# Rescue scared of my wife. Why?



## jandr95 (Aug 6, 2011)

*My wife and I just adopted a male two-year-old GSD from a local animal control, so info is hard to come by. The sketchy story is that he spent most of his life in a small kennel at a breeding home. Then his owner had a stroke and the dogs were left alone for 3-4-5-6 days. Again, not sure. Anyway, eventually they were rescued. We knew Eli had some tough times. He was way underweight, had sores on his legs and swollen paws, apparently from living on a concrete slab in 90-degree heat. He's very gentle with me but here's the strange part: He doesn't like my wife. For whatever reason he's scared of her. When she tries to put him on a lead he runs in fear. He does not act that way with me. We're crate-training him right now because he's not HB'd. Today she came home (his first day all by himself, though there are other cats and dogs wandering around him in the house) and when she tried to put a lead on him to take him out, he cowered and actually growled at hear. She is so saddened by this turn of events, as am I. It's only been 4-5 days so I'm hoping eventually he will warm up to her. Is there something I can do? We have no intention of giving up but I just wonder what this is all about. We're going to take him to obedience training whenever we can get to a class (maybe 2-4 weeks). Should consult a behavior expert? Anyone know one or have other suggestions? Thanks.*


Jim


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## Emoore (Oct 9, 2002)

Who knows why? Nobody knows except the dog and he's not talking.  One of the best ways for her to build a bond with him, though, is to hand feed him his meals. Also, remember not all dogs see leashes as positive things. It's entirely possible that in his previous "home" a woman with a leash was something negative, so if I were her I'd back off on taking him for walks for a while. Only good things should come from her for the time being.


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## Germanshepherdlova (Apr 16, 2011)

Is he scared of all women or just your wife?


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## PaddyD (Jul 22, 2010)

Emoore said:


> Who knows why? Nobody knows except the dog and he's not talking.  One of the best ways for her to build a bond with him, though, is to hand feed him his meals. Also, remember not all dogs see leashes as positive things. It's entirely possible that in his previous "home" a woman with a leash was something negative, so if I were her I'd back off on taking him for walks for a while. Only good things should come from her for the time being.


^^^ What SHE said. ^^^

I had a rescue with the same problem. Unfortunately, for other reasons, we didn't keep her long enough to find out if she would 'come around'.


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## DukeJazz (Jul 4, 2009)

We see this a lot at the shelter - dogs being afraid of one sex or the other or kids or big men or men with caps .......

Can only guess that someone with those characteristics hurt and/or tormented them in the past.

Most will come around, but will need time to adjust & learn to trust again.
Remember, this dog was taken from a questionable env, tossed into the shelter (and GSD's in particular DO NOT like the kennel) & is now in a new home. It will take him weeks just to adjust to being with new people in a new place - in short, his head is spinning right now.

Just give him time & let him go to your wife, don't force the interaction but give them plenty of time to be togeather. Most GSD's seem to identify with one family member more than the others anyway. I have one of the friendliest, relaxed, loving GSD's around and he will get up & walk away from my wife when I walk into a room & sit next to me, even if she is petting him !! Makes her crazy, but that's just the way he is.


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## Stosh (Jun 26, 2010)

Definitely what she said...besides hand feeding some of his meal [without staring him in the eyes] she should just go about the house pretty much ignoring him, but dropping treats. He should soon figure out that she's the one with the great food and doesn't ask anything of him. She shouldn't take it personally. Thanks for giving him a chance


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## jandr95 (Aug 6, 2011)

Germanshepherdlova said:


> Is he scared of all women or just your wife?


Wow, thanks for all the quick responses. I don't know if he is this way with other women, but the shelter was staffed by all women, so there must have been some interaction -- and they did all seem like loving people. But again, who knows? It has only been 4-5 days so maybe I just expect too much, too soon. My wife has spent as much time with him and I, so that's why I'm puzzled. He will come up to me and want to play, lick my face, etc. With her, he will put up a fight if she wants to the put the lead on him. If she gently reaches to pet him, he lowers his head and his eyes say he's scared to death. He lets her touch him and occasionally will actually respond a little. But the fear persists. She needs to put the lead on him to take him down to our fenced corral, or just to take him out, so this running away thing is a real problem. The hand-feeding thing is a good idea. He's definitely food-driven. Maybe this is just a time thing. It is difficult for us because our last GSD was affectionate with both of us, and strangers. Was he just an oddball?


