# I think it's Tessa's time



## DharmasMom (Jul 4, 2010)

I had a long talk with my mentor tonight ans she thinks it is unfair of me to wait until after the holidays to say goodbye to Tessa. I have to say I agree with her. This last week I have really started to live in fear that I will wake one morning to find her paralyzed or so severely impaired and in so much pain that it is a rush to let her go and she suffers horribly in the meantime. That happened to my mom's greyhound. She held off and held off despite his decline and one morning woke up to find his back end completely paralyzed. He was in so much pain and panicking that in the process of trying to get up, he had caused deep scratches all over his haunches. I don't want this for Tessa.

This past week she has deteriorated even more. She can no longer get in the car, I have to lift her back end. Once this week she couldn't even get up on the back seat, she had to ride in the floor. Getting up my stairs has become so difficult for her it is painful to watch. She used to follow me upstairs when I would go, regardless of the reason. Now she waits at the base of the stairs and whines until I come back down. The only time she will climb the stairs is at night when it is time to go to bed and she has the hardest time doing so. It is a VERY slow process and she has to stop at least once to rest. She is having a hard time getting up and many times her back end will drop down when she tries. She doesn't always make it on the first try. She can't stand for long, she has to sit and when she does stand her back end seems to droop down. She is dragging that back leg horribly and she several times walking she has just had to sit down. She has also tripped quite a few times going out the back door where I have one small step going down to the patio. That back leg just drags too bad. She hasn't actually fallen but it has been close. She has also been incontinent for a couple of months now.Sometimes she does not even realize she is going. Even my mom noticed what bad shape she is in when she was over here the other day.

I have been conflicted because she is still eating and drinking and very affectionate. But like my mom and mentor told me, there is no way she is not in pain. I believe this now since I have noticed she never lays in one spot for a very long time. I think she starts to hurt and needs to change position. It is breaking my heart but I have to love her enough to let her go.

I sent an email to one of the board members tonight. I am going to see if they will waive the adoption fee and allow me to adopt her so she dies a full fledged member of my family. I know she would neither know nor care but I feel that it is the least I can do for her. I am also going to have a in home vet come to my house and do it. She stresses so bad at the vet, I don't want her last memories to be of stress and fear. My mom (who she loves dearly) is going to come over- to be with her as much as me. I will be a wreck. And I am going to have her privately cremated and keep her ashes. My plan is to do it in the next week or two depending on VGSR and how quickly they can vote. 

I am going to miss her terribly. She has been a challenge from the beginning but she has also been a joy. She is so incredibly sweet and loving and she has taught me so much. It has been a rocky road with her but one I would not trade traveling for anything. I wish I could have found her years ago, with her unbelievable love of people she would have made a fantastic therapy dog. She has issues with other dogs but as far as people go, she has never met a stranger. 

Dharma my be my heart dog but I adore and love Tessa very much as well. I will miss her terrible and this decision has been EXTRAORDINARILY difficult. I replace the battery in my camera and am taking tons of pictures. I plan to spend the day with her (or as much of it as she will tolerate) and feed her hamburger for breakfast for dinner and take as many pictures as I can. I bought a picture album tonight just for her.

I know I am rambling but my heart truly is breaking and I wish she could sty forever- young and healthy. But then don't we all wish that for our dogs. More importantly, I do NOT want her to suffer.

Tessa: I love you so much. You have taught me so much but you have always been loving and sweet. I am choosing to release you because I can't stand to see you suffer. We have a short time left but I plan to make the most of it and spoil you rotten with what little time is left. 

Love,

mom


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## katieliz (Mar 29, 2007)

thank you for thinking of her welfare and comfort. the decision is such an incredibly hard one to make. take care.

bless your heart tessa.


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## KZoppa (Aug 14, 2010)

Debbi, i'm so sorry. I know how much you wish she could stay through the holidays. Take comfort in the knowledge that during her time with you she has been loved and will go knowing just how much you love her. She'll go peacefully with those who love her and those she loves at her side. What more could she ask for? Tessa knows just how much you love her and will be so thankful you loved her enough to let her go. 

Here if you need anything.


