# Husband thinks I'm incompetent..



## SophieGSD (Feb 6, 2012)

So, I've been inviting my husband to go on walks with Sophie and me. Now, usually Sophie does really well and is quiet, walks beside me, and doesn't bark at anything. But these last two walks with my husband..

He constantly complains that Sophie is "untrained and obnoxious," but think it's "a stupid idea to pay money for someone else to teach her since we can do it ourselves." But then he goes "If you actually knew how to train a stupid dog, she MIGHT know how to walk properly by now."

I told him that from now on she is HIS dog and HIS project, because I refuse to be talked to and treated like an incompetent child. ********* him and whatever high horse he rode in on. (He's one of those people that knows everything about everything, and he's always right about it.)

Ugh.. /rant..


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## DanielleOttoMom (May 11, 2010)

It's ok to rant......
Y'all have to be a team. My DH some times have disagreements too when it comes to the dogs. I would talk to him after y'all both cool off. When it comes to our dogs or kids both parties can become very definitive. Just bc of the love and passion we have for them. Come up with a plan and milestones you like to reach with your girl. I'm sure y'all can come to some sort of compromise. 
Best of luck. Trust me know how it can be frustrating at times.


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## cta (May 24, 2011)

i'm sorry that happened..that's not very nice, especially since you seem to be doing a majority of the caretaking. my SO and i somewhat share responsibilities (the scale is tipped toward my side a bit more) but i do all the walking, training, etc. i actually found that when i walk him by myself, i get better results when it comes to his reactivity. i tried for months and months to get the SO to join us for walks, but when he finally did i was just like ugh, i like doing this better by myself! but anyway...try to talk to him if you can and tell him that he hurt your feelings. it's ok to do that. either you two become a team or i think you would be better off continuing to work with the dog yourself. all that negative energy and attitude won't be good for building a bond with your dog.


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

I"m sorry you were treated that way. How incredibly disrespectful. I would never give up training my dog though. Ever. Build the bond between you and her and prove him wrong...it's the best revenge.


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## Chance&Reno (Feb 21, 2012)

Take a video of how she is with you when you are alone with her. Show him that she is fine with you. Maybe HIS energy is causing her to react, when she's been good with you. Obviously the "outside factor" has something to do with HIM.. lol

Sorry you are experiencing this. When I first got chance, my husband wasn't living with me. He didn't see how bad he was. After he spent a while getting to know him, he kept telling me, "there is no way in H*** that this dog was ever THAT dog aggressive, I think you're exaggerating!". So I showed him some of the videos at the very beginning of the rehabilitation process. His jaw hit the floor and he never talked to me like that again. 

Men seem to think they will always know best and blah blah blah. It's a dominance/pride thing with them.


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## Narny (Sep 8, 2010)

Chance&Reno said:


> Sorry you are experiencing this. When I first got chance, my husband wasn't living with me. He didn't see how bad he was. After he spent a while getting to know him, he kept telling me, "there is no way in H*** that this dog was ever THAT dog aggressive, I think you're exaggerating!". So I showed him some of the videos at the very beginning of the rehabilitation process. His jaw hit the floor and he never talked to me like that again.
> 
> Men seem to think they will always know best and blah blah blah. It's a dominance/pride thing with them.



This exactly, my husband is like this too. Once you can show them that they need to shut the h*** up and back off they will treat you with a bit more respect. Also, my husband will often think that I am dumb enough to fall for anything the internet "told me" obviously I cant do research lol so when he starts telling me that I am wrong and I calmly explain what I was talking about he stops treating me like that. 

I will have a great deal to prove to my husband too when we get our dog. He was a k9 police officer years ago so he assumes he knows everything there ever was to know about dogs. 

Just know you are not a lone. He cant talk to you that way, but shutting him up by proving him wrong brings GREAT satisfaction. I agree with the others posts as well, dogs are like your children, dont give them up. How much work is your husband _really_ going to put into the dog?? I know what the answer would be for my husband... not much. He doesnt have the time. Good luck.


