# Sticky  The Recovery Process



## rockhead

I lost a heart dog this past September and have had one **** of a time getting back into the swing of things. When Eich was sick and in the days following his death I found solace in this forum every day, sometimes several times a day. It's been almost two months since he passed but it seems like much longer. 

It's getting easier to do the little things that used to cause tears, like getting ice from the ice dispenser, walking up to the mailbox, or shutting off the tractor blades; Eich would charge into the kitchen for his icecube whenver he heard the dispenser run, would always accompany me to the mailbox, and came running when he heard the tractor shutting down as he knew I was finished.

I caught myself selecting the lockers in the gym numbered corrosponding to the number of days since his death and forced myself to stop.

There have been random thoughts and some conversation about another dog, but neither of us are anywhere near ready right now. I'm sure it will happen someday... I just can't say when.

Anyway, I thought I'd put this thread up for those of us who just need to check in for one another from time to time. Your comments are welcome.


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## Ilovealldogs

I'm so sorry for your loss and can understand your grief. I have lost dogs in the past and I am unfortunately embarking on that journey sooner than I'd like to admit. I have one senior with cancer whose life expectancy can be measured in months and another that is nipping at her heels. It can be overwhelming and devastating. My heart goes out to you and I know that many of us can relate.


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## sprzybyl

Cary thoughts and prayers for you... it's rough going! loss can be unimaginably hard to deal with, but glad you can take some comfort here on the forums. i'm sorry for your pain- i cry reading the stories here all the time. I wish i could give him back to you... but sounds like you are doing well by reflecting on the good things he brought to your life!


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## Keegan62

It is so hard when you lose a dog that you love more then life....
I know it really sucks

But in his memory and for your well being get another PUPPY
It will help you get through..... Yes you may compare but having another to take care will ease the pain

There are so many good breeders here to get another from or do a RESCUE.... I am so happy I got Jack after Ernie. Ernie was the love of my life so wonderful and so easy to train etc..... And now I have this wild child that I adore he is hilarious and while he can never replace My Ernie he is so great to have


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## Donna Shenuski

I wish I had words to help you with your grief and sadness. It is a terrible thing to go through-losing a beloved dog.

I also lost my heart dog to hemangiosarcoma. This was on 6/25/07. The grief was devastating. Beau was not only my 1st gsd but my 1st ever dog. He taught me so much.

A month after his death, I happened to be at the shelter when A/C brought in a young gsd in a humane trap. Bald from the neck down (demodex) and extremely dehydrated, the shelter thought she was feral or just extremely fearful. There seemed to be only one option until I was asked to foster her.

Even though I wasn't emotionally ready, I said yes-how could I not?
Thus began my journey with Duchess, as opposite from Beau as you could imagine. There were many times I thought I was in way over my head but Duchess has made a lot of progress and I love her dearly. 

I like to believe that everything happens for a reason, and that Beau left me so I could help Duchess and Duchess could help me. 

My wish for you is that Eich points you in the direction of a dog in need.


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## Chicagocanine

It's been almost a month since I lost my Ginger and I'm still having a lot of trouble getting anything done... Every time I come up to enter the front door I expect to hear her on the other side.


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## The Stig

Hello Cary,

My first Shepherd passed away back in 2001, Mar 28. I still remember everything. 

I still hurt when I think about her. I still get that lump in my throat. I still fight the tears back. 

I miss her so very much. I talk about her. While I do not compare my Janka to Sarah, I do enjoy seeing the differences and similarities between both Shepherds. 

I am not as devastated, but that whole time heals everything saying ... well, my loss and pain are still there. But I will not trade it for the world, because I treasure the wonderful memories she left me with to honour her.


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## kelso

Again, so sorry for your loss. Eich was so handsome and thanks for sharing his story and pics.

It took me a whole year to not cry when I thought about or brought up or looked at pics of our old gal. Funny this was posted today as she passed 2 years ago to this day as a matter of fact







Not that it is still not sad, but I think after that year we began to smile and laugh more about Meeka than cry. She was the first dog I had ever lost in my adult life so I had no idea that it was going to be that hard, and so emotional. As wierd as it sounds it really took me by surprise. I am not sure that some of the raw feelings ever go away completely...

Memories do live on forever..we still talk about her all the time









hope you and your family are doing great, and my thoughts are with everyone that has had a tough time with losing their best dog friend recently and in the past.


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## middleofnowhere

For me, The pain of their death is intense but it is exceeded by far by the joy of their life. My youngest at 10 is a cancer patient, my eldest at 13 has a bad back and a heart condition. I look at them and smile and laugh mostly. I look at them and I remember good times & how they made me laugh -- dog stories. I look at them and I remember dogs past. I remember their deaths, I remember much more their lifes.

When to get another has varied from dog to dog.


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## SuzyE

i lost my youngest dog due to heart failure without warning. this was one of the darkest times of my life. i cried constantly for weeks,i was inconsolable. then we went to the shelter in detroit which is **** on earth. i saw a tiny scared puppy there that looked nothing like the dog that passed, he was so docile. we adopted him and carried him around like a toy for months.he gave me joy again, a reason to get up-now travis is year and half and a joy in my life. he didn't replace cesar who i still miss terribly but he did even out the grief at the time. he needed a home and cesar's loss opened a space. losing cesar was one of the hardest things in my life but life does go on and frankly there are more dogs to love-shelter dogs who need homes,dogs in rescue that need homes, dogs on the street that need homes and believe it or not you end up loving the next one too.


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## rockhead

> Originally Posted By: kelsoIt took me a whole year to not cry when I thought about or brought up or looked at pics of our old gal.


What brought me to post this thread was a conversation I had with my cousin who knew of Eich's death but did not know the story. I got as far as one week post-op. When I got to the part where I noticed his dramatic loss of stamina, I lost it. 

I can see myself going a year before I am able to really talk about it.

I just noticed that this thread got stickied - I am truly humbled and I hope many others find it for relief from what has to be one of the toughest human experiences.


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## rockhead

Eich's best dog-friend was a male sable who belongs to a good friend of mine. They were only 6 months apart in age and became fast friends. I was over at 'Romulus's house last night for the first time since losing Eich. I brought him a tennis ball from Eich's collection. 

After settling down I tossed Rom the ball. His reaction was unexpected. He caught it, but immediately put it on the ground and sniffed it for a good 15 seconds. He then picked it back up gingerly, unsure, held it for a few seconds, then put it back down and looked at me. He had never hesitated over sharing a toy before. I swear he knew. We ended up playing with the ball all night, and I felt a **** of alot better for the time being. I guess I'll be needed a few more 'playdates' in the future.


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## rockhead

Paul drives the garbage truck for my town; he's been picking up my block as long as I've been there. Paul had GSD's in the past and would stop and play with Eich whenever he could, always recalling his beloved female. 

This morning I was leaving early and ran in to him. He asked, "How's the 'Big Guy'?", referring to Eich. I gave him the news and felt like I ruined his day. I said "It's been two months and I can still hardly talk about it." Paul said "It's been ten years for me and I can't either", as his eyes watered over.

Is this madness?? I've lost family members haven't felt this lousy. At least seeing others feel the same way makes me feel like less of a mental case.

We had a couple of 60-degree days here this week. During one of them I was walking into the back door at work, thinking what a nice day it was and how I should be outside, when Eich ran past me on the right side and looked up at me with the look on his face he always had after being asked "You want to go in the car?" I actually said 'Hi, Eich' before walking into the building. It was a good thing until I tried to tell Rhonda about it.

Here's to better days ahead....


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## Mitchooooo

Hi I lost one too had her for 15 yrs


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## Mitchooooo

Hi I lost one too had her for 15 yrs. good news it has been 8yrs, an now i'm getting 2 females dec 10


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## valb

This coming March it will be two years since I lost my Tamsen.

It's very silly but I have a bottle of her vitamins in the cupboard
still. When we got new girl Sierra the vitamins would still have
been good and I could have given them to her but I didn't. I
can't seem to throw them out now that they have expired, either.
They are just there in the cupboard and I look at them every morning
when I take my vitamins. Just look, and think. With a big ol' lump
in my throat. I still miss her so very much. Yes, I do think of happy
times sometimes and that's nice but I just mainly miss her.


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## srfd44-2

I had my boss, a vet come to my house to put Ringo to sleep 5 years ago. It was peaceful with Ringo's head in my lap the whole time. My husband, who never had a pet growing up until we met, cried as he passed. He told friends that he had cried harder for Ringo then when his own father died. 

We now have Kai. He came to us three weeks after Ringo passed. I had been on the computer researching kennels for our new puppy when we were ready. Heidi Theis emailed me a picture of two puppies that she had and if I was interested. I am a big one for " it happens for a reason". I think Ringo and my first shepherd, Czar sent Kai to us knowing our house would not be complete without a shepherd in it. 

When the right time comes your house will be filled with another shepherd who will not take the place of your last, but add to the love for the breed. Peace to you all.


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## shepherdbydesign

Cary, I'm so sorry for your loss. You will know when you are ready for a new pup to run around your house, but as of now it sounds like you need to recover from the loss. We lost our Ari almost a year ago and there are still thing here that bring tears to us as we have Ari's sister Aspen and she does so many things thing that bring Ari back to us. You will know when its time.


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## Brightelf

I agree with Chuck-- take all the time you need, Cary. Eich was so close, and is still so close, to your heart.. as he always will be.

What I learned after my last GSD passed away at age 15:

Be careful listening to others say that they had a "Once in a lifetime dog." It sure is tempting even for me to think this, too, of my departed Chell. But: They are all special, and yes, sometimes one or another is a better "fit" for us, but assigning a designation like a "once in a lifetime" means we can be blinded to the specialness, the depth of devotion, of the next pair of deep brown eyes gazing up at us, trying so hard to guess what we wish of them.


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## raysmom

Hi Cary -

I know it's extremely difficult to recover from the loss of a special furkid, and I agree with taking all the time you need to grieve and heal from the loss.

But I also believe there's a time when you just have to come to the realization that the love you had for Eich, and the emotions that you're still feeling over his loss, could be transferred into love toward another dog out there somewhere who is looking for someone just like you.

Believe me, I know all too well the pain of losing a special furkid, as do many of the others here, and I am in no way telling you how to grieve and heal, nor am I suggesting to get another dog to replace Eich - that would be impossible. But you have to know that Eich would not want you to continue to feel so bad - and he knows you'll always love him. He'd likely be very proud to share you with another lucky furkid and would understand. And that new lucky furkid might be looking for you right now and asking for a chance to share your life if you'll let him/her do so.

Take care, Cary.


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## middleofnowhere

> Originally Posted By: Brightelf.... Be careful listening to others say that they had a "Once in a lifetime dog." It sure is tempting even for me to think this, too, of my departed Chell. But: They are all special, and yes, sometimes one or another is a better "fit" for us, but assigning a designation like a "once in a lifetime" means we can be blinded to the specialness, the depth of devotion, of the next pair of deep brown eyes gazing up at us, trying so hard to guess what we wish of them.


Oh yes! 

I've had seven dogs as an adult. Two are still with me. Each one is special - They each have brought me something different & I have loved each of them. 

I can look back in sadness at their passing, each and every one of them. But I can look back in happiness at the joy & laughter they gave me, too. May your memories soon start to fill you with joy instead of sorrow. 

(PS sometimes you just need to kick yourself in the butt and find another dog to get you out of the pit. I suppose other times it is better to wait. I'm not much of a waiter -- I need a dog in my life. I don't think it has ever been too soon for me and I've gone looking when I felt pretty darned raw. I think it is a good tribute to those I've had in the past that I do need a dog in my life. Afterall, isn't the joy of having them worth the substantial pain of loosing them?)


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## rockhead

> Originally Posted By: valbI have a bottle of her vitamins in the cupboard
> still. I can't seem to throw them out now that they have expired, either.


I can relate. I still have a bunch of Eich's toys next to the fireplace where his 'toybox' was. I will also confess to not being able to wipe the dried saliva off the lower-right corner of my 60" TV; he used to bark at animals on television. Weird, and even a little gross, but it seems comforting in some way.


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## BowWowMeow

My first dog Massie was an amazing companion. I really couldn't even find words to describe her. Losing her was like losing a vital body part. She died almost exactly a year after my father died and the combination threw me into a depression that lasted a long time. It wasn't until I adopted Basu that I really was able to work through my grief and get to the acceptance stage. I didn't think it would help but it did. Basu was a very special dog and needed a lot of extra work to get over his fear of people. I know that Massie led him to me in order to help with my healing process.


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## Brightelf

Basu, like lots of other dogs, was and still is a healer.


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## lkm

I remember one beutifull summer day,I packed a lunch and a few biscuits for my shepherd "Lucky".We walked to a nearby mountain and start a great hike,we were heading to the headwaters of the mountainside river.

Along the meandering trail we saw remnants of the past,logging equipment rusting away almost to dust,further trecking up the trail a babbling stream at our sides.We both saw brook trout jumping at the newly hatched mayflower bugs,I rested awhile and let "Lucky" frolic in the warm water pools nearby.A few hours into the hike we came very near to the top and saw more remnants of the pioneer day lumber mills,old saw blades,tattered porcelain pieces from the early chinese labourers.

Along the trek we said hello to the other hikers mostly passing us,in the mountains the weather can change in minnuts,a major rain storm started.I along with my wonderfull pet dog,both went under a large Fir true to stay dry.I looked at Lucky face and thought to myself what a wonderfull dog....

The rain stopped and I decided was time to walk back home due to the weather concearns,we were mayby minnits away from the top,which was our destination.

I write of this most wonderfull summer day,for a few days later,Lucky was no longer with us,maybe for this accident prone german shepherd the name "Lucky" was not apre-pro.Though she made my life lucky to have her by my side,even if for a short time. oj not easy for anyone to loose a beloved pet


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## 2dogcrew

I was blessed to have known several special dogs in my lifetime. They come in unexpected packages--an owner surrender.....abandoned by a family.....abused.....a rare blood disorder.....time and time again I thought I had known the privilege of owning a heart dog until I rescue yet another special dog. I feel truly thankful for each one who taught me to relish the small victories of each day.


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## rockhead

Today was the long-anticipated first significant snowfall here in southern NY. Like most dogs, Eich believed snow fell for his sole enjoyment.










After clearing the driveway I spread some of his ashes onto the fresh snow in the backyard. He's still with me.


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## 2dogcrew




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## rockhead

Just checking in - things have been getting better, although there are still frequent mishaps that catch me off-guard. Just last night while finishing a chapter in bed before lights out, for instance. Rhonda moved her foot in a way that felt like Eich shifting at the foot of the bed. It's been a rough month between things like that and the first big snow.

Anyway, I wanted to say Happy Holidays to everyone, especially those visiting this section, since I know you're the ones who, like me, need some additional comfort during this time of the year.


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## Mary Jane

Cary, I visit this section because the bond between you and Eich is inspiring. I use the present tense, because you feel the bond to this day.

You both are teaching me something about life.

Mary Jane


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## rockhead

It's hard to believe, but true. I cruised through this forum while killing some time at work on Christmas Day and saw a new post in the adoption pages. It was for a year-old black/tan male named Ike. Go look for it yourself if you don't believe me; I'm still not sure I believe it myself.

I read about Ike and his high energy. According to the owner he seems to always have a ball in his mouth and always wants to play. Just like Eich. I immediately e-mailed the owner and we began a 3-day conversation in which we exchanged photos and stories of our dogs. Unfortunately, Ike lives in Georgia; 1,000 miles from me.

I showed my wife the thread and the link to Ike's pictures. Her only comment was "How the **** did you find this?" I like to think it found me.

This sounds like the beginning of a wonderful adoption story, but it stops here. I'm just not ready. The thought of bringing another dog into my home right now only makes me apprehensive about how things may not go right. By 'right', I think I mean I am expecting another 'Eich', and I don't think I will ever get one. Does that make sense? Eich was a piece of me, never more than a couple of feet away. I still desperately want him back. I think if the time were right I would be on a plane (or a two-day road trip), and nothing/nobody would be able to stop me. Instead, I find myself thinking of my boy.

Tomorrow will be three months since he died. I remember thinking that I would have to delay my February '09 travel plans in order to take care of him. It turns out I will be going to Florida instead of staying home playing hospice. Florida, by co-incidence (?) is a mere couple of hours from Georgia. I have indicated to Ike's owner that I would like to meet him in February if he's still around. 

Maybe this isn't the end of the story....


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## srfd44-2

This may sound crazy........ but maybe Eich is sending this boy to you. Yes, you will never find another Eich just like I will never find another Czar, but that does not mean that there is not another dog out there for you. Kai is my 3rd shepherd and no, he is not like Czar or Ringo, but he fills this house with love and happiness. There will always be a little spot of your heart just for Eich, but the rest of your heart........


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## rockhead

Dear Eich;

Today marks three months since I has you euthanized. Things have been pretty bad around here since. I’ve put on 20 pounds because we don’t run and play with the balls for an hour a day anymore. I neglected a lot of outdoor maintenance before the winter set in because, quite frankly, I now have trouble going outside in the yard alone. There are so many little things bothering me I cannot begin to count them all. So many things bring tears. Mark came over yesterday to put a battery charger on his motorcycle which is in the shed for the winter. I went into the shed and saw your crate, broken down and leaning against a wall in the corner. Rhonda came down for dinner with me the other night at work. She told me later that she had trouble driving that route at night; it was the same route she took when she brought you to the vet three months ago. 

There have been smiles, too. I was re-stacking the woodpile about a week ago and I thought of how you spent hours chasing that chipmunk who would always escape into the logs. Alissa sent me a picture of you, holding your Kong in your mouth and looking into 3-month old Kira’s stroller. I must have been at work or something; I don’t remember that picture being taken and never saw it before, but I knew exactly what you were trying to do before Alissa told me; you were trying to get Kira to take the Kong from you, weren’t you?

