# A VERY heavy heart



## Heidi's Mom (Dec 27, 2003)

It is with a VERY heavy heart that I write this post. I lost my Little Bear (Heidi) this week. I found out only 9 days before she died that my girl had acute myeloid leukemia. The vet said it is not common in dogs. Heidi's breeder said that in over 50 years of breeding GSDs, she's only known of one other of her dogs that has had it. Heidi turned 9 in March.

I spoke to the vet last Saturday and he said he had never seen numbers like hers since he was in vet school 25 years ago. He told me today that she did not suffer. He said it was kind of like having a cold or the flu and that she probably just felt blah.

When he gave me the news on 8/6, he said we could see an oncologist or try her on steroids. When I spoke to him last Saturday, he thought she had about a month and chemotherapy (at a cost of $5,000) might double that to two months. In fact, from last Saturday, Heidi had only 4 days. She died at home Wednesday morning.

We started steroids last Saturday and it was a huge task trying to get her to eat anything. I live and work at a Christian conference/retreat center and Heidi has always LOVED our lake. I took her Sunday night and she was like a little puppy. She was sooooooooooooooooooooo excited and happy. I was very careful about throwing the Frisbee, but we went in the water and she got to roll in the sand and in the grass. Monday night, we did the same thing. Tuesday night, we went again. It did my heart good to see her so happy and animated.

When I got up Wednesday morning, things were not good. Heidi was very lethargic and had thrown up twice. She wouldn't eat or drink. I took her out and she peed right away. When I started to walk to where she usually pooped, she layed down. Then, when I brought her in, she just layed flat on the bedroom floor. When I took my shower, she came over and layed close to the bathroom door like she always did. 

I knew it was time to call the vet and make that last final trip...  When I got to work, I asked my coworkers to pray that Heidi would just die at home so we wouldn't have to do that. About 3 hours later, I walked home to check on her and she was gone. I figured she most have died fairly quickly after I'd left, because she was only a tiny bit warm between her back legs.

One of my coworkers came with a couple other guys and took Heidi to be buried. We have a large field and our maintenance director buried Heidi at the edge of the woods. 

In the backyard of my apartment, I've had a rose bush for a few years that has never done very well and usually doesn't bloom. On the day Heidi died, it had a beautiful pink rose on it. I cut the rose and put it with two of her Frisbees on her grave.

I miss her so much. My apartment feels so empty without her.

I love you, Little Bear! You may be gone, but you'll be in my heart forever.


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## GsdLoverr729 (Jun 20, 2010)

I am so sorry for your loss  
It must feel awful, but now she feels no more pain at least. :/ 
Sending good thoughts and prayers your way!


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## Heidi's Mom (Dec 27, 2003)

The perfect pink rose for my Little Bear...


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## GsdLoverr729 (Jun 20, 2010)

Heidi and the rose are both beautiful...


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## chloesmama2 (Feb 18, 2012)

so sorry for your loss. I am so happy to hear you had such a great last few days with her.


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## Heidi's Mom (Dec 27, 2003)

Thank you so much. Wow, this really hurts...


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## Stosh (Jun 26, 2010)

I'm so sorry. She was a beautiful and obviously well loved dog.


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## sitstay (Jan 20, 2003)

I am so sorry to hear of Heidi's passing. 
Sheilah


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## Cassidy's Mom (Mar 30, 2003)

Oh Susan, I'm so sorry to hear about Heidi. She had a good life with you, and in the end she she didn't suffer. No matter how long we have them it's never long enough, but her last few days were happy, doing what she loved to do, and that's all we can hope for. RIP Heidi.


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## JakodaCD OA (May 14, 2000)

I am so very very sorry for your loss


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## selzer (May 7, 2005)

I am sorry. I am glad she did not suffer, and you were able to have some good days. The only thing wrong with our dogs is that they have to leave us. Rest assured that she knows how much you cared for her.


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## BowWowMeow (May 7, 2007)

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Heidi. What a wonderful life she had with you and I'm so glad that you could make her last few days special.


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## Loneforce (Feb 12, 2012)

Sorry for your loss  Rip Heidi you will be missed ,but never forgotten...


