, mainly, but also my own life being stretched so thin.

I just do not know how to do this. I am in total love with this dog. He is affectionate and sweet at the same time he'll make you want to pull your hair out. :wub:

How DO you let a rescue/foster go once you've fallen head over heels? I must know. This guy has come SO FAR!!!!!! At one point I couldn't even crouch down without him knocking me over, but now we lay on the floor and he plays with me and gives me his belly and mouths so gentle... I'm really torn apart here. 

Any words of encouragement? Any stories of letting a dog go that broke your heart, even tho you knew you had to do it? Anything? I'm crying as I write this. I'm going to miss him LIKE CRAZY.


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## sashadog (Sep 2, 2011)

I wish I could offer some words of wisdom but I kept my only foster  and she made four so my house is closed to fosters until our numbers lean out a bit... Honestly though, if you find him an amazing new home it should be bittersweet to let him go knowing how happy he'll be with a wonderful new family  It's the most self-less thing you can do!


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## Kwolf94 (May 4, 2012)

This is why I don't think I could ever foster (as much as I want to), because I'd fall in love with every animal and have a house full of pets! All I can say is be glad that he was a part of your life and you a part of his, and let him go to a family that you know will be just as loving and dedicated to him as you are! I keep a mental list of all the animals that hold/have held a special place in my heart, even the ones I didn't personally own, and remembering them always reminds me of just how much they can truly make our lives better.


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## Blanketback (Apr 27, 2012)

You have to think of what's best for the dogs, despite how much it hurts. I've rehomed animals before, so I know how hard it is to let go, but the ultimate goal is to make sure that the animals are in the best situation that they can be in. It's not about what I want, or what I wish could be. 
You have to be strong and make hard decisions. Your heart might get torn apart, but if you're doing what's best for the animals then you'll feel better about it, eventually. Nothing could be worse that ignoring what's best for them and putting selfish needs first. I'm sorry you have to go through this though - hugs to you.


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## Gharrissc (May 19, 2012)

I foster A LOT of dogs and while I love each one of them,I always know that they won't be here forever. I have had some dogs though who have come such a long way.For example I posted a while back about one of my fosters Tova. She was sweet in every other way except for her severe dog aggression. She was with me for almost a year and then she finally found a wonderful home with my friend who doesn't have any other dogs. A lot of people told me that I was crazy for keeping this dog,but I just couldn't give up on her. 

One dog I thought for sure I was going to keep was a little Pit Bull mix I named Charlee who was emaciated and found in a trash can. This dog came such a long way and bonded to me so closely,I said that 'there is no way I am rehoming her'. Well a family came along to meet another dog I had at the time,but he didn't get along with their other dog. I reluctantly told them about Charlee,and everything was a perfect match. I saw them in February and Charlee has blended in with the family as is she was with them forever. So it's definitely bitter sweet,but I am so glad she is in a great home.

I think it will help you to know that there are other people out there too who can give him a great home.


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## Gharrissc (May 19, 2012)

This! I wish some people I know would listen to this,BUT.....




Blanketback said:


> You have to think of what's best for the dogs, despite how much it hurts. I've rehomed animals before, so I know how hard it is to let go, but the ultimate goal is to make sure that the animals are in the best situation that they can be in. It's not about what I want, or what I wish could be.
> You have to be strong and make hard decisions. Your heart might get torn apart, but if you're doing what's best for the animals then you'll feel better about it, eventually. Nothing could be worse that ignoring what's best for them and putting selfish needs first. I'm sorry you have to go through this though - hugs to you.


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## chelle (Feb 1, 2009)

Blanketback said:


> You have to think of what's best for the dogs, despite how much it hurts. I've rehomed animals before, so I know how hard it is to let go, but the ultimate goal is to make sure that the animals are in the best situation that they can be in. It's not about what I want, or what I wish could be.
> You have to be strong and make hard decisions. Your heart might get torn apart, but if you're doing what's best for the animals then you'll feel better about it, eventually. Nothing could be worse that ignoring what's best for them and putting selfish needs first. I'm sorry you have to go through this though - hugs to you.


I know you are right and it hurts! I am going to draft a petfinder ad soon I think, but my last attempts gave me nothing other than foreign scammers. (But, back then, he wasn't even potty trained... he was pretty wild and I was honest about that in the ad.)