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## DharmasMom (Jul 4, 2010)

Thanks guys. Judy, my mentor, was fabulous on the phone. She volunteered to come be with Tessa and me but since Tessa has never met her we decided that would be a last option. My mom is going to come. Tessa loves her and I will need her here. I plan on calling the vet to make the appoint me as soon as I talk to VGSR. I sent an email tonight and will call tomorrow. As cold as this sounds, I would like to do this in the next week or two. I have seen such a change in the last week, I really am afraid how much further she will decline if I wait.


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## bianca (Mar 28, 2010)

Debbi, I am so very sorry you are faced with this heartbreaking decision :hugs:


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## Alexandria610 (Dec 2, 2010)

Debbi,

Reading about your Tessa a few days go, I could really see the anxiety and pain that her decline has brought you. You can tell that your love for this dog runs deep. She loves you, too, unconditionally. Tessa will be thanking you, not only for all you have given her and done for her, but for this kind release to the bridge, where she will be waiting for you. 

Thank you for giving such a sweet soul a loving and caring home, especially for her last days. Be confident in your decision-you are doing the right thing. It's never an easy decision to make, to let a loved one go, but take comfort in the fact that Tessa will be released from the pain and that she will love you until her last breath.

I know it's hard, but hang in there. Best of luck. Give Tessa lots of hugs and kisses for all of us.

We are here if you need us.


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

Dharma's Mom as a the Mom of Daisy I write this w/ tears in my eyes.When our dogs are in pain and the things to do for them medically will make them uncomfortable and actually increase their stressand the pain is getting worse it is only fair to them to not ask that continue in a life w/ pain and w/out the things that give them joy. I remember you talking about the things she loved to do on a thread but can no longer.Ionly hope when I am faced w/ the decision I can meet Daisy's needs as you have for Tessa.Take Care.


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## Anastasia (Oct 7, 2011)

I am so very sorry for the heartache you feel. It's never easy to say goodbye and I think holiday time makes it especially hard.
I pray that you and Tessa will have peace in your hearts as you go through this. :hugs:


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## GSDGunner (Feb 22, 2011)

I'm so sorry, I didn't know you were dealing with this. My heart breaks for you and I type this with tears in my eyes.
Bless you for everything you are doing for this sweet girl. Adopting her so she goes as a beloved family member is the most loving thing I've ever heard. 
And bless sweet Tessa.


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## Good_Karma (Jun 28, 2009)

I'm so sorry that it has come to this. You did a wonderful thing, and made her as safe and comfortable for as long as possible. You are in my thoughts.


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## mysweetkaos (Sep 20, 2011)

Debbi-
I like Daisys mom read that through many tears. I hope for Tessa a peaceful passage filled with love from you and your mom...I hope for you, that you can find some comfort in knowing you gave this girl a life she would have never found elsewhere. Many thoughts go out to to you.

I found this somewhere when I was preparing to prepare for the day that we will have to face way too soon. I have found much comfort and saved it for the moment I need to remember I am doing the right thing. Hope it helps you as much as it's helped me......

If it should be I grow frail and weak
And pain prevents my peaceful sleep,
Then you must do what must be done
When this last battle can't be won.

You will be sad, I understand.
Selfishness might stay your hand.
But on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship take the test.

We've had so many happy years
That what's to come can hold no fears.
You'd not want me to suffer. So,
When the time comes, please let me go.

Take me where my needs they'll tend.
Only -- stay with me until the end.
Hold me firm and speak to me.
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know, in time, you, too, will see
It is a kindness that you do for me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.

Do not grieve it should be you
Who must decide this thing to do.
We've been so close, we two, these years......
Don't let your heart hold any tears.


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## wolfstraum (May 2, 2003)

The hardest decision to make - but one done with love and selflessness.....I have one starting on this path right now, and long ago had one as well....and know what a quandary it is when they start to fail physically....

<<<<hugs>>>> 


Lee


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## kiya (May 3, 2010)

I'm sorry you have to make this decission, it's never easy. I always pray for my pets to go peacefully in thier sleep but it seems sometimes they need a little help.


