# Confessions of a Toddler/Puppy mothering



## Mumma1 (Jan 26, 2015)

It has been three weeks. This is my first confession.

1. When Amelia peed in the back yard just like Oscar I was mildly amused. By the time she pooped on the *front* lawn same as Oscar I was prepared for it, and got a good polaroid shot for her 21st. 

2. All the people driving past in their cars now probably think I'm the weirdest person around.

3. House is chaos. I wore my husbands underwear to work by mistake this week, twice. I work nights, and afternoons are a bit more of a **** show at the moment. No Pun intended

4. Oscar has managed to tag Amelia (despite my efforts) quite a lot. A trip to her doctor's today was mildly awkward until I mentioned having a new puppy. She looks like she fell into a raspberry patch. Then again, so do I. We look like we hiked along a Hydro tower line mid August. Naked.

5. As I thought would happen, my expectations & my reality are on opposite ends of the ten foot pole I want tie the two of them to when we have to walk anywhere together. 

6. I'm not taking enough videos of the cute-ness. I'd need a fifth hand for it.


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## GypsyGhost (Dec 29, 2014)

Thanks for this! Gave me a good laugh!


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## Debanneball (Aug 28, 2014)

OMG, laughing so much at #1! Your daughter will be so embarrased!


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## Cheyanna (Aug 18, 2012)

Laughing at wearing hubby's underwear. My ex wore tights ****** so never a mix up. He was so weird about his undies that we could not wash them together.

I did wear my own underwear backwards one day. Had I wore thong it would never be a problem.


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## Mumma1 (Jan 26, 2015)

It has been one week since my last confession.

1. This week, my darling husband learned exactly WHY I have been insisting that Oscar is crated in our bedroom instead of in his ex-pen in the kitchen, if he is gone during the day and I am asleep. (I work nights) Oscar chose the morning of our house inspection to jump out of the pen for the first time, and took a poo in the shower, and did two pees in the laundry, and spread the recycling all over the kitchen. I slept through the entire thing, and ALL the panicked cleanup. (Or rather, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.  ) 

2. Amelia will "sit" next to the door before we go out. I think its hilarious, and I hope I'm not permanently messing her up by going along with her game and asking her to. I'm drawing a line at a leash though. 

3. Hubby took Amelia and Oscar to the beach this morning for the first time, _WITHOUT ME_ because I was asleep and no, it didn't occur to his Royal Blockheadedness that I would want to be there for that first visit to: field other dogs/take photos/experience that moment. Oh, there were words. Words I can't print here.


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## Asten (Feb 1, 2015)

Oh my... LOL Yes, I should have kept a journal from day one! I love this, thank you for sharing!


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## Debanneball (Aug 28, 2014)

OMg, you are too funny!


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## Mumma1 (Jan 26, 2015)

It has been eight days since my last confession

1. I gave in. I gave in and looped a shoestring around Amelia's waist and led her to bed the other night. God help me, I even said "come-on puppy" on the way across the living room. As soon as I saw her eyes light up I knew I was in trouble. 

2. Oscar's nails on the crate drove hubby out of the bedroom and onto the couch last night. Before we settled on buying a hessian pad for the bottom, there was a very tense moment where my darling jokingly asked me who I would prefer in the bedroom, His Studly Self or Oscar Dog, and I paused a moment too long in answering. 

3. Speaking of bedrooms, I wish we could take some sort of anonymous poll on here and get a rough estimate of how many of us have done the dirty in the dark to the sultry tones of a panting, crated GSD. We live with a toddler and 2 other adults, and there aren't that many rooms free and I'm getting tired of the laundryroom.


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## GypsyGhost (Dec 29, 2014)

Hilarious! Thanks for sharing these!


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

Mumma1 I am now laughing and smiling.Thank you.Oscar and Amelia stories I think will become my favorites. BTW she is gonna hate all those cute shotsbut will be fun when she's 21!


