# What would your ad say?



## Vinnie (Sep 4, 2001)

Time for a new weekly discussion. This one comes to us via our Admin. Jean. 

If your dog had to rehome YOU and put you up for adoption, what would your dog say about you in the ad?


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## JeanKBBMMMAAN (May 11, 2005)

Since this was my weird idea  I'll start. If my dogs placed an ad to get rid of me they would say this about me:

Female, up to date on shots, some medical issues and needs daily medications - she is not easy to pill. We really don't have time for her - she likes a lot of attention and we think she'd do better in a home where she can get that. She's playful, but likes to nap a lot. Somewhat food aggressive! Can learn, but is stubborn. Can be pushy. Can be nervous and sharp-shy. Okay with kids, but not for long periods of time. Does well but a little fearful of cats. Choosy about her companions - somewhat aloof. We are hoping to find a nice home in the country for her.

Good luck with that!


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## Miss Molly May (Feb 19, 2010)

Very high energy male that needs to be neutered!! Can be very stubborn at times but eventually gives in to my every command. Good strong back and ready to work WILLING TO TRADE FOR A DONUT!!


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## sagelfn (Aug 13, 2009)

:rofl: :rofl: Jean!


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## GSDSunshine (Sep 7, 2009)

:wild:
:spittingcoffee: :spittingcoffee: :spittingcoffee: :spittingcoffee: :spittingcoffee: :spittingcoffee:

Both posts are amazing!


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## Stosh (Jun 26, 2010)

Mine would probably say: "URGENT- get her out of our hair by Friday the 13th!! We've tried every training method known to dog and can't train her. Comes with her own bowl and blanket."


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

Unstable bitch needs new home and a JOB. Generally ok with people and dogs, but inexplicably explodes about once a month.


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## dogsnkiddos (Jul 22, 2008)

Free to a good home...or even a not so good one. Completely Untrainable, despite years of effort...we have tried to have her use her opposable thumbs to supply endless treats but it is to no avail. Lazy and likes cats for some unknown reason.. in fact she is a package deal with the cats. Happy to deliver


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## sagelfn (Aug 13, 2009)

Female not suitable for breeding. Overall good temperament. Does not respond to corrections well. A treat training home would be best. Picky eater and will rarely share food. Gets along with other dogs great but is aloof with people. Will tolerate children but not recommended. Pulls on the leash and has trouble keeping up on walks. Would do well in an experienced working home. She needs to learn NILF.


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## Zoeys mom (Jan 23, 2010)

These are great mine would say: Good looking young female in need of patient home. Likes things her way and can be pushy and aggressive especially around her food. Likes children and other dogs though proper introductions are necessary. Prone to bouts of irritability quickly followed by the need to be fed and consoled. Likes long walks, comfy beds, and attention only when solicited


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## Miss Molly May (Feb 19, 2010)

:rofl:This is hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## onyx'girl (May 18, 2007)

Will be put down if someone doesn't adopt this borderline senior, no health issues known at this time. Good hips and elbows. Not to be used for breeding.
She loves to play but gets distracted easily. We also have two of her offspring available, package deal or can separate.


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## Zisso (Mar 20, 2009)

forgetful, obsessive, compulsive, easily distracted female to any home that will take her. Will pay you $xx.xx if you come n get her tonight!

(That said, I cannot imagine my two ever giving me up no matter what!)


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## Vinnie (Sep 4, 2001)

Need to rehome due to a bad habit of shoving black boxes in our faces and digging holes in the yard and burring things in them. Somewhat aggressive if you try to help or relieve yourself on these special holes. Can learn new things but is a little slow. Still needs some basic training. Likes to hide and make you find her so a fenced yard would be a plus. Walks well with a leash in hand and likes it when you chase a ball for her. Picky eater but gets along well with most dogs and other animals. Would be best as an only human. Very loyal and caring. To good home only. All potential adopters will be screened.


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## BowWowMeow (May 7, 2007)

This is a good one! 