I would tell you how much I love and miss you, but I’m sure you already know this. I’m sure you know I really wanted to carry you into your golden years. I was prepared to make sacrifices in order to ensure your comfort. You were so healthful and dynamic, I was sure you were going to live well past your typical life expectancy. Remember Laney from next door? She was 14 when you first tried to play with her and she made it beyond 16, although she was pretty much blind and deaf at that point. When you turned seven I wished for at least seven more years for you. You would get only seven more months. In the seconds after you took your last breath the vet placed his stethoscope on your chest, then told us, “His heart stopped”. I looked right at him and said, “So has mine”. I’ve thought about that and wondered if it was melodrama, if I was just overcome at the moment. It wasn’t, I wasn’t. A piece of me is gone and I will never get it back. 

Do you remember during your final week, being in the driveway while I was cleaning up my old classic car? I was trying to scrub lime and acid stains off the side window? I really wanted to get that window clean, and the stuff I just bought was beginning to work. It was about that time I felt your ball bump up against my foot. I looked over the car and there you were, at the top of the driveway, ready to pounce, staring at me, having strategically placed the ball on the ground in the precise spot that would cause it to roll down the hill and hit my foot. Some people would have called it coincidence or luck. I know better. Do you remember what I said to you? I said, “You’re right, this can wait”. 

I want you to understand that I wanted the best for you, and that is why I had to do what I did. Hemangiosarcoma is a death sentence, and I don’t know why you were chosen, but you were. The more I learned about the disease the less I wanted to know. How would it end? Would you have a stroke? Would your digestive system collapse and would you die vomiting blood? Would your pericardium fill with blood causing your heart to be slowly smothered while you experienced the sensation of suffocation? Oh, the horror of what was going on in my mind… I felt so helpless! I was terrified while you were sick. But you seemed OK. In fact, you were amazing. All you wanted to do was swim and play, and you did! I thank God for that. I feel that I paid the price for your comfort. Thank you for every little thing you did; for showing me that all you really need is a ball and a friend. I was and am still so proud of you and what you were, a piece of me.


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## kshort

> Originally Posted By: MaryJaneCary, I visit this section because the bond between you and Eich is inspiring. I use the present tense, because you feel the bond to this day.
> 
> You both are teaching me something about life.
> 
> Mary Jane


The very same reason I visit this thread also. The love in your writing brings tears to my eyes. 

It was about 3 months after I lost Max that Sammy came into my life. I didn't feel that I was ready either, but I will always believe that he was sent to me by Max. It took me a while to open my heart to him, but once I did, the joy was incredible. I still think of Max often. So many things remind me of him. But at least now I can think happier thoughts and be grateful that I have this big goofball Sammy to fill that horrible void that I was feeling.

Cary, don't be afraid to open your heart to another. It is not being disloyal to Eich. I can promise you that nothing would make him happier than to know that you and your wife were able to share your love with another dog. He would want that for you...


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## rockhead

I had a dream last night, and I recall more details than usual. Rhonda and I were on vacation somewhere, staying in a hotel. Eich was with us. It was a suite; a bedroom and a main living room. It was mid-morning and we were just getting up. I was concerned about getting Eich out for a walk since I had slept later than my usual 7:00 AM wakeup, even on vacation. 

It was a Tuesday and the TV was on. The news channel was indicating that it was opening day for the Mets baseball season, so that would put us right around mid-April. I have no idea where we were.

I took Eich and we got into the elevator to go down to the lobby so we could go outside. The elevator went down past the lobby to the parking garage. The doors opened into a vestibule where about a half-dozen people were waiting for the elevator. They stood there and look at me with blank expressions. There was nobody I knew, nothing was said. Nobody moved. I held my hands out as if to say, "Are you guys getting on, or what?" Just then, Eich (who was no longer on his leash for some reason) walked out of the elevator into the vestibule to investigate these people. I stepped out to retrieve him, but he got back on and the doors closed before I could back on. 

It gets a little weird here. I am able to see into the elevator shaft and the elevator itself as it starts to rise; I think it was like an old-fashioned grate-type door on both the elevator and the elevator shaft. I am frantically pushing the call button to no avail. There are now people in the elevator with him. The car goes up one level and opens on the lobby. I am concerned he will get off and get lost so I yell into the shaft, "Eich, sit!" He does, and remains on the elevator as people get off and new people get on. The door closes again and the elevator continues up another level. I say to someone in the vestibule with me "These people have no idea", but I am not sure what I meant. I yell, "Eich, down!" He lies down and the people on the elevator begin to play with him, petting him as he does his typical half-rollover whenever he was feeling submissive. He's clearly happy and in no distress.

The elevator finally responds to me pressing the call button. It now moves sideways about 20 feet (this IS a dream, remember?) and begins to come back down. I run out of the vestibule and into the adjoining laundry room where the elevator stops and the doors open. This part gets disturbing. I call Eich and only hear his whining, not like he is in pain, but the excited whine he would make while hanging out of the car window when he saw another dog. A man gets out of the elevator. He has attached Eich's collar to a hook on the floor of the elevator. Eich is lying there, not in pain, but clearly bothered that he cannot get up. It seems that Eich has been tied down to prevent him from running off, but it has been done in a very uncaring manner. 

I am furious at this coldhearted person. I grab the man, who is considerably larger than me, and throw him to the floor while saying something to the effect of how I was going to end his life. 

Then I woke up. It was about 5:50 AM this morning. I was not emotional when I woke up and am not as I write this, unlike my previus post just a week ago. I think this dream has significant meaning. Here's what I figure:

I'm not sure what the hotel thing means. I had previous dream involving a hotel room when Eich was sick. I really don't remember all the details, but it was very personal.

Eich died at 4:34 AM on Tuesday, 9/30/08. It was Tuesday in my dream, early morning in actuality.

Eich on the elevator going up without me might have been his death. I had no control over what was happening, the elevator wouldn't respond. I was panicked, Eich was fine, even playing with people I didn't know.

The man who tied him down was the cancer. It's bigger than me, rendering me helpless. It's uncaring and callous. It tied my dog down and immobilized him. I wanted to eradicate it, but could not, so I just woke up instead.

Does any of this make any sense?

Eich was happy and playing with people as he rose in the elevator. I think I need to stop pushing buttons and let that elevator get to the top floor.


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## Annikas Mom

I think you are right on track with your dream, scary isn't it...
The only other thing I would say to you about your dream is that I also believe Eich is telling you it is ok to let go because he will always be with you in spirit and in your heart.


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## rockhead

> Originally Posted By: Annikas MomI also believe Eich is telling you it is ok to let go because he will always be with you in spirit and in your heart.


You know, Darlene, I want to believe that. I really do. I just feel _right now_ that any dog I bring into my life would be an attempt to replace him, and that wouldn't be fair to me, Eich, or the new dog. 

I had a fleeting thought just this morning while I was getting ready for work. I thought of how Eich would stay in bed and listen carefully for the medicine cabinet door to 'thump' closed, knowing that was the precise time to get up and go out. I actually wondered how long it took him to figure that out and if any other dog would do the same thing. I really miss the little things like that; how he meshed perfectly with us.

In any event, it's getting easier to talk and write about. I can now reflect on him and actually smile instead of trying to hold back tears.


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## rockhead

I took advantage of the 45-degree weather here in NY and washed about 30-pounds of sand and salt off my truck a little while ago. I have a box of old shirts and socks that I use as rags. I pulled out an old tank top to wipe down the door sills and there it was; about 15-20 GSD hairs, stuck to the old shirt like every other piece of clothing I owned 4 months ago.

I thought of how I had been washing the truck for over an hour and didn't really think about Eich not being there until that moment. Three months ago I would not have even tried to wash the truck, and the sight of a dog hair-covered shirt would have ended my day. 

I came here just now and re-read my open letter to Eich for the first time since I wrote it. As corny as this may sound, that letter gave me alot of relief. 

I am leaving on a vacation next week; the same vacation I thought I would have to cancel in order to take care of a sick dog. I anticipated feeling guilty about going, or maybe getting depressed. I am actually quite looking forward to going and hope to "get away" from everything for a little while, especially the house which still isn't the same. 

All in all, I think this mourning/recovery process really sucks, but it's taking its course.. People ask if I've gotten another dog "yet". I know they mean well, but it sometimes pisses me off. I'm not angry or resentful in any way... it just seems like a private matter to me... alot like someone asking when you plan to have children. I guess that's what Eich was to me.


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## Sashmom

Hi Cary, 
I had a dream too last night about Sashi. I had lost him and i was in this strange place and there were stairs. The only reason I can think stairs were in it was because Sat I had to climb 3 flights to get to my sons apt! Anyway I asked this girl if she had seen Sash or knew where he was and she mentioned that yes she saw him on VERY BUSY ROAD here which goes to out local SPCA and I screamed is he ok??!! So I get on the phone to the SPCA and some lady answered and I kept asking her: is he OK?! over and over, it was like she wouldnt answer me or didnt want to. I ran down there and its big so it took me awhile to find him and when I did, he was in a cage and I thought: no, hes not alright









He didnt look good/ 
when does this pain and anxiety ever go away? it ruined my whole day. 
I, too have Sash' box of toys still where I always kept them and his bowls are still in the kitchen. 
I try to remember good times but sometimes makes me sadder. I just want him to be alive again
Well that is my story and I hope you have a good time on your trip. 
I tried to have fun Sat. But Im the same with the yard, I cant stand to go out in the backyard anymore, too painful.


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## rockhead

Sashmom, I know where you're coming from. I just made some preliminary plans for a trip I need to take in June and the thought of dog care popped in to my head more than once. 

All in all, time is helping. I'm at the eve of 4 months without Eich right now and the happy thoughts are just beginning to come in. I was shoveling my driveway (AGAIN!) just last night and smiled at the vision of Eich playing in the fresh snow.

Hang in there with me.


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## rockhead

Here I am, on vacation on Florida's Gulf Coast, writing on GSD.com during the Superbowl halftime show!









I spotted a beautiful long hair GSD while attending an art festival on Lido Beach today. I walked up to the owner and asked if I could meet her dog. 4-year old Cody was very well trained and did a perfect sit/greet for me. I was a bit apprehensive about how I might respond. When I looked over my shoulder for Rhonda I saw that she had already walked away, unable to remain composed. 

I told Cody's mom that we just lost ours and we talked for a few minutes. She was clearly shocked by my quick story. I walked away teary and had to sit for a few minutes. Afterwards, we walked around for another hour or so and met my parents for lunch. 

This sort of thing would have paralyzed me for several days only 2 months ago. 

Just checking in - back to the game!


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## rockhead

Weird, unexpected reminder #7,113:

I dozed off for a few minutes while poolside here in Florida. When I snapped out of it I immediately looked around to see where Eich was. Being out at the pool put me at my own backyard pool last summer before things fell apart.

Weird, unexpected reminder #7,114:

I put on a pair of sandles which I haven't worn since last summer. Guess what was stuck all over the velcro fasteners?


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## kelso

Eich's hair?









I remember finding hairs of Meeka in strange places as well, sad but sweet also.

I enjoy reading your writings and hope you continue to heal from the loss of your boy









Hope all is well


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## Katerlena

I understand how you feel. Katers been gone over 6 months now and I still had several crying jags this week (and a dream about her last night too--she was peeking @ me passing by a doorway in my old apartment. Just the glimpse of her made me happy). 

Maybe people ask when you are getting another one because they think it may help and also because you and your family sound like wonderful GSD owners. While no dog will replace Eich you may find unexpected joys in a new family member.

Last Dec we lost our cat who my husband had a very special bond with and we adopted another a few weeks ago who looks just like her but a male and quite different in personality--but who immediately bonded intensely to my husband. While this cat did not replace the other there is now more love and laughter that replaced emptiness and grief.


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## rockhead

> Originally Posted By: Kater... there is now more love and laughter that replaced emptiness and grief.


Wow. That would really be a relief right about now. I just don't want to push it. I know there's no 'template' for this, but I wish I had some idea what to do.


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## rockhead

I was so proud of myself. I came home from Florida last week (the trip I almost cancelled out of concern for my then-sick dog) and actually got up the fortitude to put his toys away. The collection of indoor toys had been piled up in the usual spot next to the fireplace since... well, since. I placed his collar around the metal urn that holds his ashes and put his blue ball-y on top. I then took the rest of the stuff and placed it on the top shelf in a garage cabinet where I used to store the extra stuff (or whatever he was getting too obsessive about!) I did this all without shedding a single tear!

Today, I came home from the gym, took a shower, and flopped onto the bed after getting dressed. I looked over at the blanket which was bunched up next to me. Without thinking about it I grabbed the blanket and shook it just like how I used to instigate a "fight" with Eich. That's all it took.

Rhonda watched the Westminster Kennel Club show a couple nights ago and commented that she thought the Tibetan Mastiff was beautiful, perhaps we could think about one of those. I Googled it. It is, indeed, a beautiful dog. But the American TM Association website says things like "They're very independant", "You must never walk them off-leash" and "The dog WILL NOT come when called" I thought of my guy, a velcro-dog who only wanted to be next to me, could be taken anywhere off-leash, and would come when called no matter what he was doing. 

It's GOT to be another GSD. Someday.


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## srfd44-2

The Process is slow, but you are doing good. One day there will be another in your life, but only when you are ready. When that day comes make sure you share the pictures with us.


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## lucymom

I am raising a glass to your Eich tonight as I toast my own sweet Lucy, taken by hemangio this Christmas. It is a vile disease, an invisible demon and you are right, we are tormented by the fears of how the end will come. It steals our peace of mind as well as our beauitful babies.

Writing about your beautiful boy can be therapeutic. It honors him and keeps him close in your heart and mind. He's a radient beauty.

There is no timeframe on grief, only small steps we can take when we are ready, and it's okay to take steps back too. There are triggers everyplace and emotional landmines around every corner.

Among it all, are the smiles of memories of our loved ones, of a love we would have traded nothing for. The love lives on, it warms us when they are gone.

What hemangio does NOT take is the love, and the spirit of your beautiful dog. He lived well even when sick and was loved as he passed.

I don't want to preach spiritual beliefs, but I believe that our dogs are such pure, loving souls that they MUST move on to a place where we shall meet them again.

My heart and thoughts go out to you.

Jennifer


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## Clearmeadowstables

I'm new here but reading your stories has brought a tear to my eye. This May it will have been two years since I lost my Katia. She was a wonderful dog that loved us to a fault. We are now just starting the search for another GSD to join our family.


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## meisha98

I jumped into a new puppy only because I had lost my 7 year old boy Vegas to cancer in August and then my mom at the end of October. I knew Lainey would keep me "busy and out of trouble" so to speak. Vegas will always be in my heart but I look forward to seeing places I had known with him to her. She has some of his toys that although huge for her, she plays with. He lives on.


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## Laura H.

I know this isn't for everybody, but everybody has to mourn in their own way. I lost my beloved GSD Rocky, age ten to bloat last April. He had hip dysplasia, arthritis, neuropathy (he was dragging his back legs). I did everything to make his life more comfortable. The night he bloated when I took him to emergency vet doctor said even if surgery was successful he'd probably never walk again, so I had to make that decision right then & there to have him put down. It was so traumatic for me. I was in a daze the next few days & since my husband knows how I am, he got numbers for GSD pups & I kid you not, Rocky died early Saturday Am, by Tuesday Pm we had two 5-1/2 week GSD pups.

My mom said Rocky would turn in his grave if he saw how fast I replaced him. Obviously she's not an animal person. No other dog could ever replace him, but for me, keeping so busy with those two babies, laughing at their puppy antics, helped me get through it. I think about him every day & can't look at his picture without tearing up, but I have two nearly year old pups who are my world now.


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## Laura H.

P.S. I had gotten Rocky from the same breeder as our first GSD, Axel. At just over 4 he was diagnosed with chronic kidney failure. We got Rocky before Axel was gone, but it still didn't lessen the pain. My husband took him to the vet to be put down on Monday, he was just suffering too much. I cried all the way home from work, then sat on the swing on the patio & cried. Rocky, who was a goofy 3 month old at the time came running & jumped into my lap. I immediately started to laugh, I was so grateful to have him to love. A few months later we adopted an abandoned black lab pup & they were best friends for nearly 9 years.


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## angelaw

It is def. different. I lost Gaudi at the age of 5 1/2 to kidney failure. It came on suddenly and took her very quickly. She is buried here at my home, she has her own marker as well. I had a male (Joschy) coming in from Germany the day after she died( as well as Brix a few wks later). I couldn't NOT take him nor could I not take Brix as he was already paid for. Anyway, I knew that I had to try to grieve but not let Joschy pick up on my feelings as I was NOT in the mood for another dog, esp. next day but it also wasn't his fault. That goofy boy helped me thru a very hard time. BUT to this day, I can't walk back to where she is very often. I've been there twice?

Vishnu I had to have put down in August last year at the age of 11. I didn't have another dog coming in, etc as I have other dogs here to hug and hang onto. BUT I had him cremated. I have his box, finally got around to putting his picture on it, but here I am 6 months later and I still can't open the box his ashes are in. I had planned to spread most of his ashes in his favorite places on the property he loved to spend time at, but I just can't do it. I don't want to see inside the box, but I know at some point I will have to. My Dh asked me if I wanted him to do it, no as I was the only one who was with him at the vets office that day after 9 yrs of being my best friend (DH couldn't do it). I just have to get past the next step.

I've yet to be able to listen to "Listen to Your Heart" by roxette as that played on the way to the vets office. 

Ok gotta stop crying now.


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## Laura H.

Your post brought tears to my eyes as well. I lost a wonderful cat back in '95 & made a photo montage in her memory. When I lost Axel to kidney failure, I thought about doing it, but never could bring myself to do it, it was just too painful. Here it is 14 years later & I still can't.

When my husband took Axel to the vet, I was surprised he didn't bring his ashes, he was so shaken by the experience too. Our GSD boys have all been large, over 100 lbs. so burying on our property is out of the question & to me, when I thought about it, I know their spirit is gone, so I don't need their paw print in plaster (which I was asked when I had to have my last two dogs put down, how morbid is that?)

I have the wonderful memories of them to hold on to, plus my current animals. My husband works for Ford, so we've moved six times in the past 12 years. We moved from NC two years ago & we had buried my favorite cat ever, Teddi, in the backyard. I brought his grave marker, but obviously couldn't bring him. He had a blood clot leave his heart & lodge at the base of his spine, paralyzing the back legs. The vet gave him little hope, but I was going to bring him home and carry him until I knew there was no hope, but he died that night. When my husband brought him home I had to unwrap him, I had to see him before I buried him. Boy did I love that cat.