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## Mumma1 (Jan 26, 2015)

It has been five days since my last confession

Hubby revealed to me that he routinely takes the dog out in the middle of the night, and pees beside him while Oscar does his business.  I am officially the only one in this family that doesn't use the front lawn as a bathroom. Gawd...


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## Mumma1 (Jan 26, 2015)

It's been less than a day, and I'm back here again. Butttt.... (pun intended)

At first, I padded Amelia's butt no matter where we were, for those teeth. Mistake. Now, a bare butt is the BEST way to keep her from streaking past squealing and triggering his prey drive. Aaaand she always knows where he is. This picture gets it perfectly.


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## car2ner (Apr 9, 2014)

Love these stories. I think by the time your little girl is 21, she'll love them. Just hide them during those awkward teen years.


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## dmom (Jul 2, 2009)

Oh my you had me spewing coffee. To cute at least from my perspective I'm sure from your things are getting just a bit fuzzy. Keep plodding on Mumma1.


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## Ruger Monster (Jan 29, 2015)

Oh I'm dying here at work in laughter. Shared the "confessions" with my co-worker - we needed some hilarity to our Monday  We look forward to more!


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## onyx'girl (May 18, 2007)

amelia and oscar will have the best upbringing any pair can ask for...a girl and her dog(gorgeous). Amelia will forever be grateful for Oscars memories.


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## Mumma1 (Jan 26, 2015)

It has been ten days since my last confession. The puppy is losing teeth, and the child has an ear infection. I'm jealous. I want to gnaw on cold treats and take pain medication and lie in bed all day! Despite the grizzles, there's been a few funny moments, and I got one on digital! 

1. My child is better at fetch than my dog. I present to you, the Amazing Amelia Fetcher 3000. See how in the first picture I am carrying Oscar's flip flop, but Amelia still has hers firmly in her jaws? She even held onto it while she fell backwards off a surfing board. I'm very proud.

2. My dog is better at the "out" command than my child. Truth be told, once she's sunk her little teeth into my shoe, I can't get it back with just a command. She waits, and her eyes say "no no, mommy, I've seen you trade up with Oscar Dog. Where's my treat?"


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## Ruger Monster (Jan 29, 2015)

:rofl:


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## Kyleigh (Oct 16, 2012)

OMG just came across this thread ... these are hilarious!!!!! You need more confession days!


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## wick (Mar 7, 2015)

Mumma1 said:


> It has been three weeks. This is my first confession.
> 
> 1. When Amelia peed in the back yard just like Oscar I was mildly amused. By the time she pooped on the *front* lawn same as Oscar I was prepared for it, and got a good polaroid shot for her 21st.
> 
> ...


This is awesome and hilarious ! Thanks for sharing You are not alone


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## Mumma1 (Jan 26, 2015)

It's been way too long since my last confession. That's because I was away for a couple weeks, enjoying long lazy sleep ins and only going potty when MY bladder was full. Oh, it was bliss! 

Nearly killed the husband though. 

Anyway, confession time.

1. We ran out of prepped meals on the morning I returned. I fed Oscar husband's sirloin steak this morning, rather than kibble. 

2. I have said "no, I don't let him meet and greet strange dogs" 7 times now, and have never got an "oh, I understand." Not once. Just a lot of weird looks. Don't even care. 

3. I overheard Amelia tell Oscar "put your lipstick away" today from down the hall. It took me 5 seconds to understand what she was talking about. Then I died.


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

:spittingcoffee:Oh my God . Love your confessions. Made my mornig.


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## Kane's World (Mar 24, 2015)

1. We ran out of prepped meals on the morning I returned. I fed Oscar husband's sirloin steak this morning, rather than kibble. 

Have you ever fed your daughter something, then thought about giving the leftovers to the dog & realized that it wouldn't be healthy enough for the dog? Yep, that's a head-shaker .

2. I have said "no, I don't let him meet and greet strange dogs" 7 times now, and have never got an "oh, I understand." Not once. Just a lot of weird looks. Don't even care. 