I'm half tempted to do a craigslist ad but that scares me A LOT. Granted, I'd require meeting whoever multiple times. This dog is MY BABY and I would never just let him go on a first meeting. 

I may try to re-contact some rescues, but I found they are so full and so busy here that they don't answer. The one that did answer shipped dogs off sight-unseen. I cannot do that.

This is honestly one of the hardest positions I've ever been in.


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## sitstay (Jan 20, 2003)

I have had a lot of dogs come and go as fosters, and I am content knowing that my part in their lives was to get them to where they needed to be in order to be that wonderful pet...for someone else. My role isn't to keep them forever, my role is to introduce them to the person who will keep them forever.

And that role is no a little thing. There is nothing inconsequential about the person who cared enough to do all that work for someone else to enjoy. 

Chelle, if I remember correctly, Tucker was meant to be a short term foster? That was the goal, although you were open to the idea of keeping him if you needed to? I am here to tell you that you falling in love with him is part of the foster emotional cycle. Most of us go through some variation of it with most of the fosters we have! Someone wrote up a little time line about it years ago that was so accurate it was hilarious. I wish I could remember how it went.

You did a wonderful thing for this dog. You made a difference in his life. You stopped the cycle of irresponsibility that would have most probably caused Tucker to be passed from home to home, each one more tenuous than the last, and most probably ending with him being euthanized in some overcrowded shelter. 

This is no small gift you have given this dog. Don't sell your role in his life short. You saved him. The last step in that process is to find him the home he deserves to have, the home you have made it possible for him to enjoy. That is what you were meant to do with this dog. And that is huge.
Sheilah


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## Freestep (May 1, 2011)

Blanketback said:


> You have to think of what's best for the dogs, despite how much it hurts. I've rehomed animals before, so I know how hard it is to let go, but the ultimate goal is to make sure that the animals are in the best situation that they can be in. It's not about what I want, or what I wish could be.


Yep--that's exactly it. Sometimes it's just plain better for the dog, better for you, better for your other animals, kids, etc. in your household. When there is inter-pet tension and strife in the household, sometimes it's best for one to go on to new territory. Finding a good home for the one dog that doesn't quite fit in, is win-win.

In a way, it's kind of natural. When you think about wolves and wild canids that live in a pack, it is usually the young males that disperse around sexual maturity when social tension starts to run high. These males strike out on their own, find their own territory, and eventually form their own pack.

Anyway, it's not like you signed up to take two dogs (or even one--Bailey was an "accident", yes?), and you were kind enough to foster his brother. It was your original instinct and intent to train him, socialize him, and find him a good home, and usually your first instinct is the correct one.

I'm not saying it's easy. It can be one of the hardest things you ever do. But you have turned this dog from an unruly bull in a China shop, to a reasonably well-behaved, well adjusted dog, which increases his adoptability greatly! So you have done your part, and it's a hugely important part.


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## sitstay (Jan 20, 2003)

A word of advice...forget Petfinder ads and stay away from Craigslist. Find a good rescue and ask for a courtesy post on their website. Many rescues have Petfinder pages (not to be confused with the Petfinder advertisements that anyone can use), and he would be posted there anyway. Put up flyers in vet offices, too.
Sheilah


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## onyx'girl (May 18, 2007)

I agree with sit, stay. I would want to know who is getting Tucker so you can have closure, but let a _responsible_ rescue handle the placement and home screen. I had to give up a foster that I fell in love with. And he was adopted out two weeks after I had to let him go back to the rescue(he bit my DH in the back, unprovoked) Because I didn't get a say in his placement it was haunting me. I really needed to know that he was safe and not set up to fail, and it broke my heart when I wasn't allowed the information on his whereabouts.


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## Freestep (May 1, 2011)

sit said:


> A word of advice...forget Petfinder ads and stay away from Craigslist. Find a good rescue and ask for a courtesy post on their website. Many rescues have Petfinder pages (not to be confused with the Petfinder advertisements that anyone can use), and he would be posted there anyway. Put up flyers in vet offices, too.
> Sheilah


Yes, I was going to suggest the same thing--ask if you can do a "courtesy listing" with a rescue org. I believe there is a good national WGSD rescue org, I'd start there, and maybe they can help point you toward other orgs as well.