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## rockhead

I took a big step forward today. I went to my local shelter and looked at a few dogs.

Kathy (a friend who I employed as a dog walker for Eich) works there and called me last night about a new arrival. "Lugar" is about 5-years old and was owner-surrendered after the couple broke up, or something like that. 










I couldn't take him out since he had just gotten there and was not evaluated by the staff. He's scared but warmed up to me quickly and seems nice enough. He has some basic training, too. But he also has a suspicious growth on his hnd leg:










I hung out for about a half-hour an met some of the other dogs, including a young Rotti male who was just a doll:










Who knows. I sure don't For now, I'm just happy that I was able to get out of there without falling apart or loading my truck up with a half-dozen dogs. We'll see what happens after the vet takes a look a that leg.


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## Laura H.

Just out of curiosity, did the vet say what caused your dog's kidney failure? Both your & my dogs were extremely young (Axel was just four) to experience kidney failure.

The vet said it could have been genetic or something he got into. The latter was highly improbably, since we kept such a close eye on him. He had been staying with my stepdaughters during our move, but that had been months previously, if he had "gotten into something" it wouldn't have taken so long to make him sick.

The vet could have done an autopsy to determine the origin, but it is what it is, he was gone, what did it matter? I called the breeder we had gotten him from to see if any other pups in his litter had the same problem and she said no. We also got our Rocky Road from her a couple of months before Axel died. He didn't start to have lower kidney functions until he was nearly ten, which is normal in older dogs. His problems were hip & back leg related.

When Axel first got sick we, I should say I, since I feed the animals, I wasn't supposed to give him protein, so he was on a low protein dog food. Except he hated it and wouldn't eat it. So it was six of one, half dozen of the other. He started to lose more weight, the vet said at that stage, give him whatever it takes to make him eat, so back to protein, but I compromised, I kept the low protein dog food, just added something to tempt him, ground meat, hot dogs, whatever. I remember one day my husband came home from work & I was browning ground round. He asks what's for dinner. I said I don't know, this is for Axel









I had to give him Mylanta before every meal also. He was such a good boy, he took everything without a struggle. I tried my best, the kidney failure advanced so rapidly. The vet said he wasn't in pain, but to see him lying down looking miserable when otherwise he'd be playing frisbee, of course he didn't feel good, his blood was being poisoned. When his kidneys were in the process of crystalizing, it's hard to believe that's not uncomfortable or painful.


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## rockhead

> Originally Posted By: Lara Just out of curiosity, did the vet say what caused your dog's kidney failure?


Not sure if this question is meant for me; Eich had a large splenic mass which turned out to be malignant and identified as Hemangiosarcoma. They don't know what triggers it or else they'd have a cure. You can search my posts and read all about.


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## rockhead

So here I am, late winter/early Spring, back in the search for another GSD. It's an odd feeling, looking at these dogs and trying find some similarity or any other "sign" that this dog is "the one". It was so easy withEich. He, quite literally, picked ME when he was 7-weeks old. He left his pack of siblings and was the only pup to come right to my feet and look me in the eye. I'd love to see that happen again.









For now, I've had a couple of disappointments. One shelter dog turned out to be quite ill and was PTS. Two breeder returns did not work out. Another shelter dog is a very young stray, but really seems terrific. I just wish I knew more about him and his past. 

And so it goes. I'm absolutely pushing myself to do this. I'm nervous and apprehensive, but also a little excited. Stay tuned.


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## lupina

Today would have been lupa's birthday...Just thinking about her brings both a smile to my face and tears to my eyes. I learned so much with her and at the tiime of her death (not even a year old) I felt I had so much more to learn! 

Cary...I'm the 1st to say don't rush replacing Eich. What worked for Lara wouldn't work for me! She writes really well and I can feel the way Brody and Harley helped her through her grief process....just looking at her puppy pictures makes me feel good, so I can only imagine the comfort they offered up close and personal. 

I did however find other GSD's to spend time with and walked dogs for animal shelters which helped with the withdrawl's I felt at not having my own dog.

I knew it was time to replace Bravo when I dreamed of litters of GS puppies running towards me. When I rescued Skye she was 2 1/2 and there was a group of 8 dogs...she was the one who looked me in the eye and ran straight towards me. 

I love the connection I get from raising a puppy, and the great feeling of satisfaction I have from taking on a dog someone else could not keep...I completely appreciate your concern about wishing you knew more about the shelter dog and his past. That's a very reasonable thought process, especially after losing a dog to an illness. 

In this current economy there are so many opportunities to get a GS. A couple of weeks ago I was dropping off a homeless cat to be neutered at a great shelter near me, Pet Connection. When I saw a 12 week old GS puppy. I lowered the cat crate, in one corner of the room, knelt down and spoke softly to this little girl...She tilted her head and was so attentive (tweek-tweek go my heart strings). It turns out her new owner couldn't pass up the opportunity because the breeder was selling the pups for $200 to clear them out. 

My gut feeling is when you find the right dog you'll feel it just as you did with Eich.
In the mean time honor your love of this breed and if you can possibly volunteer or foster a GS in your area. I'm taking care of Jester, a Shepherd/Akita mix. I've had him almost 5 months and am excited because it looks as though a firefighter woman in the area may adopt him. I'd love for him to have a piece of property to run in and she lives in the country. This will give me an opportunity to perhaps take on a puppy. There are 12 pups on the mogsrescue website right now...

Here's to the next GS in your life.


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## Sashmom

> Originally Posted By: rockheadSo here I am, late winter/early Spring, back in the search for another GSD. It's an odd feeling, looking at these dogs and trying find some similarity or any other "sign" that this dog is "the one". It was so easy withEich. He, quite literally, picked ME when he was 7-weeks old. He left his pack of siblings and was the only pup to come right to my feet and look me in the eye. I'd love to see that happen again.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> For now, I've had a couple of disappointments. One shelter dog turned out to be quite ill and was PTS. Two breeder returns did not work out. Another shelter dog is a very young stray, but really seems terrific. I just wish I knew more about him and his past.
> 
> And so it goes. I'm absolutely pushing myself to do this. I'm nervous and apprehensive, but also a little excited. Stay tuned.


Was same way with Sash! All the other puppys would wander off but the day, Sashi stayed with me and kept looking up at me








He was 12 wks old.


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## rockhead

Today is a pretty big day. I'm meeting a couple of 6-month old GSD's. I'm unsure of both of them and will only know upon contact; that's really what this is coming down to.


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## cpatrzyk

Cary...
Godspeed.
We're all behind you today.


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## Sashmom

Good luck Cary....hope you have a good experience with the pups


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## rockhead

It's so hard trying to understand what just happened. In short, I brought a 7-month old pup home at 8PM Sunday night, and I brought him back at 7PM Monday night. It simply was not right. If you care to read the whole' long story, read on. Otherwise, I'm backing down from the adopt-now state of mind and am going to wait a little while longer. 

I got a call from a local rescue I had contacted about two weeks ago. He's a solid black male PB, about 7-months. The information is spotty, but I'm told he belonged to a man who has become very ill and will be unable to care for the pup. It sure looked that way; the dog was about 20-pounds underweight and filthy. He was supposedly UTD on shots, but there was no documentation. The owner said he would release the records to the rescue, but demanded privacy and wanted to be certain his name was not on any paperwork. The rescue only had him overnight and didn't have a chance to eval him. 

Writing all that has me shaking my head and asking myself "What was I thinking?"

I met the pup and he came out jumping and happy. He saw us and immediately challenged with some barking, but quickly setlled and became friendly and playful. He took a treat from me and looked for more, but he had no idea what the squeaky toy was for. He had a couple of small scars around his eyes and nose. Cats? Raccoons? His frame seemed good and his face/ears were gorgeous. He was obviously PB and would mature into a sleek, European GSD.

After about 15 minutes I began to explain to the rescue owner that I told myself I would not leave here with a dog and that I needed at least a couple of hours to think about it. I looked over at Rhonda who was sitting on the ground playing with him. She gave me the same look she gives me whenever she wants something badly. 

We left without him and had lunch at a local diner. I was so unsure, but also consciously pushing myself to move forward. I'm sick of being sick over Eich, and I think getting a GSD in the house is the thing to do. I call the rescue back after lunch and we pick him up a few hours later. 

Our first stop was Petco for a self-service bath. The mud that came off this pup! On the bright side, he allowed me to completely bathe him and handle his eyes, ears, feet, tail, and genital area with no issues. He was scared, but not too shy and displayed zero aggression. 

After getting home we only had a couple of hours before bedtime. We explored the house and he seemed cautiously curious, checking out a room carefully before running back to me with his tail wagging. He seemed to have very little training and no socialization, as he barked at my neighbor when we went outside for a walk. He was also not completely housebroken, as we found out by 'accident'. He ate about a cup of food and displayed no food aggression, but it was still pretty early for an eval. After a few hours of playing and settling down he went in the crate for the night. He whined for about 30-minutes, then settled. I was up all night. It didn't feel right.

In the morning (6AM) he was up and ready to go! We went outside and toured the property. After breakfast we watched some TV before Rhonda got up. I bent over to hug him and he recoiled as if he thought I was going to hit him. When I tried to brush him he cowered from the object in my hand and ran away. I tested him by raising my hand and bringing it down fast - of course, not striking him. He flattened himself and cowered. Damnit. He really is a terrific pup. Loving and alert, playful, intelligent, and really, really pretty. How the **** could he have been mistreated?

I jumped in the shower and it hit me like ton of bricks - this was not the pup for me, and I was not ready for him. The decision was so obvious and easy that I knew it was right, and this pup deserved better. When I told Rhonda she already knew.

We kept him all day, brought him to a park and taught him what to do with a tennis ball. He ate and ate and ate - 6 cups of food in 12-hours. He also drank an entire quart-bowl of water at a time. I'm certain he's not accustomed to having food and water readily available. This only made it worse.

Bringing him back was awful, even though I knew he was not going back to the owner. The rescue understood and was very kind, asking me if I noticed any behavioral issued. When I told her of my observations she nodded her head and admitted that she was unsure of the owner. Maybe this is why he doesn't want his name getting out.

This experience has only amplified my grief and made me wary of rescues and rehoming offers. How someone could beat a young pup is beyond me - I recall 12-years ago how I almost lost my job in the NYPD when I witnessed a Pitbull puppy being held by its neck and slammed into the side of a dumpster. 

Next week will be six months since Eich died, and I'm not ready.


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## Karin

I'm so sorry to hear of your experience, Cary, but it sounds like you did the right thing. And now the little guy is clean and well-fed and ready for that special home that he needs. Speaking from experience, it's very hard to have a dog that's been abused, and that cowers when you pet it and expects to be hit. We've had a lot of trials and tribulations with Heidi, but from the beginning, I felt like she belonged with us. If I didn't, I probably would have done the same thing as you did because it has to feel right in order for it to work out--especially when the dog has a lot of issues.

After we lost our first dog, Sheba, we didn't get another dog for 14 years. Although, looking back, that seems way too long, I can say for certain that we knew we couldn't get another dog for quite a while, so I can completely understand your not being ready yet.

Take care and don't beat yourself up about this. When the time is right, you'll know it. And when the dog is the right one for you, you'll know it as well.


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## Mary Jane

Cary,

I'm terribly sorry that you went through this emotional roller coaster, but please don't generalize from this rescue to all others.


> Originally Posted By: rockhead
> I got a call from a local rescue........ The rescue only had him overnight and didn't have a chance to eval him........
> 
> This experience has only amplified my grief and made me wary of rescues and rehoming offers. ....


This sounds like a really unusual policy. From my single experience with adoption the rescue had a policy prohibiting adopting the dog on the first meeting. Having passed the adoption application and had a home visit were not the issues, the issue was that overwhelming desire to take the dog.

However your principal point is the only one that matters: you are not yet ready.

I'm sorry for the dashed hopes,
Mary Jane


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## rockhead

> Originally Posted By: MaryJaneThis sounds like a really unusual policy. From my single experience with adoption the rescue had a policy prohibiting adopting the dog on the first meeting. Having passed the adoption application and had a home visit were not the issues, the issue was that overwhelming desire to take the dog.


Your point is valid. I should have mentioned that I had already passed an application process and several of my references "vouched" for my home, however there was no home visit and I was welcome to take the dog at first-sight if I wanted to.

No matter - I think I've learned something important about myself and I'll take it with me to the next candidate. Thanks for your thoughts.


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## RebelGSD

I have to admit, I don't understand it. You returned this adorable pup beacuse it cowered? And this makes you wary of rescues and rehoming efforts? There is a lovely pup that needs a good home badly, you do have a good home, what do you expect?

My dog, that slept in my bed for the past 9 years, is dying of HS same as your Eich, he is posted in the "health" section. I don't know how long I will have him around. Being unable to help him, makes me want even more to help other dogs. I currently have a foster (that would be dead without me) and I am picking up another one this week (that would also be dead without me). I find that the best way to honor the memory of the dog whose life I could not save is to save another life that I can save. I do understand grief (experienced it several times, unfortunately), but I do not understand returning a dog that did nothing wrong and only needs love and patience. I am sorry.


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## angelaw

Sadly, not all dogs that are in rescue or a/c are perfect with no issues. There are far too many that were abused and need the time and care someone is willing to give. I hope you aren't expecting a perfect dog from a rescue/shelter as you might not get it without some work.


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## RebelGSD

I would also like to ask on whose rug and whose time should your future pet be housebroken? It is normal for a stressed out dog to have an "accident" in the new home, even if it is the perfectly healthy, perfectly trained dog from the perfect home. Dogs have feelings too, not only people. If you are not prepared to give your new pet an adjustment period, it is better not to get a new dog.


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## Mary Jane

Pardon me Rebel, but I don't think Cary was reluctant to adopt this puppy because he had been abused or had a housebreaking accident


> Originally Posted By: rockhead
> ..... it hit me like ton of bricks - this was not the pup for me, and I was not ready for him. The decision was so obvious and easy that I knew it was right, and *this pup deserved better*.......
> 
> Next week will be six months since Eich died, and I'm not ready.


To the contrary, I think he is still mourning Eich and is not ready for a new dog.

Mary Jane


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## angelaw

> Originally Posted By: rockhead I was so unsure, but also consciously pushing myself to move forward. I'm sick of being sick over Eich, and I think getting a GSD in the house is the thing to do


OP needs to do more soul searching before even attempting to "rescue" or find another dog. It's not fair to the puppies that get returned. When absolutely, not a question in your mind ready, then get one.


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## RebelGSD

I think that mourning one dog does not justify treating another dog unfairly (badly IMO). I feel that returning a dog after less than one day is simply unfair. The dog has feelings too, not just Cary, and had been dumped yet another time. I think that returning this dog does not honor the memory of Eich. This is how I feel, I am sorry. I do think that the pup deserves a human who is capable of looking beyond his/her grief. I feel very sorry the pup.


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## rockhead

MaryJane understands. Rebel and Angela may have missed my point.

I am well aware of the potential pitfalls and issues that may come with rescues. I did not give up on this pup because he cowered or peed on my carpet. I brought a pup into my home before I was ready for one. It was entirely my fault and I admit to the selfish overtones. However, realizing I was not ready and un-doing a mistake before it became a real problem was a good thing. I know that many of you who are following this thread know where I'm coming from when I say I need more time before I can make the kind of commitment a needy dog needs, perhaps as Angela suggests. But, Angela/Rebel, I think it would have been terribly unfair for me to keep that needy pup without a 110% commited mindset.


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## angelaw

> Originally Posted By: Angela_WOP needs to do more soul searching before even attempting to "rescue" or find another dog. It's not fair to the puppies that get returned. When absolutely, not a question in your mind ready, then get one.


which is why I posted this above...


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## RebelGSD

I think that dumping him under these circumstances, and using Eich as an excuse, was terribly unfair to the pup as well. You can chose to dwell on Eich forever or do something good for another dog, you do have the choices that this pup did not. I hope that some day the dog that is perfect enough for you show up at the right time. I have been in rescue for a while, and what I think is worst is having a dog that was not given a fair chance returned because of the emotional issues and poor judgement of humans.


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## angelaw

careful.....getting close to rules 

1. Be courteous to other members at all times;
2. Be respectful of the feelings of others; 

I think we all understand what you posted, it's really time to move on.


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## Karin

I just wanted to say that I understand where Cary is coming from. With the best of intentions, he thought he was ready for another dog. Unfortunately, the reality of the situation is that he wasn't and he returned the dog immediately. Not everything is black and white. He's trying to do the right thing for himself, his wife, and their future best friend. Cary, hang in there and don't give up on finding the right dog for you and your family, and I hope you stick around the forums--even though you don't currently have a GSD of your own.


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## rockhead

> Originally Posted By: KarinCary, hang in there and don't give up on finding the right dog for you and your family, and I hope you stick around the forums--even though you don't currently have a GSD of your own.


Thanks. I needed that.


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## mydaddysjag

Cary,
I can understand where you are coming from. I desperately want another GSD in my life, but it's not the time. Im simply not ready yet. I think it's great that even though you decided you werent the right home for the pup, you did take him out for some love, and even got him a bath. You saved the rescue some time on getting him cleaned up, and I'm sure it made him feel a lot better too.


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## rockhead

Yesterday I mowed the lawn for the first time this year. Eich would tail me as I neared the large Spruce trees; the riding mower would often flush a rabbit or two out from under them and he would give them a good chase. 

It's not as bad these days, but man... I miss the **** out of him.


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## Karin

I know what you mean. The first year after we lost our heart dog, Sheba, each new season brought with it renewed reminders of things that we used to do with her or just things that reminded us of her. I'm glad to hear that the pain is easing a bit for you.

I'm glad to see that you're still posting here. Hopefully in time (and when you're totally ready), you'll be back here telling us about a new companion. My husband and I didn't get another dog until 14 years after Sheba died. It's amazing how quickly time goes by. Having Heidi has been such a joy. To this day, we still call Heidi "Sheba" sometimes and occasionally refer to "Sheba" as "Heidi" when talking about her. It's kind of weird!

And we still miss Sheba after all this time. It's more in a fond, remembering sort of way though. It sounds like you have a lot of really nice memories of Eich as well.