3. I overheard Amelia tell Oscar "put your lipstick away" today from down the hall. It took me 5 seconds to understand what she was talking about. Then I died.[/QUOTE]

Hahahahaha....it's 'lipstick' in our house too.


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## Ruger Monster (Jan 29, 2015)

Mumma1 said:


> 3. I overheard Amelia tell Oscar "put your lipstick away" today from down the hall. It took me 5 seconds to understand what she was talking about. Then I died.


:spittingcoffee: 
OMG I needed that laugh this morning. Took me about 10 seconds to realize what it was .... Told the 2 girls in my office that one too, now we're all laughing hysterically and the rest of the building is probably wondering what is wrong with us


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## jackiej (Apr 1, 2015)

:happyboogie:opcorn: omg these are too funny! keep the confessions coming!


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## pyratemom (Jan 10, 2011)

I just found this thread. It is great. Keep those confessions coming. You made my morning when I started reading this. Just keep those pictures of your daughter hidden so she doesn't get rid of them when she gets old enough to realize what you have in mind. I really had to laugh at the comment you made about being the only one that doesn't pee in the yard. My husband will go out with Raina and pee next to her. Luckily in the back yard where we have a privacy fence!


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## Ellimaybel (Mar 16, 2014)

Loving this thread... I too was a little slow on the lipstick comment but after another sip of coffee I burst out laughing. This is going to be one of my favorite threads by far!


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## Kyleigh (Oct 16, 2012)

I said it once, I'll say it again ... this thread is awesome!


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## Mumma1 (Jan 26, 2015)

It has been five days since my last confession. Its time to get dirty.

Pregnant with my Amelia, I remember the great intentions and grand plans I had for a clean, sanitised household. Germs were definitely the devil, and not welcome in my home, no sir! The first two years of motherhood put a damper on those silly visions of sparkling clean domesticity. Getting a puppy absolutely eradicated them. 

Today, I let Amelia try her hand at lobbing cubes of raw lamb heart into Oscar's exercise pen from the kitchen countertop. (We were working on Sit and Down from a distance) Some made it into the pen, most didn't, and at least one went missing and can't be found. I'm hoping the cat ate it. 

And speaking of less than stellar hygiene, I confess, I am far more concerned with getting a great photo of these two sharing the water fountain than I am about the germs in Oscar's mouth ending up in Amelia's. 

The memories last forever, and there's Purell for everything else, right?


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## pyratemom (Jan 10, 2011)

Love the picture of sharing the water fountain. If every kid that ingested dog slobber got sick there would be a lot of sick kids. When we were little we were always told to get the dog to lick the scratch or scrape because it would get better faster. I admit to getting a few wet doggie kisses in the face and mouth myself and I'm fine, just feel a need to scratch my ear with my back leg once in a while. LOL!


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## Mumma1 (Jan 26, 2015)

It has been 14 days since my last confession.

What a booger of a day!

1. Our au-pair quit today. Quit, packed her bags and was gone by 3:30 p.m. Over what horrible mistreatment, you ask? I wrote her this note when I got home at 4:30 a.m. before heading off to bed:

*****,

Can you please walk Oscar today when Amelia naps?

Thanks!

Little did I know, Hubby had also asked her in person to walk Oscar while Amelia sleeps, and he also wrote it on the whiteboard. 

The nerve of us! Being told that many times makes her feel like we think she is stupid. Obviously. Anyway, two hours' notice as opposed to two weeks, and she is gone. 

Thank god my work is flexible and I can take time off until we find someone else, but still,

WORST REACTION to asking for help with my dog EVER. And good riddance, I guess. I would choose my dog over her 1000%


2. My best friend came over to console/deconstruct the weirdness of the afternoon, and we both admired Oscar's increasing proficiency with playing fetch in the house. Right up until the moment he misjudged a half-closed door's width and crashed into it. He screamed and screamed. Amelia screamed and screamed. He's only putting half weight on his right front paw. I feel like its my fault. I threw the ball through the door. I should have foreseen that.

So I have: 1. No more income this week, and 2. A potential vet bill tomorrow.

