# To visit or not



## shilohsmom (Jul 14, 2003)

This might sound really odd to some people but I'm actually considering this. Last week I found out that the biological mother to two of my three dogs has Mammary Gland Cancer which has spread to her lynth node. Its inoperatable. Today I found out she is slowing down. I'm at home now so I can't do this but if anyone could post the picture I put up of her under the Health section, I would really appreciate it. 
She's in North Dakota, I'm in California. Except for last year when I hurt my knee, I would spend my summer vacations there and most of my free time would be spent with Ebony. I love her soooooo much! She wasn't one to take to everyone but I understand she really liked me...why not, I'd shower her with treats, toys and bones. I take her out running for miles, watch as she swan, heck I was even there when she had her last litter. I really felt a bond with this girl. Through her I received two of the three greatest gifts in my life. And now she is dying. 
I have a friend who works at the airlines. It might be a little hard but she's thinking she can get me a buddy pass so that I could go visit Ebony one last time. 
My question is, would you go? I guess I should say that if you were a lot like me would you go? Is this a crazy thing to even consider? Far fetched perhaps, but crazy??? 
I'm thinking going there might not be such a good idea on one hand. I'm a very emontional type (I cry easy, heck you should have sceen me the first time I met her) so perhaps thats not the right thing to subject her to??? 
On the other hand I so want to hold her and pet her and tell her how very wonderful she is. I love her. Heck, I'm even in tears now as I write this. 
But if I do go I'd have to leave my own babies here so would that be fair to them?


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## JazzNScout (Aug 2, 2008)

You seem to love her very much. As long as the people she lives with are ok with this, you should go.
When I have had dogs terminally ill and people wanted to say goodbye to them, I appreciated it very much, but there was also a time for them to leave so that I could be alone with my dogs. Do you know what I mean? How are Ebony's people with this?


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

i don't think it would be fair to your dogs. you can be with ebony in thought energy without actually being there with her physically. your first obligation is to your dogs at home. also, strong sad emotions from humans are toxic for sick dogs to process, and it might be better if you don't expose her to that. jmho.

many blessings to ebony.


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## WiscTiger (Sep 25, 2002)

Here is the picture of the pretty girl Ebony









I am not sure what I would do. You need to have a good heart to heart with her owners. I think dogs have their own way of saying good bye. They enjoy seeing places they hadn't been for a while, they just seem to want to do as much as they can for as long as they can.

Val


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## shilohsmom (Jul 14, 2003)

Val, thank you so very much for posting her picture. That means a lot to me. 
I really appreciate everyones feedback. Anne, Ebony's owner, is like family to me and thankfully I'm always welcomed.
I'm tending to lean on the side of me staying here. One of my biggest concerns is how emontional I get and I do know this would not be good or helpful for her (and probably not for Anne either). 
There is a part of me that just wants to hold her and tell her everything is going to be alright, but I know I'd fall apart the moment I got those words out. Heck, I'm crying now and she's not even with me. 
No, I should stay here. I put some money aside from my last paycheck so tomorrow I'll go get a bunch of goodies for her and send them to her. Maybe I can write a letter to her for Anne to read to her. 
I do love her so much. I can't help but to think she is dying because she gave life to so many others. What I mean by that is if she was a pet per say, maybe she would have been spayed earlier and then maybe she wouldn't have gotten this cancer. But she was a great mother and was retired a couple of years ago where she's been able to run and play as much as she's wanted. 
She is just such an amazing dog. Thanks for everyones understanding. She's not 'just a dog' and I know you all know what I mean. There is no such thing as just a dog, and this little girl will remain in my heart forever.


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## shilohsmom (Jul 14, 2003)

Kathleen, you are so right...I couldn't leave my dogs, not even for a few days anymore... we need eachother way too much for that.


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## shepherdbydesign (Mar 7, 2007)

Rosa, This is a hard thing to deal with as an owner alone. It might be better to remember her the way you seen her last and not have that haunting vision of her now. You know we can't wonder what if, cause that doesn't change what is. And maybe by you visiting her and getting sad around her may tell her that its almost over and then she just may give up. You know how dogs can sence your feelings and thought. What ever you decide to do will not change her health and she knows how much she was loved by you and others and specially her owners. Good luck with your decision and we will be in your thoughts


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## BJDimock (Sep 14, 2008)

Rosa,
Ebony is a canine who lives with a very loving family. (As your own fur kids do!)
If you decide to go, know that it is for her human family that you choose to show support for.
Ebony will always know you as a friend; that is why we love the dogs in our lives so. She will be happy to see you, and she will wag for you, and she will ask for treats.
Her family, I'm sure, is in heartbreak.
If you feel that you should go, then be sure it is to help her family. If you think you can't, then that's ok too.
Keep in mind that we all weep when we loose a close companion.
If you can't go, thats understandable!!! But be sure to send your human friend some hugs along with the treats for Ebony.


