# Pup has no respect for my wife!



## brogers93 (Aug 23, 2009)

We've got a 5 month old pup who is pretty well behaved for me. However, it's a different story when she's with my wife. Won't listen, goes outside and starts digging, runs around crazy if my wife is trying to get her in the house. 

I know she recognizes me as the "pack" leader and responds accordingly. Why might she be completely disrespecting my wife? My guess is that my wife is not forceful (and i don't necessarily mean physically) enough with her. My wife has even been bringing her to the PetSmart puppy classes to try and "bond" or work through it. Any thoughts????


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

My first thought is not to let her outside unless she is on a leash so your wife has some control.


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## Tbarrios333 (May 31, 2009)

I'd say your wife needs to step up on NILIF. 
Denali naturally listened better to Chris (my BF) than me. It's very important to see them as a grown up GSD rather than a cute little puppy as hard as that is.

If your wife takes her outside, she should do it on-leash so the puppy does not have a chance to misbehave. 

When I realized I was treating my puppy like a baby (even though I knew better) rather than a dog things got a lot better.


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## JerzeyGSD (Jun 26, 2008)

AH! I totally know how your wife feels. Jerzey was the _same exact way_ with me but took to John being pack leader instantly! Your wife needs to start NILIF with the pup. She should exit all doors first, go down steps first, etc. When John and I would walk Jerz together when she was little he would let me out of the door before himself so Jerz saw me going ahead of him.

Hm, what else did we do...? Have your wife feed her (after asking the pup to follow a command.) Gosh, I think at one point I even did the whole "pretend to eat out of the dogs bowl" thing. 

Just tell her to keep at it. It will pay off...eventually! It took a while for Jerz and I but things are fine now. She still responds more quickly to John but she doesn't totally blow me off anymore! Lol.


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## Tbarrios333 (May 31, 2009)

Men have it so easy with dogs!!









It'll take a while but if she just keeps doing what NILIF it will pay off eventually. Denali finally listens very well but yep, she's still a daddy's girl!


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## brogers93 (Aug 23, 2009)

LOL! Maybe we do! In all honestly though, I grew up with GSDs and Dobies and saw how my dad would take some pretty bad dogs and make family dogs (very old school). I don't necessarily subscribe to those methods and neither does he anymore, but I do have the confidence that is so important. I absolutely will get my wife going with NILIF..thanks to all of you for the encouragement!!!



> Originally Posted By: DenaliFofaliMen have it so easy with dogs!!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## WiscTiger (Sep 25, 2002)

Well I have the opposite problem in my house, my dogs are respect me and blow off my DH. So it isn't a just being a woman that is the problem. 

Val


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## BlakeandLiza (Aug 13, 2009)

My Blake is the same way. I finally found a trainer that showed me how to be pack leader and gave me the confidence to demand Blake's best efforts and attention. We are not forceful, but consistent. Now that he is 3 and over 90 pounds, he still likes to test the boundaries and see if he can get one past me, but it is a lot better.

Now that I have lived and learned a little, I try to make that "I'm the leader" impression from day one with my fosters and it really has made a difference.

Try having your wife do a lot of the obedience training with your put and help give her that confidence to be in-charge. It is a lot easier while the pup is young and small then when it grows up and gets much bigger and harder to contain!

Good luck!


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## littledmc17 (Apr 9, 2008)

My Lab use to look at me like you think I am listening to you lady your Crazy!! but after the last few weeks she has been really listening to me.

Brady I did years of training with him we go outside the house he is an angel, get him home he is the devil in disguese
My DH raises his voice tails between the legs and come running to me, I know I do baby him.

I agree with having your wife take her out on a leash, do training with her and obiedience things will change.
she is pushing buttons to see what she can get away with


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## Kayos and Havoc (Oct 17, 2002)

I do not think there is anything special in the sex of the leader. It is a matter of who acts like they are in charge. In my house the dogs listen as well to Joe as they do me. I do all the training but he is clearly in charge of them and has expectations that they will listen to him. 

It may be your wife simply is wishy washy and does not speak in a tone that provokes the pups confidence in her. NILIF is good but true confidence is better. I would suggest she continue with training. After puppy school at Petsmart maybe look for a good private instructor to take a few classes from. One on one she will get better instruction and more attention. In the long run that is sometimes cheaper than group classes where there are 10 to 12 students and you do not get the one on one help with specific issues.