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## SophieGSD (Feb 6, 2012)

Yeah, I do 99.999% for her care taking. The only thing he does is pay for her food, which I'll take over doing once I get my paychecks from TiLLY'S. (Retail.. ugh..)

I just get frustrated because I had her doing really well, and I told him from the get-out that if I train her a certain way, it needs to STAY that way. Meaning if I want her to walk on my right side when we walk, then she needs to be on EVERY walker's right side, no matter who they are. (That got blown out the window today.. I was so mad.. He let her walk wherever she wanted, and she cut people off, etc.. And now I have problems getting her to stay by my side..)

But he won't listen. =/ Like I said, he /knows/ EVERYTHING there is to know about EVERYTHING, especially dog training! (His form of "training" his mother's American Bulldog was making her fear him. Beating her, scaring her, teasing her at dinner time, etc.. I told him that if he ever did that to Sophie I would do the same to him, then kick him out.)


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## Chance&Reno (Feb 21, 2012)

SophieGSD said:


> Yeah, I do 99.999% for her care taking. The only thing he does is pay for her food, which I'll take over doing once I get my paychecks from TiLLY'S. (Retail.. ugh..)
> 
> I just get frustrated because I had her doing really well, and I told him from the get-out that if I train her a certain way, it needs to STAY that way. Meaning if I want her to walk on my right side when we walk, then she needs to be on EVERY walker's right side, no matter who they are. (That got blown out the window today.. I was so mad.. He let her walk wherever she wanted, and she cut people off, etc.. And now I have problems getting her to stay by my side..)
> 
> But he won't listen. =/ Like I said, he /knows/ EVERYTHING there is to know about EVERYTHING, especially dog training! (His form of "training" his mother's American Bulldog was making her fear him. Beating her, scaring her, teasing her at dinner time, etc.. I told him that if he ever did that to Sophie I would do the same to him, then kick him out.)


You need to "alpha roll" your husband :wild: 

Seriously, any man that treats a dog like that needs to get his butt kicked. That's no way to treat an animal. I'd be po'ed if my husband ever told me he did that to a dog, I'd poke him in the eye and lock him in a dog crate then poke him with sticks, all while shocking him with an e-collar. 

You can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats kids, dogs and the elderly.
You're husband has one of the 3 strikes against him!


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## SophieGSD (Feb 6, 2012)

^^^^^
Which is exactly why I told him I'll never have kids with him.


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## llombardo (Dec 11, 2011)

SophieGSD said:


> So, I've been inviting my husband to go on walks with Sophie and me. Now, usually Sophie does really well and is quiet, walks beside me, and doesn't bark at anything. But these last two walks with my husband..
> 
> He constantly complains that Sophie is "untrained and obnoxious," but think it's "a stupid idea to pay money for someone else to teach her since we can do it ourselves." But then he goes "If you actually knew how to train a stupid dog, she MIGHT know how to walk properly by now."
> 
> ...



OMG if I haven't heard this not with one dog but two The first one was two years ago and all I heard is how stupid it was to take the dog to school...I know have a perfect golden retriever after 3 classes. Then along comes the german shepherd puppy and all of the fights started again The shepherd is now in her 3rd class and will continue for as long I want And there is no way he will ever get any credit for anything that my dogs can do


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## GregK (Sep 4, 2006)

SophieGSD said:


> But he won't listen. =/ Like I said, he /knows/ EVERYTHING there is to know about EVERYTHING, especially dog training! (His form of "training" his mother's American Bulldog was making her fear him. Beating her, scaring her, teasing her at dinner time, etc.. I told him that if he ever did that to Sophie I would do the same to him, then kick him out.)


He sucks!!! You should kick him to the curb! UGH!!! :angryfire:


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## wyominggrandma (Jan 2, 2011)

My hubby KNOWS I know more about dogs and animals,so if anything he gets upset if I have to correct one, he is a softie. But,as soon as I show him what he needs to do, then he works hard to make sure he is doing something the right way.


