# Taken too soon.



## Mareesey (Aug 25, 2016)

As I sit here wanting a way to sort of vent, I just don't know where to begin. On June 14th of 2016 my 12 1/2 year old GSD Nitro passed away. He was the light of my life for so long I didn't know how I was going to move past his loss. Fast forward 1 month to July 2016 and we meet Rogue she was a happy, bouncy GSD puppy. More importantly she would be what helped me get past Nitro's loss. 

At the end of December 2017 I noticed Rogue's hip bones were sticking out, my family members brushed my worries away by telling me it was her coat not her hips. I still didn't feel right about it, I was worried we were dealing with hip issues because she constantly jumped on beds and couches. 2 days pass and she was just as energetic and playful as she ever was but now in the morning she makes these throat clearing noises and toward the end of the day she's breathing kind of heavy and at midnight she's crying while breathing. We take her to the ER that night and they tell us they think it is lymphoma and when they weigh her she's lost roughly 8 pounds, my thoughts are they are simply over reacting she's just sick, she's 22 months old! They give us some antibiotics and we plan to see our vet when they open on Tuesday. 

Our vet isn't one to jump to the worse case scenario. But things aren't looking so good. That morning she stopped walking, she had lost another 2 pounds, and we aren't as hopeful as we had been. Our vet agrees he thinks it might be lymphoma, but he thinks leukemia is more likely than lymphoma.

We found out the next day Rogue's blood tests came back as leukemia, the results looked odd to our vet so he talked with another vet and they said they believed it was in her bone marrow and that further tests would likely show this. On January 5 Rogue left us. 

With Nitro I was prepared he was old, had arthritis, and had led a good life. Rogue was still our work in progress, we were still training her and enjoying her growing into the dog we knew she would become. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that she is gone and it doesn't seem quite real to me.


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## Shepdad (Oct 24, 2017)

I'm so sorry about your loss.


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## sebrench (Dec 2, 2014)

That is heartbreaking. I am so sorry for your loss.


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## NerdicEclipse (Feb 20, 2017)

I am so very, very sorry for your loss. I've lost my fair share of dogs over the years but never that young. My heart is broken for you! Please stick around here and communicate. It's difficult to lose a dog, but almost all of us have and we understand and are here for you!


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## Bramble (Oct 23, 2011)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Loosing a young dog is so hard. 

Definitely notify her breeder about what happened if you haven't already.


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## CometDog (Aug 22, 2017)

I am so sorry  There are just no words for things like this. You must be so heartbroken, very sorry this happened to you.


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## Mareesey (Aug 25, 2016)

Bramble said:


> I'm so sorry for your loss. Loosing a young dog is so hard.
> 
> Definitely notify her breeder about what happened if you haven't already.


I wasn't sure this had to do with breeding. I've read a lot online since and what I read said it is genetic but not hereditary... I found some articles that suggested getting them spayed too soon increases their chance for bone cancers and we had her spayed at 4 1/2 months because we were "supposed" to. I'm not sure if this is considered for that since it is leukemia but in her bone marrow? I just want answers where there are none. 

I don't know who her breeders are since I bought her from her original owner at 4 months old. I have kept up with him a bit emailing him photos of her on her first birthday but I haven't had the heart to email him and tell him she passed. He was going through a divorce and couldn't give her the attention she needed since he was working more long hours than he had in the past. I could always ask him I guess.


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## KaiserAus (Dec 16, 2016)

I'm so sorry for your loss!!


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## wolfstraum (May 2, 2003)

I am so so so sorry....they are never with us long enough - but I certainly understand feeling cheated at losing one so very young! Even at 14, it was too soon for me......

We all read the statistics about early spays, and so many are done so early - it is very hard to actually hear of it happening....

<<<<hugs>>>>>




Lee


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

If questioning the decision to spay helps you to make a different decision on that in the future, then that's ok, but then let it go. You do not know that the early spay caused this issue. Maybe the cells were there, and the early spay knocked her out of balance and let them get the upper hand. Maybe the onset was younger that it would have been. Maybe... There are a lot of maybes and that way lies insanity, really. 

We do not _know_ that the cancer is even one that is linked to early spay/neuter. I haven't heard of leukemia/lymophoma in GSDs. But maybe they just call it different stuff. 

The thing is, we can, all of us, beat ourselves up about the choices we made for our critters, and play the blame, built, shame game. We can't always know what is the right thing to do. 

You have to hang onto the fact that you gave her a good life, and did everything possible to help her, fix her, not let her suffer. 

I am very sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself. And let yourself love more dogs when you are ready.


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## car2ner (Apr 9, 2014)

I can't imagine how bizarre this must feel. It is way too easy to try and dull the pain but searching and searching online for a reason. We might learn something along the way but mostly it just makes us crazy. There are no for-sure answers. Many dogs go through spay and are just fine. I think the only really reasonable thing to do is give yourself permission to have a good cry, and for more than just a day. Save the "everything is all right" face for when you have to go to work.


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## Dunkirk (May 7, 2015)

I'm so very sorry this has happened, for the heartbreak of losing Rogue piled on top of losing Nitro.


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## Mareesey (Aug 25, 2016)

Thank you all so much. I appreciate it I really really do. I also think my searching online will likely make me spiral and just blame myself. More than anything my fiance and I talked it through and simply decided we would wait to spay until around 12-18 months next time, regardless of whether or not this caused it we read a few articles on letting them mature for other health reasons and decided to throw our dice that way. My way of getting over losing Nitro was to get Rogue and with her I decided to be the better pet parent (I was 18 when I got him) I had felt like I'd messed a lot up with him and wanted to make up for that with her and have no regrets when she passed. I do have that. I spent much more time with her and did more training with her. We had her the least amount of time but she had the biggest personality. I think I'll remember the good times, one of my favorites being she hated being home alone so she would steal my dirty socks and tuck them under her bed to sleep on.


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## RZZNSTR (Jan 24, 2015)

I am very sorry for your loss!


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## Jpage24.87 (Jan 19, 2018)

I'm so sorry for loss.


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## kelbonc (Aug 25, 2014)

Just heartbreaking. I am so sorry for your loss. Rest in peace Rogue.


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## [email protected] (Dec 13, 2017)

*Rainbow Bridge*

My heart aches for you. My Solito will take care of your precious angel.


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## Jenny720 (Nov 21, 2014)

I’m so sorry about your loss. Life makes no sense sometimes.


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## Sunsilver (Apr 8, 2014)

_ I think I'll remember the good times, one of my favorites being she hated being home alone so she would steal my dirty socks and tuck them under her bed to sleep on._

Awww! I had a male rescue GSD that would do that! He only started doing it after my cat slipped out the door one night when I was putting the garbage out, and got hit by a car. He missed the cat that much! I had to put him down a year ago April, at age 14, and still miss him very much.

My sincere condolences on your loss. And it's normal to beat yourself up, and think of all the 'what if's'. Which, of course, accomplishes nothing in the end, but it seems to be a normal part of the grieving process. Try to remember the good times, and move on when you're ready. Grief has its own timetable, and it's different for everyone.


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## Shane'sDad (Jul 22, 2010)

So very sorry for your loss of one so darn young...prayers


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