# RIP Trix 1/21/2010



## LDB158 (Jan 25, 2010)

I guess you can say I'm still going through the grieving process. I wrote this the day that I had to put my girl to sleep. I wrote it in what I would imagine her perspective would be, so it may be kind of weird for some people to read. She was my baby so I was very attached to her and just wish her life could have been longer. I just thought I would post her last week's story here.

RIP Ms Trix 5/20/1999-1/21/2010 - Trix was a border collie/lab mix. 

Today my mommy decided to make a very hard decision to make my suffering stop. 

She noticed 5 days ago on Sunday that I had a sudden loss of appetite and wouldn't eat anything. She didn't know what was wrong with me. At first she thought that maybe it was because her friends came over with their dog and I got really upset. I was barking and growling, so they put their dog in the car. She thought maybe I was stressed because of the situation. She then noticed that I began breathing heavy after performing activity, such as going up the stairs. She thought that maybe my arthritis was just getting a lot worse. I also threw up in the living room, it was a clear mucousy substance. And after that, I just kept dry heaving.

The next day on Monday, I still wouldn't eat anything, not even the yummy doggy bacon stips my mommy sometimes gives me. That day she took me to the vet so I could get my rabies vaccination updates and my heartworm test. She asked the vet about my sudden loss of appetite and the vet said to wait 12 hours before she fed me anything. I began dry heaving at home again. 

My mommy waited 12 hours and tried feeding me again on Tuesday. She tried the senior food in a can mixed with my regular food. I gobbled it up very quickly. My mommy then thought I was going to be okay and was relieved. But then my breathing got even worse even when I was not moving. My hind legs also began quivering at times while I was standing. I was also having a very hard time going back up the stairs, I would have to stop half way and was gasping for breath.

On Wednesday, she tried feeding me the same thing that I had eaten yesterday. But. . I had lost my appetite again and didn't eat anything. I did eat a couple of bites when she hand-fed me. Later on that day, she had gotten online to order me more rescue remedy pastilles, but then she realized that she was not supposed to give them to dogs because they contain xylenol. She was told that they were allowed to be given to dogs originally to help with stressful situations, but you are really supposed to use the liquid or spray, not the pastilles. My mommy got very worried that I may have had xylenol poisoning. She called the vet and told them that I was still not eating and breathing heavy. The vet made another appointment and did some blood tests. My liver, pancreas, and kidney tests all came back normal. The vet gave me some bland canned food to eat and some motion sickness medicine for my nausea. The vet thought maybe something was wrong with my stomach. When we got home, my mommy tried feeding me the food, but I wouldn't eat any of it unless she hand-fed it to me. And then, I only ate about 7 bites before I got tired of it. I also could no longer get up the stairs. I could go down them, but when I tried going up them, I began breathing really heavy. At one point, my hind legs gave out and I fell. If my mommy was not behind me, I would have fell down the stairs. This really scared my mommy.

Today, I was still breathing really heavy, even when I was just laying down relaxing. At one point, I tried going into my mommy's room. I stared at her through the doorway and then had one of my front legs lifted. My mommy thought that I was trying to walk through the door, but couldn't get my legs to work. I just kept staring at her for about 30 seconds to a minute and then I collapsed all the way down and kept breathing heavy. My mommy then knew it was time to take me to the vet again. My grandmommy came over to visit before we went to the vet. They both heard me fall on the ground in the living room really hard and came in to see what happened. They saw me laying there with my head going from side to side. My mommy thought I was having a seizure. I heard them both saying she looks really confused and scared. My grandmommy then tried approaching me and grabbed my head gently with her hands. She looked at my eyes and saw them going up and down really fast. My grandmommy also had a stethoscope and tried listening to my heart. They thought that I may have been having heart failure. 

They took me to the vet again and told the vet what was going on. The vet decided that she would do a chest x-ray in case I was having heart failure. After the x-ray, I heard the vet tell my mommy that my heart looked okay for a dog that was my age, but my lungs had three black masses in them. One of them was the size of a golf ball. The vet began talking of options but my mommy began crying. The vet didn't mention putting me to sleep yet, but I knew it was in her mind and she was just waiting to mention it because my mommy was so upset.

The vet thought that I may also have a brain tumor. I had a loss of muscle mass on one side of my head. My mommy took me to the vet a couple months ago for that, but the vet said she thought it was a degeneration of one of my nerves, which is common in my breed. Over a year ago, I had also started displaying agression towards people and my fellow canine friend, which I never did before. The vet also said that my agression could come and go all of a sudden, and I may even turn on my mommy if I was going through one of my episodes. After talking about all of these signs, the vet determined that it was possible that I had a brain tumor and that was what caused the lung cancer. The vet believed that it was possible that I had large black masses in other parts of my body as well, such as my stomach, and that was why I had stopped eating all of a sudden. The vet said that I would never get better, but I could be given valium to help, but it wouldn't help the breathing problems I keep having.