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## Debbieg (Jun 7, 2009)

I get that from DH too. He brags that he has trained his Borzoi much better than I have trained Benny, because Jake never reacts to other dogs who are lunging, does not bark when someone comes to the door (he does not even get off the couch :laugh 

Even our trainer and his Borzoi friends remind him that they are two different breeds,and wired very differently. Deep down he knows and I think he has a need to be" better" and top me at everything. Kinda like a male who likes marking everything.:rofl:


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## holland (Jan 11, 2009)

I would give up on the husband-not the dog-bet the dog doesn't make you feel that way


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## shepherdmom (Dec 24, 2011)

holland said:


> I would give up on the husband-not the dog-bet the dog doesn't make you feel that way


:thumbup: Myhusband and I work as a team on dogs and kids. When one of us gets frustrated or at our limit, the other steps in and takes over. I can't imagine it working any other way.


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## NancyJ (Jun 15, 2003)

This has nothing to do with the dog and everything to do with the relationship....Fix the relationship problem and the dog issue will go away.


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## Angelina03 (Jan 9, 2012)

Chance&Reno said:


> You need to "alpha roll" your husband :wild:
> 
> *I'd poke him in the eye and lock him in a dog crate then poke him with sticks, all while shocking him with an e-collar*.
> 
> !


 This cracked me up!! :rofl:


Jessica,
I'm sorry you're having disagreements with hubby. Hope you two can talk it out and work together. Your girl is probably sensitive to the tension between the two of you.


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## myshepharley (Feb 11, 2011)

I'm glad I am not the only one with similar issues. Maybe I am selfish. Please say so if this sounds it. I have my Shep Harley, daughter has a chi and hubby has one yr old saint bernard. This is his second one because first one was totally dog aggressive. Sorry but I can not stand that dog. She barks at everything, is protective of any food, whether it be trash or grocery baga. She pulls my flowers out of the ground, digs huge holes and I could go on and on. Yes she does need more exercise BUT hubby wants me to do it. Yes I am home during day but I like to do the daily things with harley. He does not do anything with her even when he has time. I do the feeding, brushing, etc. Why should I work with her if he is not going to participate. Its his dog. Am I being selfish?


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## doggiedad (Dec 2, 2007)

i hope those of you that have husbands that disrespect
you the dog and the household are the minority (not the majority)
when it comes to relationships.


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## Chance&Reno (Feb 21, 2012)

myshepharley said:


> I'm glad I am not the only one with similar issues. Maybe I am selfish. Please say so if this sounds it. I have my Shep Harley, daughter has a chi and hubby has one yr old saint bernard. This is his second one because first one was totally dog aggressive. Sorry but I can not stand that dog. She barks at everything, is protective of any food, whether it be trash or grocery baga. She pulls my flowers out of the ground, digs huge holes and I could go on and on. Yes she does need more exercise BUT hubby wants me to do it. Yes I am home during day but I like to do the daily things with harley. He does not do anything with her even when he has time. I do the feeding, brushing, etc. Why should I work with her if he is not going to participate. Its his dog. Am I being selfish?


My husband didn't want dogs in the first place. He was fine with fostering but didn't want to own one. I brought home my Pom and after a few months of him saying "i didn't want him, you take care of him", Louie had his first near death experience from his health. My husband was crying right along side of me. He told me that he couldn't believe how attached he was to the dog in just 4 months. Even though he had little interraction with the dog, all of the interractions were positive and fun. He had no idea he could become so attached to an animal. 

Over the years, we've had several fosters that he wanted to keep and add to our pack. I told him each time that the dogs were not suited for our lifestyle. A few got to stay and live out their lives with us, but others found better homes. Homes that suited thier lifestyle. 

I set ground rules with him, years ago. If I am fostering and you don't want to help, then stay out of the way. Don't throw negative energy into the mix because you will just undo everything that we have worked for. If you can't be civil or helpful, go away and don't make comments or shoot dirty looks at the dogs. 