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## rockhead

The toys have finally been placed in a garage cabinet. I have been able to get through a day without being caught offguard by a fleeting thought of dogcare. I have been putting in longer hours at work. I can read and write in this section without being overwhelmed by grief. But I have not forgotten. I still see him running up to me when I shut down the tractor. I find myself looking for excuses to go outside since there's nobody to play ball with. I still note the 30th of every month; it's been 7 months and I am STILL finding hair on my clothing!









I have tried to stop canonizing him, but it's hard; he seemed to do everything right. We clicked. He just "got it".

Anyway, I'm at a point where I've realized a few things.

1. I like dogs more than most people and need to have at least one in my life at all times. My wife agrees.
2. I made a terrible mistake bringing in a rescue dog so soon. I need to "start over" with a young pup and get him/her established before I can take in a rescue.
3. Time DOES heal, but it's a slow and unpredictable process.


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## meisha98

I lost Vegas the end of August, my mom the end of October. We has seen Lainey's litter online a few days before my mom passed. She expressed her desire to do a female pup "from scratch" because we had never done it. Unfortunately, she had some health issues that prevented her from having a pup. Less than a week later, she was gone and I rather hastily went after a female pup. Hence Lainey. I admit at times I must have been temporarily insane to get the pup. A calm, older dog was probably what I "should" have done. Although Vegas was a male, I too have slipped and called Lainey Vegas. I think it's our way of reminding ourselves we haven't forgotten our friends. Lainey has actually played with some of Vegas' toys. Some of her actions remind me of Vegas and how he eventually settled down and became a great dog. I have hope Lainey will do the same.


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## CMorton

Thank you so much for this post, I didn't even realize this part of the forum existed, now I am just bawling reading of everyone's losses.
I lost a very special girl, Poppie, on 4/15 in recovery from a c-section/spay and I had to handraise her two little girls....it's been so so hard but I have had a lot of support from dear friends.
I see so much of her in her little girls and it hurt so much that she's not here with us, she was our spoiled rotten princess.
PJ and Beanie are now 6 1/2 weeks and they make me laugh and cry at the same time....we visit their mother every day.

I know I have had a hard time recovering, very depressed. 
A friend told me raising the girls will help ease the pain of her passing, I don't know how true that is, she loved her babies so much, I see her spirit with and in them and it really hurts.


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## Zisso

I have not read this thread all the way thru as I should, but wanted to say I am sorry to anyone who has suffered the loss of their beloved GSD...I found myself faced with the decision to have my GSD mix put down last Oct, and at the end of 3 months could not stand the quiet at home and my lack of motivation .. that is when I found my boy Z, and he has been the best thing for me. He got me going again, became my new obssession, my new love, and I am sure we were meant to be together!


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## rockhead

Hi, Eichy. It's been 8-months as of today. I thought of you while I was out at the pool this afternoon... thought of how I always made sure you were the first one in the pool when I would open it for the season. 

I miss you so much.


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## Karin

I'm so sorry, Cary. It's so hard to go through this and it does take a lot of time to heal. But you never, ever stop missing them.


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## rockhead

It's funny how certain little events lead to bigger ones. 

I was standing on the side of the road in a small town just north of Lake George. It was one of the few places I was able to get a cell signal and call home during my 4-day trip to Americade, a large motorcycle rally here in NY. Just as my call connected I spotted a beautiful GSD hanging out of the window of a pickup that was driving by. The first thing my wife heard when she picked up was "Oh, wow...."

When I got home I decided to give the classified ads a glance. See where this is going?

We looked at two 7-week old pups last night. I called this morning and asked them to hold the big (22-pound!) male for me. He's the one on the left:










We should be able to pick him up on Friday. I just got through putting the old crate together. I'm excited, nervious, apprehensive, happy, and terrified all at the same time. 

I'll post once we get there.


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## Strana1

Absolutly adorable!!


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## BowWowMeow

That little guy is cute. But 22 pounds at 7 weeks?









I _know_ that giant puppy will get lots of love but I sure hope he's got some really good breeding in him to protect those joints!


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## Annikas Mom

All those feelings are normal Cary! That big boy is gonna worm his way into your heart before you know it. 

I think of you often and wish you all the best!!


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## rockhead

We're pretty sure his name is going to be "Rookie". He's asleep at my feet as I write this. We picked him up yesterday evening and he has a great first night, settling down in the crate after a few minutes. He would have slept through the night if I hadn't panicked around midnight and pulled him out to take him outside. He was like, "This isn't going to be a nightly thing, is it??"

This morning he followed me around the property and we stopped at the young Douglas Fir where I spread some of Eich's ashes. I told him, "This is a very important tree; I want you to protect it, OK?" I swear this 8-week old sensed something, either in me or in the air, and simply sat and looked up at me with his ears back. 

This has been a terrible ordeal for me. I never, ever thought I would lose Eich prematurely. He was a dynamo, always wanting more ball, always getting comments on his beauty and demeanor, always understanding and loyal. My boy was part of me, but life goes on and we have to keep up with it. Rookie is not a replacement; he never could be. But he's already pounced on an icecube and carried a tennis ball around just like Eich did.









I'll put up some pics in the appropriate section when I get some more time. Just wanted to check in and thank everyone here for the endless support, the advice, the shoulder to cry on.


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## srfd44-2

No thanks needed here. We are here to support each other in our times of need. I am glad you found your Little Buddy there. May you have many years of joy together. Take care.


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## cpatrzyk

Congratulations!

He's beautiful.
I know Eich would be very proud, and so should you.


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## Mary Jane

Cary,

Thanks for the wonderful news. 

We'll be looking forward to hearing a lot about Rookie.

Mary Jane


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## Karin

> Originally Posted By: rockhead"This morning he followed me around the property and we stopped at the young Douglas Fir where I spread some of Eich's ashes. I told him, "This is a very important tree; I want you to protect it, OK?" I swear this 8-week old sensed something, either in me or in the air, and simply sat and looked up at me with his ears back.


I got teary reading this, but I am so happy that you found this sweet little guy (well, maybe not so little!) to keep you and your wife company. Eich can never be replaced, but I know that Rookie will bring lots of joy into your life. Congratulations on your new addition, and we're looking forward to seeing pictures of Rookie soon!


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## rockhead

Pics/thread here ---> Please Welcome Rookie 

I'd almost forgotten how a 20-pound furball can turn a household upside-down!  We have our first vet visit today and I'm getting ready with about a dozen questions I already know the answers to, but I'll ask anyway.

I'm relieved that this "big step" has been taken and the world continued to turn. I really wasn't sure what to expect, especially after the experience I had with the rescue. Incidentally, I spoke to the person who rescued that beautiful black male; she found a local home for him and he's doing very well. 

I've taken close to 100 pictures of Rookie and was sending a few out yesterday when I looked for a picture of Eich that I also wanted to attach. I **** near lost it at the sight of my beloved.









Rookie is going to fit right in. I'm looking forward to a great summer.


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## PipiK

Last November we lost a GSD to bloat.

This past March another one had to be put down because of Degenerative Myelopathy.

And three weeks ago, our Black Lab had to be put down because of cancer.


Last night was the first time I had been able to look at photos of them. I just couldn't do it all this time because I was afraid I'd start crying and never be able to stop. I have all sorts of good memories, but the picture thing was a hard one for me. I knew that if I saw pictures, I would have an overwhelming urge to touch them...to feel the familiar fur on my hands and fingers.

We did get our new GSDs at the end of March, and while part of me worried that it might be too soon, another part knew that there was no way I could live without a dog. And I have always loved GSDs...so Nikki and Lucy came to live with us, and have helped my heart to heal. I know that my old girls would be pleased to know that we loved them so much we couldn't live without others of their kind.


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## middleofnowhere

> Originally Posted By: PipiK.... while part of me worried that it might be too soon, another part knew that there was no way I could live without a dog. And I have always loved GSDs...so Nikki and Lucy came to live with us, and have helped my heart to heal. I know that my old girls would be pleased to know that we loved them so much we couldn't live without others of their kind.


They absolutely would! There is no greater honor for a dog.


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## SuzyE

all you really can do is get another dog someday. I got Travis two weeks after cesar died suddenly.My friend kept saying it was too soon. Travis helped so much, though, he was only 6 weeks old-you HAD to care for him.He was a distraction to the anquish.
My beloved Jazmin died a month ago today. I am still crying daily.That young Travis has helped so much. The most important is that he keeps Paige company. Paige & Jazmin were only 8 months apart in age. Travis WAS a replacement dog- and he has really really served his purpose. (and he looks like Jazmin's son)


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## rockhead

It’s been just about two weeks now with the new pup and he’s been keeping us pretty busy. It’s amazing how many things he does just like Eich, but at the same time he’s very much a different dog. His penchant for ice is just as strong, but he (thankfully) does not submissively urinate when petted/cuddled. Eich would be quiet in his crate and only offer a soft whine when he absolutely needed to go, but Rookie is very vocal and it’s hard to tell when he _wants_ attention or _needs_ attention. On the other hand, Eich demanded constant companionship as a pup while Rookie seems more confident; content lying in the kitchen with a chew toy as a write this. Eich went wild at the offer of a ride in the car; Rookie sleeps on the floor. Everyone has said the comparisons are inevitable. 

I’ve been through so many emotions over the last two weeks that I can’t even remember what they were all about, but there has been relief as well. I came home from work one evening last week and saw that Rhonda had given the Rook one of Eich’s old toys, a rubber dinosaur head that Eich was particularly fond of. I waited for a reaction or sentiment, but didn’t really get one; my pup was teething and seemed happy with the toy, so that was enough for me. I cut the grass yesterday (with Rookie in his crate taking an afternoon nap) and didn’t get welled-up for the first time since… well, since. Hopefully this trend will continue. I will admit, however, to calling Rookie “Eich” by accident about a dozen times in the last two weeks. 

He’s not a replacement for my awesome Eich, but someday he will be just as awesome in his own ways.


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## Cassidy's Mom

> Originally Posted By: rockheadHe’s not a replacement for my awesome Eich, but someday he will be just as awesome in his own ways.










I know exactly what you mean. Halo is a very different dog than Dena was, but she makes us smile when she seems to be channeling certain behaviors that were typical to Dena. I'm so glad you've found a puppy to love - it really does help to ease the pain of loss.


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## SuzyE

each dog will bring it's own story and will enrich our lives in thier own way


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## Buddy06

I lost Lacy yesterday, she ran in front of a car chasing a squirrel. I am so sad, I can't function. It's like getting your heart ripped out. I have Buddy, but it is so different, only feeding one dog today. Lacy used to help me with the dishes, she licked the plates when I put them in the dishwasher. I have such a hole in my heart I don't know how to deal with this. I don't wish this on anyone. I am truely heartbroken, and Buddy is looking for her. We loved her since January 25, 2008. She was such a wonderful girl, so loving and sweet, will I ever get over this?


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## rockhead

> Originally Posted By: Buddy06 will I ever get over this?


No. But it gets easier to deal with in time. 

Instant losses like yours are terrible. I had 18 days with Eich after learning he was terminally ill, and each day was a combination of a blessing and a hellish nightmare. My moods swings had me thinking I was becoming mentally ill. I can only imagine what you're going through.

Spoil Buddy and help him through this difficult time for both of you. He will come through for you if you come through for him.


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## SuzyE

I'm so sorry, it is going to take awhile for that kind of pain to subside, i'M REALLY SORRY!


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## Buddy06

Thank you everyone. I got an e-mail last night I would like to share with you. 


Masters,

I left so fast that I didn’t have time to say good-by and my new Master told me that dogs who get here like I did get to write ( ok I know I can’t write, so he is helping) one letter to their Earthly Masters, we don’t like the term “owners”.

Master, I forgive you if you forgive me, I know you feel like you let me down for you are the Master and it was your job to protect me from the Human world to teach me about streets and cars and to look both ways before I cross. You put up fences and make me walk with a collar and leash. You tried to teach me to sit and stay to come and fetch and for that I thank you. I am a dog, we bark and dig, run and play; we don’t always come when where called. You left the gate open but I was the one who chased the squirrel and we both lost so let’s call it even ok?

I don’t know what happened and my new Master won’t say but I do know that it changed both our lives in the shake of a squirrel’s tail. I do remember soft warm hands laying me softly on cool shady grass with Buddy looking over me and feeling that I was home. My nose was filled with familiar smells and I could hear you calling my name I tried to be a good girl and come but I had on a new collar and a new long leash. I could not see who had the other end of the leash but I knew that I had to go the way it leads.

When I got up I was surrounded by animals of all sorts and sizes, cats, dogs, bunnies, birds, cows and horse every critter I had ever seen. Some of the animals said that you had once been their Masters too and that for reasons none of them seamed to know exactly, they all had ended up here. They all gave me a welcoming sniff and lick then cleared a path to the end of the leash.

My new Master told me I was a good dog for you, he told me that there really aren’t any “bad” dogs that some dogs are just put into bad situations and that it is never the dogs fault. I don’t know what “fault” means so I’m glad that I cant do it. He told me I can stay with him for as long as I need and that someday you will come for me. He took off my leash and collar and asked me to sit under a big shade tree with him for a while. I felt young and strong but in need of a rest, so I sat with him as he softly stroked my head and we wrote you this letter.

Masters, don’t worry about me for his yard is big with a cool brook on one side and a deep wood on the other, there lots of room to run with many friends and my legs feel fresh.


Love
Your Dog, Lacy.

P.S. Please read aloud to Mr. Buddy the Alpha because we dogs can’t read.
Yet!


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## rockhead

Time flies when there's a 4-month old puppy in the house







So much so it's hard to believe I'm coming up on the first anniversary of Eich's trip to the bridge. 

As I figured it would, time has eased the sting of losing him so young. but fleeting thoughts still catch me off-guard. Rookie is much lower energy than Eich and it's so weird having to almost coax him out of the house on a warm day. Eich used to run _through_ screen doors to get to the rabbit; Rookie looks and disregards. I was hanging out at the pool on one of the warmer days we just had while Rookie was inside, napping in the air conditioning. After about an hour I felt he would want to come outside. I woke him and took him out. He pee'd, then pulled me back inside and went back to sleep. Eich would have been swimming in the pool and pestering me to play ball.

Please don't get me wrong - I have a wonderful pup who is loving and housebroken and sleeps through the night and is not destructive and does not submissively urinate every time I pet him. He's got sit/stay/down/come just about nailed and is the star of his playgroup. It's just so difficult to not want things back exactly the way they were.


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## rockhead

Yesterday marked one year since Eich first showed symptoms of his HSA. By late afternoon he had his spleen removed. I've been dreading the inevitable arrival of September '09, one-year anniversary of my ordeal, but now that I am here it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I spent the day yesterday taking Rookie to a playdate with my aunt's new Golden Retriever pup. It was a fun day.

I have a few things planned this month, including spreading some ashes at the "Mutt Strutt" next week. I'll be updating often.


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## rockhead

Today was another tribute day. After a nice walk, Rookie overcame his apprehension of water and went swimming in the reservoir this morning (his first real swim, not just a quick wade). After going home and having breakfast it was off to the Bark Park where he buddied up with a Corgi-mix that had GSD markings. Pretty cool looking dog actually, but I didn't even think of snapping a pic.







We hung out there for about an hour before heading back home and hanging out by the pool. The morning activities pretty much tapped him out. He's much lower energy than Eich, so he was happy being a deck-potato for the afternoon. 

I'm spoiling the [heck] out of this dog









Strutt Your Mutt is coming this Sunday. It's going to be rough. Eich went every year, even during his final week. I want to make the blessing and spead some ashes, but I don't want to make a spectacle of myself. Perhaps a liquid lunch before heading over?









Thinking of you, Eich.


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## rockhead

Yesterday was Strutt Your Mutt at Veterans Memorial Park here in Putnam County (NY). It was a great turnout thanks to the warm weather. As planned, I took Rookie. I also took some of Eich's ashes in a white velvet jewelry pouch.

The Blessing of the Animals occured a few minutes past noon. As I sat on the lawn in the sunshine on a beautiful 80-degree day, and as the Reverend began the blessing, I spread some of the ashes out and "petted" them into the grass. I took the remaining ashes in my right hand and Rookie's leash in my left as we took a long walk on the trail in the woods, the same one we took Eich on many times. 

As we walked along I let the ashes drop from my hand very slowly over the course of about a half-mile, and I swear I could have detected a tug or two at my right hand. I wished Eich a happy Mutt Strutt and said goodbye. Rookie had a good time at the park. He met lots of other dogs and was perfect with all of them. A few improperly socialized dogs snarled and snapped at him (including one Lab belonging to a so-called "trainer") and he just turned and ignored them; he instigated nothing. We also met a few rescue dogs being offered for adoption. Let me tell you, the young yellow Lab mix was calm and happy, licking Rookie on the mouth and wanting to play. If Rookie was only about 12-months older I might have jumped. It was a good day, it was a sad day. Which brings me to my next point.

This is not easy for my to write, and I imagine it won't be easy to do, but I have to let Eich go. I actually felt quite guilty yesterday. There I was with my wonderful, perfectly behaved, not-quite-5-month-old pup, being miserable and mourning my lost pet almost a year after his death. I cannot continue this. It's not fair to Rookie or myself. I have decided that, following the one year anniversary this coming 9/30, I am going to have the remaining ashes encapsulated in a glass sculpture and move forward.

Eich will never, ever be forgotten, but I am certain he would want me to place my full attention on my living furkids and keep him in my dreams.


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## Strana1

> Originally Posted By: rockhead
> 
> This is not easy for my to write, and I imagine it won't be easy to do, but I have to let Eich go. I actually felt quite guilty yesterday. There I was with my wonderful, perfectly behaved, not-quite-5-month-old pup, being miserable and mourning my lost pet almost a year after his death. I cannot continue this. It's not fair to Rookie or myself. I have decided that, following the one year anniversary this coming 9/30, I am going to have the remaining ashes encapsulated in a glass sculpture and move forward.
> 
> Eich will never, ever be forgotten, but I am certain he would want me to place my full attention on my living furkids and keep him in my dreams.

















I have no other words except to say you are very strong, my Titan has been gone 18 months and there are still times when a memory of him brings me to tears.