Middle aged, bossy, high-maintenance female in need of an active home. Needs to be the top human in the household. She is on special food and does not tolerate grocery store brands. If she is not fed on time and does not get regular, daily exercise she gets very cranky. Has extensive allergies and requires expensive herbs. Easy to pill. Prefers off leash walking. Loves medium to large dogs and cats but is very picky about human companions. Children are ok in small doses but has been known to snap, especially when she doesn't get enough sleep. Comes with a an 18 yo grey cat with numerous and time-consuming health problems who likes to snuggle and is very bossy. 

Serious inquiries only please.


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## Good_Karma (Jun 28, 2009)

Free to a good home two humans, prefer they go to same home as they are quite bonded. One male and one female, both from middle class working lines, unaltered and in good health, UTD on shots. 

Both fall within breed standard and are untitled but have gone through several obedience classes. Both are registered and come with papers.

The male has an excellent throwing arm, the female is better suited to jolly ball soccer.

Both require daily grooming and baths, but are otherwise low maintenance. Neither are fluent in our language but respond well to visual cues. Simple phrases like "Throw the ball right NOW" and "Put my food bowl on the floor" seem to be understood.


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## JeanKBBMMMAAN (May 11, 2005)

:rofl:

These are thoroughly enjoyable. 

What our dogs have to put up with!


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## VomBlack (May 23, 2009)

Young, stubborn female to good home. Appears to be in good health but unable to throw tennis balls for hours on end.. so I must make room for one that can. Seemingly resistant to hypnosis. Impossible to keep off the furniture. Willing to part with in exchange for a large pepperoni pizza, offer is non negotiable.


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## Mary Jane (Mar 3, 2006)

Almost senior female free to the right home. Veeery soft: if I approach her she immediately sinks to the floor and requests a pet. high requirement for attention with some signs of separation anxiety. great human for the right dog.


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## Lilie (Feb 3, 2010)

Alpha bitch in need of good home. Must not have another female in the household. High prey drive, will not focus on task at hand when other animals are present. High food drive. Not very vocal. Loyal. Has some of the greats on her papers, not line bred. Not a couch potato. Previous owner stated she bites, but I haven't seen it. MRI certified hips and elbows. Would recommend a good OB class. 

Still working on house breaking, but coming along fine. Re-homing fee applies.


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## Jax's Mom (Apr 2, 2010)

*Free or best offer.*

27 year old female. Poorly socialized, skiddish and nervous around new people. Capable of learning but highly unmotivated. Probably needs medication. Does not respond well to being jumped on in dead sleep. Best suited for deaf owners as she complains a lot. Comes with iPad and charger.


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## LaRen616 (Mar 4, 2010)

Young female, treat motivated, somewhat lazy so not good with walking, pulling is required, hogs furniture, extremely food aggressive, good with dogs and cats, ok with some people, not good with children, will bite. Requires tv time and daily baths. House broken. Free to good home.


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## kiya (May 3, 2010)

Free to good home, aging, spayed female, dominance/aggression issues when provoked. Great with cats and other Shepherd type dogs, no small dogs or children of any size. Untrusting of strangers, takes a long time to warm up to new people but eventually will tolerate most. Would rather be a couch potato, but daily exercise is needed to retain correct breed standard. It is best to continue to bring her to obedience classes, even if only for socialization purposes. Must be kept on daily routine or severe signs of stress prevail. No meds, shows some signs of arthritic conditions but seems to tolerate the pain well. Not picky with food, will eat almost anything.


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## Konotashi (Jan 11, 2010)

This is awesome. xD

Need to rehome; don't have the patience for her. Difficult to train. Hard headed, stubborn, and easily distracted. Barks too much and the neighbors complain. WARNING: VERY FOOD AGGRESSIVE. Picky eater. NOT good with children. Doesn't do much; sits around. Only does anything on her own terms. Needs some socialization. Somewhat shy, has aggression issues - is a biter. Will pay anyone who can take her. Need her gone asap.


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

Looks like most of us would be facing the needle or gas chamber.


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## Miss Molly May (Feb 19, 2010)

selzer said:


> Looks like most of us would be facing the needle or gas chamber.


 :rofl::rofl:


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## sagelfn (Aug 13, 2009)

:rofl: this thread cracks me up!