He has helped with every single dog I have taken into the house since then. Even if he doesn't like the dog, he won't train with the dog but he will still feed and potty the dog if he is capable of handling them. I take in the worst cases of aggression because no one else will. There are animals that he will never touch in the beginning but will eventually start to handle when they have been tamed. I know he secretly works with them, he just doesn't want me to know it.

I do not believe in the "your dog, my dog" stuff. You can easily create multiple rival packs in your house and promote fighting by segregating yourself and your dog from your husband and your husband's dog. Dogs in a family all need the same treatment, love, and rules. If they don't, the dogs suffer. Even my fosters are integrated and brought along on all the adventures that I take my own dogs on. They are never treated like they don't belong and are never treated as a foster. They are treated and trained the same way MY own dogs are. 

I wouldn't say you're being selfish, but your mind is made up that you want nothing to do with that dog. I suggest you talk to your husband about rehoming her. I say this because obviously, she isn't getting what she needs in your house. If you can't find a way to put your personal feelings aside and help that dog become part of your family, instead of the ******* child, then find someone who can. It's not fair to that dog and she didn't ask for this. Your husband created it and you BOTH have the ability to fix it.


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## myshepharley (Feb 11, 2011)

Your right, it is not her fault. I just get so upset when I try to do things with her and he does nothing. I really do not think she fits with our home style but I knew that he wanted one so bad. I do not ignore her or push her to the side, I just don't want to be the only one working with her. I can't do the things I do with Harley with her. It gets frustrating...


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## Chance&Reno (Feb 21, 2012)

myshepharley said:


> Your right, it is not her fault. I just get so upset when I try to do things with her and he does nothing. I really do not think she fits with our home style but I knew that he wanted one so bad. I do not ignore her or push her to the side, I just don't want to be the only one working with her. I can't do the things I do with Harley with her. It gets frustrating...


I understand your frustration. I get that. I have a Greyhound, Pomeranian, and had a GSD until November (he passed away from cancer). I can't do nearly the things with the other 2 that I was able to do with my Chance. They aren't even close to the same type of dog. I love them all individually for who they are. 

My Pom is very much my boy, my heart dog. He loves his daddy but he's all about mommy. When he is sick, he won't let me out of his sight. He finds comfort when I am just in the room with him. He is sick often, but when he's feeling great, he doesn't care what I do. He is my all, because of his health issues, we have this amazing relationship. It's different than that of my Greyhound or when I had my GSD. 

My Grey is a therapy dog. She works as part of a reading program for Austistic children. She is a huge part of the rehabilitation program I have for my fosters. She is a nanny and backs up my moves, every step of the way. She is a kind, gentle, loving soul who is very regal and sometimes "uppity" in her southern ways. She is an amazing dog but does not have the obedience hardcore personality that my GSD had. 

My GSD, Chance, was everything you read above that the other 2 have, but he was hardcore with wanting to please. He followed us everywhere and always watched what we were doing so he could learn to do it too. He learned to open drawers, doors, the fridge. These were not things we wanted him to do, he wanted to immitate everything he saw us do. We had to change out our locks on our doors to keep him from wandering or opening the doors when we werent' home. We had to child proof our drawers to keep him out. There was so much intellegence in that dog that it was borderline scary. He learned new things every day.

I am waiting to bring home my puppy, he isn't even born yet. I need to have a GSD in my house because of the different personality style. GSDs are the perfect match for our lifestyle. Not having one is driving me crazy. I look at my other 2 and it kills me that they are nothing like a GSD. But I love them so much for who they are.

I hope that helps you understand that just because a dog is "different", doesn't mean they can't fill a need in your life. Maybe you want a cuddler in your life and working with your husband's dog, she may become one. Who knows, it might just be the kind of relationship you do need to make you feel more fufilled.


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## KZoppa (Aug 14, 2010)

I would not allow my husband to speak to me that way. Holy wow. The animals are all mine. He claims Riley as his dog but if we were to ever divorce, the kids and the animals and pretty much everything in the house would go with me. I handle everything with the kids and the animals and he's never around when there are doctor appointments or vet appointments. He doesnt handle any of the pet food and he actually gets mad when I take one of the dogs with us out somewhere. 