Craigslist is a whole lot of good and a whole lot of bad, so if you do post him through CL, screen your applicants carefully and thoroughly. Make sure you put the word NEUTERED in both the subject and the body of the ad (you'll get fewer flags this way) and ask a rehome fee of $25 or $50, just a token amount really. Ask interested parties for veterinary references, personal references, and do a home check. If anyone balks at any of these requests, they effectively screen themselves out.


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## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

you can let him go because you know it's the
best thing to do for you and him.


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## Muneraven (Sep 4, 2012)

We had to give up a Malinois cross that we had for almost a year. It was the right thing to do because he was a terrible fit with our other pets and our lifestyle and we knew he would be happier and better off with someone who wanted a dog to run with them or do agility competition and who didn't have a Golden Doodle who wouldn't stand up for himself. 

I won't lie, it was awful to give him up. I cried for three weeks every single day. We had done a great job training him, and the organization we asked to help us found him a good home, but I just felt SO guilty. Part of why I felt so bad was that I knew, darn it, I KNEW he wasn't the right dog for us and I took him on anyway. And of course I loved him. 

I still think of him every day. I still feel bad about it. Why do I feel bad? Because I know he wouldn't have given me up. See, that's the crappy thing about giving up ANY dog. You know, in your heart, that the dog would not give you up. Not if you aren't the perfect owner, not of you have bad habits, not for any reason. Dogs don't consider alternatives and weigh positive and negatives. They don't look into the future. They live in the NOW. They just love us. And they wouldn't give us up for any reason.

I know I did the right thing for him in the long run. I know I'm a human being and I HAVE to make more complicated decisions than my dogs do. But sometimes it sucks to be a human being and to know that loving a dog just doesn't always mean keeping him is the right thing to do.


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## Whiteshepherds (Aug 21, 2010)

I don't know if they do courtesy listings but it can't hurt to check. 
Echo Dogs White Shepherd Rescue (main page)
Available Dogs (this looks like their listings on Petfinder)


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## x0emiroxy0x (Nov 29, 2010)

When I put Roxy on craigslist, (my foster I had decided to adopt) it was because my apartment changed their minds about letting me have two dogs and said I had two days to find her a home or they would call animal control. I wrote SO much describing her. Two were her good traits and two were her issues and how they would have to be handled.

I wrote one paragraph describing how much it would cost to own her, MINIMUM, in detail of everything they would have to do for her.

I wrote one paragraph with the vet I recommended, books I recommended, etc.

I wrote another paragraph describing the type of people I imagined her with.

The two ladies that adopted her were EXACTLY what I had written I wanted. We met at the dog park (I brought my boyfriend) and they brought their border collie. The dogs immediately fell in love and when Roxy ran up to the two ladies and gave them kisses, I knew it was a match (she never kissed strangers).

I surprised them and said there was not really a 150$ rehoming fee, I just wanted to find someone that wasn't a college student or worried about money to have her. I also gave them her crate, leash, collar, halter, food bowls, 6 months of heartworm, and all her vet records. 

As we drove away, they pulled in front of us and I saw the lady in the passenger seat turned around taking pictures and playing with Roxy in the backseat and knew I had made the right decision on them.

They email me weekly with pictures and updates. One of them is a vet technician. They told me they always looked on craigslist just for fun because they love to see all the animals but they weren't thinking of getting another dog because on craigslist people like about aggression and stuff. When they saw my post that truly outlined Roxy's fear of men and how to handle it, they said they felt like they knew everything about her and felt comfortable meeting at the dog park. They were a gay couple so they jokingly told me "there wouldn't be a lot of men around to scare her" and I was like, this is perfect!


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## Magwart (Jul 8, 2012)

Aw, this part of fostering just plain sucks. See my thread here--there were some great words of wisdom offered to me when I was feeling blue last summer.

I was depressed for days after I handed over the leash of my last one --one I'd have been _thrilled _to keep, who got along great with my dogs and fit into our home perfectly. But here's the thing: if we'd kept her, we'd have been done fostering--three is my sanity limit. 