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## Achielles UD (May 26, 2001)

Adult female must go soon! Overweight and should be put on a diet, but is very food aggressive. She wanders, is rarely home and we can't keep her home long enough to train her. Despite our best attempts, she keeps getting out. When she is home, she sleeps, taking up the entire bed or sofa. Will bite if woken. In her younger years, she was very active and we took her to training (obedience, rally, schutzhund) regularly (a lot of good that did). She has offspring that we think holds promise - so we'll be keeping them, but we just can't tolerate her roaming, bed-hogging and messiness any longer. Good news is, she is housebroken! Please come and get her. Fenced yard and bed is all she needs. Will give her to you in exchange for toys.


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## squerly (Aug 3, 2008)

I'll probably regret this but what the heck... I'll take you all!


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## Zisso (Mar 20, 2009)

squerly said:


> I'll probably regret this but what the heck... I'll take you all!


 :happyboogie: Is transport available?


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## BlackPuppy (Mar 29, 2007)

Female Malinois, 5 years old, up to day on all health care. Has arthritis in left elbow from prior injury. Excellent obedience and agility dog. Wants to be only dog. Thinks she is a princess and requires satin pillow to sleep on and gold plated dog bowl to eat from. Loves to eat poop and then give you a kiss. Also is the official food taster of the house and will help with dish cleaning. Loves to garden and create circular paths in the lawn. Requires pet sheep or two. Also loves long walks, but not too long due to her arthritis.


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## Lexi (May 12, 2010)

Middle aged bitch who has retired from breeding after having a few pups with unstable temperaments. She is getting up there in years but still has a bit of spunk left. Is very cautious at meeting strangers; very suspicious of them. Slow to warm up to and trust others, but once she does, they have a friend for life. ****NOTE****Female is very affectionate and is forever seeking our attention, to the point of where we can't get any sleep on her days off! Constantly giving hugs, pets, and kisses. We were possibly thinking of waiting until she wasn't on the midnight shift to see if things improved. 

She DOES think the sun rises and sets in us....wait a minute...nah....we'll keep her.


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## Melina (Feb 20, 2010)

Young, intelligent female needs to be re-homed. Titled. Generally independent. She is in good shape and requires daily exercise as well as time outside of the house (hiking, park, etc.) or will go stir crazy and snap. She is not a picky eater, nor is she food aggressive. Happy around other dogs, tolerant of cats, liable to attack children of any age. She is not loud and will not vocalize unless given reason to. Stubborn, determined, and does not tolerate the idiocy of others well. She may rebel if idiotic behavior is displayed by new owners. Rebellious behavior could include: Suddenly forgetting she's housebroken and using your carpet as a toilet, chewing, digging, "The Evil Eye", random deafness, followed by ultimately running away. Not to be used for breeding. Small re-homing fee applies.


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## Shadow's mum (Mar 13, 2010)

Perfect bitch for the lazy house hold! A little over weight, walks well on a leash but has no stamina. Can be a little food aggressive, particularly with treats. Gets along better with kids and other dogs, prone to nervous aggression with other large humans. Has severe separation difficulties. Needs daily grooming as she has a long coat and is prone to matting. Has bouts of dominant type behavior ie, gets very mouthy and sulky. Would benefit from ongoing obedience classes. Price negotiable, delivery can be arranged.


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## Achielles UD (May 26, 2001)

:spittingcoffee::spittingcoffee::spittingcoffee:
:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

These just keep getting better and better


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## Busty (Aug 2, 2010)

selzer said:


> Unstable bitch needs new home and a JOB. Generally ok with people and dogs, but inexplicably explodes about once a month.


lmao


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## elisabeth_00117 (May 17, 2009)

Melina said:


> Young, intelligent female needs to be re-homed. Titled. Generally independent. She is in good shape and requires daily exercise as well as time outside of the house (hiking, park, etc.) or will go stir crazy and snap. She is not a picky eater, nor is she food aggressive. Happy around other dogs, tolerant of cats, liable to attack children of any age. She is not loud and will not vocalize unless given reason to. Stubborn, determined, and does not tolerate the idiocy of others well. She may rebel if idiotic behavior is displayed by new owners. Rebellious behavior could include: Suddenly forgetting she's housebroken and using your carpet as a toilet, chewing, digging, "The Evil Eye", random deafness, followed by ultimately running away. Not to be used for breeding. Small re-homing fee applies.