He does brag about my training skills and how good our dogs are but the minute one of them slips its "They're stupid and just don't listen". No, they just dont listen to him because he is not involved in their care. They know who runs the house and controls the resources and who works with them. Even my kids who are 2 and 4 years old do more with the animals than he does.


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## LoveEcho (Mar 4, 2011)

Your husband needs a swift kick to the.... you know. Don't let him talk to you like that! My husband is also one who believes he knows everything about everything (more than doctors, scientists, etc) and complains about how poorly behaved the dog is (and how it's my dog, etc etc). However...it's all a big show for him. He LOVES the dog (he's never cried over me-- just the dog), and when I ask him why people rave about how good the dog is, he gets all sheepish and says "because of how hard you work with him." It sounds like your husband is actually serious (and therefor, seriously delusional). Don't take it to heart, men will be men and that includes all the macho omnipotence sometimes...but don't let him talk to you like that (and definitely don't let him treat your gorgeous girl the way he's treated other dogs). 

I agree with the others-- record her when she's alone with you for proof


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## JeanKBBMMMAAN (May 11, 2005)

I'd also video him when he's alone with Sophie.


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## onyx'girl (May 18, 2007)

jocoyn said:


> This has nothing to do with the dog and everything to do with the relationship....Fix the relationship problem and the dog issue will go away.


:thumbup:


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## SophieGSD (Feb 6, 2012)

Hey guys, sorry for the late reply.. Been recovering from an emergency surgery on my neck. (That was fun.. Not..)

My husband and I have tried to talk it out, and this is usually how it goes:

*Me:* "Look, since I've spent the most time with Sophie and she sees me as alpha, then you need to be a little more flexible and need to realize that she's going to respond to how >I< have taught her. Not how you think she should act, as a dog."
*Him:* "She's a year old. She shouldn't be acting like a puppy anymore, and should be better trained than this. You never TRAIN her. All you do is play with her or take her on walks that she doesn't even enjoy because she can't be a dog. You don't let her sniff anything or walk around like she wants to. You make her stay right beside you, and that's not fun for her."
*Me:* "Well the walks aren't for fun. They're for exercise, which she and I do every time. There is exercise equipment all the way down the track that we walk and I make her use it. I make her jump stuff, I make her run short sprints, etc.. I also make her stay beside me because that's how she needs to walk when we take her somewhere. I don't want her wandering everywhere, sniffing everyone, cutting people off, etc.."
*Him:* "Well we just shouldn't have gotten her. I don't like having to plan weekends around her or having to deal with it when she's sick or something, and you obviously don't know how to train her to be good."
*Me:* "Then I'll save up and take her to classes, and have her trained by a professional."
*Him:* "That's stupid. It's a STUPID idea to PAY someone to train a dog, when we are just as capable as they are. If we have someone else train her, then she'll only listen to them and will realize she can get away with stuff with us. (_I cut in with "Well, don't let her get away with stuff like you do.."_) I just think it's stupid to have someone else train her."
*Me:* "Then she's YOUR project, because you blatantly expressed that you think I'm incompetent and unable to train her. So if you think you're Mister-Perfect-Trainer and can do better, then do it."

And that's about it, before it starts getting heated because he thinks that _*I'm*_ insulting *his* intelligence..? I don't get it.


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## Pandora (Feb 29, 2012)

Right side? Most dogs are taught to heel at the person's left side. I lead a horse with my right hand and have my dog heel at my left.