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## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

when your wife is with the dog she should keep her leashed.
maybe your wife needs to do more with the dog, training,
walking, feeding, playing, one on one time, just do more things where it's your wife and the dog.

when we got our puppy we made sure both of us had one on one time with the dog. if your wife is a softy your dog is going to know that also. don't get me wrong i by far don't think you have to be
hard or loud with a GSD. we speak to our dog like he's human
and he responds accordingly. be consistant with your dog and you and your wife do things the same way.


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## slaen (Apr 27, 2009)

Its a pack hierarchy and the pup is looking for someone to be below them in the pack and she thinks your wife is below her. Don't let the pup show signs of dominance over your wife. Her actions will determine whether the pup is at the top or bottom level in your household. 

Have your wife make him do some obedience and make sure she says the commands in a firm voice. Then have her make him sit before you do anything like playing feeding, go for walks, etc. If she obeys have your wife reward her. If she doesnt obey do not give her what she wants. Show her that your wife is in charge as well. If the puppy is crated have your wife let her out. 

A good thing to do is have your wife open the door for the pup to go outside (obviously dont do this when the puppy has to pee) have your wife open the door slightly, if the puppy tries to go first quickly close the door and say no, keep progressing till the door can be opened further and eventually with in a few minutes she should be able to open the door all the way and go first then have the pup follow.

Little things like that. 

Good luck.


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## brogers93 (Aug 23, 2009)

Thanks for all the tips. We started NILIF last night (even me) and I could honestly see our pup reacting to it. She seemed to be thinking what the heck are you people doing??!! My wife is on board..just gotta keep after it!

Thanks again!


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## anetaze (May 10, 2009)

Sorry, but what is NILIF?


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## Cassidy's Mom (Mar 30, 2003)

> Originally Posted By: anetaSorry, but what is NILIF?


 Nothing in Life is Free


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## Cassidy's Mom (Mar 30, 2003)

> Originally Posted By: B RogersI know she recognizes me as the "pack" leader and responds accordingly. Why might she be completely disrespecting my wife? My guess is that my wife is not forceful (and i don't necessarily mean physically) enough with her.


There's a great book that explains why this may be happening, called The Other End of the Leash. It's by Patricia McConnell, and she talks about how our voice and body language affects our dogs. 

It's also something I discussed with Cassidy's trainer many years ago. Men tend to have deeper voices and are often more physically imposing than women. Even a man of smaller stature may use his body in a different way that a woman of the same or larger stature. In addition to NILIF, she could try deepening her voice and speaking with calm authority, as well as standing up straight to look more imposing and moving in a decisive no-nonsense manner. 

I'd highly recommend that you both read the book, but especially her. I think it would really help her understand why your puppy reacts differently to her and what to do about it.


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## pupresq (Dec 2, 2005)

Great book!









Just to throw something out there again that a couple people have touched on - it's not always a gender or dominance problem when people have these issues. At my house the dogs mind me absolutely no problem but can blow off my husband. I recently did some work with a couple who was convinced their Great Dane was dominant and "didn't respect" the wife. In both my husband's case and the Great Dane case, it wasn't dominance at all, it was poor communication. Neither DH nor the wife with the Dane speaks with much inflection - they tend to give commands in a monitone and their praise voice and reprimand sound quite similar. The dogs simply weren't getting the feedback they needed to know or care how to behave appropriately. In contrast, my voice and the Dane husband's voices go all over the place - happy praise, firm commands, stern reprimands, and we were both far more consistent with the dogs in our commands and feedback. Appropriate behavior gets an immediate reward, inappropriate behavior gets an immediate correction. 

Dogs respond really well when they get feedback they can use. What looks like insubordination is often just a dog that doesn't really understand or have reason to care what the person is trying to tell them to do.

ETA: This can feel really silly but you can practice with your wife giving commands, praise, and corrections using your voices but no words (so using tone but keeping your mouth closed). Can you each easily tell what the other is trying to communicate? Humans put so much importance on vocabulary but for dogs, tone of voice is far more important. Also check for consistency. Is there a tendency to regard good behavior as a baseline rather than something to be highly praised. What about for bad behavior to be ignored for a while to see if it abates on its own? Both good and bad behavior need immediate feedback or dogs have a hard time understanding what they did right or wrong.


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## lcht2 (Jan 8, 2008)

*Re:*



> Originally Posted By: B Rogers Pup has no respect for my wife!


dont worry mine doesnt either. i just tell my wife to leave him in his kennel or crate while im gone and when you let him out only let him out to do his business.


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