# GSD No Kissing Policy?



## KindnessCounts (Jun 27, 2012)

I acquired Duke in May. He is 5 years old. I briefly rehomed him for 4 days but the man let him escape and he bit a boy on a bicycle. I gladly took him back because I love him (I just thought this other home might be better for him).

Now he is back and settled into our home and quite comfortable, I might add. He sleeps on the side of my bed, follows me everywhere and watches me intently. I am his person. I know he loves me and respects me alot.

Now for the problem. :help:

I love to kiss and hug all my dogs. In the last few days, my GSD has started lightly growling when I kiss him.  I back off because I don't want to get bit in the face. Let's face it, if he is setting a boundary, I want to respect that. 

But do you think he is no longer seeing me as the alpha? I have seen him play dumb and pretend he has forgotten commands until I showed him that sit means sit, down means down, etc. 

So, my question is: should I be worried here or just continuing respecting his boundaries. :wub:

I love him very much and want to be a good owner/family member to him. 

*What do you think? Is this normal for some GSD's?*


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## chelle (Feb 1, 2009)

I really don't know, but my instinct would be to not kiss him. He apparently just does not like it, so why push the issue and risk anything.?

Hugging and kissing is more human than dog, I think. I have kissers here, but I also have a dog that isn't all that big on touchy feely. I respect that and let him come to me when he wants to be affectionate. 

I wouldn't push it. I don't think his lack of liking it means a thing, considering the other things you said.

Hoping this will bump it up for more responses.

ETA -- I absolutely do NOT believe that his lack of wanting kissing has a single thing to do with "alpha" status whatsoever.


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## msvette2u (Mar 20, 2006)

1. Don't kiss him. 
BUT

Start "MIND GAMES" immediately. Your dogs are not people with fur. They are dogs. And need to be treated like dogs, and not like people with fur.

Mind Games (version 1.0) by M. Shirley Chong



> He sleeps on the side of my bed, follows me everywhere and watches me intently. I am his person. I know he loves me and respects me alot.


While this is flattering to folks, it is a sign of potential resource guarding behavior which can be dangerous to people in your home (future or present) and/or the other dogs in your home. 

Start the MIND GAMES at once. 
Work on detaching this dog a bit from yourself, sooner than later. 
Especially since you know he is not "right", that is, he's a biter at the very least.


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## Magwart (Jul 8, 2012)

Please get yourself a copy of Patricia McConnell's _The Other End of the Leash -- _order it from Amazon tonight. She has a chapter on this exact behavior that will make it all crystal-clear--it will help you understand what's going on in his head in a way that will help you.

The short summary is this: hugging and kissing are how primates show affection, but it's very threatening body language to a dog. Aside from play, when dogs wrap their legs around each other, it's usually fighting behavior. When you add the head being placed on top of his, it's at best very rude behavior from a dog's perspective, and at worst threatening. Most dogs learn to put up with it from humans by being well socialized with people, but yours is telling you to stop. 

Your intuition that you may experience a bite to your face is absolutely correct. His growl is telling you he doesn't fully trust you and will defend himself if provoked. Keep in mind that his perception of "provoked" is different from yours, due to the different meaning your body language has to each of you.

Focus all your energy on building a strong trust bond with him--THAT should be the first priority here. His growl says he doesn't trust you, and your hesitation about being bitten says you don't trust him. That's the core of what needs work here. Instead of alpha, think of yourself as his benevolent leader. 

The issues he has refusing to do obedience work with you also shows a lack of enthusiasm to me. "Sit means sit" isn't going to get this dog's trust or engagement. A super-fun, positive, exciting approach to training will. If one of mine "forgets," it means I didn't lay the foundation well enough (that's _completely _on me, not them), so we go back several steps and start over. When obedience training is a dog's _favorite _thing to do, they are totally excited to do it right and earn wonderful praise for doing it--they _try _to earn the reward (whatever it is). 

You clearly want to do right by this guy and it's really wonderful that you are trying to provide him a great home. Maybe hit the reset button and work on the trust for a while?


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## Nikitta (Nov 10, 2011)

What wonderful advise Magwart. you said exactly what I would say. So, you are wonderful as ME!! ( Sorry, I'm being silly after a crappy evening shift " work day." ) hehe But i was serious about your great advise.


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## KindnessCounts (Jun 27, 2012)

WOW!!! I love this forum and the wonderful advice here. 

chelle-thank you for affirming that my instincts are correct. (Sometimes I don't trust myself.) and thanks for bumping this up!

msvette2u-I have read about the mind games and Duke certainly needs me to work on those. I will work on those with him. Thanks for the reminder. You are correct, I do need to detach from him.

Magwart-as soon as I am done with this post, I will go order that book. Seeing the different perspective between me and him helps me to make sense of the dynamics. I didn't think of it that way. I do need to build trust with him. This is a process and since I didn't get him as a pup, I know I have much to learn. Heck, even if I did get him young, I would have alot to learn--as this forum is teaching me. 

As far as the obedience, I do make it fun for both me and the dog. Duke is a highly trained dog. The first week, I took him for walks and he pretended he didn't know any commands. It was then I had to show him that I would follow through. Otherwise, he would never listen to me. So, Magwart, consider the reset button hit! THANK YOU for your help!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nikitta-LOL. Glad we are both wonderful.

I have my work cut out for me but I am up for the challenge. I greatly appreciate all the help here and I will get busy. Off to Amazon!!


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

I went through this with Lucky when we first got him almost ten years ago.I was used to doing the kiss/hug with Daisy who we had from a pup. Lucky has different comfort levels however we worked to help him accept some close contact b/c in public people invade space. I now do full body hugs and he tolerates some people in his face other then me and my husband. Will allow our son but our son gives affection based on what the dog asks for. The books recommended are great and while i only know a little about " mind games" its a good suggestion . Lucky was a little under a year when we got him and it was a slow process . Good Luck and thanks for giving Duke a home.By the way Lucky has come close to nailing me twice both times early on with really close contact. Your concern is valid and smart.


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