While my mommy and grandmommy were speaking to the vet, I had another episode similar to the one I had right before we left the house. I started shaking and looked very confused. The vet then said that she would go and get some valium for the seizures. While she was gone, I heard my grandmommy and my mommy talking about me. My grandmommy was giving my mommy some options on what could happen. I heard them saying that if they decided to get valium as a prescription for me from the vet that I was going to be sleepy all the time and I may even die in my sleep because I was having a hard time breathing now anyway. My grandmommy told my mommy that I would still have a really hard time breathing and would not be very happy. My grandmommy said that it would be less painful if my mommy could just let me go. My mommy was crying hysterically and seemed very upset. I knew they didn't want me to suffer and they loved me very much. 

When the vet came back in, my mom was still crying and the vet spoke with us of that option. The vet did say that i could go on prednisone to help with my lungs. But the vet said since I was not eating that being on prednisone would cause me to get stomach ulcers and bleeding. The vet also said that the valium would cause my breathing to depress while I was sleeping, since I was having a hard time breathing, and it may be possible I would die in my sleep. I would have to keep waking up to breathe if I was on valium, and then fall back to sleep, and then wake back up to gasp for more air. It didn't sound very fun to me. The vet then talked with my mommy about the third option, putting me to sleep. The vet said that it would probably be the best thing, seeing how I got progressively worse over a 5 day period. The vet said that I was never going to get better and would probably more than likely be getting worse. The vet left again and my mommy and grandmommy both were crying. My mommy got down on the floor and began smothering me in kisses and hugs. I knew what was coming but knew my mommy loved me very much. 

When the vet came back in, my mommy asked if they could leave my muzzle off and just hold my head to ensure that I wouldn't bite my vet. I was so happy my mommy didn't let them put that muzzle on me in my last moments in life, I hated that muzzle, but I knew my mommy only made me wear it so I wouldn't bite the vet. So my mommy and my grandmommy were rubbing me and hugging me when the vet approached. I really didn't feel too well to put up much of a fight anyway. The vet put the needle to make me sleep in my hind leg and I got very very sleepy. My mommy kept repeating I love you, I love you. You're such a good girl. She kept rubbing my head and behind my ears. After the first shot, I was so drowsy, and then the vet put the 2nd needle in. 

The last thing I heard was my mommy saying I love you as I drifted away.


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## mahhi22 (Jul 14, 2009)

I'm sorry to hear of the passing of your beloved Trix. Sweet condolences to you during your time of sorrow.


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

rest in peace dear trixie. mommy and grandmommy, what a gift you gave your girl. the most true and pure love...wanting and doing what's best for the loved one, no matter how much it hurts.

take good care and many blessings to you and your family.


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## AngelJ (Aug 24, 2009)

Very sorry for your loss. 








Trix


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## Daisy1986 (Jul 9, 2008)

So sorry about your lost. Thank you for coming here share her story. It is very touching and difficult. I hope it helped you in some small way. Know you are not alone. I had to put our Jack Russell down...wow has it been 3 yrs...does not seem that long. It is still hard, I have gotten 2 more dogs that fill my life and my heart, but she will always be there as I am sure your Trix will be.


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## Crabtree (Jan 6, 2006)

Your story of Trix moved me to tears. 
I'm so sorry for your loss. She sounds like she was a wonderful girl.
I hope you find some comfort in knowing that you were brave enough to put her needs first. She is no longer in pain.







Trix


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## middleofnowhere (Dec 20, 2000)

I am so sorry. Even the only workable option can be incredibly difficult. May the good memories and joy of Trix's younger years bring you happiness for years to come.


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## Jason L (Mar 20, 2009)

RIP Trix. Very sorry for your loss.


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## LukesMom (Jun 12, 2009)

So sorry for your loss.


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## chelsa (May 31, 2009)

That is the hardest thing to do and I dread the day I will have to make that same Hard discission my prayers go out to you.


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## Raziel (Sep 29, 2009)

Im sure you gave her a great life.
She is watching over you.
Prayers to you & your family.


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## Kayos and Havoc (Oct 17, 2002)

I am very sorry.


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## WiscTiger (Sep 25, 2002)

I am sorry for your loss of Trix. Some days life just doesn't seem fair. I know you are hurting, but your love of Trix helped you do what was best for Trix and hard for you.

Hugs to you.

Val


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## Qyn (Jan 28, 2005)

Trix, I think that the way Trix's diary was shown was very well done.


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## fourdogsrule (May 10, 2007)

I am so sorry for your loss.







Trix 
I know you are watching over Mommy & Grandmommy.


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## Bridget (Apr 5, 2004)

Thank you for sharing. I also am so sorry for your loss.


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