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## Pandora (Feb 29, 2012)

I would stick with the dog. You can train the dog, develop a bond and be repaid with loyalty, devotion, respect, companionship, protection. Fortunately my husband has great regard for my dog-training ability. I have had to remind him a few times about some things - i.e., making her wait to go through an open door until she gets the OK; but he understands this is for her safety and wellbeing and not just some trip I'm laying on him and the dog. She minds me much better, but adores both of us. He tends to repeat commands while I tell her once, then hiss if she doesn't respond right away. Consistency is really important. Also, I believe that dogs are highly telepathic and sense when there is any friction, tension, or anxiety between the owners. The result in a young dog can be disruptive or undesirable behavior - not always, but it can be a factor. 
It sounds to me that the relationship with your spouse needs some work. Lots of communication. Write letters if talking is difficult. Canine obedience classes are very helpful, I think, for the dogs & people as they help the dogs learn, meet other dogs and people, experience distractions, give the owners encouragement and guidance.


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## cowboy17 (Sep 26, 2011)

How about giving him a training responsibility of his own that wouldn't interfere with what you are doing.
Perhaps tracking, as an example. (if it's not something you are already headed towards).
This way he can have is own interaction with doggy independant of what you are doing.


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## SophieGSD (Feb 6, 2012)

cowboy17 said:


> How about giving him a training responsibility of his own that wouldn't interfere with what you are doing.
> Perhaps tracking, as an example. (if it's not something you are already headed towards).
> This way he can have is own interaction with doggy independant of what you are doing.


I may see if he'd be interested in taking her to Schutzhund training.. That is, if I can find any in the area. He has night classes at base from 6 p.m. to midnight, so his entire day is free, where as I work during the day sometimes and I KNOW he doesn't work with Sophie while I'm gone. (He's been busying himself with rebuilding his old muscle car. It's a 1968 Pontiac Firebird for those of you interested.. But I know he doesn't do anything with Sophie, because she's usually roaming the house by herself or is left in the back yard.)

I just don't know how to get him engaged or interested in what she and I are doing. =/ It's easier to train the dog..


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

Why does he have to be interested in training Sophie? Why can't that be your "thing"? The only thing he DOES need to do is be respectful towards you and to Sophie. YOu don't go out there and tell him he doesn't know what he's doing with the car, do you? Then you deserve the same courtesy!


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## SophieGSD (Feb 6, 2012)

Jax08 said:


> You don't go out there and tell him he doesn't know what he's doing with the car, do you?


Actually, sometimes I do. >_> Because he *doesn't* know what he's doing. I grew up in a family full of guys that actually work on cars for a living, so I was raised under the hood of a car. So sometimes if he doesn't know what something is or goes to, or if he can cut a certain cable or line, he'll ask me..

Sorry to burst your bubble. =P But I want him interested in Sophie's training because I want something we can do together as a couple. We've been together for.. five years now..? Yeah, since we were both 16 (We're 21, going on 22 now..) and our "doing stuff as a couple" days seem to be getting less and less. I dunno, call me a silly girl, but I just wish Sophie's training was something we could both get into and enjoy doing, so we could spend time together without getting greasy and inhaling toxic chemicals.


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

welll...not quite sure how I deserved a snarky response from you. No bubble burst in my life. It's your story...not mine.


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## Chance&Reno (Feb 21, 2012)

Jax08 said:


> welll...not quite sure how I deserved a snarky response from you. No bubble burst in my life. It's your story...not mine.


I don't think the issue is the way he talks to her about it.
He is disrespectful, arrogant, and judgemental. It's not how you talk to someone you supposedly love.

You guys are young. He is at the beginning of his life as a man. Most men act that that early on in their manhood. Stand your ground with him.


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## SophieGSD (Feb 6, 2012)

Jax08 said:


> welll...not quite sure how I deserved a snarky response from you. No bubble burst in my life. It's your story...not mine.


I fail to see how I was snarky. o_o Please elaborate.


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## Pepper311 (Sep 11, 2011)

SophieGSD said:


> So, I've been inviting my husband to go on walks with Sophie and me. Now, usually Sophie does really well and is quiet, walks beside me, and doesn't bark at anything. But these last two walks with my husband..
> 
> He constantly complains that Sophie is "untrained and obnoxious," but think it's "a stupid idea to pay money for someone else to teach her since we can do it ourselves." But then he goes "If you actually knew how to train a stupid dog, she MIGHT know how to walk properly by now."
> 
> ...