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## DharmasMom (Jul 4, 2010)

Thanks guys. Reading your replies had me in tears, I can't imagine how bad it will be when the actual time comes. I am going to try to get things arranged to today as well as give her a really great "Tessa" day.


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## GSDLove (Dec 6, 2007)

DharmasMom, 

You have taken great care of Tessa, unfortunately a part of taking care of our beloved dogs is knowing when it is their time to cross over to the Rainbow Bridge.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Mary


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## Jack's Dad (Jun 7, 2011)

I'm truly sorry to hear about your Tessa.

I wish the best for you during this difficult time.


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## fuzzybunny (Apr 29, 2011)

My thoughts are with you through this difficult time.


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## jang (May 1, 2011)

Debi, I am so sorry for what you are going through..The thoughtfulness you have put into the final details are a true testament to your love for your GSD..You are an inspiration to all with the strength you are showing..Please know you are in my thoughts during this time..
Blessings
jan


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## Germanshepherdlova (Apr 16, 2011)

I am typing these words out blinded by tears. It is clear that you have a very strong bond with Tessa. Her challenges only made that bond stronger. I am sending a hug out to you and want you to know that you are in my thoughts.


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## Stella's Mom (Mar 8, 2011)

katieliz said:


> thank you for thinking of her welfare and comfort. the decision is such an incredibly hard one to make. take care.
> 
> bless your heart tessa.


I ditto your sentiment.

What a beautiful and sad story. I am so happy this foster found love and compassion.


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## Stella's Mom (Mar 8, 2011)

I too wanted to wait until the holidays were over before saying good bye to my Rio girl.
She was fine at Thanksgiving, but then went downhill quickly from there. We said good bye to her on Thursday December 16, 2010. 

It was such a hard decision to make, but at the end I have come to peace that I made the right one. She may have lasted another 2 days or so, but they would have been days of pain and sometimes an altered state of mind.

Please find some peace that you are doing the right thing.


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## Stevenzachsmom (Mar 3, 2008)

Debbi,

You are my hero. Tessa has never been "Just" a foster dog to you. She hasn't been an easy dog. You never knew her when she was young and healthy. Many of us have to deal with our dogs aging and those related problems, but they are old dogs we have had for most of their lives.

Tessa has had many health problems. She has fought with Dharma. She has had accidents on your nice carpet. People told you to give up on her. Find another foster. You never did. You never gave up on her. You took Tessa into your home and into your heart. She is your dog as surely as Dharma is - whether officially or not. Tessa would never believe she was not your dog. You have loved her too much for her ever to not be your dog.

Thank you for giving Tessa the only chance she has ever had to be loved and cared for - to be someones' cherished pet. While this is such a hard, sad decision - it is the right one. You will be by her side and give her peace. Sadly, I am right behind you. You could have been writing about my girl, except I don't believe she is in pain. I see her fail on a daily basis and only pray I will be as strong as you, when the time comes.

Bless you and Tessa. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Really BIG hugs!
Jan


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## PaddyD (Jul 22, 2010)

It is so difficult when they go down slowly. You know that you will have to make the decision soon but you keep hoping for a reprieve, a rebound of health. Having watched my Daisy go down slowly over several months I empathize with what you are going through. You and Tessa have my deepest sympathy and I know you will continue to make the best and most loving decisions for her.


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## 1sttimeforgsd (Jul 29, 2010)

Pray for you to have strength in this heartbreaking time. Bless your beautiful girl, may she run free.


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## blehmannwa (Jan 11, 2011)

I will be thinking of you during this difficult time.


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## DharmasMom (Jul 4, 2010)

Thank you again for the beautiful words. I spoke with a board member from the rescue and they are 100% behind me. I looked into a in home vet but sadly I just can't afford that route- not with private cremation which is a must. 

I have made the appointment with her vet for Monday at 5:30- after I get off work. I will give her her sedative for separation anxiety so she is not worked up or upset about being there. I decided that gives me the weekend to spoil her and spend time with her. I put new batteries in the camera to get lots of pictures and bought a small album that will contain pictures of nothing but her- that way I will always have my memories and can look back at them. I also bought a big roll of hamburger and this weekend she will get hamburger mixed with her kibble and her favorite treats- peanut butter and marrow bones. There will be no limit this weekend (except of course as long as she doesn't get so full she vomits). We will go for car rides and to places she has never been and I will chronicle it all on film. I will make her last weekend very special for her. 