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## shilohsmom (Jul 14, 2003)

Thanks again for your thoughts, it has helped me. I would rather remember her as I saw her last. I'm sure she knows I love her. I have tons of pictures of her and the best gift of all-I have two of her babies. Shoshona has her eyes. 
I've given this a lot of thought. I will be staying home. I'm sure I can be more supportive of my friend Anne here than I would be to her there. And as much as I'd like to think about seeing Ebony again, everyone's right-it wouldn't be best for her. I'll just have to love on her from a distance for now, but there will always be that special place in my heart that will always belong to her. Thats something I can take with me everywhere I go.


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## middleofnowhere (Dec 20, 2000)

Actually, I'm going to say go because the dog would probably love to see you. I know my dogs perk up when long time human buddies come to see them.


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

rosa, i think you've made the right decision. she will always be in your thoughts and in your heart.


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## shilohsmom (Jul 14, 2003)

I'm really glad I put this out there...it gave me a chance to look at things and get feedback. I feel good about my decison to stay here. My babies need me here with them. Shoshona would just have a fit if I were to try to leave her and that would tear me apart. 
Someone had wrote about Anne and how I should be supportive of her right now, how true that is. Yes, I love Ebony but I also love Anne and she's the one that is really hurting with all this. 
I have wonderful pitures and memories of my time with Ebony-those are the things I want to remember. 
Val, thank you again for putting her picture up here. I wanted everyone to see what a beautiful girl she is. 
In friendship


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## Ilovealldogs (Nov 17, 2006)

I can respect your decision to stay at home, but if it were me, I would go. I wouldn't want to have any later regrets of not going (not saying you will). Being gone from your dogs for a day or two shouldn't be a problem unless they are ill. I guess it would really depend on how much Ebony means to you, what you would "gain" by saying goodbye to her in person, and whether or not it would help you to say goodbye in person. I agree wih the others too- whether it be a human or a pet, they can be with you in spirit. Either way, I know you'll make the right decision- what is best for you and your dogs.


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## littledmc17 (Apr 9, 2008)

I so feel your pain on this.

If it was me I wouldn't leave my babies. If they lived an hour away different story. I would be to much of an emotional wreck and do her owners no good too.

I love animals to death, just knowing what she is going through I am welling up and I don't know her.
Just be there for your friends and be strong.


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## Mandalay (Apr 21, 2008)

My first thought was to say that you should go. That perhaps you need that closure. 

Then I thought some more. This is something that, once done, cannot be undone. If you dont go, then you have to live with that forever. If you do, and end up only upsetting Anne more than she already is, you have to live with that, too. Plus, Anne may feel like you are her "guest" and that she would need to entertain/comfort you while you were there, which would take away time from her and Ebony.

I would maybe send a letter, include some memories you have of the dog. If you have some pictures that you can copy and send, those may be nice, too. Maybe send some pictures of your dogs, Ebonys daughters. This is something that Anne can read and remember and probably talk to her dog about. It is something she can do on her time and when she is ready; when we are preparing to lose someone/thing, we have good days when we are able to talk about these things and able to function and we have bad days where we need to be alone. You being there may upset that balance, or you may end up being there when she needs to be alone.

When you get the news that Ebony is gone, I would plant a tree, shrub or perenial and send a photo of it to Anne in memory of her dog. Maybe send a matching one to Anne that she can plant in her yard to represent yours and hers forever bond through Ebony.


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## rjvamp (Aug 23, 2008)

Hi Rosa

When my sister's dog Sam was in his last year (he had cancer) I went and babysitted him while they went on vacation. I had so much fun with him and I don't regret a moment. He and I had such a great time and I was able to get him to eat more than he would for them









Talk it out with the pet parents and if it works out - I say go for it!

Robert


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## shilohsmom (Jul 14, 2003)

It is so nice to have a place that one can come and have others understand how important this issue is. A place where people understand that its not completely off the wall to drop everything and go visit a dying dog. 
I working on a package for her. I'm including a letter to Ebony that Anne can read to her. 
If she were closer I would have been there in a heartbeat. But as many of you have pointed out-I'm needed here with my babies. Shoshona is very attached to her Mama and I have severe SA issues when I leave them, so I need to stay here. Also my being emontional would not help.