Wow... this could work for me too... lol.. well except for the "forgetting she's housebroken" thing.


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## Melina (Feb 20, 2010)

elisabeth_00117 said:


> Wow... this could work for me too... lol.. well except for the "forgetting she's housebroken" thing.


That's only out of spite.  I know darn well where the toilet is, I would just choose not to use it if my new owners would choose to act like fools.


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## elisabeth_00117 (May 17, 2009)

HAHAHA... Melina your hilarious!


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## Dennq (Jun 21, 2010)

My dogs would say sorry we have to get rid of our owner...

We don't have a shade tree to put him under.


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## KZoppa (Aug 14, 2010)

Dennq said:


> My dogs would say sorry we have to get rid of our owner...
> 
> We don't have a shade tree to put him under.


 
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Did you read my thread about that St bernard needing a new home cuz they didnt have trees?!?!?!? lol.


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## KZoppa (Aug 14, 2010)

mine would probably be something like....

Slightly overweight territorial, aggressive and extremely dominant young female in need of a new home. Impossible to train. We've tried everything. She is housebroken but out of spite will refuse to clean the house when the male refuses to clean up after himself. Good with other animals and their own kids but likely to bite other children. Prone to wild and random fits, usually about once a month. Regularly disobeys us and refuses to share treats such as double stuff oreas and cheesecake. Hogs the furniture, needs daily baths and let out of the house a few times a week or she starts pacing and becoming aggitated. She is extremely lazy! A yard is required as she likes to wander and spend money on useless crap. Have tried crate training but still gets out somehow. Will trade for a 50lb bag of kibble and some rawhide bones but negotiable with the right owner. Warning! She will bite when provoked so approved homes only who have experience training this type of personality!


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## Dennq (Jun 21, 2010)

KZoppa said:


> HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Did you read my thread about that St bernard needing a new home cuz they didnt have trees?!?!?!? lol.


I did


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## Syaoransbear (Sep 25, 2008)

Papered neutered adult male black german shepherd free to good home. Good with cats if those cats like being chased, licked, and stepped on. Good with small children if they are good at landing after being pushed over. High prey drive, high pack drive, high food drive, high toy drive, high nap drive. Very dominant and vocal. Very hard dog. Has some form of separation anxiety. Housetrained, but can't be left alone in the house or he'll get anxious and poop everywhere. Bad in a crate. Backyard needs to be locked and secured as he knows how to open them and often goes off to hang around bars and university campuses. Health problems include mild pannus, mild hip dysplasia, and mild insanity. Isn't destructive at all... anymore. Completely non-aggressive. Very bad around food.

Has accumulated $4000 worth of debt from smashing and breaking things. Please pay up his debt when picking him up!

*comes with free dog food.


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## StryderPup (May 16, 2009)

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:
HAHA! these are great!


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## PADR1NH0 (Sep 8, 2010)

male. weary of people. would crate but on the upside does not pee on carpet.


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## GSD_man (Oct 6, 2007)

ok here we go ...

Ad Subject: A perfect match for ANYBODY wanting to breed

Ad Description:
I have recently accepted a new position and will be relocating to the doggy park at the end of this week. Fortunately, I can not bring along my german import, 200 something pounds, high hump drive, stud male. He is not registered with the UFC but is subscribed to HBO and has an account with UPS. Perfect with kids who are addicted to video games 24/7 and really good with outdoor cats which do not belong to him. He does have some severe dominance issues and needs to be the only male. He seeks a lot a lot a lot of attention, wants to hump you all the time and constantly be up your ass. We are still working with a behaviorist to modify the jumping on large chested guests problem which quickly becomes the center of his focus. If left alone too long, he'll start chasing his tail and falls asleep shortly after. The perfect match would consist of a college dormitory for Hooter's employees who are severely interested in breeding.


..heheheh


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## Miikkas mom (Dec 21, 2009)

Oh! My! God! :spittingcoffee:These are ALL hilarious!!! 
How in the world did I miss this thread??!! :rofl:


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