Right now, I've got a new GSD foster who desperately needed out of the shelter as she had become very depressed. She's all black, so she was lingering unwanted in her kennel due to the "black dog adopter syndrome." She's marvelous. At my house, she's got the time she needs to have a bridge to her new life. Had I kept the last one, I wouldn't have been able to help her. I know already that giving her up is going to rip me up too....but there will always be another dog who needs me.

The hurt will eventually give way to joy when you get emails from wonderful adopters with pictures and stories gushing about how happy they all are together. Those are good days, when you get those emails!

My shelter actively uses Craigslist in addition to Petfinder. We don't have a local GSR. Adopters here are looking on Craigslist, so that's where we have to advertise. We have had some _wonderful _adopters come through CL. That said, it's true that there are creeps too (I've had some who responded to CL ads and said they wanted to put my foster on the end of a chain to guard a yard....uh, no.) You can manage the creep-factor, with diligence.

First, do NOT let anyone meet the dog without filling out a thorough adoption app first -- my app is an amalgam of a couple of different GSR groups who gave me their apps to use as models. PM me if you want it, or ask any of the many GSR folks here to send theirs -- the app should ask for personal AND vet references. For my last foster, I probably had sixteen people who emailed in response to the CL ad and asked to see the dog. Less than half of them returned the application. It screens out creeps just by making work for them. Good adopters won't mind filling out the form--they'll get why it's needed.

Once you get a promising app, do a phone interview. If that goes well, arrange a meet-and-greet (take a friend, do it in a public place--I do first meetings in a park or at an adoption event). At some point, check all their references -- esp. the vet reference. Then if that goes well, do a home visit (I rejected two applicants that looked promising on paper after I found undisclosed issues at their homes). I've promised myself that if _any _warning bells are going off in my head, I just decline the adoption and wait for someone better. I hand over the leash only when I feel really great about where that dog will be. Yes, it makes people mad to be declined--I honestly don't care.

Good luck! I hope you find a wonderful home for your foster.


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## Rerun (Feb 27, 2006)

It's hard. There's no easy way around it. It helps if you can't stand the dog and you're ready to see them leave (I kid, I kid...somewhat). But it is realy hard to let go of the nice ones that you fall for, and especially in your case when you already made the decision in your heart to keep him. So he's not really been thought of as a "foster" dog in the truest sense of the word. 

What you have to do is just use your head and think about all the reasons why it would be best for him to go to a new home (one that better fits his needs) and why it will make your life that much easier. Fostering is hard, rehoming what was to be a "keeper" is harder. But sometimes it's just not meant to be and you think with your heart instead of your head when it comes to keeping a keeper. I've been there and it is not easy at all.

Look at all the reasons why he isn't working in your house, and use those reasons to help pick a great home for him. Not good with other male dogs? Or other males that are more dominant than him perhaps? Then make sure you disclose this to his new owners. Choose a home with female dogs who are submissive in nature. Fence jumper? Disclose this. Fence jumpers can be HARD to rehome! Most people do not want to have to go outside every time their dog does. The people on this board are not the norm. Most people want to open the door, and let their dogs out to potty, then open it up when they are done. They may want to leave them in the yard for a few hrs, or if they have a long day ahead of them at work. That's just reality for most of society, nothing wrong with it IMHO, it just doesn't work for all dogs. So you might open up to people in apartments, condos, (if he's not a barker/howler) because they won't care that he jumps fences - they don't have a fence to worry about. 

Make sure he's crate trained, house trained if possible, neutered, up to date on his shots, and ANY obedience training is a plus!


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

Chelle I have no advice or experience to share. You love him and even though it will hurt you will put Tuck first. Your a great dog person and remember you saved him and the right home will come.Take care 
Maggi


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## chelle (Feb 1, 2009)

Thank you all so much for your replies. I'm sorry if I don't answer each response individually. All the responses are giving me much to think about. Too much almost, my head is spinning and I am being overly emotional. I've been trying to spend extra time with him, knowing he will be going, even though the where and who are totally unknown...