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## kshort

Cary, I really understand about the letting go, because I did the same thing to Sammy after Max passed. To this day, it's very hard for me, but I've tried really hard not to let it interfere with my relationship with Sam. He's a wonderful boy and deserves to have my undivided attention and my heart. Of course, my husband still teases me about "Saint Max". But I swear he was - he was just a perfect boy. 

You had a nice day, and once more I think Eich was sending you a message that Rookie deserves what he had all those years with you. It's Rookie's time...


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## lucymom

Letting go does not mean forgetting. We can honor our lost dogs and love them without being consumed by grief.

I need to try to do that too...................

Best to you.


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## Mary Jane

> Originally Posted By: rockhead I was with my wonderful, perfectly behaved, not-quite-5-month-old pup........ and mourning my lost pet


Cary, surely one of the marvelous aspects of the human mind is to experience two distinct emotions at once. I can promise you that I did that at my step-daughter's wedding last Saturday: pure joy for her new life and sadness that the child has disappeared into the woman.

I doubt that you "will let Eich go". He will join you and Rookie in spirit and continue to enrich your life.

You are a rich man with marvelous memories of Eich and memories of Rookie, waiting to be made.

Mary Jane


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## rockhead

After doing some online research and having a week-long e-mail excahnge I decided on these guys: Mementos 

I'm getting two; a sphere in the color of Eich's favorite ball, and one shaped like his first puppy toy, a red rubber dumbbell. I've has no experience with this place and this isn't an endorsement. I'll let everyone know how it all turns out when I get the finished product. I sent the ashes out today and am actually beginning to feel some closure with the thought of having a permanent, yet subdued memento on display. I brought Rookie to the post office with me and we went to the reservoir afterwards for a swim; check out my video link in the puppy section here.

I'm quickly coming up on the first full year without Eich, and Rookie has been just incredible. He's so much unlike Eich, yet has so many of his aspects. I still can't beleive he has his original crate pad from day one! (Eich shredded about a dozen of them before I gave up)

Thank you all for your continued reading, postings, and support.


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## aneighbor

I want to thank you Cary for having this thread, its been two weeks today since i've had to say goodbye and it's helped to read through all the posts. 

I would just like to post something here I put on a site of me and a few friends the night I had to say goodbye. 

" Today I learned for the first time how hard it is to say goodbye to a pet, I had to put down my 3yr old German Shepherd. Every since he was a pup we have been taking him to a vet for skin problems. Doing every thing we could afford to help him. Finally in this last month he had lost all his hair and had been biting and itching so bad he had several deep cuts all over his body. 



My heart hurts so bad tonight, My youngest child keeps asking me what happend to him, and I cant get it out with out breaking down. I knew it would be hard to handle, but I never imagined how much pain there would be. 



This has brought up every other loss in my life, I spent a few hours at my fathers grave after I had to tell my Timber goodbye and just sat and cried I didnt know what else or where else to go. Even though I only had three short years with my boy and he wasent human, the pain hurts just as bad. 



Theres part of me that feel foolish for hurting so bad, theres part of me that feels guilty I didnt do enough or could have done more. I guess at this point I just dont know what to do to help ease the pain. "


I just would like to thank you all, this last hour I have had alot of tears but also alot of healing.


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## SuzyE

to me letting go means being able to think of cesar and jazmin in happy thoughts without crying. I can do that with cesar but it has been two yrs. not yet with jazmin, I still can't think of her without crying but everyday I tell her I love her and that I would have done anything to keep her with us.


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## rockhead

Today marks one year since Eich died. There are a lot of things that need to be said.

First of all, I’ve done a lot of reading on loss and grieving in the last year. I found a wonderful article on GSDRescue.com relating to German Shepherds. The author remarks how she, as a child, had the “perfect” GSD. The same author, now an adult, reflects on her canonized childhood dog and how he was very imperfect in many ways. Even so, her parents recount him as the model of everything a dog should be. Here’s a link, see “Myth #4”: http://www.gsdrescue.org/adopt_gsdmyths.html

Eich was like that to me. He was a submissive urinator, had moderate separation anxiety, and was very mouthy throughout his life (although he never once bit). He shredded too many crate pads and pillows for me to recall, and even destroyed one medium-duty crate while breaking out of it; he actually broke the welds on the side wall. I sent pictures to the manufacturer and they said they had never seen that happen. He ripped the cove molding off my hallway walls. He was possessive of his toys and displayed some mild food aggression, but even I could not get a marrowbone away from him without a lot of drama. Despite all this, “Saint Eich” earned his place in my heart with his incredible intelligence, his readiness for play, and his undying loyalty and attentiveness. 

Rookie is my new pup. He’s 5.5 months old as I write this, and I’m still waiting for the big whammy. He’s been sleeping through the night since he was 10-weeks old. He can accept cuddling without emptying his bladder in submission. His original crate pad remains untouched. He shares toys, food, and water with other dogs, and he’ll give me his marrowbone if I ask him for it. He goes right into the crate on command and settles quickly. I miss Eich’s work line play drive, but Rookie’s lower energy level is a welcome change. Doesn’t this sound like I’m bashing Eich? Believe me, I feel some guilt writing about “Saint Eich” this way. But just like the author above says, every one of our dogs is perfect for us. 

Thank you, Saint Eich, for everything stupid little thing you did. The way your face lit up when you heard the words “Rabbit”, “Deer”, or “Squirrel”. The way you melted when meeting new people despite your fearsome appearance, yet keeping solicitors at bay with a single bark. For your awesome off-lead manners and even awesomer recall; people would always ask me how I got you to do that. I would always reply, “It’s not me, he just does it”.

Thank you, Rookie, for being such a good boy. Bringing a new pup into the house was a terrifying thought, but you’ve made it very easy. I know you don’t understand, but you have no idea how nice it is to find you asleep or just quietly playing with a chew toy whenever it gets “too” quiet in the house. 

Thank you, all the people of this forum, for sharing your experiences and allowing me to share. The last 13-months have been harrowing, yet I have learned so much about myself. I’m not sure how I would have managed without GSD.com as a resource for my never-ending questions as well an outlet for my emotions. Although we may feel alone and desperate when tragedy strikes, there are countless people out there who understand what we go through when we lose a pet.

And finally, I must acknowledge and thank a new member:



> Originally Posted By: aneighborI want to thank you Cary for having this thread, its been two weeks today since i've had to say goodbye and it's helped to read through all the posts.
> <snip>
> 
> I just would like to thank you all, this last hour I have had alot of tears but also alot of healing.


Wow. I am simply at a loss for words as I realize the complete role reversal that has occurred. I was in your shoes a year ago, in desperate need of comfort and answers. I really don't k now what to say except for thank YOU, and I hope this thread has brought you some solace. That was my intention in the beginning and I am truly humbled to know it has helped someone else like me.


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## rockhead

A few posts back I indicated I was going to have a couple of glass mementos created using some of Eich's ashes. I wanted to replicate two of Eich's favorite toys; a red rubber dumbbell that was one of his first puppy toys, and his beloved blue rubber ball. I figured he would have climbed inside of either of those toys if he could have while he was alive, so why not let him.


After a brief e-mail exchange with Mitzi at Mementos I took photos and e-mailed them.





















After being assured that the artist could do the job, I sent a 35mm film canister of Eich's cremains and waited. Mitzi called me about two weeks later to say the pieces were on their way back to me and they came out great. I had high hopes, but I was not ready for what I got.



*The Dumbell*

















*The Ball*

















The most incredible thing about these pieces occurs with the ball. What the artist did not know and could not have known was that the blue rubber ball had a hole in it from where the squeaker used to be. I did not include that detail in my e-mail and there was no picture of it, yet the glass sculpture has a clear spot on it which clearly represents that hole!










I'm not a believer, but this HAS to be divine inspiration.

I really cannot imagine why I didn't think of doing this originally, and I'm so glad I did. The pieces are discreet and look great anywhere. I'm still not sure where they're are going to end up. They sat on my nighttable for the first couple of days, and I'm trying them out in different places right now. I am going to spread the remaining cremains and keep these mementos forever. 

EICH, MY BOY, YOU FINALLY _REALLY_ GOT THE BALL!


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## WiscTiger

I am going to post the link again. The replicas of the toys look great.

http://www.glassmementos.com/lobby.html

Val


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## srfd44-2

I am a firm believer that our loved ones who have passed always find a way to let us know everything is "okay". Eich just let you know he is okay by the "hole" in the glass ball. Peace to you and to Eich.


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## rockhead

> Originally Posted By: srfd44-2Eich just let you know he is okay by the "hole" in the glass ball. Peace to you and to Eich.


What a beautiful thought!


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## kshort

Wow Cary - that gave me goosebumps when I saw the "hole" in the glass ball. Those are absolutely gorgeous.

Your writing of Eich is so beautiful and so heartfelt. A dog who was loved as much as humanely possible - how lucky he was.

I'm glad little Rookie is being such a good boy, but more than anything, I'm glad he's brought joy back into your life after the loss of Eich...


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## aneighbor

Those are great, thanks for sharing them with us Cary.


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## puppymamma

Not sure why I landed on this part of the forum but I can tell you the tears are rolling down my face! 
I lost my first furkid 2 years ago when I was 6 months pregnant. It was a horrible loss precipitated by a fluke spinal stroke. I was always waiting for a sign form my Zeke to let me know he was safe - a dream, something. It didn't come. One morning I awoke to a big loud Zeke bark. Only one. I knew he was ok, and I gave birth later that day. I know he is out there helping someone else now. So in the ultimate irony I am now the helper to a crazy nutbar Barrett who challenges me everyday!!!! 
Good luck to all of you in your varying stages of grief. We will all get through this.


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## rockhead

Romulus is a 9-year old Sable who belongs to Derrick, a good friend of mine. Eich and Rom were only a few months apart and might as well have been littermates. They were best friends and rolled around together the whole time whether it was a 30-minute or 5-hour visit. I’m sure I mentioned bringing Rom one of Eich’s tennis balls earlier in this thread.

It’s been long overdue, but we finally introduced Rookie to Romulus over the weekend. Rom was happy (as always) to see us (the humans), but he was apprehensive about the new dog. Rookie is very well socialized at this point (as is Rom), so I didn’t expect any problems. Although Rom was always very active and welcomed rough play, he’s older now and asserted himself very well when Rookie tried some heavy duty antics. By the end of the night they had to be pulled apart, and I mean that in a good way.

Derrick’s amazing girls (3 and 6) had no problem asking about Eich and how he died. Rookie was awesome with them, at one point running back and forth between them exchanging kisses as they laughed. This pup is really something. I found myself rather melancholy on the long ride home as I reflected on the evening. Seeing Rookie playing with Rom brought back all the memories of the good times. 

Here's a link to some lousy cameraphone footage of Rook and Rom mixing it up. It was late and Alexandra was getting tired and cranky









YouTube video


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## aneighbor

Sounds like a great night, thanks for sharing with the video.


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## rockhead

I won't be able to post this from work tomorrow, as the mere thought of doing this has already put me into tears, so here it is a few hours early:

:birthday:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EICH!

I really can't believe you would have been 'only' 9; it seems like you were just here yesterday. That awful September '08 damaged me badly, and recovery has been slow and painful. Rookie is awesome and I think you really would have enjoyed having him around, but as cool as he is I still miss you terribly.

You were a piece of me, and you are gone, but so, so far from forgotten. 

Happy Birthday at the bridge.


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## srfd44-2

Happy Birthday, Eich. Watch over your dad and let him know you are around.


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## Clay

*Still miss him.*

The pain is still strong after losing Kasey on march 30, 2010. I found myself watching YouTube to see if any of them looked like Kasey. I then started looking online at breeders websites. I found a breeder, Hans K-9, which is about 40 miles away and went just to look. Just looking didn't work. I am now the owner of an 8 week old puppy which I named Kaiser. Kaiser and I visit Kasey's grave everyday. Having Kaiser hasn't helped ease the pain very much, but he is a loving puppy and I give him my full attention. I have registered him with the AKC and I am planning on starting him in a training program through one of the local clubs.


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## Trina

Kaiser looks like a total sweetheart. 

One day at a time, Clay, that's all anyone can do, is take it one day at a time.


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## Wolfiesmom

I lost my GSD Chief 10 years ago, and I just found the heart to get myself a new puppy. I am loving it. My older kids ( 28 and 27 years old) both burst into tears when they saw the new puppy and couldn't stop talking about Chief for days. You never get over it, but it does get easier. Just take it one day at a time.


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## rockhead

We vacationed in Delaware about three months before Eich died, staying in a dog-friendly B&B. While walking Eich on the beach one afternoon, a man with tears in his eyes walked right up to us. He lost his GSD about a year earlier and just wanted his "fix". He was a big, burly guy, but had no problem letting it flow as he spoke of his beloved pet. 

I had no idea at the time that Eich's days were numbered. 

I think about that encounter often and wonder if it was some sort of divine early warning.

Just last weekend we found ourselves at a local nursery, picking out some flower baskets for the deck. Rookie was along for the outing. Lots of people approached to pet him, but one couple stopped dead in their tracks. The man got on the ground and hugged him as if he raised him. Rookie was all over him. The wife explained that they "just" lost their GSD and were in need of a fix. I say "just" because, as we stood there and spoke, they mentioned that their girl died over two years ago. It was still "just" to them. They said they'd get another some day, but not yet.

It's weird to run in to strangers who are just like us. It's kind of like this forum.

I remember clearly how devastating Eich's loss was I was and how terrifying the thought of a new pup was in the following months. I didn't want to jump too soon, but I now know that I overwrought the situation by 'cannonizing' Eich in my mind. Rookie has developed in to one **** of a dog. His attention-seeking whining has diminished greatly (thank God) and he STILL has his original puppy crate pad, unshredded! While I had some early guilty feelings about 'replacing' Eich, I have also come to realize my 'need' to have a dog in my life is physiological; I cannot do anything about it. 

Folks, if you're caught up in an area of indecision, wondering whether you are still mourning and pondering whether or not to get another pup, take it from me; you are ready. Your body is saying you are ready. You are not replacing your lost pet; you never could. You are simply filling the tremendous void that your pet left. Many things will change, some better, some not so much, but many things will be the same. Rookie has latched on to Eich's old rope Kong with the exact same intensity (maybe more) that Eich had. He's my new pet, and he's not a replacement; he's fortification. And yours will be, too.


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## celiamarie

I think I've been waiting for a 'sign' and I needed to read this. Thank you Cary. I lost my Max 3 weeks ago.(He was only 4 - lymphoma took him) Max and I were so great together ( I never knew I was a 'dog person' - I've always had ferrets) that he has shown me that I am better with a dog. I'm just more complete. I'm scared as heck. I hope I don't find myself comparing the new one to Max. What are your thoughts on that?


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## celiamarie

I could not edit my previous post a second time. Here is my Max.


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## rockhead

celiamarie said:


> I lost my Max 3 weeks ago.(He was only 4 - lymphoma took him)


Eich was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma back in September of '08. It was a sudden onset and I had a mere 27-days with him after he was diagnosed. I was practically comatose for three months, then quite depressed for another 6. I found myself looking at pups between the 3 and 6-month mark, but it felt like it was too soon. I have since learned that the time was right and I needed to get myself moving. If you look back in this thread towards the Christmas '08 posts you will find my long period of indecision and confusion.

3 weeks would have been way too soon for me, but everyone is different. I needed to mourn. My mother once had a new pup within a week of losing one of her Labs. My aunt just did the same thing. That works for them. 

If you feel you are ready to take on the emotional commitment so soon after a terrible loss, you are a very strong person and you should go with it. 

As far as 'comparing' them goes, it's inevitable. Like people, they all have similar and differing traits. Some will make you sad, some will make you laugh. It's all part of the experience. Just remember that Max remains in your heart; he will guide you, and you need to focus on the needs of your new love.


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## celiamarie

Thank you, Cary. I finally have finished reading through all the posts. Your writing is touching and honest. Thanks for taking the time to guide us through our own grief.


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## kensbuns1

*Our Chewey*

We lost our Chewey just a few short weeks ago. Chewey was a black male German Shepherd and he was only 2 years old. He was such a spoiled rotten dog. He loved his family and was major patient with the Grandchildren. I have pics of him sitting with the grand girls letting them read to him. He was 91 lbs but the gentlest giant I have ever owned. My fiance and I went through a break up about a year ago and I went into a deep depression that left me couch bound for about 3 days. Chewey would steal my things and take them outside and hide them under the picnic table so I would have to go out and get them. That is the only time he ever took any of my things, so I know he was there as an angel watching over his Mama. He licked away my tears and gave me the biggest hugs and sad eyes. He will be truly missed and I am for sure I do not know when or if I will ever get over this pain.


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## steaminz

*Magic at the Bridge*

We had to release our 17 year old Chow-Chow Magic yesterday. This on the near heels of letting our 12 year old GSD mix Cosmo go on March 31st. They are free from pain and sickness. We are devastated. Cosmo had liver disease he carefully hid before we could possibly help. Magic simply reached 'that point' of no quality of life some here have certainly seen before.
It is not about us. It is about them. Still,the reality of what had to be done was so sad and painful. 
We miss our beloved 'kids' sorely. I want to say more. For the time being it was important to just get this out. My own release.


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## JudynRich

It is so hard to lose our beloved and best friends, I am so sorry for your loss. Keep writing (a journal is good)-it can help and it gives you a quiet moment to reflect on your dogs. When my daughter was 6 she got a poodle puppy, that dog died after 18 years. We buried her in the back yard, and she goes out each week and turns on the lamp "for her". She says she will do this for one year.