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## shilohsmom (Jul 14, 2003)

Heres a copy of my letter to Ebony;


I'm sending this so Anne could read it to you. If I were closer I would be there in a heartbeat as I would like nothing more than to hold you and read this to you myself. 

Did you remember that your my favorate of all of Anne's many dogs? You are. I'll never forget the first time we met and the tears of happiness I shed just seeing you for the very first time. You have the most incrediable eyes I've ever sceen on a dog. 

Your little girl, Shoshona, is doing very well. I've never met a more precious dog in all my life. She has your eyes and believe you me, she melts my heart. It's like I fall in love all over again every day with her. Ebony, you should see her. She'll play ball for hours with the same intensity the last hour as she had the first hour. I watch as she retrieves the ball-its like she dances over the ground. She's is just the most amazing dog that ever lived. She's a funny little girl, just the other night I was throwing ball for them and somehow...who knows how, but someone Shiloh managed to get in FRONT of her so that he was headed for the ball first! She's too small to overpower him so what does she do??? She bit him right in the behind!!! Silly girl...but you know what? It gave her just the time she needed to overtake him and get to the ball first! She's fast as can be, not only physically but she's quick as a whip mentally as well. 

Me and Shoshi, we have a very special bond and as I've told you before, our little girl will be well taken care of every day of her life. 

Your Son, Eli is doing well as well. You should be so proud of them. He has your great personality, a sweeter dog simply does not exist, but I think a lot of his genes came from Zeke. He's not the fastest dog around but thats ok, perhaps he's here to teach me that life is best when you treasure the simple things. 

He's a wonderful dog. While he doesn't always think like the rest of us, he' always thinking. Just the other day I hadn't closed the door to his room very well and it came open when I wasn't home. Don't worry Ebony, our little man has his own BIG room just for him to keep him safe when I'm not around. I rotate plenty of toys in and out of the room and give him lots of things to keep him occupied. But the other day I walked up to the house and Eli was right there at the window to greet me!!! My heart kind of sank just a bit when I opened the door and found stuffing once again across the living room floor... the chair took another hit, but the good news was my mattress was just fine...by the looks of things he had just started that when I came home. I was thankful for my good timing but even more thankful once again, that he had me for a Mom. Ebony you never have to worry about Eli, he has a Mama that loves him and knows that nothing is more important that how he feels about himself. I will take care of that little man everyday of his life and cherish every moment. 

So I guess what I'm saying, is your two babies are fine. They live a very good life. One thing I love so much about them is the way they've made me a better person and for that I am so very thankful. 

Ebony, there will be many dogs at the Rainbow Bridge waiting for me. Dogs that I've worked on and rescued over the years. You'll be able to tell them you know me, have met me and always knew you were one of my favorate dogs that ever lived. I will say good bye to you my friend, but I will always keep a very special place in my heart that will always belong to you. When its time, let Anne know. It will be ok. You are so very, very loved by me. 

God bless and until we meet again, 
I love you Ebony, 
The treat lady

Proud Mom to Shiloh, Shoshona, & Eli Every dog deserves to have a human that thinks they are the greatest dog that ever lived.

Anne use to always laugh and call me the Treat lady...whenever I showed up I'd have ton's of treats for the dogs!!!


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## Mandalay (Apr 21, 2008)

Oh my. I am crying after having had read your note. I think its lovely.


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## shilohsmom (Jul 14, 2003)

Thank you. It took me a week of tries before I could get it done..


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## shilohsmom (Jul 14, 2003)

Just to let everyone know, I got news this weekend that Ebonys tumor has trippled in size in the past month. So far her spirits are up but Anne is keeping a close eye on her.


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## ncgsdmom (Jun 24, 2008)

Prayers for Ebony and her mom Anne, and for you as well. She sounds like a wonderful dog who has left a very strong impression on everyone she has met. Hoping she continues to feel well.


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## shilohsmom (Jul 14, 2003)

Thanks. Ebony is a very special girl. She's a Czechoslovakian girl whos full of spunk. She's the only one that ever slipped by me in her kennel one day to get out....I think she just pushed me aside..silly girl. I'm so thankful I have her little and boy. Eli's not much like her but Shoshi sure is. In fact somewhere on this computer I think I have a picture of Shoshi meeting her when Shosh was older....I'll have to see if I can find it.


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## shilohsmom (Jul 14, 2003)

Heres that picture of Shoshona meeting her Biological Mom, Ebony. I think Shoshi was 2 or 3 years old then.










Shoshi is not the most doggie friendly dog around so we had to do this through the fence.


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