Rerun said:


> ... What you have to do is just *use your head* and think about all the reasons why it would be best for him to go to a new home (one that better fits his needs) and why it will make your life that much easier. Fostering is hard, rehoming what was to be a "keeper" is harder. But sometimes it's *just not meant to be* and you think with your heart instead of your head when it comes to keeping a keeper. I've been there and it is not easy at all.
> 
> Look at all the reasons why he isn't working in your house, and use those reasons to help pick a great home for him. Not good with other male dogs? Or other males that are more dominant than him perhaps? Then make sure you disclose this to his new owners. Choose a home with female dogs who are submissive in nature. *Fence jumper*? Disclose this. Fence jumpers can be HARD to rehome! Most people do not want to have to go outside every time their dog does. The people on this board are not the norm. Most people want to open the door, and let their dogs out to potty, then open it up when they are done. They may want to leave them in the yard for a few hrs, or if they have a long day ahead of them at work. That's just reality for most of society, nothing wrong with it IMHO, it just doesn't work for all dogs. So you might open up to people in apartments, condos, (if he's not a barker/howler) because they won't care that he jumps fences - they don't have a fence to worry about.
> 
> Make sure he's crate trained, house trained if possible, neutered, up to date on his shots, and ANY obedience training is a plus!


Tucker was not meant to be a keeper. He was meant to be brought in, potty trained, crate trained, house trained, basic manners trained.. the end. All those things were done and he and my other male were buddies and played well. Seemed to be working out pretty great!!!!!! Lately, though, Bailey (intact) has developed some nasty nonsense towards Tucker. Tucker, thankfully, is a very dog (and cat) -friendly boy. He would avoid Bailey, but when Bailey did go at him, Tucker did not/does not back down. There were some altercations. 

I need to update my other post on the fence jumping. We installed the hotwire and Tuckies got a couple of shocks. He does not like this. At this point, he will go to the fenceline at random times and look up and whine. He knows but he is tempted! So, the problem is not "solved" but is in 'management/training" mode. I don't think I could allow him to go anywhere without a tall privacy fence or a five foot with the hotwire. That'll really minimize my owner options, no doubt, but that's okay. 

Bailey is going to be neutered tomorrow. That means the boys will be separated for around ten days as Bailey heals. I know it takes far longer for the hormones to leave his system, though.

I am not counting on that as a magic fix. In fact, I'm assuming it won't fix anything. 

*@Magwart* -- thank you for all that info! It was eye opening to read your post. I am going to start contacting rescues and such (thanks for the links given here,) but I can't lie, I don't have a lot of faith in that. I couldn't get responses from rescues before, BUT - back then he was not house trained, potty trained and intact. So he has a lot more "selling points" now than then. 



Daisy&Lucky's Mom said:


> Chelle I have no advice or experience to share. You love him and even though it will hurt you will put Tuck first. Your a great dog person and remember you saved him and the right home will come.Take care
> Maggi


Hugs! Thank you!!!!!! :wub: He has worked his way right into my very heart. I love him so incredibly much. He is the coolest mix of WGSD and ... Lab ?. He alerts to things, but he calms right down and lays at your feet. He loves his humans. He is just... sweet. He doesn't have a mean bone in his big body other than an aversion to being grabbed by his collar, which goes back to his early life no doubt. He is affectionate. He is playful and funny. 

His brother, Bailey, is intense, focused. He has excelled in his Obedience classes. His nerves rather suck, but his focus is ridiculous. Just an intense sort of dog, I don't know how to explain it.

So here's my big confession and I'm almost scared to type it because that makes it real. Do I want the easy go lucky dingaling dog that is Tucker... or the intense, focused, highly trainable dog that is Bailey?

I've daydreamed about this. Keep Tucker and rehome Bailey? No, I couldn't and wouldn't, but I can't lie, it has entered my mind. I'll confess I've wished I had Tuckie from the start instead of Bailey. Ok that hurts to admit. Bottom line? Tucker has better nerves but hasn't had the training. Bailey's nerves are questionable, but he's been trained pretty extensively. I tell Bailey to do whatever and he does it... that's the fruit I enjoy from the work... but he is not the sweet goofy boy that Tucker is. He is sweet with *me*, and those who are regulary in his life, but few others. I don't want to diss the boy, but it is what it is.


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## Blanketback (Apr 27, 2012)

Aw chelle, please stop doing this to yourself - you're just torturing yourself and it's not going to make matters any better. Or easier. The guiltier you feel, the worse it gets, the more miserable you are...it's a never-ending cycle and it has to stop. Now. I wish I could give you a great big hug!