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## BLK GSD

> Folks, if you're caught up in an area of indecision, wondering whether you are still mourning and pondering whether or not to get another pup, take it from me; you are ready. Your body is saying you are ready. You are not replacing your lost pet; you never could. You are simply filling the tremendous void that your pet left. Many things will change, some better, some not so much, but many things will be the same. Rookie has latched on to Eich's old rope Kong with the exact same intensity (maybe more) that Eich had. He's my new pet, and he's not a replacement; he's fortification. And yours will be, too.


wow Cary.. I am so having this problem.. No doubt i am still morning my second heart dog, Caeser I lost on fri 5/21. I could tell the moment I met this dog he was special. There came a time he needed a new home and my first heart dog Maleki was dog aggressive and i couldn't give him that home. Lucky a friend of my step sister was able to give him a home. I loved Maleki with all my heart and he was my first heart dog.. He was very bonded with me and i took him everywhere with me. Then one early morning he woke me up. Ended up rushing him to emergency vet. I lost him to bloat. And I was devastated. It took me 2 hours to leave there. I was so empty. Was lost coming home to a empty house. I still morn him. My boyfriend and mom both knew about Caeser and tried talking or should I say bribing the girl into letting me have him, hoping it would help me deal with losing my boy. But she and her kids where attached and if she needed to rehome him she would let me have him. My boyfriend got me to start looking at adopting another one and we did. (He is a good dog but more his dog then mine). Then a year after we adopted Mikah. She was needing to rehome Caeser. So he came to live with me.. I was so right on the money when I said he was specail. I didnt think i could have a another heart dog. but i was so wrong. He became my new shadow and was happy just being with me no matter what i was doing.. He would look me in the eyes so lovingly. And now I am going through it all over again. I adopted Maleki and only had 3 yrs and a yr later Caeser comes back in my world, only 3 yrs with him before he got sick (diagnosed with Addison possible tumor in glads because he wasn't getting better on meds). I loved this boy and I am so lost without him. this dog would sleep with me all night and never leave me. He was the most affectionate dog.. I loved him and i feel so empty again...
So i have found my self looking for another dog because i'm trying to full a void that i'm missing. i found a 18 month old that i saw with that strong bonding and affection and laid back easy going like Caeser was. But I wasnt sure if I was ready and as been along time since I had to train a young GSD (only been in a kennel) (a showdog failure being homed into pet home) we talked and she gave me good advise and to think about it, i told her i would think about it for a week but not to hesitate if a good home came along to place him. Because I wasn't sure if was ready, and i didnt want him to lose the chance of a good home because i couldn't decided what i wanted. i wish i would have read this about two weeks ago.. I think I just missed out on maybe my third heart dog.. She email me and told me she placed him and the man and him took up right away. he had a good home.. But i still wonder if I am ready.. but reading what you wrote really makes me feel i may have lost out on a great dog... This is good advice from Cary because you may just miss out on the next great dog in your life..


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## steaminz

BLK GSD, First my condolences for your loss. We were also in a similar state of mind. Our wonderful Cosmo succumbed to liver disease just two months ago. We were blindsided by his illness and sudden loss. This because our Chow Magic was approaching 17 and though healthy we knew she was well beyond her breeds average lifespan. We were preparing ourselves for the day she would have to leave us. Then we lost our 12 year old buddy Cosmo... A few years ago I stumbled upon Kaiser at about two months of age. He needed a home and Cosmo now could use a buddy as Magic had once needed one. So his loss was profound for Kaiser too.
We were very concerned for him. In a way it brought the thought of looking for a companion for him rather than us, a sooner than later proposition. With the exception of our Chow-Chow, our animal family members have always been a 'moment in time' addition. ShellBee has now arrived. A fifteen month old purebred black GSD. She was kenneled since weaning over a year. Now remember we were only thinking about getting another dog. We mostly rescue but we had such great lives with a rescued Shepherd mix that I checked around for breeders in our area. Possibly bringing a puppy home sometime for Kaiser to raise. Well, I sent a fateful e-mail to a kennel a couple of hours away. Just inquiring. Researching. Got a message back that though I was interested in a puppy they had a 13 month old female that needed a home. She was caught in the middle of a breeder dispute over hip representation. It is a long story but she had been purchased to breed and her hip test was not satisfactory for that purpose. So in the ongoing dispute she lived in the kennel and was never socialized or had a real home. She is though an absolute sweetheart. We took Kaiser to meet her and she came home with us. 
What I am trying to convey is it always seems to be something else at work getting our four-footed freinds and us together. In this case we thought we could be rushing the process. Didn't really have a plan. A lot of ongoing emotion and uncertainty. A leap of faith if you like. We now know bringing ShelBee into our lives was the right thing for her,Kaiser,and us. We can never replace our 'kids'. We can however, be open to change and the unconditional love awaiting those who are paying attention.
Hope all goes well for you in your quest. I truly believe some things are meant to be.


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## Baersmama

We now have two GSD's, and have had three that have passed on. One, Baer, lived only for 20 months. When we lost him, it was so sad, because we never got to see the beautiful (adult) dog he would have been. I agree, we need to remember the wonderful times shared -- and even in this short life, I know Baer was happy. I think we were led to him, because God knew his life was destined to be short --and we would be able to care for him. So sorry for your loss of Eich. You wlll know when you are ready to open your heart to another dog. We can never replace what we have lost --- but we can make room in our hearts for another. Take care.


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## BLK GSD

thanks steaminz, my heart goes out to you as while and everyone with the loss of their special dogs... 
i agree Baersmama, we cant never replace and a dog lovers heart is never full and their is always room for another one... when the day comes, the right one will enter and a void will fill a little... hugs to all...


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## rockhead

I'm subscribed to this thread that I started way back when, and it's been a long time since I or anyone else posted to it. I suppose that's a good thing. I want to share something that caught my attention last night.

My wife got annoyed at Rookie when he lunged in front of her as she opened the slider onto the deck. "Why does he have to do that?", she asked. I immediately replied, "Would you rather have a dog that is food and toy aggressive, a submissive urinator, shreds his bedding, and eats the moldings off the walls?" 

Yes, I bashed Eich mercilessly.  But I called it like I saw it. Eich was a beautiful, loyal dog who impressed everyone with his attentiveness and obedience, but he had his quirks.

Rookie is a total goofball who listens most of the time , but is otherwise calm, totally trustworthy with food and toys, and really just an overall pleasure to have around. 

I felt a little pang of guilt after I realized what I said, but it wasn't like it wasn't the truth. We talked about Eich for a minute or so afterwards and it was the first time in nearly two years we have been able to do so without one of us tearing up. I'd still give anything to have had him longer, but I think at this point I can call myself recovered. 

I think I'm going to take a long break from this thread and pay more attention to the things that make the process worth repeating.


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## JazzNScout

rockhead said:


> I'm subscribed to this thread that I started way back when, and it's been a long time since I or anyone else posted to it. I suppose that's a good thing. I want to share something that caught my attention last night.
> 
> My wife got annoyed at Rookie when he lunged in front of her as she opened the slider onto the deck. "Why does he have to do that?", she asked. I immediately replied, "Would you rather have a dog that is food and toy aggressive, a submissive urinator, shreds his bedding, and eats the moldings off the walls?"
> 
> Yes, I bashed Eich mercilessly.  But I called it like I saw it. Eich was a beautiful, loyal dog who impressed everyone with his attentiveness and obedience, but he had his quirks.
> 
> Rookie is a total goofball who listens most of the time , but is otherwise calm, totally trustworthy with food and toys, and really just an overall pleasure to have around.
> 
> I felt a little pang of guilt after I realized what I said, but it wasn't like it wasn't the truth. We talked about Eich for a minute or so afterwards and it was the first time in nearly two years we have been able to do so without one of us tearing up. I'd still give anything to have had him longer, but I think at this point I can call myself recovered.
> 
> I think I'm going to take a long break from this thread and pay more attention to the things that make the process worth repeating.


What a cool post! I was so incredibly devastated last year at the loss of my Jasmine, and in all honesty, my husband and I adopted another dog too soon -- Two months later we adopted an Aussie mix with disabilities and in some ways I felt more of a hole in my heart because he was/is so un-German shepherd like :crazy: 

A year after Jasmine's death, the puppy bug hit me by surprise, and we rescued a girl puppy (GSD) a few weeks ago. I was amazed at how in love with her I immediately felt. I forgot, it seems, that I was able to do this. I have "admitted" that she is the easiest puppy I have ever had. I love her temperament and she's smart as a whip. I am amazed by her. And that's ok. I also realize that my other dogs have all paved the way for me to be a better dog parent, and that things only get better. 

Meanwhile, the Aussie mix is in totally smitten with the puppy (she is more mature than he is -- he is the one who cries at night now!) and has taken on the role of "clown big brother," showing his real sweetheart side, while Scout, WGSD with his own crazy issues, is the gentle grandfather who allows her to step on his nose, but who will gently place a paw on her back when he needs to say, "Enough, now."


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## Blitz Burgh Steeler

Sorry for your loss my friend, I know the pain all to well. Czar (Rott/Doby mix) died in my arms last year and it was the hardest thing i ever did . I laid with him, my stomach against his back with his head laying on my arm so he could smell me .I laid with him for 3 hrs. I would have laid there all week if thats what it took . My boy was not going to die alone. He is at rest under my bedroom window,that was his favorite spot when he was outside. He used to dig in that very spot wanting to stay cool and stay close to me when he was outside in the cool months during the day. I mis the sh!t ouit of him. He was about 11-12 yrs old, i adopted him from a guy who's work was taking him to England and it broke his heart to have to give him up. Czar was about 2 yrs old then . The poor guy cried as he drove off my property, but he knew Czar now had 5 acres to roam, no more fenced pen or collars and leashes.He loved kids and loved Rocky, my 18 lb Cat and tolerated my daughters Yorkie, Cuddles. Rocky loved to wash Czars face , it was the funniest thing to see this cat lick this HUGE dogs face all over:crazy:.I wish i could get over deaths , but i can't seem too. I still miss Lady, my first dog , a GSD we adopted when i was 9 back in 1967.She passed away in 1978. I cried for months.... I stiil get choked up when something reminds me of Czar. The loss of those you truly love is never gotten over ---- its something that you ENDURE--at least thats how i feel. Sorry again for your loss and like you i finally got Blitz and he is filling the whole left in my heart.If people had the traits of a good dog ,it would be a perfect world!!! I LOVE DOGS


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## Emoore

Tomorrow it will be 3 weeks since Cash inhaled his Kong ball and died. I never got the chance to say goodbye-- I petted him when I left for work and a few hours later my husband was calling me from the vet's office to come and view his body. So far not a single day has gone by without me crying. Some times just a few tears fall; others I am gripped by great, body-wracking sobs and feel like I wish I were dead too. If it weren't for my husband and Rocky the temptation to follow Cash would be so great. 

I am so tired of being sad all the time. All I want is my Cashdog back.


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## cody5777

*How do we continue*

This morning we put out beloved boy Cody down because of major health issues. Our vet came to our home and made it so much easier for him... How do we focus on anything else now? He was a once in a lifetime 
shepherd who loved everyone. He was huge about 136 at his heaviest but vet also said he was never over weight. Just a big boy. We have no children so he was our child. Last night we took our mattress off the bed so he could lay between us and we could hold him. I can not stop crying and the void is enormous. Where does all that love go???????? I have to stop because we feel like our heart is going to break. Please any advice would be appreciated. Cody's mommy and daddy.


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## Mary Jane

For myself I think your grief is part and parcel of your tremendous bond with Cody. He was too important not to mourn with your whole heart. 

There are no easy answers for how the two of you face the resounding quiet that is Cody's absence. If talking about your boy will help at all then you have an enormously sympathetic audience here.

I am truly sorry for your loss,
Mary Jane


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## bugaboo

Hi Cary,
Your posts have been a great help to me. We lost our Max last week, he was nine and we are having a difficult time coping. It is hard for me to enter the house, I expect him to be there waiting for me on the couch. My 5 year old daughter refered to Max as her "big brother". Our home feels so empty without him. Max died of cancer, and we only found out about it three weeks prior. I must say that I am so greatful for the three final weeks with him. 

Your Eich was a beautiful dog. 

I made a video tribute of all the lovely times we had with our Max. 




 
Sarah


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## rockhead

bugaboo said:


> Hi Cary,
> Your posts have been a great help to me.


I'm so happy to hear that. I started writing about Eich and my recovery from losing him as an outlet for my grief. I never expected this thread to be what it is and am truly humbled.

Oh, and I only got about 20 seconds in to Max's video - the pic of your daughter (?) sitting with him was all it took. 

I'll go back to it another day - I have to remain presentable right now!


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## Stosh

Oh I'm so sorry- what tremendous losses recently. I read where one person told FatBoy4Ever that when one dog leaves they open the heart for another. As I write this, I have the ashes of the best dog that ever lived, our gsd Omy, sitting on the buffet just over my shoulder- while our 10 mo old Stosh squeaks on a stuffed chick and cries and licks it every time it peeps- with tears come joy.


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## Yvette

I have been crying since Saturday.  12 years is not long enough. All I can think about is the emptiness & what am I going to do now. DaKota was why I got out of bed & why I met so many great people. Now what? Back to feeling empty & not wanting to anything.  I talked with one sister & my Best Friend. They saw what DaKota did when she was here with me & all the positives that DaKota & I did. They told me to look into getting another, but to go slow. I don't want to replace DaKota at all. 
She's has & will always be my heart. I have 2 other dogs. A pug & a Shih Tzu, but they are not DaKota. I love them dearly & would do anything for them, but it does not feel the same. I am so sorry to babble on. It hurts really bad. I lost my & DaKota's baby boy (our cat) in August. My Mom's birthday just passed on the 4th of this month. Why do they go so soon? 
 How do I get pass this hurt.


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## TED MEYER

Hello yvette, i know for sure music or poems put to music or just writing always somehow helps me out. When my dad died a while back then my mother 27 days later, the songs were just rollin out of my guitar. I hope this could work for you. I was making up songs about my old gs when he stopped playin and i could see things startin to be the beginning of the end. Hang in there. Bye


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## TED MEYER

Hello i can't imagine losing a dog that way. So freaky. May i ask what is a kong ball and is it smaller then a tennis ball? Sorry


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## TED MEYER

SORRY i DID'NT TYPE THAT LAST REPLY IN RIGHT. I WAS REFERRING TO eMORE'S LAST POST ABOUT THE KONG BALL


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## TED MEYER

Sorry again i misspelled. Emoore


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## idahospud49

I am slowly getting better about being able to drive up to the house and not expect Amadeus to come running up to the truck to greet me. I never would have guessed that I would miss having to look out for my dorky dog when I was backing up into my parking spot. I was always sitting in my truck telling him to get out of my way so I wouldn't hit him. Now when I go on walks the two neighborhood roamers make an extra affectionate hello to me since their third walking buddy is no longer around.


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## vomSHRINER

rockhead said:


> I lost a heart dog this past September and have had one **** of a time getting back into the swing of things. When Eich was sick and in the days following his death I found solace in this forum every day, sometimes several times a day. It's been almost two months since he passed but it seems like much longer.
> 
> It's getting easier to do the little things that used to cause tears, like getting ice from the ice dispenser, walking up to the mailbox, or shutting off the tractor blades; Eich would charge into the kitchen for his icecube whenver he heard the dispenser run, would always accompany me to the mailbox, and came running when he heard the tractor shutting down as he knew I was finished.
> 
> I caught myself selecting the lockers in the gym numbered corrosponding to the number of days since his death and forced myself to stop.
> 
> There have been random thoughts and some conversation about another dog, but neither of us are anywhere near ready right now. I'm sure it will happen someday... I just can't say when.
> 
> Anyway, I thought I'd put this thread up for those of us who just need to check in for one another from time to time. Your comments are welcome.


this poem helped me in Sept when my wife and I had to put our 14year old bi-color "Bear" down.

Treat me kindly, my beloved friend,
for no heart in all the world
is more grateful for kindness
than the loving heart of me.
Do not break my spirit with a stick,
for though I should lick your hand between blows,
your patience and understanding will more quickly teach me
the things you would have me learn.
Speak to me often,
for your voice is the world's sweetest music,
as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail
when your footstep falls upon my waiting ear.
Please take me inside when it is cold and wet,
for I am a domesticated animal,
no longer accustomec to the bitter elements.
I ask no great glory than the privilege
of sitting at your feet beside the hearth.
Keep my pan filled with fresh water,
for I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst.
Feed me clean food that I may stay well,
to romp and play and do your bidding,
to walk by your side,
and stand ready, willing and able to protect you with my life,
should your life be in danger.
And, my friend, when I am very old,
and I no longer enjoy good heath, hearing and sight,
do not make heroic efforts to keep me going.
I am not having any fun.
Please see that my trusting life is taken gently.
I shall leave this earth knowing with the last breath
I draw that my fate was always safest in your hands.

~Author Unknown~

Hope this helps and remember he is in a good place even though it is not with you. Sorry for your loss. I know what you are feeling. Having a hard time writing this. Take care.


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## rockhead

Reading over some of my posts from the last couple of years is a true indication of how much better things are now. Rookie will be two next month. eek Has it really been this long??

My parents lost Cody a couple of months ago. He was an elderly yellow Lab. He was born with some sort of chemical imbalance which made him pretty much unpredictable and unapproachable. He was a real PITA to anyone who did not have daily contact with him - a totally non-prototypical Lab.

My mother was waxing poetic over Cody a couple of days ago - how perfect he was, etc. I understood how she felt, but at the same time understood the denial. My own Eich was protective of his food and toys - he would often growl at anyone who got too close when he had a particular bone or ball. Nobody could have told me anything when he first died, though I now readily accept that he had his issues. 

I figure it'll be about a year before my mother realizes how tempermental Cody really was.


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## Apostolis

I have recently read two great articles about getting over the loss of a dog. The one is _Losing __a German Shepherd_ and the other one is _Getting over the loss of a dog_. Hope it helps. I know it helped me...


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## DougGeneration

I don't plan on reading any of these any time soon, but I'll definitely take note of them. I can get very emotional at times.


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## Tritonsmom

Triton was our first GSD and left a big void in our lives after caring for him for only 8 mos. He was the runt, and notably so because of a probable blood clot that also left him with one kidney functioning at about 75%. He was a great dog with great drive, but was just dealt the wrong cards. I miss him most, especially making his special homemade food for dogs with renal failure ...


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## rockhead

I've just got to share this.

Does everyone remember the glass mementos I had made with some of Eich's ashes?



















The red bone represents his first puppy toy and the blue ball was, of course, his Ball-y... the one toy he was never without. Some of you may even recall how that small random clear spot on top of the blue glass ball perfectly duplicates the hole in the actual rubber ball where the squeaker used to be. It occured purely by chance, but perhaps that hole was not so random. 