Wow sorry but you made your husband sound like a huge jerk. 

Does he work with the dog at all? If not he needs to shut up. Has he ever trained a dog before. Let him see how much work it is. 

The change in her walk could have been due to your husband being there. With him there the dog think I don't need to listen to her daddy is here. Since daddy never did any heel training she does what she wants. 

My dad trained me how to train a dog but the harsh old school way. I then started reading books on positive training and watching shows about it. I took some of what my dad taught me but tweaked it a lot. 

I see nothing wrong with going to a class. But you both have to go. Dogs are like kids you both need to be on the same page with teaching. If he is doing training his way and you do it your way the dog suffers. I Use to teach snowboarding and people that took a lesson struggled less and picked it up way faster then someone with no help.


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

Chance&Reno said:


> I don't think the issue is the way he talks to her about it.
> He is disrespectful, arrogant, and judgemental. It's not how you talk to someone you supposedly love.
> 
> .


Yes. I understood that. AT 41 years old, if my husband talked to me that way he'd be sporting a nice shade of natural eye shadow. If there isn't mutual respect...then there isn't anything.


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## JeanKBBMMMAAN (May 11, 2005)

I keep reading this as "Husband thinks I'm incontinent"

I think that would be preferable though!


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## kiya (May 3, 2010)

I don't ask my husband to come on walks. I would love for him to have some interest in dog training, but unfortunately he doesn't. I hate to say but he would be the type of person to think the dog left in the yard 24/7 is fine. Thats how the 1 dog he had was when he was a kid was. The dogs are 100% me, he gives them some love & cuddles once in a while but thats it. He will sit there and have an actual conversation with the dog and I'll sit there and say to myself "bla bla, bla, bla bla bla".
My dogs can walk on left or right side, as long as they don't pull. I do make them "heel" and stay in position when on roads. But if every walk was on a strict heel, what fun would that be.
Honestly I have learned to just keep my mouth shut when it comes to the dogs, its not worth the arguement.


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

JeanKBBMMMAAN said:


> I keep reading this as "Husband thinks I'm incontinent"
> 
> I think that would be preferable though!


:rofl:

Is that a sign of age? Because I see the craziest things when I read some of these titles and have to double and triple check it before I even open them!


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## Holmeshx2 (Apr 25, 2010)

Alright I'm sure I'm going to start something BUUUUUUUTTTT You put this all out there so here's my opinion on it.

First and foremost everyone is jumping on the husband and while yes he is being disrespectful and should definitely not be talking to his wife like this if you read other things it sounds like she does it as well and sounds like they are just both mutually disrespectful to each other which honestly isn't too far off course considering their age. I'm only 27 so please don't think I'm harping on your age but I've been with my husband since I was 18 and he was 27 and we have definitely been through our rough patches and while we are still very much a work in progress I have learned so much from our lows. 

Honestly starting anything with "look" generally will put the man on the defensive. I know we have our stubborn moments but changing how you talk to him will generally change how he talks to you. Also, it takes more then just a few times because it's become a habit so when you first start talking nicer they stay a bit "on guard" and you have to give them time to come around. 

Welcome to marriage my dear it's not the same as when you were 16 and dating you both get your own interests and not so much is done as a "couples activity" You also can't FORCE him to do something. He doesn't want to take part in the dog stuff just because YOU want that to be your couples thing if he doesn't then it's going to go bad every stinking time. If you are dead set on having shared things then when everything is calm and just chilling in the living room or something sit down and ask if you can talk to him for a minute. Calmly and nicely tell him that you would like to have an activity you 2 share and ask if he has any suggestions on what he would like to do with you together as a couple. Also, just because you may know more about cars them him shoving it down his throat really isn't going to help the relationship any. If he asks for help tell him not a problem go outside and nicely show him what to do it takes a rather big man to ask a woman for help on the car so I would use kid gloves with it so you don't crush the ego. Relationships are very give and take sometimes you have to give more to help get him to give some. You also can't force things.. dogs aren't his thing obviously just let it go!