3. Perhaps my most guilty confession of all. When Oscar hurt himself, and started crying, he made a beeline straight for me. Since 4 p.m. he's been very quiet, very subdued and very needy. It means I've been able to plonk down on the floor now that everyone else is asleep and pet him for minutes and minutes without those jaws flailing around. I feel bad for him, but I'm enjoying it. I'm actually enjoying my injured dog's debilitated state. I'm a terrible fur-mum :smirk:


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## pyratemom (Jan 10, 2011)

I love reading your posts!


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## Mumma1 (Jan 26, 2015)

Its been 6 days since my last confession. Today was chaos. I think I will remember some more utterly ridiculous moments later, but here's a few.

1. Amelia locked herself in the car today, with the keys next to her. Talk about a frantic, instant exercise in communicating with your toddler! Both hubby and I went from a strained calm to mildly hysterical when she finally hit that correct unlock button. I'm pleased to report that Oscar stuck by our side despite being utterly forgotten. He was probably wondering what all the fuss was about.

2. Turns out, a 6' leather dog leash is the perfect tool to keep your child fastened to her chair during dinner. Just wrap twice, and eat in peace, never uttering "Get back here NOW, PLEASE!" again.

3. I just found stinky moist cheese crumbs in my pocket from last time I wore these cargo pants for training, 3 days ago.


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## pyratemom (Jan 10, 2011)

Sorry for the loss of your au pair. Your laundry message was funny. I often find freeze dried liver in my pockets after washing. It comes through the laundry really well, not sure of the taste tough but my dog doesn't seem to mind the piece or two I have given her. 

My daughter locked herself in a rental car (meaning no spare key) once when I stopped to drop off some mail in the box in front of the post office. As soon as I closed the door I heard the click - she had hit the lock button with her foot from her car seat and had no idea what she did. I had to call a tow truck to unlock the door. Meanwhile a crowd formed around my car in front of the local post office. I was nearly hysterical and then a woman from the crowd yelled out I shouldn't have left her alone in the car. I was only going 5 feet away to drop an envelope in the mailbox. I turned and chased that lady down the sidewalk before regaining my composure. I totally understand!

While playing your dog may have jammed his toenail into the door. It hurts but most of the time is not serious and goes away by itself. Good luck.


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## Mumma1 (Jan 26, 2015)

It's been 6 days since my last confession. 

1. We went out to dinner tonight. After the meal, we were walking down the sidewalk, and honey said,

"Look at this. Amelia, sit." 

She plonked down on her butt on the sidewalk. She looked up at him. He said "yes!" and hi-fived her. We carried on, and he continued, 

"After she does that, she usually says woof." 

Amelia looked over at me and went 'woo woof'. We continued on for a few seconds before Taz called out, 

"but remember, honey, you are a Huuuummmannn!" 

Good Lord.

This is the man who used to lick Amelia from her nose up to the middle of her forehead, and wonders why she does that to our new babysitter now. I'm worried she's going to start kindergarten, and bark at other kids. Oh well, at least she should be fairly obedient when the teacher tells everyone to sit down.


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## wyoung2153 (Feb 28, 2010)

:rofl: :rofl:

I'm dying of laughter! This is now my favorite thread... hands down. I love visualizing your stories!! I may have to start documenting when we get our new puppy at the end of this year.. no toddler, but I do have a husband... same thing right?? 

Keep 'em coming!!


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## pyratemom (Jan 10, 2011)

I have to admit we had two dogs when my daughter was little. She would bark and act like a dog for fun a lot. When a small kitten appeared at our door one day she suddenly became a cat and would meow and scratch at the furniture. I wondered how the kindergarden teacher would handle all these animal noises but by that time she usually just acted that way at home.


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## Mumma1 (Jan 26, 2015)

Its been a long time since my last confession. Not because there aren't heaps of moments where I think "got to get that one on the forum ASAP", but because life is going full speed ahead and I run out of hours. That and we lost our 8 month old cat Ralph, to Feline Infectious Peritonitis, and there is nothing funny about that. 