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## shepherdmom (Dec 24, 2011)

If Tucker is your heart dog keep Tucker. Rehome Bailey. Sometimes that connection is just there it only comes along once in a blue moon so you have to go with it. Hopefully the neuter will do the trick and you will be able to keep both.


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## Sunflowers (Feb 17, 2012)

It all comes down to how you feel, Chelle.
Imagine having only Bailey and living with that for the next 12 years.
Do the same with BongBoy.
The answer is there. You just have to listen closely and you will hear it.


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

I would chose the one that you have a better connection with.

If you found Bailey a home, would you regret it?

If you found Tucker a home, would you regret it?

Who do you honestly think you would miss the most?

Just because because Bailey has had more training, it does not mean Tucker can't have as much training...........


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## Magwart (Jul 8, 2012)

Please take a quiet morning to clear your head and listen to your heart. Just sit on your patio or wherever it's peaceful. If you meditate, let your soul reach out and feel your dogs....and observe.

There's no shame in deciding the goofy dingaling is meant to stay with you, and the classic, intelligent, highly trained beauty is not. I strongly believe the right dog finds you at the right time in your life--but sometimes you don't _know _it's the right dog until later, but if you open yourself up to what is meant to be, you will find the answer. And by "meant to be" I don't mean _your _plan...but your higher purpose. (I have two very, very imperfect rescues, and I've rehomed some nearly perfect beauties I adored. Those beauties, while magnificent and wonderful, were not _meant to be_ mine.) 

I know my two were not only meant to stay, but sent to me for a reason that unfolded over time--there's a weird spiritual connection that forms with "my" dogs, and it's unavoidable. Once it happens, it's almost like finding a piece of my own soul--it just is.

Set aside all the rational stuff about training and such. Ask yourself this: Is Tucker's soul is knitted together with yours? Is Bailey's?


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## JeanKBBMMMAAN (May 11, 2005)

Whoa...so it would be BETTER for who/m to rehome the nervy dog who doesn't attach well with other people, who was there first? 

This is why people are people, and dogs are dogs, when it comes to loyalty.


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## DJEtzel (Feb 11, 2010)

I don't know if this will help it all, but I don't think much that any of us say can help with your own decisions. 

This is a link to a blog I try to keep up on about the dog's I've fostered.. Needs a new update or two, but you get the idea. Fostering in Michigan


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## Whiteshepherds (Aug 21, 2010)

> Bailey is going to be neutered tomorrow. That means the boys will be separated for around ten days as Bailey heals. I know it takes far longer for the hormones to leave his system, though.


I know you're going to make the right decision whatever you do, but you might consider keeping Tucker for another month or so to see if there's a change in Bailey after the surgery. If you don't wait to see if it makes a difference you might spend the rest of your life second guessing your decision to rehome Tucker. 

It's a tough decision no matter what you decide. :hug:


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## Rerun (Feb 27, 2006)

chelle said:


> Tucker was not meant to be a keeper. He was meant to be brought in, potty trained, crate trained, house trained, basic manners trained.. the end.


 My mistake I guess, I could've sworn I remembered some threads or posts by you that you had decided to keep him (I do realize that initially you had intended only to foster him and rehome). Best of luck with your decision, either way.


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## msvette2u (Mar 20, 2006)

> You have to think of what's best for the dogs, despite how much it hurts. I've rehomed animals before, so I know how hard it is to let go, but the ultimate goal is to make sure that the animals are in the best situation that they can be in. It's not about what I want, or what I wish could be.


THIS!!!
Exactly!!
If I kept every dog I "fell in love with", we'd never be able to wade through the bodies.
The dogs we end up keeping are disabled/tough to place, and it's not because we _want_ to keep them necessarily (I love them too, though) it's because others don't want them, really, either.

I've got two dogs here ATM that I'm in love with. Especially this old gal. She is old and has some health things so she may be here forever. 
But every young/adoptable dog I keep makes one less spot for fosters.

AND it's easy to let them go when you know they'll be loved and cared for in their new homes!


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## JeanKBBMMMAAN (May 11, 2005)

JeanKBBMMMAAN said:


> Whoa...so it would be BETTER for who/m to rehome the nervy dog who doesn't attach well with other people, who was there first?
> 
> This is why people are people, and dogs are dogs, when it comes to loyalty.