Now as far as the walking thing goes there is so much other stuff to do for exercise and while I'm fine doing some obedience during a walk the walk itself is supposed to be for a dog. Granted he should not be allowed to pull you to a smell but stopping for a minute or 2 to let him sniff around and then tell him "enough" or whatever you choose then having him leave the scent and come with you is fine. walking in a perfect heel is not fun! He should not be obnoxious or anything to other people but if it's just you on the sidewalk no reason he can't go out in front some or walk around sniffing things so long as he's being good about it you really do have to balance being a dog and having them work.


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## Debbieg (Jun 7, 2009)

I don't think any of us are qualified to offer marital advice based on one forum on a dog post! If this sitation is really causing a problem in the marriage than the couple should seek professional helpm but if it is just an annoyance than maybe just better to learn to live with it. They live with our faults too.

I have been married for 35 years and DH is one of those guys who thinks he does everything better than me . He is also a procrastinator and once after being after him for months to repaint the living room I just opened the can of paint and began painting. It took about 10 seconds for him to jump out of his chair, grab the brush and say " You won't be able to do this right" I took off for the day, came back to a freshly painted room!


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## GregK (Sep 4, 2006)

After reading about how some of your husbands are I'm thinking I'm wayyyy too nice to my wife! :thinking:


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## jang (May 1, 2011)

Holmeshx2 said:


> Alright I'm sure I'm going to start something BUUUUUUUTTTT You put this all out there so here's my opinion on it.
> 
> First and foremost everyone is jumping on the husband and while yes he is being disrespectful and should definitely not be talking to his wife like this if you read other things it sounds like she does it as well and sounds like they are just both mutually disrespectful to each other which honestly isn't too far off course considering their age. I'm only 27 so please don't think I'm harping on your age but I've been with my husband since I was 18 and he was 27 and we have definitely been through our rough patches and while we are still very much a work in progress I have learned so much from our lows.
> 
> ...


Like that--you must show respect to get respect--and sometimes it is the womans burden to be nice first--sometimes it isn't--but mutual respect in absolutely necessary --but then I haven't been married for over 30 years--cuz I am just no good at it!!!! Jan


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## Lilie (Feb 3, 2010)

GregK said:


> After reading about how some of your husbands are I'm thinking I'm wayyyy too nice to my wife! :thinking:


Nah...I've been married 30 years. My husband doesn't talk to me like that, and I don't talk to him like that. Never have.


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## cowboy17 (Sep 26, 2011)

rather than Schutzhund...which would require much more than he is willing to give (speculation), and would definately create more conflict, ask if he woud be interested in teaching the doggy tracking.
This coud be completely his own thing and would create a bond.

I found that my doggy realy picked up on it fast. Minimal command based training, immediate results (small results at times but visua results) and definately gratifiying without interfering with obedience work.

Scent pads are a great place to start.

You never know, he may be able to use it to find that missing tool....


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## OriginalWacky (Dec 21, 2011)

GregK said:


> After reading about how some of your husbands are I'm thinking I'm wayyyy too nice to my wife! :thinking:


I doubt it, I would not put up with being talked to that way. The Mate and I have disagreements, but we very rarely get angry, we have been able to communicate through a LOT of pretty major things without bring snotty or rude. I suppose it helps that we were both married to people who did treat us poorly, and neither of us accepts that in our relationship.


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## SophieGSD (Feb 6, 2012)

cowboy17 said:


> rather than Schutzhund...which would require much more than he is willing to give (speculation), and would definately create more conflict, ask if he woud be interested in teaching the doggy tracking.
> This coud be completely his own thing and would create a bond.
> 
> I found that my doggy realy picked up on it fast. Minimal command based training, immediate results (small results at times but visua results) and definately gratifiying without interfering with obedience work.
> ...


I may see if he would be interested in something like that.. He said something about agility at one point (Because I showed him how much Sophie enjoys jumping, and he knows she likes to run..) but I think that would still be more than he'd want, training- and obedience-wise.


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