Anyway, the bone sits atop my fireplace mantel and the ball is displayed on a bookshelf. Earlier today I noticed some dust on top of the bone. I got a little upset cleaning it, perhaps thinking it was neglected. I made sure I went straight to the ball to clean it off and saw that hole on top. I recalled what someone posted here a while back... that the hole was Eich telling me he was OK. I pretty much lost it and sat on the couch with the ball for a few minutes. Just then, Rookie came over and sat in front of me. He licked the ball a couple of times (not me, the _ball_) and then proceeded to pretty much climb into my lap. :wub:

These are the most amazing animals. 

My mother, also dealing with the loss of her Yellow Lab, recently tried to loan me a book... something to do with life as viewed by a dog. I declined, citing that I probably would not be able to read it. She gave me the overall synopsis... that dogs are repeatedly reincarnated so long as they have work left here with us. Now, I'm not about to say that Rookie is Eich's reincarnation; not even close. But 2 years ago, puppy Rookie sat and looked solomn when I brought him to "Eich's" tree (where I spread some of his ashes). I saw that again today.

There is some sort of link between these two canines who never met one another. I can't put my finger on it, but I might have to borrow that book after all.


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## Warrior09

I had lost the only true friend i had 3 years ago, and i still can't get over him being gone. He had that hip dysplasia and I never got the chance to do the right thing and take him to the vet to be put down, but while i was away with my mother, my father gave the okay to "shot" him. I never really forgave them for that. I had him for 13 years and then all of a sudden he was gone one day. Sometimes i think i feel his presence in the yard at the certain spot. I also think my 3 year old rottweiler "Bella" has some sort of a connection with him spiritual. Not reincarnation but i think there is something there just like you feel about ur Erich. Its a bond i think, a special bond we will forever hold dearly with them. Its been 3 years since his death and i still remember every detail about him and our relationship. I pray that one day i will see him again when my time comes.


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## fasteddielv

*Lost my Mojo in the blink of an eye*

I recently lost my best friend of all time. He chased a squirel out of the yard into the path of a oncoming car. He lived for a day following the incident, but had ruptured his bladder in addition to his pelvic bone being fractured in three places with nerve damage. The bladder was according to the vet most likely in many pieces and therefore inoperable.
I find it hard to come home without him here to greet me, I find it hard to not get excited for club training, but most of all, I find it hard to not have my best friend at my side. RIP my Mojo, it was a short 5 years we had together, I hope you are having fun while waiting for me on the other side.


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## rockhead

It's been nearly six months since my last post, but I've been lurking. I see the view count on this thread increases steadily, but the new posts have decreased. I think that's a good thing. I hope everyone who comes here to read finds some comfort or resolve in what everyone else has said.

I see a couple of recent threads regarding HSA. I read through one of the linked blogs up to the point where the blogger posted a picture one of her kids drew. I then promptly lost it and closed the browser. I'll finish the story another time.

There are a few things I've come to realize now that it's been 3.5 years since Eich died from HSA:

1. You really never do get over it, but it does get better as the days go by. I can easily talk about him and what happened - unimaginable a few years ago - but I can also get myself worked up.

2. You will know if and when the time is right to move on and let another dog in to your life - don't let anyone else tell you when that time is.

3. You will realize that no matter what you did, wanted to do, or think you could have done, there was nothing that would have changed the outcome. 

Eich made me a better person, and I'll miss him forever. I hope all the visitors to this thread eventually feel the same way.


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## JazzyLuv

I can totally relate to what you've been through with Eich...We lost Jazzy in January to that dreaded disease, a spleenal mass that GSDs are so prone to...I read this thread in its entirety along with a lot of others here to help get me going in those first weeks...And although I still cry for our Jazzy, we have adopted another GSD, we call him "Mono Fluffykins" (yes, kind of sugary sweet and girly for a boy dog, but we fall more and more in love with him every single day, we cant help but call him super cute nicknames,) who has helped taken the sting out of losing her...We never forget, and when they go they take a piece (sometimes a whole) of us with them...A quote I heard right after Jazzy passed..."Dogs' lives are too short, their only fault, really..." I believe that with my whole heart, if only they could live so much longer...


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## caspervontracker

I thank you for that post...hope it shows to the right one...kinda new...I lost my Mocha today...It is heartbreaking...in the short five months I had her, she has imprinted my life forever....I have three others including her sister, but none like her...they truly have their own personality and their own unique relationship.....

I hope someday I feel the way everyone says I will...The guilt of if I'd known more, if I had moved quicker, what if what if....what if????? Cuz right now, it just hurts and the tears won't stop every time I think of her....and pretty much that's every second as I see her sister crying for her, searching for her....and she never cries out....Littermates miss her...just so sad all the way around....not only do we suffer, but the ones left behind, the littermates suffer and that makes it harder for me....I miss her and will never be ignorant or think it can't happen to me. What a loss...


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## rockhead

caspervontracker said:


> I thank you for that post...hope it shows to the right one...kinda new...


You need to quote in order to respond to a particular post. No worries, though... this thread is pretty much all about what you are feeling right now. You're not alone. Everyone here has experienced a loss like yours. It's devastating and makes us feel like our worlds have stopped.

The littermates are confused, but they do not suffer like we do. There is so much we can learn from our dogs. They live for the moment and don't dwell on the past. Trust me.

Wishing you and Mocha peace.


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## diamond1978

i am having a bad time i have to put my best friend down i have had him sence he was 3weeks old he is now 7 and is having sholder prob. and coughing all the time and can bearly move i am disabled and he has got me through some bad time i am on a fixed income my wife is in school i would like to get another male if i can get some $ if some one can help me that would be awesome i can not sit at homd all by my lonesome it is going to kill me sorry about the spelling thanks


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## rockhead

Hello everyone. OP here.

I haven't checked in for some time, and I see the posts have slowed, but the read count keeps climbing. I truly hope this thread is still helping people out.

Romulus died over the summer. Rom was a sable who belonged to a good friend... he and Eich were good friends, too. They were only a few months apart and shared the same energy level and ball drive. Rom developed bladder cancer at age 11.

Derrick and Andrea have two daughters, ages 10 and 7. I found a card designed for kids. It depicted a dog getting his wings from the Pet Wing Division" of heaven. I sent it along with an old picture of Rom and Eich together as puppies. 

I wasn't at all prepared for what I got in return. Keep in mind, this was maybe ten days after Rom died;















If only I had half the strength these two little kids have.


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## Ted'sMom

I am so glad I signed on to this again. It has been so many years I forgot about this. Our Beloved Teddy had to go to the Rainbow Bridge a month ago. He had that horrible DM disease. It truely is heartbreaking...We still cry, and it is still so new. I am glad to be in this group who understands completely. We want to get another but I will never go thru that again, so we will I guess have to save lots of money for a good guaranteed dog. That disease is hideous....


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## KatsMuse

So sorry for your loss 

:rip: Teddy


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## Zeeva

I am sorry for your loss. Cheer up soon  and use this forum as a solace like you have been. There are many great people on here and I'm sure we can all help you in one way or another


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

My sincere condolences on the loss of Rom and Teddy. We recently lost our girl Daisy to a tumour on her heart . She was gone so quickly. I laugh when I think of her as a crazy young dogbut I still find myself in tears. the card the kids sent you was great. Take care rockhead and Ted's Mom. 
Maggi


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## Sharbel

rockhead said:


> I lost a heart dog this past September and have had one **** of a time getting back into the swing of things. When Eich was sick and in the days following his death I found solace in this forum every day, sometimes several times a day. It's been almost two months since he passed but it seems like much longer.
> 
> It's getting easier to do the little things that used to cause tears, like getting ice from the ice dispenser, walking up to the mailbox, or shutting off the tractor blades; Eich would charge into the kitchen for his icecube whenver he heard the dispenser run, would always accompany me to the mailbox, and came running when he heard the tractor shutting down as he knew I was finished.
> 
> I caught myself selecting the lockers in the gym numbered corrosponding to the number of days since his death and forced myself to stop.
> 
> There have been random thoughts and some conversation about another dog, but neither of us are anywhere near ready right now. I'm sure it will happen someday... I just can't say when.
> 
> Anyway, I thought I'd put this thread up for those of us who just need to check in for one another from time to time. Your comments are welcome.


Cary my condolences for the great loss. I lost my GSD Richie on July 25th at the age of 9 years after a very short and sudden illness (over a 2 days span) and although it is the second dog I lose the grief is not less. Each time we lose a dog the pain and the feeling of loss is the same and even greater.Every part of the house and every part of the yard and the surroundings , the neighbourhood, the streets we walked through in our long and daily walks bring him back to our memories. When he passed away our two children were studying in the UK. The daughter got knowledge of the death and grieved him a month later when she travelled home but the son could not make it this summer so he is still unaware that Richie is long gone.We found another male dog now at the age of 4 months and by coincidence of the same approximately name (Rikki) whose owner wants to give away as he kept him with his mum after the latest birth she had but guy can not keep with him as he also faces financial problems. Despite the fact that we sympathised immediately Rikki whom we plan to rename to Richie too yet we can not make up the decision to go for him or another dog as our son still thinks and all of our friends too still think that Richie is alive.We do not really know when to break the news to the family and the other friends that Richie is gone. We find constantly excuses to those who ask where is he by saying that he is in a farm for mating etc.

Anyhow we feel your reservations on getting to a new dog fully. It is very hard to go so early for another dog if you were always a one-dog owner although as you said we deeply inside know that this is the only way to the on with life and "forget" the loss.


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## Sharbel

*"Dogs' lives are too short, their only fault, really..."*


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## Chicagocanine

I got a sympathy card in the mail yesterday from my vet and it made me cry... Mostly from the handwritten notes they added. It was so full of writing they had to use the back of the card too everyone there had written at least a sentence or two in it and both vets had written more, my regular vet and the other vet who is newer there (she also saw Bianca a few times when it was a quick visit if the other vet was busy). Especially the note from my vet, I've known her for a long time and she has also gone through HSA with her previous dog, she wrote about that and about Bianca and also said that she thinks God sends me animals that need special care because I can handle it...now I'm not religious but I know she is and thought that was a sweet thing to say especially coming from a vet if that makes sense. I've had more than my fair share of sick pets unfortunately...
I also got Bianca's replacement DNA pendant the other day too, I was so worried that something might happen to it, it was a replacement because the first one I got had a crack in it but luckily they had some of the sample left to replace it...


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## Mary Beth

I am so very sorry for you all. I have been there and will be there in the future. It is the hardest part about having a dog - but as Sting's breeder wrote me when his sire, Ace died and she took it very hard - she wrote that the depth of grief (pain) she felt was the depth of her love - and that the pain was worth the love. When my Husky died, a Lakota lady who saw me walking alone, told me that it is their belief that when we die and if we have loved and taken good care of our animals, they will be waiting for us at the river - only they can help us cross this river into the spirit land. If we have not loved them and taken good care of them, they will not be waiting. She told me that my Husky would be waiting. As will all of your dogs for you all.


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## Brandi6405

I lost my 7 month old gsd to pneumonia, she had it after birth and breeder didn't know, I lost her at the end of May and I'm devastated, I could tell that she loved me so much and I loved her more, when I would come home she would be so excited that she would cry...my friends and family recently placed a 2 month old in our home, I do love her but I compare her to my Jaina and they are two opposites...when I come home she seems she could care less, I mean yes she will wag her tail but It's not the same at all.....I miss my girl so much its painful...

Sent from Petguide.com Free App


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## rockhead

OP here. I'm so truly humbled that this thread is still pinned, still gets views, and still gets posts. I hope those who visit find some peace in the readings.

I cannot believe I'm coming up on 5 years without Eich, but it's true - Rookie is 4 and doing great. I guess I'm doing great, too. I've stopped tearing up when talking about Eich, but I'll never get "over" him. I suppose that's just the way it goes.

Anyway, just sticking my head back in to say hello and wish everyone here my best.


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## jcasteel61

rockhead said:


> OP here. I'm so truly humbled that this thread is still pinned, still gets views, and still gets posts. I hope those who visit find some peace in the readings.
> 
> I cannot believe I'm coming up on 5 years without Eich, but it's true - Rookie is 4 and doing great. I guess I'm doing great, too. I've stopped tearing up when talking about Eich, but I'll never get "over" him. I suppose that's just the way it goes.
> 
> Anyway, just sticking my head back in to say hello and wish everyone here my best.


 

I am new to the site and just read some of your post. I'm so sorry for your loss of Eich. I have a 9 year old female [Jasmine ] that has had hip dysplasia since she was 2. We've done stem cell therapy for the last 3 years and it's helped her a lot.I can only imagine your pain, I cry just thinking about loosing her.She has been such a huge part of our lives.She never leaves my side unless she's playing with the grandkids and even then she has to know where I am. There is truly nothing like having a GS. Just wondering if you can love another as much ? Silly question but we've had other dogs before Jazz and I did love them but it's almost as if she is human.I never even thought about loosing the others.


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## Greg

I feel your pain. Just lost my 10 year old GSD Lucy on Saturday night. I posted awhile back about her biting at her hips when doing a number 2, thought that was all corrected with a vet check and she was doing better (no biting) at hips. Saturday before last Lucy stopped eating her main meal of the day, for the next several days she would eat very little but she was eating her treats as with peanut butter on them and milk bones, she was also taking her meds with a spoonful of peanut butter. Her meds were for her hips. I took her to the vets friday morning and as we got out of the truck she did a number two and all seemed well, the vet said they were going to keep her for observation until monday, they called and said she had an infection was treating it and should be able to pick her up monday morning. I got a call Sunday morning that she passed away Saturday night. The Vet's were in shock, they did not have a clue that was even a possibility. My wife and I buried her together Sunday night. 
After almost 11 years together this has been very, very hard to handle. So dont feel bad, you are not alone. I dont know how to fix the pain, guilt, second guessing, loss, grief and sadness. If I find a way will for sure let you know. Take care my friend.


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## rockhead

Wow... it's been over a year since the last post here. It's also been more than 6 months since my last visit to this forum. Work, life, blah blah blah...

More importantly, it'll be SIX YEARS next week! Six years since Eich died. 

Rookie is now 5 and he's great. I mean, he's really great - not just because he's my boy, but just a really awesome dog. I used to think the same thing about Eich, but Rookie has exposed all of Eich's issues (resource guarding, submissive urination, etc.). 

So why am I here? Funny you should ask. 

It was early September '08 when I found out about Eich's HSA, and the entire month was a ticking time bomb of emotion and terror as I obsessed over his condition and essentially waited for him to die. I shake my head now, thinking about the condition I was in, but I didn't know any better. It was a bad time, and it took me _years_ to get out of the funk. 

So, me being here out of the blue has something to do with the season. You see, my house backs up to protected wetlands. There's some kind of insect or tree frog or something back there that makes a certain noise for a few weeks every September. I heard that noise earlier yesterday and my hippocampus triggered a sensory memory. Here I am. 

The experience with Eich changed me. I take more time to enjoy the stupid things dogs do, and I seldom get angry with them when they do really stupid things. Eich still lives on in my heart, so I'll just wish us a Happy 6th anniversary for making me a better dog person.


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## debbiek01

Cole Vom Gebirgshaus a Male Black GSD was born on 7/8/01 humanly passed on 11/4/2014 of Degenerative Myelopethy. I miss my boy terribly and was wondering if anyone out in this forum purchased any pups in 2001 from Gebirghaus Kennels in Walton NY which is no longer operating. Breeder was Sue Manning. Thank you


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## Lumpy Idle

I recently lost my best friend Archie. He was born in May of 2005 and just passed away on the 4th. It was so sudden, being Hemangiosarcoma, he passed away on the 4th. The hardest part to cope with is the fact that I've been in Seattle for the past 6 months and he stayed with my family in Miami. He passed away about 10 hours after showing signs. This has to be the hardest thing I've ever gone through. Not knowing how to handle it, I searched for others who've gone through the same, specifically with german shepherds. Reading through this thread has been a real help and really eased my mind. I hate for this to be my first post, but I know others can relate with how hard this is. Thanks for sharing your continuing experience and I'm glad you're doing much better and able to enjoy the company of a german shepherd again.


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## Saphire

My entire family was devastated. It takes time to heal and yes it does get easier.

Hugzzz
Cathy


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## Waffle Iron

I would say the emotions one experiences at the loss of a pet can be stronger than when we lose a person we're close too. However, as with any loss, grief is experienced differently person to person. Some may grieve for weeks others a few hours, and then some might not grieve at all. I tend to fall into the not at all to a few hours category.


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## JoanMcM

Rockhead, It gets easier over time. Eventually you remember only the good times and forget the pain.

My favorite dog was born into my house and we took him to be put down at 15 years of age when he pretty much lost all mobility. I lost it afterwards in the vet's office. Everyone was crying...the vet, the tech, me. Inconsolable for days.

Swore I never would own another dog again. 5 years later we got a pit bull who is the best and now are looking for another GSD.

Know you have people that feel the same way as you and that in time the pain does pass. 

On another note, you live in Putnam Valley? Two of my puppies--- my favorite dogs sisters --- lived in Putnam Valley. By Richardville Road. The owners were terrific.


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## Freebe

The pain fades, the guilt takes longer, the shoulda,wouda.cudda, will drive ya nuts, I found that remembering the great life we had together and actually enjoying the memories with others helps immensly. I have customers that would stop by just to see him, i have a small memorial on a filing cabinet, a picture on top of his upside down water bowl. Celebrate the love and life, the pain fades..........


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## RZZNSTR

I lost Risen Star in 2003 at the age of 6 years old. As I sit here and think of him I immediately feel his absence and the eyes fill with tears. The feeling of loss never fades!


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## rockhead

Good God, has it really been 7 years??

I didn't plan on coming here today, but a combination of things had me thinking about Eich and I realized today is the 7th anniversary. Coincidence or not, here I am.

Rookie is 6 and doing great. He's got Eich's play drive and focus, but he's a much more doting fellow than Eich ever was. Rookie is sort of a goofball. Eich was all business.

Here's my favorite Eich picture, just because.