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## Germanshepherdlova (Apr 16, 2011)

jandr95 said:


> Wow, thanks for all the quick responses. I don't know if he is this way with other women, but the shelter was staffed by all women, so there must have been some interaction -- and they did all seem like loving people. But again, who knows? It has only been 4-5 days so maybe I just expect too much, too soon. My wife has spent as much time with him and I, so that's why I'm puzzled. He will come up to me and want to play, lick my face, etc. With her, he will put up a fight if she wants to the put the lead on him. If she gently reaches to pet him, he lowers his head and his eyes say he's scared to death. He lets her touch him and occasionally will actually respond a little. But the fear persists. She needs to put the lead on him to take him down to our fenced corral, or just to take him out, so this running away thing is a real problem. The hand-feeding thing is a good idea. He's definitely food-driven. Maybe this is just a time thing. It is difficult for us because our last GSD was affectionate with both of us, and strangers. Was he just an oddball?


Everyone is giving you great advice here. I got my dog Oso at the dog pound when he was about 7 months old or so. We knew nothing about his history (he was found stray) and he was terrified of us! He wanted nothing to do with us. It took a couple months for us to gain his trust. Now he follows me around everywhere. Just be patient-your wife's love for him will win him over.


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## wyominggrandma (Jan 2, 2011)

One suggestion might be for your wife to have the leash on him and instead of immediately taking him outside, have her sit by him, with the leash on and give treats and more treats. Let him think about the leash being a good thing connecting him to your wife. 
Who knows, maybe the leash was used to grab him and punish him by a woman at the "breeding" place. Drag him someplace he did not want to go.


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## Emoore (Oct 9, 2002)

jandr95 said:


> Maybe this is just a time thing. It is difficult for us because our last GSD was affectionate with both of us, and strangers. Was he just an oddball?


This dog will probably come around and become affectionate with both of you over time. The standard calls for German Shepherds to be aloof with strangers, however; not affectionate with them. There certainly are Shepherds who are affectionate with strangers but this is a less-than-desirable trait, strictly speaking. Your new dog may never be friendly and affectionate with people he does not know.


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## NewbieShepherdGirl (Jan 7, 2011)

Sasha (my rescue girl) was this way with my brother for months (an occasionally she relapses and decides he's scary again). She would run out of the room when she saw him, wouldn't take treats from him, would let him pet her but her nose would drip, she's growl/bark at him occasionally, etc. He loves her to death. He pretty much just gave her her space. Actually the best thing that ever happened was when I went on spring break and it was just her and him all week (with the exception of evenings when my mom was home). She HAD to rely on him for everything. He was the source of food, the source of water, exercise, play, etc. That seemed to be huge. He's also never the one to correct her bad behavior; it's always me because she trusts me the most. Give it time; relationships take time to grow. Congrats on your new family member!


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## jandr95 (Aug 6, 2011)

wyominggrandma said:


> One suggestion might be for your wife to have the leash on him and instead of immediately taking him outside, have her sit by him, with the leash on and give treats and more treats. Let him think about the leash being a good thing connecting him to your wife.
> Who knows, maybe the leash was used to grab him and punish him by a woman at the "breeding" place. Drag him someplace he did not want to go.


It's puzzling because he wasn't fearful (that I could tell) with the female vet who checked him out. He's not at all fearful of me when I want to put him on the leash. Just my wife -- with or without the leash. We'll try the leash and treat idea (without looking him in the eyes).


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## jandr95 (Aug 6, 2011)

This morning my wife gently approached the cage and Eli backed away as far as he could and growled a little. I believe she was holding the lead. When she opened the door, Eli pushed his way past her, slamming into her and crawling under the furniture to get away. It was not good. We're crating him right now because he's not HB'd and also likes to get into things. But this daily confrontation at the cage is really the flashpoint and I think it's making things worse. She gets home before I do and needs to take Eli out to relieve himself. Maybe I should try locking him into the foyer where she enters and then she could try to use treats to get him to come to her so she can put the lead on him? Maybe he won't feel as "cornered" by her? It's about a 12X4 space so it might be too big for proper housebreaking. I'm running out of ideas. I guess patience is the key here.


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

You really need to get a good trainer/behaviorist in there. He is growling because he is terrified. My concern would be if your wife continues to "push" him (I know she's not but he is obviously viewing it that way) then it could escalate. Right now he is giving you all sorts of warnings that he is uncomfortable (i.e. growling) and his flight instinct is definitely over his fight.

What time do you get home compared to your wife? He doesn't have any of these reactions to you? Or to the LEASH? Just to your wife WITH the leash? 

I think your wife needs to step back and earn his trust. That might mean leaving him in the crate until you get home. She needs to toss treats to him. There was one family who rescued two Shiloh's that were terrified of people. They sat outside the kennel for days, just ignoring the dogs. Maybe she could sit beside it, not looking at him? 