But today. Oh man, today was one for the books! 

And again, disclaimer: I don't know why so many of these stories wind up being about poo. Sorry.

Back story first: Amelia had an accident while at the park today with taz, and pooped in her pants. When he was cleaning her up in the bathroom, I heard him say "If you can't make it to the potty its easier for daddy if you just poop on the grass, rather than in your pants." Which I guess was true, so I didn't rush to correct him

So there we are in the backyard this afternoon enjoying a game of frisbee. Amelia is running around naked and all of a sudden I look over, and she's got her legs in a wide triangle shape, and there's human poop on my lawn. Once again. 

"I thought we were over this" was my first thought. Quickly followed by "Why not? I bet I can find the camera in time."

So off I go at a trot, can't find the camera, do find a poop bag though, and come back outside to clean up this mess. *Human poo smells much worse than dog poo IMO, and this stuff is like treacle mixed with bran mash.* Blech. 

I scraped what I could off the grass, (without retching by the way, go me!) and ducked around the corner to toss it in the bin. I was gone about 5 seconds, but that's enough. I came back to see Oscar licking and chewing eagerly at the grass where the poo was like he had a mouthful of peanut butter, and Amelia laughing and squealing beside him, dancing up and down and calling his name. 

I swear to god, the words "No, Oscar don't" were halfway out my mouth when he 

1. looked up

2. turned to Amelia

3. licked her full across the face

Amelia stopped laughing and started retching instead. Apparently she didn't appreciate the smell either, especially not up close. 

So now that all that's been bathed and hosed and disinfected, I can start to laugh about it. And the next time we talk about why we don't use the lawn as a potty, I can say its because you might end up with poo on your face.

I think its going to be the most effective deterrent so far, judging by Amelia's reaction.


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## Carriesue (Aug 13, 2012)

Fantastic thread!

Also I'm so sorry, I lost my kitten to FIP too though several years ago, It was awful.


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## wyoung2153 (Feb 28, 2010)

HA! That'll teach her.. hopefully, lol. I do agree with you on poo smells.. dog poo smells but somehow nothing compared to human poo.. blech! 

So sorry about your kitty  Never ever a fun thing when losing a member of the family.


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## pyratemom (Jan 10, 2011)

I love your posts! I bet she learned something from that lick, but you won't know until next time. LOL! Sorry about your kitty. No matter how big or how small our fur kids are important and we love them. Without knowing I would see them again at the Rainbow Bridge I don't know how I would handle losing one. Please keep up with the posts. I love them.


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## wick (Mar 7, 2015)

I am so sorry about your kitty cat  

Your thread is hilarious, and your last one had me laughing very hard! Thank you so much for making my day.


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## Jenny720 (Nov 21, 2014)

Sorry to hear about your kitty ralph. I am enjoying your confessions!!!Thanks for spreading the laughteruppy:


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## Mumma1 (Jan 26, 2015)

Its been one day since my last confession. Still giggling about this one...

In a mortified, unsure kind of way.

I came running down the hall to cries of "help, help! Its buzzing!!", to find Amelia in a suddenly noisy bubble bath. Something was buzzing in the water. 

Which was a relief to me, because I thought there was a bee in the bathroom. I'm terrified of bees. Still, puzzling. I figured one of her toys was electrical and I just never noticed (mum of the year, right on!) So there I am elbow deep in bubbles, and I can't find a thing. Then Amelia says,

"Its buzzing in my bum."

What-th*#$%$^

I lifted her up, and sure enough she was sitting on an old, blade-less, aparantly-electric razor blade handle. 

And I did a rookie mom, first-time-dealing-with-this error. I burst out laughing. 

So now Amelia thinks 'buzzing in my bum' is funny, and has been saying it all morning, then giggling. Its like a giggle loop at my house right now.

I'm guessing she sat on it, and accidentally turned it on. Yup. Thats definitely got to be what happened.


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## Ellimaybel (Mar 16, 2014)

Oh dear Lord!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Too funny.


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