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## GSDGunner (Feb 22, 2011)

RIP beautiful girl. 

I'm so sorry for you. It's an unimaginable pain that takes time to go away. Rest assured you will see her again someday, and until then, you will have a special guardian angel watching over you. :halogsd:


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## KatsMuse (Jun 5, 2012)

Susan, I'm so very sorry for your loss 

:rip: Heidi


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## zyppi (Jun 2, 2006)

Brought tears to my eyes.

I'm so sorry.


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## Wolfgeist (Dec 4, 2010)

So very sorry for your loss.. my thoughts are with you.


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

what a beautiful girl. i'm so sorry for your loss, your words convey the great love you will always feel for her. rip heidi.


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## bellamia (Feb 7, 2010)

so sorry for your loss.
take care


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## onyx'girl (May 18, 2007)

Susan, Heidi clearly knew how much you loved her. She showed it in her final days Sunday~Tuesday. 
My sympathy to you and your family....
run pain free at the bridge Heidi :halogsd:


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## lzver (Feb 9, 2012)

So very sorry to hear about Heidi  She was beautiful! Run free Little Bear.


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## Amt6121 (May 22, 2012)

I am so very sorry for your loss. I am so glad she got to live out her last few days playing in the water and having fun. My thoughts are with you R.I.P Heidi may you run through huge fields and places with tons of water to splash in


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

Iam so sorry for your loss . Heidi run free where you are healthy and young again.


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## lorihd (Nov 30, 2011)

she was a beautiful girl, so sorry for your loss. i remember the last day of my mini doxie
's life, i took her out it was a beautiful day, she was actually walking around with her tail somewhat wagging (she couldnt walk for months). so i just remember that last day and her being so happy, like your girl, brings a little comfort when i think about it. BIG HUGS .


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## Jo_in_TX (Feb 14, 2012)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad she didn't have to suffer very much.


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## myshepharley (Feb 11, 2011)

I am very sorry for your loss. What a beautiful girl. RIP Heidi


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## msvette2u (Mar 20, 2006)

What a beauty...I'm so sorry for your loss :hugs:


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## bjbryant73 (Dec 2, 2006)

I am so sorry to hear about Heidi... she was beautiful! My thoughts are with you.


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## bigd3077 (Aug 19, 2012)

So sad. Sorry for your loss....


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## breyer08 (Jul 4, 2012)

I'm so sorry to hear about your beautiful girl.


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## Jelpy (Nov 8, 2009)

I'm sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby. May roses always bloom for her. 

Jelpy


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## mrsbuggs (Dec 28, 2010)

So sorry for you loss, it sad to lose a forever friend


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## shepherdmom (Dec 24, 2011)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## Heidi's Mom (Dec 27, 2003)

Thanks, everyone, for your kind words. I know I will have another GSD one day, but for right now I really miss my Little Bear.

(I felt like I should go through & "Like" everyone's post, but then realized I'm not on FB!)


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## elsie (Aug 22, 2001)

I've been waiting for this post...

Thanks for writing out the details and sharing her last days with us (and the pics on fb). It seems like she rallied for you to give you good memories before she went on. I'm relieved for you that your prayer was answered and the angels came for her, and left the pink rose for you. 

Their days with us here are few, but they live in our hearts forever. :hug::hug::hug:


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## GSDBESTK9 (Mar 26, 2002)

I'm so very sorry for your loss. She was a beautiful girl.


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## Heidi's Mom (Dec 27, 2003)

Thanks, Elsie & Carolina. I'm sitting here crying all over again. That being said, I'm very grateful for the 9+ years I had with my Little Bear and so glad that she didn't suffer. Their lives are far too short!


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## Nikitta (Nov 10, 2011)

So sorry for your loss. It never gets any easier does it?


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## KSdogowner (Jun 22, 2011)

Susan, I am so sorry to hear of Heidi's passing. R.I.P. sweet Heidi.


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## Heidi's Mom (Dec 27, 2003)

Thank you. It's hard to believe four weeks have passed...


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## Shaolin (Jun 16, 2012)

My heart goes out to you. I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending warm thoughts and love your way.


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## Heidi's Mom (Dec 27, 2003)

Thank you!


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