**** I miss him.


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom

I had never seen this thread.In July three years ago we lost Daisy.I still miss her and have always remembered the 25 of July and noted it on her thread. This year that day marked us losing Thunder. It was unexpected and left us with just Lucky. Daisy was my first GSd as an adult and she was and saw herself as the protector of our family, We lost Thunder's sister Chevy in Feb and this has been a hard year.We got a GSD from rescue her name is Charlie and sometimes I swear Daisy she channels you. She is smart and always thinking. Daisy I still miss you and will till the day I see you again.Chevy and Thunder I hope you are up there and the three of you are eating bones and running wild.

To all on this thread I understand how it feels and its amazing how it can all come back so suddenly.


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## WIBackpacker

rockhead said:


> Here's my favorite Eich picture, just because.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> **** I miss him.


Eich is beautiful.

We're approaching the time of year that I start thinking about one of my dogs.... the day I chose to let her go is like a big ugly scar on the calendar. 

I kept her leash and it still hangs by my spare keys, I justified it to myself by saying "Oh, I'll use it on another dog, it's only practical to keep it." I've tried to use it a few times, but it feels like betrayal, so I bought other leashes. I'll probably never be able to use it, it just hangs there, like it has for years. If I was practical I would bury it or donate it, but I can't seem to bring myself to do that either.

Big hugs for you. I'm glad there are other people here who understand.


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## Jenny720

Eich such a handsome boy. When you think of them its because they are around you. It will be one year on october 12 since we lost our dog Bella the most gentlest soul I ever known.


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## RZZNSTR

Eich looked great!


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## Tompson

it is difficult to say goodbye to friends


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## NormanF

Chicagocanine said:


> It's been almost a month since I lost my Ginger and I'm still having a lot of trouble getting anything done... Every time I come up to enter the front door I expect to hear her on the other side.



I still find myself calling my dog's name, expecting her to emerge from under my bed and keep me company....


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## NormanF

kensbuns1 said:


> We lost our Chewey just a few short weeks ago. Chewey was a black male German Shepherd and he was only 2 years old. He was such a spoiled rotten dog. He loved his family and was major patient with the Grandchildren. I have pics of him sitting with the grand girls letting them read to him. He was 91 lbs but the gentlest giant I have ever owned. My fiance and I went through a break up about a year ago and I went into a deep depression that left me couch bound for about 3 days. Chewey would steal my things and take them outside and hide them under the picnic table so I would have to go out and get them. That is the only time he ever took any of my things, so I know he was there as an angel watching over his Mama. He licked away my tears and gave me the biggest hugs and sad eyes. He will be truly missed and I am for sure I do not know when or if I will ever get over this pain.



Cubby, my black female German Shepherd had comparable qualities of patience, gentleness and love. She passed away at 6 years old and you lost your Chewey at 2. You're right, the sorrow is the hardest thing to bear and while you can replace a dog, it will never be like the dog you lost. I feel what you're going through and I wish to God my dog was still here with me.


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## Walter Mitty

Sorry for your loss.


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## msellehcar

Just, just lost the best dog the world has ever known. Of course I would think that because she was, but we all think that of our beloveds no doubt. Still whirling with the loss. This thread is old, but I feel the pain with all the posts and feel some odd comfort in that. 

How I loved her. If I think about her for more than a few minutes, I am crying again. I can't believe she is gone. I can't believe she won't come visit again, because she always came to visit. This is grandma's house and pretty girl loved coming to grandma's house. Pretty girl lived here awhile and we spent lots of time together.  I can't believe she'll never again run around the yard, because she always enjoyed running around the yard. I can't believe she'll never bury her muzzle in my legs and beg for scratches, because she always loved that. I just can't believe none of those things will never happen again. How can that be, that those things will never happen again? 

How can it be that she went from being "not herself" -- to the vet saying she was on her deathbed in literally hours? How does that even happen? I don't know. I don't understand. Heaven gained a sweet baby recently. I'll take my memories of our time together to my own human grave. RIP sweet girl Lexus. I wonder if the day will ever come that I can think of her and not cry. How I miss her.


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## RZZNSTR

The pain never really leaves you! My condolences!


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## Mary Beth

msellehcar said:


> Just, just lost the best dog the world has ever known. Of course I would think that because she was, but we all think that of our beloveds no doubt. Still whirling with the loss. This thread is old, but I feel the pain with all the posts and feel some odd comfort in that.
> 
> How I loved her. If I think about her for more than a few minutes, I am crying again. I can't believe she is gone. I can't believe she won't come visit again, because she always came to visit. This is grandma's house and pretty girl loved coming to grandma's house. Pretty girl lived here awhile and we spent lots of time together.  I can't believe she'll never again run around the yard, because she always enjoyed running around the yard. I can't believe she'll never bury her muzzle in my legs and beg for scratches, because she always loved that. I just can't believe none of those things will never happen again. How can that be, that those things will never happen again?
> 
> How can it be that she went from being "not herself" -- to the vet saying she was on her deathbed in literally hours? How does that even happen? I don't know. I don't understand. Heaven gained a sweet baby recently. I'll take my memories of our time together to my own human grave. RIP sweet girl Lexus. I wonder if the day will ever come that I can think of her and not cry. How I miss her.


I am very sorry for your loss. I can well understand. I have been through this with 6 cats, my husky, dobe and aussie and now my Sting went to heaven June 28. The first month is the hardest. As his breeder wrote me: "The greater the love, the greater the pain. And our gsds are with us for such a short time, but oh, so worth it!" Yes, the day will come when you can think of her and not cry. What I find happens is that gradually the sadness dims and the memories of the good times are more strong. For myself, I was so thankful I had him as long as I did. I always realized from the first that his creator only lent him to me and someday he would need to go back as his lifespan is so short and I would outlive him. I had to keep in mind and put it in perspective that my gsd had a good life but the tragedy is the poor dogs in shelters. I also knew that his creator has another dog oor pup ready to follow in his big pawprints but only if I could open my heart. I also reminded myself that Sting was a wonderful companion and would not want me to be alone and so sad. So, I contacted a breeder in my area. She had a litter born last month. I put a deposit on a male puppy and he'll be ready to come home in Sept. His middle name will be Sting. I wish in time you will also have another dog or puppy to follow your beloved Lexus.


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## tc68

We all grieve and recover differently. When my neighbor lost her Golden Retriever, she was in bed for months. I didn't see her for half a year. I had to put my GSD down on December 16th (2017), 6 weeks ago and I'm already looking for a new GSD puppy. I don't think I loved my dog any less than y'all. Just that I started grieving sooner when I found out he had cancer of the liver in October and was told that he had a couple months left. It was a long, last 2 months...a lot of sleepless nights for both him and I. His decline was hard to witness and I cried myself to sleep literally every night. A week after I put him down, I got his ashes back and that was the last time I shed a tear. Talking about it with a friend who also lost her dog at about the same time helped us both "recover" faster. Talking about it with his different doctors, (his primary care doctor, the emergency doctor, the oncologists, the vet techs) also helped a lot. They were all nice enough and willing to listen. I also started writing down memories of his whole life. (I have a new found appreciation for shrinks, support groups, and therapy. I guess talking about it helps a lot.) I've already "turned the corner" and I'm remembering more of the good memories than the bad. Anyway, grieve at your own speed. There's no right way or wrong way. My 2 cents....talk about it with someone, preferably someone who's been through it. It helped me tremendously.


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## rockhead

OP here.

It's incredible to me that this thread has been stickied for almost TEN YEARS and has amassed over 52,000 views! It's also incredible to me that it's now been two years since losing Rookie to the same disease that took Eich, both at age 7. I hope everyone who visits this thread takes something away with them. With that said, I have a something to pass along.

No, I have not gotten another dog.

But for the first time in two years I babysat one over the weekend, a 4-year old sable. Jax is a working dog who belongs to a co-worker. All of the usual helpers were busy over the weekend, and the dog knows me from just being around all the time, so I was asked if I'd be able to watch him for a couple of days. I jumped at the opportunity, not only because Jax is so badass and just a great dog all around, but because I've been looking at foster/rescue pages lately and felt it was time for a trial. 

The weekend went fine. Jax was a pleasure. He's perfectly trained and totally social. Dog friendly, and barely flinched when a chipmunk ran directly across our path while we were out on a walk. (Either of my boneheads would have dislocated my elbow!) It really was great having him around. But I quickly realized how pinned down I was. Part of it had to do with the fact that I couldn't have him off-lead and didn't want to leave him alone in the house too long, but between the feeding and walking and who's going to be home while I run to the store... well, it all came rushing back; a dog consumes me. I don't mind it when I'm in the zone, but having been out of the zone for two years has me a bit out of sorts. 

Much like a grandchild, it was such a relief when he went home.

I'm going to lay off the rescue page for a while, maybe a good while. Planning to retire in just under 2 years, so I suppose that will be a good marker. For now, I'm happy to play grandpa when the need arises.


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## jafo220

rockhead said:


> I lost a heart dog this past September and have had one **** of a time getting back into the swing of things. When Eich was sick and in the days following his death I found solace in this forum every day, sometimes several times a day. It's been almost two months since he passed but it seems like much longer.
> 
> It's getting easier to do the little things that used to cause tears, like getting ice from the ice dispenser, walking up to the mailbox, or shutting off the tractor blades; Eich would charge into the kitchen for his icecube whenver he heard the dispenser run, would always accompany me to the mailbox, and came running when he heard the tractor shutting down as he knew I was finished.
> 
> I caught myself selecting the lockers in the gym numbered corrosponding to the number of days since his death and forced myself to stop.
> 
> There have been random thoughts and some conversation about another dog, but neither of us are anywhere near ready right now. I'm sure it will happen someday... I just can't say when.
> 
> Anyway, I thought I'd put this thread up for those of us who just need to check in for one another from time to time. Your comments are welcome.


It's never easy. The pain is the love you have for your dog. The separation is only a physical thing. Mentally, you're still together and they're still here. I've been through this numerous times and each time is unique unto itself. If you are that kind of person. I am that person myself as is my wife. We just had to put ours down last Monday. We also are still dealing with the loss. We just picked him up today to bring home. His remains will go on the mantel next to the others.

I guess, the only advice I can relay to you in dealing with your loss is to believe. In my mind, this existence is not the final stop. To me, out there, your boy is whole again. No pain. No sickness. Remember the good and bad times. But remember you gave him his best life. My wife just asked me today if I thought she was weird for telling Cruze goodnight every night before she goes to sleep. I chuckled and told her that no, I don't think it's weird at all. So don't be afraid to still talk to your boy. The day we stop believing is the day we give up. Never give up. Myself, when I feel the sadness creep in, I talk to him myself. For me that has a calming effect. It may not work for you but doesn't hurt to give it a try and see. I remind myself constantly that he is in a much better existence now. I have a thing about me where I critique myself on things and his care and life was one of the things I was always hardest on myself about. It's not that I did anything wrong, but the deep love and dedication I had for him. So I also remind myself I did all I could do for him and gave him the best quality of life I could. In the end, it would have been selfish of us to try and stretch his life here out any longer. That was our situation. But I remind my wife no matter the loss, we had to put his well being ahead of our feelings about losing him. Just understanding that perspective gave my wife needed comfort. She spent everyday with him, almost 24/7 for the last 3 years when she started working at home and he slept by her every night for most if not all of his life. Their bond was beyond deep.

I am sorry for your loss, and hope that anything I have said can maybe help you cope. Keep in mind it's a personal perspective. everyone's situation can be a little different. But coming from a fellow GSD lover, believe me, don't feel alone in your loss. We're right there with you.


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## T U N D R A

Iv read this thread so many times ..

I found myself lost and reading these pages after having to suddenly let go of the best dog ever ..
she was the best because she loved ME .

she was the most loyal, devoted, smart, insightful, quick, solid, funny, protective and loving girl I hav ever had the priviledge of teaching, ever . (did I mention she was smart ..?) she was special because she was Mine .

she was so intuitive and just loved me because I was hers .

Iv loved dogs before but this was the first time I had one that truly connected with me on such a deep level ..
I know now that my place was by her side, because she worked her heart out just to be by mine ..

many moments spent reading various entries here .. abt so many hearts swelling with love,
yet broken by the passing of time when their girls and boys were gone ..
I want to Thank each and every person who shared 
(and at first even petting another dog made me feel like I was "cheating" on my girl!) 
but to get through those years, I would come and read here .. 
which gave me (hot tears, and oh yes an ache in my chest) 
I would vow to write something here as well .. 
the right words, the right sentences, something to giv back.. 
to convey what a treasure my girl was to me ..

but of course, we all feel that way .. like we were the lucky ones ..

but! but! they wont understand ! my Tundra truly was ..! (I scream in my head ..)

I will tell you she was pre-schutzhund trained (yes by me) and people would stop in traffic and pull over to walk right up to us and ask if I trained dogs ..

she knew many commands, not only verbal,
she responded to hand signal commands as well, and she loved to show it ..
she also knew she was exemplary and that she was admired for her acute precision.
(she was so proud). yes .. she knew she was the Best, Smartest, most Wonderful Dog Ever.

she made it almost 12 years, then in the blink of an eye, was gone.

she started to slow down and I knew *something * was off when she started walking a little "wobbly" when I would watch her from the rear .. within days she couldnt even express herself (pee) and I would see her flanks go in and out (she was trying!) but it wouldnt work .. I would help her by holding her rear from the back, and she used her front legs to walk, but she couldnt ! it broke my heart to hear the vet say the words, but it was going up her spine rapidly, to her front legs, and I didnt want her to suffer ..
heck, she couldnt even wag her tail ..

all of this happened as my own father passed away too .. also out of 'nowhere' .. 
so it was during all this I travelled (5 states away) to my parents beef cattle ranch and took her to the vet right after daddys funeral .. 
she was taken right there, on a blanket outside, with me next to her..

it was in nov/2020 .. a very, very, no good, very hard, very bad day.

within a year I lost my father, my husband, my sister, and my Tundra .
I said good-bye to daddy and Tundie on the same day..
its taken me almost 2 years to finally post here ..

it hurts so cuttingly to let go of those I was lucky to hav had in my life .. 
each one removes a part of myself .. 

Tundra (my 'Tundi') 💕💛💕 I love you, girl .
I still think of you and miss you so much, every day .


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## T U N D R A

rockhead said:


> I can relate. I still have a bunch of Eich's toys next to the fireplace where his 'toybox' was. I will also confess to not being able to wipe the dried saliva off the lower-right corner of my 60" TV; he used to bark at animals on television. Weird, and even a little gross, but it seems comforting in some way.


^ ^ This ^ ^ as well as other triggers .. the ice maker, vits in the cupboard, expecting her to be on the other side of the door (like she always was ..), the nose art on the front bay window when she would bark at the dogs/people/leaves etc who would dare to intrude on HER lawn! that I still havent wiped off ..! (vacuuming her hair up took months .. found some in the vehicle and .. I kissed it ..)

what also rang true was losing my dad, sister and yet my heart is a wreck over a DOG .. !???

methinks though that our dogs are with us every day and its a much deeper bond than those who hav made their own families and homes .. I still love them, its just .. different.
I mean when was the last time my sister ran out 300 yards and stopped right in the middle of a field for me ..? never! <--- (lol she would laugh at that) .. she would know .

it sounds like your EIch was Magnificent . and my Tundi was too .. she was a stand-alone dog and I find there arent many like her .. I love the breed, and will prob never hav anything else .. but for now .. Im still waiting .. maybe next year I will get a puppy .. though there arent many that hav that disposition, the solid constitution, that smart-as-a-whip instinct, and that loyalty to just want to work her heart out .. I mean yes the breed has it , but the alpha qualities, along with the intuitive intellect ..

Im working with some (GSD puppies/litters) right now .. it helps .. because I know I am helping the breed (and the owners) .. my knowledge is working and I love seeing the results .. but again, maybe in a year ..


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## T U N D R A

I made a video tribute of all the lovely times we had with our Max. 





bugaboo .. your video .. stoppp .. youre killin meee .. 
I couldnt ~ breathe ~ watching it .. 
replete with wracking sobs as I saw my Tundra (she is the lighter tan much like your Max) in every pic.. 
truly, thank you for creating and sharing .. 
(its lovely) 

~tundras mommy


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## T U N D R A

vomSHRINER said:


> this poem helped me in Sept when my wife and I had to put our 14year old bi-color "Bear" down.
> 
> Treat me kindly, my beloved friend,
> for no heart in all the world
> is more grateful for kindness
> than the loving heart of me.
> Do not break my spirit with a stick,
> for though I should lick your hand between blows,
> your patience and understanding will more quickly teach me
> the things you would have me learn.
> Speak to me often,
> for your voice is the world's sweetest music,
> as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail
> when your footstep falls upon my waiting ear.
> Please take me inside when it is cold and wet,
> for I am a domesticated animal,
> no longer accustomec to the bitter elements.
> I ask no great glory than the privilege
> of sitting at your feet beside the hearth.
> Keep my pan filled with fresh water,
> for I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst.
> Feed me clean food that I may stay well,
> to romp and play and do your bidding,
> to walk by your side,
> and stand ready, willing and able to protect you with my life,
> should your life be in danger.
> And, my friend, when I am very old,
> and I no longer enjoy good heath, hearing and sight,
> do not make heroic efforts to keep me going.
> I am not having any fun.
> Please see that my trusting life is taken gently.
> I shall leave this earth knowing with the last breath
> I draw that my fate was always safest in your hands.
> 
> ~Author Unknown~
> 
> Hope this helps and remember he is in a good place even though it is not with you. Sorry for your loss. I know what you are feeling. Having a hard time writing this. Take care.



yes yes and Yes .. 
exactly what I felt as the vet injected my beloved with Death ..
she TRUSTED ME !! 
and what did I do ..??? 
I . killed . her . 
whatever the reason (oh for her own good!) 
but I .
I killed her . 
I said "OK" . I was the one who made it so .
she loved me and I wanted to rig a "scooter" with wheels for her hind quarters ..
this way she could walk again, like before (right ??) 
why couldnt I do that instead ..? 
nevermind it wouldnt hav helped her insides, which werent working .. 
I feel awful .. I was the Ultimate and she TRUSTED me ! 
I know this isnt logical, sane or reality .. 
but as my heart breaks, it is unrelenting in its demands to just bring her Back .. !
I miss my girl . I miss my Tundra ..


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