I am so glad I was able to get her out of the shelter and give her a loving home for these last 11 months. I had hoped she would make it at least until her Gotcha Day but it was not meant to be. At least she did not die cold, scared and alone in that shelter and she has definitely been loved. I just wish it had been for longer. This weekend is going to pass much to quickly and I start my new job Mon. I will be in orientation but I am only going to be able to think about my poor girl.


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## dazedtrucker (May 2, 2011)

I'm so sorry for your pain.  Doing the right thing can just hurt so bad sometimes.:hugs: Tryn' find comfort in knowing how much love you let her experience :wub:


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

Your plans for the weekend sound like Tessa's wish list.Take care and my thoughts are with you and your girl.


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## Remo (Sep 8, 2004)

You have been Tessa's angel - no one could have taken better care of you than you have. I have no doubt that the last 11 months of her life have been the best ones. 

Thank you so much for going above and beyond for dear Tessa. I know that she has presented quite a few challenges and someone less committed to her than you have been would have probably thrown in the towel many months ago. 

I hold the folks that will take in a senior or special needs dog in a place of especially high esteem - you have been added to my "heros" list. Your kindness and generosity to this special spirit will be rewarded. 

She will leave this world knowing that someone loved her very much. Thank you, again, for making a huge difference in this dog's world.


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## NewbieShepherdGirl (Jan 7, 2011)

I'm so sorry; letting them go is one of the worst parts of loving them so much and you will be in my prayers.


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## Nikitta (Nov 10, 2011)

You have my sympathy. I just lost my beloved GSD, Dizan. He was 14 years old but I had him his whole life from a puppy onward. It is never easy. What a wonderful thing you did for that dog to give some happiness to the poor thing even if it was at the end. /hugs


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## chelle (Feb 1, 2009)

I am so sorry. This will be a very special weekend. You are an AWESOME dog mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :wub::wub::wub: Hamburger and yummy doggy treats, yay!

My thoughts, prayers and a big :hug:. No more pain for your pretty baby girl. I haven't followed your experiences with her, but clearly you've risen well above and beyond and this girl has earned a very special place in your heart. And you in hers. Her last months were clearly her very best.


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## mysweetkaos (Sep 20, 2011)

Hope you and Tessa had a great weekend. Many thoughts are with you today.:hug:


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## Wolfiesmom (Apr 10, 2010)

I am so sorry that Tessa has declined so much. You are a great mom to be able to help her out of her pain, and along to the bridge. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Tessa at this time.


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## GSDGunner (Feb 22, 2011)

My thoughts and prayers are with you today, a most difficult day for you.
And of course my prayers for a peaceful trip to the bridge for your wonderful girl. :halogsd:

:hugs:


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## Daisy&Lucky's Mom (Apr 24, 2011)

My thoughts are with you on this difficult day, Take care of yourself.


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## BowWowMeow (May 7, 2007)

Wishing Tessa a peaceful passing.


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## localhost (Jun 20, 2008)

I am so sorry. I know exactly what you are going thru as I have been each and every day for the past 2 months since making the same decision with my 11 year old *daughter*. I hope you keep her ashes as that has provide some comfort for me (I am typing this hugging her tin with arm...). Peace. I hope it gets better for us both.


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## BR870 (May 15, 2011)

I had to put one of my cats down recently. FIV+...

I put it off, and I procrastinated, and I made excuses. In the end I regret waiting so long, even though at the time I told myself I was giving him one more week (after week after week).

In the end, once it was done, I had a feeling of peace. I know its cheesy and probably my imagination... But I felt like he was saying thank you


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## BR870 (May 15, 2011)

localhost said:


> I am so sorry. I know exactly what you are going thru as I have been each and every day for the past 2 months since making the same decision with my 11 year old *daughter*. I hope you keep her ashes as that has provide some comfort for me (I am typing this hugging her tin with arm...). Peace. I hope it gets better for us both.


Wow... I am very sorry. As a father I simply cannot imagine...


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