I thought I'd better clear this up - that I was responding to the reactions of yeah! give up Bailey and keep Tucker...like whew! that will make it easier!

This may seem like it relieves some of the discomfort of a decision, but...
1. Because it's a harder to place dog it won't be as easy
2. It's still a decision

When you take a dog in to foster, there is an expectation of discomfort. There is going to be a point where the dog is going to go on. 

There is NO way to foster a dog without that, unless you are the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz, pre-journey. Also the Scarecrow. 

So thinking, oh, this seems like it would make Chelle feel better, feel less discomfort...while being way more difficult on the dog who was 
A. there first
B. is nervy

Is something that we need to come to terms with - there is nothing easy about it, and there shouldn't be. There had better be discomfort, and that is not something we can always walk away from, get away from, avoid. Sometimes discomfort is good, and even if it's not good, it is going to be there. 

Chelle is making a huge decision for this dog and for herself. 

She's gotten good advice from people on the screening, and from people who have fostered and adopted dogs out. 

I think it's great advice to wait and see til after the neuter. 

I would most definitely do that, and I would keep them separate while I was waiting, work with them separately, put them all on NILIF, and look at what needs of mine are being met by these dogs. That is a huge thing to look inward at in these times of decisions. 

I have both fostered and kept, and fostered and adopted out, dogs and puppies. The adoption stuff is. so. difficult! However, I have never given up a current family member for a new one, even if the new dog was perfect. They were good enough at the time I got them. If it had to be one or the other, first in, last out. 

I would not want to be in your place but I would definitely wait and see.

ETA - I cry every time I adopt a dog out. 

Please read...

http://bigdogsbigheartworm.blogspot.com/2011/11/poem-to-my-foster-dog-by-diane-morgan.html

http://www.gsrne.org/LittlePiecesOfMyHeart.htm


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## NewbieShepherdGirl (Jan 7, 2011)

Sorry to hear you're going through this. If you decide to re-home either one of them you may want to contact Nancy at Missouri German Shepherd Rescue 

This is the rescue group I got Sasha from and they are amazing people. I know they do courtesy listing, so if you want her contact info shoot me a PM.


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## chelle (Feb 1, 2009)

Thank you everyone.



Rerun said:


> My mistake I guess, I could've sworn I remembered some threads or posts by you that you had decided to keep him (I do realize that initially you had intended only to foster him and rehome). Best of luck with your decision, either way.


No, no -- you're right, I just didn't say it correctly. *Originally* I had no intention of keeping him, but as time went on and the boys really got along so well, I did decide to keep him. Or at least decided I wouldn't actively try to find another home. Sorry for the communication fail there.



JeanKBBMMMAAN said:


> I thought I'd better clear this up - that I was responding to the reactions of yeah! give up Bailey and keep Tucker...like whew! that will make it easier! ....


Thank you. I *really* liked that poem. 

I think last night I was just tired, sad, exhausted (been sick with this dang sinus thing forever!) and my mind was desperately trying to exhaust all options -- even options that are not options.  Re-homing Bailey is not an option. When I said I'd had those thoughts, that was true enough, but thoughts won't translate into action in this regard. Bailey is my buddy. My velcro partner in crime. My sweet bubber boy. He is deeply bonded to me and I to him. I've never been away from him more than 8 hours. Maybe it is something like Bailey and I have a deep love, while Tucker and I have a deep infatuation.? Silly analogy I know. Simple truth is, too, that Tucker is more adoptable at this point. He loves everyone immediately. He really got more of the "Lab" genes than Bailey did. His friendliness is a draw, even though his exuberance might be a little off-putting. 



Blanketback said:


> Aw chelle, please stop doing this to yourself - you're just torturing yourself and it's not going to make matters any better. Or easier. The guiltier you feel, the worse it gets, the more miserable you are...it's a never-ending cycle and it has to stop. Now. I wish I could give you a great big hug!


You are right, the torture is dumb. Must stop and be more logical than emotional.

