# Heartbroken



## BluePaws (Aug 19, 2010)

I have a 10 year old mini-aussie (he'll actually be 10 in August). Two days ago, he was diagnosed with inoperable cancer ... metastatic carcinoma. 

Last year, I lost my 8 year old white german shepherd after struggling with her through inflammatory bowel disease, immune mediated thrombocytopenia, recurring urinary tract infections, anemia, bad hips ... her entire life was a struggle but she was a fighter with a beautiful spirit and never wanted to give up. 

I thought I finally had a break. It' been over a year, and I'm finally not hurting so bad at the loss of my Willow. I still can't look at her ashes or touch her collar, but I'm getting better. 

And now my Bailey is being taken away from me. I didn't see it coming, he's been my best friend, my companion, my travel buddy, my sanity. When I've been stressed to the breaking point, I concentrate on picturing his face, his fuzzy nose. He makes me laugh. I didnt expect to lose him so soon! 

I'm struggling with the "It's not fair!" and being sad, and mad. He just came home from the hospital, so at least now I have him home to love on and spoil for as long as I have him. I'm going to be doing some radiation treatments as long as he'll tolerate them, to keep the cancer from spreading so fast. 

I have an 8-month old GSD pup, Logan. I'm trying to bond with him, but now my heart hurts so much and I feel bitter ... and tired ... and soul-weary.

I just needed to ... write. Vent. Something. I can't believe I'm losing my Bailey ... I don't know how I'm going to say good-bye.


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

I am so sorry.


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## Veronica1 (Jun 22, 2010)

Willow knew how much you loved her and Bailey knows too. So sorry about your special buddy. 

Logan is too young to understand, but one day he will be there for you too. None can replace the other, but they do help our hearts.


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## KSdogowner (Jun 22, 2011)

I am so very sorry for your loss of Willow and the tragic news of Bailey's illness. I know there are no right words to say to make things better. I pray Bailey will recover...for some sort of miracle, so you will not have to deal with yet another loss. Hugs.


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## Mom2Shaman (Jun 17, 2011)

I just went through this, inoperable cancer on a 10 or 11 yr. old full-sized Aussie, my soulmate and love of my life. He was on Tramadol twice a day the last six months of his life, first 12.5 mg, then 25, then 37.5, and then when it went to 50 mg and we could see more pain in his eyes than love we helped him be free. We never thought we would love again, but a sweet GSD pup was given to us and we laughed again and began to heal. You have my full sympathy. Aussies are special companions and so supportive and in tune with their owners. Rejoice in the many years and special memories and they will carry you through. Tell Logan what is going on. He'll know how to help you through this too. Hugs.


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## vat (Jul 23, 2010)

I am so very sorry. I wish you and Bailey many more special times together.


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## 1sttimeforgsd (Jul 29, 2010)

So sorry for the news on your precious Bailey.


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## Remo (Sep 8, 2004)

I am so sorry. I completely understand and empathize with your pain. Cherish each day you have left with your dog.


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## BluePaws (Aug 19, 2010)

Mom2Shaman said:


> I just went through this, inoperable cancer on a 10 or 11 yr. old full-sized Aussie, my soulmate and love of my life. He was on Tramadol twice a day the last six months of his life, first 12.5 mg, then 25, then 37.5, and then when it went to 50 mg and we could see more pain in his eyes than love we helped him be free. We never thought we would love again, but a sweet GSD pup was given to us and we laughed again and began to heal. You have my full sympathy. Aussies are special companions and so supportive and in tune with their owners. Rejoice in the many years and special memories and they will carry you through. Tell Logan what is going on. He'll know how to help you through this too. Hugs.



That's it exactly ... that 'in tune'. Bailey ALWAYS watches me, always tries to stay one step ahead of me, anticipates what I'm going to do or what I want. Even now, he's still watching me .. sees me upset, and is trying to figure out how to make me happy again. I don't like him seeing me so sad. He hates it when I have to scold or correct Logan, he comes running to 'comfort' me. I have to explain to him that I HAVE to train the puppy. 

I'm 40 .. I've had Bailey for almost 10 years ... that's a quarter of my life! I can't imagine adventures without him. 

I've been explaining to my sweet butthead monster puppy Logan. He's starting to become a better listener. When he gets over his Pano, I need to do more work and training with him ... that will help with bonding.


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## BluePaws (Aug 19, 2010)

Remo said:


> I am so sorry. I completely understand and empathize with your pain. Cherish each day you have left with your dog.


I hug him and kiss him and tell him I love him as often as I can. I've also been taking a lot of pictures (as if I didn't have plenty, but can you really have too many?) . He HATES having his picture taken, he's learned to dread it over the years so he'll turn his head away or mope or run away when I grab the camera. I'm thinking about getting a professional photo taken while I still can, I haven't done that in many years.


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## Stosh (Jun 26, 2010)

Most of us have to endure the kind of pain you're going through- our dogs share a closeness and special place in our hearts that only other dog lovers can understand. I'm so sorry about Bailey's illness. Logan will be there for you when you need him the most


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## Tazzyemt (Jun 28, 2011)

I'm so sorry to hear of the illness. We just lost our 10 year old white shepherd last Saturday. I wish we had more time with him. But he went quick and I'm hoping painlessly. We think we had a heart attack. Take all the pictures you can. I regret we didn't take more pictures of Max. So now I'm taking alot of our 11 month old female.


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## Sunstreaked (Oct 26, 2010)

Take care of Bailey and know that you will make the right decision that is best for him when you have to. Nothing helps the hurt and the loss, but I know you're grateful for every minute you've had with him. Best wishes for you during this difficult time.


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## CyberRain (Jul 2, 2011)

that's so sad, really hope you spend a longg time with him


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## BluePaws (Aug 19, 2010)

I'm struggling ... he was diagnosed only a week and a half ago, but he's not sleeping (can't get comfortable - trouble breathing), having trouble eating, and has a constant nose bleed. I know he's not going to get better ... but how bad do I let him get before I make 'the decision'? 
Am I trying to keep HIM happy ... or am I trying to keep ME happy by keeping him with me?


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

I think it's time.


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## Mom2Shaman (Jun 17, 2011)

My rule is when the pain in their eyes is more than the love in their eyes, when you look at them and they have withdrawn into a world of pain, it's time to let them go. I just lost my beloved one to cancer a few months ago, I understand. Making the decision was much much harder than being there and helping him pass which was so peaceful as compared to the last week of his life. Hugs.


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## BluePaws (Aug 19, 2010)

he started refusing to eat .. and last night, started having trouble walking. I made the call today, and it's done.


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## JakodaCD OA (May 14, 2000)

I am so very very sorry


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## anngie (Mar 24, 2003)

I feel your pain. I am so very sorry.


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## mssandslinger (Sep 21, 2010)

so very sorry you are going through this, we all understand and hope tat you can have as much time as possible with ur pup  ill be praying for you.


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## PiedPiperInKC (May 1, 2011)

I'm so sorry 

I think you posted when I lost my GSD Titan 3 weeks ago unexpectedly to bloat - after just losing my GSD Nikka on April 5th unexpectedly to IMHA and cancer. I haven't even dealt with Titan's death yet, as it was just too soon after Nikka's - not to mention one minute he was FINE and the next minute he was GONE.

My heart is definitely with you - there are no words to say that will make you feel better - but hopefully knowing others are out here who hurt with you makes a difference. It has to me.....


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## Pattycakes (Sep 8, 2010)

Sorry about the loss of Willow. So sorry to hear about Bailey.  

I agree with the others....Logan will be there to lick the tears away and make your heart a little lighter. 

Sending hugs and prayers to you!


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