This isn't going to go away overnight and will take a lot of work. Yes, patience is the key.  Do you have a fenced yard? Or a fenced area nearby? I'm wondering of letting him into a confined area, with your wife sitting out there if he could learn that she is not a threat?


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## jandr95 (Aug 6, 2011)

For whatever reason it's just her -- with our without the leash. Once she has him on the leash and walks him he seems more relaxed, though he still won't come to her. If she holds out her hand, he backs off and looks a little scared. Not terrified but not comfortable. The confrontation at the kennel is definitely stressing them both out. At least flight wins over fight but I guess that could change. I will tell her to not let him out but to just sit there not looking at him and occasionally throwing him a treat. Thanks for the input. Any other suggestions are certainly appreciated. I will look for a behaviorist who specializes in GSDs.


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## jandr95 (Aug 6, 2011)

I do have a fenced yard and we put an extra long training lead on him and let him wander while we sit and watch. But it's clear that he's ok with me and not with her. Maybe I should leave the area and let them both have the area to themselves?


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

What area are you in? If we know that someone might be able to recommend someone. We can give many suggestions but in these situations, I always feel it's best to have a professional evaluate the relationship.


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

jandr95 said:


> I do have a fenced yard and we put an extra long training lead on him and let him wander while we sit and watch. But it's clear that he's ok with me and not with her. Maybe I should leave the area and let them both have the area to themselves?


I would try that. Just have her sit in the fenced area (why would he need a long line on him?) I would still be available but out of sight. Let her hold really good treats and if he gets anywhere near her, gently toss a treat. She wouldn't want to make big movements because that might scare him.

Read up on clicker training. There are many books out there that can help you for scared dogs.


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## JeanKBBMMMAAN (May 11, 2005)

BrightStar German*Shepherd Rescue, Rochester, NY some nice advice about the first two weeks. 

I am going to go with give him two weeks of not having to worry about her at all. Something isn't "right" between them right now so I wouldn't force it. Definitely want a positive based trainer, but definitely just have her ignore. Walk past his crate, toss a high value treat in. But nothing direct. 

You have other dogs? Have him watch her with them. Let him relax a bit. But know that his temperament is not 100%. Great that he warns with a growl, great that he moves away instead of toward, but you don't want to push. 

Thank you for taking him!


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## jandr95 (Aug 6, 2011)

Not sure how this forum works so I'm going to reply to the last couple e-mails all at once here.

-We have other dogs and I'll suggest she interact with them in front of Eli. 

-I'm in northern Oakland County, MI (about 40 miles N of Detroit), near Rochester, MI. If anyone can recommend a great positive-based trainer/behaviorist, please let me know. 

-The reason we would keep him on the long lead is that he will not come to her if she needs to bring him in. He runs from her and she can't get a hold of the short lead. He will probably come to me when I call, so if it's an issue, I could take him off the lead, let him hang out in the fenced area with her, then re-enter later and -- hopefully -- get him to come to me so we can put the lead on him. The fenced area is a 80-foot walk from the house. It's actually a 4' high horse corral (125X80) lined with fencing. It's not attached to the house. 

-I will look into clicker training.

-Anyone recommendations for a trainer/behaviorist are appreciated.

Thanks all.


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## Jax08 (Feb 13, 2009)

Lots of people around Detroit on here! Definitely start a new post specifically asking for a good trainer and refer back to this thread!

I would do what Jean recommended for now and nix the horse corral. He needs to learn that she isn't going to hurt him in any way so if she completely ignores him, works with the other dogs around him, he'll be able to watch the "pack" dynamics.


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## Emoore (Oct 9, 2002)

jandr95 said:


> Not sure how this forum works so I'm going to reply to the last couple e-mails all at once here.


If you look over at the lower right hand side of each message, there's a button that says "quote" and right next to it a button that looks like a minus sign in a speech bubble. If you want to quote one message, use the quote button. If you want to quote several messages, click the thing that looks like a minus sign in all the messages you want to quote, then click quote in the last one. That allows you to quote multiple messages at once.


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## Mom2Shaman (Jun 17, 2011)

If it is ONLY your wife, then perhaps there is something he is associating with a "bad" experience. You can't change visual unless she can do her hair differently. She can try talking in a different pitch (up or down). She can move differently, like slower. She can project an aura of kindness and love. She can change smell by changing some things like taking garlic pills or changing soaps. Perhaps you can hit on the association point which will help you limp through until you can get in with a trainer, get over the first few weeks, allow processing of interactions with the other dogs, etc. I would not go for the wife take him out of the crate thing since that seems to be an issue.


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