~~

As for now? ... I will give it a little more time. If the neutering doesn't help Bailey's attitude, there will be no option but to re-home Tucker. I understand there is just no "real" choice there. Rotate and crate is not the life I want, nor a life that is fair for either dog.  It is so frustrating that they got along so well for so long and only recently has Bailey been a butthead to Tucker. Hormones, adolescence... who knows. 

Thanks for the advice on screening. I'll follow all of it.

~~

I have new respect for you rescuers. How your hearts must break. God bless you for what you do!

~~

I have to go -- Bailey is NOT dealing with the neuter well AT ALL. He cannot stop crying. I have given him a sedative but he is not going to sleep. The ONLY thing that calms him is for me to sit or lay by his crate. He finally crashed ...










... so I snuck out... but now he's wailing up a storm again.

Poor baby.


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## Freestep (May 1, 2011)

chelle said:


> I have to go -- Bailey is NOT dealing with the neuter well AT ALL. He cannot stop crying. I have given him a sedative but he is not going to sleep. The ONLY thing that calms him is for me to sit or lay by his crate.


Was the neuter done today? Sometimes the "wailing" is simply an effect of the anesthesia wearing off. It takes 12 hours, sometimes longer, for the pre-anesthetic drugs to go through his system, and many dogs become particularly vocal when they're still dopey. In most cases, it sounds worse than it is, but boy can it tug at your heartstrings. If he's still crying tomorrow, ask the vet about pain meds.


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

Chelle I think every dog has his own unique and specail relationship w/ us. Bailey is your heartdog and hero,the serious achiever.Tuck is the clown and youngster. Tuck will bond and love people easily b/c he has that spirit and a naturally open personality. You can wait the month to see if the neuter and new fence intervention work. Hope Bailey gets through this post surgery pain quickly and heals fast. Hugs to you and all your pups especially poor Bailey.
BTW Lucky cried and cried after his neuter .It was the anesthetic for him. I spent the night crying w/ him.


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## chelle (Feb 1, 2009)

Freestep said:


> Was the neuter done today? Sometimes the "wailing" is simply an effect of the anesthesia wearing off. It takes 12 hours, sometimes longer, for the pre-anesthetic drugs to go through his system, and many dogs become particularly vocal when they're still dopey. In most cases, it sounds worse than it is, but boy can it tug at your heartstrings. If he's still crying tomorrow, ask the vet about pain meds.


Ok, good to know. All the dogs I've ever speutered have never done this! They were just lethargic, so this is kinda freaking me out.

As of now, he's quiet. Maybe he finally gave in to that sedative... Oh no, typed too fast, there he goes again. 



Daisy&Lucky's Mom said:


> Chelle I think every dog has his own unique and specail relationship w/ us. Bailey is your heartdog and hero,the serious achiever.Tuck is the clown and youngster. Tuck will bond and love people easily b/c he has that spirit and a naturally open personality. You can wait the month to see if the neuter and new fence intervention work. Hope Bailey gets through this post surgery pain quickly and heals fast. Hugs to you and all your pups especially poor Bailey.
> BTW Lucky cried and cried after his neuter .It was the anesthetic for him. I spent the night crying w/ him.


You are so right, Bailey is my heartboy.

He is really wailing !!!! The only way to keep him calm is being right there --










Time to get off the puter and just go lay with him I think.

~~

Sorry to diffuse the original post, but this is so nutty to me.. and I feel helpless.


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## Blanketback (Apr 27, 2012)

Emotional turmoil aside, I'm actually quite jealous of your situation. I've always been so interested in the 'nature vs nuture' concept, and here you're living the dream! 2 littermates, with entirely differing puppyhoods!

Bailey, your partner. You did everything right from day 1. This is what we all wish could happen for every dog out there. And now look at him, his attitude towards you, and your relationship - it's ideal.

Tucker, your goofy boy. With nothing ever asked of him, of course he's happy, lol. But he's a wild child because of it. And without the structure, he's a little lost, relationshipwise.

I think the neutering will help alot because it will level the playing field, but I think if you're able to take the classes with Tucker that you did with Bailey, that will really help things even more.


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## RocketDog (Sep 25, 2011)

Chelle, I can't keep up with all the posts on here, so I've missed a lot I would like to read. But, good luck and best wishes with whichever road you choose. You've made a difference in this dog's life, no matter which one it ends up being.


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